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Matthew walked inside the surveillance room with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. The slight dip in temperature inside the space was a warning of the long hours he’d spend holed up inside. Hours spent pouring over data, making observations and hypotheses that were shots in the dark, and most importantly: sharing the space. They had monitors, controls for the testing environment, some general office supplies, a coffee maker, and a window made of one-way glass. Matthew’s eyes traveled across the room until he stopped on the back of his partner-superior: Arthur Kirkland Ph.D. He was leaning on his elbows facing his monitor routinely furrowing and unfurrowing his brow. That was all it took - Matthew immediately admired the man. Matthew rationalized that because he was seated plenty rigidly, he was clearly on the brink of a fascinating breakthrough. He crossed to the back of the room and looked over his shoulder. Matthew was in college at Yale. He was a freshman entering his second semester with the dream of becoming an Endocrinologist. This field of study included the endocrine system and whatever diseases could come from it. Anecdotally, he was learning a lot about the science behind human emotions and reactions and the various facets of mental health. Before coming to the facility he had researched the greatest scientists and endocrinologists in history starting with Ernest Starling, a professor of physiology at University College London, UK. He was the first to use the word 'hormone' in his Croonian Lectures. The first to conclude that “the chemical messengers which speed from cell to cell along the bloodstream, may coordinate the activities and growth of different parts of the body”. That was what he was there for. Of course there were others:In 1926, Sir Charles R. Harington in London was the first to chemically synthesize a hormone. He essentially created thyroxine. Later in the 1920s and 1930s, Adolf Butenandt, Tadeus Reichstein and Edward Adelbert Doisy oestrogen, testosterone and progesterone were characterized and discovered. At the time this was small and insignificant science, but they were all awarded Nobel Prizes. Their efforts in the early years of the century grew the wealth of knowledge and changed the way hormones were named. From now on hormones would be named according to their actions. MECHANISM was furthering this research. The question they asked him on the very bottom of his acceptance letter said this: to what extent can chemically synthesized hormones change the behavior of the human person?Matthew had been asking that question his whole life. The faces of his friends and classmates had taken on a harsh jealousy when he told them but that was to be expected. He had been asked to work on a MECHANISM project. Things like this just don’t happen to college kids!1MECHANISM, a well respected private organization dedicated to expanding scientific knowledge. They had a hand in every area of scientific study and housed several federally funded projects. Their work was impressive and enlightening to some, but it created several controversial headlines. The board of the organization had a repertoire of illusive beasts put away and the chairman in particular was a subject of much gossip. Many questions were asked of him all boiling down to ask just how far they were willing go. It wasn’t just the media that tried to sensationalize them, humanitarian groups, even some facets of the scientific research community had turned their backs on them. Universities hated how quickly they got their work done and complained that they left nothing for them to do. “Try to keep up” was what the CEO had said to them. These thoughts swam in his head until they settled back down on the man who sat rigidly before him. He may admire him, even reverie him, but he was still a man of MECHANISM.Arthur swiveled his chair around to face him. “You can just ask me what I’m doing, Mr. Williams.”“Oh, it’s just Matthew please.”“I thought so.” Arthur spun back around. “‘Williams’ is just one of those names.”“I'm sorry?”“The kind that takes a few years to grow into. You know?” Arthur leaned back and sighed. “Took me years to grow into ‘Kirkland’. I mean, Dr. Kirkland was my father.”Arthur stood to shake his hand.“Good of you to come Matthew.”“Glad to be asked. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn.” Matthew beamed.“Great great.” A slight shadow crossed over Arthur's face as he chuckled. He stood from the desk and faced the one-way glass. The monitors were to show the room at several different camera angles and at the moment it was set to an aerial view. “And you will learn. Quite a bit about this horde. It looks like we’re ready to begin.”It was an empty white room. Completely bare with a ghastly glow from the wide fluorescents that sucked the oxygen away. A door opened to the side and four men in the trademark white MECHANISM uniforms came carrying an unconscious body. They handled him roughly and sort of dropped him like...a body on the side of the room. Arthur grumbled something about expenses then sat back clearly exasperated. The four retreated for a minute then returned with another unconscious man. They handled him rougher still pulling an annoyed sigh from Arthur.Arthur pushed a button on the intercom system, wetted his lips, and began speaking.“Guys, this kind of manhandling is atrocious. We’re paying them a lot of money to participate in these series of tests.”Arthur frowned and made sure to watch Matthew out of the corner of his eye. He waited for his shoulders to slacken his foresight telling him that weight would be added. The intense curiosity akin to a child's was supremely intriguing. He had been like that when he’d started working for the organization. Maybe he asked for a college kid so he could live vicariously through their many expressions of “Why?”“Things are only gonna get worse from here.” he stated. “You still have a chance you know?”The two bodies were placed on opposite sides of the room.“I do.” Matthew gave a dry laugh like Arthur was kidding. “Who are these people?”“These fine specimens are Ivan and Alfred. One a teacher, one an accountant, both willingly between jobs. They had the time to apply. I suggest you refrain from using their names, trust me when I say all of this is very ethical.”Matthew’s gaze washed over the forms. Both of them were decently formed individuals. Built solidly with hard jawlines and arm veins. They were clothed in white cotton t-shirts and grey sweatpants with “MECHANISM” written up the side of the left legs. Under the fluorescent light they were lifeless. “I don’t doubt you, I just think it would help to know who these two got here.”“Just don’t ask too much. It’s not our business.” Arthur’s voice began droning: “Both age 27, both from pretty basic upbringings. Never taken any drugs, not on medication, healthy hearts, healthy minds. We will begin the first leg of the experiment once they wake in 5 minutes. Go to your monitor and access the room controls.” Matthew did what he was told.“What are we testing?”“At first? The idea of polarity between two humans entrapped.”“That’s it? They’re gonna find each other no matter what.” Matthew frowned confused.“Throw the lights.” Arthur started typing something. “This is–”The room turned black.“Yes, they will find each other because they’re in a dark room together. But they’ve been chemically treated to act a certain way.“ Arthur pulled two pill bottles from his coat. “May I present Alpha Humilis and Alpha Excelsis. Literally meaning low and high alpha. The story is years ago we created two drugs.”“Are they stimulants?”“Powerful stimulants. They’ve been around for a while but it’s taken so long to get the government on board. We asked for their funds but got nearly 5 years of arguing. To tell you the truth: Normally MECHANISM doesn’t even ask, but this is a federally funded project that could benefit them in a very peculiar way. Can you guess?”Matthew shook his head.“The US Government became interested in our plea when they realized they could use these chemicals to strengthen the armed forces while overseas and potentially out of reach. These supplements will turn a soldier into a machine of animalistic focus and drive.” Arthur rubbed his forehead. “If this succeeds as well as we think it will then we’ll be rolling this out to our police force, army squadrons, marines, black ops, but more important: the secret service. We just need to make sure we know how it works.”“Then what are we looking for?”“Enhanced anything, and unnatural everything. We’ve tested this on smaller mammals, but anything with pack behavior was out of the question.”Matthew rubbed his eyes. “What’s the difference between the high and low doses?”“High and low aren’t doses, they’re separate chemicals. This is the first test group to see the difference between the two when pushed together in a confined space.” Arthur turned his monitor on and started typing. “We’ll be able to watch them from the aerial view and with an infrared camera.”“I have more questions–”“So do I. 5 minutes is up, the show’s about to begin.”

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There’s a space between foggy and clear where your vision becomes sharp but reality continues to bend. Alfred’s brain was immersed in the foggy side. He didn’t know where he was or what he was - he certainly didn’t feel like himself. The world was tilted to one side. Everything was humming around him and once his eyes opened he rushed to close all the doors in his mind. He was always closing them those days, lest they are open to the questions of his heart. People aren’t built to wake up in dark rooms and feel okay about it. If he broke through the expanse what would meet him?His limbs were spread across a hard floor in the complete darkness that rolled over him. He had nothing to point him to anything. He placed his hands on the ground - eyes still closed. There wasn’t a sound besides his fragile heart and the scene of dark upon dark. He didn’t like it at all. With no information for his eyes to grasp fear seeped inside. Al turned to the left and though he couldn’t see he knew he’d met an expense. He moved onto his knees methodically to ease onto his feet. His back responded stacking one vertebra on the other until he was standing with anxiety pooling low in his gut.Alfred had started to back up. He jumped when his shoulder skimmed the cold dead wall. He trailed his hand following the imaginary guardrail in front of the other until his fingertips found a corner. He slid down the wall and panted a few times just to make noise...He wanted to cry or scream because it was too much. He resolved to extend his legs toward the center of the room and crumpled in on himself.Another figure in the dark - Ivan - was one step ahead of Alfred. He was curled into a ball on the other side of the room in the midst of his own crisis. He heard the low sound of movement and shrunk away at the sound of breathing.Breathing - the sound, and life - the hum.He had no idea what it was, he just knew it didn’t sound huge. But it was unidentified so it had to be dangerous. He ran his hands over his coarse skin. It created a mental picture, the rolling of skin against the skin until he could picture himself shaking in the darkness. He made a low sound heavy in his throat then relaxed ready to search. He crawled on his hands and knees towards the center of the dark.Alfred’s ears jumped to attention at the low sound.Ivan crossed the inky mass until his brain closed around familiar energy: the energy of man. Something that pulsed: heat. Something alive: body. He pulled his hands near his knees and shifted his weight back on his hips.There was a shift. Alfred’s fingers tried to dig into the wall.Ivan tensed his muscles and buckled down, stretching his fingers reaching till they caught a perfectly formed human ankle.Understanding hits like lightning. Alfred kicked the fingers away dropping to his knees and flung his hands wildly to catch something. His fingernails snagged clothing but it snuck away leaving Alfred to kneel in the dark again.Ivan’s breathing was heavy in his ears as he strained his eyes for anything. Strained his ears for any foreign heartbeat. He waited, pressing his hands on the floor until he could stand it no longer. Rushing forward, his shoulder struck a body. Now he knew it was a person. It cried out in fear and slid across the floor until it regained itself to grasp him. Confine him.Alfred’s heart jumped into his throat as his hands found his attacker’s heavy shoulders. He thrust the shoulders back and sent the body falling to the floor with a thick thump. He heard a snarl as he straddled the beast that thrashed below him.Alfred’s brain was running wild trying to preserve himself. Asking all the wrong questions and actively telling himself to hop off.Ivan grunted, fighting to restrain the other man’s hands. They grappled, caught in mindsets forgetting to stop and understand. From the surveillance room, Matthew watched in wonder. They snarled, bit, and rolled over each other. Neither could land a solid blow due to the darkness but the tables turned when Ivan landed on top. Ivan held the man’s hands over his head and let him thrash. He was humming with energy and suddenly in the mood to find answers to his questions. He told himself the thrashing beneath him was ebbing away but in reality, he was suffocating him. Ivan’s hands were wrapped around the man’s lifeblood. Ivan was pushing on Alfred’s neck and tightening relentlessly.-o0o-Matthew tensed up beside Arthur. “We should stop them-”“They’re under the influence of a drug. We need to see this.” Arthur’s hand was cold on his shoulder.-o0o-Fear enveloped Alfred and - much to his dismay - a plea dropped from his lips.“Release! Release!”Ivan was so taken aback by English that he released his grip and allowed himself to be weakly thrown off.Each man backed into a wall and shut off. Everything shut off.-o0o-“What did that accomplish?” Matthew asked into his folded hands.Arthur didn’t appreciate what he was getting out of Matthew. He was affected by what was happening in a way that was...problematic. He needed some hunger! He needed to be a surefire young-gun who would be able to “make the call” whatever it was.“You’ll see. This is a window into behavior. Stressful situations used to induce adrenaline. That adrenaline will be replaced with the hormones from Humilis and Excelsis.”“But it’s not working,” Matthew whined.“Yes, it is. If we were trapped in a room-”“-a dark room.”“-we’d find each other and talk it out. They are reacting with their senses: touch, sight...Ivan grabbed his neck.” Arthur’s face suddenly lit up. “How...animalistic and...severe…”Matthew blinked. When had his voice turned to melodic? Was this what it was like to enter a place where your mind couldn’t be understood through your lips?“As if he was acting on instinct.” He returned.“This is what I’m talking about. Stretch yourself so you can see into the motives and desires behind actions.” Arthur brought his voice down. “I shouldn’t have to tell you this…”-o0o-Alfred pulled his knees into his chest. Everything was throbbing, the walls moved, and out of the corner of his eye, he kept seeing specks of light. Never to be caught. Ivan crossed his legs feeling the space he took up within the room.Matthew, Arthur, and Al held their breath. Ivan had the courage to speak.“Come here.” He asked first, then repeated in a crooning voice.The ghost of pain he felt on his neck convinced him to look to the center. He felt Ivan moving to the center and imagined the shift of his hands and knees. He felt the slight pull towards the other warm body and ventured forward. It was a short trip to closeness. He felt the difference indefinitely, the polarity. He reached out and rested a hand on the other man’s shoulder to ground himself. He felt the muscles relax under his palm.“Is it you?” Al didn’t know why he asked, but the question was in the open air.“Yes, it’s me.” A voice responded.A minute floated between them but Ivan’s calculated pause stretched on for years. Al began frantically laughing, but as quick as it started it died.“Are we blind?” He whispered.“No. It’s just dark.”Ivan hummed a little than extended his hand over Al’s shoulder letting his fingertips trail across his collarbones.“Who are you?” Ivan asked. His hand traveled up the warm neck and searched for any evidence of pain.“Al-Alfred.” Alfred decided the darkness made it difficult to breathe.Ivan was trying to be clinical but it quickly turned personal as he scraped his nails along a hard jawline until his palm on a hot cheek. Clean shaven cheeks. He didn’t sense any repulsion so he ended with his hand securing and holding up Al’s head.“I’m Ivan.”A series of cold shivers echoed through him at the name. He almost shrunk away at the little exam but he stayed firm in his grasp, afraid to breathe.

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Ivan awoke and quickly willed his eyes to stay closed. He would rather stare at his own eyelids than see the expanse and become depressed. Nothing had changed, dark was still dark. It chased him into his head and rested between his joints. He didn’t have to see it; he knew he was surrounded.‘No, we’re both surrounded.’ - He almost forgot.His memory didn’t seem to carry past yesterday - But was it really yesterday? Without his vision, he had no concept of time and nothing to ground him. His timeline included before he’d fallen asleep, however long he had been asleep, and after he woke up. He wanted to believe it was morning somewhere, but how could he know? The exchange between him and Al was something he remembered. Ivan earned an image of Al through their brief words and long touches. The fighting and tumbling were real as...day...and the pain receptors responded in flashes of...light.Ivan rolled off his back and sat up with his legs crossed (eyes still closed). Black images from the night before drifted by. His feelings had escalated to nothing more than a spark of comfort over the notion of not having to brave the night alone. He still felt Al’s hands across his skin.Why?Well, since they’d slept back to back, he remembered the exact moment Al had fallen asleep. It was marked by his breaths and the ghost of warmth that grew pressed against his shoulder blades. Al was still asleep beside him. His presence gave him something, but he didn’t know what. Ivan gently trailed his fingertips over what he figured was the curve of narrow hips that connected to a torso, that connected to a neck. His fingers curled back at the idea of life-giving blood running through the veins.‘And to think I could have harmed him…-’ He shook Al awake.Al’s body clenched before he realized who shook him. Ivan felt the energy of open eyes across from him.“Is it you?” He whispered hoarsely.“Only me.”It’s always nice to know you aren’t crazy or at least starting to lose it. Al knew Ivan was sitting tall above him and had laid beside him in his sleep. He hung onto the truth of his position - not alone, not shut inside his mind. Al sat up leaning to one side with both hands flat on the ground.“Has anything changed?”“Nothing has changed.” Ivan swallowed. “Nothing.”To Alfred's mind, the blackness was made of a thousand static gunshots. If he took the wrong step he would trigger an unforeseen reaction. This wasn’t natural, this wasn’t pleasant.Ivan’s skin was beginning to crawl from the silence. The lack of noise turned everything thick and inky.“How are you holding up?” His words bounced off the walls.Al gave a half whimper, half grunt than shuffled around.“I don’t know how much more I can stand. I miss light.”To miss something. Ivan stood. What an idea.Was he sentenced to something? Sentenced to stumbling around with no memories to haunt him and nothing to guardrail for his actions? He stood behind Al feeling his body heat wash over him. In return, Al leaned on his legs. All they could use to understand was all they had to enjoy: physical touch. Perhaps it was the most important human connection.Al let out something similar to Ivan’s low tones and turned towards his energy.“Where are you going?”“Come here.” Ivan closed his eyes. Al stood beside him. “Close your eyes.”Silence…“...Nothing has changed.”“Course not. I just think it’s more palatable when you can’t see.” Ivan shrugged.“This makes no difference. I can’t find you.”Ivan thought he was trying to find something too. His hand cut through the expanse until he covered Al’s hand. He uncurled Al’s fist and led his fingertips to the wall. He took a step back.“Yes you can. You can find me anywhere,” he promised and took another step back.Al stepped forward, Ivan stepped back. They ambled around the room in a graceless promenade. Any time Ivan moved away too fast, Al would feel a tug nestled in his mind to follow even as he dug his heels into the floor. Ivan didn’t feel Al’s hesitations as he countered them with breath and proximity.-o-“What is this?” Arthur watched through the infrared monitor with his hands folded in his lap. Matthew sat beside him thoughtfully stirring a cup of coffee.“It’s their connection. They need to get to know each other in the dark.”It had been a long morning of watching small details and in the off moments, Arthur was communicating with the night crew. MECHANISM had provided them with several people to work beside them including doctors, chemists, biologists, and another set of extra eyes: night crew. They were to observe during the night and take notes on the subject’s inactive behaviors. Night crew didn’t have much to report besides odd temperature cycles during the hours of their (the subjects) sleep.“This is fantastic, typically it takes trust you build up over years to let someone...simply be with you like this.”Arthur watched his subject move around the room. They moved like magnets, constantly pushing and pulling at a temporal string. Al seemed to have an erratic limit where Ivan had an unending...what was it, hunger? His movement was calculated and sure. Al’s were plenty calculated, but they lacked confidence.“When we turn the lights on do you think there will be more hostility? Some sort of shock at each other's appearance?” Matthew asked and Arthur considered. “We are giving them an important sense back.”“Something could break out,” Arthur straightened out in his chair. “Take the lights up to 30% as slow as possible.”-o-Ivan stopped after they’d orbited the room once. He and Alfred faced each other as a new kind of body heat bloomed between them. It sunk in his skin trusting it. Ivan’s hand came onto the junction between Al’s neck and shoulders. The veins of his neck were now outlined in his mind.“You should open your eyes.” Said Ivan.Al’s eyes flicked open to find clarity and the return of his depth perception. A figure outlined in the blackness was static before him. He reached out a flat hand and palmed a hollow chest.“Are you seeing this?”Al’s heart picked up until he was in time with Ivan’s.“I am.” His eyes strained to find any kind of outline. “Come to the center of this.”Al let the hand on the base of his neck guide him.“What are we doing here?” Ivan was restless, they both could feel it.“I feel like I know you from somewhere… but I know I don’t,” Alfred sounded distracted.“Do you know that for sure?”“I don’t know anything for sure right now.”“We shouldn’t be here, this is strange.”“I wish I could see you.”The only straight lines Ivan could draw were of the astral plane in his mind. With those he constructed Al’s image and let it talk to him. But a splash of hot light burned it alive.Alfred gasped and shrunk away into a corner letting his eyes catch up to the fluorescent light. He had seen him. It was just a glimpse, but it was all he needed. He saw an intensely masculine figure and pale lifeless eyes– White-blond and dangerous.Ivan took a leap forward aiming to catch him like you could catch a small animal. Al pulled from his reach and encased himself in a corner. He felt all hairs stand on end. The flash was only bright white to him, his eyes didn’t adjust quick enough.“Come here.” His voice zeroed in on Al’s ears in a forceful tone. Al would respond to that.-o-“That will be all for today.” Arthur pulled Matthew out of his head gracelessly. “Oh- Are you sure?” - ‘Stupid question’.“Yes. You have other classes I promised I would steal you from, I understand transportation isn’t set in stone for you?”Matthew stood from his chair and folded his hands in front of himself. “Well, public transport here is mere clockwork, I’ll be fine.”“I figured as much.” Arthur said with an air of finality. “Hattie will log the hours you spend here officially.”“Will i have unofficial hours?”There was a glint in Arthur’s eyes. Muted, but by no means unnoticeable. He pushed in his chair and held the door open for Matthew. “I trust she explained you will be meeting several characters here? Well, your hours are counted when you’re with me. The facility is full of very interesting things and should you want to see something different the hours won’t count.”Arthur’s voice made it seem like people would be coming out of the white woodwork of the “MECHANISM bazaar of science”. “You can show yourself out, correct? You remember the way?”“Yes, sir.”Arthur made a face. “Drop ‘sir’ from your vernacular. You are by no means a disrespectful kid. I won’t make you call me sir.”Matthew smiled. “You got it.”As he walked out of the facility with the harsh light sanitizing him once more he was hopeful: MECHANISM might have a place for him yet.

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Day two: enter Matthew, but running slightly late. Matthew kept himself at a “jaunty” speed with his hands clenched in fists holding the straps to his backpack. He had gotten coffee, but it was an Americano - it was iced so he could basically shotgun it - and was beginning to feel its effects as it seized him.Down the white hallway he ran like a citizen of wonderland late for his important date. As the door to the surveillance room came into view he put on the brakes to make it seem like he hadn’t been running. A few deep breaths were had behind the door, then it was opened for him.“You’re late.” Arthur said with mirth adorning his cheekbones. “I am right on time.” He was confident.“Whatever you say.” Arthur held the door open to him and smiled as he restrained the heavy breathing he wanted to do. He let the door close and slid into his chair by the counter.Matthew stood behind Arthur’s chair and placed his hands on each side of the backrest. He noticed that the chairs weren’t supposed to be comfortable, neither was the rest of the room. Everything was so angular, he half expected other scientists in another room somewhere to be watching them. Maybe that was the ultimate test he was unknowingly participating in. Matthew had one wish for the mythical scientists watching them and taking notes: he hoped they saw something in him. Others certainly didn’t. Whatever he said had a 50/50 chance of being shot down or praised through only a hum. He had no way out, Arthur expected the young man to fill the silence. “What else can you tell me about the stimulants? Do they take hold of a specific system?” Arthur hummed in response.“Both the stimulants named ‘Humilis’ and ‘Excelsis’ clasp the endocrine system very tightly and seem to affect nearly all functions within it. Although, we haven’t checked their levels in a while.” Arthur flipped open an iPad and opened an app that showed several live measures. “Both our testing subjects have small probes on the inside of their bodies. It’s nestled within the thoracic cavity to show us their blood pressure and readings of their temperature. We get the readings here, but we lost the exact spot where the probes are.”“How will you extract them?”“We weren’t going to.” Arthur took off his glasses and cleaned them off with his shirt. “Does it count as an invasion of privacy Matthew?”Arthur’s eyes pierced him, but his head didn’t turn up. ‘50/50 chance…’“It’s not our job to-”“Correct. Remember, we only work for MECHANISM. We don’t vouch for it, we don’t question it...we all sign a release form...” He turned his attention to the iPad. “The Alpha Excelsis has been a constant 99 with low blood pressure. He’s not fighting it. Humilis temperature is like our’s but his blood pressure is the same low.”Matthew sat down and resumed his position at the infrared monitor. Matthew watched Ivan circle Al. Both were in defensive positions. The lights were at 20% making the men in the box rely on the aerial camera. Since their spat yesterday, the subjects had had something driven between them. -o-Ivan was in a silent outrage over Al’s fear and defiance. He stalked around him feeling his weight shift between each leg, he worked to center the mass until his movement was that of a ghost. He moved to the middle of the room waiting in a strong stance.Al had crowded himself into a corner. He was trying to block out Ivan’s...energy? Is that what it was? It was crawling up his spinal cord, literally taking the vertebrae from him. He gathered his knees into his chest, the flats of his feet were beginning to stick to the ground as he grew warm.Ivan knew they were warm. He was in tune with Al’s cowardice as well as his own rage- scratch that. Al’s fear and his sense of entitlement. His entitlement was telling him something, his consciousness.‘He is yours and you are all he has.’ The thought rang through Ivan’s head.Ivan was filled with compassion for the other beast. Full to the brim, it spilled from his lungs in a low coaxing sigh.Al wouldn’t fall for such bravado any longer. No matter how it caressed him.Ivan felt Al reject him...it proved too much. All the stresses of being confined and stripped of his sight were upon him. It felt like liquid over his pores and filled the room.-o-Matthew watched the infrared camera show a crisp outline of Ivan’s body. It was fine down to the hairs on his head.“Why’s he overheating?” Matthew asked.“He’s not, the levels show 99°, no change…” Arthur breathed. “Bring up the audio, I can’t hear a thing.”-o-Al whimpered as he understood Ivan’s admonishment. He was charged with disobedience. “Come to me or I’ll come to you.” Ivan’s voice caught in his ears like an arrow sliding across a chalkboard. Ivan squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. Al stood in a very jagged manner letting the words sit still. Ivan balled a fist and took a single step forward. He paused, it proved too much for Al.“Okay! Okay, okay!” Al shuffled to Ivan already in pain from resisting.Al burst into tears, trying to keep his defensive stance stiff. “At my feet.”Al knelt at his feet shaking. “I’m sorry-”“Obey me.” Ivan snarled coldly. Al was facing him with his forehead pressed on his knees in a bow.Al was beginning to hyperventilate, the heat was coming off Ivan’s hands and sliding down his back. He bit his lip as he was struck on the flank. After, Ivan’s fingers worked into the muscle of his neck in a painful massage. “This wouldn’t happen then.” Ivan pushed him back and felt Al’s shoulder blades hit the ground. He didn’t have to see, he could feel Al heaving great gulps of air. Could sense his heart fluttering and his knees spread ever so slightly. Al couldn’t think. He only had to obey. His knees spread so to emphasize his...surrender.-o-Arthur stood up excited.“Are you getting this? Turn on the lights!”“What-”“Flood the place! Lights at 80%.” Arthur looked young for a moment. “Let there be light.” He mumbled.-o-Ivan loomed over Al for a moment before kneeling down between his legs. Ivan heaved a sigh while his eyes washed over Al’s trembling body.His knees were quaking but they stayed open. Al’s chest rose and fell with great beats. His cheeks were pale as his neck, little more than a blank flesh canvas. His eyes painted on emotions but they were cast down far away from him. Though he looked away Ivan saw an expression so crowded with fear...that wasn’t his goal. What was?Ivan was ashamed, a flow of compassion came over him once more. The compassion spoke sweeter things to him.‘He is yours. He is all you have.’ The compassion admonished him so. Ivan stretched out his fingers to run across the plane of the skin. Wide pink lines glowed from where they made contact, as the blood vessels were calling out to him. He wanted them to. Al was pliant beneath him. He turned his face away and suddenly all his body was an offering. Al’s lip twitched.“Look at me.” He’s supposed to be better than this. Blue orbs were spotlights on him. The magnifying glasses were focused on his soul. Tears. “Are you frightened?”Al started to nod then quickly shook his head no. “You have nothing to fear from me,” Ivan mumbled. “Do you trust me?”‘No’ - “Yes.”“Then you know me better than you think.”“Do I?” Alfred prayed.“Probably?” What kind of answer was that?Ivan leaned back on his heels, relaxing. He turned Al’s jaw so he looked at him head on. He caressed him and hummed soft things. Al keened as the same ‘true warmth ’from before came over him. “Why? What did you want me for?”“Closeness.” Ivan murmured. “Something similar to that.” -o-All was still in the surveillance room. Matthew sat back in his chair full of shock that outgrew Arthur’s awe. Arthur was learned so far forward he was in danger of losing his seat.“Can you believe it???” He gasped like a younger man. Matthew stood up. “This is progress.”“No, this is a regression. We have to stop this right now.”“Why in the world would we stop this? It’s too perfect. Now we’ve got a report. I screen-recorded the levels! This means- I’m sorry, did you say regression?” Arthur scoffed. “How?”“That they’re reverting to a feral state of mind. This isn’t the superior problem solving that is unique to mankind! Al just let himself be taken over by Ivan-”“By the Alpha Humilis. They are our specimens. Pull your heart out of this, we don’t pick sides for MECHANISM.” Arthur asserted. “What’s the theory? What do you make of this?”“I guess it all boils down to an imbalance of power. Humans have a varying response to being told what to do and for those who’ve been through abuse, disobedience becomes more difficult. We always WANT to obey something because of our instinct to follow, but this kind is twisted and unnatural!”“Animalistic. What else do you think makes a good soldier? This isn’t for us it’s for the government.”“Al- The Alpha Humilis (sorry) shouldn't have been able to refuse when being...COMPELLED. And Ivan shouldn’t have compelled him to do anything, and Al shouldn’t have presented at all.”“Okay, backpedal. Leave out the word ‘shouldn’t’ and elaborate. What of being ‘compelled’ or ‘presenting’? What of refusing?”To be prompted by the one and only Kirkland M.D. was unnerving. Very unnerving.“I just coined a few phrases.” Matthew sat down to mumble an explanation. “I guess it goes back to the alpha of the pack. The dynamics between the leader and his subordinates: betas and omegas.”“Omegas huh...we don’t have one of these. Did you study the human pack mentality?” Arthur was being gentle. Matthew saw this tenderness as out of character.“Not enough to suit this. Ivan cleary ‘compelled’ Al, meaning he used an alpha’s tone. Commanding him with...with…” Matthew waved a hand around trying to grasp the word.“Pheromones. I don’t know why that would show on the infrared as it did.”“He didn’t even have to speak to set Al-”“Alpha Humilis.”“On edge. Yes. Question, do we know if Al- the Alpha Humilis is an alpha at all?”“We would have to add another subject on either Humilis or another stimulant to contrast their behavior. Someone self-aware.”Arthur hummed.“Are you thinking that because specimen B is the Humilis and still an ‘alpha, it should not have, what did you say? Present?”“Yeah, it’s a mating ritual for omegas. A showing of the neck, the jugular more importantly, and the chest, the internal organs, is an act of submission. But the parting of the legs-”“Let’s force them together.” Arthur pushed up his glasses. “We’ll let them resolve whatever moment they’re having and maybe the activity will set them to sleep.”“How?”“We’re going to force them together by lowering the room’s temperature. We’ll watch how sensitive the Excelsis is to external temperature and see if he’s motivated to protect his Humilis.”“I hope so…”Arthur turned to face him. “One more thing, why are you asserting your morals onto scientific research?”“It’s all I know to do. It’s how I was raised.”“Well...just never forget you signed a release.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

