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Circa. 1977“I bet you’re all wondering why we’re gathering here tonight.” Robert said with a sly smile.“Actually, I was more curious about the fortune teller getup.” Bonzo snickered, the corners of his mouth twitching.Robert tucked in stray blonde hairs into the purple paisley scarf tied around his head and the numerous gold bangles around his wrist jangled as he did so.“…It makes me feel pretty.” “Can we just get to the point? Some of us actually have lives, y’know?” Jimmy rested his chin on his fist.“Hot date?” Jonesy asked him.“Bugger off, John.”Jonesy giggled.“As we all know, earlier this year we lost someone very near and dear to our hearts…” Robert continued.“Our only free Saturday?” Jimmy asked.“No!” Robert sighed. “Elvis!”“Oh…” Everyone murmured in unison.“So I had the brilliant idea of all of us getting together to communicate with ‘em!” Robert said.“I dunno, Percy—isn’t channeling the dead a bit intense for a Saturday night get-together?” Jonesy asked.“Only if you’re a pussy.” Bonzo said, taking a beer out of Robert’s fridge. He popped the cap on the silverware drawer and drank some.“Do you even know what you’re doing, Robert?” Jimmy asked, caution in his eyes that he hoped Robert would catch.Jimmy watched Robert’s eyes shift in nervousness as he adjusted his clothes.“I may or may not have only been recently informed on the procedure, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable!” Robert protested.“Right.” Jimmy said. He looked over at Jonesy who seemed even more nervous than Robert and motioned him to follow him as he got up.“Wait—where are you guys going?” Robert asked.“Am I not allowed to talk to the lad alone? It’s personal business.”“Oh, sorry Pagey.”Jimmy walked down the hall and Jonesy followed.“Okay, so, here’s the deal—Percy’s all worked up over this Elvis stuff and I thought of a brilliant way to mess with ‘em.” Jimmy smiled, eyes glittering.“How? You’re gonna dress up as Elvis and scare ‘em?” Jonesy asked.“Well, I am gonna scare the shit out of ‘em, but unfortunately I forgot my Elvis costume in the back seat of my car where I always keep it.”“You should probably go get it, then.”“Jonesy,”“Yea?”“That was sarcasm, mate.”“Damn it to hell!” Jimmy and Jonesy walked back to the kitchen table and sat back down in their seats.“Sorry about that.” Jimmy said.“”S fine. Bonzo and I took the opportunity to catch up, didn’t we Bonz?” Robert asked him with a smile.Bonzo managed a smile. “Oh yeah…”“Okay, so—I’m going to get some candles and set them out on the table along with some crystals I’ve got and then we can get to the procedure.” Robert disappeared down the hall.When he returned he set a pile of stuff down on the table, straightening up the candles and crystals before lighting them with a lighter from his pocket. Robert took his seat at the table and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.“Let’s all close our eyes and join hands.”“Y’know, on second thought I’m just gonna watch from the couch.” Jonesy said.“Okay Jonesy, suit yourself.” Robert replied.“Gonna hit the loo first.” Jonesy got up and left the circle.“Didn’t need to know that, mate.” Jimmy said.Robert cleared his throat. “Right. So, everyone close your eyes and--”“—We know.” Bonzo said, grabbing Jimmy and Robert’s hand.Everyone joined hands circling the table and Robert, eyes still closed, began to speak.“We’re calling upon the spirit of Elvis Aaron Presley. You are welcome in this space. And if you are among us, feel free to make yourself known.”All of a sudden, the lights cut out and muffled music started playing in the distance. Jonesy came running out of the bathroom.“Nopenopenopenope!” He went straight out the door and closed it behind him.Robert stood up from the table and started toward the hallway where the music was coming from. He was nearing the threshold of his room when it cut off.“H-Hello?” He called nervously.Jonesy came running back inside the house, his face white as a sheet. He was mumbling something but he was so out of breath it was hard to understand.“John, use your words, son.” Bonzo put a hand on his friend’s back.Everyone was huddled in the living room around Jonesy.“Robert I told you not to mess with the supernatural unless you know what you’re doing! Spirits are very temperamental!” Jimmy yelled.“But I did everything right! This is just weird!”Something that sounded like a rock hit the outside of the wall and everyone jumped. “GET FUCKED!” Bonzo yelled, kicking the door open. He grabbed his lighter and a can of aerosol and torched the emptiness out on the porch.“Bonzo! You can’t burn a spirit!” Jimmy yelled, dragging him back inside by the collar.
“Bull shit!”“You guys I don’t like this I wanna go home.” Jonesy said.“There’s a simple way to solve this problem.” Jimmy continued.“What is it, Pagey? I’ll do anything.” Robert said.“Since mediums were traditionally female, you would have to put on a dress...”“I don’t care, then what?”“Sprinkle a salt ring around your house and it should leave within 24 hours.”“Okay. I’m on it.” Robert ran off to his room.Once Robert was out of earshot Jimmy broke into a fit of giggles and Jonesy joined in.“Wait a minute, what’s going on here?” Bonzo asked them.“We set Percy up. Organized the whole thing.” Jimmy said.“What? With the lights and the record playing?”“I did that on my way to the bathroom while all you lot had your eyes closed.” Jonesy smiled.“And the banging on the walls?”“I ran and paid a neighborhood child two quid to do it.”“You two are absolutely diabolical.” Bonzo said. “I fuckin’ love it.”Robert walked back into the living room in a long pink evening gown and pink slippers. “Okay, I’m ready.”Bonzo and Jonesy had to bite their tongues to keep from losing it.“You sure are. Here’s the salt.” Jimmy smiled and handed him the container from the pantry.Robert saluted before heading outside.The three of them peered from the kitchen window out at Robert in the dress, sprinkling salt and chanting something in what they assumed was Welsh.“This is too rich, lads. It made losing my free Saturday so worth it.” Bonzo said, a tear in his eye from laughing.“But we couldn’t have done it without Percy.” Jimmy said, grabbing himself a beer from the fridge.“Best band meeting ever.” Jonesy said, reclining on the couch.