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One more day.
Was the first thing Bucky thought when he woke up. It had been 550 days but he only had to wait one more day. Even though it was 5am and everything was already prepared for the next day, he couldn’t just stay in bed. He rolled out of bed, padded over to his calendar, picked up the pen and crossed out the next square in the month, a wide smile on his face. There was a big heart around Saturday the 28th, a small picture of him and his love blue tacked to the small square.Tomorrow is when Steve finally comes home for good. His third tour was finally over. 7 years of service completed with nothing but video chats, phone calls and 5 home visits to get them through. 2 of which Steve surprised him, 2 were medal ceremonies and the other was a terrible time for Steve where he had to commemorate the most amazing woman Bucky had ever met.When he thought about all those times, the pain he felt when Steve was deployed again always trumped that of the joy of his arrival in the first place. But this time he wouldn’t have to see Steve leave ever again. He’d never have to sit in the airport with Natasha, holding her hand wishing that Steve would just turn around and come back to him, knowing that he’d spend every waking moment praying to a God he wasn’t sure even existed to keep Steve alive.Shaking his head clear of the darker thoughts, Bucky wondered into the bathroom to relieve himself before dressing in joggers and a t-shirt. He stood in front of the charging station his arm was situated on top of, debating if he could be bothered with putting it on just for a jog. He’d lost his left arm when he was 14 in the same car crash that killed his mother and father. Since then he’d had a basic prosthetic (so at least he had something in place of his arm), an experimental robot arm that he could control with his shoulder muscles and other arm. And now this amazing creation courtesy of Tony Stark, who’d met Bucky through Steve on his last home visit 18 months ago, and asked if he’d like to be a part of a new study into prosthetics and neuro-controls.So far it was amazing, if a little heavy. But that was something Tony always said he could remedy. There was even the option to have it surgically implanted onto Bucky’s body but that would require a lot of invasive procedures that Bucky wasn’t sure he was up for. This arm worked perfectly fine with how it strapped to him so why bother changing things.Deciding against it, Bucky left the bedroom, stopping in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and trying to bypass all the ‘welcome home’ signs they’d made. He couldn’t do it entirely, he stopped and looked at the one his students had made for a couple of minutes. All their little hand-prints and finger-painted messages just for Steve.Bucky had been lucky to get the job at the Shield Academy for special needs. He hadn’t done any training other than the basic teacher training, but Nick Fury, the principal, had admired his courage to turn up to the interview minus his arm. When they’d walked around the school some kids had clearly looked up to him for being the same as them. He’d practically been given the job on the spot. They provided the intensive training he’d needed and within a month he was teaching full time.He taught Math to 6, 7 and 8 year olds, and a selection of languages to those over 12, Russian being his most fluent. He covered a few science classes here and there if he could as well. And as soon as Tony caught wind of where he was working he obviously had to get involved. He funded their technology department, working with some of the older students to create their own prosthetics. He bought the school a 3D printer and created toy versions of all the first and second years, showing their disability and giving them something to play with that wasn’t a pristine perfect doll with no flaws whatsoever.He had a feeling that if it wasn’t for Pepper Potts then Tony would completely forget about his company and spend his time creating for other people. Bucky never understood why the public seemed to dislike him so much. 90% of the bad press was all rumours and lies anyway. The fact that the man had given up his tower in the centre of New York, as a hostel for homeless veterans, to come and live in the suburbs should tell the world what kind of man he was.Shaking his head clear of the deep thought path he’d managed to wander down, Bucky turned away from the posters and went to the closet to get his trainers, tying them swiftly and making his way out the door, locking it behind him and starting to jog his familiar route. The sun had risen about an hour ago but everything remained still and silent like it’s was the dead of night. Bucky loved mornings like this, clear and bright with nothing like the constant droning of traffic like he grew up with. It helped him keep his head clear and focused, allowed him to think freely without interruption.When Steve suggested they use some of the money he’d received from his Ma’s life insurance to buy a house, Bucky had completely turned down the idea. Telling Steve to save it for something special. But Steve managed to wear him down, convince him that buying a house with Bucky was special, that it would set the foundations for something more.The proposal helped a bit too.Bucky knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Steve and had planned on proposing during one of his home visits. But Steve had beat him to it, giving Bucky the most amazing date the day before his first deployment. They went to dinner at the same place they had their first proper date, they walked along the East River and all the way to Prospect Park. Steve stopped him under a random lamp, leaned him against it and just kissed him.And kissed.And kissed.And kissed.Bucky wasn’t sure how long they were kissing for but when Steve pulled away there was a selection of their friends, as well as some of Steve’s mates from basic, all holding up a sheet of card painted with a neon letter.‘M A R R Y M E B U C K Y ?’Bucky was too impressed with how Steve planned all this without him finding out to notice how he’d gone down on one knee, ring box in hand and looking up at Bucky with the most hopeful expression he’d seen since the guy had asked him out the first time.Bucky couldn’t even talk, he simply dropped to his knees beside Steve, nodding frantically as he held his fingers out for the blonde to slide the ring onto, it was quite simple, a slim silver band with three small blue gems in a line, similar to the colour of Steve’s eyes. It wasn’t until they began to kiss again, surrounded by cheers and applause, that Bucky realised. If he had Steve, he had everything he needed.And if Bucky had cried then only Steve had to know.As happy as he’d been, there were far more tears the next day, however. Steve’s first deployment overseas to fight for his country. They were engaged, but Bucky couldn’t help but feel insecure and anxious that he’d never see Steve again. For every day of the first week he’d torture himself by reading stories of how rookie soldiers died on their first day out of the barracks. He always had the news app open in case something would come up about American Soldiers. He didn’t sleep much and eating made him feel sick.It only lasted the week though, partially because the next week he had to begin packing all his and Steve’s things to move into the house they’d bought. But mostly It was because Natasha pulled him from his solo pity party and helped him stop thinking that Steve was going to die imminently.It took a while for him to find a routine but after he got the job it became easy to wake up every morning, cross off a square on the calendar and continue his day busy with his classes. He still checked the news at least once a day though.No one dared to stop him.Bucky had thought that it would feel like an eternity waiting for Steve’s first home visit. Some nights felt like an infinity of eternities all lined up in a row, leaving Bucky crying silently and wishing he could just see Steve again for a little while.The nights following a skype or phone call were often worse. He’d stay up as long as possible with him, despite the fact he’d need to be up at 6 in the morning, for Steve it was already morning. They’d talk about things they did, things they saw, people they met. Bucky talked a lot about the kids, knowing Steve loved hearing about them. There were many occasions when Bucky would fall asleep to Steve’s voice, waking up and hating himself for missing out. Then he recalled Steve was talking about the ins and outs of cleaning his dress uniform and figured it was probably his intention to put him to sleep.Most times, though, they’d say goodbye, and Bucky would be left feeling hollow and alone, and he’d end up not sleeping at all, his eyes stinging with tears, his body cold and small in their large bed, feeling even smaller in the big house that was meant for more than just one person to live in.In the morning, he’d toss back coffee, pull his hair into a scraggly bun and leave his arm at home when he went to work. After a while, the older kids figured out why he was sad, and they did everything in their power to make him feel better.More often than not it ended up being teaching them to curse in foreign languages.Bucky was brought back to reality by running headfirst into a tree. As he rounded it and started the jog back to his home, he thought back. It hadn’t been that long at all between visits. So long as he kept himself busy then the time went quickly. And it made his time with Steve that much sweeter. He was always given the time off that Steve was home so they could spend all their time together.Steve, being the sweetheart he was, always made the rounds despite how much Bucky tried to keep him at home (preferably in bed). He visited Pepper and Tony, let the man make a thousand and one flirty jokes about him in uniform. He’d spend half a day with Clint and Natasha and their kids; Wanda and Pietro, who they adopted together because they refused to let go of one another when Clint and Natasha visited the kids home. He visited the kids Bucky taught, answered all their odd and sometimes difficult questions, played games with them, taught them to paint their faces like they were camouflaging themselves (much to the parent’s initial distaste, before learning Steve’s career). All throughout the day he would give Bucky little wistful looks, watching the children with obvious adoration and Bucky knew exactly what was coming in his future.He couldn’t help but smile with the knowledge that he’d be able to plan a future with Steve now. More specifically: a wedding.Steve had wanted to get married when he was home, they’d elope together and then renew their vows when Steve left the army.But bucky refused.Steve had told Bucky he wanted them to be married because it would give him rights if Steve did die. He’d have access to Steve’s accounts and whatever else he had.But Bucky would get that anyway. It was in Steve’s will.He understood Steve’s urge to want to be married, but he didn’t want to do it half assed when everything else had been perfect.Every date: perfect.Every valentine’s day: Perfect (even when Steve was away).Every Christmas, Birthday, Halloween and Thanksgiving had been perfect. The proposal had been more than perfect. So why should their wedding be any less?(A small part of Bucky didn’t want to be considered a widower at 30, in the worst case that Steve did die. But he’d never admit that to Steve.)Bucky managed to convince Steve that it would be an extra thing to fight for; that he’d think ‘I have to get back to Bucky so we can get married’. It was that idea that made him concede in the end.The welcome home blowjob might have helped a little too.With that image in his mind, Bucky doubled his pace for the last kilometre, pushing the last of his restless energy into his legs so he’d be more relaxed later on.He had run for nearly an hour and a half so the rest of the neighbourhood was starting to wake up. He walked around his garden and did some cool-down stretches in the front yard, rolling his eyes when he heard a tell-tale wolf whistle come from Tony’s window.“Morning Anthony…” He drawled, raising his arm up and stretching it back behind his head, bending back as much as he could just to show off his hips and the ‘V’ running into his joggers.“Morning James… might I say that Captain Steven Rogers is a very lucky man…” Tony responded, pushing himself up onto the windowsill so he could see him easier. “is the arm not good for running?” he asked, both curious and slightly anxious his creation wasn’t good enough.Bucky shook his head, “No it’s not that,” he said, pouring the leftover water over his face to cool off a little. “I mean It can be a little heavy, and chafes if I sweat too much. But I just wanted to go without today.” He decided.