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The first note appears at the beginning of February.It’s been typed, printed on a square of light blue paper, so Keith doesn’t have the slightest clue who wrote it. He finds it in his locker during passing period, neatly folded in half atop his physics book.Keith,
You should wear your hair up more often. It’s cute.
with love,
your secret admirer“Hm,” says Lance, peering at the note from over Keith’s shoulder. He tugs at a strand of Keith’s hair. “I’ve gotta agree. It looks less like a mullet in a ponytail.”Keith rolls his eyes, swiftly pocketing the note and hoping he isn’t blushing. “It’s rude to read other people’s things without their permission.”“Sorry,” Lance says, his grin making him look not sorry at all. “Who do you think it is?”“No clue,” Keith shrugs. “Might even just be someone pulling a prank.”“What, don’t think you’re likable enough for someone to be secretly pining for you?” teases Lance, bumping his shoulder against Keith’s as they walk. Keith goes a bit pink in the face.“It’s just weird, is all. Came out of nowhere.”Lance gives him a look. “Maybe not.”“Well, it is what it is,” says Keith, stopping when they reach his classroom. “See you after school.”“See you,” Lance waves. Keith’s gaze lingers a bit too long on his retreating form.It doesn’t really matter who Keith’s secret admirer is. In fact, Keith feels kind of bad, considering his (read: stupid) crush on his best friend. But he’d be lying if he said he isn’t the least bit curious. His fingers curl over the note in his pocket.And, well, if he starts wearing his hair in a ponytail more often, it’s really not that big of a deal.xoxoThe next note arrives two days later, typed in the same font on the same light blue paper. Keith feels a jolt of excitement when he sees it, once again in his locker.Keith,
I don’t know if you know this, but you have really pretty eyes. Sometimes, they look kinda purple depending on the lighting. It’s kind of terrifying, but mostly it’s super cool.
with love,
your secret admirer“Again,” Lance says, later at lunch when Keith tells him about the second note, “he’s not wrong.”“You think it’s a ‘he’?”Lance coughs on his food, so Pidge speaks up from the other side of him.“Most people know you’re gay,” she points out. “Remember the whole Sara Cooper incident?”Keith winces at the memory. For some bizarre reason, this (apparently really popular) girl named Sara Cooper had taken a liking to Keith. She asked him out to homecoming in a grand gesture of a poster and chocolates, and Keith had no choice but to publicly reject her and awkwardly explain that it wasn’t anything personal, she just happened to have the wrong… assets.“Don’t remind me,” he gripes, stabbing at his pasta aggressively. Lance, having recovered from his minor esophageal crisis, puts his arm around Keith in a gesture of comfort.“Well, Pidge is right,” he says brightly, ignoring Pidge muttering I’m always right, nitwit under her breath. “It’s probably a guy, so your poor, gay heart doesn’t have to worry about rejecting another girl.”“It’s a cute gesture either way,” adds Hunk, who’s sitting across from them. “Do you have any idea who they might be?”“Hell if I know,” mumbles Keith. Lance still hasn’t removed his arm, so he’s a bit distracted. Pidge shoots him a knowing look. He glares back at her.“I have some idea of who he might want it to--”“Hey, Pidge, shut the fuck up,” Keith says pleasantly. Lance’s arm finally extracts itself from Keith’s shoulders, and Keith mourns the loss in silence.He looks down at his pasta, not sure what to think. Keith isn’t really a people person. In fact, he’s kind of the opposite of a people person. The only reason why he has friends is because Lance is his neighbor, and they basically grew up together; Lance introduced him to his other friends, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura. He has no idea why anyone -- Sara Cooper or his secret admirer -- would ever even think about him in any vaguely romantic sense. It doesn’t add up.“Perhaps you should ask them,” Allura says, pulling Keith out of his thoughts.Keith raises an eyebrow. “Sure, I’ll ask my secret admirer what their name is right away.”“No, that’s actually not a bad idea,” interjects Hunk, looking thoughtful. “You could leave a note of your own taped to your locker asking who they are.”Allura gives Keith a smug look, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes at her.“Okay,” he concedes, twirling his pasta and smiling a little at the thought of communicating with his admirer. “I’ll do it.”xoxoKeith,
You’re so pretty when you smile. I know the word pretty is generally associated with females, but honest to God I can’t think of any other words to describe it -- it’s pretty, you know? Like when you smile, genuinely smile, your eyes get all crinkly at the corners and your dimples show and you look so radiant. It’s contagious.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith,
Sometimes when you’re thinking really, really hard, you scrunch your nose up and your eyebrows pull together and you poke your tongue out a little and I seriously have never seen anything more adorable.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith,
You look really, really good in red.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoIt takes three more light blue notes found in his locker before Keith musters up the courage to write something in response to his admirer.He goes through several attempts of figuring out what he should say, writing and erasing and rewriting and crumpling and re-rewriting before finally settling on:My Secret Admirer,
Who are you?
