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Eva’s words replayed in Lucas’s head, “There’s a guy in a white shirt that’s totally checking you out,” she had said. Lucas should have felt happy or excited that a cute guy was looking at him. Instead, he just felt scared. He made up a line about how it would have exploded the guys' minds if he had actually talked to a boy at a party. It hadn’t really been to convince her. It also hadn’t really been a lie.
Dilan and Hugo already teased Jorge for how he was always talked about Almu. Before that, they annoyed him about how much time he spent with Eva. If they did that to a guy and a girl how would they have reacted if Lucas just flirted with a boy? Lucas couldn’t imagine, so he didn’t.
He just told Eva that the boy was probably looking at her, obviously. She was a girl and guys at parties flirted with girls. Lucas knew that. If he wanted to get with a guy he would have to wait. He had accepted that. Still, acceptance of reality hurt. When Eva had told him there was a guy in a white shirt he so wanted it to be Jorge who happened to be wearing a white shirt as well. But it wasn’t because Jorge was making out with Almu just a few feet away from the actual man looking at him.
He tried to focus back on his conversation with Eva but he was too anxious to focus. There were probably 100 guys in that club, but he was looking at Lucas. Did he look gay? The thought that people could see him and just know made him terrified. Ever since Eva had told him that she and Jorge had suspected him of being gay he had been extra careful of not looking too gay. He didn’t want to be one of those gay guys.
“Eva I think he was looking at you.” Lucas repeated, “why would he look at me?”
Eva rolled her eyes at Lucas’s put down, “Lucas, you’re so cool. Anyone would be lucky to have you. He could totally be checking you out.”
“But I don’t look gay, do I?” Lucas said quietly.
Eva either didn’t hear him or chose to ignore him, “The two of you would be so cute together. Having a boyfriend is great Lucas, except if he dumps you,
obviously
,” Eva was clearly glaring at Almu and Jorge as she said this.
Lucas partially agreed with Eva. It would be nice to have a boyfriend if there was no possibility of heartbreak like he had seen with Jorge and Eva. Even then Lucas could never have a boyfriend as Eva could. Having a boyfriend would be nice, in an imaginary world where judgemental people didn’t exist. Eva and Jorge could kiss on the streets or at the pool, but Lucas, he could never have that.
“Oh well, it looks like Señor Camiseta Blanca has moved on from us,” with a fake frown and a head nod towards the boy.
Lucas got out of his overthinking for a second to glance behind him. He saw the boy he had been thinking about just a second before kissing a blonde girl.
Lucas just rolled his eyes when he turned back to Eva, “Well who cares, we can do better than him!”
Eva laughed, “Yeah fuck him
and
his white shirt.”
Lucas laughed too. He was glad that despite her breakup with Jorge he could still just hang out with her and laugh. She was one of the most important people in his life. If he had lost her he didn’t know if he could have survived seeing Jorge fall in love with a girl all over again. He had told Eva that Almu was nice and she was, but she wasn’t Eva and she definitely wasn’t him. But Jorge was straight, he had to accept that.
Suddenly Viri ran over to the two of them.
“Ay tías! Have you seen Cris?” She said looking like she was on the brink of a meltdown.
Both Lucas and Eva shook their heads quickly. Eva was beginning to look concerned.
“What happened Viri? Do you need help
or
do you think Cris does?”
Viri shook her head, “No, no Cris had my phone. I need it.”
Lucas felt like he had to help Viri, a friend of Eva was a friend of his after all, “Do you need the time? It’s almost three.” Viri just shook her head as he showed her the time on his screen.
She was looking around nervously and Lucas felt hopeless. Eva was now attempting to calm her down. Viri continued looking frantic until something caught her eye and as quickly as she had run up to them she then ran away.
“Qué rara,” Eva laughed.
Lucas smiled back at her. Viri was kind of intense but that seemed like she was about to have a panic attack, qué rara indeed.
“Back to before,” Eva continued, “White shirt guy may have been a dead end, but I
promised
I would get someone for you to make out with tonight.”
Lucas felt terrified again, “No, Eva, no. It’s fine seriously. I’m with you I don’t need someone. Can’t we just have fun together?”
