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"Heads up!"See, when I hear 'heads up', I think 'look up' or 'pay attention', certainly not 'duck out of the way, there's an earth sized football hurtling your way!'So, of course, that earth sized football hits me square between the eyes."Shit," I curse as I'm knocked to the ground, legs sprawled, dignity in literal shreds."Oh, sorry!" someone chortles, probably the one that threw the football, in obvious amusement."God, school seems so trivial on these days," I mutter, dusting myself off. I check my watch. Damn. Three minutes left until class starts.I want to check the extent of the damage in the bathroom, but with a measly three minutes, there isn't enough time. __________________________________________________________"So, can anyone tell me what they know about migrants?"I roll my eyes. Thanks to my class of buffoons, with an average IQ of literally ten, we've been reviewing the basics since the beginning of school. Four months ago.I raise my hand in annoyance; obviously none of these slack-jawed, drooling, idiot children would know anything of the sort."Yes, Hyungwon?" Mr. Blanche asks, eyebrows raised."Migrants are people that move across border lines, often illegally, for any reason, but normally because of unrest or fighting in their home country." I answer.I know I sound like a know-it-all, and if I'm being honest, I am a know-it-all. What else is there to be at this school, other than a slut or a cheerleader or an emo or a jock?It's not like anyone really pays attention anyways in high school - whether it is senior year or not. Everyone says they do, writing HAGS in school yearbooks and starting drama over boys they don't even like that much... but really, no one cares.I can't wait for college. College is so much more open. A migrant, full-blooded Korean with a slight accent over his English like myself wouldn't be given a second glance in college.That's why I can't wait to get out of this dump. So I can go to a place where my opinions really matter. Where I can start to do what I really want to do without judgement from high schoolers who whisper petty secrets behind cupped hands up to ears. The second I get out of this place, the second my life will really begin. __________________________________________________________Finally, the day is over. I make my way determinedly out of the front doors to the front of the school where the parent pick up pavilion resides. My friend Minhyuk is supposed to give me a ride so we could hang out at his house with a couple of friends after school, but he's late. As usual. I shake my head, but smile a bit at the thought of him. Frivolous and a happy virus, he has the ability to brighten the school days that seem to drag into the pits of hell.As I'm waiting, I notice the school photographer, Wonho, snapping pictures with his camera.Wonho... everyone has heard of him. His position as the school's enigma is well-known and common topic for gossip. Gloriously hot, and I guess constantly unavailable, the rumor is that he's gay, but I don't buy into that. Does a guy really have to be gay to not be into the girls at our school? I think not. I feel the same way. Well, you know girls. They've gotta make up something to soften the blow of rejection.Plus, he's constantly traveling. I guess his dad is some hotshot label head CEO or something in Korea, and he has lots of dough to spoil his only son. In fact, anytime Wonho wants a culture trip, the rumor is that the weeks at school where he's gone, he's traveling the globe taking pictures with his dad's money.While it sounds fantastic to gossip about, it's not my business, so I normally just stay out of it. If he feels the urge to share with us his personal life, then by all means! I'll be his personal spokesperson!Anyways, as I'm watching him, mid-shot, he gets a phone call. The call startles him and he nearly drops a very expensive looking camera.I laugh behind my hands. Hot as he is, it's nice to know that he gets scared and has flaws like the rest of us normals.Wonho pulls the phone out of his pocket, smiles when he sees the caller ID - a girlfriend, perhaps?- then answers the phone.I can't hear what he's saying because of the distance between us, but the conversation seems pleasant, and his smiles keep coming. Suddenly, the person on the phone must be saying something that makes him unhappy, because the smile drops from his face instantly.The conversation continues, the mood feeling somber, even from where I'm at, and though I can tell it must be intensely personal, I can't turn myself away and ignore it.Eventually, after some time of the same atmosphere, the conversation ends, Wonho pockets the phone. His handsome face seems deep in thought.He slowly packs up his camera into it's carrying case and sets it down beside him in a nearby bench.I think, stupid in my lateness, that his girlfriend must have broken up with him.I feel bad for him despite our lack of friendship, and without me even realizing, my feet are moving and I have made me way over to him."Are you okay?" I ask softly. I don't know if it's even my place to do anything, but his eyes make me feel like comforting him.It's quiet so long that I think he's either ignoring me or didn't hear me.Then, he says "I'm fine" without looking up."You don't seem fine," I respond gently. I don't want to pry, but he really doesn't.Suddenly, his voice changes. "If you must know, my boy-" he looks up and cuts off abruptly, startling at my face, and then clearing his voice."Well, my girlfriend broke up with me." He finishes, quietly, looking back down."I thought so," I mumble to myself. "I'm sorry," I apologize, loud enough for him to hear me.He looks up at me, eyes forlorn, staring."It's okay," he says slowly. "I'm really better off. I just... it's not like it was real anyways..." his gaze drops.Despite my best intentions, I feel for him. His little boy voice works its way up into my heart and buries itself there. I relate to him and to how he feels... something that hasn't happened to me in a long time. He sees the fragility and falseness of situations, something I believed that only I could notice. In response, without conscious thought, my heart beats a little out of turn.Gently I shuffle by him and sit down next to him on the bench."What are you doing?" he asks, his sad eyes back looking into mine.I shrug. He demeanor seems to be more standoffish now, thinking I probably feel bad for him. "Just sitting."He rolls his eyes. "I don't need your pity."I look back over at him, questioning. "Are my legs not allowed to get tired? I believe that's what these benches are here for..."He narrows his eyes at me, as if trying to gauge the seriousness of my statement, but when I flash him a small smile, he turns away.Wonho scoffs slightly, and then laughs lightly. I'm happy that I got him to smile, and have to force myself to keep my smile in check.He wipes his eyes, and then looks over at me, questions in his eyes."What?" I ask self-consciously. Why is he looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face? I have the physical urge to check, but I manage to hold it off for fear of looking like a fool.He turns toward me, angling his legs towards me, suddenly a lot more animated."So," he starts. "Before we... broke up, my... girlfriend and I had planned to go on an excursion. I don't know if you knew this, but I travel a lot. I like the culture, the new people, the pictures and worlds I can freeze and keep and take home with me through my camera. You could say it's something I do a lot... "He pauses, looking down, almost nervous. But why would he look nervous?"I've taken her, meaning my girlfriend, on these trips a few times, and I certainly didn't foresee something like this ever happening..."Meaning: I paid for everything ahead of time, and because the trip was supposed to be tomorrow, there's no way to get a refund."I look at him in confusion. Is there a reason why he suddenly decided that it was 'get to know each other time' and suddenly starting sharing his personal information with me? I knew about the culture trips of course, and had fantasized of doing the same, but what does that have to do with me?"Well, because of... What happened... I have an extra ticket with no owner and no way to get a refund. So, I don't know... maybe you'd like it.. And want to come with me?"I stare at him in shock. Who is this boy that offers plane tickets and around the world trips for free on a whim? And why would he offer to me?He looks down nervously, probably interpreting it for the worse. He wrings his hands and mutters, "you've probably heard the rumors. It's kind of hard for me to make real friends around here, friends that don't care who my dad is or want to use our friendship as some kind of prop for attention from people... I don't really have any other options and I thought I might as well... why not you?"Looking at his face, down turned, my decision is made. It's stupid and irrational and childish of me, but because of that extra beat of my heart, that feeling in my chest for a misunderstood boy, that longing to leave behind childish things... I actually agree.
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"He said WHAT?" Minhyuk yells from his placement on his bed.I roll my eyes. Minhyuk has always had a flair for the dramatic and this applies to any situation. "Seriously, Minhyuk, it's not a big deal."Minhyuk gets to his feet abruptly. His eyes are wide and he looks passionate. "So a guy that never gives anyone the time of the day, let alone a full conversation, who also happens to be super hot and by super hot, I mean a drought in the middle of July hot..." Minhyuk pretends to swoon."Your point? I think you're a little too preoccupied over his looks. Shownu would be disappointed."Minhyuk scoffs as I laugh. "What he doesn't know won't kill him," Minhyuk says in an offhand tone with a wave of his hand. "He knows he's the only man in my heart."I roll my eyes at his romance, but it's true. Even before they were together, Minhyuk and Shownu already belonged to each other. Before we all decided to travel abroad together, Shownu used to even have an apartment with Minhyuk. Why their parents were okay with it is beyond me, but whatever, love is love."Anyways," Minhyuk continues, back onto the point, "He doesn't give anyone the time of the day, and then all of sudden you guys have a whole conversation?" He rolls back onto the bed, eyes up to the ceiling.He darts up suddenly, startling me. "What if, like, you know..." Minhyuk looks around as if someone else is listening. "He likes you?" he stage whispers. I look at him for a moment, his eyes wide and serious, his chest rising and falling... then throw a pillow at him."You dork," I say as I chuck the pillow at him, him making an 'oof' of an exhale as it makes contact with him. I turn back around in the rolley chair, focusing back on the computer monitor. Minhyuk comes up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder."And.... now you're researching this trip," he says softly.I make a noise deep in my throat, knowing where he's going with this, but refusing to acknowledge it."You never research anything," Minhyuk continues, his voice turning more awe-struck.I nod my head nonchalantly. "Yes, Minhyuk." I say slowly. "That's because everything I need to know is almost always already in my head without the need to research it. I don't know that much about Paris, so research is necessary in this case. ""Paris... hmmm." Minhyuk thinks out loud."Wait, Paris? He's.. he's.. he's taking you to PARIS?" his octave goes up about 300% by the end of his question. He grabs the arms of the chair and spins me around. "You never said anything about Paris!"
I push off his hands. "So what? Paris has great architecture and is the root of a lot of different foods and phrases and people!""But still-""Maybe he just likes Parisian women, how about that? I just think it's funny that you're assuming he's gay when he said he has a girlfriend." I turn the chair back around.I hear Minhyuk scoff, but he thankfully settles back down on the bed. "All I'm saying is that Shownu used to say he had a girlfriend, too," Minhyuk mutters.I turn around and shoot him a death glare.Minhyuk sighs deeply and throws himself down on the bed with a huff."Come on, Hyungwon! Are you really telling me that you don't feel anything for him? At all?"I open my mouth to tell him exactly how MUCH I don't, but he interrupts me with his hand."And you don't think he's hot either, do you?"My mouth flaps shut.I could have said no, but we both would have known it was lie. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, I feel something for him. Whether it's attraction or infatuation or jealousy because of the opportunities he has, there is something there, and I'm having a hard time denying it. I lean back in the chair. I hate to prove Minhyuk correct like I always do, but I know he already knows how I feel."Okay, okay, you got me," I admit, still leaned back, eyes closed. Minhyuk giggles from the bed. "Why do you sound so guilty, Wonnie? It's not a big deal to like someone!" I hear rustling from the bed and then feel Minhyuk sit beside me. He puts his arms around my shoulders and shakes me gently."In the 10 years that I've known you Hyungwon, you've been so focused on making a name for yourself. Even as a 6 year old, you seemed to always know what you wanted in life, what made you happy, and what you wanted to do with your life."You've always had such a strong conviction, and I envy that. But, Hyungwon, you can't plan everything in life. Sometimes the best things are surprises, and those surprises become your best things."I look over at him as he smiles. "Damn, I really know how to say a speech."I laugh and hug him back. "I get it, Minhyuk. I get it. But let's not do too much now, shall we?"I get up out of the chair and drag Minhyuk towards the door. "Well," I say, looking back at him. "If I'm going to be going on a 2 week trip with someone who's, as you so eloquently put it, 'hotter than a drought on the Fourth of July in Mexico', I'd better be dressed well.""Don't worry. I've got you, aspiring designer to aspiring model.""P.S: If my mom asks, this is a school trip," Minhyuk whispers in my ear.
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"Tell me again how you managed to sneak your way into this?""Well," he says, nudging my shoulder, "Shownu and I haven't had as much alone time as we really need to let our relationship flourish..."I stare straight ahead. What shit. Minhyuk himself probably has a thing for Parisian guys. Or just Wonho."And by flourish, I mean-""Okay, okay, that's enough!" I yell, shoving my hand over his mouth.Minhyuk lets out a devilishly amused laugh from behind my hand, then pushes it away.God. He seems to think I want to know every single aspect of his sex life. Though I should be used to it by now considering how long he's been dating, for some reason he seems extra graphic when it comes to Shownu. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm so standoffish towards girls. Minhyuk gave me early exposure to a life of a queer and I'm not sure if I'm able to turn back. Minhyuk shrugs. "Well, I know you're going out with Wonho, and if the rumors are correct, maybe you should have some experience beforehand."I look over at him and glare. Yeah. IF the rumors are true. I bet they're not. They're called rumors and not the truth for a reason. But there's no use saying that to him. Gossiping is part of his nature."So, Shownu says he'll just meet us there." Minhyuk taps away at his phone, smiling, probably at Shownu's rough and tussle way of flirting."You realize that Wonho never agreed to this right," I ask. "So he certainly won't be paying for it."Minhyuk scoffs. "Relax..... he's rich, remember? You said it yourself! It's the truth!" Minhyuk settles back onto his phone, obviously pleased with himself."I guess we'll see, " I say tightly. "It's not like you have anything to lose accept your flourishing anyways." I throw a dirty look his way. "And by the way you describe it, it doesn't seem like much."Minhyuk looks up, daggers in his eyes. "What did you just say?"My heart speeds up at his dark gaze, but I continue anyways. "Oh, just that I heard that the 'Shownu is a bear' rumors are just that. Rumors. In and out of the bedroom." I start to laugh as Minhyuk pockets his phone, but when he starts to chase me, I'm left running. -------------------------------------------------------------"Um, hello," Wonho says in a questioning tone. It takes me awhile to tear away my eyes from his muscled chest, clad in a white turtleneck, in order to notice his expression.When he catches my eyes, I mouth an apology.He gives me a look of complete confusion and darts his eyes back to Minhyuk and Shownu."Are these your friends, Hyungwon?" Wonho asks pleasantly.I can't tell how he feels. I try to note his body language, but it seems the same as always; and plus, his body keeps distracting me. His eyes and his posture seem relaxed, yet being relaxed in a situation like this makes no sense. "Yes." I drop my head in shame and use my bangs to cover my eyes. I can't believe I'm such a pushover to let Minhyuk put him in this situation, taking advantage of an act of kindness."Well," he starts, his arms crossed over one another, his fingers tapping against them. I brace myself for the worse. Will he yell at me? Will he yell at them? Will he yell at both of us? Will he beat us up? The last question is an iffy, I'll give you that, knowing Shownu's domineering body, but still. The rest could definitely happen. "The more the merrier." Wonho finishes, looking directly at me.I let go of a breath that I didn't realize I was holding at his words."Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Minhyuk yells, and in his normal nature, without restraint, bounds over to give Wonho a hug.Wonho, seeming surprised but not in a bad way, chuckles and then hugs him back. Shownu, also in his normal nature, gives Wonho a standoffish nod. Wonho nods back with a small smile.Without thinking, my hand twitches forward and grabs Wonho's hand in thanks.He looks at me, emotionless for a moment as I give him a small smile, then his eyes dart to my hand, still grasping his."Oh," I mutter and pull my hand back.I mentally face-palm. God, what's going on with me? I'm not the type of guy to go weak in the knees whenever I see a hot guy. I'm not the type of guy to fall for a really compassionate guy either. I'd like someone tall and masculine, rough around the edges but soft with me, obviously good looking, and fiercely loyal. I'd like him to be a closet dork, but someone everyone wants to date. Shit. As I'm going through this list in my head, I realize that I just described Wonho.With two weeks to go, I'm really in danger.
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With Minhyuk and Shownu in their own little world, it really feels like Wonho and I are alone.But together. I mean by ourselves. With the two of us.It definitely isn't helping that this is only my second time on a plane and scared to death of heights... or that it's an eleven hour flight. Stupid of me, I know. How is it that an 18 year old has only been on a plane twice? Well, asides from traveling here from Korea, I haven't really had any reason to start being masochistic and sign up for a phobia willingly. Why would a person afraid of heights ever sign up for shit like this? (Correct answer: in my case when they're either really really stupid or really really desperate.)Last time, Minhyuk and Shownu, along with Jooheon, Changkyun, and Kihyun, some other friends that decided to travel abroad with us, were with me to make me feel better about the fact that we were thousands of miles from the ground or any possible exit, stuck only with our fair senses, some granola bars, and each other to keep us alive if we happen to crash, which actually, isn't too rare an occurrence. But with a stranger and only a canoodling couple to be my survival plan this time, it's honestly just better if I just face it myself. I grip the armrests of the chairs next to me from my seat by the window (I know, the window seat is an obvious choice for someone afraid of heights. But by time I noticed what a stupid ass thing I had done, we had already lifted wheels off of the ground, and I would be the last person to stand up on a moving plane). I grip tightly and lean my head back against the seat. I try to calm my breathing with no noticeable success. I'm trying to block all senses; you can't fear what you can't notice, right?Behind me, I hear a faint whispering, even with my sense blocking, and then the sound of soft footsteps padding my way.I'm trying to abide the motion sickness I suddenly feel when I hear someone sit in the seat next to me. Right next to me. I open an eye a crack and peer to the right. Wonho. Looking away from me and seeming privileged and bored, but Wonho just the same. Was this whole plane not big enough for him that he would decide to move out of his seat halfway across the plane and sit in the chair literally right beside me?"I don't know if you knew," Wonho suddenly says, his voice filling up what was previously silence. "But this is my plane."Like I didn't already know that, Captain Obvious. Did you really waltz all the way over here to give me a quick PSA about that?"I noticed," I manage to mutter, both my voice and my body tense."Oh?" He sounds, and upon looking, seems genuinely surprised. "How did you know that?"I roll my eyes in response. "First of all, the plane is empty." I gesture to the obvious emptiness of the plane. "So I had automatically knew that you had either bought out the whole plane, which seemed like too much, or you had your own place, which still seemed like too much but not as much as the first option." I close my eyes again as I finish, my stomach starting to roll."Well, you're wrong on one account."This boy really can't take a hint, can he? Pretty but dumb, obviously."And what account is that?" Eyes squeezed shut. Breath in. Breath out."It's not my plane...it's my dad's." He sounds smug, but wouldn't we all if we had a plane like this that our dad gave to us to be at our every disposal?The plane hits a bit of turbulence as I'm considering this, and I brace myself harder. It's almost as if I can feel a rocking motion of the plane, and my stomach aches in defiance."Oh my god," I mutter quietly.Suddenly, I feel a hand grasp mine, fingers interlocking and lacing with mine.I repeat it again in a lower tone, but this time for an obviously different reason. I'm scared to open my eyes. I don't know if it's because I'm scared I will see that I'm making this all up in my head or that it's real, and I will have to figure out what is socially acceptable to do or say next.I slowly open my eyes anyways and look over.Wonho's mirroring my previous position; hand gripping an armrest, other hand grasping mine, head pushed back, eyes closed.Is this really happening? Come on, Hyungwon! Figure out what the hell is happening here?I curse myself inwardly for even having an reaction, like this is some kind of Disney romance movie that ends in an happy ending. I open my mouth to speak, but only an incoherent "Wha-" comes out, somewhere in between "What the hell is going on here?" and "What the hell took me so long to find something like his hand?", the latter of course being stupid and childish and irrational on my part, probably the result of my awkward and queer ways. Not to mention assumptive as hell, because as far as I know, he's completely straight, even had an ex-girlfriend. Maybe this is how he treats all his friends that are guys.I'm trying to convince myself of this fact as my heart thuds (I wish I could say it was because of the plane because that would be less pathetic of me), when I realize it's been way too long for me to respond to this situation.I reopen my mouth to say I don't even know what when Wonho speaks first."I used to scared of planes, too," he offers, still motionless in his chair.I look back down at our hands. So this is why? I'm thankful... but also disappointed for some reason. "Was it that obvious?""A little," he admits.My eyes are still on our hands, though I'm more relaxed.I never realized I was so tan... Either I'm tan or Wonho is pale, or at least paler than I am. His hands, thick and webbed with veins evident of hard work, swallow up my hands, more slender and graceful in comparison. I feel the chill of one of his metal rings on my palm.I'm so busy ogling that I don't realize that Wonho's eyes are now on me.I startle, but maintain the contact. His eyes seem confused, but are clearing, as if someone is giving him the answer to a question he just asked, while mine I'm sure are just confused.Is this normal straight behavior?We've locked eyes, but in the periphery, I see Minhyuk open jawed.His lips, swollen and puffy, probably from his endless 'flourishing', and open in a wide circle, his eyes the same circle. Shownu even shares the same expression.Minhyuk's face morphs into an expression of devilish smugness, a superior look of 'I told you so', and it's the thing that breaks my trance. I gently extricate myself from Wonho's grip."Um.. I'm okay," I manage to stutter out.I clear my throat, looking everywhere but his face. His stupid, overly handsome, face, unnecessarily proportionate face. "Whoo," I breathe out. "Do you have any place to get a water in this joint?"I 'whoo' again, fanning myself. I ungracefully get up, almost knocking myself over in the process. I'm sure my cheeks are as red as possibly know to man. Awkward, awkward, you stupid boy. I shuffle quickly by him, ignoring his... man hands when they reach up to offer to help me.This all seems so sudden, so soon, I'm left reeling, I think as I walk down the airplane aisle towards the bathroom, trying to bury the red hot feel of embarrassment, the thundering of my heart, and Minhyuk's questioning face.Even after I lock myself in the bathroom, I can still feel his hand and that cold ring.
