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"Now sweetheart," Adrien's mother began, "be good at school today. You want to make friends, don't you? You can't pinch people you want to be friends with."
Scowling, five-year-old Adrien insisted, "But Kim's a bully! And
you
told me that bullies are bad!"
"Yes, baby." Brushing his hair out of his eyes, she said, "But if you hurt a bully, then more people are getting hurt. When you see someone bullying another kid, you tell the teacher, okay?"
Adrien put his fists on his hips. "I'll make sure that no one is bullied again!" He pulled the black hood of his sweater up so a pair of cat ears sat on his head. "I'll be the school's superhero, AdriCat!" He swatted at his mother with fingers curled into claws.
Emilie laughed and caught his hands to make sure he didn't actually hit her. "AdriCat is the best superhero in the school, defeating bullies by telling the teacher. It's like how superheroes hand villains over to the police and help people to live happily ever after.”
-
Sometimes he could still hear her voice. Her laugh. Sometimes he could swear that he saw her rounding a corner in the mansion. Sometimes it felt like she was still there with them. Or at least her ghost was. Maybe that's all she was anymore. Just a ghost, leaving her laugh in her wake to haunt Adrien on sleepless nights. Every now and then, it drove him out of the house for hours at a time.
The brisk night wind kissed his cheeks and drowned out the sounds in his head of his mother telling him that AdriCat was a wonderful superhero. Every so often, he let himself laugh at that name. He had gotten his wish of being a cat superhero, and had made sure not to use his name as a hero. Though, as a child, he hadn't considered the idea of having a partner. Or falling in love with her and how good she was. He needed her goodness - it stood out among all the things in Paris and in his life that felt so dark and suffocating. Ladybug grounded him. He didn't want to say that she was a replacement for his mother, but she was certainly the one reminding him to always be good to others, just like his mother had.
-
Adrien sat on his bedroom floor with a coloring book, green crayon in hand, but staring through the paper in front of him. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be near his father's office. That was the one area in the house he wasn't allowed to go. His father’s work was very important, his mother had said. If Adrien messed up his father's work, then his father would be angry and his projects would be ruined. So Adrien stayed away.
He had just wanted to peek. Every so often, he allowed himself to see what his father's precious projects were (they were mostly dresses and stuff. Adrien couldn't understand why that was so interesting). So he stood outside the office when the door wasn't closed all the way, and he peeked in. His mother was there, and she had sounded angry.
"He's five," she snapped. "I talked with him, he won't be getting in any more trouble. You can't pull him because of this."
"He had to have learned from someone else to hurt his classmates. They're not influences I want our son around."
"At least let him finish the year. If his behavior doesn't improve, we'll homeschool him. If he doesn't get in trouble anymore, he stays in school."
There was a long pause before his father said, "Very well."
Adrien had run from the scene and to his room, where he now sat and stared unblinkingly at the coloring page.
When his mother knocked and walked into the room, he could barely bring himself to look at her while she sat on the floor next to him and looked at the coloring book.
"A ladybug, huh?" she asked. "Do you like ladybugs, Adrien?"
Shrugging, he absently scribbled green onto the leaf the ladybug was sitting on. "Yeah, I guess. They're nice ladies."
With a chuckle, Emilie replied, "Yes, they are. Being nice is a good thing in itself, isn't it? It makes people happy."
He knew where this conversation was going. He knew what she wanted to talk about. But he couldn't tell her that he knew. He couldn't tell her that he had been breaking the rules.
"I know you've been very good and very nice lately." Her voice was soft and gentle. "Your dad is worried about how you take care of bullies, though. So I want you to do something for me." She shifted so she could face him more directly. "When you see someone being mean, I want you to be nice to them, even though they're doing something wrong. Always be nice, and the other kids will see that nice people make more friends, and they're much better to be around. Can you do that for me? Can you be good?"
It took a moment for her words to fully process, but he nodded, and that alone seemed to make his mother sigh in relief. She gave him a wide smile and kissed his forehead.
-
"Whatcha doing, Kitty Cat?"
Ladybug had landed behind him almost silently, and he nearly jumped when she sat down beside him.
"Evening, My Lady," he greeted her. "Just thinking, I guess." Looking out at the Parisian skyline, he let a few moments of silence pass before he quietly asked, "Do you ever feel like you're just…not good enough? That no matter what you're doing, you're letting someone down?"
Ladybug stared at her hands in her lap. "Of course. We're superheroes. Sometimes we need to choose between being good citizens and being good heroes. It doesn't always feel like it balances."
Shaking his head, Chat Noir said, "Not like that. I mean, I know that choosing civilian life over hero life will sometimes let people down, but like…in general. If people knew our identities, they'd understand that we can't be in two places at once. But we can't make up for not being good." He leaned his head into his hands. "Sorry. I know I'm not making sense."
"No, I think I know what you mean. But I feel like it's a little more specific for you. Want to tell me what's going on?"
He didn't. He didn't want to say a single word about it. He didn't want to talk about his mother's requests, and his father's expectations. He wanted her to just know and console him without talking about the specifics. He wanted to sit in silence with her and stare at their city.
But Ladybug wasn't a mind-reader. He knew that she would tell him that she couldn't help if he didn't tell her what was wrong.
"I spent my childhood desperately trying to fulfill my parents' expectations," he confessed. "My father's, really, but my mother was the one who talked to me about it, who told me what I had to do. It was never good enough. I was beating up bullies in kindergarten, and my father didn't let me go back to school until this year. I had to be polite to everyone, even if they were horrible to me. I had to be dressed better than all the other kids, I couldn't play in the dirt, I couldn't get rowdy, every part of my life had to be pristine. I had to be completely flawless, and I just…" Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. "My mother's not around anymore. What she always asked of me was to 'be good.' And here I am, I have straight A's, I'm a superhero, I'm kind to others, people
admire
me when I really don't think they should. And for my father, it's still not enough. And I don't think it was ever enough for my mother, either. It's not enough for me."
"Oh, Kitty…" Ladybug placed her hand between his shoulders and stroked his back comfortingly. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that, it's way too much pressure already to be a student and a superhero. And…we're just kids. You can't expect so much out of yourself. And I need you to know that others can't expect so much out of you either, even just with your civilian life. You don't deserve this."
-
Emilie hugged Adrien tightly, giggling at his AdriCat routine. It never failed to make her laugh, and she always made sure to tell him that he was the best superhero she had ever seen.
"Baby," she said softly. "Will you be a hero for me when you get bigger? A hero who shows other people how to be nice and good to others?"
With an enthusiastic nod, he said, "Yes, Mama! Everyone will love AdriCat and want to be like him!"
"I definitely hope so."
-
Ladybug slipped her arms around Chat Noir and pulled him into a hug. "You're so good, Chat Noir. Even if you don't feel it, you're one of the best that Paris has ever seen. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."