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When Dan and Phil first had the idea of going on holiday to the Rocky Mountains, they didn’t expect something like this to happen. They didn’t expect anything to happen, to be honest; all they wanted was a relaxing holiday that would allow them to get away from their stressful lives for a couple of weeks or so and explore some new terrain while enjoying each other’s company.It wasn’t quite that simple.They had booked the holiday almost four months in advance to give themselves plenty of time to make arrangements for video uploads and to prepare their followers for their absence. They had been so excited about it, sitting on the sofa with the TV tuned into a documentary about the famous mountain range and several different Safari tabs open on Dan’s MacBook, displaying things from accommodation and flight booking to tourist sites to buying winter gear on Amazon. The entire left side of Phil’s body had been pressed against the right side of Dan’s, warmth diffusing between them comfortingly; Phil could clearly picture the two of them in this exact same position in a cosy chalet in the mountains, watching a crackling log fire.They had been so excited at the chance to get away and have some time alone with just the two of them, knowing that there was nothing that could interrupt them.But in the time between booking the holiday and the date of their departure, something had changed between them. Phil wasn’t quite sure what, but one day there was something between them; like an invisible veil, it simply hung in the air loosely, still allowing them to see and reach each other, but as though through a haze. Phil knew he wasn’t the one who had put it there, but its presence meant that he was unable to talk to Dan about it, so he ignored it and hoped that it would go away.It didn’t. Over the next month or so, the barrier had only solidified. They spent a lot of days in public at meetings and other events, and each one seemed to grow the barrier more. At first, it was only a small fence, but the fence was then built up higher, and then reinforced.Gaming videos felt like a lie. The string of friendly banter that had previously held them together was worn as thin as physically possible, and it was stiff and brittle; only there from force of habit, to keep their viewers happy. It was exhausting, but Phil didn’t know what to do about it.By a week before they were due to leave, it was like there was a huge foot-thick wall separating them. It towered over their heads and cast dark shadows on both their moods; the emotional weight of it felt almost like Phil was physically being forced to carry around a few tonnes of brick whenever he was in the same place as Dan. And due to that heavy presence, the time they spent in the same place had shrunk considerably. The only interactions they had were brief “we need more milk”s and “what do you want for dinner?”s – no joking or discussions about TV shows, no playful arguments, not anymore.Phil didn’t want them to end up going about their lives acting like the other didn’t exist, so he made the decision to confront Dan about it. No, not confront - he only wanted to talk; to find a way to chip away at the wall without bringing the whole thing crashing fatally down on them both.They were having dinner one evening in front of the TV as usual; the coffee table was littered with rubbish from the takeaway Domino’s, and the screen was flashing some crappy “thriller” movie that neither of them was really watching.Once Phil had finished his pizza, he stifled a burp and balanced the empty box atop the pile of debris on the coffee table, and then turned to look at Dan. The younger man was staring blankly at the TV, his half-eaten pizza on his lap, chewing slowly as though he had almost forgotten he was eating.Phil took a breath. “Dan?” he asked quietly.“Yeah?” Dan’s eyes remained fixed unseeingly on the screen.“Um…” Phil paused, thinking. “D’you remember that holiday we booked ages ago, to the Rocky Mountains?”Dan sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “Phil, listen… I don’t know if we should go.”Phil’s heart sank. “Dan, I know that things have been a bit off between us recently, but I feel like it would still be good for us.” Dan turned to look at him, brown eyes expressionless. “I think it would be good for us to get away from the apartment for a while, because staying here... it’s only getting worse.” Phil ran a hand through his quiff, breaking eye contact with Dan, and sighed softly. “We need to work this,” he gestured between them, “out, and a holiday seems as good an opportunity as any.”Dan blinked and looked down at his cold pizza, frowning slightly. A few moments of silence passed, then Phil added, “Plus, we’ve bought all the coats and boots and crap, so we might as well use it, mightn’t we?”The younger man looked away, but Phil caught a glimpse of a tiny smile pulling at Dan’s lips. It wasn’t much, but after the cold atmosphere of the past couple of months, it felt like a huge, warm victory; like a big mug of hot chocolate after being outside in the snow all day.A few more moments passed, then;“Fine,” Dan said, his voice plain. “It’s next week, though; we should get packing.”Without looking at Phil, he stood up abruptly and hurried out of the room, leaving his uneaten pizza on the coffee table and Phil sitting alone in front of a movie that he didn’t even like.
