Work Text
"And the 2017 ITA award for Best Rookie – Solo goes to.."
I am sure it's not me. Then why am I so nervous. Control your heart beats, Ji Hyo!
Why are they announcing this award so soon? The show has just started!
"Kim Ji Hyo! Congratulations!"
Kim Ji Hyo. Wait! That's me! I think I am going to faint. I should stand up. Oh no! Why did I stand up!? Now, Namjoon is looking at me! What should I do!?
Ya Ji Hyo! Get your ass up and go to the stage first. Right! Get up. Walk to the stage. Yes. I can do that.
A girl with long hairs and large, beautiful eyes stood up from her seat at the back of the artist section. While making sure not to trip on her long pink dress, she walked towards the stage to receive the award. It was a moment she had only dreamed of. Today her dreams came true. This is the new beginning for her. Or not?
Author notes:
I don't want to use existing Korean award shows that's why I have come up with imaginary award show - ITA. However, it's level can be imagined same as MAMA.This is how Ji Hyo's dress looks like-
And this is how I imagine Ji Hyo-
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"I want to thank my friend and manager, Joon Ki oppa. Thank you for believing in me and staying with me through all the hardships. I also want to thank my parents and my brother. Also, to all those people who listened to my songs and shared with others. Thank you so much! Please look forward to my future works.""Ji Hyo!""Joon Ki Oppa!!"
Ugh! Why am I crying?
Ji Hyo sat down on the floor behind the stage and started crying while hugging her trophy tightly. Joon Ki laughed and tried to pull her up, "Ya! You are going to ruin your makeup! I am not going to find a makeup artist for you. Get up!""Ahhh I can't believe this is happening. I won an award for my album! I won an award for my songs!" Ji Hyo sobbed."Yes. You did. There are many more awards to come. Now get up. Your performance is in 45 minutes." Joon Ki said, suppressing tears in his eyes.Ji Hyo got up and tried to dab her tears without ruining her makeup. Everyone around was staring at her."Do I look hideous?""You always look hideous. Let's go and find a make-up artist. Someone should be available."Park Joon Ki always had good people's skills. That's why, even without any money, he was able to build good connections with people. He recognized the talent Ji Hyo was, and with the help of his connections, he was able to help Ji Hyo record her songs. He also had some designer friends who helped design her album. Although they didn't have money to promote her songs on various platforms, but he was able to promote the album through his friend circle and word of mouth. Today, those efforts brought fame to him as well. Now, people know his name as well. Joon Ki smiled thinking about that time. He looked at his watch."Ji Hyo, 25 minutes to go. Do you want to practice?""Yes, oppa! Give me a moment." Ji Hyo was feeling more confident now when she has received recognition for her work. She first fell in love with music when she heard her mother singing her to sleep at the age of 3. She started playing piano when she was 5. By 10, she was able to play piano, guitar and violin really well. At the age of 13, she wrote her first song. She invested her time in learning song composition tools and by the time she was 16, she had around hundreds of songs in her computer hard disk. It took her 4 years to find someone who could help her release her songs.Thankfully, she found Joon Ki when she came to Seoul 4 years ago. He was 6 years her senior in her school back in Daegu, her hometown. He helped her getting auditions at various companies. She was selected by 5, two of them being among "Big 3". She selected a company and spent few months there, trying really hard to learn dancing. Being a terrible dancer, she was scolded and humiliated everyday. It was a nightmare for her and soon she came to the realization that her songs will not be released by her company. At least not immediately. Famous companies release songs made by senior artists and Ji Hyo was no one.Being an idol was not her goal. Dancing to someone else's songs was definitely not what she dreamed of. Hence, to Joon Ki's dismay, she left the company. He fought and threw tantrums, but finally came around and decided to help her no matter what. Bless him! His efforts helped her in releasing her first album. Album which won her "Rookie of the year" award today.She had big smile on her face which made the make-up artist comment "you are already so beautiful, why do you need make up!" Ji Hyo didn't know if she really meant that or if she was just saying it to lessen her work. But she didn't mind it. This is the first time she will be performing in front of so many artists and audience. Her main agenda was to perform in such a way that companies notice her as a singer-producer and hire her just for that job. She didn't want to be a part of idol group. She was an artist. And she wanted to remain like that.She has to be confident.She has to trust herself.She has to perform well.She has to get noticed by other companies.She has to get noticed by him.Her long-time crush, her inspiration - leader of the world-famous boy group, a producer who has written hundreds of songs, a rapper who has won hearts of famous rappers around the world - Kim Nam-Joon aka Rap Monster aka RM.
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Her ears were still buzzing with deafening applause. Why the hell did she take out her ear plugs after finishing the song!? What was she expecting from a hall full of thousands of people?However, Ji Hyo couldn't stop smiling. This has to be the best day of her life.After finishing her song, she had looked towards the artist's section. Everyone was clapping for her.Even Namjoon."Ah! he noticed me. Ottoke!" She blushed and put her face in her hands."Who noticed who?" She jumped when she heard Joon Ki behind her. She was sitting in the common dressing room and it's been 15 minutes since her performance. Her heart was still racing fast."Oppa! You scared me!""Who are you talking about?""Just...everyone. Everyone noticed my singing. I am happy." She smiled brightly.Joon Ki gave her funny look and then said, "You did great on the stage. I am proud of you! I already got 2 visitor cards of company managers. Good job, Ji Hyo!""Thank you! But don't forget, I am not going to join any idol group.""But-""Please leave this room if you are done. Other artists have to dress up for their performances."A staff person informed them. Ji Hyo saw a rookie girl group behind that staff member. Of course, they don't have their own room. There are only few dressing rooms and all of them belong to famous artists or artists from famous companies.Ji Hyo got up from her seat and smiled to the girl group. They nodded their heads and filled the room. She left the room quickly with Joon Ki."Why did you smile to them?""What?" Ji Hyo was startled with Joon Ki's sharp tone."They are much younger than you! These rude girls, they should be bowing to you. They didn't even smile!""They debuted before me, so they are my senior. Anyway, does it matter who smiled at who?" Ji Hyo waved off Joon Ki's complaints.They were walking to the artist's section when Ji Hyo saw some artists greeting BTS in the corridor."Oppa! I want to meet Namjoon shi. Can you please help?" Ji Hyo said hurriedly."Are you insane!? Why?""Don't ask." She started walking really fast towards BTS when she saw them going into their dressing room."Ya Ji Hyo! Stop!"By the time she reached, BTS were already inside their room. A man, who looked like their manager, was guarding their door. She went to him and asked if she can meet RM."Not now Mam. They are busy.""But, it won't take long. Just a minute that's all.""No Mam! Please leave. You can come later."Joon Ki caught up to her and started pushing her to leave."Please Sir. I beg you. It's very important."At that moment, a woman in her 30s came to her and told her rudely to leave. She was so loud that people in the corridor turned their heads towards them.Ji Hyo was startled by the woman's tone. However, she decided to give another try."Mam, I am sorry to bother you. But at least, can you give my message -""DON'T TRY TO BE SWEET WITH ME. DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL SECURITY!"Right at that moment someone opened the door. There was a tall figure standing in front of her. Before checking who he was, her eyes moved to the room. J-Hope and Jimin were peeking from the sofa. Suga, Jin and Jungkook were getting their make-up done. V was standing with some of their staff members looking at the door. She, then, lifted her head and found Namjoon standing right in front of her, looking at her quizzically."Oh, you are Kim Ji Hyo shi, right?" Ji Hyo felt blood rise on her cheeks.
Woah! He knows my name!!! I am going to faint.
"You have beautiful voice. I really enjoyed your performance today."
Ottokeeeeee
Ji Hyo didn't realize that she was staring at Namjoon with her eyes wide open. She was brought back to reality when Joon Ki pinched the back of her right arm without anyone noticing it."Yes! Nam..I mean Rap Mon - no! RM shi. Sorry! Um.. Thank you! ...You too! Um.."
Ya Ji Hyo! Stop Stammering!
Ji Hyo took deep breath and said, "I am your big fan. I really enjoy the way you write lyrics. They have a beautiful flow and rhythm. You might have not noticed it but I also write lyrics. I was just thinking if you had some time to...you know...to collaborate on a song with me.""I am sorry?" Namjoon was caught by surprise. There was this girl standing in front of him, whom he doesn't even know, asking him to work together. Interesting.Ji Hyo felt Joon Ki and the rude woman glaring hard at her. She still summoned up courage and continued,"I know we have just met and it's too soon to ask for collaboration - ""Right." Namjoon said, pressing his lips together and smiling which showed his dimples."That's why I have brought some samples of my songs" She took out a red pen drive from her purse and gave it to Namjoon."It has a couple of songs from different genres. I have also put my email details inside this pen drive. Please give them a listen.""Ok..." Namjoon looked at the pen drive skeptically. What if this pen drive contained viruses? Can he trust a complete stranger?"I will be looking forward to your mail. I hope you like my songs. It's not necessary that you reply immediately. Anytime is fine."Namjoon smiled and started to say something, but Ji Hyo cut him,"Even if you don't like the songs, still, please reply that you didn't like the songs and let me know where you think I am lacking. Just 2-3 words are enough. Don't worry I will not tell anyone your email id. You can trust me. Believe me!" Now she was just rambling.
Ugh stop Ji Hyo! You are scaring him!
"I know you are busy. So, you can listen whenever you get some time. You don't even have to listen all the songs. Even one-""Ok Ji Hyo, let's go. RM shi is busy." Joon Ki interjected.Ji Hyo looked at him and then back to RM, who looked down to his shoes, trying not to laugh, and then raised his eyes back to her.Her heart skipped another beat.He raised the pen drive and said, "Thanks for this. Take care." He then turned to the rude woman, "You are going to do Jin hyung's hairs, right? Please come in."With that, he bowed to Ji Hyo and closed the door."Joon Ki Oppa!""Yes?""He is so cool!""I know.""And I am so embarrassed.""You should be."
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4 hours! It's been 4 hours since the show started. I can't believe this!
Ji Hyo was trying hard to maintain her composure and keep smiling in case her face is shown on the big screen. With every passing hour, she was getting more and more impatient.Observing fans. Check.Checking everyone's fashion. Check.Watching stages. Check.Avoiding overeating. Check.Observing who is looking at who. Check.Staying awake. Check.After winning Rookie award and a successful performance, she had decided to sit leisurely and enjoy the stages. However, after almost 2 hours, all the songs seemed repetitive to her. Her excitement erupted again when BTS came on the stage. RM being her crush, always attracts her attention when he is on stage. However, when Spring Day started playing, every member on the stage had her attention. After their amazing performance, BTS came to the artist's section, completely drenched in sweat, for Daesang announcement.Ji Hyo was still embarrassed about her stint with RM couple of hours ago, so she tried her best not to look into his direction and not to show a lot of excitement when BTS won "Artist of the Year" daesang. She never knew suppressing excitement and clapping nonchalantly will be so hard.The show was finally over. All the artists were walking on the stage to greet fans. Every one was in their own group. Ji Hyo didn't know what to do. She was new to this world. She didn't even have many fans. The only thing she could do was to stay away from RM, wave a little and then go home. And that's what she did. However, going home was out of question."We are going to the after party.""Are you serious! I want to go home. I am exhausted!""After party is the best way to build connections. Let me find you a make-up artist to give you touch-up.""But but but..""No buts." Joon Ki left Ji Hyo in the corridor full of people and went to find a make up artist who was available.Ji Hyo looked around her. Idols were talking and joking with each other. She felt out of place and looked down pretending to study her toe."Hello! I like your album."Ji Hyo was surprised that someone actually came to talk to her. She looked up and found a beautiful girl smiling at her. She looked like Goddess. Where has she seen her?"Ahh, thank you!" Ji Hyo bowed."I am Irene of Red Velvet.""Oh Irene shi! I like your group's songs. All of you are so beautiful!""You are beautiful too. Do you mind if we take a selfie?""Not at all!"Ji Hyo couldn't believe that a member of famous idol group was taking a selfie with her. She was refreshed and energized again. However, her happiness was short-lived. An hour later, Ji Hyo found herself in a lavish party inside a hotel so expensive that she never dared to enter before. Everyone was here - idols, artists, composers, producers, managers and even CEOs. All of them looked posh and beautiful. Ji Hyo was sitting at a corner table, staring at everyone when suddenly Joon Ki appeared with a tall, middle-aged man."Ji Hyo, meet Mr. Yoo Jae Ho, chairperson at Galaxy Entertainment."Ji Hyo bowed to him."I saw your performance. Really good. You have a beautiful voice. You should also dance on the stage, you know.""Um..I don't know dancing, Sir.""Pfft, everyone knows dancing. Learn couple of moves and you are good to go.""But, my songs that I have released are not for dancing. They are ballads with deep meaning.""And people don't like that."Ji Hyo looked at him surprised."What I mean is that people get tired of hearing meaningful songs. You need groovy songs with groovy moves. That's what they like, especially with girls."She now felt uncomfortable and looked at Joon Ki who signaled her to just nod."Sir, I play really good guitar and violin. If you like, I can send you some samples and you can then -""No need of that. I already have people playing instruments and writing songs. What I am looking for is a new talent who is beautiful and can sing live while dancing.""Then I am not the one, Sir. I am sorry."Before Joon Ki said something, the chairperson drawled,"Oh yes you are. You are beautiful with big eyes and plump lips. Your hairs are too long though. They need to be cut short. However,.."His eyes slowly moved down on her body. Ji Hyo went still. Her heart started beating fast and her eyes were fixed on the chairperson's forehead, trying to avoid his creepy eyes."You have a beautiful body. Perfect for dancing. You are tall with thin waist. Good."Ji Hyo had never felt this conscious of herself before. She was feeling more and more ashamed under his gaze and was scolding herself internally for wearing a body-hugging dress.He leaned in, which made Ji Hyo take a step back."You know what is the difference between a female bad dancer and a male bad dancer?"She remained silent and stared at him."Female dancer can wiggle her body a little and people will still hoot for her." He smiled devilishly which made Ji Hyo feel sick."Joon Ki. Can you make a video of her dancing and send it to me?""Yes, Sir. Definitely.""No." Ji Hyo replied, glaring at Joon Ki."Ji Hyo!" He glared back."You want to be famous, right?" Chairperson asked, making Ji Hyo look at him."Then you will have to do what I tell you. I have been in this industry for 20 years now. I know what can sell. I know what can make you famous.""With due respect Sir, I am an artist. I write songs. I just want the world to listen to my music. For that, I neither have to show my body nor learn dancing. Good night." She turned to the table to gather her stuffs."You are a fool to think that the world has time for your dumb music. Go on with your stupid dreams. Let's see how far you will go. I will be watching you."Ji Hyo left the room as soon as she could. Her eyes were stinging with hot tears. She heard Joon Ki shouting her name behind her but she was not going to stop. She was mad at him too for letting that dirty man look at her like that. She felt disgusted and just wanted to go home and cry into her pillow."I am not a fool." Ji Hyo sobbed in the rain while waiting for a cab."My music is not dumb.""My dreams are not stupid."She felt cold raindrops falling on her skin which sent shivers across her body."My day will also come. I will prove it."
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Ice has started to melt from the dark branches of Seoul's trees. Every drop falling from the trees was shining brightly in the sunlight, making Ji Hyo smile. She loved this time of season as she could derive happiness from changes happening in the nature around her. Ji Hyo was sitting by the glass wall in her favorite café. It's been 2 months since she won Rookie of the year. She is now working on her second album and is planning to release it by the end of 2018. However, there is only one major setback. She doesn't have money to release an album.She sighed and took a sip of her Mocha.The chairperson she had argued with turned out to be very influential man. He has asked many distributors not to take her album. He is using all the opportunities to defeat her and make her join his company. But Ji Hyo is not going to let him bully her like that. She is hard working. She has songs. And more importantly, she has Joon Ki.It took Ji Hyo 2 weeks to convince Joon Ki to forgive her. Although it was not her fault but she knows that Joon Ki has done a lot for her. She does not have any right to be angry with him. They sat down in this very café 2 months ago and discussed their differences for several hours. Ji Hyo told him that she would do anything he asks her, she will even learn dancing. However, she only had one condition. She will dance only on her own songs. Joon Ki agreed. And since then, Ji Hyo spent her days in dance academy and nights in making groovy, catchy songs.Today, they were going to meet a manager from some entertainment company. Although, the company started just a couple of years ago, but something is better than nothing, right? Joon Ki had asked her to come to this café as they will have the discussion in one of the cubicles in the café.She looked around and observed the cafe.
She loved this café. It has open areas as well as personal cubicles with tinted glass door. She generally stays in the cubicle to read books and write songs. Being coffee lover, she can get coffee anytime she wants and the café also provides tasty sandwiches and free Wi-Fi. Today being the weekday, the café was quite with very few people in the open area."Ji Hyo!"She saw Joon Ki at the café entrance, waving at her and signaling her to come to one of the cubicles. She grabbed her purse and coffee and headed to the cubicle. There were two people with Joon Ki. A man in his 30s and a woman who looked a little older than the man. Both of them had stern look on their faces."Hello!" Ji Hyo bowed to them politely when she reached the cubicle. Joon Ki was standing while the managers were seated.The woman manager was looking at her from top to bottom while the man looked pleased with whatever he was seeing."Mr. Park and Ms. Jung", Joon Ki introduced."Please sit." Mr. Park said. Ji Hyo entered the cubicle and closed the door behind her."I am glad that we met Ji Hyo shi. I have listened to your songs and I really love your voice. I am sure you must have heard this compliment a lot.""Yes Sir." Ji Hyo smiled."Our company is Idol Star Entertainment. We started 1.5 years ago and are planning to debut our first idol group this year. All 4 girls are ready. We are looking for one more girl to be added to the group. Given the background you have in music, I think" he looked at Ms. Jung before continuing, "you are perfect for this group.""I am glad to hear this, Sir. I will do my best. However, I have a question, if you don't mind. What is the concept of the group you are planning to debut?""Sexy concept." Ms. Jung replied. She still had the stern and analyzing look on her face."Sexy..." Ji Hyo looked at Joon Ki."They will use songs written by you." Joon Ki said."Oh yes! Since we have only one song writer for now, 2 including me, you can also participate in song writing." Mr. Park said cheerfully."I am not sure if it's okay for me to write sexy songs.""Why not?" Ms. Jung said with her scary stern voice. She reminded Ji Hyo of her school principal."I am only 20.""So?"Ji Hyo looked at Joon Ki for help. She is an introvert who never even had a boyfriend in her 20 years of life. What should she write in a sexy song when she knows she is not sexy at all? How does being sexy feel like?"Ji Hyo, you don't have to write the lyrics. You just compose the music." Joon Ki told her.Ji Hyo looked unsure and didn't say anything. Meanwhile, Joon Ki turned to Ms. Jung,"She has been learning dancing since last 2 months. She worked really hard and has improved a lot. I sent you a video of her dancing to Growl. You might have seen that.""Yes. I saw it. But our group is not going to dance on Growl or songs like Growl.""Haha! I know Ms. Jung. I am sure-""Can you come to our company tomorrow at 11 AM?" Ms. Jung asked Ji Hyo."Tomorrow..?" Ji Hyo stammered."Yes, yes she will." Joon Ki replied instead of her."Good. We will see you tomorrow then. Joon Ki, we will sign the contract papers tomorrow." Saying this, Ms. Jung and Mr. Park stood up to leave."Thank you! Thank you so much! Let me accompany you to the car."Ji Hyo bowed to them and sat down when they left the cubicle. She took out her mobile and typed on Naver –"Idol groups with sexy concept." Her eyes widened.
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"Ya Ji Hyo!!! Congratulations girl!" Joon Ki entered the cubicle with a huge smile on his face.Ji Hyo smiled weakly at him and put her phone in her bag."You should have seen their excitement. They are so happy to have you join their company! I am sure you will be an asset to their company."Ji Hyo took a sip from her now cold coffee."Say something! Are you nervous for tomorrow?""Oppa...can we...can we look for another company?" Ji Hyo whispered."What?" Joon Ki sat down.She took deep breath and said, "it's the first company which replied after seeing my dance video. We should see more options, right?"He stared at her in half disbelief and half anger."What options, Ji Hyo?" He growled in low voice which raised hairs on Ji Hyo's arms."Oppa...""You don't have any chance at any company now. Do you know why?" He sneered.Ji Hyo knew why. And she didn't want to hear it."Because you rejected the company which has the most influence on the entire entertainment industry."She looked down trying to filter out Joon Ki's words."No company wants to hire you. No distributor wants to take your album. No artist wants to work with you. Do you know what am I going through while being your manager?""Oppa please, listen to me.""NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME!" Joon Ki suddenly shouted which made Ji Hyo jump from her seat. She looked at him with wide eyes. This is the first time he has shouted at her."Oppa please. Calm down. You know I appreciate-" Ji Hyo said while trying hard not to cry, but Joon Ki interjected her by hitting the table with his fist, making her jump again."You ungrateful brat. I was stupid that I decided to help you." He hissed.She went quite."Yes. I was stupid. I thought you are so pretty with beautiful voice. Anyone will hire you. I can be your manager then. Travel world. Earn money. Buy whatever I want. And that dream was about to become reality when you were selected by 5 companies. I PRed for you. And all of them agreed to hire me for you.I was so happy.Everything was so good.But then.." The sharpness in Joon Ki's voice increased."Then you left the company. You spoiled bastard! And now you are telling me you don't want to work with the only company who seems to be happy to hire you. ARE YOU CRAZY?""Please don't shout." She sobbed. "Oppa, I know you have sacrificed a lot for me. But think from my perspective as well. I- I learnt dancing, I agreed with your opinion on joining idol group, right? But this concept...Oppa, you also know that I can't do this concept. I am not good for this concept. You know that, right?"Joon Ki sat still and stared hard at her. It felt like eternity before he said something. Meanwhile Ji Hyo tried to control her tears and looked at him with pleading eyes. Finally, Joon Ki said words she never wanted to hear."I quit."She was shocked and stared at him."You can't..." "Why? Why can't I quit? I don't want to waste my time anymore on you. I can make money with many other talents out there.""I don't have anyone other than you..." Ji Hyo whispered. Fresh tears spilling from her large eyes. Joon Ki sat quietly and then said,"Let's not see each other again Ji Hyo." He stood up to leave but Ji Hyo grabbed his hand. She was now crying uncontrollably and trying to form words out of her mouth."Pl-please oppa...please d-don't l-leave me." She put her head on his hand, "Please..."Joon Ki pulled his hand slowly out of her grasp and left, leaving her shocked. Suddenly, she got up and followed him outside where she saw him getting into his car. She went to him and shouted at his window."Oppa please. Don't leave. I will join that company. I will do whatever you say. But please, don't go."Joon Ki didn't glance at her, started the car and left as soon as he could. She stood in the parking lot, staring at the leaving car. She does not know how long she stood there dazed. She came to her senses when a car, trying to park where she stood, honked at her.Ji Hyo wiped her tears and walked back towards her cubicle. She felt lost. She felt broken. The only person she trusted has left her. Her only hope is gone. What is she going to do now? Where should she go?She bumped hard into someone in front of cubicle next to hers and was about to fall when that person grabbed her arms."Are you okay?" The man said with a soft voice.She looked up but couldn't see anything because of tears filling up her eyes. She didn't even care who it was.She bowed.Whispered "sorry".Went into her cubicle.Closed the door.And broke down.
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1.30 PM.
It's been 2 hours since she stopped crying. What is she doing in there?
Namjoon looked at the wall behind him. The wall was like a partition between his and Ji Hyo's cubicle. He pressed his ears on the partition to hear something. Nothing. He sighed.
What am I doing? I should be in the office right now.
Namjoon had come to the café at 10 in the morning. It's the time when the café opens, so he knew there will not be many people and it will be quiet. Plus, it was a weekday. Everyone would be in their offices. This was the perfect time to get a cubicle and spend hours in reading and thinking. Their company is planning to release another album in few months and there are still some songs which needed revision.However, his concentration was interrupted within 30 minutes of sitting inside his cubicle. People in the next cubicle were too loud and the wall separating the two cubicles was too thin. He plugged in his earphones and tried to drain out their voices but to no avail. He sighed loudly, took off his glasses and pinched his nose in frustration.
Who the hell discusses employment in a café!?
"Sexy concept."These two words piqued Namjoon's interest. A knowing smile formed on his lips, symbolizing naughty thoughts going on in his mind. He slowly took the earphones out of his ears."They will use songs written by you." A male voice said.
Hmm so she writes songs. Interesting.
"I am only 20." He heard a sweet voice muttering. He could hear hesitation in her voice which raised his eyebrows.After a couple of minutes of discussion, the trio left. There was silence in the cubicle and Namjoon turned to his book. His concentration was broken again when he heard male voice congratulating "Ji Hyo"
Ji Hyo. Where have I heard that name?
Namjoon took out his mobile and searched for "Ji Hyo" on Naver.
Nah. This is Twice's Ji Hyo Shi. Park Ji Hyo. Who is the girl in the next cubicle then? I am sure I have heard her voice somewhere. She has a very unique, sweet voice. But where...
His train of thoughts was interrupted when he heard the male voice shout, making him jump. He turned his head towards the wall separation with a shocked face."I have worked day and night for 3 years to help you. To make you famous. To make myself famous. I spent my every penny, used all my connections, to release your first damn album. What have you done? Went on stage and took an award?"He plugged in his earphones again.
This is not the conversation I should hear. It seems personal. Wait...award? What award?
"Yes, I was stupid..."Namjoon couldn't help but listen. Whatever this man was saying was making his blood pressure rise. Is this a way to talk to a girl? Especially when he can hear her sniffing which means she is crying."...you spoiled bastard..."He took a deep breath. He noticed his hands were tightly clenched into fists. Although he does not have any experience of hitting someone, but today, he really wanted to punch this guy's nose.
Should I sit here...or should I interfere. If I interfere, they will know who I am.
He heard Ji Hyo sobbing which angered him more. He didn't know who she was, but he wanted to comfort her. She seemed so helpless.Suddenly, it was quiet. He could hear his fast breaths. And then,"I quit"
Good.
"You can't..."
What! Why is she doing this after what this despicable man said to her!?
"I don't have anyone other than you..."He sighed again when he heard Ji Hyo say this and closed his eyes tightly. He wanted to leave as soon as he could. He plugged out his earphone from his mobile and started packing his bag. He tried his best to filter out what was happening outside his cubicle. The girl begging. The guy leaving. The girl running after him. Namjoon hated this type of weakness. He hated people who showed their weakness. And he just wanted to leave.After putting everything in his bag, he stood up quickly. In his rush, he pushed the table because of which the coffee cup sitting on the table fell, spilling leftover coffee. He sighed in frustration and went to get tissues. After cleaning the table and putting the cup in the dustbin near his cubicle's door, he turned and bumped into someone.Instinctively he caught her arms saving her from falling down. He looked at her face and knew immediately who she was. She looked so lost and frail that it broke his heart. He just wanted to hug her and comfort her. Instead, he asked if she was okay. She looked at him with large eyes full of tears, whispered something and went inside her cubicle.He stood there, staring at her cubicle's closed door. He could hear her crying inside.
What should I do? Did she see me? Does it matter?
He turned around and walked a few steps towards the exit. And then, he stopped and remembered what she had said to that guy,"I don't have anyone other than you..."He sighed again and realized he has been doing it a lot since morning. He slowly walked back to his cubicle.
She cried for almost an hour. How can someone cry that long? Not even Jimin can do it.
He looked at his watch again - 1.47 PM.
I think I should just leave. I am hungry and it doesn't seem like she will be coming out anytime soon. I also need to go home and find that pen drive she gave on that award night.
While sitting in the cubicle and hearing her cry, Namjoon thought about that award night when she came to ask him for collaboration. He had laughed with his team after closing the door. It was so unexpected. He already had a long list of senior artists wanting to work with him and there was this rookie artist, who is very talented indeed, but very new. Nevertheless, he was impressed by her courage. She was not scared to put forth her thoughts which is why he was so shocked to see her in this state.
Was she too dependent on him?
Is she in love with him?
He stopped himself from thinking about her personal life. It does not matter to him. But then, why was he still sitting here?
Because I am a good person. Yup.
He smiled, as if proud of what he just thought, and then the pen drive came to his mind again. That red pen drive. Where did he keep it?His phone vibrated. It was Jungkook. JK: Hyung, where are you?NJ: At the café, why?JK: Just asking. Did you have lunch? When are you coming home?NJ: I didn't have lunch yet. I might get late today. Did you eat anything? How was your photoshoot?JK: Photoshoot was boring as usual. I am going out with Jiminie Hyung and Hyunie Hyung to have lamb skeweres. Come over there when you get time.NJ: Yup. Okay.JK: Okay then. See you.NJ: Jungkook-a...JK: Yes?NJ: Do you know where do I usually keep things which I don't use a lot?JK: Hyung, even if you use anything a lot, you still loose it because you always forget where you kept it. Did you lose anything again?NJ: Yeah. Never mind. I will look for it when I come home. You guys go and have lunch.JK: Okay, bye. Namjoon heard some activity in Ji Hyo's cubicle. It seems she was leaving.
Finally!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
From the sound of her activities, Namjoon knew that she was grabbing her stuffs. He put his cap on, wore his dark goggles, grabbed his bag and waited for her to leave.Ji Hyo opened the door and left the café. He followed her closely. She was walking slowly to the bus stop. It is the same bus stop from where Namjoon takes his bus to his company. Since, he does not drive, bus and city cycle are the only means of transport he enjoys. He noticed that Ji Hyo had her hairs tied with a yellow rubber band. Her eyes and face were swollen because of excessive crying. Her nose was red like a tomato. She still looked lost.Namjoon saw his bus coming. He looked at Ji Hyo again who was staring at the road blankly.The bus, which was going to his company, stopped in front of him. But, he decided not to take the bus. He was not sure if he should leave Ji Hyo alone like that. How he wished he had stayed back at his studio to work on the album. That way he wouldn't have bumped into Ji Hyo and wouldn't have felt guilty for leaving her like this.3 buses had already left and Ji Hyo stood rooted where she was standing, still staring at the road. When the fourth bus came, she looked up and walked into the bus.
