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Everyone watched in amusement as repeatedly Kyle got a girlfriend and Cartman broke them up and Cartman got a girlfriend that Kyle broke up. The excuses given depended on the one you asked. Kyle simply stated that no one should be with Cartman due to his attitude and Cartman insisted it was because no one deserved to be with a jew. The reasonings fall flat however in light of Cartman actually treating his girlfriends quite well with Kyle’s jealousy being why they broke up with him and Kyle- well he never let him being a jew known, he was hardly orthodox much to his parent’s anger so it’s hardly like he was converting girls. It all came to a head when Cartman got back with Heidi, who decided to give him another chance after one of her friends who dated him said that he was actually a lot better and more mature. Cartman had left in their sophomore year and Kyle had been thrilled until he wasn’t. The high lasted not even a week as Kyle got increasingly more agitated and tried to start fights over simple things such as a freshman accidentally running into him or something. He also didn’t date, even though he had dated while Cartman was around, the way he acted seemed like mourning behavior to anyone who didn’t know but heaven help you if you brought that up to Kyle. Sophomore year was hell, and only the fact that they had been friends since preschool kept Stan and Kenny by his side, doing everything they could to not agitate him further. Things went back to normal when Cartman came back, well almost normal. Cartman was quieter, less brash, and more in tune with people. When Stan asked him where he was Cartman informed him that he went to a place dedicated to people with mental problems, with therapy and medicine he was more in control then he was growing up, but he couldn’t help not having a filter, he, unfortunately, would always say what was on his mind. When Cartman apologized to Kyle, he flipped out, at first blushing and saying thank you but then going on a tangent about how it was all fake. He also seemed to get especially mad when Cartman didn’t rise to the bait he offered, like the time he sported a beard and openly talked about Judaism only to have Cartman help him pass out pamphlets and to use his powers of persuasion to actually convert people for him. Needless to say, the pamphlets and beard were gone the next day and Kyle was seething. That led them to modern day, Junior year with instead of yelling at each other they openly flirted with other people and even dated with them just so they could one-up each other? No one knew but when Heidi got back with Cartman it was like freshman year all over again, Kyle broke up with his girlfriend and zoned in on Cartman. While they were at lunch and Heidi was talking to Cartman and the rest of the group, telling them a story about how she went shopping with her friends and a weird man kept eyeing them Kyle loudly said “Am I the only one bored right now? Cartman I thought you at least had taste.” He had a fire in his eyes and sure enough, Cartman got up and went to Kyle’s side and said: “Better taste than you jew.” His eyes held just as much fire and everyone knew the Jew insult was literally only there to break Kyle, he definitely didn’t believe anything he said he told Stan as much during a very much unwanted one-sided drunken bro talk. Kyle stood up as well and got in his face and said: “What would you know about my taste?”
