Archive of Our Own

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It’s just the two of you. You’ve had other quadrants, you’ve gone through so much with your friends that you count them as family. But in the end, it’s just the two of you. You’re glad. You’ve always been private, for all that you yell and bluster, for all that you’re called on to meddle in other people’s problems.

You feel a twinge of worry that this means that it will just be him, any minute now, but you’re the one who’s dying. You’re gonna let yourself be selfish. And you know that everyone else isn’t far away. Rose knows the exact moment when you leave. You and Dave didn’t want to know, not specifically. Just enough to know that it’s soon.

He looks old. For you. God of time, aging himself and his family up so they didn’t feel so isolated from the world. You love every one of his wrinkles, wrinkles he says you put there because you made his stupid human skin stretch too much by smiling and laughing and worrying.

‘You know, Signless only lived to 15 sweeps. 40 years or something like that. Take that, hemospectrum.’

‘Yeah, you kicked the crap out of racism, bro,’ he says. ‘All those warmbloods don’t know how much they owe you.’

You smile and hit him. Weakly. He grabs your hand and presses a kiss to it, eyes crinkling to a smile even though you know he’s more upset than he’s ever been. He hides it so well, even now. Even with a motherfucking empath as a husband.

‘You’re going to be okay,’ you tell him. Order him, maybe.

‘Yessir, Mr Emperor sir,’ he says.

Making a joke. Not actually promising.

‘Maybe you should live with John for a bit. Or Dirk and Jake?’
‘Rose made me up a room. You’d hate it, it’s fucking neon. In her house. I don’t know if that’s to be nice to me or to show that she values me more than her aesthetic or to earn points for those things or just so when I wake up I know I’m not … home.’
The fucked up thing is that you don’t actually feel like you’re dying. Like you’re sick, maybe, not that you’ve gotten sick often or for long when Jane is there to make you soup with actual healing properties in it. You feel like you’ve got time. But Rose is never wrong.

Dave is crying now, but the tears escaping his eyes are the only sign of it. His face is still calm and loving, his breathing steady. You won’t call him out on it.

‘I don’t think I want to be old without you,’ he says suddenly. ‘Wanna see young Dave again, or should I wait?’

‘Impress me, time-man,’ you say.

He smirks at you cockily, as if his cheeks aren’t wet with tears, as if nothing is wrong at all. He closes his eyes and lets go of your hand to wipe his face. When he straightens back up, he looks like he’s in his 20s again, pale skin dotted with freckles instead of age spots and hair golden instead of white. You breathe in the smell of his powers, like clean fire and smoke but with no danger of choking. He’s found hundreds of ways to use his powers that don’t involve fighting and you love that. You love that he can embrace such an important part of himself.

‘What do you think?’ he asks.

‘I love you,’ you say.

He looks like he did when you got married, when you adopted your first clutch of wigglers, when he stood in front of Jake’s volcano and calmly told it to fuck off with its lava for another few centuries. You miss his laugh lines. But you’re glad you got to see him like this, how he’ll be now, for a little bit.

‘I love you too, Kat,’ he says. ‘Love you so god damn much. Would have torn apart the universe for you if it would have done anything. Some god I am.’

You reach for his hand again and he gives it to you without hesitation. It feels strange. Less soft, now that the wrinkles are gone.

‘You’re just Dave to me.’

He lets his head fall onto your stomach and cries properly. You can feel what that meant to him, can feel his despair at never having that again. He’s wrong, he’s Dave to his family as well, but you can’t tell him that because now, finally, you feel like you’re dying. You manage to get your fingers in his hair, claws against his scalp, like he likes. It usually calms him, it usually makes him roll his head so you get the spot he wants.

He doesn’t know how to live without you, doesn’t want to know that, doesn’t want you to go at all. But you’re going to, anyway.

Your breathing is slowing down in a way that makes you feel quite panicked somewhere deep in your mind where that registers as a problem. Dave must feel it too, because he looks up at you.

‘Kat,’ he says. ‘God, fuck, I meant for this to be peaceful, I’m sorry.’

You smile at him. Your eyelids are too heavy to keep open anymore so you close them. You don’t jump when you feel Dave start to kiss your face because he does this every morning. The curse of having an early riser as a husband who knows you have to get up too. The blessing of having kisses be your alarm almost every morning for as long as you can remember.

‘Love you,’ he whispers again.

You can’t move. You can’t reply, not even in gesture. You try to reach for your powers, to share your feelings that way, but they’re gone too. Completely gone, you can’t even feel Dave’s grief anymore. You can’t …
*Everyone knows where the gods live. They’re not exactly hiding it. You suppose that as literal gods, they’re entitled to a bit of showboating. They created your universe. They can have a palace on top of a paradise mountain if they want. They can keep people out and then create a year long summer for no reason and produce demigods and start and end wars and whatever else they want to do.You know they do those things and more (and less, probably, your brother is particularly fond of attributing every bit of luck to the gods, some of the big stories are probably exaggerations too) on their godly whims, but you’ve heard they can be reasoned with as well. They listen to prayers very rarely, listen to community wide celebrations only a fraction more and the one time in the last century that they intervened in an obvious way was because someone had been about to sacrifice their child to them for some boon or another and they rained wrath down on the poor bastard for thinking they could ever want that. Not that you agree with child sacrifices, but they weren’t exactly proving their benevolence that day. You weren’t alive, but Eridan was. He was miles away and still saw the magic in the air.Of course you’re not important enough to get a community behind you, and for all that she was yours, she was just another girl, so you don’t think your prayers will reach them either. You haven’t heard of anyone just walking up to the gods and asking them for help, but if anyone is desperate enough, it’s you. You want your gods damned moirail back.You probably shouldn’t say it quite like that if you get your audience.It takes you two whole months to climb to the top of their mountain. Two months. What the fuck is that. You know they don’t give a shit about the laws of time and space but two months is ridiculous. The only reason you don’t run out of food is because despite the fact that this is the tallest mountain in the world, it never stops behaving like a hill, so you’re able to supplement the not-enough rations you brought with a variety of seemingly wild fruits and vegetables. It seems like all the plants on the mountain are edible and thriving.You hesitate at the thought of hunting the plentiful animals that seem to be completely unafraid of you and ultimately decide to leave them be. You don’t want to risk hurting something the gods care about. At least you can see that the plants are dropping their fruits like they would anywhere else and you’re pretty sure they won’t have an attachment to the tiny amount you take. Pretty sure.You aren’t dying of starvation surrounded by food, though, so you’ll just have to deal with any consequences if they come up.It’s pretty fucking obvious that you’re in the right spot when you finally arrive. You carefully think only positive thoughts about the obnoxious assholes who thought giant gold gates on the top of their paradise mountain was classy.You place your hand on one of the bars as you look for a latch. Before you can find one, they swing open of their own accord, gently leaving your hand behind. Right. Well. Automated gates aren’t that impressive.Fuck. You need to stop being such a primitive grubfucking nincompoop. You’re about to visit gods. You do not need to front up to them or resent their power or wealth. You need to be humble and gracious and lick their damned shoes if that’s what they want. You take a deep breath and start to walk up the path.If you thought that the mountain was full of lush vegetation, it’s even more so inside the gates. Even though you’re spotting a lot of exotic fruits and leaves and all sorts of other things, you feel that these are more decorative than functional. Of course, they could be both. The gardens are bursting with colour and you’re amazed that whoever maintains these has managed to work pumpkins, of all things, into their medley. And it’s working.Kanaya would love to see this.The building that you’re walking towards has the strangest design of any you’ve seen. You’re struck by a sense of familiarity even though there’s no way you have anything like this in your town. It has two very tall … sections? You’re going to think of them as sections, one of which is completely cubic and the other has a giant sphere on the top. The rest of it is very flat, and there appears to be water running through it, pooling under the tall cubey bit and falling off a sheer cliff near the flat area. And you swear that there is no part of this mountain that is sheer or has a waterfall.The building has a door, though, a clear and fairly normal looking front door. It has a house number on it, for fuck’s sake. Did they build 412 other houses up here and number them as well?You’re both contemplating ringing the doorbell and having a freakout about there being something as mundane as a doorbell there to begin with when the door opens and a man steps out.You’ve seen pictures of his face on an almost daily basis for as long as you can remember. You see him rendered in stained glass on Sundays, in stone on your walk to work, depicted in hundreds of different ways in personal prayer recesses. You know his face better than some of your friends’ and yet you are still completely taken aback by that uncanny valley feeling because it’s not quite right.It’s not quite right because instead of wearing shades of purple and standing tall with a sword in hand, he’s looking somewhat nervous and wearing pyjama pants and a shirt that says “if the god of time really cared we wouldn’t have MONDAYS”.‘Karkat,’ he says.Oh. Freaky. The god of self knows your name. Which seems like a weird way to refer to a guy in his pyjamas. Can the gods read your mind? You don’t want them to be able to read your mind. Should you call him Dirk? Is that too informal?‘I’m so sorry,’ he says. ‘I had no idea. I’ll fix this. I’m sorry.’You can feel yourself frowning in confusion and you know that’s probably not the right way to look at a god and oh fuck, you haven’t even greeted him yet and you have no idea the right way to do that and do they know about Kanaya? Do they know everything? Was her death not supposed to happen?‘Are you okay?’ he asks. ‘Sorry, I probably wasn’t the right one to come out, I just didn’t want to get their hopes up, you know?’You shake your head because you don’t know. You really wish you could talk. You’re usually so good at talking. Are you having a panic attack? You think you’re having a panic attack. Okay, excellent way to deal with this. Possibly understandable? Given the circumstances?Suddenly he starts to shimmer and unfocus like he’s a glitching video game character, his body parts isolating and shifting in a way that looks a lot scarier on a real person. You want to look away from the disturbing effect, but it’s too strange to even close your eyes, you’re frozen watching it. It probably only lasts an agonising three seconds and then his unsettlingly out of focus shape shatters into two halves and there are two of him.They’re the same … in that they have similar hair and faces and they’re the same height. But they’re different, too. The new one isn’t wearing clothes, but doesn’t appear to have skin. You would say he’s made of metal (and you’re not quite confident that he’s a “he”, you’re only thinking that because the first one is) but you’ve never seen metal work like that. When he crosses his arms, it moves as if it’s skin, with no clunkiness and stretching alongside muscles. You’re familiar enough with robots to be able to tell that the technology for that doesn’t exist.He seems familiar. You feel like you recognise him, but you have no idea where from.‘You’re asking the wrong questions,’ the new, robot Dirk says. ‘Or not enough, whichever, you’re too busy focusing on yourself just for a change.’‘So help,’ the first Dirk says pissily.‘Is your name Karkat Vantas?’You nod.‘Do you know us?’You open your mouth and then close it.‘See, he’s not our Karkat.’The first Dirk, who just watched his double question you without interrupting, scowls and runs a hand through his hair. It’s kind of curly where it isn’t spiky, and it looks even messier compared to the perfect white robot hair on the other one.‘We can see his soul. He’s our Karkat. You think I’ve forgotten what he feels like?’‘Well, this Karkat has never met us before, regardless of what his soul thinks.’‘Are you suggesting that he was our Karkat in a previous life? Are you suggesting that not only has his soul continued on, but he was hatched to look identical to him and named the same?’You raise your hand tentatively and both gods snap their heads around to look at you in identical movements.‘Karkat is a very common name,’ you say.‘That’s hilarious,’ Robot Dirk says. ‘Is Dirk common too?’You nod.‘What about Hal?’ he asks, leaning forward slightly.‘Is that a name?’ you ask hesitantly.‘Motherfucker,’ Robot Dirk says. ‘Don’t say a word,’ he tells Dirk.Dirk grins and holds his hand out to the robot.‘I’m going to stay out for a bit,’ he says.Dirk shrugs and then turns back to you.‘If you don’t know us, why are you here?’ he asks.You take a deep breath.‘I know I’m no one and it’s very presumptive of me to even ask, but she was special and I love her and could you please revive my moirail?’It all comes out too fast and too informal and trying too hard. Fuck. You meant to do that better.‘Now there’s a twist,’ Robot Dirk says. ‘Let’s go find Jane, shall we?’Dirk opens the door and holds it for first the robot and then you to walk through. He kicks it closed with his heel like it’s nothing. You suppose it’s his home, he’s probably all sorts of casual with it.‘When were you born?’ Dirk asks. ‘Hatched, sorry.’‘I’m 24,’ you say.‘I wonder if this has happened before,’ Robot Dirk says. ‘If Karkat’s a common name it would be very hard to find out. Unless there are shared memories. Hey, Karkat, would you be open to taking drugs and meditating to see if you can trigger memories from a past life?’Dirk hits Robot Dirk over the head.‘Don’t be a dick, Hal. I’m not just accepting the reincarnation theory without considering other options,’ he says.‘Don’t you mean reinkarnation?’ Hal says.Dirk stops walking in order to attempt to hit Hal as many times as he can. Hal seems more than capable of fending off the attack and getting his own hits in and looks very pleased with himself.‘You’re just mad you didn’t think of it yourself,’ Hal says, breathless and on the verge of laughter.Dirk hits him one last time and starts to walk again. Hal waits until he’s a couple of steps ahead of him before hitting him back. Dirk looks like he wants to retaliate, but calms himself down and keeps walking.They walk in silence for a while, and then Dirk starts to shimmer and vibrate again. This time it’s cleaner, less disturbing, more like his shape is blurred than contorted. Another copy of him, different from the other two shatters cleanly from Dirk’s vague form, letting the original go back to normal. It’s somehow even more unsettling to watch when he’s moving.‘Hey, control yourself,’ Hal says.‘I can’t decide,’ Dirk says. ‘I think we should tell Dave. He doesn’t.’The new Dirk looks a lot more like how you thought the god of self would look, in the traditional clothes and with a certain aura of power about him.‘What if he isn’t Karkat,’ he says.‘He is,’ Dirk and Hal say in unison.‘Okay, what if he is! He’s not exactly the same, even if you can trigger memories or whatever it is you think you can do, that doesn’t guarantee that … he’ll want to know any of us.’You have a very strong feeling that whatever the new Dirk wanted to say, he didn’t say it.‘What if he finds out we hid him from him,’ the original Dirk says.‘Then we let someone else decide. Like Jane. Jane is so much better with decisions than us.’Dirk nods and holds his hand out to the new Dirk. He takes it and they shimmer back into one being. It’s a lot less violent than their separation was, more liquid. If he’s going to do that all the time, you better get used to it.You make a little noise of awe. They both look at you curiously.‘Sorry,’ you whisper. ‘That’s very cool.’Dirk smiles at you and Hal grins.‘I only mastered it with Hal when our Karkat was still … around. He’s still the hardest me to live with but it’s cool. I’ve got lots now. Prince is chill. Intense, but chill. You know, just for a change from the standard Dirk experience. We all answer to Dirk, it’s just easier if there’s more than one of us in the room to have different names, you know?’You’re not quite sure how to respond to that so you just nod. They lead you down a hallway and to the left. You think you’re still in the flat section, but why would a god’s house need to pay any attention to physics? Dirk shimmers some more but Hal hits him and he stops. You have no idea what that means.Dirk opens a door and you find yourself in the company of three more gods. It’s extremely overwhelming. You can organise your thoughts enough to identify them as the goddess of life, the god of change and the goddess of knowledge. The god of change, John, his name is John, disappears into nothingness and then reappears right in front of you.‘Holy shit, oh my god’ he says.The irony of a god saying that is not lost on you. God singular. You’ve never thought about who the gods worship. Probably because that would lead to wondering who they worship and there’s only so much divinity that your brain can process.‘Yeah,’ Dirk agrees.‘What the fuck, Dirk?’That was Rose, you know their names, they’re right in front of you, this is the weirdest fucking thing. They’re none of them in their usual regalia, they’re at home, they don’t care about that shit. Why are you allowed to see them like this? Because you remind them of their dead friend?You know about your namesake because you’re named after him, but he’s not exactly the most accessible historical figure thanks to him being alive and then dead a billion years ago. Well, thousands. Still. The legends say that he was the first emperor, that he was kind and patient and dealt with shit. None of which applies to you.You don’t know if the gods put him in power or if he was elected, you don’t know if they approved of him or just didn’t care (they might not always pay attention but if they don’t like something they seem to have no qualms over smiting it), but you do know that you’re not him.John touches his hands to your face, strokes down from your temple to your chin, gentle as a summer’s breeze. It’s so pale that your heart aches for your moirail worse than it has since she died. You’ve been ignoring how much you miss her out of sheer stubbornness for this plan. You’ll get her back. They wouldn’t see you if they weren’t willing to help you.You keep still as John paps you again. He has massive bedhair and is wearing a shirt with the worst picture of the god of time on it that you have ever seen. It looks like it was drawn by the left hand of someone who had never drawn before and probably didn’t really know what people look like. Somehow, despite looking even less the part of a god than Dirk, you can feel his power. You think it has something to do with the fact that he’s hovering a couple of inches off the ground.‘Oh god, you’re really here,’ he gasps, and then he’s hugging you, clinging to you like … You don’t think you’ve ever been hugged like this. John is strong, which is utterly unsurprising, and desperate and … is he crying?‘What the fuck?’ Rose asks more forcefully.You pat John’s back uncertainly. You feel like you should do something. You can problem solve with the best of them, but saying the right thing in quiet moments has always been hard for you.‘He … I don’t know, guys, he showed up at the gates. Hal let him in, for obvious reasons.’‘He certainly looks like Karkat,’ a new voice says. You have to assume that’s Jane, your eyes are too full of curly black hair to see for sure. John still hasn’t let you go.‘He doesn’t know us,’ Hal says, and John finally pulls back. He doesn’t let go of you, but he’s no longer resting all of his weight on you, his body is leaning back so he can look at Hal and Dirk.‘What?’ he says.‘That’s Karkat’s soul,’ Dirk says. ‘His body, his name, but he doesn’t fucking know us. He’s just a guy, as far as he’s concerned.’John lets you go and frowns at you.‘I don’t care about your dumb fuck murder planet, I’m asking about you!’ John cries.
‘Tactful,’ Dave says.

