Work Text
Weird things happened at three in the morning. That was the time for shadows and illusions to rest side by side with truth and the kind of warm lights that one craved whilst suffering from a headache. The early hours between late night an early mornings were different somehow, a type of transitional state where anything could happen. Kil couldn’t stop thinking about that as she sat at Fatima’s bedside, staring at the candle that flickered on his nightstand, barely illuminating the room. She’d volunteered herself to stay there with him after he tried to take his own life the night before. He’d been injured badly in the rebellion and it seemed that he wanted to finish the job now. They’d bandaged up his wrists and taken anything that could have been used as a weapon from the room. He’d threatened the staff members that tried to help him so Kil decided she was the only one who could handle him. For once she didn’t bicker with him or attempt to fight or mock him. She wished she could muster hatred, anger, indignation, anything other than the deep sadness and pity that filled her now. The others looked at him and saw a monster, a wounded one yes but a monster all the same. He snapped and threatened and he’d hurt everyone that knew him more than a few days. He was a terrible person and she knew it better than anyone and yet she couldn’t see that fully. She still saw the kid she first met, her long lost friend that hadn’t been around in so many years. She remembered when he was scared and shy and struggled to follow orders. She remembered the early days of the Mariadel company when it was just their friendship and the mess that surrounded it. Those weren’t pleasant memories though, not because he had been a bad friend back then but because they were both being traumatized and conditioned and torn apart from the beginning. She reacted with anger for so many years after he first tried to hurt her, when Maader went and convinced him his only friend was actually his enemy. She was still kinda angry but watching the broken kid before her struggling to stay alive somehow pushed it all away. When Fatima groaned and cracked an eye open, now awake again, he glanced to her and then huffed and looked away again. “When are you going to leave me the fuck alone?” he asked gruffly. “Tch. You make it sound like I'm just dying to sit here in silence.” The retort was gentle enough; he seemed awfully fragile in times like this. “Well that's too bad because I don't want to fucking talk to you.” She looked into his eyes then and she swore that she could see the hurt beneath. His expression was sad and she found herself just staring for a while, wondering if there was anything she could have done differently to have stopped it from coming to this. He stared back at her for a long minute before he looked away again. Looking at him she had to wonder if he knew what she was thinking. Back when they were kids she supposed they did have that kind of a friendship, both thinking similar things and trying to guess their thoughts like a game. That was then and this was now though and in this moment she felt like he couldn't be further away. “Shut up.” Fatima muttered. “I didn't even say anything.” He rolled his eyes. “You didn't have to. You're a real idiot you know that? You think you're the only one that has a brain but I'm not stupid!” She managed a soft smile. “You are a little stupid…” “Ugh. You're the stupid one! You should be hating me right now...cause I hate you the most!” He exclaimed, scowling at her.She shrugged. “I'm not exactly fond of you either, buddy...but I don't want to watch you die either so I'm here for now and you better get used to it, pal.” “Fine. I'm going to sleep. Bye bitch.” He was silent for nearly an hour and she'd nearly fallen asleep again when he spoke up and startled her. “Why didn't you try it too? You were Maader’s the longest….and she didn't even stick around for you. You're worthless now. Neither one of us is worth a damn thing and all we did is nothing. What kept you from trying?” Kil thought a moment before answering. “I thought about it. I thought about it long before now too, I don't think I've ever stopped thinking about it. It hurts to be alive for shit like us...because from the start everyone was out to get us, because we spent years trying to hurt each other just because Maader knew we would be too strong together. From the very start not one of us had one fucking choice what we did or who we were and what we felt. All of that was decided for us and it made me angry. But...all the choices I made on my own were really shitty...I'm a terrible person and I haven't done one good thing in a full decade. Do you really think either one of us deserve to die?” Fatima looked taken aback by this, eyes knitting in confusion. “What do you mean?” “I mean I didn't kill myself because I don't think I deserve it and maybe someday I'll have a better reason not to but-” “No not that.” He interrupted her. “That part about Maader. What do you mean? You were the one that started it! You were out to get me in trouble! You wanted Maader to yourself that's what she...well...implied?? She said you wouldn't let anyone get too close to her, that you were overprotective.” Kil sighed. “She lied, Fatima. That's just what she did. She knew if we got close we’d get angry when the other got hurt, we’d have protected each other and maybe you would have gotten angry and done what Sinbad tried long ago. Maybe I'd have decided that protecting the others was more important than protecting myself and would have killed her myself. Who knows what