with love,
KeithHe writes it in his own sloppy handwriting, not feeling the need to type it considering he doesn’t have anonymity to maintain. He makes sure to get to school early, and tapes the note, folded in half, on the open ridges of his locker. Then, before he can second guess himself, he flees the scene, making his way over to his friends’ usual morning hangout spot. Although he's not really religious, he prays that no one takes the note before his admirer can get to it.“Did you do it?” asks Hunk eagerly. “Did you finally leave a note?”“Yeah,” Keith replies, a little shyly. “Yeah, I did. Just now.”“Good on you, Keith!” Hunk exclaims, patting Keith on the back forcefully. Keith makes an oof noise in response.“What did it say?” Allura asks excitedly.Keith's reply is cut off by Lance arriving and asking, “What did what say?” He's grinning, almost glowing, which is unusual because Lance is decidedly not a morning person.“The note Keith left for his secret admirer,” Pidge answers him. She narrows her eyes at Lance suspiciously. “What's got you in a such a good mood this early in the morning?”Lance beams at her. “My crush talked to me today.”Keith's blood runs cold.“That's great, Lance!” Hunk cheers. Pidge casts a pitying look toward Keith, who kind of just wants to crawl under a rock and never come out again.“Yeah,” mutters Keith. “Good for you, Lance.”Lance smiles at Keith and reaches forward, pushing aside his bangs so he can look him in the eyes.“Enough about me,” he says, blue eyes twinkling. “I'm glad you decided to leave that note.”Keith blushes and looks down. “Me too, I guess. I just really hope they respond.”“I'm sure he will.” Lance winks at him, and Keith isn't sure how to feel.He really needs to get over Lance. So, maybe this secret admirer thing will be a good thing.xoxoKeith opens his locker a little too eagerly at lunch, and sure enough, there's a light blue note already there waiting for him.Keith,
I can't tell you that. What I can tell you, though, is that I'm really glad you wrote to me.
with love,
your secret admirer
(PS) The reason why I can't tell you is because you already know me, and I don't want you to know I like you just yet.Keith stares at the note, dumbfounded. He already knows them? But that's impossible -- Keith doesn't know many people. And it can't be someone within his friend group… Pidge is ace, Allura knows he's gay, Hunk has a crush on that girl Shay from his Geography class, and Lance… Lance is straight, and apparently likes someone else. Someone he's talking to now.Keith shakes his head. If they're not in his friend group, who could it be?He reads and re-reads the note multiple times, his eyes lingering over the post-script, before finally deciding fuck it , pulling out a scrap piece of binder paper and writing a response.My Secret Admirer,
I can't help but notice the way you said you don't want me to know you like me 'just yet’. Does this mean you'll tell me eventually?
with love,
Keith“Leaving another note?” asks a voice that comes out of nowhere, making Keith jump. He looks up to find a smirking Lance.“Don't creep up on me like that, asshole.” Keith glares and crosses his arms across his chest. “And I still don't see how this is any of your business.”“Aw, come on, babe,” Lance teases, poking Keith's cheek and pushing it upward, as if to lessen his frown. “My best friend finally has a love life! Of course it's my business.”“You're such an ass,” grumbles Keith. “Fine! Yes, I'm leaving another note. What's wrong with that?”“Nothing at all,” Lance says innocently. “Did they tell you who they are?”“Not yet.”“Hm,” Lance hums thoughtfully, tapping his chin with his finger like some poor mimicry of Rodin's The Thinker . “Well, maybe if you keep talking to them you'll be able to figure it out!”“Maybe,” concedes Keith, giving the note sloppily taped to his locker one last wistful glance. “Can we just go get lunch now?”“You go on, buddy,” Lance says, squeezing Keith's bicep with an easy smile. “I have some stuff I need to take care of first, but I'll meet you guys in the cafeteria when I'm done.”Keith tries not to be disappointed. Or be ridiculous by thinking up of some ludicrously paranoid delusion where Lance ditches him for whatever pretty girl he has a crush on now.“Oh,” he says, gripping his backpack straps. “Okay. See you later, I guess.”“See you!” Lance blows him an exaggerated kiss, and Keith rolls his eyes to cover the way his cheeks flush. Not yet . That's what his admirer told him.Not yet, but maybe, just maybe … eventually.xoxoKeith,
Even though I see you pretty much every day, I always end up missing you like crazy whenever we’re apart. It’s bad, I know, but I’m just so whipped for you, you don’t even know.
with love,
your secret admirer
(PS) Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet.xoxoMy Secret Admirer,
Of course I don’t know. I don’t know who you are, period.
Can you at least tell me if you’re a guy or girl?
with love,
KeithxoxoKeith,
I’m a guy. Although, I get why you asked -- don’t want another Sara Cooper incident, do you?
I think you’re really cute when you blush. It makes me want to squish your cheeks.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoMy Secret Admirer,
You’re killing me. Who are you?
By the way -- I really hope you’re an actual person who likes me and not some horrible person pulling a prank.
with love,
Keith
(PS) If you really can’t tell me who you are, can you at least tell me a little more about yourself? I’m going more and more insane with every note from you.xoxoKeith,
Like I said, you already know me. You know me a lot better than you think you do. But I’m not ready for you to figure me out, because I’m not sure how you’ll react.
I can tell you a few things, though. Like how I love water -- not like, as a drink (although drinking water is cool too), but more as… an entity? I like how water is adaptable. I like how years of water steadily hitting the same rock with the same amount of force can change the rock’s shape completely. I like how water has the ability to both create and to destroy. I like how water never dies, no matter how many time it cycles through rain or sea or clouds.
It’s why my favorite color is blue. And why I love to swim.
I also really like playing guitar. I’m not super good at it, but I’m decent enough to play a few songs with practice.
You know, I’ve heard you sing before. And one day, I want you to sing while I play because your voice is really nice.
I’m a people person. As a general rule, I like talking to new people, and I care about my family and friends more than anything in this world. I’m usually a pretty confident guy, too. I know it might not seem like that, since I won’t tell you who I am, but there’s just something about you, Keith. I constantly want to wax poetic about how much I adore you, but I also don’t want to scare you away. Does that make sense?
