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Eleanor Shellstrop is a thief and a con and there is one thing that she cannot resist: a massive party thrown by a snobby socialite in a museum with art works totalling several million dollars in worth. So when word of such an event does pass her desk (it's not a real desk, it's a metaphorical desk) who is she to resist fate. And on this particular day fate has decided to push her in the direction of Kamilah Al-Jamil a filthy rich artist who is throwing a very large party to celebrate the opening of her own museum wing.The hype around the Kamilah party was insane, wild rumours were everywhere and it wasn't helped by the fact that no one had seen any of the pieces that she would be showing. The rumour mill ran wild. Some thought every piece would be pure gold, others thought the paintings would be abstractionist like all her other work, some thought the gallery would be empty as a statement on the consumption of art. No one knew and as somebody who enjoys a challenge Eleanor was unable to resist; it was for all intents and purposes an impossible job. An impossible job that Eleanor couldn't resist. To pull of this job she was going to need help.First up she enlisted the help of Michael a long time grifter and someone who was surprisingly good at assembling the perfect team for any job. He had more criminal connections than Eleanor (which to be fair isn't hard).Give him a description of the job and he's already found 10 people who could do it. Eleanor may have had the plan but Michael had the people. They'd been working together on and off for years. Michael was one of the two connections she had within the criminal world and the second would never like to be described that way but like it or not Chidi Anagonye was a criminal. He preferred the term generous (anonymous) benefactor but the truth was he acted as the fence and found buyers for the pieces that Eleanor stole. However, his conscience would never let him steal without giving something back. Every job Chidi had ever worked had the profits split with an extra share which was then donated to charity along with Chidi's share. He was an anxious soul who refused to lie so he was never directly involved until Eleanor had the goods to sell.To pull of the heist of the century Eleanor was going to need more than Michael and Chidi. They would also need a forger, an inside (wo)man and a pickpocket. So the hunt began to assemble the team.They found the forger first. The robotic Janet was both a master forger and a tech genius. Give her anything and she could have an exact replica made within hours. She was good, she had also worked with Michael on his last big project or his neighbourhood as he liked to call it. Janet knew everything. Eleanor wished she was just being paranoid but Janet come to their meeting prepared. She had a full dossier of every concievable moment of Eleanor's life. Not just the obvious moments either. All sorts of details about her family and crimes that she had never been linked to. Despite the ample amount of blackmail material Janet possessed about Eleanor; Michael said Janet was a friend so Eleanor decided to trust her. Tahani Al-Jamil (sister to Kamilah Al-Jamil) was the perfect inside woman. Her strained relationship with her sister meant that Kamilah had no idea she had taken up grifting as a hobby. Insanely wealthy before she had started her life of crime it was more about the sense of accomplishment and the attention some of her larger jobs had gained. It killed Tahani that no one knew it was her that was pulling off these massive jobs but it meant that she was officially better than her sister in at least one way. And to think her sister thought her incapable of being bold.Jason Mendoza was an idiot. However, he also had the quickest fingers Eleanor had ever seen. Combined with his uncanny ability to make people trust him and his improbable ability to find a way out of any situation (usually by using a Molotov cocktail); he was perfect for the job.They found themselves an empty warehouse to use as a home base. The plan was not coming along as smoothly as Eleanor may have hoped. Their base was cluttered with blueprints taped to every available surface and gadgets strewn across every table. The real challenge would be for them to be ready for the unknown. She had a plan but Jason seemed to have no idea what was going on and Tahani seemed more interested in the party than the art."Alright, nerds here's how it's going to go. Kamilah is throwing a gala in three weeks. We have no idea what art is going to be on display but we are going to steal it." Tahani was perched delicately on the side of the old sofa and raised her hand. Eleanor's eye roll was audible, "Yes Tahani.""It's like my good friend Ghandi always says how can one be prepared for the unknown? If we dont know what the art is going to be how can we steal it?""Well if you'd let me finish explaining the plan you'd know that it doesn't really matter what the art work is. What matters is tricking everyone into thinking it's the right pieces and being able to sell off the real pieces for insane amounts of money."Eleanor's plan was long and detailed and awe inspiring. Truly a work of genius, unfortunately for Jason he still had a few questions about his role in the plan so after Eleanor had answered his numerous questions including but not limited to: "What are we stealing?" Art.
