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It hurts, but it feels perfect, he thinks as the waves roll him over and under. Deran feels both weightless and grounded in the ocean, even when he’s being batted around, fully at the mercy of the sea.It’s been a long time, five months, since he felt the soothing sting of the saltwater against his skin. The sensations unique, and specific, necessary for his soul. He never wants to be away from the ocean this long again, unsure he could survive another separation.His time inside was hell. The day-to-day was no big deal, but not having his center, the water, and...Adrian, made him want to tear at his hair and climb the walls. In the end, he’d settled for several fist fights and silently crying in his cell after lights out.As the waves simultaneously pummel and cushion his body, he thinks about being free. Free from Smurf, from the family, from the bullshit of his life. He thinks about being somewhere with Adrian, where they won’t have to hide, where he can be himself, maybe even be happy.The idea is so far fetched and so foreign he laughs, which results in saltwater searing his lungs. He shakes himself out of his thoughts as he remembers his need for air, and works to get topside. As Deran breaks the surface of the water, head bobbing above the waves, he searches for the right direction. He realizes the wet on his face isn't just from the ocean. He’s crying, though not sure why. He just knows it’s been so long, he’s been so lost, and he’s only reconnected with one half of the parts that make him whole.He has to find Adrian and make sure they’re ok.~~~It’s been harder than he thought to find Adrian. He’s sent some texts, hung out at their usual spots, but Adrian hasn’t really been around. Deran just missed him a couple times at the surf shop and hasn’t seen him on the water. Deran wonders if Adrian is ok, if he’s angry with him for getting locked away, if he’s...moved on. Deran pushes that thought away, it’s too much, he can’t handle it if the one person he cares about (and who actually cares about him) no longer wants him. Always the last in line. Always an afterthought.He finally gets a text back from Adrian, they’re going to meet up at a dive bar off the Strand. Deran is strangely nervous to see Adrian, for the first time since his release, in such a public setting. It’s been weird they haven’t hung out alone, or at all, in the days since he’s been out. He’s unsure what to expect, but there’s no way in hell he’s not going to try. He’s the only good thing in my life.Deran walks in and spots Adrian at a high top table. He’s bobbing his head to the music, sipping a beer, and looking like every fevered fantasy Deran has ever had. He inwardly groans as he approaches the table.“Hey man. What’s up?” he asks, as he claps his hand on Adrian’s shoulder. He’s going for a casual tone, but he feels sweaty and awkward, like some jittery middle schooler trying not to come on too strong. Get a fucking grip. Don't’ be a douche.“Hey man!” Adrian replies, with a bright smile as he stands and wraps his arms around Deran in a deep bear hug. Deran feels that weightless/grounded feeling again, like before in the ocean, and almost sags against Adrian in relief. They pull away, both of them sitting down.“Sorry I haven’t been around. Bullshit with my family.” Adrian rolls his eyes and hands Deran his half empty, slightly warm beer.“No problem dude. How ya been?” Deran sips at the bottle, trying not to think about Adrian’s warm mouth, soft lips and wet tongue.“Pretty good. Sucked that you were gone so long. You missed some crazy shit with Colby and Ox.”Deran feels completely relieved by the easy words Adrian says, and how his unique blue eyes seem to be locked on Deran’s face. He listens as Adrian fills him in on the shenanigans of their friends, and the drama on the beach. He’s loose and relaxed, feeling reassured by Adrian’s effortless manner and genial tone. When Adrian laughs, Deran is reminded of the song of the sea. The ebb, the flow, the instant calming effect to his breath and heartbeat. Home. I’m home.~~~Deran and Adrian have a few more beers and continue to talk. Throughout the evening they frequently make eye contact, gazing at one another. Sometimes eyes skate over lips, freckles, eyelashes. Sometimes Adrian sports that lopsided grin, and tilts his head a bit. It’s always been their quiet way of communicating to one another all the stuff that matters, while never having to say the words. Deran thinks Adrian is just as amped up as he is, and isn’t sure how much longer he can keep his hands to himself.“Hey man, wanna get out of here?” Deran blurts out, interrupting Adrian.Adrian just stares at him, blinking a couple of times. Maybe I was wrong? Longest moments of Deran’s life.Adrian’s mouth breaks into a slow, knowing smile. “Yeah man. It’s getting late.”“Yeah, getting late,” Deran agrees. “I had Craig drop me off.”“Yeah? Pretty sure about this, huh?” Adrian chuckles.Deran shrugs.“Chad’s out of town for the next few days,” Adrian grins while taking a sip of his beer.Not trusting himself to speak, Deran bites at his lip and gives a quick nod. Adrian just laughs.They finish off the last of their beers and get up to walk out. Deran’s antsy to get the hell out of there.“Thank fuck. Get outta here, ladies,” he hears as they head toward the door. Deran turns to see some roided out gymrat scowling at him.“The fuck did you say?” Deran barks back.“You heard me, sweetheart.” The guy snorts and turns away.Deran is about to light the motherfucker up, tear him a new one, when he feels Adrian’s hands grab his shoulders and steer him back toward the door.“Not worth it, We’ve got other things to do,” Adrian grits out.“That’s right, princess. Just let your girlfriend handle it,” gymrat retorts over his shoulder.Deran tries to get back around Adrian, but Adrian has a strong hold. He manhandles Deran, and shoves him toward the door.Once they’re outside, Deran shakes Adrian’s hand off his shoulder. He’s pissed. How’d that fucker know?“Just gonna walk away, queers? A couple of pussies?” Gymrat has followed them outside with one of his buddies.