“No,” Eva said with her arms crossed to emphasize her stubbornness, “Look around Lucas, who catches your eye?”
Jorge,
he wanted to say, but he didn’t since he was still sucking face with Almu about five meters away.
“Ooooh, what about that guy,” Eva not so casually pointed at a guy Nora was dancing with across the club.
“No way Eva. Look, he’s flirting with Nora, obviously not my type.” He said feeling disappointed as usual.
“He’s her cousin, Eric, they aren’t flirting,” Eva said, laughing.
“Oh,” Lucas was blushing, that was awkward.
“And! He’s gay too Lucas,” Eva said a little too loudly for Lucas’s liking, “He’s 20, but that’s not that old, you could totally date.”
Lucas felt shocked for a second. A gay guy his age? He had never met another gay person. He suddenly felt the urge to go and talk to this guy. But then he remembered his fear. The same fear that stopped him from talking to white shirt guy. The same fear that prevented him from telling Jorge that he was gay. He listened to that fear and stayed in his seat.
“No, Eva, I’m fine really. I got you and that’s the only date I need tonight.”
“Okay Lucas,” Eva laughed, “It seems like Jorge and white shirt guy will be the only ones getting any tonight.”
Lucas smiled, “Yeah, but at least we won’t look like idiots like Hugo and chase after someone who has already rejected us.”
Eva glanced over at Hugo who was holding Cris’s purse and standing outside the bathroom.
“She’s even got him holding her purse,” Eva said, giggling.
“Oh! Viri!” Lucas shouted as he had just made a discovery.
“True, another desperate case. I don’t get why she’s still so into Alejandro,” Eva said, still laughing.
“No. I didn’t even know that” Lucas said confused at what drunk Eva thought of him, “But wasn’t Viri looking for Cris?”
Now Eva shouted, “Oh! Right, we should go find her.”
“Where did she go?” Lucas asked Eva.
Eva shrugged, “I’ll go ask Cris if they ended up finding one another. You ask Nora.”
Eva ran off to the bathroom to find Cris leaving Lucas alone in the crowded room. Viri definitely hadn’t gone over to the dance floor. Where she was now he wasn’t sure, earlier he thought he had seen her go towards the bar. He felt like it was worth a shot to ask Nora, even though Eva probably had just wanted to get Lucas to talk to Eric.
Nora’s eyes brightened up when she saw Lucas coming over. Lucas silently prayed that Nora didn’t think he was gay and wasn’t going to try to set him up with her cousin. He was tired of people who thought they knew what he wanted.
“Hola Lucas,” Nora shouted, despite being one of the few sober people in the club she somehow managed to be just as peppy as the drunkest girls there.
Upon closer viewing, Lucas couldn’t believe he had thought Eric was flirting with Nora. He was so clearly gay. Eric was wearing eyeliner and glittery eye shadow. His hair was dyed light pink and it was styled messily but Lucas knew it probably took an hour to style. His outfit was even more flamboyant. His shirt was tight and despite it being winter he had no sleeves, but he did have a jean jacket with rainbow pins and patches. This guy was über gay.
“Um hola, Nora,” Lucas stuttered, still a little shocked by Eric’s look he had going on, “Eva and I were looking for Viri and Cris. Well actually Viri was looking for Cris, and then we saw Hugo with Cris’s purse, and then we Eva left me to go see if Cris had found Viri, and then she wanted me to double check with you that you hadn’t seen Viri somewhere else, and just do you know where Viri is and um…”
“Woah, slow down Lucas just breathe for a second, tell me everything and I can help you and that cute little face of yours,” Eric interrupted Lucas and put his hand on his shoulder as if he was his dad.
“Eric stop being weird!” Nora scolded him with a playful slap on the arm, “Sorry Lucas, Eric doesn’t know how to act like a normal human being.”
“How dare you not introduce me to this cutie earlier,” Eric was now playing with Lucas’s bowtie and ignoring Nora.
“Because you do weird shit like this,” Nora said in English, getting more annoyed.
Eric, ignoring her, stuck out his hand to Lucas, “I’m Eric Grace, age twenty, I’m just here for my school break since my family lives in boring Iowa while my lovely cousin gets to live in
beautiful Spain.