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“Dan! Slow down!” Phil panted, pausing for a moment to catch his breath and look around at the view.It was their third day in the Rockies, and they were currently halfway up a mountain.The last week or so at home before they went away had still felt tense between them, although less than before, Phil thought. They still hadn’t spoken much, but when they did it had been a lot more casual, less forced. The taxi ride to the airport had still been a bit awkward, as had the flight, but once they had landed and reached the accommodation both of them had started to relax.They were enjoying exploring the beautiful mountain trails and living in an adorable log cabin, even if there was no Wifi and they had to share a tiny twin bedroom. They had found themselves bonding over small talk again, gradually breaking away at the emotional wall between them and making holes that allowed them to see each other properly again.Today was, so far, much like the other days had been: getting up early to watch the Sunrise from the veranda, then having breakfast before putting on their many layers of warm clothing and heading out to the tourist centre and then on up one of the trails to explore.They had been hiking for almost three hours, and Dan was still forging on ahead eagerly, focused on the joy of being free in such a beautiful environment. The snow was blinding in the Sunlight, and the cold air bit at their exposed faces, but it was worth it for the panoramic views.Hearing Phil’s call, Dan paused and turned around to face back down the trail towards the older man.“What?”“I think we should start heading back.” Phil pointed at the sky beyond the mountain peak; it was filled with threatening dark grey clouds, which created a menacing contrast to the white snow. The staff at the tourist centre had warned them about a snowstorm that was due to roll in later, and Phil was worried about getting lost if it hit while they were still out on the mountain.Dan watched the clouds thoughtfully for a minute, then glanced ahead up the trail before turning to look back at Phil. “Nah, it’s ages away; we’ve got time.”“Dan...”“C’mon, let’s keep going a bit longer,” Dan insisted, pointing up the trail. “Let’s at least get to that next ridge - I bet the view’s even better from there.”Phil looked ahead to where Dan was pointing; the ridge still looked several hundred metres away, but it didn’t look like it would take that long to get there.Phil sighed. “Well… fine then.” Dan smiled and set off, and as Phil began to follow he added, “But we're turning back if the storm looks too close.”*They didn't make it to the ridge.The smooth layer of snow and the Sunlight reflecting off it created an optical illusion, making the ridge appear closer than it really was. They kept walking for another forty minutes, determined to reach the ridge with time to turn back, but it never seemed to get any closer.Finally, with dark storm clouds filling the whole sky, Phil put his foot down.“Dan, we're never gonna make it before the storm hits!” he called forcefully. “We need to go back now!”“It's fine, Phil,” Dan insisted, ignoring the flurry of snowflakes that were beginning to fall, twisting and dancing in a wind which hadn't been blowing a minute ago.“Dan! What if we get lost and die out here?!” Phil was shouting now; not just out of anger, but because he was now struggling to hear himself over the roaring wind in his ears.“We won’t! We just…” Dan's response was cut off by a strong gust of cold wind that almost knocked him off his feet. “Ok fine!” he yelled, turning and stomping back towards Phil. “Let’s go -”Dan stopped, a sudden frown of concern on his face, squinting at something behind Phil. Phil turned to see what Dan was looking at, and his heart sank.“Wh-where’s the trail?”There was nothing to indicate which direction they had come from on the wide expanse of the mountain face; the landscape was unfamiliar and uninterrupted, and the snow looked completely untouched - surely their footprints couldn’t have already been filled in? Phil took a few steps forward, squinting down at the snow to try and find some indication of their previous presence, but there was nothing.“What the fuck?” Phil heard Dan mutter as he turned back to the brunet, both of them stumbling slightly as another strong gust of wind buffeted them.“We’re just gonna have to try and find our way back!” Phil shouted over the roaring of the wind, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Come on!”They began fighting their way through the storm, Phil in the lead and Dan following, holding their arms over their faces to shield themselves from the bullets of ice being shot at them from every direction. It was impossible to tell how far they had gone; everything looked the same, and when Phil glanced back to check on Dan at one point he was terrified to see that there was no trace of their footprints behind the younger man.It felt as though nature itself was against them, messing with their heads and keeping them trapped in its suffocating clutches. They could have been walking in circles and they would be none the wiser, lost forever in the cold and dark on unfamiliar territory.It was petrifying.Just as Phil was losing hope, he saw through his snow-blurred vision that a tall cliff had appeared on their left, nearly invisible against the dark sky. Phil squinted at it, and his heart jumped hopefully as he made out a black crevice in the rock face: a cave, maybe - somewhere sheltered to wait out the storm.Phil reached behind him and felt for Dan, grabbing the younger man’s sleeve and tugging him towards the cliff. Dan seemed to realise what was happening and picked up the pace. They sprinted towards the crevice as fast as the storm allowed, pulling each other along, blinded by snow that bit at their faces.And suddenly there was nothing fighting them, nothing holding them back. Phil pulled Dan deeper into the cave as the already limited light was cut off behind them, leaving them in total blackness.
