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Feels Good to be a Woman

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The sun was high in the sky, filtering through the trees on the opposite side of the street and creating dappled shadows on the ground that moved gently with the wind. Laughter echoed across the road from the park where a group of happy children were playing tag. People moseyed down the street in pairs and groups- smiling and chatting as they looked into shop windows and enjoyed their Saturday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, not too hot and not too cold, and Elkie was most certainly not lost.Sure, she'd already walked to the end of this block and back again, looking for the used bookstore she had found online, but she wasn't lost. Before she'd left the house, she had looked up which subway to take and what stop to get off at. On the train, she had pulled up walking directions on her phone from the station to the address provided on the shop's website. And yet...the bookstore was nowhere in sight. Sighing, Elkie looked down at her phone screen, standing in the shadow of a bakery’s awning. The map was saying she was at her destination, but unless scones doubled as great works of literature, she was not. Maybe it was on the second floor, so she had missed some nondescript door. Still determined, Elkie turned around and started back down the street once again. Clothing boutique, restaurant, hair salon, cafe…Elkie purposefully looked straight ahead as she passed the outdoor seating area of the cafe she was passing for the third time. The first time, she had noticed the girl sitting at the table near the entrance- bright blonde hair, patterned silk dress with thin straps that showed off smooth shoulders, ankle bobbing, and flat sandals on her feet, toenails painted dark red. She had been hard to miss.The second time she had passed, the girl had glanced over right when she was walking by, and Elkie had found herself hastily looking away as feline eyes settled on her face. Now, the third time, she was just hoping the girl didn't see her. She probably looked like a total freak, just walking back and forth on the same block.Dry cleaners, jewelry store, deli. End of the street and still no bookstore. No nondescript door leading to the second floor. Nothing.Elkie blew her bangs out of her eyes as she stared at the map on her phone once again. It said the bookstore was here. What was she missing?Okay, one more pass, this time looking at the second story to see if there was a sign in one of the windows. If not...she didn't know what then. But hopefully she would see something this time that would help her locate the store.Nope, nope, nothing, looked like an apartment, no…When Elkie was back in front of the cafe, she couldn't exactly stare straight ahead like she had the time before since she was supposed to be looking up. And maybe she could have just not looked at the girl, but like she was compelled by some outside force (rather than some internalized masochism mixed with curiosity), she found herself looking straight at her, meeting her eyes.So it was impossible not to see that the girl was staring at her too. Staring at her and laughing. Elkie felt herself flush, embarrassed to be making a fool of herself in front of this pretty girl. Suddenly, though, there was a new resolve bolstering her, and driving her to close the distance between herself and the girl's table. Maybe it was her frustration at not being able to find the bookstore she had so carefully located online and planned to visit. Maybe it was how much she liked seeing the girl's eyes crinkled in laughter. Regardless, she found herself standing right in front of this beautiful stranger who was looking up at her with amusement.“I know I've walked by four times, but you don't need to laugh at me,” Elkie demanded, flustered and less annoyed than her statement implied. It didn't seem to phase the girl, though, since she just giggled again, brushing her bright, blonde hair away from her face.“Lost?” she guessed, lips pulling up in a smile. “No,” Elkie answered defensively, thinking of how carefully she had plotted her movements that day. But it was undeniable that she couldn't find where she was going, and now might have been a good time to ask for help. “Well...I’m looking for Crystal Clear Used Books. My phone says it's here, but…”Recognition flashed across the girl's face, and Elkie breathed a sigh of relief. At least looking like an idiot was going to lead to a nudge in the right direction.“It's actually on the other side of the building,” she explained, gesturing back at the cafe. “I think this building used to be one big warehouse, but they split it up into a bunch of separate spaces for shops and restaurants and stuff. So sometimes the addresses get listed as the warehouse's old address, since it's the same building.”Well, that was...confusing. How was Elkie supposed to have known that?Her indignation at the explanation was apparently visible on her face because the girl giggled at her, hand coming up to cover her mouth.