”
Lucas reached out and shook Eric’s hand, “Lucas Rubio.”
“Ooooh Rubio, that’s so cute,” Eric cooed, “even though your hair is brown, how boring.”
Lucas held his tongue at the dumb joke he had heard about a hundred times. Then something must have caught Eric’s eyes because the second he finished talking he danced over to the bar.
“Now that that’s all over,” Nora rolled her eyes, “To answer your questions from, I was dancing with Viri when she asked me for the time and then suddenly ran off looking for you. So I don’t know any more than you do about where she is right now. Sorry for not being any help, also for Eric.”
Lucas didn’t want Nora to apologize for Eric. He was kind of over the top, but Lucas felt meeting him had helped him feel a little less alone. Just for a moment, he wasn’t the only one. If anything he wished Eric would come back. He didn’t really know Nora that well despite her being one of Eva’s best friends. They had never spent much time with just the two of them and having Eric there had made the conversation less awkward.
“No need to apologize Nora, but since you don’t know where to find Viri or Cris I think I should get going. I need to find Eva now.”
Then Nora said exactly what Lucas feared she would say, “No, wait I’ll help you find them. Four eyes are better than two.”
Lucas swallowed the awkwardness, “Sure.”
Great. This was going to be even more awkward.
Nora led Lucas to the back of the club near the bar where they suspected either Viri or Cris would be. The two girls both loved to drink according to Nora and the bar would be their go-to spot if they were upset. Instead of Viri or Cris, they found Eva and Hugo talking outside the bathroom.
“Oh hey Lucas, I was looking for you,” Eva shouted and grabbed him for a hug.
“You literally ran off to look for Cris and left me alone. So I don’t buy that Eva.” Lucas replied, a little-pissed off.
Eva giggled, clearly starting to be affected by the drinks she had had earlier, “Oh yeah, you’re so smart, Lucas. Look, I found Hugo.”
“We see.” Nora said and gave a side eye to Lucas who was beginning to feel awkward again, “But do you know where Cris or Viri are? Weren’t you looking for them, not Hugo?”
Hugo looked a little hurt, “I know where Cris is, she’s just in the bathroom. Viri is there too. She ran in after I told her I was waiting on Cris. She seemed pretty upset.”
Lucas remembered how anxious Viri had been earlier. She had reminded him of his mom who was also always worrying. He hoped Viri wasn’t making any terrible decisions based on how she was feeling now. It would pass, just like everything he reminded himself.
“They’re both in there?” Nora asked.
“Yeah, I
just
said that,” Hugo seemed annoyed.
“Shit. How long have they both been in there?”
“I dunno maybe ten minutes.”
Eva jumped from her lean on Hugo’s shoulder, “Ten minutes! You just thought to mention
that?
”
“Sorry is that important?” Hugo looked at Lucas as if to say please get me out of this girl drama.
“Duh,” Nora said, clearly annoyed, “Eva we gotta get in there to help them. Viri did not look good when I saw her earlier. I don’t know what could have happened since, and we should help.”
Eva nodded and after a brief conversation between the locked door, the two girls went in too to help their friend.
Nora grabbed Cris’s purse from Hugo and seeing that he was no longer needed the two boys walked back to the chairs Lucas had sat at with Eva earlier. At the bar, Dilan was trying to flirt with a woman who looked about five years older than them. It didn’t seem to be going well.
“Poor guy,” Hugo said as they watched Dilan fail to make the woman laugh yet again, “He keeps going for chicks way out of his league. I know something about that with Cris, but c’mon that lady looks like twenty.”
Lucas nodded, not feeling he had anything to add to
that
particular topic.
“It’s like I get it she’s hot, but we hooked up, so she’s definitely into me to some extent,” Hugo continued, not caring that Lucas wasn’t paying attention, “Like you can’t just make out with me and then say you don’t like me. We get along great too. She definitely likes me. It’s such bullshit.”
“Maybe you should just give up man. She said no. You have to respect that.”
Hugo groaned, “I know but she keeps leading me on and then reminding me of how she rejected me. Women are so confusing. You’re a wise man to stay away from them.”