"Who are we stealing from?" Kamilah.
"Do pigeons feel emotions?" Who knows.
"Is this illegal?" Yes.
"Can I tell Pillboi?" No.Eventually the whole team knew exactly their role in the plan and they began to prepare for the most elaborate heist that Eleanor had ever planned. Tahani got their names put on the invite list and called her good friend Marc (Jacobs) and had them all fitted for ridiculously expensive formal wear. Using the funding obtained in her last heist Eleanor bought the insanely long list of supplies that Janet needed to create the necessary fakes. Their base had started to look less like a complete mess and more like organised chaos. Tahani gathered information about the museums security while Jason posed as her assistant so he could swipe the guards access cards. Swiping the guards credentials aside Jason didn't really have much to prepare for but he was good if slightly clueless moral support. He even rated Tahani an eight on his personal rating system which apparently is the highest honour. Eleanor managed to put the final pieces into place and then it was the day before the gala. All the details had been ironed out and everyone knew exactly what they had to do. They were as ready as they possibly could be and they were ready to steal whatever it was that Kamilah was about to unveil.
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11 a.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019."Okay, today's the day the gala starts in exactly 6 hours so let's get started."The base was a hive of energy. Janet, who could somehow get her hands on anything, had managed to fill the space with an insane amount of stuff. The 3D printer was next to the stack of blank canvasses and fully stocked art kit of the paints that Kamilah preferred. Technical bits and bobs were everywhere in chaos that Janet swore was organised. Eleanor had her schematics of the security system and blueprints of the museum organised onto a large table that sat in the corner of the room, harnesses were dangling from the tall ceilings in the opposite corner of the room and a small coo could be heard from a cage covered by a black cloth.A large couch faced the board that had been used for planning and a vanity was fully stocked with makeup and hair care that was more expensive than anything Eleanor had ever owned. Their formal wear and heist attire was hung on a clothing rack sandwiched between the vanity and a curtain which had been set up as a changing area. The team sat on the couch and went over the plan for a final time before setting it into motion. Eleanor had a lot riding on this heist so with a small sense of nervousness she asked, "Any questions?"The only reply was a thoughtful, "Nah dawg."12 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Eleanor felt as if the world was made of hair spray. She sat in Tahani's makeup chair surrounded by a cloud of the stuff and she was sure that her lungs were going to give out if it didn't dissipate soon. Tahani had just proclaimed that it was, "Perfect," so Eleanor took that as her cue to escape the obnoxious gas that surrounded her. She had sat in Tahani's chair for almost an hour and only her hair was done. Tahani had been very sympathetic to her plight, "Even my best friend Beyonce has to spend time doing her hair and makeup. Unfortunately not everyone's hair looks like mine naturally. It must be so inane to have to fix you hair each day." The hair flip and very fake sounding giggle that accompanied this statement was enough to infuriate Eleanor. She was about to make a witty retort but Tahani had already ushered Janet into her chair. 1 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Tahani was carefully considering Janet's hair and twisting each section into an elaborate updo. Eleanor had walked back over to her station and was obsessing over the plan. Every detail had to be perfect Eleanor could not miss this opportunity and she could not get caught. "It's a truly remarkable plan," Michael smiled gently, "I taught you well.""I just keep thinking that it's too easy I must be missing something.""Okay then. Let's go through the variables just stop me when I say something you haven't considered," Michael looked at her until Eleanor gave a small nod, "Okay so physical security, the security system, security guards, what we're stealing, how we're getting in, how we're getting out, who's going to take the blame, how we're going to sell it, the insane amounts of ways we can spend the insane amount of money we're about to make." Eleanor hadn't made a peep so Michael continued, "and that's it nothing else to consider. We have plans A through to S there is no way were going to fail."Eleanor relaxed a little, "yeah but Tahani dies in plan F." "Well then I guess we still have options."2 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019The boys had been roped into Tahani's chair and were looking far nicer than usual after Tahani had worked what Eleanor was calling magic. This meant Tahani had once again set her sights on Eleanor and was applying an alarming amount of products to her face.Eleanor had done her own makeup countless times before in countless styles and using countless products but Tahani had insisted that since she was the one to get them onto the guest list she would be the one to make sure they looked the part. Couldn't have it reflecting poorly on her of course. She had to admit that Tahani was gifted (and gorgeous) and Eleanor looked like a wealthy socialite when Tahani had finished assaulting her face with makeup. 