You hold up your hands and shoosh them both. Dave winks at you and you pap him again, way too rough for a moirail, treating him as the antagonising shit he is.

‘John, I’ve lived a long life,’ you tell him. ‘Impossibly long compared to what even olive bloods might have expected. There’s only so much Jane can do.’
‘It’s not fair!’
‘Nope,’ Dave agrees. ‘Sure ain’t.’

John throws his arms around you and hugs you fiercely. He hugs you like he wants to get inside your skin. He presses his face into your neck in a way that would feel too intimate if it was coming from anyone other than him. John is the only one of your quadrants too stupid to get why boundaries are a thing. If you can even call him a quadrant.

When he lets you go, he frowns. He’s the only one of the god tiered humans who hasn’t asked Dave and Jane to age him up. He still looks exactly the same as he did when he was in his 20s.

‘We can’t do anything?’ he asks desperately.

‘I’m old,’ you tell him gently.
‘Dirk won’t have given up,’ John says. His voice is so accusatory. You suppose you have given up.
‘Nah,’ Dave says. ‘But it doesn’t matter. Rose says it doesn’t matter.’

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

You open your eyes and find that you’re on a couch. You must have passed out, dreamt about the gods. It’s happened before, who hasn’t dreamt about the gods? When half your media surrounds them of course they pop into your dreams.You’ve never passed out without reason before, though. You’ve never woken up in the gods’ home, with a goddess holding your hand. Jane. Did she heal you? Did you need healing? She looks over at you as if she has somehow felt you wake up, which you suppose would make sense.‘Karkat,’ she says gently. ‘Are you feeling okay?’She’s still holding your hand, but it feels nice. It should feel like too much, she’s a god, but it’s not. Her face is too kind for you to feel uncomfortable.‘Yeah,’ you say. You clear your throat. ‘Yes, thanks. Um. I …’‘You don’t have to talk,’ she says, smiling at you comfortingly. ‘I sent everyone out. When you’re ready, you can meet them.’‘Meet the gods.’‘For starters, how about we assume we’re strangers to each other. I think that’s best, for now. My name’s Jane, I’m very pleased to meet you.’‘Karkat,’ you say. ‘I’m … honoured. Humbled. Pleased. I’m not worthy, but I’m—’She holds up a hand and you stop talking immediately.‘I know that this is a lot to ask, but it would mean a lot to all of us if you could just treat as people, not as anything greater than that.’You gape at her.‘Yes, I already said it was a lot to ask,’ she says, almost impatiently. ‘Honestly though, I think I make a fairly approachable human.’You manage to close your mouth and look at her properly. She’s wearing a blue dress that has a thick, black belt high on her waist and flares out flatteringly down to her knees. She’s not wearing any shoes or socks. Somehow this is what makes you snap out of your freakout. She’s stunning, frankly, but she’s not flawless. And even though she’s the most prominent of the gods (every household has an altar to the goddess of life) she’s also … familiar. Like you can trust her. She’s just so soft.‘Okay,’ you say. ‘I’ll try. Should I … Do they all want me to treat them like humans?’She smiles at you and you notice there’s a tiny gap between her front teeth.‘Yes! Or trolls, if that’s more comfortable! I’m afraid we’re rather used to relying on our powers, but if you thought of them like your psionics … You know all our names, I take it?’You nod absently and decide it’s about time you sat yourself up. She helps you with a firm hand behind your back.‘What happened?’ you ask.‘I was hoping you could tell me. You just keeled over! Perhaps the stress of John being all up in your business … He struggles with boundaries.’‘I dreamt of John,’ you say, suddenly remembering. ‘He hugged me.’‘Well, in any case, you weren’t injured. That’s the important thing.’The door opens and Dirk walks in, carefully closing the door behind him.‘You’re awake,’ he says.‘Don’t you have a lick of patience, Mr Strider?’ Jane asks, wagging her finger at Dirk.He looks a bit abashed, but you’re not focusing on that. Strider. You know that name. How? You didn’t realise gods had last names.‘I was just … I thought maybe this might be a situation in which we should rip the bandaid off, so to speak.’‘You know if you soak a bandaid in water, maybe a bit of baby oil, it will come off just as quickly as if you’d ripped it and a great deal less painfully!’‘I don’t know what real life suggestion corresponds with that analogy,’ Dirk says.Jane sighs. She adjusts her glasses slightly and smooths down her skirt.‘Are you ready to meet everyone?’ she asks. ‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can quite hold my own against that trickster in a battle of wills or strength if need be.’She smiles with her whole face, even her nose, and you know she’s joking about fighting Dirk for you. Except underlying that you’re pretty sure that the assurance is real.‘Please tell me if I fuck up,’ you say quietly. ‘Shit, I mean, if I do something wrong.’‘Swearing is not a sin in this house,’ Jane assures you.‘We’d be fucked worse than a whore on docking day if it were,’ Dirk says.Jane sighs again and you have the feeling that even though she said swearing was okay she didn’t mean to invite it. Still, you can’t help but smile at Dirk for the more concrete example.Jane stands and offers her hand to you to help you to your feet. You walk out sandwiched between the two of them. You can feel the nervous energy off Dirk, and Jane is only slightly more relaxed.‘You’re not going to sacrifice me or anything, are you?’ you joke feebly.‘No!’ they both say at the same time. It would be alarming if it wasn’t obvious that they were horrified by the idea. Dirk coughs awkwardly and Jane tries to grin at him. He’s too busy being awkward to see. He jumps, for no reason you can see, and starts to shimmer again. Another Dirk breaks away from him, so much smoother than how Hal and Prince did. This Dirk almost made it look like a magician’s trick, smooth and classy, and is wearing a button up shirt with the sleeves neatly folded up and his hair styled in a carelessly attractive way.‘Wow, no,’ Dirk says, holding his hand to the double. The new Dirk smiles broadly before clasping his hand in the original’s and disappearing.‘So, turns out I have less control when I’m stressed,’ Dirk says conversationally.‘Not like we’ve done anything remotely stressful in years for you to find out,’ Jane says. ‘Did you talk to the others?’‘Yeah. They’re all various shades of freaking out. Dave straight up didn’t believe me, so …’Jane nods thoughtfully.‘I’m not sure I do either,’ she says.‘He’s literally standing next to you,’ Dirk says incredulously. ‘Sorry, Karkat, didn’t mean to talk about you like you’re not in the room. Which you are.’Jane leans around you to hit Dirk lightly on the shoulder.‘I can see there’s a troll here who bears a resemblance to our friend, but that is all,’ she says.‘Jake believed me,’ Dirk mutters.Jane ignores him. You walk in silence for a bit, until you reach a flight of stairs.‘Oh damn. We generally fly,’ Dirk says.‘I can walk,’ you say. ‘They’re steps, not as if it’s a sheer cliff face or something.’‘If we fall down these things Dave will never let me live it down,’ he sighs. ‘Actually, yeah, watch your step. It’s entirely possible they aren’t level.’You raise your eyebrows at him, but do as he says. There seem to be approximately a fuckbillion steps to climb. Jane doesn’t bother climbing them, hovering just in front of you. Dirk walks next to you in what you assume is solidarity.‘So, do you … work?’ he asks.‘I’m a teacher,’ you tell him. ‘My moirail got me onto it. Said I was good with grubs. I don’t know, though.’Dirk frowns sadly for a moment before reverting back to a more neutral expression.‘Do you like it?’‘Yeah. I mean, they’re messy as fuck and they know shit all, but that’s kind of expected. The school does good work, too.’‘Yeah, kids are great.’You don’t know what to say to that. It’s the weirdest fucking thing having grown up with random bits of trivia about these people stated as impossible facts. You know there have been a few people who have claimed to be demigods over the years, but you think most of them are attributed to the gods of change and found things. Of course, you could just ask.‘Do you … have any?’Jane laughs in front of you.‘Shut up, Jane. Uh, no. I prefer the uncle role than the dad one.’‘He means he’s scared of kids,’ Jane says, now floating backwards so she can face you.‘I’m not scared of kids,’ Dirk says. ‘That would be ridiculous. I could never lose a fight to a kid.’Jane grins at you.‘Dirk, could you stop freaking out quite so much?’ Jane says teasingly. ‘You’re making my stomach ache too!’Dirk takes a deep breath and starts vibrating again. This time he doesn’t split in two, but rather changes himself, colours shifting over him like mosaic tiles until his casual clothes have changed to his traditional godly garb and his hair is neat and swept away from his face. Prince, he called this self. You don’t know if you should call him that or Dirk seeing as original Dirk isn’t in the room.‘Is that quite necessary?’ Jane asks gently.‘Yep.’Finally you reach the top of the stairs. You enter a door that looks perfectly normal into what could be your own apartment. You actually turn around, thinking you’re going to see your own posters on the wall. But no, it’s not your home. As evidenced by the six gods sitting on the couch, looking at you.

