Work Text
Jaehyun woke up to the quiet click of his door opening and closing, soft giggling, warm puffs of air in his ear and something uncomfortably wet on his cheek. Blinking groggily, two large brown eyes swam into focus, staring back at him mischievously. He groaned, wrapping his arms tightly around the intruder and rolling onto his side, hoping he would settle and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, Jaehyun had no such luck. The little human in his arms wriggled free and began to shout and jump on the bed, and he was showered with even more wet kisses to his face. If this was what it felt like to have kids, Jaehyun didn't want any. A quick glance at his night stand told him it was not yet 7 am. On a Saturday. God why. "Ok! Ok! I'm up!" He groaned into his pillow, shifting so he could properly face the boy in his bed. He sat up, cross legged, and gathered the small human into his arms, who smiled brilliantly at him as they settled into a comfortable cuddle. They sat like that quietly, letting the morning slowly wake itself up. Jaehyun was so close to falling back asleep when his door creaked open and another body joined their weight on the bed. Jisung was instantly excited at the newcomer, leaving Jaehyun's arms to happily lay across Jungwoo's back. Jaehyun didn't even bother to open his eyes as he laid back down, content that his baby brother was well-looked after by his slightly younger step brother. The quiet morning continued as they soaked up the morning hours. It was quiet lazy mornings like this, that Jaehyun wished were a more frequent occurrence. With a much younger brother, peace was a rare gift. Jisung had endless energy that usually ended with food on the floor and toys in every corner of the house. Jisung was almost five and the most rambunctious social butterfly in the Kim-Jeong family. His personality was still developing but he loved meeting new people, playing with friends and spending time with his brothers. He thrived in daycare and he had his older brothers friend's wrapped around his finger. Jungwoo was just two years younger than Jaehyun, but much more mature than any boy 16 should be. When he had to, he picked their brother up from day care, and helped with house chores when school began to weigh heavily on Jaehyun. Jaehyun didn't think at 18 he'd be the main care taker for his brothers, but with their parents overseas, on contract with some prestigious university, certain sacrifices had to be made. They had always been tight on money, but hopefully this contract would end the long months the boys and their parents spent apart from each other. They were receiving a generous stipend and with the salary they were making for this contract, could leverage them into higher paying positions within Korea. After Jaehyun's father's divorce from his mother, he met, fell in love with and married Jungwoo's mother, who was also newly divorced. Jaehyun and Jungwoo hadn't always gotten along well, but with the birth of their half-brother and the sudden change in schools, family- blood related or not, was the strongest bond they had and they stuck close together. The divorces left their parents struggling for money, and while they were doctors in their fields of study, it was hard to find jobs at any universities in Korea, which led them to jobs that took them to the UK and America. This contract had been sudden, unexpected, and left them all running around, trying to hold it all together. It had been a couple of weeks into the fall semesters of American universities, but a tragedy left Yale struggling to find professors in Engineering and Computer science. They had reached out to their parents and offered them so much money, they couldn't refuse. Not when they needed it so badly. The end of September they had left, with tearful goodbyes in the airport, and when they had returned home to the empty flat, Jaehyun had never felt more alone. His best friend Sicheng was always nearby, and his mother, a friend of Jaehyun's father since before the divorce, was always willing to lend a hand. She brought them dinner once or twice a week, randomly sent Sicheng over with groceries and gave motherly love to Jisung who missed their parents so much. With the semester in full swing, and the 14 hour time difference, it was hard for the family to find time to facetime, but somehow they managed. The leaves were now changing, leaving splashes of red, yellow and orange highlighting the trees and lining the roads. There was a distinct air of autumn around them with a cool, crisp air settling over the mornings and evenings and bright rays of sun, warming up the afternoon. Thanksgiving wasn't something celebrated in Korea, but Jaehyun still liked to decorate the flat with autumn colors, reminiscent of his time spent in America. This Saturday meant a slow and peaceful morning, with cuddles and hugs from Jaehyun's two favourite people. It meant hot coffee, an unrushed breakfast and lots of affection. It meant lunch with Yuta and Taeyong, the only people who ever cared for Jaehyun in their old high school and they were occasionally accompanied by another old friend Junmyeon, who would then play with