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“Psst, Snips.” She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and pulled the blanket up over head. She wasn’t ready to get up yet. What time was it anyways? It was way too early, and that was saying something because, well, she was a morning person. “Hey,” he whispered again, this time setting his hand on her shoulder and shaking her gently. She didn’t want to be annoyed with him, after all, things were going pretty well. But it didn’t sound like an emergency, so why was he waking her up? Actually, now that she thought about it, he sounded kind of excited.             That thought was enough to spark her curiosity and she instantly felt more alert. She silently cursed to herself. She didn’t normally mind being curious, but sometimes it interfered with what she really wanted to do. Like sleep.            She rolled over and blinked up at him. “What’s going on?”            He looked as though he was trying really hard to contain himself. “I have a surprise for you.” His mouth twitched anyways.             Now she was really curious. “A surprise?” He handed her a datapad, tapped the screen and then practically ran out of the room. She stared after him for a minute before looking at what he’d given her. Ever since they’d set off on their own, it was like he was a completely different person; lighter. She smacked herself on the forehead. That’s because he’s not a Sith anymore, you idiot. Of course he’d be lighter!             But no, that wasn’t what she meant. Yeah, he was lighter in the force too, but it was the way he carried himself. Like everywhere he went he had a spring in his step. Like the oppressive weight of every horrible thing that had tortured him for so many years had finally been lifted off his shoulders. It didn’t mean that he didn’t still get moody; uptight, surly, even angry sometimes. That was to be expected after all, he had habits he still needed to break but even so, there’d always be an edge to him. She suspected it had even been there before becoming a Sith. But overall, he’d definitely been in a better mood all the way around. She might even go so far as to say he was... happy.             She smiled to herself. That made her happy too. To think that because she’d believed in him when nobody else really had, she’d helped him completely turn his life around. As strange as it was, he’d helped her turn her life around too. And she’d had no idea until she’d gotten to know him, how messed up hers had been.             But that was neither here nor there right now and she finally peeled her eyes off the door where he’d disappeared and down at the datapad he’d given her.  She flipped through the screens. First a set of instructions, then a list of things she’d need and then coordinates. What kind of game was this? She nearly laughed out loud when she saw he’d written ‘a nice dress’ on the list. She’d never worn a dress. Well, she supposed the one she’d used to wear as a Jedi was technically a dress, but she’d never thought of it that way.             The planet they were currently on was a very wild place, very sparsely inhabited. Where was she going to find a dress? She shook her head and continued down the list. Wildflowers... candy... candles? What was all of this for? She scrolled back to the first screen and looked at the instructions again. Apparently, she hadn’t read it very closely.             Step one: go into the refresher. Uh, okay, Skyguy. She rolled her eyes. She dragged herself out of bed and yawned, then she shuffled to the bathroom. On the one hand, she felt like she should ask more questions, on the other, well, she doubted she’d get any answers out of him. If he’d wanted to tell her what was going on, he wouldn’t have handed her the datapad and disappeared, shifty and mysterious like.             She stood in the doorway staring blankly at the scene in front of her. The bathtub was full of bubbly water that must be warm because it was still steaming, sitting on a small crate next to it was a couple towels and some fancy looking soaps. On every available surface there were lit candles and wildflowers. And on the mirror he’d written “Skyguy loves his Snips” with something red, that unfortunately was now dripping down the mirror because of all the steam. What was he up to now?            She looked down at the datapad again. Step two: take a bath. Are you saying I need one? she said aloud but had a hard time even pretending to be offended. Whatever he was doing, it was sweet so far. She shrugged to herself and did as he instructed. After enjoying the warm bubbly bath, she wrapped the towel around herself and headed back into her room, picking up the datapad on the way out.             Step three: get dressed. She was about to mutter to herself that she still didn’t have a dress when she looked up and saw one hanging near her bed. What the...? Had that been there the whole time or had he put it there while she’d been enjoying the bath? She set the datapad down long enough to take the garment in both hands. It was surprisingly soft, nothing like Jedi clothes which was all she’d ever really known. Where had this come from? How had he gotten it? And why?            She traced her fingers down the beading that decorated the tastefully high neck top. It was somewhat similar to her other dress but much longer. And instead of sleeves, it just attached behind her neck and left her back mostly exposed. The beading started at the neck and weaved its way around the entire dress in geometric patterns. It was a beautiful shade of lavender, almost violet. A color she’d never before really worn. Some shades clashed horribly with her orange skin but as she held her arm up to it, it looked as though he’d put a lot of thought into finding the right color.             She pulled it on and hooked it up underneath her back lekku, admiring the way it draped her body so gracefully. She smiled when she finally saw her reflection. She’d never before given much thought to the way she looked. Sometimes she’d knit-pick parts of her appearance that bugged her, like her round cheeks or button nose, but she’d never before looked in the mirror and felt... well... beautiful.            She looked up after twirling around and saw his reflection. She smiled again. He’d dressed himself up too. He still wore mostly black, but it was sharper and cleaner. Tailored more to his body type. Nice slacks and a light blue shirt, and a shiny looking jacket over it. He’d brushed his hair quite a few times it looked like, because it looked particularly soft and inviting. It fell around his face in golden waves and he looked almost angelic. Then she noticed the bouquet of flowers in his hand.            She turned around and looked him up and down. He looked so good, not that he didn’t usually, but there was something about the way he was standing there that made the heat rise in her cheeks. She liked his mischievous half-smile smirk thing that he usually gave her when he was teasing her, but he didn’t say anything. She had the strongest urge to run into his arms, but then remembered the datapad. He’d put so much effort into it, she might as well do it properly. She headed over to the table she’d dropped it on and flipped to the next screen.            Step four: kiss your Skyguy. She laughed before she could catch herself and spun around, surprised to find him right there. She studied his face for a moment, loving his bright blue eyes, and even happier they were no longer golden. Though whether she’d admit it out loud or not, she’d liked them too. But there was a softness in the blue ones, something both simple and ridiculously deep. And when they were on her, they took her breath away.             She reached her hand up and ran her fingers through his silky soft hair, smiling to herself as she twirled a few strands between them. She stood up on her tiptoes, leaning in real close. She hovered near his lips and he closed his eyes in anticipation. But she moved to his cheek and kissed him softly there first. “Kiss my Skyguy, huh?” she breathed. “I can’t imagine why I’d want to do that.” She laughed again when he brought his hand up with the flowers almost as though he was convinced that would be the final temptation and she’d melt into his arms. Oh she was definitely melting, she just didn’t want him to know it... just yet. He looked at her hopefully and she tipped her head back and laughed again.             “But the bubble bath! And the dress and the flowers and the love note!” He pouted.             “All very lovely, thank you. But to be fair, you didn’t specify where to kiss my Skyguy,” she teased.             “Note to self, be more specific next time,” he muttered under his breath. She kissed him on the cheek again and he looked back at her. Then without really thinking, she kissed his jaw too and when he tipped his head back, she trailed them down his neck. She paused near the collar of his shirt, popping the top button undone so she could kiss him there too.             When she finally looked up at him again, she was surprised by the heat in his eyes. She could feel his tension, as though he was fighting his own muscles, so he didn’t reach for her. She brought her hand up to caress his cheek and he leaned into it ever so slightly.             “What’s this all about anyways?” she asked finally, leaning into his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.             “I was reading up on this culture galaxies away. They call it Valentine’s Day. A day where you do lots of romantic things to shower your spouse with love and attention. It’s a holiday of sorts. It’s all about hearts full of candy and flowers and dim lighting, I guess. I don’t really get the point of it, but I thought it would be fun,” he explained, leaning his cheek against her montral.            “Well, I’ve taken a bath, gotten dressed and kissed my Skyguy, so what’s next?” she asked.             “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I’d get this far.” She looked up at him to find him looking serious.            “What?”            “Well, I lost the information I was reading about the other ways they celebrate it before I could finish it. And well...” He shuffled his feet. “I wasn’t sure if you’d go along with it.”            “Oh...” She felt a little disappointed. As curious as all of it was to her, she’d been enjoying it. Maybe she didn’t understand the point of it, but she liked it. Her smile faded as a thought occurred to her. He’d done all of this for her, but she hadn’t even known about this holiday, so she’d done nothing for him. “Step five,” she started, and he looked up at her in surprise. “We go for a walk together.” He smiled suddenly, and she took his hand after setting the flowers down on the table.             They left the ship and walked arm and arm through the fields and down into the forest. Their ship was on the outskirts of a handful of houses. Only two of which were occupied. One by an elderly couple of Rhodians and the other by a young human male. He mostly kept to himself, his sole focus on working the land around his house. The couple would wave at them occasionally if they crossed paths, but they didn’t speak basic, so there wasn’t much conversation between them.             They didn’t really plan to stay here, but Anakin had suggested they spend some time away from fighting and responsibilities for a bit, so they could get to know each other better. She didn’t mind it actually. She used to think that she’d be bored out of her mind away from action after growing up in such a hectic time. But he was plenty interesting himself, and full of adventurous stories. There wasn’t a lot required for survival, so they occupied their time mainly swapping stories, exploring and working on the ship together in comfortable silence. Sometimes they’d workout together or go for runs. Sometimes he’d give her pointers with her lightsaber forms. And other times they’d just meditate together.             She did miss being out of the loop with things going on in the Republic, but overall, it felt like they’d escaped to a whole new dimension where none of the horrors they’d both borne witness to had existed. She liked it here, but she liked it mainly because he was here too. They were so much alike in a lot of ways, and at the same time, they were very different.  But they seemed to agree on the important things and that was all that really mattered to her.            He respected her need to ease into a relationship but was plenty affectionate when she needed it. Every day she grew bolder in asking for it and offering it. Sometimes it was hard to resist leaping into his arms and giving in completely, but she wanted them to both be sure and not just do it because that’s what they thought the next step was.             “Where’d you get this dress anyways?” she asked him when they stopped at the edge of a lake they’d never seen before.             “I got it when we stopped on Chandrila,” he replied. “I didn’t really know why at the time, but I saw it and I just thought, you know what would make this dress beautiful? If a certain, very special Togruta wore it.” He winked at her and she giggled. “But I was wrong,” he said suddenly. “The dress pales in comparison to the person wearing it.” She blushed furiously and looked down at the ground. “Ahsoka...” She looked back up at his face. “I know we haven’t really known each other that long, and that our relationship has been fraught with hardships and pain, and my own stupidity... but... from the very first time I saw you standing next to Master Kenobi, I felt drawn to you. In your eyes, I saw hope. I didn’t understand it then, and my Sith training, of course, made it hard to even recognize that potential. When you chased me through the sewer pipes on Kamino, I wanted the game to last forever. Every time you were close, I just wanted more. For brief moments I could forget about the war, and which sides we were on. I could think about something other than pain and soul-wrenching torture and loss. I...” he trailed off and dropped his chin, playing with his fingers.             “Step six,” she started hoarsely, feeling a rush of emotion. Grateful to whatever forces brought them together, and whatever gave them the will to survive it. “Kiss my Skyguy, on the lips.”            She pulled him over to a lower to the ground branch and stepped up on it so she was eye level with him. Then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. He responded eagerly with so much need it both scared her and excited her. She loved the soft lips, his hot breath, the taste of his tongue, the smell of his skin. Every time it felt like someone had thrown a spark at a bonfire and it had burst to life in a heartbeat. Sometimes it felt like there was so much love and joy in her heart, her chest could barely contain it. As though if she could pull apart her ribs it would fly home to him, where it belonged. She wasn’t even sure if she could call it her heart anymore.             “Step seven: tell my Skyguy how much I love him.” She smiled into his lips as she kissed him again. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you,” she said softly. “But you were so handsome.”            “Well obviously,” he chuckled, and she smacked him playfully on the shoulder.            “I never told Master Kenobi about how you kissed me on Kamino. Do you know why?” she asked.             “Because Jedi are boring and don’t know how to feel?”            “No!” she laughed.            “Oh right, because relationships and fun are forbidden.”            She looked down at the ground for a moment and then back at his face. “I never told him about the kiss, because I was afraid if I did, he’d know I’d enjoyed it,” she admitted. “The Jedi believed that love could turn you to the dark side, but... whenever I felt it around you, I only ever felt lighter, happier. And as it went on, I didn’t understand how they could say it was so bad. And now... we have proof that love most certainly doesn’t turn people evil, if anything...”            “It saves their souls,” he finished for her.             “Anakin,” she breathed. “You didn’t just save my life. You made it infinitely better. I had no idea how lost I was, until in your arms, I finally felt... well... found.”            “That’s what it was like for me too.” He wrapped his arms around her back and spun her around until she started giggling. Eventually he got dizzy and they both fell onto the soft mossy ground, tangled up together.             “I don’t know about this Valentine’s Day thing,” she said suddenly. “Because every day I’m with you is a holiday full of love.”            “Ahsoka.” She looked up at his face at the catch she’d heard in his voice. “Will you, uh... stay with me. Forever?”            “Forever is a long time,” she murmured thoughtfully. “But I can’t think of a better way to spend it than with you.”            He smiled and relaxed, dropping his head back into the moss. She dropped her head down on his chest, loving the way he felt beneath her. In some ways it felt too intimate, but that was probably the residual habits of living her life for so long by the Jedi code. Because if she could push that initial reaction aside, she felt nothing but contentment laying there with him. Pressed up against him with his arms wrapped protectively around her. Forever was a long time, but she couldn’t deny it. There was no possible future for her that didn’t include him.            “We could get married,” he said after awhile. “If you wanted.” She didn’t know much at all about getting married, she wasn’t sure she even knew what that meant. “You know, to make it official.”            “I do want to.” She touched his cheek and smiled. “Was that part of the checklist?” she asked.            “No, that was just my heart talking.”            “What does your brain have to say?”            “I don’t know, my heart has it in a chokehold,” he laughed.            “You’re so romantic,” she murmured, trying not to laugh herself.            “I know I didn’t read all of what this holiday entailed, but I like ours much better. Happy Valentine’s Day, Snips.”            “Good luck topping this next year.” She slid up him and pecked him quickly on the lips.            “Now wait just a minute…” But she was on her feet, giggling hysterically as he chased her as she weaved through the trees. She hadn’t exactly tired out, but it wasn’t as easy to run in this dress and besides, she wanted him to catch her. So, she slowed down as she made a circle back towards the lake.            He grasped her around the waist and lifted her off her feet and she pretended to fight him, all the while loving the way it felt in his arms. But then to her surprise, he threw her, with considerable force into the water. She surfaced just in time to have to shield her eyes from his own splash.            “What the kriff?” she asked when he came up for air, but she started giggling again at his puffed-out cheeks. She elbowed him in the gut and he sprayed water all over her. “But our nice clothes,” she complained.            “They’ll dry,” he said moving closer to her and lifting her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held his face in her hands as her fingers worked his wet hair out of his eyes.            “I love you,” she breathed finally. He smirked at her, a wild sparkle of mischief and adventure flashed through his eyes.            “Of course you do,” he said. “What’s not to love?”            The next thing she knew they were underwater again. The Jedi didn’t know anything about life or love, for that matter. But neither did the Sith. It didn’t matter now, they weren’t either. And, well… she’d never been more glad of that. So maybe that was selfish, but she stopped caring that it was. Life had a whole new meaning now. It was an adventure, on a grand scale. But it was beautiful on every level. And she couldn’t wait to experience it with him. Officially…

