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My dully passing days
Become beautiful days when it spreads to you
— In A Different Life
The training room is where Changmin first met Yunho.
In its four walls Changmin encounters the man he would later spend his entire life with.
And it wasn’t a good start either. Yunho’s first words said to him, “If you came here to play around, just quit now," had served as rough jab in his trainee days. It’s from this moment on that he decides to prove Yunho wrong.
The bleak days filled with their dance practices and vocal training had been all but fun. Changmin swore he lost a large chunk of his sanity just trying to stay in the company.
But then again, he would’ve lost all of his sane mind if it wasn’t for Yunho. It’s thanks to this particular hyung for staying late helping him learn a dance segment, for handing him a drink to soothe his throat after singing, to buy him snacks every time he feels down — generally for putting up with him.
It all pays out in the end when he debuts with Yunho and three other hyungs. That’s where Changmin’s lifelong feelings blossomed even more beautiful.
You, who gave me such big and warm love into my lonely and dry eyes
— Because I Love You
The first time Changmin dated was an interesting story.
He remembers his then four hyungs fussing over him. They fought to give him advice, to give him the ‘talk’ as if Changmin doesn’t know it yet. He didn’t stop them though, he secretly liked it when they all baby him.
Jaejoong was the one who picked out his outfit. Junsu backed him up with some useless jokes to say to his girlfriend. Yoochun taught him how to kiss her properly. And Yunho... didn’t do much. He simply told him to not return too late as they had practice tomorrow.
And his first relationship didn’t last long either. Being young and inexperienced in the love department made him take the breakup hard. Changmin mourned while looking at their selcas on his phone. He spent a whole day looking at the texts they exchanged.
Yunho barged in his room after three days has past. He literally dragged Changmin until he stands up. He demanded, “Get your shit together. We’re going out.” Yunho got out of the room right after, all Changmin stared at the closed door.
He sighed — he couldn’t exactly disobey Yunho. So he pulled on a pair of sweats and whatever t-shirt he found laying around before going out of his room.
In the end Yunho only made Changmin accompany him for an afternoon stroll. He bought the younger boy dinner as a way to cheer him up. They returned to the dorm with stomachs full and Changmin having forgotten why he was miserable in the first place.
The only person who embraced my tears and my scars
In this world, it’s you alone
— A Person Like Tears
Changmin isn’t an open sort of person. He prefers his feelings to stay private and locked up in his heart where he knows it’s safe.
Except to Yunho.
He allows himself some slack when he’s alone with the older man. Changmin opens his bottled-up emotions to him and only him.
After all, Yunho’s always been the hyung that can see the differences in Changmin’s quietness. He’s never been the loud type from the start. An introvert to the core, he prefers the comforting silence than too much conversation.
But there’s a catch — Changmin can put up his reserved act for however long he wants to — only Yunho can see the minuscule change. The way Changmin stays too still, how he spaces out often, it all is laid clear in front of Yunho.
With all his feelings pushed down to the deepest crevice of his heart, Changmin cries a lot as a result. He cries when he’s upset, when he’s too angry, sometimes when he’s happy. Yunho’s guilty of having caused it on more than one occasion.
So on these days he squeezes Changmin’s hand tighter, looks at him with so much fondness, tells him — no, shows him — that all will be okay.
It makes Yunho so full with love when Changmin finally cheers up and beams at him so brightly that he’s pretty sure the sun feels jealous.
When I first kissed you
That's when I knew
I was in love
— When I First Kissed You
It’s the night after a comeback and they’re tipsy on soju with cheeks flushed a rosy shade of pink and eyes bright.
An alcohol-induced haze makes desire burn through Changmin like a flame. There’s no one to vent out all this pent-up wanting to when the others go for a bit. Yunho’s the one left in the room. He bravely corners Yunho down on whatever flat surface he feels first. Changmin leans his face close — before he knows it they’re already kissing. Being drunk gave him a courage he’d never have while sober so he savours it. Yunho kisses him back just as passionately, tongues at his lips and mouth and leaves him with a reddened cheeks.
When they part all Changmin can do is stare at Yunho’s lips, and he wants to do this again and again even if he’s not drunk off his ass.
There’s a dull thrum in his head and blood rushes quick through his veins afterwards. Changmin’s heart beats erratically and in this exact moment he realises — he doesn’t just ‘like’ Yunho. No, he loves Yunho so so much that it should be illegal. And it’s this revelation that leaves him dizzy with want even when he goes to bed.
In the old wilted memories
The smile that blooms faintly just once
Is this beautiful
— Beautiful Stranger
The moment their friends decide to leave them leaves Yunho inconsolable.
He doesn’t cry, doesn’t get angry, and doesn’t do much to forget the pain.
He only goes numb.