They’re all in their god gear too, even Rose and John who weren’t before. Rose is sitting in the middle with Dave, looking freakishly similar and holding hands. John is on Dave’s other side, his arm around him. You’re fairly sure it’s only a three person couch, but Roxy is squished on Rose’s other side, her legs draped over the end of the couch so that she’s leaning into Rose. Jake and Jade are sitting on the floor, leaning against Rose and Dave.They all look very serious. You feel like you should bow. Should you bow? Would that be weird?You look to Jane for help. She smiles encouragingly and walks further into the room, drawing most of the attention.‘Does anyone want a drink? Or a snack?’No one responds. You look at Dirk uncertainly and he claps a hand on your shoulder.‘Everyone, this is Karkat. Karkat, you know my family, I think.’ He recites off everyone’s names anyway. ‘Karkat walked all the way up the mountain to ask us to save his moirail.’‘That’s sweet,’ Jade says. ‘We don’t get many visitors.’‘Yeah, my bad,’ Dirk says. Except not the Dirk next to you. Oh, Hal’s here too, just sitting on the kitchen bench. Licking the plug of a toaster.‘Hi,’ you say weakly.Dirk guides you over to the completely empty matching couch and sits down, looking at you expectantly. You sit too.‘Dirk says your soul feels the same as our friend’s,’ Rose says. You try and look at her, but your eyes keep getting pulled back to Dave for some reason. You do as Jane suggested and pretend that’s because of psionics. Nothing more special than that.‘I don’t know what my soul feels like,’ you say. ‘I didn’t know I had one. I mean. I don’t mean I didn’t think I had a soul, like I know I’m not the most upstanding citizen in the world but I’m not a fucking monster. I just didn’t know souls were a thing.’‘Fuck,’ Dave says quietly. ‘Let me up.’It takes a bit of finagling to get him up considering almost everyone is touching him somehow, but he manages to hover in the air above the couch after a moment and then float to the floor just after that. He doesn’t look at you as he leaves the room.That … hurts. It hurts a lot, watching him leave. You have no idea why. Hal follows him, toaster under his arm, but otherwise looking serious.‘Karkat’s a teacher,’ Dirk says, and everyone stops looking after Dave and back at you.‘Oh! I did that!’ Jade says. ‘What kind of teacher?’‘Pre-pupation,’ you say. ‘Not a lot of learning happens, but I can organise paints and stop grubs from killing each other at the same time, which is harder than it sounds.’Rose shifts in her seat and Roxy pulls her closer.There’s an uncomfortable silence where no one starts a new topic and you feel like you’ve forgotten everything related to your job. You have no idea what you are and aren’t allowed to say.Jane walks back in with a tray of drinks and snacks and sighs.‘Should have sent Jake for these, huh?’ she says. ‘Budge up, Karkat, we’re not as stuffy as everyone’s pretending right now!’'It's a pretty awkward sitch, Janey, I think we're allowed,' Roxy says.‘He’s just so Karkat!’ Jake protests. ‘How are we supposed to pretend that isn’t our old china plate sitting there?’You look at Jane for explanation.‘Because you’re our mate, you’re our old china plate, it’s rhyming slang and I don’t think it’s ever been popular on this planet,’ she says. ‘Our Karkat knew that though, because our Karkat knew Jake. It’s not that hard, guys.’Some part of you almost feels offended that you don’t pass for her friend, but that’s ridiculous.‘Anyway!’ Jane says cheerily. ‘Even though your origins aren’t entirely explained yet, we’re always glad for company! It’s been a while since we’ve had anyone new up here. Who was it last time?’‘That would be my girl,’ Roxy says lifting her hand and grinning. ‘She was fun.’‘Sea-dwellers,’ Rose says dreamily. ‘She was fun.’‘I thought he definitely was Karkat though,’ John says, ignoring the topic change. ‘Dirk said.’Jane scowls a little before patting you on the knee reassuringly.‘We’ll get this sorted out,’ she says. ‘It isn’t a matter of me not believing you, dear. It’s just that I don’t consider “soul-feel” a terribly reliable measure when we all saw … When we’re all quite certain that our Karkat passed on.’You don’t know what to say to that, so you just nod.‘You got psionics, Karkat?’ Dirk asks.You shake your head.‘I have friends that do, but I’m pretty ordinary.’‘Aw, honey, there ain’t no such thing as ordinary,’ Roxy says. ‘We were ordinary once.’‘You were never ordinary,’ John says. ‘I was. You lived through fish-Hitler’s apocalypse!’Roxy squishes John’s cheeks together and kisses his nose. He dissolves into nothingness and reappears next to Dirk, grinning.‘Babe, you don’t want to play hide and seek with the god of found things!’ she says, wiggling her fingers. ‘I’ll tickle you ‘til you cry when I catch you!’Dirk’s body flickers again until he’s back in the pyjamas he was wearing before, looking ordinary again. He puts his arm casually around John. You’re very confused trying to keep up with who they all are to each other. So far church has proven for once and all to have been a complete waste of your time. You should have expected this, but you’re still surprised. Would it have killed people to have written down that the gods are a bunch of idiots somewhere?‘We have company,’ Jane reminds them gently.‘If we could establish where the similarities between Karkats began and ended, it could be that this company does not demand our behaving politely,’ Rose says. ‘Before that, though, Karkat, is there a piece of literature called The Importance of Being Earnest down there?’You frown in confusion.‘I don’t think so?’‘Wonderful, I’m going to recreate it. Identity confusion is such an interesting trope.’‘Is this the time?’ Dirk asks.Rose raises an eyebrow at him and says with complete confidence, ‘Yes.’Dirk sighs.‘Shall we play Lightning Round?’ Rose says.This immediately gets Roxy and John’s attention. John disappears and reappears next to Jake, even though it absolutely wouldn’t have taken any longer for him to just walk. Jake threads his fingers through John’s and grins. Thunder cracks through the room. You jump slightly and then force yourself to keep still. You might not be the bravest troll, but you can hold your own.‘No psionics my ass,’ Dirk says next to you. ‘Chill on the literal lightning, guys. Invasive personal questions are not actually improved with pyrotechnics.’‘What?’ you ask.Jake and John pout with identical expressions, but the thunder stops. John dramatically flops his head onto Jake’s shoulder. They’re so similar looking that if they weren’t wearing their symbolic clothing you probably couldn’t tell them apart.‘They always do this when one of us comes back from holiday, they make it into this whole thing with the lightning and usually there’s fighting and—anyway, it’s not actually necessary. It’s affectionate, I promise.’‘No, about the psionics,’ you say. ‘I think I’d fucking know.’‘Aw, you’re givin’ me flashbacks, sweetheart!’ Roxy says. ‘I didn’t even notice, Di-Stri’s just a sensitive soul. Or should I say heart!’‘You absolutely should not,’ Dirk says.Roxy sticks her tongue out at him. He sticks his out right back.‘Psionics?’ you remind everyone.‘You’re an empath, Karkat,’ Rose says. ‘You feel what others are feeling and you project your own feelings onto people as well. I imagine it’s very useful for calming down wigglers.’‘No, I’m not,’ you say.‘Jesus,’ John says. ‘How did we convince him the first time?’‘That wasn’t this Karkat,’ Jane says, though she sounds less certain now.‘Rose, check for me!’ John says.Rose smiles knowingly and closes her eyes. Golden light glows behind her closed lids and softer under her skin. It’s stronger where her veins are visible, like the light is in her blood. It’s a lot eerier than Sollux’s psionics.Dirk pats you awkwardly on the knee and mutters under his breath, ‘I’m thinking calming thoughts about how this is all actually pretty mundane.’‘I think I’ll describe rather than show,’ Rose says, opening her eyes again. Her irises are golden suns for several seconds before they cool back down to their natural violet.‘Good idea,’ Dirk says. ‘I’m really shit at being calm for people.’‘It was Dirk that identified it then, as well. Though not because he has a sensitive soul and/or heart. He was having a panic attack, to which Dave responded by swiftly joining him in panic. Karkat felt their distress and papped them like the smoothest moirail ever to have existed. Of course, it shouldn’t have worked on humans. It always did when it was Karkat, though.‘Dirk knew that his panic was not so easily shifted, so he questioned it and then obnoxiously pointed it out whenever people around Karkat mirrored his emotions and vice versa until Karkat gave in. The rant he performed in doing so was very amusing.’In many of the portraits honouring Rose, she’s painted with this small smile that makes you think that she knows more than you could ever hope to. You’re learning that this is based on a very real expression.‘I’m cool with doing that again,’ Dirk says. ‘I’m pretty sure I didn’t come by this tension naturally by the way, I’m an anxious dude but I’m surrounded by my family right now.’‘Shut up,’ you tell him. Then you realise you just told a god to shut up. ‘No, wait, gods, I’m sorry, that was rude, I wouldn’t even say that if I was a guest in a normal house, my lusus was more of the “here’s a dead thing you didn’t want on your mealblock floor” kind of guardian than a “manners are important” one.’‘I think he likes me best,’ Dirk says dryly.You hide your face in your hands.‘John, could you be a bit more carefree or whatever over here?’You raise your head, intending to scowl at Dirk, but you meet John’s suddenly worried eyes instead. You feel like Dirk couldn’t have chosen a worse candidate to ask that of. Your own stupidity feels very small compared to a god’s fear. The expression clears immediately, but the underlying emotion doesn’t shift.‘Sure, swap places with me, dummy!’ he says.Dirk does as he says, and replicates John’s pose with Jake to the extent of putting his head on Jake’s shoulder where John’s was. Jake whispers in his ear, but you’re more focused on John.You’re not an empath and you’ve always been a rubbish moirail when it comes to talking softly or without swearing (which is why they stuck you with the grubs who don’t know words yet) but you have been told you have a comforting presence. You’re glad that John’s coming closer to you, that he’s leaning against you, even if he’s pretending to be the one calming you down.What can you say, you’ve always done better when you’ve had a project.‘See, that’s better already,’ Dirk says. ‘Can you guys seriously not feel that?’‘How about we move on,’ Rose says. ‘To the dull version of the lightning round.’‘We’ll spice it up, babe,’ Roxy says. It’s just her and Rose on that couch now, but Dirk and Jake seem content on the floor.‘You don’t have to answer any questions you aren’t comfortable with,’ Jane says reassuringly.‘They’re gonna say them real fast so you answer without thinking,’ John says. ‘That’s why it’s called lightning round. That and the lightning, usually.’‘I’m ready,’ you say.Rose and Roxy’s grins are different flavours of the same deviousness. You probably should be a lot more unnerved by them. With a friend like Terezi, you get a bit immune to the effect of grins.Roxy starts, putting her hand on Rose’s knee so that she doesn’t speak over her.‘Apart from your dead moirail—’‘Classy, Rox,’ Dirk interrupts.‘Do you have any other quadrants filled?’John claps his hand over your mouth before you can answer. You don’t mind telling them, but John seems very offended on your behalf.‘We don’t start with quadrant questions!’ he protests. ‘Ask him what the weather is like or something first, jeez!’‘You familiar with the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff media conglomerate?’ Dirk asks.You nod, because John’s hand is still on your mouth. He takes it away sheepishly.‘Favourite movie from the series?’‘The Phantom Geromy Strikes Back?’ you say.‘Is that the one where Dave described what he remembered of the Star Wars movies to the actors and they acted it out as he narrated like some shitty improv show?’ John asks.‘No, it’s a misnomer,’ Dirk says. ‘That one was Sweet Bro’s Sweet Child, but Dave forgot to keep Luke being Darth Vader’s son a secret and Sweet Bro was Luke anyway, at least up until Dave abandoned the plot in favour of slapstick and remixing their performances with his time shit. That man is a visionary.’Dirk is quiet for a moment, apparently in contemplation of how much he loves the worst series of movies you’ve ever been forced to watch for church.‘Anyway, the one Karkat mentioned was one of the ones Jake wrote. It has something resembling a plot. Or 12 plots, might be more accurate. Dave made it work.’‘I really feel like we discuss your movie franchise enough as it is,’ Rose says, leaning slightly so she can thread her fingers deep into Dirk’s hair. He moves his head with her as she pulls it back and smiles up at her. ‘Perhaps we should take advantage of Karkat being here and ask him something else.’‘What’s your favourite movie?’ Jake asks.‘Ooh yes!’ John agrees.‘I just said—’‘Non-SBaHJ movies are a very different topic,’ Dirk says. Rose rolls her eyes and him and pushes his head into Jake’s. Jake doesn’t seem to feel the impact but kisses Dirk where they collided before giving you his full attention again.‘Uh,’ you say, intelligently. ‘If I say something from my … lifetime, are you going to have even heard of it?’Jade lunges across Jake and Dirk to slap her hand to Roxy’s thigh. Roxy grins, grips Jade’s hand with both of her own and both women turn inky black. No, it’s more than that. Their whole bodies are gone, right down to their hair, but the space they used to occupy is hollowed out. It makes your mouth taste metallic for some reason, until they snap back into existence. Your ears pop as if you’ve changed altitude somehow and Dirk presses his palm into his ear like he feels the same way.‘You could have done that in the corner,’ Dirk complains.Roxy holds up a movie triumphantly. Right, goddesses of space and found things, of course they have access to whatever they want. You recognise the cover art as something that’s only recently been released to the public. And it actually might be a contender for your favourite, though you’re absolutely not admitting that. It was ridiculously cheesy, but you like that. It had a lot more depth than people gave it credit for.‘I don’t know if I have a favourite movie,’ you tell them. You’re not sure you want to own up to the fact that your taste is, to put it charitably, trashy as fuck. ‘I did see that one, it was alright.’Rose raises an eyebrow at you and smirks. Oh shit, did you just try and lie to the goddess of knowledge?‘Let’s ask him something that has more to do with Karkat himself, shall we?’ Rose says. She smiles at you like it’s important that you know that she could call you out on this, but she’s choosing not to. You bite down on a pitch growl.‘Why’d you go with this haircut again?’ John asks. ‘It wasn’t in fashion the first time around, either.’You shove him in his face and he giggles wildly. You catch up on your actions a second after you do it. You probably shouldn’t feel so comfortable with him. Also, you probably shouldn’t have been able to shove a god. You’d be more worried if you couldn’t tell how happy John is. You can tell there’s still an undercurrent of sadness there, but he’s not acknowledging it anymore.‘Quadrants!’ Roxy says.You look at John to see if he’s going to protest again. Before you can answer or he can, Jane asks, ‘Know any clowns?’‘One,’ you say reluctantly. ‘He’s definitely not “take home to meet your lusus” material. Or your gods. Or his gods.’‘We don’t need another clown, Janey,’ Roxy says.‘It’s been ages!’ Jane says. ‘And they’re so funny!’‘Jane has the worst taste,’ John whispers to you. His voice carries intentionally.Jane thwaps him with a pillow so hard that the pillow breaks and you feel an explosion of air from it as feathers fly in all directions. You blink the dryness out of your eyes and brush away the ones that landed in your hair, close enough to tickle your horns. John didn’t move at all, which means you definitely shouldn’t have been able to push him over and he has a manic energy to him like he wants to retaliate.‘Have you read It’s a Colourful Affair?’ Rose asks, taking your attention from the two combative gods on either side of you. Rose seems to be able to focus the room when she speaks, she’s got that kind of presence.‘Yeah, I was assigned it at school but it’s good, I’ve read it a few times since.’‘I thought we were going Karkat specific?’ John says, effectively distracted as well.‘Which character do you relate to most from the story?’ she asks, ignoring John.‘Did you just ask him what his fucking kin is?’ Dirk says incredulously.‘What’s a kin?’ you ask.‘Ha!’ Jake says. ‘Now who’s old-fashioned?’‘You,’ Jade and Dirk say at the same time. They bump fists.‘Ignore them,’ Rose says. ‘Answer me.’‘Xenice,’ you say, almost without being able to help it. You wonder if you could refuse to answer a question from her or if her powers would force your honesty.Rose smiles as if this was exactly what she was expecting and rests her head on Roxy’s shoulder.‘Are you going to elaborate on that?’ Dirk asks.‘Why father, have you not read your classics?’ Rose asks.Well that’s the most fucked up father/daughter relationship you’ve ever seen in your life.Dirk becomes fuzzy around the edges in the way that you’re starting to associate with him splintering. The fact that you know what’s happening should make it easier to handle. It doesn’t.The bulge starts at his right shoulder. It inflates with disturbing speed until it looks like there’s a massive throbbing cyst overtaking his arm. Then the bulge starts to move from the inside, like there’s something inside it, finding the edges and pressing them out. You see the distinct outline of fingers before the skin breaks and a fully grown man, another version of Dirk, forces his way out. His movements look violent enough to snap bone apart to ensure his freedom. The original Dirk is sitting, looking very unconcerned, as the man forces his way up and climbs out of Dirk.You’re so transfixed by his birth that you don’t see how Dirk recovers, but one moment he’s grotesquely swollen, swollen enough to allow a man to escape his skin and the next he looks as though nothing happened in the first place.The man straightens his hat on his shaggy blonde hair and runs a thumb over his stubble before he rests his hand on the back of the couch to lean over Rose. He grabs her chin in his fingers and pulls it up so that he can kiss her messily.You breathe as quietly as you can so as not to draw attention to how freaked the fuck out you are. You don’t want him to notice you. There was something predatory in the way he looked at Rose, and maybe a goddess can handle herself but you sure as fuck can’t.Okay, that’s the most fucked up father/daughter relationship you’ve ever seen in your life.Dirk hits the back of the new Dirk’s leg lazily and the new Dirk carelessly shoves him away with a gloved hand.‘Bro, come on,’ Dirk says. ‘Company.’Bro releases Rose, who looks a mixture between dazed from the kiss and pleased with herself (you’re starting to think that all her expressions feature some percentage of pleased with herself).‘Just Karkat,’ Bro says. He sits on Roxy’s lap and she pushes him off. He falls onto the floor and holds his middle finger up at her. ‘Sorry, ‘Kat, did you want in on that? I got enough love to share.’Dirk holds his hand out to Bro and looks at you apologetically. Bro holds his hand and Dirk starts to shimmer again, but Bro doesn’t move. The corner of his mouth lifts up the longer that Dirk shimmers futilely.‘Bro,’ Dirk says.‘’Sup, Dirk,’ Bro says.‘I’m not just holding hands with you.’‘Break my heart why don’t you.’‘Let him stay out, sweetness,’ Jake says.Bro slides his shades down his nose to give Jake an exaggerated wink. Jake rolls his eyes and shifts a little closer to Dirk. Dirk wrenches his hand free with enough violence that you think he was trying to the whole time.‘Uh,’ you say, ‘can I do lightning round now?’‘You got questions for us sugargrub?’ Roxy says.‘This one’s not your moirail,’ Bro says.Dirk hits him. The implications of what he said start to sink in. Was Roxy in a moirallegiance with their Karkat? Were the gods that close to him? Shit, the way John treated you before, could your past self (you’re still not entirely sure you believe it was your past self) have been with him as well?Who was that troll, who was so important to the gods? How could they remotely confuse you with him? You’re nobody. You’re definitely not special enough to attract their attention, the only reason you’ve got it now is because you remind them of someone else.‘Were you that Karkat’s moirail?’ you ask.‘Sometimes,’ Roxy says slowly. ‘We went redder, too. I’m useless at pitch shit, I cry at the drop of a hat, but I like to think I wound him up enough to consider it once or twice.’Well shit. That’s sounding freakishly close to your own inability to keep your corners neat. Of course it could be perfectly normal vacillation. Just because you’re shit at romance doesn’t mean he was.Kanaya thinks that’s why you like stories about quadrants so much. Because in books, even when there’s messy shit going on, they always end settled. The ones you read, anyway.‘Was he in a quadrant with anyone else?’ you ask.‘Sure, we can’t ask after your quadrants,’ Jade says, grinning. She holds up her hand.After a moment, and in varying degrees of confidence, so does everyone else. When you look at Bro with alarm, he grins at you, showing off some very prominent canines. Past Karkat was brave. You feel pretty thrown by this.‘Want us to be more specific?’ Roxy asks.You shake your head. If you get any more information your skull will explode. Jane hands you a glass of water and you sip it automatically. You wonder if he was pale with her as well, she has a very caring feel to her.Holy fuck, it was bad enough when you thought they all thought you looked like their dead friend. Someone who bears way too many similarities to yourself was quadrantmates with every single god. Well, possibly not the god of time. Still. This is a lot to take in.‘I’m making an executive decision!’ John says.That’s all the warning you get before John’s arms are around you. You lean into him as if this is something that happens all the time, but before you can start shouting at yourself internally, something happens.Your body ceases to exist. You’re completely untethered from space, like you can’t grasp anything solid. You can’t feel your heart, you can’t feel your throat, you’re not sure if you’re suffocating or not.And then it’s over and you’re in one piece, in John’s arms on a bed in a room you haven’t seen yet. You breathe deeply, and it comes out shaky.Despite how unsettling that was, you do feel a bit better to not have so many people around. So many gods around. You keep breathing. You don’t have an alternative.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