So there. A few things about me, as requested. Care to enlighten me a bit about you?
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoMy Secret Admirer,
You’re so much. You know that, right? But not in a bad way. In a really, really good way.
I feel like this is unfair, because you already know who I am. But I guess I’ll “enlighten” you anyway.
Here’s something not even my best friend, Lance, knows about me: I’m in love with space.
Ever since I was a kid, my dad would take me out late at night and we would look at the stars. We lived in the desert, in a place relatively free from pollution, so they were always very clear and bright. He would point out all the constellations he knew, and when he ran out, together we would make our own constellations. He’d make up stories about them, too. Sometimes, he would tell me that every single star represents a soul, and all of them are guarded by the moon. Ever since, it’s been my dream to go up there. To touch the stars.
While we’re still on the topic of space, I just have to say it: the moon landing was faked. I swear to you, it was staged solely so it looked like we got there before Russia.
Also, you’ve heard me sing?? How??? Seriously, who ARE you????
with love,
Keith
(PS) You’re not going to scare me away. I promise. Unless you’re James Griffin, or a girl, trust me when I say I like you already.xoxo“I don’t understand,” Keith groans, gripping his hair in exasperation. “Who is he? What does he mean I know him? Why can’t he just tell me?”“He already said why he can’t tell you,” Lance replies soothingly, gently removing Keith’s hands from his head and smoothing down his hair. “He’s afraid of how you’ll react.”“Which is stupid! I already told him I like him!”“Do you like him?” asks Pidge skeptically. Keith shoots her a dirty look.Of course he likes him. Sure, he doesn’t know his name or what he looks like, but they’ve exchanged several more notes since Keith revealed his love for space, and despite the butterflies he still feels around Lance, Keith is finding himself liking his admirer more and more with every passing note. He usually gets three a day -- one in the morning, one at lunch, and one after school. And Keith has tried multiple times to stake his own locker out, desperately wanting to know who it is, but to no avail.He’s falling, and he has no idea who he’s falling for.“Obviously I like him,” Keith answers defensively. “He’s just so… I don’t know. He’s a cool guy.”It's a dumb answer, vague at best, but there's something about his admirer that he can't explain to his friends -- maybe it's the mystery of it all, but a part of Keith just wants to have this one thing for himself.“So is Hunk,” deadpans Pidge. “Do you like Hunk?”Hunk goes bright red, and Lance chokes.“Hunk hasn’t expressed romantic interest in Keith,” Allura cuts in, much to Keith's relief. “So that’s irrelevant.”“Right!” Hunk agrees quickly.Pidge rolls her eyes. “Okay, true. But you still don’t know anything about this person.”“Aw, Pidge,” Lance interjects, wrapping his arm around Keith and pulling him close. “That’s not fair. Keith has been talking to this mystery person for almost a week, now!”“I’m just saying,” Pidge shoots back with a raise of her eyebrow. “If I were you, Keith, I’d be careful.”“I am careful.”“See?” Lance grins, squeezing Keith. “He is careful. Let the man have his fun, Katie.”Pidge huffs. “Don’t call me that, Leandro.”Lance lets out a scandalized gasp, and Keith frowns, pulling himself out of Lance’s grasp. A brief expression of hurt flashes across Lance’s face, but Keith shrugs it off as his overactive, overly hopeful imagination. Get a grip, Keith, he chastises himself. Lance likes someone else. “Maybe you should try asking for his email or something,” Hunk suggests, attempting to diffuse the current Lance vs. Pidge standoff via subject change. “That way you don’t have to keep leaving each other notes.”“I think the notes are romantic,” Allura says dreamily. “I wish Lotor would do something like that for me.”Keith contemplates Hunk’s suggestion. Maybe he’s right -- his admirer could easily make a new email to stay anonymous, and that way they could reply to each other a lot more quickly.“I think I’ll do that,” says Keith.“Right!” exclaims Lance. “And you could still write each other cute little notes, just not as often.”Keith nods determinedly, already pulling out a paper and pen.My Secret Admirer,
I want to be able to talk to you more often. Would you be willing to email me?
[email protected]
with love,
Keith
(PS) We can still leave each other notes, but this way we can message back and forth a lot quicker.He leaves the note at his locker next to the other one that hasn’t been claimed yet, his heart beating in his throat.xoxoAfter school, Keith rushes to his locker, fumbling over the combination and all but yanking the door open.As expected, there’s a blue note already there, sitting pretty. Keith snatches it up, ignoring the way Lance laughs at him, and reads over the printed words greedily.Keith,
Check your email after school at 3:30 :)
with love,
your secret admirerImpatient as ever, Keith pulls out his phone and checks the time -- three-thirteen.“Ugh,” he sighs. “He’s not going to email me for another fifteen minutes! Why couldn’t he have just gave me his email?”Lance pats Keith’s shoulder comfortingly. “It’s actually closer to seventeen minutes.”“Thank you, Lance,” snarks Keith.Lance shoots Keith a wink and finger-guns. “Anytime, bae.”Keith pouts, glancing down at his phone again even though he knows it’s barely been a minute.“You wanna get some ice-cream to pass the time?” asks Lance, smiling innocuously and holding up his car keys.“Lance, I adore you,” Keith tells him seriously.Lance laughs warmly and loops his arm through Keith’s. “Right back at ya, buddy.”xoxoKeith and Lance are sitting in Lance’s old, rustic blue Corolla, eating cookie-dough and strawberry-cheesecake ice-cream, respectively, when Keith’s phone pings with a notification.Keith almost drops his cone in surprise, which Lance, thankfully, is too busy on his phone to notice. Keith quickly pulls out his own phone, his stomach jolting violently when he sees Gmail: email from [email protected] . To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: is this: development??