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Breathe in. Breathe out.Come on, Hyungwon, you're being ridiculously immature. If he liked you, which he doesn't, so relax, it's -Knock, knock."Open the door! I have to shit!" I hear an angry Minhyuk outside the door. Minhyuk. Jesus. Why is he always around?"Let me in, Hyungwon." His voice grows a little softer, but it is still annoying to me nonetheless. I sigh. While I'd really like to be alone to think about what a fool I am, everyone on the plane probably heard that, and it would look even weirder to Wonho if I didn't let Minhyuk in, like I'm crying in here like an idiot or something.I sigh again, unlocking the door and opening it a crack.Minhyuk wastes no time, and shoves the door open wider, racing in.I huff in surprise as he pushs up against me in the limited space of the small airplane bathroom, locking the door behind him. Our conversation, uttered in low whispers, goes something like this:"What are you doing in here?""Nothing.""Well, you seemed a little strange earlier.""I'm fine.""Are you sure it had nothing to do with Wonho?""Yes. It's all me.""What did you do so wrong?""I'm childish.""I've been telling you that for years. Why do you believe it now all of a sudden?""Because my heart is fluttering like a middle school girl when he really did nothing to merit it, and I've only known him for a few days, only talking to him in passing before that.""Well, I still say that you should go back out there.""Of course you would say that.""That doesn't make it any less true.""I know. I should.""So, why haven't you yet?""I don't know. I don't want to make a fool of myself.""Don't you think you've already done that?""I suppose.""Hyungwon, you ran away like a 2 year old.""Ah.. yes. I did.""You should go out there and maintain some semblance of friendship. This is a two week, all expenses paid trip.""I feel like I'm using him. I'll take his money, but then after the trip I'll avoid him because he makes me uncomfortable? It's so fake.""It's not like he isn't used to it, though.""That's the sad part. People always do stuff like this to him. I don't want to be one of the people he remembers that treats him that way. Not when he doesn't deserve it.""Then it makes no sense why you're still in here.""I don't know either, really.""You seem more conflicted about what you want to be to him than anything else.""Which makes me the most stupid person on the planet. Because he's straight. I shouldn't be allowed to do that.""Hyungwon. Please. Just go out there. He's probably beating himself up wondering what he dis so wrong to upset you so much.""But he did upset me-""That's your own fault for having a crush on him.""Don't say that. I do not have a crush on him.""Anyone with a brain could see that you obviously do. I don't know exactly what he did to soften your heart of stone and ice in a few days, but whatever it is, you're definitely smitten with it. Enough to go through all of these dramatics.""I don't like him, Minhyuk. Not everyone is guy obsessed like you.""Then prove it. Go out there and act like nothing is wrong. Or not pretend. If you don't like him, then nothing should be wrong at all.""Now you're just baiting me.""And you're just being a chicken. It's not like you'd go out any other way.""Yes, I would have! I'll go do it right now!""Okay. Go on.""I will do it.""Then why are you still standing here?""I'm going.""Um, no you're not.""Okay, I'm really going now.""Alright, bye.... go, Hyungwon. After all this crap, I really do need to take a shit.""I'm going.""Bye."I leave the bathroom. This is nothing, Hyungwon. You're just making it out to be a big deal. You've singlehandedly hated and ignored every person in your school. Ignoring some stupid feelings should be nothing to you.I'm walking back to the seat when I hear the bathroom door open. Minhyuk gives me a thumbs up as he exits, then goes back to sit with Shownu, instantly back to their canoodling.I finally make it back to the seat. Wonho watches with a concerned expression as I shuffle back to my seat, but I merely ignore it and sit back down."Um," Wonho's voice, sounding surprisingly timid, pipes up. "Did I.. Did I do something wrong?"God, now I feel bad. Minhyuk was right. As always. God, I wish he was right less."No, no, no!" I rush out, holding my palms out towards him. "You did nothing wrong."I pat my stomach. "I was just feeling a bit nauseous, is all." What a liar."Okay." He smiles a bit, probably in relief. He rubs a hand against the back of his neck. "I thought you left because I held your hand.""Oh.." I say offhandedly. You did, did you?"I just," he looks back toward me. "I know this has to be weird for you. I thought being welcoming and friendly would help to make us closer and not as awkward." I stare at him, silent. "The truth is, I don't really like to travel alone. Which is why I made up the refund story. I was hoping you would feel obligated to come with me, so I wouldn't have to be all alone." He laughs a little bit at himself."Sorry for that. I just wanted you to know that I wanted you here."I nod, my cheeks probably aflame. How could I have been so stupid?"It is a two week trip you know. Two weeks is a long time to be stuck with a stranger." His eyes smile suddenly and he says, "are you sure you can handle two weeks with me?"No. But I laugh anyways. He seems to be such a closet dork. "Is it possible to leave then?" I joke.His face seems to register shock that I actually replied back to him in a nice, actually not awkward manner, and then he smiles back softly."So friends?" he asks, offering me his palm."Friends," I reply, and shake.
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13 hours later, the plane pulls into the landing strip of Boulogne-Billancourt, France, a town on the outskirts of Paris. "Hyungwon," I hear someone lightly say. "We're here." I open my eyes slightly and see Wonho. Really close to my face. Too close. Why does he have to be that handsome? Even up close after a 13 hour plane ride? I probably look rumpled as all get out. "Oh," I groan, jerking my head up, which I guess fell over onto Wonho's shoulder at some point while I was napping. I cool my suddenly blushing cheeks with my hands. "You said we're here?""Yes." He gives me a curious look, laughs, and then ruffles my hair with his man hands. "You've got bed head." He laughs again and I blush even deeper.I rush to fix it, muttering, "more like shoulder-head. Sorry about that."He shrugs and stands up. "It's okay. I could've woken you up if I wanted to. You just looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you up."Looked? Did he look at me while I was sleeping? I struggle to shrug off how that makes me feel."Well, thanks.""No problem. By the way, you should go pack up your carry on stuff. We'll be grabbing out suitcases when we unboard soon."He turns to walk away. "Wonho?"He turns back around, his eyebrows raised in question. "Thank you." He seems pleasantly surprised, flashing me an embarrassed smile. He walks toward a comfortably sleeping Minhyuk and Shownu, seat belts abandoned, wrapped together. I watch his retreating form, overcome with surprise at how fun the ride had actually been. Not just for Minhyuk and Shownu (who seemed to be given a little TOO much free time, because they were getting all hot and bothered in the back, which isn't acceptable on a plane. Owned my someone else. With other people on it. Mid-flight.) but also for me, and it seemed also for Wonho too. Over those long hours alone together, Wonho and I learned a lot about each other.We talked a lot. About light topics, like our favorite colors (mine was white, his was purple), and animals (I have a dog named Yodel and he has a turtle named Siber - he wants a dog, but he says he' s gone so much that it would be unfair to the dog, especially without anyone to watch it. I told him that we could have joint custody on Yodel, which made him laugh and squeeze my cheek.)We talked about not so light topics, like our dreams (I wanted to model, but my confidence wasn't high enough to do it well. Something that shocked me when I said it, because I have only told my closest friends about that for fear of judgement; he wanted to be a professional photographer, unshockingly, working for some big company like Nat Geo, traveling the world to show other people of its' beauty.) our ideal types (though I blushed at this part, I hurriedly said that I liked people who were open and sweet, able to do stuff for you without having to even be told or asking what you needed, someone honest and easily feeling. He said his ideal type was someone to keep him grounded, someone unafraid to tell him when he was in the wrong, not persuaded by his money or his power to be on his side for every argument. He said that it happens so much that it's hard to know who is really his friend or just a friend of his money. He laughed when I told him that he'd never have to worry about that with me because I would love to prove him wrong, any chance I get.) our family (I was an only child, and before I transferred here from Busan, I lived with my mom and my dad. Wonho explained quietly that he used to live with his younger brother and sister with a dad who barely paid any attention to them after his mom passed away when he was young. Although he told me that it didn't really bother him to talk about since she died when he was so little that he barely remembered her, he seemed quick to shut down the conversation when the identity of his father came up. Now, he lived by himself, paying the bills without his dad's help [his dad, whom I learned was not just rich, but filthy rich] by making business on his photography. )We even talked about the random things. I love neck pillows, kawaii edible art, the beach, animals, and music. He liked working out or anything fitness related (which really didn't shock me that much after he pulled up the sleeves of his turtlenecks to get comfortable a few hours into the trip and I saw how built he is), watching reality shows, all kinds of foods, plushies, and surprisingly, kids.He told me stories about where he'd traveled - Belgium, Greece, Europe, Hawaii, and I explained what I missed about South Korea, the foods, the freedom on school, the cherry blossoms, the cleanliness, and he vowed to go there sometime.He had moved from there to the US when he was 4, which was evident by his rusty Korean skills. He even referred to me informally, which I'm sure was an accident, but really may just have been on purpose, disguised as an accident. (Considering I was older than him)I fell in love a little in those hours; in the way he got so animated about his photography but was so humble about it's obvious high quality, with the strength he obviously had, but used only when it was absolutely necessary, his longing to love and be loved in return for himself.I stopped worrying about if he was straight or not and just allowed myself to focus on what a cool person he was. So cool that he volunteered and donated to shelters for both animals and people. So cool that he took his kid siblings on little 'dates' and showered them with enough attention that his dad wasn't missed. I noticed that he was really touchy-feely when he got to know someone, and that skinship was one of the ways he showed people that he cared, when his mouth couldn't do the full job well enough for him. He was scarily good at aegyo, though he would only do it to make someone feel better. (the only reason I knew this was because he had someone convinced me to tell an embarrassing story, and I was mad at him because he laughed at the most embarrassing part yet. He did actual aegyo to make me forgive him, which made me cringe and laugh extra hard because I hadn't seen it since I left Korea.)Before, I nearly had a panic attack in the bathroom after he merely held my hand, but now I learned to not even think twice (though I would still blush) if he patted my upper thigh or tickled under my chin. It was his way of being friends, and although I would have rather been more, I welcomed it. With a happy sigh and an embarrassed smile, I packed up my stuff.I was in for some trouble these two weeks if I kept this whipped behavior up.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Arm and arm, Minhyuk and I walked off the plane."Hmmm," Minhyuk breathed, eyes closed shut tight. "I just feel Parisian here. Don't you?"He seems so serious, so believing in the fact that the air in Paris has Parisian making qualities, that I hold back my laughter and just nod."Mmm, hmm. Definitely.""Damn. What's taking them so long?" Minhyuk complains, looking back to the plane exit. "It didn't take us nearly this long to get changed."I roll my eyes. Minhyuk had made the plan that we should bring a "Paris outfit", an outfit so beautiful and prim that foreigners would look on us with awe, an outfit that would make the Paris guys swoon (he said it was just for in my case, but we both knew the truth). Minhyuk even gave us shifts for changing clothes; because we were so close, Minhyuk and I changed together, and afterwords, Shownu and Wonho would change. "You're overacting, once again. They've been in their for like five minutes, versus our almost half an hour."Minhyuk latches harder onto my arm, giving himself support as he moves his suitcase to the side. "Yeah, well we're more fashion oriented. Plus," he adds with a sharp smile thrown my way, "you can't tell me that you're not feeling yourself in that outfit right now."I roll my eyes again and shove him. But yet again, he's correct. I do feel really confident in myself in this outfit, a true model in my designer clothes."I wish I had your frame," Minhyuk pouts, looking down at himself. "You're so tall and willowy and slender... it's such a good look."I look down at myself, clad in ripped black jeans, an almost sheer white shirt with a tie fastened at the triangle cutout almost halfway down my chest, black dress shoes. I feel for my carefully fastened beret.Minhyuk sighs. "You look great, Hyungwon. As always." He pulls my hand away from the beret. "That took too long to fasten. Don't touch it."He sounds so glum. I laugh and hug him."Come on, Minhyuk. You know you look good." And he does too, in a cute way, wearing a fuzzy yellow sweater, whitewashed light blue jeans, cute sandals, and an old pair of wide-rimmed glasses. Minhyuk opens his mouth, probably to complain some more about his frame (too small and little in his opinion) when we hear Wonho and Shownu come out of the plane, laughing at who knows what. Minhyuk and I were worried about that; Minhyuk gets along with anyone and I'm now friends with Wonho, so we'd be fine with him for two weeks. Although Shownu is one of the most sweet people we know, he has a tendency to be socially awkward, and hard to approach because of his size. But now, we're not worried, seeing how Wonho is probably even more built than he is, and just as socially awkward.We watch them come down the steps of the plane. Shownu makes his way all the way to us, but Wonho stays behind and has a word with the pilot of the plane.I pretend not to watch him, but fail.He looks good, I have to admit it. He changed too, going from his turtleneck to a plain T-Shirt and black jeans too. I try not to audibly sigh. It's unfair that he's dressed so casually but still manages to look so good."Shownu!" Minhyuk yells when Shownu reaches us, like he didn't just see him less than 20 minutes ago. Like they've been separated for light years. "Baby, you look so cute!" Minhyuk squeals. I roll my eyes. How dramatic. Shownu is dressed casually too, but for some reason it isn't having the same affect on me as Wonho's outfit did. Wonho eventually makes his way to us, looking more like a model than he has any right to be."You guys ready?" His face, looking childish in excitement, looks my direction."Yes!" I say with far more enthusiasm than the situation calls for, but he seems to enjoy it anyways, laughing freely and gently tapping my hat.Minhyuk smacks his hand.His face, looking so scolded, makes me laugh, though I curse Minhyuk for stopping something I so obviously enjoy."Oh, no, I don't think so. The majority of the time we spent in that bathroom was putting that damn hat on. I'm not taking any chances. "Wonho nods, oh so serious, and I laugh again. He really acts so innocent sometimes.A black car, looking slick and expensive suddenly pulls up. "Is that our ride?" Shownu asks.Wonho nods, though his expression registers conclusions."It looks kind of small," Minhyuk offers.Looking at it, it kind of does.We walk towards the car, and the situation is exactly how we thought it would be. Wonho knocks on the driver's side window, grabbing the attention of the driver. "What happened to the upgrade?" Wonho asks when the driver, a sophisticated man about 50 years old.A slightly younger man in the passenger seat, looking gay according to my calculations, waves. Shocked, I wave back."Well, sir. You see, we didn't have any of those kinds of cars available, so we just went with what we previously had on record for you."Wonho looks at him colder than I've ever seen someone look before. "There was a REASON why I asked for a different car. Why do you think that I would ASK for a different car if it wasn't the car I wanted?"The driver, looking more and more embarrassed looks down."We thought you were just being anal, sir."Wonho's face turns murderous. He opens his mouth to, I don't even know what, but I tug gently on the sleeve of his arm.Wonho turns to me, eyes still angry, then softens. He closes his eyes, massaging his temples, then grabs my hand and holds it in his."It is guaranteed that I will be speaking to your higher ups," he mutters, to the driver."Not to interrupt, but who is he?" Minhyuk asks. We follow his finger to the passenger that waved at me earlier sitting beside the driver."That's our tour guide." Wonho says. His hands grasps mine even tighter and I struggle not to gasp or smile. I'm having flashbacks to the plane, but this time my heart is pounding faster due to excitement, rather than fear. I return the grip."Why do we have a tour guide?" I ask shyly. "Don't you do this by yourself normally?""Not after getting lost in the middle of Greece, last trip. Dad's orders." He grimaces when he says dad and then winces. "Damn. That just means their is even less room to sit." He opens the door closest to him to the back seat and looks it, hand still in mine.Minhyuk, not having noticed our hands before, widens his eyes and gapes before recovering and pointing it out to Shownu. Shownu just smiles and shakes his head."Look," he gestures.Minhyuk pokes his head in. "Oh my god!" he suddenly yells.He pops his head back out, eyes even wider."It's a two-seater. How are we all going to fit?"Shownu's expression hardens in determination. "We need to lap sit.""Lap sit?" My voice goes higher and my eyes dart to my hand, currently hugging Wonho's.Minhyuk gives me a devious look. "I call Shownu," she calls, looking me dead in the eyes, knowing exactly what that means for me.Wonho looks at me, finally."Are we really doing this?"I look back at him, trying to pretend that this is not exactly what I've been wishing for."I guess," I shrug, feigning nonchalance. Wonho and Shownu pack the suitcases in the back of the car, and I prepare myself."You're welcome," Minhyuk whispers, nudging me. I nod in thanks.Is this really happening?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