“You know, it really wouldn’t be difficult for me to take the outer case off and replace it with a lighter metal.” Tony pointed out, downing half the steaming coffee. “It’s way too early for me to be up…” he grumbled lightly.“Steve doesn’t land until tomorrow morning, you could go back to bed, we’re not setting up until like 8pm.” He pointed out, ignoring the suggestion of improvements like he always did. He was already so grateful for what Tony had given him, he’d just feel guilty (guiltier) if he was given more for free.“Pepper snores.” Tony quipped, which everyone knew was a lie. It was the lie he used in place of saying ‘I had a nightmare’, though, so no one challenges him.“So do I.” Bucky shrugs, “So you and Steve might be seeing more of each other.” He said, knowing Tony would understand his double meaning.“Well I won’t say no to that.” Tony teased, winking at Bucky.“I got a ring on my finger and Steve’s been surrounded by hot army guys for the last 7 years, I think I’m safe.” He shot back, sniggering at Tony’s put-upon hurt expression.“You heading to the airport alone or do you want company?” Tony asked, not strictly asking about himself but knowing Bucky occasionally got anxious.“No, this one has to be just me, I think. There’s a lot of ‘em coming home so I won’t be the only person waiting.” He explained, nodding his thanks. “I just need you all to be here ready for when we get back, okay? I mean it’s not a surprise per se but I want him to be surrounded by the people who love him.” He requested, fiddling with his key.‘And there’s the anxiety’ thought Tony.“Hey, stop worrying. We’ve got Natasha running things, she’ll keep us all in line. Clint and Thor will be on the grill, I’m sure they’ll taste amazing. Pepper will be keeping an eye on the kids, as well as scary eye-patch man and the young sarcastic one with glasses, she’s fun. Bruce is on music and I’m doing whatever I’m told to avoid making any mistakes. Seriously Bucky, it’s gonna be great tomorrow.” He said gently, glad to see the other man relax and smile.“Thank you, Tony, I needed that. If it happens again just slap me though, and I’ll snap out of it.” He joked. “I really need to grab something to eat though, so I’ll see you later?” he asked, even though he’d forced everyone to go over the schedule multiple times already and he was sure everyone would rather avoid him until he had Steve back.“Maybe, We’ll see how interesting my work is and if I’m even still awake at 8, what that’s like…” Tony counted some on his fingers before realising he didn’t have enough. “A lot of hours” Tony said with an easy smile, saying just the right thing to settle Bucky down fully. “Now go shower, I can smell you from here.” He teased, wafting his hand over his face.“Ha ha hahaha.” Bucky said dryly, heading up the stairs of his porch and opening the door. “Thanks Tony…” he said finally, giving him a grateful smile before heading inside to get ready for the rest of the day. Breakfast and showering had undone all his hard work running, leaving him pent up and on edge, his knee bouncing up and down as he flicked through the news on his iPad, the one he kept just to irritate Tony and his ‘superior’ StarkTech. There was some news on soldiers, that a large amount were bring brought home in the next few months. He could never be more grateful for the fact that Steve wasn’t going to be in a coffin like some of the others.His eyes caught on Steve’s name as he read. It wasn’t the first time, but then Bucky usually went looking. He was surprised to see him mentioned in such a public article.Apparently, he’d saved 50 men from certain death, and even more from being tortured and imprisoned for lord knows how long. He convinced the General that he was less likely to be noticed if he snuck in on his own, with backup half a mile out around the perimeter. It had worked, he got in unnoticed, released the men and they fought their way out, successfully, while the rest of the squad occupied the majority of the guards. In doing so, Steve had gotten himself recognised, and would be receiving another medal. He’d even been offered a promotion, but the article didn’t say if the idiot had accepted it or not.Bucky could kill Steve.After everything they’d been through, 7 years of not being together, 7 years of anxiety, bucky constantly worrying if he was okay, if he was safe. 7 years of engagement, of Steve trying to get back for Bucky. And he does this? It was practically a death wish going in on his own, and only a month before he was due home for good? He dared to give everything up and now there was a chance he’d be leaving again?No.No!“NOO!”One minute it was the day before the best day of his life and the next he had a smashed iPad, smashed table top, and glass in his hand. He wanted to see Natasha, but mornings in their household were busy enough as it was with the twins, and it wasn’t something two 6 year olds should see. So instead he trudged a little guiltily over to Tony’s house, knowing the genius was awake.Needless to say, Tony was very surprised to see Bucky, upset and bleeding on his doorstep when only an hour ago he’d been eagerly anticipating the return of his fiancé. He was wordlessly invited inside and escorted to the bathroom and made to sit on the edge of the bathtub like a child. “I know I said I’d see you later but I wasn’t exactly expecting it to be this soon…” he quipped as he retrieved the first aid kit.Tony was carefully cleaning the wound, removing the glass shard and dabbing the area with alcohol coated cotton wool. He looked like he wanted to make another joke, but clearly the look on Bucky’s face stopped him.“He isn’t… Steve didn’t die, did he?” he asked tentatively, placing steri-strips over the cut, holding the wound tighter closed.Bucky shook his head, sighing slightly in relief. “No, he didn’t. He took himself on a one-man death mission that he’s lucky he survived. He risked it all Tony, he risked a lifetime together and he got offered a promotion whilst doing it. So now there’s a chance that he won’t be home for good, that he might decide to take it and leave all over again. If he thinks I’m staying with him for another 7 years in that house all on my own then he’s deluded.” He rambled, feeling his throat get tight as the idea really hit him.Tony looked a little stunned by the revelation, but then it dawned on him. “Wait, a one-man mission? The one that saved like over a hundred people? That was Steve?” he asked, having read about it after it first happened. He didn’t realise they’d finally released more details. “Shit… he’s a hero, Bucky.” He pointed out.Apparently, the wrong thing to say, Bucky glared up at him, only just tolerating his hand being wrapped. “He’s a fucking idiot, he was so close to coming home, I bet there were other men who could have gone in his place. But he chose to, he didn’t give me a second thought, didn’t even tell me about it last time we spoke. He’s getting another medal, I could kill him for doing this!” he ranted, having a hard time calming himself down.“What is with all the noise…?” came a soft, tired voice, shortly followed by a slightly rumpled Pepper Potts, her hair in a messy ponytail, pyjamas slightly askew. Bucky felt terribly guilty now.“Steve did a dumb Steve thing and Bucky only just found out.” Tony explained briefly, tossing the bloody cotton in the bin.Pepper sighed, she felt sorry for Bucky, she knew that Tony and herself wouldn’t have survived under the same circumstances, And Whatever Steve had done, it probably justified a reaction like this. "Steve always does dumb Steve things" she reminded them. "but that doesn’t mean we get to hurt ourselves over it. Imagine how Steve will react to seeing you like this. We have to remember that he sometimes runs into things without thinking at all about the consequences because he trusts his instincts more than anyone else I know.” She said, speaking softly, taking over the bandaging of his hand, her fingers gentle against his skin. Bucky sighed, Pepper had a point; but that didn't make it right that the blonde never told him. He was tempted to call his idiot fiancé to see what the man had to say for himself. But he knew that would ruin their plans. More than Bucky felt it already had.“Am I wrong to be angry and hurt, though? It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if he'd just told me himself. I’m going to be spending all of today wondering if Steve is going back overseas. And it isn’t my place to ask him to stay because that isn’t fair. I can’t blackmail him by telling him I’ll leave if he does.” Bucky spoke carefully, making sure he got his opinion across in the right way. “I can’t even believe it’s me that’s saying this, but that right there? That’s the basis of a very unhealthy relationship.” Tony said bluntly, earning himself an indignant look and an open mouth read to protest. But Tony was quicker, placing his hand over Bucky’s mouth. “Nope, my turn to impart my wisdom.” Bucky harrumphed and licked Tony’s hand in protest. “Eugh, that’s disgusting, you disgraceful human it’s so obvious you’re a brother.” Tony grumbled as he pulled his hand away and washed it. “As I was saying…. You could also argue that Steve being away and constantly at risk is making you mentally unstable. We know how there are days you can’t sleep, how you get anxious when Steve misses his call. Not only is this unsafe for the kids but it’s all very unfair on you, Steve being away like that. How dare he?” Tony said, flipping everything on its head. “But that’s still unhealthy.” He countered. “It isn’t about blackmail, Bucky. You need to tell Steve you’ll break the engagement if he accepts this promotion, and you explain that it isn’t because you don’t love him, it’s because you have to keep yourself sane and healthy. And all the stress him being away causes isn’t healthy for you.” He explained.“You need to have a conversation, not an argument or a sharing of ultimatums. And who knows, it might not even come to that. Steve might have already decided he doesn’t want it. Did that thought even cross your mind?” Tony questioned, shrugging. He caught Peppers fond (and slightly proud) smile in the mirror and winked in response. Once upon a time Tony had been exactly the same kind of person as Bucky, always jumping to the worst conclusions, always reacting before thinking. It had taken lots of Pepper’s time and effort before he felt secure in their relationship. Bucky looked down and shrugged, “I guess not...” he admitted in a low grumble, feeling every bit like the sulky teenager he no doubt looked like. “But this is Steve, he’s always for the ‘right thing’, if he sees a problem he’ll try and fix it.” He reminded them both.“Sometimes it’s like you’re the only person on the planet who can’t see how much Steve loves you.” Tony murmured, his arms crossed over his chest. “Maybe if you let Steve in on some of the problems up here then he’ll stick around to help fix you too…” He suggested softly, tapping on Bucky’s temple.Bucky nibbled his lip and looked to the ground. “I know Steve loves me, of course I do.” He insists. “It’s just…sometimes I think he forgets him being overseas effects the both of us, not just him.” He tries to explain“So… remind him’” Pepper says kindly, “how many times have you shown him you were anything other than happy, when he has home visits, or when he calls. How many times have you disagreed with something to his face?” She asked.“But I am happy when he’s home, and when we call.” Bucky implores, “Its when he leaves that it all turns to shit again.” And the realisation hits him that he never tells Steve about that. He tells him he misses him, but that’s not the same as admitting he’d stayed in bed for 3 days in a row straight after Steve’s plane took off. “Oh…”The amount of times they’d all been there to pick Bucky up, dry his eyes and provide him with comforting words… He owed them more than he realised.Pepper reached over and gave his wrist a gentle squeeze so as not to hurt his hand. “Talk to him tomorrow, even if he says he’s not leaving again.” She encourages. Bucky loves Pepper almost as much as his sister. They’d get on, he thinks. Which is probably why he hadn’t introduced them.“Communication is Key!” Tony blurted, looking a little like the mad scientist he liked to believe he was.Pepper rolled her eyes fondly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Yes darling, it is. Well remembered.” She teases, leaning into him.“See? I am learning, I’m smart.” He beamed, making Bucky chuckle. He knew how hard he and Pepper had worked to get to where they were now. But they fit so perfectly, and they deserved the happiness they now had.