Keith! You are a genius, man. I knew there was a reason why I have a crush on you :’)
Not gonna lie, I’m relieved you asked for my email and not my number. Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to give it to you, but… you actually kind of already have my number. Which is wild, and definitely narrows down your list of who I might be. I don’t really mind, though, because if I'm being completely honest, I'm not as scared as I used to be.
Still not gonna tell you who I am, but know that I'm forsurely thinking about it.
with love
your secret admirer
(PS) Of course I'm going to keep leaving you notes. They're practically trademarked now.“He emailed me!” Keith exclaims, grinning from ear to ear. He looks up to find Lance watching him with a fond look. “He actually -- Lance, look!”He holds his phone up for Lance to see, and Lance bites his lip around a smile as he reads.“Well, now you know you already have his number,” Lance says as he lifts his blue eyes to meet Keith's. “So that really narrows things down for you.”Keith nods emphatically. “Right.” He looks down at his phone again, his blood singing giddily from the thrill of it all.“Well, are you gonna reply or what?” asks Lance, looking at Keith over his half-eaten ice-cream in amusement.Keith doesn't answer -- instead, he shoves the rest of his ice-cream into his mouth, and unlocks his phone, immediately drafting his response.xoxoTo: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re: is this: development??
Secret Admirer,
You would think that you telling me that I have your number would really narrow things down, but it surprisingly doesn't. I have way more numbers than I remember getting, and there's no way I'm gonna be able to deduce which one is yours (although I certainly have tried).
What are you even afraid of? It's not like I don't like you. Because I do. I really, really do.
with love,
KeithxoxoTo: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: what i'm afraid of
Keith,
I’m afraid of a lot of things, actually. Here are a few of them:
- Spiders. Fuck spiders, man. I’m terrified of them.
- My mother. Sometimes, when I do or say something particularly bad, I instinctively look over my shoulder in fear of her popping up out of nowhere with one of her slippers already in hand, ready to smack me upside the head.
- My grades dropping. I try my hardest, but I’ve never been the best of students so if I’m not careful those As and Bs will turn into Cs and Ds real quick.
- Clowns.
- Needles. I’ll have to get over this one eventually, though, because I really want to get a tattoo when I’m old enough.
- Losing you because you find out who I really am and don’t like the answer.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith,
You must be a volcano, because
1. you’re so hot, and
2. I lava you!
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith,
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘FINE’ written all over you!
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for.
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoKeith,
Are you from outer space? ‘Cause your body is out of this world!
with love,
your secret admirerxoxoTo: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re: what i’m afraid of
Secret Admirer,
Here’s the thing about being afraid.
Everyone starts off afraid. It’s human nature. It’s what’s kept us safe for all these years -- fight or flight, or we risk our lives.
But human nature is also pushing forward in spite of these fears. We’ve made amazing scientific and technological advances by persisting against what we’re scared of. And in the same way (on a much smaller scale), we advance in our personal lives. We make friends, fall in love, take leaps of faith… being afraid is inevitable. But staring fear in the face and overcoming it? That’s bravery at its finest. That’s how we find the people and things we love most in this world.
I get that you’re afraid. I am, too. After all, I like you a lot more than I ever thought I would, and I barely know anything about you.
But I think that this -- us -- could be something great, if you just let it be. I promise, my feelings for you aren’t going to change once I know your name and what you look like.
Just consider it, okay?
with love,
Keith
(PS) Clowns are the devil’s incarnates and can eat my ass. I totally understand your fear of them. But spiders? Really?xoxoMy Secret Admirer,
You’re a dork. I don't even know why I like you so much.
with love,
KeithxoxoTo: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: of bravery and dorkiness
Keith,
Okay, I get what you’re saying. But you have to understand where I’m coming from too. Just give me a little more time, okay?