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Everyone watched in quiet wonder as Cartman instead put a finger under Kyle’s chin and said while getting even closer “Everything.” He then sat down and whispers began with Heidi fuming, that was different from the sexual tension fueled fighting, that she could ignore but that was blatant flirting which was not a part of the plan at all, now people including Kyle would doubt their relationship, what was Cartman thinking? Kyle was blushing and refused to answer when Stan asked if he was ok and he instead stalked off, leaving a smirking Cartman behind and a confused class.After that Cartman and Kyle were in class together, with Cartman sitting behind him and Stan beside Kyle, it had been like that forever and just stuck. Kyle was focusing on his quiz when he felt his chair being kicked. He knew who it was so decided to ignore him, bad move on his part apparently because the kicking stopped and the whining began. Cartman still said Kyle’s voice in a whiney way, when he didn’t that was when Kyle had to stop and see why he was being serious. So he told Cartman to shut up and went back to his quiz only to have the kicking start up again. Kyle turned around and whispered while glaring “What do you want fatass?” Cartman looked away and stopped kicking and Kyle slowly turned away with a final glare at Cartman only to be confronted by his teacher, standing there with her arms crossed. She pointed at the door and Kyle groaned, glaring at his “friend” who had a smirk on his face and walked out with the teacher. Once out of the classroom the teacher, Mrs.Carlson said “Do you want to tell me why you were turned around talking to Eric? I have seen your grades surely you don’t need to cheat off of him.”Kyle was about to burst in anger but stayed calm, he needed the teacher to not tell his mom or fail his quiz so he instead said: “I wasn’t, he kept kicking my chair and whining my name.”Mrs. Carlson had an amused smile on her face as she said “That does sound like something he would do, alright I’ll let you get back to your quiz but after class tell him no more flirting in class alright? It’s a distraction neither of you needs right now.” Kyle just nodded, helpless to argue because he didn’t want to upset her, she was close friends with his mom after all so she could easily tell on him. They walked back into class and Kyle sat down to finish his quiz, glaring at the idea of Cartman flirting with him. They hated each other, that’s why neither wanted the other to find happiness with other people, right? The school day was blissfully over and as they were walking to Kyle’s car Kyle said: “Hey fat ass Mrs. Carlson said to knock it out next time, she thinks you’re flirting with me.” Cartman over exaggeratedly choked and pretended to throw up and said: “Like I would ever flirt with a ginger jew.” They all piled into the car, Cartman sitting shotgun while leaving Stan, Wendy, Heidi, and Kenny to sit in the back, Heidi glaring at Cartman and Stan looking on in disinterest and as Kyle started the car he said: “What’s wrong with gingers or jews fatass?” This caused everyone in the back to look on in interest, with even Heidi interested in hearing what Cartman’s problem with them was. Cartman looked right at Kyle as they drove out of the parking lot and simply stated: “They all remind me of you.” He looked away and out the window leaving Kyle to be shocked and everyone else shocked as well. Heidi was fuming what was the point of her “dating him” if he was just going to blatantly flirt with Kyle in the first place? She sighed, Kyle was always getting in the way of her and Cartman it felt like before it was because she thought he had a crush on her but now it’s obvious he just wants Cartman, and the feelings mutual. She to looked out the window, forehead pressed against the window smiling briefly at Kenny who patted her back mistaking her annoyance at Cartman’s idiocy for jealousy.
He and Stan were used to being second to the storm that was Kyle and Cartman, it was just a shame that people kept getting hurt by it. Kyle dropped Cartman and Heidi off and then dropped Wendy and Stan off with Kenny staying the night at Kyles. As they got into the house they saw Mrs. Carlson and Kyle’s mom talking over tea and they stole some snacks from the fridge and squirreled away up in his room to play video games they were playing Mario Kart on Kyle’s new switch when Kenny’s phone beeped multiple times. They ignored it until Kenny said, “Hey pause the game, I gotta see what that is, it could be Butters.” Kyle pressed the home button and rolled his eyes, what was with all of his friends having girlfriends? Especially Cartman, he definitely shouldn’t have anyone especially Heidi.