we would have done but you believed her and attacked me and we spent the remainder of our lives until now desperately trying to outdo and hurt each other instead. She played us...I knew what she was doing but it didn't matter anymore. Now none of it matters at all anyway.” “Oh.” He turned his head away and stared at the ceiling then, thinking of everything that had happened in so many years with a new perspective. His eyes were awfully wide. “Well shit.” “Yeah. It's a lot to take in.” “Why didn't you tell me?!” He turned to look at her then but the anger in his eyes was weak. “You tried to strangle me. You would have killed me if she hadn't pulled you off. Do you really think I was gonna trust you after that, genius?” He blinked. “I forgot.” Turning over he grumbled. “You had it coming.” Kil drew in a breath. “I didn't. But you were a kid...I can't really blame you. Still don't trust you though...you've given me no reason to.” “Ugh fine. Just don't get soft on me now I'm sick of how mushy everyone here is. They look at me like I'm so fucking pathetic...and I am but they're not helping!” She huffed then. The others at the company had done a hell of a lot more than she had for him. He couldn't even muster a little gratitude. “Fine. Just get better already so I can get some sleep sometime this eternity!” “Just go then I'm not gonna kill myself tonight.” He muttered. “You don't expect me to believe that do you? After you lied about it in the first place.” There was a pause and when he spoke again his voice seemed a lot more tired than usual. “I mean it right now I'm exhausted. I didn't even manage it the first time right now I just. Need. To. Sleep.”Sighing, Kil stood slowly then. “Fine. But if you're dead when I wake up you're a jerk!” He huffed. “Too late for that. Goodnight.” “Night.” She gave a weak little wave and then left him alone to go and get some sleep of her own. She felt guilty at first but then she reminded herself she didn't owe him anything. Even still she felt uneasy as she slipped into the strangest of dreams. …Kil clutched the note in her hands and resented the tears that streamed down her face. She sat on the steps to the Sindria trading company building, feeling a strange bit of hurt. She couldn't really wrap her head around the fact that he was gone. Fatima hadn't killed himself that night, just as he'd promised. Instead he'd left first thing in the morning with nothing but the clothes on his back. He'd left her a note but all it had on it was a quickly scribbled sorry. A part of her was worried but the other part of her thought it made sense. They never were friends. He didn't owe it to her to stick around and they couldn't help each other. She knew that but why couldn't she stop crying? When she heard someone sitting down next to her she knew it was Sinbad without having to look. He looked down at the note and sighed heavily. “He sure is a stubborn one…”Kil nodded, tears sliding down her face. “Yeah. He's a real idiot but...maybe getting out there on his own will teach him some things.” Sinbad glanced at her curiously. “I always thought you hated him...but you cared a lot, didn't you?” She nodded again. “I did hate him but...at the same time I could always count on him.” She shrugged. “Maader thrived on controlling me by staying unpredictable, couldn't let me get too comfortable around her, ya’know? Everyone else came and went too fast to really care, the kids were different. That just left Fatima and well...he wasn't ever really good...but he was there. He was the one constant I had, the one thing I could use to keep me going when I had nothing else to think about...I just wish I knew how I felt about him...but he's gone now and I didn't even get to apologize back for all the shit we did to each other.” “Well, it's not like he's dead.” Sinbad shrugged. “If there's anything I've learned in life it’s that the people that are connected to us usually find a way back in again. Even if he doesn't though, you have the rest of your life to come to terms with this stuff. Closure takes time but it'll come, I promise.” Did Kil even want to see Fatima again? She wasn't sure she did. Regardless though, she thought if he was sorry then maybe he knew she was too. Maybe words weren't even enough, she wasn't about to explain to him or maybe even anyone the extent of her sins, just how much wicked she'd caused under Maader’s direction. She could tell him she knew all along that they were being used. She could apologize for every time she opened her big mean mouth and revile him whenever he tried to feel secure in something. She could apologize for a lot of things. So could he.But he'd left with a single blanket apology and no time for further questioning. Maybe that was his way of starting over. Now all she wished for him was that he found what he was looking for and lived the kind of life that he'd never had. “Yeah...I guess it’s time for me to start over myself...feels impossible but...I'd like to stay here if it’s alright with you…” “Of course it's fine.” Sinbad shrugged. “Place wouldn't be the same without you.” Wiping her tears away with her sleeves, she smiled softly and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thanks, Sin.” He rested a hand on her head and stroked her hair a little absently. “Don't mention it.” They sat there for a little while just watching the sunrise finish and observing the early morning hush. She felt like she could breathe a little then and she felt her grief shift into something unrecognizable. For the first time in ages she could hope again, for the first time she knew relief.