That’s fucking it!
Deran turns around and heads straight for the guy. The guy punches Deran square in the mouth. Used to taking big hits, Deran barely flinches. Gymrat looks surprised. Deran sneers, blood dripping out of his mouth, he knows he looks crazed. Deran punches the guy back, hard. He won’t be stopped. He’s wailing on the bigger guy who seems to have no clue how to fight back.Deran is fucking fuming. Rage surging through his body. He has tunnel vision. He can only see his target as he repeatedly bashes the fuckers’s face. The only sounds he registers is the the roar of adrenaline in his ears and the sounds of his fists as they make contact with flesh and bone.
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
All of a sudden, Deran feels himself in a headlock being pulled away from gymrat. Deran’s seething, seeing red. He’s flailing, trying to get out of the hold. I’ll fucking fight you too!“Deran! Deran! Stop! Fucking stop!”Adrian? Is that Adrian? Deran twists out of the hold and looks at his captor.“What the fuck man?!” Deran snarls. His vision blurred by rage, Deran sees Adrian standing there, heaving, face...bloodied?“What the fuck?” Deran accuses again. “You shouldn’t have gotten in the way.”“Fuck you, man,” Adrian jerks his chin toward the scene behind Deran. “I went after that other asshole when he tried to help his friend.”Deran turns and realizes security has gotten involved. Gymrat and his friend are face down in the dirt, hands held behind their backs, getting cuffed. Deran remembers that off duty cops typically work the door at this bar.“Get out of here,” one of the cops yells toward Deran.Deran looks back at Adrian, spits a mouth full of blood on the ground, and snorts, “I had it. Shoulda stayed out of it.”Adrian laughs, teeth a dark crimson, “Yeah man, seemed like it. Next time I will.”Deran snort-laughs and walks toward Adrian. “Let's go.” Deran reaches for Adrian’s battered face.“Careful man,” Adrian winces.“Whatever. Think that mouth can still suck my dick?” Deran jokes.“Fuck off. I saved your ass. You should be the one sucking dick, champ,” Adrian laughs.“Yeah. Ok. Now let me look at the damage,” Deran replies, as he examines Adrian’s nose and determines it isn’t likely broken. He takes off his torn t-shirt, and uses it to wipe away some of the blood on Adrian’s face.Arms around each other, holding one another up, they walk toward Adrian’s car in the far back of the parking lot. They’re laughing as Adrian fumbles for his keys. Deran can’t hold back. He goes in for a kiss. Adrian immediately responds. They're groaning a little, both from the pain and from the wanting. The blood in their mouths, the lust that he feels, burning Deran up from the inside out.Coppery spit mixed with gasping breaths. Tongues battling for control, for dominance. In that way, their way, of being together, of being connected.Adrian pushes him away, breaths choppy, and says, “Let’s go.”They’re in the car, and silent. Deran knows that as soon as they walk through the front door there is going to be a brutal, beautiful, homecoming between them. It’s been so long, too long. He knows it will be hard and fast, and Deran’s skin is tight with anticipation.Getting in the house and getting naked is a whirlwind. They are frantic, panting, tearing at each other’s clothes. Deran feels high from adrenaline, but mostly drunk on lust and longing. Neither of them hold back as they kiss, and fight to get closer. Dried blood on their faces, bodies slick with sweat, all Deran can feel is how perfectly Adrian fits him. The deep connection that has been absent for so long. Finally put back together.Buried fully inside Adrian, Deran feels centered and complete. The other part that makes him whole.With that thought, he comes so hard it hurts. He hears Adrian yell out his orgasm too, as Deran’s vision blurs from the pleasure/pain of it all.Both of them flop on their backs, side by side, sweaty, and gasping for air. Adrian’s hand falls onto Deran’s chest with a wet slap. He breathes out, “Glad you’re home.”
You’re my home.
Heart racing, from more than just their recent round of sex, Deran whispers, “Me too.”