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The dark air was silent but for their ragged panting and the faint whistling of the storm across the entrance. Phil’s eyes began to adjust to the lack of light, and he thought he could make out a pale bluish glow emanating from some further depth of the tunnel. Phil rubbed a gloved hand over his face, the thick fabric rough on his numb skin, and looked again. The blue glow was still there, stronger now, and out of curiosity Phil began walking towards it, Dan’s footsteps following behind.The light grew brighter the deeper they went. Phil kept one hand on the wall of ice to his right, instinctively staying close to the smooth surface.An indeterminable amount of time later, they rounded a corner and emerged into a much wider cave.This cave was about as wide as a football pitch, and stretched seemingly infinitely into the distance. Everywhere was littered with stalagmites and stalactites of ice, which reached upwards from the packed floor and hung threateningly from the ceiling between ten and twenty feet above. Some were merely small lumps or fragile towers the size of a pencil; others were as thick as the marble columns in Greek temples and spanned the whole height of the room. In places, the floor was cracked where an icicle had plummeted and impaled itself, or smashed into a thousand fragments of glittery shrapnel.The most intriguing thing, however, was the way the very ice itself seemed to glow; the whole room was filled with a soft bluish-white light and no apparent sources. The cave was completely silent, and it gave Phil the feeling of having interrupted something ancient and powerful.Phil had only been staring for a few seconds, but a thud to his left made him look around. Dan had dropped his rucksack on the floor and slid down the wall to sit on the floor, eyes closed and head back. The sound reminded Phil what had caused them to be there, and he turned on Dan with a sudden anger.“What the fuck, Dan?!” he burst out abruptly, and the brunet looked at him in confused shock. “Why did you have to make us stay out, huh?”Dan’s expression hardened into something defensive. “I just wanted to get to the ridge! I thought -”“Were you trying to get us killed?!”“No! I thought...” Dan trailed off and looked away, but that just made Phil angrier.“Thought what, Dan?” he inquired forcefully. “That it wouldn’t be that bad? That we’d get to the top and all our problems would just go away? Hmm? Is that what you thought?” Dan’s shoulders tensed at Phil’s words, and he lifted his head to glower at Phil, who was too caught up in his anger to notice the tears beginning to form in those brown eyes. “Because newsflash, Dan, that’s not how life works!”Phil drew breath to continue, but he cut off in surprise when Dan suddenly shot to his feet and turned on Phil with equal anger.“I get it, alright? I fucked up - there, I said it, ok? I fucked up! Excuse me for just wanting to spend more time with you; I won’t be making that mistake again!” Tears spilled from his brown eyes as Dan grabbed his rucksack and stormed off deeper into the cave, collapsing against the wall about fifteen metres away and slumping over with his head resting on his knees and his face hidden by his arms.Phil blinked, his anger already dissipating. He felt guilty; he hadn’t meant to make Dan upset, he had just got carried away by his frustration. Watching Dan’s trembling form, Phil wondered how much damage he had done, and how much of it was permanent.*Phil held his phone above his head, wandering aimlessly around the cave and occasionally letting out faint grunts of annoyance. Eventually he lowered his phone and stepped back towards Dan, still staring at the screen.“Argh, I can’t get a damn signal,” he muttered. “We can’t get anyone to come get us, or even let anyone know where we are.” Phil looked up at the hunched figure of the younger man, but Dan didn’t respond. Phil hadn’t really expected him to, if he was honest, but he’d hoped...It felt like the wall between them, which had been steadily chipped away and broken down over the last few days, had suddenly regenerated back to what it was before: impenetrable once again, a renewed weight on both of their consciences.Phil collapsed against the wall about three metres away from Dan. He put his head back against the ice, staring unseeingly at the white-blue ceiling and listening to the faint echoing of the snowstorm outside. It was strangely not cold in the cave, at least temperature-wise; Phil was almost tempted to take off his coat, but he didn’t - that would feel like settling in, accepting that they were going to be there for a while.Eventually, Phil realised that the blue light in the cave was flickering; rippling, ebbing and flowing like the reflection off a river. Frowning, Phil looked around for the source, but there was nothing except ice in every direction, and the dark shape of Dan in his peripheral vision. Slowly, a dark blue-grey shadow formed in front of Phil, and he turned, puzzled, to look at the wall behind him, and his eyes widened.Glowing blue shapes were ghosting across the ice like the Northern Lights, merging and splitting, constantly moving in the space between Dan and Phil. It was like someone was shining a torch from the other side of the ice. Phil twisted round to see better, mesmerised by the drifting shapes. As he watched, the light began to condense into two separate masses, one slightly larger than the other, and Phil’s jaw dropped as the lights took on a more refined shape.