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“Hello, Sam.”
Sam Winchester jumped at the soft voice that came from the door of his room and immediately cursed that he’d moved at all. The last hunt he’d been on with Dean had been successful, but not good. It was bloody and violent and had left the younger Winchester bruised and beaten up. His torso was various shades of black and blue. He’d felt ribs crack when the golem had gripped him around the middle and started to crush him.
It hurt him to breathe too deeply, and he scowled at the angel in his doorway. “Gadreel...not the best time, man.” he’d sound cold even in his own ears.
“I apologize for disturbing you, especially at this late hour.” The deep tone paused to take a breath. “I know you do not have much trust in me, given the...rocky start we got off too.”
Sam scoffed and regretted that too. It hurt to laugh, no matter how short and derisive it was. “Rocky? Pretty sure there isn’t a worse start to get off to.”
“I wholly acknowledge that.” Gadreel replied, and from the rustling sound of clothing in the stillness of the bunker, Sam figured he’d ventured further into his room. He spoke from what sounded like the foot of the hunter’s bed. “I just wish you to know I’ve seen the error of my ways...I never meant to hurt you.”
Sam lifted his head at that. He couldn’t help the way his utter incredulity distorted his expression. Angels had no idea what it was like to be possessed against your will. It made him feel like a passenger in his own skin. Entirely out of control.
“I do not expect you to forgive me,” Gadree said, with a tick of his jaw. “My mission was to keep you alive. I let Metatron’s lies convince me and I took that which I had no right to.”
That...tugged at a little sympathy in the hunter. He’d been deceived before. Convinced he was doing the right thing and only ended up hurting people he cared about the most. All the times he’d thought he was doing the right thing and ended up making everything so much worse.
“I...forgive you, more for my sake than yours, you understad?”
The angel nodded, though he looked likehe did not understand at all. His hands were stiff at his sides, though Sam swore he thought he saw one twitch towards him. “You...require healing.”
It wasn’t a question. And the human knew he was right. He’d be layed up for weeks without some supernatural intervention. But…
“Look, Gadreel, I know you mean well-”
The angel had moved up to his bedside, towering over him, his eyes moving over Sam’s chest as if he was a living X-ray. Then, Gadreels eyes were on him.
“Please. There is very little I can offer you in terms of repentance.”
Sam swallowed thickly but nodded.
He still almost flinched when fingers reached for him, touching both of his temples easily with only one of his massive hands. His Grace tingled between them, directly from his palm and deep into his body, and Sam gasped out a pain-free breath for the first time in a long time; a relief he could feel all the way down to his soul.
Then the hand was cradling his cheek.
“I have seen you, Sam, wholly, inside and out. I’ve known your most intimate thoughts and seen you bare. I know you without being acquainted with you. And I wish to amend that.”
Sam turned his chin away. The touch was soft and knowing and seemed almost perfect, but it unnerved him all the same. Because he didn’t know this man. Angel. Being. Who just confirmed everything he’d worried about. Not being able to hide what was surely his darkest and deepest flaws. He’d even wondered if an angel would be able to see the stains on his soul.
“It’s a sensation a human will never understand, possessing someone.” This got the hunter’s attention, wondering if his thoughts had been compromised. “Especially someone who is as pure as you are. I wanted to be quiet, to be respectful, but I experienced as you did. Pain and pleasure. Infinitely intensified.”
Sam actually laughed. Wait, that didn't hurt. But he laughed. “Pure?” he shook his head, finally able to reach up to push his hair out of his face.
“Immaculate.”
“Yeah, right.” Sam rolled his eyes, avoiding Gadreel’s gaze. “You said...pain and pleasure...does that mean you were….present when I was…?” he tried not to say it, but from the way the angel shifted back from him, when did he sit down on the bed? It was obvious the answer was yes. “...sorry, about that.”
“Sam you do not owe me any apologies. Believe me. I am sorry for spying on your private moments, but, you should-” Gadreel cut off as if he had suddenly run out of steam.
“But, I should what?”
“You should, self-pleasure more often.” He finished, and Sam didn’t think angels could blush. “I found your mind to be clearer and your body more relaxed afterward. “I apologize, for being forward, but along with proper sleep and nutrition, it does have a direct impact on your overall health.”
Sam absolutely chortled at that.
It took him a minute to compose himself, running his hands over his face and into his hair over and over again.
“Never thought I’d be getting a sexual health lecture from one of God’s angels.” He shook his head, before letting out a yawn and stretching his arms over his head. He slipped out of the side of the bed, standing up and finally putting a little bit of distance between them. “ Thanks...I mean thank you, I think. I appreciate the concern but” He made a gesture, trying to think of a polite way to say it. “Going it alone doesn’t have a lot of appeal for me. And my one-night stands have been sorta, fatal, as of late so. I’m good.”
“I understand.” Gadreel said at once. Which made Sam’s eyebrows shoot up.
The angel stood and the hunter didn’t step back.
“You crave a certain kind of intimacy before connecting with someone physically,” the taller man hesitated, before lifting his hand, his touch coming to Sam’s neck. The contact left a tingling echo throughout the human. That he could feel in his very being. “I have heard every intimate thought, Sam. I have...felt the way you quiver when Dean touches you.”
Sam blinked.
