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A/N: Even though I write a lot of Bucky, I honestly feel like Steve is one of my favorite people to write. Enjoy my lovelies.
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Steve. Fucking. Rogers. that man is all types of perfect and he knows it. He also has to know that no matter what he did, no matter where he went, I would always follow, Because……Damn, now I sound like a stalker. Ugh why does he do this to me? Why am I tortured so? I know that I know why, but for the sake of my dignity, and our friendship I just…..I can’t.”
You closed your journal, sighing in defeat as you shoved the leather book back into your pillow case. You slid your hands up your legs, eyeing the floor that your feet would have touched if you had just grown a coupe more inches.This was getting utterly ridiculous. You were the cause of your own misery. Had it been anyone else, you would have laughed it off and moved on. What made him special? It couldn’t have been those blue eyes from heaven, a lot of people have blue eyes. Of course his eyes do have a sparkle about them.Or maybe it was his smile. The way his lips curved up just enough to create the most innocent, yet seductive smirk that could blow the panties right off every woman he looked at. You scoff at yourself, men smile at you all the time. That can’t be it.Or maybe it was the way he never gave up. His constant determination to do the right thing. Maybe it was because he kept to his word. He never let anyone take away his beliefs. He never allowed anyone make him falter from his agenda. He never made it about him, but for the rest of the world.Oh hell. Who were you kidding? It was him. Everything about him made him different. His looks, his heart, his soul. He was everything you wanted, and everything you love. He was the reason you were here. He was the reason you smiled brightly. He was the one you wanted, he was the one you needed……and you couldn’t have him.It wasn’t fair. You had fallen in love with the one man who could not afford to be brought down by love and it’s many responsibilities. He was the leader of the avengers for god sake. He goes on missions that put him and his team in danger. He can’t be worried about what his girlfriend is doing and if he is alright. It could jeopardize everything.Besides that, there is no way he would feel the feelings for you that you feel for him. You were different. You did the computer work, you were the part time counselor. You did not fight, and you had no powers, what could he possibly see in you?You mentally cursed yourself. You were being over-dramatic, this was Steve. You guys were best friends. If you can get though being shot in the chest after Hydra tried to take over the base, you can survive the figurative bullet you felt you took to the heart.You were pulled from your self induced misery when there was a knock at the door.“Who is it?” You asked calling out to the door. “It’s Steve, Y/N, can I talk to you?” Steve replied from the other side of the door. There was a slight pause before you could hear his voice again adding to his previous statement. “It’s important.” He actually sounded nervous now that you were fully aware of his presence behind the door.“Yeah, give me one sec.” You called with enthusiasm, though your face told a different story. Speak of the devil and he shall come, you thought to yourself. This was that karma thing Natasha always talked about, what you did to deserve such cruel and unusual punishments you would have to figure out later.You stood up, straightening your bright red tank top. You made sure each part of the bottom of your shirt was tucked in all the way around the dark blue jeans you wore over your black high heel leather boots. You flung your hand through your hair once, forcing a smile on your face as you called for Steve to enter.Steve entered, his face looking abnormally pale.“Jesus Steve.” You spoke, your faked smile turning into a real face of worry. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing I’m just-” He shook his head and looked you in the eye. “You look nice. The bright red lipstick is a nice touch.” “Thank you.” You spoke smiling brightly at him. God, it’s thing like this that make you feel like you do. if only he knew. “Oh uh, right. Why I am here is that I had something to tell you.” He spoke taking another breath. He rubbed the back of his head and looked down in shame. “I just-” You looked at him in concern not sure what was going on. You watched as he put his hand down, and looked you in the eyes. He was contemplating something, that much was clear. She could read it all over him. He looked sad, confused, and…curious.He closed his eyes, inhaling a large amount of air in his lungs. As his eyes fluttered open he exhaled, looking into your eyes once more. Then, without warning Steve blinks, and forces his body forward toward you.His hands gentle and soft, reached out and grabbed your shoulders. In one swift yet tender moment you are pulled into him, your lips flowing to each other and finally meting, sending your thoughts into a frenzy.It took you milliseconds to understand what was happening. It took even less to realize how grateful you were to be able to taste him. How lovely it felt to have your mouths explore each other was beyond your description capabilities. Bottom line, you felt on top of the world, and the deeper the kiss got the more you began to crave.He pulled away, not letting go of your shoulders as he bent his head down slightly to breath. He calmed and held his head up to meet your Y/E/C eyes. Both both of your breaths were still ragged and heavy, but Steve regained enough composure to be able to speak in his usual proper tone.“I came to do that.” He spoke. Now much more confident than he was before. “I discovered you had feelings for me, and I realized that it would certainly be rude of me to not tell you the feelings are very much reciprocated.” He explained,that breathtaking smirk playing on his lips.“I-….How did you-…. Who told you?” You asked softly, still trying to work your head around the last couple of minutes. “You did.” He answered, letting go of your shoulders. You looked at him confused as he backed away from you, taking his feet to walk around you heading over to your bed. You turned around and gasped. He pulled out the leather Journal from your pillow case, turning back around to hold the book out in front of him for you to see. You watched him sit down on your bed becoming much shorter, and looking down to his lap as he held the journal in his palm, and opened the book.You were frozen, dead silent, watching him flip through the pages as if he were looking for something. He paused using his finger to scroll through the page, a smile now on his face.
Steve and I had lunch again today. As per usual we talked about everything and anything. I’m grateful I get to do that, I’m grateful I get to hear his voice, see his face glow as he learns something new, or is having fun. I’m just grateful for him.
Steve looked up and back down quickly confirming that you were still paying attention as you watched him read parts of the pages out loud.
Steve and I walked through the gardens today. It was beautiful, the sun glistened on Steve’s face highlighting his most defining features. I wish I could tell him how perfect he was, how special he was. I Wish he knew. It’s actually starting to hurt.
He paused, and flipped through once more landing on a page you recognized immediately, considering you wrote it not to long ago.
“Steve. Fucking. Rogers. that man is all types of perfect and he knows it. He also has to know that no matter what he did, no matter where he went, I would always follow, Because……Damn, now I sound like a stalker. Ugh why does he do this to me? Why am I tortured so? I know that I know why, but for the sake of my dignity, and our friendship I just…..I can’t.”
Steve closed the book, smirking once again as he placed the book on the night stand on his left side. He got off the bed and now stood tall and proud in front of you.“Truth be told I have read every entry.” He began. “I went to return one of the books you borrowed when I noticed the journal on the floor, I’m guessing it fell out of the pillow case or something.-”You watched him intently, listening to every word but still frozen solid from shock and slight embarrassment. “I picked it up opened it and found one of your entries. I read the entry and felt awful afterward for reading your personal property, but I can’t lie, I was so happy that I found it and read it because it confirmed you were in love with me just as much as I am in love with you.” You felt tears brimming your eyelids, you ability to fight them failing.“I wanted to tell you for so long, but I was frightened each time, and I never thought you would have those feelings for me. Once I saw you did I-, I had to tell you. So I waited, I waited for the right time and I felt that this..this was the time I had to tell you. I’m sorry it took so long.” He finished a small smile on his face as his eyes searched yours. “The time doesn’t matter to me.” You spoke wiping the tears from your face. “The thing that matters to me is you.” He chuckled, reaching out to kiss your forehead and pull you into a comforting embrace. Maybe karma was actually on your side today.