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It started as a small cough that Taekwoon had just chalked up to the spring weather. He was prone to sinus and respiratory problems during the weather change so he didn’t give the cough much attention and instead took a few more vitamins and added more sleep to his schedule. Despite the counter measures the cough didn't go away but it stayed at a manageable level until he was at the studio one day. “Taek, you ready?” An arm slung itself around his waist. Wonshik pressed into his side smiling up with his large doe eyes and Taekwoon had to resist the urge to cough. The tickle was always present but it seemed to become more insistent when the rapper was near. “Why the grimace Woonie?”“Change of weather,” Taekwoon cleared his throat with a small smile and a shrug. He had tried to keep the tone light but the rough edge had him trying to clear his throat again. “Just the usual.”“You’re looking pale” Wonshik frowned, moving to wrap his hands around Taekwoon's face to studying him properly. “Well, paler than normal. Let’s wrap up with one last run and go home yeah?” It took everything in his power to keep from closing his eyes and sway into the younger.“Sure. I’m going to the restroom and I’ll meet you in the studio.” Wonshik frowned again, leaning in close for a moment but nodded his agreement. Taekwoon aimed for a smile but must not have been convincing enough because after another moment Wonshik relented with a fleeting look that bordered on regret.“Make it quick Woonie. I want to get you home so you don’t get sick like last time.” Dropping his hands Wonshik walked towards the studio and Taekwoon tried to stop his fluttering heart.In the bathroom the first coughing fit that hit was when Taekwoon knew something was wrong. Gripping both sides of the sink he was bent over as he coughed harder trying to dislodge whatever was stuck. It took a few tries but eventually the culprit fell out.“No.” Taekwoon felt his whole body go cold. “No.”Sitting in the sink lay three white chrysanthemum petals nearly as pale as the porcelain they sat in.Hanahaki. The flower curse. The longing sickness. The -“Taek? You've been in here for a while. You okay?” At the sound of Wonshik’s voice Taekwoon’s heart fluttered and the feeling of flower petals in his throat returned “Woonie? What’s wrong?” Shooting out an arm Taekwoon stopped the rapper from coming closer “Taekwoon? Tell me what’s wrong or I’m calling Hakyeon.”“Sicker than I thought.” Taekwoon rasped out trying to hold back a gag as petals sat wetly on the back of his tongue. He didn’t want to put this on Wonshik. It would eat away at the younger and Taekwoon already couldn’t bear the guilt of what this was going to do to everyone in the coming months.“We’re going home. Now.” Wonshik pulled out his phone to call their van. Using the younger’s distraction Taekwoon turned on the faucet, spitting out the new wave of petals into the now running water to wash away the evidence. Cupping a hand Taekwoon brought water up to swish around hoping that the rapper was still too distracted to see. “Hey.” The warm palm on the back of his neck did not comfort him. “C’mon. Hakyeon wants you to get home like yesterday.”“I’m okay. We can finish.” Taekwoon didn’t look up. Even now Taekwoon could feel the vines crawling their way through his chest. Hoping to ignore it he gritted out, “We need to finish.”“Woonie you need to rest.” Wonshik was too close so Taekwoon held his breath to keep the stink of flowers from giving him away “You must be drinking a weird tea. You smell funny.” Finally looking up he leveled an unimpressed eyebrow “There you are.” The smile that stretched across the rapper’s face made his heart thump. “Let’s go home Woonie.” Taekwoon knew he should be afraid but when Wonshik announced a solo tour the next day he felt an odd sort of calm wash over him. Maybe if the source was removed he could be freed. It was hard to stay in love a continent away right?He had been very wrong.Wonshik had barely been gone a week and Taekwoon was kneeling in front of the toilet coughing up petals in painful clumps. As he watched the petals float on top of the water in a daze he morbidly wondered if he could cut out the flowers steadily getting larger in his chest.Technically he could. There were surgeries to remove them but he could never do it. To cut out all feelings for a man he loved as a friend and a brother for all these years? Never being able to feel anything for the man wasn't worth sparing his life. Wonshik meant too much.The image of the rapper alone was enough to have him wheezing into another round of wracking coughs.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.
