Work Text
July, 9th
“Jungkook-ah, are you even listening to me?”
Jungkook blinks. He looks around and sighs. “Sorry- I’m just tired. What did you say?”Yoongi shakes his head, exhaling loudly. “What’s up? Are you getting enough sleep?”Honestly, Jungkook's far from sleeping enough, but there's nothing new about it.Still, getting a decent amount of sleep has, indeed, been harder lately. The week after Jungkook met Hoseok was terrible: Jimin would still go to the store on a daily basis and he would treat Jungkook just the way he always had: energetic, playful and teasing. All three traits that made Jungkook wondering if his feelings were mutual.
Faking a good mood is hard, it’s exhausting, but he has no right to show what he's really feeling on the inside. Even though he feels every possible negative sensation, in the real world nothing happened. From Jimin’s point of view, every passing day is just as normal as the previous one. Jungkook has no reason to feel that heartbroken all of a sudden. Not in the real world, not outside his mind.
The following days
were hard especially because he still needed to finish his project. On the night of the show Jungkook was so focused on appearing unaffected that he missed a few important points:First, he fucked up many times while taking the pictures. The use of space wasn’t right, the lighting far from balanced, some of the photos were even blurry. This cost Jungkook a barely passing grade and an advice to ‘stay away from this type of photography’ from his disappointed professor.Second, he barely saw Jimin. Well, of course he saw him: he's the main dancer, so almost half of the pictures were his. However, whenever Jungkook looked at him he felt as if he was just looking through a screen: he could see his talent, but he couldn’t perceive any feeling. He found this odd, since Jimin was passionate even when opening his wallet, and he realized he wasn’t wrong when he stared at the audience and caught a few people tearing up.Yes. Jimin’s dancing was indeed passionate, it just turns out Jungkook wasn’t able to feel it himself.As expected, Yoongi immediately guessed
something was wrong with Jungkook. It wasn’t even necessary to force the truth out of him: after one intense look Jungkook told Yoongi everything, every single bit. And Yoongi listened, and nodded, and understood.Honestly, it was a tremendous relief for Jungkook: telling everything to someone he admires so much and the fact that he didn’t judge him. Yoongi simply sighed and patted Jungkook’s shoulder, inviting him to talk more about it, and so he did.Still, by telling Yoongi he just let out the story. The events and how everything turned out.But his actual feelings? They are still buried down deep inside him. Even if Yoongi probably knows, and even if Jungkook knows that Yoongi probably knows, he still needs to express everything, to show the feelings he's trying so hard to conceal.
-
July, 17th
Yoongi went pro.Well, depends on the way you see it, of course. A quite popular art films director was looking for people to get together a decent screen direction team for a, well, not at all low budget film. One the director’s assistants recommended him a student called Kim Yeongi, who casually studies at the same university Yoongi does. A slight mispronunciation got Yoongi’s work attention and, therefore, a way more than decent job.Apparently the director likes Yoongi’s work so much he gave him an important position in the team, so he insisted Yoongi should get an assistant. Yoongi didn’t need to think twice before
he offered the job to Jungkook.“Honestly, if you don’t want it I won’t bother in hiring anyone else.”Jungkook hums and leans his back against the wall, sitting on the floor. He’s at Yoongi’s tiny apartment, where not even five people fit in comfortably, but it’s not like he can afford anything better. Not at the moment, at least.“I don’t know- wouldn’t it take too much time…?”Yoongi laughs dryly, lowering the volume of the music his laptop is letting out. “Jungkook: be smart. You have a job that takes at least 20 hours away from you every week. And pays like, half of what this one would.”