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Jim is the kind of leader that deals closely, personally with his men. He knows almost all of the four hundred individuals under his command by name, and if he doesn't remember he's trying to memorize the names in his spare time. He personally checks on every department, especially when the department is working on something important or interesting.It is therefore not unusual when he appears in science lab three, and inquires with obvious interest what Spock and his staff are working on."I am analyzing the makeup of those material samples from Hyral V, Captain. I believe there may be a new form of bacteria—"Jim is nodding, smiling as he listens to Spock's explanation of the potential uses for the bacteria he thinks he's discovered.Spock finishes, and Jim is about to say something, when a member of Spock's staff approaches."Captain, I have something exciting to show you, if you're interested.""Of course, Lieutenant," Jim agrees, casting one last smile at Spock over his shoulder and mouthing, chess tonight as he follows the crewman.Spock's lips flatten slightly into a displeased line at Jim's departure, but his head is lowered back over his work by then, and no one can see, which is well. That much outward sign of his emotions is already too much.His discovery really is fascinating, and it would have continued to occupy all his attention if he wasn't distracted by Jim's ringing laugh.Lieutenant Merritt is gesturing animatedly as he shows Jim a data report and microscope slides. He is smiling; Jim is smiling back.Ordinary human interactions. Perhaps Merritt is standing a little close to Jim. As Spock watches, he steps closer, nodding eagerly as Jim speaks, smile widening, reaching up to play with his hair as Jim takes the padd from his hand to examine it closer.Spock absently sets down his sample case, all his attention on his captain and junior officer as the lieutenant retrieves the device, fingers trailing unsubtly along Jim's arm and hand as he does so.Spock realizes at that moment what is happening as he's hit with a flash of memory from well over one standard year ago (Jim, perched on a spare work bench in the science lab, empty apart from himself and Spock, handing Spock the instrument he requests, fingers pausing on his wrist. "Is this the right one, Mr. Spock?" And his golden laugh at Spock's dry, "You know very well that it is.") Flirting. Human gestures to indicate they are romantically or sexually interested in an individual.Jim seems to become aware of it at the same time, stepping out of Merritt's reach smoothly and smiling politely. "Very interesting, Lieutenant. Keep up the good work."Merritt looks forlornly after Jim as he departs, then glances at Spock, and seems to do a double take at his department head's expression.Spock takes a deep breath and forces a neutral expression onto his face, nodding at Merritt and turning to face his experiment again. The cold fury in him demands he stride across the lab and confront his crewman, follow Jim and claim him publicly for all to see. Mark him, make him release moaning and shaking under Spock's hands so that no one will doubt—Spock realizes he's gripping the counter so tight that he's beginning to warp the metal. He releases it and leans back in his seat slowly, shocked and ashamed at where his thoughts have turned, at his reaction to innocent flirtation between Jim and a crewmember. Flirtation that Jim did not begin or encourage.It is unsurprising that there are members of the crew that desire Jim. Of course there are. Jim is a most dynamic, captivating man. Spock himself was drawn to his captain the moment he beamed aboard for the first time.He has never before had to witness a crewman behaving in such a fashion with Jim before, and he never could have expected his anger and possession.Spock picks up his stylus again and tries to get his mind oriented back on his work, tries to temporarily forget what just occurred.Jealousy is not an attractive emotion. He does not own Jim. Possessiveness is illogical. Vulcans should be above it, and other emotions.Spock knows this, he knows this.Nonetheless.Nonetheless, his fingers tighten around the stylus in his hand until the instrument threatens to snap, his teeth are pressing into each other so tightly Doctor McCoy would doubtless have some colorful words for him, and though he is trying to get his concentration back on his chemical analysis, all he can do is replay over and over the moment he witnessed: the touching, the smiles, the flirtation.The presumption in the man, to touch what is Spock’s. That is enough. Spock rises and puts his work on hold. Meditation is required. He will not allow himself to sit here and think these things.
