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Waking up naked against each other was something that was becoming a recurring incident. Jihoon and Woojin were best friends and roommates, but this new development wasn’t something both of them expected at all. Sure, they had countless sleepovers through the years, and had lain in each other’s beds plenty of times before, but there was never any sex involved. Although they flirted playfully with each other, everything was pretty platonic, and they never went beyond the fine line between what was socially accepted as ‘friendship and something more’. But then, the sex happened and no one ever saw that coming. It (the sex) occurred one night by accident, when both of them had had too much soju to remember what it is they actually did together - but they were sure ‘it’ had happened. They’d been celebrating Jihoon’s acceptance into university and ended up getting carried away with the mindless joy that came with alcohol, drinking bottle after bottle after bottle with little worry spared to the possible hangover that would surely come for them after the amount they’d drank. The morning after, there was simply no way either of them could mistake what they had done - exposed bodies entangled in a mess of limbs and cum left little to the imagination. Jihoon was certain when he woke up – with the biggest headache he had ever experienced in his short lifetime – that this would ruin their friendship and so he was rightfully ready to start freaking the fuck out when Woojin rolled out from under the sheets and came to his rescue, soothing his worries with a risky proposition. It was okay. It was only sex - between friends. They were still buddies, only with a plus now. Fuck buddies. That had helped to soften Jihoon’s insecurities and assure him that what he feared wouldn’t materialize. Jihoon had confessed to Woojin that he kind of regretted it. Not the act by itself – god, no, that was good! Great even! Best he’d ever had! But the fact that he couldn’t remember their first night together left a bad taste on his tongue. All first times with a partner should be cherished, fuck buddies or not. He didn’t need to worry for long - Woojin’s smooth and comforting words ended up following into a second round where they were very much awake and aware of every touch and caress made. Despite a tentative awkwardness in their beginning, they soon found themselves in the midst of an enjoyable pattern of behaviour that left both of them equally satiated and blissful in the midst of their situation. Indeed, nothing much changed in their dynamics after that, they were still best friends that bantered, played and sometimes fought with each other. If Jihoon were to be honest with himself, he’d admit that now they were even more in sync than they’d ever been. It was like their brains now followed the same path their bodies had taken and they found themselves connected in every thought. As the time to move out came closer and closer, Jihoon couldn’t think of a better roommate to share his dorm with than Woojin once he left for university and - apparently - Woojin agreed because he jumped at the opportunity to experience all that adult life had to offer with his favourite partner-in-crime. It was decided then that they would need to set a few ground rules - you know - just to not over-complicate things and risk spoiling their friendship forever over some simple hormonally charged release. They settled for the following rules:
No kissing on the mouth or overly intimate touches outside their sex life (gentle caresses that don’t lead to something further are explicitly forbidden)
Just casual sex, no romantic feelings
Nobody but them is to know about ‘it’
No questioning sex with other people
The arrangement lasts as long as it is considered mutually beneficial
For Jihoon, it was nice to know that in a bind he could count on Woojin. Lonely nights meant solace found in each other’s bodies with no strings attached. No responsibilities or worries about meddlesome feelings. Also no exclusivity. Only them as they ever were with the added benefit of mind-blowing sex. The perfect deal. Well, it was. Until all those stupid rules started to break. One by one. The things was - the heart knew no rules. What was even worse? The heart could and would rule over the better logic of a pragmatic mind. Thinking that he could ever make his heart adhere to ‘rules’ was his first mistake. Or maybe his first mistake was to give in to his body’s needs with his best friend. Call him the king of dumb decisions and Jihoon would be inclined to agree. He couldn’t pinpoint how the spontaneous touches evolved from lascivious to gentle as it was an almost imperceptible change that made the line blurry between the touchy friends used to skinship that they used to be and this new transition as casual fuck buddies slash whatever they were now. It was subtle. All subtle. Like a goodbye hug that lasted a second too long, making it hard for Jihoon to escape the smell of woodsy cologne that enveloped him just as well as his best friend’s two reliable arms that rested on his lower back tracing his spine softly. Or maybe it was during movie nights – when a wandering hand ghosted over the holes of his destroyed jeans and left a trail over goosebumps and a light flutter in his heart that simply refused to return to a regular pace. It goes without saying that focus on the plotline of the movie became a nearly impossible task. Or maybe even the way Woojin cleaned the corner of his mouth thoroughly, with too much fondness and laughing at the mess Jihoon would make whenever he decided to eat a whole bucket of chicken, leaving the older boy speechless and embarrassed by such a trivial action. All those actions made him feel weird but the good kind of weird, the kind where he didn’t fully understand what he was feeling but it made him feel way too much and all that might be important. It wasn’t much and Jihoon refused to think too hard about it. But maybe he should have. Because these were only the first glimpses of the many signs that would come later to show him that this whole fuck buddies thing was going to fuck him up in more ways than one.
1.