And I’ll have you know, I think those pick-up lines are adorable. ADORKable, if you know what I mean ;)
with love,
your secret admirerxoxo“Relative to its size, the barnacle has the biggest penis.”Keith looks up, his smile waning as his face fills with confusion.“Huzzah!” Pidge declares, her voice strangely flat. “Loverboy has finally decided to join us once more.”“Aw, leave him alone, Pidge,” Hunk coos, all sing-songy. “He's talking to his secret admirer.”Keith blushes. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly.“Don’t worry about her, Keith,” Lance tells him with an easy smile. He reaches forward and takes Keith’s hand in his, squeezing playfully. He leans in even further to whisper conspiratorially. “She’s just jealous that we have love lives.”His words send Keith on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, which he tries not to betray on his face.Pidge rolls her eyes. “You two are disgusting.”“Leave them alone, Pidge,” Allura admonishes her gently. She gives Keith and Lance a kind smile, but there’s a wicked glint in her eyes as she looks down at their hands.Embarrassed, Keith moves to pull away, but for some reason, Lance holds fast and reaches for Keith’s other hand as well.“Your hands are cold, Mullet,” he smirks, thumbs brushing over Keith’s skin lightly.Pidge huffs and grumbles something under her breath that sounds something like, “Subtle.”Keith dutifully ignores her, face flaming. Perhaps that’s why his hands are cold -- all the blood in his body is in his face .“Do you have any idea who the guy is yet?” asks Hunk.Keith shakes his head, watching Lance play with his fingers, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. “I really want to meet him, though.”“But he’s still not ready?”“He’s… getting there.”Lance laces their fingers together between them as if they’re playing Mercy, pushing and pulling their arms back and forth, to and fro. He flashes Keith a crooked smile.“I think you should ask him again,” Lance suggests. “One more time. But this time, don’t just ask who he is. Tell him you want to meet him, in person.”“Ooh, yeah!” Hunk enthuses. “That would be so romantic!”Allura bobs her head in agreement, but Pidge frowns.“Are you sure that’s even safe?” she inquires skeptically, pushing her glasses up her nose.Keith purses his lips. “Well, I could always have Shiro with me just in case. And I can take care of myself, you know.”Because he can. He’s taken karate for years now, ever since being adopted by the Shiroganes, so it’s not like he’d be defenseless.“Whatever you say, dude,” Pidge relents, still dubious.Lance squeezes Keith’s hands tightly, demanding his attention again. Thumbs stroke tenderly over his skin, sending his nerves alight.“You should do it,” he encourages Keith softly, his expression fond. “I think you really, really should.”“Okay,” Keith answers breathlessly, because he could be asking Keith to set himself on fire and he’d do it in a heartbeat so long as Lance keeps looking at him like that. “Yeah, I’ll do it.”xoxoTo: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: just wondering…
Secret Admirer,
Can we meet each other? In real life? I want to see you. I want to be able to see your face and hold your hand and know that you’re real.
No pressure or anything -- I get that you might not be ready still, and that’s okay. But in case I haven’t been making myself clear enough for you: I’m interested in you, romantically, and I want to meet you and see where we can go from there.
If not, don’t worry about it. I just thought I’d ask.
with love,
KeithxoxoThe email Keith gets in response is strangely cryptic.From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: re: just wondering…
Keith,
All good things to those who wait.
with love,
your secret admirerKeith frowns at his phone, unsure what to make of the email. Is his admirer telling him he still has to wait? Not that Keith isn’t willing, but it’s definitely an odd way to say it.“I don’t know what this means,” expresses Keith, lips turning downward. “Is it a no? A yes? A maybe ?”Lance claps his hands on both of Keith’s shoulders and squeezes, smiling at him dazzlingly.“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he answers, amused.Keith scowls. “It’d be great if he wasn’t so confusing,” he mutters. Lance laughs at him, jerking Keith back and pulling him flush against his chest. Keith feels the tips of his ears warm.“I’m sure it’ll be worth it,” Lance assures, reaching up to tighten Keith’s ponytail for him.“I sure hope so,” sighs Keith, ignoring the way Lance’s proximity makes his insides feel like a soda, shaken and ready to explode.They get to Keith’s locker, and Lance releases his on him so Keith can switch his books out as swiftly as possible. It’s passing period right now, and he’s already gotten his morning note ( you look stunning, as always , is all it said) so he isn’t expecting another one until lunch time. To his surprise, however, when he finally wriggles his locker door open, there’s already a blue note sitting inside, sitting in wait.“Whoa,” Keith breathes, eyes wide. He reaches forward, books forgotten, and picks up the folded blue paper in wonder. “He’s never left one during passing period before.”This note is different from the others, though -- for one, it’s sealed shut, the flaps taped together neatly with clear scotch tape. And, on top of that, it’s heavier, like there’s something extra inside. There’s also a small heart scribbled on the front, in what looks like bright red Sharpie.“Come on, Keith,” Lance says, nudging his shoulder against Keith’s and reminding him of his presence. Keith looks up, still partially dazed, to see Lance smirking (quite handsomely, his brain supplies) at him. “Get your stuff and open it in class. We’re gonna be late!”Nodding, Keith obliges, shutting his locker and holding his newest note -- present? -- close to his chest.He waits until lunch to open it.“Ooh, Keith, you’ve gotta open it!” Hunk gushes, Allura nodding over his shoulder in fervid agreement. Pidge keeps quiet, but she watches raptly, clearly interested in what it could possibly be.Lance pinches his arm affectionately. “What are you waiting for, Mullet?”Too excited to be bothered with Lance’s teasing, Keith rolls his eyes and, ever so carefully, slips his finger under the note’s flap and peels the tape off as gently as possible.Something silver hits the table with an audible clunk once he finally gets the paper unfolded. He ignores the temptation to pick up and examine whatever it is, forcing himself to read what’s actually written in the note first.Keith,
At night
I fall asleep with the world at my feet
and flowers in my soul
I dream of fields of jasmine
sunkissed, the color of your skin
and of twilight skies
the color of your eyes
Your hands are always cold
and they fit inside mine
like a fitted ballroom glove
I dance until the sun sets the world on fire
and I drown in high ocean waters
The stars explode and rain down into your hair
shimmering, glimmering, highlighting
each midnight strand
and you glow like something
galaxies away
I chase you amongst the dust
and you slip right through my fingers
Like the oxygen I breathe
you fill my lungs until they burst
through my chest and
into the clouds
and I can’t help but wonder
if this love is the death of me
or the source of my life.
