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There are a lot if things Rook expects to find in Montana, but her soulmate isn’t one of them. She can feel him buzzing in the back of her mind from the moment she gets close to Hope County and it only gets worse from there. Distance has made their connection almost unnoticeable through most of Rook’s life, but proximity amplifies everything and John Seed feels a lot of things strongly. And often.Rook just wants to get through a single day without having to grit her teeth and fight back a wave of frustration. Or anger. Or something confusing that she could probably only ever explain as John. For a guy who wants to cleans people of their sins, he sure feels a lot of them, too. The man is a constant, rabid ball of energy that’s doing his best to drive her to madness. It almost makes her think that it might be intentional.Which wouldn’t be surprising.Rook sighs, dropping her bag inside the door of a small camper, checking the surroundings for Peggies one last time before going in. “Hey, John,” she says into her radio, “you there?”There’s a pulse of surprise that sings through their connection, preceding John’s response. “Deputy, are you ready to accept that we are meant to be together?”“There’s no proof of that,” Rook says, digging through her bag for a protein bar. “You’ve got me mistaken for someone else.”“We are soulmates.”“We’re acquaintances at best.”There’s a spark of anger and Rook has to rub at her jaw from how John is clenching his teeth too hard. Just because they have a connection doesn’t mean they have to be soulmates. They don’t have to be together and Rook doesn’t have to accept anyone that she doesn’t want. Everyone should be able to choose.“I can feel that you’re upset, Deputy,” John says, voice sweet as sugar, but Rook knows there’s something sharp hiding right under the surface. She tears open the wrapper of her protein bar and takes a bite. “Talking to you?” she asks around a mouthful of a dry, vaguely chocolate flavored snack. “Who wouldn’t be at least a little upset? That’s no proof of anything.”“God has chosen us for each other.”“Sure,” Rook says, reaching for her water bottle, “anyway, if we were soulmates, would you try to push your feelings at me just to get my attention? Or annoy me into compliance?”John sighs. “I don’t need to rely on tricks for your attention and I don’t want you compliant. I want you as you are, but standing at my side as we walk into Eden together.” Whatever he’s feeling is almost soft compared to everything else she’s known from him. But not enough to make her drop the guard she’s put up since learning exactly who her soulmate is and what he’s capable of. “Well I’m sure your true soulmate will be happy to hear that.”“Why do you insist on denying this? Denying us?”“Because I’m not your soulmate.” Rook eyes the little bed in the camper, trying to decide if it’s worth trying to sleep in. It certainly looks clean, but after a month in the county she’s learned to be wary of just about everything. “If you’re feeling your soulmate, maybe they’re in the cult? Have you tried asking around?” She grabs an arrow from her quiver to poke at the mattress. Nothing jumps out at her or squishes uncomfortably, which is definitely a good sign. Though the building pain at the base of her skull isn’t great, but that likely has more to do with John than anything else. “We aren’t a—” John practically growls with barely restrained wrath. “I will not play this game, Deputy,” he says. “I am your soulmate and whether you accept it or not God has chosen this path for us to walk together.”“Pass,” Rook says, pulling her boots off. “Hard pass.”There’s a screech of metal through the radio and she can feel John trying to calm himself down with such clarity that it’s almost like they’re in the same room. Her entire life she’s heard about the soulmate connection, but not once had anyone mentioned how strong it would be. Mostly it was always made out to sound like they only ever got impressions of emotions, not every sharp detail, nearly indistinguishable from her own. Like John is right there in her head, taking up more room than he has the right to.Rook does a quick search of the cabin, looking for something else to wear; her own clothes are dirty enough that she doesn’t want to wear them into the bed in case she decides to come back. Considering how the rest of the county has been ransacked, she’s pretty lucky to find some old and faded t-shirts neatly folded inside a small closet. Whoever owns the camper is going to get fucking gift basket is she can track them down. And if they’re not dead. “Deputy…” John trails off and, for the first time since their connection flared to life, he feels almost blank. “I would prefer that we have the conversations in person.”“I’d rather not,” Rook says, stripping the sheets from the bed before crawling into it.“Why do you insist on making everything so difficult?”Rook closes her eyes, relaxing into the surprisingly soft bed, and trying to let John’s tension drain from her body. “Guess that’s just who I am.” Plus she’s always been a little contrary. “Good thing I’m not your soulmate.”