3 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Once Eleanor was finished it was Janet's turn. Forty five minutes later Tahani was done. The whole crew looked insanely good. It was amazing really, Michael and Jason were buttoned into their suits; Michael's a classic slate grey with a bow tie and Jason's a more modern black with a tasteful floral print. Eleanor was dressed to the nines. Her floor length gown was black with a petticoat underneath. She felt like a princess in the strapless dress and her skirts swished around her as she moved. The one downside was the full skirt made it impossible to get close enough to anybody to pickpocket them. It wasn't the worse thing in the world though it meant she could hide many things under her skirt. 4 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019They were ready and piled into the three expensive looking black cars that Tahani had arranged for them. Eleanor was grateful for Janet's sleek purple gown (not only did she look ridiculously good) Eleanor doubted that they both would have fit into the car had Janets dress been any bigger given the considerable space her own dress took up. Michael and Jason were following them in the car behind who were then followed by Tahani who staunchly refused to share a car because "what am I a poor person?" They arrived in style and to the flash of the cameras who were expecting some of the most iconic celebrities in the world to attend. Though when they realised that Eleanor and the others were nobody famous their attention rapidly shifted to the next celeb. Tahani arrived and the cameras stayed on her for slightly longer than the others but soon enough their attention had shifted once again. 5 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019The five of them had walked the short red carpet and were barely noticed by the photographers. Though it had taken significantly longer than eleanor had anticipated as Tahani stopped to talk to every celebrity she passed. A crowd had started to form in a small room off to the side of the actual gallery. Eleanor and Michael were counting security guards to make sure the setup was no different to what they had anticipated and breathed a sigh of relief to discover that there would be no unanticipated security. Not at this stage at least. They spent their hour drinking and making small talk with Jason almost making a Molotov cocktail each time a full bottle of alcohol was in his line of sight. They made it through unscathed with precisely 0 Molotov cocktails and with 5 minutes till the gallery officially opened there was a buzz about the room and Kamilah emerged onto a small balcony that was located above the ridiculously ornate door that led to the gallery. "Welcome, to the opening of my immersive gallery. I have worked tirelessly to maintain the perfection that is my art. It is my honour to present you with the collection of the century: a reflection on society."Eleanor's eyes almost rolled all the way into the back of her head at Kamilah's pretentious speech. A quick look to her left showed that Tahani was equally unimpressed. 6 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019The doors opened, and while this crowd was far to dignified to run, to Eleanor it still felt like the opening of a black Friday sale at Macy's. Eleanor finally managed to get through the door and she was frankly underwhelmed. She had never been much of a fan of Kamilah's work. In Eleanor's opinion she was overrated and her family's privilege was the only reason she had become successful. The paintings were like all of her other paintings; abstract, modernist and essentially groups of four circles that as Jason put it looked like boobs and, well, he wasn't wrong. The plan had started and Eleanor could feel the excitement in the air. Though perhaps the excitement was about the art and not the impending theft of the art but potato/puhtato. There was one small issue however, counting the guards inside the gallery they seemed to have doubled the number that were originally planned. Janet adjusted her glasses, a pair of thick plastic frames which contained a small wireless camera. She studied each piece in detail taking plenty of time to exactly capture the details of the work before moving on to the next piece. A security guard hovered by Janet seeming suspicious about the amount of time she had spent staring at each