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Sarya pulls out her map and eyes the path Master Dennet marked.“According to this, if we head across the stream and take a left, there should be a cave here.” She points to a general area across the river to Cassandra, who is looking over her shoulder.Varric mutters something about wishing he brought rain boots.“Do you ever not complain?” Sarya asks him. “I have an extra pair of dry socks at camp you can change into if you can’t stand getting your toes wet.”“Gee thanks, that will be helpful for now,” Varric says.Sarya shrugs. “You’re more than welcome to stay back at camp. You can even help Liesel with those requisitions.”Varric snorts. “Picking up rocks? No thanks.”“It would serve our best interests if we began our journey forward now rather than argue until the sun sets,” Solas chimes in. Sarya hates to admit he’s right but she rolls up the map and places it in his pack. She pushes on ahead, keeping her wits about her as she studies familiar landmarks like the jutting cliffs to her right. Keeping watch for any stragglers like mages, templars or bandits. As they round the hill, the stream gurgles loudly and then there’s the rumble of a fade rift opening.“Shit!” Sarya yells, darting to the cliff for cover as an angry wisp casts a cloud of poison at her head. “Look out! Demons ahead!” She’s covered in the tingling cool sensation of a barrier. Cassandra surges forward, destroying everything in her path. Varric is volleying as many arrows as he can at a Despair demon while dodging its icy spellcasting. Sarya aims her arrows at a Terror demon, a living, breathing version of the shadows cast by trees that would scrape along her aravel windows at night when she was a child. Terrors, sinister creatures with black eyes like leeches stealing the life force of one’s soul. The name Terror doesn’t do them justice, she thinks as her arrow pierces its neck and it shrieks. She covers her ears as it disappears into a pool of green. She doesn’t see the pool reappear below her until it’s too late. The Terror’s branch-like arm comes out from under her, tossing her to the ground like a doll. Hovering over her, its gaping maw with thousands of teeth like poisonous spikes, daring her to make a move. It inches closer and closer to her face and she thinks this is it, this is how she dies. She closes her eyes.The Terror throws itself back, screeching in horror, claws scraping across her face as her eyes fly open. It is nothing but a wall of blue flames now. She breathes in deep, the scent of ichor almost making her vomit. She steadies herself and stands, shaking her head to get back into the fray. The demons are almost gone, so she shambles over to the rift and waits for the anchor to connect with it. It pulses loudly in her ear, frantic and erratic until she tugs, yanking the rift closed and letting the anchor fade back into the gentle thump of a heartbeat in her hand. She picks up a piece of cloth left behind from a despair demon’s cloak and pockets it to be studied by Minaeve. As she turns to rejoin her group, her vision goes blurry, tiny spots dancing across her eyes in place of the landscape that should be there. She can’t see. She rubs at her eyes, closes them and reopens them. But she’s blind!
“Help!” she screams as her cheek sets aflame with no real fire.“Herald!” Cassandra cries.“Quickly! I need a healing poultice. The Herald’s been poisoned!” Solas shouts and she feels his touch on her cheek. Its chill doesn’t put out the fire, but it numbs the area around it which helps. It’s contained at least.But there is still something not right. Her head swims and she crumples to the ground.
It’s black, like a night with no moon and she hears a trickle of water somewhere off in the distance. Her heart beats louder than she remembers and her breath is locked up tight in her chest. She stretches out her hands onto soft linen, tries to pull herself up as her eyes adjust to the darkness. There’s a soft glow of green from her left hand, it’s brighter here and she realizes it's not her heartbeat she hears but the anchor. Across from her is a deformed looking humanoid, shapeshifting between man and spider. It is all stretched out skin over bones and too many limbs.“I see you have met a friend and joined me early,” it says. Its voice is low and quiet, not much different from the voice in her head when she reads to herself, only its distinctly not hers.She scoots back as far as she can go, away from the thing. “Who are you?” she asks.It laughs maniacally sending an involuntary shiver up her spine.“Ah, but that is the question isn’t it? Who. Are. You?”“I have the feeling you know the answer to that,” Sarya says.“As do you,” it replies. “Would you like me to turn on the lights so you can have a closer look? Perhaps jog your memory?”
No. Absolutely not. If I close my eyes and force myself awake, this will all go away. It’s just a nightmare.
It laughs at her again. “So afraid under all that bravado. Show me, Herald… “ The creature—demon—crawls toward her with its unnatural limbs, a spider’s gait. “What are you so… afraid of?” It touches her forehead with a spindly finger and blocks of memories build before her eyes. A child, so very cold and alone in a box with a few crumbs of bread and a long dried up cup of water calls out on repeat, “Mamae? Papae? Where are you?” The child cries and cries until a Dalish woman picks her up and carries her home. It ends with a hug.The second one begins. A forest and the girl from before only older. Her orange braided hair is unruly but her aim is true and controlled. Another elf behind her lobs a ball of fire and disintegrates her arrows. “You’ll never be one of us,” she says. The second memory ends with the girl wiping a tear from her eyes as she picks up her charred arrows. A third memory plays and the girl is now a young woman sitting next to Dallen on a hollow log, refusing his proposal. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to marry me,” she says before she squeezes his shoulder and walks away. One final memory is more recent. Sarya stands as a leader conversing with Solas in Haven, the breeze whipping her ringlets around her face. “I wonder what kind of hero you’ll be,” he says. “A good one I hope,” she tells him. But she can’t look him in the eye.Stop. Stop it. Please stop this! Her mind screams but the words don’t come out. There are still memories playing before her, building upon each other like scenes of a story until they all come crashing down.“No! You won’t take her from me,” screams the demon as Sarya is pulled from the fade.
She wakes up to Solas’ quizzical brow and he sighs a relief.“Where am I?” she rasps.“Back at camp. You gave us all quite the scare,” he tells her. “I remember not being able to see, but not much else. What happened?”“You were poisoned… by the terror I presume. You were temporarily blinded and incapacitated but with an antidote and magic, you are no longer in any danger.”“I suppose I am in your debt once more.” Sarya flinches. There’s still so much pain in her cheek.“I could hardly say I’m doing you a favor. You are the one who carries the anchor, it is the whole world that is in your debt. I am only keeping our best chances of survival alive.”His words sting more than the wound on her cheek. But not for long.“Is that all I am to you? A means to an end?”“Is that not what we all are to each other? We help one another until our goals are achieved. That is how the world works.”“I’m not sure why your worldviews are so warped but I look forward to proving them wrong.”Solas dips his cloth into his herb mixture, applies it to her wounds. He sighs. “As do I.”
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They were trekking back to Lake Luthias, having been sent by Leliana to check on some Warden named Blackwall. The Hinterlands was far more welcoming this time with trees in bloom, bees buzzing, and a backdrop of endless green with splashes of pastels. About halfway, they stopped near an abandoned hut to rest their feet and eat a quick meal. Of course, the meal had to be accompanied by Varric’s witty remarks and Cassandra’s annoyance which led to them bickering. Sarya took that as her cue to leave. Taking her satchel and knife, she set off for the overgrown garden at the side of the house. Apparently, Solas had grown tired of them too. He was already on his knees, harvesting the only Royal elfroot. She kneeled next to him. “You know, I can’t figure out if those two hate each other or if there’s just some unresolved sexual tension going on between them,” Sarya remarked while shaving off leaves. “It is possible that it is both,” Solas said. He shuffled around in his rucksack, pulling out a mortar and pestle. He tossed a few leaves in and crushed them. “I hope they work it out while we’re out here. I’m not sure I can take much more of it,” Sarya said. “I fear your hope will be in vain.” He took out an empty vial next, filling it a quarter of the way with a lyrium potion. He sprinkled in the crushed royal elfroot and swirled it around. “You’re probably right.” Sarya sighed. “What are you making if you don’t mind me asking?” “A regeneration potion. This one is mage specific.” He hands her the mortar and pestle. “Could I use some of that elfroot?” “Yeah, of course.” She crushed the leaves up into a paste, passed the mortar over. “How does that regeneration potion work compared to one of mine?” “I am surprised you need to ask. Did your Dalish mages not use such a potion?” “I never really noticed what they used or didn’t.” She looked away from him, hoping there was no evidence of the flush she was feeling. She hadn’t been hyper aware of her clans mages. But for some reason, everything he did was interesting to her. If he had noticed any change in her, he made no show of it. “It works with dual properties and so it’s effects are dual in purpose. Both my vitality and mana are restored when I drink from this, making a hasty recovery after a fight and preparing me for the next one to come.” “Yeah, my regeneration potions rev me up during a fight but I’m left feeling pretty ragged after. Makes me wonder if I should take it after a fight, like you.” She picked some more elfroot, this time pulling up root, stem and leaf. She would later hang them to dry to turn into healing poultices. “Hmm, perhaps your version could use an adjustment in potency. Have you spoken with Adan about it?” “I keep forgetting to bring it up when I’m in Haven. There’s always so much to do there. Potion upgrades are usually the last on my to-do list.” “Ah, yes. I have noticed that they keep you quite busy. I will send word to him via letter and one of Leliana’s ravens. When we return, I will check in with him and deliver the new recipe to you.” “That’s… very thoughtful and kind of you Solas. Thank you.” “You are welcome.” He took out a cloth and cleaned his utensils, then placed them in his rucksack. Sarya continued picking elfroot until she had a decent pile but as she went to carry them off, she caught Solas staring at her. It made her smile. “What? Why are you staring?” His brow scrunched. “There is a blossom in your hair. I find it distracting. May I remove it?” “Well yeah if it’s bothering you so much.” She paused. He hesitated a little, fingers stilled at her hairline just before plucking the tiny flower out. He showed her before letting it go. Like she needed proof it was there. Or maybe like he needed proof. “Better?” “Yes.” He gave a half smile. And then he was off to do his own thing while she finished tying the stems together, her mind left to wonder. There was so much she wanted to ask him but just like so many things she wanted, the questions would have to wait.
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“Venatori ahead!” Cassandra shouted.Solas immediately cast barrier over Sarya and Cole as they rushed forward. Cole disappeared from sight, only to reappear behind a spellbinder. Solas watched as he twisted his blades into the back of the man and ripped them up the length of his spine, splitting him in half. Solas knew he was lethal but watching that body crumple to the ground in two seperate pieces was a much needed reminder that Cole could fend for himself.Sarya was going toe to toe with another rogue but she was just a smidge more agile than the other. With a quick spin, she let the dagger fly from her hand. Solas cast a winter spell, freezing that same rogue in place, so that when the dagger hit him in the chest, he shattered into a million pieces.Cassandra had handled the warriors, patting the now dead men down, searching for orders or signs of other Venatori camps.Solas sidled up to Sarya and Cole as they dug through the weathered rucksacks. Sarya pointed to the tents.“Solas, would you mind searching the tents for anything useful? I don’t expect there to be but…”He quickly nodded and went to the tent. That’s when he saw it—a Griffon made of crystal. He smiled to himself as he recalled their very first conversation:“The Chosen of Andraste. A blessed hero sent to save us all.” Solas remembered her looking somber and slightly frightened, bearing the new weight of a forced title she’d never asked for. He knew that look so well and he couldn’t tell her. But humor always had a way of lightening the weight, if only a little.“Shall I ride in on a shining white halla?” Her response was yet another surprise to him. She could volley wit even when exhausted.