“Hey, thanks for fixing up my hand but I’d probably better get ready for work. I have double french today and I really can’t be assed so they’re getting a movie.” He tells them, sliding off the counter and pressing a kiss to both their cheeks. “I’ll see you later.” He waves on his way out, feeling more relaxed but a bit apprehensive about the next morning.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Morning Barnes, need a quick word.” Bucky looked up to see Principle Fury leaning easily against the door frame to his classroom. He looked slightly out of place wearing a black turtle neck and combat boots with his ever-present eye-patch and such a soft smile on his face. In another life Bucky could imagine this man as some kind of leader for an elected secret service. It was a wonder the kids weren’t all terrified, to be honest. Bucky had been for his interview. “Oh, sure yeah.” He said, closing his notebook. “Be good for Darcy, she’s bad at French so just hold any questions until I’m back, I won’t be long.” He told his class, glad it was a group of older children who didn’t need constant attention and supervision. He followed Nick out into the hall, feeling a little anxious. “Is everything okay?” He asked after a few seconds of silence. “Movie day?” Fury asked, very pointedly. Enough to get the slightly disapproving message across.Bucky crossed his arm defensively across his chest, “It’s near the end of term…” He stated.“Its weeks away. And do you care to share what happened with your hand?” Fury pressed when he spotted Bucky’s bandage.Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed, “Alright, I didn’t sleep well and I forgot my lesson plan.” He conceded. “And then this morning something happened with Steve and I got angry. Its fine. I’ve talked it through and the film is in French, I’ve given them each a character they have to translate a page’s worth of speech for them.” He explained, shrugging.Fury seemed to get a little confused with the switching of topics, and his lips did an interesting twitch when Bucky mentioned Steve. But right now, he was hoping not to get a bollocking for being a slightly bad teacher.Sighing, Fury finally spoke. “Alright, I know how important tomorrow is so I’ll let it go. But don’t let your students get complacent.” He warned. “I just wanted to let you know there’s gonna be a special assembly during form time today, one of the kids’ relatives is coming in to do a talk for us.” He started, “a Paralympian getting them interested in all the sports available for the ranges of disabilities. The afternoon lessons are cancelled to try some of them out, like the soccer ball with the bell in for the blind, and I think he’s even got some of those cool running blades to bring in.” He explained, seemingly very interested and excited by the opportunity.Bucky was a little confused. This was very last minute to be hearing about all this. “That sounds awesome, really really awesome. But I have my lesson plans sorted for this afternoon, did I miss a meeting or something?” He asked worriedly.Fury frowned and tilted his head, “You have lesson plans for this afternoon but not for your upperclassmen?” He asked incredulously.Feeling like a schoolboy waiting outside the headmasters’ office, Bucky pursed his lips. “I’ve got the younger ones this afternoon, their classes are easier to plan. I’ve been doing it for the last hour.” He admitted sheepishly. “This is very sudden though Nick… Unless I missed an email?” he asked, knowing it was entirely possible after the week of planning he’d done.Nick waved him off, “Oh no, this was quite a last-minute arrangement anyway, but I let the other staff members know in the meeting on Tuesday, but you had your appointment. I would have told you about it sooner than today but I’ve had meetings and the board and it’s all been a bit hectic. I hope you don’t mind disrupting your hastily planned afternoon for this.” He said it in a way that sounded like here was room for negotiation. And Bucky knew, if he really wanted to, he could disagree and decide to keep the kids in class.But who was he to deny young minds such a fun afternoon learning about all the inclusive sports they could try? He was lucky enough to have a fully functioning robot arm. Not all these kids were, some had disabilities that couldn’t be fixed with machinery.“Of course not.” He agreed easily, “I know they’ll absolutely love it, it was just some year 8 biology, I’m sure they’ll catch up easy enough.” He reassured, “I can’t wait, I’ve always wanted to try blind soccer.”“Yeah me too, it will be fun to see if we can set up a sports day next year from this as well. I’ll let you get back to your movie though. And please stop teaching them how to swear, some of their families are catching on.” He warned, but he had a little grin on his lips that said he sort of approved regardless.Bucky saluted causally, “sure thing boss. I’ll bring them to the hall at half 1.” He said, watching him walk away for a moment before returning to class. He was deeply grateful he’d not ended up in more trouble from Fury about simply putting a film on.“So, surprise assembly and sports day?” He asked Darcy in a hushed whisper once he was back behind his desk.Darcy looked up from the laptop she’d been making notes in for her teacher training course. “Hm? Oh, crap yeah, I totally forgot to mention that to you. The Paralympian.... Sorry.” She smiled sweetly. Bucky just rolled his eyes, exasperated. This wasn’t uncommon, she was good with the kids but had a brain like a selective sieve. “Don’t worry about it, it will be fun for them.” He waved her off but playfully tugged in her ponytail as he walked away to help a student with their French.The lesson soon ended and Bucky forced himself to give homework, putting them into pairs and giving them a scene each to translate which they would have to act with each other next lesson. It was both hard and relatively easy, plus Bucky wouldn’t have to spend hours grading. Mid-morning break came and went, getting some sun on outside supervision duty. He received a few warm and slightly chiding comments about his injury, but he was able to brush it off. He kicked a ball around with some of the older kids and soon enough it was back to class.He was lucky his Russian class just had coursework to complete, and the lesson before lunch was a ‘study’ period; where kids could come to him if they needed help. Normally it was a quiet time where he could get some marking done, or help Darcy with her training.This free hour was spent reading the article about Steve. The new information added didn’t actually tell him much overall, just basically more of what Steve had accomplished. He wasn’t feeling quite so angry now, but it still stung to think that Steve might leave again.Clint soon pulled him from his reverie by shooting him with a toy arrow he liked to mess around with.‘Time for lunch, sourpuss’ He signed. Although the more literally translated to ‘sour cat’ but Bucky got the message.“You’d be sour too if you were in my shoes.” He responded out-loud, signing a bit brokenly with only one arm. Luckily, Clint could read lips.‘I know. But I shouldn’t have to suffer it.’ He responded, quite literally dragging Bucky towards the staff room where he ended up putting his hearing aids in to make sure he didn’t ‘miss any gossip’. It was easy enough for Bucky to let himself get lost in the chatter of the other teachers, hearing amusing stories of some students, and the frustrated rants about others. It kept him distracted until lunch was over and it was time to gather his tutor group for the special assembly.He apologised for not warning his class, grumbling as they were. They seemed to perk up a little when he explained the situation, however. They were at that age where they were growing out of the irritating teen stage, and more into adults. It made tutor time a little less hassle.There was a low chatter of excitement humming through the large assembly hall as Bucky took his class in and let them sit. He made his way to the back after taking a quick register, sitting with the other members of staff. He could see many of the teachers chatting away to one another when they’re usually quieter. Some sent glances his way, which made him slightly suspicious that it was him they were talking about.Fury’s presence on the small stage soon made everyone fall quiet, however.“Now, it isn’t often that we gather the school together in such a way but today is special in more ways than one.” Fury’s voice was loud and carried the length of the large hall. He never needed the microphone available and students knew to keep quiet while he was talking. The statement did confuse Bucky somewhat. Sure, they whole school didn’t often have assemblies together. But they had special guests fairly frequently given the type of school they were. Looking around at the other members of staff he must have been the only one, though, as no one else looked confused.Then, he caught a glimpse of Tony behind the curtain. He showed up from time to time, especially given how much he funded the science department. But Bucky didn’t understand why he was here now. He wouldn’t be considered a special guest either. Tony also couldn’t be less interested in sport if he tried. Bucky forced himself to tune back in to Fury, hoping he’d not missed anything too important. “Our special guest today has won many medals for his skills all over the globe.” Huh, Bucky hadn’t caught a name but he liked to keep up with the Paralympics, he knew most of the recent medal winners and didn’t remember any being related to students at this school. Maybe it was just someone he didn’t teach. “His talents have inspired many people and his commitment is truly commendable. So please everyone, let’s put our hands together.” Fury stepped away from the front of the stage, starting up the round of applause without naming anyone. Hoping he wasn’t out of a huge loop, Bucky began to clap his hand against his thigh in his one-armed version of a clap. The next moment was silent however.At least to his ears.He could see all the people clapping, all his students, people looking his way. He should be able to hear them.They all started to shift and it took too long for him to realise his body was apparently moving towards the stage.Slowly. But surely. He was walking without giving his body permission. He didn’t even bother with the stage stairs, he simply launched himself up the few feet onto the stage.He didn’t stop for a second, simply continued forward until he was pressed against the body on stage. Steve’s body.
Steve’s body.
Steve was here.
He felt a pair of strong warm arms wrap around his waist, pulling him tighter. Steve’s face nuzzled closer against his neck. His own arm tight around Steve’s shoulders, his face damp and chest shaking. He started to hear the applause and cheering and belatedly realised that it was for him and Steve.
And Steve.
Steve!
“Hey Buck.” The warm baritone travelled from his head to his toes, making him pull him even closer.“You’re early.” He accused weakly, his throat feeling tight and achy with the effort to stop crying in front of the whole school. Steve was here. In real life. His actual body, his actual clothes, his actual hair, he was here. He wasn’t a slightly wrong sounding voice on the end of a phone. He wasn’t a grainy image that kept losing connection. He wasn’t a t-shirt Bucky had put on a pillow in a really low moment. He was solid, and warm, and holding onto Bucky with everything he had.“You’re here.” He choked out. He could barely believe it.He pulled away to touch at Steve’s face, patting him down and pinching himself to be on the safe side. Steve’s hands were wiping away tears on his cheeks, his smile warm and tender, his eyes brimming with their own tears as he nodded along.“Yeah Buck, I’m here. I’m real, I promise you aren’t dreaming.” He reassured, “I wanted to surprise you.” He admitted, leaning in to peck his lips.“You’re a bastard.” Bucky said around a wet chuckle, leaning into him again and holding him close. He could feel Steve leading them to the back of the stage and behind the curtain but he didn’t care, he had Steve in his arms. He could hear Fury start to tell everyone about the sports events of the afternoon, and the excited chatter that followed. He was glad to learn that hadn’t been a complete ruse, the kids deserved a chance to learn what was out there for them. But for him, he had Steve.Safely hidden behind the curtain, Bucky stopped whatever words of comfort were coming from Steve’s mouth with a hard kiss. He tasted salty from both their crying but it didn’t matter.Steve was Here.