Jihoon, being his clumsy self, had dropped his contact lenses on the plushy rug and it was a pain to find them. So that’s how Woojin found him, bent on his fours, searching for his lens, his position a rather comical one if the younger maniacal laughter was any indicator. “What the hell are you doing looking in the ground like a giant mole, Jihoon?” “I lost my contacts lens. Stop laughing and come help me, asshole.” Jihoon pulled Woojin by the fabric of his grey jumper, that looked entirely too good on him for casual. “Sure, princess. No need to get your panties in a twist or destroy my clothes in the process.” Jihoon smacked in his general direction, without seeing him properly, on what he thought it was his thigh. Woojin easily dodged his almost blind friend’s fist. Dropping on his knees, he started looking as well. “I can’t be here for long. I have a test, Hoonie.” The younger kept looking for a while before giving up and rummaging through the study table drawer for a pair of black rimmed glasses. He knelt in front of Jihoon, between his legs, inside his personal space, gently putting the glasses on his face. “Here you go. They’re not your lenses, but at least you can see now, right? Gotta go now.” Woojin said, mouth splitting into a wide grin, looking proud of his creation. He leaned in to peck his forehead, nose and lips before standing up and leaving their apartment. Just. Like. That. Jihoon remained still like a statue, sucking in a deep breath, his fingers slowly reaching out to touch his lips that continued to tingle from the brief kiss. They’d kissed a lot of times before, but this kiss felt - different. It felt special. It made him light-headed and dizzy. Not to mention the obvious flush that took over his face. And his heart, was it normal for its pulse to race like a freight train for just a meaningless kiss from his best friend? He gripped the front of his shirt in despair. This was not good and yet, it was too tempting to let go. He would just pretend that nothing happened the next time they meet. It was easy to feign ignorance to Woojin but it was impossible to hide what he felt from himself. But he would. For the sake of their friendship. He could live with his own traitorous feelings, but he could not live without Woojin. So this was final. No telling his friend. Never. Ever. This would die with him.
2.
Jihoon soon forgot the barely there kiss and went on with his life, college taking up a huge amount of his daily time, making it insane for them to talk or even see each other often. Exams were near so he focused all his attention to his papers and making sure he got decent marks in the too many classes he applied for. He sure regretted being an overachiever brat now. He felt exhaustion seep into his bones as he stood in front of class and started the presentation he prepared all night for. He ended up messing up all his lines. He was not sure how it happened but a sudden wave of awkwardness hit him, leaving his mind blank and his mouth speechless before a class full of students attentive to every word from his mouth (or in that particular case, the words that didn’t). After a lot of stuttering and making a fool of himself, he managed to get his train of thought started again and finish the presentation in time, but the damage was done. He was sure his lacklustre performance wouldn’t sit well with his professor, so he left everything behind and ran to his dorm not minding the pouring rain outside. He just needed to hide, to get away from the shame and humiliation he felt at that moment. He entered his seemingly empty quarters, for which he was extremely thankful for, rushing to lock himself up in the bathroom for a well deserved crying session. The instant the clicking sound of the lock was heard, a loud sob escaped his lips as he slid to the ground, a series of successive hiccups making it hard for him to breath. He was not even sure why he’d become such a mess for something so small, but it was just too much pressure he was putting himself through and it seemed like he was starting to crack under the weight of it. A knock brought him back to reality and he heard the soft and worried voice of his roommate making its way through the doors. He cleaned his tears and softened his sobs to pathetic sniffs that he hoped Woojin wouldn’t be able to hear. “You’re ok, Jihoon? May I come in?” Woojin asked, waiting behind the closed door for an answer. “Go away, Woojin. I’m fine.” Jihoon dismissed his friend, voice choking at the end of the sentence, only aggravated further by the state of restlessness in his best friend outside. “You’re not. Please, open, Hoonie, before I tear the door down.” Woojin grunted uneasy. It was rare sight Jihoon getting this distressed and when it happened Woojin always made sure to be by his side, offering a supportive and friendly shoulder. But sometimes Jihoon could be so stubborn and that made Woojin unsettled. He just needed to make sure Jihoon was going to be ok and then he would go away, in case the other needed his alone time. “... Ok.” Jihoon opened the door looking at the floor, not having the courage to look his friend in the face without breaking down completely. It only took seconds for him to be engulfed by the secure and warm embrace of Woojin. Jihoon felt the lump in his throat dissolve into the tears he tried so hard to hide from his friend, but the slow and rhythmic caresses from Woojin on his back had a soothing effect, reassuring him that Woojin was there for him. He didn’t know how much time they kept like this, Jihoon crying his heart content till it wet Woojin’s shirt. Bit by bit the tears diminished and the only sound breaking the comforting silence was their breaths and the lull of their heartbeats. Woojin took Jihoon’s face between his hands inspecting every inch of its surface like it would give him the answers he needed to discover why Jihoon was in such distraught state. Apparently, he found nothing conclusive choosing to ask directly the source. “Talk to me, Hoonie.” Woojin whispered not to break the quietness of the room. “It’s stupid.” the pretty boy mutters lowly, shaking his head with a sad sigh. ”It’s just... I’m just… really overwhelmed by college life. I messed everything up, Woojin.” he slid both hands to his face hiding from Woojin. “Hey, hey...it’s ok. You’re doing great. I’m sure your hard work will pay off, Jihoonie. Everything will be alright.” Woojin said hugging the boy tight, comforting words by Jihoon’s ear, fingers softly caressing his scalp. “But you really need to take off these wet clothes. You’ll end up sick, silly.