“I just know that because I applied for a job at a boutique around the corner when I first started school around here,” she explained. “And I had to ask for directions on my way to the interview.”If she had been in the same position...Elkie guessed she was allowed to laugh. Though that didn't erase the residual embarrassment.“Thank you,” she said, hiking her purse up on her shoulder for something to do with her hands. “I was...lost,” she admitted with a breathy chuckle, rewarded by the sparkling smile that spread across the other girl's face. “I'll walk you there,” she offered, picking her phone up off the table and putting it in her purse. “I'm Yeeun, by the way.”“Oh,” Elkie blinked, surprised by the offer. “I'm Elkie. But you don't have to!”“Consider it an apology for laughing at you,” Yeeun teased, lips quirked as she stood up and smoothed her skirt down. “Hold on one second.”Elkie, still kind of dumbfounded, watched Yeeun carry her empty mug into the cafe, emerging seconds later with a smile as she retrieved her small leather bag from where it had been hanging from the back of her chair.“Shall we?” Yeeun asked with a smile. Before, there had been a little glint of mischief in her eyes as she had teased Elkie for cluelessly wandering around. Now, though, her eyes shone with earnestness, and Elkie couldn't decide which look she preferred.With a nod, she stepped aside to let Yeeun lead the way down the street even though she had a pretty good idea of where she was going now. Passing by a couple holding hands, Elkie surreptitiously glanced at Yeeun out of the corner of her eye. Fortunately, Yeeun's gaze was straight ahead in that moment- breeze blowing her blonde hair back and revealing the shiny gold earrings in Yeeun's ears. Even though she was basically just being escorted to her destination, Elkie felt like the mood of her afternoon had changed. Before, she'd been on a solo mission- focused on the task at hand. But now, she was like the groups and pairs she had passed while she was walking up and down the block. To anyone else, she would look like just another person out to enjoy their weekend afternoon with a friend. It might not have been quite true, but it had Elkie smiling to herself anyway.“Do you live around here?” Yeeun asked as they passed the now-familiar jewelry store near the end of the block.“Kind of,” Elkie replied, sidestepping a pigeon and ending up close enough to Yeeun that she could smell her perfume- something that reminded Elkie of both brewing tea in the morning before class and of sitting out on the back porch of her parents’ house when the wood was still new. “I live in the city, but further north. It's only a twenty minute ride on the subway.”“Then you're excused for getting lost,” Yeeun teased, eyes sparkling when she glanced over at Elkie.“I wasn't lost lost,” she defended, watching Yeeun snicker in her periphery. “How about you? Do you live around here?”“Just a couple blocks away,” Yeeun told her, turning the corner. “I study fashion design a couple subway stops away, and work around here.”Fashion design? That sounded really cool. Yeeun must have been attending the arts college nearby. Elkie didn't know anyone who went there, but her friend from high school had gone to an arts college across the country. Everything she posted on social media always looked a lot cooler than anything Elkie saw on campus.“Are you in school too?” Yeeun asked, forearm brushing hers as they moved out of the way of a stroller. “Yeah, for literature,” Elkie answered, looking down at her own arm like the touch might have left evidence beyond the flutter in her stomach.“Hence the bookstore,” Yeeun observed with a smirk, leading Elkie around a second corner so they were on the opposite side of the building than they had started on. “Well,” Elkie began, wanting to comeback with something that made it seem like a bookstore wasn't actually that obvious, but… “yeah.”Yeeun giggled, and Elkie had to just admit to herself that she didn't mind Yeeun's teasing glances. At all.“Here we are,” Yeeun announced a second later, stopping in front of a door and turning to face Elkie with a grin. “The elusive Crystal Clear Used Bookstore.”It was certainly a relief that Elkie's trip hadn't been in vain, but she couldn't help the disappointment she felt to have arrived at her destination. “Thank you,” Elkie said, truly grateful. “I don’t know if I ever would have found it on my own.”Yeeun chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear. “It was my pleasure.”Elkie smiled, trying not to make it obvious that she was in no hurry to go inside now that she had finally arrived. But with nothing to keep her outside with Yeeun, Elkie resigned herself to an afternoon of looking through old books. Not that that was the worst fate. On any other day, she would have been more than happy to do that, but Yeeun’s presence was going to be hard to live up to. Opening her mouth to say a pathetically morose goodbye, she was stopped when Yeeun spoke first. “Hey, if you're not totally maxed out on visiting new places, would you want to go to dinner tomorrow night?” Yeeun hastily asked, stepping forward like she wanted to stop Elkie from going inside. As though Elkie was impatient to get away. “Oh! Uh-” Elkie began, startled by the sudden invitation and more pleased than she could express. “Like, a date,” Yeeun clarified, looking slightly uncertain for the first time that afternoon. That was… Elkie was speechless for a moment, gaping at Yeeun as she fiddled with the ring on her index finger and the breeze gently blew her hair onto her cheek.