Lucas felt mortified. Did Hugo know? Jorge and Eva had suspected, maybe Hugo did too.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas said, defensive.
Hugo gave him a weird look, “Tío, you never even look at girls. We’re in a club full of hot girls and the only one you’ve actually talked to is Eva.”
“So?”
“So? Don’t you want to get lucky on New Years, start the year off right.”
“New year, new life,” Lucas remembered what Eva had said.
“Exactly dude, now you’re getting it.” Hugo patted him on the back as if he was proud of him for stating the obvious.
Lucas was worrying again. He wanted to wait and figure some things out before he came out to everyone, but he couldn’t exactly do that if Hugo was constantly asking why he wasn’t talking to girls. It felt like he couldn’t win. Either continue to hide or come out before he felt ready.
“Lucas you can’t just wait for a certain moment with girls. You have to make the first move sometimes. Be brave.” Hugo had continued talking while Lucas was thinking and he had just zoned out.
Hugo was explaining how to get a girl to Lucas, not realizing the irony of just having been rejected yet again by Cris. Lucas still listened. Flirting seemed to be universal no matter gay or straight and maybe he would learn from Hugo’s many mistakes with Cris.
Hugo turned and glanced behind himself to see Dilan still struggling with the same woman. For a moment he and Lucas shared a silent moment of shared second-hand embarrassment at Dilan’s persistence.
“I think I should go save him,” Hugo said, “Or her, depends on what’s necessary.”
Lucas laughed and told him he’d save their spot. Then he was alone with his beer. He glanced around at the club filled with couples dancing or boys like Dilan failing to hit on women or straight people getting a little too handsy for a public setting. He felt lonely again.
Both Hugo and Eva wanted him to get with someone tonight but he knew it was completely unrealistic. This year he wasn’t going to fall in love with a boy like Jorge again.
“Is this seat taken?” A male voice asked Lucas who was about to say, obviously there’s a jacket on it when he looked up.
It was white shirt guy.
Not really thinking Lucas said, “No,” realizing that made him sound like a loser who sat alone he backtracked, “I mean yes, but my friend is talking to someone else right now so you can sit here for now.”
The man sat down on the chair next to him. Lucas realized his mistake, he hadn’t thought this far ahead yet.
He stuck out his hand, “Lucas.”
The man shook his hand, “Andre.”
Just the sensation of their hands touching made Lucas’s heart flutter a bit.
Were you really checking me out earlier or were you looking at my friend Eva because I’m gay too and you’re really hot,
was what Lucas really wanted to say instead he was boring, “I like your shirt.”
“I like your bowtie,” Andre smirked.
Somehow it didn’t sound like a tease when he said it, it sounded genuine.
“Thanks. I had to google how to tie it.” Lucas didn’t know why he said that.
Andre laughed, “That’s fair. That’s why I went with just a t-shirt.”
“Smart.” Lucas joked back.
“I’m always thinking ahead, Lucas.” his heart jumped at the sound of him saying his name, “I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m definitely the most comfortable.”
“Ties aren’t
that
uncomfortable.”
“I’m not a cop, don’t lie to me, Lucas.”
He laughed again, maybe he was overdoing it on the laughter. Maybe not since he remembered Eva once saying the best way to get to get a guy’s attention is to laugh at his jokes, even the bad ones. Lucas kept laughing and smiling through their conversation. It just flowed so easily.
“Your friend wants to be a DJ?” Andre asked Lucas who was attempting to describe Jorge to Andre.
“Well, he kind of already is, we just need to buy a table. The problem is they’re super expensive and we want to get a good one.”
“Wait, we? Lucas, please don’t tell me you’re a DJ wannabe too. You know what they say about guys who become DJs.”
“I don’t know. What do they say?”
“Lucas, guys who become DJs are trying to compensate for micropenises.”
Lucas felt mortified for a moment before Andre began to crack up in a fit of laughter and then both boys were laughing again.
“Seriously though I think that’s so cool. I wish I knew how to do that.”
“Make digital music? It’s really not that hard. There are Youtube videos that teach it.” Lucas explained.