“Yeah, but with this job I don’t miss any classes. I still need to graduate, hyung.”Yoongi huffs out a chuckle, clearing his throat. “Wow, missing class for working with an actual, professional screen direction team. Tragic, really.”Jungkook side smiles at Yoongi’s sarcasm. Yes: of course he wants to take the job. It's something he honestly never expected he could achieve, even though it’s what he wants the most. Apart from that, he had never felt happier and prouder than when he saw Yoongi’s huge gummy smile when he got the job offer. Hell, no one deserves that opportunity more than Min Yoongi does, specially after all he’s been through.“Jungkook” Yoongi starts, taking Jungkook away from his daydream. “Please, please just quit that job already.”Jungkook’s mood drops in a second, his body suddenly feels heavy.“I…”“Don’t start with the ‘I’m okay’ bullshit because I don’t buy it. I’ve seen you lately and I’m worried, Kook.” Yoongi sighs. “This is an amazing opportunity, and you can distract yourself from bad thoughts, you know?”Jungkook leans back. He is too proud to admit his job is actually making him feel more anxious each day, but he can admit Yoongi has a point.“Okay, maybe I’ll quit. I’m not sure about taking the other job, though.”Yoongi lies down,
cheek against the pillow. “You’ll eventually decide to take it. I’m everything but worried.” he mumbles, turning around. “Now, you either stay silent or leave, ‘cause my body’s craving a nap.”Jungkook smiles, taking his headphones from his backpack. “Sleep well, hyung.”
-
July, 19th
As expected, Jungkook quits his job at the convenience store.It’s nothing dramatic, there’s not a single grudge towards his job: he had actually grown quite fond of it. However, life is crazy and coincidences keep happening. At least that’s the case for Jungkook.
The quitting part was easy: he simply called one day and done! He didn’t need to go to work ever again. He just needs to go to the store one more time to return his uniform and receive his last pay.Jungkook decides to go between classes, he has an unusually long gap that day and the timing is perfect. He goes in carelessly and approaches the counter, ready to drop his uniform and leave. Jungkook is about to reach the counter and receiving his money when he hears a soft cough behind him.“Jungkook?”Jungkook’s heart stops. He would be able to recognize that voice anywhere. He lifts his gaze only to find Jimin, bright eyes and rosy cheeks. Jungkook clutches his uniform vest tightly, so, so many thoughts running through his head all at once.“I haven’t seen you here for so long, I’m so glad you’re coming back!” Jimin smiles, beaming and approaches Jungkook eagerly. “What happened?”Jungkook breathes in and holds it. It’s okay.“I’m- I’m actually not coming back. I’m-”Jimin lowers his look to focus it on the vest he is holding, so he stares at it in confusion.“You’re…? Oh. Oh, but, why?” he seems really distressed, eyebrows knitted together.“I sort of got another job. I mean, like, an assistant for a film thing. So yeah, working here is just a waste of time.”Jimin blinks at Jungkook’s answer, taken aback. “Yeah… yeah, I get it.” he almost whispers, clutching the bottles he’s holding. “Well… we’ll see each other around, yeah? Good luck!” he smiles, poking Jungkook’s arm awkwardly.Jungkook still feels his cheeks warm up whenever Jimin gets close, when Jimin looks at him like that. He’s still hurt but he’s, more than anything, extremely confused. He feels mad at Jimin even though he knows he has done nothing wrong. He despises himself for feeling that way, he just wants everything to disappear and to be able to treat Jimin as carelessly as Jimin can treat him.Jungkook doesn’t feel like faking a smile, he doesn’t at all feel like showing far from genuine excitement. He leaves the vest on the counter (as he was supposed to do in the first place) and approaches the door, nodding a quick goodbye and mumbling a short ‘see you around’ before he turns around, ready to leave.“I’m gonna miss you.”Jimin says louder than usual, as if forcing himself to do so. Jungkook turns around and chuckles, everything feels so surreal. He side smiles.“Yeah. I’ll miss you too.”And so he leaves, a bitter taste of farewell lingering in his mouth for no reason at all.
