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Tyler didn’t understand it. Not because it was difficult to understand at all. But mostly because he didn’t understand how someone so beautiful couldn’t see what they were doing to their body. Josh couldn’t understand it. It was hard to wrap his head around. How could someone so perfect hurt themselves so much that they couldn’t get through a day without doing it.Tyler desperately wanted to understand. His boyfriend was killing himself and he couldn’t even see what he was doing. He was always saying he needed to lose more weight, that he wasn’t thin enough. How could he not be thin enough when every bone in his body stuck out better than a needle in a haystack.Josh tried to understand. His boyfriend marked his body up everyday. He watched the blood flow from his open wounds until it dried on his tan skin, where he would then scrub his body till it was red raw and bleeding more. It wasn’t healthy he was killing himself with the blood loss, how could he not see it.Tyler didn’t know how to help. He has been living with the man of his dreams for three years and he was starving himself long before they had met eight years ago. Tyler doesn’t know if he can handle his boyfriend dying, it might be the last straw before he breaks.Josh wanted to help. He cleaned the wounds and bandaged them every time fresh ones would appear. But afterwards he was screamed at as tears escaped from the beautiful chocolate brown eyes that adorned his boyfriends face. He needed to be perfect for him, he needed to help him more.Tyler didn’t like it. He bore witness to his boyfriends restrictions. Every exercise routine to lose more weight. Every ice cold glass of water to burn more calories. Every purging session to help get rid of the food that plagued him. It effected him more than he let on. He could hide most of it but sometimes it would seep out from the cracks in his skin and he’d cry.Josh couldn’t like it. The blood was sickening. He couldn’t look at it for very long. Needing to take breaks every time he cleaned up the remains that his boyfriend left behind scattered across the bathroom. It was all he could do to keep their shared space of suffering clean.Tyler tried to love it. He wanted to be a supportive boyfriend. But it was so difficult when he knew that everyday could be the last one he got to spend with the beautiful existence that was his boyfriend. Eight years in and he was still grasping onto the fragments that hadn’t quite faded away yet. Josh hoped he could love it. He needed to be a supportive boyfriend. He couldn’t let the blood get to him. He couldn’t let the only piece of happiness in his life slip down the drain anymore than it already had. He slid down to his knees. It wasn’t right. It never would be. They needed to be okay. They needed to be perfect.They lay in bed at night. Light caresses and soft whispers. Hands trailing bones whilst holding back sobs. Lips following scars whilst holding back vomit. They loved each other. But the longer that love lasted the more it destroyed them. They would never be perfect. They would never be okay.