His eyes felt heavy but slowly he opened them. Staring at his distorted reflection in the water he realized a small trail of blood sat on the curve of his lip before dripping down to stain the water pink. He had reached the second stage of the disease much faster than he had anticipated.“Taek.” Taekwoon didn't even have the energy in him to try to hide the evidence as the door swung open “Do you need-” Hakyeon's voice died “Oh god Taek why didn't you tell me.”“Hey 'kyeon.” Taekwoon didn't bother trying to move. Taekwoon doubted he could if he wanted with how weighed down his body felt.“Who is it?” Hakyeon brushed the black hair from Taekwoon's eyes “Maybe-”“Wonshik.” Taekwoon admitted softly, too tired to lie“...shit.” Hakyeon ran a hand through his hair “It's only gotten worse since he's left hasn't it?” Taekwoon nodded numbly resting his head against his hand on the toilet seat. “We have to call him.”“No.” Taekwoon coughed again nearly choking on how large the clump of petals were. Coughing again with a gag he managed to dislodge them enough to spit them out “No we’ve got time. He’ll be home at the end of the month.” Hakyeon looked at him helplessly “Don’t ruin this for him. He’s been so excited.”“You’re staying home.” Hakyeon knelt next to him, rubbing a hand down his back “I’m going to leave Sanghyuk home with you.” Taekwoon coughed again but didn’t argue. As the days ticked slowly by on the countdown to Wonshik’s return Taekwoon’s health fluctuated. Some days he was fine and able to work without any issue while others he couldn’t get out of bed. On a particularly bad day Taekwoon laid on the bed nearly delirious with the pain in his lungs and throat. Laying on his stomach Taekwoon coughed weakly before lurching over the side to cough out the petals into the bucket that now had permanent residence next to his bed. The once white petals now came out a bloodstained pink.“Hey I’m home.” Wonshik poked his head in before stopping and taking in the sight before him “Woonie?” Wonshik’s voice sounded so small it hurt Taekwoon “Woonie what’s wrong?” Taekwoon looked over trying to hide the bloody petals sticking to his hands and chin.“Hey Shikkie.” Taekwoon spit into the bucket trying to clear his mouth “Bad day. I should be better tomorrow.” Lying was easy. It was so easy Taekwoon wondered how his only punishment for it was a chest full of flowers. “That’s blood.” Wonshik took a step forward “That wasn’t tea I smelled before was it?” Taekwoon hated himself as he saw tears gather in the younger’s eyes “Taek why didn’t you tell me you were this sick? I would have come home.”“No.” Rolling onto his back Taekwoon stared up at the ceiling “You deserved to have a good tour. You earned it Shikkie.”“You’re dying and you worried about me having a good time?” Wonshik sounded almost angry “Stupid. God, you’re so stupid.”“I know.” Taekwoon chest constricted as he tried to hold in another bout of coughs. “Will...will you lay with me Shikkie? For a little bit?” Taekwoon knew it would only make it worse, make the flowers filling up his lungs bloom faster, but as Wonshik crawled onto the bed to cradle him close he couldn’t be bothered to care. “Thanks Shikkie.” The weeks moved like molasses and the once small problem became nearly impossible to ignore now. There were so many petals filling his airways now that even when he wasn’t coughing they would slip out and more often than not they were stained red. During the second month of his disease Hakyeon had finally managed to drag him to a doctor and to neither of their surprise the prognosis wasn’t good. More than fifty percent of his lungs were infected with the Hanahaki with new growths well on their way to blooming. He had a few weeks at most if he was lucky. Despite the desperate begging of everyone Taekwoon still refused the surgery. Taekwoon leaned heavily against the wall watching as everyone practiced the choreography. He had been doing good that morning but as the day progressed his body got weaker and weaker until it was all he could do to stay upright. With how frequent the petals were coming and how they had only seemed to multiply in number it was impossible to hide his condition so instead of trying to avoid the others finding out Taekwoon simply accepted their stares.Wonshik's stares were the heaviest. The rapper seemed to always be around trying to fuss over him. Another wracking cough caught said rapper's attention and while the others looked helplessly at one another Wonshik approached getting into his space.