“I would have suggested a griffon, but sadly, they are extinct.”
She had laughed at that, and it was in the lightness of that laugh that he knew she would change his world. Though he couldn’t admit that then. Wasn’t even fully aware even now.He ran his fingers along the cool smooth crystal, then tucked it away into his pocket for the opportune time to present the gift to her. Scouring the remainder of the tent and finding nothing, Solas ducked under the flap and shielded his eyes from the intense light of the sun.“Shall we make camp here?” Cassandra asked. By the looks of it, however, it seemed Cassandra had already made up her mind as she sat down on an old stump, chewing some druffalo jerky.“I suppose it would be good to have a rest. Who knows when we might make time to set up another.” Sarya agreed but didn’t stay. She wandered off toward the stream. It was no surprise, any time there was a rest, she strayed away from the group, often warranting an eye roll from Cassandra.It was no different this time. Her nostrils flared as she muttered,“there she goes again. Wandering off so she doesn’t have to put in any work.”“She wanders, wishing, wanting, dreaming…things that can’t be said and hears what shouldn’t be heard,” Cole said.His words earned a grunt from Cassandra. “Cole, why don’t you see if Liesel and Bruin have caught up? They can help with meal time and send a raven to call in reinforcements for this area.” Cole, always eager to help, did her bidding.With those two occupied, Solas had found his opening to present his gift to Sarya. Her trail was easy enough to follow and he caught sight of her down by the stream, throwing rocks into the water.She turned when she heard him draw near, a friendly smile on her face while the remaining rocks slipped to the ground. “Can’t keep away can you?”Solas felt something that he hadn’t in many years. Heat in his cheeks and a fluttering in his stomach. Like a crushing school boy.“No. I cannot, it seems.” He reached for the small crystal carving in his pocket, then held it out to her in the palm of his hand. “I have something for you.”She took it, the tips of her fingers brushing his palm. He would remember that touch always, so light and innocent. She held it up. The sun’s rays hit the glass, reflecting rainbows all around. Her smile widened as she watched the light’s refractions.She said, “and so what do I owe you now? What purpose does this serve?”Afraid she was disappointed, Solas’s shoulders slumped. “I am sorry. If the gift bothers you or if I’m being too forward…”“It was a joke!” She squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. “I knew you’d eventually come around. Relationships aren’t about even exchanges of goods and services.”He had to admit it had been awhile since he’d experienced something genuine with anyone other than spirits. And his life before all this, everyone had been a pawn to be placed. The kind of relationship she spoke of involved trust. Trust, he expected it but in the end she’d see him for what he was. “So you like it?” He still was unsure. About all of this. About her.“It’s perfect. I love it Solas.”“I am glad.” “Thank you,” she said. But then paused, puzzled. “Although I wonder, why did you choose a griffon for me?”“Do you remember back in Haven…”Her eyes grew wide and he could see her relive the memory too.“And you told me you’d suggest that I ride in on a griffon! Oh, Solas, you’re something else.” She chuckles, hugging the griffon to her chest. “Pretending you have a heart of ice when you’re such a softy. I think there’s hope in being friends after all!”Solas was taken by surprise when she flung her arms around him and wrapped him in a warm embrace. His own hands raised slowly, suspended in time as they came to rest on her back. She was so real. Felt so real. And this changed everything.
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Solas stands over Sarya, feet planted, hands clasped behind his back. An impenetrable tower of dominance and superiority.
“Again,” he says to her, willing her to master the power of the magic in her hand.
The green scar crackles then fades like a sizzling ember. “I can’t,” she says. Not because of the magic. It’s him. He’s too distracting. That voice, that stance. It makes her heart race in a way that it probably shouldn’t and she wonders what kind of face he’d make if roles were reversed.
He grows more stern. She wants to kiss that look away. “You are correct. If you keep repeating those words. Now, again. I-
we
cannot afford to have you give up now.”
“It’s hard to summon it when there’s no actual rift!” Sarya needs to think of something other than kissing and touching. She tells herself to stare past him or maybe even draw her attention to that green ass crack in the sky. That’s why they're here aren’t they? Her thoughts are muddled. She comes back to him when she realizes he’s still speaking.
“Tell me, Sarya, why do you think we are practicing with no rift?”
“So I don’t panic like I did last time.”
“Wrong.”
Her brows furrow in frustration.
He grows softer then. Less tower, more man. She grows more tense.“It is so you do not die.”
“You care,” she states. A new revelation and yet intuition confirmed. It doesn’t help her state of mind.
And he tucks a stray hair behind her ear. “How can I not?” Then as quickly as it came the softness is swept away. “Now, again.”
But Sarya doesn’t listen. It’s an impulse, she knows, but she does it anyway. She takes him by surprise, a kiss on the lips before he pulls away and her rationale catches up to her. She can’t meet his gaze with the heat in her cheeks.
“We shouldn’t,” he says ever so softly.
“You’re probably right,” Sarya says, deflated.
But then his hand is on her chin and lips pressing against hers. Out of practice, yet familiar, they throw all caution to the wind to be lost in just a moment.
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They are small things. They fit in the palm of her hand. Or on cords around her neck. They come in many colors, designs, linens, and memories. She has a place for each one of them. They bridge the memories to the heart, filling it up with infinite love.
They are small things. Fingers brushing fabric on her thighs, freckled cheeks kissed pink. Or they are whispered “I love yous” and “be carefuls” amidst battle. They come in sighs, groans of pleasure, heavy breaths and quietest praise. He has a place for each one of them. They bridge heart to memories, filling it up with intimacy.
They are the small things that make her love deep. They are the small things that make his love large.
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The night settles in with heavy clouds hiding the moon and Sarya has found that time passes slower than ever when she’s on guard. Anxiety, like a worm, eats away at her core. She doesn’t really know what she’d expected for her first watch. But it certainly wasn’t the dull staring off into the distance, listening to the crickets chirp their asses off that she’s experiencing now. She picks a piece of grass next to her and shreds it into a million pieces. At least her hands are busy.“Mind if I join you?” Sarya looks up and smiles at Solas. Happily pats the ground next to her. She hands him a blade of grass. Of course, he turns it into something more instead of less like she does. She watches as the blade glows with tiny freckles of magic and then grows into a stem then blossoms into a rose. He hands it to her.“It’s so… unnatural,” Sarya says. She hands it back. “It’s better as a leaf.”“It is more than a leaf now,” Solas says. “You do not like it?”“It’s not that I don’t like it. It just… some things should remain as they are. That blade of grass needs no enhancements.”Solas changes it back to a blade of grass and hands it over to her. “And tearing it apart does?” The blade that she had shredded, is stitched back together and he adds it to her palm with the other. “You saw that,” she says while attempting to tie the two pieces into a knot.Solas covers her hands with his own, stills them. “I did. You must feel restless.”She closes her eyes and leans into him. He wraps an arm around her. Somewhere above them in the trees an opossum rattles the branches. “I do. I know rest is necessary but do you think Corypheus is resting? A darkspawn? Can a darkspawn even sleep?”“I presume the answer is no but his armies are not made up of darkspawn.”“No just demons and fucking Red Templars. They probably need less sleep than us.”“Tell me, Sarya, what is the worst that could happen? What is it that you fear the most from Corypheus?”“That I’ll lose you and them.” She jerks a thumb towards the tents. “They’re like family to me now. I can’t let them get killed. Solas, I can’t lose you.” A breeze blows through rustling leaves and her disheveled curls. “So you fear he will take everything you love from you, if I am hearing you correctly.”“Yes,” she whispers. “That is a valid fear. Corypheus could succeed, in theory, but we will not let him. You are strong Sarya, you will not let him.”Sarya turns her head to look into his eyes. Eyes like a half clouded sky touched by sun. “How can you be sure?”“Because I believe in you.” He brushes a stray curl off her cheek and kisses her forehead. Being with him, being more than alone neither makes her worries lesser or greater but it makes her feel more whole. Even if only for a momentary distraction. But she takes it-takes him as he is and is grateful.Together they keep watch all through the night.
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She wears the shadows of summer leaves across her shoulders like a shawl and sits, smiling at the sun. “What will you do when this is all over Solas?” That smile of hers slowly fades as she stares at the ground.“I should think I will retire somewhere in which I can take a well deserved nap.”Her somber mood is broken by her own laugh. He smirks as he sits down beside her. She sighs. “I might join you,” she says.“I’d like that,” he replies.And for a moment, he sees it. This future. What could come. His hand in hers as they lie in a ruin, sleeping in bliss as the sun embraces them with warmth and the moon kisses their cheeks. Waking only long enough to share meals and dreams and hopes and goals and life. Companionship. “You would? I’d pegged you as a loner. Always and forever.”“You are a good friend, Sarya. Your company will always be welcome.” “Is that what we are? Just friends?” She nudges him with her elbow, teasing. “My, my whatever shall you do with your reputation, befriending a Dalish elf of all people?” She lies back on the grass, content.A pull at the corner of his mouth. He lies back, links his hand in hers. He drags her knuckles to his lips. Knuckles that are scarred and worn, and he kisses each of them one by one. “Ah, most likely ruined. I wonder…” He pauses. Kisses the top of her hand.“Go, on. Don’t leave me hanging.”“I wonder if I might as well utterly debase my name altogether? Call a Dalish elf my lover.”She laughs. “No, you can’t do that. The horror!”“Very well,” he lets go of her hand. “Just friends it is.”“You’re such a little shit,” she says. She grabs his hand back and rolls into him, laughing as he pulls her on top. Pausing to smooth back her hair before kissing her.“Ahem.” They pull apart only to find Cassandra standing over them. “If you two are finished fornicating, we could use you. Harding has a lead on Fairbanks location.”“We’ll be right there.” She jumps to her feet and dusts off the dirt and Solas follows suit.He takes her hand again and they start their trek back to the camp. “Fornicating with a Dalish. I have no shame.”Sarya bursts into laughter.
