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The sound of keys unlocking the door of Ryan's flat was barely heard over laughter of two drunk man. One of which is Shane, the less drunk. The more wasted is of course Ryan."Would you believe she really said 'titties with a butternutter' to him?" Ryan said for the sixth time and still was laughing at it as if he heard it for the first time.As Shane stood there and watched Ryan laugh his drunk ass off he had to admit it has been a fun night after all. Who would expect that Ryan's Bachelor party would actually be that much of a great time? Shane certainly didn't. And so it happened that he almost forgot on the fact that this little man crying from laughter at this very moment is getting married in a couple of days. And it's not to him. He almost forgot about the fact he wasted every chance he had to tell Ryan about his feelings. He almost forgot about every of this heartbreaking things. But just almost."What is this butternutter anyway?" Shane asked, too laughing as he made an attempt to kick off his shoes."Do I know, dude?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders and almost fell on the top of Helen's precious vase from her mother."Ooouuu, watch ya steps, Ryan!" Shane chuckled as he grabbed his friend's arm to keep him more stable. Ryan laughed and rubbed his face, still kinda falling to one side."Okay, just take your shoes of and let's go," Shane said when he finally kicked his shoes off and gave Ryan a little support still holding him by the arm, so he wouldn't fall.After few more minutes Ryan also managed to take off his shoes and Shane sighed with relief. Finally they could go to the real challenge - the stairs. Shane patiently waited for Ryan to take his jacket off so he could hang it for his more wasted pal.When Ryan gave it to him he smiled like a child and took a deep breath. Shane, thinking he was about to thank him, shook his head intending on saying something along the lines of 'it's fine'."I'm not that wasted, you know," Ryan said quietly and laughed as mischievously as he could. But to Shane it sounded out just adorable. Ryan then sneaked past Shane and still laughing like a devil himself he hurried to the stairs.Shane just shook his head again. "Excuse me, sir?" He called after Ryan, which made that little bastard laugh even more.
Their attempt to climb the stairs was somewhat of half-success. Ryan has made it to the top and now he was doing his win dance on the last step. Shane, however, lost his battle right on the landing after he successfully climbed first six steps.Now he was sitting on the landing, back leaned against the wall, arms loosingly rested by the sides, one leg stretched fully the other one brought a half way to his chest. He looked just like an idea of drunk person in a moving-picture movie. He was watching Ryan and laughing at his stupid dance."I win! Win! Win!" Ryan was now singing as he was dancing the cowboy style at that moment."Ryan stop you're going to hurt yourself," Shane managed to say inbetween of waves of laughter."I don't care," Ryan snapped and wheezed as he kept dancing."But I do," Shane said, trying to find more comfortable positing he moved on the landing like a little worm. He was so focused on his comfort he didn't notice Ryan stopped laughing at first."Why?" Ryan asked, dead serious.This question made Shane chuckle, he now was creating a pillow out of his denim jacket.
"Because I would've to call you an ambulance and Helen would kill me," he answered the question, laughing but when the familiar laughter of Ryan didn't follow along Shane finally looked up to see the most miserable human being he had ever seen.Ryan's smile and happiness was nowhere to be found, his face was rather serious, no trace of a smile. Eyes filled with such a grief Shane felt a shiver go down his spine.
Did he say something wrong?"What is it, Ry?" Shane asked as sensitively as he could, picking himself up on his elbows.Ryan just sighed and fell down to sit on the last step, he burried his head into his hands.Shane felt the familiar pain in the chest when one part of him wanted to fucking hold him in his arms, while the other, rational one glued him to the spot."It's just..ahhh," Ryan rubbed his face and looked up as he held his hands by his mouth, as if he was praying, "have you ever had feeling like everything's just the way you wanted, everyone expect you to be happy.." Ryan glanced at Shane, eyes watery, "yet you aren't happy at all?" He whispered as he tried to stop first wave of cry.Shane wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't prepared at all. And so it happened he was just sitting there on the landing, staring at crying Ryan, as if he was a ghost. If Shane believed in ghosts, of course."I don't know.. It's .. It's just that I-I have wasted a chance that-that will never come around again," Ryan got out of himself burring once again his face into his hands, his whole body shaking."What are you talking about Ry? What's wrong?" Shane asked, finally managing to find his voice. It was hard tho, when his own throat was sore and his eyes watery. Ryan just vocalised everything Shane's been dealing with since the wedding announcement.Ryan looked at Shane and shook his head, cracking a laugh, such a sad one Shane's heart broke a little."Sometimes I'm wondering how it could be if I weren't scared," Ryan smiled sadly, once again touching Shane with his unsettling sight."Or with who could it be," Shane added quietly, the sad smile appearing also on his face."Or how could the wedding be," Ryan followed, resting his head on his hand. Not giving a single fuck about his usual filter, that filters out all these things he wouldn't say sober."Or where would we go on a honeymoon," Shane nodded his head, so naturally as of they were talking about the weather."Or would we have a cute little house with red door?" Ryan smiled.At this point they both were so lost in this shared idea that their voices and faces become almost dreamy."Or would we have two or three cats?" Shane wondered, using the wall next to him as a projector place for his imagination."Or how many kids would we have?" Ryan added, suddenly a bit concerned."Two," Shane shrugged his shoulders."a boy and a girl?" Ryan asked, smiling knowingly."A boy and a girl," Shane nodded his head and looked at Ryan with a soft smile playing on his lips. Ryan was looking back at him with the same smile. There was tension in the air. Something was about to happen and both of them knew it. Only if one of them was brave enough to make a first step (literally). Only if one of them would have find the strenght to state the obvious.Minutes passed and the moment was gone. Ryan broke the eye contact first allowing Shane to finally pick himself up from the landing.Ryan also stood up and headed further to the flat.
While Shane stayed there, standing there like an idiot unsure if he should leave or go upstairs and enjoy the last hours he get to spend with him before he'll get married. Last hours when it doesn't feel so crushing my painful as it will once be."You coming?" Ryan called from the living room, making a decision for Shane."Damn sure I do!" Shane called back and as soon as he heard a genuine wheeze from Ryan it didn't feel that bad. Sure it was still a crushing pain that will probably never leave them both, but as soon as he heard Ryan laugh it didn't seem as such a nightmare.It was enough.(not at all)