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Kenny smiled and said, “Hey Kyle stop thinking about Cartman you’re drooling.” Kyle wiped his mouth angrily, ashamed that there was some drool and said: “It’s only because I am so mad that Heidi took him back after all he did.” Kenny smirked and said, “Yeah, of course, Kyle, anyway here’s a chance for you to try and break them up, there’s a party at Bebe’s tomorrow.” Kyle smiled at Kenny and said “You really think I should? I knew I was right!” Kenny laughed and said, “Yeah totally he only deserves to be with someone like you.” “Exactly finally someone gets it!” Kenny burst out laughing harder and Kyle, realizing what he said, shook his hands and head in a no motion while blushing “No no I thought you were just saying how he deserved to be with no one.” Kenny nodded, acting like he totally understood what he meant. Before Kyle could go on a tangent to his friend, he heard his mom call them down for dinner. Kenny practically ran down the stairs and Kyle smiled at his friend, despite the teasing he was glad they all had stayed close throughout the years' lots of stress was put on their friendship and Kyle was forever thankful that it survived. He finally went downstairs, sitting next to his friend and smiling at his mom, happy knowing that soon Cartman would be broken up and lonely. Then he will have at least one person who would hang out without ditching due to a significant either, plus Cartman deserved it.The night of the party quickly came, and the guys were all over at Stan’s house hanging out before heading out to pick up the girls, who all insisted on a shopping trip before the party, dragging Butters along because he was an aspiring fashion designer and was really good at coordinating outfits, he had done the same for the boys too. Stan was wearing dark blue skinny jeans with a band tee for the band “The Roots” that he and Wendy had gone to see at a music festival together last year. It was cold but they could drive so just took their jackets which left his raven black hair free to land above his right eye. It was nice seeing him turn his emo persona into a fashion style instead of something he reverted to during breakups, must be because he and Wendy hadn’t broken up since freshman year. Kyle was wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans with Cartman wearing a black lady gaga shirt that he had gotten at a concert of hers before he had left and jeans as well. Kenny, who worked a part-time job that paid really well so he was showing off with light yellow long-sleeved shirt rolled up and tight black jeans that he helpfully told them were Butters favorite which allowed them to tease him mercilessly about corrupting South Parks innocent Butters. Finally, Kenny got the text that the girls and Butters were ready to be picked up so they piled into Kyle’s car with Cartman sitting up front again, this time earning a jab at Cartman about how he seemed to be avoiding being near his girlfriend. He had glared and said, “Shut up hippie I just don’t want to hear you and she bitches incessant chatter, Heidi will understand I’m sure, she’s not joined at my hip like yours is.” Stan raised an eyebrow and said, “Careful Cartman, paying attention and spending time with your girlfriend is important.” Kenny laughed and said, “Looks like Kyle won’t have to break them up, Cartman is doing it himself.” Kyle glared in the mirror at his friends who were laughing their asses off, it was common knowledge what they did, but it was still uncomfortable being voiced aloud. Cartman closed his eyes and it looked like he was counting to ten as he said: “You’ll see we’ll be ok you guys are just jealous that I have a smart and funny girlfriend.”
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They all rolled their eyes at Cartman as Kyle said: “Please don’t start that bullshit again, it’s annoying.” With that, he successfully captured Cartman’s attention, so much so that when they pulled up to Wendy’s house Cartman didn’t even notice Heidi who was wearing a tight white party dress with a silver flower clip in her curly brown hair. Cartman and Kyle finally stopped when they heard Stan go “Wow you girls are beautiful, Cartman don’t you think so?” Butters was already on Kenny’s lap, dressed in a blue long-sleeved dress shirt like his boyfriend and was nuzzling him, just like a bunny would. Cartman finally broke away from looking into Kyle’s green eyes, alight with pleasure and anger and looked at Heidi. She awkwardly pulled her dress down a little and had a hand clasped on her arm looking down. Cartman smiled and said, “You look, great baby, just like always the other girls will be so jealous.” He smiled at her before turning back to Kyle, disappointed that his eyes were back on the road. Heidi sighed and said, “Thank’s Cartman, I tried.” She got into the back with Wendy following. She was in a tight purple party dress and sat on Stan’s lap, giving him a quick kiss that made him get a goofy smile on his face. With everyone secured Kyle began driving to Bebe’s house. Once they pulled up they all climbed out at Cartman walked over to