“We will speak in person, Deputy.”“Yeah,” she says, “sure. Goodnight, John.”“It’s the middle of the afternoon.”Rook clicks off the radio and tosses it in the direction of the rest of her stuff.*“So, ol’ Johnny boy is your soulmate, huh,” Sharky says, skipping stones across the river as Rook tries to make sense of a map she’s pretty sure is several decades outdated.“If you’re gonna use that word, keep your damn voice down.” Rook really should have called in Jess to help her find this cache. They’ve been walking in circles for so long that Cheeseburger has taken a nap by the water because eventually they’d just circle back to him. “I can hear Fall’s End from here, how are we lost?”“So we’re not talking about how you and John are soulmates?”Rook folds the map as much as she can and shoves it back into her bag. “Absolutely not.”Sharky nods, dropping the rest of his rocks into the water and turns to her. “You know, I thought I found my soulmate a few years back” he says. “Turns out we both just had food poisoning at the same time. What a load off my back, you know? Soulmates are a lot of responsibility. You have to feed them, make sure they’re house trained—”“Are you talking about a dog?”“It’s all the same thing.”Rook tries to work that one out in her head to only moderate success. “I think John is house trained,” she says instead. “Not that I plan to have him as a soulmate.”“Yeah, taking control of your own destiny, I respect that.”“Thanks, Sharky.”“But if you do decide you want some of that Seed—”“Dear God—”“—I’ll always have your back.”“Thanks, Sharky.”*Rook makes it three full days before she hears from John again. She spots one of his people attempting to hide in a bush, aiming a rifle at her.“You don’t have to do that,” she calls, grabbing for her sidearm.“Sorry, ma’am,” the Peggie cals back. “Just following orders.”There’s not a lot in Hope County that Rook hates more than being shot full of the Bliss, and as soon as she gets the chance she’s going to burn every last crop to the ground. “You fucking— fuck—”Rook wakes up seated in a stiff-backed, overstuffed chair in what looks a lot like someone’s living room. “What the fuck?” There’s a lingering sugary sweet taste in her mouth, and the last traces of Bliss sparkling on the edge of her vision. She rubs at her eyes, trying to clear them, and is grateful that she’s not bound at least. “You’re awake,” John says, stepping into her line of sight, carrying a tray a little cakes. “I think I’m still in the Bliss…”John sets the tray down on the table and pulls a second chair closer, so that they’re seated face to face. “I had one of the faithful make these for you,” he says. “I know how much you like sweets.”Rook glances at the the cakes with enough suspicion that John rocks back a little. “Are you trying to bribe me? After you kidnapped me?”“If I had asked you, again, to talk with me in person, you would have ran,” John says simply, like between the two of them he thinks that he’s the reasonable one.He’s not.“You kidnap people, John. Running from you is just self preservation.”“As your soulmate—”“Acquaintance.”John frowns and Rook feels frustration and dissatisfaction curl in her belly. As if he has any right to be annoyed in this situation. “As your soulmate, I deserve at least one chance to speak with you in person,” he bites out through a tight clench of his teeth. “You may not like who God has chosen for you, but we are meant for each other. We can be more together.”“You’re not really selling me on this idea,” Rook says, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing the tray of little cakes. If they’re safe to eat, then doesn't want to waste any...“I would give you everything.” And whether or not that’s true, Rook doesn’t know, but John feels it so strongly that at least he believes what he’s saying. There’s not only a conviction in his voice, it’s in every part of him. It might be the first truly honest thing she’s felt from him. Which is surprising and a little disappointing at the same time. She doesn’t know John, not the way a soulmate should, and the idea of learning who he really is terrifies her more than a little. If she starts to understand John, what else will she understand? What beliefs will become shared?Rook hasn’t ever believed in anything strong enough to keep John’s madness at bay.“What could you possibly give me now?” she asks. “What kind of life is there here? What kind of future can be had in a bunker?”John runs his fingers through his hair, messing up the perfect styling. “The kind of life where we’re together, where we can build a family.”“That’s not what I want.”“You’re lying.”Maybe a little, but that’s none of John’s business. “Just because you believe that we’re soulmates doesn’t mean that we’re in any way compatible,” she says, debating the risk of actually eating just one tiny cake.“Of course we are.”“You don’t even know me.”