Work Text
It’s an ability Kibum’s known about since his childhood. When he was in elementary school and he noticed someone staring at him with a dreamy look in his eye, the pep in his step went beyond what Kibum figured was normal. Even if every time the person who loved him seemed closed-off and less emotional after Kibum took notice of them, maybe it was okay. Maybe it was unrelated. That’s what Kibum chose to believe sometimes, anyways.
When he was little, he also felt like Ursula, stealing pieces of people to give himself power. But he figured that if Ursula did it, maybe it was normal for some real people to do it too, even if it did hurt others. As he grew older, he realized it simply
wasn’t
normal. If someone felt love for him and he noticed it, it was like he was given a boost that was simply unnatural.
The first time he tried to concretely define what this exactly was, just for his own peace of mind, all he could come up with was one word.
Magic.
But it was the kind of magic that only took, only hurt others. The kind that only villains would have, if Disney was to be believed.
He certainly felt guilty whenever he noticed someone’s fondness of him, the cold dread trickling through his veins coupled with loving warmth pumping through his heart. It was hard to help, sometimes; Kibum couldn’t do much else but smile graciously and gently put down his first high-school crush when he confessed to liking him in a way that went past friendship.
Once, weighed down with exhaustion by courses and SHINee and his social life all at once, Kibum found himself perusing SHINee fan forums, just to see if his magic would still work through the filter of the internet. It turned out to be better than a five-shot espresso and he couldn’t sleep for the next two days. He figured that that was the difference between unconditional love and the temporary affections classmates and coworkers often had for him.
Sometimes, when they were torn between so many schedules they could barely think, let alone relax, it felt like something of an addiction for him. Kibum ended up tabbing mindlessly onto fan forums at four in the morning when he knew he had to be up in thirty minutes. He tried to restrain himself from overindulging, though - what if he hurt someone? Enough people filtered in and out of those sites without his meddling, without their object of adoration stealing their emotions or their energy.
But he just couldn’t keep away. The exhaustion wrapped tight around his joints would only go away if he spent a while on their UFO boards or on the sites only fans were supposed to know about.
“Uh, Kibum-hyung?” Came a voice from behind Kibum. He whipped his head away from page 35 of
☆ The Official Key Appreciation Thread ♡
to see Taemin blearily staring over his shoulder, reading with vague judgement in his eyes. “What the hell are you doing?”
Kibum spluttered. The room plunged into darkness as he slammed his laptop shut, the final wisps of love trailing through his fingertips. “What the hell are
you
doing, Taemin!”
“I wanted to ask you how to boil pasta since I’m hungry and can’t sleep and don’t really care about the diet but I think I’ll just figure it out myself since you’re being a weirdo and jacking off to pictures of yourself online,” Taemin said, all in one breath. He turned around and made to leave the room even as Kibum opened his mouth to retort, face bright red.
“Lee Taemin!” He whisper-yelled after him. “That is not what is going on, you little beast!”
Kibum wasn’t sure Taemin was even listening, that he even wanted to listen. Regardless, he was never ever
ever
looking at fan forums again.
Kibum managed to get by for a few years after that resolution simply on his own. Sometimes a random bolt of energy would strike him and he didn’t really understand where it might’ve come from, but he supposed it didn’t really matter. As time went on, he just became better at managing his own innate energy. He didn’t really need to feed, for lack of a better term for it, off of others so much as he used to think he did. Sure, sometimes he did receive energy from fans onstage or from the wayward glance of a pent-up employee but for the most part, if he ignored it, it wouldn’t be absorbed. It was freeing.
But he was also distinctly poorer at managing his own emotions than he remembered. He’d catch himself staring at the casual way Jonghyun’s veiny hands would drape over the armrests in their manager’s van, and swallow nervously before looking away. It was nothing, right? Surely it was nothing, he decided, ignoring the way his energy sometimes funneled into making his heart flutter like Jonghyun’s too-fluffy hair did in the wind. And surely Jonghyun wouldn’t be able to feel it radiate off him in waves.
Jinki cornered him in the hallway one evening, gaze pointed and too knowing for Kibum’s taste. “Kibum, you need to fess up.”
Kibum shifted uncomfortably. His mind reminded him of the way Jonghyun’s face lit up when he laughed uncontrollably, even though it made his eyebrows tilt like he was angry at the world. He also remembered the way he sometimes felt like he’d just shotgunned three Red Bulls, the way it filtered into him even though he’d actively tried not to steal energy and there seemed not to be anyone around to take from. “I have nothing to fess up for, now if you don’t mind, the commercial break is almost over and they only show
You’ve Got Mail
once a year.”
“Come on, Kibum,” Jinki said, wrinkling his nose up a little. “I know you have
You’ve Got Mail
dubbed in three different languages downloaded on your computer.”
“But it’s only on TV once, Jinki!” Kibum retorted, trying to push past his bandmate. The post-commercial jingle of the TV station was playing. Fuck, he was going to miss it, and Jinki was holding him by both shoulders now so he couldn’t get away from this pointed questioning.
“I also know that you’ve been keeping a secret, Kibum,” Jinki bulldozed right over his reply. “A love-related secret.” Jinki stressed the words
love-related
and Kibum’s blood ran a little colder.
Laughing nervously, Kibum backed out of Jinki’s hold, towards his own room. “Not sure what you mean, Jinki-hyung.”
A long-suffering look entered Jinki’s eye. “Listen, I wanted you to admit to it so it’s less like a confrontation or an accusation but I’m just trying to help you guys. Jonghyun likes you and he’s worried because you’ve been so … sensitive lately around him. I know it’s just because you like him too.”
Kibum missed what Jinki said next, his head repeating
jonghyun likes you, jonghyun likes you
like a broken record. Jonghyun liked him… wait, Jonghyun liked him? The puzzle of his random energy bolts seemed suddenly solved. But if that had all come from Jonghyun, why hadn’t Jonghyun’s love been taken entirely by now? Jonghyun should hate him by now, but according to Jinki, he definitely didn’t. Kibum’s mind raced with a mix of excitement and anxiety over what exactly that could mean.
“So what do you want me to do about it?” Kibum bluffed, crossing his arms. To be honest, he had no idea how he would even address this. Tell Jonghyun he should just give up because Kibum had no choice but to steal away the happiness love brought? Go quietly prey on secretaries or cashiers or fans at their concerts so Jonghyun wouldn’t be at risk anymore?
“I don’t know, talk to him about it? Or at least just act more normal,” Jinki offered. “You seem so on-edge lately, not even just with him. Are you really okay, Kibum?”
Kibum sighed. Jinki was his friend, he knew, and it was also basically his job to understand and support his members so the band wouldn’t collapse on itself. Jinki also had the memory of an elephant-goldfish hybrid sometimes; there was little chance of this getting to the other members. Kibum wasn’t ready for them to all collectively judge him, yet. Kibum wasn’t ready for a lot of things.
But maybe he had to take the first step, regardless.
Resigned to missing his movie entirely, he sighed, and turned to lead Jinki down the hall to his room.
“There’s something I’ve never really told anyone,” he started after closing the door and settling himself on his bed. Jinki sat down at the opposite end, halfway off the bottom corner. It was a little too far to be called politely giving him space. “It’s a love-related secret, but you can’t go blabbing about it, like you did with Jonghyun’s crush.”
Jinki listened patiently, quietly, as Kibum tried his best to articulate what he’d only ever thought of in feelings and impulses before. He hummed at some points, offering no commentary or questions.
“Okay,” he said after Kibum had finished. Kibum ripped his eyes from his BoA poster, which he’d basically been monologuing to. Jinki didn’t seem shocked, or disgusted, or fearful, and Kibum was so,
so
confused.