help Heidi out. She showed him a thankful smile and threw him a glare as she wrapped Cartman’s arm around her waist and walked into the party. Kyle raised an eyebrow, confused as he walked into the party beside Kenny and Butters, Stan and Wendy had already walked inside to find Bebe. Inside music was loudly playing and strobe lights were flashing in the darkened room, there was enough to see where you were going at least but it was definitely a party. “Girl’s just wanna have fun” by Cyndi Lauper came on and the girls broke off from their boyfriends to dance with each other leaving the guys to stand by the alcohol table watching Kenny practice his bartending skills. He was really good as he mixed drinks and gave everyone one, it was a drink colored like a sunset, with a deep orange at the bottom and a yellowish color on top, it tasted really good and they quickly demanded another one. Kyle had fun hanging out with his friends, but then a slow song came on and they were all dragged away by their girlfriends leaving Kyle by himself. Every girl was paired up with someone, even Bebe who had Clyde and most of the gay guys were partnered up as well. Kyle sighed and took a drink of his alcoholic mixture that Kenny had whipped up before Butters took him. The slow song ended and a new song came on, one that even Kyle could dance too since it was a party song. The drinks flew easily, with Kenny not even bothering to mix everything and they were all getting pretty drunk. Bebe turned the music off and announced with her microphone “Alright guys now it wouldn’t be a party without some good old fashioned “Bebe Special!”” Almost everyone groaned except for Wendy who cheered her best friend on. A Bebe Special was something she started in elementary school it was truth or dare using a bottle followed by Seven Minutes in Heaven. The only difference is now she waits until everyone is drunk and she stays sober and then declares the games. Oddly enough no one leaves her party though, and pretty much everyone was buzzed enough not to care. So they gathered in a circle in her living room and someone grabbed an empty beer bottle. She put the music on low in the background and took her spot by Wendy and was the first one to spin the bottle. It landed on Butters and Bebe said “Truth or Dare Butters?” Butters leaned against Kenny and said confidently “Dare!” everyone oohed and awed as Kenny looked at Butters with Pride and Stan said, “Wow Kenny you’ve really boosted his confidence!” Kenny smiled and said while hugging Butters to him “My bunny did it all by himself.” Butters blushed and said, “Let’s just get to the dare alright?”Bebe smiled and said, “Alright Butters, I want you to, take off your underwear and flash the window, I remember you were quite fond of flashing your wiener in elementary school.” Everyone laughed at that, the event being so far behind that everyone could laugh at it now and Butters blushed but got up, walked to the window, and pulled down his pants and underwear to flash the window, which had a couple walking by who stopped and laughed. Butters quickly pulled his underwear and pants up and walked back to the circle, blushing as he buttoned his pants and sat back down in between Kenny’s legs. He reached forward and spun the bottle which landed on Wendy. She chose dare and Butters asked Wendy to make out with Bebe which had everyone cheering in a drunken manner, as they all sipped from their cups with an amused look, Cartman and Kyle catching each other's eyes as all the straight males and some females watched with hunger as Bebe and Wendy made out for what was probably a little much for the dare. Stan was in heaven by the looks of it and Kyle sent a look to Cartman basically saying “Straight men are weird.” Cartman nodded. Eye’s dancing with amusement as Wendy got back into place and spun the bottle.
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It landed on Cartman who was still staring at Kyle and Wendy said “Cartman truth or dare?” Heidi looked on with interest and Cartman shrugged and said: “Let’s change it up, truth.” Everyone oohed and awed, it was rare indeed for Cartman to choose truth and Wendy knew she had to formulate the perfect question. So she said, “I want you to tell us how you feel about Heidi versus how you feel about Kyle.” Cartman rolled his eyes and said easily “You’re going to waste your question on that? Alright.” Kyle could tell he was nervous but no one else could, having not been obsessively watching the guys every movement because he was always up to something. Cartman continued by saying “Heidi is super smart and funny, and any guy is lucky to have her including me, I’m glad she gave me a chance and I’m happy with her. Kyle on the other hand-” here he stopped, wheels turning in his head trying to figure out if he could lie and get away with it, he decided for a half-truth instead “Kyle infuriates me like no other, I really get annoyed when he ignores me or instantly thinks bad of me, that being said, despite being a jew he is one of my friends, and I think being with him would be super cool.” Everyone awed, that was actually really sweet