Changmin stays with him because that’s the only thing he knows to do. He comes into Yunho’s room diligently to remind him to eat, to drink, to shower, to live.
He’s hopeless for their future much like Yunho is. But Changmin is firm on his decision to stay.
So until their agency decides something for them he waits patiently. He doesn’t budge in trying to make Yunho function like a normal human being again. Changmin is persistent on his attempts; it all pays off in the end because Yunho smiles a real smile after too many weeks pass by.
Changmin then feels like he wants to spend his whole life making sure Yunho’s always happy. It makes Changmin so giddy knowing that he was the one to put a smile on Yunho’s face again after so long.
Not once, not for a moment, did I think I would become a "me" without you
— Confession
Changmin and Yunho fight constantly.
It doesn’t help that they’re polar opposites of each other. They’re practically fire and water, cold and hot clashing together to form a dark storm.
Changmin keeps his head when they have a dispute. Carefully selected words combine to form stabbing sentences and hurtful slurs. Yunho is strong with his stance and will not fall to the insults hurled at him.
They avoid each other for days, even weeks at a time. The worst of this case was when Yunho decided it wasn’t worth staying with Changmin and left their shared home. He doesn’t return for three weeks, and at the end of it Changmin breaks.
Changmin breaks and trembles and misses Yunho so much. Even his friends fail to console his wracking sobs. They eventually beg to Yunho over the phone to please come home.
Yunho give in after 2 days of nonstop calls that all want him back with Changmin. He opens the door to their shared home with his key and is hit instantly by how empty it feels.
He calls out Changmin’s name from the living room. Yunho’s voice resonates in the empty hallways and it only serves to make him shiver. He makes his way to Changmin’s room.
When he enters it Changmin is laying curled up under the sheets. His body is edged to the wall. The figure hidden beneath the covers is sobbing. He nears the bed and tugs away the fabric covering him. The sight he see makes Yunho’s heart cracks.
There are tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes are red-rimmed and puffed up. Changmin turns his head and is greeted by Yunho’s return.
He needs to know if Yunho’s really there — if he is actually there and it’s not his mind playing tricks with him — so Changmin all but hugs Yunho down. He wraps his arm bone-crushingly tight around him.
Yunho falls on his side with a shocked yelp. Changmin’s face is snug on his chest. He feels wetness stain the front of his shirt.
Changmin’s embrace loosens after a several long minutes. He looks down and sees that the younger man has fallen asleep in his arms. Yunho gazes at him for a bit — he guesses Changmin hadn’t been sleeping well because of him. Yunho strokes his thick wavy hair and places a gentle kiss on his forehead.
Yunho follows his heart and doesn’t let go of Changmin the entire night.
The moment our breaths touch
We become one, you and me
— Closer
None of them even knew how it had started. What began as watching TV together took a far-fetched turn.
Now Yunho is sat back on the couch with Changmin on his lap. His thighs lock tightly on either side of Yunho’s. Their mouths are connected, lips hungry for each other’s.
At first Changmin kisses him languidly, enjoying the soft caress of lips on lips. Instinctively he clutches at his shoulder tighter. Yunho’s hand goes under his shirt to touch his skin. Every trace of it leaves a tingle he knows he’ll remember for days. Yunho tentatively licks his lower lip; Changmin’s mouth opens up a bit in response. Their tongues tangle, the kiss is wet with an edge of hesitation.
The way Yunho flicks his tongue into him is a blatant display of his experience. He has the right to be smug about this, Changmin thinks, oh god he’s really good at this. He can’t help but be jealous of who else Yunho’s kissed.
When he pulls away he’s panting for breath. Yunho regains his own all while he stares at his red petal lips. He turns and pushes Changmin back against the armrest of the couch and kisses him drunk all over again. Yunho’s hand wanders all over his chest and Changmin stays pliant under him.
Bare skin is their canvas and they paint a picture of sweet, sweet love onto it. And on that night they didn’t just kiss — they crossed the unspoken line.
Just for once,
I hate the clock hands for not stopping
Our hands are entwined with no space left
— Heaven’s Day
The last night before Yunho goes away to military Changmin spends with him. He sleeps that night with his hyung on his bed.
His face is tucked into the warmth of Yunho’s chest and it’s comforting — so real and tangible and still here.
Yunho’s hands rest on his waist and hold him close. Their legs tangle together under the covers.
Changmin’s going to miss this so much. He’s going to long for the times like this — his loud laughter and passionate voice and all the things he does that tick him off — he’s going to miss Yunho so much.
Your warmth that used to wake me up
Has now become a memory
— Apology
When morning, or rather noon, comes to greet him he finds Yunho already out the door.
Changmin tiredly props himself up on the headboard. He rubs at his eyes and drinks from the glass on his bedside.