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“Tony Stark you’re an asshole!” Bucky accused once he was finally able to part from Steve. They’d been guided to the staff room where Bucky had taken it upon himself to get properly reacquainted with Steve’s lips. It was sweet and a bit awkward and messy because he was so overwhelmed and still a bit tearful.But it would all be okay because he wasn’t going to be alone ever again.They were interrupted by a not so subtle cough, which was enough to make Bucky turn on the little snake. “How long have you known about this?” he asked Tony, prodding Steve’s chest with his finger.The genius actually seemed a little embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck and shuffling from foot to foot. “He’s actually been in my spare room the last day or so…” He admitted, giving Steve a quick glance that could have easily been interpreted as ‘Help me!’. Steve didn’t come to his defence, though his grip on Bucky did tighten when the man made a move towards the traitor.“It was all his idea!” Tony defended, pointing both fingers frantically at Steve, “I was sworn to secrecy, Sam knew too, and Pepper, and Fury! You can’t just be angry at me, I’m insignificant!” Bucky managed to keep the glare for most of Tony’s tirade, but he ended laughing in spite of himself.“Yes, because ‘insignificant’ is certainly a synonym for ‘Tony Stark’” he groused, stepping out of Steve’s hold and literally dragging Tony to the other side of the office.“If he’s been there a day or so then he was there this morning… you didn’t think I might want to see him when I was panicking and bleeding everywhere?” He demanded in a hushed angry whisper.“Oh. No, he wasn’t there this morning. He was ‘tying up loose ends’ whatever that means…” He reassured him. “Which also means he didn’t hear our conversation. So, you still need to have that with him” he adds pointedly.Bucky huffed and nodded, he hoped that ‘tying up loose ends’ meant that Steve was cutting ties with the army. They walked back over to where some of the other staff members had gathered to chat to Steve. It made his heart swell when Steve effortlessly drew Bucky against his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and involving him in the current conversation.“I still hate you for surprising me like that….” Bucky told him when someone turned the conversation back to Steve’s entrance. “But I’m so glad you’re back… I love you…” He leaned in to kiss him again despite all the onlookers. “Okay, first to 5 wins this round!” Fury called, watching over the two sides. He seemed louder now Bucky’s vison was obstructed. The blindfolds were not the best quality but they blocked most of his vision. If he really looked down, he could see his feet, not that it would help.“You’re going down Rogers!” Bucky called, hoping it was in Steve’s general direction.“Not likely Barnes!” Steve called back, from the opposite side of the pitch. Bucky turned and stuck his tongue out.“I’ll beat you even with one arm, punk!” He was glad he’d decided to go for the run this morning as it helped him get past the slight imbalance.“Enough of the trash talking, ladies! Let’s get playing!” Fury called, blowing his whistle and throwing the ball into play, the bell on the inside indicating where it was. He began to move in the direction of the ball. He kept running until the little bell rang out behind him. On the other side of the pitch.He turned and tried harder to follow the bell this time, managing to get close enough to run directly into the person who currently had the ball, knocking them both over. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He asked, getting himself onto his knees and reaching out blindly to help the other person to their feet.“I’m alright Mr Barnes, though you lost us the ball.” Ashley said, not sounding too upset by it. She was trying out one of the running blades so she didn’t have a blindfold on, Bucky only taught her for Math once a week when their usual teacher had the day off.“Sorry, I’m probably not very cut out for this…” He realises, letting her help him up.“Just try to listen for the bell, Sir. You’ll pick it up, I’m sure!” She encourages enthusiastically. “Just make sure you make yourself heard, call to let us know you’re coming.” She advises.“Right, call out. Gotcha. Thanks Ashley.” He reached out to pat her on the shoulder and hit air, nearly toppling over again when he missed. The ball was back on the move again and Bucky made less of an effort to chase it and spent some time just listening. He could hear Steve guiding his team, calling for the ball and keeping it for a moment before passing It on to someone else. He was being careful, he was helping others where he could, he seemed to good at it despite the fact he didn’t have vision. It made Bucky smile. Steve would make such a good dad.The ball bumping into his leg made him jump back to reality, he felt around for it with is feet, getting one foot on it and starting a very slow dribble. “I got the ball!” He called, joyful.“Yeah so maybe you wanna pass it?!” An older lad suggested, close to Bucky’s side.“Uh… Yeah, I’ll try” He says, continuing to dribble forwards, picking up some speed. He kicked the ball in the direction of the shout and continued to run. Unfortunately, the ‘Watch out Mr Barnes!’ came just a second too late and Bucky ran headfirst into the goal post.He was knocked to the floor, dazed and in pain. He realised he must have been wearing the arm too much because he reached back but not on the right side, making his back take most of the impact. He didn’t even take the blindfold off, just lay there for a moment getting acquainted with the floor.“Bucky! Are you alright?” He heard Steve call, getting closer until hands were on his face sliding the blindfold out of place. A relieved smile took over his face, the hands large and warm on his cheeks. “For a moment there I thought you’d fainted from excitement.” He teased, though it was clear to Bucky how genuinely worried he’d been.For a moment Bucky wondered how many times Steve had seen someone close to him on the ground and automatically assumed the worst. He turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to the soft palms. “Takes more than a bump to take me out.” He commented, letting Steve help him up and keep him steady from the headrush. “Though I really don’t think blind soccer is for me… Maybe I should try something else.” He says, rubbing his head where a small bump was forming.“Or maybe you could sit out for a few…” Steve countered, leading Bucky off the pitch and letting them play on. “You’re sure you’re alright? You didn’t move for like 30 seconds.”Bucky gave him a tired look, “Steve, I was dazed. I promise I’m okay, it’s not like I fell far, or onto anything hard. Just a bit winded, that’s all.” He insisted, giving him a gentle kiss. “I appreciate the concern though, you can always kiss it better for me later…” He whispered, raising a brow and trailing his finger over Steve’s jaw.“I just might do that…” Steve responded, his voice that bit rougher, promising good things for when Bucky got home. The blonde was sweet enough to press a kiss to his forehead anyway, soothing the fairly non-existent pain.“Get a room!” Came a shout from the small crowd watching the soccer. Tony was smirking at the pair, practically swamped by the taller people surrounding him.Bucky didn’t bother gracing the comment with a reply, just stuck his tongue out. He wouldn’t let anything ruin the happiness of having Steve back with him sooner than anticipated. “Okay. So, this works by the bow being attached to what’s essentially a stick, and that is then sort of mounted onto your stump.” The archer explains. Bucky knew Clint had a hobby he was very good at. He had no idea he’d been studying and teaching archery to kids who were missing limbs.“Right, the stick kinda acts like a forearm?” he asks sceptically, picking up the bow and seeing how it fit. The end protruding out of the bow had a mount similar to that of the arm Tony made for him. Just without an of the neural connectors.Clint nodded, looking past Bucky to keep an eye on the other kids. “Sorta yeah, you want a hand?” he asks.Bucky, who was struggling with the straps and the weight of the bow at the same time, nods and gives him a slightly pathetic smile.“Lemme know if anything is too tight.” He says, stepping behind him and clipping everything together in the right place, making sure it’s secure on Bucky’s body. It’s now that Bucky realises Clint is wearing his bigger, more obvious hearing aids. The ones that he had before Tony made him the really strong smaller ones. It was a nice gesture, showing his disability so obviously to people. Bucky knew it would make a difference to the kids who might not already know.“That all feels fine…” Bucky said when Clint stepped back. He experimented with pulling on the bowstring with his fingers, keeping the bow steady before even considering an arrow. “I mean it feels seriously weird, the pressure is wrong. But It’s not painful or anything.” He clarified, learning which way the tension was pulling and how he needed to compensate for it. “Alright, gimme an arrow. I got this” He demanded with a slightly excited grin.Clint smirked, picking up and arrow and helping Bucky slot it into place. He didn’t give any other instruction, jut stood back and watched as Bucky pulled the string back, aimed, and let go.The arrow flopped hopelessly to the ground and Clint was doubled over with his laughter, resting down on one knee as he cackled to himself.“Yes, ha ha. So funny. Care to help maybe? Coach” Bucky demanded, pushing Clint over with his foot and tapping his head with his hand flat in the sign for ‘bastard’, very glad that he was facing away from any of the children who might know what the sign meant.“Sorry, sorry… you’re just so bad at that…” He wheezes, standing and moving behind Bucky with another arrow. “Come on then, like this…” the archer really starts to help Bucky this time until he can get the arrow to the target by himself. From then on, Clint lets him be until he gets a blister on his stump.Steve helps him out of the strapping and they set the bow down for Clint to deal with later. They wander around together for the rest of the afternoon, hand in hand as they watch the kids try out the different sports. It certainly provided them with lots of ideas for a sports day the following year.At 3pm, Bucky had to relinquish Steve to various moms and dads who all knew him and wanted to talk. It bugged him a little having everyone fawn over his man but there wasn’t much he could do about it. He busied himself with some cleaning up until most of the children had been collected.“You two can get off you know… We can handle the clear up here, you don’t have to stick around.” Fury told him quietly, nudging him gently with his elbow whilst also looming over his shoulder.“I ought to at least put up some effort to decline your offer but I really want to get off with Steve so…” He admitted, smirking at the innuendo. “Although, for the record, screw you for keeping this a secret from me” He added, looking back at the headmaster.Fury shrugged, “If you ask me, I think it’s worth it, I haven’t seen you this happy in months.” He said simply. Bucky realised that was argument enough on its own.“I suppose. Thanks Nick… It’s nice to finally have him home for good.” He told him, his eyes never leaving Steve.“Well hopefully you get it out of your system before tomorrow…” He says softly, giving his shoulder a rare, comforting squeeze before leaving him to his soldier.“Any problems?” Steve asked, taking Bucky’s hand and pulling him close. He could feel the warmth from him, his lovely tanned skin and broad shoulders. Bucky used to think they were the same height, but maybe he’d been remembering wrong or Steve had had a tiny little growth spurt (unless perhaps he was shrinking). The way they were now had Bucky an inch or so shorter than Steve, enough for him to comfortably rest his head on the blonde’s shoulder.“No, he was just dismissing me early… Said we don’t have to stay for the clean-up. I tried to protest but I really wanna get you into bed.” He skimmed his fingers under Steve’s shirt, feeling the dimples at the small of his back, as well as the shiver that worked its way down his spine. He checked to see that the last of the kids had left before he tipped his head up and teased his tongue just under Steve’s jaw. Bucky felt more than he heard the small hum of appreciation.“Nick Fury is a generous man, we should take him up on his offer…” He murmured, tightening his hold on Bucky’s waist. Bucky nodded and pulled out of his grasp just to wave and call out a general ‘see you later’ to everyone before he pulled Steve towards the car.
