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1.
“Shh, come here.” Remus tugged at Regulus’ sleeve. He knew Sirius and James didn’t want Regulus to be drawn into the prank they had planned out for Snivellus and Crouch. So, he pulled Regulus under the Ravenclaw stands. They had planned this prank assuming Sirius’ brother would still be in the hospital wing.
Remus knew how much Sirius would beat himself up if Regulus was affected by their pranks, but the conclusion was not ‘fewer pranks’ but ‘make sure Reg is somewhere else.’ And this time, ‘somewhere else’ would be under the Ravenclaw stands.
Regulus gave Remus a skeptical look but followed him beneath the stands. “So, what do you want from me?” he whisper-yelled, once they were hidden from onlookers.
“Actually, we want nothing from you, and that’s the point. Sirius didn’t want your hair to be hexed, like last time he dueled Crouch, and James was very scared of hitting you with a hex like last time you got close to that duel between him and Sniv—Snape.” Remus noticed that Regulus looked very interested at the mention of James.
“Why are they always pranking or dueling?” Regulus fidgeted.
“James can’t stand it if they insult Muggleborns, especially if Lily gets insulted. She cried a lot when Snape called her ‘mudblood’ last month, after she was his friend for years. You know, James had stopped pranking Snape and even quit calling him Snivellus because of Lily, and then that git insults her.” Lily had stopped defending Snape after that, just demanding that there only be one-on-one duels, for herself to have a right to veto pranks against any Slytherin if they went too far, and that only those would be affected who insulted or tried to terrorise muggleborns. Remus was glad he wasn’t the only voice of reason anymore, especially as he found it hard to stay strict with Sirius once he applied his Puppy Dog Eyes™.
Regulus sighed. “I wish Sirius and James wouldn’t always get into fights with my housemates.”
“I wish your housemates weren’t such blood-purists and bigots.” Remus replied. “But I think you’re okay.”
“We did it! Washed Snape’s hair and turned both his and Crouch’s hair red and gold. Oh!” Sirius stared at his brother with his mouth open. “What are you doing here, Reg?” “Calm down. I’ll stay neutral. No matter what Mother says, you’re my brother, and also, Lupin here kept me out of the whole matter.”
2.
Remus was passing a frequently abandoned corridor, when he heard a sobbing sound from an unused classroom. Another student would probably not have heard it, but so close to the full moon, his senses (except for his colour sight) were heightened. He knocked and entered the room.
At first, he thought it was Sirius crying in the half-dark room, until his sense of smell and the understanding that the boy’s hair was shorter than Sirius would let his hair be, kicked in, and he knew it was Regulus. Sirius and Regulus smelled a bit similar, but the scent of Sirius’ Animagus form as well as a slight note of wind and fire contrasted with Regulus’ non-Animagus smell that had notes of water and earth.
“Hey, Regulus, what’s wrong?” He asked, sitting down on the ground beside the younger boy.
“You wouldn’t understand. Nobody would, and it’s all mad. I think I’ve gone mad.” Regulus scooted away a few inches.
“Reg, mad people usually don’t doubt their own sanity. They call everyone else mad. You kept out when we were pranking your housemates last month, and I promise you I’ll listen to you now without judging you. Everyone needs someone they can talk to and trust. If you promise me not to draw me into any blood-purist rubbish, I’d even take an Unbreakable Vow to keep your secret.” Remus wondered if this offer went too far, but he was sure Regulus was not as blood-purist as most of his housemates. He had noticed him more than once hanging around close to where someone was listening to muggle music, and borrowing muggle books from the library, spelling them to look like the most boring History of Magic books in the times his wolf senses were strongest, and he could smell the magic and the type of spell used.
“There is this–this feeling. Sometimes I, well, wank…” Regulus blushed.
“Most of us do that sometimes. Cast a Silencing charm and keep your drapes closed, then nothing’s wrong with wanking.” Remus said calmingly.
“It’s not that I wank…It’s the things I imagine. Sometimes I imagine a girl, as I should, but sometimes it’s a bloke.” Regulus’ voice grew more and more silent from speaking quietly to whispering.
“And do both arouse you? Or does one and the other not?”
“Both arouse me, and sometimes I imagine both Po…the bloke and the girl and me…doing things.” Regulus blushed and fidgeted.
“So, you have a pash on two people, and one of them happens to be a bloke? You’re not the only one. Even I had something like that. The pash on the girl is over, but the bloke…” Remus thought of when he had dreamt of both Sirius and Marlene, but while his feelings for Sirius had deepened, he now had just friendly feelings for Marls.
“Does he happen to be my brother?” Regulus inquired, lifting his head. Damn observant. Well, not everyone was dense like James.
“Yes, and your bloke is James Potter? There’s no other bloke starting with ‘Po’ at Hogwarts, if you don’t fancy Mimsy-Porpington aka Nearly-Headless Nick. Keep my secret and I’ll keep yours. Anyway. It’s normal. You’re not going mad. While not all people develop such feelings, it’s enough people to be completely normal. There are even books about it at the library, in the 17+ section. You’re 16, aren’t you? Still, you can get the book if you know how.”
“No, I, uh, don’t know how to. And we just can’t plan to meet up somewhere. They might find out.” Remus smelled Regulus’ fear of his housemates.
“You know what? There are ways around the charms of the library that forbid underage students to take books from the 17+ section. Watch the house-elves when they dust the books on Wednesdays and imitate their hand gestures with your wand. The spell is Eximo librum, and the name of the book. You know that you can look at the titles on the book spines, but not take them out without the spell if you’re underage. However, don’t ever try that spell with the Restricted Section books though. That gave James a whole month of daily detention… Those books scream if you try Eximo. The whole section screamed. And if anyone catches you, don’t ever tell them I told you. Say you watched the elves and copied their hand gestures with your wand. That’s why I don’t teach you the wand movement. You must be able to tell them that you learned it by watching the elves without lying if you get caught. Because Dumbledore can figure out if you lie outright. But truths and half-truths that aren’t the crucial point can deceive him as I have found out. It’s a common trick to limit the power Legilimency has over you.”