‘You freaking out?’ John asks. His voice is light and casual, like he doesn’t care, but you can feel differently. ‘Fuck you,’ you gasp.He hums and pulls you even closer. You don’t even flinch when his fingers work into your hair and start to scratch against your scalp. You’ve never had a human quadrant before, you should be wary of claws and showing weakness, but instead you lean into it. He feels like home. You’re here to save your moirail and it’s unconscionable for you to be rebounding so hard onto the first person to look at you softly, but this doesn’t feel like a rebound. This feels like someone you know, truly and deeply, so strongly that it could last lifetimes. ‘Oh, wow,’ John says. His fingers, human blunt but strong, are now making their way to your hornbeds. You’re finding it harder and harder to feel guilty. He’s too comforting. ‘I didn’t realise how much I missed your purr until just now. Weird, huh?’‘It’s been thousands of years, there’s no way you haven’t heard a purr since then,’ you grumble.‘Not yours. They’re all a bit different, you know?’‘You really think I’m the same as your friend?’‘I know it.’Neither of you speak for a while. You want to probe further, but you don’t want to hear how amazing another version of you was when you’re still just you. You don’t want to force the comparison any more than you already are just by being here. And the more that you relax, the more you feel John relax. It’s the strangest feedback loop you’ve ever been a part of. The door opens and Dave and Hal step into the room. Dave stiffens. ‘Heard your voice, John,’ Hal says. ‘Didn’t realise you had company. We’ll leave you to it.’Hal grabs Dave’s arm and tugs him back through the door.‘You don’t have to leave,’ John says, sounding confused as to why anyone would give the two of you privacy when you’re being incredibly fucking pale in his bed. Your purrs are effectively silenced. Goodbye, comfort.Dave turns back. You can’t see his expression behind his shades, but he still looks tense. You have no idea what it is about you that he hates so much.‘You’re just picking up right where you left off, huh,’ Dave says. John dissolves into nothingness next to you and reforms standing closer to Dave. Or hovering, rather. You feel the breeze that goes along with it now that you aren’t being dragged with him. ‘It’s Karkat, Dave,’ John says. ‘Just because you—’‘We’re imposing a gag order on all of Dave’s interactions with trolls named Karkat for the time being,’ Hal interrupts. John huffs impatiently.‘Whatever,’ he says. ‘It’s been like thousands of years, aren’t you somewhat pleased to see him?’‘Fuck off, John. Fuck right the fuck off.’There’s the sound of a ticking clock and Dave winks out of existence, leaving only the smell of wood smoke and hot pavement. ‘Great,’ Hal says. ‘Who knows when he went. And I just got him talking in non-rhymes.’‘So he’ll rap for a while! I don’t see the problem! Just ask Rose when he is!’‘You should see if your new moirail can teach you to be less of a dick,’ Hal says coldly. He turns and leaves.‘Bluh, people are sensitive,’ John says, poking his tongue out at Hal’s retreating form. ‘Are you okay?’ you ask.He turns to look at you and his eyes are wild with unfathomable pain. It’s unlike anything you’ve seen before, and heartbreakingly familiar. You’ve dreamed about this face.‘Can you just pretend for one fucking second that you can’t tell?’ he says.
John’s back. It’s been three years this time, and you know that he waited until Dave left to approach your hive. He announces himself by knocking on the window and grinning at you. Three stories up. You roll your eyes at him instead of rushing to the window like you want to, deep down. Instead you walk casually to the window. Quickly. But casually.

‘We have a front door,’ you tell him.

‘Doors are for mortals,’ he says. He flies straight at the window, but instead of shattering it like you can’t help but expect, he passes through with a gust of wind that knocks the small paperback from your bedside table.

You straighten it before you move to hug him because otherwise you’ll forget about it and John grins because he finds your thing about cleaning funny.

‘Are you back then?’ you ask, once you’ve thoroughly reacquainted yourself with the space where you fit in John’s body. He isn’t letting you go, but that’s fine by you, you missed him like you always miss him.

‘Yeah!’ he says unconvincingly.

You forgot who you were dealing with for a moment there. John doesn’t want to commit to anything, and your first words were seeking a commitment. You’re a real idiot, sometimes. On the other hand, if he wanted to do whatever he wanted without consequence, he’d have gone to Jake first.

‘Alright, idiot, let’s get you in the ablution trap.’

‘I don’t need a bath,’ John protests, as if you can’t feel that he needs your attention right down to his bones.

‘You’re getting one,’ you tell him.

You wiggle out of his hold and drag him by the hand to your bathroom. He puts up a token resistance, but your hands stay connected and John can’t be touched by anyone or anything he doesn’t want touching him. He pouts as you fill the trap and mess about with the various scented products that Rose gives you without fail every wriggling day “to help you relax”.

‘In,’ you instruct.

He’s at least gotten over his absurd fear of being naked in front of you, and climbs in without fuss. You push his head into the water to dampen his hair so you can shampoo it.

‘So, what’s new?’ he asks, looking absolutely pitiful with water streaming down his face and collecting into drops on his glasses.

‘Jane is starting to pull back from Crockercorp. She says that the company doesn’t need a matriarch who can’t die pulling the strings, though we all know she won’t be able to give it up completely. Rose and Kanaya are looking at adopting another wiggler, as if I can drag Dave away from babysitting as it is. Dirk’s got a ponytail now and Dave told him he liked it so he’s refusing to cut it off and is denying that’s why. You’ve been away three fucking years and you didn’t even say goodbye.’

You monitor John’s emotions closely. He’s still holding them so close to his chest, but you can feel the turmoil there, how much he wants to scream at you, at everyone. He knows that if he does, you’ll forgive him. He knows you don’t care what hurtful things he says to you, that you can cope with his uncanny ability to find sensitive spots and twist the verbal knife. And he knows you’ll call him out on it. That you’ll call him out on his feelings as well.

He looks at you with his angriest expression, though it’s muted somewhat by the fact that he looks like a pet left out in the rain and you raise your eyebrow. The fight goes out of him. He starts to cry.

You leave the shampoo in its bottle for now and strip quickly so you can get in the trap with him. He lets you straddle his legs and bring him in close. He drops his glasses on the floor so he can press his face into your neck and you purr quietly at him.

‘Do they hate me?’ he whispers.

‘They should,’ you grumble. ‘Of course they don’t. You’re annoyingly unhateable.’

