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Full or half, white or kind of yellow – the moon always looks a bit different. As it’s often used in books or films to convey a certain feeling, sometimes one of a romantic kind and other times a feeling of uneasiness, there’s no doubt about its alluring appeal to the humankind. Be it its appearance or symbolism that it is used for, there has to be some connection between humans and the moon, like there is between the water and the moon, for it to have enough impact on them to create an illusion of feelings.Na Jaemin certainly had a special place for it in his heart. Ever since he was a child, he was fascinated by the calming and beautiful source of light in the midst of all those stars. He loved the moon so much that he often begged his father to take him outside once again to watch it or else he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep that night.A smile crept its way on his face when he thought about those times. Missing the moon being his only problem then. Nowadays, he had a few more problems, most of them not too bad, but still, they were there, and they were burdensome. It was like there was always something ruining his mood, something breathing down his neck and making him feel uncomfortable when there was no real reason to do so.If someone would ask him about his mental health, he would describe it as a bit unsteady, but nothing out of the ordinary for his age. Puberty had a huge impact on his feelings and thoughts and all those new connections in his brain were literally messing with his head, so it was no surprise he wouldn’t feel too well most of the time.The longer he thought about it, though, the more he realized that his problems might not be just the ordinary things ‘you just have to go through in that age’. He was sad too often, feeling lonely without wanting to socialize. He had all those devastating thoughts about himself, his body and his personality, that he managed to ignore only so much before he had to work out manically for a while or before he tried to change his personality once again. All those attempts to change always dissolved rather quickly though, because Jaemin never managed to be strict with himself for a long time. He hardly ever had the strength to do so, so he mostly ignored his thoughts and feelings and pretended to be happy like all the other teenagers around him were.His anxiety came and went as it pleased. Sometimes he was able to fall asleep early and leave the house humming some song that was stuck in his head and without worry of someone following him, but then it came back, and then he was back turning his head every few steps to be absolutely sure there was no one behind him. To hoping, praying and begging internally at night and trembling in horror, because he was so sure that there was some creature sitting next to him on his bed or standing in his room and watching him. Some nights he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to keep on breathing for much longer, because it was so, so close and if he stopped moving completely, maybe it would vanish or lose interest.The mornings were always hard on him. Fighting with himself to get up, always too late, and trying to keep up with school and his social life and his hobbies and interests, forced him to pretend he was very lazy and not exhausted both physically and mentally. Sure, he was a bit lazy naturally, so he didn’t have to put a lot of effort into his acting to convince those around him. Those draining phases were also the ones that he lost all his interests in. He still knew that he liked certain things. Technically, he knew, so why couldn’t he just still love them? Why couldn’t he be normal?It was those times, too, that he beseeched the moon, again. He found comfort in it, often losing his track of thoughts while staring at the light in awe. The moon was so indifferent to all the small problems of the world, to all the small problems of Jaemin, that it should be rude or insulting, but to him, it felt rather reassuring. The moon was right – why should he worry about all those small things? No one cared if Jaemin gained a little weight or if he wasn’t as good as the others. Sometimes, he felt a bit lighter after looking at the moon, as if a weight has been lifted from his aching shoulders.Other problems though, he had to face by himself. These problems, or rather the one problem, being his sexuality. Jaemin was bisexual, and he had no problem with that – at least that was what he told himself. He always fought for tolerance and acceptance where he could, and he was proud of and impressed by members of the LGBT+-community that shared their sexuality publicly. Never getting the point of hating someone for their feelings or caring so much for another person’s personal and private concerns, he never questioned his own sexuality. He never thought about it, if he was completely honest.His indifference towards his own sexual preference was halted in his tracks when he developed his first crush on a boy. At first, Jaemin only shrugged his shoulders about it, but soon his thoughts began to run wild. He was sure he liked girls, so maybe that boy was an exception. Maybe he had one of those man-crushes that were totally normal for heterosexual men.Well, he did not. As time passed, he kind of came to terms with it. His crushes were only minor and rather seldom as only a few male people could wake his interest. A little voice in the back of his mind often whispered that he could just ignore this ‘side’ of him and avoid the problems and changes that he would have to face if he ever acted on his same-sex interests. He could just pretend he didn’t like boys as well because he still preferred girls so how hard could it be?It wasn’t hard until he met that one boy. The one boy that made ignoring his feelings nearly impossible. Lee Jeno. The slightly older boy joined his class in the second year of high school and as a chance, or rather their teacher, brought it about, they had to do a partner project together. They befriended each other quickly and got close even faster. Jeno was friendly, handsome, open-minded and just the right amount of a nice guy without being boring or annoying. Jaemin fell for him fast and hard, and he didn’t even try not to.Nearly a year into their friendship, Jeno had to see the weak side of Jaemin. He got worried, when his friend was in a lousy mood all the time and was alarmingly tired for several weeks straight, so he confronted him about it. Jaemin reacted rather badly to it and after fighting for a while – the fight was rather one-sided as Jeno only listened to the younger boy and tried to understand him – he broke down and told Jeno about his mental health.From that day on, Jeno accompanied Jaemin, when he was too afraid to walk his dog by himself. He reassured him when Jaemin’s mind was running wild again, telling him he was misshapen and unworthy of any love. He even slept over at Jaemin’s or picked the boy up to bring him to his own home, when he was laying awake again.It didn’t take them too long to become even closer. Jeno was the one to initiate the first cuddling one night when Jaemin’s breath was still flat and unsteady. The shaking body of the slender boy calmed down when two strong arms wrapped around him and a certain alluring fragrance lured him into sleep. They woke up with tangled limbs and a small smile on their faces, that none of them commented on.Jaemin learned that he could trust Jeno. He knew that the other would be there for him and help him to overcome his problems.Jeno was Jaemin’s moon.