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The targets are lined up in rows, each row further away than the last. The contestants must hit a bullseye in each one if they want to win the last challenge in the archery competition. Solas watches intently, leaning on his staff. Sarya, on the other hand, has yet to miss her mark. However, Sera is only a smidge behind.“This ones close, Chuckles. You ready to hand over all your coin?” Varric asks with a chuckle.“It is not over yet,” Solas replies. The last target is hit and Sarya twirls in a circle, whooping and cheering. Solas smirks and turns to Varric, palm outstretched. “You were saying?”Varric grumbles a slew of curse words before giving Solas his bag of sovereigns. Sarya comes bounding toward them, her bow clutched in her hand. “Can you believe I won?” She looks down at Solas’ hand then at Varric. “Did you two place a bet?”“We did. And I won,” Solas says. “Wow, Varric I’m so glad you’re confident in my abilities.”“Sera should have won, no offense Quizzy.”“I’m very offended. Clearly.” She rolls her eyes at him and turns back to Solas. “So, what will you do with all that coin?”“I have a few things in mind.” He leans in closer to her, smirks.“Oh really? Like a trip to Orlais? To buy some clothes?”“Perhaps some fine crafts. Direct from Orzammar.” Solas says.“Then you better get on it.” She throws him a wink before she’s called over with the other contestants. Leliana gives some speech and awards Sarya with an enchanted medallion and pulls her aside to discuss some important matters.Solas uses the opportunity to chase down Sera. He deposits the coins in her hand. “Thank you,” he says.“It made her happy, yeah?” Sera replies, attaching the coin purse to her belt.Solas pauses, remembering their moments in the Emerald Graves, Sarya confessing her fears. He remembers her restlessness, the fighting. She needed this now more than ever. Thankfully Sera was in agreement with him. She deserved to have this victory.“Very much so. It was good for her too,” he says.Sera smiles. “A win, win, win.”“Indeed.”“This dunnit mean we’re friends,” Sera tells him as she heads back towards the tavern. But he’s not so sure about that.
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The door to the rotunda flies open. A draft sweeps through as Sarya storms in, feet purposely pounding on the floor. “Are you upset, vhenan? What happened?”She lets out a gruff, sardonic laugh as she leans on his desk. “So you’re going to pretend like you don’t know?” He shuts the book he’s reading and folds his hands in his lap, a brow furrowed.“Yesterday’s victory was a complete farce!” Her jaw is clenched as tight as her fist.“Oh. That.” He takes a deep breath. “Not completely,” he says.“Not completely? Making deals with Sera to go easy on me is not a real victory. I can’t believe you’d do this!” She shakes her head, starts pacing. “Of all people. And what was it you said the other day? ‘I believe in you’? How the fuck do you believe I’ll beat Corypheus if you think I can’t beat Sera in a fucking archery contest?”“Sarya I-“ He’s hurrying to get up from his desk, bumping his hip on the corner. There would be a bruise later. He wonders who spilled the beans on his plans. Sera agreed she wouldn’t. But maybe Varric figured it out…He knows his plan has gone utterly wrong. He tries to put an arm around her but she fends him off.“Why, Solas? Why?”“I thought it would be enjoyable for you. You have been wound so tightly and you love a little competition. I figured if you lost, you would lose even more confidence in yourself. I wanted you to have a guaranteed victory. I wanted you to be reminded of your skill.”Sarya sighs, closes her eyes and pauses. “You were trying to help. I see that now. But Solas, I want a fucking rematch. I don’t know if I can beat Corypheus but I sure as hell can beat anyone with a bow. Sera may have natural talent, sure. But sometimes, it’s the most practiced hand that is sure to win.”So maybe his plan wasn’t a complete failure. She has regained some confidence in her abilities.“Hmm.” Solas puts a finger to his chin. “Does this mean you want to make a bet?”“Haven’t you won enough coin already? I didn’t take you for a greedy man.”He steps toward her, moves in close, hands on her back. This time she doesn’t push him away. Her anger is dissipating.He leans in and whispers. “Oh but I am. However, what I desire can not be bought with coin.” His hands slide down her hips and he pulls her even closer. “So I ask again, is this a bet?”She smirks. “Fine. But if I win, I get to choose one of those fine crafts you spoke of and for the first half you only get to sit there and watch.”“Is that supposed to be a punishment?” Solas chuckles.“Yes and it will be,” Sarya reassures him. “You think you’re so clever and self-controlled but we shall see the truth won’t we?”He reaches up and twirls a curl around his finger, watches it spring and unfurl. “And if I win?”“You get to choose.”“Very well. Then we have a deal?”“Yes. We have a deal.” He kisses her. Long and deep. But a sudden clatter makes them jump apart. A book lands a foot away from them.“Dorian!” They both yell in unison.“Oh, look out!” He calls back. “My apologies.” He mutters something else neither of them can make out.Sarya and Solas share a look. “I need to prep for this new contest,” Sarya says, poking him in the chest. “And you better run along and fetch that… craft.”“Very well. I will see you soon.” And they kiss once more before going their separate ways.
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She was sunset reflected on the ocean. A million freckles dotting blushed warm skin. Eyes closed in peaceful paradise as her arms draped over the edges of the tub. She exuded serenity and peace. He hated to disturb her. Setting his satchel down, he went to her desk where he knew she kept a sketch journal and charcoal. Situating himself on the bed, he started his sketch, replicating this moment on paper. She had to see how he saw her. Within moments her form was outlined and he filled in the details, losing himself in the process of creating. His eyes drifted to his muse, desperate for a quick but thorough study. She dropped an arm back into the tub but her eyes remained closed—surely she was somewhere far from here—but then he watched as her lips pursed, let out a puff of breath. And a gentle moan. It dawned on him that he was now a spectator of more than a moment of meditation. Solas dropped the charcoal and it went rolling across the floor, stopping at the edge of the elegant rug recently given as a gift from the Empress. Her eyes flew open. “Damn it Solas! Next time you sneak in here, please say something.” He went chasing after the charcoal on his hands and knees. “My apologies. In my defense, the door was ajar and I was not sneaking.” “What were you doing?” Sarya asked. He had the charcoal now and he was up on his feet, walking back to the bed. “Sketching you. I hope you don’t mind.” “No. Not at all. I was just startled .” She smirked, her mood shifting, becoming playful. “Should I pose? Did you capture my best side?” He chuckled. “No posing. The moment is lost now. Besides, I always capture your best side in that every side of you, every inch of you, is best .” He abandoned the sketch for a kiss from her lips. “You know I think you are beautiful. But if you don’t mind me being honest, I’m more interested in that moan I heard.” “Everything has been so stressful. I deserve a little release,” she said. “I can help with that,” he said, reaching into the steaming water. He skimmed his fingers down her leg and back up her inner thigh. “Would you like to talk about it?” His hand stilled. “Talk? Maybe later, I’ve had enough talking. There is so much endless talking in that war room. Besides, I am also perfectly capable of helping myself.” “Is that what you want?” “From what I heard, it seems to also be what you want.” “Either or both ideas appeal to me,” Solas said. “But I am not here for me.” Sarya tilted her head and smirked at him. “However, perhaps it would be nice for you to be relieved of any sort of duty altogether? Allow me to take care of you.” “Oh I would hardly call this duty.” She laughed. “You could use a little relaxation though too. Join me?” He pressed a plush kiss to her neck and she tilted away, exposing more skin and he kissed a path up to her jawline. Found her lips. Melted into her bliss. They made out for a while, even as Solas’ knees began to numb a little, until he needed to shift. He broke away leaving them both breathless. Stripping was short work and he quickly joined her, finding space for his legs around her body. She held back a chuckle as they situated themselves, splashing water over the sides of the tub. “I guess these weren’t made with two people in mind—” “Perhaps you should request an upgrade?” Solas picked up one of her feet and began massaging. “Oh sure, I bet that’s easy to get.” Sarya rolled her eyes. But then hummed a pleasurable sigh. “Maybe Blackwall would be willing to custom build one. Anything for his Herald.” “Stop.” He put her foot back in the water. “No. Not that. Please keep doing that.” He allowed himself a small laugh as he found her other foot. It was easy to be himself with her. “I’m surprised you can’t just use some spell to make this tub bigger.” “That is not how magic works.” “Isn’t it though? Can’t you do anything your mind thinks of? I’d make a big tub if I had magic. I’d use magic to just make everything big. Giant cupcakes. Giant horses. Giant nugs… but not spiders. I’d use my magic to shrink them all to tiny invisible things.” “If they were invisible, how would you know if one was on you?” She shuddered. “Good point. I rescind my statement. I would just use magic to take spiders out of existence.” “Ah but spiders are good for catching other foul insects. They are helpful creatures and they rarely harm.” “Fine. I’ll keep them for you. But they’re creepy so I’m still using magic to make them tiny.” “What else would you use magic for?” he asks as he kisses her ankle. “I’d use it to do everything for me. No need to get dressed. Just poof and clothes are on. I could make any dress I wanted and any food. I could make myself taller or shorter. I don’t know, anything and everything I could think of. Why don’t you use your magic for everything?” “Much the same as you do not fight or run or loose arrows all day long for lack of stamina. All that spell casting would drain my mana. If I use magic for everything, how would I protect you when it matters most?” “I protect myself,” she said. “Yes but in the rare case, like with that terror demon near Dennett’s farm, I could be useful to you.” Sarya sighed. “Fine. I concede.” “Perhaps I should record this day in the books.” “And why is that?” “I won an argument.” “Oh you could hardly call this arguing.” She splashed him with water. Solas smirked then lit the water up with a rune that created a wave. It rolled up and soaked Sarya’s entire face. “Oh no–that is it!” She splashed him again and again, water continuously pouring over the edges. He chuckled and reached forward, stilling her hands and pulling her into himself. He kissed her cheek. She cupped his face, kissing him long and deep and hard as she settled into his lap. Her hands wandered and he choked back a gasp as she rubbed herself on the tip of his cock. He could not withhold the groan though as she sunk on top of him, head rolling back with a sigh as her hand clung to his shoulder. She was so beautiful like this. Open and pouring herself out. Letting him in. Reveling in the moment without a promise of tomorrow. Or perhaps a promise that tomorrow will be there and they’ll have each other to make it better. He bent forward to nip at her neck and she laughed then moaned when he squeezed her ass. “Again,” she demanded. He obliged, more than happy to. When he did, her palm pressed flat against his chest and she leaned back, lengthening her body and exposing the scars on her chest and stomach. He kissed them. Each and every one while she rode him to her climax. She crumbled into him, chest heaving and heavy. “Ar lath, ma vhenan,” he whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead. “I know,” she breathed. “I love you too.” Then he held her close to his chest, combing his fingers through her wet hair. Warmed the water and let time slip away with her in his arms. And it was in those pockets of time that he felt peace. That maybe, just maybe, this world he had made was real and it was the better one.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The sky was flecked with silver with splashes of a green scar. The rain fell and Sarya stretched up her arm, an instinctive praise. Autumn rain. Her favorite. With its wet it brought the scent of change and all things earthy. It also came bearing a chill that felt how sadness should. She smiled as she watched the droplets trail down her arm, hugging her skin. A reminder that she was alive. So alive.