piece. The guard looked like he was about to say something when there was a small crash. "Watch where you're going. Surely the waitstaff need higher standards of training," Tahani stood even straighter, which Eleanor didn't think was possible, as she walked away from where she had walked into a cater waiter. Somehow her dress was still flawless and she winked at Janet who had switched paintings during the confusion leaving the guard baffled. The others continued to scope out the security configurations. Especially Jason who was getting chummy with the guards. Janets deep dive into the security personels' backgrounds had revealed that one of the guards was a massive Jacksonville jaguars fan. Why anyone would support the jaguars Eleanor wasn't sure but it meant that Jason was engaged in a passionate discussion about Blake Bortles and the guard was letting his guard down so when Michael called for Jason's attention across the room and Jason gave him a bro hug goodbye the guard was clueless that Jason had swiped his key card. Eleanor while eating copious amounts of shrimp had managed to swipe another key card from a rather harried looking curator, apparently Kamilah was demanding. Passing the cards off subtly to Janet she quickly swiped them through a card reader before Michael took them to return to the unsuspecting museum staff. A swift pat on the curators back distracted him enough to not notice the card sliding back into place. The guard seemed to notice the return of his key card but when he seemed to dismiss his concern Eleanor breathed a sigh of relief. Eleanor excused herself from the festivities and headed to the ladies room. She found the vent and pulled the small screwdriver that had been hidden within her hair. Working quickly on the screws Eleanor managed to get two screws removed before she heard footsteps approaching."... so my stylist was saying that the Prada gown was the better choice and I refuse to believe that. Prada is a poor persons designer. Their newest collection is the most tragic thing I've ever seen..." Three ladies walked past Eleanor as she casually sipped her champagne leaning against the wall. She hoped they didn't notice the screw driver she had hastily shoved back into her hair. They continued on, gossiping about designers and celebrities before turning into the bathroom. Eleanor sped through removing the last two screws before lifting off the vent cover and pulling out the cage that Eleanor had been hiding under her voluminous skirt. Placing it into the vent and loosely reattaching the cover so It could be easily pushed out. Eleanor made her escape before they emerged from the bathroom. 7 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Now they had to wait. They needed to bide their time and create rock solid alibis. The party passed in a blur of alcohol and pretentious art snobs. It seemed that while Eleanor was not convinced by the overpriced garbage that Kamilah had produced the art community at large were lapping it up. Once they had put all their elements in place and stayed long enough for their exit to go unnoticed, they left; retreating to their base. 8 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Janets robot had done it's job. Janet was a brilliant mechanical engineer and the reason her forgeries were so quick and so perfect was because they weren't done by hand. Janet simply uploaded extremely high definition photos and the robot did the rest. The algorithm that Janet had created was able to determine exactly the order, placement and pressure of each stroke so every replica was flawless and identical to the original. For this specific job Janet had built three separate robots. One that was able to copy Kamiliah's paintings, one that could copy her sculptures and one that would release the bird when the time was right. The first had been hard at work creating the fake art. The second hadn't been necessary and the third was attached to the cage that Eleanor had left in the vent with the pigeon which was still tranquilised to keep it still and quiet until the time was right.And now the time was finally right. The fakes were ready and the gala was over. It was time to rob a museum. 9 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019The gallery had closed. The security had done their final sweeps of the museum and secured the doors. Turning on the alarm system. The extra security that had been around for the party didn't seem to be going anywhere. Janet was hidden behind a computer breaking through the museum's firewalls so that she could loop the security camera footage. She counted the adjusted security and got ready for all hell to break loose. The rest of the team was geared up and wired up to their communication system. They had returned to the museum and had moved into position ready to go on the signal. "The security is tighter than we anticipated so let's make sure we're on top of it. Okay let's make all this count. Is everybody ready?"Eleanor received a stream of "in position," from her crew mates. Counting them off, everyone was ready so Eleanor uttered the command, "let's go then."Janet was the first to respond, "the cameras are looped and we're going to blow in 5... 