Work Text
Like many of Lelouch’s mistakes, his latest blunder occurs when he lets his tongue run too long. He is scouring the kitchen for something to make for Nunnally’s dinner as Suzaku lectures him on every topic that crosses his mind: gambling, spending too much time alone, missing class. The last one makes Lelouch snort at his friend — the very man whose heart belongs to the Britannian military — being the one to lecture him on skipping school.When Suzaku starts to run out of things to complain about, he returns to gambling: doesn’t Lelouch know how dangerous it is, and that he might end up hurt?Better than you realize, Lelouch thinks as he sets a carton of milk on the counter. There is a flirty reply on his lips before he can stop himself.“Don’t act like you don’t...love me,” Lelouch says, his eyes meeting Suzaku’s. He almost stopped with the tease halfway; while his friend is oblivious to his feelings, he tries not to express it even jokingly.When he sees Suzaku’s body stiffen, he realizes something is terribly wrong. Suzaku’s eyes are rimmed with a deep red now as he smiles at Lelouch, who recoils at the sight, knocking the milk to the floor with his elbow.It is Suzaku who wipes up the spill with a cloth; Suzaku who is touching Lelouch’s arm with such tenderness as he fusses over him.“Are you okay?” Suzaku asks, leaning closer to Lelouch. “Are you hurt?”“It was just milk,” Lelouch says, staring at the accursed rings in his best friend’s eyes as he attempts to tear his arm away. But Suzaku’s grip on him is so strong; his eyes alone could hold him.“I know. That was just an excuse for me to get close enough to do this.”Suzaku kisses him, eyes slipping shut even as Lelouch pushes against his chest.Love me, Lelouch had said. Love me.Now Lelouch will never know if his feelings were reciprocated, although there was such a small chance of that happening, anyway. But the opportunity being torn from him — by his own doing, no less — is crushing. His struggling weakens, and Suzaku takes this as acceptance as he slips his tongue into Lelouch’s mouth.
This can’t be happening.
Their tongues touching is such a strange sensation to Lelouch: wet and soft and almost revolting. But Suzaku is holding him like he has always wished for, doting on him as he always dreamt of.I did this, Lelouch thinks as they kiss.It is both the best and worst day of Lelouch’s life. When Suzaku looks at Lelouch his heart feels like it might burst, like he just finished an obstacle course for his military training and Lelouch is the goal.Lelouch has always been his goal.The intensity of the emotion is sudden but familiar, as if he has always felt this way, just never acted on it.
Why?
Why couldn’t I tell Lelouch how much I loved him before?