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Steve is 19 when his mother dies. Bucky sleeps on the couch the night after the funeral.And God does Steve wish they could share the tiny bed. When he’s sure that Bucky is asleep he cries, huge heaving sobs that leave his chest rattling and lungs struggling. Steve weeps, because he is alone.Bucky is drafted a year later and for the second time Steve cries when Bucky can’t hear, or at least tries to, this time the tears won’t come.He always knew that what he and Bucky had was temporary. That those stolen kisses taken under watchful stars wouldn’t last. He weeps, for a dream that will never be whispered to the quiet moon. Steve weeps for beautiful lost things he will never get to touch.Bucky dies, months later, falling off a train into the cold night air. There is no one to hide his tears from, no one to stay the night. Steve drinks by himself in a bombed out bar and that is where Peggy finds him. Wet sobs ripping from his throat, alcohol burning his lungs.Peggy tells him to live because Bucky cannot. Steve isn’t sure how to. His whole life has been with Bucky, they were best friends and brothers and lovers. They had stolen kisses on starry rooftops under the light of the kind moon. Steve drinks and weeps for a life he will never get to live.Steve is dying. This he knows. The serum is him, But he is relieved, maybe he will see his Ma and Bucky again. He cannot cry, there are no tears left for him to weep.Steve mourns for the life he will never get to live, the things he will never get to say. He mourns for his past and his future.Death be not proud, for you have tried to take one of the best among us.