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The night of January 25, 2016, would go down in my personal annals as the night that my life turned upside down.At the stroke of midnight, trouble embraced me along with the five men who pulled me into a group hug and started chanting their slightly twisted version of Happy Birthday for me.The trouble was even worse because it just so happened that these guys were my closest friends, almost brothers really, and there were literally no reservations between us.Oh, and did I mention that every single one of them obviously harbored an uncanny fondness for my butt? I mean, it’s a great butt. Everybody knows that. But still. Weirdos, the entire bunch of them. “Okay, whoever it is who’s fondling my butt right now, hands off immediately! I love you guys, but my butt is only a tiny part of the whole excellent presence that is Lee Junho. Show the rest some love, too!”“Our Junho, always the modest one, eh? Happy Birthday anyway, baby bro! And since I’m a wonderful hyung, I’ve bought drinks. Come, come, let’s make this night a memorable one!” Minjun cut my self-praise short and ushered the others into his living room.Why we were hanging out at his place, I don’t recall. We had met up to eat pizza together earlier in the evening and at one point it seemed like a good idea to retreat somewhere more private. We had probably learnt from the past birthdays… Getting wiser with age and all that, you know? Had to happen eventually.Anyway, we’re closing in on the trouble now. Because, when Minjun said he bought drinks, that usually meant he provided us with a choice selection, making sure we’d be properly hammered and able to let go of our inhibitions. In style, of course.And it didn’t particularly help my state of uninebriation that Khun had decided to give me a bottle of his finest wine as a present and then insisted we drink it together as well. I don’t have to tell you how brilliant that idea was, right? Not when this is coming from someone with the alcohol tolerance of a cucumber. The last thing I recall was a vaguely Khun shaped figure attempting to kiss everyone in the room, myself included, but I dodged the bullet by pretending I was asleep. Minjun had gone into hiding behind his sofa, but Taec didn’t move fast enough. He got away with a quick peck, though. Probably thanks to Chansung who got up all of a sudden, standing there like a freaking god amidst the chaos, a beacon of hope that we could get away untouched by Khun’s lips…The impression only lasted for seconds, however, until Nichkhun had grabbed him and kissed the living daylights out of him. Tongue and all included, of course. Because Nichkhun never half-assed these things. And yet, sometimes Chansung had his cunning moments. He knew who Khun’s favourite victim was and he definitely didn’t hesitate for a second before he unleashed the kissing machine on poor, unsuspecting Wooyoung.The latter had moved to the veranda an hour ago to talk to and play with Minjun’s dogs Denver and Noopy. Not much later, however, he had another puppy to take care of. And suffice to say that he did it without complaints. Not like Khun had really given him a chance to, anyway. Meanwhile, the other three and I relaxed a little, sharing a knowing look, silently agreeing that Wooyoung would be able to keep Nichkhun distracted for the next half hour or so. And yet, we brought some physical distance between the two and us just to be on the safe side.Not like we hadn’t all experienced it at some point, but these kiss attacks always left us with an awkward aftermath, even if Khun was admittedly a great kisser.But spread out and relaxing on Minjun’s sofa and living room floor, the scene didn’t appear so strange anymore. It was honestly rather nice, the soft noises of the two on the veranda making for soothing background noise while we talked about this and that... 💛💜I woke up to the steady motion of walking. My brain wasn’t fully awake yet, but when I tried to wiggle my toes I realised that they weren’t connected to the ground. I still couldn’t be bothered to open my eyes, however, so I stretched my fingers, feeling around to see if that would clear up the situation.They connected with a warm and soft fabric, something that felt like a scarf perhaps? I decided that it didn’t really matter since I liked the touch of it enough to bury my fingers in it and keep them there, thoroughly enjoying the warmth against my front to a point that I was about to fall asleep again.A calm and slightly raspy voice broke through to me, though, accompanied by a grip at the back of my knees that grew firmer all of a sudden. “Hey, stop wiggling around up there. You’re not exactly a feather, Junho.” Chansung. Great, just great.“Why are you carrying me around anyway, huh? Don’t complain about my weight when I didn’t tell you to, Chansung.” I grumbled into his scarf, pouting for what it’s worth, but he obviously had no intention of setting me down. So I stared at the back of his head until he replied with a deep sigh.“You were fast asleep and none of the others was in any state to take you home… Minjun suggested we stay over as well, but I know you don’t like to sleep over without your necessities at hand. And it’s not that far to your place anyway. Figured I might take a walk to clear my head a little.” His thoughtfulness surprised me once again, but that was Chansung for you. Always considerate, even if he didn’t admit to it most of the time. “You could have woken me up, you know? No need to carry me around.”“Yeah sure, and face your complaints the entire way? You know how grumpy you get when you wake up before you’re well rested. Why would I do that to myself, Junho? I don’t have a death wish, you know?”“Because you love me no matter which mood I’m in and only pretend to mind in order to rile me up…” I suggested jokingly, but a part of me wanted him to agree. Which he didn’t, of course. Asshole.He snorted and shook his head in disbelief. “You wish, man.” Then he went silent again and left me to my muddled thoughts. I buried my face in his scarf, annoyed by the fact that I let him have the last word and even more pissed by how right he was. Sometimes, admittedly more often than I really cared to, I wished he would feel about me the same way I did about him.Stupid alcohol for making you acknowledge all the feelings you usually push aside so easily. Granted, it didn’t exactly help that he was still carrying me around like he meant it. He never did that for any of the other members, not even when they were in a much worse state than I was in.What was I supposed to think about this special treatment, huh? It wasn’t even a one-time thing. He always did that, walking the extra mile for me, often without being asked to.“I’m not that bad…” I murmured into the fabric, unsure whether I wanted him to hear the words or not. He did, however, and admitted with a chuckle: “Yeah, you aren’t. It’s actually kind of cute in a way. Like a hissing kitten.”“Yah! I’m so not a hissing kitten, you ass! Take that back and put me down!” I demanded while hitting his shoulders, but he only walked faster, his hands pulling me closer against his back.“Are too! And you’re staying where you are!” he teased me and I pulled on his hair out of spite, messing up whatever hairdo he had worn earlier. “You’re the meanest guy I know, Chansung! So silly of me to think you’re kind and considerate.” Fuck, why don’t you just propose to him right here and now, eh Junho? Stupid idiot.“Oho, do you really think that?” he teased me. Probably with that annoying mischievous sparkle in his eyes, if his tone was any indicator. You probably know what I mean. Usually comes with his cursed lopsided grin that is equal parts cute and strangely sexy. Ugh, I swear, one day this man will be the death of me...“If I ever did, I totally changed my mind now. You’re mean and a bully and-”“We’re here!”“-and you never let me finish my sentences!” I complained and hit his shoulder again, waiting until he let go of my legs before I grabbed him by the collar and glared at him. “I won’t thank you for taking me home, Chansung. And you’re definitely not coming inside! There! Take that, you meanie!” Could you be more childish, Lee Junho?! Urgh, just get your ass the hell out of there before you do anything you’ll regret!“Such a cute angry kitten…” he teased with a stupid cocksure smirk on his stupid lips. They looked a little too pale for my liking. But I honestly couldn’t care less and shoved him away, hoping that a bigger distance between us would make the urge to kiss them until they were back to their usual rosy colour go away.“Shut up and go home, Chansung. I’m too tired for your bullshit.” I replied with a scowl and turned around to unlock the door. I admit I was a little disappointed when he didn’t walk in after me, but I closed the door nonetheless, leaving him standing out there in the semi-cold.I figured he would go home at some point, so I took off my coat and beanie, my scarf and my boots, occasionally in danger of stumbling over Johnny or Wolie who had come to greet me at the door.Once I had made myself a cup of tea, the urge to check if he was still there overcame me. I fought against it, I swear I did, but somehow my feet wouldn’t listen and brought me back to my front door, checking the camera for a sign of him.And there he was, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets and face half buried in his scarf.I couldn’t help but sigh at this incredible display of stubbornness and borderline idiocy. And goddammit, he looked so beautiful, cheeks and nose reddened by the cold, his hair messy but still making him look like a freaking Renaissance painting… Keep it together, Junho. Take a deep breath. And that’s what I did. Once, twice... Okay, maybe ten deep breaths later, I finally opened the door, throwing him a judgemental look through the crack.The way his face instantly lit up definitely didn’t make my heart skip a beat, nope. Congratulations, you’re in really deep shit there, man. I gulped, willing my voice to sound anything but happy to see him there. “Why are you still here? And why are you smiling like that?”