It must’ve shown on his face, because Jinki smiled knowingly and continued, “maybe you’re making it a bigger deal than it needs to be, Kibum. You can’t really be sure how this magic affects others until they tell you yourself.”
He was still confused. “But I can’t just use people as my test subjects to find out, Jinki.”
Shaking his head, Jinki replied, “It doesn’t have to be an experiment. Just an exercise in trust. Like, you know, when Minho does that leap move and Taemin has to trust he won’t crush his skull or when I leave a half eaten bag of chips in the cabinet and expect it to still be there the next morning.”
“Hold on, you have chips in the cabinet?” Kibum perked up, already preparing to get off the bed and make a dash for them. The sharpness of Jinki’s eyes when he did so was the only thing that made him settle back onto the mattress. “Alright, alright. I kinda get what you mean. I should… try. To do that. Maybe it won’t be so bad to see what a relationship is really like.”
Jinki’s lips curled up into a smile that seemed wistful, and Kibum frowned again. Gross. He didn’t really want to get trapped in a discussion about Jinki’s favorite flings. He quickly shot up, cutting the conversation short to thank Jinki for the talk and leave him behind in Kibum’s own room.
There was a lot to think about. A lot of new doors opened to Kibum. He was going to tell Minho those chips were there, first of all. It would be an olive branch, of sorts - he kind of wanted to try to fix that years-old mess too.
The doors that Jinki opened by talking to Kibum weren’t as hard as Kibum expected to walk through. Jonghyun was suave, and perceptive, and when Kibum made an effort to link pinkies with him every so often or set aside an evening for them to hang out alone, he
noticed
.
From there, the hardest part seemed to be to simply let himself feel the love Jonghyun obviously had for him, and let himself act on his own feelings. He wasn’t sure they were love - yet.
“Jjong,” he said suddenly, looking up from the pasta Jonghyun had clumsily tried to cook for the two of them in the dorm. The other members were out, on the business of Jinki’s slapdash effort at helping Kibum execute a date.
Jonghyun smiled, as he always did, and whether or not what Kibum felt was love yet, his heart still burst out of his chest just the same. “Is the pasta that bad?”
“No?” Kibum replied, confused, “it’s seriously good for your first time.”
“Oh, you just sounded so tense all of a sudden,” Jonghyun laughed, nerves barely lingering in the edges of the sound. “I was like, did I put sugar instead of salt at the beginning and somehow it all got absorbed into your half of the pasta?”
“I just had... a question.” Kibum felt uncharacteristically shy about this. But this was Jonghyun, and he was Kibum, and he was trying to be proactive in all of this.
Jonghyun hummed in interest, blinking. His eyes were so pretty, especially when he fluttered his eyelashes in that one specific way he had.
The look in Jonghyun’s eyes became questioning as the silence dragged on for a moment. Maybe Kibum was getting a little distracted. Clearing his throat, he decided to just go for it. “Are we, like… dating?”
“Huh?” Jonghyun looked absolutely incredulous, lips slightly parted in confusion.
“Are we together?” Kibum mumbled. “Like, boyfriends...?” His statement trailed off, obviously lacking in the same courage that he tried to start out with. It was kind of hard to be optimistic when faced with that response.
Jonghyun suddenly grinned smug and wide at him, brighter than a sky full of stars. Kibum searched his eyes again and felt the electricity of an intense burst of love light up every one of his nerve endings. Oh. Okay. “Kibummie, you’re so cute, haven’t we been dating this whole time?”
“Have we?” Kibum felt his face warm up, both in happy realization and from his seemingly unnecessary question. “I’m kinda new to this dating stuff, just wanted to make sure, you know, and not lead you into anything you don’t want to do,” he tried to bluff, leaning back in his chair.
Giggling, Jonghyun teased, “What kind of thing are you thinking about?” He leaned forwards to match Kibum, and laced his hands over the table, food long forgotten.
Jonghyun always had this way of knowing when to sweep him past any embarrassment or off moment, engaging him in something fun to leave it behind them. Kibum felt grateful as he smirked and replied, lilting, “Oh, nothing in particular…”
“Tell me,” Jonghyun whined, reaching out to grasp one of Kibum’s wrists. The feeling of his hand was so warm, so full of energy that washed over Kibum’s skin like waves over sun-warmed sand. It made him want to act on impulse.
Kibum smiled wider as he lifted his wrist. He pressed his lips gently against the back of Jonghyun’s hand, where his knuckles melted away into smoother skin, and flickered his eyes up to Jonghyun. Kibum felt the movement of his grip tightening under his lips.
The look in Jonghyun’s eyes was almost hungry as he stared back at him, and Kibum found himself unable to not be pulled in, to press his lips across Jonghyun’s in their first kiss. He tried to keep it chaste, but the torrent of emotion that rushed through him at the content swept him away, and Kibum found himself chasing after it. He kissed Jonghyun again and again, almost intoxicated on the rush of it, teasing his soft lips open with his tongue and rushing to taste more of the feeling.
At some point during the extended make-out session, Kibum’s hands had migrated away from Jonghyun’s and into his hair. It stuck out in messy ruffles when Jonghyun leaned away slightly to say, “Jesus, Kibum,” before yanking Kibum from the table and pulling him close.
Kibum had been noticing something off about Jonghyun lately.
Maybe it’s just the solo debut’s toll on him,
he tried to tell himself the first few times. But as time passed that period by, and Jonghyun continued to look exhausted after every night spent with Kibum, every time he rang the buzzer of Kibum’s apartment after hosting his radio show, Kibum’s worries began to fester.
It has to be because of me
, he thought. It had to be because of his magic.
Kibum had been enjoying the easy way he and Jonghyun seemed to click for well over a couple years now, the routine and understanding that being in the same group afforded them allowing them to adapt to a romance hindered by work easily. It made his toes curl when Jonghyun sent coy, secret smiles his way when the lights dimmed after their performances. He was good at that, those tiny gestures of closeness that never failed to cause a shock of energy and light to shoot up Kibum’s spine.
Most of all, it felt so wonderful to learn how it felt to love someone with no restraint, with no guilt or anxiety keeping his hands by his sides and closing his heart before it could ever open. It was so easy to express his love through nonchalant comments, and Kibum was comfortable knowing that Jonghyun was always supportive of his efforts, always able to hear the emotion underneath it.
Jonghyun definitely knew that Kibum had never made love before the first time he turned bright red and asked Kibum if they could, in those exact words. Sex had been something of an inconvenient, nerve-ridden chore for Kibum before Jonghyun decided he was his. Sure, he had enjoyed it, but he could never allow himself to indulge in the more romantic facets of it. But Jonghyun was by definition a tedious romantic, calling sex something different based on how he felt about the other party involved, and he generally loved introducing Kibum new things.
Kibum really, really loved Jonghyun. All of Jonghyun, really. And the way he felt when Jonghyun said that back to him for the first time - the way his heart sped up felt like it was all his. None of that joy was stolen or shot through him by a force he never fully understood.
Or was it?
His eyes searchingly catalogued Jonghyun’s face, finally asleep before him after a couple hours of tossing and sighing. Jonghyun had been having worse insomnia since last year; it showed in the bruised cast of his eyelids, the way his mouth didn’t hang open as wide as it did when Jonghyun had already been sleeping the amount of time that a regular human should.
Jonghyun’s eyelashes were long and soft, fluttering as he dreamed, brushing gently over the still-too-thin cut of his cheeks. As always, so beautiful.