‘I hate them.’
‘Sure, that’s what I’m feeling. You shouldn’t go five minutes without a moirail, let alone three years, you absolute buffoon.’You wake up slumped on the bed. John is next to you again and looking at you with concern. ‘How have you managed centuries without me?’ you say, incredulously. ‘Did you see something?’ he asks.‘You shouldn’t be allowed out without supervision,’ you tell him.He grins and pulls you up into a hug. ‘I missed you so much!’John tells you how, thanks to a messaging system that operated out of his timestream, you and he made friends—for him over his life and for you over the course of a pretty hectic day. He tells you how you call him out on his shit when he needs it and how you find his charm utterly irresistible. He doesn’t seem to know what he would have brought to the relationship. You tell him it was probably the massage and he licks the horn he’s rubbing, causing you to yelp and jump away. John finds you a manicure set so that you can do this moirail thing properly. You’re going to have to have some conversations about your muddy quadrants when you get back to the mortal realm, but you feel like this is exceptional enough a circumstance that you’ll deal with the fallout later. You’re not going to abandon someone who means so much to you that death didn’t get in the way of the feelings.His fingernails are bitten short, which you lecture him about as you buff out the jagged edges, attempting to get some kind of presentability here. Ridiculous for a god to have such horrifying nail-care. He grins at you the whole time.You’re painting his toenails with a clear coat when Hal comes back.‘Sorry about what I said,’ he says, his voice reluctant.‘Roxy make you apologise?’ John asks.Hal climbs onto the bed and sits behind John, resting his chin on John’s shoulder. ‘I’m still sorry,’ he says. You point your brush at him. ‘Can your robot nails take paint?’‘Make mine hot rod red,’ Hal says, which you take for a yes. ‘Also, I’m not a robot. Dirty word around here. And not in the fun way.’‘You let Bro call you robot,’ John says.‘I don’t let him,’ Hal says.‘Say sorry to Hal,’ you tell John.‘Just for that?’ he says incredulously. ‘Nope,’ you say.John leans back into Hal, his face sullen. You keep painting his toenails while you wait.‘Sorry, Hal,’ he grumbles.Hal grins triumphantly. A little while later you’re tolerating Hal brushing your hair because John was too rough and Roxy and Rose have come to join you. They’re keeping more to themselves, Rose massaging Roxy’s hands while they listen to you trying to provide moirallegiance to Hal and John at the same time. It doesn’t help that they’re taking distinct advantage of your inexperience at polyamorous quadrants in this lifetime. ‘Tell Hal, continuing to bait Dirk even after all this time is really weird and lame,’ John says.‘Tell John, actually it’s really hot,’ Hal says.‘Here here!’ Roxy giggles.‘Shh,’ you tell Hal, attempting to twist to gesture at him. It’s impossible with his hands keeping your head facing John instead. ‘John, we’re not talking about Hal right now,’ you say.‘I think we’re always talking about Hal a little,’ Rose says, smug as all fuck. For some reason, that’s the sentence that almost pushes you into Full Tantrum Mode. You grit your teeth and concentrate on the feeling of the brush tugging gently through your hair until you’re confident you can speak without screaming. ‘We were pitch, weren’t we?’ you ask her.She grins at you in a way that you take to mean yes, absolutely, and how interesting that you seem to be reigniting your old quadrants again. You’re going to need to watch your back with her around. ‘I give up!’ you say. ‘It’s impossible to pacify two people at once, especially with an audience!’‘Aw, Karkat, don’t give up!’ Roxy says. ‘You’re just still gettin’ the hang of it! You could pale five people at once back in the day!’‘Did you say pail?’ you say, completely thrown.‘Well that too,’ Rose says.‘Yeah, why are we sticking with the most boring quadrant?’ John says.‘Because you’re a fucking disaster and that’s more urgent than your human bulge,’ you say. You think you sound more spooked than authoritative though.‘You still haven’t told us if you have any quadrants back home,’ Roxy reminds you.‘Not apart from my moirail,’ you say. You’re starting to feel vaguely harangued. ‘I suck at vacillating, or I do it too much or something. My stupid meddling friends were trying to set me up with a human, but there’s a reason the kingdoms are fairly separated, you know?’‘I think I feel jealous of him being with someone outside the family,’ Rose says, sounding vaguely surprised. ‘I need a walk!’ you shout.That’s a good way to deal with gods propositioning you. Hal releases your hair as you follow through on your insanity and march to the door. They all look more amused by you than concerned or even better, ashamed for their fucking brazenness. It’s a bit much to ask gods to have manners but holy shit.You leave them in the bedroom, ignoring the laughter you hear after you close the door. Your ears are burning with embarrassment and you have no idea where you’re going. You choose a direction and walk at random, choosing a door every now and then. The rooms are filled with strange things, usually made to a purpose, like the room full of easels and other art supplies or the huge library that you leave before you get lost in it. Then there are rooms that don’t make sense to you, like the one that appears to be full of woolbeast fur or the one that has nothing but a full sized horse skeleton in a vat of blue fluid. Eventually, while backing out of a room filled with marionette puppets, you find Jake walking down the hallway. He grins at you and waves, so you stay where you are and let him catch up with you. ‘There you are!’ he says. ‘Hal told me you’d gone walkabout so I thought I might see if you wanted a guided tour!’You start to say that you left to get some time alone, but Jake’s very non-threatening. ‘Just don’t … hit on me,’ you say.Jake’s smile becomes smaller and a bit more genuine. ‘Been there, buddy,’ he says. ‘They’re just excited to see you, maybe a bit unused to people who don’t know what they’re getting into with us. I am too, but I promise I’ll keep things all above board!’You nod and relax a bit. Jake starts walking and you follow him. He’s leaving a decent amount of space in between you, which considering you feel all kinds of antsy right now, you appreciate.‘What do you mean “with us”?’‘Oh, fuckberries on a cracker, I haven’t done the talk in a very long time. Uh …’ he thinks for a moment before continuing, ‘okay, so, we’re the gods, which you already know because you came to us, and we’re interested in you … no, see, it doesn’t really apply when you’re the one who did the approaching!’He huffs with annoyance and scratches at the back of his head. Now that you’ve spent a bit more time with John you can see more differences between them, but the biggest giveaway is how they hold themselves. Jake walks with certainty, where John barely seemed to touch the ground.‘And you didn’t come to us for a good romp, either! Not that we can’t just be friends with people! We definitely can! But then we, or maybe I should be talking for myself … Well, I’ve already cast a gander at your rod and tackle many a time, so it’s hard to move past that when I know you. And we don’t really have friend visitors. Or, not recently, Bro did have that young lady who stayed with us for a while and she wasn’t interested. We don’t push! We’re just … sex positive?’You’re starting to think that literally any of the other gods would have been a better person to talk with you about this. But you think you get his meaning, if only because you think you’re starting to learn how to lean into the familiarity. You believe them now. You knew them. And you can know them again.‘So you’re getting confused because you didn’t seek me out but you still see me as an option?’ you say.Jake makes guns out of his fingers and points them at you.‘Correctomundo!’ he says. ‘I know you came here for our Janey, but we don’t go down lightly and we don’t make decisions quickly. We definitely don’t interfere with life and death of mortals without discussing it!’You bite your lip for a moment before you decide that you’re safe from their wrath even if you run your mouth. They wouldn’t do anything to you because of your past.‘It took me two months to climb your hill-mountain. I can’t wait and let her decompose while I’m being your pet or whatever it is you want from me.’Jake laughs as if you’ve said something funny. He stops when he sees your face.‘We have a time guy,’ he reminds you. ‘I know he’s a bit chilly around the dick at the moment, but that’s … well! It is what it is but he’s one of the most gentlemanly dudes I’ve ever known and I’ve known a lot!’‘So, even if you take a while up here …’‘I’m sure we’ll pop you back the day after you set off! No matter what you decide. Can’t have those wigglers without their teacher, can we!’You let yourself breathe deeply for what feels like the first time in a while. ‘Karkat, my love, we could keep you here 50 years and get you back before breakfast!’Okay, never breathing deeply again. Holy fuck that’s terrifying. You’ve walked into a bear trap and they don’t even realise how threatening they are to you. ‘I think I need a lie down,’ you say. ‘Right you are, Pussycat! I hope Roxy and Jade found you a bed! Or a recuperacoon, which do you prefer?’You haven’t slept in a ‘coon in years, not since you moved out on your own and couldn’t justify buying one of each. Not that you’ve had many sleepovers, but double ‘coons are expensive as fuck and you had optimistic thoughts towards diversity in your quadrants. Tonight you think you want that feeling of home and the knowledge that you’re safe and alone.‘Recuperacoon, if you’ve got one,’ you say.‘We can have anything!’ Jake says cheerily.Not me the defiant part of you says. But you already have let them into your diamond, haven’t you. How much longer can you resist the gods?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jake leads you to a room and opens the door, bowing as he holds it open for you. So weird to be treated like this by anyone, let alone him. You step into the room. Jade’s holding a portal open to let slime fill a very nice ‘coon to the brim. Shit, this thing’s top of the line, it has temperature control and the option to move the slime. It might be better than Eridan’s.‘Hey guys!’ she says. ‘I didn’t know if you had a favourite brand, Karkat, so I just got the one the salestroll recommended.’You nod and watch as she closes the portal. You get the feeling in your ears like you’ve been listening to really loud music that’s suddenly turned off when her magic disappears.‘Karkat’s plum tuckered out!’ Jake says.‘It’s a lot to take in,’ Jade says. ‘Wanna watch a movie before sleep?’You feel a spike of excitement that feels a bit out of place until you look next to you and see that he’s doing an excellent impression of a puppy that’s pretty sure he’s heard the word “walk” but isn’t quite sure if it applies to him yet. It’s a bit contagious, especially as you can feel it too.‘Uh … what movie?’ you ask.‘We got him!’ Jade says.She claps her hands together and then spreads her arms wide. The noise that happens sounds like heavy thunder close by, so heavy that the room shakes a bit. Except it isn’t the room, it’s you, because suddenly you’re in a different room, one that resembles a cinema except for the massive beanbag facing the screen.You feel a little unsteady, but Jake’s already anticipating that and holding your arm gently.‘We could have walked,’ Jake says. ‘Jane said we should ease Karkat into our powers if we can.’‘Jane says a lot of nonsense!’ Jade says. ‘Karkat can handle a bit of teleportation! How’s he supposed to get to know us if we’re not being us, huh? Besides, whenever shit went down, that’s when Karkat was best.’It’d be pretty fucking nice if that trait had been passed down to you at some point.‘Jake likes every movie ever made and I don’t watch them that much, so do you want to pick, Karkat?’Jake shows you the digital library they have and you scroll for a bit before settling on a comfort movie. You don’t need to watch something new when so much is already happening and you believe Jade when she says the stakes for choosing aren’t high.‘Oh hey, this is one of Dave’s serious ones,’ Jade says.‘What?’ you ask.‘Dave does more than the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff series,’ Jake says. ‘Basically any movie I’m in, he directs and writes. But sometimes a different story will come up and he’ll disguise himself human for a bit to knock it out. Roxy goes with him so he doesn’t have to worry about getting photographed himself.’‘This is nothing like Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff,’ you say. ‘This is my favourite movie.’‘That’s so nice!’ Jade says. ‘It’s probably a coincidence though, because obviously this was released pretty recently and Dave would have no way of knowing how a Karkat’s taste would be affected by all this time. I’ll tell him you like it though!’‘Does he hate me?’ you ask.Jade and Jake look at each other.‘He doesn’t know this version of you,’ Jade says, which sounds like a very politic way of saying that he hated the you he knew more than Mondays.Jake pushes play before you can ask anymore questions.Jake and Jade sit next to each other respectfully for the first five minutes, but Jade starts to get fidgety after that and Jake counters it by guiding her head onto his lap and scratching her ears. You’re dying to ask what the deal with her ears is. It’s such a strange choice for a god to have cosmetic surgery to add dog features to themselves, and they don’t even look like the few examples of that you’ve seen online. They move in the direction of noise reflexly and stand up straighter when she’s looking particularly peppy. They look real.Her tail is pretty close to where you’re sitting, and you could probably touch it convincingly accidentally if you casually rearranged yourself. It’d be impossible for her to tell if it’s a fake, but if it’s real, she’ll react, which would also be interesting.You shift closer and let your forearm touch her tail. It’s very soft and warm, like it’s a part of her. She lifts it out of your way reflexly. Huh, that’s very dog-like. And instinctive. You don’t realise you were staring at her tail until you look up to see that you’ve been caught by both Jade and Jake.‘I know for a fact that my statues have my ears on them,’ Jade says.‘Were you born with them?’ you ask. You have a very brief philosophical meltdown at the implications of your own question. ‘Are gods born?’‘No, John made us in a lab,’ Jake says.‘I got fused with my childhood pet who raised me,’ Jade says.You’re going to stop asking any and all questions to the gods.‘You can pat them if you like!’ Jade says, straightening from Jake’s lap and offering you her head. ‘Oh! And look!’

She holds her hands up and you see that she totally has dog beans on her fingers and at the top of her palm. It should look weird. It looks fucking adorable. You’ve officially been spending too much time with Nepeta.You tentatively reach out and stroke her ears. They’re incredibly soft, almost more like cat fur than dog fur. Her human hair curls around and gets in the way of your patting as well and you can’t resist feeling the difference.She smiles at you and she’s got adorable dimples in her cheeks.
She’s put in effort tonight. For you. She hates brushing her hair, hates wearing confining clothes, isn’t all that fond of crowds where there’s so many smells and noises that she can’t investigate them all. But she knows that you love the city and she’s here for you.

You reach out and hold her hand, and it feels so natural now. She smiles at you and you kiss her right on the dimple, which makes her giggle like you haven’t done that hundreds of times before.

‘This is kind of exciting!’ she says. ‘I never come here. I’m not saying I want to eat out every night, but this is good, right?’

‘Yeah, Jade, you did good.’

She swings your arms back and forth as you walk down the street. It’s quiet enough that you don’t need to stand too close and the foot-traffic isn’t bothered by your meandering pace. You can feel that she’s genuinely excited to be here, that she doesn’t get the appeal at all but with every beat of her heart there’s a surge of love for you. It’s amazing. You have no idea what you did to earn it.

‘Hey, Karkat?’ she says.

‘Yeah?’