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Hey Skyguy!” He blinked a couple times and looked up, surprised to see her right there.          “Hmm?” he murmured tiredly. He still hadn’t caught up on sleep since he’d gone chasing Ban Hydran. Some stupid bounty hunter convinced he could continue Sidious’ plans to overthrow the galaxy. It had been a lie of course but knowing how many things he’d had his tentacles in, it was impossible to ignore even the slightest threat. He was happy to be back home with Ahsoka now, but he had half a mind to tell her to go away.          He’d gotten home late last night and had just dropped into bed. He hadn’t even had the energy to undress or take off his boots. Yet here it was way too early, and she was waking him up.          “I have something for you,” she breathed, kissing him on the cheek and disappearing out of his bedroom. He rolled over and put the pillow on his head. Whatever it was could wait a few more hours. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to go back to sleep, but now he was uncomfortable and unfortunately, curious.          He sighed and got up, deciding he’d collect on the intrusion later. He could think of a few things they could do. He sat on the edge of the bed and stretched, scratching his back. His feet hurt from wearing his boots all night and he smelled a bit. He really ought to take a shower first, but he shouldn’t keep Ahsoka waiting. Her soft voice had been like music even if he was still grumpy about being woken up. She hadn’t gone with him on his mission and he’d been gone awhile. The only thing that had gotten him through the long grueling hours and constant frustration was knowing he’d be back with her soon enough, so why was he complaining about it now?          They’d been taking things particularly slow, way too slow for his tastes. Every so often it felt like they’d stall completely and reverse for awhile. He didn’t know what else to do. He was trying his hardest to be patient and not push her, but there seemed to be something still holding her back. Most of the time things were good, but whenever he’d hint at the promise she’d made to take it further, she’d retreat somewhere inside that pretty head of hers. He didn’t want to think it was something he’d done, because as far as he was concerned, he’d more than proved to her that she could trust him, so he was at a loss for what else he could do. Maybe her Jedi teachings were still holding her back?          He shrugged and finally got to his feet, shuffling out of his room. He stopped in the doorway and looked around. He hardly recognized their little apartment. There were colorful garlands strung across every mantle, bordering the stairs and on windowsills. There were star and diamond shaped decorations hanging from the ceiling. She had floral centerpieces with candle arrangements on most of the surfaces in the room. Miscellaneous trinkets and images of snow and winter hanging all over the walls. But probably the most surprising part was the huge holographic tree in the corner of the living room, flickering in multiple colors; mainly red and green.          He smiled before he could give it much thought. Red and green… those were their colors in a way. Red the color of his lightsaber, green the color of hers. “Do you like it?” she asked. His eyes finally landed on where she was sitting, curled up on a chair near the tree. He forgot to answer for a moment as he admired the way her white cozy looking sweater fell off one shoulder. She was wearing pajama pants, but they were patterned in squares with the same colors as the tree and she was holding a mug of tea, he assumed.           “Did you do all of this last night or was I just too tired to notice?” he asked as he made his way towards her.          “Last night,” she said, giving him one of her brilliant smiles that could light up the whole room. “I wasn’t sure about it, but then I heard you get home and I thought maybe we could celebrate together. I don’t think it would be as much fun alone.”          “Celebrate what?” He furrowed his brows and looked around again for a clue. There was something vaguely familiar about the decorations, but he couldn’t place the memory.          “Life day,” she said, standing up. “They used to decorate the Jedi temple so much fancier than this. It was like magic every year. I never really understood the holiday, but I remember the way the decorations always made me feel. It was like… like you could forget about the war for awhile and believe in happier things; better things.”          His eyes landed on her again as she dropped her chin and looked down at the floor. “Snips?” he whispered, stepping closer. “Are you okay?”          “Yeah of course,” she whispered, but wiped her eyes anyways.          “You miss being a Jedi,” he said, finally understanding why she always seemed to be holding back. Even though she’d been so sure she wanted to come with him, he shouldn’t have let her. He’d known then that she didn’t really want to leave, but he’d let her words convince him otherwise. His heart sunk a little. “If you want to go back…”          “No!” she said quickly, and he looked at her in surprise.          “But it’s obvious you miss it.” He reached out and set a hand on her shoulder.          “I miss some things,” she admitted. “Would you come back with me?”          “I can’t be a Jedi, Snips, you know that.”          “Then I’m not going back,” she said and crossed her arms.          “Why are you so stubborn?” he sighed and slumped back onto the couch.          “Are you trying to get rid of me?” She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes in annoyance, but he saw the glimmer of tears.          “Of course not, that wasn’t… what I meant.” He rubbed his face. “It’s just that sometimes it feels like you don’t really want to be here, but you stay because you have something to prove or whatever. I don’t want you to leave, but if you’re not happy here… I feel guilty that I must have given you some reason to think you can’t.”          She studied him a moment and he watched her chew on her lip out of the corner of his eye. The longer the silence went on, the more he was convinced she was seconds from walking out of his life, probably for good. When she did turn away, it took every ounce of self-control he had not to fall apart. But he was thankful he’d managed not to, because she bent over, picked something up off the floor near the tree and handed it to him. It was small, so he hadn’t even noticed it sitting there when he’d done his cursory scan of the room.          “What’s this?” he asked in confusion.          “Open it, silly,” was all she said in response as she sat down next to him on the couch and watched him with anticipation.          He glanced at her before finally bringing up his other hand to start untying the glittery ribbon. He wasn’t sure why his hand was shaking, but it was like he could feel the tension building as he slowly pulled apart the knot. She didn’t say anything while he worked on unwrapping it, and finally the paper fell away to reveal… a small box… He noticed the twinkle in her eye, shrugged and lifted off the lid.          At first it didn’t immediately register what he was looking at and then he reached in and picked it up, holding it up in the light. It was so shiny it reflected all the glittering lights she’d strung around the apartment. On the surface it looked like nothing but a very simple gold ring. But it also looked really expensive, which admittedly confused him because without being supported by Sidious’ endless funds anymore, they’d both had to work really hard to earn enough credits to survive.          “What is this?” he cringed a little for repeating his earlier statement.          “Read the inscription,” she said, leaning her head down on his shoulder and absentmindedly watching his hands as he turned the ring over in his fingers.          He brought it up so he could read the inside of the band. You’re stuck with me, Skyguy, it said in a simple but elegant script. He swallowed the lump in his throat.          “I don’t understand…” he trailed off as emotion choked his voice.          “When I first went after you,” she whispered, “everybody told me I was crazy. They all had their reasons to condemn you. They told me you’d never change, and they tried to use me against you.” He swallowed, not really liking the words she was speaking. Maybe it was just the tone, or the memories. “Even my brain tried to tell me not to go. Everything I’d ever been taught my entire life was against it.”          “Then why did you?”          “Because,” she hesitated a moment. “Because when you looked at me… I saw something I didn’t even know I needed. And I think… at least I hope… that you saw the same in me.” She turned her head to bury it in his shoulder. “I don’t stay because you made me think I can’t leave. I stay because I can’t imagine ever being happy anywhere else. It’s like my whole world revolves around you. Who I was before you came into my life just feels so small and empty now. It’s like I didn’t even know what it was like to be alive before I met you. Like I’d only ever been asleep and then you gave me a reason to wake up. I don’t know how to explain it, but it terrifies me.”          “Why?” he choked.          “The Jedi always taught that love was like leaping off a cliff into nothing but darkness. That it was a path of no return; to nothing but evil and suffering. And even though I disagree, I’m scared. I’m scared that if I fully commit to it, there’d be no going back. But at the same time, I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to be that empty shell again; chasing prestige and acceptance or rank,” she breathed. “Everything I’d ever been taught, everything I knew, told me not to go after you. But my heart, my soul, my spirit… it knew I couldn’t stay away.”          “Ahsoka…” He took her face in his hands and kissed her first on the forehead then met her lips.          “I’m sorry I’ve made you wait…”          “I’d wait forever for you,” he breathed, kissing her again and then resting his head against her forehead. “Everything you just said… it’s exactly how I felt about you. You know, except for the Jedi stuff. You had no reason whatsoever to come after me, to trust me, let alone love me and you did anyways. Maybe love is like leaping off a cliff into darkness, but you’ve proven to me that we don’t fall in, we float! Maybe that’s the part the Jedi don’t understand. They’re only looking down; they’re only seeing what’s at the bottom. But you didn’t… you looked up. You looked up when everybody told you not to and you saw the truth and then… you showed it to me.”          “You gave me reason to look up,” she whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes. “Yes, I miss things at the temple, I miss things about being a Jedi, but I can’t go back. If I let go now, I will fall.”          “I’m curious though,” he said finally, reading her eyes. “What does all this have to do with Life Day?”          “Well, I was doing some reading on it and it’s an ancient Wookiee tradition, hardly recognizable nowadays as what it once was. As with most things, humans take alien traditions and turn them into their own thing, usually missing the point of the tradition completely.”           “Hey,” he muttered, and she chuckled.          “Well anyways, the texts say that Wookiees do whatever they can to go home for this day, it’s sacred to them. They chew on orga roots and take a spiritual journey to the Tree of Life. It’s a time to honor each other, those they’ve lost and those they still have. Everything I could find about it was that it’s all about family. And well… I don’t remember my family on Shili. I’m not sure I even remember what having a family is like. But…” She looked up at him. “If it’s anything like being here with you, then I want to honor it.”          It was his turn to feel the tears well in his eyes. Not only had he never before celebrated Life Day, he’d never had a reason to celebrate any holiday. At least not other than the few they’ve tried out since they’d been together. Now he was sure though, every day with her would be a holiday, or he’d make it that way.          “I thought… I thought maybe it was time to make it official. Like you asked me awhile back. So, I… er… bought you a ring. That’s what the holonet said you do when you want to marry someone.” She blushed and looked down, playing with her hands.          “Give me five minutes,” he said, leaping up and running into the bathroom to dive into the shower. He knew he’d left her there confused, but he didn’t want to wait a second longer if she was finally ready.           Once he’d dressed, he hadn’t put on anything fancy, really. Just something casual like what she’d been wearing because why not? It wasn’t like you were marrying someone’s clothes anyways. He opened the drawer near his bed and dug into the back, pulling out the ring he’d bought for her a long time ago. He shoved it in his pocket and headed back into the living room. She was still standing there holding the ring she’d gotten for him, like she hadn’t known where to go or what to do. She raised a brow at him, and he flashed her a smile.          “Come on,” he said, reaching his hand out to her.          “Where are we going?” she asked but took his hand anyways.          “Kashyyyk!”          “But we’re not Wookiees,” she giggled a little, but still followed him into the ship.          “Oh really, Snips? I hadn’t noticed.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she laughed harder.          “We’re both wearing pajamas,” she said finally, struggling to stifle her laughter.          “It’s perfect, think about it. As soon as we’re done, we can crawl into bed.” He winked at her. She blushed and looked down at her hands again, but he noticed a difference this time. There hadn’t been fear. Maybe she didn’t really know what it meant or how it would go, but she wanted it. He smiled to himself. Maybe a long time ago, he’d once thought bedding her would be the culmination of their relationship, now… it was just the icing on the top. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in the physical part, but knowing they were about to turn this past couple years of pure love and joy into a promise… admittedly it was something he’d never believed he’d be lucky enough to know after being captured and enslaved by the Sith.           Maybe she’d gotten him a ring for Life Day, but the true gift she’d given to him was in its namesake; a second chance at life. He swore right then and there, he’d never squander it. He pulled the lever to jump them into hyperspace and then reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers. She rubbed them softly, deep in thought.          Neither of them spoke, they just waited in comfortable silence until the computer beeped that they’d arrived. He wasn’t sure what exactly his plan was by coming to Kashyyyk, but he’d acted on impulse. Life day was their holiday, and maybe it was rude and insensitive to assume they’d be kind to outsiders interrupting their celebrations. It had made sense in his head when the idea had first entered his brain.          “Stay close,” he said, after they landed and exited the ship. It was only then he realized Ahsoka hadn’t even put on shoes before he’d led her onto the ship. Well, he’d carry her if it came to that. “I’m not sure how happy they’ll be that we’re here.”          “You just now thought of that?” she murmured, and he smiled in spite of himself.          “Well…” She elbowed him and he stumbled a little. “Hey now.”          A couple Wookiee guards came forward and growled. Then proceeded to tell them that they didn’t like outsiders. Before he could say anything in response, Ahsoka set a hand on his arm.          “Is Chewbacca here?” she asked in their language. The guards looked at each other and then pointed up at one of the huts built into the trees nearby. She then proceeded to thank them and took his hand, leading him in the direction the guards had pointed.          “Who is Chewbacca?” he asked.          “An old friend,” she said thoughtfully. “I’m not sure if he’ll remember me, but I thought at least giving them a name might give us a better chance of getting in.”          “You are full of surprises, you know that?” he muttered, but smiled to himself.          “I like to keep you guessing.”          “You certainly do that,” he laughed. “Come here.” He gestured for her to climb onto his back so he could carry her through the underbrush. He liked the way she felt, holding him so tight with her arms around his neck. As he climbed the endless number of stairs up the tree where she directed him, he thought about their relationship thus far. He loved the spontaneity of it. That every time they tried to do something according to a tradition or a holiday, that they completely failed to celebrate it as it was meant to be celebrated. In fact, he couldn’t recall anything normal about their relationship. But really, how many Sith and Jedi falling in love stories did they have to set a baseline of what it was supposed to be like?          Honestly, it didn’t really matter though if it made sense to anyone else. He loved it just the way it was, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. While most of the people on Coruscant might be celebrating Life Day by feasting, singing or whatever else people actually did on holidays; they were on the Wookiee homeworld about to ask someone that might not even remember her to marry them in their pajamas. Normal was overrated anyways, he shook his head.           He thought about how hard he’d tried to convince her before that the only thing that really mattered was purpose. And how the only thing he’d ever strived for was freedom, when in reality… all he’d ever wanted was to live. To go through life like it was an adventure. To have someone by his side to share it with. It was almost laughable that he’d ever imagined the former queen of Naboo would be doing something this crazy and spontaneous with him, even if she’d wanted anything to do with him.           He squashed it out. Maybe his life hadn’t started out how he’d planned. Maybe he’d never gotten all the things he’d craved. Maybe he’d lost so much and suffered so much… but… having Ahsoka right here, right now, in this crazy adventure with him… he wouldn’t go so far as to say it made his past okay, but it did make it bearable. And it made his future…possible. Which was more than he’d ever thought could happen.          He put her down when they made it to the place they thought the guards had pointed to. “You sure this is it?” he asked nervously.          “Yeah,” she said, walking towards the door and knocking. Admittedly he wasn’t sure if he should attack or relax when a giant fuzzy furball grabbed Ahsoka and pulled her into a tight hug, and then seconds later hugged him too. He coughed a little when he was finally released, gasping for breath. “Hi Chewie! Sorry to bother you on your sacred holiday but we were wondering if you might do us a favor?”          The wookiee she’d called Chewie beckoned them inside and talked animatedly in their language of low growls and guttural sounds. After she’d introduced them, she told him why they were there. He didn’t understand everything that the Wookiee said, but he was pretty sure he’d gotten excited, which was confirmed a moment later when he pulled him close and rubbed his knuckle across his scalp. He tried to ignore the pain and smiled up at him.          “Is that a yes?” he asked.          “I think so,” Ahsoka laughed in response.          “Glad he approves.” He rolled his eyes.          “Why wouldn’t he?”          “I don’t know,” he muttered as they were led out onto the balcony. Chewbacca was joined by what he assumed was a female wookiee and a cub and he smiled again. This was all so strange and new, but… Sidious had hated aliens. Believing humans were the superior race, but he disagreed. He’d grown up on Tatooine which had been a melting pot of alien races. And while many of them had been scum and despicable, there’d been plenty that weren’t that bad either. So, despite Sidious’ best effort to convince him of human superiority, he was now about to marry an alien by aliens. Take that, old man, he scoffed to himself.           When he took her hands and met her eyes, he was instantly lost in the way they sparkled in the firelight as the day slid to dusk. Admittedly he struggled to focus on what Chewbacca was saying because all his attention was on her and her alone. She blushed at something the wookiee had said and he admired the way her montral stripes darkened. Then she looked down and he barely registered the way she expertly slipped the ring on his fourth finger. It was hard for him to tear his attention from her face, but he finally looked down and pulled out the ring he’d stuffed in his pocket earlier.          She watched him in anticipation as he opened it, took it carefully and put it on her finger. He saw the tears well in her eyes as she brought it up to admire the delicate diamond shape covered in glittering jewels. Chewbacca said something else and she leapt into his arms, tightening her arms around his neck and kissing him hard.          The tears leaked down his cheeks before he could stop them, and she brushed them away. If marriage was considered the beginning of a relationship, he never wanted it to end. He hoped it would feel like this every second of every day for the rest of their lives. He pulled her closer as if they were molding more than their bodies, but their souls as well.          “I love you,” she breathed. “You’re my true family.”          “I love you too,” he whispered. She smiled and he forgot about everything else.          “Happy Life Day.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“So where do you want to go for our honeymoon, Snips?” he asked when they settled back into the cockpit of their ship. He didn’t want to push her, but he’d also waited so long for them to finalize their relationship. And they’d just done it, albeit in probably the most random way ever. But he liked their spontaneity. He liked that everything they did was uniquely theirs.           “I don’t know,” she murmured. “Where would you want to go?”          He studied her out of the corner of his eye. She was still wearing her pajamas, but she looked so good in them, he wondered if they’d even make it to a destination first. But he found himself suddenly fascinated with her, not that he wasn’t already. But it was more about the alien side of her. She acted so human, probably because of the way she was raised, but what else lived in there? What was she like underneath all those Jedi teachings? Was she a wild animal in an uncivilized world? What little he knew about togruta was that their species were predators, they relied heavily on hunting, and it was sacred to them. He’d heard her disappear a few times saying she wanted to go hunt, but what did that mean for her?          And did she have any desire to know herself better? The way he wanted to know her? She’d said she didn’t know her family, but surely some still lived? As much as he loved all the things she’d said about them being family, he had the sudden urge to go looking for hers. Or maybe he just missed his.          “I want to go to Shili,” he said suddenly. She looked up at him in surprise.           “What? Why?” He was confused by her almost anxious response, like she didn’t at all want to go there.          “I want to know you better,” he said thoughtfully, tipping his head to the side. “Inside and outside the bedroom.”          She blushed furiously and looked down at her fingers. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Shili, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have hotels, or motels or inns or anything like that.”          “How exciting, no walls to contain us!” he smirked. She looked like she barely smiled as all humor faded between them. “What’s the matter?”          “I just… I don’t know anything about my kind or my family or anything. And I never liked that part of me. Why isn’t this enough for you?” She looked up at him, her eyes bright but watery.          “Ahsoka,” he whispered. “You are enough, everything you are, is more than I could ever have asked for. If you don’t want to go to Shili we don’t have to. I just thought, it might be fun to see the place you grew up, get to know…” He sighed, not really knowing how to explain it and still unsure if he should even push it based on her reaction. But he really did want to go, what was she so scared of? “Everything, I guess,” he finished finally. “Sorry I brought it up.” Maybe she was ashamed to introduce him to her family…          He started setting the nav for Rendili instead, figuring they could just go back to their apartment first and maybe actually pack first and plan it out. He didn’t know why he was so disappointed she didn’t want to go find her family and stuff, but maybe it was because they’d be his family too now, and it wasn’t that she wasn’t enough but… he didn’t even know. He pulled the lever to jump and then shook his head, getting up and leaving the room. She didn’t say anything to him when he left.           Despite all their time together, sometimes it still felt like there were brick walls between them. Maybe he’d known they wouldn’t just disappear the moment they got married, but he’d hoped they’d be easier to open or circumvent or something. He didn’t know what else to do to make them work, maybe that was the other reason he’d thought to seek out her family. Maybe if he could make a good impression with them, maybe if they approved, maybe she’d feel better about their relationship. Maybe she’d finally relax into it. She kept saying she wanted to be with him, but it didn’t always feel that way. Was that just what relationships were like? It’s not like he had any experience either.          So much of their relationship seemed to have centered around helping each other out of the respective situations, it almost felt like now, that they just plain didn’t work without any good reason for them to be together. There was nothing to strive for, they’d dropped into nothing but just surviving, just existing. Drifting between jobs and his occasional call to go deal with another one of Sidious’ messes. It was like, if the galaxy didn’t depend on it, they had no reason to be together. It was a weird thought, but he didn’t really know what else to think about it.           Sure, they had chemistry, insane chemistry if he were honest, and they both did seem to love each other but it was like some big chunk of what a relationship was supposed to be, they didn’t have. Some of that could easily be explained away as the lack of experience on both sides. She was raised as a Jedi; they certainly didn’t encourage relationships. And he was raised by a single mom first, so it wasn’t like he had any healthy examples to watch growing up. And then yeah… which Sith actually had a devoted partner or cared about good, long-lasting relationships? But even trying so hard to spark that romance with silly holiday shenanigans and watching movies and reading up on it, things were just… lacking.           Maybe he’d hoped that answer could be found on Shili. If there was even the smallest chance her parents were still alive and still together… maybe, they could help them figure it out. But what did he know? He certainly hadn’t expected her to react like that to going home.          He dropped onto his bed, not in the mood to tinker right now. He absentmindedly played with the new ring on his finger for awhile before finally taking it off and rolling it around in his fingers, stopping occasionally to run a finger over the inscription and read it to himself. Some wedding night this was turning into. He’d settle for them just cuddling or something, but they’d probably just spend the night in separate rooms like they do every other night. He should be used to it by now.           He slid the ring back on his finger and rolled over to face the wall. Was he pushing her too far? Why was there so much she was still scared of? He really didn’t understand it at all. He’d tried to be patient and understanding, he tried to respect her boundaries and do everything right, and it still felt like she just kept pulling away. Like if he didn’t know any better, he’d wonder if he was somehow holding her hostage.           He either got lost in his thoughts or he’d dozed off, because he jumped a bit when she knocked on his door sometime later. “Hmm?” he asked, rubbing his head.          “We’re here,” she said simply and disappeared. He froze, there was no way he’d been out long enough for them to get back to Rendili. He stumbled out of bed and headed towards the loading ramp. For a second, he just stared around in confusion wondering if he had actually fallen asleep and was dreaming now. Everything was so colorful, even in the darkening skies of evening. The hanger was like no other he’d ever seen. It had the bare minimum in the way of technology, but stone or mud clay walls with thatched roofing encircling the open center. Which ironically made him first wonder how many fires they’d had, given how close engines probably got to the dry grassy material.           Despite the seemingly primitive way it was built, it looked sturdy and was decorated in painted murals, hanging banners of every hue, baskets of pretty flowers, comfy looking seating and various tools.           He glanced at Ahsoka. She was standing a little way away, her arms across her body like she was uncomfortable or cold. She was shuffling her still bare feet and looking down. “I told you, we didn’t have to if you didn’t want to,” he said softly, moving towards her.           She wiped her eye and looked away. “I just… the other kids were scared of me growing up. They thought I was some kind of savage beast, no matter what I did, they never really liked me. I tried so hard to prove to them that just because I was a hunter species didn’t mean I was going to hurt them. But it never mattered. I’ve spent years denying this part of me, hating everything that made me not like them. And then you just want to come here and make me be it again. What if you hate it too?”          “There is no reality where that’s possible,” he breathed, pulling her into his arms. “Man, the Jedi really did a number on you.” Though the last part was more to himself, even if he knew she heard it. “I’m just fascinated by all that you are, but I realized, there’s so much I still don’t know. And now that we’re married, I thought it would be fun to get to know the rest of those parts, but if you’re really that uncomfortable, we can go home. Just say the words.”          “But I felt your disappointment before when I didn’t want to,” she complained.          “Well yeah, of course I’m disappointed because no matter what a bunch of stupid kids said, this is part of you, and it felt like you just slammed that door in my face. But it’s not worth pushing for if it causes you that much pain.”          “I want to share it, I’m just scared,” she sighed. “And it’s worse that I don’t remember much of anything here, least of all my family or even what part of the planet I’m from.”          “Come on,” he said, reaching out for her hand. But instead of leading her out of the hanger, he just took her back up the ramp of their ship.           “Where are we going?” she asked in confusion.          “To bed,” he said simply.          “Oh.” He didn’t even have to see her face to know she’d blushed yet again. Too bad she didn’t really know that was the furthest thing from his mind right now. He was just suddenly so exhausted and didn’t want to face anymore weirdness today. He felt her hesitate a bit when they got to the door to his room and he turned around and scooped her up, carrying her the rest of the way.           He put her down on the bed and told her to scoot over. Then he pulled off his shirt, kicked off his shoes and climbed in next to her. Once he got comfortable, he pulled her back into his arms and just sighed. She seemed to relax when she realized this was as far as it was going right now. They laid there for a long time before he finally released his hold and rolled onto his back. He felt her shift like she was looking to see why he’d let go.           “You’re still scared of me,” he whispered finally.           “I’m not,” she replied stubbornly.          He brought his hands up to rub his face. “What are we doing, Snips?” he muttered finally. “I’ve heard the words we say to each other, but what we do doesn’t match it. We just got married for kriff’s sake and it still feels like something’s wrong. No matter what I do, you’re always pulling away. You seem to want it then you don’t. You say you want to be here, but it never feels that way. I’m at my wits end, I don’t know what else to do! It just feels like everything that made us anything died with Sidious. So, tell me the truth, do you really want to be with me, or was getting close to me a means to an end? The rest of this is just pretend? Did the Jedi convince you to spy on me or something? Or expect you to keep me distracted or out of their hair?”          “No, not at all,” she said. She sounded truthful, but he didn’t know anymore. He really wouldn’t put it past them to hope she’d keep him busy and out of their way. Wouldn’t even be the first time they used her to mess with him. He exhaled in frustration and rolled away from her. She didn’t seem like the type to keep up a deception on that scale for so long, but after the people he’d grown up around… it wasn’t exactly impossible. For all he knew, the marriage thing could have been orders from them because they were worried he was slipping away.          He closed his eyes and tried to shut off his brain so he could go to sleep tonight. Somehow, they had to find her parents, then maybe he could use that as an excuse to just leave when no one was looking. It didn’t really feel like there was a reason for him to stay anymore. And he definitely didn’t want the Jedi spying on him.          He felt her roll over towards him. He felt her fingers run down his arm, but he ignored it. “Anakin?” she whispered, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t want them to be over, but it really didn’t feel like they were anything anymore. It made him wonder just how desperate he’d been during the war. How he’d allowed himself to be so completely consumed by her he couldn’t see there was really nothing there. Which was weird, because at the time it had felt like they had everything. But they were also running for their lives, trying to escape everything holding them back. Trying to… live, he supposed. Maybe people do stupid things in those scenarios. Like completely commit to the wrong person…          She squeezed him slightly on the arm and then sighed and laid down, letting her hand drop to the bed. It felt like she sort of tried to cuddle into his back, but it still felt so distant. Or the distance was his fault this time. Even with that thought, he couldn’t bring himself to roll over and hold her or apologize. He had a feeling if he did, it would just feel like holding smoke. Grasping at a dream that was long gone. —-           She woke up in the morning to an empty bed. It hurt but it wasn’t exactly unexpected. She rolled onto her back and tried to massage her forehead. She hated this! She didn’t know why she couldn’t do anything right. Or even why she still kept resisting. She knew she wanted to be with him, her entire soul wanted to be here, but every time they tried to move closer, this weird fear just took over. It was so awful she’d just completely freeze up, afraid to follow through. She didn’t know what was causing it but now he’d called her out on it, and she felt nothing but guilt and shame.           She’d hoped that by getting married, that by taking that next step, it would kind of jump start her brain or something, reset it or trick it. Maybe that had been completely stupid. But he had every reason to be angry with her, even if he was wrong about the order being involved. She’d only talked to master Kenobi once since they’d left Mandalore, and while he’d broached the subject Anakin just suggested, she’d flat out refused. She wasn’t going to be their spy and she wasn’t going to hold him back from living the life he deserved after so much suffering. But then apparently… she’d been doing that anyways, just a different way.           It wasn’t that every reason they should be together had died with his master, but… admittedly she’d been struggling with finding a new sense of purpose since then. And also, maybe the realization that despite how dramatically they’d entered into each other’s lives, and how quickly they’d become a thing, she really didn’t know him at all. He was so closed off, she feared asking him anything. And over the time they’d been together, their focus had turned to making money and trying to survive and occasionally they’d do fun things together, but somehow none of those things really gave any clues to what he was like or the things he liked to do. And he’d certainly never asked her about any of her own interests or anything. At least not until his sudden unexpected need to come to Shili.          And somehow that was far scarier than just talking things through with him. Because what the kriff did she know about herself? What if he hated it as much as she did? What if he wanted nothing to do with her after that? But then again, she was losing him anyways… though losing him out of fear of going further seemed less bad than losing him because he hated a part of herself that she couldn’t change.          She sighed and sat up, surprised to see a stack of things on the shelf next to the bed. She’d only noticed them because they were so bright in comparison to the rest of his room. She reached out and picked up the folded fabric on top, holding it up. Then she picked up the other one and unearthed a pair of sandals. She dropped her arms on the clothes and nearly started crying. Despite everything, he’d still gone out and bought her a new outfit, so she no longer had to live in her pajamas. She felt so horribly undeserving.           