Work Text
Jim. It was his first word since his revival, and yet since then it seemed it had fallen out of his vocabulary. And it was driving Jim insane. They sat in one of the rooms the federation was holding them in until their trial tomorrow. Jim glanced over at the man that should be his husband, but instead was more like a reluctant coworker. “Spock?”
“Yes, Admiral-“
”Spock.” Jim said, frustration coming through his voice as he turned toward him. “Please, stop calling me Admiral. It sounds so unnatural, especially now when we’re alone. We’re off duty. It’s very likely I’ll be fired in the morning. Please just call me Jim.” The smallest of frowns crossed Spock’s face. “It is your rank at the moment, and I am-“
”Spock.” Jim’s voice was pleading. He crossed the room to Spock. He let his hands rest on his shoulders, as he had so many times before. His grip was tight, almost afraid that if he let go, Spock would leave. “Don’t you remember us? Our relationship?” He asked, the sadness he had been feeling, revealing itself.
”My memories have been revealing themselves at relevant moments.” Spock responded simply, glancing at Jim’s hands on his shoulders. “It is not an instantaneous process, Admiral.”
”Spock, please.” Jim said softly, his hands slowly sliding down Spock’s arms. “Could I help jog your memory?” He asked. “Tell you about things?”
Spock nodded hesitantly. “That has been the process regarding other information and memories.”
Jim nodded, letting go of Spock hesitantly. “Let’s sit down.” He nodded to a pair of seats across the room. They sat down in silence for a moment before Jim spoke. “You only ever call me by my rank when we’re on duty.” He said softly, looking down at his hands. “And even then, it’s not all that common. You call me Jim whenever we’re off duty. You have for the better part of twenty years.” His hands felt empty. His head felt empty. “When we’re alone, you call me lots of things.” Jim smiled slightly.
”A rose by any other name.” Spock commented idly, so quietly Jim barely heard him.
Jim let a small smile rest on his face. That was his well-cultured Spock. “It took me a while to figure out your pet names.” Jim said. “You first called me ashayam before we began our relationship. It was an accident during a game of chess. I badgered you and Uhura for weeks afterwards to get a translation, but she couldn’t find one and you wouldn’t tell me.” Jim let out a soft chuckle.
“Then later once we began…you told me what it meant obviously. You…you tried calling me babe and baby for a little bit, but we agreed it sounded a little ridiculous.” Jim let out a soft laugh as he remembered the first time Spock called him ‘baby.’ That had taken him by surprise. “Then you started with the t’hy’las. That one’s a bit rarer. But I do love it when you pull it out. It reminds me that what we have is special.” Jim locked eyes with a thoughtful Spock. “Do you…remember what t’hy’la means?”
”Friend, brother, lover, a revered ancient bond.” Spock responded, almost robotically. “And that is the nature of our bond?”
Jim nodded. “We officially bonded after V’ger. After you tried to undertake the Kohlinar.” A stern frown took its place on Jim’s face. “Do you remember that? You tried to rid yourself of emotions because you thought I couldn’t love you in the same way.”
Spock’s eyes flickered away from Jim’s face. “I do remember the Kohlinar and my reasons for attempting it.” He said softly. “I had recalled the Kohlinar during my reeducation. I did not, however, recall our relationship since my return.”
”Oh Spock.” Jim said softly, slipping out of his chair and coming to kneel before Spock. “You still thought…oh honey.” Jim reached up to touch Spock’s face. “Spock, I love you. More than anything.”
”I…am beginning to remember.” Spock said softly, leaning into Jim’s touch, his hand coming to take hold of Jim’s. “Tell me more.” ”We’d been dancing around it for so long.” Jim muttered, a hint of sadness on his face. “I started loving you a year into our first Enterprise mission. But I thought you couldn’t feel the same way. Definitely not towards someone like me.”
”Someone like you?” Spock raised an eyebrow.
”So…emotional.” Jim looked away from Spock, his hand slipping from his face. “So human.” He let out a chuckle. “Of course, Bones didn’t really help. He was the one I confided in and-“
”He believes me incapable of compassion.” Spock responded dryly.
“He just thinks you try to hide it.” Jim responded with a shrug. He let out a breath. “It was really hard when you left for Vulcan.” Jim said softly, looking at their hands. “You didn’t even say goodbye, Spock.” Jim felt tears begin to burn at the corners of his eyes. “We got promoted. I went to find you after the ceremony, only to find out that you were already gone.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “I kept thinking you’d call or send me a message or something. But nothing until…I guess I managed to call you through the bond? I’m still not sure how you knew.” ”I am not sure.” Spock responded. He took Jim’s other hand and entwined their fingers. “But I am glad.”
”Me too.” Jim smiled back at him. “After V’ger, I asked you why it was that you left without saying goodbye. And…you told me. And we both felt like such dumbasses.” Jim let out a laugh. “And we were on the next shuttle to Vulcan to get bonded.””I believe I can remember it.” Spock responded. “We had so little time together.” He mused softly, looking at their entwined hands.”You’re right.” Jim nodded. “But once you’re able to meld again, we can be bonded again.” He brought Spock’s hand to his face, making sure to avoid his psi points. “I…really miss our bond.” Jim said softly. “I can share all my memories with you again.” He murmured, closing his eyes and leaning into Spock’s touch. “And we’ll make new memories.”
Spock smiled. “I am looking forward to it.”“Me too.” Jim leaned up, pressing his lips against Spock’s and kissing him gently. “Just no more Admiral alright?”
Spock smiled slightly, kissing Jim again.