‘Did you ever want to be a dad? Or lusus, I guess?’
You blink open your eyes in time to see Jade and Jane appear hand in hand in a flash of green lightning. Jake is right beside you, stroking your hair gently.‘He’s awake now,’ Jake says.‘I keep seeing things,’ you say. ‘You guys, and me, but they’re not my memories.’‘What did you see?’ Jade asks, crouching in front of you.The vision or dream or memory, whatever it was, is already fading away. You frown, trying to keep a hold of it in your mind.‘We were holding hands …’ you say.Jade offers you a hand with a small smile and you take it. The pads on her palm and fingers should feel strange, but they don’t. You know them.‘We were in love,’ you say.‘Yeah,’ Jade agrees.She leans in close to you and you feel a strange thrill that is nothing like the anticipation you associate with a first kiss. Her lips are soft against yours and utterly normal.You attempt to keep a clear head, but the moment her lips move against yours and you can feel the potential to kiss her redder, deeper, you take it. With the hand that isn’t holding hers, you reach out to hold her by the back of the neck and encourage her closer.She’s the one that pulls back, because she’s apparently the one who has remembered you’re not alone in this room together. The movie plays in the background and you wonder if you can find your way to the room they made up for you when you have no idea where you are now.‘Um …’ you say.But she’s just pulling back so that she can climb onto your lap. Your hands fall on her waist automatically and then wrap around her when she starts kissing you again.The next time she pulls apart, she nuzzles her nose against yours like a bunny. You smile and stroke her cheek. There are galaxies hidden in her hair and she should be completely unattainable but she’s not. She’s just Jade.You both look up at the sound of the door closing.‘Jane thought you might want privacy,’ Jake explains. He’s still close, but you’d forgotten about him somehow.‘And you didn’t?’ Jade teases.‘Hoped you didn’t,’ Jake says with a big smile. He’s shameless.Jade leans towards him and kisses him without leaving your lap. Jake scoots closer to you without breaking the kiss so that she doesn’t have to move so far.You lean into Jade’s hand, slowly stroking down your neck and then your arm while she kisses Jake. And then you realise that you can see both Jade’s hands on Jake and look away.Bro grins at you. You very impressively don’t scream.‘’Sup?’ he says.Jade turns and smiles at him.‘Hi Bro! Decided to come out?’‘You can’t hide from a witch of space,’ Bro says. ‘Not even when she’s distracted. That’s my girl.’Her tail wags against your leg twice before it calms again.‘Anyway, thought you guys might need the reminder that Karkat comes from a place where you talk about your feelings before you drag him into a threesome.’‘Oh, are we—?’ Jake says.‘Sugar, you can’t play innocent with me,’ Bro says.Jake shuts up. Jade hops off your lap and leans into Jake. He pushes her hair out of his face but then gives up. It’s a force of its own, if it wants to go in Jake’s mouth, that’s where it goes.‘I also thought you guys might need one of the heart guys to help out with our beginner empath over here.’‘I’m fine,’ you say.‘I’ve got a way of dealin’ with kids that insist they’re fine when they’re in over their head,’ Bro says.‘Bro …’ Jade says.‘Take us to the kitchen, babe,’ Bro says.There’s a crack of thunder and your vision goes dark as Jade transports you all to a kitchen. It’s a very nice and very big kitchen, but it’s not really supernatural. It doesn’t even have all the appliances that you’d expect from a house with unlimited resources. Eridan sure has a few doodads he has no idea how to use.‘Right,’ Bro says.He puts his hands on your hips and you barely have time to protest before he’s lifted you onto the kitchen bench as if you weigh nothing. Jade hops up next to you and Jake chooses a stool before he can do the same to them.‘You motherfuckers ready to get served?’ Bro asks, spreading his arms wide like he’s some kind of performer.‘Serve us, Bro!’ Jade says.‘Alright DJ Strider here, gonna serve up the honey to my honeys, made ‘em work made ‘em earn that pocket money, that’s my bunny, gimme Honey … Buzzers that’s my jam gonna put it on the cam, goddamn, Jade take over, make it slam, give it to the man.’As he says the word “Buzzers”, a box of cereal jumps into his hands from nowhere. He bounces it off his inner elbow before catching it again and throwing it to Jake as if he’s shooting a goal in basketball.‘Bro …’ Jade says, fighting a smile.‘You ain’t feelin’ the flow? ‘S’right, I got you covered like butter, mind out the gutter, Jake, you’ll set my heart aflutter til you make me st-st-stutter.’ Bro tilts his head down to wink over his shades at Jake.‘Kid you best be pourin’ that, Kat’s got me adorin’ that—natural state almost borin’ that we’re gonna start snorin’ unless you make with the bowls and the spoons and the milk damn I know we got some, I hoard the motherfucking cereal not the dairy, too hairy t’be a fairy, some folks find me scary, someone take over there can’t find anymore rhymes less I go to the library. Damn I’m good.’Jake starts to hop off the stool but Bro puts his hand in his chest.‘I’m jokin’, babe, I got you.’ He looks to the roof for a moment.‘He uses a tech-hop modus,’ Jade whispers to you. ‘Has to rhyme to access any of his shit, it’s so stupid.’‘What’s a modus?’ you ask, baffled, but Jade puts a finger to her lips because Bro’s ready to go again.‘Strider’s rhymes all consumin’ like a black hole, he’s a master of the dance like a goddamn foal, when he’s around best check you’re on birth control and you know when he wants he can get a motherfucking bowl.’A bowl drops into his hands just like the cereal did before and he grins triumphantly.It turns out that his way of dealing with people who aren’t ready to admit they’re in over their heads is to give them food and make them laugh. He banters with Jade and Jake, giving you a break from anyone giving you attention for the first time since you got here.It gives you a chance to notice little things, like the way that the constellations in Jade’s hair sometimes escape and orbit her before being absorbed back in again. Or how Jake glows brighter every time Bro or Jade touches him, and they do that often, just casually and comfortably. You don’t miss that Bro never is ignoring you, as much as he looks to be absorbed in the other two.You feel comfortable in this kitchen with them. And when Jade takes you back to your recuperacoon and gives you a shy kiss before leaving, you realise that you’re comfortable with that too.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board KARKATS AND MEMOS AM I RIGHT. CG: THIS IS AN FYI MEMO.
CG: ROSE THOUGHT I SHOULD DOCUMENT WHAT I’VE SEEN, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I SEEM TO FORGET ALL THE FUCKING DETAILS APPROXIMATELY THREE SECONDS AFTER I REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS.
CG: IT’S A MEMO SO YOU CAN ALL SEE IT, *NOT* SO THAT YOU CAN ALL RESPOND TO IT, UNDERSTOOD?
CG: I AM SPEAKING SO INCREDIBLY POINTEDLY TO THE ASSORTED DIRKS RIGHT NOW. NOT EVERYTHING REQUIRES YOUR INPUT, THANK YOU.
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo.
TT: Yeah, guys. Let Karkat shout into the void and give us 300 fuckin’ notifications in peace.
CG banned TT from responding to memo.
CG: I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND HERE, HAL HOTKEYED THE BAN BUTTON AND I’M READY TO FUCKING GO.
CG: SO I’M STARTING THIS BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST HAD ANOTHER VISION COURTESY OF THE GOD OF TIME SCURRYING FROM THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WALKED IN.
CG: MY POSITION ON BANNING IS TEMPORARILY RELAXED IN THE EVENT THAT ANYONE WANTS TO SHINE SOME LIGHT ON THAT PARTICULAR SUBJECT.
CG: RIGHT, NOW YOU’RE ALL QUIET.
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo.
GG: its not that we dont want to!!!
GG: you know we dont have secrets from you!!!
CG: YEAH, EXCEPT WHO THE FUCK THE GUY WHO TRIGGERS THE MAJORITY OF MY MEMORY SEIZURES IS.
GG: :(
CG banned GG from responding to memo.
CG: RIGHT, SO WHAT I SAW THEN WAS OBVIOUSLY TRIGGERED BY THE FLASHSTEP THING SOME OF YOU CAN DO.
CG: I SAW PRINCE DOING SOME KIND OF GOD PSIONIC THING WITH THE GOD OF TIME AND A NEON GUY? I THINK, IT WAS PRETTY CONFUSING.
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo.
TT: That’d be when I fused Dave and Davepetasprite back together.
CG: I THOUGHT I FUCKING BANNED YOU.
CG: BUT PLEASE CONTINUE.
TT: I have no idea how to explain the concept of sprites.
TT: But there was a Dave from an alternate timeline who fused himself with a dead crow who was supposed to guide our Dave on his quest so that he could stop John from getting himself killed and also presumably stop Dave from prototyping the crow-guide with a seriously evil friend.
TT: Puppet.
TT: A seriously evil puppet.
CG: I SURE LOVE HOW NOTHING YOU GUYS SAY EVER MAKES SENSE.
TT: Anyway, Davesprite got fused with a troll girl who was also a sprite, though she was dead when she got prototyped and they really enjoyed being themself for a while but it turned out that long term that wasn’t working out for them.
TT: They were really different people and as much as Dave is surprisingly game to like, hunt down giant monsters with his bare hands if that’s what the troll half of his self wants to do, it just isn’t something that’s sustainable long term.
TT: Kinda like how if I didn’t let out Hal and Bro, and to a lesser extent the others, they’d explode out of me anyway.
CG: THAT’S AS PEACEFUL AS YOUR SEPARATIONS GO?
TT: Pretty much. I’m eternally glad that the first time happened while I was on my own.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo.
TG: im not :(
CG: SO YOU PUT DAVE BACK IN DAVE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TROLL GIRL?
TT: She stuck around for a bit, kinda like a ghost.
CG: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS.
TT: Firstly, yes there is.
TT: Secondly, I said “kinda”.
TT: Thirdly, nice skepticism coming from the guy dating a literal pantheon of gods.
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.
TT: Out of curiosity, which room are you in, Dirk?
TT: Have I done enough exposition, Karkat? Rose wants to reward me for using an attractive collective noun.
CG banned TT from responding to memo.
CG banned TT from responding to memo.
CG: WHEN I LEAVE OLYMPUS AND PEOPLE ASK ME, HEY, KARKAT, YOU HAD AN INCREDIBLE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. TELL US, WHAT ARE THE GODS LIKE?
CG: I’M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT YOU’RE ALL HORNY BASTARDS WITH NO CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.
CG: FUCK IT, YOU DON’T DESERVE MY OPEN COMMUNICATION ABOUT WHAT RANDOM TIDBITS I’VE PICKED UP FROM MY VISIONS.
CG: SUFFER IN IGNORANCE WONDERING WHAT SECRETS PAST KARKAT HAS WHISPERED THROUGH MY DREAMS AND CHOKE ON MY BULGE, ALL OF YOU.CG closed memo.It’s getting easier every day to be around the gods. They never fade into people, though you find yourself doing stupid things like questioning where they got things as if they don’t have the ability to have whatever they like or tackling Roxy as if she couldn’t vaporise you with the raise of a wicked brow.You like them all so much. They expanded their family effortlessly to include you and you have this deep sense of belonging. The only hold out is Dave, who still won’t stay in the same room as you longer than the duration of a meal and even then, refuses to look at you. You notice that he’s never alone, either. They rotate it a bit, though without that seeming like it’s by design, but there’s always someone walking into the room with him and there’s always someone that follows. None of them are willing to mediate between you and all efforts on your part to try and resolve whatever issue he had with past Karkat are thwarted, quickly.He needs time, ironically. Apparently 3000 years wasn’t enough. ‘He’s the kind of dude that only processes things when he needs to,’ Dirk says to you one day. ‘Like he had beef with Bro, very deserved beef, but he didn’t even acknowledge it until after he died and he was meeting me for the first time.’‘That’s not a fair comparison,’ Jane says. Dirk holds the braid he’s making in Jane’s hair in one hand while he pushes his shades straight, a nervous gesture you’re getting used to. ‘No, okay, but we all thought that was resolved, Dave included. We made a new relationship, didn’t really talk about our bros that much. And then Bro fuckin’ exploded out of me and it turned out that Dave hadn’t resolved shit in his mind at all. So that’s the same. Like, he got over stuff to the extent he was willing to when he thought you were just dead. It’s different when you’re alive and likely to interact with him.’‘How long did it take him to make peace with Bro?’ you ask. ‘I thought I might make cookies this afternoon,’ Jane says. Wow, that bad. You wish you could remember what you did to upset Dave so much. When he has appeared in your visions, he’s just as much a part of your life as the other gods. He’s often by your side. You’ve seen a couple of messy arguments, one particularly loud one where you screamed at him for an excessive amount of time for leaving the butter out, another more serious and much less loud one about you working too much, but those aren’t the arguments of people that don’t care about each other. ‘I’m sure it won’t take that long,’ Dirk says gently. He ties the second braid and kisses Jane’s head. She gets up off the floor and sits on the couch with him. The particular combo of love, anxiety and awkwardness that they’re giving off is niggling at that strange deja vu centre of your brain. You’re going to have a vision. Maybe this time you can warn them.‘I—’
Mister and Dirk are sitting next to each other. As always when Mister comes out, Dirk looks deeply uncomfortable at the comparison. Mister is what Dirk would look like if he knew how to dress himself, slept and ate at the right times and had a very expensive skincare regimen. You can’t blame Dirk for feeling like he comes up short.

And of course there’s the fact that Mister is absolutely in love with Jane and Dirk doesn’t know how to process that. It’s different that Hal loves Roxy, they’ve built that relationship up from scratch, it has nothing to do with Dirk, though of course Dirk loves her too in his own way. Mister comes from somewhere inside him.

‘Can we try this when he’s not here?’ Dirk asks.

Mister rolls his eyes. He’s been out for three weeks now. Dirk’s fucking hopeless with his splinters. The only one he can somewhat control is Hal, and that’s only when they both agree on it and even then half the time he can’t reabsorb him.

‘What, you want him to just wait in another room?’ you ask. It’s only a bit sarcastic. If Dirk pushes on it, you’ll take Mister away and give them some privacy.

‘It’s weird,’ Dirk says instead.

Jane still hasn’t said anything. You can feel her confusion and sadness. She loves Mister, sure, but that comes from a place of loving Dirk and it’s hurting her that Dirk feels so repulsed by her. Not that he does. You’re not going to play translate the human feelings though, not this time.

You’re playing push the stupid humans who won’t translate their damn feelings themselves together instead.

‘When I first met you I saw you down an entire bottle of hot sauce,’ you say. ‘I think you can handle this.’

‘That was a dare,’ Dirk mutters.

It wasn’t, but that’s sure the less embarrassing way to remember it. You’re pretty sure what Dave said was “I wonder if anyone’s ever accidentally drunk hot sauce before” and Dirk responded by saying he’d do it anyway. A lot of weird machismo stuff happened between the brothers before they calmed down.

‘I dare you to kiss Jane,’ you deadpan.

You feel a wave of extra sadness from Jane and hold your hands up. Apparently Dirk having that kind of excuse makes her feel worse. You’re not sure why your interference is better.

‘I didn’t mean that,’ you say. ‘Look, Dirk, I know you’re struggling with not knowing who you are right now and I know that this is confusing as fuck, but unless you can get to a baseline understanding with Mister he’s never going away. Not that we don’t love having you around, but seriously, one Dirk is plenty.’

Dirk and Mister have identical self-deprecating huffs that stand in for laughter.
You’re not surprised that this happened, not since Brain Ghost Dirk (you need to think of a better name for him) seems custom made to be everything Dirk thinks Jake wants and Hal and Roxy are insufferably happy together whenever he comes out. You’ve been wanting to get Dirk in a pile and shout at him for assuming that there’s a better version of himself for all his friends, but your particular brand of forceful moirallegiance can wait until your particular brand of forceful auspictism is over. You’re not that bad. Yet. You’re far too old to still be scandalised by the continued ridiculous of the humans you love.
‘Jane, Dirk’s struggling with the image he has of himself and is being a fucking wiggler about challenging it in case it shatters and he can’t identify with the label he fucking refuses anyway. He’s scared of wanting to do this. That’s the delay, not because he finds anything lacking in you.’

Dirk’s face transforms from annoyed at you exploiting your psionics for his own good to horrified when he realises what you’re saying about Jane’s feelings. He’s too fucking sensitive for you to have made that any more explicit, you’re hoping that a hint of the pain she’s going through will urge him to act. Any more than that and he’ll collapse into a pile of self-deprecation that even your amazing shoosh-paps won’t be able to cure and that’s just time lost.

‘Jane, he’s right, I’m being selfish right now, shit, I’m so sorry—’

Jane holds her hand up before he can spiral any further. She’s just as good with him as you are, and she doesn’t have mutant empathy.

‘If it doesn’t work, I swear I won’t be offended. But I think Karkat’s onto something here.’

‘Neither of you are allowed to talk anymore,’ you say. ‘Just do it, before I have to physically smash your faces together like fetishistic wiggler figurines.’

Dirk opens his mouth to say something and you hold your hand up to stop him, glaring with all your considerable might.

He closes his mouth and looks at Jane.

Dirk’s feelings are like a faucet, and they turn on with impact when he looks at her. You realise he’s been avoiding doing that the whole time as you struggle to find that easy centre you’ve gotten fairly good at keeping. He loves her so much and he’s so sure he’s about to let her down, but he’s going to try anyway.

He moves slowly into the seat next to her and into her space. Jane reaches up and takes his shades off. He leans into it like she’s done it a million times and she probably has. They’re pointy fuckers in a pile and you know that despite it all, Jane and Dirk are palest together out of everyone.

Their noses are nearly touching, but their eyes are still open and it’s intense as fuck. You should look away. You’re not going to, but you should. Dirk licks his lips and Jane smiles slightly. They’re both so nervous and so, so full of love.