She trudged her way to the bathroom and took a quick shower, changing into the clothes he’d brought her. Then she checked the cockpit to see if he was there before heading down the ramp outside. Fears or not, she owed it to him to share this with him, provided he hadn’t just given up on her and left to explore alone. Though considering that he’d come back to bring her clothes, that would be odd.           She wandered around for awhile feeling distinctly out of place, despite being surrounded by so many that looked more like her. She got increasingly uncomfortable the more of them that seemed to stare, wondering why they even noticed her in the crowd. Was it so obvious she wasn’t like them? Even with her own brightly colored skin and montrals and lekku? She shivered a little feeling like she was back at the temple trying to fit in. She felt no more at home here than she had there.           She almost lost her nerve and went back to the ship, but then just as she was about to turn around, she saw him up ahead. He was talking to a young man sitting behind a market stand. While it didn’t look like they both understood each other very well, the man seemed to be giving him directions. At least that’s what the hand gestures looked like from where she was standing anyways. What was he even getting directions for?           The man looked up suddenly and pointed at her, speaking very quickly and animatedly. Anakin nodded and looked in her direction too. She rolled her lips and started moving towards them, feeling this weird dread as she got closer, especially with the way her husband was watching her. She didn’t have a chance to ask what it was about before the shopkeeper jumped up and ran a circle around her, talking so fast she hardly caught a word he said.           Then out of nowhere he pulled out a little holodevice and dialed a number. This time he was actually speaking the native language, so her not understanding anything made sense. But she’d frozen as soon as the small figure of another man had appeared above the device. Her heart started racing when the shop keeper handed the device to her and now, she was face to face with the man he’d called.           “My de’he’ren!” he exclaimed. Tears started streaming down her face before she could stop them. “Do not cry, child! Your mother and I are on our way.” She couldn’t even speak as the man hung up and she just dropped to her knees and wept, still holding the device like she expected him to reappear at any moment. So that was her father? It must have been. He’d sounded so excited, she wished she could say she was too. But suddenly all of this felt too real, and she was lightheaded. Or she hadn’t eaten in awhile, that was possible too.          She felt Anakin’s arm around her waist, and she was hoisted to her feet. Someone handed her a piece of meat on a stick that smelled insanely delicious, and she took a bite. Even though the crying had stuffed her up, the food tasted so good, she fought trying to breathe just so she could eat. She couldn’t even think as she was led around, just confused by all the strange emotions washing through her. How had he found her parents so quickly? How were they still alive? How long would it take to come get them? How much would she disappoint them? Her father had sounded so happy, so excited to see her, she was terrified of letting him down. Of not being the child, they wanted. Of not fitting in here either.           And what about Anakin? How would they feel about him? How much did they know about the Jedi, the Sith or the war? Would they approve of their relationship? Or their marriage? Or was he hoping to leave her here so he could go? Was that why he’d wanted to go to Shili so bad? Based on the things he’d said last night, it seemed like he was already frustrated and done with her.          “Ahsoka!” She snapped to attention and looked around. Anakin was sitting next to her, but it didn’t seem like he was the one that had spoken. How much time had passed since she first talked to her father? How long had she been drowning in her thoughts?          She stood up, but the two people running towards her blurred between a fresh rush of tears. She didn’t get a good look at either of them before she was pulled into their arms. She wondered if she’d ever be able to do anything besides cry again, she didn’t even know why she was crying. Maybe the culmination of the past few years had finally caught up with her. Maybe she’d had no idea how weak and pathetic and scared she really was. She felt like a child again in their arms, despite being twenty now. It had been sixteen years since she’d seen them, she could barely recall a memory and yet, in their arms this all felt too familiar. Like she should know it and didn’t.           She finally blinked up, trying to see through her salty tears and blurred vision. She looked most like her father, though… that was probably because her mother was human. And suddenly she understood why she never felt like she belonged anywhere. Her mom pulled her into another tight hug, stroking the back of her lekku so lovingly she nearly broke down again. It wasn’t until she heard her father speak that any sense the rest of the world still existed came back to her.           She turned around to see him reach out a hand to Anakin. She felt so suddenly weird and awkward, like she had no idea how to explain him or their relationship to her parents. Or maybe it was just the realization that conventional terms didn’t cut it. Maybe that’s why they’d been struggling, nothing about their relationship was normal, not that she really knew what a normal relationship should be. But how do you explain to two people who haven’t lived the life you have, seen the things you’ve seen, how you can so completely bond with someone you know nothing about? How you can feel like this person is your entire world or future or whatever, and not even know their favorite color? Maybe that was why she was struggling so much to open up to him, it wasn’t for lack of love, but lack of knowledge.           Despite all that they’d conquered together, their relationship… well, it was weird to say but wasn’t very friendly or companionable. It was more flirts and teasing and doing goofy things together, but no real… comfortableness, safety, certainty. They were married, but they weren’t even friends. Not in the normal sense of that word anyways. What a weird life.           “I know who you are,” her mom said, stiffly extending out a hand to shake Anakin’s. But even as she did so, she held her protectively close. “I don’t approve of your choices, but what matters to me most is how you treat my daughter.” She was surprised by the ripple of tension she felt go through her mom. She looked up at her nervously. She didn’t look very big or even really that intimidating, and yet, her words were an obvious threat. Something that hinted that if he overstepped himself here, he would pay for it. She rolled her lips in concern. She didn’t know exactly what that meant, but she had this feeling it would be better not to cross her.           “She’s my wife,” Anakin said, as if he’d been riled by her mom’s words. “I think she already made her choice. Even if you disapprove.”          “I’m watching you,” her mom replied instead. “This was just a warning.”          “Yadi, let our daughter breathe a bit,” her father said, stepping between them. Her mom suddenly released her shoulders that she also hadn’t noticed how her grip had tightened on them. “It’s so good to have you home, de’he’ren,” he continued, stepping up to her other side. “You and your ke’leh will be happily welcomed into the village. I feel as though there will be stories for many moons. I hope you plan to stay awhile.”          “Uh, I don’t know,” she said nervously, glancing at Anakin. “But we can talk about it later.” Her parents swept her along, but she couldn’t stop glancing over her shoulder afraid that one of the times she’d look, he’d no longer be following them. As it was, he had his hands in his front shirt pocket and was walking with his head down. While she appreciated her mom’s protectiveness, she also felt this distinct unease that she was somehow going to be forced to choose between them, and she didn’t know how she possibly could. Her mom had seemed like she was being civil at first, but her threat was clear. She didn’t approve and she made sure he knew that. If he was already losing interest in her, how much would it take for him to give up completely?          And finally, she couldn’t stand it anymore and ducked out of her parents’ grip, moving back to Anakin’s side and slipping her arm through his. Everything was weird right now, but… she didn’t want to lose him even if she was doing everything wrong. As happy as she was to be reunited with her family, her mom had put her on edge about just how tolerant or welcoming they’d be. They might be her original family, but Anakin was her family too, and she wanted to be damn sure they knew that.          Her father had a neutral expression when she looked up at their faces again. His features were softer, as though he were making no judgements, he’d simply turned around to acknowledge where she’d gone off to. Her mother, while mostly neutral too, clearly swept her gaze up and down them, and showed maybe for the briefest moment in her softer blue eyes, a bit of distaste at what she was looking at. If she knew who Anakin was, then she’d clearly been following the news of the war. But even as she thought that she was suddenly sure there was more to it than that. Like her mom had more reason to disapprove of him than just the things the news reported on.           Their eyes lingered on them a few moments longer before they fell in step with them. Her mom next to her and her dad next to Anakin. She didn’t pay as close of attention as she should have as they were led through the tall grasslands, but it seemed as though they’d walked a long distance without ever passing another person or any sign of civilization. And then suddenly they stepped through this almost wall of it, into a huge opening full of colorful huts and equally colorful people and decorations. It was such a shocking contrast to seemingly hours of nothing, that she froze in her tracks and forced Anakin to stop too.          When she finally peeled her eyes off the scene, she looked up at her husband, surprised to see him watching her instead. “Welcome home, Snips,” he whispered. She furrowed her brow.          “This isn’t my home,” she said, confused by the weird feelings going through her. “It’s just a place I once lived.” She moved closer to him, not wanting him to think he could just disappear now because he’d escorted her ‘home’ or something. “Don’t leave me,” she croaked.           He stared at her intensely for a moment and then seemed to soften. “I wouldn’t.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“As I was saying,” her dad continued, coming back to where they’d stopped on the edge of the clearing. “Unfortunately, we don’t have any empty huts right now since we just had a new family move in. But I can gather some men to start building and you should have a passable shelter by nightfall.”          “I’ll build it,” he said stubbornly, letting go of Ahsoka long enough to move over to the nearest hut and inspect how it was constructed. They didn’t really look that complicated; the hardest part would be gathering the materials. While most of the huts were made of the tall sturdy grass around them, the frame seemed to be made of wood. Considering how few trees they’d passed on the way here; he had no idea where to get that much of it. But he also didn’t want to ask for help. He just wanted to get to work. It wasn’t the usual things he liked to build, but how hard could it be, really?            He took Ahsoka’s hand and marched her through the village asking her where she wanted their hut to be. Her father followed behind telling them about the local landscape and where he could get some of the materials. But it also looked as though wherever they had to build it would have to be cleared first. They finally agreed they both wanted it to be near the river and he pulled off his jacket and went to work ripping up the grass and setting it aside for later. He waved off everybody that offered to help including her, because he was adamant he was going to do this himself. He didn’t know why it was so important to him, but it was.           He didn’t really know why Ahsoka was so scared of everything nowadays, considering how she’d easily faced the most evil being in the galaxy and survived, but it was like every time he looked at her, there were more fears racing through her eyes. Apparently, she’d felt his thoughts to leave her here and had immediately begged him not to go. He didn’t know why he gave into her so easily, especially given how unwelcoming her mother had been. But for now, he supposed, he’d try to give them another chance. He did appreciate her coming back to be with him on their walk here, even if that seemed to bother her mom. But he’d spoken the truth to her, Ahsoka had chosen him, and even if he wasn’t sure why given how weird everything was right now, her mom didn’t get to disapprove. It was Ahsoka’s choice, not hers. So much for hoping these people would be his family too.          He set the structure boundaries back away from the other huts to give them some privacy. Perhaps that wasn’t very communal of him, but if he was going to stop and build a damn house for them here, he wanted it to be comfortable for his tastes too. Once the land was ready and the holes were dug, he went searching for the wood needed to build the frame of the hut. He was in and out of the village all afternoon, gathering supplies and putting everything together. He didn’t really talk to anyone, and he’d more than once felt people staring, but he didn’t care, they could think what they wanted about him being antisocial.           He finally got to lashing the grass together for the roof just as it started getting dark. He was thirsty and tired and hadn’t eaten all day, but he was determined to finish this tonight. Not just because they needed a place to sleep but it felt like he somehow had to prove to them that he could take care of her. Though he wasn’t really sure why it mattered anymore.          He finally finished securing the grass pieces to the structure above and stepped back to admire his hard work. There was a lot more he wanted to do to make it more of a home, but it would work for now. Ahsoka stepped up beside him, offering him a plate of food and something to drink. He thanked her and sat down on the step of their new hut to eat. She stood there awkwardly watching him.           “You know you didn’t have to do it alone,” she whispered.          “I know,” he replied simply, swallowing the mouthful of food he’d practically inhaled. It seemed like there was more she wanted to say but looked down instead. He shrugged and set the dishes to the side. Her parents came over a few minutes later with handfuls of furs, blankets and pillows.          “Quite impressive,” her father murmured, looking it over, then patting him softly on the shoulder. “You’re quite the craftsman, Ahsoka says you seem to enjoy working with your hands. You’ll fit right in here. Hopefully these will make you comfortable enough to get through the night, tomorrow we can help make some furniture for you.”          “Thank you,” Ahsoka said, as though she didn’t expect him to say it. He nodded in agreement but decided not to repeat her words. He picked up the things they’d brought over and took them inside, piling them on the floor. Halfway through he changed his mind and split them into two stacks to make them separate beds. He figured she’d be more comfortable with that even if he didn’t like it. He decided not to go back out and just stretched out on one of them and stared up at the wooden beams and the thatched roofing.           His plan to bring Ahsoka here with the hope that her parents might make her more comfortable with their relationship seemed to have completely backfired. Honestly, he felt like an idiot for not even considering they’d just flat out not like him. Her father was being polite and diplomatic, but he didn’t like her mom. Probably because she didn’t like him either. This was going to be a fun vacation or whatever it was. He rolled his eyes.           He wasn’t sure how long he laid there before Ahsoka finally came inside. He saw her look around, sigh and then sit on the other bed, dropping her face in her hands. “The hut is beautiful,” she said finally, though it sounded like she’d had to build herself up a lot just to say that.           “Thank you,” he muttered.           “I… er…” she sighed again. “I love you,” she croaked. “I know you think I don’t, but I do.”          He turned his head to look at her and she only kept eye contact for a moment before looking down nervously. “I love you, too,” he said finally, but then rolled onto his side with his back to her. He didn’t know if it was the truth anymore, but he felt guilty just leaving her hanging like that. He wanted to still love her, but he didn’t know why everything suddenly felt so… wrong.           “Well, um, goodnight, I guess.” It sounded like she was holding back tears. Part of him wanted to reach for her but the other part won, and he didn’t answer. He didn’t know what was going on anymore. He mostly felt confusion, and fear, and… lost maybe.           She was gone when he got up in the morning. He just shrugged and got back to work on the hut, figuring she was just spending the time with her parents. Probably whining about everything she didn’t think she could say to him. Whatever, if that was what she needed. A couple of the men came over and showed him how to connect to the sewer system and get running water inside the hut for a toilet and a shower. He was surprised considering how they were out in the middle of nowhere that they had any kind of sophistication in that manner. He walled off a small portion of the hut to be a tiny bathroom and then went to work building the bed. He’d originally planned to build two and even half thought about building two smaller ones side by side that could be pulled apart if necessary. But then he’d gotten frustrated with the idea and just built one that was large enough to share but also keep their distance from each other if necessary.           He also cut out a high, but small window in the bathroom for ventilation and a larger one in the direction of the river with a shutter that could be dropped for privacy and weather protection. He also built a door, despite the fact that all the other huts seemed to use just a hanging fur cloth. When he’d satisfied himself with the basics, he decided to head back to the ship to get some other stuff. They might not care that much about technology, but he did. He wasn’t really big on just living off the land and since he knew he could build things to improve their lives, he might as well. He also brought back the mattresses from the ship because the grassy pad they’d slept on even underneath furs, wasn’t going to cut it long term. Was it so wrong to want a little bit of luxury even out in the middle of nowhere?          Truthfully, he didn’t even know why he was going to so much effort for this, because he really had no idea how long they’d be staying, or rather… he’d be staying. But he supposed the least he could do for her was set her up nice here so she wasn’t fully at the mercy of her parents. It was late afternoon when he finally took a break and realized once again, he hadn’t eaten most of the day. But weirder still, despite all his times in and out of the hut and around the village, he couldn’t recall seeing her even once. He knew she hadn’t taken the ship because he’d been to it several times today, so where the kriff had she gone?           He wandered the village for a bit but could only find her mom. Sighing, he headed towards her. “Where’s Ahsoka?” he asked.          “I don’t know,” her mom replied. “I haven’t seen her at all today.” He turned to go, not wanting to really engage with her without her dad or Ahsoka around. He figured all he’d do was piss her off. “Wait a minute,” she called after him. He sighed and stopped walking. “Can I talk to you inside?”          He took a deep breath and tried to steel himself for the inevitable. How great that he’d wanted to come to Shili just to be cut down by her parents. He rolled his eyes and turned around, following her inside.          Her parent’s hut was small but cluttered. They stepped past a divider between the entrance and the bed area. And her mom turned around. “Skywalker, right? You were a Sith?”          “My name is Anakin,” he said, trying to resist grinding his teeth together. “And yes, I was a Sith, but I’m not anymore.”          “Then what are you?”          “I’m a person,” he said, echoing things he’d been trying to convince people of his entire life. Why could people not understand that whatever kriffing title or whoever he was working for shouldn’t get to define him.          Her mom narrowed her eyes at him. “I can see that. I meant-”          “What is my affiliation? If you had actually seen that I’m a person, then you would’ve asked the proper question,” he said in annoyance, wishing he could escape this situation, and regretting even asking her about Ahsoka’s whereabouts and even potentially coming to Shili altogether.          “Don’t get smart with me, son,” she snapped. Well at least he could see where Ahsoka got her fire from, even if he liked this flavor much less.          “You said you wanted to talk, but all you’re doing is interrogating me. Am I under arrest? Are you going to call the Jedi on me? What do you want?” he scowled, feeling the tension rising.           “I want to know what your intentions are with my daughter!” She crossed her arms. “But all I’m seeing is a childish young man with an attitude and a lack of respect. You claim you’re not a Sith anymore, but I can still feel your darkness. It’s a miracle you haven’t corrupted her already.”          He stared at her a moment as the true root of her hostility was suddenly brought to light. Or at least to the surface. He hadn’t given it any thought before but now he felt her in the force. The game just completely changed.          “You were a Jedi,” he said, his voice low. “So you want to know my intentions? You want to know if I’m still the enemy? No wonder you treated me like shit the moment I showed up. Well, I’ll tell you. But first, I’m going to tell you all the ways your precious order broke down every ounce of confidence and potential she had. I’m going to tell you about the lost girl I found fighting a war, who was never trusted, believed in or even guided to the answers she sought. I’m going to tell you about the way they held her back, used her as a pawn and threw her out, but just like every other Jedi out there, you’ll ignorantly go on believing I’m just an evil Sith telling lies.”          Every muscle in his body tightened as the yellow lightsaber was brought suddenly in front of his face. He’d felt it coming, he’d known she’d draw it on him. But despite the threatening manner with which she did, he kept his arms at his side and stared her down.           “I don’t give a damn if you’re some chosen one,” she growled. “Ahsoka is my daughter, and I will protect her, even from you.”          He tipped his head ever so slightly watching her twitch at the movement. “Where were you when the order sentenced her to death? Hiding out here on Shili, hoping she’d find her way home? I doubt they would have even bothered to send you her body. Where were you when her master abandoned her in a cave and left her to die? Where were you when he chased a target leaving her alone with me, the enemy, as barely just a padawan that didn’t even know how to hold both her lightsabers right? You’re not protecting her from anything.” He could feel the pressure in the room rising. He knew he was increasing the tension, he knew he was goading her. But suddenly he wanted to fight her, bring her down a few notches, prove to her how weak the Jedi really are. He took a step closer and the lightsaber moved to his neck. “I freed her. She’s alive because of me.”          “You’re corrupting her, I can feel your darkness spreading through her. She had so much ahead of her, and you destroyed it!”          “You don’t know her at all! You don’t know her like I do. You don’t know how the council treated her, how little they cared about her. I did. I saved her, I trained her, I loved her. They threw her out with the trash and you defend them. You don’t care about your daughter, you just don’t like that a Sith cared more about her than all of you combined.” She looked hurt and then set her jaw, he tensed for what was coming. His fingers curled as the rage started rising up inside him. She didn’t get to claim she was protecting Ahsoka, she’d done none of the work.           He drew his lightsaber and had it up and blocking hers faster than her strike. She stared at the red blade and then glared at him. He ducked under her swing that cut off the fur drape hanging over their doorway. He rolled through it to get outside so there’d be more room to fight. He ignored the people that scattered as they went blade to blade, breaking pottery, and rolling over tables, slashing through things that were hanging and running into chairs.           She was a good fighter, but rusty. Not as acrobatic as Ahsoka, but intense and fast. He was probably most surprised by the amount of emotion she threw into it, it was very un-jedi-like, and as she became more passionate, giving into those emotions, so did he. He let the darkness seep into his movements, he let all his hatred and anger at the Jedi and everyone who hurt him come flooding back. As the fight moved into the taller grasses, he released it on her. She’d instigated it, she wanted a fight, she’d get it. He wouldn’t be the least bit sorry to bring her to her knees.           He ignored the warnings ringing in the back of his brain, the taunts from someone like her mom just for some reason struck a far deeper chord than he thought still existed. But he was fighting for Ahsoka, for her honor. And… maybe some for his own. He was tired of people judging him for a life he didn’t choose, for believing he was no better than his past and never giving him a chance to live his life. The Jedi and their stupid close-minded beliefs had destroyed far too many lives. And he let all of that pour out of him. Losing himself in that darkness once again.           But then she came at him, and even though he blocked her strike, his attention drifted away, to something different. Everything changed in him in an instant. He looked past her mom and saw Ahsoka standing at the edge of the grass they’d cleared from their fight. Her presence broke through the hazy darkness and red of anger. And suddenly his thoughts were brought back to the war and everything they’d built together. The way it felt to release that suffering and feel her calm and love slip into his tired soul. Her mother twirled out of the block and out of sight and he assumed she’d felt Ahsoka join them too. He dropped his arms still holding his lightsaber, his heart racing. How could he have let them get so lost? How could he have forgotten all the things she was? And all that she’d done for him? How could he let this hatred rise up in him again? So, what if things had been hard lately? She mattered no less than she had then. It was over, he had everything to look forward to, why was his pain still controlling him?          Before he could take a step towards her, he felt a sharp pain in his back, and he looked down in surprise at the yellow lightsaber sticking out of him. He felt suddenly faint and dropped to his knees. He heard Ahsoka scream his name, but he hit the ground before another thought. He just hoped she’d make it to him before everything went dark so he could see her face one last time. He felt paralyzed as he waited, certain it would fade before he saw her. He coughed, struggling to catch his breath, fighting the weird numbness washing through him.          Suddenly she landed on her knees by his side, tears streaming down her face. “How could you?” she demanded of someone he couldn’t see. He could only assume it was her mom. He weirdly didn’t even blame her for what she’d done. It was probably deserved. The only thing he felt now was mourning for the loss of the life they could have had. This was not the way he’d thought he’d die. “Anakin.” Her fingers were on his face, and he tried to smile up at her.          “I’m sorry, Snips,” he choked on all the saliva he was struggling to swallow. “I forgot what we had. I lost my… I lost… purpose.”          “I did too,” she cried, dropping her head down on his chest and holding him tight. “Don’t leave me,” she begged. “Please don’t leave me.”          “I’m sorry.” He didn’t even know if he’d managed to say it again before he felt his strength fade, and everything go limp and dark.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He groaned, surprised he could move or make a sound. But then he froze as he felt lips on his. He blinked in surprise and looked up at Ahsoka. “Uh, how am I alive?” he asked in confusion.          “Apparently my mom is also a force healer,” she whispered.          He slumped his shoulders back against the bed. “Well… that’s an interesting turn of events,” he sighed, trying to shake off the thoughts that immediately went through him at that revelation. Ahsoka cuddled into him closer. “So, all it took was a near death experience to bring us back together?” He tried to smirk, but it felt more like a grimace.          “I guess,” she murmured, playing with the fur blanket draped over him. “These past couple years, I’ve felt so lost.” She dropped her hand and leaned into him. “Everything made sense when we were fighting for our lives and our freedom, but then once we had those things, I don’t know, I guess I lost all sense of direction. I don’t know what I am anymore, or what I’m supposed to do or be. But I do know, I want to be with you.” She fell silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t mean to keep pulling away, I just kept getting so scared that I was going down this path I shouldn’t. And sometimes I’d feel like it was right and then I’d doubt myself. And as time went on, it just kept getting worse and worse. I was never sure how to talk to you, or how to build that intimacy and trust that we found during the war. After long days of work and everything, it just got harder and harder. I missed you so much when you went on that long mission that I thought maybe it really was time to take the next step. And our wedding was so wonderful, and I loved every minute of it, but… it didn’t stop the fear. None of those insecurities went away and I don’t know, I panicked about what we were really doing. And then you suggested going to Shili and suddenly it felt like you’d had enough and were just going to dump me here and leave.”          He felt his skin get wet where her face was buried and knew she’d started crying again. He tried to move his arm so he could hold her closer, still trying to process everything she said.           “I feel like I don’t know you at all sometimes,” she cried. “Even though I feel so connected to you, it doesn’t feel like we’re even friends. I guess my trust was shattered more than I thought when the order threw me out. I’m scared to get close to people, even when I want to be close to them. You’ve more than proved yourself, I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”          He rubbed her shoulder trying to get his head wrapped around these things she said. He still felt kind of drowsy and not completely with it. He’d been partially right, she was still scared of him, but he’d been very wrong about the reason why. She was afraid to completely open up to him because she didn’t really know who was waiting there to catch her. He suddenly regretted how right she was about that. Everything between them had happened so quickly and so dramatically they’d never managed the getting to know each other part. And as time wore on, it got harder and harder to make that part happen because there was an expectation for it to be there when neither had really built it. So, unlike this hut he’d built, they’d tried to put a house on uneven soil rather than on a sturdy foundation. He supposed he hadn’t realized how closed off he’d been too never wanting to look back at the things he’d been through.          When did he ever talk about his life or the things he liked, or tell her about his past or his mom? The only thing she really knew about him was how he’d become a Sith. And all he really knew about her was that she’d almost been kidnapped as a child and how terribly the Jedi had failed her. Those things had been important at the time, because they were what drew them together and made them want to help each other, but they weren’t enough to be the basis of a relationship. They’d just tried to continue on without ever building more of it.           “When I was six years old, I built this engine from scraps I found in a junkyard,” he started. “Gardulla was never very impressed with my skills, but this toydarian junk dealer named Watto saw only profit when he looked at me. He wagered with Gardulla for me and my mother and he won, so we moved to Mos Espa to work for him. I always liked building things; it was the only thing that really made me feel… alive I guess. Or at least like I had some talent worth anything more than free labor. I built a droid from scratch when I was nine. For years I worked on my very own podracer. That was the one I told you I used to win with all those years ago. But I also built things like transmission disrupters, and devices to break slave collars and stuff like that.           “Watto would sometimes give me money and send me off to trade with the Jawas out in the desert. I would haggle down their prices so much I could buy something for me too. Usually, a part for my droid or my pod. I’d bring him change, so he never really knew what I did. But being able to do those things, it was special to me. It made me feel special. Knowing that I could make things that could help people, make things better for them.           “For years, I longed to be a Jedi. I lived for all the stories I heard about them. They sounded so mystical, so magical, so mysterious. But even more, it sounded like they did real good in the galaxy, actually made things better for people. Even if most of what I heard about them were how they made life harder for the smugglers and bounty hunters and all-around low life’s in the galaxy. I thought maybe if I became a Jedi, I would have the power and support to free all the slaves on a larger scale, rather than a few here and a few there. And there was no one I wanted to free more than my mother. She never really talked about how she became a slave or what happened to her parents, sometimes I wondered if she even knew what had happened. But I knew she’d been one for a long time, way longer than before she had me. And every day she worked herself practically to death, not only doing her chores, but helping out others when they were sick and running errands for the ones that were behind so they weren’t killed by their cruel masters for not keeping up.           “I’d lay awake at night, imagining all the things I would someday buy her, the house that I would build for her, the life we’d finally get to have.” He swallowed the growing emotion in his throat as he fought off the tears these memories brought with them. “I couldn’t wait for the day I’d bring home a girl to meet her. To get to see her have grandchildren, to watch her shine like the brightest star everywhere she went.” He rolled his lips. “That was the life I always wished for, a day we’d both be free from everything that held us back.”          Silence fell in the room like snow. He didn’t know what else to say about it without letting the anger take over instead. It probably wasn’t any of the things she’d wanted to know about, but he’d felt the need to share it bubble up and release without his control.           “Your purpose in life is to love,” Ahsoka whispered finally. He turned his head and kissed her softly on the forehead.          “Maybe,” he breathed. “What irony someone born to love had it ripped away from him at every turn. What irony they became a Sith and a monster.”          “But you’re not a monster,” she said, sitting up to look at him. “You never were. From day one, you still showed honor, and respect, and even love. When presented with dozens of opportunities to kill, you rarely did. You fought what they tried to turn you into. Even when your whole world was dark, you reached for the light. No monster does that. It’s why I trusted you so much even when everything else was telling me I was wrong. You weren’t just lost to the dark side like the Jedi believed, you were drowning in it. As are we all sometimes.” She reached out and ran her fingers softly down his face. He watched her as she followed her own movement. Then she leaned over and kissed his lips, he opened for her, relaxing into the sensation. “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to forget that,” she breathed, her lips moving down to his jaw and his neck.           “Ahsoka,” he moaned. “You don’t owe me anything, if you’re not ready, we can wait.”          “But I think I am this time.” He looked up to meet her eyes and he saw no fear in them, only hunger. She climbed over him and started unwrapping her top. He felt this rush of anticipation. This wasn’t the only thing that mattered but feeling like she was finally willing to open up to him, filled him with more than just excitement. He reached out to take her waist, reveling in the softness of her skin as he slid his hands up her body.          “I think I need to almost die more often,” he teased, trying to hide the need to lick his lips. She tipped her head back and laughed.          “Don’t you dare!” she said finally. “I don’t ever want to go through that again.” She leaned down and started kissing his chest, trailing her moist lips down to the edge of the blanket. He suddenly wanted everything off him except her. “But this, I think I’ll like enough to repeat.”
           He grabbed her horns as she started to move the blanket. “I don’t think so,” he said hoarsely. “I’ve waited too long for you to go first.”