*
Spock intends to avoid Jim for the evening. The way he is feeling is absurd, illogical, an emotion that has no place in his relationship.Perhaps it is not fair to stay away from his captain, punish him for something that is entirely Spock's fault, but surely it's better than letting Jim see how childish and insecure he is being. Possessiveness, as if one intelligent being can own another. Spock is ashamed.He should have realized Jim wouldn't stay away. Jim knows Spock, has gotten through his personal barriers in a way no one else has. He can always tell when something is bothering Spock.The bathroom door slides open and Jim steps in, barefoot, hair tousled. Beautiful, vulnerable, tempting.Spock sighs and lowers his padd, meeting Jim's eyes from his position cross legged on his bed."You didn't come to me after your shift," Jim says softly, moving across the room and taking a seat at the end of the bed, swinging his legs up onto it so that they're stretched out far enough his toes are nudging Spock's ankle. Silently and unquestioningly claiming Spock's personal space as his own.Jim knows it is his right, now. Spock allows him this, and so much more. Anything Jim could want, he would let him have.Jim would never take more than Spock can give. Never."I had work to do, Jim. Starfleet wanted a report on my discovery.""You didn't send me a comm. You would barely look at me at dinner. What's bothering you, Spock?"He knows how quickly Spock works, that he could have finished his report and then come. He knows Spock can multitask to the extent that he could have composed the report in his head while he and Jim played chess, or watched a film."It is no matter." Spock lowers his eyes to the padd he's still holding loosely. He does not wish to deceive Jim, but neither does he wish Jim to know of his unsightly emotions.Jim moves until he's kneeling in front of Spock, taking the padd gently out of his grasp and replacing it with his hands. Spock breathes out shakily, the reassurance and affection flowing into him from Jim doing a little to assuage his shame."You know you can tell me anything, right? If it's something you really can't bring yourself to discuss, I'll drop it, but if this is just you thinking I'll be shocked or ashamed of you, you should know that will never be true."Spock allows his gaze to meet Jim's, sees the warmth and concern there, and knows what he says is true. He would not judge Spock for this, even if is unbecoming."I experienced quite intense emotions when you were in the science lab this afternoon," he admits. "I did not wish to inflict them upon you, so I stayed away.""The lab?" Jim pauses for a moment, thinking, then his eyes widen. "Oh! Spock, that member of your staff that flirted with me, that's what bothered you? You were jealous?"There's a smile in Jim's voice if not on his face, and Spock nods stiffly, unable to share in Jim's amusement.Jim realizes his error when Spock doesn't respond verbally, and tries to pull his hands free from Jim’s grasp. "I'm sorry," Jim is immediately contrite, tightening his hold on Spock's hands and not letting him retreat. "I can tell that it's not funny to you, that it's really bothering you. I was just surprised. But sweetheart, why is it upsetting you? You know I didn't return his advances.""Yes, Jim, I know." It's important Jim not think Spock blames him for this situation, he is not at fault here. "You are not responsible. The shameful, barbaric emotion I felt—""Stop, stop." Shaking his head, Jim releases one hand and touches Spock's cheek, drawing two fingers over and down to his lips, where he leaves them pressed gently. "It's not barbaric, and you don't need to be ashamed. Jealousy is an emotion like any other, and it's okay for you to feel it. I know you identify as Vulcan and follow Vulcan teachings, but you're part human, too, and you shouldn't castigate yourself over something that's naturally a part of you."Jim is as compassionate and gentle as he is beautiful, but Spock can't let this pass so easily. "I felt as if I wished to “make a scene” with Lieutenant Merritt, and I also wished to claim you publicly. You are an intelligent being, as I am. I do not own you, I have no inherent claim on you, you did nothing wrong.""That's your mistake, you're trying to be logical about this." Jim settles himself in Spock's lap, Spock automatically shifting to make room for him. "A lot of the time, it's difficult to apply logic to emotions. They defy explanation or reason. Logically, you know that I've never been unfaithful to you, never even been tempted. You know that I did not invite or encourage the flirtation. You know Lieutenant Merritt is a new member of the crew and probably hasn't heard yet that we're together. You know all this, logically. But it's not your logic talking, it's your emotions. The human side, not the Vulcan."Jim smiles, corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly as he kisses Spock's forehead. "And lucky for you, your mate is very human and understands jealousy. It doesn't offend me or make me want to hide. In fact, I'm prone to it myself; do