I know you’re not a big people person, but if you want, I’d love to go to the Valentine’s Day dance with you this Friday. So, what do you say? Will you be my Valentine this year?
with love,
your secret admirerIt takes a moment before Keith’s brain kicks back into gear. Hands trembling, he sets the note down onto the table, which his friends all grab at eagerly. Then, he reaches for what fell out of the note, picking it up by its end and holding it up in the waxy cafeteria lighting.It’s a necklace. The chain is light and shiny, and just long enough for Keith to be able to tuck under the collar of his shirt. Dangling on the end is a gleaming pendant, resembling half of a heart. Upon closer inspection, Keith can see a curly capital K engraved into the otherwise smooth metal.His secret admirer bought him jewelry.“Holy shit,” comes from beside him. A tanned hand reaches forward, pinching the pendant between two delicate fingers and turning it over in appreciation. “That’s so romantic . Isn’t that romantic, Keith?”Distantly, Keith nods.“Hey.” Lance speaks again, and suddenly his hand moves from the pendant to Keith’s chin, holding it steadfast and making Keith turn his head to face him. He’s smiling softly, his eyebrows waggling playfully at Keith. “Want me to put it on for you?”“Yes please.” Quickly, Keith turns away and lifts his ponytail up, face burning.“You have a date to the Valentine’s dance!” Allura exclaims.Hunk grins at him. “You are going to say yes, right?”“Well yeah,” says Keith, a little bashful at all this attention. Lance drapes the chain around his neck, making quick work with the clasp at the back.Pidge has her hands folded together in front of her mouth, and Keith feels kind of uneasy at her devious smile. There’s something about her expression...
Wait. No… Does she know who it is?
“Here, Mullet.” Lance shoves a pen into Keith’s hand, effectively distracting him from any Pidge-related suspicions. “Time to write your response!”xoxoIt’s the day of the dance, and Keith is shot with nerves.He has a bad habit of running his fingers through his hair and making a mess of it whenever he’s anxious, but he definitely can not do that right now. He really really wants to though, as he huffs in frustration and redoes his bright red necktie for what feels like the millionth time. Of course, it somehow only ends up more crooked than last time.Keith groans, tearing the necktie back off and thunking his head against the cold, unrelenting mirror, ready to forgo the damned thing all together.“Wow,” Shiro comments from his bedroom door. “How many times is that? Six? Seven?”“Four.”“Right,” muses Shiro, raising an eyebrow at Keith. “Now, how many times before you ask me for help?”Keith turns to glare at him. “You’re a dick,” he growls.Shiro just smiles at him. “Suit yourself,” he all but singsongs, moving to walk back out the room.“Ugh, fine,” Keith groans again, looking toward his reflection forlornly. “Maybe I need a little help.”Shiro chuckles and walks inside, pulling in Keith by the lapels of his jacket. He takes Keith’s tie and begins tying it, practiced and deft even despite his prosthetic.“I can’t believe my baby brother has a date tonight.” He shoots Keith a grin. Keith resists the pressing urge to shove Shiro.“It’s not that big of a deal,” he mutters.“I mean it kind of is. Especially since you’re meeting him for the first time tonight. Alone. At some park.”Ah, there’s that look. The urge to shove Shiro increases.Instead, he gives his protective older brother a deadpan look. “Shiro, we talked about this.”“I know, I know,” frowns Shiro, his hand not pausing in its movements. “You’re an adult, and I trust you to handle yourself. You can never be too careful, though.”Keith softens. “I know, Shiro,” he says. “I get it. But you don’t have to worry, okay? Besides, it’s not like I’m meeting him alone. Lance will be there too.”“That little beanpole?”“Shiro.”Shiro laughs good-naturedly. “I know, I know ,” he says again. Then, he adds, “I’m happy for you. Both of you.”Instantly, Keith’s mood sours. Unbidden, he remembers how excited Lance sounded when he announced, shortly after Keith told his secret admirer yes to the dance, that oh my gosh, guys, my crush said yes! Now Keith and I both have dates to the dance! He shakes his head. You have your own date , he reminds himself. Get over Lance .Shiro gives him a knowing look. “Keith?”“It’s nothing, Shiro,” Keith says quickly, trying to fix his expression into something that doesn’t scream Conflicted Because I’m Madly In Love With My Best Friend But We Both Have Different Dates Tonight.Sensing that Keith isn’t going to be willing to go down that rabbit hole any time soon, Shiro finishes with his necktie, straightening it out snugly under his collar. He takes a step back to admire his handiwork, then flashes Keith an easy smile.“It’ll all work itself out,” he tells Keith. “Remember, patience--”“--yields focus, yeah, I know your favorite proverb by now, old man,” interrupts Keith, his voice teasing.Shiro rolls his eyes. “I was going to say ‘pays off in the end’, but okay.” Then, he looks over Keith appraisingly. “You look very handsome, Keith.”Keith preens at the praise -- he spent almost a whole hour combing back one side of his hair to stay out of his face, using much more hair gel than was likely necessary. He’s also wearing his best, most clean white shirt he has in his closet, actually having taken the time to iron it, a miraculous feat in and of itself. He’s in a deep, wine-colored blazer so dark it looked almost black, and black pants that make his ass look better than it usually does.Of course, Shiro is his brother and obligated to tell him he looks nice. He just hopes it’ll be enough to impress his date.Suddenly, the doorbell rings (and jumpstarts Keith’s heart).“Oh my God,” Keith says, eyes wide. Shiro shakes his head, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.“I think that’s your ride,” he smirks. He pats Keith on the shoulder and walks out of the room to open the door, Keith following tensely in suit.They get downstairs, and Shiro checks the peephole swiftly before unlocking the door and swinging it open. There’s a moment where Keith can’t see past Shiro’s back, a moment where he acts as a physical wall between Keith and Lance, and it’s vaguely reminiscent of the calm before the storm. If, of course, the storm is Lance. Which is usually trueAnd then Shiro is stepping aside, clearing out of the doorway, and the calm is gone.Instantly, Lance comes into Keith’s line of vision, and Keith can’t breathe.Lance looks good . He’s got a dark, midnight blue blazer over a baby blue button-down and black fitted jeans; the perfect combination of casual and formal. His hair looks messier than usual, but in a purposeful, sexy way rather than a trashy one.Heart catching in his throat, Keith wills himself to think about his secret admirer. But then Lance looks at him, his crystal blue eyes considering Keith from head to toe, and gives him a cheeky, crooked smile.“You clean up nicely, Mullet.”Keith swallows around the lump in his throat. “You’re not too bad yourself.”Lance’s smile widens, flashing his pearly teeth and revealing his dimples.He is so, so fucked.xoxoAfter about another half hour of Shiro forcing them to take pictures despite Keith having a date ("So what? That guy doesn’t count until I meet him. I like Lance. Now go pose for me! Awe man, you guys grow up so fast... ”) they finally make it out of Keith’s house and into Lance’s old car.Keith looks down, nervously fiddling with the last note he’s received, which is almost ready to rip at where he’s unfolded and folded it a few times too many. Unable to help himself, he re-reads it once more in an attempt to calm his growing anxiety.Dear Keith,
YES! Wow, this is happening. This is really happening…
Okay, how about we meet at the park on Oriande by 5:30? I can pick you up and we’ll drive to the school together. Or if you give me your address I can pick you up from there, if that makes you feel more comfortable.
