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Wario’s thick, sausage fingers made dull thuds as he wrapped at the table between himself and his guest. The saucer below his glass of tea rattled with each tiny impact undercutting the papery sound of the rain hitting the overhead canopy. His hand froze, fingers poised along a line of the woodgrain and he licked his lips. “Yeah. Yeah, this will work,” Wario said. “You’re going to have to trust me.” Wario’s words struggled to get out around his dialect, like they weren’t meant to be spoken by his tongue or in that way.The character across from Wario nodded his long banana shaped face, though his lips never changed from the scowl he had worn for the duration of their conversation. “How much time do you want to take on this?” Asked the man, his pink nostrils flaring as he spoke. “Not much. We’re going to Sarasaland because they’re one of the richest, but they don’t know Mario and his brother as well as in some of the other kingdoms. We…we could clean up with just one little trip through there and the royalty are so full-up for scratch that cousin Wario and WaLuigi might be able to make one or two trips after the first one,” Wario said rubbing his fingers together as if there were coins between them.“That’s the name we’re calling me? WaLuigi? It seems kind of—uninspired,” said the other man. Wario let out a nasally laugh, before pulling his fingers through his jagged facial hair. “Nah, see the people who live in Sarasaland aren’t that smart. That’s why this will work there. We have to go there. Metro would be a better score, but, well, you know what they say: don’t shit where you work,” Wario explained. The man who would be known as WaLuigi nodded. “I guess it makes sense, no one knows you there,” he said. “I had heard you had a nose for these kinds of thing.” WaLuigi said. “You acting skills come highly recommended too,” Wario said. “That’s why we’re meeting here and that’s why this is the only time we can be seen together before your little transformation.” WaLuigi curled his long fingers together on the table in front of himself as a smile grew on his lips. “What kind of character do you want this guy to be? Are they brothers?” Wario raised a hand in protest. “Their relation is less concrete like that—they’re Mario and Luigi’s cousins, but that doesn’t necessarily make them brothers—they could be each other’s cousins or you know, we want to keep things fast and loose. What if you got separated from me and started talking about you little sister getting caught lifting up her skirt to flash the boys, but the day before that I said I was an only child? We want to avoid that, just play things loose, but remember what you’ve said.” For a moment WaLuigi stared out the window to their side at the streets filled with people in variations of gray suits and dresses. For all of the color in New Donk it was missing from the clothes on the people. There was very little excitement in the faces of the characters that stalked the sidewalks. The bit actors that filled out the roles of extras in this city were as drab as the NPCs in video games. WaLuigi could see in their faces that they were so sure that they mattered, at least he knew better. At least he knew the limitations of who he was. Acting a part was the closet that he could get to being someone. Mario’s cousin? That’s the role of a lifetime.“That sound good to you?” Asked Wario. WaLuigi nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Perfect. Are there any costumes that we need for this or props or anything else like that I should get used to handling?” “We can workshop some things, but I’m thinking overalls.” Wario nodded while stroking his chin, the idea was just coming to him and it seemed that he was picturing it in his head. “But nothing is set in stone.” Sarasaland, Daisy’s home kingdom was actually four smaller duchies that fell under the banner of the kingdom: the Duchy of Birabuto, the Duchy of Muda, Easton Duchy, and the Duchy of Chai. The Grand Mill Palace was located on one of the Easton islands, a part virtually untouched by the last time that there had been any kind of major conflict in the country.The castle was dusty, sand colored brick that rose out of the plateau overlooking the sea around the Easton Island of Hanga Roa. It was topped off with domed roofs that acted as windmills to catch the gentle ocean breeze and at all times it was required that there be beautiful rows of flowers planted all around the grounds with daisies making up the entire western side of the castle and azaleas planted in the east. It was a short walk down to the docks from the castle, though Daisy had wanted to take her dirt bike to show Peach her mother had cautioned against it and it wasn’t an argument that she had energy for. Still Daisy had forgone the frilly dress that was usually required for greeting a guest instead opting for bright orange shorts and a yellow tank top, she pulled her hair up into a bun at the top of her head. Though the same couldn’t be said for her shadow, her sister Azalea wore a dress the color of royal blush cocktail, a sort of milky fuchsia with black lining around the bottom of the skirt and draped off of the waist. She and Daisy looked remarkably similar, though they were years apart: they both had the