‘Thursday, January 14th, 2010, not much change.’ Arthur wrote the phrase carefully in his notes. The monitors were on and the surveillance room was quiet. Arthur wanted to give the alphas a moment to bond, but after 2 minutes his patience had withered away. Soon he was just waiting for Matthew.He watched the 2 alphas from the one-way glass. The Alpha Excelsis- ‘I am safe within my own head. Surely. Look at Ivan, the muscle definition is incredible. Al follows his every move.’ He only ordered Matthew to call them the scientific names because he wanted zero attachment.“What are they thinking?” Arthur asked out loud before he could think better of himself. “Probably something about how small their room is.” Matthew came into the room with 2 Starbucks hot cups in hand. “Or nothing. I know I’d rather think about nothing.” “Me too.” Arthur stretched his legs through the pops and clicks. “But we have to think because who else would? Lower the room temperature from 70° to 65°. Then down 3 degrees every 2 minutes until you get to 37°.” “Didn't you want them to sleep off the…”“Changed my mind.” “Yes, Mr. Kirkland.” Arthur frowned at that.“You sound like a schoolboy, please don't?” “Yes, sir.” “Yes Arthur.” He corrected him with a smirk. “If the shift is gradual enough they’ll have enough time. We just can't have them asking questions.”“They won't notice until they already have goose pimples.” “Yes.” Arthur took one of the coffees. “You’re late again.”“I apologize. The coffee’s on me and I hope it works as a bribe.”“What did you get me?” He took a sip then tightened his face. “Good lord this is um…”“Oh I’m sorry I just figured you would like an Americano, that's what I get.”“Don’t laugh at me, but I’m more of a hazelnut latte or half-caf mocha kind of guy…”Matthew quickly switched their cups and whipped off the lips of the cup with his sleeve.“I won’t tell.” He laughed. “So am I.”
-o-It took 4 minutes for Ivan to notice and 6 minutes for Al. Because the two alphas were living in high definition, their perception of the room's temperature slid along their skin. Their senses were dialed to 150%. Touch was the worst for them to experience differently. It was a new language and a new sensation.The air was thinning. Ivan felt the change around his ears and over his nose. His lungs found the inhales to drag less and the taste sharper. Ivan sat cross-legged on the ground. He shuffled backward until his back flattened against the wall. Al was churning the air. Herding the oxygen particles by taking laps around the room and pacing. Movements are neither erratic or smooth. They were syncopated rushes of blood meant to fill the room with himself. Why? He was not the source of heat nor an object needing it. They didn't need it. Ivan uncrossed a leg to lounge more.“Relax.” He chuckled. Al looked towards him rather than at him. If heat was to leave the room he wanted to shake the cool off one last time.“It's only getting colder, I know,” Al said.Al stretched out then moved to his knees facing Ivan. The man had white hair and crystal eyes, he looked like he was bred for the chill. He was a creature of ice and snow. But from Ivan’s perspective, Alfred was colored like blunt flames. They weren’t able to see themselves but still, his main concern was whether it would get cold enough to turn his nose pink. He remembered that he didn’t like how it looked.
-o-“What are we at now?”“51°.” Matthew read. “No change in levels?” “None. Al’s heart rate is slightly higher, but both aren’t reacting to the cold.”“Do you want me to drop it quicker?”“I do.”
-o-Ivan rubbed the skin over his knuckles and watched Al watch him. They must be feeling things the same way. They didn’t have complete telepathy, but they had knowledge. Ivan didn’t want to speak anymore, but he could communicate his want.
-o-“Are we at 40?”“39°.”“Keep it there. Ivan’s heart rate is dropping slower than Al’s.”
-o- Al crossed his legs to warm his toes in the bend of his knees. Ivan was eyeing him with a question he didn’t want to answer yet. He shuddered under his gaze. It wasn't a yes or a no. Ivan bit the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t apologized. He wasn’t within the grasp of compassion, he couldn’t have that power until he conquered remorse.
-o-“What’s he frowning about?” Matthew asked.
-o-Both alphas fingertips were turning a light fleshy pink. Al wasn’t going to be mean about it. He would comply when Ivan wanted him to.Ivan slouched farther into the wall. He didn’t want to do it yet, but he knew that it would be expected of him.
-o-“Alpha Excelsis’ heart rate is pretty slow. He looks miserable.” Arthur commented. “Al’s is still up.”
-o-Ivan wouldn't give a full keen, but he did voice his discomfort. Ivan made a noise that sounded like an apology before reaching for Al’s hands. He brought their separate pieces of warmth together. Ivan smiled. Bringing their hands together didn’t make more heat, it just evened out what they had. They locked eyes and Al straightened his legs.Al smiled and made his way over to the alpha. Now he was sure of it. Al positioned himself close to Ivan’s side on the wall so the only distance left between them was mental. Al was hugging his knees to his chest with his chin tucked into his shoulder. Eyes closed, he felt every layer of his skin turn as he was under Ivan’s gaze. Ivan leaned his head on the wall exposing his neck and more of a peculiar warmth flowed from him. His hands sandwiched Al’s. “It is now too cold for me,” Al mumbled with heavy lips. Ivan responded by rubbing his hands around his and breathing gently on them. “Is there anything we can do?”“I don’t know. Come closer.” Ivan’s lips were just as uncoordinated.Al got on his knees as Ivan parted his legs giving him a spot to fill. Al moved into it and rested his back on Ivan’s chest. Both were shivering as the heat was suddenly attainable. Ivan sighed sadly, hands clenching around the cold. “I’m sorry for this.”“I’m so cold.” Al whimpered and rested the back of his head on his shoulder.The air had more than a cold bite, everything was still. Ivan carefully grasped Al’s hands before bringing them under his shirt to be warmed over his chest. It brought some blood back. Al hissed at the cold fingers then turned his head back farther causing his nose to brush Ivan’s neck and…‘Whoa…’It was like dragging a match along sweet cedar, Not enough to light anything, but enough to hint. Ivan sucked in a breath. It felt so...correct.
-o-“Ivan’s not presenting...that’s not what that is…”“Bring the temp up gradually.” Arthur breathed.
-o-Ivan dropped his hands to his sides so Al could turn. Al let Ivan drape himself around him and rested himself in the center of them. He breathed in Ivan’s scent to let it strengthen him. It was liquid smoke to his veins. Liquid smoke pouring between cedar logs, such vehemence.Ivan hummed a few low notes and let his warmth and remorse slosh between their bodies. His arm was resting behind Al’s shoulders, Al shifted trying to get closer together.“You don’t have to feel so sorry,” Al whispered into his chest. He had more to say but Ivan was breaching him with waves. He didn’t dare speak. “I just made a choice.” Al bowed his head. “I feel it.”
-o-“Pull up the infrared camera, I bet there will be a magnificent swirl of color.”“Arthur what-”“Scenting. I don’t know why, but they’re scenting each other.”“Look at the infrared monitor.”The screen showed cool colors besides a very bright mass where the alphas were piled together. The air couldn’t be warm...The iPad pinged.“It’s an alert showing us Al’s heart rate has dropped considerably, but why?” Arthur said. “Body temps are a degree higher…”“It’s because they’re both alphas of different kinds right?”“I guess.”
-o-Ivan lifted Al’s chin so as to bury his face in the scent. He nuzzled it with his face as Al purred. They weren’t cold, their bodies just happened to shiver together.
-o-“Matthew you were right.” Arthur closed the app and began drawing up an email. “We're going to boost them tomorrow.”‘Why?”“They need stronger doses of the stimulant. Put a sedative in the room ventilators and bring the temp to 60°.” Arthur was suddenly very agitated. An idea probably struck a nerve. A plan. “The stimulant goes to the endocrine system and will begin to recreate itself using the host body.”“So it hasn’t yet caught on.” Matthew could see that. He did as he was told.
-o-Al groaned as Ivan’s teeth grazed his neck. He hadn’t noticed how sensitive he’d become until Ivan’s hand was warm against his cheek. He took his flesh between his teeth and tugged lightly on it. Al tried to inhale, but he was seeing black spots. “Wait…” He sighed. The next breaths he took were stuttery. “Ivan wait…”Hands were pushing his shoulders back, Ivan couldn’t stop. He clenched his jaw and couldn’t tell if the metallic taste was blood or-‘oh god!’Al slumped on him trying to breathe as his body floated from his mind. Ivan wasn’t far behind.
-o-“Why??”“It was too late. They’ll feel everything. Now we can't separate them.” Arthur frowned again. “Well why not? We could do whatever we like, can't we?”“Well technically no.” Arthur stood up so he could have the space to talk with his hands. “In the smaller and less complex subjects we tested a bond was formed that was only dissolved with death. We’ve found no way to make the body quit producing these hormones.”“So it is like the probes…” Matthew murmured to himself. “Speak up. Always speak up.” Arthur jumped on top of Matthew’s tongue. “You’ll never learn if you don’t let yourself.”“It’s like the probes. You can’t do anything to reverse this.”“Not really, no.” Arthur took the last sip from his coffee cup and smiled. “I bet we have the same order. What is this?”“Almond milk, hazelnut latte with one pump of chocolate.” Matthew said slightly more glum.“I see. I usually do whole milk. I’ll buy it tomorrow.” Arthur tossed his cup in the trash. “Great work today.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

‘Friday morning, January 15th, 2010, the weather is fine but my latte’s are finer.’ Arthur would write that down once he got out of this meeting.Normally, Arthur was in charge of whatever college student he was given. He decided what they could see, what they could control and add to, as well as setting the tone. If the project was grave, he made sure they were acting gravely. If the experiment was intense he raised the stakes and handed them to the college kid. He built a controlled environment and watched them for progress. He watched them very closely trying to find exactly what made them tick and how they could fit that into the world. Never just the world of MECHANISM, not always science, but within the spectrum of intelligent careers. Of course, he tried to live like he was a scientist first and a teacher second, but sentiment always made things complex. Arthur hated MECHANISM’s perspective on life but could do very little about it. His only range of control was what reports he sent back to the college professors and the recommendations he gave them. He sent the best and brightest kids back to specialize in what he deemed truly important: cancer research and neurology. The most attentive were sent back as psychologists and anesthesiologists, and those who were guided by their hearts...he kept them for himself. Any dreams they had for MECHANISM were purposefully snuffed out by him and him alone. Nobody questioned why there was no “young blood” being hired. In the end, they respected him for “keeping the team pure” or “being gentle with the young minds”.That’s where It was very rare for Arthur to choose a college kid himself, very rare indeed. Something about Matthew must have caught his eye…mathematically, Matthew’s application wasn’t special. He could have chosen anyone’s application...maybe he was special because he was the first one he chose or maybe it was because he read his and chose not to read anyone else's...It was about time for Arthur to think about what to do with him though. Matthew was a bright kid, but his heart was far too heavy and any information he gathered - which was more than he showed at any given moment. The kid was blond and seemed to play into the stereotype of being ditsy. ‘Arthur, that was harsh. Would you say that to his face as you hand him his coffee?’ No. He quite liked the lad. Maybe he was just shy. Maybe. Just another bright kid. If only he paid more attention.“-Arthur are you listening?”“-Of course!” He lied.Arthur’s mind tended to wander during meetings with Harriet (“Hattie”). He was not in tune with the inefficient musings of that woman. If Arthur was smarter and less…”queer” or whatever he was then he would just give in to her teasing.“So you agree?”“Yes, just give me more time with them.”“Them?” Her eyebrows raised.“Them...all…”“Then what about the setback?”“Setback? This is a new opportunity!-” Arthur hadn’t the slightest idea what she was talking about. “-Now that the specimens are pair-bonded we have to break them up. Our new bonded pair isn’t...natural? If we follow my plan we’ll turn the whole system into a well-maintained militia - a healthy ‘pack’.” “That’s the plan? Turn them into a pack?” Hattie leaned forward setting her head on her palm. Showing off her cleavage, “You already explained this to me, Arthur.”“Did I?” She smiled the ‘you’re cute when you aren’t fully listening’ smile. “That isn’t it then? I’m sorry.”“Oh, it’s okay. Working with a college kid does that to ya’. Speaking of, does he know?”“No, not yet.” He said quietly.“It’s a huge honor.”“He’s a very bright young man.”“He's a very young, bright man and doesn’t know he’s to be tested.”“It’s all relatively new...i had to see him first before he could give me the idea.” Arthur sat up straight for her. “I’ve got a plan.”“You always do. That’s why you’re our best!” She chirped happily. “You’ve been cleared for the extra stimulants along with the new one, chem is ready for you to get them. Do you have a name in mind?”“No names yet, I want Matthew to name it.” Arthur stood up to shake her hand. He held it softly for a moment sealing the deal. “As always, thank you.”What new stimulant?o-oThat morning, Matthew wandered into the lab to find a note titled “An Assignment” in bold print where Arthur would have been sitting along with a steaming latte. The note read:“I had a meeting with my superior yesterday saying we’re clear. I’ve been with Chem all this morning getting the low-down. I should join you shortly. Your assignment is to take adequate notes and draw conclusions I’ll want to see. Turn the lights on at exactly 8 o’clock. Don’t be surprised if things are a little strange.”Arthur Kirkland (Ph.D.)Matthew sat back in his respective chair at odds with what to do with himself. He knew what he had to do - it was written out for him - and yet without Arthur physically present…...one would think he’d be at ease when Arthur was gone. The vacant space was horrid. Though they didn’t talk, the scientist’s quiet resolve had found a place with him. He felt he knew Arthur as well as everyone else did. Matthew began setting things up. Turning on the monitors, checking the iPad, and other general time fillers. By then it was 7:57, he didn’t know what would happen, but he did know Ivan and Al were off the sleeping gas. Overnight the ventilators had cleared the room of it. If Arthur was going to give them an injection he had to work very fast. o-oArthur truly was the master of cutting things close. He started at his watch as he jogged down the hall. He guessed he had until 8:02 to fully sedate Ivan and until about 8:05 for Al- as he had just been informed. The layout of the testing facility allowed him 4 conjoined spaces to work with: the central control or surveillance room (or “box office”) was where Matthew and the monitors were, it was connected to 3 other rooms. The east and west walls connected to 2 smaller displacement rooms. They were smaller and more rectangular when compared to the square room along the north way, where Al and Ivan should still be sleeping. Arthur and 3 other MECHANISM personnel (including the chemistry technician) were still flying through the halls at 7:58 and were barely inside the east displacement room when the lights flicked on at 8. He took a deep to steady himself behind the door. Chances were they would be attacked if they made contact in the wrong way, it had to be perfect. There was blood roaring in his ears already - but he wasn’t uneasy. What was Matthew seeing? o-oMatthew sat up straighter when the door opened. Arthur and 3 others entered the room, one was holding a tray with 4 syringes on it. the alphas didn’t stir, he held his breath. They remained asleep in the heap they’d left them in.The iPad was clutched in his hands showing the levels as normal: blood pressure, heart rates, temperature, whatever. He still bit his lip when Arthur got a syringe in hand. 8:01.o-o“Separate them.” Arthur commanded. “Phillip, you and I will perform the injections.”The workers (“man-handlers”) essentially wrestled them to the floor with one in each corner. Phillip took his materials and walked over to the Humilis while Arthur handled the Excelsis. Arthur got on his knees and rested Ivan’s head on his thighs. The worker was straddling Ivan’s waist. He turned the head exposing the neck to line up the needle. “Heavy sedative in hand-” Arthur gripped the syringe feeling the weight of Ivan’s head on his knees then hesitated for thought: Would this shot take away his human qualities? What would really come from this? He hesitated to save his soul, not because he wanted to. The MECHANISM emblem was thick on his lab coat. “Arthur, he's waking up, do it fast-“ Phillip called to him. But in the nick of time, Ivan flinched awake and locked on his eyes. “Shit. I-Ivan I need you to just relax-”Ivan was quick to get away, but his body was too heavy to move fast. Arthur was quicker grabbing him in a headlock. Ivan found it traumatic because as far as he knew, Arthur was scentless. The 4 men were completely neutral to him and overshadowed Al’s presence. Ivan began thrashing.“Calm down!” Arthur grunted and raised the hand with the syringe. “I need you to- RELAX!” o-oMatthew watched the body melt into limpness. And on the iPad screen, Ivan’s heart rate dropped with him. Arthur dropped his arm and let him slither onto the floor breathing deeply. The Ipad pinged: Al’s heart rate spiked.o-oAl thrashed in his restraints terrified and confused. The movements were simultaneously sluggish and jagged. A whine ripped from him when he noticed Ivan was on the ground. Phillip had a firm grasp on his forehead trying to get the syringe in safely. “I’m ready, just say when.”“What's happening???” -Arthur ignored his cry.“Injecting the Excelsis stimulant now. Remember this time Matthew.” Ivan made a weak hissing sound when the needle punctured him. “Good stuff.” Arthur grimaced. “Inject the lighter sedative.” Arthur stood up and straightened his clothing. “This will help you relax.”Al was breathing quick shallow breaths as Phillip injected the liquid. “Easy money.” Phillip sighed, O-o Matthew felt like a little kid. Like a naive little boy lost in a mall with no sight of his parents, only a man who said he would help him with a grip on his wrist.Arthur seemed so docile...yet now… “This will help you,” said Arthur.O-oThe pain lasted only a moment. The cold needle slid between his muscles and the room tilted a little. A little black around the edges- whatever. The second injection didn’t even hurt.O-o“We’re done here. Help me set them back to back.”Matthew watched the 3 men drag the alphas like dead animals. They were as stiff as death but relaxed once they were close to each other. The heart beats were synced.‘Funny.’The 3 MECHANISM personnel exited the room, Arthur stayed behind, looking at him through the one-way glass. He couldn’t really see him...could he? Arthurs pupils roved just around his face as if he really could sense his discomfort. He was leaning on the back wall with his feet crossed at the ankle. This felt like the very first time they were seeing each other. Matthew held his breath.Arthur was young under the fluorescent lights, Matthew was younger in the surveillance rooms dim lamps. Arthur dipped his head and left.o-oFrom there they developed a sort of routine. The trade deficit the days of getting coffee for each other and hulled up in the “box office”. Arthur told him stories and covert secrets of MECHANISM or expanded his knowledge on various subjects. No matter the amount of time they spend side by side, neither of them could figure out why Matthew was there. Then, an invitation was slipped into his pocket as he left: “Dinner tonight @7:00. Don’t be late. - MAXWELL LONG”The post script read: “I’ll be there too” in Arthur’s handwriting.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It was a nice restaurant. The web link Arthur sent him opened up with a slideshow of all their “fine dining situations”: grooms dinners, work parties, birthdays, holidays, meetings, and the last first date you'll ever go on. All the photos had wine bottles and mood lighting. Great. Under the menu button showed rows and rows of different dishes, he couldn't pronounce some of the titles. They bragged about working directly with the local farmers and had every salad combination possible. Very fancy stuff...synonymous for expensive.Arthur gave him a lot of strange looks, but surely he knew Matthew was a college kid. A generally poor college kid. That evening he'd have to worry about how he looked, dressed, how his voice sounded, how to recover if he made a fool of himself (sorry, WHEN he made a fool of himself) and on top of that he had to worry about how to pay. The website did not include prices. He’d just order a side salad. The eve of 7 o’clock was almost upon him. Dinner was at 7 because everyone else attending was a posh adult with a life. Gross. After the hour and a half he'd spent at the facility, he’d returned to his dorm to reconvene with his roommates. They were freshmen, all 3 of them. They’d come from the corners of the state of Connecticut to converge in a dingy, college dorm. All science nerds, when they could they gave informal presentations about what they were learning in their various sciences. Matthew’s MECHANISM application had been edited by them both. They were sad to see so little of him in those days. Since he started working at the facility he hadn’t had time to regale them with tales of science. Any other day would find him seizing the extra time...but he was distracted. After a brief word, they stalked off to their classes leaving Matthew sprawled out on his bed. He was washed out.He barely blinked and hours passed before him. He hadn’t slept a wink but had blacked out for minutes at a time. He spent hours lounging around like a sea star, absorbed in his profound distraction. But why? Matthew kept staring at his ceiling somehow wishing it would morph into Arthur’s face.In his short tone working there he’d come to know his face as one that gives direction and answers. But in the back of his mind the question of his personal significance loomed: why him?Anyway, the evening came and he needed to dress smartly. He got on his semi-solid legs and thumbed through his clothes. He needed something that said “I am not a target for rich-people talk” and also said, “I’m not poor”. Minimum flex. His phone buzzed just in time:‘Hey kid don’t stress. Dress casual. Look good.’ Sent from Arthur @6:02pmWere those easy instructions? He groaned and rubbed his face. If the night didn’t end with him understanding why he’d been chosen, then there was no real reason at all.-o-Arthur stepped out of a shower that could have gone another 10 minutes to look at his warped form in the mirror. He couldn’t quite make out his face, but he saw his state of mind. Every thought bled into the other until it rinsed away as steam or soap bubbles. He wasn’t quite sure where they came from, but he felt them try to leave. He was trying very hard not to think about dinner. Trying very hard not to think about what his colleagues would say. Trying not to think about Hattie trying to taunt him, trying desperately not to think about Matthew- CERTAINLY not trying to think of his student while he was naked! Arthur dragged a towel over himself and wrapped it loosely around his hips. There were thousands of ways for tonight to go wrong. His power over his thoughts was waning and he was tempted to spiral into a series of negative outcomes. Matthew's face was the center of them all. The steam leftover from his shower was violating him. It wanted to seep into his ears and expose the flightlessness of his mind. ‘There will be none of that here.’Arthur left his bathroom after one last glance in the mirror. He fell back on his bed and took up his phone. He texted Matthew with one thumb and sent the message before he could think twice. He didn’t know where the “hey kid” came from, but there it was. Why is a college kid causing him to lose his edge and a part of his ego? He was changing everything.Maybe he just envied him. Work dinners were (unfortunately) Arthur’s last few chances to remember that he was indeed an attractive person. He didn’t just “go out”. He didn’t have the time to, not did he want to look like a pitiful old man seated at the bar. Online dating had been a shamAt his age people started to focus solely on personality and forgot about the real shit: body. When was the last time someone touched up on him? At his age they forgot what they looked like. Forget what they felt like. Arthur wanted balance between both. It didn’t ease his mind at all, but he needed to get going. Arthur stood up and let the Egyptian cotton slide off him. He opened his closet and began leafing through his clothing. Blues, greys, a few whites, what to choose? Arthur selected a plain white button up, and navy tie to lay out on his bed. He moved back into the bathroom to take a razor to a weak 5 o’clock shadow. The layer of cream goes on, gets sheared off, and is rinsed away, leaving him looking fresh. Arthur smoothed on some moisturizer then was out to get his clothes on. He donned a pair of black skinny jeans and fastened them around his narrow hips with a brown belt. He put on a white button-up and threw the tie around his neck. After a moment of trying to remember how to tie a tie he decided to abandon it completely and wear a blazer. Finally, he retreated to the bathroom one last time to beat the wetness out of his hair turning it into a modest flow of faded hair. Sometimes he just had to hand it to himself: he looked hot. ‘How nice.’ He put his phone and wallet in his pockets then threw his coat and boots on. Durable yet dressy, it was the January thaw so he had to dress like it. The jacket folded over his shoulders with warm curves and fine corners. He checked his hair one last time then grabbed his keys, setting out to dinner.-o-The address Arthur sent him was accessible through the city’s “stellar” public transport system. ‘Thank God”. He got on the bus at 6:30 and arrived at his stop at 6:46 giving him 5 minutes to jog 2 blocks if he was trying to be punctual. He checked himself in every window he passed making sure he was still alive. Fact is, he’d almost slipped in the shower when he remembered that he was MECHANISMs guest of honor. The SpaceX of medical research with several public accolades and enough controversy to keep it relevant was calling on him….he was doing a pseudo-internship with them! Somewhere between his 3rd and 4th restyling of his hair, he’d admitted he was terrified. He came upon the restaurant front and stopped to fix his hair one more time. He raised his hands to his hairline then dropped them. He would only make matters worse this way. He put a hand on his pink cheeks and sighed. His reflection sighed back at him asking “who are we?”Matthew responded: ‘yes, who are we?’-o-Arthur wasn’t worried about being late. It was a silent statement to walk into the restaurant a few minutes late. He parked his car a little bit down the road and got out. It was cold with no snow, nothing more than nippy. He flipped up his collar anyway, walking until he saw a particularly well dressed young man looking into one of the large windows fixing his hair.He watched him for a moment before he moved to stand within his field of vision: it was Matthew. “MECHANISM employees are always on time.” he scoffed. It was definitely him. Matthew spun around sheepishly with the face of a new altar boy. Arthur gave him his best smile and extended a hand. “Good evening.”He was dressed in a grey sweater over a white dress shirt. dark skinny jeans, and a muted green overcoat with fur on the hood's rim. He was young and soft, cleanly shaved and anxious. How could someone look so vulnerable and so good? Arthur made a show of looking him up and down adding a soft smirk to his expression. Matthew just stared back at him. “Kid, shake my hand!” He laughed once Matthew jumped to take it. “You clean up nice kid.”“I-why thank you,” Matthew folded his hands behind his back. “So do you.”The understatement of the year. Arthur was a lithe silverfox that carried the mischief in his eyes like an accessory. He never expected Arthur - The man who he’d only seen hunched over an iPad - to get so pressed and refined. The shirt hugged his middle proving he was fit, his jeans wrapped around full calves and thighs connected to narrow hips.Why the hell was Matthew noticing this?Arthur caught his eye and gestured towards the restaurant."Shall we?"Arthur and Matthew went into the restaurant and chatted with a lady at the front desk who led them to MECHANISMs private room. She stopped them at the door."Tell me quickly, are you nervous?" Arthur asked flatly."Only a little. I don’t just get dinner with complete adults." "Neither do I.” Arthur said under his breath “Do not let them despise you because of your youth. You're the guest of honor.”"But why? I'm a college intern.”“Watch it, interns don’t get paid.”“But I don’t get paid!”“Not yet. Here's the rundown: I'll introduce you to them then we'll sit down to order. We'll talk about MECHANISM and make small talk until we get our food. Upon its arrival, we will discuss the project, yes? I won’t abandon you in the conversation, trust me to prompt you.”“-I’m not afraid of-“"Of course you are. Every college kid wants to sound exactly as important as they think they are: either too much or too little." Arthur smiled at him. "And that’s fine. You think too little of yourself.”“Is this a test?” Matthew was skeptical. “I wouldn’t do that. This is free food.” Arthur’s face was completely calm, he wouldn’t be surprised if he asked Matthew to take his arm. Trust that I know when to reward you.”-o-Arthur opened the door at 7:02, right on the tick. Inside the room five well-dressed people conversed with each other but clearly weren’t into it. They were affluent people clearly basking in their wealth and intelligence but something surprised him: Arthur did not blend in with them. The five rose from their table to greet them.The first was a very beautiful woman. She had long, dark brown hair nestled into a complicated braid and wore a black dress with a thick gray cardigan. Her make up was simple and her jewelry was as conservative as three diamond rings could get. All in all, Matthew liked this woman already. She gave him a smile lined with the word “welcome” and reached for his hand.“Evening, Matthew.” He shook her warm hand. “I’m a Princeton alum, a football fan. I feel like I already know you very well.”Matthew just chuckled. The rivalry between the schools was still a tagline. “Yes ma’am.”“It’s not ma’am yet I hope.” She chuckled. “Carina Delgado, Head of the psychology panel, also a board member." She turned to Arthur and shook his hand just as warmly. "Good to see you, Arthur.” "Evening Carina.” He smiled with an intense light of charm. A tall man in a charcoal suit came up and set a hand on Arthur’s shoulder."How are you, Arthur?" He had a deep voice and focused eyes.“Philip!" Arthur greeted him with a less professional smile. "I'm great. Philip, this is Matthew.”“Welcome, welcome! So this is the Matthew you were talking to in the box office?" Philip shook his hand with gusto. "Philip McConaughey-”“Dr. Philip McConaughey to us. Head of our chemistry department-”“-and?”“Previously, my roommate in college.”"You know, 80 years ago at Yale?" They laughed at each other but Arthur kept his eyes narrow. "It's good to have you, it looks like Arthur's taste is impeccable. You have the same emphasis as I had in college.”“Bioengineering and pharmaceuticals?” “Correct-“"My turn to meet the college kid.” A man at the head of the table told them. Matthew didn't take it as a conniving voice, but it wasn’t necessarily inviting. “Come sit down, the two of you.”