But there should be no way for him to still be so affected by stresses that had ended, for them to still make him so tired. And try as he might, Kibum couldn’t understand how it could be anyone’s fault but his own. Unless it was no one’s fault at all; but the more Kibum went back over it, the less sense that specific option seemed to make to him.
Tucking one hand under his own head, Kibum draped the other along the curve of Jonghyun’s hipbone, less firmly and assuredly than he usually would. Kibum closed his eyes, tried to let himself forget about it in the comforting pulse of love he felt behind every snuffling breath Jonghyun took.
“Kibum,” Jinki called to him from across the room as they both sat for the second consecutive hour at their make-up chairs. “I need to talk to you later.”
“Ooh,” Taemin sang, “Kibum got in trouble, Kibum fucked up~ Finally!”
Kibum thought he fucked up plenty, but the biggest fuckup was fucking up in a big enough way for Jinki to call him out where Taemin could hear it.
i’m going to get you later stupid brat,
he furiously typed into their group chat as soon as the makeup artist turned away to grab a different brush.
Don’t bully the maknae. He has never done a thing wrong in his whole life,
Minho chimed in almost instantly.
you’re still at your fucking shooting what do you know about our lives ?
I wait all day for a loving text message from my favorite member group chat and this is what I get?
yeah kibummie stop bullying my son!!! minho good work ^_^ tho ur typing style… do u even use the internet u sound liek a grandpa… wtf im going to hav a long talk with u abt that l8r..
Taemin cackled vindictively from some unknown area behind Kibum as the others chimed in. It was a little horrifying.There obviously would be no support for Kibum in that group chat today, even from his own boyfriend. Was there any justice left in the world?
He set his phone aside after a cursory look through his Instagram feed and endured the remainder of their hair and make-up, and then Jinki looked at him pointedly, patting the seat beside him.
The other two filtered out to the cafeteria, with excuses that they’d meet up with Minho there for some of those strange and delicious sandwiches. Kibum knew why they were really leaving, though. When Jinki wanted
a talk,
there was an informal code of conduct that only the involved members should be present. For good reason.
“Jonghyun told me that you’re not mentally with him when you’re together,” Jinki started in a low voice. “And it must be serious because otherwise he’d just tell you about it and you could sort it out yourselves, like healthy couples do.”
Kibum’s expression tightened. “There’s nothing going on.”
“Don’t lie, Kibum, I just want to help you start to get through whatever it is,” Jinki replied. “Even if it’s just for you to admit to there being a problem.”
He pursed his lips, digging them into his cheeks in the way he knew made his dimples show. “Fine. He’s too tired. I’m worried that it’s
my
fault. That I’m ruining him.”
Kibum could just about see the creaky wheels of Jinki’s memory turning as they attempted to recall Kibum’s big secret. After a minute, Jinki broke his silence. “I think Jonghyun has more love in his heart than you could ever take away from him. He’s stressed, Kibum, and you’re not helping by being this way.”
“But what
if,
” Kibum stressed, hands curling into fists on his thighs. “If it’s my fault, then I have to draw back until I can figure out how to fix it.”
“I don’t know, Kibum, but I’m tired of playing telephone for him when you’re not being open and communicating with him. I really care for him, and I know you do too,” Jinki said in a low voice, calm look almost piercing Kibum where he stands. Kibum frowned. “I just don’t want you to hurt him, Kibum. Even though it’s not your intention.”
Kibum opened his mouth to retort, brows furrowed. He’s just laid out his worries for Jinki, hoping for some kind of guidance, and he was getting attacked? Jinki took one glance at his expression and pointedly turned his head away to one of their stylists, speaking louder as he asked her where she put his water bottle. And just like that, the conversation was over, with all of Kibum’s arguments still burning beneath his tongue.
There was something else there too, now, something Kibum doesn’t like. He tried to bury it down, in the back of his throat, so far he won’t be able to feel it again. He knew that when he brings this up to Jinki again, he will already have forgotten what exactly was said, how exactly he could clear things back up. It was a little unfair, to Kibum, how Jinki could plant a thorn in his heart, but could also decide he wouldn’t make himself available to remove it.
"Kibum-ah," Jonghyun cooed at him over the table, gently kicking at him underneath it. Kibum's eyes continued to flit over the table, ignoring Jonghyun. "Kibum-ah, why are you ignoring me lately?"
Kibum felt his face grow a little more flushed, called out on his actions. He hadn't wanted to act like this, to drive Jonghyun away. All he wanted was to pull him closer, to look deep in his eyes and indulge in the love the other unconditionally gave him, get drunk off its ambrosia-and-honey taste. But he couldn't. Not anymore. A few weeks had passed, and he was just getting worse. Try as he might to dislodge the thorn in his heart, it twisted and plunged deeper every time Jonghyun was near him, every time Jonghyun texted him something silly at five in the morning when they were both supposed to be asleep.
"I'm not," he bluffed. "I'm just so hungry it's distracting me." He was a pretty smooth liar, he always thought; the natural tone his voice had seemed to strip away a lot of what he felt.
An unamused snort came from the general area that Kibum was avoiding looking at. "You shouldn't lie to your hyung, Kibum. Or to your long-term boyfriend."
Kibum frowned. He set his hand on the table, halfway between them. A peace offering. "Sorry," he mumbled. He would only start some pointless argument if he tried to fight for that stupid lie. Still, it didn't mean he had to be up-front and bear his worries to Jonghyun over a casual katsudon dinner. He wasn’t ready for something like that, and it wasn’t the place anyways.
Kibum thought the curl of Jonghyun's hand as it joined Kibum's on the table looked somewhat more pleased with him. It was open, loose, but facing downwards, not reaching out to hold his - Jonghyun wanted him to make the first move again. Kibum bit his lip, trying not to make it obvious he was more anxious and insecure than he had been on his first official date with Jonghyun.
What saved him from having to act was the too-convenient arrival of their food. Kibum snatched up his chopsticks with a shaky laugh. "Finally, I feel like we've been waiting all night."
"I'm gonna be waiting all night for you to look in my direction," Jonghyun pouted, mouth still full. Kibum's eyebrows furrowed. It wasn't like Jonghyun to be so forward when he wanted Kibum to give him attention – he was usually so much more coy and flirty about it. Guilt weighed down his hand as he realized how hurtful him drawing away might have been, for Jonghyun to have to resort to communicating in ways he didn't like to.
But was there really anything he could do about it, anything he could do without giving in and hurting Jonghyun even worse? Kibum's vision hooked on the corner of their table. The fake plastic finish peeling off it mirrored the way the bite of salad he'd just taken felt in his mouth. Slowly, he let his eyes drift up to Jonghyun's jaw, not willing to go any higher. He couldn't hurt Jonghyun, but he was hurting Jonghyun - this action was all he could do to compromise between the two.
The corner of Jonghyun's lips tilted up for a moment, set of his jaw loosening as Kibum gave in. "That's better," he cooed, using his radio voice, the low and smooth velvet one that Kibum had never personally been subject to. Kibum focused on the movement of his lips, distracting himself from his own apprehension. "What's going on? Did I do something to spook you off?" Always one to see to the heart of it, even when he was treating Kibum like a flighty animal.
"No, it's," Kibum sighed, mechanically taking another bite and taking his sweet time to work through chewing it. "It's just something someone said to me. You know."
Jonghyun hooked his ankle around Kibum's under the table, tilting his head to one side. "You can tell me or not, but I hope being together will help you forget about it. Everything between us is alright." His words were unspecific, only working off such vague information as Kibum would give, but Kibum's shoulders sagged a little, losing a slight amount of tension. Kibum wished he could just forget about what Jinki said, but Jonghyun's energy was so warm and loving as always, slowly seeping into him through their only point of contact like the best poison. Kibum felt so awful for letting it continue to.