My heart beating fast and my mouth going dry, I watch Minhyuk and Shownu pile in first.I fiddle with my outfit nervously, trying with no noticeable success to calm my breathing.Wonho and I watch silently as they get comfy, Shownu getting laid back in the seat, all giggles as Minhyuk plunks into his lap and settles in.It all looks so easy and familiar to them. I wish.I feel Wonho look at me and I gulp, my heart jumping literally into my throat."You ready?" his eyes seem cautious, as if I look so nervous that I can be scared away with a few words, and am a simple creature able to be startled.I want to say yes, but I'm absolutely sure that my throat wouldn't be able to even carry it, so I just nod instead."Um," I manage, coughing slightly. His face seems just as nervous and we both mess around with our clothes. I notice an interested looking Minhyuk peering out the car window at us, hands splayed on Shownu's thighs to brace himself as he ogles. "You go first." I gesture towards the door.He smiles a little for some unknown reason, the opens the car door. I watch his head, his well-kept black hair swishing, duck into the car.My heart thunders in my ears now that it's actually happening, as I watch him finally still.Come on, Hyungwon. Relax. Wonho shifts a little as I enter. I awkwardly step between his legs, holding onto the back of the driver's side headrest to steady myself as I get into the right position. I almost slip, but then save myself as I plop indelicately into Wonho's lap.He gives a huff of surprise and shifts again. I'm sure my breathing is so loud because of the close proximity, but I can't seem to work up enough sanity or motivation to calm it down. Even though I'm uncomfortable, half my ass off of his lap and held in the air, I'm too scared to move. Wonho seems pulled so tight already."You can move, Hyungwon. I'm okay," Wonho says. He sounds so different so close. Almost gruff.I breathe 'thanks' and move a bit.I move closer to the left, but move my head to the right.Wonho is literally spooning me front to back, all the way from calves to neck.He feels so different than what I'm used to. He seems so... solid. It's easily to feel the obvious and thick bands of muscle that wrap around him.We're so close in height that our heads are nearly parallel with each other. In fact, our cheeks, if I just leaned an inch to the left... would be touching. I'm acutely aware of every part of him. I feel the thickness of his thighs, warm and unforgiving, the buffness of his chest, so tough but yet so easy to sink into, the soft of his neck... so hot.I'm more than comfortable, but I'm scared Wonho doesn't agree. I move to try to give him anything to make him more at ease, but without warning, Wonho wraps his arms around my midsection and arms. I freeze in shock.What's going on? Why is he..? I can't even bring myself to question what's wrong with it anymore, because, wow. Damn. He feels so good."Hyungwon," Wonho breaths in my ear. His voice definitely sounds deeper, raspy as though he just woke up all of a sudden. "You're fine. I'm fine. We're fine."I fight the urge to full body shudder at both his voice, his arms, his flippant use of the word 'we', of the way he said my name...I finally manage to relax, despite the thousands of nerve endings firing off in my body, though Wonho never does. His arms stay tight around me, and I fend off the creeping questions and feelings by telling myself that he is probably just trying to find a way to get more comfortable.I feel every move he makes under me. Every breath, every shift. It's bizarre to be this close to a boy. Even more bizarre that I enjoy it so much.I'm screaming in my head, but blase in my head. I wonder belatedly if he can feel or hear my heart beating or if I feel bony. I've always been skinny, more bones than fat, but I've never wondered if it was apparent through physical contact until now. Just relax, Hyungwon, I chant as the car finally starts moving, after it feels like forever.It isn't until we've been driving for a few minutes and we encounter a few bumps in the road that I fully realize the extent of the situation.I'm sitting on someone's dick.This is not how friends think about each other, Won. I'd suggest you drop it a few notches.But the bumpier it gets, the more apparent it seems.He's not... is he? He can't be... There's no way...I force a deep breath but realize he may feel it and wonder why I need to, so I pause mid breath."Can you," he starts. Shit. His voice. It makes my toes curl. It's way deeper than before, a real man voice capable of whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I don't know I'm feeling so much now all of a sudden at such little things, but if I were being honest, it doesn't sound like I'm the only one affected."Yes?" I'm sure my voice sounds just as bad but I can't bring myself to care. "Can you... move down a little bit?Shit. I'm making him uncomfortable. Or he's just.... no, no, no. No time to go there. No, no, no. I quickly shuffle down a bit. He moves under me. I try to ignore his body, to close to mine, making movements with mine, unsuccessfully. He loosens his arms from around me, but continues the hold.I'd almost forgot that Minhyuk and Shownu were even in the same car as us, until I see Shownu tickle Minhyuk, Minhyuk giggling and jerking quietly.I feel Wonho sigh, and I'm pretty sure I do the same. I wish."I'm sorry," I mutter, rushing it out, but knowing how close we are, I know he hears me. I feel him freeze, then he tightens his arms."What's there to be sorry for?" he asks. His voice, which after a change, the change kind of disappointing me and relaxing me at the same time, sounds a lot better and controlled now. It's weird not being able to look at his face to gauge his emotions and just trying to read him by listening to his voice."Um," I begin. Where can I even start?"Well," it all comes out in a rush. "Well, we don't know each other that much, rather at all, until our random meeting and the random trip plan, which I'm thankful for, don't get me wrong, but was definitely weird but cool, but like somehow we're spooning in a car on the way to the hotel we're sharing in a whole different country than we were before after a completely expense paid plane ride where we talked the whole time like old friends, and now like I was saying, we're like really close, like I'm actually sitting in your lap and it's cryptically quiet, no one is saying a weird, which is strange because we are basically cuddling, but you're not saying how you feel or if it's even okay or if-"I had intended to keep going, but the feel of Wonho, silently laughing behind and beside me pulls me up short."Did I.. Did I do something funny?" I ask quietly. I really was just trying to explain this situation to him, but I guess it must have come out wrong because he's not taking it seriously at all. "Just you being you, I guess, Hyungwon. You're just a funny character, is all." He laughs again, his back shaking. It reverberates in my chest.Funny character? I'm deciding whether to be angry or happy, when he speaks again."I'm really fine. I'm just worried that you're uncomfortable."I really must have messed up on my speech somewhere, because he certainly isn't picking up what I said at all.I open my mouth to try to explain again but he cuts me off, squeezing me in a childish hug."I just thought you'd be asleep by now. You seemed to tired on the plane, using my shoulder and everything..." His voice is playful, but my cheeks warm. I'm sure they're red as a firetruck when he starts mock snoring.I close my fist, how dare he?, and hit him in the thigh. His strong, muscled, thigh...He hugs me tighter."Just go to sleep, Hyungwon," he croons. "You're so tense... it's making me tense. No one should be tense when they're on vacation."My head spins, trying to make sense of so much stimuli at once. First, at the way he said my name again.. at the way he wants me to sleep on him...But now that I think about it, I am quite tired. It's been a lot of stress in these few hours. Maybe I'm just man deprived. Because the idea that his dick is directly under mine could keep me awake for years. Geez, Hyungwon. You'd think he'd be sticking his dick in your butt or something with the way you're acting. I blink and shake my head a little bit to rid myself of the way my thoughts are taking me.I wonder if my nervousness had something to do with this and curse my big mouth."Hyungwon. Please." He must know that I can't resist him when I says my name like that. Or at all. It's even worse when his hands circle mine, his hands holding mine.I gulp, and am sure he hears it, because I feel him laugh a bit more. As revved up as I am, it's not exactly hard to fall asleep in a hot guy's arms. Though I do snuggle in a bit more when I'm supposedly asleep. What can I say? You have to take those wins when you can get them.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I wake up with a start. A giant comforter swallows up my body and I shoot up.Where am I? How did I get here? I honestly have no idea.Wherever it is, it sure is luxurious. The rich stuff. The high white ceilings connect to grey banisters that stretch across the walls, giving the room a sophisticated but modern feel.The door to this room is half ajar, the opening showing-Shit. I jump. A rustle beside me sends me onto high alert and I can hardly believe it.Wonho, sleeps soundly beside me, stirs slightly, and then relaxes. This is too much for so early.I look over more and see a lightly snoring Showhyuk on the other bed, wrapped tightly around each other. I think back to the day before, lost. What decisions did I make to get to this point? Whatever it is, I made damn good ones!I remember the plane, Wonho's laugh as we talk about Yodel, the Paris outfit.. then I remember the car ride. Damn. I really handled that one well, didn't I?He told you to fall asleep! So, you did!I think harder. A memory of slight uncomfort, the foundation below me moving, then a grunt and a rocking motion.Did he.. did Wonho pick me up? Nah, probably just Shownu. I shake off the thought. What really is important right now? I could think of so many things to consider... what time it is, where I am, what I missed, what's next... but a sleeping Wonho takes up all of my preoccupations. Gently, in order to not disturb him, I lie next to him, on my right side, propping my head up on my elbow, the perfect viewing position.Wonho is sleeping so delicately, so unlike how you would think that such a tough man would, but the more I get to know him, the more I realize that Wonho doesn't seem to fit that tough guy persona that I built up for him in my mind all that time before I met him.His eyes lay closed, unmoving, his eyelashes fanning the gentle skin underneath. They're so long that my eyelashes want to commit suicide from shame, way longer than any guy's eyelashes have any right to be. I want to focus on the little details, so cute that I could observe them for hours, but I want to study his whole face.I know hos creepy and unattractive it sounds, but he's so pretty... I can't look away when I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to observe freely. His skin, while his cheeks are slightly flushed, is so clear. I want to get mad with jealousy, but I keep wondering if he wars makeup. His skin looks so clear right now, and though his skin seems to look good all the time, it has a certain purity to it now that was absent before. I laugh to myself. He's not more tan that me. I remember enquiring about it, but now it's been put to the test. While he is more tan than I originally thought he was, he isn't as dark as I am. It gives me a bit of satisfaction to know that I have at least that one thing over him. His face overall seems so unfairly proportionate... his nose, so straight and sharp, is the perfect size and flares slightly as he sleeps.I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face. He looks so much like a baby, it's uncanny. I want to squish his baby cheeks so bad, but I know that doing that is obviously not a viable option.I brace myself. I had been saving his lips for last, knowing they could be the downfall of the careful self-control, I had built up, but the time is finally here. Oh, god. I'm really not the type to fawn over such small things, but honestly... I could fall asleep with his lips alone. They're so pink(but slightly dry, so I know that he isn't wearing lipstick or chapstick). Maybe it's just because I'm not awake enough to realize what it could mean if I do so, but studying his pretty, perfectly pouty lips, I can't help myself and lean forward to touch them.My fingers, so nervous they even shake, reach slowly towards his. I'm so focused, I don't even dare to breath. MY gaze is zeroed in on him... the one point on his lips I want, no need, to touch.I finally make contact.I almost gasp, they're so soft! I make a noise somewhere in my throat in happiness. They're so soft, I want to scream.How is it that he's so irresistible in every way? I stroke the length of them lightly in wonder. They're so plump! If only I could just-Suddenly, so fast I barely comprehend it, Wonho's hand snakes out and securely latches onto my wrist.I make a noise of surprise and look to his eyes, scared.Is he awake? Did he catch me? God, this looks so gay! Actually, this is so gay! This is so gay that I have no plausible way to even explain it in non-gay terms!But when I met his eyes, they're closed. Why are they closed? He can't still be sleeping... he grabbed my wrist, for shit's sake!I watch him rub his hair sleepily, his eyes still closed. I'm frozen. Literally frozen. Where do I go from here? I, under no circumstances, want him to find out about what I was caught doing, whether he is sleeping or not. So do I stay still? Do I run out of the room? God, nothing like this has ever happened to me before!I'm just hoping to god he's still asleep, and the wrist grabbing part of all of this was just a fluke. Sleep awakeness is a thing, right? As I'm thinking, he tightens his hand around my wrist, then scoots closer. Shit. Way, WAY closer.He stops when he reaches my body, cuddles up along me, finally relaxing when he's stuck to me like a leech.I'm scared to breath. I want to scream, I want to run, I want to hug him.. God, I have no idea what I want! All I know is that he's all up on me and I have no real escape! It's so bad of me to want this so bad, so bad that I SHOULD just leave, but I can't force my body to make the right movements to do so. I've almost convinced myself into leaving, (he probably wouldn't like to wake up glued to my body like this anyways! He'd probably think that I tried to pull a quick one on him, or something, with how hot he is) when he moves again, so I freeze.I can see his face so clearly, but my heart is beating so loudly and quickly I almost can't even hear over it. So I'm sure that I've misheard him a second later when he says my name.He says it so clearly, I think that he's woke up and about to attack me or kick me out or something. But his eyes are still asleep, his face still as relaxed as before. Is he.. sleep talking?I almost jump physically when I think about it. Why would he say my name, at all, let alone when he's asleep, when you are your most relaxed?But then he says it again. Even clearer."Hyungwon," he almost murmurs. His voice seems so sleepy. He snuggles in more, burying his face in my neck. He sighs, says my name again, then burrows his head in even more.So, he is asleep. I have to put my hand over my mouth, moving as little as possible so stop myself from making any noise. I can't even describe how happy it makes me that he said my name in his sleep. Could he possibly be... dreaming of me?I shake off the idea. How elementary. He barely knows you, let alone likes you, Hyungwon. Here you are, imagining things... maybe he just thinks you're one of the oversized plushies on his bed. But then he says something that makes me freeze in my conviction. "Hyungwon...Hyungwon, where's Yodel?"What. The. Fuck. What domestic K-drama show did I walk into?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Quite a bit later, Minhyuk stirs.I'm frozen in my previous position, facing Wonho, his face buried in my neck, our hands interlocked, my body tense, my eyes wide open.After he said... I can't repeat it. After he said what he said, the thing that nearly made me actually collapse into cardiac arrest, I froze and haven't moved since. It had to be quite a decent amount of time, though, because I could see the outline of the sun from behind the curtain in the far right corner.Minhyuk continues to snore, then after a few minutes of laying motionless, I guess to wake up, he sits up. He rubs his eyes sleepily, his face adorably sleep-ridden, before he notices Shownu's presence. Then, he rubs Shownu's back gently, smiling at his sleeping frame. He stops, then stretches.Notice me! Please notice me! While I liked it at first, and baby-like sleeping Wonho is a lovely view, his frame, which is undeniably big, is wrapped cutely in his blanket like a child, and is making me more and more hot as time goes on.Minhyuk, sadly doesn't notice us. He even gets up and stretches more, his ribs sticking out. Apparently, he ditched his shirt somewhere in the night, and upon a quick look at Shownu, who's bare chested as well, decide it might not have been so accidental. Minhyuk stumbles his way to the bathroom, the opposite direction from us, still not noticing the fact that I am actually suffocating in this giant, buff, hot man-bear! I want to call him, but I don't for Wonho's sake. I don't want him to wake up in the situation without knowing it's something he minds or not, whether or not I completely love it or not being beside the point. I hear the toilet flush, and Shownu stirs a little bit at the noise, but lapses back into his slumber. I see Minhyuk come back from the bathroom, and we both make eye contact at the same time.He freezes. I freeze. We both freeze, eyes locked, mine probably screaming out an SOS, Minhyuk's just confused in only the way being tired can bring out. Minhyuk's eyes dart from Wonho to me, me to Wonho, back and forth. I extricate my hand not in his gently and fan myself, mouthing the words 'I'm hot' exaggeratedly. Minhyuk just stares. How dumb can you be? I get that you're blonde, but don't forget that I know that it isn't authentic!I close my eyes in frustration. God. I'm gonna be stuck like this forever and he's gonna wake up and think I tried to go down on him or something. Daddy kink gone wrong style. But when I open them, Minhyuk is gone. I search frantically for him, and find him beside Shownu. He picks up Shownu's phone on the bedside table in between the two beds, I guess checking the time. He looks at my curious expression, then flashes the phone my way. It says 10:22 pm. Minhyuk puts down the phone, then gently crawls back into the bed, this time on Shownu's side. I really think that he's going to just go back to sleep and leave me hanging, but then starts to gently shake Shownu. I'm not so sure why, but it's a definite that he's waking Shownu up. Shownu grunts in defiance like a child, and I fight the urge to laugh. Shownu has always been this way since he was younger. A fellow soul. We get our sleep where we can get it and we take complete advantage. And if it's not our time to sleep, then we make it our time. Shownu wakes with a smile, realizing it's Minhyuk and reaches forward to pull him into his embrace. They lock lips passionately, Minhyuk seeming to sink into Shownu, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to steady himself. I look away and clear my throat. Screw waking up Wonho. There's no way that I'm sitting and watching my best friends eat each other.Minhyuk and Shownu spring apart. Minhyuk chuckles into Shownu's chest while Shownu looks to where the noise came from. He notices me and his eyes widen. Yes, bitch. I'm here. Watching you stick your tongue down my best friend's throat. Yes.He clears his throat too, breaking eye contact abruptly. That's what I thought. Suck that nosy ass tongue right back into your mouth. Trying to explore all that land like it's yours, Christopher Columbus. Funny story. The dictator of Minhyuk Land vetoes that trip, aka, me.I laugh at myself, despite the sweaty situation. Even though I've known both them apart for a few years and together for almost as long, it's still weird to see them together like that. Looking down at Wonho, I find myself wondering if it's because I really think that it's disgusting and don't want to see it, or if it's more so that I'm jealous. Without realizing, my ideas retreat to the far corner of my brain that I never indulge into and think of how it would be if this were real. If Wonho were really laying with me, not by accident, not because of convenience. Because of love. How would it feel to have him do what Shownu does to Minhyuk to me? To feel him, so solid against me? To sigh as his lips touch mine? To bring him closer as we-Before I can begin to fantasize, Minhyuk yells suddenly, breaking the silence, "When I say 3, drag yourself out!" My brain barely has time to comprehend that he's speaking English before he starts counting.He looks so evil, standing slight and small, wearing a devilish grin and pajama pants, grasping Shownu's hand in his own."1, 2, 3!" I don't wait to see what they do. I duck the hell out of there. The moment I manage unpin myself from Wonho's grip, he starts to wake up, but then Wonho and Shownu jump on him.Literally. Like actually jump on him.I watch passively, just enjoying the fresh air. I pat at my bangs. They feel so cool against my forehead as they reach the cold hair they'd previously been kept from. I try to dry the sweat from my forehead and hair, as Minhyuk and Shownu tickle Wonho to death.I'm busy trying to get cool until I hear Wonho's laugh, so infectious and loud, ring in the air. I can't help but smile to myself, watching him laugh freely without any restraint. His smile stretches so wide. It completely changes the way he looks. He looks less like... Shownu, and more like... Minhyuk when he smiles. He looks like someone I wouldn't be scared to hang out with or approach.Watching Wonho smile, the cute interaction between my best friends and him... I realize something at that moment. Something that I was trying to hide from myself but never let come to light until now.I could fall in love with Wonho. And from my behavior now, it doesn't seem too far off.