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Arthur guided him to a chair facing the head of the table where a man, with the blackest eyes he had ever seen, sat. His jet-black hair was slicked back and his skin was clinically pale. It seemed to be stretched over his high cheekbones and sculpted lips. He was… sinister."Well, now Arthur: Introduce me!” He said expectantly."Matthew, this is Dr. Maxwell Long, a board member, head of our testing facility, and son of Magnus Long, CEO of MECHANISM.” Matthew didn’t know Arthur had luster until he lost it introducing him to Mr.Long. "Oh! Ah-thank you for the wonderful opportunity, sir." Matthew decided to put on a gracious face to make up for Arthur."The pleasure’s all mine. You, college kids, are the future of MECHANISM, I need to be involved." He smiled at him. Every time he did that he felt like he lost $20. "Now, have you met Harriet Gale? Our human advocate?”“Oh, stop it, Max.” She waved her hand. “It's just Hattie.”“It will be Hattie Long if I can get a word in.” He said lewdly.The woman - Hattie - laughed. It was the laugh one gives when they thought they were winning. He glanced at Arthur who clearly thought otherwise."Yes, yes we are engaged." Her colleagues smiled at them. "My job is to be a human’s advocate. That means that I care for the people being tested on. All their private affairs: handling their job, apartment or house, and keeping their family calm and up-to-date. I work for our Alphas.”“Well introductions over, let's order! MECHANISM’s treat.” Maxwell clapped his hands together and looked over the menu.Matthew picked up a menu and hid behind it slightly. He found himself following Arthur's eyes as he scanned across his own. He decided he would just order whatever he did.Arthur could feel Matthew’s eyes on him copying his order. The lad was anxious and clearly afraid to move or breathe. He didn’t know yet that everyone had thoroughly read through his entire history (formal and personal) before agreeing to choose him. But...he would figure that out soon. Feeling responsible, Arthur made a conscious choice to look for a dish they would both enjoy. He at least owed him this, after all, Carina knew all of his second cousins by name. ‘… Anything with noodles would be a disaster… Steak is a chore… Sandwiches come with soup, so no… ah-ha!’Arthur locked his eyes on the ‘Orzo with Arugula’ salad and waited until Matthew figured it out, then closed the menu. He'd give them a chance to rehearse:"What are you ordering?”“The ‘Orzo with Arugula’”. "You know what? Copy that, it sounds good.”-o-When the waiter came in Arthur purposefully ordered after Matthew so he could be the one to say “I’ll have what he’s having”. It looked good.Maxwell folded his hands on the table.“Alright, Arthur. Let's hear it.”"OK then." Arthur cleared his throat and sat up a little taller. "As you all know that we are testing the behavior changing stimulants to see its usefulness in the military. We've created it as a way to maximize this primordial state of mind: it can lower stress, lower the chances of PTSD, clear their will, and unite the many turning them into one unit. But along the way I- we found it changes the human body. It's lowering blood pressure, tightening the senses, and - with other tests - could promote better survival in the elements and can be a great way to check the nature of man.”"How do you know?" Carina asked."We put them in a room and lower the temperature to 39°. Carina, how do you hibernating animals survive in the cold?”"They lower their heart rate to match the cold and their body temperature follows. Why?”"They did that. And with such ease!”"Impressive.”"We could put them in any environment and they will survive. No skin off their backs." As he paused to watch their nods of approval. "We're giving humans back the ability to survive. To endure. This is a good thing.”"What's the next step then?” Phillip asked."More testing really. We don’t know enough aBut we have some setbacks to consider. Such as their odd dynamic: two Alphas. It's obvious the commanding officer would be given the Alpha Excelsis stimulant and those below them the Humilis, but we just don't know how different they are.”"What does that have to do with it?” Philip asked."I believe Matthew has an answer?" Arthur was gentle."Well, we have no reason to believe that a Humilis is able to refuse or defy the excelsis.” Arthur nodded trying to get him to explain further. "Meaning it causes them discomfort to be put in a situation where they would have to. We've been using infrared cameras to track their movements in the dark, once we thought they had begun to overheat (after a fight) when in reality they were putting off pheromones that could be picked up. Those pheromones washed the silhouettes with orange.”“What does that mean?" Hattie asked."Any number of things. We’ve seen them communicate with it both silent and completely dark, we’ve seen them have full arguments without saying a word, and everything in between. We’ve uncovered the sixth sense." Matthew was endearing when excited."Yes. Perfect for black ops missions. Soldiers can communicate in complete silence or darkness no matter the environment. Tundra, jungle, desert, whatever they need." Added Maxwell."This is excellent work Arthur, Matthew." Phillips said. "A question from me though: if we don't know the differences, how will Matthew’s new role help us?”Matthew didn't understand why the room dropped to silence. They all swung their heads to glare at Philip. Matthew made an effort to speak before Arthur could interject.“I’ve been working hard to shadow him through all of the-“"He doesn't know yet. That's what this dinner was for." Arthur gave him a sharpside-eye when she harshly interrupted him. "He doesn't know?” Carina hissed. "You didn't tell him-”"I don’t understand-”"Arthur." Philip admonished him. "This is probably the hardest thing any of us have had to do, let alone a college kid… Matthew do you know anything about what we're talking about?””Do you have any idea?" Maxwell echoed with hard eyes.“Um… No. But-”"Arthur explain yourself.”“It was just an idea yesterday, an idea! Nobody besides chem was ready, I didn’t prep much-.“Figures. I’ll give you that, I apologize for not giving you the word.” Maxwell said coldly. “We’re starting this week. Your progress report from yesterday said what?”“I’m sorry I do not recall-“ Matthew didn’t enjoy watching Arthur get cut to pieces by his boss."We’re adding another specimen to contrast their behavior.” Maxwell sighed pulling a file from a briefcase under the table. “The pair bonding that you said took place needs a mediator. Someone to help them to decompress.” Maxwell made eyes at Matthew. “"That sounds like the omega of the pack’s job. A subordinate entity to sort of take the brunt of it all. The different levels of alpha would allow them to… What does this have to do with me?" A spark of anxiety went through him.Arthur glared at Phillip. “You actually created the new stimulant? You it?”"They commissioned me to engineer it.” Phillip followed."Upon your cooperation you would be paid a very healthy sum." Maxwell winked.“Upon his cooperation? Wait we should slow down, he doesn’t know what we’re talking about!” Arthur said.“He’ll just have to agree! You can’t say no to this kind of experience.” Maxwell said coolly. "You want me to become their omega? Split them up? You want me to be in the room feeling what they're feeling? - no you want me in there to give you a scientist's perspective.” Arthur put a hand on his knee under the table. It straight up wasn’t professional, but Matthew -upon learning the full extent of his new role - would thank him for it. "This is a really good idea, but like...it’s rather invasive.” Matthew looked around but checked back with Arthur for support. “It is." Hattie’s eyes were glowing."We've brought you here to discuss the job.” Maxwell said. "We really hope you take it into consideration.”"Would you do it?” Arthur asked with some form of disbelief or disapproval.

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All the people around the table waited. They allowed him the moment being kind enough to bestow upon him the illusion of choice. Maxwell and Arthur had not, however, for separate reasons: Matthew was just beginning to understand the effect Arthur had on him: the way he wanted to lead him, to shape him. Also, to reveal his own disdain for disappointing the older man specifically. It was a high level of emotional understanding, thank God Arthur was gentle. His hand was now pressed on his leg. Maxwell made a show of this. As soon as he had asked him he had reclined. Forgetting to sit properly, he waited on him. With his folded hands said, “Take your time.” but his black eyes said, ‘Say no and I’ll drown you like a rat.’ He didn’t have to glare to say it, he knew that he hadn’t given Matthew a real choice.Maxwell knew just like Matthew knew. Arthur tasted the words on his lips and tapped his knee trying to say something like ‘times up, kiddo’.“I’ll do it.” Matthew declared it himself, but if anyone asked, Arthur would claim Matthew spoke without thinking. -o-“It was good to meet you this evening! Good luck with the experiment.” Carinna held his hand between hers for a beat before leaving.Dinner had passed before him like most of the afternoon. His constant ache to ask Arthur what to do was ignored like the grease stains on the waiter's aprons. He limited himself to 7 glances at Arthur for the duration of the meal. The words the adults said were strung up above his head with any words he wanted to add in, and soon it was all history. In no time they were standing with their leftovers in boxes and their coats on. The others were in a rush to “get home to the kids” or something like it while Arthur, Matthew, and Maxwell lingered. They were kind to him, they obliged him, and he still needed to back out quietly. He made a solid attempt too:“Thank you, it’s been a wonderful evening-” “Sit down young man and let me tell you a fact and a story,” Maxwell said stiffly. If Matthew had any self-respect he would have stood up for himself and declared his age, but he didn’t. Who was he to be brave? Matthew sat back down and Arthur stood behind his chair looking worn. “We’ve had many, many projects that begin only to later die at the hands of someone’s ethics, morals, or lack of bravery. We require several things of your mind but morals and ethics are one thing that we don’t. One of our values is unbridled curiosity. Arthur, what does that mean?”Arthur was emotionless. “It means, sir, that many things can be repaired or replaced during the process of science.”“The sky is never the limit.” Maxwell started. “Unwanted media, legal, and familial attention for any party involved will not be tolerated, we’ll have to keep you separate from them. I trust you to keep your head and ward off any unwanted attention, and I’m sure you feel the same as I do Matthew.”“How so?” He asked quietly.“This is the most interesting, expensive, and profitable drug trial I’ve had the pleasure of leading. But these things get ugly because people are people and significant others are significant others.” Maxwell gave a warning glance to Arthur. “The significant other always wants to come to their partner’s rescue.”“...sir if this is what you wanted to tell me...there is no SO to speak of sir- that is if we’re talking about me.” Maxwell was visibly trying not to perk up.“I see. I am sorry to hear that, I am-” If he sounded haughty before this took the cake “-but this will be easier for everyone then. The point of my saying so is to inform you that your life is being put on hold. We have - for lack of better wording - a request for your body-”‘He could have found a better wording.’ Arthur grumbled. “-This is huge, and when things are huge people are ready to sue each other. They want to sue me, they want to sue us, they want to sue MECHANISM. And then things get messy. But don’t worry. I want you to have the best shot in the world.” At what? The last sentence felt like a tooth was being pulled straight from his jaw. Arthur tapped Matthew’s shoulder. “...Thank you, sir-”“I’m not finished yet. I’ve already given you bits and pieces of a story, and as a scientist, I expect you can reassemble the pieces and draw me a picture. As for the fact, you’ve tried to start and end this evening with the word “wonderful”. You’re a very appreciative young man. Either you’re the first appreciative college kid I've ever met or I terrify you.” Maxwell softened his tone then. “I don’t mean to terrify you with tales of scandals. I mean to inform you. I am your boss now.”“I know sir.”“Thank you for your participation.” Maxwell turned to Arthur and nodded his goodbye.Matthew didn’t waste time getting out of the room, neither did Arthur. Arthur stayed close to his side as they exited the restaurant. Matthew would never go back to. They might as well have been traveling arm in arm with their closeness. They didn’t speak until Matthew was opening the doors for both of them. Opening into a cold night, so cold that the ground felt more than hollow. Arthur let out a deep sigh and flipped up his collar to ward off the chill. Matthew faced him with his hood up.They looked at each other for a moment. Arthur’s gaze took a second to even out, but it got there. “How did you get here? By car?” Arthur was in a daze.“By bus actually. I still don’t own a car.” Matthew said, sharing the daze.“Do you want a ride? I know the way already.” “I would actually, thank you very much.” They stood a moment more than Arthur steered them away from the restaurant. Their heels clicked and even the sound was frigid. They sounded like they were walking on plexiglass instead of concrete. Arthur pressed a button on his keys and the headlights on a black Audi blinked like the eyes of a cat. Who knew Arthur owned a Sudan.The passenger side was against the curb, Arthur opened the door for him then ran around to the driver side. Matthew settled into his seat and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. Arthur set his hands on the wheel and bowed his head slightly to rest his neck.They sat for a while in the quiet….in the dark. Then Matthew spoke to him.“Anything wrong?”“Oh, it’s nothing besides...God, I hate my job.” Matthew was shocked by this even though Arthur’s behavior only conveyed apathy. “What do you mean?” “I mean that…-” Arthur sighed exasperatedly. “You don’t know yet what you’re getting into. But don’t misunderstand me, I love science and what I do.” “Oh. No, I don’t think I know what you mean.”“I think you do.” Arthur turned his key in the ignition. “If you 're allowed to drink I think I’d buy you one tonight. They are...difficult.”In Matthew’s mind that phrase meant many different things.“I’m not sure what you’re getting at?”“This wasn't how I wanted tonight to go...so you know. But you’re like...18 right?”“I’m 19.”Arthur laughed off his shock. He was already being generous with 18. “Yeah, this wasn’t ideal. Let me start at the beginning: what do you really think Max was trying to tell you? How much do you know?”“Well, I know there was a pretty substantial scandal a few years back.” Arthur started the car, his way of telling him he was correct. “It was all over the news for weeks. I was in like 8th grade at the time. I thought my dreams had been crushed.”“Yeah it was debilitating for us since it was unplanned. The higher-ups plan routine scandals since they figured they were an impenetrable force.”“Do they?” Arthur’s face darkened.“Yes. We have to stay relevant somehow,” Arthur turned up the heat and pulled away from the curb. “It was over for us just as quickly as it started. They decided it was over with and fired their whole legal team and the HR department was overhauled. It was in that company panic that Maxwell was allowed to insert himself into matters.”“Matters?”“Matters of science, leadership, and finances. Nothing within his jurisdiction, but he is his father’s son. From his insertion the higher-ups were ready to see his intelligence, charm, and family name. Others tried to follow him- simply couldn’t be done. He threw the companies already tilted emotional balance farther off center and...that’s not really my point I lost my train of thought.” Arthur ran a hand through his hair looking slightly unhinged. “I’m getting worked up.”“It was a panic, sir.” Matthew conceded.The street lamps that passed behind them created boxes of light that just touched Matthew. Arthur knew it would look too obvious if he was stealing glances from behind the wheel...he might crash in the way he hadn’t intended to this way. Either way, MECHANISM would make him crash and Matthew would be left defenseless. Though he would try to change the facts, the city’s caress would become a fondle. “Do you trust me, Matthew?”The question hung in the air rather than dissipating quickly or crouching between the buildings they passed. Matthew didn’t say anything so Arthur had to keep going. “I don’t want you involved in company issues, I just need you to know that nobody is secure in any position at MECHANISM. Nobody. Maxwell Long will do away with you as quickly as he gained you.” He said it in one breath. “I got that vibe.” “Okay.” Arthur forcibly relaxed his shoulders. “There may be a point within the experiment where I may tell you - I just want to know if I have your trust that if I tell you suddenly to run you will do it?”“I will trust you…”Arthur couldn’t help a released sigh. “I’m telling you-““If you tell me why you picked me.”“Done deal.” “Was it something in my transcript? An activity I did?”“I’ve gotta be honest with you. You were the first and only application I looked at.”“Did you know I never put that in? One of my professors created an application for me.”“Clearly he saw something in you. Clearly there’s something special about you.” Arthur reasoned. “But don’t let that go to your head or tell the rest of your Ivy League buddies. Their fathers will get mad or something.”Matthew squished himself farther into the seat to feel the hum of the car. It was nice to have someone else drive. It gave him a chance to remember the city was tall. It carried overhead and curved behind the red light sealing their path. Abstract thoughts came and went creating 5 minutes of silence.“So why did you pick me?” Matthew was beaconing him but he didn’t know what to say.“...someday I’ll tell you. Someday.” Matthew seemed to accept this. “We’re coming up on your university, what hall do you live in?”“Lawrence Hall” “Really?” Arthur’s voice went up half a pitch and Matthew didn’t realize he’d shut his eyes until he opened them to see a slight grin on his face. “Yeah, I have a pretty nice window too.”“Funny how things work out…”“How so?”“Yeah. I and Philly spent a year hauled up in a dorm at Lawrence Hall.”Matthew had a choice to make here. The dinner had been rough on them both, Arthur being exposed the way he was and Matthew getting in over his head...apparently. He could repay Arthur in some way.“Do you want to reminisce?”“What do you mean?”“I mean, do you want to take a quick walk?” Matthew said sheepishly. “I mean, since you own me a drink so...you should only oblige me.”“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Arthur was skeptical.“Only if you forgot the way.”“Kid, I know it better than you do.”O-oArthur had to be magic.“This is...wow it’s much more colorful than when I was last here.” Arthur now had a hand permanently fastened to his chest trying to hold in his heart.“Do you like it?” - Yet there was Matthew asking for approval with no shame. “I do.” Arthur spun around the common area. “Everything is so nice and...roomy somehow…But, I guess it is an Ivy League school!”When they walked in, the hall was the quietest Matthew had ever heard. They snuck around the campus like wisps and ended up spending a long time just looking. Pieces of conversation melted into each other until it didn’t matter who said what. So much of their college years would grow to be tandem - it didn’t matter who was telling the story.Matthew was leading them up a flight of stairs when Arthur suddenly swung out his arm nearly clocking him in the chest.“One day I tripped over that step and nearly broke my nose on that pillar over there.”“You astound me.” Matthew said with mock seriousness.“I should hope so.”One of the walls was covered in an art piece created by one of the students. Normally Matthew never gave it two cents, but when Arthur stopped and looked at it he realized it was really...something! Because when Arthur looked at something it had no chance of disappearing.“I tried my very hardest to get this student’s professor to like me, but it was in a dorm near here - my friend Jamie’s room - that I cried while laying on my back and decided to drop the class. Turns out nobody cares whether or not you completed an Art History course.” Arthur murmured more to himself. “Lots of things get simpler after this stage in life. Lots of very little things that - in retrospect - create one big thing.”“What about the big things that stay complex?”“Those never stop being the way they are. Their least turbulent place is resting in complexity and if it gets completely abstract or completely calm something is out of whack, that’s my perspective at least. Some people want to live abstractly, others want complete calm.”Matthew folded his hands. “I want both.”“Do you?”Arthur saw Matthew was fading with the late hour. He felt a spark of self consciousness once he realized that he had done most of the talking that night...but the boy was clearly at the stage of sleepiness that causes you to just want to listen. Matthew was a good listener. He validated Arthur’s nostalgia and had been naturally steering them towards his dorm. It was nice to revel in old memories...but his mouth was dry. It was work to go over them, like sorting through a messy dresser. He took out each memory, shook away the dust and set it back in place neatly folded. “My...how many years have gone by?” he chuckled again. Matthew was giving him an interesting look, his head was cocked to one side and his gaze was a little farther away. Matthew was nothing like him, but his gaze was young and his mind was new. Arthur thought about the last time he looked at someone like that: college. How he missed just looking at people that way. But now he was old and he had to talk, sort, laugh, cry, barter, and forget to lose touch. He looked deep into Matthew’s eyes then, finally past the almost violet irises and into that man. The very nature of that man, the pushes and pulls. What made him tick so soundlessly?“Hey…” Arthur spoke quieter. “Hey college kid, you have work tomorrow.” Matthew didn’t break from his daze.“I do?” Why was Arthur holding in a laugh? ”I’m sorry I wasn’t listening.”“Yes you were, I’m sure of it. You need sleep, we have another test for our Alphas tomorrow. Arthur smiled. “You never actually showed me where your dorm is.”Matthew rubbed his eyes. “It’s over here.”“Hey, thanks for tonight. These halls mean so much to me.” “No problem.” Arthur set a hand on his shoulder before turning away. “Goodnight, Matthew.”Matthew leaned on his doorway with his ankles crossed. “Goodnight.”

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It was a cycle. Science was and science is - actually. Science is a cycle of knowing and not knowing then finding ways to test the boundaries of truth you think you’ve found. By this time in Matttew’s life, he was deeply engrossed in this cycle. He was familiar with it, and it was with him. However, the tables turned when the prospect of being inserted into the cycle arose. Matthew would be tested on. He thought a lot about the cycle as he walked into the testing facility, forgetting whatever life he had outside of it. He made his way through the fluorescent light until he was walking into the surveillance room. Arthur was sitting silently facing away from him. His body language said he hadn’t noticed his entrance, but at THIS point of his life Matthew knew better. He let the door clap shut, sealing him inside. Arthur already knew he was there, Matthew just had to ask for his attention. Today he was completely relaxed. His fingers curled around a coffee mug that momentarily rested on his lips. The older man took a long draw of liquid before meeting his eyes. He brought the mug down, sniffed a bit to drag it out, licked his lips and spoke: “I already started, your coffee’s cold.”“Is it really cold?”“Yeah, I could drink it for you thought?”‘Zero shame on this man.’“Rough night?” Matthew settled into his chair. Arthur sighed.“I was up late looking for the alpha files. I’m not supposed t9 wonder, but I figured I’d take a page out of your book.” Arthur said nicely. “We’ll be working back to back today, I’ve got the Excelsis and you’ve got the Humilis.” Matthew swung his chair around.“Do we have to share the iPad?”“Nah.” Arthur basically threw the second tablet at him. “The tablet is connected to all of the alpha humilis’ levels and the room controls.”“Room controls?”“Last night they moved the alphas into the 2 separate displacement rooms that are on each side of the big room. They are separate but the ventilation systems can connect them at the touch of a button.” Arthur quieted.“So we’re testing the strength of the pair bond?”“Good. And?”“You want the ventilators to carry the pheromones? To see how they react.”“Good.”“We have to turn the lights on at the exact same time: 8 o’clock. On my count.” Arthur set his drink on the floor. “You ready?”“Yup.”“Okay. 1…”-o-The human body, no matter how strong, is not good at fighting off sedatives. It’s not supposed to be. Ivan was bound within his mind, had been stuck inside a wire net of subconsciousness for the duration of the night. Never sure if he was tossing on the ground or shaking his chains off. He couldn’t wake up.Why did he feel he needed to? Why was he fighting oblivion? The only peace he found was with Al and Al was…Soon enough there was light outside of his eyelids. Ivan was struggling to open them.His senses were slow to come alive. His eyelids were heavy so he gave up on them. His ears didn’t detect Al’s breathing, they must not have been working. His nose found no trail from him, only plain neutral scents. Huh. Well, surely his sense of touch wasn’t gone. He reached for him and...nothing. Why would Al stray from him in sleep? Al wasn’t by his side at all…Ivan sucked in a breath and heard the sound bounce off the walls that were closer than normal. The room was smaller? He groaned again, louder, hoping the sound would be absorbed by fabric or skin or-“Al???” Ivan flicked his eyes open and struggled to his knees. He gained no answer, just the sad scope of the room. The new room.Clearly new. Ivan narrowed his eyes in irritation. The space hadn’t been broken in by his scent. It was new and Alfred was gone from him. He stood in a defensive stance, spread so that if the ground shook he wouldn’t be shaken off. He tried again.“Al...” Ivan felt his legs bending, now he was in a jagged crouch scanning the ceiling. “Where are you??”-o-Sorrow isn’t felt with words but through proximity and the many pumps of a heart. Al wrestled his mind from sleep by violently flinging himself onto his other side, fighting down panic and trying to get on his feet. His feet found the tilted ground, his own harsh breaths bounced off the walls smarting his ears and sending him scuttling against a wall. There were voices in his head blurring his vision. They chased him under his eyelids - he couldn’t close his eyes. Instead, he breathed them down.But the absolute noise. It didn’t stop.Al banged a fist on the ground and keened for the first time that morning. His noise turned into words after a moment.“Wh-where are you??”‘Where is who?’ He asked himself.Then the noise flattened out.“...Ivan?!”-o-The ground trembled for a moment but Ivan would be it’s master soon. Like a butcher, he cut the tilt from his mind. His arms folded in and he was able to draw some relief with the drag of his fingertips over the base of his neck. -o-Al sat up slowly trying to gather the sections of his sanity that had spilled into the ground.“Be still.” He said to the silence. “Be still.”-o-“Where are you??” Ivan whispered to the ceiling. He closed his eyes trying to calm himself. Trying to control the spin.-o-Matthew pushed against his desk trying to make sense of what looked like some kind of...attack…“Tell me how Ivan reacted...Al is spouting nonsense…” Matthew murmured. “The levels are pretty bad too. Heart rate was already high-” “-then is spiked upon waking.”“Yeah.”“Ivan was fighting the sedative, trying to stamp it out of his system.”“It’s like he’s drowning.”Arthur’s chair swiveled around, Matthew met him and quickly locked on his eyes. His gaze was on something far away, but he was looking directly over Matthew’s shoulder.“Turn down the temperature and up the air flow. I want to make sure I’m correct.” Arthur was using his monotonous science voice. Great.“You’re drawing from the temperature experiment?”“Yes.” He swiveled away. “They channeled each others' scents to stay warm, now they need it to stay grounded.”“What will you do?” Matthew turned back.“Nothing besides ventilation. I could probably lower Ivan’s heart rate this way.”-o-Ivan circled the room until his presence was imprinted on the walls. His scene surrounded him making the room one large mirror. He was everywhere and Al was nowhere. What was he to him anyway? Some sort of partner?Ivan sat down with one knee tucked into his chest. Al was his subordinate, how-why was he feeling this way? He was unable to shake him from his body.-o-The room was getting colder, Al longed for Ivan’s side. He had nothing to tuck into besides the wall supporting his back. He folded himself into it.-o-“Matthew come look at this…” Arthur’s voice conveyed sympathy...why?Matthew spun around and pulled his chair next to Arthur’s. The close proximity was a comfort, for on Arthur's monitor was a sad sight: Ivan seated in the middle of his room with one knee pulled to his chest. He looked like a dog that had been scolded unfairly.“Amazing.” He said in awe. “Things should change as the scents are mixed between rooms.”“Al is already decimated.” They shuffled over to his side, Matthew pointed to Al on the monitor. “He’s not responding to the cold, just fading with it.”-o-Sorrow was a cold lump in Ivan’s throat, he couldn't completely swallow it. He could only let the emotions roll off his shoulders.-o-Al couldn’t hold himself through the cold any longer. Just when he was about to give in to despair there was an inkling. Barely a spark of Ivan’s scent. Then there was more. It floated down and around him and several individual flecks of oxygen were now helping sustain him. His chest opened up like a swimmer breaking from the depths,The scent was sincere. A splash to taste on his lips. Al uncurled from the wall in his need and felt a film cover him.-o-“It’s working!” Matthew exclaimed.“Good stuff, huh?” Arthur spoke softly. “Now give us something to work with Ivan.”-o-Ivan felt out in the open. Not naked, but exposed. It sent a chill down his spine, his scent had been stripped from him. It was being shuffled out with new air taking its place...now he was angry.“This is all I have:” Ivan stood and his voice began to rise in volume. “MYSELF. All I have is me, and now I’m gone.”-o-Al had a few long, drinkable moments before the scent was revoked. His peace from new warmth was gone as fast as it had arrived. It was replaced with agitation.-o-Ivan put his hands over his head and growled before leaning against the wall, falling silent.-o-Al sought the scent out in desperation, even so, he turned into the wall to cry.-o-“We need to talk about this.” Matthew was so caught up in his monitor that he didn’t hear Arthur swivel around.“They clearly playoff each other's emotions. Even from far off the scent carries and changes to convey the emotions almost instantaneously.”“Matthew, yes, but still no. That’s not what I mean. You’ve given me a great start here, but it’s only a start. Quick transition,” Arthur turned slightly serious. “I scheduled a meeting with Hattie to discuss the next 2-5 weeks of your life.”“Oh.” And just like that, the events of the night before were reduced to vapor. The heart and the learning were gone. “Then...are you gonna’ be good here?” Arthur was pleased by his concern.“I’ll be as good as I can be, she’s coming right now to-”“-to steal you away.” Hattie charged into the room. She had a clipboard under her arm. “But don’t worry, you won’t miss him long! I’ll take good care of him.”When they left Arthur leaned on his elbows suddenly very bored. ‘I hope you do.’

