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Im Nayoung is among one of the people Minhyun has been wanting to see as soon as his tears have dried and his entire being is no longer overwhelmed with unimaginable wave of emotion. It is another day at Pledis’ new building. Today he is here along with the others because there is another meeting to attend, another shoot to do, and another practice - personal, this time - because he has to memorize Nu’est W’s choreography before the upcoming concert that is currently under planning. He has been making regular visit to the building ever since the new year started, and yet he has not once bumped into any of the girls, except for maybe the IZ*One members who they share practice rooms and resources with.So it is an unexpected surprise (though not unwelcome) when Minhyun opens the door to one of the practice rooms to find Nayoung, tracing old choreography with gaze so intense that Minhyun thinks the mirror attached to the wall will shatter one of these days with how hard she is glaring at her own form, eyes filled with scrutiny and quiet anger. She pauses at his entrance, before she breaks into a small smile and goes to turn off the music. They share a quick hug—always so awkward and brief—and Nayoung tells him warmly, “Welcome back, Minhyun-ah.”“Thanks, Nayoung-ah." Minhyun says, and then hesitates, before finally deciding to just say it. "Hey, I know this is too sudden, but I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Minhyun says, nodding toward the chairs in the corner of the room. “Only if you have time, of course. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”Nayoung’s eyebrows lift curiously. “Sure,” she replies with ease. “I have been having a lot of free time for a while now.” His smile drops, and he feels like he suddenly understands where the anger he briefly glimpsed earlier is coming from, where it is directed. He almost apologizes, except Nayoung flashes him a smile, so pretty and doesn’t reach her eyes, and asks, “What’s up?”Minhyun opens his mouth, only to close it again. Wincing internally, he realizes he hasn’t really thought about what he is going to say. He knows why he wants to see Nayoung, but he sort of hasn’t gotten as far as planning on how to word his feelings now that he’s here.Looking at his hesitation, a knowing look dawns upon Nayoung’s face. “Should I make a guess?”“I—yeah, please.” Minhyun ducks in sheepish embarrassment.“You want to ask how I coped with the transition,” Nayoung says, and as always, she never bothers with extra sugar, though he very much feels like he needs it at the moment.Minhyun gives her a quick nod, and it is as much as a confirmation that he can give.He is an open book with his brothers, he knows they know exactly what kind of burden and fear he carries with him, but he decided early on that he doesn’t want to constantly be the cause of worry of the group anymore, he’s been doing enough of that for past year and a half. These days, he always makes sure to filter his story out, leaving the worst and keeping them to himself, though he knows they know there is something he hides every single time. Minhyun assumes they let him off in hope that he will come back in his own terms when he is ready—or, perhaps they think it’s apart of Minhyun that will always stay with Wanna One, and though he appreciates it, the idea also leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.He doesn’t want to ever compare nor choose, neither his Nu’est brothers or Wanna One deserve it.“I can almost see the gears in your head going a thousand miles per hour.” Nayoung nudges him. “You’re thinking too much. Untangle the wires and talk to me.”Minhyun buries his face into his hands, “I don’t know how to."Nayoung lets out a soft chuckle. “Let’s see.” Their eyes meet, and Minhyun almost wants to close his ears so he doesn’t have to hear the truth. “There’s always the upset solo fan, the uncertainty of whether you’re going to be as successful as you were in Wanna One or not, the longing of old days, and then the guilt that comes with the longing, because aren’t you supposed to be happy that you’re back with your members?”Yeah, that hit way too close home. She pauses, perhaps to see his reaction, and when he gives none as he is too sick to say anything, she continues, “There’s also the fact that they’ve been working very closely for the past year and a half and shared a lot of firsts together, and you’re scared that things have changed so much that you won’t be able to find your place back where you belong.”Minhyun meets her eyes at her last statement and he wonders if his worries have been so apparent in his face if she were able to pick it up so quickly. Or, perhaps she is simply restating what she personally went through, back in 2017. “Do I need to add more?” Nayoung asks.Minhyun shakes his head. He doesn’t think he wants to hear more.Nayoung nods. She has a very understanding look on her face when she asks gently, “Which one do you want to start with?”Minhyun takes a deep breath to ease the whirlpool of emotions raging in his chest. “The—“ he feels himself getting choked up and clears his throat, “The last one.”She doesn’t say anything for a while, though Minhyun can feel her intense gaze just watching him try to pick his own pieces back up.