Oh my gosh, you’re my Valentines date. This is all still so unreal.
See you Friday!
your secret admirerKeith has agreed to meet his admirer at the park he suggested, mostly because he wants the moment to be private, without Shiro’s shameless nosiness poking its way into Keith’s business. He asked Lance to come with him, though, because the overly paranoid part of himself wants to be prepared just in case . He doesn’t think anything will go wrong, and knows that even if something does he’s perfectly capable of handling himself, but one can never be too cautious.He folds the paper back up and shoves it in his pocket. He tries sitting on his hands, which works for all of ten seconds. He fidgets when he’s nervous, and the closer they get to the park, the more on edge he becomes. He reaches up to tug at his newly begifted necklace, rubbing the pendant between his thumb and forefinger.“Hey,” Lance speaks up from the driver’s seat, glancing at Keith in worry. “Are you okay? You sure you wanna do this?”“I’m fine,” Keith replies, breathing in deeply to calm his heart rate.“It’s okay to be nervous. Being nervous around the person you like is perfectly normal.”“I know , I just… It’s different. I like this guy, but I don’t even know basic information about him like his name or what he looks like.” He grips the pendant tightly. “I want this to go well.”“It will,” Lance assures him. “Even if your date isn’t… satisfactory, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and I will still give you a night to remember.”“What about your date?” asks Keith, before he can stop himself. He really is curious, jealousy aside. Lance has been strangely dodgy whenever her identity is brought into question. Keith feels a little bad about it, actually -- Lance is the type to usually rave to Keith about the girls he has crushes on, but Keith has been so focused on himself and his secret admirer that Lance’s newest crush has kind of been pushed to the backburner.“Eh,” Lance shrugs, nonchalant. “I don’t mind being here for you, Keith. Our friendship will always be my top priority.”Keith looks at him, his emotions all stirred and mixed up inside him more than they've ever been before.The playground at the end of Oriande Street comes into view before Keith can respond. Lance pulls up against the curb under a throng of winter-stripped trees.“Go get ‘em, Samurai,” Lance presses, a wicked glint in his eyes.Unbuckling his belt and taking a long, deep breath, Keith pulls his shit together as best he can, and opens his door to do just that.xoxoThey’re ten or so minutes early, so Keith finds himself sitting on one of the park's creaky, black plastic swings, waiting. He idly swings his feet back and forth, light enough to sway without causing him to full-on swing. His left hand grips the rusty chain that he suspends on, while his right fingers at his necklace.He’s never felt so conflicted in his life. He feels guilty, with the way he’s eagerly pushing himself toward someone who’s genuinely interested in him while still so painfully in love with Lance. His secret admirer seems like a nice guy, and obviously deserves better than to be some rebound.But… his admirer also has so much potential . Keith likes him a lot already -- he’s sweet, funny, and awkwardly charming -- and that could possibly turn into something more, some day. Some day when he’s over pining after Lance, when seeing him with girls no longer bothers him. And even though it could take months for that to happen, he’s bound to get over Lance eventually. And then, if his secret admirer is still into him when that happens, he and Keith could be happy together.But Lance . Lance, who loves Keith unconditionally and stays up listening to Keith vent and gives him a shoulder to lean on when he needs it. Lance, who knows more about him than Keith knows about himself. Who makes Keith his first priority and is willing to leave his date with some cute girl to cheer Keith up the whole night.Lance, who Keith has been in love with for so long that he isn’t sure what it’s like not to be anymore.He kicks the dirt, a war brewing in his chest. He has to try for his admirer; he already agreed to be his date. But he isn’t sure if he’s willing to go any further beyond that. Sure, having someone to talk and flirt with without the insecurity of not knowing if they like you, that’s a lot of fun. But falling out of love with Lance so he can fall in love with this new guy? He doesn’t know if his heart can handle that.He releases the chain of the swing, fishing his phone out of his pocket and checking the time. Where is his admirer? It’s been almost twenty minutes, eight minutes past the time they agreed to meet.The paranoid part of Keith’s mind starts whispering conspiratorially in his head, causing his stomach to sink with dread.