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I look at myself in the mirror, questioning where the hell my sanity went in this short little time period. I pull the toothbrush out of my mouth and narrow my eyes in focus; who is this little bitch that has been getting so worked up over Wonho doing nothing? Where did the stone cold Hyungwon go that never shed a tear over a love interest?I sigh and resume brushing my teeth. He must have jumped ship when he started to get to know Wonho, because he isn't here, that's for damn sure. I finish up, splashing my face with the cold water from the faucet, then drying my hands and face with the towel beside me.I breath deeply. You're gonna go out there, and you're going to stay unbothered. You're going to seem so above him, even if you're definition of luxurious is a trip to the salon and his is a trip to Europe. He doesn't affect you all, and you certainly, by no means, want to kiss him. I dab away the remains of the water and exit the bathroom.Shownu and Minhyuk are changing, Wonho facing the wall opposite of them.I cover my eyes belatedly, then sigh, uncovering my eyes. As if that bothered me at this point. After all these years... them changing in front of me should be nothing.I go to my suitcase, grabbing my clothes for the day, smiling at them.Another good outfit. I managed to convince myself that it had absolutely no tie to the fact that I'm with Wonho, but we all know the truth. I'm too lazy to do stuff like this otherwise. But after doing this a few times, I'm getting used to looking so cute, so maybe I'll just start doing this all the time, even when I'm not with Wonho.The thought saddens me a little and I berate myself. You little whore. There you go again, acting all lovesick over this guy that you barely know. But when I look up at him, his little face focused as he gazes at his phone with so much seriousness... I can't even blame myself. Anyone could do the same thing that I did, if they just gave him a chance.I shuffle back into the bathroom, changing quickly and efficiently. I don't want anyone else to have to wait for me, so I rush, and by time I make it out, I'm always panting.Damn, Hyungwon. You need to put some work in at the gym if that was rough.Wonho and I cross at that door, him going in, me going out. He smiles, and it's like a scene from a K-Drama. He gets shimmers all around him, and I swear I hear little bells as he walks past. His hand swipes my midsection, trailing across the length of my stomach in greeting.He finishes walking past, taking his smile and his music with him. God, I want to face palm. I'm so whipped, I want to scream! How could I possibly be so whipped already? I actually consider throwing myself off a bridge because of my inner embarrassment, but eventually decide to postpone it because I really want to see where we're going. I make me way back to my suitcases, packing a small backpack with the basic necessities. I leave my phone in my pocket, though, because god forbid us humans be without it for even five seconds. I put in some baby wipes, my selfie stick, a Polaroid camera, and a few of my favorite Korean snacks that I brought from Korea here.After I finish packing, I lay in the bad with Shownu and Minhyuk. I hate being the third wheel, but I'm bored as hell and ready to go start exploring!They're laying next to each other, as close as possible without it being laying on each other, sharing a headphone, watching some K-Drama that I passed on.I watch the show for a bit without the sound... I'm able to pick up most of it, because for some reason, they have the English subtitles on, which makes no sense, considering that they're full-blooded Korean.I sigh and roll over to the other side of the bed. "I'm so bored!" I moan, loudly. Every inch of me is ready to get up and go! I keep wondering where we're going. Wonho had something planned, something he refuses to tell the rest of us. Which undoubtedly makes me nervous. Why hide it from the passengers if it's going to be a peaceful location? I roll over again, sighing even deeper, checking my phone for the time. 11:45 p.m. Where the hell can we even go at 11:45 at night?I sit straight up when I hear Wonho come out of the bathroom. Finally, thank god!I laugh when I see him. "We're matching!" I say, gesturing to our clothes. How funny!He looks down at himself with a smile. He's wearing a black and white striped turtleneck underneath a a cozy sweater, dark black and ribbed.I look down at my own. I'm also wearing a black and white striped turtleneck, with a sweater on top too, but mine is white instead.I bite away a smile, happy for some odd reason. It's almost like we did this on purpose. I fight the urge to be yell at the rooftops happy that people will see us and probably think we're a couple.He comes over and ruffles my hair."Guess we're on the same wavelength," he says, laughing and re-fixing my hair after he goes a little too wild and messes it up monstrously. "We picked a couple outfit without even trying." he smirks when he says that, obviously having no idea the affect his words have on me. My heart is racing and racing, chugging along, almost like it's warning me that I'm in danger. My breath freezes somewhere in my throat and struggle to fix my face, realizing that he's still looking at me, probably not expecting such a response when he said it in such a platonic manner.I manage to fix my face into something half way to a smile, plastering like it's my lifesaver."Are you ready to go?" he asks, unaware of my inner turmoil. His face is deliciously excited, and want to squeeze his cheeks again. Man, I really gotta get rid of that urge, or it's gonna get me in trouble..."Go where?" I sulk. I want to know where I'm going first. I won't be happy to walk headfirst into a dungeon, thank you very much.His face sours a bit. "I'm not so sure you'll like it.." Wow. Nice. I'm sure it'll be fantastic, then.I stand, face passive, waiting. I still want to know. What if it's like a club or something? God, I hate clubs. I don't even know what I would do if he said we were going to a club-"We're going to a club." he says. Damn it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Are you sure about this?" I yell over the pulsing music. The psychedelic kaleidoscope of lights flash on Minhyuk, Shownu, and Wonho, bathing their faces in multicolored lights. I know I've lost when the light shows their awestruck expressions.Well, as long as everyone else enjoys themselves...I drop my head and do a gesture of 'go on' to the three of them."Go," I say tiredly. "Have some fun for me."It's almost comical the way they race off the second I say they can, like I'm their mom and they're my children asking if they can go over to a friend's house for the day.I watch them run off, Minhyuk and Shownu going one way, probably for the bar, and Wonho goes the other way, probably towards the women, knowing his looks and way of life.I retreat to a secluded high-tabled bar I noticed when I first came in. I huff down in the swivel seat and sigh.Alone again.The bartender notices me from a few seats down and comes my way."Anything you'd like?" He asks. I'm feeling so sorry for myself that I barely look up, nearly missing how hot he is.Jesus. Wow, is he hot. His eyes and hair and dark and mysterious, a midnight stranger beckoning to come hear his secrets. Those eyes are smirking now, probably picking up the gay vibes I no doubt exude, and realizing the effect he probably has on me.I sit open mouthed, unable to form an eloquent response."A margarita, maybe?" I find myself nodding, almost in a trance, even though I don't comprehend what he just said. It isn't until he walks away to get my drink that I realize my mistake.Margarita? MARGARITA?A drink? With real alcohol?I stand up abruptly, startling everyone around me, to tell him to stop! It's a mistake! I'm a good kid! but when the bartender turns to look at me, the source of the noise, his dark aesthetic silences me yet again, and find myself slinking back into my seat. I sigh in frustration.I must be crazy! How can I go from wanting to squeeze Wonho's cheeks to wanting to kiss someone that I've never met before?I growl and slam my head on the table."I must be insane," I murmur, my head resting on my arms crossed at the bar table ledge."Rough day?" I look up to see the bartender with my drink. His eyes look more daring than confused, almost as if they're baiting me, a tall glass of wine to an alcoholic.I almost can't believe that he's talking to me, a nobody, even asking how I feel, when I realize it's probably just part of his job."I'm just... I'm just confusing myself." I admit this quietly. It probably sounds bad, but I say it anyways.His smile grows to a devilish smirk. I swallow at his expression. What's going on with me?"Does it have anything to do with that guy you walked in with, giving your forlorn eyes to?" he speaks in accented English. He leans over the the bar, held up with his elbow as I am taken back.I'm taken back at him... the way he seems so focused on me, the way he guessed so dead on.. but at the mention of Wonho, I find my heart distancing itself from this man, who yes, I feel an undeniable attraction to, but don't know. I open my mouth to dismiss his question, to make something up, but I give up. I'll just have to get used to the fact that I'm whipped and that it's apparently clear to everyone but me."Yes!" I moan, dropping my head back on the table with a loud thud. "It's all so confusing," I say, my voice muffled. "I don't know what I want or what he wants or what I should even do about all of this." I've been so scared to even consider it, to think of how badly this could end, so this is my first time really thinking about it. "Well, honey, I'd start with a drink. I bet you didn't know that a bit of alcohol is extremely gifted at unveiling those hidden thoughts you can't seem to figure out so hidden in your brain that the logic part of you can't access it. It's also incredibly stupid, and I wouldn't recommend making any rash decisions while it's got you, but it really is good at helping you to find out how you feel nonetheless."I slowly lift my head. What have I got to lose? There's nothing here to be in my way; no parents, no school in the morning.. nothing.So before I think better of it or consider the consequences it could have, I grab the drink, tip it back, and bottoms up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------"And so can you believe what I said next? He said, he said," I stop to take another swig, oops, I mean a chug, of my shot. Evan stares at me with glassy-eyed wonder. "What?" he asks, leaning towards me, his voice slurred."He said he didn't even have a car!" We both bust out laughing. I pat his knee in laughter. It's just so funny! Laughing is just so fun when you're with your friends! Yes! And Evan! Is definitely my best friend in the whole world!Evan laughs so hard he falls into my lap, smelling like fun! And booze... but that also smells like fun right now too!I hug his laughing frame."Wow, Won," I hear him say through my curtain of bliss. "You're so cool!"I laugh. Cool. What a weird phrase. Calling someone cold is an insult, but cool is good? How strange."Thanks!" I bite back a hiccup, smiling. "You're cool too... I think." I giggle at my own wittiness. I should be a wonder to the world, with how smart I am! I am the world's smartest person! I deserve an award!The world feels so far away and I'm just so happy! So happy that I barely even notice when Evan leans forward, planting a sloppy kiss on my mouth.Woah woah woah. Either my reflexes are slow, or my heart is, because it takes me a second to kiss him back. Why wouldn't I kiss him back? My heart feels so free. My heart said to ride the freedom on the wings of a multi-colored phoenix to happy land! And Evan's lips are the wings!I want to kiss him back, but with all this talk of freedom, my mouth just wants to sing about it! Singing is so fun! And my voice can sound so pretty when I move it up and down... I demonstrate it a little bit for Evan, but he must not like it that much, because he just goes back to kissing me. Evan's hands frame my sides. It feels weird all of a sudden... all cold and sticky. I look down and seeing my bare skin all wet, I... wait... where's my shirt?I look around clumsily for my shirt, which must of just fallen off or something, because I'd never just take it off like that or anything, but Evan drops his lips onto mine again. I want to fall into it like before, but something is starting to feel off. I tap on his chest, asking him to let me up, but his lips just deepen in intensity. I make a noise deep in my throat, panicking a bit, when he finally listens."Thanks, " I murmur, smiling again now that my best friend in the whole world Evan has returned again!He smiles back, then snatches off his shirt too, going back to kiss me again. Wait, what?My limbs feel submerged in water. I try to push him off, but his weight, but it's too domineering. Then all of a sudden, faster than a drunk or not even drunk brain can comprehend, I hear a growl, and Evan suddenly slides off of me. My eyes finally focus, just in time to see Wonho.Panting and angry, but Wonho just the same. Wonho, with a fistful of Evan's shirt in is hand, Evan's body elevated and pushed against a wall. Wonho, his fists slamming into Evan's face over and over again.It takes a while, but seeing the blood from his nose, the screaming Minhyuk being held back by Shownu, the horrified expression on everyone's face, the thought 'this is isn't right' breaks through the fog, and wakes me up.What do I do? What can I do?Still drunk, I do the only thing that I can do. I stumble towards them, my only thought to stop him, to stop all this, it's wrong.I make my way to them. "Wonho, stop," I yell drunkenly. "Please, stop!"I grab at his elbow, pulled back to punch Evan again.Instead of stopping like I thought he would, like the Wonho I knew would, he looks back at me with such a ferocious expression I freeze, my grip on him staying, then he throws his elbow back at me, it aimed sharply at my chest, disengaging my grip on his elbow and throwing me to the ground.Still filled with alcohol and shocked as possible at Wonho's reaction, I clumsily fall onto a glass table, it falling and shattering, surrounding me with glass.I gasp in pain, looking down at my arm. A cut about 6 inches long and deep is bleeding on my forearm. I cry out as I pull away the shard of glass that inflicted the damage.Wonho finally looks back at me, his eyes clearing, becoming apologetic the longer he looks at me.Those eyes, so sorry, are the last thing I remember before I pass out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I wake up at the hotel, with a blinding headache and red ball of anger in my chest.
Stabbing daggers of pain erupt in my head as I open my eyes and see the lights that are on.
I sit up, closing my eyes again, but my stomach aches and I lay back down.
God, this is what was standing between me and that drink. I knew there had to be something.
I rub my head in thought. I have no idea how people can be so efficient at drinking when they have to deal with this every morning after doing it.
My brain hurts even more when I think of everything that happened.. And what must have happened, but I can’t seem to remember.
I remember the smell of fun, of dark eyes and a dark smile…. I remember Evan, who listened to my stories… then it gets fuzzy.
I’m laying back, hands gripping my stomach, eyes closed, when someone touches my arm.
I squint my eyes in the general direction of the tap, and see the fizzy outline of Minhyuk, looking tired and slightly annoyed, bust still Minhyuk.
“Here you go, you big tiger,” Minhyuk says quietly, moderating his voice when I flinch.
I sit up extra slowly and take the glass of something and pills he passes me.
I bring it to my mouth to take the pill, but the smell awakens something nasty in my stomach and I gag, eventually just opting to swallow the pills down dry.
“What happened last night?” I ask, kicking myself for sounding like the clique high school drunk with a hangover.
Minhyuk sighs deeply and looks at me with a strange expression.
“Well, after having only three drinks, you thought it would be a good idea to dance and be free!” Minhyuk pantomimes being me, swinging around an imaginary pole.
“God, no! Please say that I didn’t!” I cover my face with my hands. This is clique as it gets. I can’t believe I ever volunteered to be in this situation. What a stupid hoe I am.
Minhyuk nods at me in utter seriousness.
I throw my head back on the bed, hiding my face with my arms, weak and shaking.
“Please don’t say there’s more,” I beg him, my voice muffled.
Minhyuk sighs. God, there is more. I know it. I bet I royally fucked things up this time.
Shit! What if I did? I lift my head up in panic, looking for Wonho, and not finding him.
My stomach drops in fear.
“Minhyuk…” I start. What did I do so bad to send him away? Did I admit my feelings? Worse?
Minhyuk takes at my face, my eyes slowly filling,
and gets worried.
“What’s wrong, Hyungwonnnie? Are you okay?” He moves towards me, resting a hand on my thigh.
I open my mouth to tell him what I’m feeling, the grief creeping up on me, when the front door opens and Wonho and Shownu walk in, a bag each in one of their hands.
Without thinking of the consequences or my stomach, I race over to him, enveloping him in a bone breaking hug.
He freezes, probably in shock, his body very tense. I squeeze him harder, just so happy that I didn’t drive him away, linking my hands together around his wide back.
Eventually he gives in and returns the hug.
“How are you feeling?” I murmurs in my ear, rubbing my back methodically.
I realize I should let go, that I’m embarrassing myself by being so clingy, but at this point, I’m so shameless. But I’d embarrassed myself so much before that a little clingy behavior is nothing.
“I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be fine?” As soon as I finish saying that, a wave of nausea rolls over me and I know I’m going to puke.
Please don’t let me puke on him. Please, God, I hope you at least love me that much!
I push him away and race towards the bathroom, barely making it before the alcohol makes its reappearance.
I’m shaking and weak. There is no way that I will ever do this again.
I’m about to try to make it up to get a cold towel, and the forgotten drink in the bedroom, when I feel someone bring my bangs back.
“Here,” I hear Wonho say lightly, worming a cool headband against my forehead and behind my ears.
Wow. What an angel. Already my headache seems to feel a little better.
He guides my butt back against the tub, head between my knees.
He seems so calm and dependable and knowing, I want to fall into his arms and never leave. He passes a warm glass of something resembling cider, sitting next to me.
“You don’t have to be here, you know.” I mutter weakly, being around him when I look like shit (literally) and feel like shit (because he still likes me, even after everything?) isn’t something I’d really like right now.
He doesn’t respond, and for some reason it makes me mad. Am I a pity case to him or something?
“Seriously, Wonho. Please go.”
Again, he doesn’t respond. By this point, I’m kind of angry for some reason, a mood where because you’re not feeling good, you want to swing on everyone for no reason.
I open my mouth to say as much, but I’m overcome with another round of sickness.
His cold hands brush my sweaty hair off of my cheeks. He’s being undeniably sweet, but I can’t see that at that moment. All I’m filled with is rage, days of self-worth being questioned bubbling to the surface.
Why did he invite me anyways? What are we? I’m so tired of all this ambiguousness, I’m angry. I want him out.
“Go! Please!” I stress, trying to keep my stomach calm as the anger builds.
He seems taken back at the anger, pulling his hands back, his eyebrows drawn in in confusion.
“I want to help you.” His voice is higher than normal. In concern? I don’t care. I tell myself not to care.
“I don’t want to! I feel like garbage right now, can you just leave! Seeing you is making me even more sick!” I know I’m saying too much but I don’t have the novelty to care because I turn back to the toilet. I hear him shuffle back.
“Don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh? I should be the one who’s mad,” he says quietly, monotone. He sounds hurt but I don’t allow myself to care and take away space from the anger filling up my bones.
“What? Because I’m such a big embarrassment? I get it, Wonho! I already know that! I’ve spent my whole life being one!” I yell.
I close my eyes, trying to push the sick feeling away with pure mindpower.
“Yes, Hyungwon! I’m glad you know! How could you be so naive! You let that guy all over you and you didn’t even know him! Who knows what diseases you could’ve gotten.”
Easy for him to say, his snappy response makes me even more angry.
“Says the one who’s dated half the girls your age in the world! You should be worried about yourself!”
His eyes darken and he opens his mouth to snap back but I cut him off.
“Why are you so worried about me?” I scream. “It’s unfair for you to be so sweet and loveable when you're unavailable! How is fair to me?”
I breathe deeply, pausing. I hadn’t realized until now where all the anger was coming from, but now I know. I’m angry because I’m pretty sure I love him.
“I think I’m in love with you,” I say dejectedly.
Wonho’s eyes flash surprised and he staggers back.
“So don’t do things like this anymore. You don’t need me coming to false conclusions.”
I sink back down, my stomach hurting in a different way.