“You would have been brilliant in Slytherin,” Regulus exclaimed.
“Rather in Ravenclaw. And had it not been for my…mischievous streak, the hat would have sent me there.” Remus chuckled and he smelled that Regulus felt better.
“Remus.”
“Yes?”
“Is my brother angry with me for aligning myself with the other Slytherins? I miss Sirius. We used to be inseparable.”
“I think he misses you, too. Should I tell him you miss him?”
Regulus smiled and nodded.
3.
A folded paper crane landed on Remus’ book in the library. Surprised, as Sirius and James were at their Quidditch training, he cast a charm to see if the crane was hexed. If it was the type of hex that students would be likely to know, he would see it. However, the crane seemed to be okay.
Remus unfolded it.
Dear Remus,
This writing will fade as soon as you have read it. If you cast “scriptum fratris amici revelio”, you (and also James) can see it. I need someone to talk to, and you’ll understand that there are things that are too dangerous to mention in the dungeons, particularly topics like last time. Can we go somewhere to talk?
You can set the time and place of our meeting; you’ll find a way to notify me, I know that. I have no idea how you guys master all this stealth. But if you, my brother and James Potter work together, how could the result not be spectacular? (I guess, Pettigrew contributes something, too, but I don’t know him well enough.)
Please, let the others only see it if really necessary, it’s you I need to talk to. But I trust your judgement.
Yours, Regulus
Remus watched the writing fade. He knew that Regulus had taken those measures for both of their safety. But for him it wasn’t that difficult. All he needed were the cloak and the map. And the Marauders treated both as communal property.
But it couldn’t be today or tomorrow; as tonight was the full moon. He considered how to tell Regulus that he would have to wait for two days. Since his friends knew about his furry little problem, he was less used to lying about his absences from lessons, meals in the Great Hall, etcetera.
Well, maybe he could tell Regulus he had to make arrangements to find the best place to meet secretly. Yes, that’s what he would do. He tore a spare piece off his parchment, wrote “2 days to plan and arrange” on it, cast a Revele fratrem amici solum and ‘lost’ it near Regulus’ table. If any other person were to look at it, they would see just an inkblot and assume he had cleaned his quill the Muggle way.
“Regulus wrote to me. He didn’t understand DADA and asked if I could ask you to help him.” Sirius said when he supported a limping Remus back from the hospital wing. “You are obviously famous for being the best DADA student at Hogwarts. Even though he’s a snake and lives in the Evil and Most Antiquated House of Black, would you help him, please?”
“Pads, it’s not his fault he didn’t have any Marauders in his year to help him break free. I know, no matter what he’s forced to do in that snakehole, his heart is good, and I believe one day he will find the strength to free himself,” Remus said reassuringly. “He wrote to me that he needs help. And I wanted to anyway. He’s your brother, and even though there can only be distant Marauder influence, I’ll use all the Marauder influence I can to show him that, the day he does break free, we’ll be waiting for him and welcome him.”
“Moony, I love you.” Sirius winked at him. Oh, that those words weren’t only meant platonically. Remus longed to kiss Sirius, and after they had found out how to take books out of the 17+ Section, they had come across a more explicit book on sexuality. They all had looked together at the pictures of heterosexual couples, and seen anatomy and positions, and taken copies of their favourite images, then they had cast Duplicating charms on the book, and each had a copy of his own. Only then, Remus had noticed the chapter on gay sex. Behind the closed curtain of his bed and under a Silencing charm, he imagined himself doing those things with Sirius. And whenever Sirius became touchy-feely, Remus became more afraid of losing his best friend because his attraction to him becomes too obvious.
“Hey, Accio Moony’s attention! Were you dreaming again? Who’s the beauty you pine for?” Sirius waved his hand in front of Remus’ face.
Sirius Black, drama queen extraordinaire, owner of the most beautiful face, hands and arse, and unfortunately unattainable. Better distract Sirius with some likely craving. “Chocolate ice cream?” Molten chocolate ice cream to lick off your skin…
“Your wish is my command, Moons, I’ll bring you some from the kitchen as soon as you are in the common room, or would you rather be at the dorm?” Sirius winked at him. Fuck! Can’t he stop winking at me? One day he’ll notice how my body reacts to it…
“The dorm. I don’t want Walters to follow me around.” Jessica Walters was in sixth year and obnoxiously chasing after Remus, spilling prejudiced opinions all over the place.
Whether bloke or bird, to meet his minimal attractiveness standards, someone had to be open-minded, intelligent and witty.
“You’re not interested in dating, Moons?” Sirius teased.
“Dunno, but definitely not in dating Walters. She thinks Freddie Mercury sells thermometers.”
Sirius laughed, his chest vibrating against Remus’ side, and Remus was grateful for the Hogwarts robes, as they came in handy in hiding his raging erection.
When Remus was in his dormitory, and Sirius had headed out for the kitchen, Remus found he was in need of a wank.
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The next day, Sirius made sure with the map that nobody was around when Remus met Regulus at the Room of Requirement. Remus had asked for a room in which one could talk comfortably, and the Room provided them with something looking like his mother’s kitchen, but magic. They could sit at a small, round table and drink tea; fresh sweet and salty baked goods sat on the table, and on a shelf, between cooking books, there were some books about topics they were more likely to discuss.
“This is an odd room,” Regulus blurted out, as he sat down.
“People less aristocratic than the House of Black often talk to their friends in the kitchen. It’s comfortable, because you don’t need to interrupt the conversation to boil more tea. Remember, not everyone has house-elves. Before Hogwarts, I knew house-elves only from my books.” Remus explained, feeling a bit odd about it. Sirius loved kitchen talks: whenever the Marauders spent time together during the hols, Sirius loved hanging around in his family’s or the Potters’ kitchen; not in Peter’s kitchen, though, because that one was really uncomfortable.