“You won’t give me the chance.”There’s a spike of something Rook thinks might actually be hurt, but it doesn’t matter. John can make as many plans for their future as he wants, but Rook doesn’t have to like it. Everyone always talks about soulmates like it’s the greatest thing that could ever happen to anyone. Like every problem will be solved if they can just find that one person. Rook has no idea how anyone can stand how tiring it is. “Maybe that’s because of all the kidnappings,” she suggests. “Personally, I’ve always found it difficult to really get to know a guy when I’m always wondering how many people he has locked away in his underground bunker.”“That’s— I am saving them.”“From what, sunlight?”John angrily grabs one of the little cakes and shoves it into his mouth, chewing for a moment before he holds up the remaining half like it has offended him. “I don’t even like these,” he says, dropping what’s left of it on the table.So at least they aren’t poisoned.“I am saving their souls,” John continues as if he hadn’t stopped to test the cake for Rook. “You would know that if you ever listened to us. My brothers— my— our family are the only people who see what is coming and are preparing for it. We will save the people of this county whether they like it or not.”“They definitely don’t like it.”“They’ll thank us eventually.”Which will only be true if the world actually ends and even then Rook isn’t sure how grateful anyone will be for all of the tattoos and carvings of sin. “Sure,” she says, proud of herself for not rolling her eyes. The cake isn’t Bliss’d and for that she’s feeling a little generous.Of course John doesn’t appreciate the effort she’s making. “You don’t believe me.”“That the world is going to end and everything you’ve done here will have been worth it?” Rook isn’t really sure why she bothers to ask but she does wait for John to nod his head. “No, not at all.”“Please,” he says, quieter than he has been in a month inside her head. “Give me a chance to show you.”Proximity to a soulmate is dangerous.Rook almost says yes.“I can’t,” she says, standing up and putting distance between them. “I won’t.” She hesitates, but grabs the tray of cakes because she hasn’t had anything fresh baked as long as she’s been in Montana. “You know that.”John doesn’t try to stop her when she leaves, but she can feel the pain of wanting to.*The 8-bit bar is loud with all of Rook’s friends just trying to relax in the middle of the cult’s war. It’s nice to sit back with a cold beer and whatever junk food everyone can find and just not worry about Peggies and the Seeds for a while. It’s the perfect place to unwind, even for only an hour, without a care in the world. “Is there a reason you’re lying on the ground?” Grace asks, sitting down at a nearby table.“She’s having soulmate trouble,” Sharky shouts from across the bar, making sure that no one is left out of the loop. A true friend, right there.Grace whistles through her teeth and pulls out another chair to put her feet on. “You’ve got some shit luck, Rook.”“I know.”“A Seed is probably the worst soulmate you could have in Hope County.”“I know.”“Think you’ll be able to do what’s necessary when the time comes?”Rook drapes an arm over her eyes with a groan. “Could you kill your soulmate?”Grace goes quiet in consideration. “If I had to,” she says eventually. “We all have to make sacrifices sometimes.”“You sound like Jacob.”“Yeah,” Grace snorts. “You should work on your jokes, they’re not very funny.”Rook groans again, but louder.“Just know that I’ve got your back when the time comes,” Grace adds. “Or when you do something stupid, like I know you will.”*John is sad. Rook can feel it almost every waking moment after she leaves his house. Like he’d really thought that seeing each other in person would change her mind and make the cult not seem like the terrible thing it is. No amount of time together could ever convince her otherwise. Whatever John thinks of them being chosen by God for each other, it just isn’t something that Rook can get behind. But still, John is sad and there’s nothing she can do to stop feeling it.Rook crouches low behind and overturned truck, just out of sight of the Peggie prison van, and sends and arrow through a tire, watching it slow to a stop on the side of the road. Even that wasn’t as exciting as it usually is. She always loves ruining a Peggie’s day, But John’s fucking sadness sits heavy right at the edge of her consciousness, weighing down everything else.“Out of the van,” she says to the Peggie behind the wheel, aiming an arrow right at his heart.“Right away, Rook,” the Peggie says, friendly in spite of the immediate threat to his life. “Seems I’m having some car trouble.”Rook frowns, confused at the familiar terms the Peggie seems to believe they’re on. “I’m just going to—” she nods toward the back of the van, only then noticing that it’s empty. “Where are the hostages?”“We don’t like to use that word,” the Peggie says. “We usually call them sinners, but really, they’re all just future brothers and sisters.”Somehow that tops the list of unsettling things she’s heard a Peggie says. “Okay…” Rook doesn’t know what to do with any of that information. “Where are they?”“Oh, John has decided we should allow the sinners a chance to decide their place was in the Project on their own.”“No more kidnappings?”