Work Text
D: “Why does your hair look like that?”
S: “What’s wrong with it?”
D: “It’s all slicked back and weird.”
S: “Dean, I’ve been wearing my hair like this for years.”
D: “You definitely haven’t.”
—
D: “Hey, I just brewed some coffee if you want some.”
S: “Coffee? Dude, you know the chlorogenic acids in coffee can cause heart problems right? I’m thinking about cutting it out of my diet.”
D: “It’s 5 in the morning, you seriously don’t want coffee right now?”
S: “Oh, did you brew some coffee? Yeah, sure, fill me up.”
D: “Sammy, are you feeling okay? I literally just told you that I brewed some.”
S: “Brewed some coffee? Ew, gross.”
—
S: “Dean! Where’s my black sweater?”
D: “What black sweater?”
S: “The turtleneck. I could have sworn I had one in my duffle bag.”
D: “Did you just say ’turtleneck’?”
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S: “Yeah, but according to New York penal code §130.20, what Nick did could be considered sexual misconduct.”
D: “How do you know that?”
S: “Oh I had this client up in Syracuse, an undertaker. I got him off on a technicality.”
D: “What?”
S: “What??”
D: “What do you mean a client in Syracuse?”
S: “What are you talking about? Since when do we call victims ‘clients’? We haven’t been through Syracuse in years.
D: "No, you just said… never mind.”
—
D: “What was with that shot? You missed the witch by a good 3 feet.”
S: “Yeah, I’m starting to think I might need glasses.”
—
D: “What’s in the bag?”
S: “Oh, organic fertilizer and kale seeds. I don’t trust that the kale they have at Thriftway. It’s not even certified organic. I want to start a garden to make sure our kale is as pure as it can be.”
D: “What do we need 'pure’ kale for?”
S: “Vitamins and antioxidants, obviously.”
D: “oH yeAh SUre, 'ObvIOuSLy.’”