“Well, I remember, when Sirius told me about his first holiday visit to James that you people drank tea in the kitchen, I thought he wanted to shock me. Drinking tea with the elves or what?” Regulus words may have sounded a bit arrogant, but Remus saw in his eyes that he simply was confused.
“Maybe you would understand it better if you know that my family, for example, doesn’t have any elves, James’ family may have three elves, but they do other kinds of work because Fleamont and Euphemia both enjoy cooking. The kitchen in our houses is just the place to get a cuppa without interrupting the conversation.” Remus smiled reassuringly at Regulus.
“Well, I’ll try it.” Regulus poured himself a cup of tea and placed a petit four on his plate. “I was in an empty classroom, sitting under the teacher’s desk wanting to be left alone when James and Evans came in. I saw the things they were doing, and it… I just can’t stop thinking about it. They’re both so…so…I wish…And I get lost in thinking of them. I mean, I didn’t see any details, but his hands were under her jumper, and I heard a zip and the sounds they made. I wish I could be any of them, just to be close to the other, but actually, I wish I could be close to both. I think I must have gone mad.” Regulus sounded breathless.
“Feelings can be quite overwhelming. I remember watching Sirius dance with the girl he was dating, the one I had a crush on, and I just longed to be part of it, longed to have one hand touching her and the other one on him. You’re not the first one to feel like that and not the last.” He took one of the books out of the shelf and showed it to Regulus.
“You’re 17. Sirius told me last Friday was your birthday. 17 is the age of maturity in wizarding Britain. What you do with a consenting sane and sober person or two of your age or one year older is okay. Your parents’ standards are not.”
“Remus, have you ever shagged a bloke, or been shagged by one?” The curiosity in Regulus’ eyes emphasised his resemblance to Sirius.
“No, I’m not the kind of person for casual shagging. Last summer, I met a Muggle who wanted to get shagged by me, but I didn’t feel it. I just feel it with your brother, and for a while I felt it with that girl. But I’ll never be able to tell Sirius. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost his friendship. Better to take what I can get than to lose it all.” Remus sighed, then pulled himself together and smiled at Regulus. “Would you like to read a little in the books without me looking over your shoulder? If you want to duplicate them and make them look to everyone else like one of your textbooks, I know of nothing.” He winked.
“Yes, please. Are you coming back to clean up after us or explain to me how to?” Regulus sounded insecure.
“You don’t know anything about this room. Once we have left it, nothing of what we see here will be found by the next person looking inside, unless they know of it and wish for our room. The next person will see whatever they require: a study, a bedroom for a nap or for shagging, a party room, a gym, even the Forbidden Forest or a mountain.”
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Remus walked back from the Room of Requirement under the Invisibility Cloak, when he heard some murmuring behind the statue of the unicorn. “Remember when we were in that room where the desk made the odd sounds? I kind of had the feeling that someone was under it and knew exactly what we were doing. They probably went to their dormitory and got off thinking of us.”
“James, I don’t know whether that’s hot or creepy.” Lily sounded hesitant.
“If it was Snivellus, I would find it the creepiest thing I can imagine, but if…”
“I won’t share you with anyone I wouldn’t shag myself. Think hard about your choice. But don’t even think about Belinda Smith, you know she wants to snatch you from me.” From where Remus stood, he could get a glimpse of them, and Lily was glaring at James.
James raised his hands defensively. “Smith? Eww, never, she’s almost as creepy as Snivellus. No, I was thinking of a certain Seeker we all would prefer to see in a different house.”
“And here I thought you only said you were bi to make Sirius feel better about his sexual preference. You really fantasise about Regulus Black joining us?” She laughed. “If he were to join us, I wouldn’t throw him out of bed. He ’s some real eye candy. But you would have to teach Reggie how to make me come with his tongue.” She opened the top buttons of her blouse.
At that, Remus left. James and Lily had a right to their privacy. What was that with Sirius’ sexual preference? Was he bi? If so, what bloke could he ever have fancied? Surely it wasn’t James, as Sirius insisted so much on the two of them being brothers. And Pete? That was ridiculous. Sirius had remarked before how Pete’s love of Gorgonzola didn’t seem to bother Mary, even when they’d snog after Pete had eaten the, well, aromatic cheese. It was a quality that Sirius just couldn’t overlook: “Have you tasted that cheese, or even smelt it?” Sirius would ask when Pete wasn’t around. “Rancid, that shit is. And she doesn’t even demand a Scourgify before kissing him!” Needless to say, Pete wasn’t Sirius’ type.
Maybe one of the boys who graduated last summer; not Frank Longbottom, surely, but, perhaps Benjy Fenwick? It had to be Benjy Fenwick. They had been on the Quidditch team together, Benjy had been the captain before James took over, and he was always full of praise for his legendary chaser team James and Sirius, who had been nicknamed the Potter twins, regardless of Sirius not being an actual Potter.
Of fucking course, it was Benjy Fenwick. And of fucking course, pining for a bisexual Sirius Black hurt even more than pining for a straight Sirius Black. Although it shouldn’t make any difference, not for a werewolf. Not so long as nobody developed a remedy against lycanthropy.
As he returned into the common room with his feet feeling heavy as lead and regretting that Sirius was waiting for him there, two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around him. “Moonyyyyy, everything alright? Did anything go wrong?”
“Nothing, Reg learned well, but I think I just overexerted myself a little. If Reg asks me again, anytime. But maybe I’ll make him wait one day more after a full moon. By the way, he’s missing you.” Remus avoided Sirius’ eyes. If there was one thing he couldn’t manage now then it was pity.
“Moons, you want to be here, or in the dorm?” Sirius steered him away from the door already.
“Dorm,” Remus mumbled. Sirius pulled Remus’ arm over his shoulder and manhandled him into a position that was usually very helpful after a full moon, but definitely not helpful to keep his pining at bay.
“I need to sleep. I can’t even be arsed to brush my teeth, I’ll just cast a Scourgify on them.” Remus hoped that it would be too boring for Sirius to stay around if he pretended he needed sleep.