He backed away. “Dean...I don’t.” He’d pushed that away, so far deep into his own brain and heart and soul, whatever was left in him, hoping no one would ever find it. Arms wound around his waist and kept him from tripping over the nightstand, and Sam was pulled flush to his chest.
“Do not be ashamed, Sam.” Gadreel was promising him, making it sound like everything was okay. “You crave a closeness only he has given you...until now.”
Sam finally willed himself to look up, to find those eyes, glancing between them looking for a lie. Someone so close, that he knew him, all of him...and he wasn’t disgusted. Knew every thought and accepted it.
Sam couldn’t begin to hope for something like that.
His hands went to the angel’s arms, clutching to him as he was held up with inhuman strength. That tingling in his chest had grown to a full thrumming. He could almost hear it humming inside his skull and the hollow of his chest. And, as humans did, whenever emotions came to a crescendo, he slid his fingers into the short hair and pressed their lips together.
It was very obvious that Gadreel didn’t know what he was doing.
But Sam was patient.
He pulled back and moved to slowly guide him in sweet dance of lips together. And he seemed to make up for it with eagerly wandering hands. Big palms spreading down his sides, his newly healed ribs and then down further to his thighs, where he was gripped, hard.
Sam didn’t know what he thought would happen. But the last thing he expected was for Gadreel to lift him up from the ground, and wrap his ridiculously long legs around his waist.
The hunter clung to the broad shoulders, the lifted feeling in his stomach was something he wasn’t used to. He was always the bigger one, the taller one, the stronger one. But Gadreel picked him up like he was a child. Or a treasured lover.
Sam’s back hit the bed, and he curled himself around Gadreel, not wanting to let go of him just yet. He could feel every inch of the strong body cradled by his.
“I want to give you...whatever you want Sam.” Gadreel breathed against him. Though he didn’t sound nearly as breathless as Sam felt the vessel shift against him.
Sam chuckled, he couldn’t help himself.
All of this was so overwhelming; he couldn’t begin to believe what was happening. An angel accepting him and saying such adoring things. Making his very being flutter.
“Gadreel...are we still talking about the...masturbation thing?”
The angel leaned over him, gripping the headboard of his small bed without an ounce of hesitation or embarrassment. “Yes. If that is what you wish.”
Sam’s hands were clinging to his jacket, needing him close. “I mean, is that, even something an angel is interested in?”
Gadreel’s brows pulled together, his head tilting as he looked down at the human. “Angels who embody vessels, yes, they can indulge in carnal activities, as I’m sure you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Sam rolled his eyes. “But what do angels do to...reach that level of...satisfaction?” he was fishing for the words, but look of recognition had come across the man’s face.
“It...is a far less corporeal experience.” Gadreel said, looking like he was also searching for the human words to describe it. “The merging of graces, one feeding into another in an infinite loop. Giving but never filling, taking but never emptying. Back and forth between the two until their is nothing left unshared.”
Okay. That was...wow.
It must be Gadreel’s deep voice that caused this effect on him, describing what sounded like perfect merging between the two.
“We could...try?” Sam trailed off, knowing he was overstepping. Knowing this would be the point where even the angel who’d occupied his mind and his body would have enough and reject him once and for all. That this was too much. Too wrong of him to ask.
“Yes.”
Sam blinked, but the angel was over him again, their lips inches away.
“Close your eyes,” he prompted, “and remember to breathe.”
Sam licked his lips, then obeyed.
At first, all he could feel was Gadreel kissing him again. His mouth was as rough as his movements were gentle. He’d learned something already, from the way their lips slipped together sweetly this time.
Then he felt it.
Timid and small at first, just nudging against him, the physical feeling somewhere under one of his ribs. Sam took a breath through his nose and welcomed whatever it was.
As soon has he did, the blissful feeling burst beneath his skin like a firework display. It started from the one touch and radiated out from him, until his torso was shivering. It felt like a feather being brushed over his chest, but without the tickling sensation to make him squirm. Maybe...a little like an angel’s wing?
No, no, that thought was utterly ridiculous.
Gadreel reassured him that no, no it was not.
Sam felt like his mind was barely connected to his body. He gripped the vessel’s short hair, breathing as he pressed against him, wriggling, eager, needing. The feeling of want morphing into a feeling of bliss, building in a way he was very used to and was completely foreign to him.
He could feel Gadreel’s grace pressing into his very soul.
The pleasure from that wasn’t like a lust, but a deep-seated satisfaction. A powerful contentment as Sam could almost feel the calming light settle around him, cling to him like summer rain, and sooth him.
Time didn’t seem relevant any more.
He didn’t know how long they stayed tangled like that. But he hadn’t felt anything building between them. Not the tension coiling in his stomach or his trapped cock swelling- until Sam was shaken from his out of body experience by a flood of heat as he came.
“What the?” He sat up, jostling Gadreel who seemed to be shaking as much as he was, panting like they’d both run a mile.
“Apologies, Sam.” Gadreel murmured between breaths. “I shouldn’t have been so...rough...the human body doesn’t separate from physical sensation very well.”
Sam blinked, looking around the room, seeing nothing had changed but the fact that the giant of a man was now laying beside him. The were so very tangled together he could feel Gadreel speaking as clearly as he could hear him.
“Never….ever...apologize for that.” Sam said, still breathless.
He cupped the angel’s face, drawing him close and breathing in his scent.
Just like the rain.