“ Jihoon did not present any resistance when his best friend began removing his clothes, one by one, until he was only in his underwear, under the weight of a warm shower. Jihoon observed quietly as Woojin took his own clothes in a swift maneuver and entered the stall with him. A weirdly placed wave of bashfulness overtook him making him turn his back to his roommate. It’s not like they’d never seen each other without clothes on. It was just the intimate mood that charged the air and took his breath way for a moment, just a moment - Woojin shut the tap and squeezed shampoo onto Jihoon’s hair, massaging it thoroughly with the gentlest touch until it formed foam. He patiently combed through the strands with his fingers, untangling every knot with care so as to not pull on his friend’s hair. He let the soap roam on Jihoon’s body softly, cleaning each nook and cranny of his torso, back and arms. Every gesture, every movement and every moment was full of tenderness. Jihoon basked in the care, closing his eyes and letting his body sag, relaxing under Woojin’s soft ministrations. Every caress taking away all the tiredness that had accumulated for the semester. This was nice. Too nice. It was so off their usual agenda, but he found himself relishing in the affectionate exchange that came instead of their constant heat and passion upsurge that happened whenever they were at this state of undress. A kiss on Jihoon’s wet shoulder followed by arms enveloping him from behind ignited something within his chest. He waited for the next move eagerly. Any moment now, Woojin would succumb to their usual rapturous fire, grab him and take him. But… nothing came. Woojin breathed a contented sigh, comfortably hugged him from behind, and offered him unconditional support under the stream of running water. That act alone made his heart do a weird lurch. What was this? Jihoon was scared of his own reactions to Woojin. He was not supposed to indulge in this domesticity, the comfortableness of getting so up and personal without sex to be their middle ground. He felt control slipping from his heart. This was the kind of thing they’d agreed to avoid to prevent the ugly outcome of catching ‘feelings’. He had to get this back on track. He turned around, grabbing the back of Woojin’s neck to pull them together and kiss him hard, his hands ran everywhere without restraint. He needed to get their flame burning, he thought, grinding himself shamelessly on the other boy. He didn’t know how long he could take this soft Woojin without risking to break their agreement completely. Woojin’s response was immediate, but far gentler than what Jihoon had expected of him. Woojin’s mouth moved smoothly under Jihoon’s, holding him in a firm way by clutching his waist as if to ground himself. Everytime Jihoon tried to speed up their pace, Woojin slowed it down in a delightful way that made Jihoon’s already weak knees turn to jelly. They stood beneath the shower, water dripping on their bodies as their lips refused to leave each other. Woojin felt Jihoon slipping out from under his grasp and took him into his arms in a swift movement, supporting his back on the wet tiles of the wall and nestling himself in between Jihoon‘s sturdy thighs. Never ceasing, Woojin leaned over to close the tap, bringing a koala like Jihoon into his arms and into his bedroom. Even enveloped by fluffly towels, one around his body and another on his head, Jihoon still dripped all over the dorm’s floor. It would be a pain to clean later, but Woojin didn’t care as he moved towards his bed, slowly placing Jihoon on the mattress like something to be kept safe before proceed to remove his wet underwear. Woojin concentrated on wiping Jihoon’s body in an almost worshipping way, getting Jihoon beyond flustered. Woojin took his time drying his body, hair and face for excruciating long minutes – a look of pure concentration adorning his features like he was doing a very important task instead of just dabbing a towel on his best friend. Jihoon looked around everywhere but at him, nervous with the risk of saying something utterly embarrassing that could break this rare tender moment. Woojin dried himself, removing his own underwear and getting into the bed. They were playing with fire. To skirt on that unfamiliar land felt forbidden and therefore so more desirable. So for that night, Jihoon broke the rules, ignored his head and followed his heart. At the end of the night they had slow, gentle sex and where Jihoon wasn’t self-conscious as Woojin watched his body move languidly with lovingly eyes. Two bodies as one, the subtle squeak of the bed, the deepness of their breath and moans mingled with the sounds of their heartbeats were the only things that we heard. Even though this wasn’t lovemaking ( It isn’t, Jihoon! ), it was the most loving, passionate sex he’d ever had. Jihoon felt cared, cherished, loved… and that was a dangerous thought to entertain that he all but ignored pulling Woojin to a deep kiss that the younger obliged before grabbing a soft blanket and wrapping around their bodies. Woojin always had a way of making him feel precious in and out of the bedroom as he cuddled comfortably with Jihoon, caressing his locks and lulling him into a sweet sleep that was filled with unattainable and one-sided love dreams with his own best friend.
3.