“Moons, I can let you go to bed immediately, but I must insist on massaging your back and your legs. I need you to feel better tomorrow, so, remove your shirt and your trousers, now.”
Merlin’s shriveled bollocks! Remus thought. Why did I ever start allowing Sirius to see me shirtless? Worst decision ever, that and playing outside in the snow that day and coming home after dark. Still, Remus took off his trousers and shirt and lay down on his bed on his stomach. Immediately, Sirius knelt down beside him and started massaging his legs with dittany salve.
Remus bit his pillow, then stuffed as much of it as possible into his mouth, trying hard not to moan. If Sirius noticed how hard he was, that would be a disaster and their friendship over. Remus’ eyes started burning with uncried tears. A whimper escaped him.
“Moony, did that hurt you? Sorry, I’ll be more careful. I’m so sorry.” Sirius’ hands changed their movement from kneading to stroking.
Remus let go of the pillow. “Sirius, actually, my skin feels too sensitive. Things that normally feel good hurt. It’s not your fault it hurt, but a massage is not helping me this evening.”
“Okay, I’ll let you sleep, but I’m right here. If anything’s wrong, call for me. I’ll take you to the hospital wing.” Sirius’ hand felt Remus’ forehead.
Merlin’s balls! Why can’t Sirius be a selfish prick when I need him to be one?
The hand moved across his hair. “Good night, Moons, sleep well and get well. Until morning.”
Fuck! Like this I can’t even cast a Silencing charm and wank.
4.
The next morning, when Remus woke up and stretched in his bed, Sirius slipped into the bed beside him, as usual without asking, and Remus could only just turn and lie on his stomach quick enough to hide what was definitely more than morning wood.
“Good morning Moons, are you feeling better today?” His voice sounded as soft as it usually did after a full moon. Remus had to get out of here and fast. He couldn’t take advantage of Sirius’ kindness, just because he failed to be immune to Sirius’ outrageous attractiveness.
Remus remembered what his father had told him at the end of the last hols when he had seen James with his arms around Lily on Platform 9 ¾. “Remus, sex is overrated. You’re lucky you’re a Lupin; we have a low sex drive. And it’s wisest for you not to develop romantic feelings either. It would only hurt you. If you have romantic feelings, they’ll want to see you naked, and then it’s over. I pray for you to have the mercy of no difficulties with feelings.”
“I think I’m okay again, but I need to piss, and I don’t want to risk climbing over you.” I’m glad I have a quick mind.
As he left the bathroom after a lengthy shower with a wank, Remus heard the voices of the other two Marauders. Thank Merlin, Sirius had woken up James and Pete. They were going to take enough of Sirius’ attention away from Remus.
“So, Sirius told me you didn’t feel well yesterday?” James asked.
“I’m okay again; I guess having a lie-in did the trick.” It took some effort from Remus to smile at his two friends.
“So, how is Regulus?” James asked, twirling his wand in his hand in the way non-Marauders considered cool, but Remus knew was a clear indication that James was slightly nervous.
“He learned it well, and he seems fine, but he misses Sirius. By the way, where is Sirius?”
“Getting breakfast for you. He said if you are still not well this morning, it’s better you don’t go to the Great Hall.” James gave him a smile.
“But I’m feeling better. Anyway, I’m afraid I’ll become a burden for him one of these days.” Remus was shocked at his own shaky voice.
“For Sirius? Never, our Mssr. Padfoot would never consider you a burden.” James gave him a weird look. “Another thing, is Regulus seeing anyone?”
Merlin’s balls and Morgana’s tits and whatever Camille Mage had in their pants! Can’t a man be left alone by other people’s sexual schemes and exploits? If I tell James, Sirius will hate me, and if I lie, Regulus… Fuck, fuck, fuck!
“James, you shouldn’t ask me such a personal question about him! I was there to tutor him in DADA, not to find out if he’s shagging anyone! Why don’t you healthy people have anything but sex on your minds?”
“Says the bloke who forgot the Silencing charm when he wanked in the shower,” James deadpanned.
“Okay, I had a wank, but I didn’t try to gossip about other people’s fucking sexuality. And I’m not trying to date anyone. I’m just done with all that drama. Next time you want to gossip, better ask someone like Marjorie Brown. I’d hoped that, since you’ve got Lily, you’d stop asking about such topics.” He charmed his school robes on, walked out of the dorm, slammed the door behind him, and sat down in the common room close to the fireplace. Why couldn’t he go to the Great Hall? It would feel better to move now than to wait for Sirius.
He took a log from the pile beside the fireplace and aggressively cast whittling charms on it in an effort to stay put because letting Sirius down would just not do. As long as Sirius was putting up with him, he would do all he could not to disappoint him. So, for now, he had to calm down as much as possible and try his best to eat whatever Sirius brought him.
“Moons, what are you making? That looks like my Animagus form.” Sirius’ right hand landed on Remus’ shoulder, while he levitated a tray with two mugs of hot chocolate and sandwiches to a small table with his wand hand.
“I’m going to make all four of us. When we’re done with Hogwarts, we will need some decoration for wherever we live.” A quick mind is worth more than money can buy. And I didn’t even notice I made Padfoot.
“Vanish the wood splinters, cast a Scourgify on your hands and eat.” Sirius moved behind Remus’ chair, and wrapped him into a hug as soon as all the wood splinters were gone. Then he sat on the armrest, leaning against Remus. They ate in what must have seemed like companionable silence to Sirius, but Remus had to force himself to get the food down and not fidget. If only he were healthy and attractive. This was a fucking tragedy to be always touched by the bloke he loved more than life and to know that Sirius would either be with a woman or with someone like Benjy Fenwick again soon.
“And, are you in a better mood now?” James’ voice came from the stairs to the dorm.
“Yes, still, I’d be thankful if you didn’t force discussions on people’s relationship status on me. You have Lily, Peter has his dramatic on-and-off thing with Mary, almost every bird and quite a few blokes want to date Sirius, and I can remember I have my furry little problem whenever I make the mistake of feeling.” It took Remus all his self-discipline to keep his tone calm.