Just as he places the glass back on the table he sees a folded note on it. Neat and familiar handwriting that graces the front of the paper read ‘For : Changminnie’. He knows Yunho could’ve simply texted him, but the older man has always found hand-written things to hold more sentiment instead.
He takes the note and opens it. Changmin reads over the words written on them.
“Dear, Changmin-ah
Sorry you had to wake up alone. Hyung didn’t want to wake you up this morning because you looked so tired. I figured maybe you needed that extra sleep.
Anyways, you might be wondering what I am writing for. Well, I want to tell you that I’ll be going. But in every passing second of my day you’ll always be in my mind. More than a decade together and you’re still stuck in my head.
Which reminds me, the ten years I’ve spent beside you will always be the best experience I had. We’ve walked through so many things together and if I can, I’d spend a lifetime with you, Changdol-ah.
As much as I don’t want these two years to come between us, both of us know well that we have to face these. Before you even try and tell me that we can still talk via phones, they’re different, Changmin. I can’t wake up next to you like I used to. I can’t hear you laugh so unabashedly. I can’t see you smile and be happy. I can’t hold your hand at home. I can’t do so many things we used to do together anymore.
I guess all we can do is bear with it. After all, they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. :)
Ah... it’s already almost 8. I have to end this letter. I’m off to serve now. The company’s sent a car to get me there. Don’t miss me too much okay, I’ll be back before you know it. Enjoy your day!
/Yunho/“
Changmin smiles as he finishes reading the note. He places the paper back on the bedside table and starts his day.
Because I couldn’t hold onto you, who was leaving
I miss you even more
— I Couldn’t Say I Love You
When Yunho has enlisted, Changmin isn’t quite used to being alone. Years spent with someone always beside him made silence such an absurd concept for him. There’s this little thought in the back of his mind that nags him to take his phone and call the older man.
He does take his phone, opens the call app. Changmin’s fingers tap in a familiar set of numbers. He hesitates on the green ‘call’ button.
He ditches calling Yunho and decides to text him instead. When he starts typing in the words he doesn’t even know what to say.
「I miss you」
He stops. Presses delete.
「I mi」
「I」
「」
There’s a moment where he’s dumbfounded. All the words Changmin wants to say simply vanished. In the end he settles for sending him one word.
「Hyung」
Yunho, predictably, doesn’t reply. The message is left on ‘read’.
Your irreplaceable existence that I desired
In spite of everything, will never separate
— Into The Water
They match their leave days so they can meet up. There’s a free week for him and he’s spending it all with Yunho, all with his beloved.
So here he is now, sitting at the back of a cafe waiting for said man to arrive. He fiddles with his phone impatiently as he keeps glancing at the door.
Changmin sees him appear through the door and grins at him bright. Yunho gives him a playful salute, he can’t even bother to reply so he simply laughs.
Once they’ve sat back down again, Changmin finds his lips unable to stop smiling. He sees Yunho in a similar state as he is.
There’s a moment where he spaces out while looking at Yunho. Changmin snaps out of his reverie when his hand gets held from under the table. Changmin grips them tight in response, his eyes twinkling with unconcealed mirth.
It’s in these small split-second moments that Changmin learns he can’t even put into words how much he loves Yunho.
The warmth of the sun reaches the land
Like you, who warmly holds me
— Rise As One
Changmin wakes up to cold sheets.
He sees the sky drizzling softly through his bedroom windows. It cools the room just so that he feels absolutely comfortable under the sheets. But it still isn’t perfect enough.
Yunho isn’t beside him.
So he sits up and stalks out of his bedroom. He walks into their living room and finds Yunho sitting beside the window. He’s staring thoughtfully at the outside world. Changmin moves so he’s standing right behind him.
“Come here,” Yunho says while palming the empty space next to him.
He does just as he’s told — sits down and shifts close to lean his head on Yunho’s shoulder.
They spend a while in solitude. It’s a nice kind of quiet, save for the sound of rainwater falling from the sky.
Changmin is the one who breaks the silence. “What’s wrong?”
Yunho doesn’t reply instantly. He still looks at the dull sky. A moment passes by before he speaks up.
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s all fine now that you’re here.”
Changmin feels his heart skip a beat. Even after years of knowing this man, his cliché words always puts him off guard. He feels his cheeks heat up and buries his face in Yunho’s neck.
Yunho wraps an arm around his slim waist and pulls him closer. Changmin turns so he’s facing the older man. His wide eyes interlock with Yunho’s. They’re gleaming with so much affection, and Changmin can hardly believe it’s all for him.
They kiss, lips softly touching in the dark of the night. Yunho gently strokes his cheeks, Changmin combs his fingers through his hair.
“I love you,” Yunho says. He’s got a smile so handsome plastered on his face.
“I love you too,” he says back.
It’s forever them against the world. He wouldn’t want it any other way.