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"I don't understand. What do you mean, you're leaving? Who leaves in the middle of the school year?"Mike chewed at the inside of his lip for a moment, the pads of his fingers working over the small nodes of the bright orange basketball in his hands. His chest felt tight, uncomfortable. A similar panic edging in on his field of vision. I just don't want you getting too attached to me, he thought, fearing the look on Alex's face might mean it was already too late. With furrowed brows, and shifting eyes, Mike said - Mark said, "It's - my dad's work... I -" he paused, and then shrugged with one shoulder, limp, like it hurt. He bounced the ball then, just once, listening to the reverberations of rubber and air connecting with concrete, a high pitch tone that had centered him as far back as he could remember."That's just great!" Alex said, throwing his hands into the air as he turned around, his ugly, khaki jacket billowing out behind him as the wind caught it. "First my dad. Now you."Mike's eyes widened, before he asked, trying to sound nothing more than curious, "I thought you didn't miss your dad?"Alex rolled his eyes so hard, it apparently required a guttural sound to emit from his throat, with the effort of it, as he turned back around. "I don't okay? I don't miss him. That much. But it's not the point." He was squinting at Mike, like his edges had gone blurry, and Alex was trying to figure out where his backyard ended, and Mark began. Mike understood the feeling completely. Only, he'd been trying to differentiate between himself and himself, since the day he saved Alex face in the cafeteria by cutting down someone else's kid, and found it to be freeing, rather than repugnant. "It's the fact that everybody leaves like it's just so easy to do!" Alex's hands landed on his hips and for a second - for a really unnerving second, he looked so much like Scarlet that Mike's throat went dry, and he felt his blood boil with the urge to demand that Alex stop yelling at him, the world's problems were not his fault, okay?! Then his mouth twitched, and his chest hurt - all at once things grew foggy.The ball bounced one, two, three, five, ten times, away from him, as he dropped it in favor of grasping his knees, bent over at the waist as he breathed in - out - in - out."Dude." Mike looked up to see Alex making a face, his upper lip curled at one side, matching his raised eyebrow, a look of distrusting curiosity. "What's wrong with you? Are you having a heart attack or something?""Hell if I know," Mike uttered, realizing he sounded breathless. He closed his eyes against the sound of everything but his heart pounding in his chest. What was wrong with him? He was really fucked up. Like, Jesus on acid while riding a donkey backwards to a Las Vegas strip show fucked-up.Tone perfectly akin to his expression, Alex said, "Well do you need water or something? Should I get my mom?""No!" Mike shouted, eyes opening instantly, his heart seemed to beat even harder at that, but he forced himself to stand erect. "Nope. I'm good," he said, voice strained. "Don't. Don't do that.""...Fine." Alex shrugged at the air, and then turned back on his heel, swaying like a leaf in a current of wind that didn't quite know which way to go. "Um. Anyway. I was just saying, that it really sucks..." Mike wanted to cry; Alex sounded so uncomfortable, like Mark had just weirded him out to the point that he no longer cared if Mark moved away, let alone ceased to exist."Shit," Mike said. "I know, man... I know. It's just that I don't know what to do anymore!"Mike felt so wound up, trying to put himself outside of his mind, that he didn't really realize what he was saying until Alex said, flatly, "What?""What?" Mike asked, voice even more strained than before, eyes narrowing."What does - your dad moving for work have to do with 'you knowing what to do'?""Huh?" He asked, on a breath, slowly, as he side-eyed the pavement until he found the ball. Immediately, he sidled over to it, picking it up, turning it in his hands. Then, as Alex walked closer, he threw the ball toward the hoop, catching it as it bounced back into his hands. "What do you mean?"Alex reached up, just as Mike was about to send the ball back into the air, and caught it between his hands, horizontally, against Mike's vertical hold. "You're really weirding me out, Mark. What - did you ask your dad to move away or something?"Mike swallowed thickly, then barked out a laugh. "What? No!" He tried to wrestle the ball back into his arms, but only succeeded in pulling Alex closer, the ball pressed tight between their chests as they both held it like letting go would mean flying off the face of the Earth.Looking him dead in the eyes, Alex said, wavering beneath somewhat reddened eyes, "You did? Why! I mean... your dad's rich right? So he can basically work from anywhere. I fucking knew it... I knew it didn't make sense. Why the hell would you - ugh!" Alex shoved the ball forcefully into Mike's chest, knocking him back a couple of feet, before walking quickly toward the backdoor."Alex!" Mike called, pleading. "Come on, it's not like that!""Shut up, Mark!" Alex wrenched the door open, and didn't even bother to close it behind him.At a loss, Mike passed the ball from one hand to the other, his stomach churning as he stared into the lights just inside the house. He heard Alex's bedroom door slam, and felt his muscles tighten further, holding him