“We really don’t like to use—”“Fine,” Rook says. “No more… soul collecting.”The Peggie smiles wide. “No, ma’am!”Rook takes a step back, considering every possibility for whatever is going on. Is this some kind of peace offering from John? “Why are you being friendly?”“John would like us to treat you as family.”“What the fuck…” Rook whispers. As nice as it is not to be shot at, this doesn’t seem better. Fucking Peggies. “Well, okay, you uh— good luck with fixing that tire.”“I sure will,” the Peggie says. “Goodbye, ma’am.”Rook gets to the treeline before she pulls out her radio and calls John, feeling that same spark of soft hope from him. It’s not exactly as unpleasant as it once was, though she still would rather not feel anything from anyone other than herself. “You’ve stopped taking people into the bunker?”“Are you not pleased?” John’s voice is tired and brittle and so unlike everything he’s been since day one in the church. “It’s what you wanted.”“Yeah, but—” There has to be a better way to explain this, but all Rook has is confusion and something that she’s can’t explain. “It’s just weird that you’ve stopped, I guess.” At the very least she was expecting more of a fight. John makes a sound almost like a laugh that’s splintered, about to shatter. “I’m trying to show you that I can be reasonable,” he says. “You won’t give me a chance and— I can feel you, Rook. In my head, in my heart— you’re my soulmate and—“ there’s a sigh almost too soft to hear. “I want to give you everything.”“John…”“I’ve waited my whole life for you.”Rook takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and just tryin to think. “That doesn’t solve anything. You’re not going to turn on your brothers and I can’t be part of what you’re doing.”“I can— I can change my methods,” John says. “I have to save people, but with you at my side… it can be different. Joseph has seen it; we’re stronger together.” That’s a lot to take in, especially when Rook is fighting a tiredness that she thinks is entirely her own. The promise of a soulmate is hard to turn away. She’s never wanted someone like John and she’s never wanted a soulmate all that much either, but there’s an ache in her chest that hums in their connection, belonging to them both. If only that was enough.“I don’t know that I can trust you,” she says, leaning back against a tree and sliding down onto the grass. All of this is more than she has ever wanted. Not just John as a soulmate, but the weight of the Resistance, the fight against the cult, the expectations of her friends. Being asked to give this man a chance is a burden she doesn’t know that she can bear. If she makes the choice to say yes, what are the consequences?Who will get hurt no matter what she does? And will it always be her?“You aren’t alone,” John says. “You don’t have to trust me to know that our connection is real.”“You want things from me…” Rook drops the radio for a moment, pressing her palms into her eyes. She’s been pushing so hard for so long, and she isn’t sure how much more she has left. A soulmate, a family, and peace sound dangerously nice compared another day of fighting. “All I want is my soulmate,” John says.“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” In another reality where things are simple and Rook gets to know what it means to have everything she’s ever wanted. John sighs heavily through the radio. “You don’t have to keep fighting me.”“I don’t know what else to do.”“Rook…”“What happens if I do give you a chance?” There’s another small flare of hope through their connection that sparks warmth in her belly. Regardless of circumstance, there are things about having a soulmate that Rook likes. The times when somehow John has her feeling almost loved. “We would—” John starts, almost breathless with an eagerness to prove that it will all be worth it. “We would find a compromise. I could— I will change my methods as you see fit, and you will learn the will of the father and walk the path. We will build a new life together so that we can live in a new Eden with our family.”It’s tempting. John is always tempting.“I’ll think about it,” she says eventually. Avoiding John is hurting both of them and maybe there is another way. If he means what he says, and she can at least feel that he does, then maybe they can try being soulmates.Maybe.“I can wait,” John says, and Rook starts to believe him.*“So let me see if I understand this,” Hurk says, following Rook as they search the mountains for a damn car.Usually there’s a truck or an ATV every ten feet, yet the moment she needs one they’re all gone. Rook isn’t a paranoid person by nature, but sometimes she suspects that Hope County was specifically designed to confuse and torment her. It’s just a theory for now, and there’s no way to prove it. But it definitely feels plausible the longer she’s there.“You got yourself a soulmate who may, or may not, be four hand grenades shy of a Hurk birthday extravaganza—”“I can’t even pretend I want to know what that means.”“And he has promised to stop doing the very bad things he does, which you do believe him because, as I have said, you are soulmates and that grants you insight into the mind of John Seed.”