Don’t tell me… Oh no…
But then -- he sees it. A shadowy figure, tall and lanky, walking toward him. It’s too dark to tell from this far away, but the figure looks familiar…...oh. Of course it looks familiar. It’s just Lance, probably wondering what’s taking so long.Keith sighs, dejectedly preparing himself to explain to Lance that his admirer hasn’t shown up yet ( if he’s showing up at all , that treacherous voice purrs in his head).He stops, though, when he sees that Lance has something in his hands. It’s… It’s… Oh my God, Keith thinks frantically. Suddenly, the pieces begin clicking together, working themselves around in his brain, pulling all those similarities and mannerisms that he was sure was the universe fucking with him, bringing them to the forefront of his mind and holding them under an entirely different light. Hope and confusion about Lance and his ‘secret admirer’ collide and interweave until they become about not two different people, but one distinct person.Because standing in front of him, looking rather nervous and holding a vividly crimson rose and a square piece of sky blue paper, is not some acquaintance or stranger. No, it's Lance.For a moment, all Keith can do is gape at Lance in disbelief. Because this is too good to be true. Way too good -- it doesn’t make sense . Why would Lance make up an entire fake persona to talk to Keith? Since when did he stop crushing on random girls in skirts and blouses and start crushing on… Keith?Lance visibly swallows, holding the note out for Keith. After staring at it, dumbfounded, for a hot, tension-filled second, Keith takes it. Lance watches him expectantly, clearly waiting for Keith to read it.He does.Dear Keith,
I kind of maybe like you. A lot.
with love,
LanceIt’s the same as all the other notes -- light blue paper, the words typed in the same font they’ve always been in -- except Lance’s name is written in dark blue ink, undeniably in his own chicken scratch handwriting, the ‘ce’ a little smudged. The sight of it makes Keith feel as if he’s submerged in water, wholly surrounded and drowning in blue -- the blue of the paper, the blue scrawl of Lance’s name, the bright and brilliant blue of his eyes .He looks up and meets those eyes, overcome with emotion.“It’s you,” he says hoarsely. “It’s really you.”Lance gives him a smile so tender it has Keith’s heart seizing in his chest. “Yeah,” he replies softly. “It’s really me.”“Why didn’t you tell me?” breathes Keith. Lance looks down at his feet, kicking at the dirt like Keith did earlier. It’s incredibly endearing.“I started giving you those notes because I wanted to tell you how amazing you are without giving my feelings for you away. I never actually intended on telling you it was me, but then I realized that you deserve to know how real it all was. That it wasn’t some sick joke. And I understand if you don’t feel the same -- I don’t expect you to. But you’re amazing Keith. You take my breath away, and you deserve to hear that. In real life, not just reading it on paper.”He holds something up else up, and Keith can see that it’s a necklace -- the matching necklace to the one his admirer (Lance) gave Keith.Keith extends out his hand, catching the half-heart pendant and holding it closer for a better look. And, yep, there it is: an L, for Lance.Keith releases the pendant and exchanges it for Lance’s collar, giving a great heave and wrenching Lance down toward him. Before Lance can even let out a noise of surprise, he silences him with a hard, bruising kiss.It’s awkward, at first. Lance goes all stiff and the angle is all wrong. But Keith kisses him anyway, lips moving unrelentingly against his, until Lance finally relaxes and starts returning the gesture. The rose and necklace end up hitting the ground, but Keith can’t bring himself to think about it because Lance’s hands move to around his neck and press into his shoulder, and they’re kissing, kissing, kissing. It’s a while before they come up for air. Somehow, Lance has found his way halfway onto Keith’s lap, and Keith is gripping onto Lance’s strong waist for support. Their breaths mingle as they take a few moments to catch their breath, foreheads pressed together, panting against each other’s mouths.Then, Keith is laughing, releasing his hold on Lance’s waist and moving up to cup his face between his palms.Lance pouts at him. “Are you laughing at me?”“A little,” admits Keith. “But, come on. You were my ‘secret admirer’ this whole time. And I had no clue.”Unable to keep his pout, Lance gives in and giggles. “You were pretty oblivious,” he says, leaning in and trying to kiss Keith again. Keith, though, holds steadfast.“Did everyone know?” he asks.“Nope,” Lance shrugs. “Actually, I think Pidge figured it out eventually, but other than that -- no.”“I can’t believe you, Lance McClain, Altea High’s notable flirt,” Keith gets out between more laughter, “had to make up a fake identity to hit on me.”“Shut up, Mullet,” he snaps with a glare, but there’s no heat to it. All the heat is somewhere else -- in his cheeks, to be exact.Keith smirks. “Make me.”xoxoThey end up very late to the dance. But it’s worth it, the looks on Hunk’s and Allura’s faces priceless when they walk in together, hand in hand, wearing matching necklaces and Keith holding the rose Lance (his boyfriend) gave to him. Pidge looks inappropriately smug.And later, when they get back to Keith’s house and tell Shiro the full story, Keith almost pisses himself trying to keep from laughing when Shiro gives Lance the whole Break-His-Heart-I’ll-Break-Your-Face talk. Lance looks understandably terrified, and Shiro sends Keith a sly wink.“I told you!” he mouths, and for once, Keith isn’t even annoyed.Lance McClain is his Secret Admirer turned Valentine turned Boyfriend, and Keith is radiant with pure joy.He’s out of his mind -- and completely, irrevocably, utterly in love.