“What are you doing?” Solas was watching her from under the eaves of the tavern. He looked puzzled, his frame slouched and at ease, hands stuffed in pockets.Sarya’s hand fell to her side with just her wrist bent and palm out to catch the rain. “I’m doing exactly what it looks like.” She spun once then laughing. Playful.“Catching a cold?” He asked. An expression of concern while delight bubbled up in his belly. She was smiling. A smile such as that was becoming more rare these days.“No! That’s some garbage my Keeper would tell me just so my clothes wouldn’t get wet and wouldn’t need washed.” A puddle had formed close by and she jumped toward it, splashing water up her boots as leaves fell and collected in her hair. It was becoming quite the mess. She didn’t care. She was basking in a glimpse of her youth. Lively youth. “It would be wise to at least consider coming out of the rain,” he advised.She stopped and the rain picked up, drenching her. Everything clung to her like she was an autumnal magnet. There was something about seeing her dripping wet that made him feel like the earth was shifting out beneath him. He tugged at his collar, throat feeling tight. His cheeks felt warm.“You’re such a Hahren. Perhaps it’s you who should consider coming out here, maybe having a little fun? Might do you some good.”“I prefer the company of warmth but thank you.” She laughed again and began to stride toward him. She was swaying her hips exaggeratedly, a coy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She was such a devious sprite in this mood and Solas braced himself for what she might have up her sleeve but already he felt himself unraveling even before she stopped in front of him, those lips only centimeters from his own.“It’s not much warmer over here,” she said. He could feel her breath, taste her on his tongue.“I beg to differ. If you had dry clothes I’m certain you would find the air here far warmer than where you were previously.”She shook her head and then placed her arm up against the door, palm just above his head. She searched his gaze. He couldn’t sense what was there exactly. Adoration? Affection? Curiosity? Perhaps even lust?“You’re doing it again,” she whispered. She was close and smelled so good he wanted to grab her and kiss that smirk right off her face. He wanted to steal her away to the warmth and exchange their love by the fire.He blinked. “Doing what?”“Thinking too much. Stop it. Just kiss me and fuck me. You know you want to. If you don’t do it, then I’ll happily oblige. We want the same thing here, Solas.”Solas shook his own head. He wanted that very badly but he also liked to tease. “The idea is tempting but I’m afraid fornicating in front of the tavern door is not the wisest course of action.”“I think it’s brilliant,” she whispered near his ear as she began to kiss his neck. The kiss was excruciatingly slow and Solas thought the thread on his pants might burst. But then she took a deep breath, pulled away and grabbed his hand. “Where would you prefer to go?”Solas’ mind went first to her bedroom where he could throw open the windows and she could listen to the rain while he could be warm by the fire but then he began to wonder if that was too predictable. Boring.“The bedroom is just fine Solas.” She was looking at him with a tilted head. “I know that’s what you’re thinking. It’s the best of both worlds.”Ah yes, predictable. But she didn’t look bored at least. He eyed her curiously. Sometimes he wondered how she knew him so well. It scared him, the way she paid attention to the details of him. Noticing. Observing. The way she cared for him was unlike anything he’d experienced and it was getting nearly impossible to even conceive of letting that go. But to love her and be loved by her, whether it had no permanency was better to be enjoyed rather than not.He squeezed her hand and they ran together back to her bedroom stopping in the stairway to catch their breath. By this point they were both soaked. Sarya looked up at him while ringing the water out of her hair and loved the way his eyes sparkled like dusty stars. She reached out and touched his dimple and he caught her wrist and pulled the finger to his lips, kissing it gently. She continued watching him, reveling in all that he was.“You have a beautiful sadness like the moon,” she said.“Like the moon?” Solas asked. She kissed his cheek.“Yes Solas,” another kiss on the other cheek, ”like the moon.”“How so?”She sighed and pulled away. “Well Satina, when she shows her face, always looks sorrowful. Which I’m certain is because her lover, Lady of the Seas was separated from her. And each full moon, Satina looks longingly down at her lover knowing they will never hold each other again. That’s why the Lady of the Seas reaches out across the horizon. She tries to caress the face of the one she loves who seems so close yet they can never touch. But you can’t deny the beauty shown in the glow of Satina who searches out her lover every night. She is beautifully sad.”Solas swallowed as his eyes fluttered open and he reached out to stroke the back of his hand along the curve of her jaw. She closed her eyes and leaned into it.“You have it all wrong. I’m not sad,” he said. “I’m with the one I love and she is very much attainable.” Then he cupped her face in the palms of his hands, leaning in slow, taking in all of her. She was breathing deeply, her pulse racing and he could tell she was feeling impatient for him. But still she waited. He hesitated as their lips barely brushed and searched her eyes, drinking in the depths of them. His thumb brushed her cheek once and then he pressed his lips against hers, moving slowly but deeply, savoring her taste on his tongue.“I would like to have you now,” she says, pulling away long enough to run her tongue across her lips and slide her hands up his tunic. She slipped it over his head with excessive tugging from its wetness, having to make him duck slightly as she reached up on her tiptoes. It made her laugh as she threw the tunic down by the entryway. It landed with a smack and Sarya raises her brows playfully.Solas smiles coyly in turn then begins undressing her, starting first with the scarf around her neck. He undoes the thing and tosses it. It lands like a wet noodle against the wall. Then he grows more serious, fingers undoing clasps and buckles to get her out of her armor. He slips it off her arms and kisses a freckled shoulder. Then the other. She shivers.“Cold, vhenan?”She grabs the fabric of his sleeveless undershirt and pulls his lips to hers, making him a worshipper of her mouth. He guides her gently up against the wall, trailing kisses up and down the length of her neck and she makes the smallest of noises of pleasure. “Not anymore,” she whispers, arms wrapped around his back.She could feel him hard against her thigh. So she traced her arm up his back and over his shoulder, trailing it along the muscles of his arm until she found his hand and guided it to tie of leggings. She could feel his smirk against her ear. She was glad to know he was enjoying himself.Wordlessly, he undid the tie and she finished guiding him to where she wanted him. She was already wet and warm and ready for him as he curled a finger inside her. Her breath hitched as he took his time with her, allowing her to relax and tighten according to her own arousal.“Mmm,” she murmured,”but wait. I want…I want…I…” Solas slipped in another finger and picked up the pace. Her hands found their way to his shoulders and even though she was quiet, he could tell she was almost there as her nails dig into his skin.He hadn’t realized his own breath had hitched in his throat as his cocked throbbed in his pants, aching for her.“Solas,” she breathed,”please…together.” She wasn’t capable of forming a coherent sentence but it was hard to give into her request as her head tilted back against the stone wall, succumbing to his will. He kept going until her hand flew down to his wrist and she yanked it free of herself.He looked at her, surprised. “I’m sorry.” She caught her breath. “I know it’s selfish but I want to come with you inside of me.”He chuckled and she turned red. He loved her all the more for it. “It’s not selfish,” he said. “I am happy to oblige.”She pulled her leggings and smalls down and kicked them aside while he freed himself. She wrapped her arms around him and braced herself against the wall while Solas ran a hand down his cock, swirling it once in her wetness, before sliding inside of her. They both let out a low groan of pleasure. He wrapped his hands around her ass, squeezing lightly as she wrapped her legs around his hips and rocked inside of her. With each motion, drawing in and out, his thoughts belonged only to her and it was freeing. His lips rested against her neck, nose buried in the scent of her rainfresh hair and with each breath he took, heat swelled inside of him.“Vhenan,”he murmured over and over again until he spilled inside of her and she let out one loud climatic “ah” as if she just tumbled over a cliff. It was something he wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to but he knew he wanted to.He dropped his head, it felt heavy and his heart felt light. She kissed his forehead and relaxed her legs. He slowly slipped out of her but they stood there, arms draped around each in an embrace.“You are my moon,” she whispered. “My sweet sweet wonderful and beautiful moon. I love you.”“Emma lath,” he replied and kissed her back.After awhile, they pulled apart and carried their tired bodies the rest of the way up the stairs, hand in hand. Solas piled up pillows and blankets near the fire, casting a spell to leave a sheet over them that cast a soft glow of Magelight. It wasn’t fancy magic but it still impressed her. She snuggled up inside their little fort while he opened a window and let the rain sounds in.“Come here, my love,” she beckoned and brought him down on top of her.He made love to her again and then a third time before their aching bodies became too tired and they fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was a bliss unexpected for them as they slept dreamlessly.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dusk had fallen over the Forbidden Oasis and Sarya dipped her feet into the swirling, glacé pool beneath the falls. Leaning lazily against a shattered red rock, Sarya ran her hands through feathery bulrushes while she dreamily stared into the sky above. The stars were not yet shining bright but tiny fireflies flitted and danced erratically above her head against the backdrop of the rushing falls. She watched as they would flare up in a glow and then fade away in a, seemingly endless, pattern.
She looked down at the mark on her hand that, similarly to the fireflies, glowed. However, it was not soft nor yellow but bright and very green. With the number of rifts needing closed, diminishing, she’d nearly forgotten about the mark; especially with the pain nearly faded as well.
She clenched her hand closed, trying to soften the light within her palm and it seemed to work. Wanting to be like the fireflies, she began clenching and unclenching her fists, while closing her eyes and pretending she was floating along in the darkening sky, just as they were.
“May I join you?” Sarya was pulled from her reveries, opening her eyes to something more enchanting than the scene painted all around her. Solas’ perfect jawline and soft lips were looking down on her.
“Of course. Always, Vhenan.”
His lips curved up into an affectionate smile as he pulled himself down next to her. Their thighs brushed up against each other as he began to undo the wrappings on his feet.
“Are you feeling alright?” He asked while dipping his own feet into the water now.
“Yes. I was just enjoying the cool water and watching the fireflies produce their own magelight.”
Solas glanced up to the fireflies too, but quickly turned back to her. “They are fascinating.”
“I was trying to imitate them. Experience that glow for myself.”
He quirked a brow up in curiosity.
“With my mark…” she continued. “If I open and close my fist, it’s sort of like them. See?” Once again she clenched up her fist, then unclenched it, demonstrating what she was speaking of to him.
“It is sort of like them,” he replied and then took her hand, lacing her fingers amidst his own. Bringing them to his lips, he brushed a few gentle kisses along each of her knuckles. She shuddered beneath his touch, just as she did every single time he offered an inkling of tenderness. Then, she watched as he set their hands back down into his lap.
His eyes, more blue in the glow of dusk than grey, were back to searching her own, and he said, “do you know what I find more fascinating than the luminescent fireflies?”