Where is she going?
He hesitated for a second but then decided to board the bus anyway.The bus was almost empty. There were two school girls at the back, probably going home after school. Namjoon pushed his cap further down, scolding himself silently for not bringing a mask. He sat on the seat behind Ji Hyo and stared at the back of her head. She was looking outside. Her tears were still flowing and she was wiping them away quickly.He took out his mobile and looked at the map to keep track of where he was going. He smiled when he heard the girls behind him talk about J-Hope's 'hixtape'. It was announced yesterday that the much-anticipated mixtape will be dropping at the beginning of March. It was trending worldwide. Namjoon opened Twitter to see what people were talking about. He saw that Hobie hyung's video, that he posted yesterday, already had more than a million views.
Wow! Hyung must be in so much pressure.
He opened their group chatNJ: Hoseok-a, what are you doing?After 2 minutes, a message came into the group chat.Jin Hyung: Namjoona, Hobie is in studio, preparing his mixtape. Do you have any message for him?NJ: No hyung. Just wondering if he needs any support.Jin Hyung: What! You never ask me if I need any support. Is this why I worked so hard in raising you so you go around and ask others and ignore your hyung? He sighed. Jin hyung will never grow up. Jungkook: Hyung, we already know that you need support because you are old. That's why we don't ask.Jin Hyung: Ya! Do you think you are still 15 year old kid?Jimin: kekekeke Namjoon closed the group chat. His team is always on fire when they are on vacation. However, he was glad that they were still together. At the beginning of this year, every member was suffering with their own internal conflicts. He was happy that they talked it out and decided to renew the contract. He didn't know what he would have done without his members who were more like his brothers.Namjoon smiled to himself thinking about his time with the group. He then looked up and found Ji Hyo leaning on the window with eyes closed.
Is she sleeping?
He noticed that the bus was completely empty now, except him and Ji Hyo. The school girls must have gotten down at some stop. He checked the map and found that he was now 30 minutes away from his office.
Where the hell is she going!?
He contemplated how to wake her up. An idea came to his mind. He took out his water bottle and threw it near her seat. Ji Hyo jolted awake because of the sound of bottle hitting the bus floor. She looked around in confusion. Namjoon pushed his cap down, got up, grabbed his bottle and sat down. He was sure she didn't see his face.
Ji Hyo realized that the next stop was her stop. She grabbed her bag and got down at the stop. Namjoon followed her quietly.Ji Hyo was still lost in her world. She kept walking slowly. 20 steps behind her, Namjoon was following her. After walking some meters, she took a turn into an alley. Namjoon noticed that the alley was almost deserted. There were very few people walking around. It was a narrow path with old buildings on both the sides. The street was dirty with trash and broken liquor bottles lying around. He looked around and noticed houses which belonged to old people. He saw sad looking old couple standing at the gate of one of the houses, staring at him. He turned to Ji Hyo and watched her walking straight.
This place looks so shady. What is she doing here?
Suddenly Ji Hyo stopped. Namjoon also stopped.She stood there for several minutes. She had her head down and didn't move at all. Namjoon stared at her, waiting for her to do something but she just stood there. After some time, she took a deep breath and started walking again.Namjoon raised his eyebrows in confusion and continued walking behind her.She took another turn, walked few steps further down the road and finally stopped in front of a liquor store.
She said she is 20, right? What is she doing at liquor store?
Ji Hyo looked up. Namjoon followed her gaze. It seemed there was an apartment above the liquor store. A stair was present next to the store.
She lives here!? Above a liquor store? In this shady area?
He saw her sigh loudly, wipe another tear and walk upstairs. He looked up at the apartment for few seconds and then turned around to observe the area.
I hope she does not live here alone. How can a young, beautiful girl live here? Is her family condition that bad?
He was deep into his thoughts when he felt his mobile vibrating in his pocket. He took out the phone. Hobie hyung was calling him. NJ: Yes, Hoseok-a. No, I didn't have lunch yet. Okay, I will be there in 30-40 minutes. Bye. Namjoon gave another glance towards the apartment and then turned around to leave.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Are you okay?
The softness in this sentence made her look up. Her vision was blurred because of tears. She blinked the tears away and found him, RM, looking down at her. His eyes had warmth and had a soft smile, but face was etched with worries. And then, She heard a glass bottle breaking.Ji Hyo opened her eyes and found herself lying on her bed in a dark room. Turning to the right, she saw the clock blinking 10.20 PM. How long has she been sleeping?
Wow! That was a weird dream.
Slowly, everything started coming back to her. Everything that happened today and she prayed that it was all just a dream. She rummaged the bed to find her mobile.0 calls, 0 messages.She opened the contact list and searched for "Joon Ki Oppa"
This number is unavailable!!??
She then opened the chat room and texted him. It did not deliver.
Did he...did he block me?
She turned on the lamp and started wearing her shoes. Still hoping that everything was just a dream, she looked around the room to find her coat. Loud voices from downstairs caught her attention. She slowly walked to her window and peeked down while hiding herself behind the curtains. There were 3 people fighting with each other. All of them looked drunk.
What should I do? Will they notice me if I go out?
Ji Hyo turned around and looked at her tiny room, as if trying to find answers in the room. Everything in her room looked cramped up. Half of the room was filled with her studio equipment along with a table and a revolving chair. There was a lot of mess on her table - diaries which contained her musical notes or lyrics, computer, keyboard, mouse, wires, musical keyboard and many more. The other section of the room had a small bed and a corner table. The room was attached with a small kitchen, which was next to the entrance, and a small toilet.Although her room was small, but Ji Hyo had made sure to decorate it properly and make it feel homely. This place was her safe haven. A place where she could do anything she wants without being judged. A place where she can come after day's struggles and comfort herself by spending time with her music.The voices downstairs kept getting louder and Ji Hyo knew she can't go out until they leave. Her stomach rumbled. She didn't have anything for the entire day except morning coffee. But she didn't care. There was only one thing in her mind right now – Joon Ki.She switched on her computer and wrote a mail.
Oppa,
I am sorry for today. I know you are angry. I understand that. You take your time and call me when you feel okay.
I just want to let you know that I am ready to go to the Idol Star company tomorrow. Should we meet at the café and then go together?
Looking forward to your text/call.
I am sorry again.
After sending the mail, Ji Hyo took a deep breath and leaned back on her chair. She stared at the ceiling while listening to noises coming from her window.
Why is it so difficult out there?
Distant voices echoed in her head.
"You are a fool to think that the world has time for your dumb music."
"Just because they told you they will not release your stupid songs, you rejected one of the Big 3 companies!"
Are my songs really stupid or dumb?
Her eyes moved to her desktop and she noticed a folder named "second_album". She sat up and clicked on that folder. It showed a list of 15 songs that she had worked upon in last 2 months. Although she wrote these songs several years ago, but she has been revising and modifying them since new year. She had also learned and added a couple of dance themed songs in this list. Will she be able to release this album ever?
If joining a company can help me release the album then that's what I will do. Even if it means joining an idol group with sexy concept. At least, people will know me then and listen to my songs.
Her eyes moved to her desktop again and she noticed what she had already forgotten about – a folder named "RM <3". This folder contained songs that she had transferred into her pen drive. It's been 2 months since she gave that pen drive to him.
Did he listen to my songs?
Why didn't he send any mail?
Is it because of that Yoo Jae Ho?
Nah, he must have been busy, that's why he didn't send mail.
That dream though...why did it feel so real?
Ji Hyo thought about her dream for a moment and then shook her head,
Nope. I don't think it was him. Why would he sit in a café on such a bright sunny day?
Ji Hyo closed her eyes tightly, sighed and finally stood up. She went to her window to peek outside. It was now quiet. She looked at her clock – 10.58 PM. It was not safe to take a bus alone at this time of night. Joon Ki's house was 45 minutes bus drive from her place. She tried calling him again but the number was still unavailable.Her stomach was rumbling hard. Her eyes were swollen and paining because of crying.She took shower, ate ramen and went to the bed by midnight with only one thought in her mind.Tomorrow will be a better day.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was late afternoon.Since the street was deserted, violin's notes could be heard even from afar. They were aggressive, sad and painful. And they were originating from a tiny apartment above a liquor store.Ji Hyo had her eyes closed tightly. There were no tears on her face, she had run out of them. Her hands were moving bow aggressively over her violin's strings and her mind was rewinding her day.When she woke up in the morning, there was still no reply from Joon Ki. She still hoped that she will find him in the café. However, her hopes were crushed when Joon Ki didn't come to café till 11.30 AM. She then left for the Idol Star company, thinking if she signs the contract and informs Joon Ki about it, he will come back.Although she was late, Mr. Park was still very happy to see her. He took her to the dance room where other 4 girls were practicing. All of them looked as young as her. She was introduced to everyone."Can I see a part of what you have prepared? Just to get an idea on how much I have to work upon." She asked the girls politely.The girls started the dance and by the time music ended, there was a look of horror on Ji Hyo's face. The girls looked expectantly at her to which she clapped meekly and smiled a little."Ji Hyo shi, shall we proceed to the office?"Ji Hyo looked at Mr. Park and then back to the girls. She could feel that even the girls were uncomfortable at what they were doing. 20 something and younger girls humping the floor, is that even legally allowed?"Ji Hyo shi...""I am sorry, sir. But I think you should find someone else."With that, Ji Hyo clenched her fists, turned around and left. She knew she had lost another chance to appease Joon Ki's anger and there was only one last thing she could do.She took a bus and after 25 minutes found herself standing in front of Joon Ki's house. She went to the door and pressed the bell."Who is it?""Joon Ki Oppa..." She said apprehensively.Silence."I am sorry." Silence."Oppa please, open the door.""I told you not to see each other again.""Can you really leave me like this?""Yes. I can."Ji Hyo was hurt at his firm tone. But she decided to give another try."I am going to stay here until you open your door.""Then, I will have to call Police.""I don't care, but I am staying here."Back in her room, Ji Hyo's hand moved more aggressively on the strings as she recalled what happened next. She was still unable to believe that he really called Police on her. It was so humiliating. All the neighbors came out to see the commotion.Suddenly the thread on violin's bow came apart making her sigh loudly and fall back on her chair. A broken violin also could not deviate her attention from the unfortunate events of her day which made her seethe with anger."Am I really this annoying to you!? Fine! Don't talk to me! Don't see me! I AM FINE WITHOUT YOU!!" She shouted at the ceiling.There was a moment of silence followed by a glass bottle breaking. She sighed loudly in frustration. Why can't people carry their liquor bottle properly!? She kept the violin aside, switched off the recording and saved the recorded file. She had the habit of recording herself while playing her instruments leisurely. Sometimes these recordings turned out to be really good pieces for her songs."Let's watch some happy stuffs." She spoke to herself.She opened YouTube and searched for BTS videos. When feeling depressed and frustrated, BTS were her only escape. Their laugh, their personalities and their hard work always inspired her not to give up. She watched their music videos, then vines, then fan made videos, then videos popping up in recommendation. After a couple of hours, she found herself watching fan cover of BTS songs and was amazed by how talented BTS's fanbase was."Like artists, like fans."She went to the Twitter to see any recent activities from BTS."Aww Suga posted!" She smiled, her right hand on the mouse and left hand under her chin."What the hell is Jin doing to his hairs! Is that a kitchen scissor!?" She laughed."Woah! J-Hope's mixtape is coming out soon!! How did I miss this tweet!?"She suddenly stopped scrolling and the smile vanished from her face.
"항상 엔진을 #RMusic"
He recommended a song yesterday. Has he listened to my songs as well?
Why hasn't he sent me any mail...
Am I that bad a musician?
There was a sharp pang of pain in her chest on the last thought. She went to her "second_album" folder again and looked at the songs she had created after several sleepless nights. The title song that she had decided on was very close to her heart. It was a ballad, of course, but it was a song written to herself.Taking a deep breath and trying to be positive, she went back to check the rest of the BTS's tweets. However, she went white when she saw the next tweet which was uploaded few hours ago,
This place...
This is the back of Nanyang café!
And those clothes...this beanie, that's what I saw in the dream.
Ji Hyo wondered, her eyes wide in shock.
Is this photo from yesterday? Please tell me it's not!
Was he really there?
Did he...Did he really see me in that state?
Her hand on the mouse started trembling. She was flushed with embarrassment. She didn't know whether to be angry with herself or to cry. She got up and hurriedly walked to the kitchen to have a glass full of water. She has already lost all her pride, cowered away from various idol groups, got scolded by Police in front of everyone for harassing Joon Ki and now...now she has become an embarrassment in front of the only person who always inspired her to keep fighting. She wanted to die right at that very moment.While sipping on her water, her eyes fell on something kept on the kitchen counter. A knife.She put the glass down on the counter and stared at the knife for several minutes. Her mind was thinking of all the past events, her broken dreams and crushed hopes.
Is there any point in living?
She picked up the knife and walked to her table. With the knife in her hand, she played the title song from her second album folder - "the flying bird", and leaned back on her chair. Each word of the lyrics reminding her of her childhood.
It was the summer day,
When I found your nest.
Behind the closet of my room,
Your mom made you a home.
How did it feel to break your shells?
Did it hurt to leave the warmth of the egg?
Were you scared when your mom said,
You have to leave one day?
Or did you just accept that
You are a bird
Who is meant to fly away?
Somewhere on the other side of the city, a group of friends was hanging out in a café."Ya! We need to work on project! What are you doing?" The girl asked her friend who was surfing YouTube."Wait! I want to see the recent clip from The Masked Singer program.""Why!!! We don't have time. Stop it..." The third friend complained."Oh! What is this..."The girl with the laptop opened a video which had caption,
"The Masked Singer singing Dumb and Stupid Song"
As soon as she clicked on the video, it started playing a song. They saw someone sitting in a dark room, wearing oversize coat, big hat and a bird mask. There was music playing in the background and this person was singing into a mic. By the time the video ended, there was silence around them and all the people in the neighboring tables were peeking at their laptop."Excuse me. What song is that?" A person asked from a nearby table."No idea.""Who is that in the video?" One of the friends asked."No idea again. This channel is newly created with name A Lost..Nightingale?" The girl holding the laptop replied with a confused look.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Hyung, you have still not packed anything"Namjoon looked around from his work table and found Taehyung standing at his room's door."Why are you complaining! Even you have not packed anything!"Taehyung grinned and came inside to lie on Namjoon's bed."Hyung...you are our leader. You should start first to set an example for us."Namjoon sighed and looked back at his computer. Taehyung is right, they need to start packing quickly. They will be moving to their new house soon.He saved the recording file he was working on. Meanwhile, Taehyung got up from Namjoon's bed and walked to a large shelf containing toy collection."When did you come back from your outing with friends?" Namjoon asked while going through his diary."Few minutes ago." Taehyung replied, still busy in looking at the toys."How is their acting life going on?" Namjoon asked nonchalantly."They are enjoying it..."After a moment of silence, Namjoon asked,"Taehyung-ah, do you miss acting?""I am too busy to miss anything, hyung." Taehyung said, now standing near one of the shelves and checking a wooden turtle."Where did you get this, hyung?"Namjoon looked around and saw Taehyung carrying a wooden turtle. He got up and walked to him."I got this from Spain when I went there with my family last year. It actually is a small storage box. Give me, I will open it for you."He slid open the top of turtle's cover and showed a small storage space inside it. However, he was surprised to find a red pen drive in there."Ahhh so it's here! I was searching for it since yesterday, after coming back from café!"Taehyung looked at him seriously and asked, "Hyung, where is the goggle that I gifted you?""Why? It's on my bedside table." Both of them turned to look at the bedside table together. The goggle was not there.Namjoon spent next half-an-hour searching his entire room to find the goggle while Taehyung lied on his bed, reading one of the Namjoon's books. Finally, Namjoon came to Taehyung and sat on the bed exhausted,"Taehyung-ah, really sorry! I think I lost it. I mean I remember wearing it yesterday in the bus. I don't know where I kept it after that."Without giving a glance, Taehyung put his right hand into his pocket and pulled out the goggle. Namjoon looked at him shocked.Coolly, Taehyung said,"You left it in my room last night.""Ya you little brat! I wasted half an hour because of you." Namjoon yelled exasperatedly which made Taehyung laugh out loud."Get out of my room!" He tickled Taehyung's stomach until he left the room. He closed the door and walked back to the table while shaking his head."See you at dinner!" Taehyung shouted cheerfully from outside his room.Namjoon smiled and opened his diary. Suddenly, he remembered the pen drive which was still kept on the shelf. He brought it and plugged it into his computer. The file opened and showed fully-organized directories. The directories were listed as follows: "Ballad", "EDM", "Pop" and"RnB". Each folder contained 3 songs. Namjoon was amazed by the way everything was organized so neatly. He put on his headphone and clicked on the first song from"Ballad" folder. His eyebrows raised and eyes closed instantly, as if hypnotized. "Namjoon-ah, come and have dinner." Jin shouted from dining room which was just in front of Namjoon's room."Coming in 10 minutes, hyung."Namjoon was listening to a song from "RnB" folder. He did not know how many times he had repeated that song. He had his eyes closed and was trying to recognize every element used in this song,
There is an electric guitar going on in the background. I can also hear piano. Wait, there is something else with electric guitar. Woah! Where did the drum come from?
As soon as he started listening to songs an hour ago, he couldn't stop. All the songs sounded different. He was not a fan of ballad, but one of the songs that Ji Hyo had composed had lyrics so beautiful that it raised hairs on his arms. He was surprised because he was totally able to relate to it, especially this part,
I closed the door and went to the bed,
But the sleep evades me, like yesterday.
I hid myself inside this blanket,
And wish the world to just end.
I don't wanna face them.
I don't wanna see them.
I kept saying this again and again.
"Why?" A voice asked me,
"Why do you fear them so?
Don't you realize they talk of you,
Hence, making you known."
"This girl is a genius. And I want to meet her." RM said to himself.He found a text document with title "email.txt". He copied the email address from there and started typing a mail. After re-reading the mail again, he sent it.I hope this will make her smile. "Omma, why do you call me nightingale?" A little girl asked her mother while sitting on a bench in the park."My baby, because you are special?" A beautiful woman with large eyes and long, silky hairs replied. One can tell that the little girl had her mother's eyes and hairs."But, why is nightingale special?""Nightingale is a symbol of creativity. It can create beautiful songs spontaneously. A famous poet compared all other poets to nightingale, do you know why?"The girl shook her head, her eyes wide in anticipation. Her mother smiled kindly and continued,"Because it sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet voice. People who listen to the singing nightingale are so moved that they don't even know why.You, my daughter, have a sweet voice which can move people. You hum beautiful songs which we have never heard before. It's as if God was thinking to make you a nightingale, but sent you to me instead. And I am very happy He changed his mind."The girl grinned and went into her mother's arms."I love you omma.""I love you too, my little nightingale."
I miss you, omma.
A tear slid down from the corner of Ji Hyo's large eyes. It's been hours since she woke up and was lying on the bed, staring up. She turned to her right and noticed the clock blinking 11.47 AM. she should already be up but she didn't have energy today to start a new day. She pulled her legs up and hugged them. Her eyes fixed on the wall in front of her. There was no expression on her face. Only tears were flowing from the corner of her eyes, wetting the bed beneath her face.Couple of hours passed. The sun was now up and shining brightly. Ji Hyo's ear twitched when she heard ambulance's sirens approaching and stopping in front of her building. After few minutes, she heard people shouting. She sighed and pulled herself up. Wiping her tears away, she slowly walked to the window and peeked outside. There was a crowd in front of a neighboring house. She leaned out a little and saw people carrying an unconscious woman to the ambulance. A cloth was tied around her bloodied wrist. Following her was an old lady who was crying and screaming, "why did you do that! I did so much for you and you -". Other people were consoling the old lady, saying the woman will be fine because the ambulance was called on time.Ji Hyo turned around and looked at her table. The knife was still there. Next to the knife was a bird's mask and hat. She had also planned to kill herself last night. However, before dying, she wanted the world to listen to at least one song from her new album. So, she disguised herself, made a video of herself singing "the flying bird" and uploaded it on YouTube after creating a channel named "ALostNightingale". That's what she felt at that time, lost...and broken. While the video was uploading, she lied on the bed and fell asleep without realizing.
I don't care about my songs anymore?
When no one cares then why should I?
She looked back towards the window.
How long will it take for people to find me dead inside this apartment?
Does anyone even know that there is a girl living here?
She inhaled deeply and walked to the table to take the knife and end everything.However, her eyes fell on her mobile which was vibrating continuously on the table. She was surprised and leaned in to see who it was.
5047 mails
4489 YouTube notifications
What the hell!!!!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It's been 2 months since the night she thought of killing herself.It's been 2 months since she created a YouTube channel.It's been 2 months since she uploaded her song while being disguised.It's been 2 months since the world found her.Today, she is the verified account on YouTube.Today, she has more than a million subscribers.Today, each of her videos gets around a million views within 24 hours of uploading.Today, her new songs trend on Naver and Twitter.2 months ago, no one knew her. Today, celebrities talk about her and her songs.She is famous.Not as Kim Ji Hyo, but as faceless ALostNightingale."Everyone, how are you doing today? I just had dinner and started this live to talk to you about your day."Ji Hyo saw people joining her live in hundreds. There were many people sending her hearts and saying kind words. Ji Hyo scrolled through the comments and read a few,"Oh, just came back from office? I hope your boss treated you well today~Oh you are the boss. Then I hope you treated your employees well kekeke""Aye, you are with your girlfriend then why did you join this live! What, to hear my sweet voice? Everyone, let's not do this. I don't want your girlfriends to find and kill me.""'just finished my homework' – good, you should always finish your homework on time.""'I love your songs. They talk about what I feel' – thank you for your kind words. I will work harder.""'Is that you on the cover of 'flower language' song?' – no no! That's the singer. I just composed the music and sent it to the company of that singer.""How are my parents? Oh! they are doing well. They have gone to our hometown. Mom said she will bring lots of radish kimchi for me this time. I am excited ~~ Mom! Zhang!" Ji Hyo raised her thumb to the camera."'You like raddish kimchi?' – yes! I love it! My mom always fill up my fridge with it.""'You are so lucky that you stay with your mom! I will force my mom to come to Seoul now.' – yes, do that. Keep her with you.""'Why don't you show your face?' – Eh Wae~~, how many times did I tell you~~. I don't have confidence in my face. So, I don't show it."Ji Hyo read a comment "You have pretty voice, your face will also be pretty" and replied, "that does not make sense. Anyway, I am shy." Ji Hyo said jokingly."'Why do I wear bird mask and oversize coat?' – This mask is my mother's. She wore it in a Halloween party when she was 17. That's where she met my father. And that's why I find this mask very special. This hat is my father's. And this coat is my hyung's. I love stealing my hyung's clothes kekeke.""Oh! taekook1387 has birthday today! Happy birthday!!" Ji Hyo clapped her hands happily. "What are you doing on your birthday?""Ah~ you are in Jeju island with your family. When I was 12, I also celebrated my birthday in Jeju island with my family." Ji Hyo sat straight and recalled that day, "It was such a beautiful day. We hired a convertible car and drove around the island. Hyung was driving. He had just got his driver's license so he was excited. Appa was sitting next to him and was so scared...." She thought about the old memory more and then went back to read the comments."When is my birthday? It's on 26th October.""'Even your fingers are pretty. You must definitely be pretty.' – ah stop it!! You are embarrassing me ~""'Do you know BTS – of course! Who doesn't know BTS?""RM recommended my song? Really?"Someone in the comments gave the tweet link. She opened the link and saw RM's tweet.
Her heart skipped a beat. He was listening this on repeat and she had mixed feelings about this. There was a time when she desperately wanted him to listen to her songs. She waited for his feedback for several weeks, but nothing came from him. Maybe because she was a rookie. And to Ji Hyo's horror, he saw her in a pitiful state at the café. She is still so embarrassed that she just wants to erase that memory somehow. Today, he is appreciating and recommending songs of faceless ALostNightingale, who is famous among general public. She didn't know how to feel about that."Ahh I don't know what to say...thank you~" Ji Hyo bowed a little and changed the subject."Everyone, do you want me to cover any song? Send me suggestions!"There was a sudden influx of comments which made her laugh. She selected the first song that she saw, found the lyrics and started singing it. It was a tradition. Her followers send suggestions, she sings the song and then they talk about the lyrics and how it relates to their lives. Just because of this tradition, Ji Hyo started going live quite frequently, sometimes all 7 days a week. Sharing the love of music and listening to other people's thoughts gave her the strength and trust that she is not alone, that she has friends out there who, although, have not seen her face but still appreciated her for her work.After an hour, she closed the live chat, took off her disguise and leaned back on her chair.She felt content. She felt happy.And life was beautiful again."Jimin-ie, you are in the office today?""Yes, hyung. I came to just hang around. I was getting bored at home. Where are you going?""I was leaving to grab some coffee from the café. You also come with me.""Sure, Hyung! Let's go."Namjoon grabbed a sling bag and a blue cap while Jimin grabbed his cap and mask. They both came out of their building and took a deep breath."Waah! It's so hot!" Jimin laughed.Namjoon took off his glasses and handed his mobile to Jimin."Take my photo.""Ah hyung! That's why you asked me to come out!""I am posing~" Namjoon said while standing in front of the office gate."Hyung you are so - " Jimin clicked a photo and gave the phone back to Namjoon. Namjoon checked it and immediately started uploading it on Twitter."What are you doing? Don't upload now!""I want to see if ARMY can find me before we come back from cafe kekekke""I can't believe you are older than me. Let's go." Jimin started walking. Namjoon followed after uploading his photo on Twitter.
At the café, after ordering their drinks, they were standing in the queue, waiting for their order. They were talking about the international records their newly released album broke. Suddenly, Namjoon heard a familiar voice,"Excuse me! Can I have a tall frappe with whipped cream, please?"Namjoon looked at the queue in front of the cash register and was surprised to find Ji Hyo. It's been months since he saw her and she looked healthier than before. She paid for her frappe, turned and walked towards where Namjoon and Jimin were standing. He immediately looked down, hiding his face under his cap. He lifted his head when he heard her say "Joon Ki Oppa!" and, from the edge of his cap, saw her stop walking. She was waving at one of the tables. Following her gaze, he found a guy sitting with a beautiful girl. They were discussing something but it was clear that this Joon Ki guy was trying to avoid Ji Hyo. Namjoon looked back and saw Ji Hyo staring at Joon Ki with sad eyes. Her eyes reminded him of the day when he saw her crying in the café and followed her home afterwards. That image still makes him feel sad for her.She put her hand down awkwardly and walked towards their queue, standing right behind him and Jimin."Hyung, I am still struggling with my song. I think it's too dark. What should I do?" Jimin looked at Namjoon.He found him slyly turning his head and trying to get a peek of Ji Hyo. Jimin looked at her, she was doing something on her mobile. He smiled under his mask, nudged Namjoon and quirked his eyebrows twice, giving him a naughty look. Namjoon shook his head and sighed. At that moment, their drinks arrived. They grabbed their cups, Namjoon gave another glance to Ji Hyo and walked out."Hyuuuuung~~" Jimin started teasing Namjoon."Ah! It's not what you think!""I didn't say anything!"They walked in silence for a minute."She is very pretty. I think I have seen her somewhere." Jimin mused."Stop thinking about her!" Namjoon said exasperatedly."What? Only you can think about her?" Jimin teased.He sighed, took a sip from his cup and said, "Fine! Do whatever you want!". Jimin punched his shoulder and laughed.He couldn't stop thinking about Ji Hyo even after coming back to his studio.
Why didn't she reply to my mail?
He tried to find the mail he had sent to Ji Hyo some time in February. After 5 minutes of search, he found it.
Hmm.. Maybe she didn't see it. Well! Her loss.
He closed the mail and went back to working on the songs.However, his mind was still thinking about Ji Hyo.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Everyone, should I sing 'flower language' today, you didn't hear that song in my voice, right? Okay! Let's go!"Ji Hyo took couple of sips of water, sat straight and picked up the guitar from the side. To drink water, she uses straw so that the mask remains in the place. It was late evening and after the sad incident of seeing Joon Ki ignoring her in the day, she wanted to talk to her followers who always cheered her up. She started strumming the guitar.
Falling in love
It's too much work
All my breath leeks into my body...
She continued singing with closed eyes until she heard her mobile vibrating on the table. She opened her eyes to look at the notification, making sure not to stop singing.
It's hard to tell
What should I –
She suddenly stopped, her mouth hanging open. Her fingers hovering over one of the strings and eyes fixed on her mobile. The notification had just vanished from the screen. It was a mail – from Kim Nam-Joon.Ji Hyo was blank. She couldn't move her body. It seemed like she had stopped breathing. Meanwhile her comment section was going crazy, her followers worried. It took around a minute for Ji Hyo to come back to her senses. She stammered and looked around. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath."Everyone, I am so sorry to make you worry. Nothing is wrong. I just remembered my mom is coming home today and I - I have to go pick her up at the station! I am so sorry. I promise I will do whatever you say in the next live.""Except removing my mask. Come on~ stop asking me that!"She bid them good bye and closed the live. She felt apologetic for lying like this, however, KIM NAM-JOON SENT HER A MAIL!! She was shivering and doubting herself whether she read it right or not.With shaking hands, she picked up her mobile and unlocked it. There it was. The notification which said, "New unread mail from Kim Nam-Joon." She exhaled slowly and opened the mail,
"I am still waiting...."
Huh? Waiting for what?
Did he send this to me by mistake?
She scrolled the mail a little and found another mail just below his signature. Her heart was pounding in her chest while she read the mail slowly.
"Hi Ji Hyo Shi,
I hope you are doing well. Sorry for sending you this mail so late, I was occupied with other things.
I listened to your album and loved the songs. Especially, 'hot summer'. I was wondering if you are still up for collaboration. I would love to work on a song with you. I am already having ideas in my mind.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Kim Nam-Joon
Bangtan Sonyeondan (BTS)
Mon Studio, Bighit"
Oh no! When did he send this mail!
