Work Text
In moments like these, Chan really, really, REALLY wishes he wasn’t the youngest. He also really, really (Hey that’s a WINNER’s song!) hates being single. Be in an idol group they said. It’ll be fun they said. What they didn’t bother to mention was the fact that 10 people will literally fall in love and become obnoxious and abuse their PDA’s. Literally anywhere he is with group called Seventeen, he has to suppress gags because of how sickly sweet, or how sexually tense the couples are. Seventeen? More like Sexualteen. Get it? Sexual teens? Nevermind. They swear they are all grown men but Chan thinks otherwise. Mind you, he does try to raise complaints, but everyone just ignores him anyways. Young Chan loves his hyungs, he really does. Though it would be greatly appreciated by him if they knew the TIME TO STOP. Like honestly, one day, Chan was minding his own business, getting a carton of strawberry milk from the fridge while humming along to a song by Michael Jackson. All was well, you know. Life was great. Amazing even! Just a day in the life of Dino. Listening to Billie Jean on his airpods. Getting some sweet strawberry milk. It was so great that he almost didn’t hear the crash of the door, nor see the two members that stumbled ungracefully into the room. Chan looked to see who it was, but he immediately regretted his life’s choices. If his life was the Bird Box, he’d pull an Olympia and jump out the nearest window to break his neck. Better seeing what he was seeing now. Because the two Chinese members were literally sucking each other’s faces off and dry humping each other. Junhui had Minghao caged against the wall of the living room, which was right next to the kitchen. They were both gasping and red in the face and spit was going everywhere and it was absolutely vulgar and disgusting for Chan’s innocent eyes. No, Chan really didn’t need to see that. So he covered his eyes and immediately got the fuck out of the room, traumatised. But if he thought Junhao was the ultimate scarring experience, ohoHOHO he was wrong. Once he went looking for Soonyoung, as he had an idea for a choreography they were working on. If he remembered correctly, he could’ve sworn it was for Shhh, but that was probably made this next experience all the more worse. He waltzes in to the studio, as Soonyoung hangs out in there most of the time annoying the shit out of Jihoon. Which is what he was expecting, and definitely not Jihoon letting out a noise that he didn’t even know the terrifying 5 foot 4 man could even utter. He won’t describe what he saw because it was definitely a lot worse than his experience with Junhui and Minghao. Let’s just say Hoshi’s Hosh Hosh became Jihoon’s mush mush. Jihoon was riding Soonyoung, to say in short. Shortly after that Chan had to go to the bathroom to dry heave. Afterwards he went to the couch of the living room to lie down. But then he remembered Mingyu and Wonwoo had christened it not too long ago. Where the fucking hell is the bleach? Both for the couch and his eyes. He was honestly too scarred at that point to even care. Later Jeonghan had passed by 3 hours later to see a young Dino staring up at the ceiling. Jeonghan followed his gaze, and found out that Chan had been studying a very interesting scrape on the ceiling, courtesy of Seokmin’s baller bottle flipping skills. (Minghao had teased him endlessly about that.) “Lee Chan what are you doing?” All he got in reply was, “Jeonghan, I don’t feel so good.” Little did he know that he would soon have an existential crisis literally only two days after that, when at fucking (literally) 3:15 A.M. he heard the sound of a bed creaking and barely muffled gasps and groans. And just to his luck, he happened to room right next to the animals that were Verkwan, because you know, “We going to room you guys in order of your ages this time!” He’s honestly too tired for this shit. He really hopes Vernon’s kidneys lose their privilege to function. But it's good that the walls were somewhat thick enough that Chan, with enough self-convincing, could think that Seungkwan's low quality moans sounded like they were just watching weird walrus videos instead. But Jeonghan and Seungcheol were the worse of the worst. The kinky of the kinkiest. And Chan wishes Seungcheol would put a sign or something on which was his office and which was his Fifty Shades of Gray secret basement. Would’ve been nice if there was a “Warning, Secret Sex Room” poster or just anything that should’ve spared the eyes of Chan who happened to walk into the wrong room by accident and take in the incomprensible. Yep, it was the Bird Box alright. Too many vibrators and whips and sex toys which he doesn’t even know the names of to count. And he knows that Seungcheol and Jeonghan use it and the objects inside. Why? Because once he tried talking to Jeonghan one morning, Jeonghan couldn’t even talk. Instead he was answering Chan’s remarks and questions with hums and nods. He was flushed and fidgeting and biting his lip so hard he was drawing blood. And when he got up from his seat Chan saw that there was an evident limp in his gait. He watched as Jeonghan started walking presumably to his room, when the elder suddenly gasped and fell onto all fours, trembling. Chan had rushed over. “Hyung are you alright?” “Y-yeah I’m f-ah! F-fine…” Jeonghan had replied, but Chan now knew that the noises that he was trying to prevent were clearly moans. One glance at Seungcheol who happened to also be in the room confirmed it, as he had a dark lustful smirk on his face as he studied Jeonghan. Which meant Jeonghan most likely had a vibrator up his ass. Nope. Big fat nope. So yeah. This was his life now. But he's totally find with the events that are currently happening right now. Even if he did get sexiled and took refuge in Joshua’s room or Seokmin’s, he’s pretty sure Joshua is occasionally included in a threesome with Seungcheol and Jeonghan. He’s also pretty sure Seokmin is Soonyoung’s side chick. But he really doesn’t want to know. So he doesn’t ask. At least Chungha noona’s song is pretty good and keeps him distracted. Except that one lyric that reminds him that 12 o’ clock is the EXACT time that at least one couple starts doing THAT. Oh, did he forget to mention that sexy times happens at both 12 AM and 12 PM?