"Are you feeling better yet?" Jonghyun asked as they strolled through the deserted side-streets, squeezing his hand lightly. After their meal, which had been so fucking awkward and stilted Kibum didn't even know why Jonghyun insisted to walk him home, Kibum figured he needed to just give in. Even the slightest bit. So his fingers were entwined with Jonghyun's, hands lightly swinging between them.
Every inch of Kibum that was touching Jonghyun felt like there was a soft, warm glow cast on it, like the spaces between his fingers would turn into nightlights if he only kept Jonghyun's fingers trapped in them.
He shook his head, wordlessly. Jonghyun sighed, obviously having glanced over at him to see his reaction to being asked.
"Here we are. The wild Kibummie's being released back into his natural habitat," Jonghyun then said, stopping abruptly. Kibum had been so distracted by the lovely way Jonghyun's energy felt, by the horrible turmoil it was causing him, he hadn't even noticed that they'd reached his building. Or that Jonghyun was trying to lift the mood even a little bit.
God, Kibum needed to get out of his head for a moment.
"Wanna come up?" He asked without thinking. Fuck, that was the
last
thing Jonghyun should do.
Jonghyun's hand squeezed tighter around his, the only real affectionate gesture he could afford him in this still-fairly-public space. "Always."
"Commedes and Garcons will be happy to see you," he babbled as he dragged Jonghyun through the nondescript white lobby, pulling him into the chrome box of the elevator. "You're their favorite, you know. I don't know how they chose you as their favorite dad, when you're like, basically just giving them doggie child support, and I'm changing their puppy pads every day and giving Commedes his nausea medication, but whatever."
Jonghyun hummed noncommittally, and Kibum's nervous rambles continued, drifting between the actual impact of single-parent households on human childhood development and whether or not his puppies liked the new brand of dog food Taemin suggested last month. His dogs seemed like the safest bet for a topic of discussion. Kibum clung to it like a drowning man onto a life preserver.
"Kibum," Jonghyun finally answered as Kibum was pressing his passkey onto the lock on his door handle. "What's this really about? You haven’t been like you, lately."
Kibum pulled the passkey back, ignoring the jaunty chimes telling him he could enter his own apartment now to frown down at his left hand. "What do you mean?"
"You've been ignoring me for half a month, now you're on about my lack of presence in your dog children's lives..." Jonghyun sighed from deep within his chest. "Why? Is this like a roundabout way of hinting that you want me to move in with you or something? You can just ask me, I'd be willing to talk about it with you."
Kibum didn't answer, face heating up. He'd never even considered Jonghyun moving in with him in the past - his boyfriend was so dedicated to supporting his own family, seemingly needing the support they provided him in return. Being in the same bed as Jonghyun every single night, across the same table at every meal were things Kibum couldn't deny wanting in some large part of himself. But they'd be so counterproductive to trying not to ruin Jonghyun's life and turn him into an energy-less, possibly emotionless zombie while Kibum thrived. Lost again in the conflict between his heart and his mind, Kibum forgot to reply. He led the way into his home on autopilot, kicking off his shoes and trying not to step on his wiggly sons.
Jonghyun crouched down to pet them, joy at seeing the two puppies lighting up his face. It unfortunately put him all the way into Kibum's line of sight, for the first time in approximately two weeks. Surprisingly, seeing him didn’t feel as bad as Kibum thought. He felt as though he was coming home in a more metaphorical sense than he’d just done, seeing Jonghyun’s broad shoulders and soft, gently sloped profile. After cooing at them for a few moments, he turned his head up towards Kibum, fingers lost in Garcons' scruffy fur. Even though he looked so happy to see Kibum's dogs, his eyes seemed hurt and far too droopy when they met Kibum's own.
The eye contact sent a jolt through Kibum. It had always been the most powerful method for him to gain energy from someone besides kissing or sex, but after so long without meeting the gaze of the person who probably loved him most in the world, it felt overwhelming to receive. Kibum quickly looked away, escaping towards his couch.
"Please answer me," Jonghyun said after him, still in the doorway. Kibum hated that he was doing this - he shouldn't run away from Jonghyun when the other was being so open and reaching out to him over and over.
He sucked in a breath, tried to gather up his thoughts and give Jonghyun a comforting but honest reply. That it wasn't about that. That Kibum was just scared right now and he had no way to make it go away.
"Don't you think we should just break up?" came out instead. Kibum clapped a hand over his mouth, immediately going cold.
"What the hell?" Jonghyun replied, surprised. Kibum heard him shuffle, take a few steps towards Kibum's living room and then stop. He hadn't even taken off his shoes yet, the clip of the heels he'd kept on since their earlier group recording cutting the silence. "Please tell me you didn't just say what I thought I just heard, Kibum."
"Don't you think we should..." Kibum's voice trailed off into a whisper. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to do anything but look at Jonghyun. His boyfriend. How much longer would Kibum even be able to use that label for him?
"No, Kibum. I don't think we should.”
“Why not?” Kibum shot back. “We’d both be better off. Especially you.”
“I know you're better than to take me up to your apartment after an off night and cap it off with that statement."
Kibum tried to swallow past the thorns rising up from his chest. The thorns that grew out of the one lodged too deep in his heart. "I'm not better, Jjong. I'm not even good."
He could tell by Jonghyun's wavering voice that he was trying not to tear up too much to speak around it. Fuck, Kibum was so shitty. "You are, Kibum, even though you lashed out just now... There’s a reason, right? Just tell me it, and we can solve this together.”
With a bitter laugh, he replied, “There’s nothing to tell, is there? I’m bad for you, so you should leave, problem solved.”
“I don't know what was said to you or by who but I wish you wouldn't believe it right now because it's messing you up, and it’s not even true."
"I got told I would just hurt you if I didn't stay away from you," Kibum said, like it was being pulled out of him against his will. He couldn't not cooperate with Jonghyun when the other pressed him, but that didn’t make it any easier to answer his indirect questions. "That statement rings pretty true to me."
"You won't," Jonghyun offered, carefully sitting near him on the couch. "What would hurt me is to get broken up with because of some off-hand comment from someone who doesn't even know either of us."
"They know about this about me better than you do." Kibum felt like he was trying to become one with the couch, sinking back into it as far as he could go, eyes squeezed shut so he wouldn't see the glassy sheen of tears over Jonghyun's.
"What do they know that I don't?" Jonghyun said. Quiet. Lost. The thorns twisted their way further up into Kibum's mouth.
Kibum couldn't lie. Not when asked so directly, when he'd hurt Jonghyun this much already. Jonghyun at least deserved to know the reason Kibum was being such a jackass. "Something I don't tell anyone. Jonghyun. I'm like, I’m horrible. A vampire for emotions or something." He knew he sounded stupid, or crazy, or both. Especially since he was so wound up he couldn’t explain properly. "I take people's love and their energy and then it's mine and they can never get it back. I can't control it, I barely even understand it. Even if I just look in their eyes... If someone loves me I have almost no choice but to be some sick vampire stealing it all away from them. They always get so tired and then they don't love the same way anymore. I don't want it to happen to you."
"Kibum," Jonghyun sighed. There was a soft weight, warm and familiar on Kibum's head. Jonghyun's hand. "Kibum, have you ever seen me exhausted right after being together with you and then I just tell you I don't love you anymore?"
Kibum shook his head. "You're different. But I know I've been hurting you, I have to have been, because I hurt everyone. There's no way you could date me for three years and not feel it all sapping away from you sometimes. I just wanted Jinki to reassure me that I couldn’t possibly be but he told me I have to stop before I fuck up with you too bad to fix it."