“Because you’re pretty,” he responded, smile wide as ever as he pushed himself off the wall and made his way over. “And I realised I haven’t given you your present yet.” he ended in a low voice, stopping only a foot’s length away from me, eyes glued to my own, making me feel like I could lose myself in his. Fuck you and your soulful eyes, Hwang Chansung. Fuck you hard. And fuck the way the light catches in them. The dark chocolate colour they just turned in the light of my damned hallway lamp...Well, I guess I did lose myself in them. Because the next thing I registered, apart from how enchanting his eyes looked, was how his lips touched mine in the gentlest kiss, how his hands cupped my face as if I were incredibly fragile and how he seemed hesitant to let go anytime soon.He did eventually, his hands still lingering on my cheeks, however. It was only for a fleeting moment that his eyes were gazing at my lips with something akin to hunger, something feral that I hadn’t seen on him before. No, wait. I had seen that look on him but never directed at me. And then his eyes were back to gazing into my own. Putting me under a spell, daring me to respond.Overwhelmed as I was, I didn’t do anything but stare back at him, though. Had he really just kissed me? Was I still asleep and dreaming? I only snapped out of my stupor when he took a few steps back and his hands were gone all of a sudden. His warmth had vanished along with them and I missed it dearly, but I couldn’t move just yet. Instead, I watched as his lips stretched into a regretful smile, his shoulders slacking slightly. He looked… distraught? No wait, he appeared positively heartbroken and that made my heart ache, too. If there was anything I hated more than seeing any of the other members down, it was seeing Chansung like this. Even worse, when I was the one who had caused it. I was about to step forward and reach out for him when his voice broke the silence, barely more than a whisper: “Well… Happy Birthday, Junho. And goodnight.” He turned on the spot and was halfway down the corridor before I took another breath.It was the moment when I saw him disappear around the corner that I actually processed what had happened and that I was still standing there, watching the man I loved in so many ways walk away from me after he had kissed me.Not that I had been dreaming about this moment forever or anything, oh no. This hope had only been my loyal companion for the last 10 years or so, give or take a couple months. And now that it had happened and it had actually been him who initiated it, I let him go, probably under the assumption that it had been a mistake to kiss me.So I ran, refusing to give myself a chance to second-guess my decision.He was damned fast, though, and already close to the street corner, so I got desperate and threw the next best thing I could find after him. Turns out it was my slipper and it him right in the back. He stumbled, grabbing a street light not to fall and then he turned around to glare in my direction.His glare became surprise when he realised who it was that had assaulted him and what the offending object was: “...Junho? A Chanana slipper? Really?” Only then did I notice how my right foot felt significantly colder than my left. With a glance down, I spotted the lack of a slipper and shrugged in apology. “Sorry, you were so fast and I didn’t know how to stop y- Actually, fuck you! How dare you pull such a stunt and then just walk away like that?! What the fuck were you thinking?!” I hissed at him, arms akimbo in newfound anger. Not sure if I was angry at him for leaving or at myself for not stopping him, though.He took a couple of steps in my direction, throwing my slipper back at my chest with furrowed brows and more gusto than really necessary. “I wasn’t really thinking, Junho!”“Brilliant! So you go around, randomly kissing people when you’re drunk?! That’s just great!” I complained, throwing my hands into the air in a dramatic gesture. He stood his ground, though, glaring with narrowed eyes and a pout on his face. And by god, he was gorgeous even then. “I’m not drunk. A couple beers barely have an effect on me and you know that.”“Even worse, you go around, randomly kissing people while sober!” At this point, my eyes were so narrowed that I was barely seeing him, but that changed when he crossed the distance between us with a few wide strides and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, pulling me closer.“The only one I’ve been kissing like that lately is you, you idiot!” It was merely a hiss, annoyed and full of hurt and sending shivers down my spine, but I wasn’t going to give in so easily.“Really? How about Khun hyung’s tongue down your throat only a few hours ago?!”He rolled his eyes at me but replied nonetheless: “You know how he gets when he drinks too much, Junho. I’ve never felt about him that way, though. And before you start, neither have I ever had any romantic feelings for any of the other members…”“Any-?” I started, but he cut me short with a soft growl. “Anyone but you! Would you let me finish before you make unreasonable assumptions?! Honestly, you’re such a nuisance sometimes. Why did it have to be you?! Ugh.”I blinked at him in confusion, not entirely able to follow his train of thought. “Be me?” Chansung took a deep breath and loosened his grip as he took a step away from me. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t like you, you know? Don’t be so slow, man.”“Yeah, but like as in like or as in like?” I echoed, throwing him a disgruntled look. Could he be any more cryptic? Seriously…“Junho~! I don’t know how you act with your friends outside of the group, but I mean the fantasising about you and imagining how it feels to kiss you and touch you and go down on y-” “YAH! STOP! Holy shit! Why are you telling me this only now?!”“Because I was scared of your reaction and of the effect it could have on the group. And obviously with good reason… Look, I really didn’t want to fuck things up, okay?”I punched his chest in frustration. I admit that it wasn’t my most mature moment ever, but in my defense, my mind was still rather hazy and he had just beat me with my own arguments.“Fuck this! Those were my reasons! Stop stealing my arguments against this!” I demanded indignantly. “Against what?!” he wanted to know, his brows raised in irritation.“This!” I explained, gesturing between us. “Us being together like that. It will fuck things up royally. We can’t, Chansung. We really can’t.” I tried to convince him.Okay, myself more than him, actually. Because I still wanted him more than anything, but it was foolish. In our position as an idol group, image was everything and the public was harsh enough about dating in general. I didn’t even dare to think about the witch hunt that might go down if news got out that the suspected partner was from the same group and male on top of it.However sweet the temptation was; trust me, honey would taste bitter in comparison; there was no way we’d be able to get away with it unharmed. I could have him, just not the way we both wanted it apparently. The sigh that escaped my throat was as deep as the ocean, but the situation couldn’t be helped, so I looked up into his beautiful eyes. My heart ached with every word I said then: “I’m sorry, Chansung. You really should go home.”His eyes narrowed for a second, his disbelief so obvious that it gave me chills, but he remained in the same spot. “I won’t ask you why you ran after me if this is truly what you want. Suit yourself, Junho. Goodnight.”Had he waited a moment longer before he turned around and walked away, he would have seen my resolve crumble. But he was too quick to leave and it was my damned pride that prevented me from running after him again.💛💜 We didn’t get a chance to talk alone after that. There was always someone else present and I was quite grateful for it, to be honest. I was still not entirely sure how I’d behave around him once it was just the two of us.The days went by and soon enough it was Lunar New Year, which meant quality time with our families. So I was rather surprised to finally see Chan return to Twitter for a while to post pictures of Jeonggam. Only then did I realise how much I had actually missed these random conversations between us out in the open.A couple of cat photos later, I felt almost euphoric again. Sadly, Chansung was about to leave for his filming of Law of the Jungle soon after. And it was highly unlikely that he’d get a chance to contact us very often while he was there.Therefore, I talked to the others and we decided on throwing him a birthday party the day he’d return.
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We didn’t get a chance to talk alone after that. There was always someone else present and I was quite grateful for it, to be honest. I was still not entirely sure how I’d behave around him once it was just the two of us. The days went by and soon enough it was Lunar New Year, which meant quality time with our families. So I was rather surprised to finally see Chan return to twitter for a while to post pictures of Jeonggam. Only then did I realise how much I had actually missed these random conversations between us out in the open. A couple of cat photos later, I felt almost euphoric again. Sadly, Chansung was about to leave for his filming of Law of the Jungle soon after. And it was highly unlikely that he’d get a chance to contact us very often while he was there.Therefore, I talked to the others and we decided on throwing him a birthday party the day he’d return. 💛💜