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The car ride home was fairly tense, but for all the right reasons. It had taken longer than Bucky would have liked for them to even make it to the car, especially as Steve insisted on a cheeky snog in his classroom, pressing Bucky to the desk and making it so he had to hold his bag in a very specific way through the corridors if he didn’t want be accused of public indecency.Once in the car he was able to focus for about 5 minutes before Steve’s hand migrated onto his thigh, sliding up and down slowly, gradually getting higher and higher until he was simply stroking over Bucky’s significant bulge. He only just managed to stop at a few of the signs, having been so distracted by Steve’s hand.The big dumb blonde that was his fiancé only went and made it worse, pulling at the buttons on Bucky’s jeans and sliding his hand inside his boxers, causing Bucky to moan and swerve nearly into the curb. He was ever so glad it was a fairly quiet neighbourhood. Steve’s hand was hot and warm and he hadn’t felt It in so long it was all a bit much.“St-Steve, you gotta stop… Its- fuck” he hissed and pulled his car to the side of the road so he wouldn’t cause an accident. Steve just gave Bucky a silly smug smile and leaned in to kiss him sloppily, his hand still working and working until Bucky couldn’t hold off, his toes curling and mouth dropping open in a quiet breathy moan, making a mess of his pants and Steve’s hand.“You really couldn’t have waited?” he asked once he caught his breath back, but he was smiling and some of the urgency to get home had lessened.“It’s been months, Bucky, of course I couldn’t…” Steve said, and if Bucky didn’t melt a little right there and then…“Horny sap…” he accused playfully, pushing him back to his own seat so they could actually make it home. “There’s tissues in the glove box.” He said, pulling a face when Steve removed his hand. It wasn’t exactly nice… “I am showering before we do anything else…” He told Steve, switching to drive and pulling away. ‘Well’ he thought privately, seeing how tight Steve’s own trousers were, ‘maybe the second thing’.The rest of the journey seemed to go quicker now Steve wasn’t distracting him. He pulled into the driveway and was quick to get out and to the front door. He looked a mess and he didn’t know if any of the neighbours would be watching. He could feel Steve on his back less than a second after, his body pressing close and reminding Bucky of all the things coming. “Easy their soldier, don’t wanna break the door down and give everyone a show, do we?” he chastised playfully, pulling Steve through the door with him and then pushing him against it to close it, tossing the keys he didn’t care where and dropping straight down to his knees.“The most important meal of the day…” he murmured, using his one hand to forcefully get the button open and the zip down. Steve seemed to wake up quick enough and helped Bucky get his pants and boxers down to his thighs, freeing the long gorgeous cock Bucky had missed so much.“Isn’t that breakfast…?” he asked breathlessly, his fingers already in Bucky’s hair, tugging at the scrunchie so his hair came loose the way he liked it best.“Steve, its like 4pm, of course its not breakfast.” He commented, not wasting any more time and getting his mouth on Steve. He moaned despite himself, Steve didn’t taste as clean as he normally did but it had been so long Bucky really couldn’t care less. He had always been hungry for Steve, and had learned every last way to make Steve go crazy with his mouth. It was something he had mastered while Steve usually saved it for special occasions. Bucky didn’t mind, Steve gave him so much pleasure in other ways he didn’t feel like he was lacking.“Oh Christ, I forgot how good you were at that…” Steve huffed, the soft thud indicating he’s just hit his head back against the door. “So fucking good…” he sighed, his hand on Bucky’s head guiding and holding, but not thrusting. Bucky liked sucking cock, he didn’t like his mouth being used as a ‘fuck hole’. It made him swell a little with happiness and lust that these things were so ingrained into them now that they could fall so easily back into the habits despite not being together for months.Bucky continued to expertly suck Steve, preening at the small pieces of praise Steve sent his way, eagerly swallowing the salty droplets of pre-come forming. He could tell when Steve was close, his grip on Bucky became firmer, but no more restricting. His soft moans became harsher grunts and his prick seemed to throb in his mouth.Knowing exactly the kind of effect it would have on Steve, Bucky looked up and took Steve as deep as he could. Not as deep as he’d like, he was a bit out of practice after all, but Steve’s tip was firmly in Bucky’s throat. He swallowed as much as he could around him, forcing his gag-reflex into submission.“Oh Christ, Fuck, Bucky!” Steve cried, his hips twitching as he came, spilling into Bucky’s throat, with a hefty moan. Bucky must have better muscle memory than he remembered because he somehow managed not to choke at all. He cleaned Steve up as he pulled away, his face flushed and lips a little swollen. He stood up and guided Steve to lean against the door instead of against him. “I’m gonna go shower, if you’re not in the bedroom by the time I get out then I won’t be very happy…” he warned, smirking.Bucky left Steve panting against the door, stripping off his shirt and tossing it to the ground before disappearing up to the bathroom. Once inside he allowed himself a little giddy dance of joy, having to expel some of the happiness before he exploded in some emotional fit of happy tears mid sex. Once it was out of his system, he relieved himself as quickly as he could manage, put the shower cap on he used when he didn’t want his hair to get wet, and stepped inside the steaming shower.He spent longer in the shower than he would have liked given Steve was likely only a couple of rooms away, but he wanted to make sure he was clean and ready for Steve. It had been a long time after all, and Bucky needed it to be perfect. Once he deemed himself clean enough, he gave his cock a few tugs to get himself interested again. It didn’t need much paired with the images in his head. He left the shower and gave himself as swift a pat down with a towel as he could manage, not caring to get himself completely dry, he was probably going to have another shower in a few hours anyway.Steve was waiting as asked in the bedroom, better than asked. He’d stripped down completely and was laying easily back against the pillows, a dopy grin on his face that soon morphed into giggles when he saw Bucky. “W-What the hell is on your head?” he asked around his laughter.Bucky frowned, wondering why Steve would choose now of all times to laugh at him. He reached up and couldn’t help his own amused snort when he realised, he’d left the shower-cap on in his haste to get back to Steve. Pouting childishly, Bucky tossed the wet cap at Steve and it landed with a satisfying smack on Steve’s chest, covering him in cold drops of water.“You’re a cock” He jibed, but made his way closer anyway. He was beside the bed when Steve suddenly broke out of his shock, lifted Bucky up and wrestled him to the bed, hovering over him and shaking the last of the drops onto Bucky’s face. “Steve! No, Stop! Steven Grant Rogers!” He was laughing as he shouted, trying to use his feet to fight back as Steve had his arm pinned. He gained some advantage when his knee accidentally caught Steve’s groin, making him grunt and roll onto his side.“Oh shit, fuck, sorry, I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, but the grin was still on his face, trying not to laugh. “Karma’s a bitch, huh?” he said after Steve relaxed. He prodded at the nicely tanned muscle until Steve got the message and shifted up the bed. He followed after, kneeling up and straddling his hips.“I’ve missed you, Steve…” Bucky whispered after a long minute of gazing at each other, taking in every slight change that hadn’t been clear over skype. “So much…” he sighed, leaning in to kiss Steve.They kissed for a while, hands roaming and cocks hard against each other but not a priority thanks to their earlier rush. It didn’t take too long for Bucky to start feeling the strain, keeping himself up on only one arm had its drawbacks. Steve was quick to register this, feeling the slight tremor in his shoulders and rolling them so he was over Bucky. Their kissing resumed but with more heat this time, more deliberate thrusting against each other.Eventually, Steve’s interests moved away from Bucky’s lips and down his neck, marking him a couple of times before reaching his nipples, giving them playful nips with his teeth and making Bucky gasp. Further south Steve travelled, leaving little love-bites here and there, even wrapping his lips around Bucky’s now very eager cock for a few minutes.Bucky made a little unhappy noise when Steve pulled away, but the small tap on his hip made thrills run through him. He knew exactly what was coming and he tried to stay graceful in his movements as he rolled over and spread his legs apart.“God… you’re a sight like no other, sweetheart…” Steve murmured, laying himself over Bucky’s back and kissing his neck and shoulders again. “Nothing can ever compare to how I feel when I see you like this.” He whispered. The brunette felt the breath against his skin and it sent shivers down his spine as much as the words made his stomach flutter. He didn’t respond, he wasn’t sure how but he got the sense Steve didn’t need one. His reactions would be enough.“So perfect for me, layed out shamelessly… I never once got even slightly aroused surrounded by all those other army guys because I had this to come home to, had you to come home to. None of them match up to you, baby. And you’re all mine… I’m the luckiest guy in the whole world…” Steve spoke in such soft tones Bucky almost had to strain to hear him, covering Bucky’s pale back with little kisses and licks between statements. His hands never left Bucky’s body and by now he was nearly trembling with desire.“Stevie…” He panted, his hips moving in tiny thrusts back against Steve. The man moved back to Bucky’s neck and he felt the tip of his tongue touch at the top of his spine. It slowly trailed down his back, filling him with anticipation. He imagined he’d have come already by now and briefly thanked past Steve for having the foresight to get him off before starting any of this.Then all thoughts were silenced as Steve’s tongue had reached its destination, circling and teasing against his hole, gently probing. Bucky had to cry out and break the heavy silence, it was far too good and it had been so long since he’d had this kind of contact. He’s always found rimming more intimate than most sex acts, and it just made Bucky hot all over to have Steve do it before anything else.Steve slowly got braver, moved on from teasing and began to really work Bucky over with his mouth, pushing his tongue inside and getting him wet. He had to pin Bucky’s thighs with his arms after a short while as he kept squirming. He was relentless with his attention and didn’t let up until Bucky was moaning openly, his ass rocking against the blondes’ face, fingers gripping the sheets.“Steve… oh god Steve. Get in me, I need you in me, please…” He begged when he though he’d not be able to take it anymore. Knowing orders when he heard them, Steve withdrew and helped Bucky back onto his front.“So fucking gorgeous…” He murmured, absent-mindedly rubbing his hands over Bucky’s thighs.Bucky reached around under the pillows until he found the lube bottle he had stored there, holding it out for Steve to take. “You’ve seen a mirror recently, right?” he asked, the taunt falling flat with how shaky his voice was. Steve simply smirked and took the bottle, squirting some directly onto his cock and spreading it over. He set the bottle aside and wiped his hand on the sheets.Bucky was breathing deeply with need, he pulled both knees up as far as they would go, reaching up to pull Steve close to him again. These kisses were light and brief, all the focus was on Steve’s cock against his ass.He gasped as Steve began to push in, he was glad he’d prepped in the shower or this would have been far less pleasant. That and Steve’s treatment with his tongue made the slide inside easy and as pleasurable as Bucky remembered. Maybe even more so.The slow push inside drew a silent moan from Bucky’s throat, sharing Steve’s air as they came together for the first time in months. Once fully inside Steve didn’t move for what felt like ages, they just kissed, breathed and felt each other.Eventually, Bucky shifted slightly and set things in motion.Steve pulled out and Bucky rose to meet him on the slide back in. As slow and sweet pace was established, a synchronised rocking of bodies gradually building the other up. Steve was so close his stomach was giving Bucky’s cock some friction, enough to help the build of pleasure between them. It was gradual but it grew and grew, quickening their pace marginally and increasing the pleasure more. Together they rode higher and higher until the start of Bucky’s orgasm triggered Steve’s. It was virtually silent between them as they came, nothing but soft whimpers from Bucky and quiet grunts from Steve, both muffled by the others neck. It lasted longer than either of them imagined, and they didn’t move until the most of it had passed.Steve moved away slightly, gazing down at Bucky with such obvious love that Bucky felt his throat get tight. He knew his face had a similar expression. No words even needed to be spoken, they knew each other far too well for it to be necessary. There would be plenty of time for fucking in all sorts of fun and exciting ways that they hadn’t yet tried. But making love like that is the only way Bucky could have imagined their reunion going.