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Hattie led the way with her heels clicking and her hair swooshing. Her disposition was unnaturally cheery and her kindness felt...expensive. Matthew didn’t trust her when she turned her back on him from him, but each time she looked back he felt a jump under his skin. Not a pull, but the jump of suspicion. Then he put that behind him. Perhaps it was the emotional shock from leaving Arthur’s state of perpetual reflection. Matthew smirked at that but wouldn’t deny certain parts of the older man were rubbing off on him, he didn’t hate it. Arthur kept him feeling like a college student, but Hattie’s gaze made him feel like a toddler.Hattie slowed down to her pace to walk beside him.“So, tell me how you like the facility,” She said with a state of arrogance.“Well, I like it plenty.” “What struck you first when you got your acceptance letter? Was it the prospect of science? the credits you’d gain? The experience? Oh I know, it was the idea of working alongside a Kirkland Ph.D.” Her voice switched to awe when she mentioned Arthur. “It was mainly about science. I couldn’t wait to buckle down and learn! As you know I didn’t even know someone put me down as an applicant.” Matthew gave the memory a quick look-over. He hadn’t thought about that day in a long time. “Excuse me though, did you say ‘a Kirkland Ph.D.’? Is there more than one?” Hattie laughed at that.Lord, her laugh grated on his ears.“Guess someone didn’t do his research. I don’t know why he doesn’t tell his kids…-His college kids.”“Maybe he doesn’t want to show off.”“Not at all. Anyone who actually has the right to brag never does.”“Does he have a right to?”“Well, I think it’s his duty to brag at this point.” Hattie turned a corner. “I bet he’ll tell you something soon. I think he actually likes you.”“Oh?”“Well he hasn’t sent you away with a completely new career plan has he?” She opened a door to her left and ushered him in. “He’s got a knack for that. Does he hold your questions at arm's length?”Hattie sat down behind a desk and gestured to a chair in front of it.“Not anymore I guess.”“Tell me then, does he have dry humor or wit about him?”“He’s not funny.” But then he started thinking about his face when he was walking about the campus and he started to fend off a chuckle. “He’s uh...not funny.”“Yeah, he likes you. You’re the favorite and we all know it.”She turned her computer and began studying the screen. Her fingernails tapped on the keys and several windows opened.“Anyway, what have you got for me?”“Just a few questions and some forms. I’ll need a few signatures from you and then a few phone calls I need your permission to make.” She turned back to face him.“Alright.”“Question 1: how many years have you been attending university?”“Well, this is semester 2 of my first year.”“Well now, those credits really shine through. How…?”“I was all AP all the time since I was a sophomore.”“Perfect. Question two: what professor at your school is linked to us?”“My psych professor, James Curry, was the one who made my application.”“Alright.” She typed a few things out then pulled 3 forms off her clipboard and a pen from a drawer. “Sign here, here, here, and here.”“I’m sorry...that’s it?”“Yes. That was the only information we didn’t know for sure. We had most of you drawn up in documents and forms already.” She pushed the pen near his hand and smiled expectantly. “This is all legal stuff. If you don’t sign we can’t continue.”Matthew began signing without another thought. “Stuff huh?”“Yup. Alright, now I have this long monologue for you before we walk two more places.”Matthew nodded and put the pen down.“But first, congratulations on working with Arthur and receiving credit! Not only are you saving us money, but you’re sparring us from an amateur taking on the case. However, there may be some emotional, mental and physical changes taking place so MECHANISM has provided you with a comfortable living space. You will stay there for the duration of the experiment, just trust me when I say you will not be bored. We will provide you with clothing unless you wish to have some of your own, we will also do the laundry. Bring whatever you think you need.” “What about my classes at school?”“We’ve contacted your professors and several of them have generously decided to tape their lectures, and we know a few of your roommates are addressing their lab notes to you. You may fall a tad behind, but have no fear.”“What will I tell my family and friends?”“The data team and I have compiled a list of people within your sphere of influence. We’ll spend the next 2 days sending letters and giving calls. In short-” Her face hardened a little. “-, you will tell them nothing.” “...how did your people-”“Your people Matthew? You mean our people. When you go home today be sure to gather your things, be a bit transparent with your peers and get a full night of rest. Okay?”“What are you going to tell my family?”“The things I’m sure anyone would say about you.” Her cheap compliments only added to his now growing anxiety. “We’ll tell them that their son is smart, safe, and unable to take calls for the next 2-5 weeks.” “I can’t take calls?”“Well, you wouldn’t want to say the wrong thing while under the influence of a substance, would you? Yes, we strongly suggest you give us your phone.”“Oh…”“Any more questions?”“I don’t-”“Great! Come with me then.”Hattie stood and led them out of the room quietly. She was unscathed from the conversation but Matthew felt like a new man. Or rather a new bunny for them to inject silicone into. Not defenseless, but isolated. Was he being shut inside a box? Now he was sure of it. Maxwell and Hattie wouldn’t remember to drill holes in the top. His mind was quick to comfort him saying ‘Arthur would.’Would he really?They walked the halls for a bit before she stopped in front of a door.“This is your room for the next 2-5 weeks.”Hattie opened the door to a room similar to a hotel suite. The most prominent feature was a very large square bed with a light grey comforter. It had a night table with a lamp, a matching grey armchair in the corner closest to the door. In the far right corner sat a wooden desk with a matching lamp but Matthew got the feeling it was more for show. Against the left wall was a wooden dresser and over it (facing the bed) was a flatscreen TV. Across from the desk was the door that led to a prestigious bathroom. The startling thing was that everything that wasn’t light grey or wooden was bleach white. But no matter, it beat a college dorm. “Thank you very much.”“We’re glad you like it.” She smiled. “Come.”They walked a short way down another hall to find themselves in front of a large glass wall. The wall went from floor to ceiling to separate them from an empty lab. Hattie knocked on the door and a man in a lab coat entered from a door. He walked in with his back to them then spun on his heel to see them. He held a beaker of liquid in his hands.Hattie knocked again and the man waved them inside.“Welcome, welcome!” Matthew was immediately calmed by the man’s voice, he knew him.“Dr. McConaughey!” The man smiled at him and set the beaker on the counter.“Please, it’s Phillip.” His smile weakened slightly when he turned to Hattie. “What can I do you for?”“I told you to have something prepared. This is the boy, tell him what he needs to know.”“Right...lemme start at the beginning.” Phillip rolled up his sleeves and leaned on the counter. “In the beaker beside me is the stimulant Intimus Subicio in a liquid state. Subicio is pure here and is one of the key elements of this project since it’s yours. Brush up on your Latin for me Matthew, what does the name mean?”“I learned some Latin from a course over the summer. I got a C minus.” Matthew raised his eyebrows.“Then split up the name. Try Pulcer.”“The intimus portion must mean something close to the like...center since it’s the intimate entity.” “Well done, and the Subicio?”“...Subordinate.”“I don’t know why you got a C minus. That was really good, but in a poetic sense it means the innermost intimate subordinate that holds a profound regard.” “Wow, you think I’m all that?” Matthew laughed. “I don’t know, it wasn’t my choice for a name.” Phillip chuckled. “As we go on I think you’ll appreciate it.”“Will it explain things?”“Probably. Anyway, let me explain the process of testing. There will be 2-5 days of IV time to secure the stimulant is safety integrated within your endocrine system and is being recreated inside you. And if you didn’t know already, we’ll start you on it tomorrow. Don’t eat anything starting...now.”“Why?”“Your body will crave the nutrients from the stimulant and will assimilate to it quicker. After you're bonded to it we’ll put you through some basic medical testing before your first booster session.”“My first? How many are there?”“We gave Ivan and Alfred 3, so you’ll probably thrive off of the same. Just don’t think about the shots too much, If you want, I’ll even get you a sticker.”“How kind of you.” They smiled. “After the days of testing, you’ll get 1-2 days to fully gather yourself before we put up in a displacement room for 12 hours. Then we’ll set you up in the big room with the alphas. Arthur and I outlined the process, but everything is very approximate.”“It’s a lot of time.”“We’ll take care of you.” “Any side effects?”“Matthew, that's a very odd question for you to ask.” Phillip seemed to be doing the numbers in his mind. “You’re the only that will know. We just don’t know. I have a few theories…”“What happened to Ivan and Al?”“We took them through the same process but we also did some tampering with their memory and mental state.” A shadow crossed his face. “While they were on IV they lost tons of weight and gained muscle mass somehow. I mean, it was like you could watch the muscle build before your eyes. They became irritable and couldn’t sit still long, they were so restless...”“Will I be?”“We all hope you’ll be much different but we just don’t know. You’ll have to tell Arthur how you’re feeling, just to remind you. All reports go to him,” He warned good-naturedly. “We need to know everything.”“How will this impact my body systems?”“Arthur’s told me, and I’ve seen most changes taking place with the nervous, endocrine, and circulatory systems. Of course, the hormonal changes are huge. You’ll have a super metabolism.”“I see.”“Don’t worry about anything. We only need you to show up tomorrow and play the part of a healthy man.” Phillip shook his hand. “I’ll run a few tests on you now.”From there Matthew was subjected to Phillip’s very gentle hand. His blood pressure was taken, cholesterol checked, height and weight measured, reflexes noted and the basic eyes, ears, and throat. Lastly they drew blood from his left arm (like 4 vials, from Matthew’s position it was quite a bit) to compare it to the end results.At the very end Matthew instructed to come straight to him the next morning to be hooked up to the IV.

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“As you all know, this is the first time a college student has participated in one of our projects so prodigiously. It’s a very lucrative venture, but it is still an experiment.” Maxwell announced to the group. “It’s still up to us to protect and guide him. I’m asking for the very best out of you all for our youth.”It was early in the morning, 6:32. Maxwell had gathered all his rats together to appease the bigwigs. They didn’t usually have meetings like this since most of their projects were so sparsely connected. Yet there they were seated wit( their heads low. Maxwell never headed up their projects - never. Unlike Arthur’s desire for science, all Maxwell has been groomed to do is demand and wield power. Where Arthur was taught to respect the process Maxwell was taught that time is money. The consequences of this were a yin and yang dynamic. Arthur was Ted to believe he was the good and Maxwell was the evil but the things he’s done…sometimes the scientist wasn’t sure. “Don’t engage with him, don’t confuse him, don’t decide anything for him.” He commanded. Arthur had humored him through his array of clumsy little speeches lamenting the fact that they had been taught by the same man. How had their teacher had such a capacity for both? He let him be patronizing and had turned the other cheek to give him his moment. They went over time tables and net costs and At 7 o’clock he dismissed them. As he moved to leave, Maxwell put a hand on his bicep to stop him.“Need I remind you that we’ll all be watching?” His eyebrows were low. “Don’t sway him in any direction. I have my suspicions about you Mr. Kirkland.”“It’s Dr. Kirkland.” Arthur hissed back at him. “I would never take away the integrity of his choice, that is all I want for him.”“You know exactly what I mean.”“I don’t think I do-““You watch your mouth!” He snapped. “There is a target on your back, Kirkland. Better watch it.”-o-To be honest, he hadn’t slept. He had spent too much time laying awake wondering what the stimulants would do to his body. He spent a while just staring at his phone reading the texts from his friends and family. He didn’t know what to say to them that wouldn’t lead them on. “Don’t text me for the next 2-5 weeks mother dear, just know I’m okay!”, “I’m working on a top secret project for a month, don’t talk to any major news networks!” - something like that. He desperately didn’t want them to worry, but what could he say?This wondering had left him broken that morning. He had struggled to make his bed and stomach his last breakfast with his roommates for a month. He could see the questions in their eyes, but they were emotionally intelligent. They knew not to ask. ‘Bless them.’-o-Arthur walked briskly away from the boardroom and shut himself into the surveillance room. Trudging down the hall on heavy knees and stiff shoulders was Matthew. At this point he could hear him and know him and feel him. No need to vicariously live when you share the same mood. Matthew came up behind the door and was careful to twist the knob all the way first before coming inside. Indirectly, it gave Arthur a moment to smooth out his mood.“You can ease up a lifting you know.” Arthur swiveled around in his office chair, “this may sound petulant, but this morning sucks.”“I guess so.” Matthew leaned heavily on the closed door mirroring the phrase.“Matthew, you may not guess any longer. Especially about yourself. Things are changing quickly and all decisions are living within grey areas. Only you need to know exactly what you’re feeling.” Arthur stood up. “We need to get you to Phillip’s lab, he’s probably ready for you.”“That’s a lot of pressure, what do you want me to feel?” Matthew rubbed his eyes and opened the door. Arthur shot him a very serious look.“No idea. At first you may not even feel like yourself.” Arthur slammed the door suddenly standing between him and the hall. He looked ahead, seeming to check that the hall was empty. Matthew took this as a cue to be silent. But why?Arthur opened the door and took off charging down the hall. Matthew had only been at the testing facility for 7 minutes and he was already confused. He tried to let it go, but the hall around him was garish and vain. The fluorescent light broke over Arthur’s steady frown in such a way. He felt like he’d never seen the man before. Though the hall was empty, Matthew realized the building was omitting a controlled pulse of life. There were more people everywhere. More precision in the fold of each man’s dress shirt, and less humanity in Arthur’s character that morning. He tried not to have any feelings about his relationship with the man. He didn’t want to think about all that he’d learned, the insequential details and anecdotes only pulled up to distract him. Through the last few days he’d spent more than enough hours holed up in a room by his side. By now he’d learned from him. He knew so much unspoken garbage that a slight wrinkle in his shirt could mean he would be using more creamer than usual in his coffee. But in an instant that was all gone, Arthur was unreadable. Arthur led them down, turned then walked into Phillips lab without knocking. There was no remorse, he just walked in. “Phillip, we’re here. Get the kit.” Arthur sighed then turned to him. “Come over here to this table, I assume you’ve eaten very little?”“Nothing.” Matthew used a chair to get to the exam table.“Drank?”“A little water to stave off the hunger.”“Only a little?” Arthur reached forward and set a hand on Matthew’s forehead. “You should drink as much as you can, I wouldn’t want you to catch something-“Phillip crashed into the room with the IV pole and a kit under his arm. He was cheery for a second and stiffened a little upon seeing Arthur. “Hey...about the meeting-““It’s alright” Arthur extinguished whatever he was trying to start. A moment transpired between them that Matthew would never understand. “Do you want to give it to him? I mean you two are-”“No, I think I better not. Maxwell was…”“Did he really??”“He did and you know what? It’s FIN!.” Arthur sighed then softened a tad. “Please don’t miss his veins, it's a um...pet peeve of mine.”Phillip put on his deep blue medical gloves.“I don’t miss veins, you do.” Phillip carried the room’s mood on his shoulders, thank heaven. “Can you get your arm up on the table for me please?”Matthew compiled.“Thank you. M’sorry I couldn’t let you eat Matthew, but I really do think It’ll speed things up for you.”Philip did a few things before Matthew was shown any actual needles. He didn’t pay much attention to it, just watched his face. Following his eyes as he followed a process in his mind. He swabbed his skin with alcohol once he selected the best vein. Rubbing it under his skin and between his fingers, Phillip readied the catheter. Perhaps readying himself as well.Arthur’s hand shot out and clutched him. “Just a reminder: is the last chance you have to back out. You’ll hear no qualms from us if you do.” Phillip nodded behind Arthur with kind eyes. “None.”“I’m ready.”“Okay.” He said quietly. “Don’t look at the needle too much, it makes me nervous.”“That’s a lotta’ talk from a doc-...” it slid in instantly.It was cold. Matthew cursed every millimeter of metal inside him for being lifeless. You never really think of the lifeless qualities of metal until a piece is being used to tap into your most precious bodily fluid: blood. And Phillip really did tap into him. Some of the blood flowed into the catheter, Phillip flushed it out. He attached a tube to it then turned his head to Arthur.“Bring the IV pole to me after you fill the solution bag, eh? You got that?”“Yeah, I got it.”“Thank you.”Arthur set a flabby bag on the counter and injected several things into its port. Matthew counted 4 smaller injections than 1 large injection. All of it was transported into the bag and mixed together as Arthur tipped the bag back and forth.“What are you giving me?” Matthew asked.“A few vitamins and minerals, some water, saline, and of course: Intimus Subicio. You will be fine, nothing will shock your body. You’ll be allowed to eat an early lunch, But I need your body to lean into this.”“How do you mean?”“You’re hungry and thirsty. If we get this in your bloodstream the hope is that your body will lean on the nutrients and Imulus Pulcer like a crutch.” Arthur explained. “Seamless.” Phillip echoed.“Not quite seamless, please tell me if you feel faint.”“Of course,” Matthew assured him

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Arthur and Matthew returned to the surveillance room. Matthew realized his handling of Amaziah wasn’t a pristine technique yet. Dragging the IV pole with him was a tad awkward; his IV was taped to his arm so there was no threat of anything getting pulled out. Arthur opened the door for him.“Are you apt to return to working?” He teased lightly.“Only if you are.”They plopped into their respective chairs and began warming stuff up. The monitors, the mobile software - all they needed. “Where did we leave them? Night crew took over but I didn’t read their notes.”“Well, I remember the emotional playoff they were engaging in and the charged emotions wafting off of Ivan. They were so…” For a moment Matthew had the word. He could see the letters stacked on top of each other in a spelling he’d known for decades but it just couldn’t be caught. “...Confused?”“Yeah, confusion’s the word. I couldn’t get it.”“‘Confused’ is a horrible word. We’ll start there then.” They spun away from each other and pulled up the video feed of-“Oh my…” Matthew sighed.-o-You never know, it was probably warm inside the room, still, he was terribly cold. His fingertips were as lifeless as the air and his heart throbbed rather than beat. It shivered within his ribs trying hopelessly to survive. Maybe they weren’t beats at all, just spasms that growled inside his ears like they were supposed to. These wavelengths were what reminded him he was alive.Al had laid down a while ago. His body was strewn out along the wall, his left knee up against the wall. He was probably sleeping, that had been happening for hours. Blocks between sleeping and waking to remember forgotten dreams. His thoughts carried out in phrases of desperation.‘How could this happen to me?’-o-“Where are you???”Ivan would utter this phrase every so often as he searched. He was truly within a sea of sorrow and despair, nothing for comfort besides the rut he’d drug. The language of his feet on the ground was enough to speak when his lips were less nimble. Pacing away the span of time where his soul was missing. -o-Arthur stood from his chair and crouched down near Matthew.“Why the immense despair?” Matthew said sourly. “It’s so sorrowful, what for?” Arthur echoed.“What have we done? Al’s having palpitations, he spent the night in a continuous block of REM, Arthur he's in pain- what? Is something wrong with it?” Arthur had begun fiddling with the solution bag on his IV pole. He seemed to have been doing it unintentionally since Matthew’s comment about it made him flinch. “Arthur is there something wrong?”Truthfully he was afraid Matthew would fall to this same fate soon. He suddenly realized what mind he’d be losing for this experiment.“It’s just- Ivan didn’t sleep, he was pacing like a madman all night. His beats and breaths are dreadfully shallow.”“Arthur, what... I mean clearly-”“I know. The bond is more of a hindrance than I thought it would be.” Arthur sighed. “They may die from this, we’re going to put them back together. Don’t fear.”“I do anyway.” Matthew put his head in his hands. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing.” Arthur got closer to him.“No, we need to know what is going on.”-o-Ivan slowed his pacing. It was morning somewhere in his mind. Though he resided in an eternal night, somewhere there was a light, a...revelation. He didn’t have to feel this any longer. The walls were thick but his resolve was thin. Ivan turned on his heel and sprinted to a closed door. He put his forehead on it and flattened his palms against it. It was all an empty hole, everything he was was gone. For a brief moment, he was revived.He could feel the foreign skin against his.He pushed against the door in time with the pulses of life he was seeking out. Soon he left the rhythm behind and felt the kinetic energy being stored in his biceps, lower back and thighs trying to break down the door. Forever unsuccessful. He was getting angry.He screamed and it split the chaps in his lips with the ugliest sound attached to it. Ivan was so broken.And why??Ivan’s knuckles collided with the white door giving birth to an ugly crack. Again and Again. He was stuck pounding into the wall reducing himself to an animalistic rage. Over and over again until the momentary drag of skin tore it away. Undressing his knuckled and streaking blood. The blood and sweat came straight from his heart. -o-Alfred felt his bones cracking, splintering to pieces right before his eyes. He screamed and wailed with the phantom pain. He was burning but the apparition’s coals.Al was too late to notice his nails ripping away the skin on his calves and arms. Too late to feel the blood swell and smear. But the second his hands got close to cutting away his face he stopped, sobbing, instead. It was pitiful, it was the fire and loss, the gain and ice.-o-“Arthur you need to do something.” Arthur wheeled around and gave him a blank stare. “Now!”Matthew and Arthur were now back to back in the center of the surveillance room, both terrified.“Well this has gone on long enough. Just release them one 3! 1…”-o-Al screamed and coughed away the stench of his own blood-o-“...2…”-o-Ivan backed up and prepared himself to run at the door. “Either I or it must break.”-o-“...3…”-o-Al stood up in agony.-o-Ivan charged as the door began to open. He didn’t wait for it, he just shouldered through it making his muscles slam through the small space littering him with several blunt hits.-o-Al limped through the door with tears streaming down his face. Within one blurry moment, he was returned to Ivan’s arms. Chest to chest, Ivan was crumpling him with such earnestness. Al latched his heads around Ivan’s and pressed his face into the crevice of it. Al seemed desperate to refill his soul with the scent.Ivan’s bloody-knuckles were everywhere on All he could reach. His face, his hair, his hip- anything. He attacked his neck with kisses and bit into him.They never paused their reunion. Not to die, not to sleep. The drunk from desperation was now drunk off body heat. Al was shaking, trembling like a caged bird.“My skin!” Al wailed disgusted with his bloody arms.“I know.” Ivan soothed.“My bones!”“Hush…” Ivan held him tighter. “My hands will never hold you the same way again.”

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It was at that moment - the moment that Matthew could barely move - that he realized just how horrible what they were doing was. Al had created angry red scratches up his arms and seemed to lose more of his mind as he looked at it. The worst part was he’d never get in trouble for it. Al would never know that he had partaken in this horrible experience. Matthew was no sinner. He fought to keep his horror compact in his mind. ‘Just be defiant.’ He encouraged himself. He drew up all his courage trying to act like it didn’t matter. “Arthur, does this display tell us the difference between the..” The sentence petered out when he spun to see Arthur.He was lost somewhere. Gone was the pallor of his skin, gone was his sure expression, and gone was all his scientific prose. He looked dreadfully old and winded. His forehead creases were deep and his concern - deeper still. His lips were bullied into submission on his face, forever quiet. ...Hiding something from him. Matthew crossed the gap between them and slid his chair next to his mentor. “So I’m not the only one who’s not quite okay with this?” He hissed.“I-““Is this supposed to be me in a few days? Will I end up like this?”“Matthew-“ he pleaded. “‘No longer sound mind’! Your organization took my way of contacting my family! They’ll never get to know what happened! How will they help me out?”“‘My organization’?!” Arthur was shocked.“Arthur I don’t understand-““But you think I do?!” Arthur was sharp with him. He was using too much air and puncturing his phrases.“You do. You always have some idea.” Matthew snapped back. Arthur wouldn’t look at him. “Al completely snapped. He was so desperate for something. The levels were all low, please tell me what’s going on.”Arthur hesitated and Matthew saw the words on his lips.“Even if it’s a guess.”“Matthew, we can’t guess anymore. Clearly we can’t. It’s not our industry…”“Al’s eyes looked like they were coming in and out of focus. He was limp until he started screaming-”“Well, Ivan was unhinged!” Arthur turned on him, eyes dark. “He was pacing all night. Searching! Attacking himself for a long time then he turned to break his fists like an animal!”“What does that tell us?” Matthew’s voice was childlike. “What’s the theory-”“Nothing.” Arthur stood up and loomed over him. “Matthew this- he is dangerous.”“Who is?”“Maxwell.” Arthur was talking with his hands flailing about. “Damnit, Matthew I asked you if you trusted me.”“This is not about that.” Matthew was firm.“You can’t just say that.” The scientist was exasperated.“Arthur come on…”“Follow me.”Arthur ducked out of the room in a huff. It was a short walk to Al’s displacement room. He turned the knob all the way before entering much like Matthew had done before. Arthur held the door for him but Matthew hesitated in a jerky fashion. A scent carried and turned his eyes to focus on Al’s only trace: a few bloody fingerprints smudged on the floor and wall. Arthur watched Matthew force himself to enter the room. His shoulders raised marginally like the hackles on a dog. “You see it?” It was a statement. “Do you feel it? Maybe smell it?”“What do you mean…”“I mean what is this? Tell me what you’re feeling.” Matthew spun with no grace. “Do you trust me now?”“Don’t ask me that right now! Don’t you smell that?” Matthew pointed to the trace.“I don’t.” Arthur locked on his eyes. “How can you?”“...not now.” Matthew crouched down where Al had lain. “He was helpless...this escalated so quickly.”“It’s only a few prints of blood- How can you detect them?” Arthur checked his solution bag and found a significant amount of liquid missing.“This was madness, Arthur.”“Is it giving you anxiety?”“Stop it.” Matthew was getting worked up.“Tell me why you couldn’t just walk in.” Arthur sized him up.“Listen to me: this isn’t helping-” Matthew was raiding in volume. “Can you see what transpired by just the scent?” Arthur blocked the doorway. “Matthew you’re shaking.”“Al was the one with anxiety! I- he’s the one with anxiety-”“Ivan was basically killing himself. And what do you think is going to happen to you?” He said darkly. The question hung in the air for a second, but Matthew hadn’t fully absorbed the meaning.“Al needs Ivan to give him a purpose. Direction. Ivan needs Al to ground him so he can choose a direction for both of them. Alpha stuff.” Arthur said. There was another ugly pause.“...I don’t believe you.”“Excuse me?” Now Arthur was fully irritated.“I think you can do better than that.” “Come on.” Arthur settled on saying. He didn’t want to do better. Doing better would include telling him things he didn’t need to hear yet. Telling him the things he wanted to hear. Matthew locked his jaw and followed Arthur out of the room. Matthew was feeling stiffer with each movement. Arthur eyed him with an expression anyone else would have called dull, but Matthew knew he was hiding something more serious.They come to Ivan’s displacement room and Matthew charges in to spite him. He was hit over the head with the odor.Arthur watched him try to saunter in before he stopped dead nearly fleeing the scene. Shaking.“Matthew…”“This room reeks.” He said quietly. It was a gruesome sight. There were bloody knuckle prints and dots of blood that adorned the wall. Scuff marks and scratches that were mirrored on Ivan’s skin. “This room feels full of activity. Like the air moves...it unsettles me.”Anxiety was rising in his chest.“Does it feel like you’re intruding on a space?” Arthur stood away from him watching.“Completely.” Matthew subconsciously moved to a corner trying to stay away from the center. The room was just so busy. In fact, everything was busy besides Arthur, who’s face parted the noise. “Tell me what you’re feeling.” Arthur squinted then put his hands on his shoulders. Matthew swayed under his palms. “What’re you hiding from me?”“Matthew, this is so dangerous. This escalated far too fast...This is already affecting you and we could stop it right now. I asked you before if you would trust me when I told you to run. I’m telling you now: run.”Matthew’s eyes turned cold, he understood. He put his hands on top of his teacher's and shivered. The dull presence of the IV had been slowly fading throughout the whole ordeal, but suddenly his arm was warm. It flowed and ebbed around his joints resting in his chest where the anxiety was. Nothing more would hinder him, nothing besides a cold needle. He swayed again and closed his eyes. “Matthew, do you trust me?”Matthew swallowed. “I can make my own decisions, I just want to know if you’ll be there to catch me if I fall.”The kid had way too much dramatic flare, he fainted soon after speaking. Matthew didn’t crumple or fold, he simply fell against his chest resolutely. He was warm and limp against his chest. No sweat flecked off his brow, he only slumped into him. Arthur caught him and linked his fingers together around Matthew’s back, widened his stance, and let him rest on him. The young man wasn’t heavy at all. Arthur checked to make sure there was no stress on the IV then checked the corners of the ceiling for cameras not linked to the surveillance room......all clear.“You will be the death of me,” Arthur sighed fondly - surprising himself. “And the death of yourself. We all know you’ll get hurt, yet, we’re still going through with it.”Arthur pulled him into a bridal carry and stared into his face while he had the chance. He finagled his wrist to stroke Matthew's cheeks just to make sure they both looked and felt like rose petals. Over his closed eyes his lashes fanned like blond peacocks. Arthur ran his fingers through his hair for good measure then began to deliver his limp frame to his room. “I picked you because you’re special. But I’m still trying to figure out a reason besides that.” He said quietly to the unconscious form.

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Matthew dragged himself into a strange form of consciousness by physically breaking away from his pillows. He pulled himself to a sitting position to breathe. Fear - a deep irrational fear - cut through his resolve. He was quick to check his pulse, hand over heart to find a solid thud, thud, thud. His rib cage was frail but at least he was beating. He checked that he had all his limbs without lacerations and found his fingers trailing up the…up the IV.The solution bag was bulging overhead.“It’s been completely filled?” He whispered to himself. “How did I even get here?”It had been a nearly instant setting change. Zero time between sleeping and waking. Between falling and dreaming, between Arthur and the IV pole. Matthew rolled his shoulder around and let his eyes sweep the room. It felt drab now, everything was sterile and clean. The elements of comfort were poorly executed in this clinical room - it wasn’t truly fit for living. It was just a feature. He couldn’t imagine making it his home for the next few weeks. He sprawled out his legs trying to take up as much space on the bed as possible. He had 6 pillows at his disposal and fluffy sheets. It was a fake pampering that he didn’t understand yet. All he knew was the glass of water on his nightstand tempted him. He took it, clenched his jaw before downing the whole of it. He held the now empty glass in his lap and propped himself up with a few pillows. Nothing was necessarily dull, it just wasn’t in motion. It grew his anxiety back from before with an odd tang beside it. A slow roll and shiver came down from his shoulders and hit heavy in his gut like a squeeze. His stomach pitched inside him, pummeling his body. It sloshed violently fighting into his throat. He tried t9 force it down with deep breaths but he could already taste it. Matthew staggered to his feet and the glass dropped to the ground shattering loudly. The sound grated on his ears, as he ran to the door across the room pulling the IV from its place in his arm. The bathroom was closed. His last moment of lucidity came upon opening the door: the bathroom was bleached clean. So perfectly clean that it saddened him to be the one to soil the room. He tried to flush the sticky bile down but his time was up. He panicked and ended up gagging in the sink.He gripped the sides of said sink struggling to breathe between his gagging. Trying hard not to picture what Arthur would say to him throwing up in a sink. “God.” He cried thinly. Matthew hit a wave and began truly retching. Face deep in the basin heaving and legs shaking under him. It was fruitless and ugly since there was nothing inside of him. After riding out 2 waves, the tears trickled down and mixed with the lines of snot.-o-Phillip had never sat in the surveillance room, not even as an unpaid intern. Most of his hours were spent in the labs or a smaller percentage at board meetings. First thing he noticed upon entering was how isolated the room was from all activity, yet it still seemed to have a hand in everything. Watching everything. He had to suppress his urges to stare at the doorway. He had to focus on his old roommate and his calculations. He never relaxed. “It’s 7 o’clock. What’s he doing now?” They were crowded, looking at the same monitor.“He’s still sleeping,” Arthur said in a clinical fashion.Matthew was in a fetal position under the covers.“I feel horrible watching him sleep like this.” Phillip sighed. “Does he know?”“Max wants everything to be natural… Surely he read the forms he signed…” Phillip wasn’t so sure.There was a rustling before Matthew shot up straight. His eyes were an unseeing wide. Like a scientist, he gave himself a once over beginning with his pulse and ending with the IV pole.“It’s been completely filled?” He whispered to himself. ‘Yes.’ Philip answered in his mind. ‘I did it while you were still sleeping.’ Arthur’s eyebrows dropped a notch lower when Matthew took a drink. A minute passed and Matthew was standing. The glass fell from his hands and broke.“If this was up to you...what would you be doing?” Arthur stood up.“I’m going to him.”“Wait- Arthur!” Arthur flung the door open and ran to Matthew’s room. “He is unbelievable!”This moment would be the beginning of many moments within the grey area of contact with a specimen. Phillip didn’t want to have to be the one to pull him away, but it was his job anyway. -o-After a while his gag reflex caved in on itself leaving a sour taste and his shaking body. It hurt very much and the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Because it was mostly bile it rinsed down the sink. He put his mouth under the faucet and let it drain then he slithered onto the ground.Everything throbbed and pulsed including the lights overhead and the ground under his body. To his eyes, everything was hyper-sharp, hyper-bright, and Hypersensitive. He could feel the fluorescent hum against his eardrums. The skin on his back rebelled against the friction of him sliding down the wall. He pulled his knees up and rested his head between them. The urge to vomit was replaced with emptiness but the ground kept rolling.He heard the door open (loudly) and began choking on the odor of Arthur’s expensive cologne. Arthur made an effort to walk quietly but it wasn’t enough. He walked into the bathroom and looked down on him with such compassion and benevolence. Matthew was seeing every emotion that ever passed through his face through his 4K vision.“Matthew…?” Matthew answered with a low moan. “Can you give me your hands? Easy there.”His ears were clogged but he let Arthur take up his hands. Moving hurt and the air was thick and bleary - was he crying? Arthur half carried, half led him back to his bed. He felt like gangly limbs and scattered bones but Arthur was extremely careful not to touch him longer than was absolutely necessary. Was careful not to drag the covers over his skin but to wrap him. Matthew’s eyes were still unseeing and his breaths were little more than puffs of air. For a moment Arthur leaned on the bed and felt his forehead - no fever at all. If anything, Matthew was chilled. Arthur untangled Matthew’s arms from the sheets and warmed up his hands in his own. After they were sufficiently warmed he cleaned up the site where the IV port was damaged and redid it. Arthur kicked the shards of glass into the open hallway for someone else to clean and turned out the room light. He almost didn’t hear Matthew thank him when he left.-o-Arthur opened the door to the surveillance room and met a very annoyed looking Phillip. He closed the door and avoided his gaze. “We have people who could do that - we pay people to do that!” Phillip gritted. “You know what you’re doing.”“I’m not doing anything.” Arthur wasn’t coy all the time, but when he was it annoyed him to no end. “I can’t believe you just said that!” Phillip threw up his hands. “Just going into his room like that! Just….- I don’t know what to call it, but now I know what Maxwell means.”“I do no harm-”“Yes, you do. Do you remember the last time you did this when Magnus was with you?” Arthur whipped around to glare at him.“What if I said I don’t? What if I don’t remember and I just keep going on with my life?” Phillip started to speak but Arthur kept plowing. “I never lost my zeal, I just began playing the game.”“I know you remember. This isn’t going to be different. Someone will get hurt.” Phillip shook his head. “Someone will get hurt and it won't be a hurt that you can brush off. It’s because you’re not young anymore.”“I’ve got it under control.”“They will fire you this time.” Arthur opened his mouth and Phillip held up a finger. “Don’t say ‘Magnus won’t let that happen’. He won’t come and save you.”Phillip wouldn’t stand the focused silence any longer. He pulled out some reports on his phone and began the painstaking task that was filling out forms on an iPhone. They lapsed into a silence only heavy on Arthur’s consciousness for 2 hours. A new record really. After Matthew’s episode, he’d fallen into a deep sleep. It didn’t keep Arthur from checking on him every 5 minutes. The hours were tense and once Matthew's eyes opened they were given some release. Arthur flinched at this, Phillip didn’t have to see his face to know what he was going to ask.“If you’re going to go to him, at least bring the files. I have a feeling he didn’t read a single word on them.” Arthur tried to thank him. “Get on then.”-o-Arthur walked to Matthew’s room with a notebook and the file folder under his arm, 3 pens in his fist, and a tray of food balanced. He guessed Matthew would be a lot to handle for the next few days. He was being tested physically, mentally, and emotionally. And still so young! Yes, easy food to be easy on him so he’d be easy on everyone else. He walked down the hall and stopped in front of Matthew’s door. Exhale. He expected Matthew to demand the papers he signed. Expected him to demand a way out, but upon knocking, Matthew answered looking very domestic.Matthew opened his door with a blanket draped over his shoulders and the beginnings of tears in his eyes. Small and timid like a child. He checked down the hall as if he was looking for someone else. He opened the door wider and let him in.Matthew sat cross-legged on the bed. Then broke into speaking a mile a minute.“I’m sorry I threw up in the sink - I didn’t mean to, it’s just that everything got really intense - like a car speeding until you just...crash.” Matthew bit his lip and waited for an answer. He seemed to catch Arthur’s curious gaze. “I’m not crying, I-I woke up and they were just coming down.”“You know it would be okay if you were…you know, crying.” The silence between them was awkward and long. “I have a um... photocopy of the papers you signed just in case you wanted to look them over or review what you’ve already read.” Arthur set the try on his nightstand and handed him the notebook and 3 pens. “Can I sit?”Matthew made room. “Yeah sure. I didn’t read them, I don’t need to see them-”“Matthew!” Arthur threw up his hands. “What??”“Those forms are what give MECHANISM legal rights over you!”“I know..”“Clearly you do not. What happened to you recently? Pray tell.”“It was just a flash. The Hypersensitivity and delirium will make sense later.”“That’s a bad thing. I figured you’d be more angry with these outcomes. Read them.” He handed him the file. Matthew shook his head.“Arthur, I know what you want me to think. I am okay going through with the experiment. We’re past the point of going back.” Matthew gestured to the iv. “You can’t just take this out of my veins. It’s okay.”“We could try to.”“Arthur, what if I want to see what happens? I know you do. Why would you even create this idea if you didn’t want to know?” Arthur frowned at him. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Wasn’t this part of some plan? Do you want me to put it together myself?”“The first few hours of IV time with the alphas was easy. Later Ivan collapsed, then Al followed. You passed out easily hours ahead of schedule. Different stimulants, different rules.” Arthur sighed. “We need to be more careful with you.”“Honestly, I’m fine.”“The hypersensitivity was to be expected. From what we’ve observed, the stimulant washes your brain in tons of hormones periodically. New stuff happens each time and symptoms start to appear. We have no idea how quickly your body will get used to it. We don’t know how much time-”“Arthur stop fighting me on this.”“I can’t stop until you understand this. You passed out because it came as a shock to your brain. Your body has never had to create these hormones so it had to “reboot”. Your body is working to find a balance.”“That sounds fine-““-But we don't know what will go out of whack in order to get you there.” Arthur then changed his tone to a pout. “Please listen to me. This could get ugly.”“I already was ugly. And gross. It was like my senses were dialed to 125%. And things just kept blending.” Matthew started to slouch feeling heavy all of a sudden. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder encouraging him to breathe. “Whoa.”“Should you choose to continue-““Dr. Kirkland-“ Matthew warned.“Please never call me that.” Arthur pouted more.“Then lose the quitter talk.”“Fine, You’ll be very tired for the next few days.” Arthur put a hand on his forehead. “You’re a little warm, but that’s to be expected. Take it easy today, alright? Any new sensation, write it down in this notebook with the time you experienced it. If I detect something you didn’t I’ll mark it down in my own notebook.”“So it’s a health journal?” It took more effort to speak with each passing minute. “It is.”“Well, who’s going to read it?”“Just me.” Arthur soothed with a slight frown. “If you need me I… just say so and I’ll hear you. Any requests before I leave?” Arthur made no move to get up.“Can I leave this room?” Matthew didn’t feel trapped yet, he knew he would.“Technically no. Not for at least 2 days.” Arthur said sadly. “I’ll go stir crazy. Will I see you again soon?” Arthur didn’t look at him as he stood up.“I’ll do my best.”