Somehow we had ended up at my place, but it was probably for the best since I would definitely get a chance to speak to him alone that way.We had asked his manager to drop him off at my house as soon as he left the airport, so it didn’t take too long until he showed up.I really tried to play it cool but somehow I was especially jumpy and it didn’t help that the guys were having one of the days where they constantly felt the urge to annoy me. Minjun made fun of the decorations I had put up, Taec teased my cats and Wooyoung and Nichkhun had disappeared in my studio, apparently keen on remixing Woo’s Happy Birthday to fit the occasion. Or so they had claimed… Whatever.It was worse than keeping an eye on a bunch of kindergarteners, but thank goodness I was saved by the ring of my doorbell. Okay wait, let me rephrase that. One evil was replaced with another because now I had to figure out how to pretend to be calm and unfazed while my hands trembled like jelly.I tried my best to gather them all next to the door before I let Chansung in. One deep breath. You can do this, Junho. Another deep breath. Just open the damned door, you coward. Suddenly a hand touched my shoulder, accompanied by a slightly concerned look.“Don’t you want to let him in, Junho?” Wooyoung enquired, squeezing my shoulder as if he knew about the reason for my reluctance.I shook my head and pushed down the handle absentmindedly, holding my breath since I didn’t dare to look at Chansung directly.“Why did you make him drop me here instead of my ow-” The remainder of his complaint was silenced by four men surrounding him and squeezing him in a big hug and singing what could have been Happy Birthday in another universe. They only let go of him when they were done wishing him all the best and more, pointing out his tan and the stubble he had grown over the last couple of days.Then they retreated to the living room and left us standing in the doorway. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn’t dare to look up just yet. “Was this your idea?” he asked in a voice clouded with sleep and I could feel that a smile was sneaking onto his features as he spoke. “I figured it’d be nice since we couldn’t celebrate your birthday properly…” I hemmed and hawed, talking just to avoid the silence that would make my thoughts roam. Clearly, thinking was never a good thing when it concerned whatever there was between us. Not like there was anything other than friendship, of course. Or so I had been telling myself for the last two odd weeks.He broke my line of non-thought by pulling me into an embrace, though. “Thank you.” His voice was far too close to my ear not to have an effect on me and his scent so overwhelming that it was perfectly unbearable. And yet, I breathed in so deeply that it hurt, holding my breath for as long as I possibly could, just to bask in the comfort that his presence gave me.I didn’t hug him back, though. Just waited until he let go of me again before I looked up at him and noticed the hint of stubble and the tan. He looked… tired, and maybe a little bit feverish, but god, still so incredibly gorgeous that it left me awestruck for a second. Was he even allowed to look this godly after spending almost two weeks in the jungle, making friends with mosquitos and snakes? I highly doubted it, but I swear, I had never felt a bigger urge to drag him into my bedroom and make love to him than at this very moment. Okay, that’s a lie, but it’s not my fault that he’s so stupidly gorgeous all the damned time. His presence simply does things to me and I refuse to take the blame.What I’d give to kiss the lips that are smiling so softly at me. To worship his body as I claim my place between his thighs and… Okay, maybe I had gotten a little carried away for a moment, but it really took every last bit of my willpower not to jump him right then and there. Focus, Junho! Just focus!“Why do you look like an Old English Sheepdog, man? And what is this animal on your face? Forgot your shaver?” Way to go! He won’t notice a thing! “Wow, thanks. I didn’t exactly have a chance to shave properly…” He pointed out a little iffy and went on, scratching the back of his neck, his tone calmer and full of uncertainty now, “Does it really look that bad?”“Well, you’ve certainly looked worse. But it’s a bit wannabe Casanova meets Neanderthal… It’s fine, though. We’re not out in public, so you can’t ruin our reputation THAT much.” There, you did just fine, Junho. Now he certainly won’t think you were speechless because he was simply too fucking breathtaking to behold. “Damn, where would I be without you to tell me these things, eh?”“Exactly, you’d probably be giving Taecyeon a run for his money for the title of fashion terrorist...”“Who’s a fashion terrorist? Are you two lovebirds coming over anytime soon? Or did we decide to party in the doorway all of a sudden?” Taec joked, holding out two cans of beer for each of us as he smirked at us in the most suggestive way imaginable. “Shouldn’t you be halfway through your first bottle of whiskey already, Taec?” I deflected to move on to a less dangerous topic.Chan only snorted at it and gestured at his luggage. “Shall I just leave it here?”I glanced down at it and shook my head, reaching for his suitcase. “Let me put these in the dressing room…”“I can carry them myself, Junho.” he insisted, but I wouldn’t have any of it. “No, you just grab this beer and relax on the sofa, okay? I bet your flight was exhausting enough already. I’ll be with you guys in a couple of minutes.”“Come on, Channie. You heard the man.” Taec practically dragged him away, leaving me alone with the bags and suitcase. Goddammit, I’m fucked. I made my way into the dressing room a deep sigh later, putting his luggage into a corner and then I sat down for a moment. How are you going to survive this night, Junho? How are you going to survive these next weeks, months, years with that urge to be with him? No idea how much time had passed since I had decided to wallow in self-pity, but there was a quick rap on the door at some point, followed by Wooyoung’s voice asking me if he could come in.“Yeah, whatever…”His head poked through the crack of the door, a bright smile greeting me, but it faded into a concerned look rather soon. “Hey man, what’s up? Why are you in here by yourself when Channie just came back?”“Precisely because of that.” I honestly didn’t feel like sharing more than that, but trust my darling groupmate to ignore that and poke some more.“What do you mean? Did something happen? You’ve been avoiding him a lot these past weeks.” Wooyoung mused as he sat down next to me, his shoulder bumping into mine encouragingly.I threw him a glare and pointed out: “He was in fucking Tonga for the past two weeks. A bit difficult to hang out with him when I’m in Korea, you know?”He pouted in annoyance, shoving me a little. “I don’t mean the time he was gone. Why do you give me that attitude, eh? I’m just trying to help here.” If he were an actual chicken, he’d be puffing up his feathers right now. That thought made me smirk and I got shoved once more because I missed what he had said next.“Oi, earth to Junho. What happened between you after you left your birthday party at Minjun’s? You guys have been tip-toeing around each other ever since then.” Too fucking perceptive for his own good. “Nothing.” The lie came easy and, of course, Wooyoung saw right through it. “Bullshit, you wouldn’t be acting like this then. I mean, you’re weird, but not that weird. Sooo…” he mused again, falling silent for a minute. “Did you fuck?” My head whipped to the side to flash him a scandalised look, complete with open mouth and wide eyes. “Pardon me, what ?!” my voice went up an entire octave towards the end.“Did. You. Have. Sex?” He spoke slowly, eyes narrowed to take in every bit of my reaction. “With him, I mean.”“ Nooo?! Why would you think that?!”Wooyoung merely raised his brow at me in disbelief. Okay yes, Chansung is arguably a really desirable piece of ass, no matter your sexual orientation. But still! “Wooyoung, seriously. Why would you think we fucked?” He face-palmed. He actually had the audacity to face-palm because of this. I swear, one day I’d kill him for out-divaing me.“I assume you were too caught up eye-fucking him to notice how obvious your eye-fucking actually was. I’m honestly surprised he’s still wearing clothes. Really felt like you’d jump him right in the doorway earlier.”I went dead silent, closing my eyes to recall how I had acted around Chansung these past months and fuck, Wooyoung was right. When opened my eyes again, Wooyoung was grinning at me like a cat. “You’re head over heels in love with him, aren’t you? Junho and Chansung, sitting in a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Oh, this will be glorious!” He jumped up and made for the door before I had a chance to grab him, but I ran after him immediately…“I’m going to fucking kill you, Jang Wooyoung! Run for your li-!” I stopped abruptly when I spotted Chansung lying on my carpet, hair a mess, his shirt ridden up enough to reveal a patch of milky skin and happy trail and my thoughts were going places instantly. “I, eh, forgot something. Be right back!” Fuck, fuck, fuck. You’re so fucked, Junho. And I was off to spend another couple of minutes away from the group, the bathroom being my sanctuary of choice this time. I decided some cold water might be the best option, but a couple of splashes later, I realised the images of Chansung lazing around on my carpet would not leave my head, even if I were to jump into a tub full of ice cubes. Fucking fantastic. Sadly, persistently trying not to think about something never truly worked out for me. That would also explain why my brain decided to bombard me with pictures of Chansung doing the most random things. Things that should clearly never be considered sexy, but somehow turned into the most seductive little scenes because of my utter inability to think straight whenever it involved him. I recalled scenes of him eating like a hungry bear, and all my stupid brain had to say about them was ‘oh my god, how cute he looks’. It was frustrating, really. This man had turned me into a blob of emotions and I had yet to figure out how to cope with it.
Bathtub, Junho. Get in there and relax. You know it helps you be creative when you need to write songs. Why wouldn’t it work to clear your head, too?