“Remus, don’t talk like that. You’re lovable. I wish, you… nevermind, but you have us.” Sirius took hold of his hand. Bloody hell! Why does Sirius have no sense of personal space? His hand feels too good, it’s driving me insane. I mustn’t forget I’m a werewolf. I can’t have love. I’m not human.
“It’s okay, I just felt a bit overwhelmed with all this. But you guys have Quidditch practice, you’ve got the game against Slytherin next week. I’ll just head for the library, better not risk being under the weather.” Don’t show relief if they buy it, Lupin. They seem to buy it.
“Moons, I’ll miss you in the stands.” Sirius looked at him with that odd worried look again...
“Lils is going to the library, too. Tell her if you’re not feeling well, so she can get Sirius.” James said, as all three of them walked down the corridor and parted at the library.
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“Remus, what’s the matter? You seem antsy today, and I explained the zodiac effect on mimbulidae to you three times already. You’re not listening. Normally you’re the one explaining those things to Sirius and James.” Lily gave him a scrutinising look. Great! She’s even harder to throw off my tracks than Sirius and James together. Anyway, that’s no surprise, as she noticed that my absences were like her menstrual cycle and she asked me in fifth year if I’m trans or a werewolf. And of fucking course she notices that I’m too occupied pathetically pining for Sirius and worrying about her and James breaking Regulus’ heart with a one-off.
“I—I...” Remus took a deep breath. Maybe he should talk reasonably to Lily: she’d always acted more carefully than James, and only she could make him refrain from a bad idea. He took a deep breath and started anew. “Yesterday I was walking past you and James under the Invisibility Cloak as you spoke about Regulus. I’d just come from tutoring him in DADA. And this morning James wanted to ask me questions about Regulus’ relationship status. And—please, whatever you do, don’t break his heart. I don’t think he’s the type who is fine with a one-off.”
“I don’t think he is, either. You heard right that we both find him very attractive and fantasise about him. But I promise, I’ll make sure James doesn’t do anything unless all three of us are on the same page. I know you want to protect him because he’s Sirius’ brother.” Lily smiled at him as if she knew something, but didn’t say anything more.
5.
A week had passed, a week that felt as if it had contained two full moons. Remus had trouble sleeping, his appetite was poor, and he’d had to fend off Sirius’ following him around with a worried face. After a time, even James and Peter followed him, too. One evening in the dorm, he just couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Pads, I’m not dying,” he said to Sirius with a withering look on his face. “I just feel a bit sad, and I feel like I need a little time alone,” he tried to reason.
“But what’s wrong? Usually you have fun being around us.”
“I’m no longer a child; fun isn't everything anymore. And being a werewolf, i need that alone time occasionally. Anyway, don’t you have any pretty bird to go snog in the Room of Requirement?”
“No. Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something to hurt you again? You said you had forgiven me after the Snivellus incident.” Sirius hung his head and looked like a kicked puppy.
“It’s not about you. I…Fuck! I just need to figure out how to cope with my lycanthropy after Hogwarts. For you, James and even Peter, the world has so many options to offer, and I…I’m afraid of the future. You guys plan to become Aurors, you already know you’ll have work, James even knows he wants to marry Lily. And I just need to mull over this.” Remus fidgeted. He could see his struggle with this, but didn’t quite understand.
“Moons, you have me. I mean, you have us. We’ll do all we can to help you.” Sirius pulled him into a hug.
“I can’t depend on your kindness forever. I can’t live as a charity case,” Remus said, looking at the floor.
“You’d never be. You’re the cleverest of us, the one who constantly keeps us out of trouble.” Sirius squatted down to look into Remus’ downcast eyes.
“Three detentions instead of seven? That’s what you call ‘out of trouble’? You’re a bit of a prat sometimes,” Remus deadpanned, smirking slightly in Sirius’ direction.
“Your prat.” Sirius gave him one of those weird looks again.
Yet Remus had to give Sirius a fond grin. He’d seen that same look every time Sirius and James pulled a half-arsed prank. Remus would try and save their arses but only succeed in landing in detention himself. Sirius would give him that look as an apology, and Remus found that he just couldn’t resist those puppy dog eyes. Sirius couldn’t know what that look did to him; a bloke as attractive as Sirius couldn’t possibly fancy a werewolf with more scars on his body than Knuts in his vault, even if that “vault” was nothing but a cookie jar in his father’s kitchen.
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In the afternoon, while he was studying, a paper crane interrupted his reading.
Dear Remus,
Can we talk again?
I need your advice.
There was no signature, but Remus recognised Regulus’ handwriting. It resembled Sirius’ but was neater, taking more of an effort.
Tomorrow 12:30 same place.
R
He dropped the parchment close to Regulus again and left the library. 12:30 was the best time: most of his fellow students were having lunch by that time, and those who weren’t usually spent some time outdoors, so people were neither likely to miss one of them nor likely to use the Room of Requirement. Remus would tell Sirius about his plan, and that the other Marauders would keep watch with the Map.
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Remus laced in front of the door to the Room of Requirement, a mantra repeating over and over in his mind. I want a place to have lunch with my friend Regulus. I want a place to have lunch with my friend Regulus. I want a place to have lunch with my friend Regulus.
Remus finally opened the door and went into the room. It looked like the Wizarding version of an Asian restaurant. He looked at the menu and wondered if the Room could also provide a waiter, or if they would only drink the pumpkin juice that was already waiting for them.
Shortly after that, the door was opened, and Regulus joined him. “What kind of restaurant is this? I’ve never seen live fish in a restaurant or that type of statue.” He looked around and gently touched one of the statues.
“Have you never been to an Asian restaurant? Surely you have; Sirius and James have invited me to one in Muggle London more than once.” Remus replied.
“No, my parents only go to Chez Abelard. They have French cuisine and my parents are even stricter there than they are at home. Speaking at the table is an absolute no-go if you’re under forty.” Regulus shuddered.
“Don’t worry, here we can talk. And the food is probably delicious.” He handed Regulus a menu.