With a playful grin she replied, “the fade?”
He chuckled, a quiet and rich sound. “That is true but I was going to say, you.”
She let out a nervous giggle. “Is that what you say to all the ladies?” She teased.
He didn’t laugh.
“Only to you.” She inhaled sharply as he delicately tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and proceeded to rub the top of it between thumb and forefinger. A small purr escaped from her throat as she leaned into his touch; that soothing but also electrifying, touch.
“Sarya,” his voice was a husky rasp as he leaned in for a kiss at the nape of her neck. She let out a heavy exhale as fingers grazed her collarbone and then grasped the back of her neck.
She turned her head slightly, closing her eyes as his lips trailed up along her jawline, then across her cheek, her nose…
She couldn’t take it anymore as her breaths became ragged, so she pulled him to her lips, tasting the coolness of his mouth, chasing his tongue with her own.
The coals that he had sparked with a match at Skyhold, were burning with a bright flame as he pulled her against his chest, losing himself in the taste of her with whispering moans. Her hands, obeying her needs, her wants, her desires, slipped up under his tunic against his heated skin.
He broke away, breathless and worried.
“We mustn’t continue.”
Sarya’s face fell along with her hands. “But why?”
“Because of the others. We are not so far away from them. They could surely see us from camp.”
“Let them,” a mischievous smile graced her lips as she yanked on his tunic, pulling him with her to the ground.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It is a long way back to Skyhold and she knows she should give him space. But it’s so damn hard to convince herself this is the end. A day ago he was in her arms at dawn. A day ago he had held her hand and said I love you just before noon. A day ago and he had said she was a distraction at sunset. Is that all it takes to return to strangers? A single day?
What changed?
She would’ve done a million things differently had she known. Traded in a meal just to stroke her knuckles against his jawline. Skipped that war meeting to lay in bed with him for that extra hour. Foregone a night of wicked grace to gaze at the stars, his whispered stories in her ear while he holds her tight. And yet, maybe everything would’ve played out the same, exactly as it should have.
But what if it hadn’t?
Together they travel in silence, her arms wrapped around his waist upon her hart. Her fingers barely ghost the solid form of him, afraid to be too much when it’s not enough. But he holds her arm against his body tighter, reins in his hands and she knows he doesn’t want what he’s done either. It’s raining. But the barrier he casts above their heads keeps her hair dry. And she knows if he were alone, he’d let the world dump on him, drenching him to the bone. He does this for her, even still. The words unspoken form a wall between them but she can hear his heart beat as she rests her head on his back, staining his tunic with tears. He had offered to walk back to Skyhold, knowing full well the hurt he caused would be unbearable, but she couldn’t bring herself to let that happen. It wasn’t his fault. All along he’d told her about his hesitancy in the relationship. Made his intentions quite clear. He had said, “It could lead to trouble.” She’d known this end was a possibility and the most likely outcome. She understood that time was the stipulation and she had agreed to the terms. If only it wasn’t so short-lived. Stealing kisses and affection from him where she could was something she’d welcomed and treasured. Still, she just wished she’d had some warning so she could’ve stayed in his arms just a little longer. Tasted his lips just once more. Heard him call her Vhenan and mean it. After all, Corypheus wasn’t defeated. He didn't need to destroy what they had. Didn’t need to bury her in ruins.
Why did it have to be so sudden?
Maybe that’s the real reason she wanted him to ride with her. To hold him one last time. To say her silent and broken goodbyes. To memorize the curve of his body against her own and cement what they had as real. Her motivations for this situation were dubious at best but just because he could switch himself off with a sentence or two didn’t mean she was capable of the same.
He asks too much.
“We should stop and make camp,” he says. His formal tone with her jarring and foreign. But he sniffles, softly, almost inaudible. “Oh, al-alright.” She sniffs too and wipes her face with the back of her hand. She wonders if she should be angry. Any other sane person would be. But it’s hard to be angry at him when he rubs at his eyes, smearing his own tears with his thumb, trying to hide his own pain from her. Solas doesn’t offer his hand to help her down like he used to. Doesn’t smile either. Or even spare a glance in her direction. Instead, he stiffly begins unstrapping their supplies from the hart and begins setting up a makeshift camp. Sarya shuffles alongside him, doing her part to help and move the process along quickly. The sun sinks below the ombré blanketed horizon and the stars take its place as they pull down the blackened curtain. She piles the last of the kindling and lights a fire, then sits on the ground and stares into the flames.Solas passes her some sandwiches left over from their romantic picnic and each bite she takes makes her nauseous. The bread tastes of despair and smells of heartache. She sets the half eaten sandwich aside, curling her arms around herself and watches the bats flit around in the trees above them. She studies them and wishes she could transform into a bat and fly away right about now. Oh to be a shapeshifter. “You should eat,” Solas says. Sarya slowly turns toward him and glares, unfurling herself. She snatches up the sandwich, stands, then winds up and hurls the sandwich as hard as she can into the darkness. Wiping the crumbs off on her leggings, she returns to her sitting position and continues to glare at him. It earns her a sigh. “No. You don’t get to do that,” she says. “Do what exactly?” “You don’t get to be exasperated with me.” “You are angry.” “I am…no.” She shakes her head, a few curls springing loose around her face. Hurt. Confused. Empty. “I have lost my appetite because I am in emotional pain. But not angry—maybe bitter. Spiteful even.” “It is understandable for you to feel that way.” “Solas, please. Don’t.” She yanks up a handful of grass and starts shredding it to pieces. “I can’t do this. Talking to you like this. Like what we were, never happened? Like you aren’t the source of all of—this.” She throws her hands up and then wraps her arms around her legs again.
Like he’s a friend who can offer advice and help her heal after hurt.
“This is not easy for me either.” “Then why do it? Why not wait?” “Would it make any difference?” Sarya rubs at her forehead. She can feel the tears coming again but she swallows them back. “Well—no. But,” she picks up a lonesome stick and begins to snap it, shredding it into saddened splinters, “can we just—can we just have this one last night?” She can’t bear to look at him but she hears his sigh. It sounds so heavy and she doesn’t understand it because he won’t let her. “Please,” she says again between the cricket chirps. “Let me in just one last time. Then we can move on. Promise.” She sees his fingers tapping against his knee. Long fingers that spent countless nights intertwined with hers. Long, perfect fingers that dance in the air when he gets passionate. That have comforted her during nightmares. Healed wounds and left no scars. Elicited pleasure she never experienced before. And now tap, tap, tap against a knee, never to grace her skin again. “Sar–Inquisitor, it would be easier for the both of us if we refrained. I am sorry.” No, she will have none of that Inquisitor shit. She chucks the remainder of the stick behind her and is up on her feet. She marches over to him, fingers clutching his collar as she studies his stupidly sad face. He can’t even look her in the eye. But gods, if she doesn’t still love him. She bends down, fist in his collar and hand cupping his chin as she pulls him into a final, wild, and desperate kiss. He doesn’t move the rest of his body but his lips find their way to her easily enough. When she releases him, he reaches for her, hungrier than ever before. “We shouldn’t,” he breathes. “We aren’t,” she replies. And his hands are threaded through her hair and salt is on her lips.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sarya has been away from Skyhold for over a month and she left Solas behind.
“I think it’s best you stay and research,” she had said a week after their breakup.
“And what would you like me to research Inquisitor,” he’d said with a touch of coldness. He couldn’t look her in the eye so he stared at the tip of her ear and saw it flick when he had chosen to forego her name.
“Whatever you think is best,” she’d said and turned on her heel and left.
He’d earned it. And he’d come to accept this now as he tends the pots in the gardens of Skyhold and tells himself that it was for the best. Tells himself that it would all be worth it. Tells himself lie after lie so he can make this new reality grow and bloom into something he can live or
die
with. He uproots tiny maples that had made their home in the pot and uses his magic to water them. They are blossoming now, the hyacinths she’d planted. Blue and purple and magenta and pink like the blush of her cheeks.
In Arlathan, the hyacinth was a symbol of sincerity and constancy and he wondered if she knew this. Though, he doubted the Dalish had taught her traditions that ancient. But maybe…
He clips one hyacinth, the pink one, and carries it all the way up to her room. He places it in the ornate vase carved with a rune on her bedside table, the one received as a gift from Orzammar, and activates the rune. The vase fills with water and he lays down next to it, counting the blossoms until he falls asleep.
___________
A week later and Solas finds the withered hyacinth with a note tied around its stem on top of his pile of research.
Please don’t. But thank you.
He traces the lines of her elegant script and tucks the note away in his pocket. Again, he reminds himself it is better this way and goes about his day.
___________
He doesn’t see her again for a month. She actively avoids him now. He knows this. He doesn’t blame her. And he has seen her crossing over to the Commander's office carrying a dinner tray more than once. Maybe she’s moving on and he tells himself it is better this way. But a part of him hopes it means they are just close friends. He thinks it is wrong for him to hope but when she is not here, he takes care of her flowers.
______________
Tomorrow is the battle against Corypheus. Solas is worn out from training the other mages and himself. It is late and the moon dangles high in the sky, full and bright. He goes straight to his bedroll and begins to undo his foot wrappings, using magic to ease away the throbbing pain in his feet and the ache in his back. As he sets his wrappings aside, there is a single hyacinth lying next to his pillow. It is blue. He thumbs a singular petal and his heart skips two beats. He loves her more than ever and he thinks, this is not for the best.
They fight the battle. They win and he kneels before the broken orb. She is watching him.
“We can fix it,” she says.
He doesn’t know if she’s talking about the orb or them.
“We can’t,” he says.
Neither can be repaired.
Someone calls her name and she looks away and he takes the opportunity to flee. It is better this way, he tells himself.
And he is gone.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Her hands, they shake like the lid on a pot bubbling over. She thinks she’s seen everything. She thinks she’s felt everything. But before her is a mural, an elf in a wolf’s cloak removing vallaslin and the style of it-the style brings back memories she had locked away in a chest buried in the back of her mind. She has moved on. She’s supposed to get married. Her hand goes to the coin in her pocket, it is not a family heirloom per se but a token of the good things that came and still were to come. A token passed down to her from her lover containing family sentimentality and remembrance, a good luck charm. Her stomach churns, her head feels light. And she knows she can’t stand here, staring at this mural. Thinking about the way that vallaslin is just coming off the faces of the painted elves. The slaves. She can’t stand here wondering what this means. She can’t just stand here connecting the dots and getting one singular answer. No. Not him. She needs to move, press onward because every moment she spends, suspended in time, is another minute ticked off the clock of her imminent death. The anchor in her hand flares. Summoned by sheer thought alone. It crackles and lashes out at her, spreading into her wrist. It burns inside, branding her veins with both fire and ice.She cries out. She falls to the ground, writhing like a worm in summer’s midday sun.Vivienne is there and she soothes, her voice a drop of water.Cole’s voice breaks through too and Cullen…Cullen…“My love,” he gently coos, picking her up off her feet. “It’s going to be alright. We can go back if you need to.”“No,” she stammers through clenched teeth. “I-I have to-I have to stop this.”