Jonghyun's hand stroked softly, cautiously through his hair. Kibum wanted to cry. Why was he being so gentle, when Kibum's been lashing out against him all night? "And you thought instead of telling me about your love vampirism you'd just push me away and throw me out? Kibum-ah..."
"I'm sorry, Jjong. I guess that’s why Jinki was right about me hurting you."
"He’s not. You said I'm different, right? That I’m not affected..." Jonghyun said after a long pause, hand stilling. "Maybe I know why."
"Because you're my soulmate?" Kibum mumbled weakly, an old inside joke from when the two of them were barely in their twenties, not even together yet. He genuinely couldn't think of any other explanation for why Jonghyun hadn't been affected by his shitty power yet.
Jonghyun huffed out a quiet laugh. "I am, but no. Because I'm probably the same way, Kibum. When you said you gain energy from outside yourself, involuntarily, I... I think I get it, okay?"
Kibum blinked open his eyes in surprise, finally turning to face Jonghyun head-on. The other's eyes were clear, even though he was obviously still trying to collect himself and not cry on Kibum’s couch. Kibum wished he was as together right now.
"What?"
"When I go out at night," Jonghyun started, carding through Kibum's hair again, "when I go out under the moon and the stars, it's like all their light shines just for me, just to pour energy into me. Even if I'm exhausted, I feel more rested after I stand under them for a while. That's always how it's been, for me. Anything you think you take out of me, which honestly, I've never felt happen, would just be regained through that."
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Kibum asked. “I know it’s hypocritical to even ask that, after I kept this from you for our whole relationship, but still,” he mumbled after a beat of silence.
“I’m not really sure,” Jonghyun mused. “Isn’t it always obvious? Since I always go out at night, since I hate going out in the sun…Maybe it was something that seemed obvious to me but not to anyone else. Because I guess vampires also do those things, and I’m not one of those either.”
Kibum wrinkled his nose, momentarily distracted by the mental image. “You’d probably be sexier if you were a vampire.”
“Oh, so this was really about me being not sexy enough, was it?” Jonghyun joked. He tugged gently at a few strands of Kibum’s hair. “Maybe I should start biting you on camera again, like I did that time before we got together.”
Wait, weren’t they getting a little too far off-topic? Kibum felt the heat lance up his neck at the thought of Jonghyun biting him and, before it could turn into a full-blown fantasy, quickly stammered out, “This isn’t about that. Stop distracting me and making me laugh and feel better when you’re supposed to be mad at me for all of this.”
“I am more than a little mad at you,” Jonghyun admitted. The curve of his lips was more wry than anything, without the off-kilter tilt that brought its usual easy joy. “For keeping that from me for so long when it worried you so much, for having to feel you pull back so far away from me. And for trying to break up with me over it… all of that does hurt, so much. Of course I’m not happy about it.”
Kibum’s shoulders fell. He knew he hurt Jonghyun, but it felt so much worse hearing it put so frankly. “Then why are you being so kind to me? You should just lash back out at me, Jjong.”
Jonghyun sighed, and Kibum’s eyes flitted back up to his face. He looked upset, still, but so fond at the same time. Like he thought it was the most endearing thing Kibum could’ve said. Also the stupidest, but that was Kibum’s anxieties talking, probably. “There’s time for me to be more angry with you later, don’t you think? This has been bothering you so much longer than just tonight. I have to have some priorities on whose emotions get dealt with first, Kibum-ah, whether I want to or not one of us has to be reasonable or we really
would
end up breaking up tonight.”
The words almost felt like blows to Kibum’s heart, but Jonghyun said them in a tone so kind and soft. Kibum wanted to reach out, wanted to touch Jonghyun just a little, to show him that he was grateful for how hard he worked on their relationship and that he could be mad all he wanted. This once, though, it was probably better to let words talk for him. “Thanks,” he clumsily said. “For being so responsible. I’ll be open more about this, I’ll be responsible later too, so you can … let it back out. To me.”
“It’s not so much of a responsibility to make sure I can stay with someone I like as much as you. But maybe this time it’s just because I know how it might be, Kibum,” Jonghyun explained. “Like I said, I do think I have the same thing as you, as unusual as it is. Though mine doesn’t involve stealing pieces of people’s souls, and still I’m not really convinced that yours does either.”
“Yours sounds a lot less harmful than mine.”
“Maybe it is. Or maybe you just haven’t figured out how to not hurt normal people with yours yet. Or how to see that you haven’t hurt people with it even once, this whole time.” Jonghyun brought his other hand up to cup Kibum’s jaw, stroking at one cheekbone with his thumb. “I wish I could’ve known this about you sooner. Sooner than Jinki did, anyways. I’m sure our dumb old man only meant the best, he didn’t want you to panic and break up with me, okay?”
Kibum looked down, unable to take the gentle look in Jonghyun’s eyes anymore right now. “I’m sorry I kept it from you. I’m sorry I did all this, today. I don’t even want to break up with you, I’ve just been so… so scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared. Nothing about this,” Jonghyun leaned forward and kissed Kibum’s forehead, “could ever hurt like that. I think I gain just as much energy from loving you as you do, honestly.”
With a sigh, Kibum leaned forwards, falling into Jonghyun’s broad chest and wrapping his arms around his back. He felt a few relieved tears slip from his eyes as he buried his face in Jonghyun’s shoulder, but that was alright. Jonghyun was typically a teary bastard just as much as he was. “Thank God. I love you too much to break up with you like that. Can I even fix all of this?”
Jonghyun squeezed him tight with the arm he’d managed to get around Kibum’s waist. “I think there’s still hope for it.”
They stayed that way for what could have been a few minutes or a few hours, just breathing, tangled up in each other. Kibum couldn’t remember the last time he’d just sat with Jonghyun and felt so much peace in his heart, even though it was still hard to believe that Jonghyun wasn’t going to fight back against him.
“I have a question, since you’re being more open from now on.” Jonghyun’s voice rumbled through his chest, interrupting his thoughts from growing too loud. Kibum pressed his ear closer, to listen better, humming in reply. “There’s only one power setting on gaining energy from the stars, you know? But it obviously can’t be the same for you or you wouldn’t even be able to stand near me.”
Kibum snorted. “Where are you going with this, babe?” Jonghyun squeezed him a little tighter when he used the pet name, one he hadn’t felt good enough to utter in a long time. Kibum’s heart sank a little. How long was it going to take to make all this up to Jonghyun, to make their relationship secure again?
Still lost in his own thoughts, Kibum almost missed it when Jonghyun asked, “How’s it feel when you fuck someone?” sounding shameless as ever.
“Um.” Kibum was caught off-guard by
that
kind of question. He felt the flush creep up his face as he tried to remember what he felt all the times he and Jonghyun had sex.
Jonghyun laughed quietly, breath puffing out onto Kibum’s neck. “Tell me next time, okay?”
The first few dates they spent together after what Kibum dubbed as ‘
the Shit Day’,
he made sure that they wouldn’t be at either of their houses, and that it all revolved around things Jonghyun wanted to do—or things Kibum thought Jonghyun wanted to do, anyways, which usually matched up to Jonghyun’s actual interests, because Kibum hadn’t spent close to a decade around him for nothing.
It took a few weeks for Jonghyun to become comfortable around him again, but they were both more than willing to try and work past it, so it worked. Jonghyun had found a new passion in comparing both their magic and questioning Kibum about how certain actions felt. Kibum put up with his experiments, although being asked how it felt when Jonghyun sent him a selfie where he was making puppy eyes at the camera and kissing Roo was inconclusive.