So I stepped in, shivering as I felt the cool enamel even through my clothes. Much better already. The images didn’t stop, though. No matter how many times I tried to find something unrelated to Chansung, he kept on coming back. It honestly didn’t help that he wore less and less with every return. Eventually, he appeared in front of my inner eye in just his boxer briefs and had me groan out loud in despair. “How am I supposed to continue living like this?!”Just at that moment, the real version walked into the bathroom and sent me a strange look as he made his way to the toilet. His jeans were already unbuttoned when he asked: “Do you mind?”Madness grabbed me by the balls and I flashed him a death-defying smile, probably looking a little too much on the crazy side if his obvious irritation was anything to judge by. “Oh, of course not, Chansungie! Go ahead! I’m just enjoying a minor existential crisis here, never mind.”If anything, his look became more concerned with every second I kept on beaming at him, but he held my gaze anyway, sitting down and doing his business.“So, eh, what’s up with sitting in that empty bathtub, man?”I suspect my smile must have gained a murderous edge to it because his brows furrowed for a second. “Are you honestly considering this a good moment to make conversation, Chansung?”“Well, at least you’re not running away from me right now, are you?” he responded, his tone full of sarcasm and… hurt?I decided to go for the childish approach and ignored his accusation.“Do you always ignore everyone’s boundaries? I mean, even if we’re friends, coming in here to talk to me while you take a piss is kind of… strange?”“That’s really funny, coming from someone who sits in his tub fully dressed, having an existential crisis.” he pointed out dryly. “Listen, Junho. Can you please not be a sarcastic ass for a moment and talk to me? What on earth is going on with you? Everyone’s noticing your strange behaviour and we’re seriously getting worried.”“Nothing is going on…” I insisted when all of a sudden the door clicked shut and was locked from the outside.“Did you hear that click or did I imagine it, Junho?”“That’d be the lock for the bathroom door.” I pointed out nonchalantly, throwing a neutral look in the general direction of the door.Chansung’s eyes went wider as his gaze went from the door to me and back again. “You do realise they just locked us in here?” You don’t say, Sherlock?! “This honestly just adds to my overall misery. But oKAY GUYS, WHATEVER! JUST LOCK US IN HERE IF YOU THINK IT HELPS!” I shouted at the door, thoroughly ignoring the slight touch of hysteria in my voice. Then I fell silent again and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling, doing my best to tune out Chansung’s overwhelming presence as much as I could.“We should talk,” he spoke into the silence, his words feeling like a jackhammer on the porous concrete of my thoughts. Oh no, not today, Satan. “You know what? You should really leave me alone, Chansung.” I suggested with a bright beam. Possibly a little more on the crazy side, but whatever.His only response was a raised brow and words uttered with more concern than I could bear. “Ah yes, very mature. What the heck is your problem, man?”I beamed at him some more, my look not even half as passive-aggressive as I felt. “I could write you an entire essay about it, but since I’d rather have you out of my hair in the next twenty-five seconds, here’s the short version: You are my problem. Everything about you. So kindly piss off, will you?”His face showed what he thought about my response, but he knew when to give up arguing with me and, thank goodness, he took the hint and went back to the door, knocking on it in order to convince our jailors to unlock it for him. “Guys, the emperor doesn’t feel like granting audiences tonight. Would you please get me out of here before he kills me with his glares?” Rude! “Don’t you dare use that tone, Hwang Chansung!” I demanded from my admittedly not very dignified position in the tub. What a bastard. “Didn’t you just say you don’t want to talk to me, Junho? Then don’t,” he grumbled over his shoulder. So much more mature, Chansung. Then he turned back to the door and continued louder: “GUYS! I swear, I’ll pluck off your pubes hair by hair in your sleep if you don’t open the door this very second!”Not sure if they were actually scared by his threat or something, but they let him out and didn’t bother me until I had had a chance to calm down enough to actually behave like a normal human being again. Which means I deserted my spot in the tub and made my way back into civilisation. Or well, the poor excuse for it that was currently convening in my living room.The variety of mostly empty bottles on my table gave me a good idea of what had happened while I was busy pondering the misery of life and the presence of one now very sleepy but still very adorable Hwang Chansung. In other words, these five were positively sloshed, descending into the realms of silly humour and dick jokes, and most definitely not to be trusted.I decided to avoid Khun’s presence for obvious reasons and settled down between Taec and Minjunnie, only slapping his thigh when the former flashed me a suggestive smirk and glaring at the latter who winked at me right after. Fucking idiots. “Well well, look who decided to join the party after all. How’s the tub, Junho?” Wooyoung directed at me, a very thorough gaze burning into my own. “Still smooth as always, Wooyoungie. Thank you so much for asking…” I replied, holding his gaze effortlessly. That’s also how I noticed his curious glance in Chansung’s direction. You make another remark and I swear I’ll cut a bitch, Jang Wooyoung. He only went for a bright beam, though. But his shiftiness was as obvious as it gets, so I knew I had to tread cautiously around him.“So, I see you’ve been downing everything that crossed your way, huh? Anything left for me?”“Of course, bro. Here you go!” Minjun chirped joyously and shoved a glass with amber liquid into my hand. “Bottoms up for our birthday boy!”I side-eyed him for a moment and took a whiff of the scent. Smells okay, I guess . “Don’t you trust me, Junho-yah?” Minjun tried to guilt-trip me into drinking, but at this point, I was too done with the day to really care what happened. So I threw my head back and emptied the glass in a handful of gulps, only noticing the burning sensation in my throat after a couple of seconds.“There, that’s my boy.” Minjun praised me as he patted my shoulder while I enjoyed a first-class coughing fit. “Gee thanks. What was that?!” I croaked, glaring at the glass and then at Taecyeon who waved the bottle at me. “Just one of Wooyoung’s best bottles of whiskey. Good stuff, no?”I shook my head and gave up once more… 💛💜Several hours and drinks later, Khun had turned into a kissing machine again, but this time Taec saved us all by directing him towards Wooyoung immediately.Wooyoung only responded with a frustrated glance for offering him as a sacrifice once more, but we all knew he didn’t mind it half as much as he tried to convince us.Since he still didn’t move, I glared at him and gestured towards the upper level of my apartment. So he accepted his fate with a sigh and pulled Khun up and towards the stairs. “I really hope you’re not planning to use your studio for the next hour or so…”“Oh no, why would I? Just have fun, you two.” I drawled, smiling sweetly and finally relaxing between dumb and dumber to my left and right. “Ah, Wooyoungie, your lips look so soft tonight. Come here…” Khun purred, throwing his arms around Woo’s shoulders before he followed him up to the studio like a lovelorn puppy.When they were gone, Minjun snorted and downed his drink. “These two, ey… You think they’ll ever figure it out?”“At this rate, they’ll still dance around each other in their forties,” Taec added with a sigh and threw a thorough look in Chansung’s and my direction. Oh no, man, you didn’t. “Is there anything you wanna say, Taecyeon?” I spoke through gritted teeth, gently patting the arm I had accidentally broken all these years back, so he just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. Once that had been settled, we went back to nursing our drinks and listening to Chan talk about his time in Tonga.It must have been at some point during his ode to the starry skies that I drifted away to dreamland, certainly helped by the soothing sound of his voice and his occasional giggles. Such an adorable puppy, that man… 💛💜 “Junho-yah…”“Oi, Lee Junho, you Snorlax!”“I didn’t see any puppies!” I exclaimed, eyes wide open and trying to recall where I was. “Eh… Yes, whatever, man. We’re going to check on our two kissing gouramis for a moment. Wanna come?” Taec asked, already standing by the stairs, right on Minjun’s heels. “Kissing gouramis? What the heck is that?”, Minjun asked over his shoulder and Taec rolled his eyes before he replied: “They’re a breed of fish that present a behaviour commonly perceived as kissing which is likely more of a form of aggression actually…”“Nerd.”“Oh shut it, Minjun-ah. Just keep going.”I was highly amused by their interaction already, but whatever was going on up there would probably prove to be even more interesting, so I nodded groggily and tried to convince my limbs to move the way I wanted them to. Somehow I managed to stand up, but making my way over to the stairs wasn’t as easy as I hoped it would be. Mostly due to an unexpected obstacle on my rug.And thanks to gravity and my own inability to manoeuvre around said obstacle, I ended up on top of it. Most definitely far too close for comfort, because my nose was actually making contact with the sternum of whoever was lying around there so carelessly. Not saying that this place was much worse than being upstairs peeping on the two drunken fools, though. In all honesty, this chest looked like a comfortable spot to nap on, so I was really tempted to lie down and stay there for a few minutes. But only until said person’s hands brushed along my arms as he cleared his throat and uttered: “Hi.” Oh fuck. “Hey… sorry, forgot you were lying here…” I apologised as I looked up into his eyes and blushed like a damned schoolgirl. Because why the fuck not?All he did was smile softly and shake his head a little, though. “You okay? You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” His hands checking my flanks and limbs for potential injuries did not help at all, you know? He turned me into butter as if it were business as usual, with his stupid warm and caring voice and absolutely no hint of the annoyance from before. Oh god. “Oh, I’m okay, don’t worry. I just wanted to check on Khunnie and Wooyoungie and yeah…” I tried to change the topic to something that involved less bodily contact and thinking about how much I had actually missed his touch these last weeks.