4.... 3... 2... 1."The pigeon was released and the motion sensors were tripped. The security cameras in the area where the pigeon was weren't looped and the guards not seeing anything in any other galleries turned off the alarms while they went to investigate the source of the disturbance. The alarms now disabled Eleanor was able to move into position by the skylight and began removing the screws from the glass panel. Once freed from it's frame Eleanor set the panel aside and double checked her harness. "Am I good to go?""You're clear the guards are in the gallery over.""Thanks Janet." Eleanor gracefully descended from the sky light with Jason close behind her. Once they had reached the floor they disconnected from their harnesses and sent up the signal for Michael to send down the forgeries. One at a time they replaced the paintings. Jason holding the pressure sensor while Eleanor swapped out the paintings carefully. Sending the real ones up via the harnesses. They continued their slow work of replacing each painting. "Okay. Eleanor, Jason, I need you to hide. The guards are heading towards your gallery.""Okay dawg," they finished the painting they were working on swapping and sending up whatever the could to Michael before heading to the hiding places they had found during the party.They stayed as still as they could until they heard Janet's, "you're clear, but they've almost caught the bird." Eleanor and Jason returned to swapping the pieces quicker than before. They were on their final painting when they heard Janet, "They've caught the bird it's time for the exit.""Copy that. Time for phase two."Sending the final painting up via the roof Michael recovered the harnesses and resecured the skylight panel. Quickly taking the art and moving it to an electricians van, with help from Tahani he loaded the art into the van and once it was secured he drove off with their haul. Tahani then moved on to her next phase of the plan. Swaying in her heels she approached the front of the museum. Banging on the museum's entrance she drew the attention of the security guard who was stationed by the door. As soon as he approached her she launched into a long spiel about her priceless necklace that she had lost during the gala and begged him to help her. "Do you have any idea how much that necklace is worth?" She didn't give him a chance to answer, "more than your entire salary for the year. It was on loan from my good friend Neil Lane. And I lost it during my sister's show. You do know who my sister is don't you." She looked at him and he shrunk a few centimetres. There was a sinking feeling in Tahani's chest as he stood there seemingly unwilling to help her. After a solid minute of shock he managed to reply, "I can't let you in but I'll go and find your necklace."Internally Tahani breathed out a sigh of relief but maintaining her character she huffed out a petulant, "thank you," and watched him walk into the museum proper. "He's headed your way guys, now's your time to get out of there."Eleanor and Jason used the replicas of the key cards they had stolen to make their way out of the gallery and into the women's bathroom. Waiting for Janet to give them the all clear they stood at the door listening for any signs that the plan was going sideways. "You're all clear guys he's in the gallery now."Exiting the bathroom and only stopping to retrieve the cage from the vent they made their way out of the museum easily as Janet had been selectively looping the video feeds to hide their exit. The door guard was looking for Tahani's lost necklace and the others were finally removing the pigeon from the gallery next door. Nodding to Tahani as they passed her to make their exit they returned to the base. 10 p.m. Friday the 18th of January, 2019Tahani had been waiting outside for what seemed like forever when the guard finally returned with the priceless necklace in hand. Considering how long it took for the guard to find the gaudy necklace Tahani thought Kamilah should hire better guards. Thanking the guard for finding it Tahani took the necklace from him and made her way to the base, a smug smile peeking through. Janet, Michael, Jason and Eleanor had all made their way back to their base. Patiently waiting for Tahani to return there was a buzz in the air as the success rolled over them in waves. The plan had worked perfectly, they now had millions of dollars worth of art and no one knew that there had been a break in (yet). Tahani returned and the entire crew breathed out a sigh of relief. The plan had worked there was no proof to tie them to the heist and they will have sold the paintings by the time the fakes were discovered. They had pulled off the heist of the century and nobody would ever know.