“I- yes!” Elkie finally managed to spit out, feeling guilty for making Yeeun wait. “Definitely!”Yeeun’s smile shone like the sun slanting through the trees and making her hair seem to glow.“Here,” Yeeun said, pulling her phone from her bag and tapping the screen before holding it out to Elkie. “Give me your number, and I'll text you the address.”Elkie nodded, still floating on happy disbelief as she typed her number in and put a little smiley face next to her name even though that was probably really lame. Elkie handed the phone back, Yeeun's fingers brushing against her own and making her heart flutter. Yeeun's eyes met hers, and the quirk of her lips made Elkie feel like she knew about the butterflies in her stomach.Biting her lip and looking away with a flush, Elkie wasn’t surprised to hear Yeeun's tinkling laughter.“I'll text you,” Yeeun promised, and Elkie nodded, fingers on the door to the bookstore.“Thanks again,” she said as she stepped inside, greeted with the familiar smell of old pages and worn leather bindings.Still, she turned and looked out the window to see Yeeun give one last wave before walking away.A couple hours later, when she was on the subway home, Elkie got a text from Yeeun with an address and a time.A second later, a screenshot of a map came through with the restaurant location circled in red and surrounded by big arrows.Don't get lost ;), was the text that came in next, and Elkie groaned right out loud.But that didn't mean she wasn't smiling the whole ride home.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Save me!” Eunwoo shrieked as she tipped off the arm of the couch and started sliding down between the couch and the wall. Kyulkyung's face was suddenly in Eunwoo's eye line as she reached down to grab Eunwoo’s hands and haul her up.“Drunk already?” she teased, pink painted lips quirking.“No,” Eunwoo replied, with a wave of her hand, trying to get situated on the arm again, but allowing herself to be manhandled by Kyulkyung so she was sitting on the couch properly. “I was just gesticulating too much.”“Mmhmm,” Kyulkyung agreed, eyes laughing as she settled back into the armchair next to the couch and adjusted the cat ears atop her head.“Do you ever just want to strip someone naked and climb them like a jungle gym?” Rena asked loudly, emerging from the crowd of costume clad party goers and plopping down next to Eunwoo, almost causing her to tip over again.“Tell her that's weird!” Roa interjected, following right behind and only pausing to smooth out her nurse costume before sitting down on Rena's other side.“A jungle gym?” Eunwoo asked, feeling the way her eyes widened at the sudden statement.“Thank you,” Roa exclaimed, reaching around a latex clad Rena to hand Eunwoo a plastic cup of spiked punch. But before Eunwoo could reach out to take it, Kyulkyung's hand shot out lightning fast and intercepted it.“No more for Eunwoo,” Kyulkyung said, keeping the cup for herself. “She fell off the couch.”“You did?” Roa giggled, sipping from the cup that already had her lipstick on the rim.“I was gesturing,” Eunwoo insisted, shooting Kyulkyung the best pout she could muster.But her best friend and roommate since freshman year was unmoved.“Oh, Yehana is here,” Roa announced, fingers tapping at at her phone as she presumably replied to a text. “Come on.”Roa pulled Rena up by her elbow, putting her phone in the pocket of her nurse costume and picking up her cup from the floor.“Wait,” Eunwoo said, trying to grab at Rena's clothes only to be met with squeaky latex she couldn't grip. “Where's Nayoung? I thought she was with you.”“I think she went to the bathroom,” Rena replied with a shrug before getting tugged away. Eunwoo pouted, turning to Kyulkyung to complain but stopping when she saw the little smirk playing on Kyulkyung's lips.“What?” she demanded, not liking that she wasn't in on the joke. “Our costumes go together! It's better with Mario and Luigi together!”Adjusting her red hat to emphasize her point, Eunwoo looked at Kyulkyung petulantly as Kyulkyung only seemed more amused by her defense. “I can't believe you looked at Rena like she was crazy for saying she wanted to strip someone and climb them,” Kyulkyung observed, taking a prim sip of what was supposed to be Eunwoo's drink.