“You look tired, Junho.” Why yes, thank you for telling me, you poop. “I am, you have no idea. But it’s still your party and we haven’t seen you in such a long time.” I pointed out with an unamused snort. Why Chan’s right hand moved up to brush a few locks of hair behind my ear was beyond me. And why his thumb drew tiny circles on my cheek right after was actually something I didn’t particularly care about anymore because I was really busy avoiding his gaze at this point. It should have been impossible, but somehow his voice became even softer: “Did you really miss me that much?”At this exact moment, my stupid heart danced a reel in my chest, that annoyingly persistent blush was as present as ever and I was ready to punch myself in the face when I heard how much my voice shook when I replied: “I’m not sure what hurt most. Knowing you’d be back soon and the situation between us would be as unresolved as ever, or the fact that I was literally counting the hours until you’d return, worried sick because you still weren’t back to your full health when you left. And then you show up on my doorstep, looking tired but still as fucking gorgeous as ever, forcing my resolve to its knees just by being there. I really hate you, you little shit.”I truly had the mind to slap the lazy smile off his face for a second, but then he pulled me down by the neck to place a tender kiss on my forehead. “I missed you too, Junho.” Another kiss to the tip of my nose as my heart went into cardiac arrest. “More than you can imagine…” Goodbye, sweet friends, it was nice knowing you. The fucker just kept looking at me, however. More adoring than ever before. And my heart raced along with my thoughts as I waited for something else to happen. He didn’t do me that favour, of course. Just stayed there, one hundred per cent the lovestruck fool, with his hands on my waist. I swear on my life, I fought incredibly hard against my urge to close the distance, I really did. But there are things a man must do. And I was far too tired to fight this side of myself any longer. Potential backlashes be damned, all I wanted at that very moment was right in front of me.So I leaned down and brushed my lips against his, my right hand gliding into his nape to deepen the kiss while my left slowly caressed the chest I had grown so fond of. Meanwhile, Chan’s fingertips gently brushed up and down my back, eventually making their way towards my butt to squeeze it lightly. I honestly lost track of time as we kissed, just purring because his touch felt so incredibly good and made my skin tingle. Suddenly Chansung shifted his leg, though, his thigh brushing oh so deliciously against my crotch. Holy mother of god, why am I still alive? I did so not grind against it a couple more times, nope. And that hissing sound absolutely did not come out of my throat. And stupid, too perceptive Chansung merely flashed me a cheeky smile and suggested: “You liked that, didn’t you?” Denying it was futile, so I just bit my lips, looking down in embarrassment, but my head snapped up when Chan pulled me farther up by the ass, his fingertips pushing along the cleft of my butt through my trousers. That man is trouble with a capital T. Or maybe D. Pretty sure it’s both. The bastard truly looked like a cat in front of a bowl of cream and I had a hard time deciding whether I wanted to wipe that smirk off his lips or give him more reason to grin like that. In the end, I settled for casting all the doubts aside and went in for another deep kiss, biting Chan’s lip out of spite before I pushed his shirt up and paid attention to his stomach. Definitely not a bad thing that I casually ground against his thigh as I did so. Meanwhile, Chan chuckled and buried his fingers in my hair, pulling lightly whenever I found a particularly sensitive spot. He downright moaned when I played with his nipples, nibbling on them for a moment before I had to move back up for another deep kiss. “You like that, too, don’t you?” I suggested with a cocksure smirk, effectively muffling his reply in another kiss.It must have been while his hand kept on massaging my butt and his thigh moved against my crotch that he noticed the difference in hardness, though, because he reached around to grab my dick unceremoniously at one point, eyes widening as the realisation dawned on him. “You’re rock hard.” I blushed madly but snorted anyway: “Well, what do you expect? I’m dry humping the thigh of someone who’s sensuality personified. Gorgeous as fuck down to his very hair, arguably the best kisser I’ve ever had the pleasure to encounter, who is pushing all my buttons right… And you wonder why I’m getting hard? Are you fucking serious?!” A quick glance down told me something else, however. “Besides, you’re one to talk when your jeans appear to be having quite a hard time, too, Hwang Chansung.”Now it was Chan’s turn to blush and giggle. It was positively baffling how he still managed to be sexy as he did so, but I decided to postpone these ponderings to another time. Preferably when I didn’t have him under me, bucking into my hand and gasping in delight because of a single touch. Oh, how the tides have turned! Now that I had thrown all caution to the wind and figured out I wasn’t the only slush-brained one in this room, things were about to change. Or so I thought as I palmed Chan’s cock through his jeans, smirking at the little noises he made.“You’re such a devil, Lee Junho…” he complained, out of breath but still smiling challengingly, so I tightened my grip and made him gasp. “Don’t even try to convince me that you don’t love every second of it, Chan-sung-ah…”“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you, Junho. He seems to enjoy it just fine. Ne, Chansungie?”
FUCK!
“You two seem to have reconciled? Truly back to working hand in hand there, eh? Seems like we’re the only ones who won’t get some tonight, Taecyeonie…” DOUBLE FUCK WITH ADDITIONAL FUCK TOPPING! My hand was still frozen in place on Chan’s cock, but as soon as I realised that, I let go and sat up straight, staring right at the wide smiles of our resident trolls. Chansung was still too shocked to remove his hand from my dick, though, so I reached down to brush it away as tenderly as possible, praying to the gods that the situation wouldn’t look as compromising as I felt it might. But how wrong I was…“You don’t have to explain anything, guys. We were already betting on who’d take the first step. So thanks for securing me a nice dinner for two with this charming Okcat here. Now, please continue. We didn’t mean to interrupt you.”I might have glared daggers at them for a second, but then I just brought some distance between Chansung and myself and sat down next to him, carefully covering my all too lively crotch with my knees.The forlorn glance Chansung threw at my retreating body almost broke my heart, but his hand immediately found mine and with our fingers entwined, his gaze went over to them.“It’s not my place to complain, but I honestly don’t appreciate your presence here right now. We didn’t see each other for weeks. Junho’s been avoiding me all evening and now that he finally allowed me to see him, you two have to ruin the moment… Thanks a lot.”I guess all three of us were surprised by how pissed off Chansung appeared at that moment. He was stubborn about certain issues, we all knew that. But this was a new level of anger. Had he been the owner of the house, I suspect our hyungs would have found themselves on the doorstep only seconds after he finished voicing his complaint. The way it was, he just sat up cross-legged and obviously uncaring that anyone could clearly notice the state he was in. His hand held mine firmly as he continued to stare at the intruders.The silence in the room was heavy enough to cut, the older two looking at us with a mixture of surprise and glee while Chansung glared at them and I alternated between throwing them helpless looks and staring at the man to my right in disbelief. I admit, there was also a sense of excitement mixed into my emotional turmoil since an angry Chansung was as frightening as it was alluring and I’d be lying if I claimed it left me unaffected. But damn, this level of bluntness was something else.“Okay, listen you two. Sorry for barging in on you. We know this is important for you, so Taec and I will leave. As for the other lovebirds upstairs… They fell asleep and appear to be in no state to go anywhere, so can they stay the night?” Minjun bargained, his look almost desperate and I didn’t have the heart to disagree. “Fine. But the studio isn’t really warm. Let’s get them down here…” My suggestion was met with relief on the site of our hyungs but Chansung’s hand squeezed mine for a second, so I looked at him.His irritation was obvious, but he didn’t say a word, therefore I sent him a smile and shook my head in order to make him discard his worries. And apparently he trusted me, because he relaxed visibly, even getting up to help move Wooyoung and Nichkhun down to the sofa.This plan turned out to be more difficult than expected, though, since the two clearly didn’t want to be separated. And yet, somehow we still managed to get the comatose tangle of limbs and clothes down the stairs and onto the foldaway bed and said goodbye to Taecyeon and Minjun once we had tucked the other two in.I don’t have to tell you how Taec used his last chance to make inappropriate remarks about the events earlier before Minjun dragged him away, do I? He clearly enjoyed Chansung’s seething anger and my surprising speechlessness, but that was a bearable evil considering I’d have Chansung to myself in a few minutes. And honestly, the time passed a little too quickly since I was left standing in my hallway, fiddling with my shirt because I had no idea how to get back into the mood without being awkward. Chansung lent me a hand in this, thank goodness. He sighed deeply, relaxed and reached out to pull me into an embrace.“We don’t have to do anything, Junho. I just want to be with you right now. Sitting next to you is fine with me…” His words were like caresses, full of honesty and so incredibly warm that I knew he meant them. This was my Chanbear talking and it made my heart leap happily in my chest. “Let’s go to my bedroom, okay?”He pulled me a little closer and kissed my shoulder before he responded: “Can I take a shower first? I don’t exactly feel my freshest after this flight…”“Yeah, sure. You can use my shower gel if you want to, otherwise, I’ll go grab yours from your luggage.” “Marking me with your scent, are you? So sexy,” he uttered, biting his bottom lip while he made his way down the hallway, sending me a wink over his shoulder before he rounded the corner and disappeared. So much for just sitting next to each other… Who are you trying to fool, Hwang Chansung? I smiled to myself for a second, trying to pull myself together before I went to check on the two on the sofa and figure out where my cats had disappeared to. Khunnie and Wooyoungie had snuggled up to each other, creating such a cute view that I couldn’t help but think they needed to figure things out in a sober state, too. I didn’t want to worry about the way they might look in the morning, though, because Woo was a light sleeper and once he realised he wasn’t alone, there was no guarantee Khun would be able to sleep any longer. If you know what I mean.As for my babies, they had curled up on my bed already, probably not particularly happy about all the commotion outside. So I knelt down to pet them for a while, instantly at peace when they purred contentedly.