“Dan...” he murmured, afraid of breaking the spell. There was no reply from the hunched figure. “Dan, look at this.”“Leave me alone, Phil.” Dan’s mutter was barely audible, muffled by layers of fabric.“Dan, look,” Phil insisted. “It looks like...” He frowned at the image, “it’s us, but… you’re with someone else, and I’m just watching. Dan, look; who’s that you’re with - is that an angel?” Phil squinted at the image, at the figure with their arms around Dan. “You look upset - are you dead? Have you -”“Phil, just shut up!” Dan shouted abruptly, making Phil look at him in surprise; Dan had lifted his head and was staring at Phil through red-tinted eyes, tears trickling down his cheeks. He paid no attention to the glowing images on the wall. “I fucking get it! I almost got us killed! Please just stop going on about it! I’m sorry, alright? Just shut the fuck up!”Dan lowered his head again so that all that was visible was a bundle of curly brown hair above his arms.Phil sat in shock for a few moments, blinking in surprise, and then said, “I’m not making this up, Dan. Look at the wall - can you not see it?”The brunet didn’t move. Phil waited a couple of seconds, then looked back at the images. A third light appeared beyond the shape of Dan and his companion, morphing into a simple rectangle. No, not a rectangle, Phil realised; a door.“Dan...”Phil didn’t get a chance to finish. The ice all around began to glow whiter; brighter and brighter, until Phil could see nothing but the faint outlines of Dan and the images.Then those too disappeared into the white void, and Phil suddenly found himself back in their kitchen at home.
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Phil blinked several times, frowning as he looked around in confusion. Everything was in its place, exactly as he had left it before they went away, the warm rays of the setting Sun glowing through the blinds. He was standing between the fridge and the table, facing the counter island.Am I going insane? Phil asked himself, after a few seconds of being unable to form coherent thoughts. Did I imagine the whole trip?No, that couldn’t be the case: he was still wearing his parka, thermal hiking trousers and boots. Puzzled, he raised one hand to rub his face, but as he moved his arm seemed to flicker like a hologram, and for a moment Phil thought he could see the cupboards through his hand.What the fuck? Phil shook his head to clear it and looked again, but his body seemed solid.The sound of soft footsteps made him look up, and he sighed with relief as Dan padded into the kitchen, cozied up in a pastel pink hoodie and grey joggers.“Dan!” Phil called, stepping towards him. “Did you just see what happened?”Dan crossed over to a cupboard and pulled out two glasses, setting them on the counter and moving to the cutlery drawer. He didn’t respond to Phil’s question; in fact, he didn’t acknowledge Phil at all.Phil frowned and took another step closer to the brunet. “Dan?”Dan set the cutlery beside the glasses and reached for a bottle of Coke, which he opened with a hiss and began pouring into the glasses. Phil jumped when he suddenly spoke; “Phil, have you got Netflix set up?” Dan said loudly, not looking up from what he was doing.“What? Dan, I don’t -” Phil cut off in shock as another voice - his own voice - replied from the other room:“Yep, all sorted!” the other Phil called; then, as the doorbell sounded, added, “Food’s here - I’ll get it.”Dan reached for the roll of paper towels and tucked it under his arm, then picked up the cutlery and glasses and made his way carefully into the next room. More confused than ever, Phil followed him.Dan set the things he was carrying down on the coffee table and collapsed on the sofa, pulling out his phone and scrolling absently. Phil stood to one side of the room, facing Dan and thinking hard.He remembered this interaction. It was about three months ago; they had ordered Thai food and watched Riverdale, and then gone to their separate rooms for the night. Phil thought back to the glowing images on the cave wall - Dan walking away from him - and the barrier that had grown between them in the months before they went away.Have I time-traveled? Phil wondered. Is this when the problems started?He watched curiously as the past version of himself entered the room with a paper carrier bag, which he set on the coffee table and began to unpack as Dan started the episode.The two didn’t talk much while they ate, and present-Phil began to notice the differences in their behaviours: past-Phil was intent on the TV, eating normally and reacting to what was happening on-screen; Dan, however, was picking at his food a bit more, his eyes slightly glazed over. He occasionally glanced at past-Phil, looking at the older man for a few seconds before snapping his gaze back to the TV, as though afraid of being caught. Present-Phil couldn’t think why.Once they had finished eating and the episode had ended, Dan and past-Phil stood up and between them brought the rubbish and dirty cutlery and glasses out to the kitchen. As they both reached to put things in the sink, their fingers brushed lightly and present-Phil frowned as Dan flinched and pulled back hurriedly. Past-Phil didn’t notice, moving to put something in the bin before starting to run the hot water.