He grabbed her waist as she sat up again and wrestled her down on the bed, so he was on top of her. He kissed her lips, exploring every corner and going as deep as he could. He slid his hands up her body, savoring every curve and muscle and even scar he felt. He moved down to her jaw and her neck, loving the way she tipped back her head and moaned softly. He kissed her neck, trying to get up under her lekku to touch her everywhere. He felt her shiver in excitement and lifted himself enough to look at her eyes.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything. If you say no or change your mind, I’ll stop, I promise.”

She looked up so lovingly at him, her eyes reading his. “Yes, I’m sure,” she said softly, smiling so sexily he could hardly resist her as she slid her arms up his and around his neck pulling herself into him to meet his lips again. “I’ve wanted it since the beginning, but I was so insecure about everything I was scared to give in,” she said breathlessly. “I thought I didn’t know you well enough to trust you, but I was wrong. I know what matters and I do trust you.”

He didn’t hesitate after that, allowing himself to breathe her in and relax into what they were doing. Even if he did keep an ear out for if she did change her mind partway through. He’d be disappointed obviously, but especially now that he understood just how deep her fears had run, he wanted nothing more than her to feel safe, to know that she doesn’t have to be afraid of him, that he’d never purposely hurt her and never do anything to break that trust.

He trailed his kisses down her front, exploring and worshiping every inch of her body and her breasts, and enjoying the way she’d shiver and moan moving into his touch and the way her scent and her presence filled his senses. She lifted her butt off the bed so he could pull down her pants and enjoyed the way she squirmed as he probed and explored her inside and out with his tongue. She cried out, shuddering several times and he smiled up at her. She stared at him a few minutes wild eyed and then dropped her head back on the pillow panting.

“You doing okay up there, Snips?” he purred, moving back up her body.

“I feel all tingly,” she murmured. “I thought I was going to pee myself.” He snorted before he could stop himself. “What’s so funny, Skyguy?” She looked up at him again.

“I like your honesty, it’s refreshing,” he said simply.

“What was that?” she asked in confusion. “And can you do it again?” She looked sheepish after the second question, and he just winked at her.

“I hope to do it many more times,” he breathed. “It was an orgasm, and it means you’re enjoying yourself. Well at least your body is, but I hope your pretty head is too.” He tapped her softly on the nose.

She grabbed his shoulders and pushed his head down into her chest. “Well get back to work.”

He turned his head to the side so he could breathe and started laughing, laying his weight down on her and just letting out a contented sigh. He didn’t know why he was wasting time considering how eager she finally was, but he also didn’t want to rush through it. It was their first time, he wanted to savor it, even the funny breaks in between. But these things, these jokes, these were so much of what he loved about them. Also given how quickly she’d risen to the first one, he knew she’d be done long before him, and he wanted to enjoy everything about the experience.

“Do you like our new house?” he murmured thoughtfully.

He felt her move like she was looking around. But also, her confusion about why they weren’t continuing. “Yes, I do.” He felt the sincerity in it. “It’s incredible. I can’t believe you did this all yourself.”

“Well, I had help with the plumbing, but the rest of it I did. It was nice, I told you I like building stuff. Never built a hut before, so hopefully nothing is randomly going to start falling apart.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, stroking his head gently. He liked the way it felt there, how warm her skin felt against his, her long fingers tangled in his hair. This was the intimacy they’d been missing. All he’d needed was to open up. It wasn’t just her that had to give in.

“Ahsoka,” he breathed. “You didn’t do anything wrong in this relationship. I expected too much if you without ever giving anything either. I just expected the way we fell so deeply into each other to continue with no effort, and I should have known better. I’m sorry for the way it made you feel. It wasn’t fair.” He sighed. “As a Sith, I was always encouraged to just take whatever I wanted. And even though I never tried to do that in the conventional sense, with people or things or anything else, I guess that mindset settled in me anyways. I wanted you, so I expected you to stay and give all of yourself to me. It was stupid, and I’m deeply sorry for it.”

“I wanted you too, but I didn’t really know how to give you the things you wanted. As if you couldn’t tell, the Jedi didn’t exactly teach anything about relationships. I never knew what I was supposed to do or say. I never knew what I could ask and what I couldn’t. Or expect and receive. But I also never knew what to give or how to make you happy, and all those doubts just got the better of me.”

“Listen,” he said, tipping his head back so he could look up at her. “From here on out, I promise if you ask me something, I’ll answer. I can’t always promise it won’t trigger bad memories, but if I get mad at you for bringing it up, stand up to me, remind me of this promise I’m making right now. I think we both have a lot to learn but that doesn’t mean we can’t figure it out together.”

“I can ask you anything and you promise you’ll answer me truthfully?” she asked, tipping her head to her side. There was an almost mischievous thread in her words, and he suddenly wished he hadn’t given her that much freedom with it. But he also felt like he owed it to her to follow through with this promise, even if it became incredibly annoying.

“I really hope you’re not thinking about how much I love questions,” he muttered sarcastically. “But yes, I promise to answer every question you ask me within the realm of my knowledge, as truthfully as I possibly can, no matter how much you abuse it.”

“Wow, Skyguy,” she smirked. “That’s quite the promise.” He rolled his eyes. “Hmm, what do I most want to know about you?”

“I think I’m the one that created a monster,” he sighed, laying his head back down on her chest.

“Ooh, I got it!” she said suddenly, and he braced himself for the worst. Oh brother. “What’s your favorite color?” He looked up at her again, raising his brow.

“That’s it? That’s what you most want to know about me?”

“You promised you’d answer, Skyguy.” She put her hands on her hips.

“Maroon,” he said finally. “A kind of deep purplish-red.” She looked like she chewed on her lip for a minute and then nodded in approval.

“That’s a good color,” she murmured. “My next question will be much harder.” He dropped his face onto her chest and kissed her bare skin softly. He felt her inhale sharply. “Will you make me feel those things again?” He smiled into her, kissing her more.

“I can’t make you feel anything, Snips,” he breathed, kissing her a few more times around the sensitive skin of her breasts. “But I’ll gladly try as many times as you want until I can’t even hold my head up anymore.” He pulled off his pants and moved over her. “It’s going to hurt a little,” he said. “And it might feel weird at first, but the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to get over that initial shock. If you want me to stop at any point, just say so, okay?” She nodded, rolling her lips. He rubbed himself, while also rubbing her too. He wanted to make sure she was ready before he went in. “Here goes.”

“Whoa,” she gasped, though a moan nearly made it unintelligible. He moved in slowly, looking for any signs of fear or distress, but she seemed to be waiting in anticipation.

“You still with me?” he asked, and she nodded, grabbing his arms and digging in with her nails. He felt her tense up some as he pushed in deeper, and he stopped for a second to let her catch her breath. He started to pull back out so he could go in again.

She shuddered, her eyes snapping open. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he said softly. “You’re doing fine.” His eyes followed the beading sweat on her forehead down the side of her face. He started moving in again. She moaned again, relaxing back against the bed and closing her eyes. He started picking up the pace, trying to go as easy on her as he could, but also feeling his own frantic need building up inside of him. She was tight and every twitch and shiver, contracting on him started to tip him over the edge. He felt her opening up more so he could move in and out easier, loving the way she responded to every thrust.

He bent over and tried to meet her lips, but it was mostly a breathy sloppy kiss as they missed each other’s mouths. She clung to him, digging into his arms or back, arching into his touch and panting happily, looking almost dazed whenever she opened her eyes. He shifted more onto his knees so he could bring his hands down to rub her at the same time. She started squirming and shuddering again and then he felt her clench around him and then relax, exhaling a sound of pure pleasure.

He dropped his hands to the bed on either side of her, positioning himself to be able to push in further and harder, still trying to be gentle but needing more. “Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked suddenly.

“I’m getting there,” he barely managed a coherent sentence.

“Can I help?” He felt this need build up in her too and he took a deep breath, pulling out and rolling onto his back to give her a chance, even though it was hard to pause now, right on the edge. But it was obvious she needed to feel like he wasn’t doing all the work and that she’d made him feel good too.

She took no time at all to spring onto all fours and straddle him, running her fingers and lips all over him. He was going wild with her touch, surprised how much better it felt to have her want to do it for him instead of him just having to pound until the release. He had no idea lips could feel so good against his skin and scars, but the tension rose fast as he felt both her wet kisses and the way her lekku trailed along his skin, followed by her eager fingers. His past partners had never really cared that much, there’d been no connection, no reason to make each other feel good. It was a job nothing more.

Even with her inexperience, she was lighting fires all over his body, he could barely stand it as she went to town on him, and just when he thought he’d go insane, he felt her sit back, guiding him back inside her. He grabbed her thighs as she started moving up and down, speeding up and slowing down just enough to drive him wild. He lost all sense of time and space as he chased that euphoric dream and then finally, he grabbed her and moved her off him so he didn’t release inside her.

He slumped back against the bed and let out a long-drawn-out groan. “Damn, Snips,” he muttered once he kind of caught his breath. “For never having done it before, you’re really good at it.” She blushed a little.

“I just followed your cues,” she whispered. “I guess I know you better than I thought.”

“You do,” he murmured, dropping his arm over his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Are you done already?” she asked, almost in disappointment.

He glanced to the side at her, feeling this almost wicked grin spreading across his features. “I think I’m a bad influence on you, Snips,” he teased.

“Probably, but nobody told me it would feel that good.”

“That’s because all the people that could’ve told you anything about it don’t know what it’s like to do it with the right person. With someone you love and that loves you back. Or someone that actually gives a damn about making you feel good. The Jedi didn’t allow attachments, you said so yourself. Sex without attachment is like the hit of a drug, it feels good at first but leaves you worse off when it’s done.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“Yes.”

“Am I the right person for you?” She was chewing her lip when he glanced her way.

“Believe it or not, I think you are.” He rolled over and draped his arm over her, pulling her close and nuzzling his face into her skin.

“I have nothing to compare it to,” she whispered thoughtfully, as though marveling at the thought. “But I can tell you that you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted it with. And the only one I want to do it with from here on out. So does that make you my right person?”