Finally, Jane closes that last inch and presses their lips together. Her eyes close a second before his, and you know he’s stopped stressing quite so much when his hands come up to cup her face like he does with you, holding her like she’s absolutely precious.

Mister melds back into Dirk with a lot less violence than his other splinters, almost like he’s falling gracefully into a sun lounge. You breathe a sigh of relief. Your job is done.

And they’re making out now, you need to leave.
‘What did you see?’ Dirk asks, the second your eyes are open.Jane hits him. You sit up and press the heels of your palms to your forehead in an effort to be a bit more awake. ‘Are you feeling okay?’ she asks.‘I helped you go from pale to flushed,’ you say.‘Yeah,’ Dirk says, smiling. ‘He didn’t guess that one, Jane.’ ‘Oh, and there’s no one here who could have told him?’ Dirk opens his mouth to argue with her and she puts her finger gently on his lower lip. He stills. ‘Regardless of whether he’s the same Karkat, I’m very happy he’s here. Isn’t that enough?’This is why it’s taking so long. Jane doesn’t want to revive your moirail and then find that their mountain is ruined by grieving people trampling the extraordinary vegetation that they all love so much. Apparently they believe in therapy by gardening, and you can see how an estate this huge would tire out even a god. Kanaya used to make you weed for her when she didn’t want you to tear your hair out, before you started working at the school and the wigglers were outlet enough for your energy.You can understand their hesitance, and you’ve been assured multiple times that time doesn’t have any weight in present company, but it’s frustrating. (Part of you is okay with it taking a bit longer. You don’t want to rush to explain yourself to the one quadrant you’ve kept stable.)‘It’s enough,’ you tell her, smiling. You know not to push Jane too far. In every interaction you’ve had with her in this lifetime she’s been the picture of hospitality and good humour. She’s been exactly the goddess that people build shrines to back home. And in every vision you’ve had save one, she’s been that too.Still, you see a goddess exploiting her life powers to set zombies on her brother once, you maybe tread a bit lighter around her. That’s a bit further than the small pranks she plays on her family here. ‘Right!’ she says, getting to her feet with a toothy grin. ‘I’m going to take advantage of my hair being unlikely to fall in my face and make those cookies! Are you boys going to help? I have two beaters on offer.’ ‘You guys do that, I told Rose I’d come see her an hour ago.’‘We weren’t talking about anything important,’ Dirk says, ‘and she’ll know that.’‘Yep,’ you say, grinning at him.Dirk and Jane share a mildly impressed look as you leave the room. And then you run straight into Dave. The god of time. You feel a bit awkward about calling him by his name, unlike the others who have encouraged you every step of the way. 'Uh, sorry,' you say. You almost start to walk back into the room you just left, realise that would be awkward as hell, and walk back into Dave in a move to over-correct. Fuck.'Dude, can you chill?' Dave says.
'No, I cannot "chill",' you spit. 'This is actually a big deal.'

It's a big deal for me too,' Dave says. 'I know it's not supposed to be, or maybe it is, I don't even know, maybe I'm supposed to just toss my virginity in the bin with the most flawless round up you ever seen off the courts. That's a for real basketball reference, Kat, I know sports now. But I can't. This is important. I love you.'

You bite back the sarcastic comment that your overly defensive ass wanted to throw at him. Saying those words is still hard for Dave. And you know this is important to him too. You're just scared. Scared because you've trained yourself to fear doing this on your own in case your colour was discovered and scared because he's so beautiful and you're just you and scared because even though you've felt something during some intense make-out sessions, you don't know what it is that you've felt and what if you're not even compatible? You’re alien to each other and you have no idea how far that goes.

'I love you too,' you say instead of any of that. He doesn't deserve to have you ruin the mood.
His face breaks out in a devastatingly gorgeous smile and he holds your face just to smile at you for a moment before kissing you. He kisses you properly, distractingly, and yeah, it's still fucking terrifying, especially considering kisses like this are only going to lead to what he wants, what you want, you know you want it ... You're losing your train of thought because Dave's lips are moving to your jaw, up to your ear, his teeth are pulling lightly at the point and he's so good at this. He's so good at this. And he's never pushed you farther than you want to go. It'll be okay.
He pulls your shirt off and drops it to the ground. His hands are back on you almost immediately, stroking your sides and pinching lightly at your grubscars in that way that he’s recently discovered turns you a bit wild. You grab at his shirt and he helps you take it off. You kiss him again and drag your claws down his back. He whimpers and steps forward in between your legs, pressing his thigh up against you. You can feel his hardness against your leg, can feel the heat coming off him and you're so fucking lucky.
'Oh thank fuck,' Dave says. His arms are around you and you're on the floor. You fainted again. 'Your eyes are red,' you blurt.He flinches back, but when he starts to take his arms away you slump a bit and he reluctantly keeps holding you up.'Thousands of years ago, dude,' he says. 'Different you, different me. I'll thank you not to divulge the secret info to the rest of the mortals. What's the deal here, do you need Jane or something?'You don't answer, you just close the last inches between you and kiss him. It's the stupidest thing you've ever done and you're just about ready to fling yourself off the mountain until he starts kissing you back. This isn't the eager but tentative kissing between virgins you just remembered. Dave kisses you like he knows exactly how to take you apart and like he promises to do it really well. You groan into his lips and press your bodies close together. It's barely a shift in angles before he has you pressed into the ground and his dick is rocking against you through layers of clothes. This version of you hasn't been with a human before, but you know what he feels like on a bone deep level, like muscle memory. You know that if you grab his ass with just a hint of claws he'll whine into your mouth. It's exhilarating to be proven right. You grab at his shirt and shove it up with careless urgency so that you can thumb at his nipple. 'Jesus, Karkat,' he gasps. Your stomach swoops. It's the first time he's called you by your name. It sounds right.He hooks his fingers in your pants and pulls them down past your ass. You do the same while he's distracted by your bulge threading its way messily around his palm. You're not moving apart from him long enough to get either of your pants off, you refuse, so you roll onto your stomach, still in between his legs.'Fuck,' he says.'That's the idea,' you say. Your bulge is sneaking back to prod at your nook and looking over your shoulder you can see Dave staring with naked arousal. 'Come on, please, come on,' you urge. His hand lands on your ass and spreads your cheeks as he leans forward. Your bulge wraps around his dick and you both moan loudly. He thrusts towards you and your bulge squeezes and rolls around him, coating him with genetic material. Your bulge knows how to guide him into your nook, but this body’s never taken anything like him before. You groan and claw at the carpet as he pushes in, completely overwhelmed by the new sensation. It feels incredible to be stretched by something so firm, so big, your reservoir spills further to accommodate him, more than it usually does before you climax. The sensation is so intense that you keen as you push your ass up and towards him, trying to take him even deeper. Dave groans behind you and threads his fingers through yours. He leans closer and closer until his chest is pressing you into the ground and his lips are on your shoulder. You wish you’d been patient enough to take your pants off, you want to spread your legs a lot further apart than you can. You feel like you’re confined from all angles and you didn’t realise that you could enjoy that, you thought you wanted movement and the possibility of escape at all times, but your bulge is writhing so hard that it’s slapping against the floor.He starts to move, each rock of your bodies together nudging the head of his cock against your seedflap in a way that you’ve never felt, so different from the glancing brush of a bulge twisting inside you. You want to encourage it, want to move your hips up to meet him every time, but you can barely move. You just have to take it.The rhythm of his hips stutters and then steadies as if he’s too close to keep control and he releases your hand so that he can reach down to tangle his fingers with your bulge. They slide over your length until he’s almost at the tip and you’re about to try and palm yourself the way you like instead when he presses his blunt human fingertips into the base of your bulge and you scream at the way the sensation sends shocks up to your reservoir and you spill every drop of material you’ve got. You feel Dave rock deep inside you to take full advantage of your nook contracting around him and hear him groan out his release as well, but you feel like most of your attention just got obliterated. Oh fuck, there’s so much material. Your brother had gotten in your head about celibacy and you hadn’t been game to spill in the literal house of the gods, and you knew that you built up more material the longer you waited but this is another thing entirely. Dave collapses on the floor and laughs weakly, clearly thinking the same thing.‘We could’a given you a bucket, Kat,’ he says. He’s beautiful, even when he’s covered in red material with his pants still around his knees and his hair a disaster. You lean in and kiss him without even thinking about it. He’s your Dave.His lips are soft against yours as he kisses you back, but suddenly he stops. And then pushes you away. ‘I can’t—’ he says. ‘Fuck. Sorry, Vantas.’You’re about to insist he tell you what the fuck his problem is when Rose steps out of a door down the hallway. Oh gods, you’re in the fucking hallway. Dave looks up at her with naked desperation. ‘You couldn’t have spared me that?’ he says.You flinch, but he doesn’t seem to notice. ‘Believe it or not, it was the least disruptive version of events,’ Rose says. ‘Karkat, if you want to keep the number of people who have seen your ass to a minimum, you might want to leave. Don’t worry about the material.’You pull your pants up. You don’t even bother to glare at her, you have maybe 2% of her attention and you’re fine with that. You feel sick with humiliation, you can’t believe out of all the gods you might have pailed it was the one who hates you so much he can’t bear to be in the same room as you. You stumble into your ablutionblock, only to find Hal sitting in the trap. There’s no water in it. You have no idea if he can be in water or not. You have no idea if he even has any electrical components, he might just like the aesthetic. ‘’Sup,’ he says. ‘Nngrrrrh,’ you say, gesturing at your ruined clothes.‘Yeah, Rose said. Thought I better keep you from drowning yourself in the tub or something.’‘Please tell me it's only you that knows,’ you say.Hal throws you his phone and you look at the screen dejectedly. Your heart sinks even further as you read “tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo on board KARKATS AND MEMOS AM I RIGHT.”You’re definitely drowning yourself in the trap. Later, you hear Dave’s voice behind a closed door and walk up to it, intending to get everything out in the open. You pause when you hear Jane’s voice, raised in response.‘—be hasty with these kinds of things!’ she says.‘Jane, I swear to God, either he leaves this mountain or I will. I can’t cope with it any longer. I’m only not leaving because I know you need me if you want the body to be fresh.’You let your hand drop to your side. It might have taken you a while, but you’ve found something you know you can’t fix just by shouting at it. You don’t even want to try.Two days later, they tell you they’re going to revive your moirail for you. You feel terrible for even the glimmer of disappointment you feel. You miss her so much, how dare you want to put it off any longer. You didn’t expect to find love here, though, and you have. It’s going to break your heart to watch the gods leave you back in the mortal world, having believed for just a minute that you were someone special.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

You're finally here. You lost track of how long you spent up on that mountain with the gods, and the one guy who could reliably tell you how much time has passed for everyone else is still lagging very firmly at the back, as far away from you as he can get. It's so hard to stay away from Dave, even after everything you feel so drawn to him, but you have to. You have to get to Kanaya.Jade smiles at you reassuringly before she makes a wide gesture with her hands and with an ear-splitting crack of thunder you're suddenly in your own town. Your stupid, tiny town, not worth noticing in the slightest. And you've brought all eight gods to it. The couple of people in the square freeze and look at you. You ignore them, they refused to help you pray for Kanaya and told you it was stupid to seek out the gods just like everybody else, they can be stunned. You hope it gives them a fucking stroke. You lead the way to Kanaya's house, where you left her. The gods follow after, all of them walking like regular ass people except for John. You've become used to the way he seems kind of allergic to the ground.You knock on the door twice before opening it anyway. Kanaya lives with her matesprit, but neither of them care when you burst in. Or at least they didn’t when Kanaya was alive. You assume that hasn't changed.Terezi looks up at you from the table, and her mouth drops open in astonishment as she sees the company you've brought.'You did it,' she says breathlessly.'I said I was going to,' you say, as if it's no big deal. Your heart is thumping in your throat. 'Where's Kanaya?''Holy shit, is that Terezi?' Roxy says behind you. You turn, perplexed, and see that every single one of the gods is looking at Terezi with just as much surprise as she's looking at them. 'Did you say Kanaya?''Should I be bowing?' Terezi whispers.John phases through the air until he's in front of Terezi and pulls her into a big hug. You wince for her ribs. John doesn't half-ass his hugs. Everyone else seems to be looking at Dirk, who is pulling at his hair with anxiety as he ripples and duplicates himself out of control. There's five of him before Hal slaps the original Dirk across the face and he stops.'That's Terezi,' Prince confirms. 'We need to look at what this means, they could all be alive. Some Prince of Heart we are.''Reincarnation is not something we could have predicted,' Bro says. 'We'll sort it. Slap him again, Hal.'Hal does, and despite the fact that you've learned he’s always looking for an excuse to hit Dirk, he doesn't look happy about it. Dirk puts his arms around Hal and melts into him until he's not there. Bro sighs.'I suppose denial would be a bit counter-productive now,' Jane whispers.'How 'bout you go revive Kan and we deal with the metaphysical stuff later,' Bro says, taking charge despite the fact that you can see signs of stress you recognise from Dirk’s more obvious tells on his face.You look at Terezi.'She's ... this way.'Rose pushes past all of you to follow Terezi to Kanaya's bedroom. She's still on the bed, exactly as you left her. You wonder if even an hour passed. You’re not about to ask Dave.Rose falls to her knees next to Kanaya's bed and makes an awful strangled noise. Terezi looks at you quizzically. You don't know what to tell her. You haven't seen any indication of Rose being more sensitive towards death than the rest of the gods.'What did she die of,' Jane asks gently.'Caught something while she was overseas,' Terezi says. 'We all thought it was just a cold. Travelling, you know?''And she hasn't displayed any indication of being a rainbow drinker?''What?' you and Terezi say at the same time.Jane looks back at Bro, who shrugs.'Are there any illnesses that affect rainbow drinkers but not the rest of the population?'Terezi gapes at Jane, so you answer, listing off the ones you know. You only know them because Kanaya likes the stories, which would be a bizarre coincidence.Jane nods and kneels next to Rose.'Maybe you should go stand with Roxy,' Jane says quietly. Rose shakes her head violently. 'You know what this is doing to Dave,' Jane says even more quietly, her voice only audible in the incredible stillness of the room.'No,' Rose insists.Jane presses a kiss to Rose's hand, her eyes tight with anxiety before she turns back to Kanaya. She starts to glow blue until the whole room is filled with blinding light. It's warm despite the colour, and there's a feeling that you can't shake, almost like pale belonging deep in your chest. The light slowly fades from the room until it's just on Jane again, and then she's back to normal as well.Kanaya slowly blinks her eyes open.It takes her a few seconds before she even seems to focus on anything, a pregnant pause where you can't even hear anyone breathing, but then she seems to wake up properly. She looks out into the room, seeing first Rose and Jane, then Terezi, then you and the rest of the gods.'I take it I did die, then,' she says. Her voice isn't even raspy, just the same, deep, reassuring tone as before. Terezi steps closer to you and holds your hand. You can see tears welling up in her eyes.'Hey,' she says, somewhat awkwardly to the room at large.'Kanaya,' Rose says quietly, and you watch as Kanaya turns her head.'I, uh, admire your work,' Kanaya says, which is honestly an improvement to how you addressed the gods for the first time.'Do you know me?' Rose asks urgently.'You're the goddess of knowledge,' Kanaya says. 'Or else a really good cosplayer, in which case I would like the pattern for your robe, please.'Rose slumps from kneeling upright so that she's resting on the floor. You frown in confusion at the group of gods, but none of them are looking your way. They're all watching Rose. For good reason.There's a horrific crack of lightning, seemingly coming from Rose herself, and then suddenly the house explodes.