“Daddy will have uncle Chansungie sleep here tonight, babies. Be nice, okay?” I muttered into Johnny’s fur and placed a kiss on his forehead before I did the same to Wolie.Then a shout from the bathroom distracted me. “Juneo-yah!”What the heck had happened there to make it sound so urgent? I threw an apologetic look at the kittens and was up and out of the door a moment later, crossing the distance between my bedroom and the bathroom in long strides. Once there, I prepared for the worst, dreading Chansung had slipped and hit his head. But when I opened the door, I was met with the sight of a very naked and highly annoyed-looking Chansung who squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at them fervently.“What the hell, Chansung?!” I honestly had no further words, too torn between worry and excitement to function.“Junhooo, I have shampoo in my eyes,” he whined and stepped forward, blinking rapidly and clearly tearing up because of the irritation, but I held up my hand to stop him in his tracks. “Stop right there! You’re getting the entire bathroom wet! And why are you naked?!”“I was showering, you poop! And I forgot that I hadn’t grabbed a towel first. And then the shampoo got in my eyes and it burns like hellfire. Would you please help me now?!” he urged me desperately, still stepping closer.“WILL YOU COVER YOURSELF, MAN?!” I hissed at him. Admittedly more on the hysterical side, but how was I supposed to focus on helping him when he was being his gorgeous naked self? It was already hard enough when he was dressed… So I short-circuited, took off my shirt and threw it at him.“Put this on right now! And then come here and let me see your eyes.”He glared at me for a second but the shampoo still stung enough to make him whimper an “Ow!” and comply with my demand. Once he was halfway covered, I waved him over to see how bad it was.I pointedly ignored the fact that my shirt only covered his torso down to his hips and left the rest swinging freely. It didn’t help that the fabric stuck to his wet skin either, but it was far better than having him fully naked there. Or so I told myself.He still tried to glare at me, but it was not even half as convincing as it usually was because of his red eyes. “Yah, stop glaring like this, Chansung.”He mumbled something that could have sounded like “Asshole.” but I ignored that as well and pulled him closer by his neck to check the damage. “It’s not that bad. On a scale of ‘emotionally unfazed’ to ‘I’ve marathoned all the sad movies in the world’ I’d give it a five. Do you think you’ll survive to rinse them with clear water, you crybaby?”I probably deserved the nipple pinch he gave me as a retort, but it was definitely not the wisest choice because now I was nude down to my hips and well… Let’s just say his general presence didn’t help keep my thoughts above waist level.I tried my best anyway and together we managed to get rid of the shampoo eventually. However, once that excuse was out of the way and Chan’s head reappeared from the towel I had used to dry his hair after his second shower, I realised how close our faces actually were. The overwhelming need to kiss him sent me into a frightened deer mode and I swear I was only seconds from pushing him away, but he was quicker, putting his arms around my neck to place a sweet kiss to the tip of my nose. “Thank you.” He said it in the softest voice, barely more than a whisper, but it rang in my head like the bells of Notre Dame. You’re dead meat, Lee Junho. Go write your testament and find someone to care for your babies because this man will be the death of you. The next thing I recall was how he pushed me backwards and helped me sit on the washstand, his mouth on mine and his fingertips setting my skin on fire with their touch. I didn’t even try to fight it anymore, just went along with it when he pushed my knees apart with unnerving gentleness and stepped even closer. His fingers were moving up and down my back, occasionally dipping beneath my trousers, but nothing more.You probably know I’m not the most patient person in the world, so I hooked my legs around his waist and pulled him as close as possible, my arms casually resting around his neck and a slightly annoyed smile playing on the corner of my mouth. “Chansung, darling. While I thoroughly enjoy just being in your presence, please enlighten me as to why you’re so reluctant?”He looked down nervously, suddenly appearing like the shy seventeen-year-old boy I had met ten years ago. Stop being so cute, you fucker. I’m already head over heels in love with you, no need to pull such cheap tricks. “I’m just afraid of pushing you too far… After your reaction on your birthday and the way you acted most of the evening, I don’t want to ruin it again,” he admitted with a small voice. The sight of him, all discouraged and doubtful, really broke my heart. So I hurried to dispel his doubts, my forehead resting against his and my eyes seeking his gaze.“Chansungie, listen. I wouldn’t be sitting here like this if I hadn’t decided to give us a chance. I understand why you still question the sincerity of my feelings, but it was never a question of loving you or not.” I explained, biting my bottom lip because of what I was about to reveal. “I feel so silly saying this, but I knew you’d become one of the most important people in my life the second I first saw you. And now please go ahead and make fun of me for being such a sap. I deserve it.”But all he did was chuckle happily and turn his head a little to reach my ear. “It’s been exactly the same for me, pabo. The first time you flashed me a smile, I was a goner.”I pushed him back a little to stare at him in surprise. “You were?!”“Lee Junho, do you have any idea how fucking happy your stupid sunshine smile makes me? It’s one of the reasons for me to wake up in the morning. And that’s also why it hurt so much when you avoided me these last couple of weeks. It felt as if I were unable to breathe.”“I honestly had no idea, Channie. I’m so sorry.” Holy shit, did I really mean so much to him? “Hey, we’ve both been idiots about this, okay? I shouldn’t have kissed you out of nowhere. Maybe a confession would have been the better approach…”I shook my head stubbornly at this. “Nope, don’t think so. You know me. I’m far too good at overthinking things to believe in just words. It was good that you added solid proof, too. I’m just shit at accepting it.”He nudged my nose with his then, muttering against my lips: “Also one of the things I adore about you. As exhausting as it might get to prove my love to you, I won’t ever give up.” His words sent me into a fit of giggles because this was so him. Stubborn as a mule and precious as a puppy. And all he did was laugh along. We laughed so hard, in fact, that we honestly didn’t notice how the door had opened and someone had made their way into the bathroom, too. Only when they flushed the toilet did we realise we weren’t alone any longer. We froze in shock, completely forgetting about the state we were in for a heartbeat. But then it hit me and I glanced down at Chansung’s naked body, possibly getting a little too distracted by the sight, but we’re talking about Hwang Chansung here after all, right? Cut me some slack.The intruder didn’t seem to pay any attention to us, though, so we figured we had gotten away with a scare. Only when he came over to the sink did my heart stop beating for a second. But Chan merely held out the towel for him and he went away without a word of acknowledgement or a glance in our direction.Chan and I exchanged a relieved look once the door had closed, breaking into another laughing fit, but once we had run out of breath, he turned more serious. “Babe? Let’s move this somewhere more comfortable, okay? We’ve been run in on enough tonight, don’t you think?”I only nodded my agreement and stole another quick kiss from him before I beamed at him. “Will you let me get up then?”“Just a moment longer…” he breathed against my lips and went in for another kiss. I certainly didn’t feel like complaining, trust me. It was just leaving me mind-blown how he simply couldn’t step away from me without coming back for more. Minutes later, he finally moved out of my reach and sighed as he scratched his head sheepishly: “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s go…” “How can a grown man be so incredibly cute, huh?”A smirk played on the corner of his lips then, his eyes sparkling with mischief: “Entirely your fault. You’ve turned my brain into ddeokbokki, Lee Junho. And I can see that you’re not even remotely sorry.”“Coincidently, I love ddeokbokki quite a lot, so why would I be sorry, huh? In fact, I might feel like nibbling on you in the very near future, Mr Ddeokbokki...”He winked at me as he slowly walked backwards, eventually reaching the door: “To do that, you’ll have to follow me now, Lee Junho.”Chansung clearly didn’t have to ask twice. Not when he looked like that. I was on my feet and crossing the distance in no time, almost skipping because I felt so incredibly light-headed. “Let me just check the situation out there, okay?” I suggested as I grabbed him by the hips and guided him out of the way.“They should be asleep, babe.” Chan breathed against my neck and nuzzled it playfully, his arms wrapping around my waist and his front pressed flush against my back. I was so tempted to lean into him some more but we had planned to take this somewhere else and I’d be damned if I risked being walked in on again. So I peeked around the corner to check whether the coast was clear and noticed with relief that the sofa area didn’t show any signs of movement. “Alright, let’s go, Channie.” I whispered over my shoulder, only to be met with a pair of lips that claimed mine once again. I really wanted to postpone this until we had relocated to the bedroom, but it’s quite hard to resist someone as determined and enthralling as the man in my arms, you know? So I gave up and clung to him like a baby monkey when he picked me up and carried me out of the bathroom, all while he kept on kissing me.That was quite an impressive feat, considering how tired he was, but I honestly couldn’t care less at the moment. “Finally! I thought you’d never get out of there…” We froze on the spot, staring at each other puzzled, not sure we had imagined that.“Did you just hear that, Junho?”“I think s-” I started, but the voice cut me short again.“You know, normally I wouldn’t complain about all the noise you made in the bathroom, but Khun hyung here has been poking me with his boner for half an hour already AND continues to do so despite having sleepwalked to the loo just now… And he’s out cold again. It’s not fair that you get all the action and I’m left here like that.”“Wooyoungie?”“That’s mean, you know?” Wooyoung whined and I put my legs down in order to signal Chan to let go of me for a moment.