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Arthur left him in peace. In his wake, Matthew could turn his attention to the tray of food. He picked it apart cautiously, not quite ready to trust his stomach. What was served was clearly meant to soothe him: chicken soup, a cold water bottle, and a hunk of bread. His senses had calmed down by then and were ready to accept the right amount of flavor of the comforting and simple salts. The stability of chicken soup seemed much more profound after spending day after day with so much instability. Days in the surveillance room were spent asking questions and receiving half answers. Any other situation would find his blood boiling since they seemed to get nowhere; but Arthur was there in every step trying to make something out of nothing. Matthew decided that Arthur lived to explain the unexplainable. He would be taught by Arthur to endure these moments and hold a firm gaze. There were other sweet things about them man. Like the way their coffee orders linked up so well. Every day he could just trust the man to order for him. And even if he was late Arthur wouldn’t have a sip until he got there. There were other things too, they would light up when Matthew asked the right questions and was so bright. He truly was a teacher, Arthur glowed when he added important information to the tasks at hand.Matthew had this moment. He had more! He had these days to be self-paced and engage in self-pity. He was the source of learning, he was the test subject. They depended on him...Matthew shook those thoughts away. No use starting to spin when he had plenty of time to do everything (anything) else. Matthew put his food away on the nightstand and flipped on the TV. He needed an easy way out of his head, why not see if anything good was on? He made himself comfortable.Nobody really watches TV when they're away from home. He would now become living proof that the human mind will forget it is capable of intelligent thought when stuck in the gruesome daze of daytime television. Watching TV when away from home is only useful to fill up the extra hours with the sound of someone’s voice. Matthew desperately wanted to hear the sound of someone’s voiceAs his eyes locked on the screen No matter. Matthew turned the volume down until it was a warm stream of gibberish moving past his ears rather than in them. The more his eyes locked on the screen the less he paid attention. Images of his family and friends came up to sit beside him in his state of mind. As commercials flashed with families and suburban neighborhoods, his own memories of living in suburban connecticut flowed. The room and facility were always very quiet, this quiet helped the sounds of their voices and nuances of their laughs come suddenly around him. They gave him comfort. Honestly, he had been trying hard not to think about his family – especially not his mother. She would hate to see him this way, locked up inside a room away from her. She was the perfect mother, and couldn't stand her little boy alone or in pain. It pained him to think about her probably worried sick about where he had suddenly gone. “Holy shit, you are not going to get emotional about this!” Matthew said out loud and tried to laugh audibly for himself. It didn’t really work so he tried to reframe his mother. Tried to get mad at her for being so astonished by his introverted nature. That was the only thing they really ever fought about. His childhood introversion worried her to the point of his mother making daily efforts to socialize him. Whether that meant he was being kicked outside for a couple hours or being forced to meet a new little person around his age. During his elementary years Matthew had been forced into several arranged friendships with his mother’s friend’s daughters.His father told him she had been crushed when her friends had all had such sweet little girls and she had been stuck with an unbouncable baby boy. Matthew remembered hearing one of his aunts say something to the effect of “those little girls living in constant competition to win the prize of being his future wife.” Matthew had to laugh. That was never going to happen.As much as he would have liked to stay within his memories, he knew he had to pull himself out of his reverie. If he stayed too long he’d be stuck missing them. Nothing was stopping him from just sleeping the day away. On his bed were 6 pillows in total. He tossed 4 pillows onto the armchair in the corner and resented how fluffy they were. Part of him wondered who they thought he was. Like, he wasn’t some little doll. Matthew patted down the 2 he had left and hunkered way down. It was settled, he was settled. There was no use getting into a mortal coil when he had so much time to sleep. Matthew planned to drift away somewhere napping. It didn't matter because it didn't matter. He planned to schluff off the running and vomiting and crying and put it down a hatch and never open it again. He sighed a shaky breath and closed his eyes. And it worked…....until 9:50 am when he woke up to roll onto his other side. And from then until 10:47 am he slept, but he woke to fluff his pillows. It was fine, his mind was blank. Blank until noon. Someone left him food so he sat up and ate. He felt the pull to lay back but his senses were all blank and his mind was linear. He fell asleep after eating and woke up again at 1. Then a blink to 1:10, then it’s 2 and Matthew just can’t stop. It all became so…”relative” or something.Every breath was him alive but each blink was sleeping or waking until he was fading and changing positions every moment. Moments can’t be measured but they could be counted. Matthew counted them even when the naps lasted hours. It was like being on a spinning trampoline. Every bounce kept you suspended for a minute but once you slammed back down, you got a little twisted. 2 to 3.3 to 3:25.3:25 to 5.5 to 5:30 and so on, so on, so on until night, which hit him hard and slow. 10 o’clock, by that point Matthew was sitting up rigidly clutching his clock like a madman. He had nothing to look forward to and nobody to cry out for. It was a weird mood, he knew 10 o’clock wasn’t peak blackness nor the crest of night, but it was something. He had to separate himself from the clock and force himself to relax. The blue light from the clock only passed too far into the darkness. He couldn’t trace it, he could only wonder where the light had to go all alone in the dark.‘Photons,’ he chuckled just to see if he could. ‘What are those anyway?’In the dark of the facility and relative quiet of his mind, he picked his teacher apart until there stood the partner he had spent so much time with. He stripped away the brashness, hyper-focus, and intelligent until all he had was Arthur in a pressed shirt smelling of expensive cologne and coffee. He acted like he was tied down to something (hopefully not someone) and it seemed to weigh on him. Like there was some promise he had to keep. But without the ever present brashness, he would seem younger. Truth be told, Matthew just wanted him to relax. He was waiting for him to calm down and rely on his character to guide the project rather than his hyperfocus. ‘Anyway, he needs me to.’ Matthew promised. Matthew thought of the glow that sometimes graced his face. If he worked harder he could probably get him to relax.

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MECHANISMs facility in Connecticut was open night and day. Office hours began at 7 am until 4. Typically anyone working on a project made it to the facility at 6 and left within the evening. To pass the time people did their own paperwork or listened to music. Arthur told him that some even wrote garbage poetry on the backs of heavily redacted files. Most days Arthur told Matthew to arrive at 7 am, but now he felt like he would never leave. He made discoveries when lying awake in his bed like the fact that there was never a rush in the building. Oftentimes he felt like he was trapped in a windowless room in space. There was no life within the building. He never saw anyone in the hallways, Employees must get where they need to go and rarely engage with each other. He was aware that he - as a specimen - created a very boring job for the scientists. They were just sitting around watching him. He wanted to scream just to give them something to see. Matthew could feel the morning weight heavy on him on his joints. There was a cold space between his various hinges that nipped at his muscles as he sat up. He hurt all over but knew that all of the pain was synthetic. Synthetic body aches for a synthetic omega. Everything Arthur had said to him before was slowly being put into perspective: He was a test subject. The IV port was still piercing his arm. Arthur had retaped it down expertly, no matter how much thrashing or position changing he had done it would still be stuck fast. Forever feeding the liquid stimulant into his veins. He could do it. He could do it right there. Pull it out. End it all. Matthew sat up painfully. He rose through the popping and clicking of his spine until he was sitting with the sheets pooling his lap. He felt like a willow tree with the weight of pain on his lower back. When he tried to stand his knees ground together like rusty gears and nearly dropped himself to the ground. He gritted his teeth and fell back on the edge of his bed willing the pain to die down...but there was no use moving anywhere.He had nowhere else to go. He relaxed on himself and grabbed the health journal turning to the second page to begin the day's memo: “January-”All he could manage to write was the word january before his thumb started cramping. Somehow his fingers were feeling the strain as well. They too moved across the page like the metal workings of an ancient fountain pen in a tinny, catatonic state. “-20th, 8:12 am, severe joint pain everywhere, even writing is hard.”He couldn’t bring himself to grip hard and the words became light chicken scratches. Matthew tossed the health journal squarely on the nightstand before attempting to stand up again. -o-“Thank God we have laws protecting minors.” Phillip sighed while drinking what would have been Matthew’s cup of coffee. “How do you mean?”“Can you imagine if he was a minor? He would get taken advantage far too quickly. This company walks on a fine line of human decency...you do know he signed a non-disclosure agreement, right?”“He did?”“He did. If they’re willing to work that hard to keep this under wraps, then they should be willing enough to put applications out on the internet. It would be so easy.”“You’re not wrong.”“Can you imagine how many applications we would get for people wanting to be a part of an experiment? The youth of today are willing to get shot up with anything for money. All the questions in the world would be answered by MECHANISM if we could just bypass all the laws.” Phillip said all of this with a startlingly impassive face. “The layer between us experimenting on younger people is thin. Matthew seems to have aged 40 years.”“Don’t tell me you think he looks 18.” Arthur was grim. “He gives me these eyes sometimes and I have to laugh! He looks 11.”“Really? I think he’s a bonafide 18-year-old.” Arthur scoffed and crossed his arms as Phillip spoke. “He looks a little bit like you did.”“He looks a little bit like you too. And YOU looked 11!”“It was that haircut I kept getting. But kids these days have it better.” Phillip leaned back in his chair. “Anyway, I’m just glad he’s not any younger.”-o-He couldn’t do it. Matthew sunk back into this bed and grimaced. ‘I have nowhere to go.’ he thought to himself. He had nowhere to go and nobody to complain to about having nowhere to go. He had no reason to go anywhere and nowhere to go and nobody to complain about having nowhere to go and no reason to go there. ‘and I could keep going and never get anywhere with this analogy.’ he sighed. He picked up the TV remote praying for something to distract him from the pain. Anything. He turned it onto channel 43 and found a movie he’d seen before playing. He had gotten to it when it was in the middle of the film, but at least it was semi-engaging.-o-Arthur leaned his head on his hand and scowled at his old roommate. “Do you honestly think he looks like me?”“Maybe not in looks exactly, but you two are strikingly similar.” Phillip answered.“How so?”“Well, both of you present yourselves as shy, but neither of you are completely demure.”“Disagree. I was confident- I was arrogant!” Arthur gave himself an impish grin. “Still am.”“Indeed but, the trick to you two is not being completely demure. Matthew has a very clear limit in his mind of what he can and cannot do.”“But he’s being risky. I wasn’t very smart when I was his age (he is much smarter than I was), and I took risks for the fun of it. He’s too smart to be risky.”“Both of you are too smart to be risky. These minds-” Phillip gestured to the boy in the monitor and to his friend. “-never rest. Whether you know it or not, every “risk” you take has been calculated down to the T.”“I doubt it. If he had calculated the risk of this experiment we would have never seen him again.” Arthur sighed. “If he’s anything like you then he wants to know what will happen. You know, curiosity.” Arthur shook his head. “Oh don’t you dare try to say you weren’t curious!”“Oh believe me, I agree. I was curious about everything. How many shots I could do before I blacked out, the ratio between hours spent sleeping and adderall milligrams, I was curious what certain drugs would do to my mind-”“-but you never took them!” Phillip put a hand on his shoulder. “You never did. I remember people trying to get you to but you wouldn’t.”“I thought about it though. In another life where I’m not completely me I probably would have.” Arthur folded his hands in his lap and faced his friend. “I know he’s like me. But he could never be me.”“Of course not. But I doubt anyone else will come as close.”“I don’t want to believe he’s like me, because I don’t want him to end up like me.”For the duration of the conversation everything had been very serious but….well, Phillip couldn’t keep that up any longer. His laughter, loud and boisterous, filled the room and he swatted his knees.“Your view on life has gotten so distorted! Arthur this is what is the most similar thing between you two: you act profoundly insecure- but your not! Trust me, I’ve seen it.” He stopped laughing and looked his friend the scientist directly in the eyes: “I’m retracting everything I thought about your relationship. You need to learn from that kid!”-o-In his mind he seasoned that it wasn’t out of character for the grey chill of January to seep beneath his joints. Somehow the chill could enter the vents of the facility and cramp him. He decided this was true. He couldn’t take much more, but he didn’t want to blame the stimulant for his pain, he just wanted to be better. If he blamed the stimulant he’d just question why he was doing this to himself.He didn’t have that answer. -o-“Learn what?” Arthur was racing to catch up.“How to be curious! Holy shit, Magnus Long was the guy who trained you in, right?” “Yeah, I was in college with you when my application was accepted.” Arthur looked away. “Damn, that was a long time ago. He taught me everything.”“You raved about him. You could not shut up.” Phillip huffed playfully. “Maxwell still believes it was you who changed him in those short weeks.”Back in Arthur’s day, Magnus was truly a man hardened by life. The Long family lineage was wrought with unchecked curiosity that, before Magnus, had led to several accounts of abuse. Their actions during the Vietnam and Korean wars were atrocious. MECHANISM was a vessel of testing the very limits of what science could tell mankind...Arthur now suppose that there was some good that came from knowing these things...but at what cost? Arthur could make one final edit to the story of MECHANISM: he had fought against his teacher. Arthur and Magnus sat side by side much to the dismay of Maxwell, his only son. For those weeks they had sat side by side debating the merits of the company until a consensus was reached: they needed to change their ways. And it worked. A little. But what Phillip didn’t know was how much went down when they had been alone together. Arthur would have to take some time to forgive himself for those hours. “Yeah, it was me that changed him.” Arthur said. “And it will be me that changes Matthew.”

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Arthur stood up. “I should probably go check his IV and stuff.”“Yeah whatever. I know I’m scaring you off bringing those years up.” Phillip handed him a stethoscope then turned his attention back to the iPad in his lap. “That’s okay if you can’t face it yet.”-o-‘A hot shower will take the pain away.’Matthew sat on his bed with one fist on the IV pole. The IV pole was warm where his hand was and the solution bag was empty. It looked like wet onion skin hung out to dry, the small tube that came from it sagged. He remembered the moment he was plugged into the drip. He had felt an urge to pull it out immediately. On some level his body had rejected it. Now it was too late. The stimulant was very much alive and active within him, pulling it out now would have no effect on him. A hot shower was appealing, he pulled out the IV.-o-As Arthur walked down the white hallway the conversation he had with Phillip struck him in tiny pieces. He made a lot of strong points starting with the fact that they should be extremely glad Matthew was 18. They had several reasons to be glad about that one. Second, Arthur was furious that he hadn’t been in the room when Matthew had signed the documents. There must be some way to get out of this situation. Some sort of loophole! The only issue is that if Matthew had been a minor Arthur could have manipulated some guardianship things so that MECHANISM would have had to go through him......that would have been perfect. Technically Matthew was the only person working on the project that hadn’t signed up for it. Arthur had had other options - there were a few more boring things he could have done and completed in this time - and so did Phillip, the Al and Ivan had put up applications and worked their lives around the schedule of the project - Matthew hadn’t done anything. His professor had created his application with nothing but guesses of his character and a very detailed transcript. Arthur had then read that application and chosen him. It was never really his choice. As this storm waged in Arthur’s mind he quit paying attention to where he was going. There were a great many doors throughout the facility and each door had a very misleading sign next to it. Arthur stopped in front of a door to the right of him. Matthew’s room was past Phillip’s lab and had a door on the left of him. Company culture indoctrinates everyone into never looking too closely at anything. Maybe it was time to break that down. He walked inside the new room.-o-Matthew left the IV pole beside the door and walked into the bathroom. He ignored the bleachy smell that reminded him of throwing up and turned on the shower flipping the handle to the hottest setting. He just needed to get under the spray. He tested the water with his hand feeling the hotel-like hollowness even in the water quality. He stripped himself bare and looked at himself. He hadn’t been naked in a long time. Honestly, it was an odd thing to realize, but a realization nonetheless. He had turned very pale and the redness in his cheeks was just pink enough to remind him that, yes, he was alive. -o-Well, he wasn’t surprised. It was a room full of drawers and those drawers were full of Manila folders which were full of files. Arthur couldn’t find any intelligent design in how the files were placed, some of the text was so redacted that he couldn’t figure out the order. “I mean, it must be in alphabetical order or something like that…” He mumbled to himself. Many of the file titles were serial numbers or other obscure sequences. Some of the sequences he recognized from things he’d done in the past, others he had no clue. But then he found it: “ALFRED F. JONES (27) - TESTIMONY”. And behind it in the same folder: “IVAN BRAGINSKI (27) - TESTIMONY”Nothing was redacted. Nothing. Arthur had never read their files, or stayed for their interviews. He had read their very basic applications and that was that. Maybe he’d take a page out of Matthew’s book: Who were these people?Arthur took the folder and put it up against his side under his jacket stuck under his arm as he left the room. -o-It had been long since he'd fretted over himself. Matthew had never been one to overpreen his outward appearance. He’d always had clear, soft skin and hair, he’d gotten some lean muscles from going on daily runs with his father during highschool, and had a petit structure in general. He knew this about himself, but it was strange to peek back the curtain and see himself naked after...a while. Rivulets of the hollow water trailed down over the layers of tissue and skin that covered his lungs and came down the backs of his legs. It was a strange feeling to have the water hold him like the hands of a host of water nymphs. On the side of the shower was a bar of soap. The pain in his joints was plucked away as he ran his hands along himself.When he was clean he stretched his arms into the ceiling and leaned backward. The water curled over his chest and back onto his shoulder blades warm and right. He closed his eyes and for once could see nothing. All he could do was feel the warmth and solitude. He felt completely exposed and he loved it. Everything that delighted him was with him and everything that could harm him was on the other side of the curtain. What could hurt him was now in a truse dealing with the mist that was slowly filling the bathroom. The emotions and faces and documents.It was in his eyes too. If eyes truly were the windows to the soul than his were being washed too. Instead of a downpour of tears, he washed his face and watched the world become clean. Taking in every part of himself and being so completely alone...the concept of his virginity came to mind. He was completely untouched. -o-Arthur picked up a slight jaunt so that nothing would be suspicious. He stopped in Phillip’s lab and took one of the premade solution bags and a kit for reinsertion. The files were still secure under his jacket. After the lab, he walked to Matthew’s room.He didn’t have to knock, he could hear the shower. It created a quiet thrumming sound through the walls and a cloud of steam came up from under. Arthur threw the files on the other side of the bed he sat on after grabbing the Iv pole. He began to replace the solution bag and prepared the kit on his lap waiting for Matthew to come out of the bathroom. -o-Matthew was having the time of his life warming up and getting pain free. He washed away his stress sweat and ran his fingers through his neglected hair, but it was soon time. He shut off the water and took a towel off a rack. After wrapping himself together he dried and dressed only his bottom half. Now that he was warm enough hot he had no reason to wear a shirt. Little did he know that the moment he would walk out of the bathroom Arthur would begin a new crisis.-o-The shower turned off and Arthur pushed up his glasses. A minute later Matthew appeared. Among the white walls of Maxwell’s palace Arthur found pale pillows of Matthew’s cheeks. The fan of an arrogant peacock overshadowed his eyes as he blinked. It was amazing, his eyelashes flitted open and closed. Matthew’s eyes were an iron-blue that (if he winked) would flash slightly purple. His eyes were so solid that they greatly contrasted the softness of his figure. The shape of his eyes melted into every curve on his face accentuating the youth that Hedone herself would envy. His hair was also quite provocative to Arthur. It was wet and finger-combed over to one side.And while his mind ran away from him he wondered how much effort it would take to leave a mark on his neck…-they locked eyes. And of course, Matthew couldn’t just blush. Instead, rouge sparked over his cheekbones and dripped down from his face to his neck and over his alabaster chest. The blush was the color of his heart: raw rose. He had a beautiful cinched waist. It was out of character for a man but correct for Matthew, again, Hedone was absolutely fuming. His sweatpants hung low on hips but Arthur didn’t dare look long-“I...uh, didn’t know what to do about the IV so I just, you know, pulled it…”“No, yeah. It’s-...it’s fine, but if you could just…” Arthur grasped the kit. “Yeah...sit down over here I’ll put it back in and if you, you know, want to get dressed-”“-No! No, I’m comfortable.”

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Arthur pulled Phillip’s stethoscope around his neck and opened IV kit on his lap. His eyes tried to look everywhere besides Matthew’s skin as Matthew’s eyes chased him around the room. He too was sporting a blush on his cheeks, but it was no match for the one Matthew felt stretched over his chest. “Sit over here.” Arthur said sheepishly.Matthew sat beside him and folded his hands over his thighs. Arthur tipped up his chin gently. “Are you nervous? Is there anything I can do to make this easier?” Matthew was taken aback by how much of his nerves was mirrored in Arthur’s voice.“Nothing I guess. I’m comfortable.” He smiled and Arthur seemed to relax. ”Yeah, this is only routine. I just have to replace the IV and get you flowing with this new solution. Alright?”“Okay.”Arthur took Matthew’s arm and swabbed it with disinfectant. Arthur connected things to other things then swung the pole closer to them. The sticky latex gloves came stuck and unstuck between his skin and Arthur’s.“Do you remember the sensation you had before you fainted 2 days ago?”“Yes.”“Count on that sensation happening again. You may have to get used to it.” Arthur still wasn’t looking at him. “This may be worse than before, again, if something feels off, tell me.”“That’s alright! It’s what I signed on for.” Arthur frowned and gripped his hand ever so tighter. Matthew sighed. ”I thought we were over this?”“I will follow your lead, Matthew. Forgive me for being nervous.” Arthur was frowning. “I need to listen to your heart and lungs. Just to see everything is clear, you know?” Arthur put the cold diaphragm on Matthew’s chest. Matthew shivered into a trance when Arthur pressed his palm between his shoulder blades. He had to lean in close to him. With warm touching he was no longer deterred by the latex gloves. Arthur could hear the steady thump of Matthew’s heart and thanked God for it. In Matthew’s head his heart was getting louder and more erratic. He tried to stay calm but it was definitely picking up speed.When Arthur moved his hands around to put the diaphragm of the stethoscope on his back he kept one hand on his bicep. It was one step closer to embrace...Matthew bent like a leaf. “Breathe deeply for me.”Matthew took a series of deep breaths and was made aware of the rushing of his blood. Yet again that flighty feeling became him. His chest opened and felt like it was spilling birds. They were sinewy crows that shook themselves near his spine. They were the feathers he choked on and the black spots that had made him faint before. Arthur felt this shift immediately and he put his focus towards catching him if he keeled over. Arthur felt Matthew’s body push back on his hand as his airway seemed to open farther than needed. Like a seal was broken.“Jeez it feels like I’m gonna faint again.” Matthew tried to laugh it off. Matthew’s hand raced to his chest and pressed Arthur’s hand over his flying heart. Matthew shuddered than relaxed into more of an embrace. Arthur supported his weight and coiled his arms together. Then Matthew’s head dropped. Now Arthur was alone in the room holding Matthew up in his arms. The fact turned the tips of his ears pink. Arthur made sure to cradle Matthew’s head as he laid him down gently. He finger combed his hair back and stole a long look at his face. Too pure for this. He had to ask himself, would he have done this when he was 18? Probably. Phillip was right, they were similar, but Arthur had had a lot to prove to himself when he was 18. He too would have dove in head first without thinking anything through. But then again, what if the “calculated risk” was one Matthew was willing to get over? Maybe he was manifesting his fears on him. Bullshit! This was dangerous. Looking at his limp body only solidified this belief. He looked so...vulnerable...Matthew then took a deep breath and threw his arms over his head. He was visibly fighting through it. And he didn’t write but did shake a little. Even in his unconscious state Matthew was trying to steal back his regular state of mind. The air felt carbonated since each gasp was a gallon of new components he didn’t have the strength to pick apart. But what really sent him spinning wsa Arthur's scent. It was Arthur’s touch and Arthur's voice. It was what his body seemed to want. So he did his best to call out to him.He was fighting to wake up, but the voice was there saying: “Don’t fight it, I’ve got ya.”“But I have to…” Matthew sighed.“You don’t.” Arthur smiled and knelt down next to him. “Just relax.”Matthew groaned and sat up. “I...don’t want to do this more than twice. The fainting is so taxing.”Arthur stood up and put his hands on his hips. “I know it is.”“I’m so out of it...But you know that. Soon after I was connected to the stimulant I had some kind of attack and lost. And upon waking I was hit over the head with nausea!” Matthew’s pitch rose with his misfortune winding himself up. “Just breathe.” Matthew sat up and Arthur sat down beside him. “What is this about?”“...When you do things like that I lose my train of thought…” Matthew mumbled. “I don’t know.”“I hope this is normal because none of your levels explain anything to us.” Arthur put a palm on his forehead. The light of his room moved and split across his brow. Matthew thought of the photons and electrons and how they gave him so many things. He thought about elements and atoms and cells and bodies and touch. All the things a scientist is supposed to study. Matthew wanted none of that. None of the push and pull, none of it.“What’s happening to me?” He laid flat on his back.“It’s all going to even out soon.” Arthur soothed. “I think you should try to take a nap.”-o-It’s not an odd pattern. When someone enters your life the way Matthew had, they become harder and harder to leave behind. Still, Arthur said goodbye, closed the door and started down the hall. Matthew was clearly solidifying himself as an omega. The need for physical touch and emotional support wasn’t lost on him.Arthur walked to the surveillance room completely lost in thought. He didn’t even notice Phillip’s absence. Calculations and concerns flitted past him until the surveillance room door opened in front of him revealing Maxwell and Hattie. Maxwell was seated in his chair and Hattie was standing at his side - their usual position. Maxwell’s face was conservative, showing nothing to help him know how to approach the situation. Hattie was sporting a shit-eating grin.“Can I help you with anything, sir?” He only addressed Maxwell so Hattie got the message. He wasn’t in the mood for her endless chipper attitude. “Nothing much, Mr. Kirkland, I just don’t spend as much time on the floor as I used to. I wanted to stretch my legs after a meeting with the government representatives. I gave them good reports-” Maxwell held out a hand and Hattie gave him the iPad. “-prove to me that I was being honest.”“What do you want to know?”Maxwell and Hattie gave him a look-over. “You look dreadfully discouraged. Is there an issue with his progress?”“No, he’s moving very fast. I gave him the second concentration to speed up the process anyway.” Arthur recited. “I’m discouraged because I don’t know how to help him recover when the time comes.” “You won’t need to help him come down. We can pay people to do that.” Maxwell scoffed. “Those people aren’t around to see what I’m seeing. He’ll need a lot of support- and What happened to his team? Where is everyone?”“I moved them all to bigger better things.”“They were services he could really use. We don’t have anything as big as this do we?” Maxwell’s eyes roved around the room like he had a secret he wanted to share. Arthur would not humor him. “Please don’t answer that.”“I wouldn't have the time.” Maxwell stood and Hattie folded her hands tensely. “I was just checking in.”“Maxwell, I’m worried that the company isn’t aware of how much this will affect humans.” Arthur locked on his eyes. “This is going far from just “combat technology”. This is going to emotionally damage him.”“That’s what he signed up for.”