She looked around and found the date of the mail – 26th Feb, 8:17 PM"ALMOST 4 MONTHS AGO!!! YA JI HYO! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING 4 MONTHS AGO THAT YOU IGNORED NAMJOON'S MAIL!!!!" Ji Hyo was now standing and screaming at no one. She sat down on her chair frustrated and looked at her YouTube videos to see what she had published on 26th Feb, just so that she could remember how she missed such an important mail.After scrolling down till the end, she found the video she had posted on 26th Feb, 9:36 PM
Oh! You were planning to kill yourself.
So ironic it was. Ji Hyo leaned back on her chair.
The day when I had lost all hopes and was planning to end everything, that day not only the world found me, but he also did.
She wanted to cry the tears of joy. But first, she had to reply back to him.
"Hello Namjoon shi,
Really sorry for replying so late. My stupid mobile didn't show notification when you sent the first mail almost 4 months ago.
I am very glad that you liked my songs. Thank you for your time and attention. And thank you so much for accepting my request for collaboration. I am looking forward to working with you!
Regards,
Kim Ji Hyo"
Ji Hyo re-read her mail hundreds of times before pressing the send button. She then ran to her bed and fell face down. Now was the time to cry.Her mobile vibrated and she looked at the notification.
"New unread mail from Kim Nam-Joon"
"Ji Hyo Shi,
No need for apologies. I had also sent you the mail really late. We are now on the same page, right? Kekeke
xxx-xxx-xxxx
This is my mobile number, can you please send me a message. Let's talk over the phone. Talking on mail is too formal."
He wants to talk informally?
Ottoke! I am going to faint!
"Namjoon-a! Stop using mobile while eating!" Jin scolded while serving himself with food.Namjoon kept his mobile on the side and took a bite from his food. He was smiling like crazy. Jin, Jimin and Namjoon were sitting at the dining table to have dinner. Jimin was eyeing him silently and then commented,"Jin Hyung! What happens when you have a crush on someone and your crush sends you a message?" Namjoon stopped chewing and glared at Jimin. Jimin looked at him with glint in his eyes."Ya! How would I know? I never had crush on anyone. Instead others had crush on me because of my handsome face. Hahahaha" Jin clapped his hands thrice and went back to his food."I think you can't stop smiling when your crush sends you a message." Jimin wondered loudly. Namjoon was now giving warning looks to him. He grinned at Namjoon in return.Namjoon shook his head and went back to his food. He had to finish his food as soon as possible so that he could go to his room and reply to Ji Hyo. She has sent him a message saying "Hi, this is Kim Ji Hyo" and he can't stop himself from replying to her. Thankfully, Jimin didn't tease any more.
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“Ugh! Why didn’t I go shopping yesterday!!” Ji Hyo said irritatingly while looking at her clothes. Since she doesn’t like shopping, she always procrastinated to go to the malls. However, today, she had to meet Namjoon in the afternoon and she didn’t know what to wear which was giving her panic attacks.She ran her fingers through her hairs and sat on the floor, staring at 5-6 sets of dresses she had.“It’s hot out there, so, I should wear something loose and short.But what if his studio’s AC is too low. I will keep sneezing and it will get messy. Let’s wear full jeans and shirt.But the bus drive is long and I will get sweaty. What if I start smelling?”Ji Hyo imagined Namjoon crunching his nose because of stinking smell coming off of her. She immediately removed that image from her head.“Okay, let’s wear a summer shirt and a trouser. I need to look professional!”She got up from the floor and rummaged through her clothes, trying to find perfect match for shirt and trousers. However, she had only one trouser and none of the shirts was matching with it. After 15 minutes she stood up straight, hands on her waist.“Why do I suck at fashion so much?” She muttered to herself.After trying different dresses for an hour, she finally decided on a dress which was perfect for summer but also good for air-conditioned room. She also kept a coat in case she was cold in the studio.
She then ran around the room hurriedly to get ready and put her notebooks and other stuffs in her bag. The clock showed 10 AM when she left her apartment for bus stop. Namjoon had asked her to meet at 1 PM, but she didn’t want to get late because of unforeseen circumstances. She needs to be extremely careful today. Such opportunities do not come everyday. “Why the hell did I leave that early!” Ji Hyo grimaced when she checked the time.It was around noon. She had arrived half an hour ago and has been sitting in the lobby, trying to avoid everyone’s stares.
I could have invested some more time in doing my research for the dress.
As soon as she reached BigHit, she was embarrassed by the choice of her dress. Everyone here was casually dressed. Most of the people were even wearing oversize hoodies and walking around in slippers. On the other hand, Ji Hyo looked like she had come for marketing job interview. She didn’t know BigHit had such a casual atmosphere. When she came in, the first thing the receptionist said was,“I am sorry, but there are no job interviews scheduled today.”“Um actually I have an appointment with BTS's Namjoon shi.” Ji Hyo replied awkwardly. The receptionist apologized and called supposedly BTS’s manager with the phone on her desk.“He is busy in recording. His manager has asked you to wait in the lobby. There are some fruits and chocolates there, please help yourself.”After that, Ji Hyo went to the lobby and tried to immerse herself in a fashion magazine. But it was so boring that she lost interest and spent her time in observing people.Feeling restless for doing nothing, she walked to the receptionist and asked if they had any other magazine.“Oh there is a library down the hall. You can find some magazines there.”Ji Hyo was rejoiced. She was already in love with BigHit for having a library in the building. She grabbed her bag from the couch and walked straight to the library which was a bright white room with lots of white shelves containing books. There were tables as well as cushioned sofas by large windows. She found a book which was in her reading list for a long time and sat by the window. “A person named Kim Ji Hyo is waiting for you downstairs. Who is she?” Sejin asked Namjoon. He had just come out of the recording room with Suga. Rest of the members were still recording.“Wow! She is on time! She is just a person I am planning to collaborate with. Today is our first meeting, we will see if it works out.” Namjoon said while walking to the elevator. He was accompanied with Sejin and Suga.“Does PDnim know that?” Suga asked.“No. Let me decide first if I want to work with her or not.” Namjoon said while waiting for elevator.“Ok. I am going to my studio. See you later.” Suga left while Sejin took elevator with Namjoon to go downstairs. He was leaving to have lunch.Namjoon walked to the reception desk and asked for Ji Hyo.“She went to the library?” He raised his eyebrows. He was impressed. Being a book lover himself, he always had a connection with people who were also bookworms.He walked to the library and as soon as he entered, he stopped on his tracks. He always knew that Ji Hyo had a pretty face, but he has never found someone as beautiful as this girl sitting under the bright sunlight, reading a thick book. His heart started racing fast and he didn’t know why. He just wanted to stand there and memorize the view he was watching. Her long hairs were braided on her side and she had bangs on her forehead. There was a small smile hovering over her lips and her brown eyes were shining brightly under the sunlight.“My God! She is beautiful.” Namjoon whispered. He didn’t know how long he stood there, observing every inch of her. She looked too immersed in the book and didn’t realize he was there. Finally, he inhaled slowly and walked to her.“Ji Hyo shi?”He saw her jump and stand up immediately which made the bag on her lap fall down. He bent down to pick up the bag but she picked it up quickly and bowed. He straightened up slowly, eyeing her with a smile on his face.“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”“No no! It’s not your fault.” She said. He could tell her voice was trembling.“You don’t need to be nervous. Actually, I am nervous to be working with you. I am your fan.” Namjoon tried to soothe her nerves.“No no! I am your fan! Thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to show you my work.” She bowed again.Namjoon smiled and led her to his studio. While walking to the elevator, he noticed people staring at her which made him feel a little protective of her. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo tried to control her racing heart by focusing on the conversation instead of his long legs.“I hope you didn’t wait long.”“No no! I just came here.”“Really?” Namjoon looked at her unconvincingly. “What were you reading?”“Just a poetry book which was on my reading list.”“You like poetry?” Namjoon asked after getting into the lift and pressing the button for his floor.“Yes! It gives me ideas for lyrics. I think same case is with you as well, right?”“Right.” Namjoon smiled.The lift door opened and they found Jimin, V, Jungkook and Jin standing in front of them. A smile formed slowly on Jimin’s face which made Namjoon give him warning look. On the other hand, Ji Hyo let out a squeal and then put her hand on her mouth. Namjoon looked at her amused and then turned to his members,“You guys done with recording?”“Yes, Hyung” Jungkook said, shyly bowing to Ji Hyo.“Hyung, are you not going to introduce us to your guest?” Jimin asked, grinning wickedly at Namjoon. The look on his face made Namjoon sigh.“She is Kim Ji Hyo shi. She won Rookie of The Year last year at ITA.”Ji Hyo bowed at 90 degrees angle.“Ah, I remember! I really enjoyed your performance.” Jin said.“Yes! All of us enjoyed it a lot! Namjoon hyung kept talking about it for hours after the function, right hyung?” Jimin asked which made V, Jungkook and Jin look at him quizzically.Ji Hyo blushed. She bowed again and thanked them.“Come Ji Hyo shi, let’s start working.” Namjoon said, while glaring at Jimin which made him laugh.“We will see you later Ji Hyo shi!” Jimin said from the lift. Meanwhile, V nudged him to tell what he was laughing about. “Wow! We have been working for 3 hours!” Namjoon looked at the time and laughed.“Oh! It’s been 3 hours already?” Ji Hyo checked her watch. She needs to catch bus before it gets too dark. Namjoon knew where she lived and understood that she should leave now.“It was nice meeting you Ji Hyo shi. I am glad our working style matches a lot with each other. As I told you I am working on my solo, I would like to include one song which I have worked upon with you.”“Thank you so much! I am looking forward to it!” She smiled.“Sadly, I am busy this entire week. If you are available, can you please come up with some ideas during this week and then we can meet sometime next week to make some demo?”“Sure!”“I am sorry I am making you wait for so long…actually we have -”“No need to apologize! I understand!” Ji Hyo immediately interjected which made him smile kindly at her.“Let me find someone to drop you home.”“No no..It’s fine!” Ji Hyo smiled and packed her bag, "I need to stop by some shops on my way home."Namjoon nodded and walked her to the bus stop. He kept talking and discussing more regarding his ideas about the mixtape he was working on. Ji Hyo was smiling because of two things,1. his passion for his work and2. how fast he talked.It’s been a week since she met Namjoon for work. Since then, most of their discussions have been either through emails or phone calls. She had come up with various demos and to her surprise, he liked all of them.“Ji Hyo shi! You are confusing me now. Let’s work with the demos we have in hand. Don’t come up with anymore ideas.” Namjoon laughed while talking to her on phone one evening.For the first time in several months, she felt happy with her work and decided to finally go on shopping to buy some casual wear. She didn’t want to be overly dressed next time she went to Bighit. So, one fine evening she found herself shopping in a very popular mall in Seoul. Thankfully, it was not extremely crowded that day. Ji Hyo had already bought 3-4 pairs of clothes from various shops and was now walking around a bookstore when she got a call from Namjoon. She ran to the entrance of the store and answered the call.“Ji Hyo shi! How are you?” Ji Hyo blushed. The way he takes her name always makes her feel hot. Hot weather was also not helping either.“I am good. How are you?”“Good too. What are you doing?”“Came to a mall for shopping.”“Nice! I am still busy this week which is frustrating me a lot. I can’t wait to see you!” Ji Hyo fanned herself with her other hand.“Yes, same here. The demos are ready…” She trailed off.“Let’s meet on July 1. I don’t have any schedule that day and the next day. But we will have to complete the song in 2 days.”“Oh! No problem! We will do it!” Ji Hyo said confidently.“Can you spend 2 days only with me?”“Sorry?” Ji Hyo felt weak in her knees and leaned on the wall behind her. Why is he doing this to her?“I mean you will have to spend 2 days at the studio. Is that okay with you?” Namjoon sounded amused, as if trying to control his laughter.“No problem… I will be there.” She answered weekly.“Okay then. See you next week.”“Yes! See you!” Ji Hyo stood up straight as if RM was standing in front of her.“Bye!”“Bye!” She was about to bow but stopped herself. After RM hung up the call, she hugged the mobile to her chest, closed her eyes and sighed. A smile crept up on her face which broke into grin.
Ottoke! He talks so sweetly.
She started humming and opened her bag to find her wallet. She then started walking while looking into her bag when she bumped into someone.“Oh! I am sorr” She couldn’t complete her sentence when she saw who she had bumped into.“Ji Hyo Shi! Such a coincidence.” Yoo Jae Ho smiled.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Is that Ji Hyo shi?” Jin asked.The boys were sitting at a juice shop just across the bookstore in the mall. After a busy week, all of them except Suga had come out for shopping. They spent entire day in exploring mall and now were having juice to refresh themselves. Jin spotted Ji Hyo entering the book store and pointed her out to everyone.“Namjoon hyung! Aren’t you going to say hi to her?” Jimin asked sweetly which made V laugh. Jin, Jungkook and J-hope looked in confusion at Jimin’s tone.“No. She is here for her own work.”“Still hyung! You should at least call her. Let’s see how she reacts when she gets a call from you.”“Why do you want to see her reaction!”“Because she has crush on you!” V drawled.“Non-sense.” Namjoon went back to drinking his juice.“Okay then call her and see!” Jimin said which made Namjoon interested. He had noticed the way Ji Hyo stares at him but he never thought seriously about it. So, to everyone’s delight, he took out his phone and dialed her number. They chuckled when they saw her running out to the entrance. “Ji Hyo shi! How are you?”“I am good. How are you?”“Good too. What are you doing?”“Came to a mall for shopping.”Namjoon didn’t know what else to say so he signaled the members. Jimin whispered in his ears and Namjoon repeated,“I am still busy this week which is frustrating me a lot. I can’t wait to see you!”Namjoon and others suppressed their laughter when they saw Ji Hyo fanning herself. Jungkook tried to imitate her which made V leave the chair to go on the side to laugh. Namjoon was enjoying this!“Let’s meet on July 1. I don’t have any schedule that day and the next day. But we will have to complete the song in 2 days.”“Oh! No problem! We will do it!”He looked at V who was signaling him to say something cheesy.“Can you spend 2 days only with me?” Namjoon couldn’t believe he said that and had to keep mobile away from his mouth to laugh. Other members were jumping in their seats and laughing hard when Ji Hyo leaned on the wall.“I mean you will have to spend 2 days at the studio. Is that okay with you?” Namjoon asked, trying not to laugh.After hanging up, the boys watched her intently.“Cute!” V laughed.“She is seriously very cute!” Jin said with a smile.“She really has a crush on you Namjoon-a” J-hope noticed.Jungkook imitated her fanning herself again which made everyone laugh. Namjoon had a huge smile on his face and couldn’t take his eyes off of her. However, his smile vanished when he saw a man in his 50s leading Ji Hyo somewhere behind the lift. There was a lift in the middle of the hall and the backside, where Ji Hyo and the man vanished, didn’t have any door.“Is that Galaxy Entertainment’s Yoo Jae Ho?” Hobie asked in concern. Everyone knew how infamous this man was, especially with young women. Namjoon got up and put on his mask.“Where are you going?” Jin asked behind him.They saw him walk to the side of the lift and peek behind. He then stood there, leaned back on the wall, and pretended to look into his phone while listening intently what was going on at the corner of the adjacent wall.“You were smiling so beautifully Ji Hyo shi. Was that your boyfriend?”Ji Hyo stared at Yoo Jae Ho for a second and then asked,“May I know what you wanted to talk about?”“My sources told me that your manager and you are not working with each other anymore. May I know who your manager is now?”“I don’t have one.”“Hmm. That’s sad. Ji Hyo shi, I thought endlessly about you after that night at ITA party. I got angry and things got out of hands but I still have the offer ready for you.”“To join your company?” Ji Hyo asked in surprise.“Of course! I don’t want to lose a talent like you.” He smiled at her.“That’s very nice of you…” She trailed off.“Give me your phone number. I will make my secretary call you to fix appointment.”“May I know the conditions first? As you know, I am not interested in joining idol group. Is the position for song producer available?”“Ji Hyo shi! A beautiful girl like you should be out on the stage so that the world admires your beauty.” “Sir, as you know I don’t know how to dance and-”“Aaanddd as you know that everyone can dance. Anyway, ” He took a step back and started looking at her body, “you have a nice body. I think your body can learn any dance move.”“Sir..” Ji Hyo said. She felt extremely uncomfortable by the way he was gazing at her body. His predatory eyes moving from her neck to her feet.“Plus you seem to have thin waist and ” He bent on her left side, as if to check her side profile. Ji Hyo swiftly moved to the opposite side so that she was face to face with him again. She was now standing next to Namjoon, who was few feet away from her. She was shocked and disgusted with the way this old man tried to check her out. She was too focused on his next moves and didn't notice Namjoon next to her. Hence, he stood his ground and behaved as if he was busy in his mobile.She let out a deep sigh and said,“I am sorry but I will have to decline your offer again.” Ji Hyo saw him purse his lips.“You know, without a manager, you cannot survive in this industry? I am being very kind to offer you-”“I must decline your offer, sir” Ji Hyo said firmly. “I have to leave now. Have a nice day.” She turned to her right but was stopped by Yoo Jae Ho who put his right hand in front of her.“I am still not finished, Ms. Ji Hyo.” He hissed which made Ji Hyo nervous. He took out his wallet and opened it in front of her eyes. There was a lot of cash inside.“See this. I can make you so rich that instead of coming to this mall, you will travel to foreign countries to do your shopping.”She lifted her eyes and looked at him disgusted,“Are you trying to buy me?” He laughed.“No Ji Hyo shi, I am just showing you your future if you join me.”She looked down and closed her eyes tightly. She was furious and was thinking what to do next when they heard someone calling Yoo Jae Ho's name from behind him. He turned around to see who it was. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo looked around her to find an escape. She looked to her left and gasped when her eyes met with the man standing few feet away from her. Although he was wearing a mask but she knew those eyes really well. She immediately turned back at Yoo Jae Ho to make sure he didn’t notice.
What the hell is he doing here!
Her eyes moved to Yoo Jae Ho's hand which was now holding his business card. She kept staring at it while thousands of thoughts rushed through her mind.
How long has he been here?
Did he hear everything?
I hope he is not getting any wrong ideas!
“Ji Hyo shi. Don’t be so stubborn. I know you want it. Take it.” He drawled and then sighed loudly when Ji Hyo gave no reaction and kept staring at the card blankly.“You make me so, so mad.” He then took a step towards her which made Ji Hyo come to her senses and walk back. Before she could move further, he grabbed her left hand which made her stop in shock. She was scared and nervous. Namjoon saw this and straightened up, controlling himself from jumping on him.Ji Hyo looked down and saw his hand putting the business card in her bag’s outer pocket. She then heard him whisper which made her sick in the stomach,“I will wait for your call.”With that, he turned around and left. Ji Hyo stood rooted to her spot, still staring at her bag. Her whole body was numb because of fear. She couldn’t lift her eyes to meet Namjoon's. She felt ashamed.She could feel him looking at her and waited for him to make any move but when he just stayed where he was, she quickly turned, threw the business card in the nearest dustbin and left the mall as soon as she could.“That man is sooo disgusting.” Jimin said angrily when Namjoon came back to the juice shop. The boys saw him take out his mask in frustration.“You had to be careful Namjoon-a. It’s good that you did nothing.” Jin said.“She knew it was me.” Namjoon massaged his forehead with his fingers, “And I don’t know what she thinks of me now.”He felt angry with himself for not doing anything but he knew if he did something, it would have only jeopardize his group. A scandal is the last thing he wants for his group right now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He is still here.
Ji Hyo found herself staring at a man who was walking around on the road in front of her house. She had made sure to hide herself behind the curtain. It was around 8 in the morning and Ji Hyo had just woken up. It’s been a week since that unfortunate day at mall and today Ji Hyo had to face Namjoon again. However, instead of him, there was something else worrying her - a middle-aged man who seems to be guarding Ji Hyo’s house since the next day of the “mall event”. During day, she saw him walking around and talking with people as if inquiring about something, at night he slept in his car instead of going home. Ji Hyo was having bad feelings about this.
But why would he be here for me? I haven’t even met him before.
Ji Hyo sighed and decided to ignore the fear which was creeping inside her being. She has to get ready and leave to meet Namjoon. She got this golden opportunity to work with him and she will not loose it because of some stupid stalker.After a couple of hours, she found herself in the bus to BigHit. Her suspicions were right. That man was there for her. The look on that man’s face as soon as she stepped out was still haunting her. He smiled and immediately took out his phone to call someone. Her adrenaline kicked in and she started walking really fast. Even after being away from her home, she felt scared and kept looking around to make sure that she was not being followed.
It’s okay, Ji Hyo. Don’t think about it. Focus on the task in hand. Namjoon.
She could still remember how surprised his eyes were when she saw him standing there, right next to her in the mall. She was shocked that how Yoo Jae Ho didn’t see him. It seems he was too busy in lusting over her. Namjoon saw that, however. He saw her weak side again which made her more embarrassed about herself. She didn’t hear from Namjoon after that day except last night when she messaged him to confirm the time to meet.
Oh God! Why the hell was he there on that particular day!? And what the hell was he doing just standing there!
The bus reached the stop near BigHit. She got down the bus and walked to the company which was at 5 minutes distance. The receptionist called Namjoon on phone and, after getting permission from him, told her to go inside. Meanwhile Ji Hyo prayed that he didn’t remember anything from that day. Thankfully, he met her with his big, dimple smile and welcomed her into his studio. He kept blabbering about how he was working on the new tune for their song which made the feeling of awkwardness in Ji Hyo’s heart reduce. Although one can sense that both of them were carrying lots of questions, but neither Ji Hyo nor Namjoon raised the “mall event”.At least not until lunch.“I am still confused what style of rap I should use. I don’t want it to be my typical fast rap. I want to try something smooth and flowy.”Namjoon and Ji Hyo were now sitting in the studio to have lunch. They worked for couple of hours and created some really amazing tune. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo also came up with some lyrics which impressed Namjoon a lot. His style of song writing was different. He first composes the music and then writes the lyrics. After writing the lyrics, he goes back to the music he has composed to rearrange it for the lyrics. On the other hand, Ji Hyo comes up with lyrics while composing music. Her process goes hand in hand which amazed Namjoon.“I think the music that we just came up will suit your idea really well.” She replied while putting chili sauce in her noodles.“Yeah, I hope so.” Namjoon muttered and took a sip of his soup. “We need to complete this by tomorrow. After tomorrow, I need to prepare for Taepei concert.”“I understand. Don’t worry, it will be done.” She smiled brightly at him and went back to mixing her noodles.Namjoon stirred his soup slowly. His eyes fixed on Ji Hyo’s face.
My God, she is so beautiful. That's why that Yoo Jae Ho was being a jerk to her that day. He is already infamous for the way he treats his employees and now he is forcing a non-employee to work for him. Ridiculous! If only I could confront him that day and take her away from that creep.
But seriously, how can she look so beautiful while just sitting there. She is not even wearing lipstick!
My God her lips….
A few seconds passed just like that. Ji Hyo putting all kinds of sauces in her noodles and Namjoon stirring his soup and observing Ji Hyo’s features. Suddenly, she lifted her head to see why he was not drinking his soup and immediately regretted. The look on his face made her blush so fast that her heart raced at the speed of light and fingers tightened around the sauce bottle which squeezed the sauce out. It spilled on the table and her noodles. She gasped and grabbed the tissues to clean. Namjoon noticed the blush on her face and chuckled. He finally took the sip from his soup.“Were you -” Ji Hyo cut herself off and shook her head.“What was that?” Namjoon asked.“Nothing.” She shook her head again and started eating her noodles. He knew what she wanted to ask. The same thing that he wanted to ask her. And it was time to put the elephant in the room out of the sight.“Why is he bothering you so much to join his company?” He asked, trying not to sound too intrusive.She took a deep breath and glanced at him. He was not looking at her.“My former manager introduced me to him at ITA after party. He was impressed by my performance on that day and wanted me to join his company. But I don’t want to.”“Why?” Ji Hyo didn’t know how much to tell him. She definitely didn’t want to talk about the way he eyes her body creepily. She was still not comfortable enough with Namjoon to reveal such personal worries.“He wants me to join an idol group. I don’t want to be an idol.”“And that’s because…”“Because I am an artist.” She replied.Namjoon sharply raised his eyes to her. Idol, rapper, artist, he was still struggling to find a balance between these identities. She read his face and immediately regretted her statement. As a hardcore ARMY, she knew about the struggles BTS faced in their early days. She explained,“I am not talking about you. You have freedom to participate in song writing and release your own music.” She signaled towards his computer.“In my case, they are asking me to just be a part of the idol group. He specifically told me that my songs will not be used for his idol groups as he already has lots of senior song writers. My dream is not to be a part of idol group. My dream is to produce songs.”He nodded and went back to eating. He also signaled Ji Hyo to keep eating.After a moment of silence, he asked,“Is that the only reason?”She stopped eating again and looked embarrassed. He definitely saw the way that creep was looking at her that day. She stared at her noodles. He glanced at her and, sensing her discomfort, said,“You know you can always scream when famous people like them are bothering you and there are people around you. Going to Police might not be the best option in some cases, there are some people who are way too powerful and corruption runs deep into the system. However, do you know what abusers like him fear the most? Their dirty actions getting attention from other people. If you scream, people around you will definitely turn their heads and there will be someone who will come to your rescue. You can trust your country’s people, right?” He asked her to which she nodded slowly.“I know you feel that people will judge you but does that really matter when it comes to your own safety? Don’t be scared of abusers otherwise they will feed on your fear. Instead, exploit their fears. All you need is you.”“That can be a good line for some song.”“Sorry?”“All you need is you in English will be a good line for some song.”“You know English?” He asked in surprise.“Yes, I do. My appa…” Ji Hyo stopped speaking in Korean and decided to answer in English instead, “my father was an English teacher at my school in my hometown. He taught me.”Namjoon stared at her flabbergasted. Slowly, her lips curled into a bright smile which made his heart flutter.
Oh God, those lips.
“Thank you for your words Namjoon shi, I will not fear those perverts and fight them with all my strength.” She answered in Korean and went back to eating.Meanwhile, Namjoon contemplated whether he should also be called pervert for having thoughts of licking the sauce which was smeared at the corner of this girl’s lips. This beautiful girl who was sitting just an arm’s length from him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ji Hyo had a big smile on her face while walking to her home. It’s been around 45 minutes since she left his studio and she has been smiling since then. This has to be the best day of 2018. Her crush made her heart flutter so many times that she stopped counting after it happened the tenth time. He was attentive to her, appreciated her work and gave some really great advises. Meanwhile, she showed her music skills and flaunted her English. In addition to that, her followers on her channel left some beautiful comments on the last live video. She had sung a song which talked about her fears about this world. She wrote this song after coming back from the mall that day. People’s words of encouragement brought immense strength to her.She was about to reach her house when she saw something which stopped her on her tracks. Her smile vanished. That stalker was now sitting on the stairs of her house, looking at her. Panic erupted inside her being. She wanted to turn around and run. But then she noticed many people walking around, it was still day time. She took a deep breath, mustered up courage, made a brave face and walked to her house.The stalker stood up and pulled out his phone to call someone. When Ji Hyo reached the stairs, he handed his phone to her. She looked at him skeptically.“CEO-nim wants to talk to you.”She looked at him in confusion and put the phone on her ear.“Hello?”“Ji Hyo Shi? I was waiting for your call.”Color left her face. She knew this voice really well. She looked at the stalker and then with a hard voice said,“I told you I don’t want to work for you.”“Even if I tell you that I will help you in releasing your songs?” She went silent.“That’s right. I have decided to release your songs. Let’s talk in person. My secretary will bring you here - ”“I will take the cab.” She cut him off which made him chuckle.“Okay Ji Hyo shi. Take the cab. You know the address of my company, right?”“Yes.”“You can come now.”She gave the phone back to the secretary who talked something on the phone and hung up the call. He then called the cab for her. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo contemplated whether she should go or not. Before she could come to any decision, she saw the cab standing in front of her. She looked at the secretary who was holding the door open for her.
Why is he treating me as if I am a queen!
“I will go alone in the cab.”“Yes Madam, I will follow in my car.”
Madam???