-
July, 22nd
Fortunately for Jungkook, his job with Yoongi starts almost immediately, and quite intensively as well. The professional world and it’s pace startled Jungkook at first, which meant it was a strong distraction from any other problem he has.
And, of course, he blesses the day that director messed up and found Yoongi. Working with people who values his work, people who doesn’t underestimate his abilities (at least not as much as he expected), spending time with people who speak his same language. Everything keeps Jungkook away from any bitter thoughts that used to cross his mind.Right now they’re about to shoot a scene on top of a building, making good use of the light and the cityscape before them. The wind is cold, and it’s necessary to speak way too loudly in order to be heard by anyone there, which is a real nuisance for Yoongi and Jungkook, both used to speak everything but loudly.“Y’know, Jungkook, I have an idea.”Jungkook looks up from his camera, he’s trying different lenses to pick the most appropriate one. He hums a question, curious.“Seokjin’s inviting some friends over tomorrow. I’m going there after shooting, wanna join me?”Jungkook raises a brow. “Hyung, wouldn’t I be like, a baby around your super old friends?”Yoongi lets out a choked laugh and pushes Jungkook not so softly. “Watch it. And no, not at all. We can go out, distract ourselves from our shitty job with a shitty schedule.” Jungkook chuckles at that, trying to ignore how obvious it is that Yoongi doesn’t want to distract him from his job, but from his own blues.Seokjin is Yoongi’s current (and apparently quite steady) boyfriend: all Jungkook knew about him was that he’s slightly older than Yoongi and, well, way louder than him apparently.Is it really worth it? Honestly, the idea of being surrounded by 25 year olds doesn’t seem too appealing. Yoongi reads the hesitation on Jungkook’s face and sighs in fake annoyance. “Don’t say no to me, okay? It will be nice.”Jungkook hums, looking at everywhere but Yoongi’s face. “Yeah. Nice. Sounds good.”Yoongi picks up his camera as he stands up, fixing his clothes. “It’s settled then. Don’t you dare bail on me, kid.”The moment Yoongi walks away Jungkook sighs, deeply and heavily. Okay, what could possibly go wrong?
-
July, 23rd
It’s the first time Jungkook meets Seokjin and, honestly? It goes way better than he expected. From what Jungkook has heard about Jin (from Yoongi only, of course) he expected him to be too blunt, so he was a little bit scared that he would feel attacked or awkward, especially taking the age gap into account. But it's far from the case: the first thing he asks Jungkook is to drop the ‘seok’ (“Jin is more than enough, thank you very much. Don’t you dare drop the hyung, though.”), and he makes Jungkook feel at ease in less than an hour. He even turns Jungkook’s spark of mischief on, suddenly too keen on teasing Jin, to which he whines loudly as an answer.
Yoongi was right: he’s having a really good time, his worries feel too far away and Jin’s friends make him feel comfortable, the alcohol helps as well. He catches Yoongi staring at him more than once, content gummy smile plastered on his face. He doesn't want that smile to go away.After an hour and over the usual amount of drinks, Jungkook starts feeling uncomfortable. For a start, he feels dizzy: the room feels too warm, stuffed, windows blurred in condensation. He feels like he needs to go out, to breathe, to stop thinking.Jin and his friends have absolutely nothing to do with him feeling like this. In fact, both Jin and Yoongi have been amazingly kind with Jungkook so far. But, despite their good intentions, they couldn’t help but to make Jungkook feel heavy hearted. Even with no knowledge of it, they are part of the problem.As much as Jungkook wants to forget about everything and just have fun, his drunken self can only focus on the way Jin looks at Yoongi, the way they lace their fingers together, how they giggle fondly at each other even from across the room. It makes Jungkook strongly aware of the exact same feelings he's trying to get distracted from.And those exact same feelings make, at last, their sudden appearance: that very known heavy feeling in his chest. Once again he has bitter feelings towards Yoongi’s love life which makes him