Jisung while Jaehyun and Jungwoo did some school work. Most Saturdays flowed like this, an easy routine they had fallen into, that prepared them for the upcoming week. Jaehyun reluctantly opened his eyes, peering over the blankets at Jungwoo and Jisung. They were occupying the left side of Jaehyun's bed, quietly flipping through a book about cars. Despite his young age, Jisung was acutely aware of his brothers moods and general needs. Having hung around his brother's older friends all his life, he had his moments of maturity. Jungwoo was reading an excerpt on modern-day vehicles, Jisung sat in his lap, happily accepting Jungwoo's free hand carding fingers through his hair. It was a sure fire way to get Jisung relaxed and comfortable. However, while Jisung was still young, Jaehyun and Jungwoo would never know the definition of sleeping in. Jaehyun picked himself up out of bed, legs swinging to the side, blankets rumpling around him. He threw a hoodie on and made his way into the kitchen. He popped a pod into the Keurig machine and set out bowls for cereal and a plate of cut fruit. With their parents away, stew was their go-to breakfast, as it was easy to make in batches and there was always rice in the rice cooker, but on weekends, Jaehyun attempted some western style breakfasts. Jisung had been asking for pancakes all week. It would be a nice surprise for him. As soon as the pancakes hit the pan, Jisung was bounding down the stairs, sniffing the air. The effort was worth the look of adoration on Jisung's face. They recapped the week and reviewed the upcoming week over sticky syrup, sweet fruit and fresh coffee. "What kind of work do you have this week?" Jaehyun asked. "Studying. I have two exams this week. But then next week is pretty empty. I'll have longer dance practices though, because of the showcase. That will start in two weeks, I think." Right. The holiday showcase. Jaehyun was glad that Jungwoo had adjusted to their new school so quickly, but with no one free in the afternoons, Jisung had to participate in after school programs. Even then, sometimes, Sicheng or Sicheng's mom would pick him up watch him while Jaehyun and Jungwoo finished their respective practices. Jaehyun made note to ensure that he had coverage for Jisung for the next few weeks. "You know," Jungwoo started, "Yuta keeps pestering me about getting you to agree to that party." Jaehyun sighed. Yuta had been pestering him too. "He just wants to use our house to cook and accommodate more people than their apartment can." "It might not be such a bad idea, hyung. You deserve a little bit of a break and Taeyongie-hyung offered to cook everything. You haven't seen Junmyeon-hyung in a long time, and you could meet some of my dance friends!" Yuta and Taeyong knew that Jaehyun's favourite American holiday was Thanksgiving, and they wanted to plan a party with American football and a real turkey. Jaehyun wasn't even sure there were such things as whole turkeys in Korea. He had a football game that day, but Yuta proposed everyone go to watch the game, then they could go to the park and play American football and Taeyong and Yuta offered to be at the flat and cook for everyone. It would be Jaehyun's friends, some of Jungwoo's new friends and maybe a friend or two for Jisung. Yuta and Taeyong currently were living in a small two bedroom apartment not far from their university. Yuta wanted to host a party but their flat was too small for such a gathering, whereas Jaehyun and Jungwoo had an apartment with no parents present, and it was much larger and accommodating to larger groups of people. Jaehyun knew their parents wouldn't care if they had people over, as long as Jisung was looked after, but Jaehyun wasn't sure he could handle that many people in his house. Crowds had never been his thing. But, parties were Jungwoo's thing. He liked meeting new people and going out. When he was with his new school friends, his shy personality went out the door and he enjoyed a casual Friday night forgetting about school. He wasn't of drinking age yet, but Jungwoo and his friends made their fun with movies, games or spontaneous trips to Myeongdong or Hongdae or the night market near their apartment. Jaehyun looked up from his coffee to see Jungwoo staring at him with wide, hopeful eyes and Jaehyun knew he couldn't say no. He'd just have to suck it up and overcome his social anxiety for a couple of hours. Or hide in his bedroom. "I guess we can. Just don't make me regret it. I'll tell Yuta when we see him later." Jungwoo beamed at his older brother, "You'll have fun, hyung. You know Ten hyung and you'll love Johnny hyung! And Doyoung hyung and Kun hyung!" "Dance friends?" Jaehyun questioned, the names rang a somewhat familiar bell in his head. Jungwoo nodded with a huge smile, already engrossed in phone, furiously texting his friends about the gathering. He knew Ten through Sicheng, but he had never conversed with Ten alone. Ten was… a lot. It felt like Ten could just look at Jaehyun and immediately unravel all his deepest and darkest insecurities. Jungwoo, on the other hand, loved Ten. ______________________________________________________________________________________ After breakfast was cleaned up, Jaehyun helped Jisung clean up his toys before setting him up with an episode of Winnie the Pooh. He settled in on the couch next to Jisung as he watched, doing some of his school assignments, while Jungwoo spread out on the kitchen table. Jaehyun tried to limit Jisung's screen time, in hopes that he would become more imaginative and creative rather than listless while staring at screens all day. In turn, that meant that he needed more supervision and one-on-one time, but with school and extracurricular activities, Jaehyun worried that Jisung would begin to feel unwanted. Jaehyun wanted Jisung to grow up loved, and not as an afterthought to his life. Generally during the week, the boys were all too busy to entertain any screentime. But during the weekend, a show or movie could mean precious dedicated studying time for Jaehyun and Jungwoo. Jaehyun hummed the Winnie the Pooh theme song as he filled out his calculus sheets. At the change of an episode, he wandered into the kitchen for some water. Jungwoo sat, hood up, airpods in, head bobbing as he reviewed his class notes. After sometime, he felt Jisung snuggle up next to him on the couch as he finished his work. Within minutes, he could hear light snores coming from his youngest brother. He shut the TV off, gathered Jisung in his arms and drifted off to the sounds of the birds outside and traffic in the streets. Soon, Jisung would be too cool for his brothers, so Jaehyun had to savor all the snuggle time he got. Jaehyun came to with the sound of soft voices coming from the kitchen. Jisung was no longer curled up next to him, there was a blanket draped over his body and all his books had been put away. Groaning as he stood to stretch, he folded the blanket and slowly made his way to the voices. He made sure to rub the sleep from his eyes before entering the kitchen. There were 5 bodies crammed at the table. Jisung was off the side, coloring. On either side of him was Yuta and Taeyong. Jungwoo and another person were facing them, backs to Jaehyun. They all seemed to be playing a game, Catan with some expansion pack, Jaehyun deduced after studying the board. After debating whether to hide in his room from the stranger in his kitchen, he let out a little grunt to let his presence be known. All five pairs of eyes looked up at him, it made his skin crawl, but he managed a weak smile. Taeyong and Yuta immediately rose to greet him with hugs. They pointed out the food they had ordered on the counter and Taeyong went to make him a plate of food. Jungwoo and his guest stayed seated, quietly conversing. It took Jaehyun a few moments to place the face. The boy next to Jungwoo was Kim Doyoung.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Hyung, this is Doyoung! We dance together!" Jaehyun nodded politely at their guest. Silence enveloped the kitchen. He knew of Kim Doyoung and he had seen Jungwoo with him before, but it was different to have him inside their home. Jaehyun was sure the whole kitchen could hear his heart pounding.Thankfully, before he could do or say anything stupid, Taeyong handed him a plate of food and led him to sit down next to Yuta, while he pulled another chair up at the butt of the table between him and Doyoung. A quick glance at the clock told him it was mid-afternoon, but his appetite faded, the longer he sat at the table, pushing food around his plate. Under the table, Taeyong grabbed his hand, as they resumed their game, trying to settle Jaehyun's anxiety.Jaehyun thought he was doing great at hiding his nerves, creating little piles of food on his plate, only occasionally taking a bite. Taeyong's hand on his was grounding and he tried to focus on that, but pieces of conversation floated to his ears and grated on his heart. Doyoung, gentle and kind and the heart throb of their school, sitting at their lousy dinner table with their baby brother because they had no parental supervision and being a better brother to Jungwoo and Jisung than Jaehyun could ever be.Doyoung was the upperclassman in their school that everyone wanted to know. He was kind, sweet, talented and inspirational. He did theater, dance, choir, track and orchestra. He posted covers of songs on youtube with his best friend playing guitar for him, and sometimes he would play along on his violin. Perfect Kim Doyoung, here in Jaehyun's kitchen with both his brothers wrapped around his finger. He tried to tell himself it wasn't jealousy, and tried to rid himself of the overwhelming feeling of self-hatred; Doyoung was just… that good.He didn't even notice his irregular breathing until he was yanked from the table and dragged down the hall into his room. There were hands on his face and a blur of pink in front of him. He tried to focus hard on the numbers he was hearing as his vision swam into focus. When he finally felt like he could breathe, he sagged against Taeyong, too tired to do anything else.When Taeyong was sure Jaehyun was asleep, he laid him on top of his bed, and grabbed one of Jisung's blanket's to throw on top of him. As he headed for the door, he wondered when Jaehyun's anxiety had gotten so bad._____________Jaehyun.In