The drive home from tonight’s date was peaceful, relaxing with Jonghyun’s chillest playlist as its background music. They’d both agreed on a rooftop cafe dinner followed by a quiet night in at Jonghyun’s, because both of them were getting sick of going out to go out. The corners of Kibum’s lips turned up into a tiny smile when Jonghyun’s hand found his over the console and drew it over to rest on his own thigh.
He didn’t look over at Jonghyun’s profile, knowing that Jonghyun wouldn’t glance away from the road at him even at a red light, but obliged just the same, thumbing along the folds in his jeans. Jonghyun kept his hand over Kibum’s, a warm weight that sent a noticeably larger amount of energy than usual thrumming through Kibum’s veins. He tucked away questions of whether Jonghyun could consciously offer more to him away for another time, and absorbed himself in the moment.
“It’s nice to be close to you,” he said openly as they walked down the hall to Jonghyun’s studio apartment, the one he sometimes stayed in when he wanted to spend a night under a roof not shared with his own family.
“Yeah?” Jonghyun bumped his shoulder against Kibum’s own. “I was about to say the same thing, but it’s nicer when you say it.” The obvious pleasure in his voice from the fact made it all worth it for Kibum to have been an embarrassing sap.
They remained quiet as Jonghyun unlocked the door and shuffled them both inside, and then Jonghyun slung his arms around Kibum’s shoulders, dropping a soft trail of kisses from his cheekbone to his barely-there smile.
“Thank you for spoiling me,” Jonghyun mumbled against his lips, eyes still closed. Kibum’s heart jumped at the sight, at the way he couldn’t see any dark circles around Jonghyun’s eyelids anymore, at the familiarity that remained of a sight he hadn’t seen for so long. “I missed you so much before, Bummie.”
Kibum hummed, pressing back in to kiss Jonghyun softly one more time. “I’ve missed you too,” he replied after they parted.
“I was thinking,” Jonghyun started, looking at Kibum with a gaze so tender and open he felt like he could float away with the feeling it gave. Kibum cocked an eyebrow, and Jonghyun giggled. Seeing his face light up from mere inches away had Kibum smile brightly back before he was aware he was doing it.
“Yes, that’s right, I, Kim Jonghyun, have been thinking, and I kind of wanted to know if you’re ready to go all the way again yet?” Jonghyun cast his gaze down a little before continuing, “Cuz I don’t want to spring it on you after so long if you’re not ready for it again.”
Kibum kept silent. Not because he didn’t want to. He suddenly felt so in love with this man before him he didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to wrap Jonghyun up in his arms so tight that he would be able to feel Jonghyun’s bright energy buzzing along his whole body. So he did, pulling Jonghyun in with a soft hand curled around the back of his neck. Jonghyun laughed as he was drawn into the hug, pleased, and Kibum pressed a kiss on the side of his neck.
Jonghyun nuzzled into his neck, dropping chaste kisses where he could reach. “I’m ready for it whenever you are,” he murmured, “I miss having you. I want to give my all to you.”
If Kibum had had any doubts about this before then, they would have been thrown out the window at that statement. He slid his hands down Jonghyun’s back, gripping his hips tight. Jonghyun drew back, and Kibum quickly followed him, pressing his lips against Jonghyun’s with a sudden intensity.
Jonghyun opened his lips immediately, coaxing Kibum to lick his way inside. Kibum hummed, slowing the pace of the kiss so he could re-memorize the inside of Jonghyun’s mouth and the little noises Jonghyun made against him when Kibum did something he particularly liked.
It was wonderful, and Kibum had really,
really
missed making out with Jonghyun - he’d been abstaining just a little because he knew it would escalate. It was hard for it not to, when Kibum started losing himself in the sensation of light flowing into him and in Jonghyun’s eager responsiveness. As it was, Kibum had a hard time keeping the pace reasonable when he knew he wanted to go further.
Jonghyun must’ve been able to tell that he was getting impatient from the way he kissed, because he purposefully rolled his hips against Kibum’s, breaking the kiss to smile toothily at him. His lips were already swollen and shiny.
God.
“What do you say we take this somewhere more appropriate?” Jonghyun asked, teasing. Kibum laughed, pushing at Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Not that I would mind being fucked on the floor right here, but maybe we should save that for next round,” Jonghyun continued. Kibum’s half-chub filled out a little more at the suggestion, and at the feeling of Jonghyun’s hand curled possessively around his waist as he led the way to the bedroom.
Jonghyun made a beeline for the dresser, rummaging through the drawer he reserved for ‘sexy things,’ in his own words. He was still mumbling to himself and pawing around inside when Kibum was finished stripping down to his briefs. Kibum walked up behind him and slid his arms around his waist in a back-hug. Jonghyun leaned into his embrace automatically.
“What are you up to over here, babe?” he mumbled into Jonghyun’s ear, slowly unbuttoning the top buttons of Jonghyun’s shirt - a cute, oversized, blue and white striped number. He kind of wanted Jonghyun to keep it on, but there was so much beautiful skin underneath, he couldn’t help himself.
Kibum stroked a path along the newly-exposed plane of Jonghyun’s collarbones with one hand. He felt Jonghyun’s ear warm up under his lips and smiled.
“Just deciding if we should play around a lot or just do it,” Jonghyun replied, distracted as he inspected one of his smaller dildos. “I should’ve planned more earlier, but I kinda thought you’d back out…”
“Back out of sex with my super hot boyfriend?” Kibum nipped Jonghyun’s earlobe. “Never. How about you go get ready and I’ll figure it out?” He knew that he still had to make things up to Jonghyun with this, and letting Jonghyun call the shots would be a good way to give him exactly what he wanted, but.
Jonghyun turned his head and captured Kibum’s lips in a quick, open-mouthed kiss before slinking away. Kibum surveyed the different contents of the drawer, considering a few of the items. In the end he decided it would be better to keep it simple.
When he turned back to the bed, chosen toys in hand, Jonghyun was already splayed out on it, oversized button-up laying open around him and jeans flung away somewhere. Kibum’s swallowed at the sight of the black panties Jonghyun had on - the ones with the pink ribbon carefully knotted in a bow beneath where the head of his erection poked out over the band. The ones he only wore when he was
really
horny.
Tossing the items onto the side of the bed, Kibum bent down over Jonghyun, kissing him hard. He pulled at Jonghyun’s hair with one hand, the other fisted in the sheets behind them as he tilted Jonghyun’s head back to deepen the kiss further, forcing Jonghyun to open and let Kibum lick his way along the ridges of Jonghyun’s teeth and pull moans from him.
“Pretty baby,” he murmured against Jonghyun’s lips, drawing a moan from the other at the endearment, “you planned to do this tonight, didn’t you?” Jonghyun nodded shakily before Kibum tightened his grip on Jonghyun’s hair, keeping him in place so he could nip along the sharp line of the other’s jaw.
Jonghyun was almost too sensitive for so early, Kibum realized after Jonghyun moaned openly when Kibum licked a path up his neck. “Don’t be too eager, baby,” he cooed at him, drawing his mouth back to smooth his hands down Jonghyun’s bare torso. It tensed and flexed under his palms as Jonghyun leaned up into the touch. Kibum paused at Jonghyun’s hipbones, thumbing over them as he bit his clavicle. “We’re just getting started.”
Kibum smirked as he tucked one thumb under the band of Jonghyun’s panties, stretching it up before snapping it back against his skin. “God, Kibum,” Jonghyun groaned. Kibum only laughed, repeating the action on the other side. Jonghyun whined, bucking his hips a single time. “Get on with it.”
