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Hateful Luck

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It was his fault. Everything was his fault. A trash like him didn’t deserve to be with them, those wonderful people filled with so much hope and talent. He was stupid for thinking that he could remain with them and that his luck wouldn’t act. No, he was aware it was going to happen, he knew it would but he was ignoring it, he wished that it wouldn’t happen. It was his punishment for allowing Despair to taint the Ultimates. For being so useless, for being unable to stop her. He had to atone for his sins. Not just the ones he committed during the times he was Servant but all the sins of his miserable life. However he couldn’t do it the same way as the others. His luck was growing more and more powerful. Moreover, he knew that with how much his classmates were important to him; his luck wouldn’t leave them alone. His love for them was surely pretty one-sided on his part but it didn’t change how much he cared about them. Death. With his death everything would be alright. He knew that Death was too good for his less than an insect worth existence. But- but it was the only way he could think of to keep them safe. That’s it, he settled his mind. His life was a really cheap price for the safety of his friends- no he didn’t deserve this title - classmates- no not this either - these amazing people.But- but just one last time he would help them, help them save their senior and junior Ultimates. He knew they could do it without him but just one last time he wanted to do it. How selfish he was.    "Because of me Enoshima Junko made the despair video! So many people died because of me! Even now, every day... they are still dying!" exclaimed the Ultimate Animator. "If it weren’t for me, wouldn’t you all have had a peaceful, happy school life?!" he questioned them.Not him, he never could have one but again it didn’t matter, he was just a pebble on the road. He could have wished for it with all his might, it wouldn’t have happen. Even with his luck. No because of it."It was all because I ran... It’s my fault!" yelled Mitarai-kun in front of all of them.Komaeda couldn’t handle the feeling of wrongness that was growing inside him, he felt sick. That’s wrong, it was HIS fault, it is HIS fault, HIS luck’s fault! The lucky ex-student had to refrain himself to tell him that and breakdown. He had to let Hinata-kun deal with Mitarai-kun, he couldn’t get in his way."If you want to think that way, go ahead." Hinata-kun began gently. "That’s why you’re eliminating despair? You want to turn the world as a blank slate and pretend nothing happened?" he continued to question him. "Don’t run away." the created Ultimate Hope finished looking at him straight in the eyes with his heterochromatic ones. At that the white haired boy lifted his head which he didn’t know was lowered.He knew it wasn’t directed at him but couldn’t help feeling it was. How presumptuous of him. Anyway even if he was, it was to protect the people dear to him."You all are alright with this? Because of me... because of Enoshima... you turned to despair." asked Mitarai-kun unsure."Sure it’s a past I would like to get rid of but I can’t. I can’t pretend Nanami never existed. Thanks to her, we’re alive right now. I can’t pretend that never happened." replied the ex-Reserve Course student his voice filled with determination.Nanami-san... If only he realized his place sooner, that the world was better without him, maybe she would still be alive. Komaeda drifted and drowned in thought of ‘What if’."-Then, come with us." Hinata-kun said as he extended a metaphorical hand."Come with you?" Mitarai-kun repeated hopefully with tears in his eyes."From now on, we’ll be together." the brown haired boy declared reassuringly.At that each of the Ultimates told him word of welcome as he looked at them. At his turn he told him with a forced smile (Not fake, there no way he wouldn’t be happy with another Ultimate joining them. Maybe they would even forget him faster that way. Surely they would, after all he was trash.) "For a while now, I thought that you had a shining talent" ‘So much better than mine’ went unsaid.     Komaeda stopped walking. Naegi Makoto. Naegi Makoto was in front of them. His junior Ultimate Lucky student, the one who became the Ultimate Hope. Not a created one (Sorry Hinata-kun nothing against you), a true Hope born from the individual’s talent alone. The others keep on walking as they send him grateful looks or few words of thanks. However Komaeda still didn’t move and was a few steps away from his underclassman. When all the others passed him and only the 77th class’s Ultimate Lucky student remained, Naegi-kun looked at him curiously."Do you need something... errr Komaeda-senpai right?" he inquired. What a honor! To think the Ultimate Hope recalled the name of a trash like him and didn’t even ignore him like the pebble he was! He really lived up to his title! Someone so wonderful, so amazing, so hope filled... How could they have the same talent as him?"Komaeda-senpai?" he called again with a slight worried tone."Ah yes, sorry Naegi-kun." he answered with an easily forced smile (again not fake because he was in front of the Ultimate Hope)."So did you need something from me?" he asked again a little nervous under his gaze. How could he make someone like him nervous! He really was trash. He didn’t deserve to talk to someone like that. But... there was one question he always wanted to ask Naegi-kun. Not as a Ultimate Hope, even if it amplified the need to, but as a fellow Ultimate Lucky student."Naegi-kun, Did you ever hated being lucky? Hated your luck?" he questioned with a serious tone and slight hope mixed with sadness which went unnoticed."I... never really thought about it. Honestly there is a few times it saved me but I don’t think it really affect me that much..." reponded his ex-underclassman still in though. «Let’s say I prefer to keep hope and act for a better future without leaving things to luck. » he finished his eyes overflowing with hope and determination.Of course he would say something like that. What did he expect? There no way he could have say yes. Judging from his response his Luck was different than his, better. Because if it wasn’t, there no way he could say something like that. Or maybe it was him who was too weak? No, it’s unconceivable that Naegi-kun would have the same trashy talent as him. Really what did he expect?"I see... It was conceited of me to presume that your talent was even slightly similar to mine." Komaeda said with a bitter smile."Well, farewell Naegi-kun. It was a honor meeting you." and he left the younger teen without letting him say anything in response.

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