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Arthur was right, Matthew was tired. In other situations, sleep would be the answer, but he just couldn’t. The ways he was changing were small, but they still shocked him. He could feel a tiny pull every time Arthur got near him...he didn’t know what it was but it was there. He had never wanted to be coddled by anyone until that week. He was angry with himself. HOw had he let himself get this touch starved?He pulled the sheets up to his chin and stared up at the ceiling. Every other moment he sighed just so that Arthur could hear how bored he was. He had no other options besides being annoying. Maybe he wasn’t in pain anymore, but at least back then he had something to focus on. Now there was nothing. He took a loud breath and spread out his limbs in his latest imitation of a starfish. His forearm then brushed a pointed object. Matthew relaxed and picked up the object (it was a manila folder of medium thickness). Inside it were 2 packets held together by black paper clips. The group on top was labeled ‘ALFRED F. JONES (27) - TESTIMONY’ and under that was ‘IVAN BRAGINSKI (27) - TESTIMONY’.Matthew treated this like anyone would in a sci-fi movie, search for the redacted text: Nothing. Each packet had zero redacted text. He skimmed some of the pages and found the information written down was pretty explicit on it’s own. Apparently whoever had transcribed it figured all of it had to be seen by whoever had the file.Now he had the file. Arthur must have left it.Matthew looked directly into the camera in the corner and gave whoever was watching the most impish grin he could muster. Nothing would stop him from reading the thing cover to cover. He had to stop and remember the first time he saw them...they looked like children even under the infrared camera. It made Matthew uncomfortable to see grown adults seem to lack the very thing that makes them human...there was definitely a look to their eyes. He had to ask (“Who are these people?”)so as to bring up their humanity and keep their record straight.It wasn’t something Matthew was proud of. Arthur, too, had been especially cold.(“I suggest you refrain from using their names, trust me when I say all of this is very ethical.”)Naturally this coldness didn’t last.“I don’t doubt you, I just think it would help to know who these two got here.”“Just don’t ask too much. It’s not our business.” Now that Matthew was in their position, it was nothing short of his business.Arthur’s voice began droning: “Both age 27, both from pretty basic upbringings. Matthew got out of bed and curled up in his armchair to begin reading.-o-“You idiot.” Arthur said out loud to himself. He was alone in the surveillance room with his head resting in his palm trying to figure out how stupid he actually was. The damn fool left the god forsaken file in Matthew’s room. Sure it interested him very much to watchMatthew’s facial expressions change as he read the files, but Arthur didn’t necessarily want him to read them before he had. He probably would have let him read them anyway, but not until after he censored some things with his own hand. He was trying to create a secure environment for him. And he was failing. -o-Ivan and Alfred’s CTAS (Clinical Trial Applications) were under their cover sheets with their names on them. Reading through it, he found it was full of both the comprehensive information about the stimulants and the planned trials, some of the background that came from the animal testing the MECHANISM had done previously, and Arthur’s assessment of the stimulants affects. The benefit to risk ratio of the study was present, but severely unclear and uncertain. The quality of the information provided to them was very poor. The Efficacy-Effectiveness Gap was very wide, yet still they had gone ahead with the lesting. Was it courage or foolishness on their part?Maybe it was both. Clearly they had met the conditions of the study and had signed the informed consent forms. They were also included in the file. They had been interviewed by MECHANISM personally in person and everything from that meeting had been transcribed. Looking at both Al and Evans transcriptions he found that neither had asked very good questions. They asked very anecdotal things like “What is likely to happen to me with, or without, this new treatment?”, “What side effects can I expect from the study?”, “Can the side effects be controlled?”, “Will I have to stay in the hospital? For how long?” - nothing that would really help them. Matthew fell into this category with them. Looking back at the small interview with Hattie and remembering her pressure, he hadn’t done any of the research he should have. A question entered Matthew’s mind that he should have pushed to ask someone: If I am harmed as a result of the experiment, what treatment can I get later?“It’s too late now.” All he had to do was talk to one of his roommates or even just looked at WebMD- or he really should have just called his dad. Damn, he really should have called his dad. Matthew dropped the file in his lap and looked up and the ceiling taking that. He hadn’t even read what Al and Ivan had said. -o-There it was. Arthur just wanted to be there with him.-o- Arthur was right, the rest of the files were just full of Ivan and Al discussing what had led them to that point in their lives to join a clinical study. Al had recently been laid off from a more disadvantaged school in New York. As he described the school he so willingly displayed his heart for his students...he was laid off due to lack of funding. Because he was so young they figured he could get a job somewhere else easily...they had been wrong. Times had been thought for the young science teacher. His students wish for him before he left was just a passing notion:‘When I told them I had to leave them this little girl raised her hand up and asked me, “Mr. Jones, do you think you could be a part of a science experiment now? A real one?” and I said that maybe someday I would. And I could get paid to do it too...right? They were floored by this idea, I figured it would honor those poor kids if - I don't know - whatever your testing could have been tested by me. You know? At the time it felt like homage.’ Alfred had said.Matthew smiled at this because it was sweet. He just hoped to god that those students never found out what had become of such a giving heart. Ivan was only a little different. He was an accountant, nothing special was going on in his life outside of working 7 to 5 at an unfulfilling job. His family lived overseas somewhere, his money was being sent back to them. Another giving heart that would have it’s humanity stripped away from it inevitably.Two other things that interested him were the notes written in some of the margins and the things written on a page labeled: “Day Zero”. Arthur’s notes (somehow he knew they were Arthur’s by just the turn of phrase) were written from the mind of a very clinically accurate man, a man that was trying desperately to keep his heart out of the experiment. It was like he was trying to maintain a non-opinion about the whole situation. That was how Arthur seemed to act within the first few days of the experiment. The stuff written on the page labeled “Day Zero” was very strange to him. Ivan and Al were in the same room (it was a larger medical suite than his own, fitted for 2 people) and they were just talking. There was a picture of them sitting up on their beds smiling for the camera with IVs on their left arms. Written under it was straight dialogue of them talking to each other and the MECHANISM employees. It all seemed suspiciously normal, he couldn’t quite make sense of that. Matthew laid the file down over his chest and signed once more. He had been in the armchair for a while just combing through the documents. Like one does when one is reading he had switched positions until his legs were sprawled at awkward angles and his rest of him was beginning to sink into the chair to disappear forever. It wasn’t a very good look. He had gotten so caught up in his glimpses into the lives of his fellow specimens that he’d forgotten to pay attention to himself. Everything was fine besides an aching sensation in his lower back. It was a rolling warmth that was pulling his muscles. Just a nuisance. When he stood up he swayed like a top and nearly fell down. He braced himself on the foot of the bed trying to curb the sparks that flew up his spine. The pain was located in his hips making him feel very heavy. The urge to stretch overcame him. Because it was such a dull, throbbing sensation some positions felt better than others. He had taken one yoga class with a friend in the fall and was channeling all that “zen” to get him through. He bent over halfway to stretch the backs of his legs before he gracelessly descended into something like cobra pose. It helped a little, but not enough. He got on his bed and sat in a cross-legged position. He pushed down on his knees to stretch his hamstrings...no help. He could guess that the pain was in both his pelvis and pelvic floor, but had no earthly idea why. When he tried to stand up again the pain seared him. He hobbled to his nightstand and downed the glass of water hoping to soothe the muscles.-o-The pain didn’t ebb, but turned into grey clouds that hung over Matthew’s pelvis. The tightening of muscles and rolling of his organs. For a long time, he sat on his bed hunched over. Dragging air between his clenched teeth and flicking his foot back and forth. He wouldn’t admit that he wanted something or someone to hold onto. He wrote the whole experience out in the health journal doing his best to articulate his position. By 3 o’clock the pain had boiled over and swollen into his lower abdomen as cramps. He held his breath until a side cramp passed then slumped onto the opposite side.For a long minute, he stared at his IV thinking of everything that was changing. He felt the rush of foreign blood flow through carrying more heat from his heart and into his gut where Satan’s hand was kneading away. Pushing and punching his previous…...his previous personality out. The picture of Ivan and Al swept across his mind. He was totally alone and at face-value, Arthur probably didn’t know how much he needed someone. He grabbed himself around the middle to curl up in his tear at what he was losing: his body. -o-Arthur was willing to come if he was called. That was their invisible deal. It was interesting though, he and Matthew had seen it many times before: two figures reaching for eachother. While they had been holed up in the surveillance room Ivan and Alfred would dance around each other seeking and gaining comfort. Matthew’s body was in the middle of changing itself into what was scientifically ideal (according to the stimulant) and there was Arthur. He was just watching him writhe and taking notes from a distance. Every so often he asked himself if what they were losing at the moment would ever come back. He couldn’t wait. He made an executive decision to go to him. Fulfill him, be with him, whatever he needed. -o-There was a shift in his mind that wanted to pry open his innermost thoughts and set free just how much he wanted to clutch something. It moved like the sludge cramping him and getting worse.it got into his hands and made them fists. One side said call Arthur. One side didn’t want Arthur to see him this way. -o-Arthur stood up and put the iPad under his arm ready to leave-“Where are you going?” Phillip stood in the doorway looking less than happy. Actually, he looked suspicious.“You look suspicious-““YOU look suspicious.”Phillip stood in the center of the doorway with a worn face. “Do you even know what you look like right now?”“I don’t want to. I know I look ridiculous.”“Damnit, just go to him. Whatever is supposed to happen between you is going to happen no matter what.”“What’s supposed to happen?”“I don’t know! What will happen is that Maxwell will hurt you if you do whatever it is,” Phillip walked into the room and sat down heavily. “And Matthew will get hurt if you don’t.”“Does this mean I have your blessing?”“Just…” Phillip set himself in front of the monitor and looked away from him. “Don’t stay too long. Leave some room for Jesus maybe?”As Arthur walked out the door he said something over his shoulder: “Just what do you think I’ll be doing?”-o-Arthur approached Matthew’s room quietly and upon opening the door he found quite the sight: Matthew was strewn across his bed like a rag hung out to dry. He looked tense and unhappy. “Knock, knock.” He said quietly.“Come in. I just don’t want to move.” Matthew didn’t even look at him. “So what’s going on?” He busied himself with the solution bag and IV still in Matthew’s arm. “What are you feeling? What hurts?’“Well, the pain...it comes and goes.” Matthew hissed out as he bent a leg up. “But it’s real dull and persistent.”“Cramping?”“Yes.” Matthew threw a hand over his forehead. “I’m uncomfortable in every position.”“I’m really sorry about that, I don’t think we can give you any painkillers.” Arthur frowned and stood closer to him. “I can try something to curb the pain. Are you willing to try something?”“I’m willing to try anything that doesn’t involve moving.”“I just need you sitting up.” Matthew looked at him hesitantly. “Hold out your hands.”Matthew rolled onto his side and held out his hands. A static change jumped up Matthew’s arms when Arthur touched his hands. Arthur braced himself with a knee on his bed to hoist him up. “Let me just check a few things over, just trying to make sure everything is okay.” He kept holding onto Matthew’s left hand as his right did a short head to toe exam. He gently prodded and stroked the side of his face, jaw, neck, and collarbones. Arthur gave a decent explanation somewhere across the fog of Matthew’s mind but he wasn’t listening. He didn’t really care so long as he was getting attention. Arthur absentmindedly stroked the knuckles of his left hand as Arthur seemed to count his ribs. Matthew wouldn’t admit outloud that he was touch starved.Just as he was beginning to forget the cramps, his body sent a sledgehammer to his lower abdomen and shattered the moment. Matthew hissed thinly and gripped Arthur’s hand. Arthur took a step back with a confused expression on his face. “Are they always like this?” Arthur asked. Matthew shook his head. “This one hurts the most. I don’t know why-”“What would help you right now?” Matthew hummed through his teeth then shook his head. “Then... I’m going to try some different things. Stop me if you feel uncomfortable-”“Just give me something.” He wheezed.“Then tell me how this feels…”

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“Then tell me how this feels…”Matthew wasn’t alarmed when Arthur put his large hands on the sides of his face. He just waited as he put pressure on his temples unwinding all his tensions. He untangled a headache that Matthew didn’t realize was building. Arthur’s four fingers worked their way into his scalp during this. Arthur was happy to do this for him, Matthew’s hair was soft like downy to him. It did scare him how quickly Matthew had offered complete compliance, but he’d write down that observation later. “Can you face the back wall?” Matthew obeyed silently. Arthur was firmer with his neck, digging the heel of his hands into the muscle tissue and truly beginning to work the muscles. “Does this feel good?”“It feels amazing.” Matthew said through a moan. “I hope so. Back before I got smart, I wanted to be a chiropractor. But then once I did get smart I realized how much of it was just party tricks and huge student loans. I did take one class however, I got tons of gratitudes from my-...''Arthur dropped his sentence off and coughed. “Intimate partners. You know?”Arthur pulled a sigh from Matthew after he gently dug into a more persistent knot. Not knowing how to proceed he closed more of the space between them and started to work his shoulders. “...I just want to bring everything down. Okay?” “Mmmm ‘kay.”Arthur sucked in a breath. “...And I’ll quit talking.”“No, don’t.” Matthew’s cheeks were that lovely shade again. “It’s kinda nice.”“Okay.” Arthur dug his fingers and the heels of his hands into the shoulder meat. “But now I don’t know what to say.” He laughed brightly. “Are there any questions you have?”“Why does this feel so good right now?” He could hear the smile on Matthew’s lips.The scientist’s brow raised as he momentarily stopped his ministrations to give him a queer look. He rested his wrists on his shoulders articulating the small space between them.“I've already told you your body is going through a very fast paced maturation process. So rapid in fact, that you’re changing right before our eyes. Your hormones are foreign, but clearly, you’re beginning to recreate them naturally. It changes what you want and how you express that.” Arthur paused before continuing. “...Achieving anestrus and estrus will naturally create subordinance, a need for physical affection, and a sharp contrast in Ivan and Al’s behavior when you meet them.”“That was more of a rhetorical question Arthur.” “Oh, I’m sorry. I...”“No, it’s fine.” There was a lightness to his voice. “Speaking of the Alphas, did you get a chance to meet them before?”“Before what?”“You know, before the experiments, before…”“Before we worked their minds.” Arthur sighed. “I didn’t really get to meet them, but it was sort of surreal. I was late for a meeting when I ran past this young man who looked terribly lost. It was counterculture for me to do so, but I smiled and waved. He smiled and waved back.”“What did he look like before?” Matthew turned around to ask.“To a certain degree he looked like you. But then again, you make everything look like you.” “What?” Matthew laughed.“You have a profound capacity for empathy. You’re probably very emotionally intelligent.” Arthur said sincerely. “Anyway, I saw him then and watched some of his interviews. You must have seen some of my notes in the margins.”“I did. The only thing that worries me having read the files is how unprepared they both were. Each of them jumped head first into the experiments and didn’t take the right legal precautions.” Matthew shrugged. “They don’t have anyone to look after them during this tribulation. Sure Hattie is a “human advocate” or whatever, but they don’t have...yeah.”“So all it took was reading the files to get you to agree with me? Finally.”“I didn’t know I was supposed to be this nervous. Besides, I have you.”“I guess so. And I’m watchin’ out for ya’.” Arthur agreed and set his hands back on Matthew’s shoulders. “Now let me just break this substantial knot you’ve got in your right side.”Matthew moaned something fierce then. He folded in complete and utter yield of himself. He breathed short puffs of air across his lips. They were crossing bridges with each other, allowing each other to be tender and real.“Were you tossing and turning all night? You’re so tense right here.” Arthur was kneading with a ton of force and Matthew was taking it pretty vocally adding heat to Arthur’s cheeks. “Your bed is as flat as a board.”“I like it that way.” Matthew leaned back giving Arthur lordship over him. With the heels of his hands, Arthur caused Matthew to sigh and with careful embellishments be made his groan. “Ughnn low down.” He slurred.Arthur became gentle then. Just turning the skin and the body between bones. Realigning his spine and his...desires. Matthew took all Arthur would give until a familiar grinding stopped him at the gate. “What’s wrong?”“I’m cramping up again and it’s killing me,” Matthew said thinly. “You’re sure I can’t get any painkillers?”“Yes I am.” “Ahhhh God.” Matthew rolled his shoulders back and bunched up the sheets in his fists. For a moment all Arthur could do was look into the corner of the room where the black lens of the camera was lodged. It was passing him the harshest judgment, anyone could be in the surveillance room watching him, judging him, questioning his morals. If somebody had an inkling, this could be passed off as misconduct especially since Matthew was technically under the influence of a substance. Every day Arthur went home he would push everything of MECHANISM off of his shoulders. But by God, he couldn’t push that off. Shit, he was so nervous yet he hadn’t really done anything!“Just lean back on me.” Arthur took off the lab coat- ‘‘dreadfully symbolic isn’t it?’- and sat behind him.“Please don’t make me move.” Matthew seemed to brace himself.“Don’t worry, we’ll just sit here.”Matthew was someone who - in just a matter of days - had crawled into Arthurs very chest cavity. His thoughts and emotions affected him and the science of his mind. It was almost like he was dripping with a stimulant himself. Matthew didn’t know how to feel about Arthur’s forwardness but he just wanted it to feel good. The support of arms and hands were his and his only. “Stretch if you need to okay? Whatever will help.” Arthur did something he never figured he would do to anyone again and ran his hands along Matthew’s sides until they rested on his hips. He was shaky with this business. Matthew tried to be discrete, but there was a speed change in his heart. Matthew was shaking like a scared child. A scared child in pain.Suddenly Matthew turned and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck allowing himself to be held through the waves. “I want you to know that I’m committed to you and whatever you want. Whatever you choose...even if it will hurt you. I’ll try to keep you comfortable.” Arthur rested his chin on his forehead. “Damnit, I’m going to lose my job for this.”Matthew pushed against him to look directly into his eyes. “Then don’t.” He looked concerned.Arthur’s hands connected behind the small of his back.“...I have nowhere else to be. I should have gotten out of this place years ago.” They stayed like that for a while. Both a little unsure, both a little afraid. Both a little enthralled, both a little ashamed. Slowly Matthew relaxed until he was leaning on Arthur completely. Mattew’s body kept getting heavier and heavier. For a long time, they were quiet.“Say something.” Arthur whispered.“I don’t know what to say...what do you want me to say?”“I don’t know.”Matthew pushed back to look him in the eyes again. “Look, if this feels like a stretch–”“It doesn’t. I’ll be just fine.”-o-The cramping was relentless. The pain began to wear on them both. His voice floated around the room taking up space that Matthew couldn’t. To Matthew, it was a constant hum that bore down on him as Arthur began to run out of ideas. He told stories or just put grammatically correct sentences together. Talking for the sake of distracting Matthew.“What were you like in college?”“That’s a complicated question to me.” Arthur smiled to himself. “Phillip and I talked about it 2 days ago actually. I remember myself being an arrogant prick. Again, I still am one, but I remember being rebellious, eager to get away from home, and confident.”“I don’t think you’re arrogant.”“Hopefully you never will. What I’ve said is what I remember. At the time I had no respect for my father and tried to build a father figure out of sand. It always feels apart, one in a big way. I wasn’t very smart.”“That’s hard to imagine.”“Phillip thinks very differently, but I still think I’m right.” Arthur frowned playfully. “He reminded me of how clumsy I was. I never paid attention while I was walking, I was always in my own head thinking about….what young men think about. I was late to everything without fail.” “That’s probably more correct. I think Phillip is right about you.”“Rude.”“It’s not rude if it is correct.” Matthew closed his eyes. “What’s truly unfortunate is that you’re describing me. Except the fact that I make it a priority to be on time to every occasion.”“Don’t criticize young Arthur just yet.”“When should I start to criticize him?” “....right…..now. Let me tell you about that Art History Class I took.” Arthur sighed heavily and spoke with a regretful tone of voice. “I’ve only failed one class in my life. I’ve only wasted money on one class, Art History. Waste of time, money, and emotion. One of the things you can criticize young Arthur about is how much he wanted everyone to like him. To this day I still don’t know what got into me during those years.”“Everyone wants people to like them.”“Of course, everybody wants to feel wanted, that within my nature as a man…”Arthur paused for a moment.Matthew moved from his station on his chest to look up at him. “Keep going.”“Yes, sorry. Anyway, I wanted everyone in my life - even the people I passed on the street - to like me. It was my greatest insecurity that was, unfortunately, beat out of me after college. So I wanted this professor to like me and I bent myself over backwards to do well in that stupid class. She failed my final. Pesky woman really.”“Tell me more about college.” “I can tell you more later. You’re falling asleep on me.”“Stay just a little longer?”“Fine.”-o-Time passed after Arthur’s attempt to untangle himself from Matthew. Exhaustion fell over Matthew like hot wax. His emotions were both sated and completely unhinged. Fed and hungry. But they stayed entwined. Arthur sat with his legs around Matthew’s hips, Matthew twisted so he was resting his head on Arthur’s chest. Arthur took note of this as a scientist and nothing more. The extreme need for consoling and physical touch was something he never expected out of Matthew, but it wasn’t something he didn’t secretly want. He sat with his chin resting atop Matthew’s head and his arm threatening to curl around him. Matthew eventually fell asleep on him. In the quiet of the room, he kissed his head and left him.-o-In a room somewhere else another man was watching a monitor. Watching a monitor from a camera watching 2 people. 2 partners in multiple ways that would be crushed to bits by the coming future. This man had warned him several times, but there was no listening involved.

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Arthur walked into the surveillance room with feet lighter than he had the hours previous. Phillip was standing in the middle of the room leaning on the counter. He clearly wasn’t happy, but he didn’t look angry enough for him to try to make amends. In a certain light Phillip just looked..smug?“What is it?” “Do you even know what you’re doing?” - he was accusatory. He’d done no wrong!“I’m not doing anything wrong if he’s comfortable.” Arthur hung up his lab coat and sat down in the chair next to his standing friend. “Besides, I’m taking care of his needs. He is a special case! Different things will arise as the stimulant affects him more and more.”“Special case? Dear God.” Phillip yanked Arthur’s chair and spun him around to face him.“What!” “It’s like in college when you would bring random guys home without telling me!” Phillip gripped the backrest. “I’d show up and you...and he’d be there with you just...and you were so gross back then!”“It was college! We were all promiscuous and ‘gross’.”“I’m missing my own point...You can do what you want, but you don’t have to make me watch. I’ve gone my time” Phillip let go of his chair and stood with his hands in his pockets. “I remember that one guy named Ryan-”“-Ryan was a toy to me-”“-exactly.”“Phillip, it was the 1990s. I still thought I was going to grow out of it.”“Yeah Arthur, it was the 1990s! I thought you were going to grow out of it. You didn’t. Nor did you ever grow out of being a damn tease.”Arthur threw up his hands in defense. “What does that have to do with it??”“I implore you to please, please don’t mess up this young man.” Phillip was truly begging his friend. “I learned a long time ago that I can’t force you to do anything, and I know I can’t force you to do this, but I can warn you. He is so. Much. like. You. And it’s in ways I can’t completely describe to you. I implore you to think about the person that hurt you the most and not repeat that history on the other side.”“I was only a tease because I never wanted to get close. I didn’t think there was a point to getting close.” Arthur folded his hands in his lap and looked down at them. “I would do anything for him. I don’t have the capacity to tease him. I’m trying to figure out how to keep my distance.”“Well you look like a tease.” Phillip resolved. “You're just trying to figure out a way to crash into the sun with the least amount of pain involved. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Arthur turned back to the monitors and began turning everything off. “I know what history you’re referring too, and I won’t be repeating that.”“I’m not trying to be a cad, I’m just calling it like I see it.”Phillip waited for Arthur to finish before they walked out of the white halled facility. It was a nice touch done by God; to know that all of Arthur’s anxieties could come together, his job could implode, the facility could burn to the ground and leave him with nothing but cinders, and Phillip could forever hold onto the image of how much of a whore Arthur had been as a younger man - all of his nightmares could come together but nothing would stop January from existing outside. The cold brushed their cheeks in pink and accented their liquid eyes. The evening was blackened over the stove of a day Arthur and Phillip had had on the inside. Even though they both knew this it still came as a surprise. The city around them was silent as if sitting vigil for whatever the public thought was going on inside it. Whether it was the destruction of the ethics and credibility of science or just the destruction of a man, most would never know. Arthur and Phillip held two parking spots next to each other so they stayed in their slow promenade together. Than a voice cut through the silence:“Hey! Guys!” - There was Hattie, out to ruin his day with those damn clicky heels. She trotted over to them.“Evening.” Phillip took the lead with a neutral tone. “Have you squared away your rooms for the Summit this weekend? Max told me that the hotel we’re being put up in just had some cancellations.” Her eyebrows did a short jig. “They can bump you up a level if you ask nicely. We’re getting an Executive Suite!”“Oh. Well I wouldn’t mind an executive suite myself.” Phillip raised his eyebrows. “I’m not packed or anything, I don’t want to leave my wife alone with the kids that long...I don’t think I want her to have all that wine…”“Summit? There was a summit this weekend?” Arthur cut in. “Also, you’re rooming with Maxwell?”“Well, he’s my fiance, Arthur. And yes, there’s a summit for some of the top chemists of the NATO alliance.” Hattie explained.“Yes, it really is an interesting configuration of people.”“I had no idea this was happening!” Arthur exclaimed. “Was I supposed to register for something? I…”“You’re not going! Arthur this is a summit strictly for chemistry. And besides, somebody has to stay home and take care of the kid.” “...For a whole weekend?”“Yeah. You’re getting paid overtime, don’t worry.” Hattie said.“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?”“I think I was supposed to.” Phillip shrugged. “Didn’t think you’d have an issue with us being gone.”Arthur narrowed his eyes at his friend. “I’ll be fine.”“We’re leaving at about 3:30pm tomorrow. He’ll give you some instructions for the weekend.” Hattie assured him. “It’ll be an annoying drive, better leave closer to 3 if we’re going to get there in time for that dinner.” Phillip said to Hattie. “Indeed.” She replied. A moment later a black Mercedes was hard pounding down the street towards them. Hattie smiled that expensive smile she had and took herself and her clicky little heels down near the curb. “There’s my ride, I’ll see you both tomorrow.”“Have a good night.” Phillip called to her and ushered Arthur and him towards their parking spots. Just like that, the scene returned to what it should have remained as: two friends. Walking side by side. The night melted like reused wax on a candle and reset the aura of the night. Still, Arthur checked over his shoulder for his supervisor in the black Mercedes. Now, he had never liked that woman, but he was sure that she could do better than that. He turned his attention back to his friend. “You’re always rushing home to that wife and those kids of yours.” He said in jest. “Oh you’re still butt hurt that I got married? You were there, you saw how much I loved her.”“I also saw how much she loved you.” He lamented with a happy tone.“You’re just mad because you don’t like women in general.” Phillip didn’t completely indulge him. “You know, you’re a lot like her.”“I do know that. Poor you.” They got into their cars after a quick ‘good night’ to each other. Phillip quickly sped off into the night as Arthur sat down. Even now that he was older, he was still absent minded. To fix this lack of attention he developed a habit of checking all his texts, social media, and emails before even starting his car. He had to get it all over with before trying to drive somewhere. He wasn’t a bad driver, but he couldn’t risk retreating into his mind while driving through a bustling city. While he sat, he got a notification on his iPhone that an email was sent to him from Long, Maxwell. No matter how much Maxwell sat down to micromanage his scientists, he would never understand all the nuance. He didn’t go to school to learn the ways of their muse, he was a business major with a (in his opinion) fake masters in project management. The email It was very straightforward, but his instructions remained vague and gave Arthur more freedom than Maxwell was probably indending. At the bottom of the email there was a post scriptum written to be personal and jarring...he skimmed it then turned off his phone. Sure there were things Maxwell would never forgive him for exposing, sure he had inevitably turned his own father away from him, sure he had impeded upon all of Maxwell’s future business ventures a full 4 years in advance, and sure he had taken away a lot of the presigie of his position in the corporation. Sure, he’d done all those things, but there was no reason to have so much ill will towards him. Arthur would have his way and he could do it without a boisterous show of himself. Arthur leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. The summit would last all weekend, both Phillip and Maxwell would be out of his hair. That was what this was all about. He’d have Matthew to himself and he could finally get up close and figure out what was going on. He could be of service to him without hindrance. He could get it all out of his system.