Ji Hyo sighed and got into the cab.After 20 minutes drive, she found herself in a 3-storeyed, modernly designed building. There were young girls and boys walking around in the lobby. All of them looked beautiful. A receptionist came to her with a big smile. Ji Hyo thought that even she looked like a member of idol group.“Ji Hyo shi! Welcome! Please follow me. CEO-nim is waiting for you.”Ji Hyo felt uneasy at the super-sweet treatment she was getting. She followed her to a nearby office which was behind the lifts. It looked posh and spacious. Yoo Jae Ho was sitting on a lavish sofa, reading some papers. He jumped up and came to her, his right hand extended to shake her hand.“Ji Hyo Shi, I was waiting for you. Finally, I see you. You look as beautiful as always.” She didn’t shake his hand, instead she bowed a little.“I need to go back as soon as possible. What do you want to discuss?”His smile faltered a little and his hand, which was still in the air, turned into fist. He signaled the receptionist, who accompanied Ji Hyo to the office, to leave the room.“Come, sit. I have contracts ready for you. They are on the table in front of you. Would you like to have some coffee?”“No thank you.” She sat on the sofa and went through the papers. Yoo Jae Ho sat in front of her with legs crossed. His eyes moving from her head to toe.“The contract period is 10 years. That’s illegal!”“Read it carefully my dear. 7 year is for being an idol and 3 year for being a song writer. That’s how it works here.” He answered sweetly.“But you said I can release the songs while being an idol.”“I never said that. I said I will help you in releasing the songs.”“Which will be after 7 years?”“Maybe. There can be ways in which we can do something to get your songs released a little earlier.” He smiled at her.“What ways?”“Let’s talk about it during dinner. Right now we-”“Wait a minute! Dinner?” Ji Hyo asked.“Oh I didn’t ask you formally, didn’t I? Let me take you to a lavish dinner Ji Hyo Shi. You will enjoy it.”“I don’t want to go to any dinner. Can we please talk about the contract?” Yoo Jae Ho's lips turned into thin line. He stood up and walked to his coffee machine.“You give me lots of troubles Ji Hyo but that’s what I love about you.” He sighed.She felt uncomfortable when he took her name informally.“Do you know how I met my wife?”She didn’t answer.“She came here as a trainee 20 years ago. I saw her one day performing in the in-house competition. So beautiful she looked in that red skirt and white top. Long slender legs and beautiful waist.”“I am sorry but I am not interested in your personal life. Can we please talk about -”“She cheated on me.”Silence fell over the room. She stared at his back. He was putting sugar in his freshly made coffee.“My divorce will be finalized next month. You see, last year, I was going through a lot of personal and legal struggles. And then… I met you.” He turned to look at her, “and you are so fucking beautiful.”Ji Hyo exhaled sharply and kept the contract papers on the glass table in front of her.“Sir, I feel I am not the right person to work for you.”“Oh yes! you are.” He said while walking back.“When I saw you in that pink gown which was unfairly covering your body, it made me wonder how slender your legs are and -” He kept the coffee on the table and sat next to Ji Hyo. His legs brushed hers which made her jump and stand up. He grabbed her arm and continued what he was saying, “and how that waist looks like without any clothes on.”“Let go off my hand.” Ji Hyo hissed. He chuckled and pulled her in, making her fall on him. She screamed and tried to release herself from his grasp which made him laugh even more.“Yes, that’s what I like about you, so much fire you have inside you.”At that time, someone knocked on the door. He let go off Ji Hyo and she stood up immediately straightening her dress.“Come in.” Yoo Jae Ho said while looking at Ji Hyo with wicked smile which angered her more. She couldn’t stop herself and slapped him hard. He was shocked. He stood up in anger and pulled her hairs, making her scream in pain. At that moment, the receptionist entered the office.“CEO-nim! What are you doing!?” She ran to them. He was too angry to notice her. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo’s agony was turning more into her anger.“YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” He shouted at her face.“YES! A MAN WHO CAN’T EVEN CONTROL HIS WIFE!”“SHUT UP YOU LITTLE - ”“OH YEAH, WHY WOULD SHE NOT CHEAT ON AN OLD ABUSER LIKE YOU!!! YOU DESERVE THAT!”Suddenly she felt a huge fist-blow on her left face which made her fall on the table. Her face hit the table which made the hot coffee mug fall on her hand. Her left ear was buzzing because of the impact. However, she was more in pain because of a slit at the corner of her mouth formed by the his ring, which had protruding spikes. Her hand immediately went to her mouth and felt something warm gushing out of the slit. She looked at her palm which had blood on it. The wound was deep.In the background, Yoo Jae Ho was shouting and calling her names, the receptionist was trying to appease him and there were some people standing at the door trying to know what happened. Meanwhile, Ji Hyo kept her hand on her wound and tried to overcome white hot pain which was now piercing her left face. She was suddenly reminded of what Namjoon had told her few hours ago,
“You know you can always scream when famous people like them are bothering you and there are people around you.”
She mustered up courage and stood up. She grabbed her bag and screamed at the top of her lungs so that people from outside could also hear her.“HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE! I AM OF YOUR GRAND-DAUGHTER’S AGE! YOU CALLED ME HERE SAYING YOU WILL RELEASE MY SONGS BUT INSTEAD TRIED TO RAPE ME!!!”“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING -”“SHUT UP! YOU THINK I AM AN EASY TARGET BECAUSE I AM WEAK. BUT I AM NOT WEAK!! I AM NOT SCARED AND I WILL TELL EVERYONE WHAT KIND OF PERVERT YOU ARE!”Yoo Jae Ho took steps forward to hit her again but people standing at the door came in and stopped him. Meanwhile, the receptionist shouted at Ji Hyo to leave. Ji Hyo kept screaming which was answered by Yoo Jae Ho’s scream and other people shouting. Suddenly, she felt an arm dragging her outside the office. She looked at the person and found the secretary pulling her roughly.“YOU! HOW DARE YOU STALK ME! DON’T YOU HAVE ANY OTHER WORK THAN CHASING A YOUNG GIRL FOR YOUR DIRTY OLD BOSS! HOW MUCH DID HE PAY YOU FOR SLEEPING IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE?”She kept screaming while being dragged through the lobby. People in the lobby stood there shocked and saw her being thrown out of the company door. The secretary stood at the door and said,“Leave.. before I call the police.”Ji Hyo glared at him and then looked at the group of boys and girls peeking from behind him.“You are the idols of this pervert’s company? I feel sorry for you.”With that, she left from the scene.She was sitting in the bus, holding a handkerchief on her wound which was still bleeding. Her left face was paining like hell but she couldn’t stop smiling remembering the look on everyone’s face when she was screaming – they all looked so scared. She never thought that she could also have this type of effect on people.
I need to thank Namjoon shi as soon as I go home. Just 3 more stops.
The bus stopped and some people got into the bus. Ji Hyo heard a couple of girls giggling and saying,“Wow! It’s my first time getting into an actual city bus.”Ji Hyo looked up to see who is so fortunate to be in the city bus when her eyes met a person’s who she definitely didn’t want to be there at that moment. It was Joon Ki.He was standing near her seat and staring at her left face, shock was written all over his face.“Oppa! What happened? There is a seat vacant there. What are you waiting for?” One of the girls said from behind Joon Ki.Ji Hyo turned to the window and tried to hide her face with the help of her hairs. Joon Ki sat at the seat where he was standing and kept glancing back at her.“I can’t believe my BMW’s engine failed. It’s been only couple of months when my dad gifted it on my birthday.” A girl with Gucci bag said.“It’s because you didn’t put the fuel kekekek” Another girl said while pushing her hairs back, showing her slender shoulders.“Oh it’s so hot in here. Why can’t they put AC inside this stupid bus.” The girls kept talking while Joon Ki sat quietly, deep into thoughts.A couple of minutes later, their stop came and the girls never looked happier to exit the bus. Ji Hyo glanced at Joon Ki who stood up and walked to the bus exit. Suddenly he paused and looked back. His eyes met Ji Hyo’s which made her hopeful. She waited for him to come and talk to her. However, he turned away and exited the bus. She sighed and rolled her eyes.
Coward.
It was late in the evening. Sun had already set and there was orangish glow in the sky.Ji Hyo knew that she didn’t have any first aid kit at her home. So, she had decided to stop by the store near her house to buy band-aids. She was standing in front of an aisle full of different types of antiseptic creams. She didn’t know which one to buy. Deciding that cream is not necessary, she grabbed a pack of band-aid and went to check out.“My dear! You can’t put band-aid on that.” She heard an old lady behind the cash register.Ji Hyo looked at her and was surprised to find the old woman who stays in front of her house. Her daughter had tried to commit suicide few months ago.“Wait here, I will get you proper ointments.” The old lady went to the aisle and got an antiseptic cream, cotton and some liquid.“You first wash your wound with this liquid and then put this cream. Got it?” The old lady said kindly.“Yes, Mam” Ji Hyo smiled at her.“Aigoo, you should be careful with that beautiful face of yours. Where do you live?”“Just down the street. How much do I need to pay?”After half an hour, Ji Hyo found herself standing in her bathroom in front of a mirror, struggling to put the ointment on her face.“Ahhh it’s burning. Ugh! I hate that man!!! Who hits a girl like that!”When she was done, she plopped on her bed with a deep sigh. It was an awkward day. She remembered to message Namjoon and took out her mobile from her bag. She was surprised to find notification of 9 messages. 8 of them were from “RM shi” and 1, surprisingly, from “Joon Ki Oppa”. She stared at Joon Ki’s name and decided to first open Namjoon's chat.
Namjoon Shi: Did you reach home safely? 4 hours ago
Namjoon Shi: Hello? 3 hours ago
Namjoon Shi: Ji Hyo Shi, are you sleeping? 2 hours ago
Namjoon Shi: I think you are, it was a tiring day! Isn’t it? 2 hours ago
Namjoon Shi: Still sleeping? 1 hour ago
Namjoon Shi: ???? 1 hour ago
Namjoon Shi: You are making me worry now…. 30 minutes ago
Namjoon Shi: *confused emoji* 25 minutes ago
Ji Hyo couldn’t stop smiling even though smiling was painful right now. Her heart was fluttering and she was blushing again. She started typing.
Me: Namjoon Shi …sorry for not replying. I was caught up with some work.
Namjoon Shi: Thank God you replied! I was about to leave for search operation! Kekeke
Me: I am sorry…
Namjoon Shi: It’s Okay!
Ji Hyo kept typing and deleting what she was about to say. She didn’t know how to thank him. After a minute of doing this
Namjoon Shi: Are you really typing or the app is glitching?
She laughed and then cringed in pain.
Me: I just want to say thank you for your advice today. It meant a lot.
Namjoon Shi: Which one? 😉
Me: Just all of them…
Namjoon Shi: I am the best, ain’t I?
Me: Of course!
Namjoon Shi: Hahaha! You are the best too. I really enjoyed working with you today. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
Me: Me too. Everything is already done. We just need to record. Tomorrow will be the last day of working!
Namjoon Shi: Hmmm..now I am regretting it.
Me: Regretting what?
Namjoon Shi: That tomorrow is the last day…
Me: You should be happy, right? We completed this song within schedule! And I think it’s just perfect.
Namjoon Shi: Are you happy?
Me: Yes! :D
She waited for RM’s message. She saw him online but he was not typing anything. So, she decided to check Joon Ki’s message.
Joon Ki Oppa: What happened to your face?
She glared at these words.
No hello. No how are you.
You coward, why didn’t you ask this question in the bus? Too embarrassed?
Namjoon's message popped up. She deleted Joon Ki’s message and opened Namjoon's chat.
Namjoon Shi: K.
K??? Hmm he must be busy.
Me: Ok..see you tomorrow then!
Namjoon Shi: Yeah. Good night..
Me: Good night 😊
She felt little strange on abrupt chat ending but she decided not to overthink. She took a deep breath to control her heart rate and smiled at the ceiling.“I got hit on the face today then why the hell am I smiling!??” She wondered loudly.
Because someone cares for you.
A voice came from deep within which made her blush again. She took her mobile and opened Twitter to see what people tweeted to her. She had a Twitter account dedicated to her channel ALostNightingale. There were hundreds of notifications as usual. But today there was one strange thing, most of the notifications were from BTS fans. She opened one of the tweets,“Hey ALostNightingale! BTS RM just recommended the same song that you recommended yesterday in your live video chat. Guess both of you have same taste. Collab?”Ji Hyo laughed at the irony of question “Collab?” and opened BTS’s Twitter account to see what song they were talking about. She found a tweet from Namjoon which was posted around 2.30 PM. That was the time when she left his studio for home.
Interesting.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Why are you wearing mask and goggles inside the studio?” Namjoon laughed.“Um..I actually fell on the stairs yesterday and hurt my face.” Namjoon immediately stopped laughing and leaned forward in concern,“What happened?”Ji Hyo had just arrived at the studio to go over the demo again. They had to complete recording today but she was experiencing excruciating pain on her left face since she woke up. Her left cheek was swollen which made her left eye look smaller than the right one. The wound at the corner of her lip was still burning but at least bleeding had stopped. She tried to sing in the morning but she was not able to open her mouth wide. How is she going to record the song now!?“Just someone broke some eggs on the stairs to my house. It was dark, I didn’t see it and fell on my face. It’s nothing serious!”“Then take off your mask and glasses.”“I mean it looks serious than it actually is, so it’s better I keep it like that.”“Don’t worry. I won’t judge you.”She eyed him skeptically and took off her glasses first, then mask. His eyes went wide.“Ugh! Don’t give me that look” She whimpered!“Ji Hyo Shi! Are you sure this is because you fell on the stairs?”“Yes!” She replied in rather loud voice.Namjoon went deep into thoughts, his eyes still fixed on her wound. She felt uncomfortable and turned to the computer.“I am sorry, I won’t be able to sing properly. I really regret it but I have come up with an idea. Why don’t you sing the entire song? I will hum in the background. I think it will come out really good.”He didn’t reply. She turned to him,“Namjoon shi?”“Hobie told me that some girl created ruckus at Galaxy Entertainment yesterday. Was that you?”She went still and stared at him.“So. It was you.”“I didn’t create ruckus.” She whispered.“They are saying you were screaming at everyone.”“You only advised me to do that!” She said in defense.“Why did you go there in the first place?” Namjoon now sounded angry and she wanted to cry.“His secretary was stalking me - ”“What!?” He shouted.“I don’t know how he knew where I lived. Yesterday, he was standing in front of my house and called the CEO to talk to me-”Ji Hyo told him everything except the nefarious things Yoo Jae Ho did to her. She wanted to remove that from her memory. Telling him will only bring that memory in stronger form.“Did he hit you?” Namjoon whispered dangerously. Her heart was racing and she looked down. It was not a big deal for her because she had publicly embarrassed that man really bad, but Namjoon right now looked very angry.“Why?” He seethed. She took a deep breath and said,“Perhaps I said some bad things about his wife…”He stared at her without any expressions. He knew she was hiding something and he hated that. Even the eggs story, ridiculous. Can’t she stop lying to him? Can’t she trust him more and tell him everything she went through or anything she was going though?Awkward silence fell over into the room. Namjoon staring at Ji Hyo angrily, waiting for her to reveal more details. Ji Hyo playing with her nails, thinking whether she should say anything more. She lifted her eyes to peek at him and found him glaring at her.
Why the hell is he angry with me! I am the victim!
She closed her eyes trying to stop hot tears filling up her eyes. She turned to the computer and said,“Can we please start working? We need to complete this today.”He stood up abruptly and went outside. Ji Hyo took deep breaths and wiped her eyes.Few minutes later, Namjoon came into the room with two cups of coffee. He handed one to Ji Hyo,“Drink it. It will make you feel better.”He still looked disappointed but he was not angry anymore. They finally started rearranging the song.“So, you are asking me to sing the entire song. I am not a good singer though.”Around 6 hours later, Ji Hyo came out of the recording room with Namjoon and Donghyuk. Donghyuk was producer at Bighit and also Namjoon’s school friend.“Ji Hyo Shi, did you like working here?”“Yes! I loved it! The atmosphere here is so good.”“Then would you like to continue working here?” “Um..if you are interested then I would really love that. Are you looking for collaboration on something?”Namjoon and Donghyuk exchanged smiles. They were definitely conspiring something.“I will see you later then Ji Hyo Shi. Take care of your face.” Donghyuk bid goodbye to her and went to his studio.Namjoon now had a proud look on his face. He was happy with the way the song turned out.“I was right. You are a genius.” He told Ji Hyo. They were now in his studio. Ji Hyo was packing her stuffs to go home.“No I am not! You are the real genius. Who said you can't sing? You are a good singer!” He laughed and shook his head.“I wish we could see each other more. I love talking to you.” Namjoon said with a smile which made her blush.“Same here.” She replied.He watched her packing her bag and then asked,“So, how are you going to celebrate your birthday?”“My birthday?” She asked in confusion. Her hands busy in putting notebooks inside her bag.“Yup. It’s on 26th October, right? You will be turning 21. I am sure you must be having big plans.”Ji Hyo’s hands froze. She slowly lifted her head and looked at him,“How- how did you know that my birthday is on 26th October?”“Oh! you told that in one of your live videos.” He said casually, hiding his smile. Her eyes went wide which made him fall on the table laughing.“You really think I won’t recognize your voice? I had ‘hot summer’ on repeat for several days! And your channel is so famous, it kept coming up on my recommendations.”Ji Hyo still couldn’t speak.“Say something, Ms. ALostNightingale.” Namjoon said with his wide smile.“Does anyone else know this?” She asked in a whisper.“I didn’t tell anyone, if that is what worrying you.”She smiled awkwardly.“When did you find out?”“I stumbled upon your channel a month ago I guess. I don’t remember exactly, it was the time ‘flower language’ was released. People on my timeline were talking about your channel. I saw one of your song videos and immediately knew that it was you. Then I spent next several days in going through all of your live videos.”“You have seen all of my videos?? They are very long though!”“Yeah, but I love listening to your voice.” He said. The warmth in his voice and the way he was looking at her gave her goosebumps.“Thank you.” She squeaked.“Why don’t you show your face? There are so many people who want to see you.”“No one showed interest into my music when I performed live. They all wanted me to dance. People who watched the award show never cared to find out my name. But look what happened when I went behind the mask. I guess it’s just human nature, they like to solve mysteries. When they see me behind the mask, they want to see my face. When they listen to my lyrics, they want to know the history behind it. This makes them keep coming back to my channel. Isn’t human psychology interesting?”She looked at Namjoon who looked deep into thoughts."It can also mean that you are hiding yourself behind this mask because you can’t accept the way you are. Or maybe this mask is hiding some secrets that you don’t want to talk about.”She stared at him shocked. He just said something which she had been avoiding to think about. It was as if he could read her thoughts that she has been hiding inside her. She felt vulnerable. She felt scared.So, she changed the topic,“It was really great opportunity to work with you Namjoon Shi! I am looking forward to working with you again.”“Me too Ji Hyo Shi. After all, we are friends now.” She looked at him surprised“Really?”“Of course! But if you don’t invite me to your birthday party, the friendship will be over.”“I don’t have any plans of celebration!”“It’s your 21st birthday! I am sure you are planning to drink alcohol all night.” He winked at her.“I don’t know!”“Why? Are you celebrating with your parents and hyung?”“How do you know about my hyu – oh never mind.” Namjoon laughed.“Yeah..I will celebrate with them..”“Are they back from your hometown?”She sighed loudly, “My God! You have seen all of my videos.”“Yes, I have” He smiled cheekily.Ji Hyo admired his dimples and then blushed again.
Ugh why is he so handsome!
“If there is any celebration, I will definitely invite you. But right now, there are no plans.”“Okay. Anyway, by that time we will be closer and I will come even if you don’t invite.”“Fine!”They continued talking until it was dark outside and time for Ji Hyo to go home.“I wish I had license. I would have come to drop you off.”“It’s okay. It’s better for world peace that you don’t have license.” She laughed and then cringed in pain.“Is there anyone at home to take care of your wound?” He asked in concern.“Um yes. My parents are here.”“Good. Come I will drop you off at the bus stop. I don’t want to say bye just yet.” He opened the door for her.And she blushed for the hundredth time today.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It’s been couple of days since Ji Hyo and Namjoon finished recording the song. Namjoon was busy but made sure to chat with Ji Hyo before going to the bed every night. It didn’t take long before realizing that both of them had a lot of things in common. They even made a list last night just for fun.
Namjoon Shi: 1. Composing 2. Writing lyrics 3. Reading novels 4. Speaking English…what else?
Me: 5. Poetry 6. Philosophy 7. Both of us don’t have driving license :P
Namjoon Shi: kekeke do you like hiking?
Me: Yes! 8. Hiking :D
Ji Hyo couldn’t believe how comfortable she was in talking to him. The conversation flowed smoothly and they were never out of topic. Same thoughts were going on in Namjoon’s mind who was sitting on the sofa, engrossed in chatting with Ji Hyo. He was smiling continuously.“I think Namjoon-a is in love.” Suga wondered loudly which made Jimin laugh out loud. Jungkook’s head popped up in surprise and he stared from Namjoon, who looked embarrassed, to Suga who was sitting expressionless.The boys were hanging around in the common area after having dinner together. Taehyung was uploading photos on Twitter and playing with Tannie on the side. Jimin was playing video game with Jungkook while Jin and J-hope were going over dance moves that they were practicing during day for upcoming concert in Taiwan. Suga was just lying on the couch lazily.“Ya Hyung, what are you talking about?” Namjoon kept the mobile aside.“I always said that he is in love but no one listened to me!” Jimin whined.“Ya Namjoon-a! How dare you hide this thing from your hyung?” Jin screamed which made Taehyung and J-hope laugh.“I am not in love!!!” Namjoon replied“Who is it? Who is it?” Jungkook asked everyone like a lost puppy.“No one!!!” Namjoon shouted which made J-hope laugh loudly and fall on couch.“I am thinking to work with her on a song. What do you say Namjoon-a?” Suga asked casually.“What should I say? You go and ask her yourself.”“Oooo so you know who am I talking about.” Suga laughed.“Whoo???” Jungkook asked loudly.“WHY DOESN’T ANYONE TELL ME ANYTHING!!!” Jin screamed which made Namjoon sigh loudly.“The one who worked with Namjoon-a” J-hope finally told Jin and Jungkook. Taehyung already knew since Jimin had told him one night. Suga and J-hope knew by observing Namjoon working with her and the way he always talked about her in the company. They also knew that Donghyuk and Namjoon had recommended her for producer position in the company.“Did PD-nim talk to you about hiring her?” J-hope asked“Not yet. But he listened to the songs that I sent him.” Namjoon replied.“Namjoon-a, I will suggest to keep your hopes low.” J-hope said carefully.“Why? She is so brilliant. I think company will benefit a lot from her talent!”Hobie looked at Suga to help him out.“She might not get hired because you have feelings for her.” Suga said bluntly.“I am NOT in love with her, hyung.”“Pd-nim knows.” Suga said.“What?” Namjoon now looked uncomfortable.“You spend most of your time messaging each other. It’s evident that you have feelings for her.” Suga replied.“How do you know I am messaging her?”“Hyung, you don’t have any other close friends in the industry with whom you chat for so long.” Taehyung replied.Silence.Namjoon knew Taehyung was right. But he just love talking to her. And seeing her face. And listening to her voice. And the fact that she is so mature at her age.
Wait. Am I really falling in love with her?
“She is very nice girl. Brilliant indeed. But you know how our industry works. It can create unnecessary scandal.”Even though Namjoon knew how blunt Suga hyung can be, but he was still angered by this statement.“What if I really have feelings for her? Then what? I am a man who can be attracted to opposite sex. What is wrong in that?”“Namjoon-a, there is nothing wrong in it. If you are talking about Ji Hyo, then even I would encourage you to go ahead. However, do you know everything about her? Can you really trust falling love with her?” Jin asked.“Okay, I don’t know everything about her yet, but it’s just because it’s been only few days since I met her. I will get to know her eventually. That’s how it works, right?”“Has she told you about her YouTube channel yet?” Suga asked.“You know about it?” Namjoon asked surprised.“Everyone in the room knows. We can recognize the voice.” Hobie said.“She didn’t tell me herself because we were not that close at that time.”“Did she tell you why she fought with everyone at Galaxy? What exactly happened that day?” Hobie asked.Silence.She still didn’t tell him. Yesterday, he had tried to ask her again but she changed the topic. He totally despised the fact that she hides many things from him but he has hopes that slowly she will open up.“We just don’t want you to get hurt, hyung.” Jimin said.“I know. I will be careful.” Namjoon replied with which everyone went back to whatever they were doing. He picked up his mobile and saw Ji Hyo’s latest message which said,“I am going out to have dinner with my family. I will be late in coming home. Talk to you tomorrow! Good night! Sweet dreams Joonie! 😊”He smiled. He had asked her to call him “Joonie” and finally she was getting used to it.“Enjoy. Good night Ji Hyo.”“Why did you come here?”“Because you are not replying to my messages.”Ji Hyo glared at Joon Ki who was standing at the door of her apartment. She was waiting for Namjoon’s message when she heard someone knock on the door. She was shocked to find Joon Ki when she opened the door.“Can I come in?” Joon Ki asked.“No. Leave.” She tried to close the door but Joon Ki put his hand on the door.“What happened to you?” He asked.“What happened to me? What happened to you? How come you suddenly are interested in my life? Why the hell were you messaging me asking about my well-being? WHY DO YOU CARE!!!” She screamed.“People will hear. Let me come inside. I will explain.”She huffed and then turned around, leaving the door open. Joon Ki walked in and closed the door behind him.“I wish I could call Police on you the way you did when I came to your house last time.” Ji Hyo sat on her computer chair, glaring at him.“Trust me, I don’t feel any happy being here.”“Then why the hell are you here?”He stared at her face.“Who did that to you?”“Why do you care?” She seethed.“Was that you who created drama at Galaxy?”She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. Does the entire world know about this?“Do you have any idea who he is!” Joon Ki asked.“I don’t care.”“He can destroy your career!”“Pfft. As if I have any career.”Joon Ki stared at her and then went to the kitchen to have water. He opened the fridge which was completely empty.“Did you eat anything?”“I have ordered something.” Ji Hyo replied.“Who delivers at this time of night?” Joon Ki came back to the room and stood in front of her. She didn’t look at him.“Come. Let’s go and have dinner together.”“No.”“Even I didn’t have dinner. Let’s go.”“No. I am fine.”“Ji Hyo. I am asking this for the old time’s sake. You know you need me.”“I don’t need someone who just vanishes from my life and then tries to come back without even apologizing.” Her throat choked and she closed her eyes to avoid tears spilling out.“I am sorry.”Ji Hyo inhaled deeply and wiped the tear which had escaped her eyes. She looked at Joon Ki.“You are paying for the dinner.”He nodded.“And this doesn’t mean I have forgiven you.”“Okay.”She got up and texted Namjoon that she was going out to have dinner with her family. He doesn’t need to know who that family is. Afterall Joon Ki was her hyung’s best friend and classmate. He was like a hyung to her as well.“Will you tell me now why you are here?” Ji Hyo asked Joon Ki at the restaurant. Their food had just arrived.“I am worried for you. You are very unpredictable. This is not how it’s done Ji Hyo. You will soon run out of your money if you don’t try to change yourself. What were you doing in the last few months?”“Just writing songs.”“How do you plan to release them?”She didn’t reply and kept eating.“See! That’s why I told you to treat Yoo-nim properly. He could have helped you in releasing your song! He is very influential. I tried so hard to bring him to talk to you and you -”Joon Ki jumped when Ji Hyo kept the spoon on the table with a loud bang.“Your Yoo-nim grabbed my body and was not letting me go." She hissed, "He was putting his dirty hands all over my body. Thankfully, we were in his office and not his house otherwise I don’t know what he could have done to me. Do you want me to forget it just so that he releases my songs?”Joon Ki went silent. He was shocked.“It’s all your fault. If you had not asked me to go to that wretched party, I would have never met him. He has been following me since that day and I just hate you so, so much.”She grabbed the spoon angrily and went back to eating. No one said anything after that.Joon Ki drove Ji Hyo to her house after dinner. She was about to leave the car when he stopped her.“I am moving to Daegu next week.”“So?”“Forever. I have found a job over there. And…”Ji Hyo looked at him.“I am getting married.” He said, trying to read her face.“With whom?”“Moony” He said carefully.“Huh! So that’s why you were avoiding me.” She laughed viciously.Moony was her bully in their school. She was 1 year her senior and hence, 5 years junior to Joon Ki and her hyung. Ji Hyo always tried to avoid her until one day when she broke her violin which was actually her mother's.Ji Hyo knew what Joon Ki means by saying that she is unpredictable. That day, she was overcome with an anger that she had never experienced before and revealed all her secrets to the Principal of her school, including the fact that she asked her juniors to write her assignments and used a belt to beat Ji Hyo when she denied to do her work. The Principal knew her father really well as he used to be a teacher at the same school. Therefore, he believed Ji Hyo’s words which led to Moony’s suspension from the school and her parents sending her off to Seoul’s boarding school as a punishment. Although Joon Ki says that she has changed, but she still hates Ji Hyo and avoids her at all cost.“I am sorry, I can’t help you anymore.” Joon Ki said, bringing her back to the reality.“You stopped helping me long time ago. You knew everything about me, but you still left me alone. You ridiculed my music, the only thing that I have and that I cherish. Never mind, I am used to the life without you. I am happy that you are not in my life anymore” She answered bitterly.Joon Ki didn’t reply.After a moment’s pause, Ji Hyo said,“So this is the final good bye then. Congratulations..I guess.”He nodded without any expression and looked ahead. Ji Hyo opened the door and went inside her apartment. She felt hollow inside and didn’t have anything else to say to the person who had let her live in his house when she came to Seoul 4 years ago. She will always have gratitude for what he did for her during the initial years, but she will never forgive him for pushing her to the verge of committing suicide.She has overcome her demons and today she is happy with what she has.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Joonie: I don’t want to meet your family right now. I will give you 15 minutes to come down. Wear some casual clothes and good shoes. We are going for hiking.
Ji Hyo was shocked after reading the message. It was dawn, sun had still not come out and she was still in her pajamas. She jumped from her bed and went to the window. With his hands in his pockets, Namjoon was standing in front of her building, looking up at her apartment. He was wearing a mask and a cap.
Ji Hyo: What are you doing here?
Joonie: 14 minutes.
“Ughhh he is so stubborn!”
Ji Hyo: I have not even brushed!
Joonie: Then do it. 13 minutes 30 seconds.