“What's that supposed to mean?”Kyulkyung leveled her with a look. “As if I don't know about your crush on Nayoung.”“My…” Eunwoo started before trailing off, heart pounding. “I don't…”“Babe, it's fine,” Kyulkyung reassured her, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. “I have known you for over two years now. I know when you have a crush.”“But-” Eunwoo argued, hands flapping in place of words that would prove to Kyulkyung that she was wrong. “Just because of the costumes? I just thought it would be funny because she's taller than me! And Luigi is taller than Mario. And I figured she'd be the only one who wanted to go along with it!”“Though the costumes are a good example of why it’s obvious you have a crush on Nayoung, it is definitely not the only example,” Kyulkyung informed her. “You talked about her non-stop last year after you met her in art history. You only do your cute act around her-”“That's because she’s the only one who thinks it's cute!” Eunwoo interrupted.“Okay, I haven't gotten to reasons why I think she likes you,” Kyulkyung retorted with a laugh before she smiled gently. “Why don't you tell her how you feel?”Eunwoo widened her eyes at Kyulkyung like that would communicate all the reasons why she couldn't.Kyulkyung just raised her brows. “I mean, how freaked out would everybody be?” Eunwoo challenged, the question more of a statement than a true inquiry. “In theory. If what you're saying had any truth to it.”“Uh, not?” Kyulkyung replied, looking at her like she was nuts. “Like, at all.”“It’s me,” sounded from behind Eunwoo, fake Italian accent strong, “Luigi.”Eunwoo froze, feeling the couch dip to her left.Panicking, she looked up at Kyulkyung who was just smiling like they hadn’t been talking about Eunwoo’s alleged crush when said crush walked over. “Hey Nayoung,” Kyulkyung greeted. “Where's your mustache?”She was referring to the stick-on fake mustaches that Eunwoo had bought for them. Eunwoo's had fallen off an hour before, the edges unsticking whenever she laughed.“It got itchy,” Nayoung explained, and Eunwoo looked over in time to see Nayoung rubbing at her top lip, nose crinkled.“I'm going to go see if Siyeon and Yuha are here yet,” Kyulkyung announced, standing up with her plastic cup still in hand. “I'll come find you guys in a bit.”“Okay,” Nayoung agreed easily even as Eunwoo felt herself tense up. Suddenly being alone (albeit in the middle of a party) with Nayoung seemed intimidating. Especially since she was pretty positive that Kyulkyung had left them alone on purpose.“You didn't do it,” Nayoung complained, nudging Eunwoo with her elbow and smiling hopefully.“What?” Eunwoo asked, still trying to ascertain whether Nayoung had heard any of their conversation. “It's me,” Nayoung said again, accent just as strong as the first time, “Luigi.”“It's me,” Eunwoo replied, unable to help matching Nayoung's grin, “Mario.”They'd practiced their Italian accents in the days leading up to Halloween, and they'd done their little bit so many times that night that their friends had started groaning every time. But they were having fun, so that was all that mattered.Though Eunwoo felt like she might just melt under Nayoung's smile.Kyulkyung's accusations about having a crush hadn't been an awakening of any kind. Eunwoo wasn't some lead in a romantic comedy who gets suddenly slapped in the face with feelings for the guy she's friends with after chasing some hotshot, unattainable love interest. Eunwoo wasn't an idiot. She knew she was always craving Nayoung's attention and that her heart pounded when she got it. She knew she spent too long watching Nayoung smile with her eyes curving, cheeks bunching, and gums showing. She knew she probably wasn't supposed to get so distracted by her friend's long, long, long legs when they went to the gym together. She knew. She just…thought she'd hidden it better.Because dating a friend was risky. It could mess up everything they had. It could have their other friends feeling weird. It could tear apart their whole friend group if things went poorly. Then there was just the risk of getting turned down that had Eunwoo's stomach lurching from just the thought. How could she handle Nayoung staring her in the face and telling her she didn't feel anything for her beyond friendship? But there was also danger in doing nothing. There was the potential for regret- not knowing what could have been. And what if someone else asked Nayoung out first? What if Eunwoo missed her chance altogether?Fuck. Why had Kyulkyung brought it up? Those circular thoughts were for two in the morning when she couldn't sleep and ended up staring at the dark ceiling until the shadows started taking shape. They were not for Halloween parties when she was surrounded by her classmates and Nayoung was looking at her with confusion on her face because Eunwoo was never quiet for this long. Nayoung’s eyes were on her, and Eunwoo felt like her voice was stuck in her throat. Nerves seemed to be building in her stomach until Eunwoo thought she was bound to burst.Adrenaline, buzzing and potent, shot through her limbs as her mouth opened.