I have to see if he’s there. If it’s him. I have to find him. I need the answers.
She steadies herself against Cullen’s body and stumbles forward, gaining her footing with each press of her heel into the ground.
It’s not him. It can’t be him. This whole time? I am a fool. I am the biggest fool of all. It’s not him. But who else could it be? It’s him and I am a fool.
She wants to cry, let her body heave in a wracking sob. Numbness, like a merciful shroud, covers her in its shadow. She presses onward, pushes forward. She passes through another eluvian and unleashes a rain of flaming arrows. Three qunari are downed before the Viddasala even sees her come in. Cullen runs off to her left and Vivienne turns one of the qunari into fragments of shattered ice. Everything is a blur of a moment, strokes of color splashed onto a canvas, the blood of enemies adding the final touch. Sarya tosses one enchanted bomb and the sarebaas remaining goes up in a cloud of smoke. She steps over its ashes and chases the Viddasala back into the crossroads. She disappears behind the next eluvian and stops just short of following.Cullen says, “do you want us to wait?”“No, go on ahead, I’ll be right there.”Her heart beats wildly in her chest, adrenaline racing, breath catching, mind whirling in a never ending swirl of thoughts. Each inhale takes more effort and energy than before. Her hand is shaking again and she steadies herself on a boulder. She knows it’s him. She knows he’s close.
huff, huff, huff
Cole reaches out to her, he had hung back. “She slips away, shoulders shuddering in silence. ‘He didn’t even say goodbye. Why didn’t he say goodbye?’ “Cole. Cole, I…That isn’t helping.” The last thing she needs is for him to pull those thoughts to the forefront. “But he didn’t leave because of you. He left because of himself.”She pauses, considering, breathes deep. “It doesn’t matter why he left. Not anymore. I just wish he would’ve said goodbye is all.” Her next thought is to herself but she lets Cole hear it.
Maybe this time we won’t have to say goodbye.
Cole touches her hand softly, smiles an approval and slips behind the eluvian. The token in her pocket is now a great lump in her throat.
I am a fool. I am the world’s biggest fool.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It is Sunday. And the day spills warmth and light into the open window as dust particles chase the rays, sparkling in their radiance. It is Sarya’s favorite day, when she and Solas stroll about the streets of Arlathan or perhaps spend time in their cozy home, curled in each other’s arms with a good book or practicing sketches of one another.
Sarya is doing just that. Her feet are crossed in front of her as she sits upright in the settee and she uses a piece of charcoal to make a rough sketch of the pair in her view.
Ghilan'nain is just outside the window lying in the dewy grass as Andruil plays with her silver hair. Laughter echoes in unison with the songbirds chirp and a wisps soft chorus somewhere nearby. Sarya tries to capture the delicate swirl of her hair around Andruil’s finger and the curve of her lips as she gazes up at her lover. She is so stunning, so picturesque.
Solas comes up from behind, wrapping his arms about her shoulders and touching his lips to the back of her head. “You’ve become quite proficient at this,” he remarks.
She smiles to herself, pleased with his words. “I’ve been practicing a lot lately and I happen to have a great teacher.” She eyes her parchment suspiciously. Something just seems off about the portrait despite his compliment. “I’m having trouble capturing Ghil’s hair just right, though. Have any suggestions?”
Solas glides around the cream colored piece, meant for two, and drapes an arm around her shoulder as he scoots in close.
“I think you are being too critical of yourself. Once you add the colors and shading, her hair will be just right.” He pauses and she catches the way his eyebrows crinkle. “But…”
She laughs. “See…I knew you’d find my error.”
There’s a smirk and nod of his head as he takes the parchment in hand and studies it closely. Subconsciously his thumb rubs circles around her exposed, freckled shoulder and she sighs into his touch.
If he wanted to critique her work all day, she would be satisfied in that. She didn’t like Sunday for the day but for the stolen moments. For any day spent in leisure, in Solas’ warm embrace, was the best day.
There’s a quiet, “ah,” from him as he pulls a finger to his lip then taps lightly on the page. He utters some suggestions but they become lost on her as she studies his parted lips. They’re soft and smooth, kept free from blemish and age. And his eyes. His eyes are radiant and sparkling and joyous. He is happy, happy to be in her presence. She could spend forever like this. Forever and always.
But then she wakes up.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The air is something soft, something sweet, something salty and feels like smothering on the skin. It’s summer and the ocean splays itself across the land, laughing and playing with the crabs, tossing seashells out like confetti and they get lost in the sand. Tiny hidden treasures line the coastline just waiting to surprise an unsuspecting barefoot. The beach is both suffocating and freeing with the heat pouring warmth into her skin while the sound of the waves makes her blood rush as it whispers to come and play in her ears. She draws near to the ocean’s beckoning, touching her toes to the edges of the water. She looks at the horizon. It seems so near and so far at once that she reaches out her hand just to see if she can touch it but alas it’s out of her grasp. But she can pretend she holds the whole world in her hand.So she takes a step forward, toes sinking deeper into the sand until her big toe bumps into something a bit bumpy and sharp. She’s drawn from her thoughts and bends to pick up the intruder. A large conch shell, soft pink hues and in perfect shape fills the palm of her hand and she smiles as she holds it up to her ear. But it’s not the ocean she hears inside that shell.“Say you don’t love me.” It’s her own voice, her own words that whisper to her. She gasps in shock and tears it away, looking at it like it’s possessed. She wants to toss it back into the ocean but rethinks it, putting it back to her ear.“I can’t”, it tells her.
“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”
She weeps now. Clutching the shell to her chest like she wishes she’d have clutched him. She should’ve begged him to stay. But she didn’t. And just as quickly as the weeping came, it subsides and grows into anger. She takes that seashell and she chucks it back into the ocean. She wipes her eyes and sniffles and turns her back on the horizon and begins collecting the smaller shells on the beach. Then she smiles again as she pictures herself putting her life back together. She can go on without him. She can. She can. She can.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She remembers when she had dreams. When the mark made her more than just a hero, made her more than just an archer. Made her more than what she wanted to be. But she can also recall the way his hands pressed into her back, the way his lips fit with hers, the way he was more than a feeling, more than a dream. Now she has no connection to him. Not even his mark. When she awakens from a restless sleep, there’s this ghost of a memory lingering even as reality settles against her skin. His face is a phantom in her mind's peripheral. She can’t even place his voice. What did he say? And she wonders if maybe it’s time to move on. Maybe it’s time to move forward. Maybe there will be more memories. Better memories. But the thing is, she does not want to forget. So she wills herself out of bed, the sun not even alive yet and pens her letter.
Solas,
I miss you. I shouldn’t, I know. But you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. Perhaps I need closure or maybe I’m convinced we’re just meant to be? No, it’s more than that. You were. No. You are my closest friend. You could at least come back and let me know you’re okay. Right? What harm would that do? Please?
Sarya
She sighs, slumping over the parchment. She can’t believe how desperate she sounds. But he’s seen every side of her and she’s not afraid to show him this one too. She sits up straight, ties it off and makes her way down the stairs. She hurries to the eluvian in the corner of her cozy Crestwood cottage, taken from Halamshiral and kept for herself, sending her letter after the whispered password. She doesn’t bother going through anymore, knowing there’s no other path open to her. On the other side is an empty bench and most likely a pile of letters untouched. She can’t bear to check. Either he gets them and doesn’t care or he doesn’t. Neither is an answer she wants or cares to discover. She likes to believe he does get them. Likes to convince herself that it wears on him.That one day he’ll walk through that eluvian and tell her he’s sorry and that’s he’s been so stupid. But she also doesn’t know if she’d even want the apology. Just knows she wants him. Knows that she loves him and that she just wants him to come home.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I knew what it was to miss you after you left. After that first year too. But I wasn’t prepared for the ghost of you. The memories of your face when I’m kissed by another. Your laugh when a joke is told that I know you’d find funny. The longing for your touch when it’s dark. The comfort of your words when I’m scared.
It’s not fair. I don’t hate you for it. But I am a little angry. You have me even when you don’t. It’s simply not fair.
Regardless, I hope this letter finds you well.
Sarya
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Solas,
You won’t take me as I am. So what must I become? These sorrows, they build inside me, changing me or reflecting me, I’m no longer sure. But if they were to change me, would you accept me then? Or would I always be a distraction? A little less than something? A speck of dust in the wind?
Oh, I am so tired of this second guessing about who you were and who I am. Can we lay this to rest? Can I?
I am in the midst of this mist and I can’t see anything in front of me. I’m guided by feeling but clearly I need redirecting. This heart of mine yearns for you, longs for you. It blinds me and yet, I can’t stop loving you.
Ma Vhenan, I hope you’re well. I just miss you.
-Sarya
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She doesn’t know that he finds a way to retrieve every letter that passes through the eluvian. She doesn’t know how it wears on him day after day. She only knows to write to him, to never give up on him.
He tells himself to stop going to the place where her hands are just out of reach, her heart just a whisper away behind the cold glass. Yet he still goes. Each time he picks up one of those letters, his fingers tremble, making it more difficult on himself than it should. But maybe he deserves this subtly sweet punishment.
The wolf must mock him, seeing him in such a state. Oh how he misses her and hates the wolf that holds him back. Holds him back from her. His fingers trace the black ink, smudging some of the intricate script with a single tear as he reads:
Solas,
I want you to kiss me like the sun kisses the horizon.
I want you to caress me like the sea embraces the shore.
I want to clasp you tight to my chest like the wind wraps around the trees.
I want you to be mine, to be here, but I also want you to be free.
I miss you and love you forever,
Sarya
He wants those things too but he can’t have them. He clutches the letter to his chest before folding it neatly and placing it in his pocket to be filed away with all the others. With a deep breath, he gathers himself and lets the wolf guide his steps or else he will never be able to do what must be done.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Someday, the sunbeams will fall on my face and fill me with warmth as I roll over. Their shadows won’t dance across an empty space where you used to lie but will caress the softest lips I ever had the pleasure of kissing. There won’t be an ache as my hand reaches for yours, only to find nothing there. Because someday, your hand will find mine first.
Someday, I will walk along the forest path and not wonder if you’re out there, gazing at me from lofty heights somewhere above. No, you will be there beside me, chuckling softly at your ability to be free–to be yourself. We will walk in tandem, hips matching the rhythm of our in tune hearts until our legs can carry us no further.