“God, I hope so,” he said, full of emotion.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“How are you feeling, son?” Ahsoka’s father asked him when they came out to join the rest of the villagers the next day. He didn’t see her mother around and he still wasn’t sure how he felt about what happened and what he’d learned. Had she been so willing to perform the killing blow because she knew she could save him, or had she had every intention of killing him and only saved him because of Ahsoka? Those questions had been haunting him all night, because no matter which it was, it still clearly defined how unwelcome he was here.          But worse than all of that, he couldn’t stop wondering if she’d been right. That he was corrupting Ahsoka and that everything she’d been scared of was her trying to resist that darkness. Despite their evening of getting to know each other better, he couldn’t ignore the passion he’d heard in her mother. It was something most Jedi never show, and it had been a long-time belief of his that passion stemmed from purpose, so if she was that passionate in believing that Ahsoka should be protected from him…          He sighed when he felt Ahsoka rub him on the back. “For almost dying, I’m feeling very alive today,” he murmured. He wasn’t exactly trying to have an attitude, but it was hard not to feel at least some hostility towards her family after how they’d treated him since they met a few days ago. “Where is-?”          “Yadigan?” Saron interrupted as if he of course knew the topic still on everyone’s mind. He was actually kind of glad he said it since she’d never properly introduced herself, only that she knew who he was.            He glanced around and saw some evidence of their fight through the village still fairly visible. As it was, despite the gathered people trying to nod or be friendly towards them, he could tell they were nervous and all subtly trying to keep some distance from him. He shouldn’t be surprised how easily he’d set the tone here. It reminded him of the end of the war when he’d stared at the subway tiles and still saw only the monster inside him. It’s all anybody else would ever see. And he’d given them no reason to see past it. So much for learning a thing or two in the past couple years.          “She went to the vision cave to meditate,” Ahsoka’s father continued. “She requested to have you meet her there once you were feeling better. Alone.”          He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Of course she wanted him to come alone so she could finish what she’d started, this time without the guilt of Ahsoka witnessing it. “How do I get there?” he said instead. He might as well get this over with. He felt Ahsoka glance at him nervously, but he just shrugged.          Saron proceeded to give him directions and then moved over to talk to some other people. Ahsoka followed him to the edge of the village, and he could feel her anxiety.          “Here,” he said, putting his lightsaber in her hand. “I won’t take it if that’ll make you feel better.”          She stared at it a moment as if in indecision. “It’s not you I was worried about,” she whispered finally. She dropped her head looking ashamed. “I didn’t know my mother was a Jedi or I would have fought coming here a lot harder.”          “Ahsoka, relax. What could go wrong?” He almost smirked when she bit her lip. Everything, everything could go wrong. “Listen, okay?” He put his hand on her cheek. “I love you. We’ve been through hells nobody else understands. Not everybody has the same open mind as you. But despite what happened the other day, she’s still your mother. All she wanted to do was protect you. And like most people, she could only see what I’ve been, not what I am now. I don’t know why it was so easy to fall back into that darkness, but I won’t let it happen again.”          “Just… tread lightly, I guess,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around him.           “Don’t worry,” he said finally, hugging her back and kissing her softly on the forehead. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”          “I don’t want to at all, that’s the point!” she said stubbornly.           “I’ll be back soon.” With one final glance, he started trudging up the path he’d been directed to, following the river. He hoped that wouldn’t be the last time he saw her, but it did sort of feel like he was marching to his death. Weirdly even worse than when they’d fought Sidious. This was a different kind of death. If her family didn’t approve of him, then he needed to go. He refused to be what came between them, and he already hated how quickly it had spiraled out of control.          No matter what he felt about her mother, he had to find a way to prove himself to her. He wanted to be with Ahsoka, and while he didn’t need her parents’ permission, he wanted it. And he couldn’t really make sense of why that was so important to him.          He followed the directions, taking note of the landmarks Saron had described until he finally came upon a mountain rising up over the relatively flat grasslands. He took the path to the left that twisted around the base of it rather than the one that went up its side. Eventually he found the cave entrance and stopped for a moment to take it all in. The force was very strong here, which unfortunately made him even less sure he wasn’t walking into a trap. And somewhat regretting leaving his lightsaber with Ahsoka.          He took a deep breath and headed inside. There was a stream that ran alongside wooden planks that acted as a path and sometimes a bridge, and eventually it opened up to a large lake surrounding a small island with one of the most exotic and colorful trees he’d ever seen growing in the middle. The sun shone down through a circular hole in the ceiling and seemed to make the whole tree and the water surrounding it glimmer in its light.          He saw Ahsoka’s mom kneeling by the edge of the water and headed towards her. “Oh good,” she said when he got closer. She hadn’t turned around, but if she’d been meditating, she’d felt him coming and likely heard him too. “I’m glad you’ve recovered.”          “Are you?” he asked. Why was it so easy for her to rile him? “That’s not what it felt like when you stabbed a lightsaber through me. I can’t decide if it’s convenient you’re a force healer or if the act was purposeful and you did it knowing you could bring me back.”          “Please sit,” she said instead, gesturing to the grass next to her. He rolled his eyes but moved over and sat down where she’d pointed. “I’ve been away from the Jedi for too long I think,” she murmured, after he finally got settled. “Your hostility is justified, and my apology meaningless. But I give it all the same. I was wrong, it was not Ahsoka I needed to worry about, it was myself. I’ve been too isolated and too complacent here; I was not prepared to embrace the darkness when it came.” She finally opened her eyes and turned to look at him. “It only proves my daughter is far stronger than me and you were right, I’m not protecting her from anything.”          “It may be true that Ahsoka and I met on the battlefield as enemies,” he started carefully. “But despite all my training as a Sith, I never wanted to kill her. I never even wanted to hurt her though I know I did.” He bowed his head. “Ahsoka is… special. She’s like this beacon of light, the kind that doesn’t burn you and leave you wanting. From very early on, she reached out to me. I tried to fight it, convinced it was a trick or a trap. But in more than one way, she changed my whole life. I think she was the first person since my mom died that actually saw me, saw beyond everything I was being turned into. I love her, more than I can comprehend most of the time,” he admitted. “And that love… it’s what saved us both. I know Jedi don’t believe in it, but what we found together goes way beyond either side’s understanding of it.”          “I know,” Yadigan replied. “I felt the way you completely changed when she appeared. I just… I was so focused on our fight; the understanding came too late.”          “So where does that leave us?” he sighed.           “You tell me,” she said finally.          He laid back in the grass to stare at the ceiling of the cave. How much was he willing to tell her? Should he open up to her like he finally realized he needed to do with Ahsoka? It’s what got his wife to trust him, but he didn’t know if it would make things better or worse with her parents. He should be on guard given what happened last time, but he didn’t feel the need to.          “I asked Ahsoka to come here, because I wanted to know more about the things that shaped her, I wanted to meet her family. I wanted to… find my family too, I guess.” He fell silent for a moment, trying to hold back the weight of that admission threatening to pour out his eyes. “She was scared to come back, afraid of that side of her, afraid she’d be a disappointment, but she brought us here anyways because I wanted it. I didn’t understand her reaction at first, because all I’ve wanted for years was to be able to go home. Back to my mom. It was stupid of me to look for a replacement. She’s my family, that’s enough.”          Yadigan was silent for awhile, which was probably best given that that realization had settled so heavily in his brain that he couldn’t think about much else at the moment. It seemed he was still always looking for things somewhere other than where he was.           “I know you have no reason to believe me, but I was talking to your mother in the force before you got here,” Yadigan whispered suddenly. He propped himself up on his elbows and stared at her, trying to figure out if she was playing on his emotions or something worse. “She said all you’ve ever wanted in your life was to help people, to protect them, but because of the circumstances of your so-called freedom from Tatooine, you got trapped by the Sith Lord that tortured who you loved to keep you in line.” Yadigan looked down as if to play with her hands, something he’d seen Ahsoka do many times. “But she said inside of you has always been this goodness, this light, this sense of honor and respect. And more than anything, this ability to love like no one she’d ever known. She’s very proud of you, you know? Even more so since you escaped your circumstances and forged your own path.”          He studied her face for awhile as he chewed on his lip. Everything she’d said might be true but could have easily been things she’d learned from Ahsoka when he’d been busy building their hut. He still didn’t really trust her given how things had played out, but she sounded honest enough. But how far would she stoop to trick him or achieve whatever her ulterior motive is?          “She was telling me about this droid you built when you were nine. That you named it Threepio. You built him to help her with her chores and make her life easier. She said you named him that because you saw him as the third member of your little family.”          He sat up, looking her over again. He’d told Ahsoka about building the droid, but he’d never given her those details. Not to mention, it had just been last night that he had, and it seemed very unlikely she’d snuck out in the middle of the night to tell her mom information to use against him. He’d felt her with him the whole time.           “Even if that were true,” he started carefully, trying not to give anything away. “What purpose does it serve you?”          “You have every reason to be cautious, but if you’re worried that I’m trying to get information out of you to use against you, you’re sorely mistaken,” she said indignantly. Ahsoka was more like her than he’d thought at first.           He stood up and her eyes followed him, but she didn’t move. “Look, I don’t want to fight you. I didn’t the other day, and I still don’t. I will be civil if you promise not to stab your lightsaber into me again. But whether or not my mom really was talking to you in the force, or if that’s even possible, I don’t want you digging around in my past, my head or thinking you know me from some stupid force tricks. I get it, you’re trying to feel me out, see if you can trust me with your daughter, but just so you know, after what you did, it’s you she doesn’t trust.” He turned his back and took a deep breath. Trying to hold his anger around her was going to be way harder than he thought.           “It wasn’t about trust,” she said finally, and he turned back to look at her. “I’m just trying to understand.”          “What she sees in me?” He rolled his eyes.          “You really don’t need to be so defensive, not everything is as untrustworthy as it seems.”          “I don’t know what she sees in me, to be perfectly honest. I only see what everybody else does, the darkness, the dragon, the monster. But Ahsoka… she gave me purpose again, something other than vengeance and hatred.” A tear slipped down his cheek before he could stop it. He angrily wiped it away and turned to go.           “That’s what you said you lost?” He stopped, trying not to ball his hands into a fist.           “That’s between us, not you.”          “Look son,” she started, he braced himself for the worst. He heard her try to stand up but then inhale as if in great pain. He looked over his shoulder and saw that all the color had drained from her face. She swayed a bit and before he could think, he was stepping forward to catch her when she fell.          “What the kriff?” he said in surprise, when he felt how weak she was in his arms. “What’s wrong with you?”          He felt more than heard her swallow and smack her lips together. “The curse… of… a… healer,” she managed finally.          “What?” He furrowed his brow in confusion. She didn’t appear to want to be leaning on him, but she also didn’t seem to be able to stand on her own anymore.          “It drains a lot…” she paused to take her breath. “Just put me down, I’ll rest here.”          “Oh, I don’t think so,” he muttered, shifting his weight so he could get a better hold on her. “If I leave you here, you aren’t going to make it back. And the last thing I want is to be blamed for your death.”          “Such a gentleman,” she said sarcastically. He just shook his head, hating how much of her was in Ahsoka because he still didn’t want to like her. He reached down and scooped her up, turning to leave the cave. He felt her stiffen as though still trying to resist his hold, but then her head fell against his shoulder and her whole body went limp.           Great, just great, he sighed. The villagers already didn’t trust him and now he’d be coming back with her unconscious in his arms. Something they’d blame him for no matter what he told them.           The curse of a healer? That’s what she’d said. What did that mean? It better not mean she’d sacrificed herself to save him, because whether he liked her or not, if she died because of him, he’d never be able to forgive himself. Nor did he think Ahsoka would be able to forgive him. It didn’t really matter if she was the reason, she had to do it to begin with.          He hurried back along the path hoping that there was medical care available in the village. Worst came to worst, he’d have to run all the way back to their ship and hope his holodoc could do something for her.          It took way less time to get back, which was a good thing, because he could feel her fading right there in his arms. She’d been talking to him like she was perfectly fine, but now that he thought about it, she’d barely moved the entire time he was there. As though she’d literally been staying conscious just to talk to him. And of course he hadn’t noticed she felt off because he’d gone in there annoyed already by the situation.           He heard several people gasp when he was finally noticed hurrying into the village. Ahsoka had stepped out of their hut and her eyes had widened. He felt her rush of fear, but he couldn’t look at her. He saw Saron up ahead and headed towards him.           “I don’t know what happened,” he said to Ahsoka’s father as he rushed forward. “She got faint when she stood up, said something about the curse of a healer and then collapsed.”          Saron patted her cheek softly and then made to take her from him. “Thank you for bringing her back, son,” he said, cradling Yadigan protectively in his arms. “I’ll take it from here.”          He stood there awkwardly shuffling his feet as him and the gathered crowd watched Saron disappear inside one of the huts. Ahsoka’s dad hadn’t sounded angry, or even really surprised, but he still felt this weird trickle of dread going down his spine. Or maybe it was the furtive glances at him he kept catching out of the corner of his eyes.           He wanted to punch something. Why the kriff had he wanted to come here? This was ridiculous! Things had only been awkward and uncomfortable since he’d arrived, nobody liked him, nobody trusted him. What stupid childish wish inside him had convinced himself that he’d be accepted by her family? Even welcomed? No matter where he went or what he did, anybody that knew who or what he was would never trust him.           He spun on his heels and stormed past Ahsoka who had made her way up to the crowd. All he’d managed was an angry glare as he went by. He pushed his way into the hut, looking for something to throw. But they still hadn’t decorated the place much so a blanket or a pillow was the only things within grabbing range, and neither would be satisfactory.           He slumped down on his side of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. Tears were falling already, and he didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. He knew he owed Ahsoka some kind of explanation but he didn’t know what to say or if she’d believe him and in the heat of the moment, he’d done nothing to put her at ease.           He saw a bag out of the corner of his eye, one he’d used to bring stuff from the ship here. He reached for it and dumped it out, trying to decide if there was anything he’d brought here that he cared to take with him. He threw a few things back into it, along with his normal clothes and his lightsaber that was sitting on the table next to Ahsoka’s side of the bed. He wiped his eyes and hoped he could sneak out the back way of the village, so nobody saw him leave.          He took one last glance around the hut and then shrugged and went to open the door. Ahsoka was standing there on the step looking like she’d just been about to open it. She looked from the bag to his face.           “Did you do it?” she asked.          “No.”          “Then why are you running?”          “Because it doesn’t matter if I did or not, nobody here is going to believe me,” he said in frustration. He made to go around her, but she pushed him back into the hut and shut the door behind her. Then she crossed her arms.          “You’ve ran away too many times,” she whispered finally. He looked back at her face. “It’s time to face it.” She stepped forward, reaching for the bag over his shoulder. He let her slide it down his arm and set it to the side. He sat back on the end of the bed and sighed.           “All people are ever going to see is what I was,” he said finally. “Nobody is ever going to trust me. They’re always going to be scared of me. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t escape this darkness; it’s always going to follow me everywhere I go. Even people that can’t use the force can feel it and start backing away.” He looked up at her helplessly. She was probably worried about her mom and here he was, selfishly whining about himself instead and expecting her to comfort him.          She glanced to the side and rolled her lips before stepping forward. “Has it ever occurred to you that that’s all they see because it’s all you show them?” she whispered finally.           “You saw more than that,” he said in annoyance.          “That’s because you showed me more.” She reached out and took his face in her hands. “I didn’t understand it at the time because I was still too blinded by my beliefs. You were a Sith, you were the enemy, you couldn’t be trusted. But when you could have killed me, you kissed me instead. When I chased you through the sewers, you laughed and joked and teased. You didn’t even really fight back. I thought you were being cocky and annoying, but then you gave me a very real piece of intel and left without hurting me.”          He exhaled out his nose and pulled away. “So what? All it sounds like is a childish idiot with a big ego. Why would that be any better?”          “Because you proved to me from day one that not only could you restrain yourself, you didn’t have the same stake in the war the others did. It may not seem like much, but you still showed me this tiny little crack through the dark exterior of the hardened, tortured, angry Sith everybody else feared. And from that day on, all I wanted was to see what else was in there.” She took his face in her hands again. “I was like a kid staring through a keyhole at the wonders inside. And even when you got angry at me, even when you tried to push me away, it became more and more clear that you were trying to protect me. Not from the Jedi, from the Sith, from the chancellor or the war. You were trying to protect me from yourself. Or… you were trying to protect yourself from everybody else.”          She dropped her hands to his shoulders and massaged them softly before sliding them around him and leaning into him.           “My point is, Anakin, you’re so scared to open up, you still keep those tough thick walls around you. So, what do people see? They see someone closed off, someone hardened by pain and loss, someone almost cold, and something to fear. They can’t see what I see because I’m the only one you’ve ever let in. But it’s like you slammed those doors shut again once I made it past them. The only way people are ever going to see beyond those walls, is if you break them down. Running away won’t fix that. You’ll have this problem no matter where you go. You have to let people in. If you want people to see you differently, you have to show them what you really are.”          He dropped his head against her chest. “I think I understand why you were so scared to come home,” he whispered after awhile. “You had your own walls too.” He slid his arms around her waist. “I was trying to be polite, but then she started telling me she’d been talking to my mom in the force. I got so defensive; I didn’t like her knowing the things she’d said. I was just going to leave, not wanting to face it. But as soon as she stood up, everything changed. I caught her when she fell and for the first time, I felt how weak she was. I was so consumed by my own feelings; I didn’t notice it before.” He felt her fingers curling through his hair. “Please tell me she’s going to be okay.” He was surprised by how squeaky and scared he sounded. Why did he suddenly care so much about her mom?          “My dad says that she didn’t recover properly after healing you, she just went to the vision cave to meditate. She was upset about what happened and wasn’t thinking straight, consumed by the guilt. He said that healers use a lot of their own power and strength to heal others and your wound was far more grievous than she had previously healed before. He said she got sick a lot at the temple, so there wasn’t a lot of leftover strength to heal others.” Ahsoka fell silent for awhile. “But he’s sure she’ll recover, she just needs to rest properly and get some sustenance back in her.”          “So she was running away too,” he murmured, mulling over the things Ahsoka had said.          “I think we all do it sometimes,” she breathed. “We all retreat inside our walls, we all close and lock the doors. Some of us do it more physically than others, but it’s still the same.”          “It never felt like you had closed doors. You were always so open, wearing your heart on your sleeve.”          “I guess I hide my walls better than most,” she whispered, looking down. “You saw right through them though.”          “Do you ever think those cracks we both had, they were open because the force was already connecting us?” he asked curiously. “That’s why we could see into each other when nobody else could see us?”          “You think we were destined to meet?” She straightened and then turned to sit on his knee.          “I don’t care much for destiny,” he muttered. “If it exists, it’s only been cruel to me. But I do think that somehow, we were already connected before we could even consider it.”          “That would certainly explain a lot.” She chewed on her lip.           “I’m sorry,” he said suddenly. She blinked and refocused on him.          “For what?”          “Everything, I guess. I feel like I dragged you through hell.”          “You didn’t,” she said quickly. “You carried me.” She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “And despite not ending up anywhere near where I thought my life would take me, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

His eyes slid absentmindedly down her body. She was wearing below knee pants that were tighter around the waist and legs but puffed out around the hips. They weren’t exactly flattering by design, but she made anything look good. For the top, she’d wrapped a colorful piece of fabric around her back, crossing over her breasts and tied behind her neck. She didn’t seem to mind showing skin anymore, and he definitely wasn’t complaining.           His gaze landed on the blackened scar on her right side. He’d hoped it would heal better than it had, but Maul’s darksaber must have had some weird properties. The scar itself wasn’t too bad even though it extended from her stomach all the way around her back. But the blackened skin around it made him feel nothing but guilt. As did the one on her arm, that one was most definitely his fault.           He ran his fingers up his own arms, grateful most of his scars had healed. Ever since Ahsoka helped free him from Sidious, he didn’t have the same urges to carve things into his skin. He pulled off his shirt and looked down at his chest. There was a certain irony that the scar from having a lightsaber stabbed through him, the one thing that had almost killed him, was the smallest one of all. He supposed that shouldn’t really be surprising. Often a person’s worst scars most people can’t see. They were all marked in that way.          He looked back at her face and saw that she was watching him curiously. They’d escaped the village for awhile to clear their heads after the rough start to their visit. They’d stopped at the top of a hill and spread out a blanket and had mostly been sitting there in comfortable silence.           “What’s on your mind?” she asked finally. Apparently, her curiosity finally got the better of her. He laid down next to her and stretched out, scooting closer to snuggle up with her. She put her arm around him.           “My thoughts are all scattered,” he murmured. “But there’s one that’s been troubling me.”          “About my mom or something else?”          He shook his head. “Do you ever think about the future?” He glanced towards her face. She looked thoughtful. “So much of our lives we’ve been directed places, living from day to day. But despite getting my freedom from Sidious, I still don’t know what I am anymore. I don’t know where I sit with the force, I don’t know what to call myself, it’s like… I don’t know who to be without somebody telling me who I am.” It was weird to admit all this to her, but ever since they’d opened up that first time, it was like he couldn’t stop it from coming out now. And he was thankful that she was there to listen. “I’m not even sure I know what I want out of life, besides being with you. And I’m not saying that’s not enough but are we just going to drift around forever with no direction?”          “I’ve wondered the same thing,” she murmured finally. “I think that’s why we ended up so lost. We need some kind of purpose or a path to move forward along. But I think I got so used to the war that I don’t know what to do with myself in peace. Almost my entire life, I’ve been a soldier. What kind of life follows that?”          “I was a slave, then an assassin but I never stopped being a slave. I don’t know what follows that either. Chasing after things I never had just feels… pointless.” She turned her head and kissed him on the side of his. “Have you ever thought about having kids?” He looked at her in concern, afraid she’d recoil at the thought. She didn’t.          “Jedi weren’t required to be celibate; I know we had nurseries and care designed for… well you get the idea,” she whispered. “But the nature of the order is that if you were to get pregnant, you’d be expected to give them up once they were born, I assume unless special care was required. I’m not even sure if they’d let the mother breastfeed especially if the mother was the Jedi. Anything to stop that attachment from forming, I guess.” She fell silent for a few minutes. It wasn’t exactly an answer to his question, but it spoke a lot about the order. “But it seems like to me, that if you carried a child inside you for however long a pregnancy lasts for your species, how would you not be attached to them? How would it not be completely devastating to give them up? They were part of you! Part of your very flesh, made of your blood!”          She sighed, exhaling out the side of her mouth. He could tell without looking that a tear had trickled down the side of her face.          “I used to have these dreams about being a mother, I don’t know what the force was trying to tell me. But at the time, it scared me. For those reasons and because I think that I knew whether I could admit it at the time or not, that I would not want to give them up.” She turned her head and rolled more into him. “Now I know I wouldn’t, if they’re ours.”          He looked her over before reaching out and pulling her snug against him. “I was never really sure if I could handle being a parent, or if I’d be a good one. But I think I’d like to try someday. Whenever you’re ready, if you want to, too.” He felt her smile into his chest.           “I would, but I think… we should figure out our own futures before we bring others into it. We’re still young, we’re not going to run out of time.”          “How much would it scare the Jedi if we have kids?” he laughed.          “I foresee several heart attacks,” she joked. “At least.”          “Good, they need it.” He rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop smiling at the idea. “If our kids were force sensitive, would you want them trained by the Jedi?”          “Not unless we still get to have a relationship with them,” she said adamantly. “I don’t want to live through what my mother did.” The last part she whispered. He glanced at her face.          “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to watch her child grow up from afar. Feeling helpless and living in fear of what could happen to her, especially when the war started,” he murmured thoughtfully. “I wonder if that’s how my mother felt having to watch me do all those horrible things just to protect her and it didn’t even matter in the end.”          “I’m sure it was, but I think… and forgive me if I’m wrong because I obviously never knew her, but… I get this feeling that no matter what she had to watch, she believed in you. She knew you were still good, that you’d somehow find your way back to the light. I think she had total faith in that and held onto it until the end.” Ahsoka fell silent. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and hide the way those words broke something open inside him.           “Did I, though?” he rasped finally, the fear and emotion strangling his voice. “I still have this darkness in me that I can’t escape. I still feel it whenever I use the force. I know it’s where all my power comes from. How can I truly say I’ve come back to the light? I’ve embraced you, but that’s it.”          She rolled over so she was sitting facing him and laid her head down on her arms on his chest, looking up at his face. “When you were fighting with my mom, I felt the darkness I remembered from when I faced you after Sidious had ordered you to kill me. It was all there, like it had been lying dormant under the surface. But when you felt me, when you looked up at me, I felt all of it slither away like it had merely tricked you into thinking it was in control, but then you regained your power.” She reached up and touched the side of his face. “You’ve told me yourself that the darkness is fed by fear and destruction and that that fear can blind you to the truth. I don’t think it’s what is in control, I think that when you’re afraid, it tries to convince you it is. But just like that day on your ship, no matter how much fear was rippling through you. You fought back. You were able to disobey a direct command from someone that you feared. No matter what it’s felt like since then, Anakin, that was the day you freed yourself. Everything after that, was you regaining your true self back and embracing what you wanted to be. The only way you could do that was reaching for that light, the opposite end of the spectrum. So yes, yes you did bring yourself back to the light. That fear just doesn’t want you to believe it.”          She scooted up and kissed him softly on the lips and then rested her head back down on his chest.           “You could’ve killed my mom after what she did to you. You could have left her to die. But you didn’t. No matter what your reasoning was for saving her, you still did. Same with your fight, despite all the darkness I felt in you, I instinctually knew you wouldn’t perform the killing blow. Anakin, the reason I kept getting bolder and bolder in reaching out to you was that inside me I knew, I’d be safe with you. An odd feeling to have about the enemy, but no matter how angry you were, or scared, or dark, you never killed carelessly. Every death had a purpose no matter how unfortunate it was. I didn’t understand that at the time, but I’m grateful for it now. Whether you identify as a Jedi or with their understanding of the light side, it doesn’t really matter. Because in your core, you’ve chosen light, over and over and over again.”          “What would I do without you always setting me straight?” he murmured, bringing his hands up to wipe away the moisture in his eyes. “Sometimes I’m just so afraid it’s all going to take over again. When it flooded me after the argument with your mom, it was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe I still had so much in me, and I don’t know, I guess I was kind of convinced in that moment that it was always going to be there. I drew on it, I wanted the power it offered. I couldn’t resist that temptation.” He sighed and dropped his hands around her. “But somehow… no matter how deep I go into that abyss, you’re the reason I can get out. How will I ever do that on my own?”          “Remember when I said that your purpose in life is to love? It’s your love for me that allows you to float, if I’m not there to help you, you just have to find something to love. You have to open yourself up to the people around you. When you’re giving it to more than one person, the loss of one won’t be the end of everything. I imagine how you were raised after being taken by the Sith, there was no one around that you could love besides your mother. And when you lost her, the blow was so devastating that it made you afraid to open up again. But your need to love people? It came out anyways. And I’m so very, very grateful for that. Now you just have to stop holding it in. Don’t give it only to me.”          “What is beeping?” he asked as a weird unnatural sound cut into his thoughts. Or at least, unnatural in this environment.          “Oh!” she murmured, rolling away to reach for her bag.           “You still carry your comm around? Even on Shili?”          “No, but I figured it would be good if my dad could call me today if there’s any, um, news about my mom. I didn’t know how long we’d be gone.” He watched her pull the device free of the leather and furrow her brow. He could only assume whoever was calling her wasn’t her father. She glanced at him before pressing the button to answer. “Master Kenobi?” she asked, her tone was surprisingly cautious.           “I’m sorry to bother you, Ahsoka, after all this time. But I was hoping you still have a way to contact Skywalker,” the Jedi master sounded tired, as usual. He briefly wondered what they were still fighting against.          He sighed and sat up, so he was next to her in the image, though he remembered too late that he wasn’t wearing his shirt anymore. It wasn’t that he really cared what they thought but he briefly wondered if seeing them both like this would embarrass the traditional Jedi before them. “I’m right here,” he murmured. Ahsoka moved the device over between them so Obi wan could clearly see them both.          “Ah, yes. Very good.” The Jedi stroked his beard. “Unfortunately, something has arisen that we could use… any information you have about it.”          “What’s going on?” Ahsoka asked in concern.          “I dare not say too much over the comms, but a mysterious sect of people have appeared claiming to be Death Star Acolytes. We haven’t yet determined if they’re Sith, or some remnant of a cult that followed Palpatine. But many of their messages are most concerning, and they… seem to be looking for you. I’m aware you have no desire to fight anymore, but if you’re willing to come to the temple and brief us on what you know, we’d be most grateful. We could also show you the messages we’ve received from them.”          He glanced at Ahsoka who was studying him. “I’m afraid Sidious was rather tight lipped about most of his plans, even with me. But there might still be a few things I know that can be of use,” he murmured. “Can Ahsoka come with me?”          “Yes, of course,” Obi wan said quickly. They must really be desperate. What could these acolytes have possibly said that would spook the Jedi into calling him? And why were they looking for him?          “Then we’ll be on our way shortly,” he said once Ahsoka nodded that she’d come too. “We should be there in a few hours.”          “Thank you. Message me when you get aboard your ship, and we’ll send you clearance codes to land at the temple.”          They said goodbye to the Jedi, but he still stared at the device for awhile lost in thought. Many of Sidious’ plans he was aware he’d eventually be let in on. But his dark master didn’t give away much other than promises of more once he officially became his apprentice. Despite being called such fairly often, he was very well aware that he’d never earned that status. He’d been meant to become it once Dooku had outlived his usefulness. But… of course he hadn’t known that betrayal loomed on the horizon. But there were a few tantalizing clues he had been given about Sidious’ plans for the future. And one of them was unfortunately…          He looked up at Ahsoka. “I confess,” he whispered finally. “I forgot all about the Death Star… but I’ve never heard of these acolytes. Sidious always had secret agents serving various whims though, so it’s entirely unsurprising that a group no one knew about is suddenly surfacing after continuing his work behind the scenes.”          She chewed on her lip. “Why would they stay so loyal even after his death? What do they gain? Unless…” He felt the rush of fear and knew where her thoughts had gone.          He squeezed her shoulder softly. “Sidious is dead,” he said, but he was always seeking ways to continue his life beyond what was physical. There are thousands of failed experiments out there as proof.”           “Is that even possible?” She looked horrified.          “I have a bad feeling we’re going to find out.”          They gathered their stuff and headed back to the village. He could feel Ahsoka’s fear, and he hated that he’d given her one more thing to worry about. He’d hoped they’d stopped Sidious early enough that none of his life extension plans would be possible, but it appeared some groups still believed bringing him back was possible, and that was the last thing the galaxy needed.           He’d tried to avoid bringing up the nightmares he still had occasionally, trying to convince himself that Sidious was gone for good, and he could move on with his life. But he supposed he should have known better. Sith were really stubborn about dying and avoided it at all costs. He’d known though that he’d never be completely free of him even if he stayed dead. Too much of his mess still needed to be cleaned up. He’d hoped the Jedi would take care of most of it so him and Ahsoka could retire and live their lives. It still worried him though why they were looking for him. What would Sidious have told them to make them seek him out? And it wasn’t exactly a secret he’d been responsible for his death, so it was fairly obvious they weren’t on the same side… unless…          Acolytes following a Sith Lord even in death only meant one thing, they were looking for their new leader. And since he was really the only one left, they wanted him. They probably even assumed he’d killed his master to gain his power. That’s what Sith were notorious for, wasn’t it? Becoming powerful enough to betray their master so they could inherit everything.          He glanced sideways at Ahsoka. If only they knew he wanted nothing Sidious had offered him.          They made it back to the village a few minutes later having not really been all that far away. They both went in their hut to change and then he stayed to gather a few things while she went to tell her parents they were leaving.           When he found everything he was looking for and made it outside, he saw Ahsoka standing outside her parents hut with both of them on the step. He looked her mom over. She still looked very weak leaning heavily on Saron, amazing truly that she was even standing, but at least she was alive. He blew air out the side of his mouth and headed towards them.           Ahsoka looked at him when he got closer. “My mom wants to go with us,” she said. Her tone indicated she wasn’t really sure that was a good idea. Either because of the tension that already existed between them or because of her health.           He looked from Ahsoka to Saron then to Yadigan. Her mom looked tired and like she was still in terrible pain, but she also had her jaw set and the same look of determination on her face that he’d seen mirrored in Ahsoka dozens of times. He couldn’t fathom why she wanted this so bad. “We shouldn’t be gone too long,” he said finally. “You should continue to rest.”          “Do not imply I’m weak,” Yadigan grunted. “I can make it.”          “I’ve fought you; I know you’re anything but weak,” he muttered. He glanced at Saron again and saw a look that told him nothing short of death would stop Yadigan from going. Though that was partially what worried him. She still hadn’t recovered from healing him or from the state she’d been in the vision cave. But at least… the temple might have other healers if things went downhill along the way. He shrugged his shoulders and reached out a hand to help her down the step. She looked like she was going to refuse his help but realized whether she wanted to admit it or not, she needed it.          She finally released Saron after a kiss goodbye and took his offered hand. He held it steady as she stepped down, straightened and balanced herself so she could let go. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said, still twinges of pain weaved through her words. He wondered what it was like to heal people, unfortunately it was a talent he never had. He could easily imagine how much of your energy and strength it took, but so much of Yadigan’s pain seemed physical. Was she experiencing the wound she healed? He didn’t understand. And given how much effort it appeared to be taking just to hold herself up, he decided now was not the time to ask.           He put his arm around Ahsoka and watched her mom out of the corner of his eye, purposely going slower so he could catch her if she started to fall. He felt Ahsoka keep wanting to reach out to her but hesitant to ask. Yadigan seemed stubborn in her effort to do this by herself as much as possible. At least once they got moving, she did seem a bit stronger and steadier. It took them longer to get back to the ship, but despite the Jedi’s concern, he didn’t feel the need to rush at their beck and call. His family was more important to him, and by extension, her family. Despite… well, everything.          He was grateful to disappear into the cockpit and let Ahsoka fuss over her mom. He could still hear her stubbornness most of the way through his ship. He rolled his eyes. At least with Yadigan in this state, there was less energy for arguing. Or at least arguing that would end in a fight.          Halfway through the flight, Ahsoka slumped down in the copilot seat and sighed. “That bad, huh?” he smirked at her.          “I’ve never met a more unwilling patient,” she said, almost in exasperation.          “Did she say why she wanted to come? I’m not sure I understand how this benefits her in any way. Why would she care what the Jedi have to say about random acolytes after being so far removed from the war?”          Ahsoka reached out and took his hand. “I think that’s the bigger issue,” she murmured. “I think she’s tired of being out of the loop, or you know… having to watch me deal with everything from afar. But the only explanation I got out of her was she said she wanted to know me better.” Ahsoka pursed her lips, looking confused. “I tried to tell her we’d be back soon and there’d be plenty of time for that, but she just shook her head.”          “I think that’s my fault,” he muttered. “We argued about you and the Jedi before we ended up fighting and I told her she didn’t know you at all and she wasn’t protecting you from anything. I guess she really didn’t like that.”          “Oh,” Ahsoka whispered, looking down.          “I don’t know how much of that was true, but she just came on so… I don’t know. She kept pushing my buttons, convinced I’d corrupted you or something. But in the vision cave, she said she’d been away from the order too long and that you were stronger than her.”          “So maybe her coming with us isn’t about me at all,” she said finally. “Maybe she’s hoping for some sort of guidance if she returns to the temple.”          “It’s possible. She did seem very troubled by what happened between us and what came over her,” he murmured. “I hope she finds it, though based on the things I’ve heard you say, the Jedi don’t seem the best at giving advice.”          Ahsoka laughed and pushed him on the arm. “For us, no. But maybe for her.”          They landed at the temple not much later and Yadigan had somehow pulled herself together more and was standing taller next to Ahsoka as the loading ramp dropped. He could still feel how weak she was but that look of determination was back. The three of them headed down the ramp together to greet Obi wan who was waiting there.          The Jedi nodded at him and Ahsoka before his eyes landed on her mom. He watched his face as it appeared there was a dawning recognition. “Hello, Obi wan,” Yadigan said apparently enjoying watching the other Jedi sort through his memory. “How long has it been? Twenty years or so?”          “Yadigan?” Obi wan said in surprise. “What brings you here after so long away?”          Her mom put her arm on Ahsoka’s back and pushed her forward slightly. “I’ve been on the sidelines for too long while my daughter has to keep fighting unimaginable things. No more.”          Obi wan looked from Yadigan to Ahsoka in surprise. “Your daughter…?”          “What’s the matter, old friend, never had a child of your own? Given the way you were with the ladies, I find that surprising,” Yadigan smirked when Obi wan looked almost shocked. He had to admit, he was starting to like her mom more and more.