“I’ll do the washing-up, if you want,” past-Phil offered, his back to Dan.“Yeah, ok. Thanks,” Dan responded after a moment, and present-Phil noticed that his voice was slightly breathy. Dan dropped the last of the rubbish in the bin and hurried to leave the room, but just as he crossed the threshold he was called back by past-Phil’s voice:“Do you want a coffee or tea or anything?”“Uh, no thanks.” Dan looked unreasonably nervous as he rushed to his bedroom, and after a moment present-Phil followed him.Dan threw himself down on his bed and lay there in the dark with his face in his hands for a long time. Phil felt a bit awkward, like he was invading the younger man’s privacy, but he stayed; if this was when the problems between them had started, he needed to know what had happened so that he could fix it.“Goodnight,” past-Phil called; present-Phil could picture him heading to his own bedroom with a mug of coffee.“G’night,” Dan called back in a slightly forced voice, lowering his hands onto his chest and taking a deep shuddering breath. His eyes stared straight ahead at present-Phil, unseeing.A door closed somewhere else in the house, and Dan’s hands crept up to cover his face again. Not-quite-silent sobs reached Phil’s ears, and suddenly could see nothing but a white void once again.
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Phil was panting heavily, his breath forming clouds in the cool air of the ice cave. He looked around, disoriented; Dan was still sitting in the same place as before, still hunched over and not looking at Phil.“Dan,” Phil called, gently but with a slight uneasy undertone, “what just happened?”Silence. The brunet didn’t move.“Dan, did you see that?”Phil looked back at the images, and then frowned slightly; Are Dan and his companion closer to the door than before?Before he could properly think about it, the white void engulfed him again, and again he was back in their apartment.*The cycle repeated. Over and over again, Phil was shown a scene from some point in the last few months, chronologically getting closer to the present, and then returned to the ice cave, staring at the images as though nothing had happened.He watched as the emotional wall was built up between them, but although he kept a close eye on Dan he couldn’t see any reason for the sudden coldness, and it frustrated him that he couldn’t find a way to help his best friend and restore the bond that they had had before.Dan never moved from where he sat against the wall, but in the glowing image behind him he steadily drew closer to the door. Each time Phil returned to the cave, the image of Dan was further along, and the image of himself was gradually raising its arm as though to call Dan back and stop him leaving.Phil didn’t know what to do. He dreaded to think what would happen if Dan reached the door, but he had no idea how to stop that from happening, and he was starting to freak out slightly.When Phil was transported back to the past for the fifth or sixth time, the image of Dan was about two-thirds of the way between Phil and the door, and Phil decided that he had to do more this time than just watching.He appeared in Dan’s room in the dull light of just before Sunset; the brunet was lying on the bed with his laptop on his belly, the blue light of the screen glistening in his watery eyes.As present-Phil watched, past-Phil’s voice called from the front door, announcing that he was just going to the shop because they were out of milk. Dan called back a slightly forced farewell, and as the click of the front door echoed through the house the brunet broke down and put his face in his hands, the violent sobs shaking his laptop onto the bed beside him.Immediately, Phil was by his side, standing next to the bed. He reached out a hand, but hesitated as he suddenly became aware that Dan was muttering to himself; quietly, almost inaudible through his hands and the sobs, but definitely there. Phil leaned closer, trying to hear.“I can’t,” Dan was whispering, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. No, Dan, no! He’s your best friend - you can’t have a crush on him!”Phil’s eyes widened in shock, but he couldn’t just freeze in his own head with Dan so upset. Without thinking of the possible consequences, Phil reached out his hand again and rested it comfortingly on Dan’s shoulder.Dan startled, looking up and appearing to stare straight at Phil for a moment. His sobs slowly died as he looked blankly back at the screen of his laptop, and after a minute he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, the smallest smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. Dan reached up and rested his own hand on his shoulder in the same place as Phil’s; their fingers passed through each other, but it was enough in the moment.Dan was still smiling when the white void came to take Phil away.*Phil’s head was spinning when he found himself back in the ice cave. He stared, unseeing, at the glowing images, his thoughts churning.