“What’s that?” Regulus studied the front page.
“If you open it, you can read what food the restaurant has to offer,” Remus explained and opened the menu himself.
“I get to choose what I’ll eat? I thought only parents can do that. Mother knows all the dishes at Chez Abelard, and she always makes me eat the same pot-au-feu. I don’t even like it. She never casts the charm that shows what we could eat.” He turned to the menu.
Remus did so as well. “Oh, they have quite a variety of foods from different Asian countries. Sushi from Japan, Chinese food, but also Indian food. I’ve never been to an Indian restaurant, but James’ father is from India. Mmm, I like vegetable pakoras; I’ll take them as a starter. And then…I think I’ll stick to Indian food: Chicken Tandoori.”
“Summer rolls sound interesting and maybe Sushi S2 afterwards. They look beautiful. I’ll also have a Jasmine tea, I’ve had Jasmine tea before.” Regulus continued perusing the menu. “My housemates say I have a too adventurous palate,” he said after a while. “Do you think I should try all this?”
“Unless you eat rotten or inedible things, or unless you’re allergic, there’s no such thing as a palate that’s too adventurous. You are free to taste new things. I love it, too. And how could you not have an adventurous palate, being Sirius’ brother?” Remus gave him an encouraging smile. “Take the summer rolls and sushi, they’re delicious, and if I didn’t feel like eating Indian food today, I would take them, too.”
“Is it true that in Muggle restaurants, it’s okay to taste from other people’s plates?” Remus had never seen such a mischievous look on Regulus’ face, but it just reinforced his resemblance to Sirius.
“Only if the person allows you to. And it’s usually swapping. One pakora for one sushi roll.”
In that moment a plate of pakoras and a plate of summer rolls popped into existence in front of them. Before he started to eat, Remus placed a pakora with a little dip of raita sauce on Regulus’ plate, and Regulus cut a piece off the summer roll and placed it on Remus’ plate. “That’s how James and I swap food at restaurants. Sirius tends to just feed it to me, then demand that I feed him. It’s less than sophisticated, but I just can’t seem to resist his smile.”
“Does Sirius feed James, too?”
“No.”
Regulus bit off the pakora and chewed with closed eyes. “Delicious. Maybe you’re the only person Sirius would be like that with?”
“I usually sit beside him. Maybe he only feeds the person sitting beside him?” Remus replied. After all, why would Sirius feed only him?
They ate silently for a while; then Regulus looked into Remus’ eyes. “Lily invited me for a picnic here tonight with her and James. She said they wanted to get to know me better, and that they were impressed with the poem I read at the Slug club.” He fidgeted while he spoke.
“Reg, how do you feel about it?” Remus felt nervous for his friend.
“Happy, but also nervous. What should I wear, how should I behave? And is it a date? It sounded sort of sounded that way to me.”
“It’s a picnic. You’ll sit on the floor to eat, so your clothes should be comfortable. And about behaving: just be yourself. Neither of them are impressed by posh manners. James’ best friend is Sirius, and Lily has been hanging out with us a lot more since Sni… Snape insulted her.” He gave Regulus an encouraging smile and added, “And if it’s a date, tell them exactly what you want and what you don’t. No matter how cool and attractive they are, don’t let James persuade you to anything you’re not sure you’re ready for.”
“What if they like me less for it?” Regulus pushed a stray julienned carrot around on his plate.
“They won’t. I know them. James might try to persuade you, but if Lily sees that you’re not ready, she’ll stop him. She’s basically his impulse control.”
Regulus laughed and placed his fork back on his plate. Immediately the plates disappeared and the second course popped into existence.
“I…I have another thing to ask you. You can’t see it because I’m on suppressants, but...I’m a Metamorphmagus. I can’t change anything that’s visible when I’m wearing my school robes, but sometimes I change in my sleep or when I’m not paying attention. And I’m afraid Lily and James might see it.” Regulus’ hand trembled.
“Believe me, they have accepted more shocking things than you being a Metamorphmagus.” He thought of his conversation with Lily, who had found out about his lycanthropy because her menstruation came at full moon as well, and how she had confronted him and brewed dittany for him before the hols. He recalled James running with him every full moon at Hogwarts, and how he was always there for him.
“Even if I might…even if I grow breasts, or my bits and pieces go female because something in my mind feels more feminine that day? And I can’t really stop it; it follows my feelings, not reason. Actually by putting me on suppressant charms, Mother prevented me from learning to control it.” Regulus’ voice sounded thin and nervous.
“Reg, it’s okay. You should tell them before they see the change, but I promise, they’ll accept you as you are. It’s okay. There’s a name for this, and everything that has a name has already been sorted before. You’re genderfluid. I don’t know another genderfluid person, but I have read about it, and Metamorphmagi are more likely to be gende-fluid than other people. And James and Lily have still accepted more shocking things.”
“What’s more shocking than that?”
“Lots of things. Maybe I’m a vampire or a...”
“Suuuure. You. The boy who is as dangerous as a pygmy puff. And anyway, you go out in the sunlight and you have a reflection, so you’re definitely no vampire."
Thank Merlin I didn’t mention the werewolf. He might have figured it out. After all, I have all these obvious scars.
“You can come out to them. I’m a hundred percent sure it will change nothing about how they like you.”
They continued to talk until it was time to go back to their studies.
6.
That night, James didn’t return to the dorm. Peter was snoring in his bed, and Remus was pretending to sleep, when Sirius opened his four-poster’s drapes a little. “Moony,” Sirius whispered, “ can I get in with you for a bit?”
“’m sleeping.”
“Moons, I had a nightmare.” Sirius didn’t look the way he usually did after having a nightmare. It was clear, even in the dark of night, that he was making puppy dog eyes again.
But Remus had never been someone to resist that look. He scooted over on his stomach, refusing to turn over and trying his best to ignore Sirius’ arm around his shoulders.
“Moons, what’s wrong? I thought you liked cuddling,” Sirius suddenly inquired as he lay down beside Remus.