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“So, you wanna tell me why theres glass on the floor?” Bucky paused mid eye-rub, one eye open and his mouth open caught in a yawn. The sun was setting and casting a nice orange hue to the room, it wasn’t harsh on his tired eyes and it was warm on his skin.“Huh?” he asked, it was way too early for Steve to be confusing him like this. He padded over to his big army man and perched himself over his lap. “What glass, where?”Steve put his mug down and his hands came to settle on Bucky’s hips, holding him secure. “The coffee table? It's in pieces on the rug, did you drop something on it?” he moved his hands up and down Bucky’s back, soothing out the slight ache Steve had helped put there a few hours ago.Bucky looked over his shoulder at the mess he had completely forgotten about. Fuck. Looks like they were going to have this conversation after all.“I uh….” He looked back to Steve, nibbling his lip. “I read the article about you saving a bunch of guys, and you being offered a promotion.” He admitted, looking down. “I got a bit upset…”“And you…. What, jumped on the table? Hit it with your prosthetic?” He seemed to be confused, but his hands didn’t stop their soothing.Bucky felt his cheeks heat up, reaching up to scratch his eyebrow. “Um, I sorta… maybe… used the iPad… That’s broken too.” He murmured sheepishly, feeling ashamed. Half the arguments he and Steve had, as few and far between as they were, had ended up with Bucky letting his emotions get the better of him.Both of Steve’s brows rose, his face looked mildly disappointed but Bucky couldn’t be sure if it was in him or in the situation. “You… broke the table with the iPad? Is that how you hurt your hand?” He took said hand in his and frowned at it as though doing so would fix his hand.Bucky sighed and pushed himself back to sit on the table to put some distance between them, knowing it wise to have that there if they were having an ‘important conversation’. “I know, I know. I should have tried to calm down but I read that you might get a promotion and I guess I sort of spiralled.” He said sadly, looking at Steve and waiting with his knee bouncing with anxiety on the chair.“So, you got so upset about the idea of me saving dozens of people and being promoted that you broke our table and hurt your hand? That feels real nice Buck.” Steve’s tone was something Bucky had a feeling he wanted to avoid. But this wouldn’t be sorted if he backed down.Shaking his head freed some of the hairs from his little bun, he reached up to tuck them behind his ear to give him time to formulate a response. “I didn’t break anything on purpose, Steve. And I didn’t get worked up that you saved people either. I’m so proud of you for that, I would never have been that brave.” He explained. “I got upset because I thought you might accept the promotion, which would mean you had to go back.” He met Steve’s eyes and knew instantly that this wasn’t going to end without a fight.“You don’t want me to accept the promotion.” Steve stated, and it was a statement, a cold hard one that chilled Bucky.“No, I don’t. Steve, I thought we agreed it was your last tour, that you were leaving the army.” He reminded Steve as gently as he could manage. He could feel the anxiety pull at his insides, fuelling everything else.Steve shook his head and pushed the chair back, physically putting more distance between them. “That was before I was offered a promotion, Bucky.” He said simply, as though such a thing was enough to change his mind. Bucky knew Steve better than that, titles meant little to him in the grand scheme of things.Something quickly occurred to him however. “Wait, you’re not actually planning on going back, are you?” it was not nearly as solid as he’d wanted it to sound, but his supposedly irrational fears suddenly became very real again.“It’s a really good opportunity Buck, it’s more money, I get to run more operations, lead more missions, I get to control things rather than having to just take orders. I could do so much good.” Steve pressed. He was standing now, coffee forgotten as he made his case.Bucky pursed his lips and looked out the window to Tony’s place. He wondered briefly how much it would take before someone came around to intervein. Not that it mattered, hopefully it wouldn’t get to that. “Right, so while you’re out there, defending god knows what, I’m here all on my own for however many more years.”Steve groaned and rubbed a hand down his face as though he was already tired of hearing the same argument. Which he hadn’t, not really. Bucky had worked to keep it hidden. “It wouldn’t be forever Bucky, and you’re not exactly alone either. You have Tony, Pepper, Sam, your kids, Fury, Nat and Clint…” Bucky felt his jaw click as he clenched it, fighting the urge to cry.He didn’t know how Steve could equate having good friends and colleagues to having a partner, a fiancé, or a husband if they could ever get that far. “Come on Steve, it’s not the same and you know it’s not.” He murmured tensely, hoping for a second it might diffuse things if he went for a softer approach.“Well no, maybe not but we’ve lasted this long, what’s a few more years?” Steve stepped into Bucky’s space again as he spoke, taking his hand to try and win him over.But something in Bucky snapped. By the literal definition then yes, they’d lasted because they were still engaged, but they certainly didn’t have a good relationship anymore. And Bucky had already been thinking of venues they could have the ceremony in, already looking at menu’s and flower arrangements. Things he would have to push back for another length of time because Steve had a hero complex.“A few more years?!” He cried, moving off the table and away from Steve, not trusting himself to fight against this if Steve was sweet to him.“Steve, do you even realise how hard it is for me to see you leaving? How long it takes me to find some kind of routine again and be able to get out of bed? Every single time you visit?” He demanded, realising he was getting emotional but finding himself powerless to stop it.Belatedly, Bucky realised that he had probably been better off having spoken to Steve about this a long time ago, so they could work through it. But he’d bottled it up because at the time the happiness of him being home outshone everything else. And then they were too preoccupied with Steve leaving to have conversations about anything. This had been a long time coming, and Bucky wasn’t going to let anything go unsaid.“Buck… its hard for me too you know. Only having video calls and texting, I’m more alone over there than you are here.” Steve protested, but it wasn’t a strong argument for him to make.“Then why are you considering leaving again if it’s so bad?! It makes no sense, Steve!” He could see the exact moment Steve realised his defence was weak, but the stubborn bastard refused to let it go without a fight.“Because I want to help people, Bucky. I can be useful over there.” Steve had his hands on his hips and a mighty scowl on his face. It probably made lesser men cower with their tail between their legs, but Bucky had dealt with this man for far too many years to be knocked back by this.“You can be useful over here too Steve.” He stated simply, half the fight leaving him. “Unless you think that my job, or Tony’s job, Sam’s job working with veterans, Clint’s job, the fucking paramedics who saved me as a kid, the fire fighters, the police, they’re all useless to you?” He had to ask, because a whole bunch of those had a very similar skillset to that of a soldier.“I need you Steve, why can’t you see that? Why is it not enough for you to stay here and be useful on home soil?” He sagged against the wall and could already see whatever argument forming in Steve’s head. He wouldn’t let him get that far though.“Why can’t you see that you being over there is fucking tearing me apart?” He swiped angrily at his face, kicking himself for being so emotional. “You know, I check the news around 3, maybe 4 times a day. Just to make sure there isn’t any news about soldiers dying overseas. Any time there is news about it, I have to stay off work because I’m on hold all day to that damn number you gave me just to ask if your name was on the list of the dead.” He sighed shakily, trying to calm himself down. He could tell parts of it were getting through to Steve, but he wasn’t finished yet.“So far we’ve been lucky. You haven’t been hurt or killed, and I know its because you’re good at what you do. But one day, you’ll get unlucky, you’ll get hurt and probably killed. The longer you stay out there the higher the chance that I’ll be on that phone and hear your name.” he sniffled a little and walked to stand in front of Steve. “One day I’ll hear that you died out there, and my whole reason for living will have gone with you.” He whispered, voice thick and wet with unshed tears. He heard the soft ‘Buck’ Steve let out but placed his hand on Steve’s chest.“Tony and Pepper said I probably shouldn’t give you any big ultimatums. But I don’t see how I can make it any clearer too you Steve. I need you. I don’t know if I can stay with you if you leave again.” He struggled with only the one set of fingers, but he managed to wiggle the shiny engagement band off his finger and pressed it into Steve’s palm. “It’s up to you”Steve also had very shiny eyes now, his frown much sadder than angry, his breathing very slow and controlled. “Bucky… come on. Don’t do this. They still need me over there. You can’t make me chose between you or the Army, it’s not fair.” Steve’s final words sounded weak, almost like a token argument just to have the last say. But he’d just pushed Bucky too far.Bucky stepped back and away from Steve, all the way to the other side of the room. He gazed at the floor, not wanting Steve to see the betrayal, the pure fury in his eyes. When he spoke, it came out low and gravely, so very controlled.“Get out. Right now, Steve.”“Buck-“ He made a step forward.“OUT!”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The sound of the door closing was a distant echo to Bucky. All he could hear was the rushing of blood past his ears, making his head spin. Next thing he knows he has Natasha speaking soothing Russian in his ear, holding him tight and tucking his head against her neck. It was an awkward angle but she smelt like the apple shampoo she used, Clint’s aftershave and like the special laundry detergent they had to use for Wanda’s allergies. It took time to calm down, a long time. Inside his head someone was hammering all over his brain, his throat was scratchy and far too constricted and his eyes felt puffy and swollen.“’Tasha…” Bucky breathed once he calmed somewhat, his body feeling weak as a baby deer. “I think it might be over…” he whimpered, pushing back slightly and sniffling, giving her a weak smile. He let himself be tugged to the sofa, still mindful of the glass. He really needed to clean that up. He was gazing in a daze at the mess when a thought occurred to him. “When did you even get here?” he asked Natasha, peering past the loose strands of his hair, voice like gravel.“About two minutes after you started screaming and Steve came knocking on my door. I’d have expected you both to be in bed until the party tomorrow.” She told him gently, lacing their fingers together and offering a sympathetic smile. “What happened?”“I was screaming?” he hadn’t even noticed, it would explain the sore throat however.“Yeah, just a bit… Sounded like someone just told you he’d died.” She informed him. “Tony even came out to see what the noise was about. That’s where Steve is now, probably getting told off by our favourite mechanic. Now, what happened?” she explained in patient tones.Realising the darkness and thus the late hour, Bucky felt his heart sink. “Oh god Nat, I’m so sorry, I didn’t wake the twins, did I?” He asked in a rush.