“Who is it Woonie?” Wonshik asked for the hundredth time hands coming up to cradle his face “We can do something. Make them understand.” Taekwoon didn’t have it in his heart to tell him. If Wonshik didn’t love him back already he wouldn’t guilt the man into lovinf him or worse make him suffer for not loving him when he died.“It’s fine Shikkie.” With a small smile Taekwoon closed his eyes leaning into the touch “It’s going to be okay.” Taekwoon wondered if he kept repeating the words maybe it would be. Maybe a miraculous recovery at the hands of some benevolent god that just hadn’t noticed his plight yet. It was a silly thing to think about but he was out of options at this point.“Stop lying to me.” Wonshik sounded hurt again. If there was one thing that Taekwoon hated it was that this was taking a toll on everyone around him, Wonshik most of all. Taekwoon hated that he was the cause of the man’s tears recently. “Hakyeon hasn’t been able to eat or sleep since you got back to the doctors.” Taekwoon didn’t open his eyes but brought up his hands to circle Wonshik’s wrists “Are you going to die?”“It’s going to be okay Shikkie.” Taekwoon turned his head to kiss a palm. If he had only days left he would allow himself this small indulgence. “It’s going to be okay.”“I can’t lose you.” At the sound of tears in Wonshik’s voice Taekwoon pressed another kiss “Please tell me who it is. I'll make them understand.”“No.” Taekwoon seemed unable to stop himself now and kissed the other palm. Doing this seemed to ease the pain lancing through his chest “I won’t.”“It’s me isn’t it.” Wonshik whispered and Taekwoon felt the wave of dread starting to build up. Wonshik couldn’t know, it would destroy him. “Taek. Is it me?”“No.” Taekwoon lied as he continued to place small kisses on the palms. When this started he decided he wouldn’t put this on Wonshik and even now with the pain in his lungs intensifying by the day he wouldn’t put this on the rapper. “It’s going to be okay Shikkie.” The next morning Taekwoon couldn’t get out of bed. The pain was so intense that it made spots dance in front of his eyes whenever he tried moving. Wheezing Taekwoon tried to roll over onto his side as his throat filled but he only managed to move enough to keep from choking as they forced themselves out. The petals and blood pooled on the pillow next to him. It felt like days until someone walked through the hallway“Taek?” Wonshik sounded sleepy in the doorway. “You’re still in bed?” Taekwoon stutterd a breath before another round of coughs wracked his body filling the room with gargles and wheezes “Taek!” Barely lucid Taekwoon noted that strong arms wrapped around him to pull him up against a bare chest “Please Taek.” Tears hit his face as Wonshik curled around him“Don’t” Taekwoon whispered “don’t cry Shikkie.” That only seemed to make the younger cry more “It’s going to be okay Shikkie.” The words finally felt like the lie they were.“Tell me who it is.” The younger begged “We’re out of time. Please tell me who it is.” Taekwoon shook his head no and curled into the rapper “Please Woonie.” Taekwoon closed his eyes and drifted off. If this was how he was going to go it wasn’t so bad. He just wished that he hadn’t made Wonshik cry. A loud crash punctured the cotton like fog that filled his head. Slowly blinking awake Taekwoon frowned at Hakyeon’s pissed off murmuring and Hongbin’s repeated apologies. The room was a sterile white and as the fog lifted more he distantly heard the quiet beep of monitors under the stream of words that he couldn’t quite place. Turning his head slightly Taekwoon saw Hongbin and Hakyeon sitting close as the leader typed something on his phone. A small shift in the corner brought his attention to the doctor that stood flipping through charts with a set of wide wire rimmed glasses resting low on his nose. Trying for a deep breath Taekwoon hissed at the pain in his lungs drawing attention from the three to him.