Has Dan had a crush on me this whole time? Is that what this was about? Why didn’t he talk to me?
Phil focused on the images; the angelic figure accompanying Dan had disappeared, but Dan was still closer to the door, still heading away from Phil. Phil had no idea what else to do.Slowly, Phil turned his head to look at the brunet, still hunched over with his face hidden in his arms. Phil stared at him for a minute, trying to find some sign to prove that what he had seen was true. When Dan still didn’t move, Phil looked back at the images, and his heart sank as he watched the figure of the brunet; visibly moving towards the door, taunting him like the last draining grains of sand in a timer telling him that his last chance for redemption was gone.
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Dan looked up as Phil collapsed on the ground next to him. Phil closed his eyes and put his head back against the wall, his breathing unsteady. Dan watched him for a moment before looking away again, resting his chin on his knees and staring blankly at the ice on the opposite side of the cave.Phil opened his eyes and turned his head to face the brunet, taking in the details of his soft curls, the cute shapes of his face in profile, the gentle slope of his hunched shoulders.“Dan,” Phil murmured, his voice catching slightly, “I need you to be honest with me. What happened between us? Why have you been so distant with me the last few months?”Dan flinched away from the questions. Phil glanced up at the image of Dan almost at the door, and his voice shook when he spoke again: “Please, Dan. I don’t want to lose you.”Still the younger man didn’t respond. Phil sighed, trying to hold back the wave of hopelessness growing in his chest. It wasn’t about knowing - if the visions were right, he already knew - it was about Dan telling him, Dan having the courage to confide in Phil like he had five months ago and for all the years before that. Phil stared up at the ceiling of ice, and silence fell in the cave.“I can’t tell you,” Dan whispered eventually.Phil glanced at him. “Why not?”“It’s stupid.”“Since when have we not been able to talk about stupid stuff?”Dan sighed and closed his eyes, forehead wrinkling slightly as though he was summoning the strength to say it. After a minute, he murmured, “Ok, fine.” Dan took a deep breath, and Phil waited, patiently eager.“I have a crush on you, Phil,” Dan admitted, still not looking at the older man. “I have done for a while.” A small grin pulled at the corner of Phil’s lips. “It started before we even met face to face,” Dan continued quietly, “but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make things weird between us. Then, once we moved in together, I saw you as just a friend - my best friend.” The brunet smiled slightly. “I thought… those feelings had gone, but a few months ago it came rushing back stronger than ever. I tried to ignore it, but that didn’t work, so I tried to block it out altogether - I didn’t mean for that to turn into blocking you out.”At last Dan turned to face Phil, and their eyes met: brown and blue, like earth and water. Phil had never noticed before how beautiful those brown eyes were. He gazed into them for a few moments, taking in each tiny detail.They were sitting so close; their faces less than a foot apart. Phil’s eyes flicked down to Dan’s lips for a second, then back up to his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could speak the cave was filled with a sudden loud humming rush of noise.Both men jerked around to look at the images on the wall behind them: the figure of Dan had stopped moving, barely milimetres from the door, and was turning around to face back towards Phil, whose arm was shifting position from a desperate ‘stop’ to a gentle offering, palm upwards.Phil looked back at Dan, hopeful, and grinned when he saw the younger man’s expression. Dan was staring awe-struck at the images, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in shock.“What the fuck?” Dan muttered. “The… you… what?!”Phil chucked. “I told you I wasn’t making it up.”“Yeah...” Dan still looked confused. “But you said… before, you said there was someone with me…?”“They disappeared,” Phil shrugged, “after I got back.”“Got back?”“Some crazy shit’s been happening, Dan. I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.”“Try me,” Dan challenged.Phil smiled. “Alright, then.” He twisted around to sit with his back against the wall again, and Dan copied him. “Well, when I first saw the images - when I told you about them - I looked at them, and then I was suddenly back in the past.” Dan’s eyes widened in disbelief, his forehead creased in confusion. “Yeah, I know, it doesn’t sound real, does it? Anyway, I was back about three months ago; you remember when we got Thai food and watched Riverdale?” Dan nodded, still frowning. “Yeah, well, I noticed that you seemed a bit off then, and I wondered if that’s when… y’know, the problems started?” Phil finished tentatively, watching for Dan’s reaction.The brunet nodded again, looking away. “I don’t know what happened,” he murmured after a moment. “I just… suddenly couldn’t deal with being in the same room as you, couldn’t deal with my feelings, couldn’t deal with… myself.” The last word was barely a whisper, and Dan lowered his chin onto his knees again, pulling his limbs into the fetal position and closing his eyes tightly.