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Daylight trickled into Arthur’s bedroom and burst the serene bubble of his sleep. Immediately, he sat bolt upright feeling all the facets of his humanity draining from him. He had no memory of his dreams, but he knew he had one by the way his sheets were twisted around his legs. He’d lost all his confidence from the night before. “Shit.” He got out of bed and rubbed his eyes. “Shit, shit.” He picked up his glasses off the nightstand and promptly set them back down. He had no desire to see his reflection in a mirror. The way his self-worth was now, the warped impression of his face that he saw without his glasses was nicer looking than the one he had ingrained in his mind. “...shit.”He hopped in the shower and kept the water cold since he was, again, in the mood to torture himself. It seemed to be that everywhere he looked there was a contradiction: He hated his body yet filled his bathroom with expensive and elite products to soothe what little vanity he had. No matter how clear his skin was from the routine he followed his face remained tragically unappealing. His figure was unremarkable but his clothing showed things off. Sometimes he had nothing in his closet that made him comfortable. Today he chose very casual business-casual.Heading down the stairs he entered his spacious kitchen- ‘I don’t feel like eating.’He put on his shoes and gathered his jacket and keys. Upon opening the service door into the 2-car garage he scoffed at himself. 2 matching Audi’s lie in weight, he had the American Dream cars and nowhere to go and nobody to meet him there. He sat down in the Sedan and put his hands on the wheel. “What if I just fuckin’-” Arthur closed his eyes and imagined the feeling of flooring the car right into the closed garage door. “-...its l'appel du vide, Arthur, you’re better than this.” It was tough at that moment. It just carried on forever, the individual muscle cells each had to relax so he wasn’t white-knuckling the wheel. He started the car after opening the door and tore out of the driveway and into the city. As the car prowled around the bends he turned up the radio just to quiet his mind. He instantly went on autopilot, he felt like he could take his hands off the wheel and the car would just know to take him to the facility. His body was dragging, perhaps he’d left his heart behind somewhere else. But he couldn’t keep feeling this way, he had to deal with himself. He glared at his visage in the rearview mirror trying to gauge how lost he looked. He didn’t look nearly as lost as he felt...that was the scary part. Arthur’s brain couldn’t be bothered to let his facial expressions match his feelings. Decay.He looked fine.He would be fine.The grey morning would lift.Arthur Was still caught up in his head as he parked at the Starbucks he frequented. Pushing open the door he briefly considered going to the one across town so the baristas wouldn’t have to see him in his state. Still, he walked up to the register and there they were. 3 College-age girls that were truly heroine baristas of the city. They were responsible for the better more caffeinated version of himself. One of the girls checked over her shoulder and cracked a pleasant smile at him. She went to the register and tapped a few things before he handed her his card. “Mocha iced with almond milk?” She recited his order perfectly. Perks of being a regular. He gave her a small smile back and bequeathed a modest tip. He always tipped his baristas. The place was pretty quiet for a Saturday, perhaps God had led the population of the city away from the Starbucks he was at. It only took a moment for one of the girls to call his name and pushed 2 iced cups towards him.“I only ordered one.”“I know.” The one that made the drink smiled brightly. “You’ve tipped us a lot over the last few weeks. We like to take care of our regulars and you’ve always seemed happier on days when you had one to give.”Arthur was taken aback...but he had to smile and agree. He took the drinks and also a deep breath of the smell of roasted coffee. He threw a “thank you ladies” over his shoulder on his way out. Outside the film noir that had followed him from his house was showing signs of lifting because in his hand was a reminder: there was Matthew.-o-Nobody likes going into work on a Saturday, but such was his life. First he made his way down to Phillip’s lab (sans Phillip of course) and put Matthew’s drink in the freezer that was definitely just there for scientific purposes. From there he turned back towards the empty surveillance room/ He sat down and turned on the iPad to check levels but kept the computer off. So much of his job (more accurately phrased: his life) those days were filled with Matthew. He had few qualms with this of course, but he had to remind himself that the people financing the experiments were literally the law of the land. Arthur figured he had a very accurate reading of what would happen to the personnel that would inevitably be injected with the stimulants: the soldiers, officers, SEALS, Marines, police, and SWAT, they would benefit from their greatly. The government was looking for any possible ways to “enhance survival” - that was what they told him at least. As he sat alone in the room he allowed himself to think freely: this was a lucrative operation for sure, but at what cost?It would do everything that they wanted and more. He had no doubt that the experiment would soon be over and everything would be chalked up in a file. But for the moment he looked at the graphs and levels as if they would keep counting indefinitely. For the past week, the room the Alphas were in had been kept at 50º. Their average body temperatures had been lowered since the beginning of the experiment, now they followed the temperature of the environment they were in proportionately. The lines on the graph followed each other perfectly, they showed no visible discomfort either. Arthur turned the lights on to a low setting and saw them laying in the far left corner looking half asleep. These days they either slept back-to-back or sort of stacked on top of each other with Al on top. They seemed to be fully comfortable with each other even as they still riled each other up in the strange silent language.They were cold-blooded. The graphs and levels could not take account of the almost anecdotal evidence that Phillip and Arthur had discovered. When they wrestled it became apparent that they had considerably less body fat than when they had started. They weren’t growing smaller, it was as if their bodies were creating muscle from the fat directly. It was a phenomenon that happened right before his eyes. And when they moved...there was something superhuman about it. Flexing and unflexing, their strange gait was paired with a soulless yet intelligent look in their eyes. To Arthur, it appeared like they had lost a substantial amount of color in their irises.“Matthew could describe it better.” He said confidently to himself. “...I have to bring him in to see them.”It was an interesting thought. Arthur retreated deep into his mind, hatching an idea: nobody could stop him from doing whatever he wanted. He had 48 hours of uninterrupted time to test Matthew and the alphas. Hell, he could trap them all in the same room and begin testing Matthew’s stimulant early. He had the freedom to put him in and pull him out as needed. Surly Matthew would be up for it.He turned off the iPad and saw his reflection in its blackness. There was a blob of whiteness the size of a face that appears for just a moment to be looming over him. In spite of himself, Arthur whipped around in his chair only to meet the unassuming back wall. His mind was toying with him...making him see things that weren’t there anymore. Magnus Long.Arthur cursed himself. He could see every potential crease the smile made. He saw it. All of it was saved to a thumb drive in his memory he’d thought he’d thrown away. The cheekbones were plump like cherries at the time, and the lips weren’t soft. He remembered the feeling when he had tried to pry them open...they were the lips of a man. It was at that moment that he realized that we would never grow out of it. Not only was he still CEO of MECHANISM literally looming over him, but his intimate presence would haunt him forever. Images he saw could never match what his heart of hearts remembered. His aura of constant calm, constant strength, and that insatiable hunger for life experience. After their entanglement Arthur hadn’t been left feeling dirty (those feelings would come much later), he remembered that for a few years after Magnus had…” taken care of him”. Given him a brief residence within that aura. Then he’d gotten a chance to see his face again. He let the pieces of the aura shatter around him and that was the moment that he knew that his life was truly beginning. He had to ask himself whether or not those moments took up space in both of their minds. For the most part, he kept them out of his mind, that didn’t mean they didn’t follow him into the dark.He had to learn to be okay with the choices he’d made in the past. He had to get out of his head.

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Arthur took the walk to Phillip’s lab slowly, grabbed the crystallizing Mocha from the freezer then meandered around until he was where he subconsciously wanted to be: Matthew’s room. It was 9 o’clock, he wouldn’t feel bad for waking him up. He knocked quietly on the door, garnered no response, and walked inside.There was a mound atop Matthew’s bed. It was plush like a pastry and had a slight depression in the middle. He turned on the bedside lamp and upon getting closer to the mound, saw all six pillows under the blankets. It was half tent, half nest: pillows one and two were under Matthews’s head, pillow three had a knee thrown over it, pillow four was hugged against Matthew’s chest, and pillows five and six were pressed against his back.Arthur had to sigh. Matthew was always so endearing - cute in the way that a smallish animal would be. Even in sleep, he was concise and careful about his presence.‘Mind yourself, Arthur.’ He pulled out his phone, snapped a photo of the scene, then added it to his Google dock labeled “odd behaviors of Matthew“. As Arthur did this, Matthew began the process of waking up. To wake up, Matthews’s unconscious mind knocked on the upstairs room where the conscious mind was. It registered Arthur’s scent along with the warm glow of the nest built around him. Sure, Arthur said he didn’t wear cologne, and he didn’t, but the scent that was laced in each stitch of clothing was the same sand that was coded on his very skin cells. It was something he can feel, it was the sum of each high and low in his emotional bell curve. Simultaneously gloomy and dismal as well as unafraid and efficient.Even with this that excited him, he had no desire to move. Matthew gave him a small grown that reminded him that he was awake. Arthur turned on his bedside lamp and set something down on the nightstand. I heard him check the empty solution bag and realized that he hadn’t replaced it from the day before.“Huh, my bad. Do you want to use another bag or should I give you an injection?“ He asked the seemingly lifeless body. “I don’t care to hurt you much more.“It was a sweet gesture. Reflecting all the time they spent together, or there’s been nothing but considerate. He was always taking care of him even though half the time Matthew was just in between falling into a doze. Even then he had to fight off the figurative casing that was wrapped around him. He turned over to face him.Only the very top of Matthew's head and face were showing. Evidence of sleep dropped off his visage. “Good morning.“ Arthur said to the Eskimo and white sheets.“Morning.““Do you want to use another solution bag or do you want a shot?““A shot would be fine.“ On the top of the nightstand sat a partly crystallized iced mocha. “I am… There’s no need to make me jealous.”“It’s for you. I’ll be back in a minute.“Arthur left the room just as Matthew hauled himself up. He rubbed that morning’s soot out of his eyes and picked up the mocha. The Condensation felt cool on his fingertips. Again, Arthur proved himself to be very sweet. Matthew had to smile at himself.Arthur returned a few minutes later with a single syringe inside a kit. He met the image of Matthew sitting cross-legged in bed with a comforter pulled over his shoulders and the drink clutched gradually between his lips.“I’m not supposed to have this, I hope you know.“ Matthew said with raised eyebrows. “What could possibly possess you to break your own rules?”Are there made a walkway, unsure sound and rolled up his sleeves. “… Blonds…”Matthew snorted and play. His drink down. “Where will the shop be?““Your options are upper arms, bluish abdomen, and outer thighs.”Matthew pulled up his T-shirt sleeve after letting the duvet slide off his shoulders. “I’m just glad I don’t have to have a shot on the ass.”Arthur put on medical gloves and cringed. “It’s the most painful option.““You have experience?” Matthew squinted.“Yeah… In college, I did a thing and the amount of liquid that needed to be injected was too much for my upper arms to take intramuscularly.“ Arthur swabbed the area with antiseptic. “At 18 years old I got shot on the ass.”“What did you do?““.....-Ididaperson.” Arthur pronounced the phrase very much under his breath, Matthew did not understand what he said. Arthur readied the needle and paused as if forgetting something. “I uh… I actually don’t like needless, can you look away?”If you gave him a queer face then slowly turned his face away from where the injection site was. “PTSD from the shot?”Something like that…” Arthur pinched the area before he commenced the injection. “Great... Perfect. thanks.” Arthur dabbed away the pinprick of blood and placed a Band-Aid over it.“Will not be the last injection of the stimulant I need?“Arthur sat down in the armchair next to Matthew’s bed looking more relaxed as he put away the needle. “We’ll see how the rest of the day goes… I think you’re probably due for two more. I didn’t hurt too much did it?”“No.““And the cramps have stopped?““Yeah… They did actually. Whatever magic you worked with those hands work. Matthew re-situated the duvet over his shoulders. “… I fell asleep at some point didn’t I?”Arthur not slowly. “You did.““Now tell me why I can’t remember that at all.”“Your body really seemed to be going through it, you fell asleep on me actually.““I am so sorry-““Don’t worry about it,” Arthur said this with all sincerity but he looked over Matthew's head.For a moment both of them sat looking around rather than at each other. It was awkward, but Arthur was more interested in being awkward and he was being bored in the surveillance room. Matthew felt a simpler way, every long moment was twice as long in his mind.“… Can I ask you a favor?““Sure.““I know this isn’t your job, but could you possibly drive to go get my backpack?“ Matthew twisted a corner of the sheet between his fingers. “I hate to bother you, but I feel my mind rotting.”“I’m honestly surprised it took you this long to get bored enough.““Well, I feel bad for asking, but I can probably spot you the gas money-“ Arthur interrupted him with a snort.“Matthew, the day that I ask a college kid ‘spot me gas money’ is the day that I lose my last shard of self-respect.” Arthur rolled his eyes. I could never. Do you even know what day it is?”“Saturday? They made you come into work on a Saturday??““Actually they make me do that a lot- The point is, however, I’m here alone. Maxwell, Philip, Hattie, and a few others went to this Summit in New York. . Arthur relaxed his shoulders further, the realization seemed to embolden him. “I control the project for the next 48 hours. I’m the captain of it.”“Then what am I? Your ward?”“An argument could be made for the co-captain position.” Arthur put his hands together and stood up. “I’m yours for the next 48 hours and I respect your boredom. Of course, I’ll go get your backpack.”Matthew sighed. “Thank you so much.” “I’m also going to give you your phone back.““Oh?““I don’t know what dorm you have, but I can’t be bothered to write it down. Just don’t call anyone else.” Arthur turned around in the doorway. “I have a lot of ideas and I think it will just make everything easier.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It wasn’t too much of a surprise, Matthew got the feeling that Arthur would do what Arthur wanted to do. Arthur left the room and came back later tossing his phone to him. “It was in your file folder in a plastic bag, I’ll be back soon,” he said before he left.Matthew sat the phone face up in front of him on the bed. It was strange to see it. His iPhone had never really been the center of his personality, but it was nice to have it back. That being said, the instructions were clear: don’t call anyone else. Now that he was under the influence of something it was sound advice to never speak to anyone who knew him in the...real world...If anything he was becoming a better person. Conscious, subdued to the point where he could actually think before he spoke. More introverted, facing a crowd would definitely overwhelm him in his state. But still, a shadier part of him definitely had the compacity to be high-maintenance. Under the dark of nice came an unbecoming desire to be coddled...that is to say he had an insatiable lust for physical touch - Why the hell??And it wasn’t always sex...although, the thought of it did come and went as it pleased…He stood up and made his bed. He put all the pillows back to the configuration that a normal person would employ. He didn’t want to destroy it at all, but he couldn’t have it stay that way. His muscles were clearly sore from all the cramping from yesterday. ‘Serves them right.’ It made it a little harder to bend over and throw things around, but at least it was over. He’d have to ask Arthur if he noticed any physical changes in him. Matthew had inhabited his body for how whole life, and it still felt as thin as ever, but the cramping had to be doing something. Matthew sat back down on his now made bed and picked up the phone. He shot Arthur a text with his room number and floor. Really it was just an excuse to get it into his hands again.He found he didn’t miss it as much as he should.
-o-Arthur returned later wearing Matthew’s black backpack and holding one of his textbooks under his arm. “One of your roommates was in,” Arthur leaned the backpack on the desk in the corner and placed the textbook on top of it. “He didn’t ask any questions when I walked in. Are they used to having strang old men infiltrate your dorm??” If so-”“Jeez, you do not need to make it sound like that!” Matthew laughed. “I mean….maybe in a certain light you look like my father? They’ve never met my parents.”“The backpack was obscenely heavy, do you really carry it around like that?”Matthew hopped out of bed and unzipped it revealing many notebooks, books, and other materials. While Matthew took stock of his backpack Arthur caught a glimpse of his figure. Matthew was beginning to look quite a thing and unassuming. His waist was visibly sinching but his ribs weren’t protruding enough to make him seem gaunt or waifishHe was struggling to find the right words...Odder still, he had no masculine arm veins stringing up his arms. “I used to carry this bag everywhere. I don’t think I could even lift it now.” Matthew said - and Arthur had to agree. “Anyway...I’ll leave you to it!”
-o-So much for Matthew being bored. Arthur could respect Matthew wanting to review his college stuff. It was scary to be missing valuable lectures and dialogues. The kid needed to take his brain out for a spin after being stuck in solitary. Arthur could respect this, but that didn’t mean he was happy to be stuck in surveillance room digitizing paperwork. He hooked up his keyboard to work on his iPad while the computer monitor was stuck on the camera in Matthew’s room. Live feed. He was routinely checking up on him just waiting for him to tire himself out. Arthur really couldn’t help himself. It was an adorable white noise to hear Matthew talk himself through his notes. Another quark of his was he seemed to sing everything he said. Whether he created a melody or said phrases with a distinct rhyme - didn’t matter. Again: endearing. He was cute when he focused.It was getting easier and easier to say things like that out loud. He should allow himself to think like that.
-o-Matthew sat on his bed and laid out all his materials in an array around him. He rewrote old notes, found new definitions, strung significances together, reread sections of his textbook, and did practice quizzes. He wasn’t any worse at retaining information, but staying focused on one thing at a time was a true feat. If he read an excerpt from his textbook he had to trail a finger under the words and read out loud. He felt like a 3rd grader. He was still sharp, but things were different.He went on like this for quite some time. He took breaks every 15 minutes to stand, stretch, and move blood back into his legs. Each transition back got harder than the one before. After his 5th cycle, Matthew leaned on the headboard with a sour expression. The phone on his nightstand vibrated suddenly:‘Hey’
-Sent from Arthur @11:21amMatthew opened his phone and just stared at the text. It was out of character for Arthur, but definitely not unwelcome. He needed a ticket out of this place. [M]: hey yourself.
-Sent to Arthur @11:22amMatthew closed the device and held it tightly in his hands. He was unsure of what to hope for, but he anticipated the vibration. Typing…
‘What are you up to now?’
-sent from Arthur @11:23am [M]: I was studying
{a]: Sorry to interrupt.
[M]: oh no please do interrupt.It went radio-quiet for a moment before: Typing… Typing…
-o-Arthur didn’t want to sound needy yet, but he really couldn’t take staying inside a room with himself. [A]: I’m pretty bored over here, gotta’ be honest with you.
[m]: What are you doing?
[A]; digitizing paperwork from years ago.
[A]: it’s slowly killing me.
[m]: i get that lol‘What in god’s name does ‘lol’ mean?’ Arthur squinted at the screen. [m]: The facility is a hard place to live in for an extended amount of time.
[m]: It sucked the air out of everything
[A]: I completely agree.
[m]: at night it gets impressively quiet. In those moments I just lay there and pray for the ventilation system to turn on so I can have some white noise
[A]: do you miss being outside?
Typing…
[m]: I miss everything, Arthur.Arthur wished he could hear his own name said on Matthew’s lips.
-o-Matthew imagined himself wilting and dying within the room that he slept in. At the moment he wished the whiteness would become an ocean capable of swallowing him whole. The fluorescent light was giving him a “tan” that made him feel pale and sickly. Artificial. [a]: You haven’t said it in so many words yet, but I hate it here too.Matthew couldn’t count on the sun either, it was still winter outside. [M]: Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier on me if I had let them “work my mind”Arthur took a long minute to reply to him. [a]: I don’t think you want that.
[a]:I really don’t think you do.
[a]: I can’t explain that process to you for reasons, but trust me on this. It’s better having you
here
[M]: I know. I’m just tired of being high-maintenance and self-aware of it. Typing…
[a]: I don’t think you’re high-maintenance.It was reassuring to hear, but Matthew sans-dignity had a very selfish core. It was becoming harder and harder not to indulge in it. [M]: On the surface, I’m not, but I know I have the capacity to be. [a]: I just don’t see that happening.‘I hope you don’t.’It was easy to text him and simply never look him in the eyes. He didn’t feel bad about it; it was freeing to be able to say whatever he wanted. Texting had a window of interpretation that could swing various messages in very strange directions. If Matthew were speaking to him face to face, his expressions would weaponize any non-threatening speech; he was simply too loud to be honest. Whether it was just because it was Arthur or because the stimulant doubled as a truth serum - he didn’t know.He just wanted to take, and take, and take, from the scientist. There was something in the way that he had held him that beseeched him. There was such tenacity of his movements with him, an odd determination that didn’t seem to exist for anyone else besides himself. He remembered the pain of his body clouding everything and taking away from the sensation of Arthur running his hands along his sides and finally resting his hands on his hips. He should have left, but they stayed entwined.Even now they were. Matthew had to figure out what to do with that knowledge.[M]: I don’t want to admit it, but you’re right. I’m under the influence of something and am liable to be too honest...too clingy. I don’t know what I’m saying. Even now I don’t. I know some things about you and I know that you skip around what could be seen as strange or horrible. But I know that if I’m worried about saying and doing the wrong things, then so are you. And I can weather that storm. Both of us are probably worried about being wrong about this whole thing. That’s okay. I’m not good at a lot of things right now, but I hope to be good at knowing you if that’s the one thing that goes right.
[M]: I think I could be very good at knowing you because I look at you and I know that you know that I see you.
[M]: And I feel like that is all that people need sometimes.
[M]: To be seen and known.
-o-Arthur closed his phone after reading the block of text for the 3rd time. Checkmate. He got him.He looked at the monitor and saw Matthew looking past the phone in his hands. He saw the college kid, the teenager, the child, and the adult struggling to coexist with each other. He looked far away, but just close enough that Arthur still felt he was within his grasp. Typing…
‘That was stupid’
-Sent from Matthew @11:30am ‘In short, we could probably stand to get to know each other. If you want.’
Sent from Matthew @11:31amIn his room, Arthur watched Matthew fall back on the bed and groan out: “Matthew, you idiot.”Little did he know that Arthur had finally found the correct reply:[A]: What’s your favorite color?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

