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Merlin has always been a person of few words. He started speaking early but didn’t actually start talking and having conversations until he was almost school-age. He COULD speak, he just didn’t do it if he didn’t have to. Throughout school he was known as the quiet smart boy, if he was noticed at all. He preferred it that way. He was a watcher. He studied everything around him from the weather to the furniture to the clothing of the people around him. Other people fascinated him, and he often would go into public places where he could sit down, have a cuppa, and watch people.His job at Kingsman allowed him to use his brain as well as his ability to quickly study a situation and summarize it. He could find the way in, find the way out, find people’s tells. He might not have made it as an agent, but every person who’d worked with him at Kingsman agreed that Hamish McNair had found his calling. Not that they called him Hamish. Only three people at Kingsman knew his Christian name. One was dead, sliced through by the blade of a psychopath. One was the Kingsman sniper, codename Percival, given name Michael, and widower of the dead man in all but legal terms.The third was Harry…Galahad. They’d all met in training and become the best of friends, but Harry was closer to Merlin than any person on the planet. Harry was posh while Merlin was inelegant. Harry was beautiful while Merlin was average. Harry was a peacock while Merlin was a wren. Harry strode into a room and demanded attention, while Merlin was completely happy to sidle in and take a chair in the back. Harry was all flash and action, Merlin was silence and observation. They worked perfectly together but everything about their relationship was platonic. They were simply the best of friends. Mates. Comrades.Merlin’s job as trainer of new recruits allowed him to put his observational skills to the test almost immediately, and he is pleasantly surprised at Harry’s choice, a young chav by the name of Eggsy Unwin. He’s unpleasantly surprised at how he is immediately drawn to the boy. He’s not permitted to have feelings, not permitted to do anything but observe. These are his own rules, not those of Kingsman, although he never would have touched a recruit, anyway. Eggsy is a ray of angry sunshine, bursting into the training barracks with such force that Merlin is surprised the walls of the old building can contain his personality. Eggsy, like Harry, is everything Merlin is not. If Harry had cloned himself into a shorter, lighter, thicker form, Eggsy Unwin would be the result. When Harry is blown through a window at the university, Eggsy is in the Medical bay almost immediately. Fear and concern is written all over his face. Eggsy is capable of many things, but hiding his heart isn’t one of them. It makes Merlin’s job as trainer so much easier…and yet so much harder. There are times he desperately wants to reach out to the lad, wants to touch him, ease his heavy heart and angry soul. He wants to brush the chip from his shoulder and just give him a pat of comfort. But instead he tells Eggsy to make Harry proud. Eggsy nods, and Merlin knows that’s exactly what he’ll do.Eggsy is cheeky in a way Harry never could have accomplished at that age; he was too well-bred. But they are basically yin and yang, and Merlin desperately hopes Eggsy makes it to the table. Watching him look up at Harry from the train tracks, watching the spring in his step as he followed Harry out to their twenty-four hours together…Merlin felt a slight twinge of envy. Harry got everything good in the world, so it should be no surprise that Eggsy would fall for him and fall hard.But what falls is the world…it falls apart with a single gunshot, and a press of a button. Harry Hart dies and enraged people start attacking one another. Merlin can only watch in shock as his best friend and soulmate is put down with a single bullet, and then he has to step up and save the world with only two brash new recruits by his side. He watches his own finger push the button to end the chaos and it’s only with Eggsy by his side that he’s able to do so. They sit on the jet afterward, staring at the floor and saying nothing. Roxy swirls a drink but doesn’t put it to her lips. Eggsy slowly reaches over with his palm out and Merlin takes his hand, touching him for the very first time. Merlin’s perfectly orderly life is torn to shambles, and he wraps himself in Kingsman and its needs. He rebuilds the table, pulls together the remaining knights and support staff. Eggsy is constantly by his side, and if they don’t discuss Harry it’s simply because they haven’t got the time. Percival finally takes the throne of Arthur, and after his hasty ceremony Merlin goes home and cries himself to sleep. When he awakens eighteen hours later it’s to the aroma of bacon and coffee, and he’s shocked to find Eggsy in his kitchen in a pair of jeans, a hoodie and ugly trainers.