in place. "What the fuck," he whispered to himself. To the Universe that had put him there. He shook his head, mouth a thin line. Damn it. "Ned, man, I don't know what's happening anymore..." Mike said, hushed, into the phone from where he sat along the curb outside his old house.A huff of a laugh came across the other side of the line, and then a busied sounding, "And you knew what was happening before?" followed it.Turning his eyes across the black asphalt spanning endlessly in either direction, Mike sneered, "Yeah, thanks for the reminder, asshole. I'm just saying -" Not that. He was not saying that. Ever. "I thought I knew what I was here to do, but then... like I said, things with Alex and Maggie were getting kind of heavy, and I didn't want to mess up their lives but - I don't know man. I don't think I can leave like that, again. It almost killed me the first time. I don't think I can do it again. I think I'm too selfish for this shit."Ned sighed overly loud, and then said, "Hey. I wasn't making you leave. If you wanna stay, then stay. I'm not gonna stop you. I might make you move out once you graduate again, but that's only cause I care.""Ha ha. Yeah... I won't be a free-loader forever. I'm just...." Mike shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "I'm a bad person, Ned.""I know you are, buddy," Ned said seriously, voice soft, "But at least you aren't the worst person ever."Mike's frown turned down further, as he got a sinking feeling in his chest, "What if I am?""Unless you're killing tons of people I don't know about, I think you're probably safe. Besides, you have me for a friend. Would the worst person ever have me for a friend?" Ned assured him. "Listen, why don't you come home for a while. You sound - unhealthy."Mike nodded, but then shook his head, "No. I - I have stuff to do here. I might be back later. I might stay here. Just, don't wait up for me.""I never do," Ned sighed, sounding like he had a small smile on his face. Mike, for the moment, allowed himself to smile back, and then nodded, hanging up the phone. Mike knocked twice on the white, wooden door. "Alex," he said, low, into the cookie-cutter framing. After waiting a few moments, in the silence, he said again, "Alex, please? Can I come in? I'll look like a huge dork just standing out here all night.""I could call the cops and say there's an intruder, you know," Alex said, before shifting out of the way as he opened the door.Mike smirked, "Yeah, you could. But then Maggie and your mom would have to come get me out because that's very rude."Alex huffed, ambling back to his bed, where he flopped across it, knuckles grazing the cool, bumpy wall. "You're rude," he muttered into his bed spread, before flipping over onto his back. Mike gave a soft smile and nodded, as he pushed the door closed behind him.His back rest against his fist where it held tight to the door knob. "I can't give you a good explanation," he said slowly, hair falling into his face, as he looked at the ground, his feet shifting further out from the door. "I'm staying though. If you - um - if you want me to." He shrugged. "I'd like to." Mike didn't want Alex to think that it was out of pity. 'Oh, I'm your best and only friend up until a couple of days ago and you're gonna cry if I leave? Fine, I guess I'll stay.' No. Fuck that. He wanted Alex to know that this was Mark, asking for someone to want him to stay. But not forcing him to just say it, wanting him to mean it, but understanding if he didn't. Whether or not he conveyed the sentiment as a whole, Mike didn't know, but he let Alex study his figure in the dark, in the silence, for as long as he wanted, barely moving a muscle."I don't get it," Alex said finally. "You're here for like, four months, or whatever, and you force yourself into my family's life, and you make it seem like - like, I don't know, you're desperate for our attention, and then you just suddenly want to leave? It doesn't make sense, Mark. I mean, that's fucking stupid.""I know," Mike said, quiet. He flexed his hand against the door knob. "It's complicated. I can't... I can't explain everything. I wish I could. I don't know how and -" he started to shake his head, voice quivering, "Frankly, I'm terrified to even try."Alex shifted on his bed, sitting up, folding his socked feet under his knees, legs crossed as he continued to look intently at Mike. "But - you do care about us.""All of you," Mike breathed out, the weight of it making his whole body heavy. "More than you could - ever - possibly know..."Licking his lips, Alex glanced down for the barest moment, as he started to ask, slowly, "Like - like family...?"Mike's throat tightened significantly; he had to clear it before he could manage a single word. "Yeah... And - shit, other ways, too... I -""Other ways how?" Alex asked, voice serious, like he expected a lie, a shift of conversation. Like he expected Mike to evade the question so that he didn't have to prove himself to be the bad guy. Like he used to do to Alex, and Maggie, and Scar all the god damned time, when they'd argue. Because if he didn't have to admit he was wrong, then he wasn't.Eyebrows dipping, Mike took in a deep breath, "Like." His brain stuttered, frozen as he began to sweat in a panic. What the hell did he have to go and notice for? Why couldn't he have just remained completely oblivious to how much they shared. It was Maggie's fault, probably, for bringing the smallest idea up in his head, he thought, on