“No, they’re fine. They’re as bad as Clint without his aids in once they’re asleep. Am I gonna get to know what happened any time soon?” She pushed again, giving his hand a squeeze.Swallowing, Bucky nodded and looked down. He could see Natasha rubbing her free thumb over the bare ring finger, she was so kind not to outright ask. He was so very lucky to have the people he had in his life.He stretched out and pushed at a larger part of glass with his toe, his other knee bouncing fairly rapidly. “The mess I made when I learned of the promotion. Steve asked about it and well… Que the argument.” He sighed, tipping his head back against the sofa, “it’s like he’s already decided to take the job, kept saying how the money was good, he could do so much good. As though he’s only useful when he’s oversees. I told him about how hard it was for me when he’s not there, but he still argued. So, I told him… me or the army.” He turned his head to look at her, his eyes prickling again. He took a shaky deep breath in, “I don’t know what I can do to make him understand.”“Oh James” Natasha sighed, reaching up to brush her fingers against his damp cheeks. “It’s gonna be okay. He won’t go back; we’ll make sure of it. I don’t really think he even wants to, not deep down. Whenever I skype him, he goes on and on about how much he misses you. He’s like a broken record, your Steve. We’ll work it out.” She tells him with a light laugh.Bucky grinned slightly, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Natasha’s cheek, cuddling close. “Do you think Tony will be annoyed if I ask him to repair my iPad?” he asked with a lazy smirk, his gaze landing on the fairly damaged Apple product. It gave him a bizarre sense of satisfaction when he could get Tony to rant on about how inferior Apple was.Chuckling darkly, Natasha settled an arm around his shoulders and nodded, “He will, but because its you he’ll do it anyway, all the while complaining about how you’ve tainted him. Make sure you let me watch when you ask him though, I don’t wanna miss that show.” She bargained, settling in with Bucky for as long as he needed her. “-Such a fucking idiot Steve, I don’t even understand how you were this stupid, like really. I can be really dumb sometimes, I forgot Pepper’s birthday and then took her strawberries like a week later when I finally remembered I’d forgotten it but I had also forgotten she’s allergic to strawberries so I was really in the doghouse but this is so much worse than that, I honestly though I had the monopoly on stupidity but clearly I was wrong, Christ Rogers! I just wanna punch you in your perfect teeth sometimes! HOW could you be so god damn IDIOTIC?!”“Are you done?” Steve asked with a withered look. He knew exactly how much he’d messed up; he had the ring he’d brought Bucky all those years ago held in his own hand instead of on his fiancés finger where it belonged. He saw Tony take another breath to begin another tirade of half nonsense. He was prevented by a hand on his arm from Pepper, subtly silencing him. But it wasn’t for Steve’s benefit. It was a testament to how angry she was that Tony had been able to rant so much in the first place.“For what it’s worth, we suggested Bucky should avoid something like that.” She said in a deceptively calm voice, pointing to the ring Steve was currently fondling. “And he usually listens to me at least, if not Tony, so for you to be holding it I’m guessing you were truly, spectacularly stupid.”“Even more stupid than the time I forgot Pepper’s parents were visiting and did my usual naked yoga in the garden.” Tony commented, glaring at him as if to hammer in the point about how stupid it was. “How could you do this to him, Steve? So, so, many years you’ve been waiting for this, to come home to him for good, and after all the build-up and the hope you gave him, now you’re thinking of taking it all away, pushing the wedding back further, extending his anxiety.” Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes, and Steve sensed the worse of his anger had passed onto disappointment. “I can see why he’d want to move on if he couldn’t guarantee you’d be coming back to him, not after all this time.”It was occurring to Steve that his time abroad might have been harder on Bucky than he’d known. He nibbled the skin around his thumbnail while twirling the ring around his fingers, shoulders slumped and heart heavy. Part of him is telling himself he’s an awful fiancé for not being able to just see how much Bucky had been struggling. But then Bucky had hidden it from him, he’d always been so happy whenever he was home. Steve had no idea Bucky compulsively checked the news, he’d not known just how much it impacted everything in his life until now, until their argument.Which is what made all this so hard. Because if Steve had known then his decision would have been made the second it was offered. He’d have turned it down and he’d have been home. But he’d had chance to actually consider the offer, and while most of him is demanding he stay, theres still a part of him that thinks he’ll be failing if he doesn’t go back.“I didn’t know how bad it was… No one told me, Buck wouldn’t talk about it even when I asked. I know I royally messed up here but I didn’t know.” He gasped brokenly, hanging his head with shame. He’d caused this, he was to blame and now he was going to lose the person that meant the most to him in the whole world.Despite the bad emotions in the room, Pepper stood and moved to sit beside Steve, squeezing a hand over his shoulder. “You’re right, you didn’t know. And I imagine its hard to tell over a grainy webcam image how he’s really doing. So, listen to us when we tell you that Bucky won’t survive you leaving again. Each time it was like more and more light went out of him. Seeing him around you is like seeing the Bucky we met way back when.” She said, “Seeing him when you’re away is like seeing an echo of that, still him but weaker. And weaker still.” She said the words as though they were a heavy weight, and it was clear to Steve how the people here had likely been all Bucky had to keep him together. He owed them a great deal. Cautiously, he reached up and took Peppers hand, smiling up at her thankfully.“I’m gonna fix it.” He insists, “My mind is made up, I might need some help but I’m gonna make things right. I’m gonna make sure of it, I’m gonna do better.” He was sorta convincing himself at this point, making a promise that he’d not stop until Bucky was happy once again.“Uh… do you think I could maybe spend the night on your sofa, though?” he asked after a few silent minutes. “It’s late and fixing it tonight when we’re both tired probably isn’t the best idea. If I though Natasha wouldn’t cut my balls off, I’d go home but really I quite like my balls where they are and- ““we have a spare room,” Pepper cut into his rambling, offering a small smile, “Just don’t look out the window first thing when you wake up or you’ll get to see just how flexible Tony is.” She warned with a slightly more relaxed grin.“Thank you…” he sighed, looking between them, “Thank you,” he stated again, knowing they’d understand the weight behind the words. He’d do something more to thank them for taking care of Bucky while he couldn’t, but his priority right now was getting his fiancé back. “Okay. So, we’re gonna take it in turns to talk, everyone can get their point across and we aren’t gonna raise our voices because that upsets the children.” Sam spoke clearly but with his usual baseline of amusement, looking between Steve and Bucky where they sat opposite one another at the kitchen table.Frowning and feeling a new wave of guilt, Bucky turned to Natasha with wide apologetic eyes, “You said I didn’t wake them, Nat I’m so sorry, I can make it up to them. Take them to the park or something later. Or they can have extra cake?” he offered.Natasha leaned over and rested her hands on his shoulders, her red hair falling between them. “Sweetheart, I think Sam meant us. We’re the children.” She informed him with a small smirk, “We don’t like seeing our dad’s fight.”With hot ears, Bucky frowned and turned back to the table, throwing a glare at Sam. “If anyone’s the parents its Tony and Pepper. He’s the oldest here. And you actually have children, so you’re the mum in any situation.” He argued, jabbing an elbow into where Natasha had now stepped to his side. Tony had his tongue poked out from where he was sat on Bucky’s kitchen counter, drinking coffee straight from the pot and passing it back to Clint. Lucky was happily sat between Clint’s legs, periodically being fed pieces of chicken Bucky suspected was from his own fridge. It was a strange scene. The only reason Pepper wasn’t there as well was because of a very important board meeting. Though Bucky imagined she’d have had a better job at keeping this meeting calm than anyone else in the room. If it came to it.He’d fallen asleep in Natasha’s arms on the sofa that night, exhausted from the argument and the stress but still feeling the relief of knowing Steve was safe and on home soil. He always slept better when Steve was home. When he woke up the sun was already up, the broken table had been cleared away and he had a blanket draped over him. He’d sat up and his kitchen was full of people, Steve included.Bucky hated not being included in group chats.Either way, he and Steve had been sat down opposite one another, ready for an interrogation of sorts. A civil and monitored conversation, rather than something private. Part of him was bitter about that but he and Steve had never been good at fixing things without help. And it was a testament to how good all their relationships were that they could have such a tense and emotional conversation together with their friends in the room.Sighing, he looked at each of them in turn, hoping to get a read of things. He knew Tony would have spoken to Steve last night, but his expression didn’t give anything away. He looked tired, but then Tony always had a vague look of exhaustion about him unless he was appearing on TV. Clint was fairly preoccupied with Lucky but Bucky could see he had his aids in, so even though he didn’t seem interested, his full attention would be on the conversation to come. Bucky was just glad it was a school day so the twins were occupied.Sam looked a bit miffed he was up ‘so early’ in the morning, but otherwise patient and ready to help them work through it. He liked to joke about how he wasn’t actually trained as a marriage councillor, so they shouldn’t be dragged into their lovers’ tiffs. But then he’d always be there when things really got difficult. He’s a good egg, thought Bucky at random, knowing he’d never voice such kind words to him without being very drunk.Natasha had the same level of patience on her expression, but her eyes held more than anyone else’s. She’d been with him through most of his breakdowns, helped him back up again and understood more than probably even Steve, the gravity of the situation. A slight nod of her head in Steve’s direction was all the push he needed. And so his gaze finally landed on Steve for the first time since last night. He’d avoided looking at him because he knew it would hurt.And he’d been right.Steve clearly hadn’t slept a wink, which just made Bucky feel like an awful person as he’d rested fairly well. His eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, his lips were chapped. They always chapped when he cried. Fuck. His shoulders were slumped, rising and falling heavily with the deep breaths he was taking, as though each breath hurt him. A quick glance down to Steve’s hands and Bucky could see his discarded engagement ring and 99% of him wanted to reach over the table and slot it back into place on his empty finger. But the 1% that took it off last night had to take priority right now. This couldn’t be swept under the rug, or compromised on like the dishwasher incident.Sam eventually broke the silence in the room, “I know this isn’t gonna be easy, but you’ve both got to be open and honest with each other if you’re gonna get through this. And everyone in the room will make sure you do, because we waited too damn long for a wedding and we’re gonna get it, you hear?” He insisted, pointing at both of them. He wet his lips, then nibbled them briefly before looking to Bucky. “Why don’t you start huh? Tell Steve the truth about how you feel when he’s oversees?” he prompted, clearly having been filled in from both sides of the argument.Bucky nodded, tracing the grain of the wood on the table while he gathered his thoughts. After a few seconds he met Steve’s eyes once more and took a deep breath.