All of a sudden, Wonho pulls me up, pushing me against the door. I knew I said too much, I think as I flinch, awaiting the fist I know is coming.
What did you expect, Hyungwon? He’s Wonho.
But nothing’s coming.
I open my eyes a crack. Wonho’s eyes are on mine.
With no warning, he grasps my chin gently and does the exact opposite of what I ever thought would happen.
Wonho, the Wonho, kisses me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I stand there frozen.What's going on here?, my brain thinks uselessly, trying to understand what the hell is going on here. One second I was puking, the next second we were arguing, and now we're kissing?Oh my god! I was just puking and now we're kissing! He's probably so grossed out right now! I probably taste just like puke!That is reason enough to want to push him away, as much as I really want to kiss him. I taste like puke and he's probably straight, but somehow we're kissing and I don't want to stop.Our lips are on each other, first just a simple hi hello, a shy greeting between strangers, but then the connection deepens and we are suddenly best friends, experienced and all knowing of each other.Gathering all the self-control in literally the entire world, I plant my hands on his chest and shove. Not hard, but enough so that he gets the message.He's shellshocked, and seeing his puffy lips nearly make me bring him back in, but I manage. My heart is racing and my lips are tingling, but I somehow manage to quietly squeak "excuse me" and duck out of the bathroom as quick as possible. I close the door behind me, my back against it's closed surface. I put a hand to my head, hot with fever and worry. I manage to shuffle my way to the bed of Minhyuk and Shownu, laying down right next to them, ignoring their open mouths of confusion. Welcome to the club, sisters. I don't know what the hell is going on either. I snuggle up next to Minhyuk, who's snuggled up next to Shownu."Something happened, didn't it?" Minhyuk asks quietly. He pulls the blanket up around the three of us, readjusting the cold pack so that it's more securely tucked onto my forehead. He tucks his arm under my head, using at as a leverage/pillow.I sit mute. I don't even know how to cover the middle finger of what just happened right now, let alone dish it all out when the memory of his lips is so fresh in mind and all I can think about. But when Minhyuk tells me that he heard yelling, I know I need to tell him because after sitting and hearing all that yelling when he's on vacation, he at least deserves to know it's cause. "Wonho kissed me," I say in a super small, little boy voice.The effect is immediate. Both Minhyuk and Shownu let out a loud gasp. "That's great!" Minhyuk squeaks, barely able to keep his voice under control. Shownu reaches across Minhyuk to grasp my hand and squeeze it. I smile weakly, though I'm having a hard time finding what's so good about this situation, and not wanting to commit suicide bad.Minhyuk jostles my head with his arm."Why aren't you more happy, Hyungwon? I know you never mentioned that you wanted this to happen, but I know how much you did."I turn my head into his arm."Wait - was the kiss before or after you argued? What were you arguing about anyways?"I groan, both in sickness and in mortification."After. And he was embarrassed of me." I explain tersely, a mumble mess into Minhyuk's arm."You stripped off your shirt because you said you were 'cold'," Shownu laughs, face gentle. "Wouldn't you be embarrassed of Minhyuk if he did that in public?"I consider. I want to explain that I probably wouldn't even respond if Minhyuk did something like that because I'm so used to his erratic behavior, but I know the point he's trying to make so I just nod."Like I haven't done it anyways," Minhyuk scoffs with a small smile. Exactly. Even he says so.Shownu rolls his eyes and squeezes my hand again."Everyone is embarrassed of themselves at some point, Hyungwon. It's only natural that other people would have the same response too, especially in your case when it was your first time drinking."I nod, again. I understand what he's trying to say, it makes sense, but it's not soaking in. All I want is to move to a foreign country so I never have to address or deal with this situation.What Minhyuk says comes to mind. I've been wanting this for awhile now, even if I didn't admit it to anyone, including myself. So why am I so hesitant?"What are you so scared of?" Minhyuk asks softly, mirroring my thoughts exactly. "That you'll get hurt?"Yes, actually. I nod in his arm. What if I love him more than he loves me? What if I'm too clingy? What if I embarrass myself further and make so much of a fool of myself that he wants to break up?And what happens when we do break up - because let's face it, nearly none of any high school couple make it through college, let alone make it to marriage, especially with someone with as high a profile as Wonho.My head pounds. "So you don't want to be happy with him now because you're scared you won't be happy later?"I nod again at Shownu's question. Self-preservation at its finest.Minhyuk sighs deeply and turns over to brush my hair back from my face with his other hand.I turn my hot face into his cold hand and sigh too. Why does literally everything have to be so complicated?Shownu wraps his long, beefy arm over the both of us and I'm overcome with love for the both of them.Minhyuk and Shownu have been through so much with me. We've complained and had boring classes and fights and food and bad hair days and conversations together, and now even boy troubles, and I wouldn't change it for the world."I'm okay if I just have you guys," I try to convince myself.Shownu scoffs awkwardly. "What a participation award," he laughs, Minhyuk joining him. "You've always had us, Hyungwon, and you always will, so if you're so worried about being rejected, just remember that the two of us will always be there, even when you do get rejected." Minhyuk says in sarcasm, grinning like the devil."Why would you say that?" Is this some kind of reverse psychology designed for success? Because it's not working.Minhyuk laughs. "You're the one so bent on not believing you're not good enough for you, so I was just supporting your opinion like any friend would!"Only Minhyuk could could bait me into dealing with my problems. I manage to push myself out the bed, extracting myself from their vice-like grips. Screw it. I'll try my shot. What do I really have to lose? Self-pride? Dignity? Confidence? Like I had any of those anyways. Anything has to be better than this in between stage that leaves me stressed beyond belief.I'm steeling my resolve as I head to the bathroom door, just happy that he's still in the bathroom, taking the hint not to see him until I had some alone time to get my shit together. All of sudden, when I reach the bathroom door, right hand reaching out to to knock, the door opens and I'm faced with a breathless Wonho inches from me as someone knocks on the front door of our hotel behind us.I want to stay and soak it in, exhale the breath that smells so much like him, but he grasps my shoulder, shuffling me to the side, and walking past.Um, okay? Not exactly the response I was thinking that I would get considering you kissed me out of the blue not even ten minutes ago, but it's better than straight out rejection, I guess."Please, please, please, can you guys clean this place up a little? And.. get dressed.. please." Wonho calls to us, standing staggered behind him as he peers into the mirror by the door, effortlessly tousling his hair into messy perfection.Shownu, Minhyuk, and I all share a look."Who's there?" Wonho calls through the door, hand resting expectantly on the door handle."It's Stella! Open up, Wonho!"Stella? Who's Stella?
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I’m trying to rush but I know it’s impossible. I know it’s rude to be in the bathroom so long while the rest of them are out there playing host to our wonderful guest Stella, but it’s imperative that I look my best.I try to convince myself that it’s not because I feel threatened because someone with really close ties to Wonho has suddenly shown up, but fail.Damn, you kissed once and you already think you own his ass!I shoo away the thought away as I finish changing. I had to pick something classy but casual, sophisticated in a ‘I didn’t have to try’ kind of look. Cuter than her in her dainty dress and obviously expensive jewelry. I settle for the best I can think of in the little time that I have, but also something that cover up the giant eyesore that is the bandage from the Shattered Table Incident; ending up with a blue and white striped T-Shirt tucked into ripped black skinny jeans to accent my long legs, with a formal black suit jacket over my shirt. Upon further inspection in the mirror and a thorough brushing of my teeth, I see my hair is a lost cause and just slide my favorite white hat over the pigsty that is my head.After giving myself one last onceover in the mirror, I open the door a crack and see what’s going on. Minhyuk and Shownu are sitting at the table with Stella, while Wonho is in the kitchen, looking like he is brewing something to drink, glasses out and ready.I sigh, taking a deep breath, and exit the bathroom.Minhyuk smiles at me and Shownu waves as I approach. Stella just stares at me, not breaking the gaze until I reach the kitchen.What’s sad is that she’s even more beautiful up close.Big, beautiful Korean eyes sit on a pretty, clear-skinned face with perfectly proportioned lips. The lips tug at my self-conscience for some reason, showing familiarity to someone else, but I can’t figure it out. She’s skinny under her ulzzang style dress, her legs crossed with dainty shoes attached to her feet. I bet she even has a thigh gap.She stands up when I get to her. I don’t know if it’s just my suspicious mind, but she seems to be enjoying some private inside joke in her head that I don’t know the context to.“Hi,” I say politely. I know it’s not necessary to bow, but my Korean habits force me to slightly do so as I shake her hand lightly.“Hello, I’m Stella.” Shit. Even her voice is pretty.I knew I was no match for her before I even found out that I was in a competition. “It’s nice to meet you,” I reply, letting go of her hand.“I’ve heard such good things.” She smiles as she says this, again, seeming to be enjoying some inside joke about me in her head.Did… Did I do something wrong? Have we met before? Did you hear about it from Wonho?I feel myself start to panic… what did Wonho say? I find myself wanting to know how he feels because his behavior has been so back and forth that I have no idea. “Probably only bad things,” I trail off forcing a mile onto my face. “I’m sure you know Wonho likes to joke like that.” I want her to know that I know my place and I know hers. If she’s really.. Dating him, then I have no place to interrupt that, no matter the wayward feelings I have. “Oh no,” she says, another slick smile on her face, shaking her head.Now this is just weird. I’m wondering how to respond when Wonho sets down a glass of tea on the table in front of the seats close to us, smiling and gesturing for us to sit down.Stella and I sit as he goes out to collect the remaining glasses.I just have a bad feeling about this girl, Stella. I don’t want to dislike her, I think, looking at her discreetly and noticing her shy aura. Maybe be she’s serious and did hear good things about me! Maybe she’s just smiling because she flabbergasted that Wonho even has any real friends… who knows, so I shouldn’t be so quick to judge her wrongly just because Wonho has never mentioned her and they’re obviously close. Not to mention that she knew where we were staying, so he had to have mentioned it to her.I think back to earlier. Wonho had opened the door right at that moment and strolled to the door. That probably means that he knew she was coming and was ready. So why would he invite her without telling us? I tell myself that I’m being dramatic, that really he doesn’t owe us anywhere near that after this trip, but it keeps sticking into my head. Why would he be so nervous about the appearance of his hair, the room, us?As much as I hate to admit it, the facts all point to the idea that Stella is his girlfriend.I swallow back the conversation I had been planning in my head to share with Wonho about...What had happened. What should have never happened. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------“So how did you guys meet anyways?” Stella asks.It’s about a half an hour later, and we’re just sitting together at the table drinking tea and talking. Things I’ve learned in that time: a.) Stella and Wonho have known each other a long time. Like, LONG. Stella has shared stories on stories of childhood Wonho that only firsthand experience could merit, b.) they get along really well, and Wonho must like her because he’s touchy feely with her too (I had to force myself to relax my hands after she rubbed his back, touch familiar and possessive, and remind myself that Wonho doesn’t belong to me and that he’s old enough to make his own choices and let what he wants, happen), and c.) Wonho did and didn’t know that she was coming. Stella told him that she was coming and he tried to convince her out of it, in fact, had her convinced. But she changed her mind and came anyways.“Well,” Minhyuk says. “The basics.” He laughs nervously and gazes at us three.Ha. I bet he doesn’t want to share the fact that he invited himself on this trip... But if I’m being honest, I don’t want to share that I’m accepting the free ride too just because of circumstance. But Wonho comes to the rescue as always. “Oh, you know. Just mutual friend group. We’ve been planning this for awhile now.”“That’s great! Are you enjoying it?” Stella looks so interested, her voice holding a tenor of something resembling amusement. But why would she be amused? The rest of the conversation just passes in a blur, my thoughts overcoming all reality.The only time I even focus once was towards the end. Stella was asking each of us some personal questions, some I really didn’t want to answer, but started to anyways so I wouldn't look rude. Before I got the chance to answer, Wonho discreetly slid his hand onto my thigh and squeezed, stopping the words about to come out of my mouth.He did a suave cover up, asking Stella if it was really necessary to give us the third degree. My heart thumps as Wonho leaves his hand on my thigh. I gulps as I struggle not to look down at his hand, knowing everyone would notice.If that’s his girlfriend, why is his hand on my thigh and not hers right next to him? I muster up the courage to tap his hand, detaching it gently from my thigh, and placing it back in his own lap. I feel him look at me, but I ignore his gaze, looking straight ahead at an imaginary point on the back wall.That’s how I stay the remainder of the time that Stella is there. I speak only when spoken to.It isn’t until Stella leaves that I break the trance and finally get up.MInhyuk gives Stella a hug, sending her away with a wave. Shownu bows slightly, Stella returning it back to him. The two head back the direction of the bedroom, and a moment later, I hear the faint noises of the television. Stella and I face each other. “It was very nice to meet you,” she says, sounding actually sincere.“I agree.” I respond, and we shake hands.What are we? Middle aged men? Why couldn’t I do a more normal goodbye like Minhyuk and Shownu and just wave or bow or give her a hug?“Goodbye,” I manage to say, and exit the room. Goodbye Stella. I hope to never see you again.But then I remember that I left my glass of tea in the kitchen and my stomach is starting to feel a bit upset. I start to go get it, and then stop myself.Are you sure you really want to see what’s going on in there?I shake away the thought. This is my hotel too, and if I want to get my own damn glass of tea off of the table from the same room that my crush and his girlfriend are probably making out in, I will! As I round the corner to the kitchen, I hear their voices in a heated conversation and I pause. I’m about to duck away because it seems personal, but then I hear: “There’s really nothing between us, Stella. Do you really think I’m gay?”I struggle not to gasp. Is he.. Is he talking about me? I’m hoping and praying that he isn’t because then everything has to change. And is he not gay? Then why did he even kiss me in the first place?As much as I try to stop it, my anger boils up.“I don’t know, Wonho. I just know about your past-”“That was one time!”“.. and I’ve heard the way you talk about him. If you don’t like him, you’re really sending the wrong signals.” Stella's voice sounds hard and unmoving, but I actually agree with her. Is he doing this all as some conquest? As some kind of joke or bet revolving around me?I turn away and head for the bedroom, ready to pack my stuff.