the last few months that Doyoung had gotten to know Jungwoo, Jaehyun was often a subject of conversation. Jungwoo talked about his cool older brother all the time. The invitation to dinner was new, but Doyoung was curious to see Jungwoo's house and meet his two elusive brothers. Doyoung was certain that he and Jaehyun shared his upper science course together, but Jaehyun always sat in the back, with that friend of his. Rarely did they ever acknowledge anyone but themselves.They were surprisingly shy compared to their counterparts. Jungwoo was a social butterfly and Sicheng's cousin flitted around from club to club every semester. From what Doyoung gathered from everyone was that Jaehyun was the sweetest older brother and most thoughtful person alive. He had won over Doyoung's favorite cousin, Jeno after some tutoring sessions and the rest of his friend group by association. Without even knowing it, Jaehyun had his own little possie of ducklings that would do anything for him.Doyoung wasn't anticipating the other two dinner guests, but he gathered that they were regulars at the Jeong-Kim dinner table. As soon as he sat down, he knew he had to pass some sort of test from the looks they were giving him. He seemed to pass Yuta's test with flying colors. Taeyong still seemed a little unsure of him. They had left Jaehyun sleeping on the couch and started on dinner and a game. Jungwoo assured him that if Jaehyun fell asleep midday, he truly needed the rest.Doyoung did not expect dinner would be a complete disaster. He thought is started out nice. Jungwoo introduced him and Jaehyun had given him a small smile. A small success. He pretended not to notice when Taeyong grabbed his hand under the table. He wasn't one to judge. Doyoung watched as Jaehyun's eyes darted around the kitchen nervously. He did notice, that even after twenty minutes had passed, Jaehyun's plate was just as full as it was when he sat down. The food groups had been arranged into tiny little piles around his plate and to make it seem like he was still eating, some piles got destroyed before they were recreated.He didn't want to draw attention to it, as it would surely spike Jaehyun's obvious anxiety, but it worried him that Jaehyun would feel so displaced his presence. Rationally, Doyoung knew it wasn't his own fault, anxiety is just anxiety, but he really didn't think himself all that intimidating. He debated on leaving to ease the tension but Jisung now in his lap kept him at the table. In the middle of quietly conversing with Jungwoo they all heard a quiet hitch of breath.In a flash, Taeyong was whisking Jaehyun out of his seat and down the hall. The whispers were too faint to be overheard. Jungwoo next to him, tried to spring to his feet to follow, but he was held back by Yuta's hand on his arm. Visibly upset, Jungwoo reached for Jisung and stroked his hair as they waited for the boys to return. Yuta began to clear the table and they sent Jisung up to change into pajamas. Doyoung was about to excuse himself, but Jungwoo's pout was enough to make anyone stay.Taeyong returned to the living room alone. They were all on the couch watching Howl's Moving Castle, Jisung fast asleep. He sighed as he sank into one of the chairs. "When did his anxiety get so bad?"The question hung in the air, enveloped by silence.__________________ Jaehyun woke surrounded by darkness, save for a sliver of light from the moon breaking through his curtains. His face felt puffy and crusty and his blood still simmered with nervous energy. He couldn't do this alone. He needed his dad. He needed his step-mom. He needed his parents to come home and save him from drowning in his own self-loathing.He rolled over and curled in on himself. He knew if he stayed in bed, he would spiral again. Slowly, he crept out his door and peeked down the stairs, into the hall that lead to the living room. He could see the colors of the TV lighting the walls. Doyoung was in the loveseat with Yuta, chatting quietly. Jisung was dozing on Yuta's lap. Jaehyun kept his head hung low as he shuffled in, and curled up next to Taeyong. After a minute, he felt Jungwoo settle into his other side.As the night continued, Jaehyun found himself slowly shifting from leaning into Taeyong to being almost entirely in Jungwoo's lap. He was torn between feeling pathetic and feeling cared for. He felt a ghost of a hand brush against his hair before quickly pulling back and resettling on his arm, comfortingly stroking up and down. Jungwoo always knew him best. He couldn't stop the tears from leaking from his eyes. He buried himself deeper into Jungwoo's shoulder. He whispered so quietly, that Jungwoo almost missed it."I miss appa and mom."