“I watched you cry, Dan.” Phil put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You could’ve just talked to me. I wouldn’t’ve judged you - am I judging now?”Dan raised his head and frowned at Phil’s hand on his shoulder, like he was trying to remember something. Eventually he looked up at Phil’s face. “Was that you? A couple of weeks ago, when you went out to get milk…? I felt...” Dan blinked and looked down.Phil smiled. “I couldn’t bear to see you so upset. I didn’t know if it would work, if you’d feel it, but… yeah. I’m glad it helped.”“I thought I must’ve imagined it,” Dan murmured. His eyes moved to Phil’s hand again, and he hesitantly lifted his own hand and rested it carefully on top of Phil’s, just as he had before - except this time his fingers could actually touch Phil’s instead of just passing through them. A small grin pulled at Dan’s lips, and he looked back up to meet Phil’s eyes. “You heard me, didn’t you?” he asked, dropping his hand back onto his lap. Phil took his own hand back as Dan continued, “That night, when I was cursing myself for having a crush on you, you heard, didn’t you? You didn’t seem surprised when I told you just now - you already knew.”Dan looked at the older man expectantly, and Phil only hesitated a moment before replying.“Yes, I heard - I knew,” he admitted.“Then why did you make me tell you?” Dan asked.“Well, for one thing I wasn’t even sure if those visions were true,” Phil told him. “I didn’t want to just confront you about it in case it wasn’t, and also it would’ve been a bit aggressive to just suddenly ask you ‘do you have a crush on me?’, wouldn’t it? But also because I wanted you to tell me, Dan. I wanted you to have the courage to trust that I wouldn’t hate you or judge you or anything.”Dan smiled. “Thank you, Phil.”Phil grinned back. After a moment, he asked cautiously; “So, um… what happens now?”Dan frowned. “What do you mean?”“Well...” Phil hesitated, then pushed on. “I like you, Dan. I realised from this whole experience, and especially when I heard you talking to yourself, that I think of you as more than just a friend, or even a best friend. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. You’re my soulmate, Dan; I couldn’t bear it if I lost you.”For a few seconds, Dan didn’t move. Phil began to worry that he’d gone too far -And then Dan’s lips were on his, and everything else melted away.Phil’s eyes slid shut as he sank into the kiss. Dan’s lips were chapped from the cold, but beneath that they were soft and warm. Phil had never imagined he would be kissing his best friend like this, but he meant everything he had just said: he couldn’t imagine a life with anyone other than Dan; now, maybe, they would be more than just best friends.Sometime later - Phil had no idea how long - Dan broke the kiss and pulled away, but only far enough that Phil could still feel the brunet’s warm breath on his face. He opened his eyes and met Dan’s only a few inches away. The brown eyes were shining and unusually bright.“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Dan whispered, smiling shyly.Phil grinned back. “I’m glad you finally did.”Dan looked down, reaching to intertwine his fingers with Phil’s. They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the easy company of each other’s presence and listening to the snowstorm still echoing through the entrance tunnel.“Hey, Phil?” Dan murmured.“Yeah?”“Are we boyfriends now?”Phil smiled. “We can be, if you’re comfortable with that.”Instead of speaking, Dan merely smiled and shuffled closer to the older man, pressing their sides together and planting a gentle kiss on Phil’s jaw before resting his head on Phil’s shoulder, sighing contentedly. For Phil, that was answer enough. He placed a kiss of his own amongst Dan’s soft brown curls, breathing in the familiar scent of his shampoo.Abruptly, Dan yawned. “I’m gonna have a nap. Wake me up when the storm’s over,” he murmured tiredly, snuggling his face into Phil’s neck and closing his eyes.Phil smiled fondly at him. “Will do. Sleep well, Dan; I love you.”“I love you too.”Dan’s breathing slowed to a steady, reassuring background noise. After a minute, Phil glanced around at the image behind them. A smile spread across his face as he saw how the picture had frozen: the two figures of himself and Dan, standing close together and holding hands, the glowing door faded into almost non-existence.They were together; neither of them were going anywhere without the other.Phil put his head back against the ice and sighed. The gentle sounds of the storm outside and Dan’s breathing relaxed him, and soon he too fell asleep, his head resting on his boyfriend’s.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Phil woke up sometime later in complete silence. He lifted his head, listening; the storm must be over.“Dan?” Phil murmured, gently nudging his boyfriend. Dan groaned softly, not opening his eyes. “Dan, the storm’s over. We need to be getting back.”Slowly, Dan blinked, raising his head off Phil’s shoulder and looking around. “Hmm?”