With you, I like it too much. “I do, but my legs just really hurt right now when you touch them, and I’m really knackered. I’d like to just go to sleep.” Remus felt grateful for the darkness. If he was lucky, Sirius wouldn’t take his line of questioning any further.
“James asked me if it’s okay if he and Lily date Reg.” So, that was what Sirius wanted. He needed to talk about it.
“And what did you say?”
“That at least it’s less inbreeding than what our family is accustomed to. But now I’m worried. Reg is a year younger than us, and I wish I could have talked about it all with him,” Sirius said, sounding a bit whiny.
“What would you have told him?”
“I would have told him not to do anything he doesn’t feel ready to do. And that James and Lily will be fine with his little Metamorph-problem.”
“What if I told him?”
“You had the talk with my little brother?” Sirius squeezed Remus’ shoulder. “I love you.”
If only he meant it like that! Or if only I weren’t so painfully hard.
Remus pretended to fall asleep. He just couldn’t handle any more of this. It was like the smell of chocolate for someone who would never have a chance to eat any.
He felt Sirius carefully cuddle up closer, like a dog trying to sneakily disobey a command.
But there was no way to escape. His body ached for more than just this harmless cuddling, and he was sure he would never get that.The next morning he woke up to Sirius spooning him and stroking his hair.
Normally he loved that arrangement after a full moon or whenever he was stressed out, and Sirius would always happily oblige, but that was just the reaction to a touch-starved childhood. Sirius just loved to touch people, to stroke hair, to cuddle; however, it was never meant as anything more than friendship, Remus reminded himself.
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“Good morning. Sorry, I need to get up.”
“Mooooony, I’m so comfortable. Why do you want to get up at the arsecrack of dawn?” Sirius pouted.
“Because I need to go to the loo. And also, in case you’ve forgotten, we have school.”
“I finally get my cuddles and you want to get up, and for what? For Arithmancy.” Sirius struck a pose of dramatic despair.
“Oh yeah, our studies aren’t important. We’re just both going to do a N.E.W.T. in Arithmancy, but nevermind all that. You can stay in bed if you like and kiss your dreams of being an Auror goodbye.” Remus carefully climbed over Sirius, making sure he hid his raging boner from Sirius’ view.
As soon as he was in the lavatory, he locked the door and leaned against it. What should he do? He couldn’t go on like this; half the night he had only pretended to sleep because of Sirius’ arm around him. All this cuddling and stroking and the massages he got; surely Sirius would eventually notice that Remus was in love with him. And then all would be over. How could he get some distance without hurting Sirius? I should be grateful for what I get, but it just makes me long for more.
It didn’t help; he had to come out of the bathroom and start the day. Why the fuck did this hard-on not disappear? If he cast a Notice-Me-Not on his crotch, would it truly conceal his cock, or would it just look as if there were a gaping hole about his middle?
He tried it and asked the mirror, but it simply replied: “You’re too cute to lead the monastic life. How about going for it instead of hiding yourself from him? If I were him, I’d gag for it.”
“Oh sure, you don’t have to see me transform into a monster every month.” Remus hissed back, and stepped into an ice-cold shower.
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He barely had stepped out of the common room when a paper crane flew around his head and landed in his palm as soon as he had stretched it out.
Dear Remus,
Thank you for your help. It was a splendid date.
I’d like to talk to you again. I’ll be waiting for you. Same time same place. If you can’t, send me a note.
“I wish Reg could talk to me about it, but the woman who once was my mother cast a charm on him that reveals if we have direct contact.” Sirius’ slightly husky baritone close to his ear made Remus jump.
“Pads, since when do you walk so silently?”
“Since you started to run away all the time. It’s hard to get close to you these days.”
“Says the bloke who shared my bed last night to avoid nightmares and who sits next to me in most of my classes,” Remus deadpanned.
“You used to like my presence more.” Sirius voice resembled the whine of his dog form.
“Listen, just for now, I need to figure something out for myself, and I’ll do it best on my own. I promise you, you’re still my best friend. Give me a little space for now, and don’t take it personally.” The look on Sirius’ face stung Remus like a stinging hex cast by four Slytherins together.
“Is there a girl you fancy?” Sirius asked sombrely after they had started walking towards the Arithmancy classroom.
“No! Why would you even think such a thing? Have you seen me look at any girl? Also, how could I possibly date someone I have to lie to? Remember my problem! And now I’d rather not continue this conversation. Too many non-Marauders for that.”
Sirius visibly pulled himself together. “Anyway, thank you for helping out where I can’t due to one Walburga.”
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When Remus came into the Room of Requirement at noon, it looked like a middle-class sitting room. On a wooden table there were two plates with spaghetti and glasses of pumpkin juice.
“Hi,” Regulus said. “Look at this place. I wanted to see how a lunch during the hols might look in a Muggleborn’s home. Because of Lily.” Regulus had a wide grin on his face that emphasised the resemblance to Sirius.
“Hi, and greetings from Sirius. So, how can I help you today?”
“You could tell me about what it was like growing up with a Muggle mother, or we could talk about how I wish it were as easy for me to talk to my brother as it seems to be for and James. But now, I think, I need to help you. So, let’s leave all that for another day.” He gave Remus an undecipherable look.
“Me? Do I look like I need help?” Remus blurted out.
“Of course you do, and my brother, too. You told me you fancy him, and he has been gawking at you like a lovesick pup for the last two weeks. You believe your love is unrequited. I asked James yesterday if Sirius ever feeds him or anyone else food from his plate like he does with you. He told me that whenever he would date a girl, he wouldn’t playfully feed her. You’re the only one he ever wants to do that with. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems he always tries to touch you. He looks at you like you’re an angel or, like, made of crème brûlée or something.”
“A-Are you sure?” Remus tried to put down his water glass, but it only toppled over.
“That’s why you are a Gryffindork.” Regulus’ smirk made it easier for Remus to calm down.
“Wait, one date with James and you’re the king of sass?”