“Something like that.”Hurk pushes aside a branch so that Rook can dick under it. “And John Seed is a good looking man, if you do not mind me saying so, I have noticed on occasion that he has nice eyes.”“Why would I mind you saying that?”“So what I would like to know is why you are out in the woods with me instead of with him like we both know you want to be.”Rook doesn’t have a great answer for that. “It’s because… he’s John.”“Yes he is.”“What if he doesn’t change?”“What if he does?”Rook scrubs a hand over her face and nearly trips over a fallen tree. “I don’t know how to be someone’s soulmate.”“I don’t think anyone does until they do.”Which is fair, and probably true, but Rook would like it a lot more if there were a convenient guide. Some kind of tutorial on what to do and how to do it. And something just for her that explains how to navigate any potential future with John Seed. She’s going into it blind, just making things up as she goes, and there isn’t a single moment where she can’t feel John right at the edge of her mind.“But what if—”Hurk puts a hand on her shoulder, keeping her still for a moment. “Rook, sometimes it’s okay to try things even when you don’t know what will happen. You might fail and you might not, but you’re not gonna know out here in the woods with me.”“Fuck,” Rook says. “Yeah, you’re right.”“I have been told that I am a man of infinite wisdom.”“You really are.”*Breaking into Seed ranch is easier than expected. Not because Rook is exceptionally skilled at it, but because the first Peggie who sees her only waves cheerfully before going back to their business. Like instead of being a dangerous enemy, she’s a welcome guest who is allowed to just walk in whenever she wants. The Peggies are either incredibly dense or they know she’s not currently a threat. Rook really hopes they’re just idiots. She goes in through the kitchen and knows immediately that John isn’t there. Which is fine. It gives her time to think and sort herself out before they talk. Or it’ll allow her to change her mind again. She could just run. She could stay away from John and never know what things could be like with a soulmate. If things don’t work out then not knowing everything she will have to give up might be easier to live with.But then again, maybe they can work.And maybe giving them a chance will all be worth it.Rook sighs, searching for anything to eat. There’s no reason to agonise over any of this on an empty stomach.It’s annoying to see how well stocked John’s house is. Like he’s the only person in the county who hasn’t realised that everything has gone to shit, so he’s continuing his life as normal. Though, thinking about it, he gets to carry on as if nothing has changed because he and his family are responsible for all the problems. No reason to give up any measure of comfort in that case.Rook sends a wave of annoyance through their connection just because she can. If John really is committed to changing, even a little, then keeping the Valley from starving before their souls can be saved is a definite priority.However, she is happy to learn that whichever Peggie can bake apparently does so regularly. “How do they have time?” she mutters, finding what has to be freshly baked bread. “I’m keeping this.”She hears a door open and the sound of quick footsteps heading in her direction and she knows that it’s John from the thrum of hope hope hope that beats in time with her heart. He knows why she’s there. He knows her, already more than she thinks anyone else can.“You’re here,” John says, face flushed and eyes wide. “You’re going to stay.” He sounds so unsure and brittle, but underneath that is still hope. “Rook—” he sways forward, just a moment of hesitation, before he steps closer and pulls her into a kiss that is deep and so familiar. It’s a lot like coming home.Their connection, their bond, sings between them, an infinite loop that’s so loud it’s almost more than Rook can bear. But it quiets, settling into her. Growing calm and comforting in a way nothing has been in weeks. Not since she first learned John was supposed to be hers.Maybe even earlier than that.“Hi,” she says when they finally part. “So I thought maybe we should try this soulmate thing.”“Yes.” John shifts back, but takes hold of her hand. “I’ll show you how perfect we can be.”“I’m not— I can’t— there are things I won’t do for you. For the cu— the Project.”“I won’t ask you to.”Rook nods, comforted by the knowledge that he means it. Every promise he’s made to her so far has been genuine and she wonders if she’ll ever get used to that. To John Seed being so different from the man she had expected him to be. “I don’t really know how to do this, but I’ve been told that’s kinda the point,” she says. “We learn how we’re supposed to be together.”“We will,” John says, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. “We were chosen for each other.”“Yeah,” Rook says, “we were.” She can feel warmth and happiness and love and she isn’t sure who it all belongs to. It might be them both. A soulmate isn’t something Rook ever thought she would have, and sometimes it wasn’t what she thought she wanted, but John is here and he’s hers and maybe they really can be perfect together. More than anything else, she wants to find that out.