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“It’s like theres a part of me missing, when you’re away, Steve.” Bucky begins, trying to ignore the other ears in the room. “The part that gives me courage and strength, the part of me that can be truly happy. When you leave, you take them with you.” He shrugged one shoulder lazily, having to push through all his walls telling him he ought not to tell Steve.“And at the same time there’s this huge weight making it hard to breath. The anxiety. Because I might have the school to keep me occupied, distracted… but then any spare 5 minutes I get to myself and my mind jumps straight to you, and where you are, and the dangerous situations you’re undoubtedly in. And that weight just gets heavier and heavier and I have to fight against it each day you’re not here. Nothing like as bad as the stuff you have to fight, I’m sure. But it’s my fight, and it’s getting harder and harder to win.” He knows his explanation is weak, disjointed and not great at explaining how he actually felt. It was hard to put into words. He scratched at the table as he chewed his cheek, swallowing compulsively despite his exceptionally dry mouth.“As much as I try to avoid it, I always end up thinking about how far away you are, and then why you’re where you are and how much danger you’re in. I have no doubt that you’re good at what you do, you’d not have been offered the promotion if you hadn’t. But all it would take is one stray bullet, or a missed landmine, and you’d be gone. Just gone.” He heaved a shuddery breath, forcing himself to look back up at Steve, starting to lose his composure.“From there I always end up spiralling, because I’d never have been able to say goodbye to you, like with my parents. I never got the chance to tell them just how much I loved them. I’d not have been able to marry you, or go on all the dates I secretly plan. I still have the list of places we want to go together, by the way. But if you die, we can never do that, we can never look into adoption, or surrogacy, and finally raise a family of our own. Even with you alive, we can’t do any of those things while you’re overseas. Fuck. Steve, it’s like I’m mourning you over and over again, and you’re not even dead yet.” Irritated at his own emotional state, Bucky swipes at his eyes before any tears can escape, but his throat is tight and it’s a strain to force the words to keep flowing.“I can’t be happy when you aren’t here, not truly. I-I can put on a good show, but I never tr-truly feel it. Not like when you’re home. When you aren’t here, I’m not whole. I want to be the better person… and say you can go back…” he heaved a heavy sob at even just the thought. “But I can’t, I just can’t. I don’t know how many more times I can kiss you ‘goodbye’ at that goddamn airbase before I can no longer fight back, before that weight crushes me completely.” Shakily, Bucky reached over to place his hand over Steve’s clasped ones.“I know I’ve been wrong to hide this all from you, I sh-should have been more honest and open, I realise that.” He admits, sparing a glance for Sam. “But when I told you some of how I feel last night you continued to argue why you should go back. And Christ, Steve… That was like a knife to the heart, it felt like you loved the army more than your fiancé, and…” a sigh “and I can’t stay if you decide to go back.” He hates the expression he’s put on Steve’s face; he almost wants to jump up and say it’s all a big joke, that ‘of course he can go back to the army’. He bit his tongue, however, because this had to get resolved before it got any worse.Hearing a hitched breath that didn’t come from either himself or Steve, Bucky drew his eyes away from Steve and raised a brow at Sam, watching curiously as he tried to pretend he wasn’t moved by Bucky’s speech. Casting a glance around, he saw that everyone seemed to have been affected in a similar way. Clint was sniffling into the coffee pot, “It’s so sad, god that’s just so sad Bucky… I can’t even imagine if it was me with Nat, I’d be a mess without her…” he mumbled between sips, not really seeming to notice he was doing it aloud until Tony elbowed him, taking the coffee away and replacing it with a tissue. Nat looked more collected, but she still looked vaguely sad, or even angry. As though she was angry with herself for not noticing how bad it had gotten for Bucky. He didn’t mind, she had the twins. Lucky had even plodded over to Bucky, sat by his feet and rested his chin on Bucky’s knee, providing support. It was all very touching, but also a little embarrassing. While he knew it wasn’t a great way to live, it was just his life and he’d been living like it for almost as long as Steve had been in the army. To have his friends, his family really, react in such a way threw him for a loop.Feeling slightly awkward, Bucky reached over to Sam to over him a comforting arm squeeze, then huged Nat around the waist before awarding Lucky with a nice head scratch. He wasn’t ever very good at the whole comforting thing, that was more Steve’s area. He always seemed to know that to say. Other than now, because of course that was just how Bucky’s life had to go. Now he was silently staring at Bucky with even more anguished expression. Bucky kept his eyes on Lucky’s big dopey face so he didn’t feel quite so under a spotlight.It was silent and a little uncomfortable. Lucky pushed himself up onto his hind legs, licked his chin and let out a tiny dejected whine. He leaned closer and accepted the comfort from the blonde dog, uttering words of comfort to the discontented dog. Lucky didn’t stop the licking until he was gently chuckling from how it tickled. “Alright, alright Lucky. It’s all gonna be okay, we’ll still get to go and play whenever you want.” He soothed, bopping him on the nose and gently pushing him back to the floor.Everyone had composed themselves and Steve seemed to be holding himself back from talking. Or maybe just leaning over and kissing Bucky. His expression portrayed blatant need of action, no mater in what way. So, Sam took this as his que to continue the discussion. “Alright. That was Bucky’s feelings on this whole situation. Steve, now its your turn, tell Bucky what’s going through your head right now, take your time.” Sam said, soft and mellow, a peace-keeper in a troubled environment.“Bu-ck…” Steve’s voice cracked on the word, forcing him to take a drink of his likely cold coffee to clear his throat. “Buck.” He began again, “When we’re done with this discussion, we’re gonna find out exactly when we stopped talking like we used to. Because I remember a time when you’d not have held back about how you felt. I’m guessing it happened while I was away at some point, which I have been for a lot of the time. More time than I think I even realised, until now… When I’m overseas…” a deep rush of air left Steve, and the slight twitch of his jaw and light tremble in his fingers made it clear to Bucky how hard it was for Steve to talk about this. He’d ask Sam to talk about therapy with him later on.“When I’m overseas everyday is just making it to the next. Sometimes its easy, because we’re fairly safe at the base. But there’s such a routine that the days go so quickly, the days between our calls or video chats go by like the blink of an eye because I’m so occupied with army stuff… And I know that sounds like a dickish thing to say, especially after everything you’ve just told me. But its true. You’re on my mind all the time, of course you are. It’s the whole reason I fight, Buck, so I can get back to you!” He insists, gesturing with his hands to further his point.“I was never a big kid; you saw the photos… I was sick half the time and the rest was spent putting the little weight I had back on, and suddenly I get this big growth spurt and my immune system actually begins to work as it should and I can put on muscle. I meet you, fall completely head over heals in love with you, graduated college with a fairly useless art degree and all these new muscles and finally no more asthma… Joining up was an easy choice for me, mom always said my dad used to be in the army. It felt right. Even though I knew I’d hate every second I was away from you.” He said, clearly thinking his next words over.“But it got easier, the longer I was away. Because I had all the guys over there, many of them in exactly the same position I was in, a husband, or wife or fiancé or partner back home waiting for them… it helps you bond, helps you get through it when you know you aren’t alone. Coming back to visit you was always what I looked forward to most- other than, well… Peg, you know” Bucky nodded once, lowering his eyes briefly in memory of the late Peggy Carter.“Leaving you at the airport was always so difficult. You know how much I hate seeing you cry, unless they’re happy tears. I’d always think ‘it’s my fault, I’m causing him this pain, why do I keep doing this.’” He paused briefly, preparing for his next statement. “But then I’d save some children from betting bombed, or I would be able to provide food and clean water to refugee centres. I’d save so many lives it made it all worth it. I’m doing good over there-“ And there was that dam argument Steve had spouted last night, “-better than I think I know how to do back here. It’s been so long it feels like the army is all I know.” He looked at his hands, at the ring, tilting it this way and that so the gems caught the light.Bucky wasn’t sure what to think, it didn’t sound like Steve had finished talking, but he didn’t seem to be picking it up either. From the sounds of it, Steve was planning on going back, on giving up everything he and Bucky had worked for, on the life they could have just for a stupid fucking promotion. His eyes began to burn and he opened his mouth to speak but a slight gesture from Sam kept him quiet, he clearly seemed to think Steve had more to say for himself.The silence had become oppressive, Steve’s gaze never wavered from the ring in his fingers and Bucky doubted how much longer he could take it, if it wasn’t for Nat’s slim arm around his shoulders he probably would have bolted from the room by now.But eventually, slowly, the soldier began to move.He reached up to the collar of his t-shirt, pulled on the chain that always sat around his neck and with a great heaving sigh he began to lift it over his head, pulling the dog tags free of their usual home.It sparked hope inside Bucky, his fingers and toes began to tingle with the anticipation.Steve held the tags oh so carefully in his hand, his thumb rubbing over the imprinted details, clearly struggling with some internal conflict. Finally, the chain and the ring were lowered to the table, then pushed towards Bucky, who was holding his breath and waiting.“I’m gonna decline the promotion. I’m not going back to the army.”Bucky deflated like a balloon, near sobbing with his relief. He clambered awkwardly from his chair and met Steve half way, in a shadowed mirror image of their reunion the day before. He was encased in the muscles Steve mentioned, feeling a mix of relief, guilt, elation, a pang of anger and a fair amount of trepidation about the future all at once. He wasn’t sure how he managed to contain it all.He felt a small body at his back, slender arms around his waist, a larger one overlapping Steve’s around his neck, strong archer’s fingers stretching past Steve to pet through his hair, a shorter body worked his way into the other side, his arm breaking the connection between Bucky’s back and Natasha’s front. Then an excited, hairier body wiggled his way into the small gap in the middle of their legs, and plonked himself down to be the centre of the group hug that had formed.It wasn’t perfect, not yet. He and Steve still needed to talk, to work through the issues that had come up. But they’d have years to do that now, years and years together to live the life he’d been putting on hold. It was so freeing all Bucky could do was laugh, and be surrounded by the laughter of all his friends.