“Got nervous when you didn’t call in or show up,” Eggsy says with a smile. “Let myself in.”“I designed the security system,” Merlin says with a frown, realizing that he’s in his vest with the holes and a pair of ratty pajama bottoms.“I was taught hacking skills by the best computer geek I know,” Eggsy says as he plates up the food and motions for Merlin to sit. “You shouldn’t have taught me on the same system ya had on your house, you idiot.”“Probably not,” Merlin says, secretly proud. “I put ketchup on my eggs.”“Weird fucker,” Eggsy comments, getting up and going to the fridge for the ketchup.“Thank ye for this, lad,” Merlin says softly. “It is nae very often someone takes care of me.”“Figured you deserved it. Ain’t had much time to get yourself together, have you?”“No.” Merlin puts down his knife and fork. “Eggsy, Harry…Harry would have been very proud of ye.”“Dunno about that…he weren’t very proud when I stole a car and didn’t shoot JB.” Tears spring to Eggsy’s eyes.“I’m sorry,” Merlin says quickly. This is why he doesn’t talk to people. “I was nae trying to upset ye, I was trying to make ye feel better.”“I know. It’s fine, Merlin, it’s fine.” Eggsy draws a shuddering breath. He looks young and scared and Merlin is shocked by how badly he wants to hold him. “I just…I miss him so much. He was everything to me, ya know? And he went off to Kentucky with us fighting…last words we both said were fucking angry.”“He was proud of ye, Eggsy, please believe me. I knew him better than anyone. Given the chance, he would have apologized profusely…he had a lot of practice with asking forgiveness for things he said.” Merlin smiles faintly. “His mouth often got him into trouble.”“Something he and I had in common.” Eggsy smiles wryly and stands. “I’ll leave ya be, know you like your peace and quiet.”“Eggsy.” Merlin catches his arm. “I…I don’t…I don’t think ye know what this means to me, ye coming here to check on me.”“Like we wouldn’t notice when the core of Kingsman wasn’t there,” Eggsy scoffs.“Yes.” Of course. The core of Kingsman. Because that’s all he is to Eggsy. “I promise to return tomorrow.”“Good.” Eggsy reaches down and gives him a half-hug. “I’ll hold you to that.” A month later Merlin and Eggsy are looking over mission plans when Merlin’s glasses beep. “Merlin. Might you have a moment?”“Of course, Arthur,” Merlin says immediately. “I’m simply going over something with Gareth.”“He’s with you? Excellent. Bring him along, would you?”“Of course. We’ll be down to your…”“No. Please come to Medical, to isolation room four.”Merlin blinks. “As you wish, sir.” He disconnects the call. “Arthur would like to see us in Medical. In the Isolation Bay.”Eggsy’s eyes widen. “Swear down, Merlin, I didn’t touch nothing down there. Ain’t even BEEN to the Isolation Bay in months.”“Relax, lad, I’m sure it’s nothing.”Merlin frowns, however, as they hurry down to Medical. While Arthur…Michael…keeps his secrets, he’s normally kept Merlin very well-informed. They’ve always been close, and with the death of James AND Harry, they’ve become closer. They’d been lovers for a short time, after James’ death. They’d had two more nights together after the loss of Harry, before Michael had officially become Arthur. Now they are just close friends, and work well together as Arthur and his wizard should.Michael is waiting in the doorway of room four. “What you’re going to see in here might shock you.” He shakes his head. “It WILL shock you.” He looks at Merlin. “Please know I did not mean to keep secrets like this from you, but we had to be certain, and then there were…complications.”“Jesus,” Merlin whispers. He’s never seen Michael this nervous. “Are you quite all right, Michael? I mean, Arthur?”“Yes, I’m fine.” He smiles at Merlin and then at Eggsy before stepping inside.Eggsy shrugs and opens the door. He stops short two steps in and Merlin almost falls over him. “Fuck me,” Eggsy says. His knees actually go weak and Merlin catches him before he hits the floor. “H-Harry?”“Hello, Eggsy.” Harry smiles at them both, looking elated and exhausted all at once. There is scarring above his left eye, at least what can be seen around the black eyepatch he wears. His hands shake as he reaches out for Eggsy, but he stands straight and tall when Eggsy finds his legs and barrels across the room.“Harry. Fuck…fuck, Harry, I missed you so much.” Eggsy sobs on his shoulder, hands fisting in Harry’s hair. “I’m so sorry…sorry for what I said and did.”“No, my darling boy, it is I who must apologize,” Harry says, proving Merlin right. “I was a complete and utter twat, and my behavior was…” Harry shakes his head.Eggsy sniffles and wipes at his nose as he pulls away. They look at each other adoringly and Merlin’s heart cracks just a bit. Of course Harry Hart came back from the dead, back to the arms of his beloved. “Harry,” Merlin says finally.“Merlin.” Harry gently pushes Eggsy aside and walks over to hug him. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in contact. I would have reached out to you immediately…but I’m afraid I experienced a bit of amnesia. Getting shot in the head does such things.”“But ye survived, of course. Because that’s what ye do.” Merlin hugs him hard. “Christ, Harry, it’s good to see ye.”Harry rests his forehead against Merlin’s before turning to look at Eggsy. “From what I’ve heard, the two of you did a perfectly good job without me. Saved the world, or so I’ve been told.”“All in a day’s work,” Eggsy says with a grin, but he winks at Merlin as he says it. “Right, Merlin?”“Right.” Merlin cannot say anything more. His heart is too full.Harry reaches out his arm and pulls Eggsy into a three-way embrace. “I cannot tell you how good it feels to be here. Even without my memory I knew something was missing…and now I know what. My family.”“Fuck, Haz,” Eggsy murmurs and starts to sniffle again. Harry sniffles as well and leans his head on Merlin’s shoulder. As usual, Merlin stands tall, dry-eyed and silent. He will be whatever they need. Michael tries to get Harry to take over as Arthur and Harry threatens to kill him. “My one good eye is just enough to allow me to stab you in the throat,” Harry snaps. “As if I’d do such a thing. Arthur? Good God, no.”He cannot ever be Galahad, the charmed knight of Kingsman, not ever again. But what he can do is sit by Merlin’s side and help him gather intel and run missions. His knowledge of locations, his list of contacts, it’s all invaluable and Merlin’s grateful to have him. Of course, having Harry in his office all the time means double the visits from Eggsy, but he definitely doesn’t mind. Whatever relationship Harry and Eggsy are building is very subtle, and even with his exemplary observational skills he has a hard time seeing it. But he’s happy for them…he thinks. It’s been so long he’s not even sure what happy feels like.Harry and Merlin are pouring over intel on a weapons ring while Eggsy makes tea and is a general nuisance when Roxy comes flying through the door. “Birthday,” she snaps.“Uh…” Eggsy looks at her and then glances at the others. “Many happen returns?”“No, you berk. My birthday is May 21, as you well know. And this year I want tickets to Hamilton, so get on that.” He nods violently. “It is Uncle Michael’s birthday on Saturday, and there is a gathering at Camelot. You will all be there or I will shoot you.”“Of course, my dear,” Harry says as if he’s not just been threatened with certain death. “I can think of no better way to spend my Saturday.”Merlin silently nods. Camelot is a small non-descript pub not far from the tailor shop, opened by an ex-mechanic and only available for current and retired employees of Kingsman. There is no sign, no phone, and for all intents and purposes the building looks like an abandoned storefront. The rooms are soundproof and entrance is by retinal scan only. “Can’t wait,” Eggsy says weakly, looking terrified.“Good.” She stalks back out of the room, ponytail swinging in her wake. Merlin comes alone to the pub, taking a Kingsman cab instead of driving himself. He plans on getting good and sloshed, because a room full of current and ex-Kingsman employees is the safest place he can think of to do it. No worry about loose lips and such things. The room is full of well-wishers, although Harry, Eggsy, Roxy and Michael are already at a table for five in the corner. “Michael. Many happy returns.” Merlin hugs him and kisses his cheek.“Thank you, Merlin. Are you all right?” Michael gently touches the back of his head. Merlin looks over his shoulder to where Harry and Eggsy are deep in conversation. “Yes. Been out of sorts lately, but I’m figuring myself out.”“Excellent.” Michael leads him to the table and Merlin takes the seat between Michael and Harry. Michael snaps his fingers and a waiter comes to take drink orders.Merlin orders three glasses of scotch, figuring he’ll save the man time later. Eggsy’s eyes widen. “Rough day at the office, mate?”“Rough year,” Merlin says quietly. Eggsy squeezes his leg under the table and turns back to Harry. That’s fine with Merlin; he has more opportunity to study Eggsy if he doesn’t realize Merlin’s watching him. The strong jaw with a bit of stubble. The perfect nose, the rose-pink lips. The beautiful eyes that crinkle when he smiles. The rakish grin. “Oi, that’s a fucking lie and you know it!” Eggsy’s saying and Merlin snaps out of his reverie. Harry’s laughing but trying to hide it, and Roxy’s looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Ain’t no way.”“It’s true. He has used the most ghastly pick-up lines on missions, and the sad thing is, they WORK!” Roxy announces. “You do realize it’s because of how he looks,” Harry tells her. There is a line of empty martini glasses in front of him already, and his hair is falling from its pomade to dangle in his eyes. Eggsy reaches over and pushes it back without speaking. “If someone this beautiful came up to you and said something…anything…about leaving with you, wouldn’t you agree? No matter WHAT he said?”Yes, Merlin thinks to himself, but Roxy simply snorts and rolls her eyes. “No, because I have taste.”