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Steve still wished that the Snap had turned him to ash along with Bucky. That he was still alive while the man he loved and half of life had vanished before his eyes. No, no it couldn’t be true, not after he’d finally found Bucky again after losing him three times. As much as he wished that it was all just a bad dream, he knew all too well that it wasn’t a dream.Months had passed since the Snap, since Thanos had culled half of all life and broken countless hearts, and the survivors had banded together in the desperate need to find a way to defeat their common enemy. Starlord had retrieved Tony and Nebula from Titan to join the effort, although that had not been without trouble. Steve and Tony still looked at each other distrustfully, but they also knew that there was no time for their private war. This was the time for action. And the shock of losing so many friends and loved ones had certainly enabled them to unite in the war against Thanos. Everybody was grieving for somebody, everybody wore some variation of the same shattered expression.Steve had turned as white as a sheet as he realized just how many of his friends had been culled. Wanda had disintegrated as she cradled Vision in her arms, Sam’s ashes had scattered as he was in mid air, Rocket looked absolutely broken as he held Groot’s ashes, Okoye and Shuri wailed over what remained of T’Challa. Steve could only gape as he surveyed the scene while his heart felt like it was caving in on itself as the realization hit him that Bucky, the man he’d loved since they were boys, had been taken from him again.
He’d cried inconsolably nearly every day, although he tried to keep most of it to himself. He knew that so many others were still so raw with grief that they would begin crying if they saw somebody crying and he couldn’t bear to see people break down every day, although everybody put on their bravest faces. Although the urge to weep had not left him, too often he could not spare any more tears.When Shuri and Bruce had finally summoned everybody with the news that all those who had been culled by the Snap were in the Soul Stone; while their ashes had fallen where they last stood and were technically dead, their souls were still very much alive and trapped in the Soul Stone. And if they could manage to wrest the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos, there was a good chance that they could undo the Snap and restore the culled to life.
Steve could hardly dare to believe this good news. Through the shocked emptiness that still numbed his heart, he felt a trembling of hope. He knew that they couldn’t guarantee victory against Thanos, but the fact that he could get Bucky and all their friends back made his eyes water. He bit his lip and winced, trying to keep himself from giving into tears, to keep himself cautiously optimistic.
Now that the time has come
Soon gone is the day
There upon some distant shore
You will hear me say
Taking several deep breaths to steady himself, Steve could hear himself thinking,
“Bucky, this could be my chance to be with you again… after losing you four times, I don’t care what it takes to save you. Sweetheart, if I have to fight Thanos by myself to get that Gauntlet, I will…!”He gazed out the window at the fading sunset, thinking of the preparations for the mission ahead. Everybody knew that this would be difficult, but the closing of the day filled Steve with a kind of hope, a sense that all was not lost. The rosy golden light of the summer sun dancing over the trees was beginning to fade to blue, and Steve’s artist eye couldn’t help but feel breathtaken by the timeless beauty of the sunset… he and Bucky had watched so many sunsets together and, although he winced at the thought that Bucky wasn’t with him, he somehow almost felt the other man’s presence. “I love you, Bucky…! ‘Til the end of the line, I’ll love you…!” Steve whispered, voice trembling.
Long as the day in the summer time
Deep as the wine dark sea
I'll keep your heart with mine
Till you come to me.
Steve had been faced with lonely nights all over again. He silently asked himself how many more times he could withstand losing Bucky, although he knew the answer to his rhetorical question. Steve, after all, was the one who had saved Bucky and the rest of their captured unit from HYDRA during World War II, despite that his commanders flatly refused to let him try, stating that it was too risky. And behold, he saved all the captured men and the man he loved like he loved nobody else. Faced with this newest cruelty, Steve had lost a lot of his youthful idealism and he fought desperately to avoid falling into cynicism and despair. Steve wanted so badly to see Thanos reduced to a maimed carcass, yet he didn’t care anymore whether he died in the battle against Thanos, as long as he could be reunited with his soulmate.“God, if you can hear me… if you’re there, I’m begging you, don’t let this be the end for Bucky and I,” Steve murmured into his tightly clasped hands as he thought of the morning and the battle that lie ahead, “Let me find him, please, if only for one last time…!”
There like a bird I'd fly
High through the air
Reaching for the sun's full rays
Oh, I’d find you there
How could anybody rest in a situation like this? Steve tried to purge his mind of all thoughts as he tossed and turned, his nerves and the dull ache in his heart keeping him in agony. Clutching a worry stone tightly, Steve tried his best to breathe slowly and regularly to calm himself. Although his mind kept racing and his heart still felt like minced meat, he could feel sleep somehow taking pity on him.
Listening to the wind blowing through the trees outside his window, Steve felt a sense of peace that life was somehow moving on, although it offered him little comfort. Whether Steve died in battle or not, he vowed that he would be with Bucky again.