It happens all at once up until the moment where splinters of wood, iron, glass and who knows what other kinds of materials reach a boundary invisible to you, and then the explosion freezes. The floor is completely gone, the only reason you and Terezi don't fall to your deaths is because John has his hands gently on the both of your backs and you’re being held up as if the air is solid for you.'What?' you start.'Not now, Karkat,' John says.He smiles at you without his eyes losing a bit of their concerned tension and suddenly you are experiencing the incredibly uncomfortable sensation of being transported through the wind again. You rematerialise a safe distance from the house and he moves his hands to form a bubble of protective air around you. A moment later and Kanaya appears in the bubble as well. John catches her and hands her to you before disappearing.'Gods,' Terezi says. You're not sure if she's cursing or the opposite.Five versions of Dirk approach Rose, who is now black and grey from her hair to her fingertips to her robes, and are all flung away without effort. They stand up as one, ready to attack again, but her inky black skin melts into giant tendrils that stab through Bro's chest and behead Prince without her even looking. Hal, Dirk and Mister dodge her first attack as Jane flies after Prince, healing him before he even hits the ground, reaching Bro only a moment after.Rose’s darkness coalesces into the shape of a sword in her hands and she throws it through Dirk’s neck. He tries to dodge, but other tentacles hold him still up until the moment that he collapses, lifeless, and they discard him.Hal and Mister work together, coming at Rose from both sides, but she seems bored with the conflict, waving a hand to wash them away in twin waves of crashing darkness.Jake explodes into white light, but when it reaches her, her darkness infects it, bubbling it like acid and matching it until she has a matching aura of darkness. It's nothing like Roxy's void, which has also formed not that far from you. You can only track her movements because you can feel her concern, as loud as the rest of the emotional chaos is.Roxy reaches Rose and her voice echoes back to you as if the distance is nothing. When a god wants to be heard, she's heard.'Rosie, stop. She's fine. She's like Karkat, we'll get her back. Don't do this.'Rose looks up at her and rises as if marionette strings are pulling her up by her shoulders, the rest of her body limp. She hovers above Roxy motionless for a breathless second and then slashes her arm violently. A hundred spiked tendrils rip into Roxy's body and drive her through the air, impaling her on the ground away from Rose. John and Jane materialise next to her and John catches her head before it smashes into the ground. Jane looks furious despite the blue glow of resurrection spreading through her again.Jade crackles into space larger than life, almost as big as the houses around. She moves her hands and the rubble that was still hovering in the air slowly falls to the ground, landing with barely any noise.Rose doesn't enlarge her physical body, but the black mass around her matches Jade's size easily. And then it surges for Jade's mouth, disappearing into her with alarming quickness. Jade's hands fly to her throat until she flickers green and black and then winks out. She reappears only feet from where you are standing.'Dave,' Jade gasps.You haven't seen Dave for this whole affair. You look around for him, but you don't see him. Until all of a sudden, you do, a flash of red amongst the blackness of Rose's grimdarkness.He looks small. He isn’t attacking with his powers, not like the rest.He touches his hand to her cheek. The blackness dims slightly.'It's you and me, babe,' he says. 'Destroy me. Make it Just for me, let's die together again.'The spiky tendrils melt from blades to softer looking tentacles and then ooze liquidly together. You can see Rose's shoulders shaking. Dave strokes down her arm to her hand and pulls her close to him. She goes along with it, sinking into his arms. He almost disappears into the inky blackness that moves around her like tar, but slowly it softens and reduces until it’s only her skin and then even that fades away.The gods pick themselves up from the battle and Jade and Jane repair buildings and bystanders until there’s no sign that anything happened. John releases the forcefield around you, Terezi and Kanaya.‘I missed you guys,’ you whisper to them.‘You were only gone a day,’ Terezi says.You shake your head and pull them both into a hug. Given Terezi’s pointiness and the fact that Kanaya is basically a beautiful giraffe, it’s a very awkward hug. Terezi rubs her horn against yours affectionately and Kanaya pats you gently on the shoulder.‘You fetched the gods for me,’ Kanaya says. ‘And I thought you were an atheist.’‘I might be more of an atheist now,’ you mutter. ‘They’re about as godly as the wigglers I teach.’‘Can’t argue with that,’ Bro says, suddenly next to you.You let go of your girls to hit him on the nose. Terezi gasps. Bro grins.‘Cut the creepy, sneaky bullshit out, thank you!’ you say.‘You love it,’ he says, entirely falsely. ‘We should take this inside though, or you’ll be dealing with specific gossip rather than baseless shit.’You grab Kanaya’s hand and start walking, guiding her back towards her house. Terezi is pulled along by virtue of not having let go of her matesprit yet. Bro falls into step beside you, hands in his pockets and looking deceptively comfortable. You can feel a low pulse of anxiety running through him and you can guess that being out of their fortifiable mountain with the variables a large population brings causes all the Dirks stress. You don’t bother moving to comfort him though, he wouldn’t want to look weak in front of the others.Dave and Rose are still embracing in the middle of it all, but it’s not your job to move them. You can feel their twin pain. It’s the first time you’ve gotten a read off Dave at all. You’re starting to understand. He doesn’t hate you. He never hated you.There’s not really enough room in Kanaya and Terezi’s kitchen, but Jade isn’t troubled by this. Soon their tiny table that struggles to fit the three of you has 12 comfortably spaced seats. You’re starting to feel overwhelmed by the intense emotional feedback by the time three of the gods have made their way back into the room, and it gets worse and worse with each of them.Dave and Rose enter last, holding hands and standing near the door rather than sitting. It’s that point where it becomes too much to bear and the first tears come out.‘Shit, Karkat, you okay?’ Dirk says.‘Fine,’ you say, still sitting up valiantly despite the fact that your stupid red tears are always so fucking obvious. Useless to lie. ‘Just a bit overwhelmed. It’s fine.’‘If erryone could go ahead and have a few less feelin’s for Kat, that’d be swell,’ Bro drawls.You keep your exasperation at how it’s always the Dirks fussing over you to yourself. Different strategies, maybe, but that’s all it is. Kanaya squeezes your hand and you feel her concern and confusion stand out amongst the noise.‘Apparently I’m a fucking empath,’ you tell her.‘Oh,’ she says politely.You smile despite yourself. You’ve missed her so much.‘Did the gods give you that?’ Terezi asks. ‘Are godly boons to be expected? Also! I’m wondering about your relationships here. I’m blind to a lot, but not to the smell of scandal!’‘Weak, ‘Rez,’ Jade says. ‘You can do better than that.’‘In my client’s defense, she’s probably not been in this situation before,’ Jane says, a small smile on her face.‘So, not just me,’ you say.‘I think it’s time we told our story,’ Rose says. ‘I may have written the bible, but nothing beats an actual explanation.’‘Wake me up when she’s done,’ Bro says, resting his head on the table and his hat over his face.‘You can always leave,’ Dirk says, holding his hand out. Bro waves him away without looking.Rose moves to take a seat opposite you. Dave follows reluctantly.‘When we were regular human children, we played a game that was designed to end our universe and create a new one. I’ll keep the details short, because while it was the most important thing to have happened, it’s also just how life and the universe is. The events of the game we played are no more or less relevant to the story of how we found each other than the formation of the universe is, because they are one and the same.’‘Light players,’ Roxy says with exasperated fondness.‘Here’s the deal,’ Dave says, talking over both of them. ‘We played a game that we thought would save our world but actually destroyed it. We met a bunch of idiots who had played the same game in a different universe and we worked together to make this one. Those assholes were you three, plus nine more, and this was all over 2000 years ago, and I watched all three of you die, so this whole thing that’s going on here? Kinda hard to deal with. Especially because we all kinda liked you guys and I dunno about the rest of these douchebags but I for one ain’t feeling particularly like watching you die again.’‘We won’t let them die again, right Jane?’ Jake says.Dave scoffs and falls back in his chair.‘I’ve improved rather a lot since then,’ Jane says defensively. ‘And we have time.’‘Fuck off, if all it took was time, you really think I wouldn’t have been willing to go the long way ‘round with you while we figured it out? You think Rose wouldn’t have factored that in? I’d have gone however long it took to keep Ka—them alive and it might have sucked but it wouldn’t have sucked as much as going fucking millenia thinking they were gone and doing nothing about it.’‘Back off, Dave,’ John says, uncharacteristically serious.‘That wouldn’t have counted as a victory for me,’ Rose says quietly.Dave’s attention snaps back to Rose.‘What,’ he says.‘How is that a solution?’ Rose asks. ‘You take Jane and leave us and for us it feels like a day but for you it’s been decades and you pop back in but you’ve changed and you’ve aged and you’re—’ Rose breaks off to catch her breath. ‘You said you were finished with lapping us when we won. You left me and came back taller. I couldn’t take that again, you can’t leave like that.’‘You let—’ Dave hisses, unspeakably angry.‘She didn’t let shit,’ Bro interrupts. ‘Think about it, kid. Think about how much longer Terezi lived than Kanaya and Karkat. You think Jane had stopped working on extending our family’s life? She still croaked and for the fuckin’ record, I’m with Rose on not lettin’ you and Jane sequester yourselves off in a time bubble tryna figure it out. Not what Karkat would’a wanted, neither.’‘He died,’ Dave says.‘Hey, ‘Kat, hypothetically speakin’, would you want your hubby livin’ on his own in a time vacuum while your kismesis worked herself to exhaustion trying to fix your mortality?’‘Dude,’ Dirk says, ‘respect personal boundaries and get the fuck back in me.’You look at Jane and raise your eyebrows. She gives you a half-smile of acknowledgement that you and her were rivals. You have no idea how to deal with the fact that she thought of you as her equal. It seems a lot more meaningful than Rose or Hal, who both would fight an armchair if they thought it had looked at them funny.Bro hesitates, but he puts his hand in Dirk’s and is absorbed back into him. Kanaya shudders delicately and you realise just how much you’ve gotten used to that.‘I wouldn’t want that life for you,’ you say, looking at Dave.He flinches but meets your eyes. Your husband. That’s not a commitment any version of you could have taken lightly. You have no idea why you’ve never heard that the first emperor was married to a god, but you’re understanding more and more why Dave kept it from you. Why he kept everything from you.‘So, is everyone else alive too?’ Jake asks, breaking the tension.‘Names?’ you ask.‘Sollux and Aradia are the only ones that made it through, apart from Vriska and she—’‘Can someone explain what is happening to the puny mortals?’ Kanaya says, talking over Jane. John makes a face at you and you pap Kanaya awkwardly to stop her from starting shit with a god.‘Us three, plus nine more, that’s what the god of time said,’ Terezi says. ‘And before you revived Kanaya, the gods of self were talking about reincarnation. Is that a thing?’‘Do you two ever dream of the gods?’ you ask.‘Everyone dreams of the gods,’ Kanaya says.‘Karkat’s dreams are real. Yours probably are, too.’Kanaya looks at Rose and blushes deep green, looking back at the table. That answers the question you didn’t bother asking because it was pretty fucking obvious. You really didn’t want to know who your moirail dreams about in that particular way. Terezi looks equally uncomfortable. You push down your urge to auspice. They don’t have the same fast and loose attitude towards quadrants as the gods.‘How is that possible?’ Terezi asks.‘You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot!’ Jade says. ‘It’s really exciting to have no idea how something works! There’ll be a pattern though, and we’ll figure it out.’You feel a distracting spike of physical pain and it takes you a second to realise it isn’t coming from you. You look up and Dave is facing you, presumably even looking at you behind his stupid gandershields. He stands up and leaves the table, with just about zero subtlety.You struggle to think of an excuse to follow and settle on just patting Kanaya’s hand and leaving, tripping slightly over your chair on your way out. Fucking hell.You find Dave sitting on the porch, his legs dangling with his toes almost touching the ground. You sit next to him, careful to leave him with enough space.‘What do you remember about me?’ he asks.Gods, that’s a huge question. You’ve dreamed of him so many times and there are these flashes of familiarity, but how much is real and how much is regular dreaming?‘You’ve got red eyes. You snort when you laugh. You can eat anything without reacting, no matter how spicy or gross. If one of your friends needs something, you do it. You abuse your powers to make sure you pay the cheque when we go out, even if I try to put a tab on in advance. You always find the pointiest part of the pile, even when I’ve just cleaned it. You cry every time we watch Love Actually and we watch it every year.’Dave nods to himself before pushing his shades up into his hair. You missed his eyes so much, but you didn’t realise it until this moment.‘What if I’m not that person anymore?’‘I’m definitely not the person you remember,’ you point out.‘Rose is going to want Kanaya to come with us. And Roxy’ll want Terezi. And I dunno how many of the others have been reincarnated, some of them died well before we made this universe but … like it could be all of them. All of them and all my family. Is that not too weird?’‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘Let’s do it anyway.’He smiles, and it’s the first genuine smile you’ve seen on him in this lifetime. He’s so beautiful. You lean in without thinking, but stop yourself before you crowd him. He smiles wider and puts his hand on your cheek before leaning the rest of the way.His lips are soft and gentle against yours, and this time you know he’s not pulling away. He’s done pulling away from you.