feel, well, even more bitter and guilty, angry towards himself. The moment they start kissing Jungkook straight up decides to go out to the terrace: he doesn’t want to interrupt and being there isn’t making him feel anything barely close to okay.He steps out and breathes in deeply, the cold air filling his lungs, soothing his pain. He feels dizzy, bitter, confused, he can’t see properly, he just needs to sit down and breathe. To calm down.Jungkook closes his eyes and breathes in and out slowly again, causing a scene is the last thing he wants to do at the moment. After taking a few drunk steps he flops down on a chair, his clumsy reflexes making him hurt himself by doing so.He closes his eyes and groans in pain, touching the spot on his leg he had just hit. His head keeps spinning around, he can’t get the picture of Jin and Yoongi all over each other out of his head, he can’t get Jimin’s face out of his head, he just can’t get his own confusion out of his head.Apparently he expresses some part of his distress out loud, since the shadow of a person sitting on a chair next to him (that he had not noticed at all) clear their throat and chuckle, sounding amused.“Well, you look like you need someone to talk to.”Jungkook frowns
at this. He doesn’t even know who he’s talking to, the situation is everything but pleasant.“What would you even know?” Jungkook says, not a single trace of patience in his voice. “Listen, I don’t wanna be rude but please, please leave me alone.”The guy sighs and shuffles on his seat, crossing his legs. “I’m sorry. Listen, I really don’t feel like going back in there and interrupting the love nest those two built there, but I won't talk to you if that’s what you want. No pressure. I just wanna stay out here.”Jungkook clicks his tongue and grunts a half hearted response, laying his forehead on the table in front of him, cold glass bringing back a tiny part of his sensibility. A minute of silence passes: Jungkook can hear the wind, he can see the blurred, distant city lights from the height of the building. He can still feel Yoongi and Jin’s loving presence, he can even feel the lack of Jimin’s presence. He sighs, god, he feels so pathetic.Jungkook turns his head to check on the guy who has just taken his phone out from his pocket, dim screen light illuminating his face (or the blur Jungkook could see from where he was sitting) (or the blur the alcohol was causing him to see). Whatever, Jungkook tells himself, it’s not like he’s ever gonna meet him again.“I’m pathetic.”The guy turns his head, now ignoring his phone completely. After a few seconds the light on the screen turns off and his face is once again hidden in the darkness.He hums. “I’m Namjoon.” he smiles, at least judging from his voice. Jungkook feels his ears going red: does this Namjoon guy think he was a fucking joke?“You’re Jungkook, right?”Jungkook opens his eyes wide, turning his head a little bit too fast. “You know me?”Namjoon chuckles, leaning back and lifting his legs on the table. “Yoongi talks about you a lot. He really admires you”Jungkook feels his face go warm at the non intended compliment, but he shows no excitement in his voice. After all, the drinks have woken up nothing but spite in his words.“He does? I’m glad.” he says, flat tone of voice. Namjoon chuckles, as if seeing straight through him.“He really does. Well, we all do. I probably shouldn’t say this, but he’s shown us your stuff before. To me and Jin, I mean.”Jungkook keeps thanking the night and its lack of light for keeping his flustered self a secret. “You really think so?”Judging by the shadows, Namjoon nods. Silence overcomes again, a thick energy lingering in the air. Jungkook’s chest feels tight, his throat a messy knot, his breathing heavy and slow. He needs release, he needs to express everything he has in mind and his drunken self couldn’t agree more.“Well, Namjoon, hyung, I’m pathetic.” he repeats, states, staring at the floor and sighing. God, that felt good. Namjoon, though, says nothing: he doesn’t even move an inch. Jungkook’s heart starts beating louder, did he fucked up? He had decided to never go out with Yoongi and his stupid friends ever again when Namjoon speaks, voice soft.“Why would you say that?”Jungkook looks up at him. Why would he say that? Is that all he has to say?