same burnt-red brown hair and blue eyes and they were almost of the same height, with Daisy being shorter by just a hair, but also having the hips to make up for more than what she lost in height. Azalea was scrawny and that had become sort of the joke about her around the kingdom and while they didn’t dare say it to the face of either Princess (because Daisy would take every bit of her frustration out on their ass for that) there were whispers or repeated jokes or even the way with which Azalea was drawn in little political cartoons. Daisy probably hated the whole mess more than her sister. She turned to look at the younger girl and caught her under the chin with her fingers, pulling her head up so that she was looking forward. “Stop slouching and stand up straight,” Daisy said. She caught her tongue between her teeth, realizing that she sounded too much like her mother. She jerked her hand back and leaned out to look her sister in the eye. “Is something the matter?” She asked. Azalea shook her head. “It’s just been a while since Lady Peach has came here.” “Well, Peaches spends a lot of her time kidnapped…or pining over her obvious crush that neither of them are willing to admit. Plus she’s the sole ruler of a kingdom, so she has to squeeze that in there somewhere…” Daisy said. “Well, at least she’s making time for us,” Azalea said. Peach’s massive white and pink royal ship streamers of bright cloth of the alternating colors adorning the sides of the hull. It had been docked for several minutes; Peach always took her sweet time.She emerged without much fanfare with a pair of pink rolling suitcases nearly as big as her in tow. Daisy actually jerked her head back in shock at the sight of Peach striking a sassy pose in a black bikini with a wispy pink wrap tied around her hips. She strutted to the halfway point of the docking ramp before tugging down on her sunglasses to gaze at Daisy and and Azalea. “Guess who has mondo loco gossip about the state of her life to tell you ladies?” Peach asked, obviously meaning for it to be a rhetorical question. “Those aren’t even the same language I don’t think,” Daisy said. Peach strolled the rest of the way down the ramp with a few of her royal retainers following behind her. “That’s not what matters right now. I have news. Juicy, amazing, awesome news,” Peach said practically swooning to the point that she might tip over. “Ooo! I know this one: you let Mario peel off those sad panties and get himself a big ol’ piece of Peach cobbler?” Daisy asked with a smirk that slowly transitioned into a chortle. Peach let go of her suitcase’s handles and lunged forward to cover Azalea’s ears. “There’s a child present.” Azalea’s big blue eyes searched Peach’s face before she pulled her head and neck down between her shoulders like a Koopa retreating into its shell. “Um, apparently we haven’t met before? Hi, I’m Daisy, You must have missed my dildo joke earlier…” Daisy said rolling her eyes. “If she wants to be all virginal like you,” Daisy continued, “that’s her choice, but I’m not talking to her like she’s a baby.” Daisy pushed Peach’s hands away. “Zales, tell Peaches here that you know the Buzzy Beetles and the Spinies.” Azalea clasped her hand around her wrist, bouncing on the balls of her feet for a moment. “You can tell you story around me, milady. I won’t get offended.” Peach stepped in and hugged the younger girl. “Aw, Azalea, sorry if I made you feel excluded,” she said kissing her on the cheek. “My story isn’t as scandalous as Daisy would like. The excitement just got the best of me,” Peach said. Azalea smiled, bringing her eyes up to meet Peach’s. “Scandal or not, it’s just good to see you again.” “Goodness gracious, yes. My sincerest apologies. Between Father’s death and Bowser’s reluctance to quit kidnapping me I haven’t had much down time,” Peach said. Daisy motioned with her hand for them to follow her. “Come on, we can walk and talk. What is this big, non-scandalous news you have for us?” She asked as she lead them toward the castle. “Seems a little odd to say it now,” Peach said, her face turning a bright red.“Peaches, spill it.” Daisy said. “Yes. Please tell us, Lady Peach.” “Hmm, alright. Last week there was some trade negotiation thing in New Donk and I had to go, not important really, but on the way back we stopped off on Delfino Island and, well, I might have kissed Mario.” Daisy made an annoyed sound that was somewhere between a growl and a sigh. “Leaping fucking cheep-cheeps, you kiss Mario whenever he saves you and sometimes when he just beats the shit out of us at golf or go-cart racing. Why is this even news?” “No, Daisy. Like, this was a kiss-kiss. Open mouths and then,” she put her hands over Azalea’s ears again, “I pushed him back onto the bed and just…make-out mode!”“Ew. Get your hands off of my sister in case your lameness is contagious.” Daisy shoved Peach’s hands away and motioned for the two of them to hurry up. “I thought we agreed this was a plumber-free week?” Peach paused, touching her index finger to her bottom lip and glancing toward the ground. “Not sure I said the words ‘plumber free’, surely if there were to be a pipe that bursts or…” “Oh. My. Goodness,” Daisy said, drowning out Peach and derailing the rest of her statement. “There’s not enough D-Cell batteries in the entire duchy to power the number of vibrators I’ll need to get through a week of this.”