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“We are the Death Star Acolytes, and we will not rest until Lord Skywalker has taken his rightful place,” the transmission started, and he stared at it with his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed. “Long it’s been foretold that the Chosen One would inherit the wellspring of the dark side, and a new world order would be born. All of Darth Sidious’ plans were to this end. It is time. Return to us and take your crown.”           Obi wan reached forward and flipped off the message, then brought his hand up to stroke his beard. “We have no idea how big of a threat this is, that’s why we asked you here. Do you know anything about this?”           He looked from face to face of all the Jedi masters present, while chewing on his lip. He didn’t have much desire to get involved in anything else, but he had a feeling they were all looking to him to not just answer their questions, but volunteer to go investigate.            “I don’t,” he said carefully. “As I said before, Sidious didn’t like to tell people more than what he wanted them to know. He had minions all over the galaxy, all working on projects nobody but him knew about.”           “That’s disheartening,” Obi wan sighed.           “He often called me his apprentice, but I never officially took my place as that. Mainly because he was using Count Dooku until he was no longer useful for his plans. If he truly prepared all these things for me to inherit, he certainly never told me about it. However,” he continued before someone else could interrupt. “I do know a little bit about two of the things they mentioned, though I doubt it would be very helpful since I don’t know where they are.           “The Death Star is a planet-sized weapon that he was attempting to put into production. He wanted it to be powerful enough to destroy whole planets in a single shot. I don’t know if it was purely for intimidation or what his targets were to be.”           “That’s horrible,” Ahsoka whispered from next to him. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.            “The problem is, I can’t give you much to go on because I don’t even know if construction ever started on it. Let alone where or who could be involved. But if there is a Sith cult named after it, it’s probably safe to assume some part of that plan is still in motion. Last I knew though, the weapon depended on finding a particularly large Kyber crystal formation. That’s actually what I was on Vanqor years ago looking for. You know, when you collapsed the cave on Ahsoka and I?”           He felt this rush of annoyance as he remembered that day. Then again, if she hadn’t been there, it would have been so much worse. Although… the main reason it became a problem at all was because she’d followed him in there… so…           “Mistake, we made,” Yoda said suddenly. “Understand, we did not.”           “That’s an understatement.” It was Ahsoka that muttered this time. “I tried to tell you we could help him, and he’d help us, but instead, you tried to use me to trap him. Jokes on you though, it’s because of that we discovered how well our power worked together. And not that you cared, but I’m grateful he was a gentleman, showing more light than all of you combined at the time.”           “Ahsoka-” It was her mom that spoke this time. She still had a measure of weakness in her voice, but she’d been resting in a chair since they got into the briefing room. “It’s easy to look back and see all the things that could’ve been done differently. Those paths aren’t always obvious at the time.”           “You weren’t there,” Ahsoka said pointedly. “You don’t know what it was like to be abandoned like that and left to die by the people that raised you and supposedly looked out for your well-being.” She huffed before leaning into him. “I don’t even know why I’m still mad, I got something better out of it.”           His fingers tightened on her shoulder, and she slid her arms around him. “Sounds to me like the path was perfectly clear, you just didn’t trust the person that showed it to you,” he murmured, holding her close. “Back to the topic at hand so we can get out of here, the wellspring of the dark side is something Sidious spent countless hours looking for. He was convinced once he gained control of it, nothing would get in the way of his plans. I’m not sure why he would want me to inherit it, unless he hoped to use me once I did. Which probably means it’s another stupid thing only the chosen one is supposed to be able to do.” He rolled his eyes. “I can promise you, I don’t give a shit about it, so even if I were to go hunt down these acolytes, they’re not getting what they want from me.”           “Yes, about that,” Obi wan said suddenly. Oh boy, here we go… “We were hoping you’d be willing to find out what kind of threat they pose. From the sounds of the messages, they seem convinced you know where to go or you already have the clues you need to figure it out.”           “They’re not force users; I can tell you that much. So really, it’s nothing you shouldn’t have problems handling on your own,” he said in annoyance.            “I’ll go with you,” Ahsoka said softly. He looked down at her, wondering why she was giving in to their demands. “I know you don’t want to be involved anymore, but if the Death Star will be able to do what you said, and this cult is named after it… we can’t just let them continue on unchecked.”           “She’s-” He put up a hand to cut the other person off before they spoke.            “But suppose this is a trap Sidious prepared for me? If I go looking for them, I’m basically giving them exactly what they want. If they’re this obvious about finding me, they clearly think they hold the cards in this situation. Don’t you get it, Snips? The only way to stop them is to not let them have me.” He let go of her and looked at the others. “I’ve told you all I know, so I’m heading home now.” He left the room before anybody else could speak.           He was so tired of being a pawn in everybody else’s game, why did nobody get that he just wanted to live his life now that he actually could? They were all determined to take it away from him.            Sure, being spoken of like some kind of royal heir sounded nice, but he knew better than most not to fall for Sidious’ shiny promises. They never worked in his favor. Besides, not even all the power of the wellspring could give him what he truly wanted out of life. Even if he was a little bit curious what it was, they truly thought he’d be inheriting. Though… Sidious wasn’t around anymore, and if they wanted a leader, that meant he’d be calling the shots, right? What better way to finally get what he wanted than to make the rules?           He’d been wandering around for awhile, not really paying attention to where he was going. He thought he’d headed back in the direction of the hanger, but this place was huge and confusing. Clearly, he didn’t remember the way they’d come. He glanced around, nothing about this part of the temple was familiar but in fairness, he’d only been here twice and both times with people that knew their way around.           He thought he heard fighting somewhere off to his left, so he followed the sound out of curiosity. He entered some kind of training dojo, far fancier than any he’d ever been in, despite it being fairly simple. He saw a teenager in the middle surrounded by a cylinder shield with something over their head. Dozens of people were watching them intently, not really noticing his entrance. They appeared to be fighting some kind of droid firing blasters at them.           He leaned back and crossed his arms, studying their forms. They seemed slow and nervous but were still somehow blocking the lasers. The shield got smaller, and they started again, this time struggling to keep up with the droid’s movements and blasts. Eventually they got hit in the arm and cried out, knocking the helmet off their head. The shield disappeared and one of the people watching got up.           They didn’t comfort them or look at their wound. They just gave them a look of disappointment and told them to sit down because they’d failed this trial. He rolled his eyes. No wonder all the Jedi he met were miserable. They have no reason to have confidence in themselves or trust in their teachers.           “Can I help you?” He’d been noticed finally. He straightened without thinking, but the guy’s eyes widened, his hand flying to his lightsaber. “You’re the, you’re the chosen one,” he stumbled a bit over his words. “What are you doing here?”           He sighed, annoyed by the greeting he always got everywhere. “I was headed back to my ship, but I got turned around,” he said finally. “I heard fighting, so I thought I’d come look. What kind of trial is this?”           The Jedi seemed to release his grip on his lightsaber a bit. “This is an intermediate trial, to test how much a student has grown under their master. It’s typically performed a year after they start their apprenticeship.”           “And what happens if they fail it?” he asked curiously, glancing past the man that was talking to see the little boy he’d been watching bow his head looking completely dejected.           “Usually that means they don’t have what it takes to be a Jedi, so they’re assigned another task that doesn’t require the use of a lightsaber.”           “That’s a pretty harsh punishment for failing whatever that was.” He gestured towards the center of the dojo. “Especially after just a year of instruction. Though what would I know? At least you don’t torture them within an inch of their lives every time they fail.” The Jedi’s eyes widened, and that little boy glanced his way.            “Of course we don’t torture our students!”           “No, you just play mind games with them, so they lose all confidence in themselves and their abilities. I think I prefer the torture.”           “Now see here-” But he ignored the man and walked past him towards the little boy.           “What’s your name?” he asked, taking a knee in front of him. The boy looked a little nervous but to his credit, didn’t back away.           “Erith,” he whispered, after glancing at his teacher.           “Do you see this, Erith?” He pulled up the sleeve on his left arm, running his fingers over the faded but still visible scars. “It spells ‘obey’ in the Sith language. I carved it into my skin hundreds or thousands of times, as a way to burn my master’s lessons into me. But despite everything I did to be obedient, I found something better worth fighting for. Sometimes, no matter how obedient people expect you to be, you have to trust the force, yourself and where it guides you. Your power comes from in here, don’t let anyone take it from you.” He set his hand gently on the boy’s chest. “Or make you think you’re not enough, just as you are.” He moved his hand to the boy’s shoulder. “Why don’t you try the trial again?”           The boy nodded and stood up, moving back to the center of the dojo. And he glanced expectantly back at the teacher.           “This is unprecedented,” the Jedi said impatiently.           “Start the test,” he said instead. The man must have felt the subtle threat he’d slid into his words because he finally pressed the button and sat back with his arms crossed.            He turned to watch Erith, smirking a bit at the difference in how he was holding himself. He kept up much better with the droid this time, not missing a single blast. He moved over to the teacher and took the controller from him, pressing the button that increased the difficulty and ignored the man’s protests.            But to everybody else’s amazement, the boy did fine. He completed the trial perfectly, and when it ended, tipped his helmet back and gave him a sheepish grin.           “He passed your test, Jedi. Still plan to ship him off on whatever fool’s errand that won’t utilize his skills?”           “It’s none of your concern, chosen one, how we conduct our business here,” the teacher huffed. “Besides, this trial doesn’t count, he failed to pass the first one.” He had half a mind to grab this guy by the neck of his robes and pick him up off the ground, but he somehow managed to control the urge.            “All people need sometimes, is to be believed in. I guarantee you that most of the children that have failed your stupid test were far more skilled than you gave them credit for. Ahsoka was like that boy over there. She had no confidence in what she could do because all the Jedi ever did was beat her down. But it was because of her that I found the light again, that we were able to stop Sidious, Dooku and Maul. So, think again about the potential that you’re wasting over a stupid test in a little room that has no bearing on real life.”           “I- er-”           “There you are!” Ahsoka came through the door and looked between him and the Jedi. “Uh, what’s going on?”           “This piece of filth failed a boy that has a ton of potential because he missed a couple stupid blaster bolts from a training droid,” he said in annoyance. “So, I was explaining to him how you were vital to ending the war despite the Jedi not recognizing your value.”           “Oh,” she whispered, but he could tell she blushed. “I um, I mean I just did what I thought was right and-” She sucked in a breath when he looked at her. “But yes, my confidence was dismal before I met you.” She looked back at the teacher somewhat apologetically. “You should really consider his advice; he has a lot of wisdom to impart.” She slipped her arm through his and tugged him towards the door. “We need to talk,” she whispered to him.           “Keep practicing, Erith. And don’t let the Jedi bully you. No matter who they are,” he said to the kid before following her out the door. “It’s just absolute idiocy!” he ranted the moment they were out in the hall. “I could feel your power from the first time we met but it was always so muted, I get that the Jedi are all about holding back, but you can follow a code of beliefs without squandering your talent. As soon as someone believed in you, you became so much more powerful than I bet they even knew was possible. It’s ridiculous the way they treat people. And I thought getting physically tortured was bad! At least Sidious never made me think I couldn’t do something, he just tortured me until I did!”           “I… well… I can’t speak to either method because there’s obvious problems with both, but it’s hard to imagine a punishment as terrible as what you endured,” she whispered. “But I do see your point about the Jedi and their training techniques, it certainly had a way of making one never feel like they’d be good enough.”           He glanced to the side at her as she bowed her head. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked softer, realizing how painful this conversation was for her. Despite how much she always felt like a Jedi, it felt like she wasn’t happy to be back at the temple at all. Apparently, he’d never figure out her love-hate relationship with the place. Or the order…           “Have you already forgotten why we were asked to come here?” she asked in surprise.           “Oh,” he muttered. “Guess I got a bit distracted by the training thing.” He sighed and slumped down on a bench; thankful the hall was relatively empty right now. “Before you waste your breath on all the reasons we have to go do this thing, I know we do.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. “Even though the people in the cult aren’t Sith, I’m sure they have some dangerous artifacts or old magick that Sidious left them with. If they’re out there boldly looking for me with such a threat to the Jedi, they truly believe they can’t be stopped.”           “Why didn’t you say any of that in there?” she asked, glancing both ways down the hall before sitting down next to him looking uncomfortable.           “Because the Jedi don’t understand anything, least of all the ways of the dark side. I don’t care if the Sith are their ancient enemies or whatnot, the order as it is now… it won’t be able to stop the threat even if it has all the information. As usual, cleaning up Sidious’ messes will always fall to me and I hate it,” he complained. He squeezed his eyes shut when she reached out and rubbed his shoulder. “There’s a bigger problem, Snips.” He looked at her sadly. “This mission is going to be unbelievably dangerous for you, but I um, I’m not sure I can do it alone.”           “What do you mean?”           “You know how we were talking about where we sit with the force?” She nodded slowly looking concerned. “This is going to test us in ways nothing else has. Finding the eye of the storm? It won’t be that simple. The wellspring of the dark side, it is chaos and pain incarnate. If we find it, if we get even close to it, which we’ll probably have to, I don’t think there’s a way to come back from that.”           “But surely love-”           “We’re running to our deaths, Ahsoka,” he croaked. “Even if we succeed at stopping them, it’s a suicide mission. If you’re still willing to go, say your goodbyes first.”           “I…” She looked absolutely horrified. “But- it’s just- it’s just a cult, isn’t it? How can it be that bad?”           “I told you, the dark side is powerful, it’s hard to escape. Perhaps during a war that I didn’t care about, it was easier to resist the temptations and the promises because in you, I found something better. But… we’re moving into the realm of spirits now. Sith don’t like to die, remember? A cult like this, persisting this long after his death? I’m not an heir, I’m a sacrifice.”