treacherous grounds, before he shook his head. No. It was his fault. He should have distanced himself the second he got the chance. But he loved them too much to not take the opportunity of getting to know his kids in a way no father ever would again. He just hadn't realized the consequences of actually seeing family as individual human beings. Jesus. "Like I want to be with you," he said, faintly."All of us?" Alex balked. His voice so loud and tone change so abrupt that Mike started laughing, his stomach heaving with it."God. No. I mean. I... I have feelings for your mom, too. But. Not Maggie.""So I'm second best," Alex said, with an air of finality.Mike's eyes widened, and his body moved forward instantly. "No! I didn't say that.""I've seen the way you look at her, Mark..." Alex laughed uneasily."It's not - she reminds me of someone, that's all. It's not about more or less or - gender, or relation, or anything! Alex, I swear, if you're worried about who I care about more - it was always you k-" he stopped himself, and coughed into his fist, instantly taking a step back. "You. You."Mike's heart ached at the look of disbelief written on Alex's face. Even in the moonlight, and the small orange glow from the night light Alex always silently insisted upon keeping in his room at night, Mike could see it all there. The worthlessness, feeling undeserving, wanting. How much of that had been his fault, because he didn't tell Alex he loved him often enough? Didn't tell him that Alex was the most important thing in the world to him, and that he'd never let him go, God help him. Mike swallowed in a deep breath, and slowly fell to his knees at Alex's bedside.He curved his hands over Alex's mattress, and begged. "Alex, you have to believe me. I know I'm the fucking worst - I - I've always known... But god, if you don't believe I love you, I am worth nothing.""Mark." Just one word. One name. And Mike blanched, reeling back from the bed."I'm sorry," he rushed out, stumbling back onto his feet. "I'm so sorry.""Wait!" Alex said, as Mike got his hand on the door knob. He paused. Right. He couldn't leave. Not unless Alex asked him to. Even if he asked him to... He couldn't leave without at least making sure Alex knew it wasn't - his fault, this time. "You're so... weird," Alex breathed out, finally. "God. I always knew I'd end up with some weirdo..."Mike's muscles eased slightly at the smile, the amusement he could hear in Alex's voice. His heart beat grew faster, though, as the words sunk in. "End up with?" he asked carefully."Well, yeah," Alex said, rolling his eyes again. Mike turned to see him smirking, "If you really - like me that much," he huffed out, "And I like you... I don't see why we couldn't -""We can't," Mike heard himself say. Alex looked more confused, than cross, which was an improvement. Maybe. Mike didn't fucking have a clue, anymore. "You'd hate me," he explained. "I know that sounds stupid, but I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, as much as it pains me... If I explained everything - point A to point B - you'd more than hate me. You'd be disgusted you wouldn't even -""Stop." Mike did. "I think you might be insane, but... whatever you think you know about me, whatever you've chosen to decide for me - stop. Because that will make me hate you. But I don't yet. So just. Let me be happy for once, okay?"Mike's eyes flashed, hurt for Alex, and twisted around himself with every rush of feeling. Desire. Anger. Love. Hate. "I can't - have you hate me again, Alex.""Again?" asked Alex softly."Yeah," Mike told him, voice grave, and honest. "Again.""I hated you before?""I think so.""Okay... Well." Alex became quiet for several long moments, eyes cast down as he worked through whatever web was currently making a maze through his head. "I won't. What if I promise I'll never hate you again, as long as you don't leave.""But I don't know if - I'm not in control, forever, of whether I stay or not. I -""In the way that you control. What then?"Mike shook his head, and turned to lean his forehead against the soothingly cool door. "You would. If I told you, you would.""Don't tell me. I don't care. Whatever it is, I literally do not care. Okay?"Mike groaned into the door, then turned. "Do you really like me? I mean, really - you have to be 3000% on board, Alex because it's not worth it, otherwise. I promise, it's not.""I fucking promise, Mark. Jesus..."Swallowing, Mike nodded. "Okay - but... that's not my name.""I don't care. It is to me. I don't care.""You should.""But I don't," Alex said, laughing with a shrug."Are you even out, though, because...?""I. Don't. Care. God, you're starting to sound like my dad.""Right," Mike breathed, stomach clenching as he approached the bed again. "But -""How about we just - see how it goes?" "I can do that," Mike said breathlessly, nodding. His eyebrows shot up as Alex's hands grasped his elbows, tight, and pulled him to sit on the bed. "You -""Right now?" Alex said, lifting his brow to match Mike's expression, "Right now, we're going to kiss. Okay?""Uh - I -" Alex's lips, actually rougher than he expected, pressed into his slightly parted mouth, and then his fingers were kneading at Mike's arm, until he relaxed into the kiss, nodding his head gently. When Alex pulled back, eventually, a question on his face, Mike nodded, "Yeah. Okay. Good.""Good," Alex smiled, amused, like Mike was crazy, but at least in, he guessed, a good way. Yeah, a good way... For now.