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“What’s going on, Hyungwon? Why are you doing this?” MInhyuk sounds worried, and he tries to grab my arm to stop me in my furious packing and make me look at him. “I can’t be in the house with him anymore,” I huff, trying to zip up my suitcase. It’s a whole mess, but who cares.“But I thought you were friends!” Minhyuk sounds really worried now, and his tugging becomes more insistent. “I thought so too,” I mutter darkly, shrugging off Minhyuk and heading through the front living room to the front door.I'm passing through the hallway connected through the other bedroom when I run into Wonho. I get 200% more mad when I see his face, but he doesn’t seem to notice that anything is wrong, let alone that I’m lugging around a huge suitcase, instead asking me what I thought of Stella.“Yes, I sure did,” I snap coldly. He never stops, does he? “Now if you’ll excuse me.” I shove past him and continue on towards the front door.“Hyungwon… why do you have that suitcase?” Took him long enough to notice.Why do you think, Einstein?“Because I’m leaving.” I’m almost through the hallway now. “Why…?” I hear him close behind me and he sounds confused. Good. Because you really confused me all this time. “Wait… you,” Wonho pauses. “You heard the conversation between Stella and I, didn’t you.” His voice has grown flat.Bingo.I finally look back at him. “Yes. So now I finally know that I was just a game to you. An experiment. So I’m not really feeling spending another two weeks around someone who does that to people, so please, just let me leave.”I turn and go through the hallway again, not hearing Wonho behind me again, and assuming he left. Well, it didn’t take much to convince him. He must be thankful I found out so he doesn’t have to figure out how to get rid of me. I go through the side room to the door that leads outside, but find it locked for some reason.“What?” I try tugging on the door, thinking maybe it’s just jammed, but it stays securely closed. But then I hear a soft click behind me and I know what’s up.I turn and see Wonho, eyes on me, back to the door, hands behind his back. I hear another click. Damn. He’s locking me in. “God, Wonho, let me out! You fucked with em enough!” I’m really mad at this point and my voice shows it. He gives no indication that he heard me, just stands, large and muscled, in front of the door like some kind of bouncer. I lower my tone. “Wonho. Let me out.”He finally responds, looking at me with his sad boy eyes.“I’m not letting you go until you let me explain.”“I’ve heard everything I need to hear.”Wonho heads towards me. I’m not scared, but I find myself backing away. If I can get him far enough away from the door, maybe I can have enough time to make a run for it and unlock the door. “But that wasn’t the truth, Hyungwon, please listen.” Wonho seems so mournful, in tone and facial expression, but I force myself not to notice. He tricked me all this time, so lying a little now should be a piece of cake for him. I’ve backed myself in the farthest corner from the door. If I’m going to try it, now’s my chance.I race for the door. I’m fast, making it in quicktime, but Wonho still catches me. He grabs onto my waist, locking his arms around me, stopping me in my tracks, and pulling me back against his chest. I’m kicking and screaming, trying to get out of his arms, very similar to a child throwing a temper tantrum. But I’m tired of being taken advantage of and years of anger bubble to the surface.Wonho drags me to the bed, dropping me, and before I can get the chance to start to scramble away, he locks my arms above my head with his hands, and pins my body down by squeezing his knees around my midsection and legs.“Let me go!” I struggle to escape, but Wonho doesn’t budge. I’d be affected by our position and how close we are normally, but these circumstances stop me. “All I want is for you to hear me out,” he pleads.“I don’t want to hear anything from you!” Embarrassingly enough in my extreme anger, I start to cry. Wonho’s face shifts into concern. “Hyungwon! Hyungwon, don’t cry! Please! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it! I swear none of it was real!” He shifts both of my hands into one of his so his other hand is free and he can wipe the tears from my face.I’m just so confused, so tired of nothing real, that I just relax. Let the chips fall where they may. “Just say what you’re going to say, Wonho.”He readjusts our hands back to the previous position, his face determined. “I’ve told you about my father. He’s rich, unforgiving, and unaccepting. I’ve never been allowed to be anything less than perfect or successful my whole life.”Because Daddy screwed me over, you had to screw me over too? Boo Hoo.“Differences were a weakness in my house. Hyungwon, please understand that. But, when I was fourteen, I met someone.”He pauses, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I was young and in love and stupid enough to think that my father would accept it just because I was happy with him.”I feel my eyes widen. Him? It was a guy?“Yes, Hyungwon. He was a guy.” He sighs, seeming to think back in time. “But it was stupid. My father made sure that we never spoke again, that he and his family were so disadvantaged, so below me, that it would be impossible for us ever to meet again.”His dad separated them? What did he mean “made sure”? Did he dad do something to him?Poor Wonho. He looks so sad. I want to comfort him, but I know he’s going to get to a real explanation and I want to see what he has to say.“What does this have to do with me?” I ask. I’d really like for him to just get to the point already.“Just wait. So after all of that, I just settled myself for a life of girls. I tried some relationships, but none of them worked. I wondered if it was just that I didn’t like the girl or didn’t like the gender. No matter how many relationships I went through, I never found someone who I really liked or wanted to be around or clicked with. “So is he really gay then? His experience seems to vivid that I can’t help but believe it. None of these statements are adding up with what he said earlier.“I remember one day I was sitting with this one girl in the cafeteria. She was talking so much and I was trying to listen, but it didn’t seem like she was even saying anything of real importance. But then I saw you, Hyungwon.”I startle. “Me?” What does he mean?He nods. “You were in the periphery. You were sitting by yourself at a cafeteria table with a book. I remember that you must have got to a part of the book that must have been funny and you laughed out loud without restraint. People gave you looks, but you just ignored them. You seemed so happy all by yourself and I found myself growing curious about you. Was your life so good? Were you just that positive? You really irked me.”My head spins. I remember that day. I was reading a book by Yoo Byung Jae, one of my favorite Korean comedians from back home, and I couldn’t help but laugh. But he saw that? I try to flush away the feeling that the awe in his tone and his words are filling me up with.“I started to keep tabs on you,” Wonho continues. “You never hung out with anyone but the group of six people who transferred from Korea with you. But you didn’t seem sad about it. You seemed so detached and mature, so it would shock me I’d see you laugh at small, silly things that could please a child: squirrels tousling for a nut, rain in the middle of a sunny day, someone nearly dropping their camera…”I smile a bit. He must be referring to himself the first day we met. Well, the first day I met him. He must have been knowing about me for awhile before that. I want to send away how that makes me feel, but it fills me up.“I vowed to meet someone like you. So open to happiness, but not unhappy if it wasn’t easy to come by. I even tried dating some guys without my father knowing, and though I wanted it for quite some time, I couldn’t enjoy it. They all left me, this time not because of my father’s involvement. Because of my unfairly high standards: I wanted them to be just like you, Hyungwon.”I almost gasp. What is he…? What could he be meaning?He smiles a bit, looking away from my eyes. “I know it’s irrational and doesn't make much sense since we haven’t known each other long, but I love you, Hyungwon.”This time I do gasp. My heart speeds up in terror, in anticipation, in shock, in I don’t know, I just can’t believe that this is happening, let alone that it’s for real. He lo-loves me? My brain can’t seem to absorb it, to process that we were fighting and I was screaming ten minutes ago, and now he’s confessing, much like the bathroom incident from before.He looks deep into my eyes, his almost pleading. “And I really hope you love me too.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I feel like I should have some PTSD type trauma after this trip with all the surprise attacks being thrown at me. The way Wonho’s looking at me, so expectant, his face practically shining, I want to stop everything and do what he wants me to.But would it really be fair to tell him that I love him after a few days? Maybe I feel like I do, but don’t really. It doesn’t make sense.Plus, this still doesn’t explain the whole Stella situation. All of this is moot if he’s in a relationship with someone else, especially a girl, even if he says that he can’t bring himself to like girls.“What…” I clear my throat. I sound so shocked, and for good reason. I struggle to modulate my voice. “What about Stella?”The change of topic seems to confuse him, because his eyebrows draw in.“Stella? What does she have to do with this?”My good feelings are about to leave at his daftness. She literally has everything to do with this! Without her, this would have never happened! “Well, you said you weren’t into girls,” I mumble. “But you’re dating one.”I look up at Wonho, and his face just seems frozen.I look back down. “I don’t want to be anyone’s dirty little secret…” I say even quieter.I look up when I hear a wheezing noise, and see Wonho is laughing.Why... why is he laughing now? Does he not get the seriousness of this situation, at least to me?I try to wiggle out of his grip. How dare he laugh right now?But he just tightens his grip and smiles at me.“Hyungwon, Stella isn’t my girlfriend.” “What?” I really thought… what other could she be if she’s not your girlfriend? She was all over you and cared if you dated someone else… she didn’t seem to like me very much either. This is literally all the main indicators of a jealous girlfriend/ex-girlfriend. Wonho laughs again and shakes his head. “Stella’s my cousin.”Cousin? YOUR COUSIN?“But she... But you…” I struggle to come up with a remark that doesn’t show how absolutely suspicious my mind was the second that I saw another girl around Wonho. “But you don’t even look alike!” I sputter. Wonho laughs again, and releases me.There’s a moment or two of awkward silence where we’re trying to ignore the fact that one of us just confessed to the other one that we loved them. We look anywhere but each other and clear our throats.God, why this all of a sudden? So, I finally manage to nab someone who likes me and the second we find out we like each other we get all wishy washy. I refuse to let that happen.“So, should we go do something?” I look up at him. My heart beats fast as I realize what I just did. And how nasty it sounded. I get early embarrassment from the rejection that’s probably coming after that.“Did you… did you just ask me out on a date?” Wonho’s voice sounds serious, and his face looks it too, but only someone who knows him would detect the slight twinkle of amusement in his eyes.“God, you know what I mean,” I laugh, hitting him in the chest. He’s literally just trying to make me all flustered for no reason. Speaking of flustered, he’s latched onto my hand that I used to hit his chest with and holds it squarely in his own.I feel him looking at me, but I refuse to look up from our hands. He still hasn’t answered my question and it’s making me slightly nervous. What if he actually says no because he for real changed his mind after you-“Hyungwon.” I ignore the soft call of my voice, though it makes my heart beat even faster for some reason.Suddenly, I feel a finger lift up my chin. Wonho’s finger rests under my chin, guiding my face to his. For some reason I think back to when Wonho was holding me down on the bed. I gulp.Wonho brings me in for a hug, and honestly I’ve never had a hug so good! He’s so solid and warm, feeling of strong man and hard work and survival. Not to mention his smell… I’d noticed it before, but this close, my face buried in his neck, he’s all I smell. He smells so pure, like freshly fallen rain and cold days in front of the fire. I just want to snuggle all in, and without thinking, I do it. Wonho, jumps a little bit, probably because my face is cold, but then relaxes. I’m so close, I feel the rumble of his vocal chords when he speaks.“So what do you want to do, then?” It takes me a minute to realize what he’s asking.I look up at him. “So you accept?” There’s a smirk on my face. I shouldn’t have been worried about a rejection. He’s just Wonho. Wonho just nods shyly into my hair. I laugh. Only Wonho would be fine in saying a whole hour long speech about how much and why he loves you but would get shy if you mentioned that he agreed to go on a date with you. I pull back suddenly as a thought crosses my mind.“Wait, what do we tell Minhyuk and Shownu?” Damn it. I really hate to prove Minhyuk correct, because it seems like he’s almost correct.I sigh and drop my head on his chest. They’re never going to let me live any of this down.“Well,” Wonho rubs my back and makes a noise deep in his throat as he thinks. “Do you want to tell them?” He finally asks.“Not particularly,” I reply. “All Minhyuk will do is mess with me. And I’d rather just be with you. Minus the messing.” I freeze. ‘I’d rather be with you’? What’s wrong with me!? Are you five?Wonho pulls me tighter. “Wow, does it feel good to hear you say that..” Both his ears and my cheeks are red from blushing.“But,” I contradict. “I don’t think it’s something that we can keep a secret…”Wonho nods. “I don’t think that I can just keep my hands to myself and never touch you for the next two weeks, anyways.”A smile fills up my whole face. I have a hard time of keeping it under wraps. I can hardly believe it! This beautiful boy likes me! This beautiful boy LOVES me!And we’re going on a date, I think. I can’t wait.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Okay, so like, let me sum this up back to you to make sure that I’m not making some crazy wild assumptions that will come back to bite me in the ass.” Minhyuk’s practically bouncing up and down in his seat, so excited that his knee is jostling furiously under Shownu’s hand. I sigh. It’s not like there really is enough that you have to sum it up, anyways. “So, like, you guys were fighting, but then you somehow found out that you liked each other, and now you’re dating?”See? Not that hard. Though the dating part is a bit of a stretch. We never even spoke about that.I say as much. “Scratch the dating part. But, the rest is true.”Wonho looks sideways at me with a hurt expression. “We’re not dating?” His voice his high.When did we even say we were? Not that I don’t want to… I was too scared to ask you to talk about it because I didn’t want to seem possessive or something, trying to get a grip on you the second you said you liked me. Wonho looks away, poting. “I still say that we’re dating,” he says lowly.I hide a smile behind my hand. He’s really bent on this dating thing, huh? He must really like you, Hyungwon. Give the guy what he wants. I look back to Minhyuk. “Nevermind. Apparently we’re dating. Add it to the history books, Shownu. It’s a Big Deal.”The truth is, I’m loving all of the attention that this is bringing me. Looking over at Wonho, I can’t say that it doesn’t make me feel good to know that he loves me. I must be something really freaking special.“So now anywhere we go together will be a double date,” Minhyuk squeals, nearly jumping for joy.“I’ve been waiting so long for you to get a boyfriend so I could do this!”Shownu crosses his eyes at me and I laugh. Minhyuk, as I said way earlier, is the dramatics of our group. Him and Jooheon can’t seem to stay normal or calm about anything.“Actually, yes.” Wonho says. “We wanted to do something like that.”Shownu and Minhyuk look up expectantly, eyes on Wonho like he has the answers to the world. I tell myself that I probably look at him the exact same way.“It’s not much,” Wonho begins, uncrossing his legs, and bracing his elbows on his knees as he leans over to explain. “Only the most romantic date location in the world, is all.”Minhyuk gasps and burrows his head into Shownu’s shoulder.“I can’t believe we’re going to see the Eiffel Tower!” Minhyuk wails, muffled by Shownu’s shoulder. Shownu himself seems shocked at Minhyuk’s theatrics. Why is he so shocked? We’re in Paris. It only makes total sense to go see the Eiffel Tower, literally the thing that Paris is known for. But I forget about it when Wonho brushes his hand against mine, looking for my hand without his eyes. I suck in my bottom lip - it’s finally happening!- and gently place my hand in his.If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I can handle the rest of these two weeks with Wonho without spontaneously combusting. Because when he strokes his thumb over my hand, I want to purr with happiness. Why does Wonho affect me so much?After chatting a bit more, well chatting on everyone’s part but Minhyuk, who’s still super excited over the news and wants to scream everything, we go our separate ways to get ready to leave.It feels weird now that Wonho and I are dating… kind of uncomfortable like two puzzle pieces being put together. Not uncomfortable in that way that we are pieces from different puzzles that have no business being put together. Uncomfortable in the way that we were lone puzzle pieces for so long that now that we have been put together and fit so snug against one another, we have to get used to such close proximity.I drift to my own suitcase. I want to wear that white triangle cutout shirt because I look good in it, but I don’t want to recycle clothes that I’ve already worn, especially for my first date with Wonho. I roll my eyes at myself. You used to think that sweatpants were dressy, and here you are stressing about not wearing the same shirt two days later just because you’re going on a date with Wonho. I scramble through my suitcase and sigh.“Having trouble?” I jump when I hear Wonho’s voice come from behind me,“You scared me!” I gasp, almost wheezing in surprise, placing my hand on my heart. He’s leaning up against my bed, and I swear he must of just appeared out of nowhere. I deliberate on telling him about my inner struggle. Is is weird for me to be worrying about how I look in front of him all of a sudden when it was probably obvious that I didn’t care before? Especially since he saw me at school all the time and probably noticed my lack of fashion. “Well,” I settle for a “I’m not feeling any of my outfits right now.” Which is a fat mood, but not the real issue.Wonho laughs then strokes his chin thought.I’m admiring the likeness of his smile to the sun when I realize that he’s talking to me. “... think I may have something for you.”Though I’m stupid, I’m able to pick up what he’s saying, and I struggle to hide the glee I feel in hearing it. I get to wear something of Wonho’s! Just imagine! Smelling him! All the time! Just by sticking my nose to the shirt!He guides me to the corner adjacent to mine to his suitcase.“We really should unpack,” he mutters, more to himself than to me. I nod in agreement anyways. 2 weeks! We SHOULD get comfy! I can’t even imagine the things I could do with Wonho in two weeks.. My backstage mind suddenly has the audacity to simultaneously remind myself that I get shy just holding his hand, so it’s unrealistic that we will really do much, and draw up pictures of a few scenes of things that we could get up to in two weeks… He ducks to the ground to unzip the suitcase and unpack some things.I mentally note his outfits. He’s more of a casual dresser, but it seems that he extremely likes sweaters and cardigans and warm things of the like.He eventually sets something aside, zipping the suitcase back up.“Here,” he offers, placing the shirt, in my hands. “I’d offer you pants or jeans, but…” he surveys my legs and I feel my cheeks flush. “You probably wouldn’t fit. “I look at his legs too without meaning to. He’s right. My legs are much longer, but his thighs are just… I swallow as I realize how long I’ve been staring. “Just… way out of my league.”I walk the shirt back to the bathroom with the rest of the outfit, not surveying what the shirt looks like until I get in the bathroom with the door closed. I sigh when I see it. “Wonho…” It’s just a plain black T-Shirt, meant obviously for someone with a more flattering sized chest. Obviously not me. I facepalm. Okay, correction. He’s REALLY casual.I reexit the bathroom, just thankful that Wonho isn’t in there. Clearly I need to change the rest of my outfit if I’m going to make this shirt work.I settle for a dark look, despite the fact that we’re in the City of Love. I slide on the black shirt, my black ripped skinny jeans, and my favorite black motorcycle jacket.I’m slicking my hair back with some Pomade in the bathroom mirror when I hear a knock on the door. Minhyuk.He smiles and whistles when he sees me.“Wow, Won,” he claps. “You look hot!”I pretend to brush back long hair over my shoulder with my hand. Like I don’t already know that.I wash my hands of the Pomade residues when I’m finished and head for the front living room, Minhyuk trailing behind.Shownu’s on the couch when we walk in, chilling in a T-Shirt and jeans, watching television.Wonho is assembling his camera, camera carrying case next to him, on the kitchen island counter.“So, what’s the plan, Wonho?” Minhyuk asks after plopping on the couch next to Shownu.I had been wondering the same thing. As much as I love Showhyuk, we ARE going to be ditching them so it will just be us alone, right?He unfolds a paper out of his back pocket of his blue jeans. Now that I look at it, it’s the exact opposite of mine. Where mine is black, his is white, complete with super light blue jeans, a white T-Shirt, a jean jacket the same color of his jeans, and high-top white Converse. I wonder if he did that on purpose. Why else would he give me a plain black T-Shirt? Maybe it’s his own different version of couple outfits. Wonho starts reading off the list. “There’s two lists, but each has the same activities on it, just at different times. Except for the Eiffel Tower. We’ll both meet there at the same time.”Minhyuk raises an eyebrow, looking slimy as all get out. I fight the urge to laugh and cringe and gag all at the same time. “You sly dog…” He shakes his head. “Trying to get Hyungwon alone, aren’t you?” I see the tips of Wonho’s ears turn pink and probably blush quite a bit myself. This is embarrassing. Can everyone tell how desperately we just want to be alone together?Gathering courage, I walk up to him and shakily stick my fingers to his ears, trying to cool the blood coming to the surface with the cold of my hands. “It’s okay,” I manage to whisper, as corny as I think I am. “I’d rather be alone with you too.”I want to shoot myself after I say it. Could you sound any dumber? I pull my hands back in embarrassment, but Wonho pulls them back to his ears, his eyes crinkling as he smiles. I look away from his eyes, blushing, when I hear Minhyuk clear his throat behind us.Funny, Minhyuk. So you’re PDA is okay, but our sad attempt at it isn’t? I love double standards. “So CLEARLY we are going as couples, as you’re little scene proves with little room to doubt, but... What ARE we doing?”