“I just am. I’m stupid, and I got my hopes up for nothing. For absolutely nothing. And it sucks, and it’s so frustrating-““What do you mean by nothing?” Namjoon starts, raising his voice again to drown Jungkook’s. “Nothing is most probably something.”Jungkook lifts his legs on the table, hugging them and holding them close to his chest. “I used to like someone.”Namjoon hums once again, god, is that his answer to everything? Jungkook expects him to say something but he doesn’t, so Jungkook keeps going.“Shit, nevermind, I still like that person. I like them so much and-“ Jungkook feels his chest even tighter than before, breathing in, hurt. “But nothing happened. And my heart broke, it feels that way, but it’s so stupid, I feel like I was in love but it’s impossible, just- never mind, I’m just talking shit.” Jungkook stops himself before the knot in his throat gets even bigger: crying is definitely not an option right now.“What do you mean nothing happened?”Is this guy serious? Is he trying to make him feel bad on purpose? Because it's most certainly working.“Are you- do you really not get it? Nothing happened, he’s not my ex, we never went out, he never even looked at me that way.” Jungkook can’t understand why he's talking about this, the pain in his chest won’t leave but he started already, as if spilling a glass full of water.“Do you really think you weren’t in love just because nothing happened?”Jungkook stops dead in his tracks. Namjoon shifts on his seat, getting comfortable.“Feelings and events are two completely different things. You can’t deny the way you feel just because nothing happened about it, each person has different feelings about every single thing. Unrequited or not, feelings are still real. So your heartbreak is completely normal and, well, far from nonsense.”Jungkook feels his eyes fill with tears, he’s mad.“It just makes no sense! I’m- My heart is broken and it hurts so bad and-“ Jungkook chokes, even swallowing feels hard now. He breathes in and out, deeply. “And I never got to know what real love felt like.”Namjoon stays silent, waiting for him to keep going. Jungkook sighs.“I’m- it’s just not fair.” Jungkook hugs his legs, pulling them even closer to his body and laying his head against them. “It’s not fair, it’s not fair to feel so bad, I was never even happy in the first place. I’m-“Jungkook don’t cry, you can’t start crying, calm down. He tries to breathe in but it’s hard, too hard and painful, so the moment he feels the first tear travel down his face he knows it’s over for him. Jungkook presses his closed eyes against his sleeve and chokes out a pained, almost silent sob, shoulders stiff.Jungkook can hear the sound of a chair sliding and a background voice, but he gives it no thought, he’s clearly far from thinking clear at the moment. He feels a warm hand on his shoulder and it just makes everything worse: the touch makes him break down even harder so now he's sobbing loudly, bawling his eyes against his already damp sleeves. He feels completely alone, helpless, but at least the tension accumulated in himself is dissipating, everything he feels is coming out at last.“It’s gonna be okay, hm? Probably not today, not tomorrow, but it will be eventually.” Namjoon coos as he pats his shoulder tenderly. Jungkook feels himself blushing, the situation is so embarrassing.“I’m so sorry- this shouldn’t be happening.”“Jungkook,” Namjoon starts, louder than before, “it’s okay to feel pain. It’s natural. Just let it out, okay?”Jungkook feels comforted, Namjoon’s voice is soothing, so soothing, his head keeps spinning, everything feels weird and new, good and bad, it all seems complicated but oh so simple. Jungkook feels Namjoon stand up to stroke his shoulder more comfortably. Jungkook’s hands move faster than his mind: he reaches out and pulls Namjoon by his arm, sticking his face to his side and hiding against him, muffling his sobs against Namjoon’s belly and lacing his arms around his waist.Jungkook feels, for the tiniest bit of a second, how Namjoon tenses under his touch, so he almost pulls back to apologize, or to ignore anything happened at all. But that tiny bit of a second is over too soon, and now Namjoon is holding him back, stroking his hair and soothing him with random words and hums. At some point, Jungkook loses track of time.