and then Cartman ruined it by saying “For anyone else that is, for me it would just be awful.” He was smiling but it didn’t quite meet his eyes and everyone booed at such a lame answer. Cartman spun the bottle and the game continued until it landed on Kyle. They had a string of truths so Kyle was anxious to break it and do a dare, so when Clyde asked him the truth or dare Kyle had no qualms with saying dare. That is until Bebe turned on “Judas” by Lady Gaga and Clyde demanded that Kyle dance to it with Cartman. Strobe lights turned on as the lights dimmed, but don’t worry everyone could still see. Stiffly Kyle got up and went over to Cartman, offering his hand. Cartman gulped, they hadn’t been close at all since he had left, physical fights being a thing of the past. They both eyed each other as they felt the usual electrical current that flowed between them, igniting a need to be close. They went to the dance floor and Kyle brought Cartman close. They started dancing, waltzing really and Kyle spun Cartman. Everyone was amazed at how well Kyle danced and how well they worked together. They broke apart and Kyle brought Cartman to his front and started lightly grinding against him, drunk and ignited by a loss charge. Cartman returned it and then they went back to waltzing, they moved apart and close, hands never leaving each other and they finished with Cartman dipping Kyle and kissing him deeply. The song ended, with another one following in the background and the light’s slowly turned on as everyone either gasped or wolf whistled, or in Heidi’s case ran off crying. She had to, to make it believable but really the tears were of laughter and when she escaped she was dying from the looks everyone had on their faces. Kyle was furiously kissing back, hands buried in Cartman’s hair as Cartman brought him up from the dip, it wasn’t until he heard Kenny yell “Finally” that he realized what he was doing and pulled away. Cartman did too and they jumped apart turning away from each other and wiping their mouths, simultaneously saying “sick” at the same time. They turned back to each other and immediately started yelling. Asking each other why they did that and why Kyle was so excited to do the dare and didn’t he know that he could have just not done it?They were steadily getting closer so to prevent a fight Stan said: “Uh Cartman, I think you should go find Heidi.” Cartman glared at Stan and said “What? Can’t you see I’m busy here?” Kyle rolled his eyes and said, “You kissed me in front of your girlfriend fatass she’s going to be upset, are you really this dumb?”Cartman said, “Ay you kissed me, and ground on me, how was I supposed to fight back against the star basketball player?” He glared, face flushed and Kyle groaned, he looked really attractive right now, always did during a fight so passionate. Kyle just ignored him and let him go away to find his girlfriend and returned to the circle. Bebe put the bottle up and said: “Maybe we should just get back to dancing and drinking?” Everyone nodded and with that Kenny was back to making drinks and everyone was dancing with one another, except for the girls, as hot as two boys kissing was, they were still upset that Kyle “stole” Cartman from Heidi. Wendy even openly wondered if Heidi was just a cover for Cartman, and that got them to start hating on him too. Kyle glared at the floor until Butters and Kenny convinced them to shut up, it was just because of the alcohol.
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They convinced them that things done while drunk were excusable It was truly Cartman level persuasion, showing that Butters learned a thing or two from Cartman Speaking of which, he watched as he stood next to Heidi awkwardly as she talked on the phone, presumably to get a ride home that didn’t involve Cartman or Kyle Cartman looked over at Kyle, helpless. Kyle felt awful, he didn’t know what compelled him and Cartman to kiss but what was worse was he really wanted to do it again. Heidi got off the phone with whoever she was speaking to and turned around, seeing Kyle looking at Cartman and sighed she spoke to Cartman and pointed to Kyle. He looked over and caught Kyle’s eyes and nodded, as Heidi hugged him with a smile and he walked over to Kyle.
“Hey, Kyle um what’s up?”“Trying to not die from embarrassment over what we did.”Cartman winced and said while rubbing the back of his head “It wasn’t that bad was it?”Kyle blushed and looked down and said quietly “No.”Cartman tilted Kyle’s face up with his finger and said “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you over the music, let’s go outside to the balcony.” Kyle hesitated, looking over at Heidi surprised at the shooing motion she was giving him. He then turned to Cartman and nodded, following him to the balcony and trying to ignore the stares. Once they were there Cartman swept Kyle up into his arms and kissed him again, leaving Kyle to flail until he grabbed onto Cartman’s hair and wrapped his legs around him, impressed with how strong Cartman was. When they parted Cartman nuzzled Kyle and said while panting “I’m sorry I just, needed to do that again.”