________________________Sunday morning started slowly. When Jaehyun rose, Jungwoo was still sleeping, his cheek smushed against a pillow, lightly drooling. There were soft snores still coming from Jisung, who was all wrapped up on the couch opposite him. He could hear quiet noises and hushed whispers in the kitchen, the sound of a soft kiss and then the front door opening and gently closing.He threw the hood of his sweatshirt over his head as he made his way to investigate. Taeyong had on their mom's apron, fluffing the rice in the rice cooker. There was something red simmering on the stove that smelled heavenly. Taeyong turned around with a wide smile when Jaehyun let out a happy sigh. He looked so ridiculous in the pink and green frills from the apron, Jaehyun couldn't help but giggle. Taeyong extended his arms and Jaehyun had no problem making himself small to fit in perfectly.Taeyong dropped a kiss on the top of his head and shooed him to the table."Yuta had to run out, but he'll be back." He paused, seeing the question on the tip of Jaehyun's tongue, waiting to see if he would have the courage to ask it. After a few seconds of silence, Taeyong continued, "Doyoung left last night. Yuta saw him home."Sunday ended too quickly for Jaehyun's liking. He tried to brush off his episode when Taeyong tried to pry. He knew they cared about him deeply, but in a way, he felt like he was just disappointing them. They finished some school work and just enjoyed each other's presence. Taeyong and Yuta had to drive back to their apartment, but left them with leftovers and promises to return next week. Jaehyun let Jisung fall asleep with Jungwoo before he crawled into his own bed, sending a message to confirm with Sicheng, that he was going to ride with them to school.___________________________It was second period which meant upper science. Despite spending the morning together and going to school with each other, Jaehyun and Sicheng were chittering in the back of the class, waiting for the bell to ring. It was mostly Sicheng complaining about something Renjun had done that weekend. He was mid-sentence when a shadow fell over the two of them. Jaehyun swallowed and looked up. Kim Doyoung."I wanted to apologize for Saturday, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Jungwoo is a good friend and dongsaeng. If you ever need anything, please, let me know." Doyoung spoke as if his words would startle a bird, but Jaehyun appreciated the sentiment. He gave a curt little nod and tried his best to smile back.It was clear he missed the mark, if the look on Doyoung's face was anything to go by, but still Doyoung smiled at him gently before finding his seat right as the bell rung. He had yet to tell Sicheng of any that happened this weekend, and he could feel Sicheng gaping at him. In his peripheral, as he watched their teacher speak, he could feel the eyes of the whole classroom on him as well. Someone like him talking to someone like Doyoung? It was unheard of and it made his skin crawl.It was a push to make it to the end of the day. Jaehyun's skin felt like fire and that one wrong move might set him off in the wrong direction. His mind was a flurry of worries and he couldn't shake the feeling of people staring at him. --- Soccer was something that Jaehyun felt comfortable with; he was good at it. His teammates were like family, after having played with most of them for years and it came naturally to him. The team was beginning to gear up for the end of the season with playoffs and nationals, so practices were beginning to run harder and longer. He finally felt himself begin to relax as he changed from his school uniform to his practice clothes, chatting with some friends in the locker room.With the changing of the seasons, his allergies, and the level of intensity practice was going to be, Jaehyun took a quick pre-emptive hit from his inhaler before heading out to the field. He hadn't had an asthma attack in over a year and he was intent on keeping it that way. He was due for a refill and made a mental note to try and squeeze an appointment in with his doctor.A gentle breeze was carried across the field as he emerged from the locker room with Minhyun and Jeongguk, enjoying the last few warm nights left of September. It was easy to fall into the oh so familiar stretching routin with the team, running drills and playing scrimmages. They were reminded of their second to last regular season game on Saturday, which would be against a team of similar playing level. It sparked a newfound vigor to practice harder and better. The sun was setting behind the trees by the time practice ended. Everyone was properly winded, but the prospect of their upcoming game had smiles on their faces, laughter following them to the locker room. Jaehyun skipped the locker room showers, opting to wait until he returned home. Jungwoo would be home late, and Jisung was currently being watched by Sicheng and his mother.He shot off a quick text to Sicheng that he was on his way home before plopping himself down next to Jeongguk on the bus bench. He'd leave the car for Jungwoo, so he didn't have to take public transit alone in the dark. (Though he was sure if he pouted enough, one of his seniors would ride the bus with him or give him a ride, Jungwoo just had that way about him.)Despite the relaxing weekend, Jaehyun still felt exhausted. He rested his head against Jeongguk's shoulder until the bus arrived."You good, Jae?" Jaehyun hummed in response."You know how it is. It's been hard this time around. Without Mom and Appa, I mean. I'm just tired."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
reworking 10/2024