“Aghh seriously!!”Ji Hyo ran around her room, getting clothes on while brushing her teeth. After 15 minutes she was standing in front of Namjoon, panting and glaring at him.“How did you know that I live here?”“Um..I might have also stalked you some day.” Namjoon said cheekily and turned to walk towards the bus stop.“You stalked me?? When?” She followed him making sure that she was wearing her mask properly.“When you had a fight with someone named Joon Ki at Nanyang café.”“Oh God. So, you were really there.” Ji Hyo suddenly wanted to disappear.“You knew I was there?” Namjoon looked behind while walking.“I remember I had collided into someone while going into my cubicle and I had vague memory of that someone being you.”“Yup, you were right. I still remember that moment. I caught you from falling down and you raised your face to look at me with watery eyes. You looked just like Dobby.”“What!!!”“Oh no..sorry, not Dobby.”She huffed.“What is the name of that creature in the Lord of the Rings movie which says ‘my precious’..” He imitated.“Shut up!!”“Gollum! Yup that’s what you looked like”“Do you wanna die?” She seethed which made Namjoon laugh.After walking for a minute in silence, Ji Hyo asked,“Did you really follow me till here?”“I did.”“Why? It’s like 30 minutes bus drive from that café.”“I know. I was in the bus sitting behind you. You didn’t see me.”“But why did you come so far?”“I just wanted to make sure that you were safe.” Namjoon replied, looking straight.“Why?”“My God! You ask too many questions.” He looked behind. Ji Hyo was following him closely and looking at him expectantly.“Tell me!”“I don’t know.”“That’s not an answer.” She complained. They had now reached the bus stop. He stopped by the sitting area and turned around. Ji Hyo came to a stop in front of him. She was staring at him expectantly with her big eyes. Her eyes grew wide when he took a step closer so that he was now towering over her. Ji Hyo had to raise her face up to see his face. She realized she only reached till his shoulder. Suddenly, he put his hands on her mask and slid it down which surprised the heck out of her. Her heart started racing fast while Namjoon studied her cheeks and lips.“Hmm, it’s getting better. Swelling is gone now.” He whispered. His breath touching Ji Hyo’s face which made the hairs at the back of her neck stand up.He put the mask back at its place and sat down. Ji Hyo exhaled. She didn’t know she was holding her breath. She slowly sat down next to him, trying to remember what they were talking about. Her mind was blank.------“Why are you doing this to me so early in the morning?” Ji Hyo said while panting heavily.Namjoon had brought her to Namsan Mountain park for hiking. They had been hiking for 40 minutes now. He was way ahead of Ji Hyo and she was trying really hard to catch up with him.“You said you like hiking.”“Not with someone who has extraordinarily long legs!”Namjoon laughed. He grabbed her hand and pulled her. Although it was the first time he had held her hand, but Ji Hyo was too tired to notice anything.“Not even old people are here today for walking. Of all the days, why did you select today when it’s exceptionally hot?”“Because I am leaving tomorrow for Taiwan.”“Are you…not…coming back?” Ji Hyo panted.“Of course I am!”“Then why…did ..you…choose..” She sat down without completing her statement. She took off her mask and fanned her face with hands.“Ya Ji Hyo! Stop acting like an old woman! Get up!”She glared at him and took a long sip of water.“You want to rest for 5 minutes?”She nodded.Namjoon took out his mobile and handed it to her,“Take my picture.”Ji Hyo glared at him again and clicked a set of photos while sitting down.“Whoa! These are nice! You are a good photographer. I am impressed.”“Oh God! Why is it so humid today?” She said as if she didn’t hear him.Namjoon looked at her and felt a little pity.“Get on my back. I will carry you.”“What! No!”“It’s just 5 minutes. Come on.” He crouched in front of her.“Nooo! I am fine. Let’s go.” She got up and started walking fast.“Ya! You are scared that I will know how fat you are, aren’t you?”“Shut up!!” “Hahaha”After 10 minutes, the duo found themselves at the top of the mountain. Namjoon was standing by the edge, clicking photos. Ji Hyo was sitting some feet behind him, taking off her shoes to let her sweaty feet feel the wind. It was exhilarating. She kept the phone inside her bag, took off her cap and mask and let her hairs loose. Her long hairs fell on her back, blowing in the wind. She closed her eyes, leaned back and smiled, feeling the wind on her face. Namjoon looked around and smiled when he saw Ji Hyo. Her face was glowing in the morning sunlight and hairs were playing in the wind. He was mesmerized by her beauty. He quietly used his mobile to click a picture of her like that.
Even in the photo she looks like Goddess.
His eyes moved up and caught her eyes. She smiled at him brightly which made his heart flutter. He just looked at her, trying to memorize every feature of her face.Ji Hyo felt heat rising up on her cheeks. She knew she had started blushing again.
Why is he looking at me like that? Is he smiling or not? Damn! Why doesn’t he take off his mask? His eyes are making my heart race.
She cleared her throat and said, “Aren’t you hot? Take off your mask.”Namjoon came back to reality and looked around. There was no one. So, he took off the mask and sat next to Ji Hyo, watching the view.Both of them sat in silence for few minutes. There was no awkwardness even in the silence.Finally, Ji Hyo inhaled deeply and said,“Although I gave you hard time while walking up, but thank you for bringing me here. This view is so beautiful.”“Not more than the view sitting next to me.”“Sorry?”Namjoon didn’t reply.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Ji Hyo, take this carrot kimchi, you like it a lot.”“How did – wait, I talked about carrot kimchi during my live???” Ji Hyo asked horrified which made Namjoon laugh.They had spent hours at the top, talking about various things, mostly Namjoon’s inner struggles with various things. Ji Hyo listened to him seriously and tried to give her perspective as an artist which eased his heart. When the sun was high up in the sky, they decided to walk back. They were now sitting in a restaurant at the foot of the mountain.“You know so many things about my likes and dislikes! Tell me about yourself?” Ji Hyo complained.“I don’t think I know much about you but anyway, what do you want to know about me? Everything about me is on the internet.”“Hmmmm when is the next album coming out?”“You will know soon.” He smiled at her.“What is the title song?”“You will know soon…”“What about the theories?”“Hmm, that also you will know soon”“Come on!! You are not answering my questions!”“Because you are not asking questions about me. You are asking about the album!” Namjoon said while taking large bites of his meal. He was starving.“What does V do in his free time?” She asked dreamily.He sighed and decided not to answer.“Okay fine! Do you have any siblings?”“Yup. A sister.”“Girlfriends?”“In the past.”“How many?”“2-3”“2 or 3”“3” Namjoon answered while looking at her with a smirk.“ooooo” She took a sip of juice with the straw while quirking her eyebrows.“First kiss?”“Umm I guess 16.”“ooooooooooo” Ji Hyo again gave him another naughty look which made Namjoon laugh.“What type of girlfriend do you like?”“Hmm. Someone who likes reading, who can understand my philosophical talks" he laughed, "whose smile can make my day, who knows stuffs about music and struggles artists face, who is ready to accept those struggles…and..”“And..” Ji Hyo asked in between chewing her food.“and someone who is open with me and does not hide anything from me.” He said while studying her face.“Hmm nice! You have thought it out thoroughly.”“Yes...” He went back to his food. She was good at hiding her thoughts. “Any more questions?”“Nope!” Ji Hyo said cheerfully.“Now, can I ask you questions?”“Nope!” She replied in the same tone.“Why not! That’s not fair. You asked me so many questions!”“Because you told me to ask you questions!” Ji Hyo gave devil laugh and winked at him.“I want to know more about you.”“Everything about me is in my videos. And you have already seen all of them…”“What happened at Galaxy?”Namjoon's sudden question caught her by surprise and she started coughing on her food. He handed her a glass of water.“Why do you still want to know about it? It’s been days since that happened!” She asked after recovering.“Because I hate it when you hide things from me.”Ji Hyo stared at him and then said slowly.“It makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about it.” “Are you still uncomfortable with me?”“No! That thing that happened with me makes me uncomfortable.” She looked down at her plate while Namjoon stared at her.“I hope one day you are comfortable enough with me to share everything.”“I told you it’s -”“I have shared my inner struggles with you even though they make me uncomfortable, didn’t I?”Ji Hyo went quiet.“I just want to be a friend who can lend you support when you need it. I don’t like you going through every struggle alone. That’s all.”“I don’t want to burden you with my worries. You already have lots of things going on with you.”“Do you know among all the things, what worries me the most, that you don’t treat me as your friend. That only one side is invested into this friendship and that’s me.”“That’s not true!”“Well! That’s how I feel.” He finished the last bite of his meal and left to pay at the counter.Ji Hyo sat deep into thoughts.
Is it true? Am I not investing enough in this friendship?
She looked at Namjoon's back.
He has been so kind to me from day-1. I would die before hurting him.
I don’t want to show him my demons. I just want to show him my bright and happy side.
Ji Hyo who makes him laugh.
Ji Hyo who makes him happy.
Namjoon came back to the table. He was avoiding Ji Hyo’s eyes and wearing the mask and cap silently.“Let’s go. I will drop you home.” He grabbed his bag and walked outside.Ji Hyo sighed. She knew he was disappointed. They walked in silence to the bus stop, Namjoon walking in the front and Ji Hyo following him. Suddenly, he stopped and took out his mobile.“What happened?” Ji Hyo asked.“I am booking a cab. It will be faster.”She sighed again.
He just wants to drop me home as soon as possible. Ugh I hate it when he is angry!
During the entire way back home, Ji Hyo contemplated what to do. He was not even looking at her. He was either checking his mobile or looking outside. This is the first time when she had to deal with an angry Namjoon.“Are you seriously not going to talk to me because of that?”“You talk. I am listening.”“See, if I have hurt you then I am sorry. Don’t be angry with me!”“No need to be sorry. I just can’t be comfortable unless you stop hiding stuffs. It's simple. If you tell me your struggles, I might help you out with them. If you tell me about people who you dislike, I will know how to behave the next time when I see them around you.”“You won’t be there when those people are around me!”“I was there when he was around you.” He looked at her suddenly. Ji Hyo closed her eyes and turned to the window.“I am not pressurizing you. Take your time. But please, please work on being comfortable with me.”Finally, they reached home. Ji Hyo noticed he was not getting out of the cab.“You are leaving in this cab only?”“Yes.”She didn’t want him to leave like that. He was still angry and she didn’t want to be the reason of him having a bad day.“Okay. Let’s talk.” She said and got off the cab. She ran around the cab and opened his door. He stared at her.“Come out! I will tell you everything.”Namjoon told the driver stop the trip and came out. They were standing at the foot of stairs to her house. Thankfully, because of hot and humid day, there were not many people on the street. He looked down at Ji Hyo and waited for her to start.She took deep breath and said,“That day he wanted to take me out to dinner. I denied his invitation which made him angry. He then started talking about his wife, how he met her, her slender legs and thin waist..” Ji Hyo said with disgust.She looked up at Namjoon, he was wearing his mask and looking down at her. She lowered her head and stared at her shoes.“She cheated on him and their divorce will be finalized next month. It seems he was comparing me with his wife because he said he wanted to see how slender my legs are and…”Ji Hyo stopped. Her hands were now bound into fists, her nails piercing her palm.“And?” He asked quietly.“And how my waist looks like without any clothes on.” She heard him inhale sharply and continued, trying to let everything out as fast as possible,“He sat next to me. I stood up so he pulled me and was not letting go off me. His hands were moving all over my body and then his secretary knocked on the door which made him let go off me. I was disgusted, so I slapped him, which angered him more, so he grabbed my hairs and.. and..” Ji Hyo now felt herself shivering. All those memories were back and they were playing in front of her closed eyes. She wanted to delete all of them but she couldn’t. It was as if she could feel that pain, fear and panic again. Her nails pierced deep into her palm and she was breathing heavily. She could feel her heart pumping into her ears.Suddenly, she felt herself pressed against Namjoon's chest. His hands were tightly bound around her shoulder and his head rested on her head, lips very close to her right ear. Her left ear was pressed against his heart and she could feel how fast his heart was beating. Her body tingled, her mind went blank and a comforting warmth swept across her being. It has been years since she was hugged like this and she wanted to make a home here, in his arms.
“You are safe now.” She heard him whisper near her ear. She wanted to cry.“If that bastard tried to contact you again, call me immediately. Okay?” Ji Hyo nodded her headThey don’t know how long they stood there like that. Neither of them wanted to let go of each other. Namjoon's heart beats had now calmed down and Ji Hyo was now counting each one of them. He lifted his head and looked around to see if anyone was there looking at her or taking their photos. He didn’t want Ji Hyo to be involved in any kind of scandal. He then felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket. With one hand on Ji Hyo’s head, he pulled it out with other hand and saw Taehyung calling him. He still didn’t want to let go off her, so he answered the call while hugging her.Ji Hyo felt his chest vibrate with every sound he made. It made her smile.“Yes, Taehyung-a?”“Hyung, we have meeting today. You remember, right?”“Yeah, it’s at 2.”“And what is the time now?”Namjoon moved his hand which was carrying the mobile to check his watch – 1.35“Shit!”Ji Hyo tried to pull out but he held her head at his chest.“I will leave now. Will be 5-10 minutes late to the meeting. Don’t tell anyone where I am.”“Where are you?” Taehyung asked.“Never mind. See you.”He hung up, booked a cab and then gave a tight hug to Ji Hyo.“I really don’t want to go but I have meeting with PD-nim.”“It’s okay. We can meet after you come back from Taiwan.” Came the muffled reply.He sighed and pulled out. He looked around the deserted street again, just to be cautious. His hands were holding Ji Hyo’s shoulders. Ji Hyo was staring up at him, trying hard not to swoon. He looked down and smiled at her big, innocent eyes. He pulled down her mask and took a step back. His eyes roaming around her face.“I will miss you.” He sighed loudly.“I will miss you too.” Ji Hyo replied with a smile. “Be safe. Avoid injuries.”He nodded.The cab arrived quickly and Namjoon gave a last hug before getting into the cab.Ji Hyo sighed loudly while looking at the leaving cab.
Please God. Don’t make me fall for him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I heard it was very crowded at the airport.” Ji Hyo told Namjoon on the video call. He had come back from his concert 2 hours ago, took shower and called Ji Hyo to see her face. Since the time he came back home after meeting Ji Hyo, he kept missing her and checked her photo taken by him for thousands of times.“Yeah. It was wild.” He smiled and ruffled his hairs.“ARMY here are very angry.”“Really?”“Yeah. They wrote on forums reprimanding them and now planning to take some initiative to avoid these situations happening again.”He smiled brightly.“I am – I am very grateful to them. Seriously. I feel so lucky.”Ji Hyo smiled at his humility. He was the most perfect man she had ever seen in her life. And with his blonde hairs falling on his eyes, he was looking like a Greek God right now. She wondered how would it feel like to ruffle his hairs with her own hands.
Ji Hyo! Control.
“What are you thinking?”“What?” Ji Hyo asked in surprise.“What are you thinking, Ji Hyo?” Namjoon teased.“Nothing. Just.…I think you are very humble.”“Really? That’s what you were thinking?”“Yup! Did you have dinner?”“I love the way you change the topic.”“How is the weather there?”“Still trying huh..” Namjoon chuckled.“What time is your concert tomorrow?” Ji Hyo grinned.“Fine! You win. It’s in the evening. Same time.”“And when are you flying back?”“9th morning. Keep your schedules open on 9th. Let’s have lunch or dinner together.”“Okay.”“And remember, you can call Donghyuk anytime if you need anything. He knows about you.”“Yeah..”“Is your family doing well?”“Yes, they are!” Ji Hyo smiled.“Good.”He stared at her for few seconds and then said, “I need to go now.”“I know. You should sleep now.” “Uh! Why is parting so difficult?”“We are meeting day after tomorrow!” Ji Hyo laughed. “Miss me.” Namjoon whispered which made her heart skip a beat.“I will.”After hanging up, Ji Hyo sat on her bed crossed legged, staring into the dark. What the hell just happened? Why do I feel like I just talked to my boyfriend.
Why does he treat me this way?
Why does my heart always race when I talk to him?
This is wrong.
This should not happen.
Ji Hyo exhaled slowly and closed her eyes.
Please, please, don’t fall in love with him.
Her mobile vibrated. It was a message from him.
Joonie: I am listening to a song which reminds me of you.
Ji Hyo: What song?
Joonie: I will tell you later. Good night! 😊 P.S. I just uploaded my pic on Twitter. Like it.
God! Why is he asking me to like it when hundreds of thousands of people are already liking it!
She still liked it.
“Everyone, how are you doing today? Did you miss me?”Ji Hyo’s injury had subsided and it was time to go live with her followers. She had missed them a lot. It was around noon when she knew students and office people go on their lunch break.“I was missing you a lot so I started this live for few minutes. I hope you are enjoying your day. Oh, 10580 people already joined. Hello~~” Ji Hyo waved at the camera.She kept reading the comments who were asking her where she was, how was she doing, why didn’t she go live in the entire week etc.“I know you were waiting for me. But I tweeted that I was not feeling well. Sorry, for not being able to greet you earlier.” She said apologetically.She read more comments and tried to reply to each and everyone.“No. I am still not planning to take off my mask”“I am writing a song right now. Please look forward to it.”“Yes, my family is here. They are doing great.”“’I am eating carrot kimchi~’ – wohoo enjoy!”“Yes, my mother also got me carrot kimchi from my hometown.”“Where is my hometown? Daegu~~”“’Do you know BTS?’ – kkekeke I feel I am always asked this question. Yes, I know BTS! Who doesn’t know them?”“’Will you collab with them?’ – Why not!” Ji Hyo smiled under her mask.“Which member do you like most from BTS? – I like all of them.”“’My day is made now when I heard your voice’ – kekeke thank you so much. My day is also made after talking to you.”“’If someone from BTS asked you out on a date, which member do you want that to be?’ – kekeke what kind of question is that? Why would they ask a faceless person like me on a date!”“’When will I go live again?’ – Tonight for sure! Look forward to it~”“’Still, choose one’ – which BTS member would you like to go on a date with?” Ji Hyo read this question and sighed. There must be someone trying to match-make her with a BTS member. She replied,“If you really want to know then Taehyung. V” Ji Hyo made a V sign to the camera.“’I need to go now’ – Ah I know you guys must be busy. Let’s meet again tonight. Have a nice day, everyone.”Ji Hyo closed the live and took out her phone to order lunch.“Hyung~~ Did you also see what I saw?”Namjoon sighed and looked up from his mobile. “No, I didn’t.”Taehyung came to the couch and plopped next to Namjoon. He swept his hairs back and crossed his leg, giving smoldering look.“I think you got a competition.” He said with a deep voice.“Shut up!”Jin was watching from the mirror while getting his make up done. He asked,“What happened?”“Nothing.” Namjoon muttered.“This hyung next to me-”“Stop! Taehyung-a”“Asked Ji Hyo Shi on her live-”“Ya!!!”“Which BTS member she will go to date with?”Namjoon threw a pillow at Taehyung and he caught it while laughing hard. “She said Taehyung!” He shouted.Everyone in the room started laughing and Namjoon kicked Taehyung out of the couch. He sighed and braced himself for the teasing.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
On 9th July, Ji Hyo woke up late. Last night, she spent almost an hour in talking to her followers on live and then sat for the entire night to write a song. When she woke up, she had 20 messages from RM and 5 missed calls.
Oh no! I should have informed him that I was awake for entire night.
She immediately called him.“You know how to make me worry for you.”“I just woke up.” She croaked.“It’s around noon Ji Hyo Shi!”“I slept late. At 6 in the morning.”“That’s the time to wake up Ji Hyo Shi!” Namjoon feigned shock which made Ji Hyo giggle.“What were you doing all night?”“Composing.”“What are you composing?”“Just…a song. When did you arrive?”They continued talking and decided to meet in the evening.“Ya! Would you really go on a date with Taehyung?”“You saw my live!!! When did you get time to see it?”“Answer my question!”“Well…why not? He is cute.” Ji Hyo grinned when Namjoon glared at her.“I will make sure to keep him away from you.”“Whyyy! I like him.”“What do you like about him?”“His voice. It’s so deep.”“Even I have deep voice!”Ji Hyo looked at him skeptically.“I am not a rap person. V is my style.”“Okay then. I will go and send him instead.” He got up to leave. They were sitting in one of the cubicles of Nanyang café.“Okay sorry! Rap is also my style! I am kidding!” Ji Hyo laughed and pushed Namjoon to sit down.“Not rap, talk about RM. Is RM your style?”“Hmm..now that’s difficult.” Namjoon got up again to leave which made Ji Hyo laugh.“You are a bully!!”“I am not.”“Blackmailer!”“Ya Ji Hyo!! I came back to Korea and this is how you treat me. It seems you didn’t miss me at all.”“I missed teasing you!” Ji Hyo grinned.Namjoon sighed and sat down.“I can see your injuries are almost gone now. You look ugly again.” Ji Hyo fell on the table laughing which made him smile. She doesn’t mind laughing at herself, that’s what he loved about her.After few minutes of teasing each other, they talked about the upcoming album.“We are recording and learning choreo for the new album. I am going to be very busy for next few days.”“How is the album preparation going on?”“Unfortunately, I was not able to participate a lot as I have some personal projects going on. But I did write a song which expresses my feelings these days. People will also love the title song and there are some more surprises in the album.”“You have a solo in this album?”“Yes. Everyone has a solo.”"You wrote about your feelings? Is it bright or dark song?""I feel happy these days because of a certain person, if that's what you want to know." Namjoon smiled at her which made Ji Hyo blush."Is your song about me?" Namjoon didn't answer and took a sip of his coffee. She decided not to pester him anymore for the album.“I am sure this album will also hit number 1 on Billboards chart.” “I don’t want to burden our fans with records and charts. I just want them to enjoy our songs.” He looked at her seriously.“They are enjoying, that’s why it’s creating records.” Ji Hyo smiled.“You always know how to appease my heart.” He looked at Ji Hyo admiringly.“Friends forever” She winked.Ji Hyo and Namjoon talked for hours. They went to have dinner afterwards and talked more. Although it had been few of days of being apart, it seemed they still had lots of things to talk about - albums, music, genres, society, records, charts and intermittent teasing. It was around 9 at night when they arrived at Ji Hyo’s house.“I am not sure when I will see you again.” Namjoon said apologetically.“It’s okay. You focus on your album. I also have some stuffs going on.”“Is your family still here?” He asked while looking up at the dark apartment.“Um..yes.” Ji Hyo replied.Namjoon looked down at Ji Hyo. He again had a feeling that she was hiding something from him, but he decided to ignore it and instead focus on her eyes which were shining under the street lamp.“You have really big eyes.” He wondered loudly.“Yeah, I have been told many times.”“Who did you inherit them from?”“My mother. They say I have my mother’s eyes and hairs, and father’s lips and jawline.” Ji Hyo beamed.On the mention of lips, his eyes fell on her lips which made her smile vanish. Consciously, she licked her lips. She saw his eyes slowly moving up and meeting her eyes. He had a look into his eyes which she had not seen before. It made her shiver.“Are you cold?” He whispered.Ji Hyo shook her head. She couldn’t take her eyes away from his eyes, as if her eyes had been captivated by his. She felt him leaning inwards when suddenly glass breaking next to them made both of them jump. Ji Hyo clutched her chest and inhaled deeply. For a minute they forgot where they were standing.“Go inside. It’s not safe here.” Namjoon said, eyeing the man in front of liquor store. He looked extremely drunk.“Yes. You also leave.” Ji Hyo said. Namjoon bid her good night and signaled her to go inside. He then turned around and left. After coming to the corner of the street, he booked the cab.Before sleeping, Ji Hyo got the message from Namjoon,“I think you should look for apartments in safer area. Should I ask my agent to find one for you?”“Um no..this apartment is fine.”“But the area is not. It keeps me worried.”“Don’t worry, these people are usually drunk and they don’t care who lives in this apartment.”“Ji Hyo…is it because of the rent? I can help you..”“No. I am fine.” Ji Hyo’s ego was too high to take help from anyone. She didn’t want to be in debt of anyone.“Ok. As you wish. Be safe.”“Yup. Good night Joonie! 😊”“Good night Sweetie.”Before going to sleep, Ji Hyo checked her Twitter timeline and found Namjoon's music recommendation which made her laugh.
That naughty fellow! Why is he listening to songs like these!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Me: I miss you
She stared at the message that she had sent to Namjoon around 2 hours ago. It’s been almost a month since she met him. He has been extremely busy with album preparation and learning choreography which he said was exceptionally difficult this time. He was so busy that they didn’t even have time to chat properly. After album preparation, they suddenly had to leave for Malta. He had messaged her one night saying he just got the news about Malta and he promised to spend most of the August with her. Although Ji Hyo was still trying to deny her feelings for him, but the idea of spending time together made her heart rate increase.Today, however, she was missing him a lot. It’s been days since they talked on phone and she just wanted to hear his voice. She had already played all of his songs on repeat, but Namjoon's most of the songs are angry raps which does not help Ji Hyo much as she only likes his soft side. His angry side scares her. Since she was missing him so much, she sent him the message about it but it’s been 2 hours and he had still not replied. Ji Hyo sighed and typed on the chat,
Me: Ya! Why don’t you have any slow and soothing songs in your voice!!!
No reply.
Me: Okay, I am going to listen to Taehyung’s songs on repeat then.
Again, no reply. After 15 minutes of waiting, she got an idea.
Me: Yeah, I am home alone. Come in.
Me: Oops sorry! This was not for you.
She waited for the reply but nothing came. She sighed again, tossed the mobile on her bed and got up to start her day.
Joonie: You have 15 minutes.
Ji Hyo squealed, ran to the window and looked outside. There he was, wearing red shirt, khadi shorts, and face covered with mask. His hands in pockets and eyes glued at her window. She smiled broadly and ran outside. She didn’t care about her clothes or how she looked.Namjoon laughed when he saw Ji Hyo in her weirdest look possible. She was wearing oversize shirt, 3-fourth pant and big, pink and fluffy socks. Her hairs were disheveled and tied in a messy bun. She crossed the road and ran straight into his arms. He hugged her tightly and lifted her a little which made her giggle.“I missed you so much!!” Ji Hyo shouted.“Why are you shouting?” Namjoon laughed.She pushed him but he didn’t let go of her. So, she raised her head up and feigned anger.“Why didn’t you call?”“I just landed and came directly to you. Do you know you can’t lie?”“What?”“What was that about being alone and all” He teased which made her smile sheepishly.“How do you know I was lying? I was really home alone!”“Because before sending those home alone messages, you said you missed me and wanted soothing songs in my voice.” He winked.Ji Hyo blushed and hid her face in his chest. He took a deep breath and put his chin on her head. After a moment’s pause, he asked,“What the hell are you wearing?”To his amusement, Ji Hyo shrieked, struggled herself out of his grasp, mumbled something about being back in 10 minutes and ran back to her apartment.“Cute.” Namjoon murmured. His phone vibrated, it was Ji Hyo. He answered the phone and looked at her apartment.“Where are we going? What should I wear?”“Cycling at Yeouido Park, then Han river and finally dinner. Wear something revealing.”“Yeah you wish.” She hung up the phone.After 15 minutes, Namjoon and Ji Hyo were walking towards the bus stop while talking about Ji Hyo’s work. She was wearing off shoulder top and white culottes.The sun had set an hour ago but the duo was too deep into conversation to notice. They were sitting at a spot near Han River that only RM knew about. He usually comes here to clear his mind. Today, they have been sitting here for hours, eating ice-cream and discussing about Namjoon's work.“I am trying something new with my solo album. I am planning to include the song that we recorded. Will you work with me on another song? I want to do something with violin. You can play violin, right?”“Yes. But do you have one available at your studio? Mine broke long time ago.”“Don’t worry I have one. Let’s go tomorrow to buy you a violin.”“No!! I will buy it myself.”He looked at Ji Hyo.“Why can’t I buy it for you?”“You already pay all restaurant and café bills.”“So what? Can’t I pay for you?”“Nope.” Ji Hyo said cheekily but Namjoon was not amused.“Why?” His serious tone sobered her up.“You tell me, why do you spend so much on me?”“Because I want to.”“Well then I don’t want that.” She turned her face to the river.Namjoon looked at her for few seconds and then asked,“Why do I still feel so distant from you?”She sighed.“My parents always taught me not to take money from anyone. I have always avoided having debts.”“Yup, I do feel distant from you.” Namjoon turned his face away in disappointment.“Can I ask you something?”He didn’t reply.“I am not your girlfriend, you know that, right?” She asked softly.His eyes went wide and he looked at her. Ji Hyo waited for answer but he just kept staring at her, his eyes moving around her face.“Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I am talking to my boyfriend. It should not be like this.”“What are you trying to say, Ji Hyo?”“I know it sounds cliché but please…I am not good for you. So, please…let’s just be friends.”“Can you be just friends?”“Yes, I can. I mean, I am!”“Really?”“See, I do have crush on you. But it’s just a crush. Even though we are sitting next to each other but there is a deep chasm between us.”“Why do you worry so much Ji Hyo? One thing I have learnt in my life is not to worry too much. Just enjoy the present, otherwise you will regret it later. Things that are meant to happen will happen eventually.”“I don’t want this to happen.” Ji Hyo moved her hand between them.“Why? Am I that bad?” Namjoon asked.“You are the most perfect man I have ever seen. And that’s why you are totally wrong for me.”“Then what is right for you?”“Ugh I don’t know! Forget it! Let’s go, it’s late.” She got up but Namjoon held her hand. She looked down. Their eyes met. Slowly, Namjoon pressed his lips on her hand, his eyes still looking up at her. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. He pulled her down gently which made her sit on her knees. She was not able to open her eyes.He placed her palm on his chest and leaned towards her ears to whisper,“Your heart, my heart - both are racing at the same speed, Ji Hyo. No matter how much you deny, you know what your heart wants.”Ji Hyo shook her head slowly.“I need you. And I know, you need me too.” He pulled out and looked at her face. She had her eyes tightly shut.“But I will wait until you are ready.” He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her up to stand up with him.“Open your eyes Ji Hyo. Let’s go and have dinner.” He said while picking up his bag and wearing his mask.Ji Hyo rubbed her chest which was paining because of breathlessness. She hated him for having this effect on her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
You're like the sweetest thing I know Like my favorite Lauryn song And I need you really bad (oh, yeah) Don't take me for granted You'll be regretting it Oh, I should be your last, ooh yeah
Ji Hyo sniffed and sneezed again. If she knew that eating just one ice-cream will result into her getting the flu, she would have thrown that ice-cream into the Han River. She hated flu! In addition to that, this song that RM had posted on Twitter last night was making her feel things which she never felt before.It was in reference to the small moment they had at the river bank. She didn’t know whether she should cry or laugh. She was awake entire night, mostly because of sneezing and coughing, but also because that moment was still playing into her mind. The feeling of his lips on her hand still lingering and ears still buzzing with his whispers. The way he said “I need you” still sent shivers down her spine. Or is it fever? She coughed and turned to the clock next to the bed. It said 11:08 AM.
What is he doing right now?