Kibum laughed against Jonghyun’s chest again, louder than the last time. “I’m going to make this last, babe,” he murmured, drawing up the band of Jonghyun’s panties again to tuck it under his balls. He had a passing thought about how it was cute how the pink bow was now peeking from under those instead of his dickhead. Jonghyun’s cock twitched when he mentioned it, and his face flushed a deeper shade of red.
Jonghyun always acted so cool, but Kibum knew how to press his buttons. Knew he loved to feel cute and pretty for Kibum.
Kibum drew back from Jonghyun, keeping one hand firm on his hip as he felt around for one of the things he’d picked out. Kibum smiled triumphantly up at Jonghyun when his fingers caught around it, holding up the cockring for Jonghyun to see.
“Ugh,” Jonghyun groaned, tipping his head back. “But I want you to make me
cum
, Bummie,” he whined, fisting his hands in the sheets. It wasn’t exactly a strong denial, as Jonghyun still arched up into Kibum’s hands as they teased along his cock.
“Don’t worry, I will.” Kibum fastened the ring at the base of Jonghyun’s dick, stroking it firmly. “I just don’t want you getting too worked up and ending this too fast, baby,” he continued. Jonghyun made the kind of pouting expression that usually meant he could be placated by kisses. Kibum obliged, letting Jonghyun bite and suck at his lips messily. Jonghyun broke away every time Kibum twisted his hand on the upstroke with a choked gasp, his cock twitching uselessly in Kibum’s hand.
Jonghyun easily kept himself occupied for now, attacking his lips with a near drunken fervor and trying not to buck his hips up into Kibum’s strokes. It wouldn’t be long before Jonghyun needed something more in his mouth though, so Kibum cast his hand around on the sheet once more, uncapping the lube while Jonghyun was absorbed in the kisses.
With one final squeeze under the head of Jonghyun’s cock, Kibum let go of it, coating his pre-cum slick fingers in lube and rolling his thumb over them a few times to warm them up. “Can you lift a little for me, baby?” He asked against Jonghyun’s lips, with one of his own still caught between Jonghyun’s teeth.
Jonghyun drew back immediately, flushed and panting. His eagerness to obey Kibum’s requests was clear in the needy way he pitched his hips up slightly, eyes scanning Kibum’s face for any sign of approval.
Kibum lightly scratched his free hand along the inside of Jonghyun’s thigh, as much a reply to Jonghyun’s need of approval as it was a pause for him to think. He knew getting lube on the panties would probably stain them, and Jonghyun might get pissed about that later, so he hastily tugged them down a couple more inches before running his fingers along the crease in Jonghyun’s ass.
There was already something lodged there. Something vibrating in a way that was fairly noticeable. Kibum’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling out the base of the object already inside Jonghyun. Jonghyun had an arm thrown over his eyes the first time Kibum brushed his fingers over it, loose fist dangling in the air by his head. His lips were curled up in a wide grin.
“What’s this?” Kibum asked, eyes on Jonghyun’s face. He ran a single finger along the ring of muscle already stretched around the object. Jonghyun’s grin cracked a little.
“A,” Jonghyun sucked in a breath, fist tightening, “a vibrating buttplug.”
Kibum’s breath hitched, fresh arousal thrumming through his veins at the thought of Jonghyun carefully stretching himself and having this inside him for hours while they were out together.
“How long has this been on,” he murmured, throat dry as he carefully worked his finger in besides the narrow base of the plug. Kibum leaned down and mouthed along Jonghyun’s torso, nipping the area above his navel.
“Since before we got into the car,” Jonghyun answered, hips stuttering as Kibum forced his finger in further. Kibum paused in his efforts to suck a hickey into the delicate skin of Jonghyun’s hipbone at the reply.
Normally Kibum would tease, cooing out phrases like ‘
I thought I told you not to get worked up, baby,
’ and ‘
I’m going to have to punish you for this,
’ while he pushed Jonghyun past his limits, because they both loved it when Kibum acted like that. But he hadn’t expected Jonghyun to do something like this on their first time back together. He was surprised, and off-guard, and so,
so
turned on.
“Holy fuck,” Kibum whispered, thrusting his finger slowly. His thumb teased against the rim on the opposite side, feeling how it stretched just slightly with Kibum’s motions.
Jonghyun brought his other hand to his mouth, biting down hard on his own knuckles. Perhaps it was to muffle his moans, but they still slipped out loud as if he was making them open-mouthed.
When Jonghyun put Kibum’s hand on his thigh earlier, he’d already been like this. Kibum’s heart and his cock both jumped at the realization.
Jonghyun mumbled something around his own fist that sounded like it ended in ‘
more
’, so Kibum worked in a second finger in besides the first on a deeper thrust. Jonghyun stiffened, whining loud and long as Kibum tried to scissor his fingers along the shape of the plug. The extra stretch caused the plug to slip out only slightly, the widest part stretching Jonghyun’s rim further and tightening it along Kibum’s fingers.
At first Kibum thought the sensation that followed was the steady hum of the vibration on his fingers, but it was Jonghyun’s own walls spasming around the intrusions as Jonghyun arched up in his first dry orgasm.
Kibum ran one hand up and down Jonghyun’s torso in gentle motions as Jonghyun rode out the climax, thrusting himself down on Kibum’s unmoving fingers. Jonghyun’s erection hadn’t flagged at all, the tip flushed and dripping precum onto his stomach in lazy bursts. Kibum licked a stripe up his cock, and Jonghyun whined, still oversensitive.
“Baby,” Kibum started, kissing his way back up to Jonghyun’s nipples to tease and bite at them while he started thrusting his fingers in a slow rhythm again, “you’re so good… Do you want to help me with something now?”
It took Jonghyun a moment to reply, breath labored as he squirmed and jolted in Kibum’s hold. “Y-yeah, yes, I-” His babbling broke off suddenly, as Kibum used his thumb to push the plug back into its original place.
“C’mere,” Kibum cooed, withdrawing his fingers and wiping them off on the sheets. With one hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder and the other in Jonghyun’s own, Kibum helped him straighten up and change position so he was crouched, kneeling in front of Kibum on the bed.
Running the hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder up towards his mouth, Kibum thumbed at Jonghyun’s bottom lip. Jonghyun parted his lips willingly, eyes fluttering shut as Kibum dragged his thumb and each individual finger along the inside of Jonghyun’s mouth.
Kibum let Jonghyun suck on his fingers for a long minute, just watching as Jonghyun’s tongue gave each digit thorough attention. When Kibum withdrew, Jonghyun seemed to have gotten the message for what came next, leaning further forward so he could wrestle Kibum’s briefs down his thighs.
He wasted no time in getting Kibum’s cock into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the shaft and sucking hard. Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered shut, and Kibum sighed out deeply at the sight, cock twitching in Jonghyun’s mouth.
Kibum traced his now spit-slick fingers around Jonghyun’s hole. He could see the base of the plug from this angle - it was the one inlaid with a pink jewel, Jonghyun’s favorite. “My pretty Jonghyun,” he mumbled without thinking. Jonghyun sucked Kibum down further, pleased to be praised, and Kibum’s cock hit resistance at the back of Jonghyun’s throat.
With a gasp, Kibum released the hand he’d absentmindedly been holding the whole time, knotting his fingers into Jonghyun’s hair instead and holding tight as the other bobbed his head steadily. God, Jonghyun was too good at blowjobs for it to be fair, and Kibum was getting dangerously close to coming just from the way his pretty lips looked stretched around the base of Kibum’s dick.