“Why don’t you tell him, Wooyoung-ah?” I wondered while I made my way over, pulling Chansung along by his hand. “I- I’m scared it might fuck things up. I mean, look at you two. You were acting weird around each other for months… I don’t want to ruin what Khun hyung and I have by complicating things.” He paused for a moment, then threw a glance at Chansung and looked down immediately. “Chansung-ah, could you, you know, maybe cover up a little? Not like your cock isn’t a sight to behold, but it’s not exactly helpful right now…” “Yah! Can you focus on some other dick, please? That one’s already spoken for, Jang Wooyoung!” I complained, but Chan cut me off as he stepped behind me to block the view of his nether half. “How serious has it gotten between you, Woodongie?”He took a moment to reply, his voice low when he did. “Not much more than making out. Maybe the occasional slip of a hand here and there…” “And?” Chan pressed on. “Okay okay, I blew him once for his birthday, but we were both out of it and I was still dealing with a breakup. Look, guys. I’m not an idiot. I know he doesn’t like me like that-”Just at that moment, another voice croaked to life from Wooyoung’s neck area, however. “Actually, I think... I do, Wooyoungie.” Nichkhun sounded astonishingly sober which had me wondering how long he had been awake already.“You do?! How long have you- Oh man, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Woo uttered defeatedly and I figured it was better to leave them alone to talk it out. So I squeezed Chan’s hand softly, making him put his arm around me.“Guys, you don’t have to do it tonight, but please do us all a favour and talk about this. It’s obvious that both of you harbour some sort of feelings for each other…” Chan suggested as we slowly made our way to my bedroom, eyeing the two on the sofa cautiously in the dim light that shone through the gaps between the curtains.The last thing I saw before the door frame blocked my view was how Khun had sat up and was gazing at Wooyoung intensely, then I was turned around on the spot and a pair of big yet incredibly gentle hands were cupping my cheeks while their owner looked me in the eye.“Let’s give them a chance to figure things out on their own. Okay, Junho?” I nodded in agreement and took a step closer, nudging his nose with mine. “Pretty positive that we’ve had enough of the relationship issues for tonight anyway. So, how about you and I just slip into this lovely bed behind you now?”The grin he flashed me was somewhere between smug and adorable and it really made me question why the fuck I hadn’t given in to my feelings way earlier. But all the guilt and annoyance were blown away as soon as he asked: “To do what exactly, hm?”“Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking we could continue where we left off earlier…” I mused as he walked backwards until his calves bumped against my bed frame. “A brilliant idea…” he purred and sat down, oh so casually leaning back on his hands so that I got the perfect view of all his naked glory.I guess I stopped breathing for a second there, too overwhelmed by the fact that this godlike creature in my room really wanted to be with me in every possible way. I allowed my eyes to take in every bit of his perfect imperfection, falling in love with him all over again. “Junho-yah, don’t tell me you’re happy just looking at me all night long…” Chan chuckled, sounding more uncertain than he probably wanted to let on, but I was quick to reassure him I needed more than that.“No, I’m sorry. It’s just… you’re so- I don’t know how to put it. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by you? Does that make sense?”“If you mean that you can’t believe how incredibly lucky you are that this gorgeous miracle of creation, aka me, chose you, then yes, I totally get that.”“What a brat you are!”His smile only widened at that, but he stood his ground. “Well, babe, let’s not beat around the bush here. You won’t find someone like me a second time. But you know what? I consider myself even luckier because you’re everything I could ever wish for in the person I intend to spend my life with…” He’s really far too aware of his amazingness, this poop. WAIT A SECOND, WHAT?! “Don’t you dare propose to me right now or some such shit, Hwang Chansung! I’m flattered you consider me so special, but we’re taking this slow, my man.”“Of course, babe. Just saying this so you know I’m not playing around here.” Not like you ever made me feel that you were, silly. “Consider me aware, okay? For the moment, I’m just not ready to think about anything that happens after tonight, though.” I admitted somewhat guiltily, feeling that it wasn’t what he wanted to hear from me. But I figured he deserved the truth instead of a pretty illusion that might shatter come morning.But his voice was gentle and without accusation when he coerced me over. “I know, Junho. Don’t worry.” I looked up into his eyes to check if he truly felt this way or merely pretended to in order to make me feel better, but they were filled with just as much understanding as his voice had been. So I closed the distance between us in a heartbeat, climbing onto the bed and wrapping my arms around his neck before I kissed his forehead. “Thank you, Channie.”“Sh, there’s no need to explain yourself. I know you long enough to get what you mean without words. Let’s just… I don’t know. Maybe enjoy this night together and see what we feel like in the morning? Is that okay with you?”A small smile spread across my lips and then I pulled him closer, my forehead leaning against his. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”We probably sat there for a couple of minutes, just enjoying this closeness without any ulterior motives. Eventually, Chan began to shiver a little, though, which made me remember that he was still naked and that thought sent blood rushing into my cheeks immediately.I cleared my throat to avoid being awkward, but he chuckled against my lips anyway and put a kiss on my nose before he leaned back to glance at me. “Yeah?”“You’re cold…”“And how do you intend to change that?”I swear there was a wicked spark in his eyes, but he had reckoned without his host there. No idea where my sheer lack of shame came from, I just know that one second I held him in my arms and the next he was lying on my bed, a lopsided smirk playing at the corner of his lips.“Watch me.” I mouthed, my hands already wandering all over my face, neck and chest, always downwards, never stopping for long, urged on by his hungry gaze and my own inability to stop teasing him. When I reached my waistband, I paused to send a fiery look his way, enticing him to reach out and unzip my trousers with his own hands. And he did just that, biting his bottom lip in concentration because the zipper wouldn’t budge quick enough for his liking.Eventually, it did. And once this hurdle was out of his way, his hands held me by the hips and guided me closer. He had moved back towards the edge of my bed, feet resting on the floor and just enough space between his knees for me to stand there.I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I trusted him enough to give up my control. His gaze had moved up along my stomach and chest to meet my eyes.“Tell me immediately if I do anything you don’t want me to do, okay?”All I did was nod solemnly because I didn’t trust my voice not to shake. The look he sent me was so full of longing and yet an unbelievable gentleness that I really wondered how he managed to convey such conflicting emotions all at once.He didn’t give me much time to think about that, though, since his nose drew a soft line along my iliac furrow before he kissed my hip bone and left me with mashed potatoes for a brain.There was a noise filling the air that, I would swear under oath, hadn’t come from my throat. But if Chansung’s eyebrow wiggle and cheeky smirk were anything to judge by, I had actually been the source of it. Awesome, you don’t even realise that you’re making dying whale sounds, Lee Junho. Way to impress the man of your dreams. If anything, he was only urged on by it, however. His lips slowly making their way over to my navel, his tongue trailing around it tentatively before he kissed and licked his way further upwards. “You know how happy I am to finally be able to worship you the way I always wanted to, Junho?”I grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his head back a little to look into his eyes. “I can see that, yeah. Although I still have some trouble believing you really wanted this so much. I mean, look at you, Chan. You definitely never lacked the opportunities to sleep with someone different every night.”Not sure where that came from, but I knew I meant these words and didn’t feel the least bit apologetic for speaking them out loud. Chansung, however, appeared less thrilled to hear them.His brows furrowed in irritation as he let go of my body and leant back on his hands. “Do you really want to discuss the past right now? Okay, Junho. I’ve had my fair share of partners, especially during our early days as 2PM. But that doesn’t mean that they meant anything. I don’t even remember the names of most of them. What I do remember is how I used to substitute the kind of relationship I wasn’t allowed to have with you with meaningless flirting and sex, though. Not that it was your fault, of course. And it definitely never felt as fulfilling as being with you right now does... Those were different times, man. And I never stopped hoping that the situation might change one day. So can we please move on and focus on the here and now?”His tone was borderline desperate and made me regret ever mentioning the past, so I caved in, my fingers shaking as I reached out to cup his cheek. “Hey, I’m sorry, bro. It’s just so fucking surreal to be here with you like this. I might need some time to get it through my thick skull.”He sighed at that and placed a butterfly kiss on the palm of my hand afterwards, the last bit of fight leaving his body along with the contact. “Don’t you bro me when we’ve been making out like there’s no tomorrow just a few minutes ago… And fine, I guess you’ve got a point there. Just, I don’t know, maybe try not to doubt what’s happening? I’m real and I’m here with you and that’s honestly everything I wanted in a very long time.”I nodded solemnly and let go of his face then, my hand taking his and bringing it back to my hip. And he didn’t hesitate to continue where he left off. My skin tingled where he touched it, but I couldn’t get enough, so I stepped as close as possible without crawling into his lap.