Last night, they were not able to go on dinner together as he had something important come up. He got her a cab from Han River park and then left for BigHit. Surprisingly, Ji Hyo was happy that happened. She didn’t know how to face him after what happened at the park. Her face was hot because of blushing hard and her mind was not working properly.Her thoughts were broken by loud sneeze followed by hard coughing. Her eyes were watery and she had hundreds of tissues laying around her bed. She noticed her mobile vibrating. RM was calling her. How is she going to talk to him with sore throat and blocked nose! So, she rejected the call and dropped the messageJi Hyo: Can’t talk. What’s up?Her mobile started vibrating again.“Ugh! Why is he so stubborn!!” She said in a nasal tone and answered the call.“Hello” She croaked.“What happened to you?”“Just cold. So, what’s up?”“You sound funny.” Namjoon said amused.“Shut up!” Ji Hyo sneezed loudly. “I shouldn’t have eaten that ice cream.”“Just one ice cream did this?”“It was after many many -” She sneezed “uh sorry, many years since I ate an ice cream.”“Let me take you to the doctor”“Nooo it’s just a cold. I will be fine in 2 days. What are you doing?”“Nothing, just getting ready to go for practice but now I am worried.”“Stop worrying about me! I am not a child!” She croaked.She heard Namjoon talking to someone in the background.“I have to go now. Take care. Drink hot tea, okay. Call me if you need anything. If I don’t answer then call Donghyuk. Okay?”“Yes! Don’t ge -” *sneeze* “don’t get injured.”“Yeah. See you.”Ji Hyo was warming up water when she heard her door bell ring. Thinking that her dinner was here, she opened the door. However, to her surprise, it was Namjoon standing at the door. She immediately slammed the door shut.“Ya! Open the door!” Namjoon laughed.“What are you doing here! It’s late!”“It’s only 7.30. Open the door!”“Are you mad!? You will also catch cold! Go home!”“I took flu shot last week. I am immune. Now you open the door or I am breaking it. You know they call me destruction king.”“Wait!” Ji Hyo looked around her room and grimaced. There were tissues everywhere, floor, table, chair, bed. She shouted “wait” again and quickly collected all the tissues and threw them in the dustbin. Then she ran to the washroom to check her face and grimaced again. She looked hideous.“Uh who cares!” She croaked and ran to open the door.“Wow! You look …bad.” He smiled at her gently and closed the door behind him.“Why didn’t you tell me that you were - you” *sneeze* *cough* *cough*“Yeah, where is the kitchen? I brought you some soup. Oh, here it is.” RM went to the kitchen while Ji Hyo looked for the tissue box.“You shouldn’t have done this. You already had a long day.” Ji Hyo wiped her nose and closed her eyes bracing herself for another sneeze.Meanwhile, RM turned off the gas onto which water was boiling. He then walked around to find a spoon. However, he was distracted by other things.
This apartment is so small.
He wondered while walking around the kitchen and observing everything.“What are you doing there?”“Looking for a spoon.” He muttered.“Why are you looking for a spoon inside the fridge? Open the-” *sneeze* “drawer below the stove”He closed the fridge and found the spoon in the drawer. He then walked to Ji Hyo who was sitting on her chair. He gave the soup to Ji Hyo and observed her table.“Your table is a mess.”“I know. Too many stuffs. Mmm this soup is good. Thank you!”He smiled at her and took the notebook from her table.“You can write musical notes?” He asked in surprise.“Yeah. My mom was a music teacher. I used to go to her classes.”“Are your parents in Daegu?” He asked while going through her notebook.“Mm-hmm”“And hyung?”“Also in Daegu.” She said while sipping her soup.“You must be tired. Sit down.” She said which made him look around the room to find a chair.“You can sit on this chair, I will sit on the bed.” She said sheepishly. Namjoon sat on the chair and stared at her.“Your bed is so small”“It’s big enough for me.” Ji Hyo smiled.“What about your parents?”“What?” She asked, not paying attention.“Where do they sleep when they come?”Ji Hyo took the sip slowly and then said, “Mom and I sleep on the bed and Dad sleeps on the floor.” She then changed the subject.“How was your practice?”Namjoon looked at her with expressionless face. He then inhaled deeply, closed his eyes and ran fingers through his hairs.
She is still lying to me…
“Tiring?” Ji Hyo asked, keeping the bowl aside and took a tissue to wipe her nose.“Yeah. Very tiring.”“Ya! Don’t you have other works to do!” Ji Hyo shouted when she saw Namjoon at her door the next day as well. He was carrying a bag presumably containing soup.“I am going to drop by until you get well. How are you feeling today?” He put his hand on her forehead.“I will be fine! My sneezing has reduced a lot.” *sneeze*He gave her a look.“Well it’s better than yesterday!”He walked to the kitchen and brought her a spoon. Meanwhile Ji Hyo took out some pages from her notebook and handed them to Namjoon.“I finished my song. Have a look!”He sat on the chair and went over the notes and lyrics. Ji Hyo sat on the bed, sipping soup and staring at him.“This is good. Did you make a demo?”“I am waiting to get better, then I will record. This song is really inspired by epiphany. I love that song! Seokijinnie has sung it so beautifully!”“Seokjinnie?” He raised his eyebrows to which Ji Hyo grinned.“How is your practice going on?”“Tiring as always.” He said while observing Ji Hyo’s mask and jacket which she wears while doing live. Ji Hyo watched him.“This is your mother’s mask, right?” Ji Hyo nodded.“And your father’s hat.” Namjoon said showing her the hat.“I still can’t believe you saw all my lives!” Ji Hyo laughed to which he didn’t say anything.They sat in silence. Namjoon looking around the room and Ji Hyo watching him.“What else is going on?” Ji Hyo asked to break the silence.“Huh?”“Any new things to share?”Namjoon stared at her and then shook his head.“Nope. Nothing new.” He looked at his mobile.Ji Hyo knew something was off about his behavior. There was awkwardness in the air which she had never experienced before with him. She didn’t know what was bothering him but at the same time, didn’t want to pressurize him into telling.“I should go now. I have some work.”She didn’t answer.It was the fifth day of Namjoon coming to her house with soup. Ji Hyo was now feeling well and offered him to go out and have dinner together.“I am busy. I can’t hang out.” Namjoon said while unpacking soup.Ji Hyo walked to him and stood next to him, looking up at his face.“Joonie, is there anything worrying you? You don’t even reply to my messages.”He didn’t say anything.“Are you stressed about the comeback?”No reply.“It will be fine. Entire world is waiting for you guys, I am sure your new album will-”“I am not worried about album.” He said and handed her the soup.“Then?”He stared down at her. His eyes moving around her face. But this time, there was no warmth in his eyes. His gaze was cold and steely which pained Ji Hyo’s heart.“Are you angry with me?” Ji Hyo whispered.“Why do you think I am angry with you?” He asked.“I don’t know. You…you seem different.”“Ji Hyo, you know I hate it when you hide things from me. You know that, right?”She didn’t reply.“Is there anything you want to tell me?”“No.”Namjoon pursed his lips and stared at her. She stared back at him.“Why do I feel I never knew you? I am sick and tired of waiting for you to tell me about yourself. To tell me who you are and what your worries are. I seriously can’t take this anymore.” Namjoon said.“If there is anything important, I will tell you. But there is nothing important to tell!”“Not even Joon Ki? Not even your parents? Are they not important to you? If yes, then I feel sorry for you!” He said frustratingly and walked to the room. Ji Hyo followed him.“Why do you want to know about them? What will you get by knowing them?”“I want to know every little detail of your life Ji Hyo!”“Why!!”“You still don’t know why??? Because I intend to fall in love with you!”He stayed silent for a moment to let Ji Hyo settle it in.“But, instead, I am starting to hate you.” He ended.Ji Hyo stared at him for several seconds, still comprehending what he just said. Meanwhile, Namjoon sat on the chair, one hand on the arm of the chair and the other massaging his forehead, his eyes fixed on Ji Hyo.“I am going to try it for one last time. I am giving you the last chance to open up. If you still lie then I will think that you can never be comfortable with me and if that’s the case -” he ran his fingers through his hairs and continued in low voice, “then I will leave quietly to never come back.”Ji Hyo felt the pang of pain in her chest that she felt when Joon Ki talked about leaving her in Nanyang café few months ago. She didn’t know when she became so dependent on Namjoon that even the idea of him leaving her was breaking her apart. What should she do?“When did you come to Seoul?” Namjoon asked, signifying that he is going to ask questions for which he wants immediate answers.“Around 4 years ago. I was 16” Ji Hyo answered silently. Namjoon looked relieved and signaled her to sit on the bed in front of him. She complied.“Are you really from Daegu?”“Yes.”“Why did you come here?”“I was inspired by you. You were fighting all the hate and still releasing inspiring songs. You were working so hard just because you are passionate about what you do. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to share my music no matter what. Because music is the only thing I know and love.”Warmth in Namjoon’s eyes returned. He knew she wasn’t lying anymore.“When did you start writing music?”“When I was 13.”“That early?”She nodded.“How do you know Joon Ki?”“He was 6-years senior in my school and friend of my hyung. He let me stay at his house when I came here. At that time, he was working for a marketing company here. After few days, he found me this apartment.”“He found you this apartment?”“Yes, rent is cheap.”“Did your parents or hyung live with you here?”She shook her head slowly. “I used to tell everyone that I lived with my parents. I thought if they knew I live alone, it will be dangerous. This area is not good.”Namjoon nodded and continued,“How far is Joon Ki’s house from here?”“He has moved to Daegu now. Before that, 45 minutes by bus.”“That far!” He sounded revolted. “He let you live here all alone that too when you were just 16! Ya! You should have stayed with him in his apartment!” He stared at her open-mouthed.“Apparently his girl-friend, now his wife, does not like me. So, I had to move.”“Why doesn’t she like you?”“I got her suspended from my school because she broke my mother’s violin.” Namjoon looked shocked at this evil confession.“She was also a bully!” Ji Hyo defended. He looked at her unconvincingly and moved to the next question that he was eager to know.“Why were you fighting with him that day in the café?”“He wanted me to join an idol company. They all asked me to join idol groups but I didn’t want to, as you know. He was angry about that.”“So, you were not part of any company when you released your first album?”Ji Hyo shook her head, “He helped me in releasing my first album with his contacts and connections.”“Why?”“Sorry?”“Why did he help you when his girlfriend never liked you and wanted you to stay away from him?”She answered slowly, “I don’t know. Maybe because he was my hyung’s friend.”Namjoon questioned cautiously, “Do you believe that he wanted to use your talent to make himself famous?”Ji Hyo knew why he asked this question. That’s what Joon Ki had told her on that day in the café. Namjoon must have heard their conversation.“I don’t want to think about that. Enough of the questions. Can we now please go out and eat something?”“Why did you lie about your parents?”She went still.“Why do you keep lying about them? They visit you and bring you lots of kimchi?” He scoffed, “There is not even a kimchi box in your fridge!”“So, that’s why you were looking for a spoon inside the fridge! You were just looking for an excuse to enter my apartment to spy on me!” “I was shocked when I came here! I always thought your parents and hyung visit you here! Even the two of us can’t fit into this apartment! Where do they sit and sleep?”“Why does it matter to you! Please don’t make me mad Joonie, let’s stop this now.”“You are not in talking terms with your parents, right?” Ji Hyo looked at him shocked. “Did you run away from your home to come here?”“NO!” She jumped from her bed and shouted at him.“STOP LYING JI HYO!” Namjoon also stood up, pushing his chair hard which made it fall back.“I AM NOT LYING! WILL YOU PLEASE STOP???”“THEN WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY PHOTOS OF YOUR PARENTS HERE? YOU HAVE JOON KI -” Namjoon pointed at each photo on the wall near her window, “YOU TAKING AWARD, YOU EATING – WHAT IS THIS – NOODLES WITH JOON KI, YOU STANDING WITH -”“WILL YOU PLEASE STOP IT!!!”“Not even one photo of your hyung and your parents.” Namjoon finished. Both of them were breathing heavily now.“Leave.” Ji Hyo said haughtily.“What?”“Please…leave.”“Ji Hyo, if I leave now..I will never come back again.”“At least then an immature person like you won’t force me into doing things that I don’t want to.” Ji Hyo spoke before she could stop herself. She immediately regretted it. Namjoon looked hurt. Before she could retract her statement, he said,“Now I know why Joon Ki left you. That’s what happens to a selfish, disloyal person like you.” Ji Hyo felt tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn’t speak.Namjoon grabbed his cap and mask and walked to the door.“Joonie, let me explain -” She said in a small voice.“For the first time in my life, I want to truly erase a specific moment from my life. The moment when I met you.”With that, he left the apartment with a resolve to never see her again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It’s been 2 days since that unfortunate night. Ji Hyo has been trying to reach Namjoon to no avail. It was just like with Joon Ki all over again, as if history was repeating itself. She even contemplated of going to the company but then decided against it, they are in the middle of album preparation, she didn’t want to make any scene there. Therefore, she decided to send apology mail and messages daily till their album releases.
Just one more week.
She sighed while looking at her calendar.She lost her sleep and appetite after what happened with Namjoon. Being a bad liar, she should have been careful around Namjoon. He was the most precious person she has ever met and now, he hates her.She also hates herself.This is not the first time when she lost control over her anger and vented out her frustrations on the people she cares about. However, today she wants to punish herself for what she did. His eyes and words haunt her day and night, and she can't forgive herself until he forgives her.With heavy heart, Ji Hyo opened her mailbox and typed another apology mail.-------“Everyone, are you excited for BTS’s new album? I am!”There was only 1 day to album release. Ji Hyo was having live chat with her followers, as she has been doing since last 1 week.“How are you feeling ARMY?”She laughed at the influx of replies. Some were sad that Love Yourself era was ending while others were looking forward to what future was all about. However, everyone looked excited to see the boys and get the new music. After all, they were told that the title song of this album is the best!Ji Hyo knew that this time they have solos in the album and Namjoon had told her that he wrote his solo song while thinking of her. She was excited and nervous at the same time to know what he wrote. She was hoping that album promotions and busy atmosphere will make him forget what happened between them. Namjoon is not the person who holds grudges against people. “You want me to sing a BTS song? Hmm let me think, which song should I sing? Epiphany? Okay”She continued her live for next 1 hour with the hopes of album receiving unprecedented response and Namjoon deciding to meet her once again.------
What if I go?
If I go, would you be sad?
If I wasn't me, what would I be?
Do you think you'll leave me after all?
Ji Hyo was feeling bittersweet emotions about the song that Namjoon had written, Tirivia:Love. It talked about love. And he wrote this while thinking of her. She felt warmth, however, at the same time knew that things have changed. That Namjoon is not with her anymore. He is angry with her. He hates her. Because he has blocked on all communication channels.She realized that she has been blocked when she tried sending him a mail, congratulating him for success of the new album, and the mail delivery failed. She then tried calling him and it never connected. Ji Hyo didn’t know what to do. The boys were busy in promotions.
He is so busy....but he had time to block me.
She thought bitterly.Was it that serious? Was knowing about her past that serious? Isn’t he acting too immature?Ji Hyo thought about the intimate moments they shared which made her happy and thankful for this life. She should have told him everything. He shared all his worries with her and trusted her with them. He has every right to know about her.
But what if he turns away after knowing about me. Can he handle my broken past? Can he handle my broken self?
Ji Hyo knew she was not perfect and she didn’t want him to see her demons. She only wanted to show her cheerful side because she was afraid of losing him. Look what happened when she lost control last week. In addition to that her past is like a can of worms, once open, the worms will eat her up. She is also scared of her own demons and wants to keep them suppressed no matter what.However, she doesn't want to lose him.She sighed and looked up,“Why did you make everything so complicated!! What should I do now!!” She screamed at her ceiling.There was only one thing she could do, hope.------“He looks happy.”Ji Hyo said in monotone. She was checking fan clips from Love Yourself concert. It was the first day of concert and this was the first time after so many days that she saw him. He had still not contacted her.“He is happy…That’s what matters I guess.” She sighed.She looked at her mobile and drummed her fingers on the table, contemplating if she should do what she was thinking. After few moments of deliberation, she sighed and picked up the mobile,“As if I have not already lost all my pride.” She muttered while dialing the number.------The boys with Donghyuk, Pdogg and other directors had just arrived at BTS dorm, tired but overwhelmed after the first day of the concert. They were ecstatic to be back on the stage and couldn't control their enthusiasm.“I couldn’t concentrate at all. It was so good to meet ARMY again!” Jimin said while taking his shoes off.“Hobie was charismatic today. Seriously!” Suga said.“O Suga!! You surprised the audience! They were cheering so loudly when you started dancing” Everyone laughed.“I think everyone was amazing today. Keep it up! We have a long year ahead but it will be over in a blink of eye. Let’s make a wish that no one gets injured. Always be careful, okay.” Namjoon said and everyone agreed.They talked for some more time and then decided to bid good-bye as they had second day of concert tomorrow. Donhyuk asked Namjoon to see him in the kitchen.“You are not talking to her?” Donghyuk said as soon as they went into the kitchen.Namjoon looked at him surprised.“She called. She was asking for you.”Namjoon sighed and looked down.“I don’t want to distract you from your work so I won’t ask a lot but if you are sure you want to end all connections then tell her that.”He nodded while looking down.“Did she reject your proposal?” Donghyuk asked concerned. He knew Namjoon liked her.“No. It’s just that I never really knew her. She is not the one I thought she would be.”“Are you okay?”“Of course! She was just like a passing wind. Anyway, I was so busy that I don’t even have many memories of her to cry over.”“Let’s talk about this after tomorrow’s concert.” Donghyuk thumped Namjoon’s back and left for home.Namjoon also bid all the members good night and went to bed. He took out his phone to look at Ji Hyo’s chat. There were several messages of her apologizing before he blocked her. He didn’t want to hear her apologies. He wanted to hear the truth. Her fake self has agitated him a lot already.He opened his gallery and started going through all the photos from today’s concert. While scrolling down, he found the photo of Ji Hyo he had taken during their hike and stared at it while thinking,
Was she being fake here as well?
Namjoon sat up angrily and unblocked Ji Hyo on his mail. He then proceeded to write her a mail,
“Ji Hyo,
I am still agitated that you hid yourself from me. To be honest, you seem fake to me now. Every moment we shared seem fake now. I am also not feeling happy by blocking you like this but I can’t be with someone who lies.
My entire life has been in public space and in a fierce industry. Very early on in my career, I realized that I should not trust anyone except the people I am working with. I encountered many people who judged us and told us that we are just wasting our time, that we will never be successful. Do you know how much pressure I was in as a leader to see my members suffering? Do you know how I felt as a leader to see my members being judged by others? Of course you know, because I always told you everything.
Since I was judged very early on in my life, since I suffered a lot during the initial years, I find it difficult in approaching people. That’s why I don’t have many friends in this industry.
However, there was only one exception. A girl with sweet voice and amazing talent. A girl who tried to disguise herself to make an account about her music which has millions of followers today. A girl whose passion for music seemed genuine and whose struggles reminded me of my own. I approached that girl. And somewhere down the line, I felt a surreal connection with her.
But that girl is not you.
I just wish that you tell me who you are. That’s all I want to know and I don’t know why it’s so difficult for you when you have heard me telling you everything about my life. I hate fakeness, Ji Hyo. I hate lies.
I don’t want your apologies. I want the real you. I am keeping my mail box open for you just because I want your next mail to be about yourself. If there is anything else in your mail, I will block you again.
I am giving you another chance to redeem yourself. Please don’t disappoint me.
Namjoon.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The sun was up and shining brightly in the clear blue sky, however, there was still a little chill in the air making the weather perfect to be outdoors. So, Ji Hyo found herself sitting by the side of Han River where Namjoon had brought her in one of their dates. She has many memories from here. Memories that still make her heart race.Namjoon had left for US today for his concert tour and he will not be back until after 2 months. She also wanted to see his concert but she was not invited, nor did she get the ticket because of rush. She missed him. She missed his voice.She was still contemplating how to tell him about herself and her story that even she hadn’t thought of since she was 14. It was something which she had kept hidden in her heart to forget eventually. But Namjoon was adamant…as always. She understood what he meant in his mail. He deserves to know the truth, especially when he is so special to her. This was the only chance to go back to him and she spent past days thinking about her life with him. She had never been into a relationship before, she never had a boyfriend except the boy in her kindergarten class who betrayed her for chocolates. Does that even count?Although she was never into any relationship but she had certainly thought about it. The man she loves will hug her daily, tell her how special she was, take her to places she has never been to, surprise her with gifts, make songs with her etc. Today, whenever she thinks about her romantic fantasies, only one person pops into her mind – Namjoon. He was the man she always dreamed of. But is she the right girl for him?She heard some laughter behind her. A family of 4 were approaching the place where she was sitting. A small girl was teasing her teen brother while accompanying their parents. She smiled at the playful kids and was suddenly reminded of her own childhood - how her parents used to take her and hyung to the park. They used to sit on the bench, mom with her head on dad’s shoulder. They behaved like newly-wed couples even after a decade of marriage. Her hyung used to look for different types of insects in the park and educated her about them. He had weird love for insects and he told everyone that he wanted to be insect care-taker after growing up. The memory made Ji Hyo laugh and then she started tearing up.She looked down and wiped her tears away. Kids’ laughter around her and their parents’ amicable scolding echoing in her head. Her hand was shaking as everything started to come back. She closed her eyes and tried to push all of her thoughts to the back of her mind. They were painful. So painful that she wanted to kill herself.
No, I am not ready to tell him.
She sighed loudly, ran her fingers through her hairs and tried to block her mind,“UGH!!”Tears kept falling no matter how much she tried to stop them. She kept her eyes closed and tried to think about something else. Something good. Suddenly, she heard a sweet voice,“Miss. Do you want this chocolate?”Ji Hyo opened her eyes slowly, vision blurred by tears. She wiped her tears and lifted her head to find the little girl staring at her with wide eyes. She was carrying a chocolate which was too big for her two small hands. Ji Hyo looked around and found the couple smiling at her kindly.She wiped her tears, and took the chocolate from her,“You have beautiful eyes. They are so big.” The girl said innocently.Ji Hyo smiled and pinched the girl’s cheek, making her giggle and run to her parents. She inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath.
Ji Hyo, it’s time to let go of him. It’s time to close the chapter.
------It was Namjoon’s birthday and Ji Hyo found herself laughing at the decision she had made last week. Forgetting Namjoon is not as easy as she thought it to be. She tried everything to keep him out of her mind - made music, did live twice a day, went hiking, read book. However, as soon as she went to sleep, he used to pop up in front of her eyes. His smile, the glint in his eyes when he teased her, his touch and hugs followed by his disappointed face, the hurt in his eyes. She knew she was too deep into this and she can’t let him go. He was the only person who cared for her and made her the happiest woman on the earth. She wants to see him again. She wants to stay with him for a very long time.She had a mail written in front of her and was going over it once more to see if it needs any changes. She just hoped that he is also missing her the way she is missing him.
“Dear Joonie,
Happy birthday! May this year you prosper and fly higher than before. I hope this year brings lots of happiness to you.
I know you are mad at me. Trust me, I tried very hard to write about my past, but it’s just too difficult, too painful. I hope you understand and forgive me. Maybe one day I will be able to tell you, but not now. Please, please forgive me.
I have been watching you on TV and social media. Take care! I hope to see you when you come back.
Ji Hyo”
She sent the mail and held her breath. Namjoon had warned her he would block her if she sent him mail not talking about her past. She tried to calm her nerves and hoped he will understand. After all it was his birthday!She was surprised when she got his reply within couple of minutes.
“Please don’t ruin my mood on my birthday. I will not meet you until I know who you really are.”
She let her breath out slowly and leaned back on her chair. She didn’t know how long she stared at these two sentences. Several things going on in her mind. She got up and walked to the window. It was midnight, there were not many people outside. Moon was up and shining brightly in the sky. She looked at it for several minutes and then sighed loudly and looked back at her computer. It was going to be a tough long night.------“Joonie,I am doing this just because I don’t want to lose you. I have never been in a relationship, but the time I have spent with you have already fulfilled all my fantasies about being in a relationship. You made me feel loved, you made me feel special and I want to stay with you, if possible, for my entire life. It’s difficult to think about my past and bring those memories back, but for you, I will do anything. To experience the moments of being in your arms and listen to your whispers, I will do anything…"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Joonie,I am doing this just because I don’t want to lose you. I have never been in a relationship, but the time I have spent with you have already fulfilled all my fantasies about relationship. You made me feel loved, you made me feel special and I want to stay with you, if possible, for my entire life. It’s difficult to think about my past and bring those memories back, but for you, I will do anything. To experience the moments of being in your arms and listen to your whispers, I will do anything….My father was an English teacher and my mother was a music teacher in the same school where my hyung and I used to study. They had run away from their homes to marry each other at the age of 18 because of which their families had disowned them. My father’s side hated my mother because she came from poor family. My mother’s side hated my father because they alleged him to seduce their daughter. They never contacted us, and my hyung and I had never met them. We were just a small, happy family of 4 until one day everything fell apart.My hyung had just got his driving license and he was very excited about it. On my 13th birthday, we went to Jeju Island where we hired a convertible car to drive around. Hyung wanted to drive and although my father was apprehensive, but he never said no to us. So, hyung took the wheel, my father sat next to him and I sat with my mother in the back seat. Hyung opened the roof and started speeding. My hairs were flying in the wind and I was laughing at my father shouting at my hyung to slow down. After some time, we were on a cliff and I unbuckled my belt to try to get a view of the ocean next to the cliff. I remember my mother was shouting at me to buckle my seat belt when I felt a huge force throw me out of the car and land on the road on my side. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was -”Ji Hyo took a deep breath. She clenched and unclenched her fingers and continued writing,“the car vanish behind the edge of the cliff. Mom, Dad and hyung were still buckled in and at that moment, I regretted unbuckling my belt. I lost all of them one day before my birthday. I wanted to run after them and jump down the cliff to be with them, but I couldn’t move. My chest was paining because of broken ribs and vision was blurred by blood streaming down from my head. The last thing I noticed before losing consciousness was people running to the edge of the cliff.I was in coma for several days. Even though I was healed, I didn’t want to gain consciousness. I didn’t want to live. However, one day, I finally opened my eyes. I remember seeing snow falling outside my window. I was asleep for around 4 months. The next day, police came to the hospital with some people from my school. All of them had sympathizing looks on their faces. The police told me about my parents Will and how I can’t have the inheritance until I turned 19. I remember telling them quietly that I don’t care about my parent’s money, I just want to be with them. They ignored me.”Ji Hyo closed her eyes and went back to that moment, experiencing it in a third person’s perspective. She realized it hurt more now than it hurt before. She shook her head and opened her eyes to keep writing,“I was discharged a week later and sent to my mother’s parent’s house. However, soon I realized they didn’t want me there from the very first day. They had given a room and told me not to come out of it. All my food was placed in front of my room. I was treated like a pariah. Once I tried to talk to my aunt’s daughter, I was beaten up and locked in my room. They didn’t give me food for that entire day. I was trapped inside and had nothing to do.My mother had given me a nickname – nightingale, because I love singing. I missed her. So, I used to sing with eyes closed, imagining her sitting next to me, listening to my songs.One night, my mother’s family couldn’t handle my singing anymore and they barged into my room. My aunt’s husband, who was a drunkard, used a stick to beat me until he was exhausted. He then warned me if I let out any sound from my mouth again, they will leave me starving for a week. I was consumed with anger and ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and slit my wrist open. Yes, I tried suicide when I was 13.”Ji Hyo shivered and turned to her window.
I wish they had not taken me to the hospital that night.