“Gross.” Peach heaved a sigh and shook her head. “Why are you so ornery?” Asked said. Azalea answered. “She went to surprise Luigi, but he and Mario had plans.”“You don’t get to take it out on me,” Peach said. “We used to do this kind of thing all the time Daisy, but don’t treat me like your consolation prize because you miss your boyfriend.”In an overdramatic stupor, Daisy stumbled off of the path that they were on to plod around the grass in small circles like a puppy trying to find a comfortable spot to lay. She fell onto her back in the grass, her legs going through up into the air and falling to lay flat last. “Forty-seven days.”Peach and Azalea stopped alongside her, but stayed on the path. Peach pulled her suitcase up behind her and stood it up vertical so that it came to resting position. “I’m not going to dignify your little tantrum with a response,” said Peach. “Forty-seven days is how long it’s been since I saw Luigi in person,” Daisy answered. “Well, you’re acting like a posh child. Falling about in the grass and all. And I’m the immature one?” Peach asked. “Tell me, are you going to hold your breath like you did when you were little?”Daisy turned her head to stare daggers into Peach as strands of reddish brown hair fell over her face. “Why would you bring that up?”“Did you know, Azalea, that your sister would hold her breath until she turned pink in the face like Kirby?” Peach said turning to the younger girl. Azalea tried to stifle a laugh with her hands, but it leaked out through her fingers with a hiss until she couldn’t hold it anymore. “I’m going to kill you. If I use magic no one will be able to prove anything,” Daisy said rolling over in the grass to face away from them. “Oh Princess Peach? I don’t know what happened to her, just some random lightning bolt hit her and she was gone…”Peach rolled her eyes. “Come now, Daisy, your offensive spellcasting is rubbish and I’m practically a savant when it comes to defensive magic.” Daisy began to climb to her feet. “More like an idiot savant.” She dusted her clothes off. “You don’t get it; you see Mario all of the time.” “Getting kidnapped bi-monthly and rescued doesn’t count,” said Peach. “You mentioned consolation prizes, that’s how I feel. Like, I am just an after thought to Luigi. I’m just kind of there for when he’s bored or Mario doesn’t have other plans for the two of them.”“That’s a load of you-know-what,” said Peach. “Tell your sister how amazing she is, Azalea.” The younger princess hesitated. “You’re super pretty and smart. And funny,” she said with a shy smile.“And Luigi talks about you non-stop. He absolutely adores you,” said Peach. “Plus you’re a princess, for goodness-sake. I mean, you should see the way he looks at you!” “It’s really sweet,” said Azalea. “Is this what our ‘Girl’s Week’ has become? We’re over here pining over boys and we haven’t even reached the palace, yet. Let’s use this time to focus on each other. What do you say?” Asked Peach offering out her pinky finger. “Come on, get it up there.” Daisy reached out to wrap her pinky around Peach’s and Azalea joined in awkwardly at the end, trying to keep up with her sister like always. “No talk of Mario and Luigi. No talking to them, and…take care of each other.” Peach led them in saying the little impromptu promise as they stood near the fork in the path that lead toward the castle. Azalea chimed in. “And have fun.”“Umm, well that goes without saying,” Peach said as she smiled over at the younger girl. Though they were years apart, Azalea and Daisy could pass for twins: both of them had the same bronzy complexion with light freckling across the bridge of their noses, the same dark blue eyes, and thick reddish brown hair. Their personalities were a different story. Daisy commanded a kind of confidence that just overflowed from her. She lacked the The walk to the palace was less eventful with their allegiance to each other first sworn. As they approached the doors to the castle, the main entrance didn’t part of them. In fact there was no sign from the guard that they were going to let the trio in. Daisy waved a tanned arm above her head, her eyes searching the castle battlement. “Woohoo? You have one job. You see me, the gate opens up…” “Gates are out of order, milady,” one of the guards said.Daisy turned to Peach and Azalea mouthing the words ‘the fuck?’. “Shortly after you left there was an accident,” said an older mustached gentlemen over the top of the wall, removing his helmet as he spoke. “One of the chains to hoist the gate snapped.” “Were they not properly cared for?” Peach asked.“It were Klint’s duty to see them maintained?” “Klint? Is he the sexy one with the jawline you could crack a thwomp on?” Asked Daisy.“The same,” said the older guard, slightly upset that he had to agree. “Stupid, sexy Klint,” Daisy said. “Umm, take a group of the guards here and spread them to the other gates. Leave a minimal presence here.” “May I ask why?” Asked another guard.