Body exhausted from a dance practice, Woojin had gotten home pretty late last night, throwing himself on the couch beside an entranced Jihoon, that curled up beside the armrest, a bucket of chicken between his legs with a comforter enveloping him like a burrito. He acknowledges Woojin with a head shake, not taking his eyes away from the screen, mouth full of crispy and oily chicken drumstick. Cleaning his hands on a napkin Jihoon pats his thighs indicating for the other to lay his head there, cheeks huge from still munching the last mouthful of chicken. It looked so inviting that Woojin let his body sag and relax into Jihoon’s lap, pulling the covers a bit and getting comfortable. He adjusted his body on the sofa trying not to disturb too much his best friend that was really into whatever movie was on. Woojin could barely listen to what the movie was about before blacking out with the constant soft caress on his scalp. In the morning, a pair of soft lips licked and peppered his belly with kisses, making Woojin’s stomach awaken purely from the butterflies that fluttered their wings inside of him like crazy. The kisses slowly went further and further south leaving him in a half-awake state of bliss. Indecent sounds came from under the duvet that covered him waist down over the couch where they slept on the night before. He couldn’t sleep clearly and the blood leaving his brain to run straight to his dick surely didn’t make it any easier for him to process the concept of thinking. Woojin couldn’t see, but just imagining Jihoon’s going down on him with those luscious plump lips and eyeing at him hotly behind his long lashes with those big sparkling eyes left him on edge. The dancer grunted, his hand unconsciously resting above the shapeless mount of fabric, following it vigorous movements that kept bringing him near ecstasy.
Good God, is this what Heaven feels like? Hnng….wow, Jihoon. Forget Heaven. That mouth was made for sin.
Between low grunts and deep moans, Woojin failed to notice the click of the door closing or the steps that came to a sudden halt followed by a high pitched piercing scream, that made his eyes pop out of their socks. “WOOJIN!!! WHAT THE HELL!? You call us here on a saturday morning to witness you and your hoe at it? OH, MY GOD! That’s disgusting! Where is Jihoon hyung to stop this madness?” Daehwi shoot fastly, looking in between his fingers around for Jihoon, avoid at all cost looking at the pair in the couch. “Oh, boy, he is going to be so pissed if you stain his couch.” snickered an amused Jinyoung hugging his horrified boyfriend and protecting his eyes from viewing anything further from that scandalous sight. If Woojin was startled, Jihoon was mortified. Being caught red-handed blowing his best friend had to be the most embarrassing experience he’d ever had and this included running naked in the front yard as a child. The shock was so great he choked on Woojin’s cock, prompting a coughing fit. Thrown off, he clumsily attempted to get away from there as fast as he could, his teeth scraping the sensitive foreskin earning a loud yelp from Woojin. “OUCH!!! Goddammit, Jihoon!” Woojin whimpered covering his face with his hands as the muscles of his abdomen contracted involuntarily in pain. Jihoon groaned. He couldn’t believe how easily Woojin advertised his presence to the other two in the room. “You dimwit! You exposed us.” Jihoon whisper-yelled at Woojin, lifting the duvet enough so Woojin was able to see his exasperated face. “Well, you should have thought of that before biting me, asshole.” Woojin whisper-yelled back at the other, completely annoyed at Jihoon. He was the victim here. He almost got his precious little Wooj bitten off! How was he supposed to not display any reaction when he was being maimed!? “Ok. I’m going to walk out the door wishing I didn’t came in. Let’s go, Jinyoung.” Daehwi turned his back, pulling his boyfriend – that seemed unabashedly entertained with the whole situation – and closing the door with force, but not before yelling to the couple, “Next time, please keep your make out session to yourselves!” Jihoon let his head fall on Woojin’s thigh hiding himself again inside the duvet giving a muffled scream. That prompted a uncontrollable laughter out of Woojin’s lips that irritated the other even further. “Do you find this funny, Woojin? We just got caught… doing things… UGH! You are so annoying!” growled Jihoon taking a peek at Woojin from under the covers. “No...it isn’t…” another chuckle, “It’s just how I deal with stress”, some more giggles ”You know me. And your face right now is kind of funny too…all pink with your cheeks puffed out. You look like an annoyed Jigglypuff!” Woojin broke down into a laughing fit that brought tears to his eyes. “You idiot! This is all your fault!” said Jihoon hitting the younger in the ribs, stomach, face, wherever his hands could reach while the other boy just blocked his laughing even harder before grabbing him with both hands to shut him up with a quick kiss. “It’s not! And don’t freak out...we will...we will figure it out.” Woojin hold his face in between his hands, trying to reassure his friend between his breathless gasps from too much laughter. “Also…” he kissed him again, longer and deeper, “...that was a hot way to wake up. I wouldn’t mind having you as my personal morning alarm.” “Hunf...you would love that, wouldn’t you? But this alarm clock is traumatized. You better forget blowjobs for a while, champ.” Jihoon sat up trying to get rid of the fluffly cover that got stuck under him. “Oh, no… hey, come back here. At least finish what you started!” whined Woojin complaining to an angered Jihoon. ”As a token for me to treasure!! One last memory!” Woojin supported his body his elbows pleading mercy at his friend retreating figure. “You know what? Fuck you, Park Woojin.” Jihoon stood up throwing a pillow on Woojin’s face and walking way in big strides closing the bathroom door, Woojin’s laughter ringing loudly in the room. Jihoon watched his reflection on the bathroom’s mirror, breaths quickened, heart clenching and unclenching from the rush of being found out. Another rule, broken. It was all fun and games, till that little feeling started to come to play. So small at first, but then it has grown so much Jihoon couldn’t deny its existence anymore. He couldn’t even hide from himself, how could he do that now that Daehwi and Jinyoung also knew about Woojin? He was so fucked.