She thought to herself.“My mother’s brother took me to the hospital while her father went to the police. They told them that I was mad and I should be sent to a mental institution. The police came to me and I told them everything. I also showed them my bruises. They were angry and lodged a case against my aunt’s husband for child abuse which angered the entire family and they blamed me for their problems.Do you know why my mother’s family was so hostile to me? Because I reminded them of my father. ‘She has her father’s lips and face cut’, they had screamed when they first saw me.I was then sent to my father’s family. I still remember being shocked by how big their house was. They were the richest business people of the city, and also not very happy seeing me in their mansion. They complained that I was sent there just to take a part of their property and tried to bribe the police to ‘give me to some foster family’. Their ignorance and hatred towards me broke my heart. I realized that there was no one in this world who liked me.And what was their reason for disliking me so much? I reminded them of my mother. ‘She looks so much like her. Her eyes and hairs. Ugh!’, they hissed.”Ji Hyo laughed cynically between her tears. She looked up and recalled the look on her grandparent’s faces when they saw her. Disgust was written all over their faces.“I was given a room at the corner of the house where servants lived and they were asked to stay away from me. I was given warning that I should not be seen in any part of the house until they come up with a way to throw me out. Although they caught me in the piano room several times, but they tolerated my presence.In the next couple of months, I had lost a will for singing. I had tried to ask them to send me to school as the admission period was starting but they ignored my request and pretended I was invisible. No one talked to me and slowly I got used to silence. I spent my time siting by the window of my room and listening to trees sway in the air. Suddenly, one day, I started observing musical notes in the air. Every activity in the nature had a musical note attached to it. For the first time in several months, I was excited. Even silence has its own music.I ran to the living room to find a notebook and a pen. My grandmother, who was sitting in there with her friends, screamed as if she had seen a ghost. I ignored her, grabbed the notebook from a table and wrote down the notes I had heard. Suddenly, one of the servants snatched the notebook out of my hand. I screamed to give it back and got slapped hard on my face by that servant who was a man in his 30s. My grandmother told him to take me to the kitchen and punish me.My father’s family was civil enough not to beat me up every day. But their punishments were as ruthless.Remember Joonie, you asked me how I got a burn mark on my hand. They had punished me for writing by burning my hand with a hot spatula. After that, I never came out of that small room. It took several weeks for my hand to heal completely and there was no one to tend to it. I was lonely and miserable. I missed my parents. I missed my hyung. But I was scared to say this to anyone. There was not a single night when I stifled my cries using pillow, thinking that they will punish me again if they heard it. Thankfully, one of the servants took pity on me and brought an old notebook and a pen for me. Hence, I started writing music from the age of 13.However, I stopped speaking.It was my 14th birthday when the Principal of my school, where I used to study, came to visit me with gifts. He was shocked when he saw me. I had grown extremely thin. My hairs were long and dirty, my dress was worn out. It was not the sight he was expecting to see on my birthday. He asked me to tell him what happened, but I couldn’t speak. It was not because I was afraid of my father’s family. I just couldn’t speak. Words didn’t come out of my mouth, as if I had lost my voice. I guess it happens when you stay silent because of fear for months.”Ji Hyo clutched her chest and thumped hard with her fist. It was paining and sending shivers all through her body. She staggered to the kitchen to drink water and tried to control her heavy breathing. She looked at the clock, it was around 3 in the morning.“It’s over. Just a little more Ji Hyo. It will be over then.”“My Principal was a good man. He lashed out at my father’s family, not only for my condition but also for not sending me to the school. He was out of the town when my family got into an accident and was expecting that I was okay at my grandparent’s house because they were reputable people. However, after seeing my condition, he decided to adopt me, which made my grandparents sigh in relief. After few days, I found myself in my Principal’s house. He gave me a large room and treated me like his own daughter. He lived with his wife and his kids were abroad. He also enrolled me into his school.For my birthday, he had brought all my parent’s belongings as gifts. My father’s books, my mother’s violin, my brother’s insect cages, the mask, the hat, the jacket everything. He said he couldn’t give them to me earlier as I had attempted suicide. However, those belongings just brought back my parent’s memories and I wanted to see them again. I wanted to kill myself to be with them again. As I couldn’t speak to express my anguish, I left the room hurriedly and hid myself in another room. He understood that I was not ready and put my family’s belongings in a closet.All the students came to see me when I joined my school again. My old classmates tried to talk to me, but I couldn’t. Soon, I became a loner and an easy target for bullies, especially, Joon Ki Oppa’s girlfriend, Moony. She wanted me to do all her chores and write her home works. Since I couldn’t speak, I let her bully me and most of the time, ignored her.I spent school free hours in music rooms, learnt many instruments and tried to play the musical notes that I had written in my notebook during my stay at my grandparent’s house. One night, when it was raining outside, I wanted to play the music of rain on a violin. I looked around the house and found my mother’s violin in one of the closets. Without thinking much, I took it to my room and played the notes that came to my mind. I don’t know how long I played but when I opened my eyes, I found my Principal and his wife looking at me from the door of my room. His wife hugged me while crying. I looked at my Principal, he had tears in his eyes. Later they told me that it was the most painful song they had ever heard. I knew that, because it had my pain in it.After that, wherever I went, I took my mother’s violin with me, whether it was school or picnics.One day, Moony found me on the roof of my school playing violin and snatched it to play it herself. She was using bow incorrectly which was creating tension on the strings. To my horror, the string broke. It was not just violin. It was my mother’s violin! I was so anguished that I found my voice after almost a year and screamed loudly.My Principal was rejoiced when he saw me talking, and at the same time horrified when he saw my mother’s broken violin. He knew how much that violin meant to me. I told him everything about Moony's misbehavior and he suspended her. I didn’t regret it. I still don’t regret it. But yeah, that episode scared off everyone and no one came to talk to me after that.I was 16 when my Principal retired from the school. They were planning to move in with their son in Germany and asked me to go with them. But I didn’t want to go. I wanted to release my music, and I knew I would never be able to share my music in Germany. Who will listen to a random Korean song in a German country? At that time, I was your big fan, Joonie, and your music gave me a lot of strength. So, I packed my bags and came to Seoul alone.A year after moving to Germany, my Principal and his wife got into a car accident. At the age of 17, I was suddenly orphaned again. Like my parents and hyung, I removed all of their photos as well from my walls and hid them. It’s been years since I thought about them or my parents and hyung. Today, I brought all those memories back. For you.This was my story. Why didn’t I tell you? Because it’s painful. Sitting here alone in this dark room, I am reminded of my mother’s face whenever I shared my songs with her, my father’s face when he talked to me in English and I answered correctly, my hyung’s laughter, my Principal’s kindness and his wife’s care. I am also reminded of that car going down the cliff, losing my family in a blink of eye, the helplessness I felt when I was beaten up, the hatred I received from my own grandparents, the fear I harbored for an year.The only thing I fail to recall is my parent’s and hyung’s voices. How did their laughter sound? How did my name sound when they took it? There is no video of them and I can't remember their voices. I remember everything but I forgot their voices. And Joonie...it hurts..”Ji Hyo sobbed loudly and put her head on the desk. The chair slipped and she fell on the floor. Her hands were clutching her chest tightly and as the pain penetrated her being, she screamed loudly.Outside her window, it was morning again but inside this room, Ji Hyo was falling into the depths of her darkness.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Namjoon switched on his phone after coming out of the flight. They had arrived in Oklahama for the next concert venue. He saw the mail from Ji Hyo and waited to get inside the car before opening it.“When do you want to check the concert venue?” The manager asked once they left the airport. Namjoon and Jin were in the same car along with manager hyung.“We can go now. I am not tired. Hyung what about you?” Namjoon turned to Jin.“I am also not tired. Ask the members.”Namjoon texted the members in the group chat and all of them gave the consensus to go to the venue. He decided he will read Ji Hyo’s mail after coming back to hotel.He finally got the time to read her mail at night. It was blank mail with no subject and content. But there was a document attached to it. He opened it and looked at the length of the document,
Whoa! 5 pages! What has she written!
He started reading the letter from the top, but was interrupted by a knock on his door. It was Jungkook and he wanted to talk about something. By the time Jungkook left, it was already midnight and time to sleep.The days went by just like that. Namjoon was extremely busy with concerts and his own solo work. They were also filming in between their busy schedule. Therefore, he had decided to read the letter on his way back to Korea. He had just read the first two lines and was surprised to know that Ji Hyo had never been into a relationship. He wanted to know more but planned to read the letter slowly when he was alone. Right now, he has many things to focus on, especially practicing a speech in English.Ji Hyo gulped down the medicine and looked into the mirror. There was a huge dark circle around her eyes and her face looked pale. It’s been 2 weeks since she sent that letter and hasn’t heard back from him yet. Initially she thought that he was busy, but with each passing day she is realizing he doesn’t want to be with her anymore.“Who would want to be with a broken person like you?” Ji Hyo asked her reflection. She took a deep breath and calmed her nerves. She didn’t want another attack to reoccur.The night when she wrote that letter and fell on the floor, she thought she would die of agony. The pain never seized no matter how much she screamed. With every passing memory, her body doubled up with more pain and she just wanted to die to stop it. She doesn’t know how long she went through it and when did she fall asleep on the floor, but even in her dreams, she was not alone.She dreamed of being in the car in Jeju island and going down the cliff with her parents, which made her wake up with a scream. She found herself on the floor in the same position. Sunlight was filling her room. She tried to get up but felt extremely weak and held the table to support her. She opened the computer and sent the letter she had written to Namjoon. Tears still streaming down her face, she walked to the kitchen and filled a glass of water. Her hands were shaking hard and water was spilling all over her. But the most frustrating thing was that her vision was filled with old memories. They were playing like a movie in front of her eyes, each painful memory repeating itself over and over again. Words of her parents’ family filling up her senses. She put her hands on her ears and screamed loudly, but the voices didn’t stop.She fell on the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. She kept screaming “STOP!!” and hugged her knees.It was after 15-20 minutes when she heard a loud bang on her house’s door. She didn’t have energy to turn around, so she kept lying on the floor, exhausted and half-conscious. The door fell open. An old woman accompanied by 3 men came in and surrounded her. Ji Hyo heard the men asking her if she was alright.
No. Please…save me.
She lost consciousness.The next moment when she opened her eyes, she was in a hospital. The old lady that lived in front of her house had called the police after hearing her screams. They had taken her to the hospital where doctor declared that she was suffering from PTSD and clinical depression and that she had a PTSD attack that day. The Police and the doctor investigated her medical history and informed the old lady about her past. Doctors, understanding the severity of her condition, immediately put her on the treatment schedule. The old lady was still sitting by her bedside when Ji Hyo opened her eyes.“My child, how are you feeling now?”Ji Hyo looked at her and didn’t say anything. Tears had formed again, streaming down from the corner of her eyes.The old lady was kind enough to bring Ji Hyo to her house. Her daughter, who had attempted suicide few months ago, brought her food. Ji Hyo felt thankful but couldn’t speak, as if she had lost her voice again. However, she knew it was for short time period because she was always woken up by Ahjumma because of her screaming while sleeping. “Ji Hyo, are you okay in there?” She heard the old lady outside the bathroom.“Yes, ahjumma. I will be out in 2 minutes.”“Okay! Come out, we need to go to shopping.”“Yes~” Ji Hyo replied.She sighed, changed her clothes and went out.They went to the market but had to come back within few minutes of being there. Ji Hyo had started crying uncontrollably when she heard Namjoon on TV. BTS had just given a speech at UN on “Speak Yourself” and it was playing everywhere on TVs in the market.
I did speak up, then why didn’t you write me back. Have you forgotten me?
While sitting in the bus, she felt disappointed with herself for ruining everyone’s day which made her cry even more. Ahjumma’s daughter, Yoon Jae, gave her weird look while ahjumma tried to comfort her. She apologized to them and started crying harder. Everyone in the bus stared at them which made Yoon Jae let out an irritated sigh and look at her mobile, trying to pretend she didn't know them. After reaching home, it took Ji Hyo several hours to calm down.During dinner, she came to the kitchen apologetically.“Ahjumma, I am sorry.” She whispered.“Aigoo, stop saying sorry! I am so tired of hearing it.” She hit Ji Hyo’s shoulder softly which made Ji Hyo give a small smile.“You must be hungry, right? I am serving food, go, sit with Yoon Jae.” She joined Yoon Jae on a small table in the living room. She smiled at her but Yoon Jae just stared at her swollen face and bloodshot eyes.“If you are suffering so much then why don’t you just kill yourself?”Ji Hyo was taken by surprise when she heard Yoon Jae say this. What alarmed her more was that she said it as a matter-of-fact and not in an evil way. Ji Hyo knew that Yoon Jae had attempted suicide before and for her, killing oneself is the only way to end sufferings.“I am stronger than you think” She forced a smile.“Pfft stronger! You scream and cry like baby when you sleep. Do you know your screaming haunts me every day! ‘DON’T LEAVE ME!’, ‘STOP IT!’, ‘I WON’T DO IT AGAIN!’, as if I already don’t have many problems myself.” Yoon Jae scoffed.Ji Hyo shifted in her seat.“You neither have family nor friends, then who are you living for?”“Trust me, I ask this question to myself every day.” Ji Hyo laughed. Yoon Jae stared at her, so Ji Hyo replied,“I tried to kill myself when I was 13. But then if I had done that, I would have never found my passion and love for music. I would have never realized how beautiful musical notes are and how exciting making music is.Few months ago, the day when you attempted suicide, I was also thinking to kill myself. An ambulance was called for you on time but I would have succeeded in killing myself that day. No one knew me here. But…but I didn’t do it. And I am glad. Because If I had done that, I would have never known how does it feel to be loved by the person you admire. How does it feel to be wrapped in his arms and hear his heartbeats. How does it feel to know you are not hated by everyone, that there is someone who cares for you.Today, I am living because I am sure there will be something beautiful down the line. Something that I never experience before, just like music and love. I am excited for that experience. No matter how painful my past is, I will not let it dampen my excitement.”Ji Hyo observed Yoon Jae’s eyes. She could feel she had affected her in some way and continued with a tone of conviction,“I will take medicines to forget my past.I will cry my eyes out to lessen my pain.But... I will live.”She finished with a smile and went to the kitchen to help ahjumma in setting up the table. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Yoon Jae go to the restroom with tears streaming down her face. Ji Hyo sighed and looked at ahjumma.“I am sorry you have to deal with two broken people in this house.”“Non-sense!” Ahjumma said with a smile but her eyes looked sad.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Hello everyone,
It’s been almost a month since I was online. How are you all doing? Are you angry with me? Will you forgive me if I say sorry? I hope you do~~
Past few days were extremely tumultuous because of which I couldn’t be online. There are many things going on in my life right now which need to be taken care of. My birthday month has just started and it’s time to reshape my life and rethink my ambitions. Therefore, with heavy heart, I have come to the decision that ALostNightingale will be going on an indefinite hiatus.
This has been a tough decision as I got so much love from all of you. When no one looked at me, you gave love to this faceless singer. My eyes are filled with tears right now and I don’t know how to thank you more.
I will never forget your words of encouragement. I hope you will keep loving me even when I am gone. Wish you all beautiful years ahead.
Let’s make a lot of memories until we meet again.
Love, Love and Lots of Love,
ALostNightingale
P.S. I am leaving my last album before going, which can be found on the link below. I hope you will listen to it and give it a lot of love. Thank you again!”
Ji Hyo posted this letter on her Twitter account and changed the bio to “On Hiatus”. She then did the same thing with her YouTube account. She didn’t have guts to deactivate her accounts because it was too painful to let go of these memories.Ji Hyo’s psychiatrist had told her that the only way she could overcome PTSD was to do some recreational activities which will take her mind off of things which are hurting her. She realized that she had still not finished recording songs for her album. So, she told ahjumma one day that she wants to move back to her apartment.“Why do you want to go there? Don’t you like here?”“I love being here! But I need to start working now. My equipment and instruments are over there.”“Aigoo! Then work there and stay here. Treat it as your office.”Ji Hyo liked that idea. Over the next couple of weeks, she blocked all the news articles and tweets related to BTS, as she had come to the terms that Namjoon is not going to contact her again and looking at these articles and tweets will only bring her pain. She focused on completing song recording and wrapping up all the pending tasks. Finally, she packed her belongings to move.It was time to leave Seoul.After verifying that everything is packed, Ji Hyo opened her laptop and went through her finalized album which had 9 songs that she had worked upon this year. Her album was named “The Last”. She played the title song, increased the volume and leaned back on her chair. Music filled the room as she whispered the lyrics along with the song,
There is darkness around me,
Why am I not scared?
Silence surrounds me,
Why do l hear music, still?
World is cruel, time is unfaithful,
I smile, I cry and I sing…
This song of the nightingale.
“Hyung! Where are we going?”“Westminster Abbey.”Jimin and Namjoon found themselves roaming around the streets of London on a free day. Namjoon loved this city because of its literature and imperial history. He also knew that Ji Hyo loves reading therefore, he was buying various memorabilia for her from one of her favorite cities in this world.He still didn’t get time to read her mail. And since he had not read it, he couldn’t reply to her. But he was glad that she wrote to him and that she did it for him. He felt content and just wanted to go home as soon as possible and read the letter. He also can't wait to surprise her by standing in front of her house and giving her 15 minutes to come out. Remembering how her face used to brighten up by his surprise made him smile.“Hyung, you really like her, don’t you?” Jimin said, observing Namjoon buying a very expensive souvenir after reaching Abbey. Namjoon smiled shyly.“It’s her 21st birthday in few days. I want to surprise her with lots of gifts.”“So, you guys are done fighting?” Jimin asked, observing keychains now.“I told you, right, how frustrated I was that she lies a lot. Well she wrote me a long letter describing her entire life, things that I kept asking but she dodged have now been answered. I am glad she opened up.”“Nice! That means she also likes you. What did she write?”“I don’t know. I haven’t read it yet.”Jimin looked shocked.“Hyung! Why?”“I was busy!”“Did you send her any message? Did you talk to her since you left Korea?”“No, I thought to first finish reading the letter, just to make sure I know what to talk about.”“She sent you a letter describing her life and you didn’t even reply to her! How can you be so cruel!”“That’s not the case Jimin-ah!”“You should call her right now! Call her!”“What will I talk about?”“Uh.. maybe ask how she is?” Jimin shook his head angrily and gave him his phone to call.“I have my phone!”“Then call her!”“Ah okay!” He dialed her number but it didn’t connect.“It says the number is not in service.” Namjoon looked confused.“Did she change her number?” Jimin asked.“I don’t know. She didn’t text me any - ahhh” Namjoon looked dismayed. “I didn’t unblock her...”“You've blocked her!!!!!” Jimin put his hands on his face. “Hyung! Do you really like her?”“I was angry!”“Is this the way you treat a girl! Of course she will ditch you.” Jimin looked around angrily, “I really didn’t expect this from you.”Namjoon didn’t say anything. Did she really ditch him? Was he too late? He immediately called Donghyuk,“I am sleeping. Bye.”“Donghyuk! Do you know where Ji Hyo is?”“Ji Hyo? I guess she came to the company around a couple of days ago. She told receptionist something about phone being stolen and asked her to inform you guys to change your sim. Didn’t someone inform you?” He croaked in his sleep.“We were informed to change the sim but they didn’t give us reason. Ah anyway! Good night!”“What happened?” Jimin asked after Namjoon hung up the call.“Someone stole her mobile so she blocked her sim.” Namjoon felt relieved but at the same time, he felt guilty of not reaching out to her soon. He decided to write her a mail after going to the hotel.Namjoon stared at the mail in his mailbox which read “delivery failed”. He tried sending the same mail multiple times and every time he got the same message of delivery failure.
Has she blocked me!?
He stood up and walked around his room in frustration.
Is she angry with me?
Why did she block me!?
I think I was too harsh! I should have written her sooner!
He went back to his chair and opened the mail she had sent around a month ago. He started reading it,“…You made me feel loved, you made me feel special and I want to stay with you, if possible, for my entire life. It’s difficult to think about my past and bring those memories back, but for you, I will do anything. To experience the moments of being in your arms - ”“Namjoon-a”“Yes!” Namjoon shouted at his door irritated.“Jimin is not feeling well.”He got up hurriedly and went to see Jimin. He had hurt himself and was depressed about it. Right now, Jimin and his health are more important than anything else.Namjoon opened the playlist he had just released and listened to Tokyo. It was a song he wrote for Ji Hyo when he came back to his dorm after fighting her. Initially, the lyrics were angry but he changed it in September.
Why do love and hate sound just the same to me?
I can't sleep
Home sick
But I just wanna
Stay right next to you
If I could choose my dream
I just wanna
Stay right next to you
He sighed.
Ji Hyo! Where are you?
Few days ago, he had asked Donghyuk to find her by giving him her address. Donghyuk went to the address but no one was there. The apartment was vacant.“Apartment is vacant?” Namjoon asked Donghyuk. They were talking on the phone.“Yeah, I was walking around asking everyone if they knew where she went, most of them didn’t even know someone lived there. But then a woman came to me and asked if I was the man who loved her.”“What woman?”“I don’t know. She lives in front of her apartment. I told her my friend sent me to find her. She turned around and went inside.”“Why didn’t you ask her if she knew!” He sounded irritated.“I did, but she just doesn’t reply! Namjoon-a I am sorry!”“Don’t be. It’s my fault. I should have written her sooner. I will look for her when I come back.”Namjoon sighed and opened her YouTube channel. He read her letter again which talked about her going on hiatus. Why did she do that? Why did she name her album “The Last”? That album is receiving so much love from the public and still trending on Melon. Why is she giving up her career like this?He felt frustrated and stared out of the car window. Last couple of months went by so fast that he forgot about everything, including the girl who was waiting for him back home. He wanted to kick himself for being so ignorant and ruthless. He massaged his forehead to lessen his headache and sighed loudly. They were going to the airport to leave for Korea today and he couldn’t wait to get on the plane and read the letter. He was worried like anything while listening to Ji Hyo’s album which talked about her pain and struggles. Although she had ended the song with a comparatively happy song, but he was still not relieved and wanted to know her whereabouts as soon as possible.
I will find you Ji Hyo.
“...There is no video of them and I can’t remember their voices. I remember everything but I forgot their sound. And it hurts…”Namjoon closed his laptop and buried his face into his hands. His tears were uncontrollable.
What have I done!
“Namjoon-a” He heard Jin whisper. They were travelling back to Seoul and all other members were sleeping around him. He was surprised Jin was still awake. He turned his face to the window and wiped his tears.“Namjoon-a, what happened?” Jin whispered again.Namjoon stood up and quietly left for lavatory. Jin looked at his back worried and then opened his laptop to read what he was reading. By the time he finished, even he had tears in his eyes.After several minutes, Namjoon came out. His eyes were blood shot. Jin went to him and hugged him.“I think I lost her, hyung” He whispered.“No! You have not. She is waiting for you.”He pulled out and looked at his face.“I just hope she is …ah. I just hope she has not done anything to herself.”“I believe she is stronger than that. She must be still waiting, Namjoon-a. Don’t think negatively.” Jin replied and rubbed his back.Namjoon nodded and went to his seat. The sleep will not come to him now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I think I have seen you somewhere. Oh! You are on the TV!”Namjoon tried to push his cap further down to hide his face and looked around to ensure no one heard the elderly lady. He had directly come to Ahjumma’s house after receiving “Order of Merit” award. Right now, he was mentally kicking himself for not waiting before going out to search for Ji Hyo. The news channels were still playing their footage from the award show. However, Ji Hyo had him worried since he read her letter and he really wanted to see her as soon as possible.“Madam, I heard that Ji Hyo used to stay here. Do you know where she is?”“Ohhh, you know Ji Hyo! Ya Yoona! See who is here! Come inside dear!” Namjoon sighed nervously and looked around again. He saw his car standing nearby, Jin had drove him here. No one other than him knew about Ji Hyo’s story and he had decided to help Namjoon in finding her. Namjoon looked back at the old lady and noticed a woman come out of the house behind her. She suddenly stopped and gasped loudly. Sensing Namjoon’s nervousness, she immediately rushed to him.“You should come inside before someone sees you. Please come.”“Actually Madam, I want to know about -”“I know who you are looking for. Come inside. I will tell you.”Namjoon didn’t know if he should trust her but he went inside anyway. It was a small house, rooms as small as Ji Hyo’s room. However, this apartment had a living room and 2 bedrooms and looked like a place where family stays. He sat on the couch and smiled nervously at Ahjumma and Yoon Jae who were smiling widely at him.“Aigooo so handsome!” Ahjumma chimed.“Now I know why she wanted to keep living. If BTS RM loved me, I would never think of killing myself. Ouch!” Yoon Jae whimpered when ahjumma hit her.“Ya! You will live for him and not for me?”“I already told you, Omma! I am going to live and help you out.”Namjoon just stared at the two women bickering, wondering what they were talking about. He cleared his throat,“Um..I am looking for Ji Hyo and I don’t have much time. I think she came here, right?”“Yes, she stayed with us for some day.”“How was she?” He prodded.“A mess. Omma heard her screaming from the apartment -”“Aigooo she was screaming so loudly when I was going to the store.” Ahjumma interjected. She sat next to Namjoon and started telling the story, as if gossiping with an old friend, “I didn’t even know someone lived there. I called the Police and they knocked on her door. No reply. We thought she died. We just didn’t know if she died of murder or rape.”“Omma! You are scaring him!” Yoon Jae scolded. She looked at Namjoon who looked horrified, “Nothing like that happened. She was going through PTSD attack.”“PTSD?” He whispered.“Yes, you didn’t know that? Doctors said she has PTSD and clinical depression. She used to cry at the drop of the hat. I always thought she had some connection with you because whenever you came up on the TV, she used to run to her room and lock herself for hours. When she would come out, her eyes would be bloodshot because of crying. Remember omma, how she was crying at the market that day when she saw him speaking at the UN.”Namjoon sighed and pinched his forehead in frustration. He seriously wanted to slap himself for not reading her letter sooner.“I am sure she hates me.” He said.“Oh no! She doesn’t! I think she loves you!” Yoon Jae said immediately. He looked at her doubtfully.“I saw her suffering and thought why is she living? She should just kill herself to end her sufferings. That’s what I thought. You see, I also tried to kill myself before and always thought that’s the only way to escape my problems. She looked pitiable – screaming all night and crying at your advertisements – seriously pitiable. But instead of just dying, she wanted to live – because of you.”“I don’t think so..I have hurt her a lot..” Namjoon looked down uncomfortably.“She always talked about a man who was the only person in this world to care about her. For a person who doesn’t have any family or friend, she said his hugs meant a lot to her. I never thought that man she always talked about is you.”Namjoon forced a smile.“She missed you.”He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.“Where is she?”Yoon Jae shook her head slowly, “We don’t know. She left without telling us.”“When did she leave?”“Last week.”“She also left this letter before leaving.” Ahjumma, who had gone inside few minutes ago, came out with the letter and gave it to Namjoon. Namjoon read it,
Dear Ahjumma and Yoon Jae Shi,
It seems whenever I am in pain, my parents from heaven send someone to take care of me. I never thought anyone could have found me that day, but you found me and were kind enough to take me in. I don’t know how will I repay your kindness.
Ahjumma, you have treated me like your own daughter and sat with me when I had nightmares. I know you have struggled a lot and faced a lot of hardships in your life. Even though you smile and laugh, I have seen sadness and worries in your eyes. I don’t know how to help you with your work, but I can lend you some help financially. After my parents left, I couldn’t bear to go to my house in Daegu again. It has stayed vacant for several years and I don’t know what to do with it anymore. Therefore, I have decided to transfer that house on your name with the hopes that it will help me letting go of my memories of my family and help you re-build your life. No matter how beautiful my memories with my parents are, they always bring me pain.
You can find the papers on my bed. I have also left the contact of my lawyer, he will guide you through the process. I am planning to meet him and get the house cleaned for you. If you need any more help, feel free to contact him. I hope my small gift could be of any help to you.
Yoon Jae Shi, thank you for listening to my blabbering. I talk a lot, don’t I? I am very thankful to you, Yoon Jae Shi. You helped me the most in suppressing my past events and learning to laugh and smile again. I will never forget your kindness. I won’t bore you with a lot of stuffs. However, there is only one thing I want to tell you - please stay.
There are people who want you in their lives and they don’t want to lose you at any cost. Trust me, the pain of losing your loved ones is unbearable. Don’t make those people go through such pain. In addition to that, you never know what good things future holds for you! Promise me, no matter what happens, no matter how the tide of time changes, no matter where the life takes you, you will fight and you will live.
I am sorry I have to leave like this, but parting has never been beautiful for me. I am leaving now with happy memories. Although I don’t know where I will be going, but don’t worry about me. I think destiny has some purpose for me and it will take me to my destination eventually. I will never forget you and maybe one day I will see you again.
Love and lots of love,
Ji Hyo
Namjoon immediately folded back the letter and handed it over to ahjumma. He then asked for the property papers Ji Hyo had left for them. After skimming through it, he gave the papers back to ahjumma and hugged her,“Thank you so much for taking care of her! I must leave now.”“You are leaving?” Ahjumma looked at him in confusion.Namjoon smiled at her and turned to Yoon Jae,“I would really appreciate if no one knew about my visit…”“Don’t worry. We will never do something which might harm her.” Yoon Jae smiled. “But, are you going to find her?”“Yes, I am. Take care!” He said while hurrying outside.“Bye! And congratulations!” Ahjumma and Yoon Jae shouted after him. He waved at them and got inside the car.“Hyung, take me to the train station and can you please inform everyone that I will not come home today?”“Did you find her?” Jin asked.“Yes. She is in Daegu.”After reading the part in the letter where Ji Hyo had mentioned about cleaning the house, and remembering what today’s date was, Namjoon was sure that she must have gone to Daegu.
Tomorrow is their death anniversary.
Namjoon sighed and looked outside the train window, he was about to reach Daegu. Looking down at his diary, in which he had listed down places where he could look for her, he made a resolution that although he cannot change her past, he will do everything to make her present and future most beautiful days of her life. "Hello sir! Is this Kim Ji Hyo shi’s house?"After reaching Daegu, he had decided to first go to Ji Hyo’s home. He went to the address Ji Hyo had given to ahjumma and was surprised to find a huge bungalow sitting in a posh area. He knew that her parents were school teachers then how come they owned a bungalow? Has he come at the right place? He verified the address and approached a well-dressed middle-aged man who was sitting at the main gate of the bungalow, reading a pamphlet."Yes, this is Kim Ji Hyo’s house.""Are you her lawyer, Mr. Choi Man-Shik?""I am. May I know your name, please?" The man looked at him with a newfound interest. Namjoon was still wearing his mask and cap."I am her friend, um, you can call me Joon. Do you know where she is? I just came back from abroad and got to know that she has lost her mobile. I am not able to reach her.""Oh, she never told me about you. May I know when did you meet her?”“In Seoul, sir. We worked on a song together.” Mr. Choi looked at him unconvinced. Namjoon smiled under his mask and knew he was being protective of her. He took out his mobile and played the demo song that he had recorded with Ji Hyo. Fortunately, he had saved it in the cloud space.“This is her voice, isn’t it?”“Yeah, and the other voice, I don’t know what it’s saying, is you?”Namjoon rapped his verse from the song for Mr. Choi.“Although I still don’t understand what you sang, but I believe you.” He smiled at Namjoon. “She went to Suseong Lake. She should be back in an hour, you can wait here if you like.”"Um, I will just go and meet her at the lake. Can you give her phone number please?"After taking her number, Namjoon took a cab and headed to the lake. He tried calling on the number but it went unanswered. So, he left a message,
Ji Hyo, Joonie here. Call me please.