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She watched him punch in some coordinates and then pull the lever. “I thought you didn’t know where they were?” she squeaked, still a bit unnerved by his certainty this would be a one-way trip.            “I don’t,” he said simply, checking over his instruments.            “Then where are we going?”           “Takodana.” She studied his face for a moment before looking away. Since being with him, she’d ended up in more unscrupulous places than she’d ever imagined existed. Takodana would just be yet another like them. But he seemed to believe there was something worth going there for and she felt a bit too queasy at the moment to ask too many questions.           It was like this shadow had fallen over him the moment he’d committed to taking this trip. And while he’d promised years ago to never lie to her, he wasn’t always forthcoming either. It made her anxious; that his ominous warning before leaving the temple not only wasn’t an over-exaggeration, but also that he clearly knew a lot more about what to expect or what was going on than he’d let on.            “Anakin?” she whispered, still unsure how this mysterious cult could be worse than the dark lord of the Sith himself. He glanced her way finally. “Is it really as bad as you say?” Her voice cracked as she struggled to hide the fear that was creeping in and putting a stranglehold on her.           He studied her for a few minutes, as if he were debating whether or not to answer. Or at least, how much to tell her. But instead of speaking, he got up, scooping her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing. He carried her to their room and settled her on the bed, before kicking off his shoes and throwing his jacket to the side. He pulled her into his arms and let out a heavy sigh.           “Worse, if I had to guess,” he said finally.            “Then why are we going?”           “You’re the one that said we needed to stop them,” he said, rolling onto his back. She scooted closer and cuddled into him, grateful that he was still holding her. Though unlike before their fight with Sidious, she felt a surprising amount of fear from him. Whatever they were headed towards, scared him way more than anything Sidious had done to him.           “Well yeah, but maybe you were right about it being a trap.”           “Scared, Snips?” he smirked at her.           “Yes! And so are you!” She pushed him in annoyance. “When I said we should do this, I thought it was just a silly little cult that wouldn’t take much to stop. You didn’t say anything about it being a death sentence until afterwards! I’m not afraid to die, Anakin, but I don’t want you to. And I definitely don’t like the idea of you being used as some kind of key to open ultimate evil!”           “You’re right,” he said after a long pause. “I am scared.” She watched the side of his face waiting for him to say more or acknowledge anything else she’d said, but he didn’t. He just stared at the ceiling.            “Then why are we doing this?” It felt like she was pleading this time.            “I’m scared of myself,” he whispered, as if he hadn’t even heard her last question. She looked at him in surprise. “I know what you said before, and what my mother believed in, but nobody saw the darkness I wrestled with to keep in line. Those jokes and games? They were just one way to hide the dragon inside me. Despite everything, I’ll always be tainted by the darkness, by what he did to me. I still have nightmares of it every day. The worst part is, I crave the power it offers. I’ve tried so hard to resist it, but I can’t. I don’t want to.”           He turned his head towards her, his eyes glimmering gold again for a brief second. She stared at him in disbelief, trying to resist the urge to back away.            “I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t need it. That I don’t even want it, but it’s the biggest lie I’ve told myself.” He blinked slowly and went back to staring at the ceiling. “The wellspring of the dark side has the power to bring people back from the dead,” he breathed. “Ever since your mom told me she was talking to mine in the force, it gave me hope there was something of her left to find if I tried.”           “Anakin…” she whispered nervously. “You said the dark side holds nothing but false promises, even if bringing people back from the dead was possible, what would they be? What if they’re twisted and nothing like what they were?”           He didn’t speak again for a really long time; she hoped it meant he was actually considering what she’d said. But the longer the silence went on, the more anxious she got that she was losing him.           She propped herself up on her elbow, running her fingers through his hair. “What if it turns you into something worse?” she croaked, unable to hold back the intense emotions threatening to overwhelm her, the dark cloud surrounding them suddenly becoming thicker and thicker. “I don’t want to lose you.” She leaned over to kiss him, hoping maybe it would break him out of his thoughts.            He blinked and looked back at her. “Do you ever think about our future?” He seemed to be echoing the conversation they’d had on Shili before all of this started. “What if we got to live as royalty? What if the entire galaxy was ours? What if our kids were raised as princes or princesses? They’d never want for anything? Imagine the kind of power we could possess, that nothing could stand in our way. It would be amazing.”           “It sounds boring to me,” she huffed, sitting back on her heels and crossing her arms. She didn’t mean to insult his dreams, but she was at a loss for how to break him out of this weird trance he’d fallen into. Hurt flashed across his features, and she instantly felt guilty for speaking so bluntly. “Everyday life may be fraught with annoying challenges. And maybe some days just plain suck and others not so much. But to be able to take everything you want no matter what the consequences? To let others suffer just to live like royals? To give our kids or ourselves nothing to strive for? What purpose lives in that?” She moved like she was going to climb over him, but he caught her before she got away, forcing her back down on his stomach. “How would we truly know joy and love if we don’t experience sorrow and loss?” she breathed, looking back at him sadly. “Life is about balance, about ups and downs. I feel as though if you had everything handed to you, you’d never find true satisfaction.”           His fingers tightened on her waist, and for a moment, she feared his retaliation for speaking so harshly towards this supposed ‘paradise’ he proposed. But instead, he sat up, forcing her to slide back onto his lap. He slid one hand beneath her lekku and pulled her forward to meet his lips. It took a moment to relax into it because it wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting. But before long, they were lost in heavy breathy kisses full of heat and longing and desire.            She probably shouldn’t have given in so easily, but she was still captivated by the things he could make her feel and the way her body responded to his touch and his presence. She had no idea if he’d initiated this to get her to shut up about this topic or in response to something she’d said, but regardless, it felt like they were falling back into that light and joy and wonder they’d found before. Which almost made her laugh given how adamant the Jedi always were that passion was a bad thing. Maybe it was? She didn’t know. But their love felt anything but dark, even if tonight it started from a dark place.            Perhaps he was using it as a way to climb out of that hole he’d fallen into. In which case… she’d give him anything he needed to help him.            “You weren’t talking about death, were you?” she panted as they lay there coming down from the high. He glanced to the side at her, sweat still beading on his forehead plastering curls to his skin. “What we wouldn’t come back from?”           “The dark side is merciless, it takes everything from you,” he croaked. “It’s worse than death. To give into it fully is to commit its own form of suicide.”           “That’s why you won’t, right?” she asked hopefully, leaning closer to kiss his skin.            A look of deep sorrow crossed his features, reminding her of the pain he’d felt about letting her go when Maul had that suffocating hold on her. “I may not have a choice,” he breathed. “I don’t know what awaits us there, but I have a bad feeling the acolytes found the wellspring. And if that’s the case, it means Sidious has been helping them from beyond the grave. To stop them, we’ll have to get close to it and…”           He trailed off but the images of Sidious possessing his mind back in the beginning of their relationship flashed through her head. She reached out and grabbed his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “You’re stronger than him, Anakin. Your light is stronger than his darkness. You beat him before; you can beat him again.”           He read her eyes for a few minutes. “I really hope that’s true,” he murmured.           “I’ll kiss you as many times as I have to, to remind you.”           “What a threat,” he smirked at her. —-            When they arrived on Takodana, he flew past the aptly named Crown Cantina to an ancient ruin hidden in the woods. According to him, this place had once been known as the Crown Temple, a place where people gathered to worship The Ones. She didn’t know much of anything about these beings, only that they supposedly held incredible power and were immortal. He told her stories he’d heard of them, how the Son had drunk from the Font of Power and the Daughter had bathed in the Pool of Knowledge. And how the Father had to forever keep peace between his warring children. They were an ancient race known as the Celestials and it was believed by some that they were the origin of the force itself. The Son representing the dark side, the Daughter representing the light.           It all sounded a bit farfetched to her, but she wasn’t exactly a stranger to stories throughout history claiming immeasurable power or beings that could wield it. But Anakin had been convinced that to find these acolytes, there’d be a clue somewhere in these ruins. He’d remembered this place he’d heard about years ago when they went back through what the acolytes had said looking for clues.            If drinking from a font was all it took to turn someone completely dark, it certainly sounded like the wellspring of the dark side they were referring to. So perhaps all she had to do to protect him was not let him drink anything they offered.             The ruins were circular in shape and surprisingly large. Trees and plants had since reclaimed a lot of it, but there were still whole walls standing and painted murals visible. The place gave her an eerie feeling though, she didn’t like it. Even if not all these Celestials were evil, it felt as though something had torn them apart or twisted their original purpose. She wasn’t sure how to explain her unsettled thoughts though, and just kept quiet as they moved through the place holding hands.           Finally, somewhere deep inside, they stopped in front of a massive mural that looked like some kind of star chart, mapping all the planets in the area. She stood back holding the light as Anakin began tracing some lines or patterns with his fingers. All the text painted on the wall was in some language she didn’t recognize. And that only unnerved her more, because she was fluent in a lot of languages from her time at the temple. Whatever this one was, he seemed to know it.           He pressed a circular stone that looked like it represented a larger planet in the area. “Takodana,” he murmured, as they both watched it recess into the wall. “Now if I’m not mistaken, there’s four others that represent the Celestial Crown. The problem is, I don’t remember which ones they are. And I’m not sure if there are any traps if I press the wrong ones. So be on the lookout, Snips.”           She glanced around nervously, before looking back at the star chart. He traced a pathway to the left of the one he’d claimed was Takodana.            “I think this one is Endor,” he said. “I believe it’s one of the four. You ready?” He glanced back at her. She rolled her lips and nodded, bracing herself for something to happen when he pressed it. However, it must have been right, because it just recessed into the wall like the other one. “Okay, that’s two… Now the question is if the crown goes around this way towards Bespin or out into the Unknown Reaches.” She watched him trace two different possible paths and then stepped up closer to get a better look herself.           “Are there any qualifications for a planet to be considered part of the crown or is it simply a pattern on a map?” she asked curiously. She’d studied her fair share of galaxy maps and if it was showing the area around the planets he’d named, there were a surprising number off to the northwest of Endor that don’t show up on the standard galactic map.            “I’m not sure,” he sighed, dropping his hand. She studied the map for awhile before stepping back to get a bigger picture of the mural. She glanced to the right and saw another image that appeared to be a portrait of the three deities this temple was dedicated to. She looked between them noticing some of the stars seemed to be in similar places as golden dots on the portrait. Anakin turned around to look at her and she saw that the two planets he’d pressed in almost perfectly arched over his head the beginning of a pattern similar to golden dots around the Father’s crown.           “Anakin…” she whispered suddenly.           “What is it, Snips?” he asked in concern, stepping forward to reach out to her.            She swallowed the weird revelation that just popped into her head. She didn’t know enough about these things to know if she was right. “Um, look,” she said instead, pointing to the mural with the Father. He moved beside her and looked back at the wall.           “Oh.” Was all he said. “So Takodana is the middle of the crown… then Endor on its left-” He moved back over to the star map, tracing to the right from Takodana this time, while repeatedly glancing back at the mural. “Kriselist to the right? Unless it’s actually Bomi Koori Four? I’m not sure, they’re both really close to each other. What do you think, Snips?”           “I couldn’t even begin to guess,” she whispered. “But I think Kriselist lines up better with the father’s crown.”           “Kriselist, it is then. Brace yourself.” She tightened her grip on her lightsaber, trying not to let the tension overwhelm her. He pressed the circular stone correlated with that planet. Other than it sinking into the wall like the others, nothing happened. However, it did suddenly feel colder in the ruins than it had before. She had no idea if that was an indication that they had triggered a trap, or if the weather had simply changed outside.            It had been evening when they started their exploration, so perhaps the sun had already gone down, and it got particularly chilly in this part of the forest. She shivered a little, rubbing her shoulders for warmth and looking around nervously.            “Did you notice the change of temperature?” she whispered. He looked up from studying the Star map and glanced around.            “I think we’re on the right track,” he said instead. But he came over and took off his jacket, throwing it around her shoulders. He held the fabric to her skin for a moment, looking her up and down. “It’s the dark side. Once I press these last two points, it’s probably going to reveal some Sith artifact that’ll give us the last clue we need to find them.”           “They just wake up like that?” she croaked nervously. Every new thing she learned about the Sith made her question how brave she really was. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her on the forehead.           “Sith artifacts are often imbued with ancient magic, sometimes old spirits. They respond to energy. If it suddenly got stronger, it’s because it can sense my darkness or your light. I can feel it calling to me, that’s how I know we’re close.”           “Is that how you knew to come here?”           “No, that was just a lucky guess.” He shrugged. She stared at his back as he walked away from her. She didn’t hear him say the names of the last two planets he pushed in, because all she could do was watch him as he focused on his task. As soon as he pressed the last one, a stone above Takodana illuminated a bright white. It aligned exactly with the top of the Father’s crown.            He floated a large piece of stone over to his position in order to step up on it and press the one that had lit up. Suddenly all of the points pressed lit up white, then changed to red, before a hidden door to their left suddenly opened. On the floor of the now revealed passageway was an intricate pattern that seemed strangely familiar to her. But she couldn’t fully appreciate it because it was so chilly in there now her teeth started chattering.            She slipped her arms through his jacket and zipped it up, moving beside him as he stared down at the floor. “The circle of wills,” he murmured.           “What is that?” He crouched down.            “This flowery part, it represents life and light, the Daughter’s ability to go with the flow, to grow. This spiky part, it bursts out from the center demonstrating the destruction and abrasiveness of the dark side.” He traced his fingers over the different parts as he spoke. “It’s similar to the Sith symbol actually. But together, together they equal balance. It’s called the circle of wills because in every person there lies light and dark, same with the force. It’s our will that determines whether we live in balance or choose one over the other.”           “You’re so knowledgeable about these things I’ve never even heard of.”           “I had a lot of lessons beat into me,” he said tightly.            “I… uh…” She swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. “I only meant it’s fascinating, but I’m sorry you had to learn it in such a horrible way.” She hugged herself and looked away. “What was that last star that lit up?”           “If I’m right? Celestaire. The original home of the Celestials.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“What happened here?” she whispered when they dropped out of hyperspace. The planet, while itself was intact, had an impossibly large debris field around it. They weren’t close enough yet to know if it was a ship graveyard or asteroid pieces that got caught in its gravitational pull. Or stranger yet, parts of buildings that looked like they’d once been on the surface. She stared out the window at a huge chunk of what must have been a tower when they finally got close enough to see it. “It looks like it imploded or something, but how would the planet not be in pieces too? This isn’t the work of that Death Star, is it?”           She glanced back at Anakin who was focused on carefully steering them through the debris. “I don’t think so,” he murmured, but he sounded troubled too. “Unless Sidious had unlimited resources, it shouldn’t be functional already if it was started. And last I heard, he never did find that kyber crystal he needed to power it. So even if it was somehow complete, there’s no way it would have enough destructive power to do this yet.”           She furrowed her brow. He’d mentioned the kyber crystal before but there’d been too much tension at the time to ask questions about it. She vaguely remembered looking down at the datapad he’d angrily shoved in her hands after the cave collapsed on them. But clearly she’d been too focused on befriending him to be a good spy for the Jedi, because she could not recall a single piece of information that had been on it.           “How would a lightsaber crystal power a weapon the size of a planet?” she asked in confusion.            “Do Jedi really not teach you anything?” he countered instead.           “Of course they do! But lightsaber crystals are tiny, they fit in the palm of your hand. And sure, they power incredible weapons, but-” she trailed off when he shook his head in dismay.           “The silly little things that power lightsabers are only one form of kyber crystals. In their unaltered or natural state, they can create massive chunks. But those chunks are incredibly volatile and they’re extremely hard to find and collect in one piece because they’re vulnerable to even the slightest seismic activity, corrosion or movement. There’s a reason small pieces are easier to find. Most large pieces don’t last very long in the wild.”           “So, Sidious wanted to use their volatility and channel it into a beam that was powerful enough to completely obliterate whatever it hit.”           “Pretty much, yeah,” he sighed.           “I just can’t fathom it,” she whispered, looking ahead again. “An entire world, just completely destroyed. Billions of people, so many races and species of plants and fauna. Histories and civilizations just completely erased… All that life, just extinct in an instant. Imagine being away on a trip and coming back and your planet, your family, your friends, your home, everything you knew, was just gone… it’s- it’s- I don’t even have words. It’s terrifying.” She shivered uncontrollably, even though she was still wearing his jacket that he’d put on her on Takodana. “And I thought being rescued from jail by a Sith and taken away from everything I knew was bad…”           “Hey,” he muttered with a scowl.            “I meant at the time. Not now. Unless...” she couldn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t even want to speak the words for fear of putting it into existence somehow.            “We’re going to stop them, Snips,” he said softly. She looked back at his face.            “How does that kind of destruction, all those lives lost, how does that benefit him?”           “The dark side is fueled by chaos, fear, suffering and death,” he croaked, tapping his fingers uncomfortably against the steering stick. “Not sure how much you know about ancient history, but Sith often thrived in war. The Death Star wouldn’t be the first horrible weapon created for that purpose, nor any of its targets the first to be destroyed by one.”           “Did you feel more powerful that way?” she breathed, hoping she wasn’t pushing him too far but also dreading his answer. After their lovemaking session on the way to Takodana, he’d not brought up the weird things he’d been talking about again. But that didn’t exactly bring her comfort, because now she had to worry that he’d simply stopped speaking of it openly, not that he’d changed his mind.            “I think they wanted me to believe I did,” he admitted finally. “But the truth was, I only ever felt empty. It wasn’t until we started working together that I felt powerful.” He tried to give her a smile, but it looked somewhat forced. “But I don’t know if that’s because we actually did find something more powerful, or if you just made me see the power I had.”          She didn’t really know what to say to that, so she just rolled her lips and looked down. It was probably just as well since they landed a few minutes later. Though his vague answers to things were certainly not putting her at ease about what they’d be facing here. At least she appreciated his promise they’d stop them, hopefully that meant he wasn’t lost yet.           Despite the wreckage of whole cities orbiting the planet, the surface was anything but empty. It seemed like a wild place but in a very overgrown way as if all these strange-looking plants were encouraged to grow out of control.           “Look out!” he said suddenly, pulling her forcefully away from a weird looking plant that had almost had her for lunch. She looked at him with her eyes wide.           “I’m used to beasts trying to eat me, not plants!” He held her close for a minute as they both looked around them, taking in the dangerous scenery.           “I really hope this doesn’t mean what I think it does,” he whispered.           “What?” He didn’t get to answer though. She felt him tense and looked up to see several people in dark robes emerging from the underbrush.            “Lord Skywalker.” The one in front knelt down with a deep bow, the other two followed suit. “We are grateful our message finally reached you.”           He seemed to debate with himself about how to respond, but at least he didn’t let go of her. “It did,” he said finally. She figured she should stay quiet and let him do the talking. He knew more about this stuff than she did, and she’d probably end up giving away something she wasn’t supposed to.           “We are your loyal servants, come, your inheritance awaits. Let us show you what we’ve built for you.” The acolytes stood up, the one in front looked in her direction and to her surprise, bowed respectfully to her as well. “Welcome, Lady Skywalker, the future is as you both create it.”           Her eyes widened at how they addressed her, and she glanced at Anakin. How did they know they’d gotten married? And if they knew that, surely, they knew she used to be a Jedi. Did they believe he’d corrupted her? Or did they think their plan was foolproof enough to not see her light as a threat?           The men in robes gestured for them to follow and turned to lead them into the wilds. At some point they were forced to let go of each other because the terrain became too thick and treacherous to travel side by side. No one spoke as they headed up this hill covered in even more towering but dangerous-looking plants. It reminded her a little of Felucia and how many of the flowers could dwarf you, but much more dangerous.           The planet itself felt pained and miserable, and what animals she could sense seemed to live in fear, so she could only assume the violent fauna had grown or mutated from the dark energy whispering all around them. But because the place was so heavy and oppressive, she was surprised to feel something opposite of that not far away. The acolytes were leading them through some winding path through the thicket on the left. But the soft pulsing light she felt was coming from somewhere to their right.            She didn’t want to leave him now, but if he felt it, he was ignoring it. And before she really thought about what she was doing, it felt like she was being pulled in the opposite direction. The feeling so overwhelming she felt compelled to break off from the group in order to find its source. Supposedly not all the celestials had been dark, so maybe something light still existed here? It seemed hard to believe given what she’d seen so far…           The feeling got stronger and stronger the closer she got to it, as if it was calling out to her specifically. And eventually, she left the utter chaotic landscape to enter a clean, tidy garden with pretty colored lights, cobblestones and fountains. It was such a stark contrast to the rest of the planet so far that she just stopped and looked around in awe.            She looked up to see a beautiful human woman appear in front of her. She was taller than most humans she’d met, but she had long flowing hair, an elegantly draped white dress, striking eyes and this aura of light around her that seemed to make her glow.           “Hello child,” she said with a sweet smile. Her voice was soft but full of confidence. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a visitor in my garden.”           “Who are you?” she asked curiously.           “I am the Mother,” the woman replied with a tinkling laugh. She liked her. Somehow it made perfect sense that she was a mother, she had the gentle and wise vibes of someone that was very comforting but strong.           “The Mother,” she repeated to herself, thinking back to the mural on Takodana. Then she furrowed her brow, in all of Anakin’s stories, he never mentioned a mother. It was always the Father, the Son and the Daughter. Maybe she was the only remaining survivor, so all those things were dedicated to the family she’d lost? “Are you one of the celestials?”           “I am.” The woman looked suddenly sad, and she instantly felt guilty for reminding her of some past pain. “I’m all that’s left of a once grand race. I live here in my garden, wasting away as my power fades with time.”           “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. She was curious what had happened but also didn’t want to bring up bad memories for the woman. “Is there anything I can do?”           “What a kind little soul, you are,” the woman murmured. “My family abandoned me! I was stranded here, forced to watch our glorious planet fall to ruin. I don’t understand what I did wrong. I only ever doted on the children. It was because of me that they found outlets for their powers other than warring with each other. And I was a good and dutiful wife! I took care of their every need; I loved them with my whole heart!”           The Mother dropped dramatically to the ground, draping herself over the edge of a fountain and started weeping. “That sounds awful!” She felt this overwhelming sense of pity. “I was led to believe they were good. At least the Father and the Daughter…” she trailed off, chewing on her lip.           “They’re anything but good!” the woman wailed. “They’ve been deceiving everyone for centuries! People worship my husband as if he’s some kind of god. They don’t know the cruelty that lives in all of them. I was the one that kept the balance! I was the one that did all of the work! And now I’m left here to just rot away while they get all the glory and admiration and love! Was it so wrong of me to love my family?”           The Mother looked back at her with piercing eyes. She shifted a bit not knowing what to say. It made sense given how Anakin had been raised that he had such a skewed view of the story, especially that they would leave out the lightest one. She wasn’t sure why the Daughter hadn’t been painted in a negative light when told by the Sith, but she certainly felt they’d gotten it all wrong.           “I uh, no. I don’t think so,” she croaked finally. “I’m not sure I’m truly the right person to ask though after how I was raised. I believe the love I found with my husband is incredibly powerful, but I admit, I still sometimes have this fear he’ll abandon me.”           The woman stood up finally, seeming to put all her anguish aside and balancing out. “Your husband?” she asked. “Is he here?”           “Um, yeah… we came to stop the Death Star Acolytes that apparently have been operating here. They want to turn him into something horrible.” She rubbed her arms a bit, still feeling a little shiver every time she had to think about that.           “Acolytes,” the Mother whispered, getting a far off look in her eyes. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had acolytes. My power is too weak to feel much outside my garden nowadays, I’m afraid.”           “So, you don’t know anything about the wellspring of the dark side?” she asked in surprise.           “I don’t,” the woman murmured. “It must be something that was born after I was stranded here. But now that you mention it, I think there’s a way you might be able to help me after all, my dear.”           