Kyle blushed and said, “Can you let me down so we can talk dude?” Blushing as well Cartman nodded and put Kyle back on his own two feet and waited for Kyle to speak again. Kyle walked over and leaned on the balcony as he said: “What about Heidi don’t you care for her at all?”Cartman stayed back and said “She was just a cover, to make you jealous, she wanted to prove to me that you only broke me up with my girlfriends because you wanted me yourself. I never even imagined that you would, I still don’t I think you just hate me that much that you don’t think I deserve happiness.”
Kyle turned around and said while looking Cartman in the eyes “I don’t bring you happiness?” Cartman looked shocked as he said, “Of course you do Kyle life would suck without you.”Kyle turned back around and rubbed his arm as he said “Then why do you constantly leave me? You left during high school and you kept leaving every time you got a girlfriend, even when Kenny and Stan would leave I knew you would be there and then suddenly you weren’t. It was hell for me.” Cartman glared and said “Oh and you think you prancing around with Bebe wasn’t hell for me? I left because it was clear no one needed me, everyone including you had found someone else and I felt excluded, and when I tried to join in what I got instead was your meddling. I’m sorry I left for therapy, but if it helps you are the reason I am even back here.”Kyle turned around, wind blowing through his hair and moonlight shining down on him with tears in his eyes, tears that he was clearly trying to fight. He took a deep breath and they were gone, like an illusion as he said “Why would you come back here just for me? No one should be that dependent on one person. I’m sorry if we excluded you, I should have realized what we were doing I’m sorry Eric.” Cartman’s eyes widened as he went forward and held both of Kyle’s arms in his hands as he touched his forehead to Kyle’s and looked him in the eyes “Because all of the money, all of the schemes and the adventures, all the insults, and jokes, we're all just so I could have your attention. All so you would spend time with me and focus on me, I didn’t know that that was the wrong way to go about it, no one taught me the right way to love so I did what worked, anger was the easiest way to get your attention and it allowed me to get my frustration out as well. I am so sorry Kyle, if I had just said how I felt sooner I probably wouldn’t have been as bad as I was.” Kyle searched Cartman’s eyes as he said “Yeah well I never really took the chance to think about why you acted that way, I was too young to care and by the time I was old enough you were gone,” his eyes flashed with anger as he shoved him away remembering something crucial that needed addressing “What about all the times you tried to kill me?” Cartman glared and pushed back “I already told you to get your attention I have problems ok? You pissed me off so much, the frustration at my feelings was too much, I needed to get rid of you if I did maybe then I would get some sleep. Maybe then every time you looked at a girl I wouldn’t see red, I would finally not be so fucking depressed every time you left me behind for someone else. I promise I understand my feelings now and would never harm you like that, I swear life really would suck without you, those years I was away from you was torture, I stared at your picture every night and I promised myself I would come back to you and make things right.”Kyle tackled him and punched his chest as they were on the floor, tears falling from his eyes “You don’t get to leave me like that and expect it to all be ok I loved you fatass I loved you and you left me and when you got back and dated I had to get you away from other girls, if I couldn’t have you no one should.” Cartman snickered a little as Kyle’s arms fell to the side as he said “See? I’m not the only one with a fucked up view on love. I want to go to therapy to fix it though, to fix us, no more wasted time my little jew.” They stared into each other's eyes, smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes as Kyle nodded and they kissed again. The peace was broken though by a beer bottle being smashed against the house and Kenny drunkenly saying “ I now pwonunce you-” he stopped as he tried to remember the rest and smiled as he said “Man and wife.” Then promptly fell face first with everyone in the background laughing with Cartman and Kyle laughing as well.