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I can’t help but want to ask Wonho questions. I look over at his side profile, smiling faintly as we walk side by side. He’s just so interesting! I can’t help but want to know more about him!“What’s eating you up?” I look over and Wonho and staring at me.“What?”He shakes his head slightly. “You’re about to bite your lip off. If you want to ask something, go ahead.”How did he know? Was it that obvious? I try to stop the blush that I know is coming when I think of how well he must know me. “Well, you said that... You said we were dating.” I stutter out, wringing my hands together. “We never even talked about it, let alone agreed to something like that.”I pause. How do I go on from here? Ask him why he liked me? He already said why. Ask him why he wanted to date me? It’s obviously because he likes me. I think the confusing part of it is that he wants to date me when I’m so ordinary and he’s so… not. My brain keeps catching on it. “That’s not a question.” I raise my eyes back to his. They’re open and accepting, and I find myself forgetting to be nervous.“Well, why of all people, do you like me?” It instantly hits me what I just said and I want to cower. Why would you want to point that out? Do you want this to be done already?I drop my head as Wonho stops and turns his body towards me. “What did you just say?” He sounds almost.. Mad. But why would he be mad? Did you manage to piss him off already, Hyungwon? Kick-ass job. I want to look up, but I’m scared that he’ll actually be mad that I asked a question like that and will shoot his eye daggers at me.He looks at me for a few beats, my eyes still downcast, silent except for the talking of tourists all around us.Knowing he’s just going to keep staring at me until I respond, I brace myself, and then meet his eyes.Shit. He is mad.“Are you.. Are you mad?” I say softly. Didn’t you tell me to go ahead and ask? It’s not even that hard of a question…Wonho just stares at me so I let the question fade away.“Do you know why I’m angry?” He finally asks. His tone and his facial expressions are cold.I almost want to cry, I’m so sorry for asking the question. I think he can tell this, because as I’m working up the courage to respond, his face starts to soften.“No,” I finally say, oh so quiet. What could I have done?Wonho sighs, then puts his face in his hand. He looks as if he has aged to be a ripe old man of 80 in these few minutes. I don’t blame him. I probably did do something wrong, and in my denseness, don’t know what.“Hyungwon,” He sighs my name, his sigh seeming to release the tension in his body. He relaxes, the air blowing out if him.Because my head is done, I don’t have any warning or see when he wraps his arms around me.I gasp. How… he… I feel like we’re always being bipolar like this, fighting one minute, making up the next. The stronger the love, the harder the fall, people always say.My forehead is flat against his broad chest, hands still gripping each other pressed flat against his chest as his arms link to each other around my back and hold me close. My heart is pounding fast - how innocent I must be to have my heart pounding like this! - and I’m sure he can hear it, we’re so closely fit together. The puzzle analogy comes back to mind, and I have to say, it fits. Head snug against his chest, I feel like I rightfully belong there. Like it’s a home that I’ve been away too long on vacation from. I hear a rumble in his chest. It sounds mediative, not angry of any nature. Which reminds me.“Are you still mad?” I mumble, it muffled against his chest. He seems pretty calm so I’m actually not afraid to ask this time. I hear a rumble again, and then a huff of air on my head as he sighs.“No. How could I stay mad at you…. Warm and feeling as you are?” His voice is almost resigned. I want to laugh. Is he resigned to an amount of time of having to deal with that?But that still doesn’t tell me what I want to know. “So are you going to tell me what I did wrong, then?” I’m a little more frightened to ask these questions, which seems to be justified when he freezes, but I do it anyways, placating myself into a security of peace with his arms wrapping around me in safety. He freezes, but doesn’t show any aggressive reaction, so I grow bold. I bump into him and gently ask him again. This is something I need to know if I don’t want to make him mad again. Which I really really don’t.“Well,” he starts, sighing again. God, he has sighed so much today. I note that. When he sighs, that must be an indicator of frustration. “It was what you asked.” His voice sounds tired. What I asked? All I asked was why you were dating me. Is that not a legitimate question?He must sense my confusion - I’m serious, we really are perfect puzzle pieces! - and he elaborates, unlinking his arms and stroking my back lightly as he does. I stifle a sigh of pleasure. I need to get desensitized. And quick. Or else I’m really not going to survive this trip. He drops his head into my hair in frustration. “Your really don’t see yourself well, do you?” Huh? Why this all of a sudden? We were talking about us, not my obviously low self esteem.“When you phrase the question that way, you’re looking down on me.” His tone is no nonsense, which is funny because everything he just said is literally the definition of nonsense. What are you even talking about?“Do you think that I love things that aren’t worth loving? That don’t deserve my love?”I want to focus on his words, but my heart thrills when he says he loves me. It’s still shocking.“No,” I say after I finally manage to focus.“So why do you think you aren’t worth me?” His tone is softer now, exploring. He sounds actually curious and that derails me enough so that I don’t know what to even say.Um. The basics? You’re rich, I’m not? You’re super hot, and I’m decent?“You’re rich?” It comes out more as a question. Somewhere in my head I realize that I had more reasons, but with his arms around me and him putting me on the spot, I can’t seem to remember it. I fiddle with my hands in the limited space.“You’re rich too, Hyungwon.” I start to snort - what dumb bitch juice is he drinking? I guess this explained why he asked me out in the first place - but he shushes me before I get the chance.“Rich in heart and compassion.”I want to throw up, it’s so corny, but underneath all that yuck, it’s actually kind of… sweet. And his tone sounds so proud after saying that so I just let it go. “You listen here, Hyungwon.” I wake up immediately at the change in his tone. “I love you. Not some celebrity, not someone of my dad’s level. You. Just you, flaws and all. This is pure love - untouched by a want for money or power or recognition. I simply like because you’re so simple and I can relax around you. I love you for the way that you slide your bangs around on your head when you’re bored or confused, the way you really listen to people when they’re talking, so much that they feel comfortable and trust you wholeheartedly. The way that you appreciate the beauty in small things and actually care about making a difference. The way your heart is bigger than your anger. I don’t love you because of the materialistic things, in fact, those things should never play a role in who you decide to love. I love you because of the person you make me want to be, the person that I am with you, so when you say things like you just said, you’re not only pulling your own self down, you’re pulling me down with you for loving someone who doesn’t know that they’re loved. “I try to swallow, but the sheer enormity of what he’s saying is all around me and my voice has gone dry. I’m struggling to remember what we were even talking about, because all I hear is ‘I love you’ ringing in my head.
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“Are you mad at me?” Wonho asks, we’ve resumed our walk to the Louvre, the first stop on our list after the little ‘love’ debacle earlier. “I’m just shy,” I murmur in my small boy voice, my ears turning red as can be, my face down. I want to fall into a hole. I want to scream with joy. I want to hide under my blankets forever. I want to -Wonho grasps my hands.I want to keep holding your hand. “Well, you should get used to it,” he hums. I look over at him in surprise, noting his sharp jaw and his straight nose. “Because this is how I treat my boyfriends.”Boyfriends? I know it’s childish, but I let out a squeak. Every part of his sentence is making me uwu. I knew he had said we were dating, but it never really had felt real until he first called me his boyfriend. I wanna say it back to him but I don’t know how to just insert it into his little name placeholder without it being weird. Damn. How is he so good at flirting? Being smooth is really hard.Wonho saves me though, in his usual nature, squeezing my hand.“You were listening, right? Who am I now?” Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend. It wants to come out but I keep thinking of how much it belongs in a K-Drama somewhere and it’s making me overthink it.“I don’t hear my boyfriend saying anything…” his voice is sing-songy and his flippant use of the word ‘boyfriend’ makes me trip over myself.He catches me, laughing, my face blushing like a devil.“It’s okay, Hyungwon. It’s probably weird, but you can’t tell me you don’t like it.”God. I am overthinking this, aren’t I? This poor boy is waiting for shy me to say something. “You’re right,” I finally shrug. “I am enjoying this way too much.” I pause. “Boyfriend.” I jab in.He jumps when he hears it, his face slowly flushing scarlet. Ha. So it’s blush-worthy to him too, huh.He clears his throat, trying to wipe the doofy smile off of his face. I shove my head into his shoulder to hide, it jostling my head as we continue to walk. I know how we must look to people: deliriously in love. And I have to agree. And as time goes on, it feels more like things are moving from could be to will be. And it doesn’t feel too bad. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------We made out way to the Louvre after a bit more walking, only lapsing into uncomfortable silence once when I offered to pay the entrance fee, and upon seeing it, realized I didn’t have the money to pay for it on me. City of Love? Ha. More like City of Broke.I felt like a real freeloader, sugar daddy kink at it’s finest, but after he throws me a sheepish look and ruffles my hair, I stop caring so much that he is paying for it instead of me because I’m bordering homeless broke. If I’m going to feel guilty about something, I should guilty about him paying for this whole trip. It’s honestly easier to just not think about it. The lobby is gigantic! Sophisticated and chic, but with a messy elegance to it.. Exactly what I imagine artists themselves to be. I’ve never been a real appreciator of art because I find it generally hard to like things that I don’t understand, but the air in the building smells like adventure, so I’m willing to give it a try. I’ve got my arm linked in Wonho’s as we survey the art. All kinds of art - blobs and shapes and people and eyes, oh my god, so many eyes!Unshockingly, I don’t understand a bit of it, but Wonho seems so entertained, hands clinging onto the strap of his camera case as if to keep him in reality, that I don’t say anything. Anyways, it gives me an excuse to study him without noticing, so I’m not exactly complaining. I’m once again struck by the question of if he wears makeup as I peer at him sideways out of the corner of my eye. His skin is unblemished, slightly blushed with the excitement of the art. His eyelashes are so dark, so full, it seems so impossible that they’re only God-given. I’m so focused ogling that I don’t even notice that he’s been talking to me and had asked a question until I catch the uplifted end that indicates the question and he looks at me, eyes expectant.His eyes turn amused and the corner of his lips lift up into a smirk as he catches me. I finally realize what’s going on, and catch my surroundings, blushing as I catch the situation. God, Hyungwon. Could you look a little more stalker-like? Stop doing blush-inducing things and you’ll hopefully stop embarrassing yourself. I actually want to die when Wonho asks me if I’m enjoying the view of the ‘art’, placing heavy emphasis of the sarcasm on the last word. Art. Ha. If only he knew that Wonho art was the only kind of art I’d ever be slightly interested into. I should patent it. Wonho-Art. I could make millions with the size of his ass.“Yes, as a matter of fact,” I say smugly. I’ve grown confident after the ‘boyfriend’ incident. It’s finally starting to sink in that he’s really mine to do something with. Not in a weird way, like an object or something, just… just like my own personal boyfriend.Wonho laughs way too hard to be socially acceptable at the Louvre. I cover his mouth with my hand, placing my other hand on his chest to silence him.“I won’t have my boyfriend acting a fool in such a public vicinity,” I whisper. When I move my hand, Wonho’s mouth is curved into a devilish smile, like he thought of something really bad in a good way. “Care to silence me? I can think of a few ways…” He says, voice deepened for some reason, like deep voices are a turn-on. He purses his lips extra hard and aims them my way.While he is my boyfriend - boyfriend!!!- my first thought is just no no no on a loop. I don’t want our first real kiss to be a corny one like this. I gently smack his lips without even thinking about it, almost like a self-preservation reflex. What a dork. Though I can’t say my heart isn’t beating fast as a result, dumb as it was. I keep thinking about the fact that I could have kissed him if I wanted to. It’s a powerful feeling. After a few more minutes of art gazing, Wonho notices my nose, crinkled up in confusion, at one of the most ambiguous piece yet. “Not quite your forte?I startle when I notice that he’s looking at me and struggle to compose my face. I wanted him to enjoy it without having to not have to worry about if I was enjoying it too, but that’s obviously not gonna happen.“It’s okay. It’s not for everyone.” He says with a shrug. But as he turns back to the piece, sucked back into it again instantly, I grow curious. “What do you like so much about it?” I really want to understand his point of view. He seems to see so much stuff that I miss.“About the piece or the art itself?” He seems shocked, but happy that I ask. “Um, the art itself.”We both look towards the art piece, an assortment of colors swirled together. “To me,” Wonho begins, “Art isn’t just the act itself. It’s the emotion that wields it. Those paints, developed in some far away country, were transformed into this thing, this puzzle, only decipherable to that person at that time.”He stares ahead at the piece, deep in thought. I find myself being sucked into his speech. “I read one time that some artists don’t even understand their own work sometimes because that piece of art was so reflective of the emotion they were feeling at that specific time and only reflective of that. They can encapsulate pictures and sounds and emotions all at once. It’s really beautiful.” He sounds so amazed that I find myself being amazed too. He’s just so passionate about it. He’s right. It is beautiful.“I like to think that I’m an artist too, in a way,” he grins, throwing a smug look my way. It’s so… proud. I smile. But I agree. The way he does his photography… so involved and giving all he has. He puts his heart into it, and it shows. As he goes on explaining, I realize that I’ve hit rock bottom and I want to cry in realization and happiness. While I knew I was falling, I didn’t know how quick I was falling until I’d already fallen.I realize looking at him, now unabashedly, uncaring of if he notices, that I’ve fallen for him. Completely.“I love you, Wonho.” Without realizing, I utter this out loud. I’m so filled up with it, the light of it filling me up to the brim.Wonho coughs slightly, eyes bulging, then looks at me, his expression morphing into complete and utter soft. I can barely see him now since my eyes have filled up with tears, but it’s enough. My heart is beating so hard, pulsing in time with the love making its way through me. Wonho takes a shaky step towards me. “W- What did you just say?” he sounds shaken up and his eyes are wide. In happiness? I hope so. I shuffle towards him, gently reaching for his fingers. He fondles my hand in his, looking as if he needs to something to keep him grounded. He glances at our hands, linked together, then back up at my eyes. Quickly, without thinking, so overflowing with the massive surge of love for this amazing artist of a boy in front of me, I close my eyes and set my lips to his, hard and unflinching.
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He’s shell-shocked at first, I can tell. I’m shocked too at myself. I can’t believe the balls I just exhibited.His lips stay frozen underneath mine for so long that I’m about to pull back and apologize because this is not working the way I want it to, but then he pulls back, pulling me swiftly in with his arm pressed against my lower back, and after hooking his hand behind my ear, he starts to kiss me.Let me just say - while I am a virgin, I have been kissed before. So that’s not new. But the way he’s kissing me; it’s like he thinks it’s the last time we will ever see each other. Like I’m all he needs to breath and eat to stay alive. Like no one’s watching. I’m left breathless so easily.We’re so close, moving in tandem, chest against chest, my hands gathering the fabric of his shirt on his sides into my fists resting on his waist.I’m melting, I’m being put back together, I’m so many things and WONHO IS KISSING ME.I can’t see or feel anything but him, smell him, taste him, hear him, feel the beating of his heart.I’ve never felt so close to someone before I can hardly believe how good it feels. I suddenly forgive every single passionately nasty kiss between Shownu and Minhyuk. I don’t blame them if it feels like this every time. Because this is heaven.He seems experienced, but not so much that it worries me. He gives me exactly what I want without having to ask for it, biting my lip sexily.I want to cry out. Holy shit! He can do that? Shit, he’s really fucking killing me and he’s not even trying.I finally pull my face away from his, mustering the strength of a saint, realizing we are going way too fast.I feel the edge of a wall on my back. How the hell did we get over here? We weren’t here before…I set a hand to my head, flustered as we both catch our breath, separated but still flush up against each other. I feel so warm, actually more hot, that I can’t even think straight.I deeply sigh, and Wonho laughs at my flustered expression, setting his forehead against mine.“So it’s official then,” his voice is raspy, and I find myself having flashbacks to his voice when we had to lap sit. Is he.. Is he turned on? I blush and force myself to think about something else. Trees...fluffy clouds...rainbows… art… shit! I can’t not think about him.“It’s official, what?” I manage to whisper. I won’t let him see how much this and him affect me. He’d be so smug that I’d never live it down.“We love each other.” He’s so damn smug. Guess it didn’t matter anyways. He’ll be confident in anything.As I roll my eyes at his attitude, I say as much, ignoring the fact that my heart rate has suddenly skyrocketed.“Only you would be so proud of yourself for getting me hot and bothered like this.”He laughs, pulling his head away from mine and shouldering me into a hug.“Am I making you hot and bothered? I had no idea….” As he trails off, he oh so slightly slides his knuckles up and down my spine, and I fight the urge to shiver.“How am I making you hot and bothered?” His voice is deep but amused and taunting, his lips making their way into the crook of my neck.In the back of my head, I realize that I was stopping this, but I can’t focus enough to remember why.“Well-” dammit, I’m breathless and it’s funny to him. I’m just proving his point. “You’re just-” I pause as his fingers trail the planes of my collarbones, making me lose my train of thought.“I’m doing what?”His right hand is slowly sliding up my side, his other hand following his fingers’ previous path across my the hollow of my neck.Fuck. I can’t think straight and I’m so screwed up that I’m not even sure if I want to. I remember that I’m supposed to be answering a question. Um... the question? What was the question?“What was the question again?” My voice is shaky as all get out, my hands laying limply on his chest. He breathes a devilish laugh, the breath fanning against the bare triangle at my neck.My head is spinning. Um, what’s happening? What were we doing, again?