“I wanna kiss you,” Eunwoo blurted out before she could stop herself. Nayoung's eyes widening was all she saw before covering her face with her hands, wanting the couch to swallow her up. Or maybe she could squeeze between the arm of the couch and the wall again to hide. Goddammit. This was why she didn't think about her feelings for Nayoung when she was actually around the other girl. She knew herself well enough to know she'd do something stupid. Like suddenly confess that she wanted to kiss her. “Uh, that's not some weird Nintendo lore I don't know about, is it?” Nayoung said, and Eunwoo shook her head, face still hidden.She supposed she could have lied and said it was, but she was pretty positive Nayoung would have known she was full of shit.The silence that followed had Eunwoo half wondering if Nayoung had gotten up and walked away. But she realistically knew she hadn't- could sense that she was still there.Was it her turn to say something? Probably. Eunwoo knew she should apologize. Or explain. Or something. But she didn't trust herself not to make it worse. And the idea of taking her hands away from her face to see Nayoung's expression was terrifying. “Um...how are we supposed to kiss if your whole face is covered?” Nayoung said, sounding somewhat hesitant.Forgetting about being embarrassed for a second, Eunwoo dropped her hands and stared at Nayoung in surprise.Lips pulled up in a tentative smile, Nayoung shrugged a shoulder. “You want to?” Eunwoo gaped, knowing her mouth was hanging open like a fish. “Kiss?”“Yeah...you said you wanted to!” Nayoung defended with a nervous giggle as she shoved at Eunwoo's shoulder.“Yeah!” Eunwoo agreed, sitting up straight and looking at Nayoung hopefully. Her stomach was still flipping with nerves, but the idea that Nayoung wanted to kiss her too… it buoyed her confidence.Nayoung, cheeks pink, turned her hat backwards so the brim wouldn't get in the way, and Eunwoo was quick to follow suit. This...was really happening?“I like you,” Eunwoo rushed to say, biting her lip as she watched Nayoung react to that with lips twitching into a smile. “This isn't, like, some drunk thing.”That had Nayoung laughing, eyes curved in pretty crescents, as she tipped forward so her shoulder knocked into Eunwoo's. Despite the giant hoard of sparrows flapping around in her stomach, Eunwoo couldn't help but get carried along on Nayoung's laughter- listing into her as she often found herself doing. It was when their giggles had died down that Eunwoo felt her breath catch when their close proximity really registered. Nayoung's face was right there, her eyes on Eunwoo's like she was realizing the same thing. And then her gaze dipped to Eunwoo's lips and…Had she leaned in first? Eunwoo honestly wasn't sure. All she knew was that it had been like she was being pulled in my a magnet, and now she was kissing Nayoung. She was kissing Nayoung! And Nayoung was kissing back.Tingles raced down Eunwoo's spine when Nayoung's hand came up to gently cup her face. Eunwoo's hand landed on Nayoung's knee as she moved in closer- overwhelmed by the contact, but still craving more. Nayoung's lips were so soft against her own, Eunwoo’s eyes squeezing tight as she gasped into the kiss at just the lightest touch of Nayoung's tongue against her bottom lip.They were in the middle of a friend of a friend's apartment, surrounded by zombies and superheroes and princesses, but Eunwoo couldn't even think about that. Not when Nayoung’s fingers were sliding into her hair and making her shiver with-“Okay, uh, you guys need to pick different costumes if you're going to do that.” Rena's voice, unmistakable. “Because this is some incest shit right here.”Reluctantly disconnecting their mouths, Eunwoo took a moment to gather herself before turning a scowl on Rena for ruining the mood with her commentary.“Seriously?” Nayoung complained, looking none too happy to have been interrupted. Which just had Eunwoo wanting to grin.“You guys are the ones who decided to come dressed as brothers,” Rena said, hands up to convey her innocence in the matter. “I'm just making a suggestion.”“Noted,” Nayoung sighed. And while, yeah, Rena had a point, Eunwoo found that she couldn't have cared less.“You can put that in the comment box,” she quipped, taking a second to snicker at her own joke before cupping Nayoung's neck and kissing her again.Rena might have said something else, but it was drowned out by the rushing in Eunwoo's ears as Nayoung immediately responded in kind. She knew she was in for several I-told-you-so's from Kyulkyung later, but that was a small price to pay for Nayoung's lips on hers and the taste of a smile on her tongue. The Monster Mash was hardly a romantic song for a first kiss, but Eunwoo certainly wasn't going to complain.

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