“Fuck off,” Eggsy says, feigning hurt.“Have you used them here, I mean, when you’re not on a mission?” Michael asks, obviously drawn into the conversation against his will.“Used to, but not anymore.” Merlin watches the blush creep across Eggsy’s neck and knows it’s not from the alcohol. He’s embarrassed. “Grown up a bit, haven’t I? Besides, got my eye on someone.” Eggsy looks at Harry. “He just don’t know I exist.”“Let’s see if you’ve still got it.” Roxy turns around and looks at the room. “Go up to anyone here with one line, and get them to leave with you. I’ll give you a hundred pounds if you’re successful.”“Nah,” Eggsy says, blushing deeper. “Told ya, like someone, don’t wanna do this.”“Oh, do come on, Eggsy. Show her your talents,” Harry says with a sly grin. “At least you know whoever you approach will keep it quiet,” Michael points out.“Don’t encourage them, Arthur!” Eggsy almost yells. He looks at Merlin. “What do you think?”“It is of no concern to me what ye do with your evening,” Merlin lies, finishing his second scotch and gulping at the third.“Oh. Right.” Eggsy looks sad. “Come on…coward,” Roxy taunts.“Jesus fucking Christ, fine.” Eggsy stands and kicks his chair back, heading for the bar. Merlin watches him order a shot and looks down at his own glass. He cannot bear to watch this. For once, he’s not interested in observing.He hears Roxy’s gasp and Michael’s quiet intake of breath. He sees the shadow first, and then Eggsy’s shoes are stopping in front of him. He slowly looks up to where Eggsy is biting his bottom lip. “Come home with me, yeah?” Eggsy whispers. Merlin’s sure he’s hallucinating. He’ll have to talk to Uther about the alcohol he’s purchasing for the pub. “I beg your pardon?” Merlin murmurs.Eggsy leans down and gives him a long, tender kiss. “Come home with me, please?” Merlin mutely stands up and allows Eggsy to take his hand and lead him from the pub without a word. Uther keeps a line of Kingsman cabs out front, just in case, and they pile into the car in front. They mutely sit beside one another, not even touching. It’s a short ride to Eggsy’s house, and Merlin can barely keep a thought in his head. Eggsy has someone he likes. Eggsy was watching Harry. Eggsy asked HIM to leave with him. This is a cruel joke, Fate kicking him in the bollocks. He follows Eggsy into his home and waits until the door is shut behind them before he says, “What’s going on here, lad? Are ye playing a prank on me?”“What? No!” Eggsy fidgets in front of him, body leaning toward him while still keeping his distance. “Told you I liked someone but they didn’t know I existed. You only see me as Gareth. Don’t ever see me as something else, so…so I never said nothing. But then Roxy got started and I had something to drink and got brave.”“Me?” Merlin whispers. “Ye…ye are interested in ME? I thought ye wanted Harry.”“Course I am…you're fucking incredible, Merlin. You're gorgeous, so fucking fit. And so smart, and funny, and brave. Kept me alive more than once, haven’t ya? I just…I fell in love with ya after V-Day, but weren’t never a good time to say nothing. And Harry? Ew, bruv, he’s like my dad or sommat. He’s been threatening me to say somethin’…tired of hearing me moan about how much I want ya.” Merlin simply stares at him, unable to find words. “DO something, SAY something, Jesus, Merlin,” Eggsy begs. “Ya wanna punch me or something, go ahead? Just…”Merlin finally finds a way to shut Eggsy Unwin up. He cradles Eggsy’s face in his hands and kisses him, slowly turning them so Eggsy’s back hits the door. He whimpers, one leg coming up to wrap around Merlin’s waist. Merlin reaches down, grabs him by his delectable arse, and hoists him up until both legs are around him and only Merlin’s hands and those legs keep him in the air. “I’ve wanted ye for so long,” Merlin murmurs against Eggsy’s jaw. “Never thought ye saw me at all, lad, as anything other than the core of Kingsman.”“You ARE our core, but you're so much more to me.” Eggsy wriggles a bit and Merlin carefully sets him down. “You never said…”“I normally don’t say anything,” Merlin reminds him. “But perhaps this time I should have.”“You watch…you don’t talk,” Eggsy says. “How about…” He looks upstairs.“In the bedroom? Oh, I do like to watch. I’d love to watch ye undress and reveal that beautiful body to me. I want to watch ye stroke yourself, want to hear ye make pretty sounds as I take ye apart,” Merlin murmurs. “Yeah, that sounds good,” Eggsy says weakly. He takes Merlin’s hand and starts to lead him upstairs. “Wait.” Merlin tugs him back and caresses his cheek. “I have something to say. I love ye, lad. I have loved ye for ages now.”“Good. Love you, too…and ain’t afraid to say it no more.” Eggsy kisses his nose and leads him up the stairs. Merlin has a lot to say in bed…and Eggsy loves every word.