4.
"You’ve got a package.” Woojin said in a lieu of a ‘hello’, pointing at the box in the table from their couch when the older got home from the library. He had been marathoning his favorite series when it came for Jihoon in the morning mail. The other boy nodded in acknowledgement reaching out for it and opening it eagerly. “What’s that?” Woojin asked curious, dying to spy on what lay inside the little box. He strained his neck to see Jihoon better. “Just a little something to spice things up between us.” Jihoon gave an enigmatic grin still looking at the content of the package. Jihoon had decided to enjoy the best while it lasts so why not try new things, right? Although he was no too sure if Woojin would be ok with this. “Hmmm...are you telling me we are not spicy enough?” Woojin teased raising a brow, now fully turned and supporting his weight in the back of the couch. “What I’m saying is what’s the point of having a fuckbuddy if we don’t, you know, experiment and stuff…” Jihoon trailed off gesticulating wildly as he walked towards Woojin, trying to mask his nervousness. “I like your train of thought already. So what did you get?” Woojin grinned at his best friend, eyes glinting in anticipation. He wondered what kind of toys Jihoon had bought for them. Dildos, perhaps? Or maybe handcuffs? Just thinking about it was an immense turn on and he couldn’t hold his excitement. “Huh...are you into animal costumes?” Asked offhandedly Jihoon, face completely blank. “Pfftt~ I’m not a furry, Jihoon.“ Woojin spluttered embarrassed, making a weirded out face. What the fuck was Jihoon even thinking? Furry animal costumes? REALLY? Is that what Jihoon is into? He didn’t want to be judgmental, but that’s the least sexy thing he could ever think of, honestly. “Oh, really? It’s a shame then, since I bought these bunny ears that come with this cute little bunny tail. I got to get someone else to use them with now, I guess. Tsk tsk. I'll just give a call to Guanlin and ask if he has any plans for tonight.” Taunted Jihoon, taking away a black lace bunny ear that accompanied a laced thong with a fluffy bunny tail, brushing it over Woojin’s face playfully before attempting to walk away from his roommate. “W-wait...come back here, you wild bunny. And no, no, no, no, no. That’s exactly what you won’t be doing. Nope. Not in a milllion years. No Guanlins allowed. Or any other clown from your horde of fans. You won’t get frisky and spicy with anyone else but me.” Woojin protested grabbing the back of Jihoon’s shirt and bringing him close, mouth suddenly dry at the imagery of Jihoon in such skimpy outfit. There’s no way that anyone else would get that view except him. “Says who? Admit you’re a furry or I’ll have to give in to this sudden urge to ask him ooout~” singsonged Jihoon taking his phone and pretending to search for Guanlin’s contact info, being the brat that he is. Was Woojin perhaps jealous? Nah, no way. He didn’t know exactly what the younger had against his lab partner, but he’d use it against him if he had to. Also, a worked up Woojin meant rougher action in the bedroom later and he was all in for that. “Ugh... will you let this go?” sighed a frustrated Woojin running his hands through his hair. The taiwanese model could never be a second option (or third, or fourth and so on) for Jihoon, but Woojin had some pride left. He wouldn’t succumb so easily. “Not if you want me wearing this with you and only you. ” Jihoon winked whispering the last three words, holding the thong on his finger and smiling seductively. “Ok. I’m a furry.” Woojin grunted in response, giving in too easily. What is pride even? He thought, hiding his face on his hands. It’s ok Woojin, at least the Guanlin guy won’t stand a chance now , he pep talked himself. “Great! Cause I got you something too.” Jihoon says with enthusiasm, taking off the box a pair of tiger ears and a printed underwear with a long fluffy striped tail. “Aha! So you’re admitting you’re a furry too!” exclaimed Woojin pointing a accusatory finger at his kinky fuckbuddie. “There’s not many things I would not be willing to try with you, to be honest.” Jihoon admitted non-committedly while avoiding Woojin’s eyes, a pinkish hue creeping out his face. “That’s...the most romantic thing you ever said to me.” Woojin babbled gaping at Jihoon like he wasn’t really his best friend, but an impostor that looked exactly like him, only softer. “Don’t get used to it.” Jihoon warned, turning around quickly as he sauntered his hips entering the bedroom. “Aren’t you coming to get me-” his head popped out of the door, inviting his still gaping like a goldfish friend. “Tiger?” “RRRR...You’ll be the death of me Park Jihoon.” Woojin cried, but complied jumping the couch and almost running towards the bedroom where a giggly sultry bunny waited for him.
5.