He pushed one finger back into Jonghyun’s ass, using the others to grip the base of the plug and thrust it in time with his fingers, quickly building a rhythm. He pulled out the plug almost to the tip, teasingly allowed the widest part to slip in and out a few times, catching on the rim, then thrust it in as far as he could. Jonghyun moaned around his cock, almost letting it slip out of his mouth as his jaw dropped from the sensation.
Caught between Kibum’s dick and his fingers, Jonghyun adjusted quickly, trying desperately to thrust back into his hand and forwards onto his cock in equal measure.
“Good boy,” Kibum said, one hand stroking through Jonghyun’s mussed-up hair and the other thrusting evenly into him. Jonghyun hummed in delight, the vibrations causing Kibum’s rhythm to stutter.
Jonghyun pulled off of Kibum’s cock then with a sloppy kiss to the head, looking like he’d just remembered something as he said, “You agreed to, ah- to tell me what it feels like.”
Kibum squinted, pausing in his ministrations. “What?”
There was no real pause in Jonghyun’s actions, on the other hand. He continued to mouth along Kibum’s dick, licking wherever he pleased as he tried to explain, “the other week, said you’d explain how your powers feel.” He grazed his bottom teeth slightly along the vein and Kibum hissed. Jonghyun looked up at him through his eyelashes. “When you fuck me.”
Oh. Right. This whole time, Kibum had been so absorbed in
jonghyun, jonghyun, jonghyun,
he’d forgotten to pay attention to that other kind of sensation. He felt like he must’ve naturally blocked it out. Jonghyun would definitely have a lot to say about that later, once the afterglow had worn off. Kibum breathed in, trying to recenter himself and let awareness of those feelings back in.
They suddenly washed over him like a flooding current, and Kibum almost felt swept away by it - the overwhelming sensation of all the love Jonghyun had for him hitting Kibum head-on. It lit him up in waves, like a queued, delayed reaction to all the love Jonghyun had left traces of on him. There was the warm, full light of Jonghyun leaning back against him, then the popping flickers of bites and touches, followed by the blazing fire of it that threatened to blind him as Jonghyun sucked him down.
“I’m going to have to be fucking you to tell you that one,” he bluffed, eyes still closed. In actuality, though, he just wasn’t even sure yet how he could put all
that
into words for Jonghyun.
“Then fuck me,” Jonghyun whined, canting his hips back onto Kibum’s hand. Kibum opened his eyes, faced with Jonghyun’s vaguely touched-out, determined look. In remembering the sensations of stolen emotions that had gotten him into this mess with Jonghyun in the first place, Kibum had also remembered that this wasn’t like every other time they had sex. Jonghyun was only doing this because he trusted him again. Jonghyun gave himself back up to Kibum. And Kibum wanted to honor that.
“Okay,” Kibum whispered, suddenly overcome. Jonghyun looked pleased, settling back in his previous position with his back on the sheets. Kibum ran his hands along Jonghyun’s thighs, feeling the way they angled and opened automatically for him to settle between them.
Kibum eased the plug out of Jonghyun, careful to avoid brushing his still-sensitive cock as he put it away to the side. He kissed along Jonghyun’s thighs as he lubed himself up, dripping some into Jonghyun’s empty, fluttering hole for good measure, even though he was already extremely well-stretched. Jonghyun moaned appreciatively at the feeling of Kibum’s fingers pushing it into him.
Cupping Jonghyun’s cheek in one hand, Kibum leaned down and kissed him slow and deep as he pressed in. Jonghyun hooked his legs behind Kibum’s ass almost immediately, tugging him in further until Kibum was fully sheathed.
“God,” he mumbled against Jonghyun’s lips, eyes screwed shut. “Too good…”
“Tell me,” Jonghyun breathed, rolling his hips. Kibum was too overwhelmed to do much more than grind slow into Jonghyun’s heat, but Jonghyun seemed to love it, low, continuous moans bubbling from deep in his chest.
“It’s too… too good,” Kibum continued, drawing back and thrusting in, hard. Jonghyun jolted, keening. “You’re too good. Too bright. My light.”
Jonghyun scrabbled against Kibum’s back as he picked up a harsh rhythm, pounding into Jonghyun even as he brushed his lips chastely along the planes of the other’s face and chest. Kibum quickly found an angle where he could nudge against Jonghyun’s prostate with every thrust, and Jonghyun keened louder, voice pitching lower and lower with every moan.
“Off, off, off,” Jonghyun chanted, nearly delirious. Kibum stopped moving, looking down at Jonghyun in confusion. Jonghyun frowned, grabbing one of Kibum’s hands from where they were gripping his hips and guiding it towards his dick.
Dazed, Kibum mumbled an apology. He fumbled to get the cockring off, rambling various praises and comments about the feeling of Jonghyun’s love as he did so. Jonghyun rolled his hips against Kibum again afterwards, helping him start his rhythm back up. As soon as Kibum fell into it, hitting his prostate more directly, Jonghyun came with a startled moan, cum painting their torsos.
Kibum felt a new rush of emotion slam into him from every inch of them connected, setting every nerve ending he had on fire at the sight of Jonghyun’s blissed-out expression. He gasped, riding out the sensation of Jonghyun’s hole clenching harder around him before being overwhelmed by it all, coming before he could even pull out.
Jonghyun patted his hair gently as he came down from it, and Kibum pressed kisses along every spot of Jonghyun he could reach without feeling like he was going to float away. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled as soon as he was able to speak, after quite a few failed attempts where he just opened and shut his mouth wordlessly.
“Why?” Jonghyun smiled down at him, still blissed out despite the cum growing cold between their torsos. His voice was still so gravelly and deep, and Kibum filed away the way it sounded for later.
Kibum wrinkled his nose. “I came inside on our first time back together. Is that even okay?”
Jonghyun chuckled. “I don’t really mind it. Ah, but I left a towel on the bedside table before I left.” Kibum lifted his head slightly. Cast aside in the place neither of them had bothered looking before was a neatly folded towel. Leave it to Jonghyun to think of every way to ease their first time back together. He probably would’ve thrown rose petals all over the bed and lit fifty candles for them if he’d had the time, Kibum realized with a fondness.
Kibum pulled out as gentle and slow as he could, but Jonghyun still hissed, his whole body oversensitive from the stimulation. Kibum kissed him in apology before retrieving the towel and wiping them both down as best he could with their limited ranges of motion.
“Did you know you said my love is all lovely and bright and like, glittery? And it feels super pretty?” Jonghyun informed him after they’d both settled back down and made themselves comfortable in the mess of pillows Jonghyun kept on his bed.
Kibum blinked, pulling Jonghyun back until the other was halfway spooned against him. “No, but I stand by that. Glitter is really not a sexy word, though.”
Jonghyun shrugged. “It could be.” He pitched his voice as deep and sensual as it would go, repeating, “
glitter…
”
“It’s not really working, babe. What else did I tell you?” Kibum had been so lost in the moment he’d stopped registering what he said, too focused on how to make Jonghyun feel good.
“You called me your light! It was really cute,” Jonghyun giggled, snuggling into the crook of Kibum’s neck. This time, the current of love that washed over him was smooth and peaceful, like a calm river.
Kibum knew Jonghyun would be able to feel that he was blushing from
that
embarrassing comment he himself had apparently made. “God, please just forget I ever did that.”
“Maybe instead of doing that, you should call me it more often,” Jonghyun teased. “I loved it.” His comment trailed off in a near-inaudible mumble - Jonghyun was half-asleep at this point.
“Hmm,” Kibum turned his head and pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s hair, still knotted and messy. “I love you. Pretty light."