“Storm’s over. We can go now.”Dan sat up and stretched, yawning cutely. Phil stood up, holding out his hand to help the younger man up. Dan took Phil’s hand and pulled himself to his feet, smiling at his boyfriend. Phil grinned back, leaning in to place a soft kiss on Dan’s nose before bending down to pick up their rucksacks and handing Dan’s to him.As Phil started towards the entrance tunnel, he felt something brush his hand. He glanced back, then smiled and intertwined his fingers with Dan’s, leading his boyfriend out of the ice cave.They emerged into a bright world of white snow, blue sky, and low Sun. It looked almost exactly the same as it had when they started out that morning; there was no trace of the stormclouds. Dan and Phil blinked in the Sunlight, their eyes still accustomed to the dim bluish glow of the cave, and then began heading down the mountain, still holding hands.It didn’t take them long to find the trail again, and their descent went much quicker once they were back on a familiar path. By the time the little village of log cabins came into view, the Sun was touching the horizon, staining the darkening sky with pinks and purples. Phil paused to look back, but there was no sign of the cave where they had spent the last few hours.The first port of call was the tourist centre, where they needed to drop off some of the kit they had hired for the day. When they got there, the centre staff started fussing over them, talking frantically over the top of each other, and it took Phil a few minutes to be able to quiet them down.“What’s all the fuss about?” he asked, confused.The centre staff glanced at each other. Eventually, a woman spoke up: “You’ve been gone for almost two days, mister.”Phil blinked in shock and glanced at Dan, who looked just as surprised as he was. “What do you mean?” Phil asked slowly. “We’ve only been out for a few hours…?”“No, you haven’t, sir,” a young man explained gently. “You left here yesterday morning and haven’t been back between then and now.”“You were out when the storm hit, and everyone was worried about you,” the woman continued. “There’s been a search party out looking for you both all day.”Dan and Phil were both silent for several moments, letting that fact sink in. How could we have been gone so long? Is this a prank? Out of the corner of his eye, Phil saw Dan take his phone out, blinking at the date on the lockscreen: it was indeed the day after they had left.“Well,” Dan said quietly, slipping his phone back into his pocket, “we’re back now, unharmed, and that’s all that matters.”“Yes, sir. We’ll call the mountain rescue people and let them know. If either of you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”Dan and Phil thanked them, and left the centre with the concerned eyes of the staff on their backs. They headed back to their chalet and had hot showers, changing into their pyjamas. They made steaming mugs of hot chocolate, and pushed the twin beds together before climbing beneath the covers and cuddling in each other’s arms.Through the window, the deep blue sky was speckled with whitish-yellow pinpricks. Starlight mixed with the glow of a thin claw of crescent Moon and pooled on the floor, reflecting faintly off the wooden surface and filling the room with a calming half-light. The two of them lay in silence for a while, soaking in the warmth from their drinks and their bodies pressed against each other.“I can’t believe we were gone for so long,” Dan murmured eventually, staring into his mug. “It only felt like a few hours; how is it possible that we missed like, a whole thirty-six hours?”“I don’t know,” Phil whispered. He pressed his nose into the brunet’s curls, breathing in his scent and placing a soft kiss on Dan’s head. “I guess it must be a magic cave.”“As skeptical as I would normally be of your ‘magic’ theories, I think you might be right this time.” Dan chuckled softly. “I mean, honestly, if we hadn’t figured out that there was something weird going on from the fucking glowing images and you time-traveling, I think we’d be pretty bloody stupid.”Phil giggled. “Yeah.” He took a gulp of hot chocolate, then set his empty mug on the nightstand. “We should probably discuss something else as well.”“What?”Phil hugged his boyfriend closer. “This. Us. What we tell people, particularly our viewers.”Dan slowly twisted out of Phil’s arms, and Phil worried for a moment that he had said something wrong. But Dan just reached over to place his own mug on the nightstand beside Phil’s, and then leaned down to press a kiss into the black hair.“We can talk about that another time,” he murmured as he slid down and nestled against Phil’s side again. “For now, I’m just happy that we’re together.”“Ok. Me too.” Phil wrapped his arms around the younger man, once again pulling him closer. “I love you, Dan.”“I love you too, Phil.”Their lips met, and although the world outside was dark and cold, inside the cabin was warm and bright, glowing with love and happiness.The wall separating Dan and Phil was gone; broken down into dust and repurposed into cement that was now used to hold them together and fill in the cracks. What had once weakened them now made them stronger, and they would not be broken again.