Jihoon woke one lazy Sunday in Woojin’s messy bed and had spent the last 15 minutes staring at his friend’s face, gaze trailing from his closed eyes that sported long lashes, to his cute nose, to that small mole above his bow shaped lips, to his strong jaw - like a caress he didn’t have the courage to follow through with. He was terrified. It was the quietest revolution, the softest chaos. How could he possibly convince himself that this wasn’t supposed to matter? Somehow this weird neither-here-nor-there place of confused intimacy jumbled with too many feelings have taken his life and he couldn’t think straight anymore. This was not going to work. Jihoon was falling and he was falling deep and he didn't know how to backtrack these feelings because he’d tried so hard to avoid everything they had set up in the contract but in the end it was all pointless. And now he was scared. Scared he would spoil everything between them with his stupid one-sided crush. Woojin never asked for more than what they had agreed on, Jihoon could never impose his feelings onto his own best friend. That wasn’t the deal. The deal was to not get involved so they wouldn’t ruin their friendship - that was and always would be their most precious treasure. And if Jihoon had to cancel the contract to maintain their friendship, he would. Even if it broke his heart. It was their last rule, right? As long as it was beneficial. And his unwanted emotions for sure weren’t beneficial to either of them. To make matters worse, they still hadn’t decided on how they would explain their duvet incident to their friends.
What an idiot.
They’d turned off their phones for the weekend to avoid the whole Daehwi and Jinyoung drama, and honestly Jihoon wasn’t looking forward to have the birds and bees talk with a bunch of kids later. Jihoon only had two plans in mind right now: a) he confessed and risked losing their friendship, being rejected or, in a one in a million chance, being reciprocated. This option had too many risks and possibilities to it and he just didn’t feel ready for any of them to be honest. The other option was b) he called it off and they’d go back to being just friends, no benefits. Less headache, only one heartbreak. He could deal with it. He could. And then, there was a third option that he refused to entertain as soon as it appeared in his mind: pursue something with another guy so he could forget his feelings for Woojin, keep their friendship and maybe even the benefits. But that sounded so wrong and selfish, not to mention unfair to the other party. A coward’s solution. And Jihoon was no coward. It could make it especially awkward when Woojin actually fell in love with someone else and ended their arrangement first. He preferred to just end things once and for all. A clean cut. So the sooner he did this for them - the better. A small sacrifice for the greater good. His crush would eventually die. It had to.
Now enough of feeling sorry for myself.
He looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears to go back to where they came from when he realized their meddlesome presence, washing over his cheeks.
This is so dumb. Stop crying, Park Jihoon.
He disentangled his limbs from Woojin, careful to not wake his best friend up and got up to make some breakfast and shake off these looming thoughts for the time being. It had to be something simple. The chef here was Woojin, so the best he could prepare with his poor cooking skills was some fried eggs and pancakes. As he flipped the pancake, two familiar arms circled over his waist and he felt the soft nuzzle on his neck. He froze instantly recognizing the warmth he knew was Woojin - after all he was the only person who ever felt like home to him. He closed his eyes, lost in the sensation of how close Woojin felt to him, how perfect and how right that feeling felt, how he would miss this - And he almost let the frying pan drop. In his rush to not let the pancake fall, Jihoon used his other hand to reach for the pan and ended up dropping the pan and burning his skin anyways. Instinctively, he brought his hand to his his chest, the sting taking him by surprise as a string of very colourful curses flew out of his mouth. In a heartbeat, Woojin took the burned finger into his mouth, his saliva taking almost immediate effect on soothing Jihoon’s pain - or well - at least his physical pain. There was another very different sort of pain that felt suddenly raw in his chest. He knows it’s not like Woojin was trying to insinuate something with that action, it only came from a place of concern and consideration - but that only made him feel worse. It was these kinds of small and meaningless actions that ended up meaning so much to him and he wondered, deep down, if they meant anything to Woojin. He didn’t want to get his hopes up but sometimes, when Woojin’s eyes would linger a little too long on his, he would feel something stir inside of him that he knew would end in heartbreak. He just couldn’t shake himself of the feeling that - there was something more that could be made of them. More than best friends. More than friends with benefits. He just wasn’t sure if Woojin wanted to define them that way too. Woojin already felt like the boyfriend he never really admitted to having or wanting. He has the benefit of all the best parts of a relationship without any of the complications. In fact, time and time again Woojin’s proven to him that he’ll always be there for him. He’s perfect. If only... “This won’t work. I already fucked it up.” Jihoon mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling his finger away from Woojin’s mouth. “It’s ok. We can always make another batch.” Woojin’s trying to sound understanding, patting him on the back but he can’t even bring himself to look up from the ground. “I’ll help you clean it.” Oh, the pancake splattered on the floor. He was so focused on Woojin and his own daydreams that he didn’t realize that he had spoiled their breakfast.
Great. Just great, Jihoon.