[a]: I feel the same way.[a]: we can be selfish together if you’d like. Matthew stopped holding his breath, he just had to laugh. He had to laugh at his nerves and neediness, his embarrassment, and the reception. All of it was right there. [M]: My favorite color used to be white, but lately I’ve been feeling olive green. Hbu?[a]: What?[M]: Hbu[a]: what does that mean?Again, he had to laugh.[M]: how about you (hbu)? Lol[a]: Oh easy: black.[a]: what's your greatest fear?[M]: As a little kid, it was Halloween. Now it's...probably inadequacy. I’m kind of okay with it. I just want to be good enough.[a]: that’s a good one, I think it’s reasonable.[M]: and you?[a]: ending up alone or isolated.[M]: are you an introvert?[a]: absolutely not. That makes it worse.[a]: I’m less likely to say something about it.[M]: it’s a good one. [M]: If you could live anywhere, where would you live?[a]: That’s hard.[a]: As I said, I’m an introvert. But I don’t like a lot of people, but I don’t want to be alone. I guess I just want to go somewhere where I can get lost.[a]: The streets are numbered in New York[M]: Taxes are high[a]: ‘to hell with taxes I guess.[M]: I thought you would say something like ‘a cabin alone’ or something lol[a]: NEVER. I am strictly an indoor cat.[M]: that makes more sense.[a]: You?[M]: LA. The people there seem like the crowd to run with.Typing…Typing…[a]: You think so?[a]: good to know that a young person’s view of Los Angeles hasn’t changed in the past decades. [M]: What’s that supposed to mean?[a]: When I was your age, LA held all the answers to my problems. I thought I’d find myself there or some shit[a]: I wanted to be happier there. [M]: Why in the world would you stay here? I bet you could have made it! :DMatthew smiled. They had all the time in the world to dance around various subjects, but they weren’t. In an odd way, it felt like they didn’t actually have the time. -o-Arthur smiled at this. At least someone believed he could have. [A]: I’d like to think so too.[A]: I’d also like to think that It was never a choice I would get to make. Before I had decided on LA, my application to MECHANISM came through. I was a part of the second year of college kids chosen.[m]: So you had to stay?[A]: I guess so. Typing…Typing…[m]: are you glad you stayed?[A]: that’s a really complicated question to me. [m]: I just had to ask since yesterday you said: “you should have gotten out of this place years ago”. Does that mean you wish you had never come or is the literal meaning correct?Arthur closed his phone and crossed his arms. The answer to this question had the capability to expose more about himself than he wanted to at that moment. Keyword: Magnus Long. If he had never joined MECHANISM he wouldn’t have learned as much about the world as he knew now, the educational piece was instrumental to him. No chance, he had to join MECHANISM for his life to go right. But there was still the Magnus Long factor…[A]: I don’t know. [A]: I don’t think there is a good answer, maybe there’s a right answer but I don’t want it. [m]: What might the right answer be?[A]: What if I never joined MECHANISM? That’s the right answer. I think. [m]: But you stayed…[A]: Well, think about it this way: the early years were very different, and I had nowhere else to go professionally if MECHANISM wanted me. [m]: You could have done research for a university[A]: But MECHANISM wanted me. I was too proud to know what I was getting into.[m]: then tell me, what was different?[A]: Where do I start![A]: first of all, Magnus Long the CEO bequeathed a ton of power to his son in the last 5 years. The entire structure of leadership has been shifted.[A]: By the way, you do know that Maxwell is about 3 years younger than me, right?[m]: I had no idea. It doesn’t seem like he ages.[A]: that’s pretty good. I don’t particularly care for him. [m]: Did something happen?Arthur wanted Matthew to get as many answers as he had questions...but this had to be done tactfully, and gracefully. Disclosing what happened would be neither of those things.[A]: We’ve just never had a good relationship.[m]: Have you met Magnus?? There’s almost no solid information on him on the internet. I’ve tried looking but all he does is block out questioning. Him and Maxwell...they run a tight shift over here.[A]: There’s a reason for that.[m]: What reason? Is he a horrible person?[A]: no no no he’s not a horrible person at all heAfter all the attempts to go to therapy, After all the late nights,After all the one-night stands,He still couldn’t give him up. [A]: when I met him he was efficientMagnus never wasted time on people. If he was in your presence he had a motive to be there and you might never find out what it was. Arthur still didn’t know why after all those years.[A]: He seemed so focused.Magnus’ attention was always on what was right in front of him. He threw himself into every interaction with grace and finesse. Forever, he was always focused on that motive - whatever it was. [A]: He never worried about anything. He didn’t worry about people finding out. He didn’t have to. Later, the scientist and his student would agree that Arthur was but a page in the odyssey of MECHANISM. That epic poem was authored by Magnus and sometimes during the night, Arthur could feel the sensation of ink covering him. Magnus drawing him up and turning him into the person he was, both good and bad. Writing the legend all over him. [m]: you ok?[A]: Yeah sorry.Arthur pushed some things aside and put his feet up on the counter. [m]: he sounds like an amazing man, is Maxwell anything like him?[A]: Unfortunately, the night you met Max, he was still in one of his better moods. Maxwell will never be half the leader his father is. [A]: I can say that confidently.[m]: That whole day was crazy to me. My roommates who had helped me edit the application I never dreamed of actually sending in were thrilled. They acted like I was going to meet a celebrity. And I did, I guess. [m]: You were so nice to me that day, lol.Typing…[m]: Why?On that night it had been cold with no snow to accompany it. He remembered flipping up his collar to ward away the chill before a particularly well dressed young man came into view. The kind you buy drinks for even though you damn well know he’s a lightweight. Matthew was that and he stood in the reflection of a large glass window fixing his hair. In the moment he watched him, he didn’t feel bad having done the things he’d done. Looking at Matthew Arthur lived as the sum of his memories rather than a hollow cutting of just the mediocre. He felt new, brave.He was overcome by the notion of taking Matthew’s arm and running. Running for good. Typing…‘You carried me that night’-Send from Matthew @11:53am‘That night was the first time you told me you hated your job...and you gave me this look like you wanted to tell me something’-Send from Matthew @11:53am[A]: When it comes down to it, I just didn’t want you to do this.[A]: It was like there was a billboard over your head that said: “be careful with this one.” Sure, I subconsciously put it there, but it matters that it was there.[A]: I didn’t want you getting damaged.-o-Matthew remembered sitting in Arthur’s car watching Arthur roll the night over in his mind. He had felt so protected at that moment, but from what?[M]: there must be another reason, you just seemed so angry and disappointed.[a]: not at you.[a]: Definitely not at you.Arthur was as much an enigma to him as Matthew was an enigma to Arthur. He had something dragging him, yet still, in the dorm hall, Arthur had come alive for him. Truly living and breathing, the contrast made the anger and disappointment seem that much greater. He walked with a hand fastened to his chest as if he was trying to hold in a flying heart. ‘You astound me.’ - Matthew remembered saying. Arthur still did, but not for the same reason. Matthew leaned his head back on his headboard. He knew there was something going on. He knew Arthur had never been completely honest, everything he said was either censored or completely avoided. It pissed him off since it was delaying progress.[M]: What is it? I know something is bothering you. ...no answer. Matthew grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.“I’ve got all the time in the world.” He said desperately. There was never a greater distance between them than during the moments that Matthew was held in his arms. “What is it going to take for you to trust me?”[a]: It’s not that I don’t trust you, there are just some things that I can’t say.Matthew scoffed.[a]: There are just some things that people agree to never say no matter how much[a]: or how LITTLE they want to talk about it. “Jeez, you make it sound so serious. How serious can company drama get? Fill me in on the history. What have you done?[a]: I just can’t talk about it. “That sounds like bullshit Arthur.” [a]: I know it sounds like bullshit Matthew. I’ve been living like this for a while.“You’re not trying very hard to stop.”[a]: I am. I promise you I am.“I-...” That’s when it came to him.With a face dry as slate, Matthew clicked off the phone and looked directly into the camera in the corner of the room. His shoulders slouched when he realized. “You don’t even trust me enough to face me.” Matthew got out of bed and moved closer to it. “You’ve been watching the whole time? - Coward.”Matthew put on a pair of socks and stood in the center of the room and held Arthur’s gaze through the camera. “You amaze me.”-o-Arthur put his head in his hands as he accepted that Matthew would be coming his way soon. Matthew was the subject of most of his emotions - but he was okay with that. Phillip, his lifelong friend, was often the reason why he felt anything, but then there was Matthew. Matthew who made him feel everything. All at once the paralysis that had taken over his day was chipped of his shoulders by a pair of violet eyes. Matthew was relentless in some ways - like Magnus was. So he sat back and made a deal with himself: he was going to get out of this exactly what he was supposed to. What was supposed to happen - would happen. Matthew would find a way around his defenses no matter what he tried, all he had to do was get his mind around what words to use to explain. He sighed and spun his chair around to face the door. Within a moment, Matthew’s form came into view behind the door and it was opened. He said nothing as he came to stand and lean on the back wall. A smile was strewn across his face but every other second Matthew’s lip would twitch showing that he was trying to hide it. He was the most like a teenager that Arthur had ever seen: determined and haughty, but nervous energy still covered his ego enough. He was everything that was young and strong and good in the world. Arthur would never feel worthy. “Hey.” Matthew said. “Hey yourself.” Arthur returned.“I never thought of you being a coward until now,” Matthew said with terrifying honesty. “Afraid of your own shadow, too afraid to speak to me one-on-one for real.”“I see you left the phone-”“I don’t need it.” Matthew came to sit down in the chair next to his. He folded his legs in and leaned forward into his personal space. “I trust you.”“You don’t know me.”“I could though. This is a part of me being selfish, I want to know:” Matthew could feel immense friction coming off of Arthur. Part of it was natural, but the other part was self-inflicted suffering from years, and years, or repetition. It was something Matthew was willing to break through while he still had his mind. “Do you trust me?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Trust. Arthur remembered his Fascination. The alphas, they moved like magnets constantly pushing and pulling on a temporal string, the scientist in his student mirrored them. Suddenly Matthew’s movements were calculated and sure. Semicolon. Well, Arthur's were calculated, they lacked confidence.They need to get to know each other in the dark, Arthur wanted to get to know him in a space where he could make no assumptions. A void where there was no nuance needed and no non-disclosures. A place where he could relax.It takes the trust you build up over years to let someone simply be with you in that way. Trust.“Do you trust me, Arthur?“It wasn’t like that night at all. Matthew was asking so that they could move forward when Arthur had asked days ago it was a completely different question. They’ve been riding in his car after the dinner in the street lamps that passed behind them created temples of light that Matthew was the god of. Arthur was stealing glances at the wheel and it looked so obvious.“Do you trust me, Matthew?He’s said. “I don’t want you getting involved in [my] issues. I just need [someone (anyone)] to know that nobody is secure. Nobody. [Magnus] Long will do away with you just as quickly as he [did] me.” - this was redacted text really. The things he wanted to say.“There may be a point within the experiment where I may tell you [what happened]. And I just want to know if I have your trust but if I tell you suddenly to run you will [come with me].”Now in the surveillance room, it was as if they were riding side-by-side in the Sedan. Just like that night. Except for this time, Arthur was tired and he didn’t have the spine to hold his gaze until it hurt. He thought back to that morning where he had considered driving the car into the closed garage door. Arthur wanted to crash the fucking Sedan and Matthew knew why: that was the easy world.The metaphor kept Arthur in the driver seat since he was supposed to be handling the situation. He was supposed to keep them safe and Matthew was under the influence. But Matthew wasn’t the one who wanted to crash the fucking Sedan. Arthur had to give Matthew the control - metaphorically, he had to let him drive. Arthur was good now… He’s gotten them far enough hadn’t he? He still had to learn to be okay with the choices he made in the past.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“I’m glad you finally trust me.” Matthew smiled at Arthur and set a gentle hand on his shoulder. There was a new smidgen of authority in his grin, but Arthur held no qualms otherwise. The tectonic plates had stopped moving and he and Matthew were fundamentally equal. It was so easy to just give him that, to finally have the world stop rushing past him. Matthew felt the yield in Arthur in his strange way of feeling things. Comfort and accomplishment crept up to him. Now it was just them seated side by side bathed in fluorescent light again. “Finally,” Arthur repeated in agreement. “...so, now that the rest of my Saturday has been cleared-” Arthur snorted at him. “-, what do we have to do today?”“Good question.”“You were so excited to talk about all the creative freedom you have this morning.”The faint spark had returned to Matthew’s eye. Next to it slightly to the left was an air of patience adjacent to his natural “eager to please attitude”. Maybe they really had switched places since they’d first met: Arthur was now over-cautious and Matthew was becoming confident. “It’s been a long time since we’ve worked on anything.” Matthew looked around the room. “Arthur decided that what he’d said was a nice sentiment no matter how much he hated the room. “We’ve been kind of “working” on you.”“I’ve been a mess…”“Doesn’t matter to me. Here’s an idea... endocrinology uses a lot of blood draws to figure out different amounts of this and that in the human body. You can tell quite a bit from someone’s blood…” Arthur explained. “I need some of their blood to compare it to the samples we took at the beginning of the process.”“Sounds fun,” Matthew said. “It will be, let’s see what kind of mood they’re in today-...I changed my mind. Not “lets”, just YOU.” Arthur stood up. “I’m going to get some things from the lab to perform a quick venipuncture.”Arthur left him there just as a slash of synergy entered the room. There wasn’t much for him to do at the moment, so he sat back and watched the video feeds. Matthew looked into the eyes of the alphas and could find very little. No craze, no fear, but no innocence. Just the quiet hum of intelligence that gave him chills. They moved so methodically slithering around each other like oil and water. They weren’t confused or curious like they had been in the beginning, they seemed to know everything about the universe as well as nothing...He couldn’t explain it but he knew they would never return to being the men he’d read about in the files. Never again.Matthew hadn’t been to a zoo in years but the experiences were similar. The debate of whether zoos were a good or a bad thing seized him at that moment. Sure, zoos gave children a chance to experience real awe and wonder and it made their worlds infinitely larger, but on the other side of just a pane of glass was a real animal. Children are not always good at differentiating between real and fake. Fantastic animals were living and breathing and dying where all the adults could see. Maybe it was because adults were that much taller. For adults the experience involves some understanding of the “amusement”.....a sobering trip that dismantles all previous wonder. So what about men?Men had the capacity to feel bad for the animals in zoos, but they could not let go of their pride. Men don’t think they deserve to be captivated - it’s entitlement. Matthew leaned forward and placed a single fingertip on the one-way glass. After all, at what point can you begin to confidently call men animals? Matthew was going to find out soon. Al laid himself out in the center of the room but he seemed anything but relaxed. Ivan sat with his back against the wall assessing the situation like one would read a headline. He scanned the body of his fellow alpha than starred directly into Al’s eyes. A week ago Matthew would not have understood this, but now he was able to catch some “words”. All at once, Ivan grabbed Al’s ankle and wrenched his body out of the center and pounced onto his chest looking to tear into it. He’d struck like a viper. Matthew gasped when a full tussle began between them. They were doing everything: Immediately Al grabbed Ivan’s shoulders and flung him off. Ivan kept a hold on his effectively leading them to flip over. Ivan kneed Al in the guts, Al lifted him then used his weight to bash him against the hard floor. Al was trying to beat the wind out of him. Ivan growled and hissed but the blunt hits were getting to him. Finally Al stopped to just pin him - Ivan got both hands on the base of his neck and started to clamp down.Arthur took that moment to return with a plastic kit full of supplies. He just came through the doorway, saw what was going on, and sat down. Al coughed and it sounded constricted.“I...are you not seeing this?/” Matthew said in disbelief.“Yeah, these things happen all the time now. You’ve been too busy for me to tell you about it.” Arthur was unfazed. “It’ll pass.”Al gasped and Ivan pushed him off to the side by the neck. “...”Arthur took out 6 vials and labeled them with a sharpie before they heard another noise: Ivan let out a snarl as Al tried to yank all his hair out. There was also the sound of Al’s ragged breathing. “...I’m surprised Ivan took that long to throw him off. Al usually strikes quickly and Ivan is usually blunter.” Arthur said nonchalantly. “...I gotta’ be honest, I don’t want to go in there at all.” he added a stressed laugh. There was an audible thud that made Matthew flinch. Matthew straightened his back. “That’s okay, I-I can do it.”“Hah!” Arthur exclaimed. “What makes you think I’d let you? I’ll do it.”“You said you didn’t want to-”“I don’t. But you shouldn’t-...Well, I mean I guess you should meet them at some point...but not with needles.” “Let me do it! There must be a way for you to coach me through it.” “Venipunctures are simple, that’s not what I’m worried about.”“How many times am I going to have to say “I thought we were done with this” to you?” Matthew sighed.“You’re going to have to accept that part of me.” Arthur sat back in his chair and gave him a look of pure reluctance. “We have these earpieces. I thought they were a waste of money, but it wasn’t my money.”“So you’ll be able to talk to me? Perfect!” Arthur opened a drawer and pulled out a black plastic case.Matthew pushed his chair up close to his and playfully reached for it. “Uh-uh, chill. I don’t know what might happen to you, they are being much too aggressive for me to let you!” “Let’s try out the stimulant’s effect on them. They’ll feel it-”“And you’ll feel it too. This was supposed to be gradual.” Arthur pulled a small speaker like-apparatus out of the plastic case. He held it up for them to look at it with a tweezer. “...the original purpose of this whole thing was to have you be there with them. I didn’t think I’d like you too much to let you fulfill your purpose.”“Aww thanks Arthur.” “Yeah whatever, come here.” Arthur put a hand on Matthew’s jaw for stability as he lodged the tech gently in his ear canal. “...be careful, I feel like this would get stuck...this is probably illegal somewhere.”“Which part?”“Good question. I meant you drawing blood.”“Eh, I won’t mess it up and you won’t tell.”Arthur handed him the kit with an annoying smile. “Take it easy, this is kind of the moment we’ve been waiting for.”“You got it boss.”-o-Matthew walked outside of the surveillance room and into the displacement room to the left. It was as familiar as it was surreal. He hadn’t been in that room since the day he’d collapsed in Arthur’s arms: the first day he’d been on the stimulant. It was as white an ominous as it had been that day. There was a clicking sound in his ear that made him flinch, then Arthur’s voice sounded in his ear. “Don’t be alarmed, I hope the earpiece has the right volume. Anyway, I’ll open the door when you give me a gesture.” Matthew found the camera in the corner and gave it a tentative thumbs-up. The door opened. He almost dropped the kit. He could forget about the substance for hours on end...there was always something to remind him that he was a different kind of human now. Here it was. The doorframe hosted a viscous cloud layer that made his head swim as he passed through it. Some entity he could not identify closed over his body like a wave and caressed him over his clothes with invisible hands. Those hands were products of the immense energy pulsing through the room.The alphas froze where they were. Ivan had Al held in a chock hold, still, they froze to look at him. A combination of their energies - Matthew couldn’t explain it, he knew it was there’s. It had a signature - descended upon him. The whole thing happened very fast but was similar to that of a blackening sky. It was gradual and tight like a spinning planet.  The alphas separated from each other physically, but their mental connection flexed itself like a muscle. They stood up from the floor side by side - no matter how bruised and battered they were, they still had the ability to siphon the oxygen out of the room. It was clear to Matthew that without the stimulant these sensations would not be possible - he was seeing things! It was color he probably hadn’t been able to comprehend previously.Their eyes undressed and skinned him. The ethereal hands closed around his waist and seemed to push him towards them….they weren’t just feeling him or sizing him up, they were already trying to cover him with themselves. They were heavy.Al made a sound akin to a grunt and broke away from Ivan’s side to walk a tight circle around him. He stopped behind him to loom over his shoulder making Matthew shake like a leaf. It was completely involuntary tremors! Matthew wasn’t really all that scared...he clutched his equipment and willed his body to still. Ivan snorted unkindly and walked towards him. Their combined attention compacted and bullied him - he didn’t breathe. Matthew took a few steps out from between them. Arthur’s voice came through the earpiece.“Take a breath, you’ll be no good if you let yourself get worked up like this.”Matthew wanted nothing more than to calm himself down - Arthur didn’t get it. The alphas shrunk him as they looked at him with lazy curiosity. It would be no different if they were poking him to make him squirm.Matthew shook his head and loosened his grip. He had a task, he could focus on that. Matthew sat down close to the center of the room and tried to shut them out of his mind. He got out some things and checked the vials for the right names. The alphas came to him anyway, Ivan got down on a knee and examined him. Al followed suit, but it felt more like scrutiny with him. He closed off more of his mind trying to delay the energy that would inevitably search and destroy him. Then Ivan grabbed his chin...and moved his head around...with that lazy curiosity written all over his face. Matthew was unable to look either of them in the eyes but he could feel them filling with mirth.Ivan let go of him after gently stroking his jaw. Matthew’s blood ran colder after that.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The omega patted the floor in front of them and they sat all the way down. This was the task: he just had to complete the venipuncture, that was it. He took a deep breath as he put on the blood latex gloves. “I-I’m just going to draw some of your blood.” Matthew’s voice shook even when he was talking more to himself.It’s not that they didn’t understand him, but words definitely carried less meaning. The language was dated to them, impersonal. In his mind, Matthew went over the steps that Arthur had drilled him on as he arranged Ivan’s arm where he wanted it. He extended his arm palm up and surveyed the injection site…...and what an arm it was...the muscle was lying in wait under a rafters-worth of steely veins. Such a vibrant cobalt blue…Matthew tied the tourniquet a few inches above the injection site. Ivan watched intently and didn’t struggle. Matthew manually curled Ivan’s fingertips into a fist and Ivan held it as he swabbed the area with disinfectant. He let is dry before he even touched the first butterfly needle. He was ready with the needle and the 3 blood collection tubes labeled “IVAN” in Arthur’s scrawl. He lined up the needle and got it at the right degrees to slide in...he paused. He felt Ivan and Al’s eyes on him...pressure in the room lessened and he filled the extra space with his brain. Thinking and breathing as he punctured him - Ivan didn’t flinch - and began filling the tubes. The way the blood splashed the bottom of the collection tube...it mesmerized all of them with its thickness and red. He filled the 3 vials quickly this way. Before he pulled the needle he put a cotton ball above where the needle reached, he pulled it out straight and caught the blood on the underside of the cotton ball. The needle went into the small sharps container in the kit. As he grabbed for a bandaid the scent of blood worked its way into his nose. Any other place would find the delicate balance of his mind disturbed (like last time) but he found the alpha influence likewise holding him. A memory presented itself:“Tell me what you’re feeling.” Arthur squinted when he put his hands on his shoulders trying to guess what his answer would be. Matthew had swayed under his palms. “What’re you hiding from me?”Arthur had said some other things to him, something like “Matthew, this is so dangerous” and “This escalated far too fast…” those were a given. Be then he knew that Arthur cared about him. But - and he remembered it clear as day - he had told him that “we could stop it right now.” As he arranged the vials of blood standing up he realized that no amount of taken blood would stop the stimulant from flowing through them. Nothing. Matthew replaced the gloves and turned to start the process over with Al. He grabbed the tourniquet and gave the area a swab, Al clenched his fist. The second needle went in smooth enough, it reminded him of the feeling of swaying under Arthur’s touch. The dull presence of his IV had slowly faded throughout the whole ordeal, but suddenly his arm felt warm. It flowed and ebbed around his joints resting in his chest where the anxiety was. Nothing more would hinder him, nothing besides a cold needle. “Matthew, do you trust me?”- Focus. His hands shook as he disposed of the needle and bandaged him up. He gathered everything and made a move to stand and leave….the curiosity returned to their eyes and is stilled him. Al pulled his arm tightly against his chest and gave him a look that said with all class: “Leaving so soon?” Slightly annoyed, slightly intrigued. Ivan finagled the kit out of his hands and kicked it away from him. All Matthew could do was look at it and tremble.He looked at the camera in the corner but could take no comfort knowing Arthur was there (for once). He began extending his right arm to get it back, Ivan drove his left shoulder onto the ground successfully getting Matthew on his back on the ground. Ivan straddled him and held him down with his hands near his ears. Matthew began trying to wriggle out from under him, Ivan closed his large left hand around his throat and got in his face.He truly struggled then with no finesse, kicking his legs and trying to push him off - he’s either lost a ton of weight and had no power to do so or Ivan’s weight matched that of an ox. It terrified him to not just FEEL powerless but BE powerless he- Matthew didn’t have the strength and they were both enjoying it! Al was kneeling near his head racking his nails over his collarbones, Matthew tried to at least bite their hands or their noses!- ...In the depths of Ivan’s chest came a primal growl. It shook Matthew down to his core causing him to cease all movement. It was a direct command. Ivan grabbed Matthew’s wrists and handed them Al, Al interlaced their fingers. Ivan took one finer and trailed it from his forehead down to the center of his chest. The omega’s eyes were roving everywhere at once until a deep voice - Ivan’s speaking voice - sounded:“Look at me now and be still.”Matthew obeyed. He had no idea what color Ivan’s eyes were supposed to be, but the grey irises that possessed him then were not expected. They were as ethereal as the energy the was making an effort to consume them. Ivan’s whole being was locked on him, the trembling omega was in a remote universe. Ivan was there in that far away place relentlessly asking Matthew to join him in his ranks of power. He recognized that the omega was worth having at his side. There were darker thoughts walking alongside his sincerity, vulgar ones that undressed him and forced his hand to squeeze tighter and tighter.Al felt it too. Ivan broke eye contact with the omega to converse with Al. The sensation they were feeling was outside of themselves shrouded within the depths of their nature. Surprising enough it was the nature of man that came to the surface not the nature of the stimulant. The omega was drawing this from them but it showed no signs of comprehension. ‘But why?’ A portion of Ivan’s mind was deeply troubled by this...no matter. He was an excellent trainer.Al released the omega’s hands and Ivan used them to pull him upward. Al scooted forward to press himself against the still quaking omega - what was wrong with him?? Ivan had been trying to calm him down for a while, but none of it was landing. Ivan straightened his back trying to appear more domineering than he already was. He was reaching for submission. The omega was aware that his body could be subdued but it wasn’t happening. It was going to take coaxing and repetition...or maybe just high heat. “Fair enough little omega, we will draw it out of you.”Ivan had never scented anyone but Al. He rolled his shoulders to prepare himself, this was going to be a completely different experience that was liable to pull all of them under. He allowed his scent to fill the room. Al followed suit pairing it with a growl that ended up sounding like a purr. The omega was looking between them with fear - but not the right kind. ‘Closer.” Ivan tipped the omega’s chin graining access to the full plane of flesh over his neck.Later, Matthew would chalk this up to being one of the premier sexual encounters of his life...and he would be lying. To put the correct words together to describe what was happening was much too difficult. People that had never taken the stimulant couldn’t understand this. Labeling it as a sexual experience was his cop-out. Truthfully, sacred was the only word he could confidently attribute to it. It started with Al reaching for Ivan over Matthew’s shoulders, now their bodies were flush against each other. Ivan filled the great cauldron of his chest with Al’s scent embracing its familiarity. Ivan smiled and closed his eyes while Al’s hands caressed his face and jaw. Ivan allowed his head to roll with the fingers that started a fire within him. Al paused with his palms resting on the junction of his alpha’s neck and shoulders.They were warm.Matthew watched the display intently. The stimulant allowed him insight, but he was still such an outsider. Al was creating an ocean of both sound and color, Ivan was tapping into it drawing the line of sky and sea - Matthew was a sailboat crashing upon the rocks. Al wrapped his arms around his neck and draped himself over his back humming onto his shoulder blades. It was a completely foreign realm of touch. Every skin cell began to buzz once it was touched. He could feel them individually even over his shirt. Al dragged his fingertips over his triceps and Matthew allowed his arms to be arranged around Ivan’s neck. The hum in the back of Matthew’s mind turned into singing once Ivan buried his face in his neck. He stopped breathing as the very center of Ivan’s scent enveloped him completely. Ivan radiated the scent of charred wood that had been tempered by winter herself - powerful, headstrong, build to stand alone. But...he didn’t have to. For now, there was Al and his warm mouth placing open-mouthed kisses on the nape of Matthew’s neck. The feeling was similar to that of a body locked in a machine of centripetal force. He felt like crying, while these things were happening to him the mind he identified with was actively being tampered with. Pulled away from him. He wanted to cry being he could feel Ivan’s pleasure because of it. He wanted the omega’s scent to compliment his own and this was the process to get it there. The omega’s heart was flying. All of them could hear it knocking back and forth between them. The omega recognized his mind being taken away as he was caressed, kissed, and warmed. Each of the Alphas got hungrier and is showed through their use of tooth and nail. He was caught between the physical pushes and pulls as well as the volume of their will. It’s terrifying to know exactly how much someone wants you, Matthew knew exactly how much and how they wanted him:Pliant and enthusiastic. Once Ivan’s teeth finally broke skin the smell of his own blood grabbed and sunk him. Every vein was flowing with warmth and outside of being in touch with himself, he was completely in touch with the only other bodies in his universe. Someone else moaned, Matthew couldn’t feel like fingertips and much less his own lungs. The omega was no longer aware of anyone holding him - Ivan was sure of it. The near violet irises had thinned with the dilation of his eyes. He was breathing deeply and had yielded himself to them just like he was supposed to. The alphas were excited by this. -o-Arthur was losing his damn mind trying to understand what was going on. He’d said everything he could to get Matthew’s attention - even a few regrettable things. Now he sat with his legs straight in front of him watching the scene with his mouth clamped shut. He’d never been in this position, he’d never needed to guard someone’s honor like this. Sure, he was fine preserving his student’s safety, but any chance he got to look away he did so. He understood that scenting was a deeply personal experience - even if Matthew didn’t yet - and understood that the relationship it created could not be broken easily. It was too intimate to watch happen and too gratuitous to look away from. He checked his watch several times over trying to quell his anxiety. It couldn’t be done. Arthur sighed and looked at his hands trying to shut the sound of his student’s breathy whines. ‘Shit that makes me nauseous….’But there was some part of him that was deeply “curious”-“I’m not sitting through any more of this.” Arthur stood up and brushed away the truth of the matter: he did not let the omega fall asleep in his arms just a night ago to sit around and watch him reveal an essential part of his soul to another. “I’m over this...That earpiece cost so much money…”Arthur turned off the camera to save his conscience and stormed out of the room and around the corner. He flung the doors open and came inside to find that the whole scene looked so much worse up close. They were in the center of the room and the kit with the vials of blood was a few feet away from them. Every limb between the 3 of them was tangled. Their hands were feeling everything and their mouths….it set the vision centers of his brain on fire. Matthew looked so intoxicated-They didn’t even know he was there. Arthur rolled up his sleeve and grabbed the kit. He dug through it for a moment before he found his final contingency plan: 2 autoinjectors filled with tranquilizers. Unfortunately, they were harmless. On some level Matthew was aware of Arthur’s presence, but anything that wasn’t actively touching him was too far away to care about. He was getting tired though...He placed a flat palm on Ivan’s chest offering a weak “get off me”. As an answer, Ivan bit down on his neck causing him to see stars and quiet himself. His muscles were lax and his awareness was gone. All 3 of them had zero awareness of Arthur coming closer.Arthur lanced the necks of the alphas with the auto-injectors - they turned out like smashed light bulbs. Arthur untangled them Matthew’s left arm from the mass and started to dislodge him from them. Ivan was on top of him, he pushed him off with the heel of his shoe and laid no heed to the garbled noise he made. Matthew slurred a few words together as Arthur dragged him by the armpits. He was acting like more of a liquid than a solid. He tried to stand up - it failed and resulted in Arthur clawing him with his nails on accident. “Will you just- Matthew!” Matthew made an inhuman keen and struggled against him with persistence rather than accuracy. “Don’t make me wish I had a 3rd tranquilizer to use on you-” Arthur did his best to drag them both out of the room - he really did hate manhandling. Arthur managed to get them into the displacement room and close the door they tripped over each other and crumpled to the ground in a heap.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Arthur gathered himself onto his hands and knees. He was breathing fine, but “catching a breath” seemed like the right thing to do then...combing his fingers through his hair for comfort and facing the wall. Searching for a reflection in it of a sane man. Arthur caught the brief greying of his shadow upon the wall. He felt it in his soul, he would need to reconcile with himself for allowing Matthew to participate in such a strange form of debauchery. Scenting: He understood absolutely none of it and didn’t appreciate the image of his student being forcibly locked within himself by way of an older man tearing into his neck. Behind him, Matthew made a weak choking sound.“Shit.” He knelt over the still unresponsive body. His eyes were stuck on the ceiling going in and out of focus on something he couldn’t see. The good news was that his heart was beating and his chest was shallowly moving up and down. “Matthew?? Matthew are you alright??”Matthew moaned something in response - he could hear him then. Arthur didn’t need to look any deeper into his physical well being, he just needed to know he was alive. Hoping to deal with it all later, Arthur did his best to gather Matthew into a bridal carry to get them far away from the alphas. His student’s body was far too light for his professional taste, but it made it easy to begin jogging down the hallway. The whiteness around them was so stark it didn’t look like they were moving at all. Matthew’s eyes were trained in the direction of his face. His right hand’s fingertips graced his cheek accentuating the sight of him fading like a star. Thankfully, the suite door had been left open. Arthur laid Matthew out on the bed and wished his new default hadn’t changed to stillness. “You should be talking to me. Asking me questions…” Arthur put his ear close to his mouth finding a shallow breath. He checked again - the radial pulse was lively. Nothing, no matter how many times he checked his vitals, nothing would stop the scientist from sweating bullets. “I wish you would just run away from these things.”He knelt at his bedside to take a closer look into his eyes. When he stopped looking at them as a scientist would and started looking at them like a regular person would he found 2 issues: Matthew’s eyes had changed color and they were dilated beyond belief. There had always been a lasting brilliance and virility caught in his eyes - but they had been blue. He didn’t understand how they had changed from blue to violet so drastically, but there they were: violet, vibrant, and inebriated. Matthew was off somewhere he could never find without the stimulant. His face muscles were chemically slackened and his lips were slightly parted. He was seeing beyond and every once in awhile the strain of intensity would dart across his features. If Arthur had a nickel for every time Arthur had sat quietly beside Matthew’s unconscious form he’d have a lot of nickels. But Matthew wasn’t sleeping, he was swimming. And just when he figured the trance would break Matthew would make a quiet noise and fall right back in. All he could do was hold Matthew’s hand patiently and dedicate another silent vow to him. All he could do was sit stuck in a bubble of his own selfishness.“If you’re going to get high off of endorphins or whatever, I want it to be a choice you made yourself rather than something you were subjected to.” Arthur squeezed his hand.-o- Arthur knelt beside him for about 3 minutes before he realized that something within Matthew’s spirit had started dwindling. There was an exponential drop in Matthew’s responsiveness that was evident in the sudden loss of the pallor of his skin. Beats of sweat formed between their hands and at the omega’s brow. Matthew’s jaw clenched and a low sound of discomfort rose from deep within his chest. “Are you coming back to me now?-...I-” Matthew had gotten really warm, now he was cold and still sweating. Arthur checked his pulse again and found a harsh, slightly erratic pounding. He wasn’t just inebriated he was truly fading. Traveling farther away from reality fighting it like you fight REM sleep. Arthur had to do something quickly to drag him back into the present...Arthur had come to work in a tie and button-up ensemble...He started with the tie. He loosened, then tossed it over the arm of the chair in the corner. He took off his button-up, took off his shoes and socks, took off his watch, and left himself in his pants and a white undershirt. For Matthew he did nothing. With some difficulty he got him standing with an arm supporting his shoulders. He walked them into the suite’s ¾ bath.With one hand, he turned the spigot in the shower to cold. Matthew involuntarily shivered against him as the bathroom got marginally cooler. ‘Great, so he still has a sense of temperature.’“...What is…?” Matthew mumbled and pressed himself against his side. “I need to drag you back into reality.” Arthur checked the water and found it slightly warmer than freezing. “This will trigger your fight-or-flight response, it won’t take long.”Arthur stepped into the shower carefully staying out of the stream of water before he helped (pulled) Matthew under the cold spray. Arthur held both his composure and Matthew firmly upright even as the water felt like nettles on his skin. He used one hand to keep the water out of Matthew’s eyes. Matthew’s breathing picked up immediately - as it should. It stayed shallow and frantic while he shivered in Arthur’s grasp. It killed him to do so; especially when Matthew whimpered and tried to curl into his chest out of the cold. Previously, his only ties to reality have been Arthur’s hands since they were always welcome on his skin, now the old water was breaking his mind in. The pleasant fog that Matthew had been “swimming in” was hardening before his eyes. It was being actively chipped away by a foreign frost. He wanted to voice his displeasure but knew that without the aid of the stimulants, Arthur would not be able to see the expanse that had laid itself out before him. All that was soft and suffocating was being folded and taken away from him. The scent of the alphas and their protection - he felt it atrophy in layers.“Ughnnn...what the hell Arthur!” Matthew was grumbling, but at least it was words.Matthew was small for his age on all cylinders. It was shorter than him, his shoulders were less broad, and his form was… Well, it was immensely attractive but not conducive to cold areas. He watched his shoulders routinely raise and lower with chill enjoying the chance to see how Matthew’s neck and shoulders were littered with angry tooth marks. In the sickest part of his mind, he understood the beauty and pleasure that must have come from being attached to the mouth that had given him them. It was equally nice watching the small dots of blood be washed away. Matthew’s legs gave a great shake and soon they were sliding down each other onto the floor of the shower. Catching Matthew’s eyes it was a sobering experience. “Are you alright?”His eyes had dulled significantly and he was unable to tell if what was running down his cheeks was tears on the water. All he could do was hold the shaking body against him and ignore how bloodless their skin looked. The Water was also colder at ground level.He checked Matthew’s pulse on his neck and found it beating evenly. It matched him tap for tap as it should.“Cold showers wake the body up.“ Matthew jerked against him as he coughed harshly. “It stimulates deeper breaths.”“I don’t c-care my fingers are falling asleep,” Matthew mumbled slowly.He waited another minute before pulling the lever down and shutting off the water. He got out first to help Matthew out on his frozen stilt-like legs. Standing together on the bathmat they dripped everywhere possible. Their clothes stuck to them like latex. Arthur held Matthew’s hands trying to warm them up with his own cold hands. “I’m sorry it was cold but… You’re Lucid.” Matthew said nothing back staring at the floor. “...please talk to me.” It took a minute before Matthew’s body rattled as a sob irrupted out of him, he sunk down to his knees his body tried wrenching itself apart. On his face was this look such great horror and shock that for a moment Arthur didn’t even try picking him up. When he remembered himself he dried the first batch of tears with a hand towel. “What happened?? Are you in pain-““No! No!” Matthew held his hands in front of him watching them shake as the sobs stacked on each other like bricks in his throat. Guided him onto his bed and frantically wrapped him in the warm sheets. “You’re just cold, put these on!“ Arthur dug through the dresser drawer and pulled out a set of dry clothes. Matthew struggled into them with Arthur’s help. Matthew held out his hand again in another wave of hysterical sobbing came when he saw they wouldn’t still themselves.For him, this was not about just his hands shaking. It was evidence of his loss of control amplified by the loss of the scent of alpha protection. There he was in warm clothes sitting on his cushy mattress feeling doom surround him like a small boat in a desert. Absolutely useless like a boat in a desert.“I-I can’t-““It’s fine! It’s all okay!” Arthur grasped his hands tightly riding the tremors with him. “ you’re just scared, it’s okay to be scared-“Matthew wasn’t just scared, he was mortified and exposed. He was reeling since they’re sent was washed away from him and now the negative emotions (the fear, the disgust) that had been lying in wait, had been released like hell hounds. Arthur watched quietly as Matthew’s hands found themselves wrapping around the base of his neck. The marks of tooth and claw were clear against the backdrop of pale skin. That’s when Arthur accepted that he could never understand without being connected to the stimulant himself. He also understood, that there would need to be new protocols for how to deal with this phenomenon because he had gotten it wrong.“Oh my… You-i’m so sorry, I didn’t think of it that way-“ are there stammered watching Matthew run his fingertips through his hair making an effort to use studying breaths. “-you just seem so in tune with them, I thought you-““Enjoyed myself??” Matthew snapped at him. “I thought I was enjoying myself to… They won’t stop playing in my mind they - I was so gone my body still won’t fucking listen!”