Tears burned in his eyes and he curled himself into a fetal position, yearning for somebody to hold him and comfort him, yearning for the man he couldn’t forget. “Bucky…!” he squeaked as he felt his breathing hitch.And in the night when our dreams are still
Or when the wind calls free
I will keep your heart with mine
Till you come to me
“Cap,”“Tony,” Steve turned to face Tony in his armor, already tentative about the looming confrontation with Thanos.“I guess this is the moment of truth,” Tony said dryly, trying to be as diplomatic as possible.“I know,” Steve concurred. He was hesitant to say anything else, for fear that he would spark a fight before the battle even began.“Cap, I’m not sure where this will leave us,” Tony remarked, “I don’t like that there’s been this rift between us.”
“I don’t either, Tony,” Steve looked wistful, “I know that it will take time for us to work everything out, but after the Snap… I just can’t bear to lose anybody else.”“I think I understand why you’ve defended Barnes like you have,” Tony was unexpectedly vulnerable, “I know intellectually that he’s just as much a victim as everyone he targeted, and since Thanos took Peter with the Snap… I’m with you, Capsicle. Peter’s the closest thing to a son that I have…! He’s just a kid…!”Steve nodded, offering his hand reassuringly to Tony, who took it after a moment’s hesitation. While there would still be quarrels between them and they knew that reconciliation would take effort, for now they were united in their determination to defeat and destroy a common enemy.
Now that the time has come
Soon gone is the day
There upon some distant shore
You will hear me say
Thanos lie in pieces on the battlefield. The Infinity Gauntlet was now in Shuri’s hands.Steve could hardly believe what he was seeing. Everybody who had disintegrated in the Snap was reappearing.Shuri bounded to T’Challa, leaping into her brother’s arms, both of them weeping joyously as Okoye joined them, her usually stoic demeanor faltering for once. Steve was about to welcome the king back when he felt Sam catch him, both of them laughing. It had been months since Steve had laughed at all and he’d forgotten just how liberating it felt.
Wanda soon joined them, happy to see her family by association again, although still unsure of whether Vision would return. The somber look in her eyes crumbled as she saw Vis approaching them quickly; Wanda left one embrace for another as she clung to Vis like she was terrified that this was just a dream.But where was Bucky? Steve knew that there could be many mundane reasons why Bucky wasn’t in his sight, but his mind was still running away with all kinds of exaggerated worries.
Sam had made some smart remark when Steve saw Bucky facing them, just paces away. He was alive, he was safe. Steve’s heart leapt for joy and he felt himself go weak at the knees.In seconds, Steve found himself kneeling on the ground, gasping as he felt sobs building within him, overwhelmed with emotion, partly in sorrow for all their ordeals and partly in joy that Bucky was alive and before him again.
Before he knew it, Bucky was there and had him in a desperate hug that Steve quickly returned, sobbing as he frantically kissed Bucky as if to prove to himself that this wasn’t a dream.
“Mmp, take it easy, Doll,” Bucky smiled in surprise before he saw the dark rings under Steve’s eyes, which were puffy and red, and his whole face exuded heartbreaking anguish.
“And I thought you’d be happy to see me, Stevie,” Bucky’s joked half-heartedly, his smile melting as he saw Steve’s beautiful face flushed and tear-streaked.
“I can’t help it, Bucky- I- I thought I’d lost you again-!” Steve whimpered, “Please, just hold me- I need to know that you’re real-!”
Steve hadn’t even finished speaking when Bucky suddenly had him in the tightest hug that they’d shared yet. Steve wasn’t the only one who was desperate to know that this was real.
“Shhh, it’s all right Babe,” Bucky crooned as he stroked his hand through Steve’s disheveled locks, tucking the blond’s face against his neck as Steve let out heartbreaking sobs. Both of them had tears pouring down their faces, tears for their pain as well as tears for their joy that they were together again.“Don’t ever leave me again-!” Steve sobbed, feeling drunk on Bucky, on his fragrance that had comforted and thrilled him since they were just kids, “Oh Bucky, I love you…! I- I don’t know if I can survive losing you again-!”
“Shhh… I’m not going anywhere, Babe,” Bucky gasped as they held each other for dear life, hardly daring to believe their luck that they were reunited, “It’s not the end of the line, not yet… Gosh, I keep forgetting what saps we are-!”
They both sniggered, despite their lingering pain. As they calmed down, Steve murmured, "If it means giving up the suit and the shield, I'll do it. I can't lose you again. I just want you, Bucky...!"Bucky smiled, "I don't care where we end up if it means we can be together, Babe. Here, on Wakanda, back in Brooklyn, I just don't care anymore."
Steve raised his head to face Bucky, both of them red-eyed and flushed in the face, "You don't?"
Bucky shook his head as he gazed fondly at Steve.
Steve lunged forward and kissed Bucky with all the frustrated passion and affection that he had, which his surprised boyfriend eagerly returned, "Then let's do that. Let's get married; we finally have that right!"
"You're proposing to me?"
"James Buchanan Barnes, my Bucky, I have loved you since we were just kids and we have endured more than anybody should ever endure. Whatever happens next, I want us to face it
together. Will you marry me, Bucky?""Anything for you, Babe," Bucky gasped more tears spilled over their faces, this time from joy, "Of course I will. I'm with you-"
"-To the end of the line," they said in unison, laughing and crying at the same time as they eagerly kissed.
Long as the day in the summer time
Deep as the wine dark sea
I will keep your heart with mine
Till you come to me