“No, not that.” Jihoon sighed, feeling tired already. “This. Us. We can’t do this anymore.” He removed Woojin’s hand that rested comfortably on his shoulder. If he cut all physical contact that would make it easier for him to let go and cease any emotional attachment he had to Woojin once and for all. Woojin stepped back with a flash of hurt in his eyes. “Why? Is this because of Daehwi and Jinyoung?” He asked taken aback, gaze seeking his to try to understand his sudden need to withdraw from him. “No. Yes, that too, I guess.” He explained biting his lips, conflicted on how he could put all of this into words. “The whole thing Woojin. The contract. We broke every rule, didn’t we? Maybe it’s just better to call it off.” Jihoon uttered, avoiding looking directly at Woojin, for him not to falter on his speech. He knew the first sight of those almond eyes he would forget how to breath and cave in to his heart desires. All logic be damned. “I’m sorry, Jihoon. I never meant to scare you away.” Woojin whispered holding both of Jihoon’s hands in his and Jihoon could feel how hesitant he was in his grasp as if he was already to have Jihoon run away from him. Jihoon lifted his eyes to meet Woojin’s pleading ones. He couldn’t let Woojin think it was his fault. Here goes nothing. “You didn’t. If anything you just made me want to hold on tighter.” Jihoon answered truthly, squeezing the other boy’s hand to reassure him. Already, he felt like an idiot for saying it at all - he was demanding more of Woojin than the other boy was ready to give to him. “Huh?” Woojin sputtered clueless. Okay, that’s fair - he has been sending Woojin some pretty mixed signals. “It’s hard to keep pretending so I’ll just say it. Please don’t hate me.” Jihoon took a deep breath, hiding his face on his hands and gathered his will to say the next words. “I want you. I want the sex and the morning after and the cuddling session and us being dumb together. I want everything… the friendship, the benefits and something more... I want all of you, Woojin. I broke all the rules and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I love you.” Jihoon delivered his heartfelt confession, sure that he had to run away before the tears started to fall and he really made a complete fool of himself. He bolted for the door, trying to do his best to get away from the stuffy and suffocating kitchen. But before he could make it - “I love you too.” Woojin stated firmly. He stopped dead on his tracks by the door, breathless.
Of course he does, Jihoon, don’t be stupid.
They were joined by the hip since middle school, it’s a given he loved his best friend. Even if logic told him that, his heart still fluttered helplessly at Woojin’s words. “I know you do, but you aren’t in love with me… so before it gets unbearable for either of us, isn’t it better to just end the whole thing?” He had to reply like this, with sarcasm and anguish playing equal roles in his voice as he tried to dodge the fantasies his deluded mind fed him. “Don’t you think I have a say before you decide if I’m in love or not? How can you even say that when I was the one that started all of this! And I just proposed the damn rules because you looked scared out of your wits at the thought of us even doing this together, Jihoon! I’ve loved you long before the sex happened. Way before. For years! I thought the contract was the only way I could have you with me - even if it was just for a few moments - and that it would satisfy the need I feel everytime I’m around you. To hold you, to kiss you, to smile at you and have you smile back at me - knowing you’re feeling all the same things I’m feeling. But I was wrong. Damn… I was so wrong. Cause now that I have a taste of what it’s like to have you in my arms, I’m never going to want to let you go. Please, don’t run away from me. Stay. Please.“ Woojin released breath, all his feelings spilling out between them like he was afraid of regretting revealing his own feelings after keeping them hidden for so long. He just wanted Jihoon to understand and accept his true heart. “What?” Jihoon muttered dumbly leaning against the wall, frozen in place. His brain stopped working for an instant. Who could blame him? There was just too much information for it to process at one time.
Woojin, what?
“I love you too. Like love love you, dammit.” Woojin reiterated adamantly. He yearned to make Jihoon believe him, but how? He closed their distance with resolve, taking the older’s disoriented face on his hand for a second before smashing their lips together with intent. Their mouths danced together putting in every ounce of their repressed feelings into it. This was their way of confessing, conveying all that they felt for each other. Lips, teeth, tongue spelling what their words couldn’t. Until the need for air forced Jihoon to separate himself from Woojin as he looked up at him, dazed and still a little confused. “What do you mean by years? Since when?” “I don’t know… high school? Since I realized that I might be into boys.” Woojin shrugged non-committedly. It honestly felt like he liked Jihoon since forever, but saying that might scare him and confirm that all the other relationships he’d had were failed attempts at distractions. “For that long? Why didn’t you say anything?” Jihoon asked shell-shocked. All this time he had never noticed anything out of place, he’d always taken their flirting as harmless friends’ play. “Because I was afraid of losing you.” Woojin confessed, embarrassed. He always managed to catch himself before he did something that would reveal his true feelings a little too clearly. “Oh my God. We are so stupid.” Jihoon exhaled with a disbelieving laughter. If they weren’t so emotionally constipated, they could have enjoyed their relationship - their real relationship - in a much more productive manner. Hell, he would have made a habit out of kissing Woojin in public. “On that, we can agree.” Woojin grinned as he leaned down to kiss him again. With their smiles pressed against each other and their hearts soaring to new heights Jihoon couldn’t help but feel light. They’d finally been honest about the true depth of their feelings for each other. All their cards were left on the table, love wholesome, without any disturbance or cosmic catastrophe to come between them. It went far better then Jihoon had predicted. No heartbreak whatsoever. Everything was perfectly in place. He had loved Woojin in every little way, every little detail, every little quirk, but what he loved the most about Woojin was how around Woojin he could be himself. Woojin knew Jihoon brought out the best in him and that he could be his genuine self around him. So maybe they weren’t supposed to be just friends regardless of the benefits. Jihoon was pretty sure this friends-with-benefits thing was a myth anyways. Sure, there must be people out there that are perfectly capable of fucking one another without forming any emotional attachments or catching feelings just fine. But how did he even expect to do that with someone he cared as much as he did for Woojin? It was fated to happen, really. He could never dodge that emotional bullet. And thinking about how it got them together now, he probably wouldn’t want to. “So...are we a thing now?” Woojin asked as they cleaned the mess Jihoon made in a companionable silence. “Hmm… I don’t know, man. I think I may have to think about it just because all the emotional rollercoaster you put me through. Ouch!” yelped a frowning Jihoon from the sink, the pinch on the waist making him jump as he washed the frying pan. “Wouldn’t that be reason enough to give this a try?” Woojin deduced, soothing the pinch pain by caressing the area in a silent apology as he got closer and rested his forehead on Jihoon’s shoulder from behind. “I guess… I guess I'm all yours then.” Jihoon turned, a bright smile on his face, hugging Woojin close and never wanting to let go. So here is the real deal, love knows no laws, knows no rules, and when it swelled on Jihoon’s heart there was no way to stop its flow. But that’s ok, cause Woojin was there by his side to sail with him on these foreign waters. Maybe that's exactly what they needed. To be themselves together and let the love flow freely without restraint. The rest...The rest they would figure out along the way.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Oh, my God. Look who’s here, Jinyoung. It only took one exhibitionist make out session for them to start acting like one of those couples.” commented off-handedly Daehwi, scrutinizing look on the Parks that came to their table on the cafeteria.