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The rest of the day leading up to the real date was as normal as a usual day. Well, if the definition of normal is spending a spectacular, free day of beautiful sights and fun activities with the person who happens to be your ideal type and you may even lov- um, like.I mean, I definitely loved our conversation, at least. When given the chance, and when he knows you well enough, Wonho can be so open and talkative, sharing really unique and intelligent opinions that can differ so much from your own about the world around you. It’s so different than the previous persona he exudes at school.I thought I knew a lot about him from the plane ride and from then until now, but there is so much more to him. So much behind the face that people are so quick to judge and gossip about behind his back. How is that someone can be so so so SO hot, but also a good person and an intellectual with great conversation skills? My standards are quaking.It was even more shocking when the conversation of sexuality came up. I told him easily about me, a semi-confident self-proclaimed gay, discovered in middle school. He seemed surprised when I told him about the negative attitudes towards homosexuality in Korea, and my need to hide it. Coming to America had felt freeing not just through independence from the culture there and my parents, but because I could be so open about who I was in America.My gay couldn’t help but show when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and leaned in to kiss my cheek, smelling of Wonho and boy. My blush flamed across my cheeks as he whispered in my ear “it’s a good thing… we could have really missed something special.” It left me blushing and cursing myself. Why do I have to be so naive?But, him, cool and collected, moved right on with normal conversation, explaining that he didn’t really believe in labels. He’d always known he was different, but who doesn’t feel that way about themselves sometimes? He never rushed to dig into who he really was because it didn’t matter to him. He was already it, and whatever it was, his dad probably wouldn’t like it anyways, so why put a name to it. But, at a sleepover with a best friend, seeing him shirtless, he realized his intentions weren’t as pure as a straight guy’s would have been.I tried not to be angry. Shouldn’t I have been sad? It’s kind of sad, I guess.. So why was I angry? The jealous really jumped out. Shit, I mean, I had no right to be angry! But, he still mocked my pursed lips and narrowed eyes.Okay, so maybe I was a little angry after all. What can I say? I’m not exactly confident in the way that I “seduced” Wonho, for lack of a better term, and I wasn’t going to let anyone take him from me, short time we’ve been dating be damned.So when I say I was with the person I lov-like, it’s code for the person I actually love but am too scared to admit it to.But, shit c’mon, Hyungwon! Love? How can you love him already? But there’s no other word I can conjure up to describe the feeling I get when I see his slightly crooked smile aimed my way. Or his goofy, miniature dance he does when he’s happy to be munching on some food. Or his easy friendship with Minhyuk and Shownu, all my favorite people in the whole world, all getting along.So, I make up my mind. As the useless gay that I am, I need to tell him. Tonight. And if he doesn’t accept it at the City of Love, then it must not be fate, because professing and accepting love is kind of a rite of passage here.But we’re not thinking about it! Because that is unproductive and unnecessary!Which leads to now, as we’re walking home a few hours later, and all I can think about is that. Stupid, unproductive, unnecessary idea, yet I can’t not think about it.“What’s wrong?” Wonho’s voice pulls me out of my stupor and I jump as if I’m being caught doing something that I’m not supposed to be doing.“I wasn’t!” I say an octave too loud, sounding guilty as hell.“Oh, okay…” Wonho chuckles. He slings an arm around my shoulder, a sentiment of what he does so much that I should be used to it, but in reality, I may never be because of how much it excites my heart.“You seem a little lost in thought, there. What are you thinking about, sweetheart?”Instant choke. Instant chagrin.“Sweetheart?” I sputter. “Is… is that the pet name we’re going with, now?” While I like that he took the initiative to call me that and I’m nearly in cardiac arrest, I can’t deny that it’s a bit of a cringe-fest.“That’s what I thought,” he says with a small frown. “Too corny?”I don’t want to further his frown, but I can’t deny the statement in all honesty.He laughs a little bit at my face and squeezes one of my cheeks with his hand over my shoulder.“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. I’m just a bit disappointed…. I’d actually wanted either sugarplum, babycakes, or fiance even, but if sweetheart is too much for you, then those are obviously a no go. “I crack up. Damn, I thought sweetheart was rough. Can you imagine two gay dudes in a cafe and one saying to the other, “C’mon, fiance, time to go home”? Oh, hell no. I feel a full body shudder coming on.“Well…” he trails off at my expression, his face now in thought. “Is there any that you do like?”Truthfully, before I met Wonho, the answer would have been a quick no without any hesitation whatsoever. I looked with disgust onto couples that showered each other with PDA and spoke to them in baby tones and called them ‘honey’ and ‘darling’. Just, ugh. That was in New York, not Suburbia. They must have never PDA, I guess. It really makes me sad to see anyone but a white PTA mom do that to their lover in all seriousness. And even then, it still makes my heart ache in a ‘what is the world coming to’ kind of way.That would have sealed the deal for me before Wonho. But now, after meeting him and falling in love with him, it doesn’t seem too bad. I mean, it’s just a way to express your love for them, right? What’s the difference between calling them baby and telling them you love them? I mean, I love you obviously counts for more in most situations, but still.Damn, I sound lovesick as all hell. You can take the person out of Korea, but you can’t take the Korean out of the person. My mom’s stupid K-Dramas are really getting to me with this useless melodrama.“Um…” What am I okay with? Honey? No. Sweetie? Definitely not. Love? HELL NO. Baby? Hmm. That’s not too bad. Basic but easy. I can dig it.“Baby,” I say confidently.“Baby…” he pauses a moment, seemingly rolling it around in his mouth to see if he likes the taste of it.“I like it!” he smiles his heartbreaking smile and pulls me closer.“Consider it done.” he secures his arm around my shoulders tightly and smiles devilishly. “Baby,” he adds with a smirk.I smack him. “No one said you had to do it so soon! I haven’t prepared myself for it yet!” Damn! The kid wasted no time in making me blush. C’mon now, Hyungwon… what did you expect? He’s been making you blush ever since you got to know him! The invitation to the trip, the plane, the car - oh god, yes, the car - the room, the -Yeah yeah yeah, Hyungwon. We get it. You’re whipped for the boy.Wonho’s too busy to notice my blush though, too wrapped up in his own wit, for God’s sake.“Oh, come on baby,” he chuckles. “Don’t be shy. I’m your boyfriend, it’s okay. We’re the only people that it’s okay to be corny around each other. Lovers have the right.”He laughs harder at my face, trying to decide whether to be befuddled or melt, and crimson melts across my cheeks.“Well, are you ready?” Wonho’s hand finds mine and he interlaces our fingers. Am I actually? Dangerous, my mind trills. Danger, danger, danger.Wonho laughs. “Baby, why do you look so scared?”Shit. That obvious.“I’m not,” I snap haughtily, gripping his hand to the point of pain in response. “I’m just worried your Eiffel Tower plan is a lie and you’re gonna pay me back for being such a spendthrift with dinner at McDonald’s.”Wonho scoffs but thankfully doesn’t catch my thinly veiled fear at how deep in lo-like i’m falling.“I’m sure you say that to all the guys that finance your international travel.” He says spitefully.“Oh?” I inquire. I unlace our hands to lean up against him. I run my hands up his arms, avoiding his eyes in my chagrin at my boldness, and latch my arms around his neck.“So I must do this to
everyone, right?” I gently kiss the tip of his nose, praying he doesn’t push me away, calling me a potato or saying that I stink or that my pores are too big for his perfectionist retinas.Against his chest, I can feel his heart speed up with us so closely pinned together, my chest, thin and skinny, against his, warm and muscled. Am I… am I actually affecting him? All I was hoping for was that he wouldn’t hate it.This fuels me more. “Or this?” I kiss his right cheek and then his left cheek lightly.Wonho’s eyes dart to my lips and back. I don’t blame him, if he’s anything like I am. I’m having flashbacks to the shared bad incident, AKA the Battle of the Impulses, AKA the First Time I Touched Wonho’s Lips When He Was Sleeping. I’m tempted to do so now, but I refrain.“Or… even this?” I say tentatively. Should I ask first? Does he want me to? I mean I know he said that we’re dating and that he loves me and that I’m his soulmate and all that jazz but does that mean that he really-“Stopping my thought, Wonho presses his lips to mine. I’d like to say that I don’t sigh a little, because that’s a pussy thing to do, something you only see perpetually lovesick girls in K-Dramas do, but I’m not a good liar.Wonho pulls back, eyebrow raised. Damn, why does he pull that off so well?“I hope you don’t make that noise to just any guy that you meet.”Did he just…? Scratch that. I pull away. I take back that last statement. I take back anytime I said that he was kind hearted and forgiving.“C’mon…” Wonho snickers, trying to pull me back. I force his hands away and cross my arms. If you think I’m that easy, you’ve got another thing coming.“Fine. I won’t say it,” he continues. “But we all know that Evan wasn’t your best friend or anything…”I look back at him, indignant. He’s really doing this, Hyungwon. He’s really pulling receipts from when you were drunk, like that’s fair. Or proper boyfriend behavior. Or even human behavior. The nerve on this boy! The second he thinks I’m snatched he goes off and says something like this. Try again, loverboy! You may own like ten jets and five houses and be greek god level hot, not to mention live the life of basically a chaebol, but I’ll be damned if I let you come for me to my face and get away with it.I stalk away from him but he wraps his arms around my waist from behind.Fuck. He’s back-hugging you, Hyungwon…I try to shush my inner uwu, considering back-hugs are the sweetest to me. I’m supposed to be mad at him. Be a wall back there, Hyungwon. Be a brick.“Just don’t do that to just anyone anymore,” he says quietly, almost in soft vulnerability in my ear. Don’t you do it, Hyungwon… don’t you do it…“You’re my boyfriend. You don’t need anyone to take care of you but me.” He adds.Shit. And just like that, he’s forgiven. And all it took was a back-hug and a broken apology. What a cheap whore you are.I turn around in his arms.“Okay, you big oaf,” I relent. “Let’s go.” Hand in hand, we make our way back to the hotel.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Holy shit. I don’t consider myself a particularly talkative person, but I don’t think that I’ve ever been speechless like this in my entire life. Wonho in a suit. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Wonho is hot. But when you take all that angelic beauty and you put it into a crisp, form-fitting, slick black suit. You get the perfect formula for me getting into my feelings.With the dim light of the bathroom shining on him, his dark hair greased back in a timeless manner, he actually seems to be shining like an angel.“You…” I breathe. I’m not even exactly sure how to finish that sentence. You should never have deprived me from seeing you in a suit for so long. You shouldn’t deprive anyone on the face of the planet from seeing the sight that is you in a suit. Even if you are my man.“I what?” Wonho asks, eyes amused in the slight light of the bathroom casting a shadow on his face, his eyebrow upraised. Wait, wasn’t I saying something?“You look… different.” I finish as nonchalantly as possible, quite a feat, considering the heart palpitations I’m currently experiencing.Wonho doesn’t seem to pick up on my obvious awe, thank god. He’d never let me live it down. He cocks his head to the side.“Different, good different?” He seems worried. Which. Is. Crazy. Because oh my fucking god, he looks like the perfect model for that suit. He looks like the perfect model for what all men should look like period.I open my mouth to think of a suitable response, but before I can, he sighs and drops his head.“You’re probably right. This is probably too much.” he turns back to head towards the bathroom.Wait? What? Does he really…? The whole situation is so funny to me that I have to laugh.
He turns back to look at me, confused.“Can you really not seeing the effect you’re having on me?” I ask.Wonho shakes his head, his eyes mystified. I laugh a little more. Pretty but stupid, I think again.“Wonho, I’m literally so out of breath right now just looking at you. You look… God, I can’t even.”Wonho smiles a little and leans closer. “You like?” He does a small turn. Which is unfair. Because his ass looks 100% better where I already thought that it was 100%.“Wonho. I’ve literally never liked something more in my life.” I try not to look in love, and fail. “You look… actually gorgeous.”Wonho and I both blush at my straightforwardness. You’re both grown men, ye9t you both blush when giving or receiving compliments.I surprise myself and him by giving him a hug. How did I get so lucky? But Minhyuk walks by the hallway and we spring apart.He laughs and rolls his eyes as he looks at our faces. “Your canoodling is fine with me. Though Hyungwon. Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------After unsuccessfully trying to calm my breathing, I exit the bathroom. I know I look fine, great even, but after seeing Wonho earlier, my self esteem has taken a big hit at his god-like splendor. It’s becoming super obvious just how out of my league he is.He’s not there when I exit the bathroom. I breathe a sigh of relief and tiptoe to the nearest room where my suitcase is. Jewelry. That’s definitely it. A little bling might help your case.“What are you doing?” Shit. I jump up so quickly at Wonho’s voice that I bump my head at the underside of the table that my suitcase is under. “Hi, hello,” I say, oh so suavely. Like I didn’t just make a fool of myself like two seconds ago.I stand up, still rubbing my head. “What did you say?”“I asked what you're doing, but I’d like to change my question. What are you wearing?” His eyes widen as they rack my body, giving me shivers.Fuck. I knew it, I knew it. I shouldn’t have tried, because now -“It looks great on you.” Wonho finishes.What? I look down at myself. Does he see something that I don’t? I’m wearing a dress suit, not too dressy, but just dressy enough. I have a dark blue, low-cut triangle cutout top with a black dress coat on top that matches my dress pants. Instead of gelling all of my hair back since Wonho did it, I pulled it into a crisp comma with one side tucked behind my ear. It’s nowhere near what Wonho looks like. So, what does he mean>My disbelief must show on my face because Wonho rolls his eyes, and with big strides, walkes to me and pulls me against him, his arms tight across my back.“Hyungwon, the fact that you can’t tell how stunning you are right now is a disservice to yourself.” He pulls back slightly to look at me and I avert my eyes in embarrassment. Stunning? He says you’re stunning?“I won’t be able to take my eyes off of you,” he whispers, putting his nose to mine.I can feel myself softening.“Promise me,” Wonho says, pulling back again.“Promise what?”“Promise me that you won’t doubt yourself when you’re with me. I love you. Not your outfit or your hair or your jewelry, not that they don’t look good on you. I love who you are, flaws and all.”Wonho pulls back to, I don’t know, because he stops and looks at me, concern etched into his face.“Are you.. crying?”“No. I’m not crying -,” But when I dabbed under my eyes I felt the moisture. When the fuck did I become such a crybaby, pussy mess? Since you met Wonho, stupid.“I guess so,” I reply, stuffing my face into his neck. I don’t admit it, but his words moved me. I guess I just underestimated how much.“So, don’t you wanna say anything back?” Wonho says gently at my ear. His tone is sing-songy and he seems mug.“Nope.” I say with conviction. Only that I’m seriously in like with you. Or actually in love if you want to put real labels on it.“Nothing?” He baits again, holding me tighter.“Um.” I know he wants me to say it now, but I don’t want to yet. I know it’s stupid, but it took a lot for me to admit to myself that I feel the way I do. I don’t catch feelings easy and I for sure don’t get crushes. So when I like someone, it’s the real deal. And as immature as it sounds, I want to say it in a different context than this.He sighs at my silence, and then starts to let go.I pull him back, regretting. “Wait.” I say. “Don’t go.” I try to fold myself back into his arms. “I like you, Wonho, okay? You don’t need to worry about that.”He sighs again, this time in a ‘what am I going to do with you’ kind of way, and holds me again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Linked in pairs by our hands, Wonho, Minhyuk, Shownu, and I all made our way to the car. I was trying to convince myself not to be mad that the car ‘situation’ was resolved, but failing miserably. I side eyed Wonho, as Minhyuk and Shownu piled him. He didn’t seem irritated like I was.. But then again, my bony ass had nothing approaching his thick thighs.It was a big car, almost like the ones you would see idols in - packed three to a seat for the two rows in the back, and two seats in the front row, along with the driver’s seat, currently occupied by Wonho’s driver, and the passenger seat, empty next to it.We got in after Minhyuk and Shownu, who chose the very front two.I moved to sit in the seat directly behind Minhyuk, but Wonho grabbed my hand insistently, tugging me in the limited space to the very back seat. I didn’t question it, just sat in the seat to the very right.Surprising me, Wonho plopped in the seat next to me, his shoulder brushing mine. I tried to hide my probably obvious happiness.“You’re in my private space, pal.” I admonished, scooting over away from him.Wonho leaned over even more, our shoulders flat against one anothers. I tried to deny how good he felt by changing the subject.“What’s up with the gas guzzling cow?” I asked. Not to be rude, but Wonho… as popular as he is, didn’t seem to have a lot of friends. That’s not indicative of how cool he is though! Because he’s the most awesome person. If people would spend the time to get to know him, they wouldn’t be able to resist being his friend. I think his allure at school, though, was the fact that he was so isolated.“Well,” Wonho said, looking at the window behind me as we buckled in and the car started moving. I knew I should be looking around, enjoying the sights, but Wonho was speaking, and for all I could care, the world could pause when Wonho was speaking and I wouldn’t care.“Wishful thinking, I guess.” He sighed. “Hoping I could find enough people to fill it on my next trip.” He said it matter of factly, but his eyes seemed sad.My heart ached a bit. I didn’t say any of what I was thinking because I knew that that would be the last thing that he would want to hear. So, I just dropped my head onto his shoulder, humming nonchalantly. I didn’t know where I was going with this, but it didn’t matter. I just wanted to offer him some comfort somehow.Wonho laughed a little and patted my head.“What about you, little pup? Why didn’t you have any friends? I almost never saw you with anyone but your preexisting friends at school.”My mind was preoccupied with the fact that he called me pup - because oh my god I’m screaming he said I’m a pup that’s literally the cutest - but I still manage to answer, not that there’s much to say in the first place.“I don’t know,” I said plainly. “At first it was just because Americans are just so different. It just seemed like too much to try to fit in with a new kind of people when I was still adjusting from the switch from Korea to America, which was hard all on it’s own. But after a while, it just became like second nature…” I wiggled my head a bit on his shoulder at his sudden silence.“What? Do you think I’m missing out or something?” I tease. God knows, and hopefully Wonho too, that I wasn’t. I heard the word ‘whore’ more times that I’d ever heard it my entire life in Korea after being in the US for two days.“No..” he said, sounding far away and irritated.I lifted my head to look at him. “What is it?”“Nothing. I’m just angry at myself.” He shakes his head slightly.“What?” I said, slightly bewildered.“I was so afraid to talk to you!” he says, on the verge of yelling, terse. He runs a hand through his hair.I tilted my head in confusion. What is he saying that I’m missing?“All this time,” he rants. “I wanted to talk to you. To be your friend. To just say hello to you, for God’s sake!” He says, loud again. I flinch a little.“But I kept making excuses because I was nervous. ‘He’s probably still adjusting’, I’d tell myself. Or ‘he’s clearly business right now’. Or ‘why would he want me to be in his business..? This isn’t kindergarten’.” He paused. “I’d even halfway convinced myself that someone must have died and that you were grieving. Just so I wouldn’t have to go talk to you because I was too shy.”He sat there, arms crossed. He looked so close to a little boy pouting that I couldn’t help but laugh.He looked at me incredulously. “It’s not funny! Do you know how many times I tried to talk to you? You know how long we could have known each other and how close we would be right now if I would have? How stupid that makes me feel?” He runs his hand through his hair again.I sputtered out a laugh I tried to unsuccessfully keep in.“I can’t help it!” I laughed when I saw the expression he gave me.He sighed, rolling his eyes, and then guiding my head back onto his shoulder.“I don’t know why this is so funny to me,” I said, still laughing. “It’s just crazy to me that you, Wonho, basically the world’s most eligible bachelor, would be afraid to approach someone like me.” I started to chuckle again. “I don’t know what you’re thinking,” I muttered. I couldn’t tell myself that I wasn’t happy though. Hearing this made me undeniable happy. It wasn’t just me that was crazy for him. He seemed pretty crazy for me, as well.“Well, believe it. I’m telling you, you don’t see yourself correctly.”I rolled my eyes, which he must have felt despite the fact that he couldn’t see me, and he sighed loudly in response.“Seriously! Jeez...” He said, irritatedly. “You’re making me feel.. I don’t know. You’re making me feel really stupid right now.”This made me laugh harder. I couldn’t believe how worked up he was getting about something basically irrelevant.He crossed his arms and turned away from me.At first, I was lost. What do I do? It’s Wonho.. He never gets mad! Again, he’s Wonho… way out of my league Wonho... Do I just stop laughing? Or do I comfort him?But Wonho solves the problem for me, probably sensing my lost bearings.“You could hug me, you know.” He mumbles, his lip adorably out. “Ahhh…” I sigh as I wrap my arms around him. He stays frozen but I keep my arms around him anyways.“Aigoo, my baby,” I say, removing a hand to smooth down his hair. I can’t help it. He’s so cute when he acts like this. “It’s okay,” I console, going back to hugging him, my arms around him, my face against his arm.“It’s okay.. Right?” I lift my head to look at him, and he moves his head to avoid my eyes. “Right?” I repeat, following his eyes as he moves his head around to not look at me.“Right?!” I say louder, shaking him a little bit. He finally thaws and pulls down his arms, but doesn’t hug me back.C’mon, you big kid. Forgive me already. I’m really trying here.“I should just leave you at home,” he snaps, lip still out. “You’re too much for your own good. You’re going to go around dazzling and seducing people and not even know it and you’re going to bring a line of people that like you home and have no idea.”Oh my lord. “Hey, now,” I said, trying not to laugh. How did he even relate it to this? I thought we were talking about him. But, for some reason, I want to keep baiting him. When baby boy culture Wonho appears from the normally misunderstood, confident, quiet Wonho, I literally could not resist.“How could I help it? You should be talking about yourself anyways.” I toss at him, releasing him from my arms, trying to maintain a serious demeanor. “I’m going to lock you up, first. Why are you saying I seduced people? Somehow I snagged you and that’s purely an accident. Whilst me on the other hand, you got through experience, and before you say ‘no I don’t’, stop, because we all know that it’s true.”Wonho opened his mouth to say something but shut it.“Exactly.” I stated, waving a finger. You can’t even defend yourself, you whore. “Fine.” He says. “It’s true. There’s no use denying it. But this doesn’t dispute the fact that you’re irresistibly adorable, and that IS your fault.” He pauses, watching me start to interrupt him. “Now, now, now, before you say anything,” he says, mocking me from earlier, when I move to respond. “Let’s just say that we both do it. It’s both of our faults, okay?”I sit mutely, my pride not allowing me to nod and be wrong, as fake as the argument is.“So let’s just not think about it, okay? And just watch over each other… okay?” He looks so endearing.. So sweet… I can’t help but nod my head yes. Even though I’m being accused of something I didn’t do, let alone could ever do, and the fact that he’s being so bipolar or that fact that he’s worried that I could snatch someone let alone let myself be snatched if someone gave me the choice when I have Wonho right in front of me… I just let it happen.“Okay, okay,” Minhyuk calls from his seat way in front of us, sounding like someone who is amused trying to sound annoyed. “Less Titanic, more Love Actually, kids.
We’re here, lovebirds.” He sounds way too happy to be saying this and I want to punch him. Wonho and I both blush uncontrollably at the comment. Where we that loud? We really should have quieted down…I try to control the smile on my face when Wonho leans over and grabs my hand, wrapping his around it, and resting it on his knee.I can’t hold back the smile when I look over at his face, so earnestly happy, still pink with embarrassment.