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Aviation+Bloody weather. He heard Miles cursing loudly, clapping his hands together. Outside their window, the flow of winter was unstoppable. Alex found it particularly funny when they were left alone yet Miles still spoke to the empty space instead of to him. It’s another weird thing Miles tended to do whenever it had been too long since they were together (based on their own standards, the difference between three months and forever could be very subtle).Alex was once accused of being too easy to slip back into old habits. Now was a moment where he did a perfect demonstration. A long breath in with Miles in this confined space beside him, Alex found himself surfacing up from his new shell (sometimes it was hard to feel like himself, but it never happened when Miles was around).“Gonna miss the party, la.” With a soft sigh, Miles’s head appeared in the front, right next to Alex’s worrying frown. He looked far from upset though. If anything, Miles smiled at the accident smugly. His crooked teeth bit down on his bottom lips briefly in a childish manner.Alex ignored him and tried again, but the car still wouldn’t start.There was still plenty of time left for them to get out of the poor thing and get a cab. Alex turned to the side and now Miles was the only one that occupied his sight. “I’ll call—”“Later, please?” Miles blinked slowly, gazing at Alex’s dark, perfectly styled hair. He leaned back briefly in the backseat, leaving Alex all alone on the driver’s seat. “You don’t wanna go.” Alex spoke out his observation, turning back to keep Miles in his eyes. His friend shrugged, shaking his head.“No, no, Al. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t and your car is broken. It’s bloody cold outside. I like your new haircut.” Miles burst into laughters at the final remark, making Alex laughing out with him. It was so silly that he was suddenly saddened for no reason. Alex hid behind his seat for a moment. Miles was right. It was cold outside and they could wait for a while.Their friends were waiting for them. Mutual friends of theirs and his girlfriend. The scenery couldn’t get more cliché even if he tried to stage it. Alex was confused as hell and Miles was only pretending to be satisfied. How come that you haven’t gotten over me still? He wanted to know. But then if Miles was to throw the question back (How come you haven’t told me to fuck off?), Alex had no answer for him.“What are you up to?”Miles’s fingers were back. His arms circled around the seat and he tugged at those gelled bangs that never failed to earn Alex teasing mocks. “Do you wanna know?” He was making fun of him for sure. Alex’s ears turned red as Miles began to smooth his hair with his slender fingers. There’s nothing innocent in the way his hands moved. Some tugging and pulling and making sure everyone could tell his hair was not ruined by the wind. Alex shivered as Miles’ nails scratched his scalp lightly, leading him to lie back on the seat.His heart was beating too fast and his mind too slow. Alex closed his eyes when one of Miles hand wandered down, touching his neck. “Miles,” He murmured. It felt like he was falling back into the endless puzzling darkness, although Alex had tried his best to move on. “You know me answer.”He savored the dulcet tones of Miles humming, with love and hatred entwined in his voice. “Yeah…I do.” For a while, Miles couldn’t seem to decide if he should caress or tear at Alex throat. Finally, Miles gave in. He hugged Alex’s shoulder a bit, fingers dancing tentatively over his collar bone. “But I want to see you.” Miles grumbled, easily stealing Alex’s heart without even realizing it. “I don’t mind.”Liar. Alex thought. But how cruel it would be if he actually said it. “We don’t have to go.” He put his own hand above Miles’, holding him there right above his ribcage. Outside the car the snow was falling silently. But the skin under his palm was warm. Alex squeezed his hand firmly. “It’s all right. Let’s stay.”+Some days Alex loved him. Some days he wanted to not to.It was a few more months of not seeing each other very often. At the end of summer Miles called him. Somehow Alex ended up in his flat, drinking Martini in the early afternoon. Miles put The Next Day on the record player, and they danced stupidly with the help of closed curtains and alcohol.
“Not here.” Alex pushed him away when Miles leaned in to kiss him. His lips landed on Alex’s flushed cheek. Miles was not so bothered by the rejection. “Where do you want it?” He raised his eyebrows instead, kissing Alex again on his forehead. “Your place? The Moon?”Alex answered him with a shout of laughter. Tears pricked behind his heavy lids.When Miles drew back this time, Alex followed. His tongue traced over Miles’ curved lips. He tasted gin and smoke and a glint of surprise. Miles let out a soft whimper, immediately grasping his arms, kissing Alex back. “I do feel like flying.” Alex whispered into his eager mouth. He was still ascending when Miles let him take a breath.“Just like that time when you danced naked in me room?” He nudged Alex slightly, pushing him back until Alex sat on the edge of the bed.He lied. “I didn’t.”“You did. You were just too drunk to remember.” Miles insisted. He sat next to Alex, their knees touching. Miles probably knew Alex was just messing with him, pretending he couldn’t recall that night at all. As long as Alex had no memory of it, they didn’t chase each other’s lips desperately, nor did they ever whisper stupid promises and love talks into each other’s ears.Miles kissed him on the neck. Then again, and again, and again. Like every other time, they were far from some chaste, consoling touches. The way Miles did it drove him crazy. They were no longer demanding, not like when they were younger (at that time Miles was unwilling to try to find someone else and Alex was unaware that all his flirts were honest and true). But they hadn’t lost a hair of passion.Alex turned to the side, grabbing Miles’ face. “You drink too much.” He scolded softly before sucking Miles’ trembling lips in between his teeth. “So do I.”The bitterness in his mouth was swept away immediately once Miles’ tongue slipped in.They were both pretty drunk by the evening. Miles watched him playing the new tune clumsily on the piano. They had just written that one together. Alex declared it’s a song about falling in love. Miles then sat next to him on the chair with a tender smile, their ankles touching. He joked that Alex should write a song about him next time in return for the stupid drinking game Alex insisted them playing in the middle of the day.“There’s no need for next ti-time.” Alex slurred softly. He would keep his mouth shut if he knew what his drunk self was going to say. “‘bout you or love … they’re the same.”Miles’ head snapped up. He stared at Alex, startled and looking so fucking hopeful that Alex wanted to go back and slapped himself in the face.“But it’s not like… it’s different.” Alex spoke in an encrypted language. Usually Miles read him effortlessly in no need of one single hint. But this time Miles only frowned at him when Alex was trying to make his point: He didn’t want to hold Miles’ hand, go to a grocery shop together and come back with three bags filled with unwanted stuff. That would be too extravagant. Too much of a waste of what they had.“Touching.” Miles said mockingly, staring down at his empty bottle. It had been years since Alex first found out Miles liked him in the most straightforward way that was not so straight. “Maybe you are right.” Miles shook his head, letting it drop onto Alex’s shoulder. His breath was burning hot and laboured with emotions.Alex was scared that he might have just broken the ice. In the middle of July under the sunken sun of LA, his heart was melting in the heat as the light slowly died away. They were kissing just an hour ago, but Alex Turner was not in love with Miles Kane. He loved him though. He would always love him. In his head, this somehow made sense.“Let’s keep that one.” Miles saved him from his misery. He recovered from Alex’s drunken confessions pretty fast. Like he always did. “It’ll make a good opening tune for a second album.”Alex knew what Miles was talking about. His melted heart flowed to Miles uncontrollably under the pressure. “Miles, it won’t change nothing.”“I know Al, I know. I can tell.” Miles insisted. Here came the moment when Alex hated him. His eyes were sad and shiny, resigned but unyielding. Miles repeated the same lie once again. Alex let him. “It’s ok. ’m fine with that.”This time when Alex got up to leave, he felt the remorse almost right away.
++FIN+