“Wow Google, helpful for more than just bowties.” This time Andre poked Lucas’s tie with his index finger and Lucas felt his heart beat even faster.
“Hey Lucas,” And then the moment was broken, “Can you take a picture of all of us? Eva and Cris have too much drama for us to ask any of the other guys. It will take ten seconds I promise.” Nora gave puppy dog eyes, hoping for sympathy.
It worked because Lucas stood to take the picture. He also got up because he didn’t know how turning down his friends for a guy he met ten minutes ago would look to people, especially to Eva. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing he had in fact gotten along with the white shirt guy.
“Oh. Lucas before you leave, let me put my number in your phone.”
Lucas willingly handed his phone to the man who was basically a stranger. He watched Andre put his name into his phone as
Andre del Año Nuevo.
Lucas smiled looking at it, “Ok just remember to text me. I have to be going anyways my girlfriend will go berserk if I don’t find her soon.”
And with those words, Lucas’s stomach dropped and his neck got hot and he felt like he had wasted the last ten minutes of his life on another boy just like Jorge. Trying to hide his disappointment, he smiled at Andre as he walked away into the crowd.
“Who was that?” Nora asked.
“Just some guy I met tonight.”
“Oh cool, now can you make sure you get a picture with good lighting for all of us. We want to send them to Amira so we want her to see our whole outfits.”
“Totally,” Lucas said hoping to focus on anything other than his latest broken heart.
“Great! You’re the best Lucas. Oh, and can you see if you can grab Eric to get him into the pictures too.”
Eric was maybe the last person Lucas wanted to see right now but he obliged. He grabbed the older boy from the dance floor and brought him back to where the girls were standing and waiting.
Eric grabbed his arm for a moment and forced him to stop walking toward the girls, “What’s wrong Lucas Rubio? Don’t go starting the New Year sad. Did a beautiful girl break your heart?”
“Something like that,” Lucas mumbled avoiding eye contact.
“Oh, was it a beautiful boy. I should have guessed with the bow tie.”
Eric said it so casually that Lucas hardly registered what had been said and once he did he continued to remain silent for a moment too long.
“Okay yes, but don’t tell anyone please.”
Lucas didn’t know why he told Eric something he hadn’t even told his best friend, but it somehow felt right in the moment. It may have been the liquid courage running through his veins. Maybe it was because he knew Eric wouldn’t judge him for it.
Eric gave him a hug, “Of course not, baby gay.”
“Also please don’t call me that. You’re only 4 years older than me.”
“Okay, then tiny homosexual.”
“That’s about a million times worse.”
“Then I’m sticking with baby gay.” Eric beamed.
“Fine, but you still can’t tell anyone. Even Nora.”
“Scout’s honor,” Eric said and raise his fingers in some sort of symbol.
“I don’t know what that means.”
Eric rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Europeans.”
Lucas and Eric found Nora again and took about a million photos just for the girls to pick four that they liked. Girls were weird like that Lucas thought.
Afterward, Lucas was talking with Eva alone again, “Did everything turn out okay with Viri?” He had been worrying about her and he needed a resolution.
“Yeah. She just needed her phone to call her mom. She had to check in with her every few hours. Her mom is really strict I think. Everything was fine.”
Lucas let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in. His mom had gotten worse lately and he worried Viri was going through something similar. He had just been projecting. Not everyone has a disaster of a family like him.
“I saw you and white shirt guy talking earlier.”
“Really? Why didn’t you interrupt us? I thought you wanted to set me up with him.” Lucas was confused.
“Honestly Lucas, I
really
wanted to interrupt but I chose to just let you be. You always helped me with Jorge. You deserve your own love.” Eva said and Lucas remembered how much he loved his friend
“Well, it won’t be him,” Lucas grumbled.
Why not?” Eva looked devastated.
“He has a girlfriend.”
“That sucks Lucas, but there will be other guys. You won’t be single forever, I promise. You’re the best guy I know. You deserve every good thing in the world.”
“Thanks, Eva. Who knows what happens this year? Maybe I will have a boyfriend,” He glanced up to see she was smiling, “New year, new life, right?”
Eva laughed, “Exactly Lucas, New year, new life.”