She didn’t get a chance to ask what the woman meant, because suddenly she was right in front of her. She looked her over and then in another dramatic show, her body turned to ash, falling into a pile on the grass at her feet. “What the-?”           A moment later she was blasted with this rush of power as if she’d suddenly walked into a hurricane. And the next thing she knew, everything started fading as this heavy weight seemed to press her down into the very recesses of her own body. It felt as though she’d been forced into this dark room and no longer able to function or control her own limbs.            “A bit on the small side, aren’t you?” The Mother’s voice echoed around her, but also sounded strangely like her own. “No matter, it will do. It’s been so long since I’ve had a body. I can’t wait to meet this husband of yours. I’ve heard quite the stories of him. Sidious always speaks of him as if he’s this magnificent being, with more power than any mortal has been able to wield for a millennium. He wasn’t happy when he killed him, but for beings like us, it’s of little consequence. Soon, you’ll be delivering him into the maw of greatness. We best get you ready.”           She felt this horrible darkness spreading through her veins as if she was slowly being poisoned. Now that the woman appeared to have taken possession of her, she felt her true nature and it was terrifying. She didn’t know what to do and why she hadn’t felt it before. She tried to summon strength to push her out, but it felt like she was just pounding on a heavy door, powerless to escape this prison that had been built inside her own head. Anakin… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!—-            “Where is my wife?” he asked, looking around. They’d had to walk single file through the thick plants, and he wasn’t sure when she disappeared or what happened. He hadn’t felt anything, and he’d been focused on what the acolytes were saying. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to take a deep breath. He’d known they wouldn’t be trustworthy, but he supposed it hadn’t occurred to him they’d try to split them up right away, especially after the greeting they’d given her.           “No need to worry, my lord. She is simply getting ready for the feast tonight. She’ll be returned to you soon. We thought she should look her best for your ascension.”           He grabbed the acolyte that had spoken by the neck of his robes. “What the hell does that mean?”           “Your inheritance!” the man squeaked in fear. “We were preparing a celebration for you. In your- honor. That’s all!”           “She’s safe, Lord Skywalker,” another spoke. “The royal stylist simply met her on the way here. We thought she wouldn’t miss any of the things we wanted to speak to you about.” He dropped the one he was holding and glared at the other. The second man cowered and bowed his head, groveling at his feet. “We have no reason to trick you, we exist only to serve the chosen one.”           “But is that loyalty before or after what you have for Darth Sidious?” he growled.            “Before, of course! When we learned of his death, we went to work putting in motion everything he left for you,” the first one spoke again. “It was always his intention to take you as his apprentice, to teach you everything he knew of the dark side. He saw you as a son, everything he had was meant for you.”           “I don’t believe that,” he muttered in annoyance. “Sidious was anything but generous. Everything he offered came with unreasonable costs or expectations. So, you can drop the act right now. I’m not here to play your games. I only came to see what you want from me.”           “Anakin!” He looked up when he heard Ahsoka’s voice. For a moment, all he could do was stare at her in surprise. She was wearing an incredibly sexy red dress that draped over her perfect curves and accentuated them. Shaped patches of her beautiful orange skin were visible through it. It had a long slit up the left side of the dress, and a teasing glimpse of black lace panties underneath the stockings. The boots had tall heels, helping to show off her already attractive figure.           When he finally managed to peel his eyes away from her beautiful outfit, and close his jaw, he met her eyes. She was wearing dark makeup that gave the normal bright innocence an almost sultry look instead. The dark red lips accented her painted face, but none of it hinted at corruption or Sith influence. The darker tones made her look more mature than normal, not that she wasn’t in general, but the lighter brighter colors she typically wore didn’t have the same seductive feel.           “Wow,” was all he managed, trying to pull himself back together. He liked the fire in her eyes that complimented the look. And maybe if he were honest, dressed like this made her feel more… he wasn’t sure how to explain it… like she fit in his world better. Not that he wanted her to be darker or anything, but he wouldn’t be opposed to her dressing this way on occasion…            “Do you like it?” She spun around for him, and it took everything he had not to run off into a room with her right then. Their newfound physical intimacy made it hard to resist all the time. Especially when just an outfit change could heat his blood. Even though he didn’t want that to be all that mattered.           “You look amazing,” he breathed. “Not that you don’t normally.” He tried to shake his blurring thoughts to make his way towards her. “But are you okay? I was so worried when I looked back, and you weren’t there.”           “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I guess I got distracted when they offered me a makeover. I didn’t think it would take long, but clearly, I know nothing about these kinds of things.” She looked down, playing with the skirt again, he tried not to stare at the teasing skin of her legs. “I’ve never worn anything so… silky before.” When she looked up at him, her eyes were sparkling, full of excitement. “Maybe I was wrong, living like royalty wouldn’t be so bad.”           He smirked at the sheepish smile she gave him in response to that admission. But then he remembered no matter how great their promises were, they couldn’t accept. All of this was a trick, nothing more. Even if her innocence over the experience was incredibly attractive. But was it really so bad, at least for a little while, to let her enjoy things she’d never had before? After all, that was what he’d always wanted to do for her on holidays, and random times throughout the years. Just gift her with adventures and fun and watch the wonder and joy spread across her features at each new thing she discovers.            Admittedly though, he was concerned by how easily she’d trusted whatever offer they’d made her. He knew he hadn’t told her everything before coming here, but surely, he’d instilled enough caution into her to not just run off immediately believing anything they said? In a way though, she’d always been like that with him. Even in the middle of the war, she’d forget basic safety and precautions just to follow him. He silently cursed the Jedi for their lack of true guidance or arrogance. He wouldn’t call her stupid by any means, but there were definitely ways she was still naïve despite all the darkness she’d borne witness to with him. If anybody could keep him straight through this, it was her. But he supposed that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a bit of fun first… living out a stupid fantasy…           Surely, she didn’t think given all that he’d said before, that she had to be dark for him? She wasn’t going along with this as a way to approve if he did choose it? No, that was ridiculous. Ahsoka would never give into that kind of temptation, it was the only reason he’d wanted to bring her with for this trip, despite the danger.           He put his hands on her waist, enjoying the way she moved in response as she slid her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer and he met her lips. It tasted a little weird at first, the makeup not quite as enjoyable as her natural flavor. But he relaxed into it, loving how easy it was to feel connected and close to her.            But something weird nagged in the back of his mind. He couldn’t figure out what it was. There was nothing about her that seemed off. For all he could see, all changes from the makeover were purely superficial. And yet, there was an almost emptiness to the kiss he couldn’t explain. Like something was missing. Either that, or his paranoia about this place and this cult was getting the better of him.           “You wouldn’t believe what they built us!” she said suddenly. His attention was back on her pretty face. “Come on! I want to show you!” He let her drag him out of the room, forgetting all about the acolytes and their desire to talk. He just wanted to live in her excitement and joy forever.            He looked up at the massive fortress she stopped in front of sometime later. The architecture was clearly Sith inspired, along with the color and the feel. But of all the things he’d imagined about what this cult was referring to when speaking of inheritance, he hadn’t expected anything like this. He’d assumed all of it had been a trick simply to lure him to the wellspring and get him to take the power it offered. Only to ultimately trick him into becoming a new vessel for Sidious’ spirit or his mindless pawn. So to see something like this built as though they actually were going to provide for him…           Unless all of this was for Sidious after the sacrifice was complete… they were just playing it off as being for him…           “They built us a castle!” Ahsoka said dramatically. He glanced to the side at her, still confused by how easily she believed their lies or assumed the best. “I’ve never seen anything so luxurious in my life! Look at these fabrics and this fancy furniture!” She led him from room to room. “And here, they even built us a nursery, with an incredible playroom. We could start that family we keep talking about.” She spun around as if full of joy at the prospect. “Our kids would grow up wanting for nothing, safe and happy and well cared for. And with the size of this place, we could have as many as we want!”           He wasn’t sure about having a lot of kids given his background, but he knew he wanted a couple at least. Especially if they ended up anything like her. And the idea of making sure they could have anything they’d ever need or want came from his own childhood where he’d never had much of anything. Not that he blamed his mother for that or anything, he knew she’d done the best she could given their circumstances. He just wanted to ensure any child they brought into this world never had to live like he had.           “The garden is magnificent too,” she continued with that boundless excitement. “It has fountains and pools and pretty flowers. Nothing like the hostile plants we saw coming in. It’s like- like our own little paradise. I admit, when you spoke of living like royals, I couldn’t even imagine what that meant. Now I see why the thought is appealing.” She looked up at him, taking his hands in hers. “I never meant to crush your dreams. I can see now why you’d want this, not because you care more about things, but after growing up with very little, there’s a joy in having so much.” She smiled at him. “The Jedi, despite their grand temples and art and impressive architecture, they didn’t believe in owning things. So all this richness is new to me too.”           She put his arms around her and sidled up closer. He just watched her in fascination. The way she moved, the way her body felt against his, the hopeful wonder and anticipation of this incredible future full of all the things they’d always been denied before. Even though he knew it was all part of the trick, he almost wanted to give in, just to see her shining forever as brightly as she did right now.           “Oh!” She lit up. “I saved the best for last, come on!” She pulled him after her once more, guiding him through the massive castle to a fancy gallery. She stopped them in front of a statue and his breath caught in his throat. “Look at it, she’s so lifelike. It’s almost as though she could start moving any second. Maybe with the power here, that would be possible after all.”           He forgot about everything else for awhile as he stared at the incredible statue of his mother. It was so detailed as though, as though it was actually her, just frozen in time, waiting to be awoken once more. He reached out like he wanted to touch it, but his hand froze before he did. He really did long for the power to bring her back but…           That’s when it finally hit him. He turned around to see Ahsoka holding a cup for him to take. “Just one sip, and all of this could be ours forever,” she whispered, that sultry look back in her eyes. “Everything you’ve ever wanted. Wealth, family, love, power. It’s all right here.”           He took the glass from her, looking down at the dark red liquid. Thickened by age and smelling sweet like nectar. He thought about how long he’d craved all these things, the ache he’d felt for years missing his mother. His desire to be stronger, to be able to protect the people he loved better, to never have to fear someone trying to take it all from him again.           He brought it to his lips. But then he thought about Ahsoka’s insistence that wanting for nothing would steal all purpose from life. That these things couldn’t replace what really mattered. That it would be… boring. He thought about all their spontaneous silliness over the years, how much joy and peace and love he’d felt in the most random of moments.            How this perfect little togruta woman had transformed his entire life and how none of it had been the things he’d desired for most of it. He set the glass down on a nearby table, ignoring her look of confusion that had followed the utter anticipation she’d shown while she waited for him to drink it. Then she looked back at his face.           “I just want to savor this moment with you,” he said finally, taking her in his arms. “Before it all changes.” He started humming a song and danced with her around the huge room. He could picture all the parties they could host, all the people having fun and dancing with them. He spun her around and went to dip her, but this time when their eyes met, hers were full of fear and misery and helplessness. He pulled her closer.           “Help me,” she whispered, her voice strangled by emotion as if it was suffocating wherever she was.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Let her go, Abeloth,” he demanded with a growl coming from somewhere deep inside him. He reached for his lightsaber, brandishing it as a warning sign.           “No, I don’t think I will.” It was no longer Ahsoka’s voice coming out of her body. This one was twisted and dark and almost inhuman. “It’s not really my ideal preference, but it’ll do for now. It’s a shame though, that you didn’t just drink the cup I offered. It would have made everything much easier.”           “She’s not an it,” he said angrily. “She’s my wife and I want her back!”           “Because you see her as your property? Men are all the same.”           “She’s not my property, she’s my partner. She belongs to no one, and I like it that way,” he growled.           “You’ll have to kill her, chosen one, if you want me out of her body,” Abeloth taunted. She moved back and forth like a pacing beast. As soon as he’d drawn his lightsaber, she’d ripped off the bottom part of her dress, preparing for a fight.            He was angry at himself for not realizing what had happened. He’d figured out it was some kind of trick early on in the tour but had chosen to play along. For Ahsoka to go from adamantly against the idea, to practically begging him to give it to her was pretty much impossible. And honestly, he liked that right about now, because it made it easier to distinguish when someone was pretending to be her. Though that was the bigger issue, he’d assumed they’d just taken her form, he’d had no idea they’d taken her body too.           Abeloth was an ancient being, like the celestials but not quite. She’d been mortal first, a servant to the Ones. Over time, she’d earned the title of the Mother, for all that she’d done for the children, but her greed had ultimately corrupted her. She’d done two forbidden acts with the purpose of gaining immortality. She’d snuck a drink from the Font of Power, and she’d swam in the Pool of Knowledge.           While each on their own is a lot, doing both had ultimately corrupted her into something demonic. Worse even than Sith, which given his own experiences, was hard to imagine. After tearing the family apart, the Father took his two children and left Celestaire, abandoning her and leaving her to wallow in her self-pity.            In the following centuries, she’d proceeded to destroy everything this planet was and everybody on it. One story Sidious had told him was her particular fondness for dangerous plants. In all his talks with Ahsoka, it hadn’t really occurred to him that Abeloth was even real. He still wasn’t even sure he believed the others were real either. Until now, they’d all seemed like children’s tales almost, something desperate people put too much belief in. Including Sidious himself.           But then they’d gotten here and seen the plants trying to eat them and suddenly he’d feared the worst, that the wellspring of the dark side wasn’t a Font or a Pool, it was Abeloth herself, or both those things combined. And now she was corrupting Ahsoka with her darkness. He had to figure out a way to get her out of her body, and he feared she was right. The only way would be to kill Ahsoka, and he refused.           Abeloth drew Ahsoka’s lightsabers out of somewhere, admittedly he got momentarily distracted wondering where she could possibly have been keeping them in that form fitting dress. But before long, they were fighting tooth and nail for… something. Well, he knew what he was fighting for, though it was complicated by the fact that it was also what he was fighting against… So he had to be extremely careful in all his maneuvers, that he didn’t accidentally hurt Ahsoka in the process. But he really had no idea what Abeloth was fighting for, other than to fight in general. So clearly there were parts of the story he didn’t understand.           He barely dodged out of the way as a massive blast hit the cup she’d been trying to get him to drink. He had to scramble backwards awkwardly to not get hit by any of the liquid. Which turned out to be wise given that the splash that landed on the floor between his legs bubbled dangerously, melting the wooden boards as if suddenly acidic. He wasn’t sure if that was a response to the power she’d used or if it was simply that dangerous. All he knew for sure was it was better not to touch the stuff in case it could corrupt him just through touch.           “What did Sidious promise you?” he asked finally, when he finally got a chance to breathe. It was clear the Mother was drawing on Ahsoka’s skills or knowledge of fighting, but she wasn’t great at being her. Which in general, was just fine with him. He liked Ahsoka as she was, not how this being pretended to be her. The major difference though, was while she wasn’t that great at lightsaber combat, she did have a lot of magick to fill the gaps. Not just things like force lightning. In fact, half the skills she’d used were things he’d never even seen before and didn’t really know how to fight or at least what they’d do if they hit him.           “Adoration,” she spat finally. “Love, family. All the things that were stolen from me!”           “They weren’t stolen,” another voice said, stepping into the room. He looked at her in surprise, finally managing to get back to his feet. “You destroyed them.”           “What are you doing here?” he asked in confusion, trying not to get so distracted he lost sight of the enemy. But also, grateful to have some of the attention off him for a minute.           “It’s not that I don’t trust you, son,” Ahsoka’s mother said through gritted teeth. “But I wasn’t about to let my daughter run off to face a cult without being there to help.”           “You’re still hung up on that?” he muttered finally, looking back at Abeloth. Or rather Ahsoka slowly twisting into a similarly ugly being. He hoped that was just his imagination playing tricks on him.           “Hard not to be when it’s spat in my face multiple times,” she said through gritted teeth. “I can’t change the past, but I’m here now.”           “Who are you?” Abeloth demanded, as if throwing a tantrum because their whole attention wasn’t on her anymore.           “You’re currently wearing my daughter’s skin and it’s time to take it off.” He was surprised by Yadigan’s threat as she too, drew her lightsaber.           “She’s mine now,” Abeloth said angrily, jumping at them to continue to fight. “She’s my ticket to freedom!”           “She’s your ticket to nothing,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I’m warning you for the last time, let her go!”           “I told you, chosen one. Only her death will remove me from her.” They fought again for awhile, Abeloth constantly taunting as if trying to put Ahsoka into harm’s way. And while between him and Yadigan, they were fending off her attacks, he really saw no way out of this situation. He was almost half tempted to take a sip of the little liquid left in the glass just to stop her, but he was scared to risk giving into the trap they’d clearly set for him.            He had a bad feeling if he gave into that temptation, he’d lose Ahsoka and her mother for good. And while things had never exactly been great with Yadigan, he’d never forgive himself if that happened. He froze when he saw her mom start building up her strikes like she’d done against him before.           “I am the Mother!” Abeloth shouted. He hadn’t heard what Yadigan had said to her first.           “You’re no mother,” Yadigan spat. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up in response to her whisper of power. He watched them glare at each other over their lightsabers. “You’re too selfish and greedy to care about anyone other than yourself. You didn’t love the children for who they were, you loved them with the expectation you’d get something in return. A mother pours their blood, sweat and tears into their children. They work their asses off to provide for them, to give them a solid foundation, to support them no matter what and sometimes it’s a sacrifice to give all of yourself and everything you wanted to protect them.”           “I did all of that!” Abeloth screamed. “And they still abandoned me!”           “You tore them apart!” He watched as everything seemed to slow down and he barely had a chance to register the way Ahsoka’s mom tightened her grip on her lightsaber, squaring her shoulders as she lifted her chin. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka,” she whispered.            “No!” he cried, but he couldn’t get to her before she stabbed her lightsaber through her daughter’s chest. He barely registered the Mother’s wailing anguish as she was forced to abandon Ahsoka’s body, blowing off into the wind as if swept away with it. He landed on his knees, catching his wife’s body before it hit the ground. Her eyes wide in surprise before going completely limp.            Yadigan dropped her lightsaber and landed on the ground across from him as he cradled Ahsoka in his arms. He watched her bring her shaky hands over her chest and felt the energy shift as if she was releasing power into her wound. She seemed to mutter to herself, weakening with every second. And as he watched her face, screwed up in determination, he finally understood the real reason she’d apologized to her. She’d never fully recovered from healing him first and now… she was having to do it again.           Ahsoka gasped, her chest rising unevenly a few times before seeming to steady its rhythm. He looked up to see Yadigan go completely pale, and he quickly shifted to catch her too, before she hit her head when she collapsed.            “Please, take care of my daughter,” she whispered weakly. “Stop Abeloth.”           “Oh no,” he said gruffly, though there was so much emotion strangling his words, he doubted it had the quality he was going for. “The Jedi can deal with Abeloth. I’m not their hero. I’m taking you both home.”           He fought to get to his feet, while Yadigan was too tired to argue and Ahsoka was still unconscious. He carefully readjusted his hold on them, throwing power into the force to keep them somewhat upright so he could lead them both back to the ship.            It was a struggle to fight through the underbrush while holding them both but thankfully it seemed some of the plants had withered in response to the blow, they’d hit Abeloth with. At least with them both in his arms, he could feel they were still hanging on, despite not being completely stable. —-            She groaned, feeling heavy and everything was blurry. At least it felt like she was out of that horrible room now. She tried to curl her fingers, just to feel in control of her body again.            “Hey, Snips!” he said, appearing in her vision but not completely in focus yet. “Guess what?”           “What?” she struggled to say, wondering why he sounded so happy after everything.            She saw him lift his shirt to show off the scar from where he’d been stabbed by a lightsaber. She reached towards it somewhat blindly, unsure what he was trying to show her. He pressed her fingers into his skin. “We have matching stab wounds now.”           She looked up at his face in confusion. “That’s a good thing?” she muttered, dropping her head back against the pillow.            “Not everybody can say they were both stabbed by the same person and lived to tell about it.” He shrugged, rubbing her hand he was still holding. Then he sat down on a stool next to the bed. “I’m just happy you’re here right now,” he whispered.           She turned to look at him. He started to come more into focus now that she was a bit more alert. He had his hair down, instead of tied up like he usually wore it. It was still long, but it suited him, his eyes were still blue, no hint of the gold there’d been whispers of before they got there. But despite his jokes and attempt at being positive, he looked concerned and worried, and maybe like he’d not slept in a few days. Nor had he shaved the hair on his chin for awhile.            “Is my mom-?” She swallowed hard as she saw flashes of what had happened at the end of the fight in his eyes.           “She’s resting in the other cabin,” he breathed. “She’s extremely weak, but she hasn’t given up yet.”           She brought her other hand up to wipe her eyes, but that only made the tears fall harder. “I’m sorry,” she choked. “I don’t know what I was thinking! I should have realized it was a trick. I’m so stupid! Instead, she gave me this sob story and I felt sorry for her and-”           “Hey,” he interrupted. “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault, Snips.” He rubbed her hand again and looked down. “Sidious told me all sorts of stories growing up, about people and places and history that he liked. But I also watched him search in vain for the Ones, the whole time I was under him, he never found them. I don’t think I ever believed they were real. Or at least not… still out there to find. But even if they were, Abeloth, she was an enigma. Not a lot was really known about her, nobody knew what really happened to her after the others left her. It wasn’t even clear if she’d become immortal like them. After seeing the state of the planet, I can only guess the reason nobody knew was because nobody lived to tell about it.” He rubbed her hand between his. “I should have prepared you better, or at least known they’d try to use you against me. It’s my own fault, not yours.”           “But-”           “Ahsoka,” he croaked, looking back up at her full of sorrow. “The only reason I asked you to go along was because I was scared of myself without you. I thought I still craved that darkness and its promise of power. All the unnatural things it would allow me to do just to get and have what I’d been denied for so long.” He reached forward and touched her cheek softly. “But when it came down to it, and the answer was right in my hands to take… all I could think about was you. And how maybe our lives, and our relationship, has never been perfect, but everything I love the most about it is the opposite of all those things I’ve craved.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “I don’t know what I am most of the time, but the rest of it? I know I’m yours. And when I’m reminded of that, I know it’s the only right thing in my life.”           She fought to sit up so she could throw her arms around his neck. She held him tight, trying to pull herself together but her breaths were shaky, and the pain whispered in every movement.            “I love you,” she choked through the sobs, holding her face against his shirt. “I don’t always know what we’re doing, but I’m with you until the end.”           “If it’s any consolation, Snips,” he breathed, as though he’d teared up too. “I don’t know what we’re doing either.”           She exhaled in a coughing laugh, her fingers digging in more just to hold him tighter. “It’s not,” she sassed, once she caught her breath. “But that’s what makes it fun.”           When she finally released him, he sat back and studied her face. “I think Abeloth was trying too hard to be you. She made the mistake of kissing me and while it sort of felt like you, it also felt like something was missing.”           “Yeah, me,” she muttered, crossing her arms.           “I was going to say love,” he murmured, looking away with a smirk. “But I guess you’re right, love was missing because you weren’t the one giving it.”           “Did you really like me dressed like that or were you just pretending?” She looked back at him.           “What can I say, Snips? Your body is hot. Wearing sexy stuff like that? How could I not like it?”           She blew air out the side of her mouth as if in annoyance. But secretly she liked knowing he found her attractive even if it was something she’d never have chosen to wear. “I um,” she started nervously. “I can still feel her darkness, like she burned it into me.”           “So, you’re admitting you’re finally normal, huh?” he teased. She looked at him in confusion, and he started laughing. She was kind of annoyed he wasn’t taking her concern seriously.            “You don’t think that could be a problem?” His smile faded.            “Do you have the urge to go on a murdering spree?”           “No!”           “Do you feel like you’re tempted by the whisper of power?”           “No, but I haven’t tried to reach into the force yet.”           He reached out and took her by the shoulders and she bit her lip looking up at him. “Everyone has darkness in them, some of us more than others. But unlike what the Jedi teach, that’s okay. It makes us normal. It’s what you choose to do with your power that matters, not that it exists. Even if she left a taint on you, it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to use it or not. If you don’t, then there’s nothing to worry about. If you do, we’ll reevaluate then.”