“I’m sorry,” Nayoung says after a long pause, and she sounds almost sheepish. “Before I say what I think, I need you to understand that I don’t think I have anything nice to say.”Minhyun can’t help but to laugh at that. Oh, he thinks he’s going to go into hysterics. “It’s fine, I came to you for a reason. If I wanted someone to cheer me up, I would have asked Kyulkyung instead.”Something shifts in the air.“Not that she will answer your call,” Nayoung replies curtly. “It’s tricky reaching out to China.”Minhyun shoots her a searching look, to which she shakes her head dismissively.She clears her throat and starts, “All I can say is, it’s inevitable in this industry to make sacrifices. All four of you went to the program to safe your career, and even though it came at a costly price, you did exactly that. I know it’s not easy, but if anyone can get hit by the storm and come out unscathed, it will be you guys.”Minhyun doesn’t feel any better. “Storm was China. Storm was Japan. This—This feels like—I don’t know, so much more.”“Do you really think so little of the decade that you’ve been with them, Minhyun-ah?” Nayoung asks. “Does the past year and a half carries that much weight over the decade of your friendship with them?”“I—No,” Minhyun denies, suddenly feeling stupid. She’s right, it’s still the same Jonghyun who binge watches anime even when they have schedule the next day. It’s still the same Minki who declares it’s dance party time at 2 in the morning, the same Dongho who is very much hopeless without the rest of them, and the same Aron who flirts with his sister every chance he gets. He can feel himself breathe a little easier.“Let’s say they did change, so what? You must have, too.” Minhyun thinks it’s the first time he’s seeing this side of her, undeterred and almost unforgiving.“Change is okay, Minhyun-ah. Things will be hard, but you guys have done harder things before and I believe in you.”Minhyun finds fortitude behind her gaze and thinks maybe he can believe in himself, too.Nayoung smiles and says softly, “It’s probably really hard to see how things are going to work out right now, but I promise you will make sense of it.”Minhyun can’t help but ask. “Did things make sense to you? After?”“Not for a while.” Nayoung shakes her head. “I couldn’t help but to miss the IOI girls a lot in the beginning, but debuting with Pristin has always been my dream since day one, and being in IOI never changed that one bit. There were times when I felt so guilty for hanging out with Chungha or Chaeyeon, for example, but the girls understood. I guess it wasn’t until getting recognition as Pristin that I realized exactly why I was in IOI in the first place, so I can make sure they won’t fall down the drain like many out there.”Minhyun thinks he can sympathize closely with that.Nayoung grins, “So, if I have to do it all over again to make sure the girls get to continue doing what they love, I will, Minhyun-ah.”Hearing that statement, everything suddenly seems to still. It’s like the entire worry that he has been carrying for the past months just got knocked out of him, and he runs his hand through his hair helplessly, thinking there really is no other choice but to run head first into the storm to see for himself how things are going to turn out. At least this time, he won’t be doing it alone.If he can say for sure two years ago, when they were in the brink of disbandment, that things will turn out to be okay, he can definitely say that they will be okay now, too, with even more certainty than before. He takes her hand in his and genuinely says, “Thank you.”She squeezes back. “Anytime.”He doesn’t let go. “Nayoung-ah, things will be okay.”A brief look of gratefulness dawns on her face, and behind the strength she so carefully wears as a mask, he can see how much she is fighting her own battles too.“I believe you,” Nayoung tells him, and Minhyun understand the underlying meaning behind it. She has watched him grow from the hopeful teenager who dreamed of fame and money to the beat-up, worn out, famous and rich idol that he is today, and more than watch him grow, she has also watched him go through hell and high water to get to where he is today. She's watched him survive in front of her two own eyes. He thinks she probably believes him for the same exact reason that he believes her, and whatever uncertainty they are facing going down this path, they are going to face it side by side, as friends, as fighters, as survivors. He finally lets go and tells her the same. “And I, you.”They practice together until daybreak after, and for the first time since forever, Minhyun feels grounded and at home, at last.
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The End