-
July, 24th
“So…”Jungkook turns his head to Yoongi, sitting on the floor next to him, both in the older's room.“So…?”Yoongi clears his throat, his sight too busy fixed on some random papers scattered on the floor.“So, you never told me anything about last night. I didn’t even see you leave.”Jungkook’s heart stops. Shit. Right. Wait, when did he leave? He can’t remember getting to his room, let alone to his bed. He just remembers meeting everyone, how nice and loud Jin was, how cool the music was, he remembers half the amount of drinks he had…...he, finally, remembers everything. The guy, the crying, even hitting himself against the table (damn, that explained the huge bruise he found this morning).Oh god.“Uh, I- I don’t really…”“Hm?”Jungkook sighs and fixes his sight on his laptop, completely avoiding Yoongi’s look. “I sort of. Um. I don’t remember leaving either…? I think I had too many drinks, and-”“What?! Shit, Jungkook, did anything happen? I’m sorry, I wasn’t really there, and- where you alone? You should’ve looked for me-”“It’s okay! It’s okay. I- I’m okay, right? And I wasn’t alone. It’s good. Yup.”“Oh. Okay, yeah. Who were you with? They probably got you home.”Jungkook feels his face go warm in embarrassment: he can clearly remember everything now: the crying, the oversharing, how rude he had been…Shit. He had been too rude. He remembers everything now. Everything until he started bawling his eyes out, at least (the part he wants to forget the most, to be honest).“I was with…” his name was Namjoon. It was, right? “I don’t remember, but he was nice? Tall and nice and. Nice, I guess.”Yoongi chuckles, more air than sound. “That’s probably Namjoon. I didn’t see you two meet, would’ve loved to see that. I’ve always thought you’d get along well.”Well, that thought is dead. Killed and buried by Jungkook after he embarrassed himself in front of Namjoon and ruined every possible relationship. Friendship. Acquaintanceship.
“Oh. Well. Yeah, he’s- he’s nice.”Yoongi keeps checking the papers on the floor, humming while placing them in different places. “Did he start talking about anything embarrassing? He does that sometimes, but- he’s cool. I swear.”At that moment, Jungkook realizes he knows absolutely nothing about this Namjoon guy, since he had done most of the talking. Weeping. Truth be told, Jungkook has lost every possible interest in getting to know him. In fact, he’s determined to avoid meeting him under any circumstances.“No, no, it was okay. It’s okay. Hyung, you forgot this one.” Jungkook says, picking up a misplaced piece of paper and putting it in front of Yoongi’s eyes, desperate to change the topic.“Shit, I’ve been looking for hours.” he says, snatching the paper from Jungkook’s hands. “Okay, wanna help me now?” Yoongi says, picking up his camera and wiggling his eyebrows.Jungkook smiles and looked down. “Let’s do this.”
-
July, 25th
He is so, so late.