“You may not, but I’ll explain myself anyway,” Daisy said pressing the tips of her index fingers to the sides of her nose. She shut her eyes for only a moment before pointing up at the wall. “This is gate won’t open and is effectively a goddamn over-guarded wall. So I’m telling you to get to the places where someone might actually be able to enter.” Daisy dropped her hands to rest on her hips. “That is, of course, unless you’ve got some new order that isn’t ‘keep intruders out of the castle’ that no one has made me aware of?” Daisy asked, her words dripping with sarcasm. “I see, milady.” The guard said straightening up. “Good,” Daisy’s tone was sickly sweet her voice suddenly of a much higher pitch. “Now let’s forget this whole thing happened,” she said with a clap of her hands. “Unless you’d like to voice some more complaints about good ideas you didn’t come up with…” “Right, milady,” there was a snap as the boots of all the attending guards stomped into place next to each other. They made their way around the outside of the Mills Palace, Peach following close behind Daisy who was walking with her hands tightly balled up at her sides. Her fingers digging into her palms so that Peach could hear the sound that Daisy’s gloves made from here. “It’s not that big a deal,” Peach said. “Hey, Daisy…” “You’re right. It’s not, but there were other guests that I needed to get in here,” said Daisy. “If they came to the wrong gate and were turned away without question…” “You instructed the guards to let them in though,” Azalea said. Daisy shook her head. “They hardly listen. I probably should have left you to oversee things.” She nodded to her sister. “Sorry, I wanted to see Lady Peach.”Peach laughed lightly. “It’s just Peach,” she said before quickly switching subjects. “You said there were other guests, who did you mean?” Daisy swiped her hand in a small nonchalant motion. “Some of the gals I know from around. You’ll see.” The path around the castle toward the next gate was a long one. Peach switched the hand she was using to pull the suitcase behind her once her arm grew tired. When they arrived the gate was already being pulled open, word of Daisy’s anger at the other gate must have spread to this side of the castle. The trio walked in side by side and strolled through the courtyard that was dotted with stocky, short trees and a multitude of flowers. Outside of the walls the grounds were pretty, but the dry climate made it hard to keep them as well watered as this. The greenery shocked Peach all over again each time she visited.When they reached the inner keep, Daisy threw the doors wide open so that they nearly collided with the walls on either side. Two people waited for them in the room, the first was normal enough at first glance—a tall slender woman with dark hair pulled up into a ponytail. She was ghostly pale and wore yoga pants and a loose fitting shirt. The other woman was slightly shorter than Peach with frazzled blonde hair that was cut just above her shoulders with frayed bangs in the front and though she looked human in the face, floppy tan dog ears hung over the sides of her head. The puppy-woman was dressed in a green and white checkered dress and holding a thick hard covered book. She had been reading, but the moment that they entered she dipped her finger between the pages to mark her place and looked up. Yoga-pants went to move, but the puppy-woman was slightly faster despite (but probably due to) her being startled. “Wah,” said the woman with dog ears as she sprung up from her chair and went to take a step. Seemingly without knowing what to do, she tried to switch directions mid-step and her green Mary Jane shoes caught the edge of the rug. “Misses, Daisy!” She said before she went careening across the room, stumbling while trying to catch her footing. Finally she collapsed onto the floor face first with a thud. “Isabelle, are you okay?” Azalea asked rushing over to help.Peach gasped sharply, pulling her hands up to her mouth.The pale woman folded her toned arms over her chest. “I’ve been telling her that she needs to work on her balance,” she said. Daisy glanced at the two of them in turn. “Everyone okay?” She asked. “Her Royal Highness Princess Peach of House Toadstool, second of her name yada-yada, meet Lauren my personal trainer from We Fitness, it’s the one with the gaudy sign in New Donk Square, and Isabelle. She works in our treasury and she’s…fun.”Isabelle bolted to her feet with Azalea’s help to do a sloppy bow. “It’s so nice to meet you,” she said with the kind of enthused charm that can’t be faked. “I’m Isabelle…wait, she just said that. Oh, I’m already doing it. Sorry about the falling down back there and all the talking right now. I’ve just been finding it hard to sleep since the divorce, heheh,” Isabelle’s laugh sounded more than a little distressed, but Peach motioned for her to rise before shaking her hand anyway. “Hey, what did I tell you about the ‘D’ word?” Daisy asked. Lauren produced a sporty water bottle seemingly from nowhere and took a large drink from it. “It’s really nice to meet you, Lady Peach,” she said between gulps. “Looks like the gang is all here.” Peach’s face reddened as Lauren wrapped a slick sweaty arm around. “Nice to meet you too, people that I didn’t know I was meeting,” Peach said nervously before turning to look at Daisy. Daisy shrugged. “I figured the more the merrier, it looks like I may have to attend to having this gate repaired for a least part of the visit, Y’all can keep each other company!” Daisy said.