Someday, you’ll call me vhenan and you’ll mean it. That day, your heart will also be your home.
I’ll be waiting for you.
Love, Sarya.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Fen Harel, sir, I wanted to notify you that there’s been activity in the southeast sector of the crossroads.”
“Thank you, Feiren. Has anyone gone to investigate?” Solas asks.
“No. You said…”
“Good. I know precisely what I said and I appreciate having my orders obeyed. You are dismissed.”
Feiren bows and exits the room and Solas’ shoulders sink. The wolf makes him weary but here behind closed doors, he is a simple man with simple wants. He takes a deep breath and goes to the eluvian in his room and signals his password. He walks the familiar path to her, stepping through the last eluvian cautiously, prepared to flee if she's here in physical form. But she isn’t. Just another letter of many she’s left for him like before. He knows he shouldn’t read it, let alone pick it up. But after he visited her in the fade last night, it seems fitting to punish himself as he had unintentionally punished her.
He handles the letter gingerly, as if he was handling
her
somehow (oh how he wishes he could), unties the cord and reads. The words, like a glass of Pinot noir, numb his heart. Numb his soul. And he knows he’s exposed now more than ever. He reads and rereads. Imagining what it would be like to hear her voice saying these words to him and each line is another weight tethering him here.
He tucks the letter away in his cloak to be placed in safety with the others and he uses his magic to make the withered flowers disappear, leaving an empty vase. It would appear she does not set foot in here at all anymore. He wonders if he should bother to replace them.
But he is a simple man with simple wants.
He turns to the left, enters another eluvian and the crossroads shift as he travels an empty hall in a lost chateau where another eluvian awaits. He passes through and arrives at Skyhold.
He makes his way to the garden where all along he’s been tending her hyacinth in secret. They are blooming so bright now. An array of pinks, blues and purples and he cuts a handful of them and traces his steps back to where he knows she’s just beyond a wall of glass.
He places the flowers in the vase, waters them and strides over to her eluvian. He takes off his glove and places his hand there against the cold. Closes his eyes. Rests his head. The wolf is begging him to leave. But he ignores the warning, the pleading and pretends that she’s there, just on the other side. Maybe their foreheads are even touching.
“I am not okay”, he whispers and his voice echoes around him.
With a deep breath he pulls away, steadies himself and turns on his heel. He cannot linger here.
So he goes.
But the vase still sits next to the bench. A pastel beacon of hope. A gesture of romance, a token of his love as a simple man with simple wants.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The moon sits half hidden in the sky, almost like it has a secret it wishes to tell. And Sarya combs her fingers through her damp hair, removing all tangles when something in the air shifts. “Is it finished,” she barely whispers. “Not yet.” “I assume it would be obvious if it had. Have you changed your mind?” “No, ma vhenan.” Her hand stills in the last remaining strands. A drop of water trickles down her neck and seeps into her collar. With her next breath she can feel him moving towards her, his powerful presence radiating through her being even more so than what she’d felt at the crossroads all those years ago. And with his touch, she’s certain he could obliterate her and yet… “Why have you come here, Solas?” She knows the power she wields is far greater than his. For she is his only weakness. “I wanted to see you one last time,” he says. His voice quivers and his weariness is enough for the both of them. “No. This won’t be the last time.” She grasps his hand in hers and spins to face him, pulling herself into his chest. His eyes shine bluer than ever before and she is both terrified and desperate for him to stay. But the contact is too much. “Goodbye,” he says and vaporizes. His power still permeates the room and she knows that when morning comes she will have forgotten it all. But maybe those traces will remain. She glances up at the sky. The moon no longer hides and mocks her with its smirking.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She couldn’t say exactly when she’d past the point of no return but she knew that she was beyond it. She still loved him, no doubt about it. But she loved her people, her whole entire world, so much more. Someone needed to stop him. And that someone had to be her.
She’d always known this of course, the parallels of their life too similar to remain in denial forever. But she had not hastened. Convinced herself she could win him over with words and time, she’d sent letter after letter. Eventually, she learned he’d read every single one of them. Yet, he still sought to wreak havoc on her world and the news of his deeds grew grimmer with each passing day. So there was no time remaining. She sealed her letter and traveled to her favorite eluvian.
He came again. Vowed that it was his last time, just as he had done a countless number of times past. But this time, he only needed one last sacrifice for his plan so he had come to say goodbye. He plucked her letter from the bench, replaced it with his own and he savored the last letter he would ever read from her hand. Going through the familiar motions of untying the ribbon, unfurling the curls and tracing the pattern of her swirling script across the page. He sat upon the bench and read her letter a multitude of times. Whispering his silent goodbyes.
She knew he would do it. Just as before. He always took a step forward just to turn around and have her watch him leave over and over again. She was tired of the cycle. The hope and hurt he brought with him, ensnaring her in his misery every time. Didn’t he know she was tired? Didn’t he know the pain he caused?
She was convinced he did but he was a man who walked two worlds. A man who had given her his heart and a ghost seeking penance for what it wrought.
So she watched as he took that last letter. And she waited. It wasn’t long before the poison was in his system and here, alone with him, there was nowhere for him to go.
“Sarya,” he managed to choke as she strode toward him, hair peeking out from her hood like autumn leaves blanketing the earth for its winter slumber.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she leaned in, plunging her dagger into his heart.
She had failed to win him over in the end but she was ready now to bear that burden. She shouldered his lifeless body, holding him close.
“You can rest now, my moon. Dareth shiral.”
She should’ve felt like a hero. Everyone would sing her praises but she only cared that it was her family who remained safe.
She felt reborn with the last of her tattoos replaced. And she faced her clan mates, her family and recited with them:
we are the last of the elvhen. Never again, shall we submit.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Why are we here again?” Solas drops his satchel into the sand and it hisses at him.He does a double take, wondering if somehow the sand came alive but it’s just a grumpy lizard, squirming its way out from under the weight.“Look you made it mad,” Sarya says gesturing after its retreating figure. “We’re here to enjoy each other’s company.She turns back to their tiny encampment, placing throw pillows all around their makeshift bed. No matter how she arranges them, it does not transform this wasteland into a romantic getaway. He watches the wind sweep along the dunes, swirling like a chiffon skirt. It’s pretty, he admits but he wishes for greenery, even if only a little.“We couldn’t do that at home?” He asks.“Well yeah, I guess so.” She fluffs one last pillow and joins him near the tent flap, leaning into him. “But you let me pick and I love this place.”He can’t help but chuckle as he throws his arm around her, gathering her into himself.“Why is it that all the hostile deserts are your favorite places?”“To be fair, I like anywhere with sand.”“Then why didn’t you pick a beach?”“I did! But that’s for another day.”“I wouldn’t be surprised if the beach you chose is on the Storm Coast.”“Oh hush! Don’t be ridiculous. You know I’d only pick the Storm Coast in the fall.”“When you’re most likely to get swept in by the tide.” He shakes his head. “I worry about your attraction to danger.”She quirks a brow at him, brushes her finger on the tip of his nose. “You do realize I am married to danger, right?”“Hmm, yes and I still fail to see the appeal.” He kisses her temple then.“Maybe we’ll have to change that then,” she says. “The bed is finished, I think, so we can cuddle, watch the sunset and stuff our faces with the copious amounts of pastries and chocolates that Josie sent as a gift. Oh, and she sent her favorite bottle of Antivan wine.”“Are you trying to get me drunk so I can pretend that we’re not in the middle of a desert?”Sarya laughs and takes his hand in hers, tugging him toward the bed. “Maybe? If you’re lucky, I’ll even sneak a lizard into your bedroll.”“I...no. I prefer a lizard less bedroll, thank you.”She snickers. “Can I offer you this larger than your face jelly roll then?”He grimaces. “That’s the best you have to offer?”She rolls her eyes and hands him the basket filled with eclairs, scones, tarts, pies and truffles. “Take your pick.”He does and shares a few bites with her. She licks the icing off his forefinger, humming slightly while holding his gaze. His stomach flips and his pants feel too tight.
They talk and share memories. Eat too many treats, lay next to each other, fingers tracing lightning into each other’s skin until the heat prickles enough to make them strip. Longtime lovers caught in the net of familiarity.She wraps her hand around his neck, kisses him.
Her lips are like chocolate on the tongue, firm then melting. He tastes, taking her in fully, letting her linger. Sampling. Savoring. Devouring.There’s a gentle kind of moan that escapes him, one that’s lost in recycled air. He quickens his kiss, alights on her breath. She pulls away and he can’t breathe or maybe he can because he couldn’t before. He doesn’t know. He only knows that he’s swimming, and this sand is endless.“Come back to me,” he whispers. His hand is in her hair, twisted around his fingers. Tugging gently, he reiterates his desires.“And how do you ask, my moon?” That smirk that tugs at the corner of her mouth catches him off guard every time.“Please,” he begs, his voice unfurling like a broken string.Her gaze is intense on him, more mesmerizing than the sun sinking low on the horizon.“As you wish,” she says.She paints him orange inside then red on his lips. Her fingers rub the tip of his ear. Another moan escapes him. This time it rivals the rustling of the wind.His hand travels down her cheek, caressing then brushing his thumb in ovals. It keeps wandering, feather touches on her neck, the top of her shoulder. It hovers just above her chest and he presses firmly. She gives way to him, falling on her back. She arches against the ground, a lyre to be strummed. And his kisses, his tongue, play chords across her body. He presses his hands against her inner thighs, spreading her wide, kissing each side before drinking her in. He parts her folds, soft and ready for him, and he licks. Once. She sighs. Twice and she shutters. Three times and his tongue marks adagio. “Fuck! This pace will be the death of me Solas.”He smirks. “You will live through this night and you will thank me when it’s over.”“Always so confident. You are less charming than you realize.”He notices she does not close off to him.“Oh?”She speaks heresy but he’s yearning for her praise. He presses his lips to her clit, sucks just enough to know the pressure is building. Tonight, she tastes like a glass of honeyed spirits with salt on the rim, and he will be drunk. He licks her until she is uttering blasphemy against him, against the creators. Then he pulls away to study her. Chest heaving, breaths shallow, and waiting. He watches the way her throat moves as she swallows. He catches her eye and her brow flicks up in question. She is impatient, wiggling herself nearer to his mouth. Hips lifting with wordless demanding. He wants to give in, but the release will be sweeter with time. And so, he drags it out. Languid licks, kisses of leisure, and touches that guide her to the precipice.His eyes trail up her body while he continues to undulate her with his tongue. She is beautiful like this, unwound and open. She is free and it strikes him like a match in his core; he is the cause of her unfiltered delight. He is the one to elicit her praise. It’s still a mystery why she accepts him as he is, knowing full well all that he has done, all he can do. Yet here she is, vulnerable and naked and willing. He hopes he can do right by her.It takes every ounce of his last remaining willpower to not give into his basest desire, the one that is instinctual. But here is the place where his heart lies, and he will do everything-everything in his power to keep her pulsating. He dips his head again, nose pressed against her clit, senses filled with the scent of her. All encompassing. All consuming. She gasps, groans, and quivers under his touch and he lets her down easy with gentle, legato licks until she is still once again.He looks up and catches her gaze, chest heaving and he wipes his mouth. They exchange sensual glances and she gestures for him with a finger. He obeys, crashing against her lips, chest pressing into hers, his hands flowing over the curves of her body like a current. He’s already so hard for her and the pressure from her inner thigh against him does not help him keep his resolve.“I want...” she pants between a passionate kiss. “I want you inside of me. Need you…”He utters some kind of gibberish, unable to refuse her request. He slides into her, so wet, so warm, so satisfactory.But he drags it out.“Fuck me, please, you feel so good,” she whispers in his ear.“No-no…not tonight. We have time,” he says, and his mouth covers hers again. He slides in and out slowly, synchronizes with the steady whistling of the wind. He ebbs and flows, holding onto every sound she makes, and commits the night to memory. Even after he spends himself, he rocks with her body, enjoying plush kisses and satin touches until they reluctantly pull apart for a breath and a drink of water. He pushes the hair out of her face and hands her a drink, chilling it with frost magic before she takes it in hand. He watches her, studies her body, the scars make him replay memories of the wounds he has healed. He traces them with his thumb, and it makes her laugh.“Think you could do that frost trick with me?” She asks and hands the water to him.He takes a sip.“Well I’d prefer you not to be a rigid block of ice…”“You know what I mean.” She crawls over to him, takes the water and lowers it to the floor. “Round two?" she asks and kisses the dimple on his chin.He grips her chin in his hand, pulls her lips to his, still chilled from the drink. “Round two," he confirms, deepening the kiss.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Solas awakens to a world full of color. The first thing he sees is Sarya, and all the wonders he had created in the fade dull in comparison. Her eyes are an ocean and her lips the shore that keeps him steady.