“One of those couples?” Jihoon asked pretending not to hear the mention of their disastrous encounter, sitting across the both of them on the chair Woojin had pulled for him. If he feigned ignorance maybe they would let that go. As if. Daehwi would never let them live. He snorted to himself.
“Yeah. Don’t even try to deny it.” Jinyoung commented pointing a french fry towards the couple, while Woojin stealed one and feed it to Jihoon, before getting another one for himself. “So now that you are out and about so is the PDA, huh?”
“What? No way.” Woojin sputtered after his eyes met Jihoon’s briefly. They were acting like they always did, weren’t they? Woojin thought so. It’s was not like they were flaunting their new relationship status. They haven’t even discussed how they would announce it, in the first place.
“Really? Explain the pink matching clothes.” Daehwi said accusatorily with a hand under his chin.
“These? We have this since forever, Daehwi. You know it.” Woojin looked at their worn out comfy pink sweatsuits. They haven’t even done that on purpose, the outfits just happened to be fresh from the laundry and were the first thing they got their hands on.
“Ok. What about the giggling and the hand holding?” Jinyoung added without missing a beat.
“Don’t be ridiculous. We always did that, didn’t we?” Jihoon answered perplexed. This was ridiculous. Why the hell they were picking on them now?
“I think so, babe.” Woojin said casually at a brightly blushing Jihoon. Daehwi tsked pointing at the two of them, like they just proved his point. “I always wanted to do that.” Woojin confided lowly to Jihoon that looked at him with a soft smile that soon grew to a full blown grin.
“Yeah, I think we just might be one of those couples.” Commented distracted Jihoon, eyes never leaving Woojin’s own brown orbs, eyes having a silent conversation. “Wouldn’t want it any other way...” he smiled shyly to Woojin.
“Get used to it Daehwi. We suffered long enough from your PDA. Tables now have turned.” Woojin chided, stealing Daehwi’s soda and slurping its straw loudly like he owned it.
“You tell’em, baby.” commented Jihoon cheering with his fist up, getting closer to Woojin just to finish the content of the cup in one big gulp.
“Say that again.” Woojin mumbled starry eyed to his now boyfriend, completely forgetting they had company on the same table.
“What?”
“Call me baby.” Woojin whispered looking intently at Jihoon’s eyes.
“Oh, yuck, you guys are even more disgusting now than when we caught you both on the couch...honestly.“ Jinyoung declared with an outraged expression.
“Y’all stop the mushy bullshit... we better leave before I barf, Jinyoung.” Daehwi got up grabbing his boyfriend by the hand and left the table in haste.
The new couple waited for them to be out of sight before started snickering.
“Revenge really tastes the sweetest.” Jihoon said laughing behind his hand, body leaning over the table.
“Indeed, babe.” Woojin cackled in response, throwing his head back with gusto.
“Awww… you don’t really have to do that anymore, tweedledum.” Jihoon said from in a cute voice, hiding his smile behind his arm from where he laid his head on the table.
“But I want to, munchkin.” Woojin answered saccharin dripping from his mouth, booping his boyfriend’s nose.
“Seriously, Woojin. Stop now, before I beat your ass.” Jihoon frowned, trying to look intimidating.
“Are you trying to scare me or turn me on? I’m getting mixed signals here.” Woojin looked at him tilting his head cutely.
“You’re an idiot.” concluded Jihoon.
“Yes, but I’m your idiot.” smiled with finality, Woojin.
Their lips met in a sweet kiss, their smiles mirroring each other’s.
They were still themselves, only a better version now. Woojin and Jihoon 2.0 , better and improved. Jihoon liked that. Jihoon liked that a lot.