“You know that my name means ‘little king’. And yes, I’m one hundred percent sure that Sirius is in love with you. If you have any doubt about it, ask James. I’m sure if Sirius talks about this with anyone, it’s him.”
Remus’ legs seemed to have taken on a will of their own. Before he even knew it, he was halfway to the door. “Reg, thank you. I must talk to…”
“Bye, tell me about it next time we talk.” Reg’s voice could hardly slow Remus down. He raced down the corridors and paced the floor when he waited for the moving staircase. He needed to know—now.
“Hey, Remus, where you going to? You don’t have Care of Magical Creatures.” Remus turned and saw Lily sitting on a bench.
“But Sirius does, and I need to see him. Do you—“ He stopped for a second, but the the need to know overtook him. “Do you think he fancies me? Because I fancy him. A lot.” Great, Lupin. Can you say anything sillier than that? You sound like an idiot.
Lily looked at Remus, eyebrows raised in shock. “Wait—does that mean you two haven’t been dating? I thought you’d been dating since he broke up with Marlene. I mean, that’s when he figured out that he’s gay, and you found out Marls got together with Dorcas.”
“No, he never even told me about being gay!” Remus awkwardly looked at his feet. “Do you think he could love me, furry little problem and all?”
“Let’s think about this: he cuddles up to you like a koala whenever he gets a chance to. He practically gawks at you all the time and forgets the rest of the world. He took extra lessons from Madam Pomfrey to handle your wounds and other lycanthropy-related health problems. And that week you spent avoiding him, he couldn’t even eat, he was so distraught.”
Remus’ mind went blank except for one thought: Sirius.
“Remus, instead of thinking about Sirius, why don’t you ask him on an actual date? Get his favorite food, have a picnic in your dormitory? I can even help set it up!”
“Lils, you and Reg are geniuses!” Remus gave her a perfunctory hug and ran down to the kitchens. He requested plates of decadent fingerfoods and a large flagon of pumpkin juice from the house elves and rushed back to their dormitory.
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When Remus heard Sirius’ steps on the stairs, the butterflies in his stomach suddenly seemed to have been hit with a Tarantallegra jinx. Please, let it be true. Please, please, please.
“Moons, is everything alright? Lily said you needed to talk to me and that I shouldn’t eat before finding you. Is everything okay?” Sirius’ voice sounded shaky.
“Come here, we need to talk. Do you want to know why I’ve been avoiding you lately?”
“I do, in truth. It hurt me.” Sirius looked as frightened as after the Prank.
“I was afraid that if I let you close to me, you might see that I fancy you and turn your back on me.” Remus’ voice was barely audible.
“Moons! How can you think that?” Sirius’ was close to shouting. “I’m practically trying to move into into your bed, and I can’t keep my hands off you. I tell you I love you at every chance I get.”
“I never thought you meant it that way. After all, I’m a werewolf, a Dark creature.” Remus nervously lifted the collar of his sweater to his mouth and chewed on it.
“You’re about as dark as a unicorn, Moons. I know you. You’re a human being, and one of the best I know. And I really do love you. Would you please stop chewing on your sweater? There are better things you can do with that beautiful mouth of yours. Kiss me, for example.” Sirius sat on the bed beside him and pulled him into a long, messy kiss.
Remus felt Sirius’ soft hands slip under his sweater and slide over his back. Normally this would have scared him, because of all the scars Greyback had left him, but he was so focused on just feeling that it didn’t even occur to him to think of it.
Before he even realised what was going on, Sirius broke the kiss to divest him of his sweater, and he found himself unbuttoning Sirius’ shirt.
“Tell me if you want to stop or slow down.” Sirius whispered in his ear, before pulling the earlobe between his lips with his tongue, sucking and nibbling on it. Remus moaned; he had never thought that something like this could be so arousing.
Sirius trailed open-mouthed kisses down the side of his neck and over his collarbones to his left nipple. “I love you,” he whispered against Remus’ nipple.
Remus’ mind felt deliciously dizzy, positively intoxicated, as Sirius’ hand opened his trousers and slipped slightly beneath the waistband. Sirius let go of the nipple and asked, “How about taking these off? What do you think?”
“Only if you take yours off, too.” Remus watched Sirius with lust as he got up, swiveling his hips like a stripper, and pulled down his trousers. He danced around again and slowly let his arse peek out of his underpants, then turned around, tugging his underpants down a bit and flashing black pubic hair and the base of his cock. He turned again and bent over, then pulled his underpants down. Remus had never thought of an arse as ‘glorious’ before, but he couldn’t think of a description more fitting for Sirius’ bare bum. And when Sirius turned around again, Remus had no words for the beautiful sight; all he knew was that he wanted to touch Sirius everywhere.
Sirius took his wand and aimed it at Remus: “May I?” Remus just nodded. “Nudus.” Sirius crawled into the bed, and Remus, who had watched his trousers and underpants disappear, lay down beside him. With a flick of his wand, he closed the drapes, turned to lie on his side and pressed his body against Sirius’.
Sirius pulled him into a heated kiss again, and their bodies took over, seeking friction. The world seemed reduced to the feeling of hot kisses and rutting until both climaxed.
When they were breathing calmly again, Sirius cast a Scourgify charm. Remus opened the drape slightly and Accioed the plates with their food.
“Moony, you’re perfect. All my favourite food, just after sex. And crème brûlée too! I want to lick it off your body. May I? Please and thank you with chocolate on top?” Sirius looked at him with his puppy dog eyes again, but this time for something Remus was equally anticipating.
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Remus awoke the next morning, having gotten little sleep but lots of sex. He felt Sirius behind him, his arms wrapped around his middle, cuddling him close. He opened his eyes and saw a little paper crane on the pillow, right next to him.
“Good morning,” he said to Sirius. “Looks like we have a letter from Reg.” Remus unfolded the paper.
“Read it to me, Sirius replied, stroking Remus’ shoulder softly.
Dear Remus,
Thank you so much for your help. Everything worked splendidly at our second date! I’ll tell you all about it later.
R