“Mr. Jung?” The doctor moved over to his bedside taking in his appearance “It's good to see you finally awake, we nearly lost you.” Taekwoon frowned deeply. To be honest he was just as surprised as them that he was awake. “We had to perform a surgery to pull out the Hanahaki. It was very touch and go for a while there. We had lost you on the table twice.” Taekwoon paled as his heart seemed to sink into his stomach “You had so many dead flowers in your lungs that you would not have been able to get them out yourself. As it was the blooms were beginning to rot and if we had left them in you would have gone septic.”“What?” Taekwoon whispered as he tried to move past the fear that had filled him when the doctor had said surgery. “The flowers were dead?”“Yes Mr. Jung. You had a very advanced case and even with being cured of the Hanahaki you still needed surgery. If you had gotten it a few weeks ago you would be in much better shape. Chrysanthemums are a rarity for this disease but they are one of the hardest to manage without medical help.” The doctor pulled out Before and After xrays to put them on the light board. When the doctor flipped the switch Taekwoon blinked at the scans in disbelief. His lungs had been so full the Before scan that it was honestly surprised that he had lived through it let alone through the surgery to remove them. The After scan still showed a now clear chest cavity though there was obvious damage to the tissue that could be seen.“It’s going to be a long road to recovery Mr. Jung.” The doctor turned back to him “You’ll have to be careful to avoid getting sick, even a small cold right now could do major damage to you. But with time and rest I believe you’ll make a near full recovery.”“Near?” Hakyeon finally spoke from where he and Hongbin had been silently absorbing everything.“Mr. Cha I don’t think you appreciate how dire your friend’s situation was. There was a great deal of damage done by the disease and then subsequently more when the flowers began to rot in the body.” The doctor looked between the three of them “You will recover but there will be lasting damage.”“Will I still be able to perform?” Taekwoon felt the fear wash through him again. He couldn’t imagine doing anything other than being an idol. Even acting did not give him the same level of joy that getting on stage and performing for Starlights did.“If you take your recovery seriously and don’t push your body before it’s ready.” The doctor flipped through his charts before looking up with a smile “I believe you’ll be able to resume your normal idol activities.” The amount of relief must have been evident on his face because the doctor smiled again “The nurse will be back around in a few hours to check on you.”“Thank you.” Hakyeon stood up to bow lowly “Thank you so much.” Hakyeon turned his attention back to Taekwoon “He knows.”“Did you tell him?” Taekwoon tried to sit up but his body was too weak“I think he knew.” Hongbin came around to the vacant side to hold his hand “But when you went into surgery he begged ‘Kyeon until he broke.” Hongbin smiled “You know how devastating it is when Shikkie cries.”“He’s going to hate me.” Taekwoon looked at where Hongbin held his hand feeling tears welling“He’s pretty pissed you didn’t tell him.” Hakyeon agreed “But you getting better would mean that he doesn’t hate you.” Taekwoon pulled his hand away to press the heels of his hand into his eyes “Taek. How long has that been going on? Hanahaki doesn't just pop up because your crush doesn't like you back.” That part was true enough. It took a deep level of emotions to cause the disease to take root.“Off and on since our first collab.” Taekwoon admitted sheepishly.“Since…” Hakyeon stopped “That was four years ago. Jesus Taek you two are going to kill me.” Hakyeon rubbed at his temples “You know what. I’m leaving you two to talk this out.” Taekwoon blushed embarrassed “Binnie lets go.”Taekwoon fiddled with the blanket. Wonshik knew and that made him more nervous than even the thought of dying did. The door clicked open and as footsteps approached his bed. The silence stretching between the two of them seemed to echo around them.“We’re so stupid.” Wonshik said with a laugh that had a slight manic tone “How are we so stupid?” Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile a little“I’m sorry.” Finally looking up Taekwoon felt his heart constrict. Wonshik was pale and there was dark bags under his eyes “Shikkie. I’m really sorry.”“You scared the shit out of me.” The smile faded. “Why didn’t you tell me? Taek you died. Twice.” Taekwoon hung his head “I couldn’t.” Sighing heavily he picked at the blanket again “I couldn’t put that on you.”