you remember that science conference you attended last year?"Spock nods. He does. It was a fascinating conference, with many of the top scientists from the Federation attending, including several Spock admires very much. It was even more enjoyable because Jim came with him, and if he didn't find the stellar cartography seminar fascinating, he did enjoy the one on a new model of starship developed, one that could land easily on planetary surfaces."Yeah, well, there was that Vulcan there, T'Vale. Some kind of molecular biologist. She was really, really "fascinated" with you. She wouldn't stop staring at you and edging closer. I was seeing red, Spock. You know what I wanted to do?"Spock remembers the Vulcan Jim is talking about, but she had only captured his attention for a short moment. He was much more aware of Jim, the way his lips were thinned, his proprietary grip on Spock's wrist as he reminded Spock they had dinner plans. Once they left her behind, Jim was soon back to his normal good humor, and it wasn't mentioned again. "What did you wish to do?""I wanted to suck you right there, make you come moaning my name and pulling my hair. Show her you belonged to me, felt pleasure for me, lost your composure for me. Only me. Of course, I did nothing of the kind." Jim laughs at the surprised blink Spock gives him by way of reaction. "I told you, it's not logical, it's a feeling. Now, why don't you tell me what you wanted to do when that ambitious young gentleman was hitting on me?"Spock feels his shame and tension ease away gradually. It would be surprising to his fellow Vulcans, perhaps, but Jim is capable of being quite logical when he wishes. Sometimes, as now, he is even the more logical of the two of them. The emotion was just that, his thoughts remained thoughts, and he did not act on any of his urges. No harm was done, to use a human phrase.With Jim, he can be imperfect. With Jim, he can be....human."You wish to know?" Jim hums agreement and nuzzles Spock's jaw. "I wanted to lead you into a busy corridor and pin you to a wall, touch you until you were hard, and then manually stimulate both of us to mutual orgasm. I wanted to cover you in my semen, Jim, and receive your mark in turn so that no one could doubt that we belong to one another."Jim groans softly and kisses Spock, hands cradling his head, fingertips scratching gently at the hairline on the back of his neck. "Yeah, I don't want the crew to see us doing that, but no reason we couldn't act it out in here."Spock slips his hands under Jim's shirt, stroking the soft, warm skin of his back. Jim is so fascinating to all of his senses, his body beautiful and intriguing. So round and soft, yet so strong. When they spar, Jim regularly holds his own and sometimes even pins Spock, despite the fact that Spock is 2.5 times stronger than the average human.Not 2.5 times stronger than Jim."You would enjoy that?" Spock asks curiously, rubbing his cheek against Jim's. Jim grins, and Spock knows he is thinking of Terran felines. "The scenario I described?""Hmm, let's see." Jim pretends to think hard about it. " Would I enjoy my sexy and beloved Vulcan holding me down and giving me a fantastic handjob, coming all over me and then covering himself in my come? Maybe getting growly about how my body, especially my cock, is his to do with as he pleases? I can't think of a single thing about it I wouldn't love."Jim pushes Spock until he's flat on the bed, following him down and covering Spock's body with his own. "It sounds fun and hot, so yes, I would enjoy that. As long as it's all kept private and in our own quarters, I'm totally up for enjoying games like that. And remember, feelings are natural. Some of them are wonderful, and some are a little ugly, but they're all a part of being human. A part of you."
Jim is looking at Spock so softly, such deep feeling for him held in Jim's gaze, that Spock almost can't bear it. He takes Jim's hand and brings it to his lips, kisses Jim's fingertips softly."Thank you, Jim," he manages. "Your reasoning about logic and emotions was quite sound. I believe I owe you an apology for avoiding you and inadvertently canceling our chess game.""There's no need to apologize." Jim moves off of Spock but doesn't go far, fitting himself against his side instead. "You've lived your whole life as a Vulcan, and it's only recently that you've been introduced to the idea that you don't have to choose, you can be both. I'm proud of you for allowing your human side to come up a little. More than anything, Spock, I just want you to be happy.""Jim." Spock strokes Jim's hair, then pulls him close to his body and holds him there, eyes closed, breathing in Jim's scent, taking in the feel of Jim's skin beneath his palms, sneaking his hands under Jim's clothes to better feel him. "That seems possible, when I think about spending my life at your side."That is where he belongs, and the only place he wishes to be.If the forces of the universe don't interfere, it is where he will remain for the rest of his days, and whatever he becomes (human, Vulcan, a mixture of both), he will be whole.