“Care to join me on the bed, Junho?”“I thought you’d never ask…” I responded huskily and pushed down my trousers to get more comfortable. Chan’s eyes followed my movements greedily, but he didn’t try to assist yet. Once I had made my way onto the bed, however, he was right there, pushing me on my back, gently but with determination.“You’re so damned beautiful, Lee Junho. Not like you don’t know that yet, but I can’t help but point it out…”“O shush, Chansungie. You’re making me blush.” I giggled. Yeah, I fucking giggled. The things my brain does under his influence… Anyway, he probably found it endearing, if his bright smile was anything to judge by.“Would you please stop messing with my head? I have a reputation to uphold and it is certainly not the cute, giggly type.” I demanded, not particularly interested in a positive reply since I was far too spellbound by the look on his face. “That I can’t promise, love” he countered, slowly crawling on top of me, his right underarm resting next to my head and his left hand tracing small circles on my ribs. “And to be very honest, I fear it will only get worse,” he uttered against my lips then, followed by a slow kiss that extended along my cheek and neck, and eventually down to my clavicles and sternum.The further south he got, the stronger were the shivers running through me. I felt a blush creeping up on my cheeks whenever Chansung looked up at me to check for a sign of discomfort, so I hastily averted my gaze and pretended not to have been following his every move with bated breath.Needless to say that it worked only so long until he stopped entirely and held my gaze with a lopsided smirk. “What?” I promise my voice wasn’t an entire octave higher than usual when I responded with an inconspicuous “Hm?” “Is there something wrong? Do you want me to stop?”“Nooo…”“Then what, Ijuno?” “This is weird, Chansung. I’ve been thinking about this for so long, but to see it actually happening-” He snorted against my iliac furrow at that, his eyes a lot softer when he looked back up at me. “I know, right? When I got off the plane earlier, I wouldn’t have dreamt about being in bed with you this very night, finally getting a chance to do the things I’ve been hoping to do for years. But here we are, babe. This is really my hand caressing your thigh…”He did just what he’d been saying, my breath hitching in my chest while a shiver went through my entire body.“And these are my actual lips, leaving a pretty mark on this very thigh of yours so you’ll know this really happened in the morning.”I bit my lips at the sensation, said thigh quivering in anticipation of what else might follow. And Chansung certainly didn’t disappoint. I felt his breath ghosting across the stretch of skin below my navel before I focused on his words again.“Mind if I go down on you, Junho?”My eyes were wide open, my brain having trouble wrapping around the meaning of what he had said. “Go… down?”“Oh babe, I mean sucking you off, giving you a blowjob, oral sex…” Chansung’s voice sounded playful, maybe tinged with a hint of frustration, but he remained patient regardless.What can I say, my face turned into a tomato immediately and it took every last bit of courage not to wiggle my body out of his reach in embarrassment for being so dense.“Uh… do you want to?”He nodded, his look very stern all of a sudden as if to discard any doubt I might have had in the truth of his words. “I do.” “You’re not just doing this for me?”“Fuck, Junho, do you have any idea how long I’ve been dreaming about this? I’ve been dying to feel the weight of your dick on my tongue for years, silly. Of course, I am hoping to give you immense pleasure in return, but forgive me for being a little selfish, too.”“Nah, that’s okay, but isn’t it a lot of hard work for you?”“It is, but I will enjoy every second of it because it’s with you.” As if to affirm it, he placed the tiniest kiss just between my hip bone and the base of my dick before he smiled back up at me encouragingly.My brain short-circuited at that point. "By all means, help yourself… then." I took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose in embarrassment. Then I dared to open one eye again to check if he had run off at the awkward suggestion, but he was still there, right between my thighs, beaming up at me full of love. "You're the cutest little thing, Lee Junho. I love you. Please excuse me now, though, because I urgently need to have a one-on-one convo with this guy right here." I was barely able to compute the wink he sent my way before his hand and lips were wrapping around my dick.After that, it's not much more than a blur to be honest. The sensation of his skilful moves, the wet warmth of his mouth and his cooling breath coupled with his hands pushing all the right buttons. All of that had me on edge in no time. It took all my willpower not to come immediately but Chansung seemed determined to change that as soon as possible. "Chansungie…" I was just as shocked by how breathless and needy my voice sounded as Chansung probably was, judging by the way he stopped circling the tip of my dick with his tongue immediately."You okay? Do you want me to stop?"I chuckled incredulously for a moment before I looked at him again. "Do I want you to stop?! Hell no. But I want to feel you in me, baby. Please? I have lube and condoms in my nightstand."He hesitated for a moment before he got up and walked around the bed towards my nightstand, hand hovering in mid-air."Top drawer, in the box towards the back. A precaution so mum doesn't find them by accident."Chansung snorted out a "Momma's boy through and through", but I wasn't having that from him of all people."Shut up, you're no better than me.""Never said I was, baby." He opened the drawer then and found what he'd been looking for and more."A dildo? A scarf? Got a few kinks there that you haven't told me about yet?""Hwang Chansung, listen, there are times to discuss these things, but right now I'd prefer some good old lovemaking in the traditional sense. So can you please just put that condom on, lube me up and fuck me into the mattress? I'd really appreciate that.""Your mouth sometimes, Junho…""Better make sure you fuck that out of me?" He was able to resist my smile for three seconds before he was back on top of me, straddling my waist and holding out the condom to me."Will you do me the honour?"I nodded and watched as he ripped the wrapper open, then he nudged my flank with his thigh to get me to stroke him to full hardness.He felt so different in my hand now that no clothes were separating us anymore and I genuinely loved that. The heat he emitted, the blood that I could feel pumping through his veins… "Feels amazing, doesn't it? Not just the fact that you're holding my cock right now, mind you. But the intensity of everything we're allowed to feel now that no hint of fabric keeps us apart anymore. I swear, I hadn't truly lived until the moment I was able to feel your heartbeat under the tip of my tongue or your pulse vibrating in my lips, Junho."So typical Chansung to wax poetically about things like that during moments like this one, but it's part of why I loved him, I guess."You have no idea how much I appreciate finally having a chance to feel you like this, babe...”To drive my point home, I circled his tip once more, applying a little more pressure than necessary just to be blessed with the sight of him squeezing his eyes shut along with a shaky intake of breath. “Hwang Chansung, tell me how you’re still looking like a damned statue in this state? This is unfair.” He chuckled breathlessly at that, eyes only opening a moment later to fix on my own with a hungry gaze. “Must be your brain playing tricks on you because it’s mush by now. I’m nothing but a starved wolf, love.” “Prove it.” With these simple words, I rolled the condom down and spread my legs for him again. And he didn’t need another word before he moved farther down on the bed, lube in one hand and lips strewing kisses along the inside of my left thigh. “Is it okay if I leave marks here?” “Go crazy, Channie, nobody but us will see them.” He did just that, distracting me enough from the gradual intrusion of his fingers until he had me arching my back at a touch of said fingers against my prostate. I didn’t need to see the smug look on his face to know it was there, so I just gestured in his general direction to get on with it. Little did I know that he’d come up for a kiss before pushed in. I just felt his breath on my lips for a moment. “Junho…”“What?”“Look at me, baby. I want to burn this moment into my memory. Please?” “God, you’re such a sap, Hwang Chansung. Fine…” “Thank you.”His lips sealed mine with a kiss so full of emotion that it took my breath away for a second, our eyes still locked, but as he moved closer, it took all of my willpower to keep them open for him. He knew without words that I needed him to let me get used to the feeling, but as soon as I nodded my okay, he began to move. Gently at first, but soon enough he picked up the pace, always looking at me for any sign of discomfort. “Babe, I really appreciate your concern, but I’m not made of glass. And I want this. I want you so damned much that it’s killing me.” I kissed him more deeply again, keeping my hands on his cheeks at first. “Show me how much you wanted this, Chansung.” The smile he flashed me was equal parts adorably boyish and relieved and my heart may or may not have skipped a beat at it. But then he was kissing me again, shifting his position a little to reach deeper. I couldn’t help but drag my nails along his back as he began to jerk me off in time with his movements. “Junho, breathe… You’re not allowed to pass out like this.” he dared to tell me as he bit down on my right nipple the tiniest bit.“Fuck you, man. You try to take that kind of stimulation and keep breathing normally! I- oh god, Chansung!” “I love you, Lee Junho. So damned much.”Trust him to tell me these things when I’m at my most brainless. But yeah, I guess I said it back and pulled him closer for another multitude of kisses before he came, too.I’m not exactly sure what happened afterwards. I was too exhausted to really do anything, but somehow he kept moving around, probably cleaning up the mess to his best abilities. I was honestly out of it at this point, but I instinctively snuggled into the source of warmth that returned to my side soon enough. And then I fell into the most peaceful sleep I had had in years, the other half of my heart finally home with me where it belonged.