“So you were just going to die?” Wonshik sat next to him“And what would have happened if you didn’t love me back.” Taekwoon looked into his eyes “Would you have been able to live with yourself knowing?” Wonshik blinked surprised then scowled.“It wasn’t your choice to make.” The words were angry but they didn’t have any venom behind them “You don’t get to decide that.”“Shikkie.” Taekwoon sighed lifting a hand to touch him but then dropped it back down “I’m sorry.”“I love you.” Wonshik cupped his face softly “Even if you’re stupid.” Taekwoon felt his heart lurch when soft lips pressed against his. “Never do that again. Taek never do that to me again.”“I love you.” Taekwoon whispered back into the kiss “I love you Shikkie.” Nearly a month later Taekwoon was released from the hospital. His lungs were making a steady recovery and the battery of medications stuffed in his bag along with an inhaler would help him stay on the track. At his last scan the areas that had shown the most damage were healing up better than even the doctor had anticipated and it gave all six of them hope.
It would still be some time before he could go back to performing on stage but would be cleared to go back to singing next week and pending a follow up exam begin dancing again in two.The first few days back everyone walked on eggshells until he got annoyed and badgered them out of the house. Well everyone but Wonshik who seemed to have take up residence in the space next to him. Taekwoon would have been annoyed with the constant closeness of the other if he didn't get butterflies in his stomach each time the rapper pressed against him or held his hand.With a glare and secured promise if Taekwoon and Wonshik needed anything they would call Hakyeon herded the rest of the group out for practice. With the dorm now empty of all but the two of them Taekwoon felt a bit shy. This wasn't uncharted territory for him, he had dated a few people in his day, but none of them were Wonshik. Sweet, deceptively intelligent, and just on Taekwoon's favorite side of weird Wonshik. What if he fucked this up? What if Wonshik realized he wasnt worth it? The thoughts started to bubble and Wonshik must have heard them because no sooner did they begin the rapper pulled him down into a soft kiss.“We're going to go lay down Taek.” Lacing their fingers together Wonshik brought him back into the bedroom. “I’m not sleepy.” Taekwoon glared but let the younger lead him over to the bed and laid down at his insistence.“I didn’t say sleep.” Wonshik crawled between his long legs trailing hands along the warm skin “I want to touch you.” Taekwoon hummed at the soft touch “Woonie can I touch you?”“Yes.” Taekwoon arched up with a moan “Shikkie please.” Under the younger’s hands Taekwoon peeled off his shirt gasping when Wonshik kissed along the scar on his chest “Do you know how long I've wanted you Taek?” Wonshik came back up to kiss him heavily “How bad I've wanted to touch you? To have you pin me down and fuck me out?”“You want to be my good boy Shikkie?” Taekwoon gripped the black hair tightly. The reaction was instant. Wonshik moaned lowly his whole body going limp. It didn't surprise Taekwoon that Wonshik would be this submissive,the younger man lived to please. “Answer me Shikkie.”“Yes.” Wonshik whimpered curling closer “Can I be your good boy?” Taekwoon pulled Wonshik’s head to rest in the curve of his neck before reaching to palm at the tent in the younger’s shorts “Ahh fuck. Taek.”“Doctor said no sex yet but” Taekwoon cooed “if you're a good boy I'll let you cum.”“Taekwoon.” Wonshik moaned “Can I be your good boy?”“My pretty Shikkie.” Taekwoon palmed at the shorts harder getting a guttural moan “Keep moaning for me Wonshikkie.”“Taek.” Wonshik rocked harder. Taekwoon held him there rutting against his palm and moaning until he felt the younger starting starting to tense up.“When I get healed up I'm going to lay you out” Taekwoon whispered “and fuck you open until you're screaming my name.” Wonshik gasped holding onto his shoulders like a lifeline “Would you like that Wonshik?” The rapper nodded into his shoulder “Want to cum for me while riding my cock.”“Taekwoon.” Wonshik rolled his hips a final time before cumming in his shorts panting harshly against the warm skin.“Pretty Shikkie. My pretty Shikkie.” Taekwoon held him close “I love you.”Fin.