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For Chidi walking in after one of Eleanor's jobs was always a surreal experience.Chidi had never intended to become a part of the criminal underground but here he was. He had sort of stumbled into it after realising that Eleanor needed help. She had come to him after one of her first heists that almost went bad because she realised that she was probably a bad person and she didn't want to be a bad person. Chidi had tried to help her make good (read: better) decisions about who to steal from what to do with the money. Along the way he'd sort of been roped into this incredibly complex scheme and discovered that while he couldn't lie about the risky parts of the heist he was able to find good homes for the pieces that Eleanor acquired. This time they had stored the art in an old warehouse in a dodgy part of town. It was strange to think that sitting in front of him were the most coveted works from the national galleries' art collection. The complete works of Kamilah's collection were scattered amongst other pieces from the gallery. Monets and Vermeers were casually leaning against the various tools they had used to liberate the works from the museum. Chidi had never seen so much priceless art in one place.He didn't know where to look; everything was so beautiful, and expensive and Kamilah's pieces seemed to take his fears away. There were three sharp bangs against the door. A pause. Chidi's fears were once more his own. One more bang and in strolled Tahani Al Jamil who looked impeccable as always. Examining the scene in front of her recognition dawned in her eyes. Chidi whose worries had turned to fears looked across at Eleanor, "what is Tahani Al Jamil doing here?" A short impossibly beautiful laugh escaped Tahani's lips. "Ensuring that the job was done properly. The real question is what is a philosophy professor from Sydney doing here."Eleanor swears she could see the moment Chidi developed a stomach ache. The questions and answers that Chidi had not yet voiced must have been all over his face as Tahani continued, "I'm a very generous donor and we've met before Chidi."Chidi finally managed to stop his sputtering. Unfortunately the sputtering gave way to some sort of word vomit, "Morally we need to help where we can. Stealing from those with excess to give to the people who need it seems like the best way to become better as a person. I cannot lie or make decisions rapidly so I'm useless during the theft but I can find new homes for things which will give me the money to improve the world. I gain nothing from this. All my donations are anonymous also the wealthy have plenty of opportunity to help but have failed to do so therefore I do what I can." Tahani almost shrugged (but not quite because that would be undignified) and continued on to the computer where Janet had been working. Pausing to watch over her shoulder Tahani seemed satisfied after a moment and continued to the makeshift seating area. Michael and Jason arrived and the team was all there. Chidi outlined the prices he had gotten for each piece. The total of which was a staggering amount of money. Loading the art for transport they begun the process of moving the goods to their new homes. The next morning the vans took the art away. Despite the fact the art looked severely out of place in the warehouse. It was eerie to see the warehouse completely empty. Eleanor and Janet had organised for everything to be removed from the warehouse which was to be demolished within the week. The entire team had assembled to receive their share of the cash. They all had plans to lay low for a while until the suspicion had passed and they could return to their normal lives. Michael was heading to South America. Tahani and Jason were going to China together for some reason that Eleanor still didn't comprehend. Chidi had to return to Sydney to return to the university. Janet was heading to her void wherever that was. Only Eleanor was staying in country to tie up some loose ends. Seven days later Eleanor was still basking in her success when an unwelcome face appeared across from her in the booth in which she was enjoying her lunch. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Eleanor Shellstrop. Tell me have you been to the national gallery recently?""Hi Gen. To what do I owe this pleasure?""Cut the bullshit. We both know that millions of dollars worth of art was stolen. "Couldn't have been me. I'm clean. On the straight and narrow. Living that honest life.""Well I find it awfully suspicious that a notorious art thief was at the opening of the gala after which an incredible amount of art was stolen.""Unfortunately for you it is merely a coincidence that I was there. You'll never believe who I saw there.""Oh and who are you pinning the blame on this time Shellstrop?""Me pin the blame on someone... never. I guess you won't care that both Shawn and Trevor were also at the gala. I mean you're questioning me simply because I was there but you know they have rap sheets far longer than mine."Gen's face fell slightly like this was new information but she quickly recovered. Poker face firmly in face she slowly stood up and slid out of the booth. "I'm watching you Shellstrop. We both know you did this and I'll prove it too." Without another word she turned and left Eleanor to enjoy what was left of her lunch.A few weeks later when Eleanor was sitting enjoying the benefits of her newly acquired wealth the news alert she had set up to capture any breaking stories about the heist set off.Two men; $500 million worth of art
The two men allegedly behind what was possibly the biggest art heist of the century have been charged for the theft at the national gallery. In a press release from the federal bureau of investigation the two suspects were allegedly identified in security footage from the Kamilah gala. Allegedly the suspects had been canvassing the gallery for months and fingerprints were found on multiple picture frames throughout the gallery. The heist which happened in Janurary of this year was discovered almost two weeks after the fact and was only discovered by reviewing the security footage. Each piece of art was painstakingly replaced by a forgery and it was only during the regular maintenance check of the works that the forgeries were discovered. The suspects are to stand trial sometime next year.
Reading the headline she smiled scrolling down she saw the two mugshots attached. Shawn and Trevor did not seem pleased to be behind bars for a crime they did not commit. From where Eleanor sat though this seemed like a perfect example that paybacks a bitch.