“Hey sleepyhead,” she says.
She toys with the strand of pearls she wore the night before. The only thing she had worn. Solas aches in remembrance but he wants to cement this memory as much as the last.
“On dhea,” he replies and reaches out for a lock of her hair.
He tugs lightly, lets go and watches it spring back up to her cheek. He inhales sharply when she kisses him and pulls away. Too soon gone. She shifts onto her knees and the satin sheet slides off her shoulder. The sun rises behind her, basking her in a goddess’s hearthfire and her freckles shimmer like bronzed sparks. He can’t tell where she ends and the dawn begins.
“You are
so beautiful,”
he tells her. Means it more than he realizes.
She places two fingers to her lips, kisses and touches them to his mouth. He lets her trace along his lower lip.
“I know,” she says with a playful smirk, “so
show
me how beautiful you think I am.”
“Ma nuvenin,” he murmurs. And he covers her with himself and his lips, a solar eclipse.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Everything was white and gray in her eyes, a blur of emotion she felt in her soul. The peaks of the mountains seemed so far away. She could not reach them even if she climbed. They were so tall and so big and vast. They were like
him.
She sighed and closed the doors, wrapping her robe tight around her before going to bed. She drank a sleeping drought, warm and filling and closed her eyes.
Everything was hazy orange and red and leaves stuck in her hair. She smiled and picked an apple. One bite was sweet and scrumptious. So solid and real. But then it shifted and shimmered and she held a single hyacinth. The ring on her finger glowed as arms wrapped around her waist.
“I missed you, vhenan,” he whispered, his breath on her neck.
She turned into him. Looked into his eyes and stroked his face. He’d been gone for two days but came to her each night like this and yet… and yet it still was not enough. For she knew when she’d wake up, she’d remember nothing.
“I missed you too, my moon.”
Leaves swirled up around them and wind was in her hand. She kissed him, deep and without reserve. He dipped her low, pulling her so close to himself that she could almost disappear into him. She became lost in him and he in her, an endless maze that they had no desire to escape from. And before she knew it, she was whisked away from sleep and shielding the light from her eyes.
Everything was white and yellow. She sat up and pulled the blanket to her chest. Her knees curled up into her body, holding onto remnants of warmth that lingered in hand. He wasn’t there beside her but she swore she could still feel his breath on the tip of her ear.
“
I’ll be home soon. Ar lath ma.”
She touched her lips and smiled.
Soon.
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The sky was brooding. Hues of gray hovered, layers upon layers over forlorn trees. It was as if it were also grieving.
Solas wiped his eyes and placed a single, withering leaf upon the site of the newly planted tree. The tree that represented life taken and life renewed. The tree for her. He wished that for once, that a tree could just be a tree. But no, this tree would grow deep roots, sprout new leaves, grow tall and live for years upon years in her name, in her honor. He could at least take comfort in knowing the roots would hold her when he could not.
A year had come and gone. He had witnessed the trees bloom and flower. He had witnessed them wither and die. He had witnessed the beauty and cruelty that nature could offer but he had not witnessed her.
He kneeled in the dirt and made a small hole. He reached into his cloak and pulled out a figurine. He studied it briefly, fingers caressing the finely crafted crystal, staring back at his own reflection. His eyes were red, puffy from the tears that would not relieve him of anguish. He closed them, kissed the crystal griffon, then buried it next to the sprouting tree.
“Ar lath ma, vhenan,” he whispered.
He stood then wandered away.
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She came to him in shimmering red fur. A reflection of woman and wolf, a mirage of two merging and he felt her hand on his shoulder when she settled into just her. Just Sarya. His equal. He shivered at her touch. He could feel it beneath his cloak of gray, deep down past his skin. As if she had managed to reach in and tenderly hold his heart protectively. He almost pulled away. “You’re not alone,” she said. And she embraced him, breathing hot breath into his skin. Breathing life into his very bones. He wanted to believe her words. He wanted it to be true. His arms hung limply at his sides and as he raised them, so slowly to touch her waist, she smelled different. And when he looked into her eyes they were too clear. Void of emotion. “Is this not what you wanted?” she asked. He shook his head. “It’s time for me to wake up.” And when he did, the old crumbled ruins of Skyhold were gray and stark against the blue sky. His hands gripped tight to the yellow scarf in his hands, belonging to her, more than one hundred years prior. He was, in fact, alone.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Harden your heart to a cutting edge, he’d said.But she couldn’t. And she never did.Everything else about her was hard: the scars, the callouses, the muscles, but her heart was hers and he’d laid claim to every aspect of their relationship except this one. So she would have a say in what she did with her heart and she wanted it soft.The pain hurt—oh it hurt deeply and had for so long when he’d gone because she thought she’d spend the rest of her days with Solas. Maybe they’d lounge out in the lavender fields all day or have a picnic by the waterfall, eating a warmed slice of freshly baked apple pie. Their senses would be full of cinnamon and clove with hints of honey and they’d laugh and talk and make love until they succumbed to weariness. Just for once they’d have one of those happy endings that most people seemed to get.That’s how it was supposed to be.Even after all this time, she still believed–still hoped that’s how it was going be and she would fight for it. She would dirty her hands and bleed for the belief that she would have her joyous ending—that he was meant to be happy too.And as she lay dying, her breath shallow and harried, his teary eyes blurred in her fading vision. She couldn’t help but wonder where she’d gone wrong in all of it. How did they get here? And after all this, why? Why did she even care.“I never wanted this,” he choked. She could only nod an acknowledgment of the truth. He never wanted to watch her die. It’s why he wouldn’t let her follow. It’s why he could never deliver the final blow himself. A coward even unto the end but her coward—her heart. She could see the soft grey in his eyes for a moment and she felt his hands on her body, pulling her close while teardrops splattered on her face. They were warm on and heavy, full of ancient sorrows never shed.“No. You must stay with me!” His voice was urgent and pleading and she wanted to stay with him. More than anything. But she couldn’t.Breaths were painful now, like shards of ice stabbing her in the throat, puncturing her lungs. Her life was fading. And she just wanted to see him one last time. To stroke his face one last time. To feel his lips on hers one last time. If she must go without breath, his lips would be the ones to evoke it from her. But alas, her wishes were for naught. Nothing obeyed her desires, not even a finger would budge.“Sarya,” he muttered over and over again and her body quaked with his, moved by his weeping. He sobbed for the both of them.But as she tried raising her hand to his face to pull him closer, she could no longer see him, no longer feel him. And her lungs tightened and her chest squeezed and the world around her faded away into a numbing abyss.Closing her eyes, she hoped that when they opened again, it would have all just been a nightmare. But her eyes never opened again. Solas crouched over Sarya’s body, unable to gather his bearings and cease his trembling. Swords clashed behind him and the fade sang its chorus above him as his mages danced to their song. The stench of burning hair and flesh, putrid and vile, filled up his nose and he buried his face in her hair. It should have been pleasant. But what was once the sweet scent of milk and honey had turned to smoke and war.What had he done? He knew he couldn’t afford to linger here but she deserved to have a proper parting from the world. He wouldn’t stand for her to be a casualty of his war. So he gathered her up in his arms and steeled his heart.He stood. Each minute that passed blurred his eyes with smoke and tears. As he turned, the fiery red eyes of Andruil returned. They bore into his own, with a sneer triumphant in nature, plastered on her lips. Before he could respond, she unleashed her golden arrow, piercing through his armor and straight through his heart. Her laughter left it’s searing mark on his ears.For as much as his heart was stone, it was no match for her deft hand and he slumped to his knees only to fall face first in his lover’s splayed out hair. His life fled from him and darkness was all he knew. The light, bright and warm, greeted him like an old friend. He blinked so his eyes could adjust.“Good, you’re awake,” she said and he was disoriented.It wasn’t possible to hear her voice again, was it? He clenched his fists. Beneath him was grass and reeds and it smelled like lavender.“Did I fall asleep?” he asked, sitting up.Perhaps it had just been a terrible dream.She didn’t answer. She kept cutting into an apple pie. She dished it out onto a plate and handed it to him.“Here. Taste this and let me know what you think. I might have put too much cinnamon in.”Solas took the pie and lifted the fork to his mouth but it was tasteless. Confused, he tried again but once more it was like ash on his tongue. “Well?” she asked.“It does not have a taste.”She frowned. “Oh. I hoped it would.”“I thought I was dead,” he said abruptly. She laughed but he wasn’t sure what was funny. “Remember, ‘the first of our people are not so easy to kill,’ those were your words.”“But you’re here. I watched you die!” Her image flickered as she reached out a hand that he couldn’t feel. “I wish you would have watched me live.”And as she flickered and faded away, a swirling wisp, Solas wished that too.