"Appa, how did you meet Omma?"Ji Hyo and her father were sitting under a tree by the lake, waiting for her mother and brother. It was a weekend and the family had come out for boating at the Suseong Lake. Ji Hyo and her father were in one boat and they had stopped at their favorite spot by the lake. They were now waiting for Ji Hyo’s mother and brother to catch up to them."My family had organized a Halloween party, I saw her there" A lean man with sharp jaw replied while watching his wife’s boat."And you fell in love with her at the first sight?" Ji Hyo asked dreamily."I fell in love with her mask" her father replied mischievously."Her mask?" she crunched her nose which made her father laugh. Ji Hyo knew he was hiding things again. He was good at keeping secrets."Appa, what do boys like in a girl?""Why do you ask?""I am thinking to get a boyfriend.""Oh no, you are not Miss" her father glared at her."Come on! I am 11 now! I need a boyfriend to carry my bags from class to class""First of all, you are ONLY 11. Second, where did you get the idea that you make boyfriends so that they carry your bags!""Well Na-young’s boyfriend does that...""Na-young has a ..." her father exhaled. "Kids these days are too desperate" he muttered under his breath. He looked at Ji Hyo."Ji Hyo! Remember this – your partner is not there in your life to carry your burden, he is there to share your burden. Got it?"Ji Hyo worked his words like a puzzle box. Her father gets too deep sometimes. Isn’t sharing also making the other person carry? After few minutes of contemplating, she gave up on trying to understand and asked direct question,"Why did you marry Omma?""Hmm where do I start" He smiled and looked at his wife and son getting down the boat."What are you two conspiring? Remember I am the boss of the house. Nothing happens without my permission." Ji Hyo’s mother said while walking to where they were sitting. Her father whispered something in Ji Hyo's ears and got up to walk to her mother and brother. Little Ji Hyo watched with amazement as he ruffled her brother's hairs and then gave a surprise peck on her mother's cheeks which made her giggle.She raised her face up and looked at the setting sun. The lake was reflecting the sky’s orange-purple hue. Autumn had left several wilted leaves falling and flying around her. She was standing by the lake, her coat flapping wildly in the October wind. Because of chilly weather, the boating was closed and there were not many people around her.She whispered the words that her father had said that day before standing up and going to kiss her mother,"Because just her existence makes my life worth it."She closed her eyes and thought about Namjoon.
It's ok if you don't want to see me anymore.
I can still see you.
I can still read about you.
And that's enough for me to be happy.
She smiled and let the tears fall from her closed eyes. Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath and shouted at the top of her lungs,"OMMA!APPA!HYUNG!ARE YOU DOING WELL?”She sniffed and then shouted again,“I AM TURNING 21 IN 2 DAYS! YOU ARE GOING TO MISS MY BIRTHDAY BASH."She laughed and wiped her tears.“No, you are not. There is no birthday bash.” She said weakly and looked down, biting her lips. After few moments she raised her head and shouted again,"I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.THERE IS A BOY...HE IS...HE IS EVERYTHING THAT I EVER IMAGINED! JUST PERFECT!”She wiped the fresh hot tears overflowing her eyes and continued,“HE…HE DOESN’T KNOW THIS...BUT APPA! I LOVE HIM!"This was the first time she let these words out. Yes, she loves him. She loves him with the every breath she takes to keep her alive, and she wanted to keep shouting that. She inhaled deeply and shouted again,"OMMA! I LOVE HIM SO…SOOO MUCH!!BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT..."She sobbed and looked down."He doesn't know that."And then, she felt someone grab her arm and pull her into a hug. Her breath caught in her throat when she heard a familiar voice whisper into her ear,"I know that.…And I love you too.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tears kept streaming down her face and vanished behind Namjoon’s coat. Almost a month later, which felt like eternity, these falling tears were now happy tears. Every drop of saline water escaping her eyes told the story of contentment, solace and happiness.Wrapped in his arms, Ji Hyo could feel his chin on her head and hands rubbing her back. Is he really here? Did Namjoon really come for her? Did he really say he loves her?“Ji Hyo..”Namjoon’s whisper sent shivers down her body which made her tremble. He felt her shaking and wrapped his coat around her which made her clench her fist and close her eyes tightly. She was completely engulfed into his arms.“I have made several mistakes in my life,” Namjoon closed his eyes, fighting back his own tears. With shaking voice, he continued, “The worst of them is deciding to let you go. And I almost did. However, even though I told myself I will forget you, I couldn’t. Maybe my heart knew I was wrong. It knew that I am an idiot. It knew that I..” Namjoon inhaled deeply, “that I love you.”The conviction in his last statement made her heart race.“Will you forgive me for fighting over silly reasons? Will you forgive me for blocking you and then not reading your mail on time? Will you for-”Namjoon went quite when he felt Ji Hyo’s hands wrap tightly around his waist. He looked down when she lifted her face to look up at him, her face inches from his own.“Will you forgive me for being unfair to you, Joonie? I am sorry. You mean the world to me and I lied to you…I am sorry.”He let out a deep sigh and leaned in to kiss her forehead. He let his lips linger on her forehead for some more seconds before pulling out and looking into her large eyes.“It’s not your fault…I shouldn’t have-”“Shhh. Let’s not talk about it.” Ji Hyo whispered. Namjoon’s eyes wandered around her face,“I missed this beautiful face.” He whispered.“I missed you too…”They looked at each other, orange hue in the atmosphere were making their faces glow.“How did you know I will be here?”“I went to Yoon Jae’s house, read your letter.” “How are they?”“They want to see you..”“I will see them soon.” She smiled.Namjoon stared at her more and then said,“It’s getting dark. I need to take you home before your lawyer sues me. Also, I am starving. I didn’t eat anything since morning.”She exhaled and pursed her lips in disappointment.“Are you going back to Seoul?”“No. I heard there is a birthday bash in 2 days.” He smiled at Ji Hyo’s beaming face, kissed her forehead and grabbed her hand.“Let’s go.”
I should have gone back to Seoul tonight.
Namjoon thought to himself while staring at his cold food on the plate. It had been untouched for 15 minutes now and his stomach was grumbling in protest. But Ji Hyo’s lawyer, the wretched man, was still not done with his interrogation.“Do you consider Ji Hyo just a friend?”Namjoon sighed heavily and glanced at Ji Hyo who was glaring at the Mr.Choi sitting next to her.“She is a very special friend, sir.” He said to which Mr. Choi raised his brows.He has been giving Namjoon piercing looks since he saw his face. Mr. Choi knew immediately who Namjoon was when he took off his mask after entering the house. As an honest lawyer, he has always been upfront and he clearly told Ji Hyo, in front of him, that he doesn’t like idols to which Ji Hyo got angry and both of them got into a fight which went on for an hour. Namjoon tried to calm both of them but realizing that reasoning with an angry woman and a furious father-like figure is just pointless, he decided to calm his stomach instead and took out his phone to surf for good delivery restaurants. However, by the time food arrived, Mr. Choi’s attention had shifted to him.“Special friend? Do idols have special friends outside their glamorous, dirty entertainment industry.” He spat.“Uncle! I want to be a part of that industry one day!” Ji Hyo said.“And you know how much have I been against it.”“It’s my dream, Uncle!!” Mr. Choi ignored her and turned back to Namjoon.“You received an award today, right?”“Yes sir.”“And you are here in Daegu instead of celebrating your award. Why did you come here?”“As I said, I wanted to see Ji Hyo.”“Why Ji Hyo?”“I am sorry?”“You are a popular idol surrounded by lots of beautiful women. Why did you come here?”“Are you saying I am not beautiful!!!” Ji Hyo said, revolted.“You are! That’s why I don’t trust him!” Uncle replied while pointing finger at Namjoon. “He can get any girl he wants, why is he after you!” He said irritated.“Sir…” Namjoon started but was interjected by Ji Hyo.“He is not after me! You don’t know anything so stop assuming!”“I know everything! You are trying to gain his attention!”“WHAT!!!” Ji Hyo was now sitting straight in her chair, staring at him with mouth wide open.“I saw you carrying his photos in your school bag when you were just 15. He had weird hairstyle in all of those photos! I don’t know how you found it attractive.”“JUST BECAUSE I CARRIED HIS PHOTOS DOESN’T MEAN I AM TRYING TO GAIN HIS ATTENTION!?”Namjoon now looked amused while observing the duo who looked like they were about to pounce at each other.“You didn’t talk to anyone in the school but carried his photos and even skipped school to attend his concert.” Mr. Choi alleged.“Concert? I never had a concert here.” Namjoon asked Ji Hyo. She ignored him and shouted at Mr. Choi.“IT WAS NOT A CONCERT! IT WAS A RAP BATTLE!”“DO I CARE WHAT IT WAS!! YOU WERE SO REBELLIOUS BECAUSE OF HIM! SKIPPED CLASSES, WASTED TIME IN WATCHING HIS VIDEOS, DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL AND EVEN TALKED ABOUT MARRYING HIM -”“STOP!!!!” Ji Hyo screamed at the top of her lungs. Namjoon looked down to hide his smile.“I was a child back then.” She hissed at Mr. Choi.“You are still a child and that’s why I don’t trust him.” Namjoon felt Mr. Choi glaring at him and looked up to meet his eyes.“I know idols like him. They find innocent fans, use them, throw them away and no one bats an eye.”Before Ji Hyo could say anything, Namjoon interrupted,“Ji Hyo, he is right.”She looked at him shocked.“He is worried about you and there is nothing wrong in it.” He then turned to Mr. Choi.“Sir, it’s true I belong to idol world which is problematic in its own way but being an idol was never my choice. I wanted to be a rapper and a producer. But today, I am a member of a famous boy band. I don’t even know how to dance.” Namjoon chuckled and continued, “When I debuted, I heard comments like, ‘oh he is so ugly. Who made him an idol?’, ‘he will never succeed.’, ‘they will go down as the biggest flop’. However, I am surprised that at the time when I was facing criticism from everyone for my hairstyle and looks, a 15-year old girl in Daegu was carrying my photos and wanted to marry me when she is so beautiful herself that she can get any man she wants.” Namjoon looked at Ji Hyo with warmth in his eyes which made her blush. He turned back to Mr. Choi.“Even though I was criticized for not having idol face, I didn’t quit. Even though I am known worldwide and have a lot of pressure from around the world, I am not quitting. Even though the applause we receive today will die down in the future, I will still not quit. Why? Because I love music. I am passionate about it.“Along with music there is one more thing I am passionate about. I am passionate about the girl sitting next to you.” Namjoon said without blinking his eyes.“I love her like I love my music.” Ji Hyo felt her heart race and closed her eyes to calm her nerves.“And I will not quit on her just the way I will not quit music.”Namjoon stared into Mr. Choi’s eyes waiting for his reply. Mr. Choi studied him for few moments and then quietly said,“She had a tough life.” Ji Hyo bit her lips and looked down.“I know.” Mr. Choi looked at him surprised.“I will give her the happiness that she deserves. I promise you, I will never let anything hurt her.”Ji Hyo felt hot tears in her eyes and stood up to escape to the restroom. She closed the door and stared at herself in the mirror. Tears sliding down her face but her lips stretched in a smile. Back at the dining table, Mr. Choi said,“She is suffering, RM shi. I have seen her screaming in her sleep. And you are a busy man. Will you be able to handle her?”“She is a strong woman, sir. She doesn’t need ‘handling’. Regarding me being busy, don’t worry about it. She won’t feel ignored because she will be as busy. She has huge dreams and I have plans for helping her to achieve them.”Mr. Choi regarded him and then sighed loudly. Standing up, he said,“I will warm up your food.” He took his plate and went to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Namjoon walked to the restroom where Ji Hyo went in. He knocked at the door.“How long are you going to be in there?” He heard the door unlock and found Ji Hyo peeking from behind the door.“Come out.”She shook her head.“Why?”“I don’t know. I am feeling too shy to face you.”“Why? Because your dream of marrying me is finally coming true?”“I never dreamed of marrying you!!! Wait what???” Namjoon looked at her with a glint in his eyes. He leaned closer to the door and whispered,“Have you decided what lingerie are you going to wear on our first night?”Ji Hyo inhaled sharply and slammed the door on his face which made him laugh loudly.There was eerie silence at the funeral house. Namjoon took out his mobile from his pocket to check the time. What seemed like several years, it has actually been only 15 minutes since he came out of the room to give Ji Hyo some time alone with her family. After putting his mobile back into his pocket, he raised his head and tilted a little towards the door on his left. Ji Hyo was standing with head held down. He then looked at his right where Mr. Choi was standing, hands folded on his chest and eyes staring ahead unblinkingly. While standing upright and his own hands shoved in his pockets, Namjoon observed him. His forehead had wrinkles because of furrowing too much but the lining at the corner of his lips suggested a life of smiles and laughter. How long has he known Ji Hyo? Why didn't he find better home for her in Seoul? Why do his eyes look so dull and unhappy? What is he thinking? Namjoon had many questions. Sensing Namjoon's stares, Mr. Choi turned his face and his eyes met with Namjoon's. They stood like that for a minute, neither saying a word. After a moment's pause, Mr. Choi asked,"Ask me. I know you have some questions for me."Namjoon eyes went wide and then he smiled."You must be a really good lawyer""That's all I know"Namjoon observed him with contemplating eyes, thinking where to start."You treat Ji Hyo as your own daughter...""Her father was a dear friend.""But you didn't worry about how she is doing in Seoul alone...""You say that as a statement but not as a question, why is that Namjoon Shi?""I have known Ji Hyo for many months now. I have seen where she lives and how she lives. I have seen her fighting the challenges and protecting herself against abusers alone...""She is a fighter indeed""Why didn't you do anything for her?"Mr. Choi looked at him."Why didn't you oversee her being? Did you even visit her in Seoul during the last 3 years? Heck, did you even invite her to visit your home here in Daegu? I am sure you didn't."Namjoon waited for his reply. Mr. Choi looked at him gravely and then whispered,"She is so like her..." Namjoon held his breath when he saw Mr. Choi bit his lip. Realization dawned upon him."You loved her mother.""Please hush!" Mr. Choi looked at him pleadingly. Namjoon was overcome with sudden anger. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his rage. "Just because she looks like her parents..." Namjoon scoffed. He took another deep breath and looked at Mr. Choi."You have not only failed Ji Hyo, you have also failed her mother. I am sure you didn't even care if she was alive or dead in Seoul."Mr. Choi shook his head but Namjoon didn't let him speak,"You abandoned her.""I am ashamed, Namjoon Shi. There is not a single day when I regret what I did. But...but when I look at her...even her voice reminds me of her. You don't know how much I miss her. I knew her since she was 14. I helplessly saw her fall in love with -""I don't care sir" Namjoon tried to control his voice " They are gone which is very tragic. But do you know what is more tragic? That you left her suffer all the abuses and hatred alone. You didn't do anything to protect her. It seems Ji Hyo has already forgiven you, but I want to make this very clear between us, I will never forgive you."Mr. Choi had tears in his eyes. He looked down and wiped his tears. Meanwhile, Namjoon realized that his hands were tightly bound in fists inside his pockets. He pulled them out and flexed his fingers. After overcoming his emotions, Mr. Choi said quietly,"You are a good man Namjoon Shi. I am glad Ji Hyo met you. I am indeed a failure. I don't know how to fix my mistakes."Namjoon stayed silent. He tilted his head and looked inside the room. At the same time Ji Hyo raised her head and turned her eyes towards him. Namjoon was surprised to see her smiling instead of crying. He smiled back. She signaled for 2 more minutes. Namjoon nodded and turned back to Mr. Choi."You can start fixing mistake right from today.""How?""Leave for your house tonight."Mr. Choi narrowed his eyes."I am not leaving you two alone in that house.""Why?" Namjoon teased. Mr. Choi shot him angry look."What are you two going to do?""Ji Hyo has been living alone in Seoul and I have frequented her apartment a lot. Do you wanna know what have we done before?"Mr. Choi's eyes went wide while Namjoon smiled. He leaned a little and said,"Now when I think about it, I never saw her taking your permission before doing... you-know-what"Mr. Choi's mouth fell open. Right at that moment Ji Hyo came out,"What are you talking about?"Namjoon, while not taking his eyes off Mr.Choi, said,"Mr. Choi is saying he has to go to his house tonight for some work.""Oh..that's unfortunate!" Ji Hyo looked at Mr. Choi in confusion."Yes...very unfortunate." Namjoon said, sounding satisfied while being glared at by Mr. Choi.It was 15 minutes before the midnight. Ji Hyo had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie with Namjoon. After Mr. Choi left for his house, they had spent entire day in talking and preparing dinner. Finally, after dinner, they had settled in to watch a movie together. Namjoon realized that Ji Hyo's father was only a part time English teacher at her school, he was actually a CEO of a clothing industry. Since, Ji Hyo was interested in music, she decided not to join board of directors and let capable people handle the industry. She is now the shareholder in the business. When asked why she lived in a shady place in Seoul, she said all other apartments were too expensive and without income from her music, she would have wasted all her parent's money. Namjoon was disturbed to know how a girl, who lived a lavish life at one point, got forced into an atmosphere of hatred and isolation.He switched off the TV and observed Ji Hyo sleeping next to her. He ran a finger across her cheeks lightly, his face serious in concentration. "You are a brave girl." He whispered.He then got up and walked to the room to his right. This room once used to be music room in this house. He opened the door,"Is everything done?" There were 2 men inside this room, which was now decorated heavily with balloons and flowers. Namjoon had hired people from a decoration company and sneaked them inside the house without Ji Hyo noticing it. He was told by Ji Hyo that she never goes to this room as it brings back painful memories of her mother. He realized that this was the perfect chance to transform the memories of this room into beautiful ones.He helped the decorators to sneak out of the house again and observed the room. It was perfect, just as he wanted. When it was 5 minutes to midnight, he woke up Ji Hyo. She groggily stood up and then shrieked in surprise when Namjoon lifted her into his arms,"Woah! You are heavy!" He said, staggering."Ya! Put me down!!!"Namjoon slowly walked to the room while huffing and puffing loudly. Ji Hyo's protests went silent when she saw the room. Namjoon put her down and rubbed his back. He then saw Ji Hyo looking at him in amazement. He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms,"Happy 21st birthday Ji Hyo!" Ji Hyo couldn't say anything. She didn't even remember when was the last time she celebrated her birthday. She didn't know whether to cry or laugh to express how happy she was."Now, as the ritual goes on 21st birthday, I need to give you flowers," He looked around the room which was full of flowers, "alcohol," he picked up a champagne from the table and showed it to her. Ji Hyo jumped when he put the champagne back on table with a bang. He whispered sorry and then looked at her the way that made her hold her breath, "and a kiss."Ji Hyo felt herself blushing. Namjoon slowly walked to her and took her into his arms by her waist. Ji Hyo closed her eyes when he leaned in and kissed her cheeks."Ji Hyo, given my schedule, I need to travel the world most of the days in an year and at times you might feel ignored. I thought a lot about it and always felt disappointed with myself for not finding a solution. I don't want to let you go but at the same time I feel sorry,""Don't..." Ji Hyo looked up at him, "I understand your work Joonie. I have known you for a long time. Even when you didn't know me, I still loved you. Just being with you is enough for me." Namjoon smiled with deep dimples forming on his cheeks. He then closed his eyes and leaned in. Their hearts started racing as soon as their soft lips touched. Ji Hyo let out a sigh and then put her arms around his neck as the kiss got deeper. She felt her legs go weak and mind go blank. No matter what, she didn't want the kiss to end.They didn't know how long they kissed but when Namjoon pulled out, both of them were out of breath. He opened his eyes to look at her flushed face. She still had her eyes closed. Giving another peck on her lips, he whispered,"Let's spend rest of the life kissing and embracing each other."Ji Hyo broke into a smile. She pulled him in for another deep kiss.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ji Hyo flinched in her sleep, then sighed when she heard someone banging on the main door and ringing doorbell continuously. She turned around to grab a pillow and press it on her head which was imploding because of last night’s drinks. However, her hand fell over something soft. She sat up surprised and then screamed.Namjoon woke up with a start. He stared at Ji Hyo, who was scrambling out of the bed, and tried to make sense what was happening.“Ugh, who is banging on the main door?” He asked groggily.“Joonie! Wake up! You shouldn’t be in my bed.”“What? I am tired, Ji Hyo. Let me sleep for another 30 minutes.” Namjoon turned and pulled the sheet over himself. He was still wearing jeans and t-shirt from previous day. Ji Hyo tried to remember what happened last night.“We drank,” She wondered loudly, “there were kisses,” she smiled shyly, “and then…”“Then you tried to remove my clothes but I stopped you.” Namjoon answered from the bed.“What nonsense!”She heard another loud bang and immediately ran to the door. As soon as the door opened, Mr. Choi came inside and started scanning every corner of the room while asking tons of questions.“What were you doing? Why did it take you so long to open the door? Where is he? Were you still sleeping? Do you know what time is it?”“Uncle, we slept late last night.” Ji Hyo said, yawning loudly.“Why? What were you doing?” Mr. Choi kept asking questions while checking every room until he came to a sudden stop when he saw Namjoon sleeping in Ji Hyo’s bed. He stared at him angrily.“YA! YOU RAPPER!!!”Namjoon woke up with a start again and sighed loudly. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with hands.“WHY ARE YOU IN HER BED?”“Uncle! He is tired -”“JI HYO, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!”“I think you should be asking this question to Ji Hyo.” Namjoon said. He still looked half-asleep.“What do you mean?”“She invited me.”“Shut up, Joonie! I didn’t.”“It’s true. You even scratched me when I tried to stop you. See.” Namjoon showed nail marks on his neck.Ji Hyo gasped loudly as last night’s memory came back to her. She was clinging to him all night. She did try to take off his t-shirt and then fell asleep in his arms. Namjoon carried her to her bed where she suddenly woke up and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Before anything happened, Namjoon stopped her and hugged her instead, until she fell asleep.Ji Hyo stared at Namjoon who looked amused at her horrified expression. Mr. Choi was glaring at Ji Hyo. She gulped and ran to the rest room. Mr. Choi looked back to Namjoon.“Don’t worry, sir. Even though I was drunk, I knew what I was doing. Nothing happened.”Mr. Choi nodded.“And please don’t say anything to her. It’s not her fault that I am so irresistible.” Namjoon smiled cheekily, showing his deep dimples.Mr. Choi rolled his eyes and left. After the day of becoming an adult, several things happened for Ji Hyo within a very short period. First, her latest album hit an all-kill on all the charts. There was buzz everywhere as she had announced this would be her last album. People were flooding her Twitter and YouTube comment sections to at least reveal who she is. Entertainment companies were looking up for any hint which could lead them to her. It was overwhelming as well as scary.Second, some people had spotted Namjoon while he was in train to Daegu. They followed him and kept an eye on his activities for next two days. Obviously, those activities involved hugging Ji Hyo in a park, accompanying her to a shopping mart and then staying overnight at her house. The stalkers had clicked some photos, which they sent to BigHit to blackmail for money. BigHit called Namjoon as soon as he came back to Seoul the next day of Ji Hyo’s birthday. He sighed in frustration when PD-nim and other staff members showed him the photos.“Namjoon-a, I know you are very responsible person but what are you doing?” Bang PD scolded.Namjoon apologized and then asked, “how much are they asking?”“1 M won.” He looked at him surprised.“You are famous. That’s what your market rate is.”Namjoon bowed apologetically. Bang PD sighed loudly and looked away. Silence fell into the room as Namjoon’s mind went to work to find a solution. Suddenly, his face lit up.“PD-nim, did you listen to ‘The Last’ by the YouTuber ‘LostNightingale’?”“Namjoon-a! We are talking about-”“I know! I have a solution. First, please answer my questions” PD-nim looked at him with disbelief and then nodded his head in yes.“Did you like it? Would you like her to work here?”“What are you coming to, Namjoon-a?”“Ji Hyo is that YouTuber. She is the LostNightingale.”PD-nim’s eyes went wide.“She is loved by masses, not only for her talents but also for her personality. Companies are looking around to hire her. However, she is scared to reveal her identity because of the severe attention she is getting.”Namjoon looked at the photos.“There is only one way to convince her to reveal her identity, by providing her a secure platform for her talents. A platform which will help not only her but all of us.”Bang-PD looked thoughtfully at Namjoon.“Do you like her? This is not a fling, right?”“PD-nim, do you think I will have time for flings? Of course I like her in a very serious way. I know what these photos will bring upon her and I want to protect her no matter what. I have always been requesting you to give her a chance. She will be an asset to this company.”Bang-PD didn’t say anything for a while. He then signaled for Namjoon to leave. Namjoon sighed and called Ji Hyo as soon as he came out of the office.“Ji Hyo, I think it’s time you let everyone know who you are.” “Hello everyone…”Ji Hyo waved at the camera hesitantly. Her heart was racing as she saw thousands of people join the live within couple of minutes. Her comment section was flooded with happy as well as scolding comments. It’s been 2 weeks since she released her album. She was not planning to reveal herself as the attention she was getting was already very daunting, especially when she saw DMs from famous entertainment companies. However, when she came to know about the photos, she knew this is the only way to protect Namjoon. She believes that there are many who love her and will accept her decision of dating someone. Besides that, these were the people who were her strength all this time. They have right to know about her before anyone else does.
But what if they stop liking me after I reveal my face?
What if I don’t meet their expectations?
So many ‘what ifs’ kept flooding her mind as she saw people sending her messages of strength and love.“I am sorry…all of you were worried because of me. I didn’t know I was so loved. It feels like I have a family again…”Ji Hyo fought back her tears. She saw comments about her albums, asking her if she is alright and why the album sounded so dark. Ji Hyo smiled and said,“Yes, I am alright. Thank you for listening to my album. I was going through a lot at that time but I am good now. Actually -” Ji Hyo took a deep breath and continued, “I have lied a lot of things about me. Today, I want to share the truth. You have given me so much love, I want to tell you why I left and why I am back again.”Ji Hyo’s eyes went to the number at the top of screen which showed number of people watching. It was about half a million, her heart started racing again and mouth went dry.“All of you are my friends. We have shared our worries with each other and gave comfort at many instances. But I am sure there are some things which you have kept hidden. A dark side of you that you don’t want to talk about. I also have such dark side, and it overpowered me. It threw me into the abyss of pain and self-hatred. I-I don’t have any family. I lied.”Ji Hyo paused for a moment, trying to form words,“I lost my parents and brother in an accident several years ago. Since then, I have been living alone. I never had any family, at least not until I met you all. The world has been very unaccommodating for the girl behind this mask. Hence, I fell into the clutches of my demons.I am alive today because many people came together to save me - an aunty and her daughter who let me stay in their house; all of you sending messages of support to this masked stranger; and a man who loves this broken person and treats her like she has never been treated before.”Ji Hyo smiled under her mask as she saw people sending hearts and flowers.“They say when winter comes, can spring be far behind. Today, I realize the meaning of this saying. I have good news guys. I have been offered a job. A really good job as a producer.”Ji Hyo laughed as she saw people congratulating her.“Yes! My dream job!” She replied to one of the comments.“I am not sad anymore. I am happy and confident. So, here I am, to show everyone my face.” She paused for a moment and then said, “I hope you won’t hate me after seeing me.”Ji Hyo took off her father’s hat. Closing her eyes tightly, she then took off her mother’s mask. Her heart was racing fast. She took deep breath to calm her nerves and opened her eyes. Her comment section was going insane however, one comment caught her eyes that made her smile hard,“How come this sweet and talented girl never had a family? I will adopt you.”In the following days, Ji Hyo shifted and moved to a house near BigHit. She also kept going live to interact with her followers more. It felt like she was talking to her family, a family with around a million members. Everyone congratulated her when they got to know that she has joined BigHit and some of them even sent flowers to BigHit's building for best wishes. She was also nominated at one of the year end awards and won several trophies. Namjoon was elated but tried to control his expression in the ceremony. They had decided to keep their private lives to themselves but he did introduce her to his family who accepted her with open arms.As Namjoon got busy with award shows and various performances, Ji Hyo spent her time in setting up her studio and familiarizing herself with work environment. It was her first time to be working as an employee and having proper salary. Aunty and her daughter, after getting Ji Hyo's house transferred to them, had shifted to Daegu to start a new life. Before moving, ahjumma had filled Ji Hyo's fridge with a lot of food."Once I set up my shop there, I will send more food, okay?" Ahjumma told Ji Hyo who was suppressing her tears. She hugged them as thanks. She didn't have words to describe her feelings. Her life has been filled with so much love and care that she never imagined. She was not alone anymore. Her heart was content and peaceful. "I have a family." Ji Hyo wondered loudly while sitting in her balcony one evening, watching people walk by on the street. Her mobile beeped. She smiled when she read the message,
"Hi beautiful...wanna go on a date tonight?"
"And I am in love."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ji Hyo walked into her studio with a huge smile on her face. It’s been 3 months since she joined BigHit as a producer but it still felt new to her. How do you comprehend the fact that your dreams have finally turned into reality?Everyone at BigHit were very welcoming from the very first day. Even BTS members also came to meet and greet her. Jungkook, who is around her age, hang out in her room whenever he is at the office. He loves talking to her about various things. Recently, he got interested into song writing and always comes to Ji Hyo to discuss on the pieces he has created. V and Jimin tease her whenever they see her in the corridor. Suga and Jhope treat her like family. There are several times when Namjoon sneak into her studio to spend quality time with her. Whenever she is at the studio, she feels comfortable and at home.The stalkers, who were blackmailing BigHit backed away when they saw who the girl was in their photos. Ji Hyo had told everyone on her live that she is dating someone. She was thankful that she got support messages such as,“You are like our own family member. I am sure the man you have chosen is good.”Seeing the support Ji Hyo was getting from millions of her followers, the stalkers resolve fluctuated. BigHit asked them to delete all the photos they had otherwise they would take legal actions. Ji Hyo and Namjoon were relieved to know that the stalkers had dropped their intentions of publishing the photos because of the mounting pressure.Ji Hyo was sitting in her studio, arranging a song for a rookie group of BigHit, when Namjoon sneaked inside and locked the door. He then showered Ji Hyo with kisses on her face and neck, making her laugh.“I am so happy you are just few steps away from my studio.” Namjoon said while hugging Ji Hyo from back. With eyes still on computer, she replied,“You are leaving for concert tomorrow.”“Is that why you are not looking at me?”She smiled and turned to him,“Don’t worry, I have a lot of work. I won’t miss you.” She said. Namjoon feigned being hurt. He smiled when Ji Hyo kissed his lips.“You know you are not at all shy?” He looked at her amazed.“Why should I be shy?” She laughed, “I love kissing you.”“Okay, you are making me blush.” Namjoon laughed and turned to her computer. He observed her work with a satisfied smile and then said,“I want to make a song with you soon.”“Don’t worry, we have enough time to do that.”“Yes. Entire life.”Ji Hyo nodded. They looked at each other with eyes full of warmth and then leaned in for a deep kiss, as if sealing an unspoken deal.After all, words don’t matter when you are in love.