Jungkook is way past his due date for one of his photography projects, his job kept him way busier than he thought. He’s, honestly, barely getting any sleep, but he knows it's worth it. He has to get through it.But, at the moment, he has to run to the Photography studio and grab the prints he needs: his professor is leaving the studio in less than an hour and he will get a way lower grade if he’s too late. As in, later than he already is.His campus is big, too big, and unfortunately (and ironically), his school’s building, where most of his classes were held, is far, too far away from the Photography studio, located inside of a building dedicated to club rooms only.Jungkook takes a sharp turn on a path outdoor, the space around him surrounded by trees and benches. It's too much of a sharp turn; reckless, even, and Jungkook was about to thank the universe for letting him not slip by moving so fast:
he needed, needed to get here fast.He isn’t able to thank anyone, though, because less than a second after turning he feels something hard against him, stopping him dead in his tracks, making him choke and cough, hitting his forehead hardly. It hurts, damn, Jungkook holds his palm against his head strongly, foolishly hoping it will take the sharp pain away. He looks up to apologize to whoever he bumped into, he has to do it fast, but it hurts. He freezes.“Shit, I’m sorry, I- Jungkook?”Jungkook looks up. He feels his stomach twist way harder than his head hurt.“Namjoon? Hyung…?” he starts tentatively, keeps going after he sees everything was okay. “Uh, sorry, I wasn’t looking, I-” Jungkook manages to half stutter half mumble, rubbing his cheekbone: somehow the impact had hurt him there too. Namjoon shoots him a wide smile.“Don’t worry! I’m the one who’s sorry. I wasn’t looking either…” he says slowly, voice slowly dying at the end. Jungkook clears his throat, oh god, it's so awkward. What was the chance of meeting Kim Namjoon, Kim Namjoon , out of all people? What was the chance of bumping into him?What was the chance of bumping into the one person he had pathetically cried with, wailed, drunk and pathetic?“Oh, shit, did I hurt you?! I’m so sorry, I really wasn’t-”“It’s okay! I’m good. I’m- okay, really, uh, I, I should get going-”“Where are you going?”Jungkook blinks. He suddenly forgets the pain. “Uh. The club room building?”Namjoon opens his eyes wide. “Oh? Me too, we can walk there together.”Jungkook suddenly feels his stinging pain on his forehead, his cheeks flushed. Well, he has no (polite and nice) reason to say no.They start walking, Jungkook trying to go as fast as possible: however, he gives up on getting there in time. He could still leave the prints there, though, with an apology note, and hope for the best. There is not much to lose, anyway.Of course, after less than two minutes of walking, Namjoon asks the question Jungkook is trying to avoid the most.“How are you feeling? Since, you know…”“Yes. Yeah, I’m good, I just-” Jungkook stops, breathing in. “Do you… do you know how did I get home? I’m- I was a mess and I can’t really remember how I, you know, uh…”“Oh, right! Shit, I should’ve told you. You started falling asleep on me after a while, so I called you an Uber home. I didn’t wanna be invasive? But like. I was alone, you were alone and drunk and, yeah.”“Oh no no, it’s okay! Thank you.” Jungkook feels his cheeks turn warm and red, shit, this is so embarrassing. “I was drunk and it was stupid and. Yeah. Can we please forget that ever happened? I’m so sorry” Jungkook looks up at Namjoon, pleading eyes. Please, please, please forget that terrible first impression.Namjoon chuckles. “You don’t have to worry, it can happen to anyone. It happens to everyone, actually. Eventually, at least. Like, the getting high hopes-love, you know, and falling.”
Jungkook tilts his head, the tiniest hint of a pout on his lips. How could Namjoon start talking about such a deep subject out of nowhere, and still make it comfortable? Jungkook’s head insists, begs for him to keep his mouth shut and keep a low profile. For some unknown reason, he can’t stop himself.“You do? So, are you saying everyone eventually falls in love? I doubt it.” he says, sighing.“How so?” Namjoon sounds amused, side eyeing Jungkook, eyes curious.“I just think- there’s people who are happy to be alone. People who never fall in love, and that doesn’t mean there’s something lacking in their life.” Jungkook mumbles, looking down after he catches Namjoon’s eyes on him. “I mean. I think.”Namjoon hums, when did he get that close to Jungkook? Their shoulders are suddenly brushing against each other. “You’re right. But I wasn’t talking about that kind of love specifically” Namjoon sighs, pulling away from Jungkook to stretch his arms. “You can have a dream, a goal, and it can shatter in a second. It’s the same kind of pain, probably. I mean. I think.” he says, imitating Jungkook’s tone of voice. It feels everything but offensive, Namjoon’s eyes show pure sympathy.“Yeah. I guess.” Jungkook mumbles, not really in the mood for a deep conversation, especially one about love. Well, actually completely in the mood, but that’s exactly the problem: he’s avoiding talking too much and making a fool of himself once again. “But whatever. I’m good. It’s good.”“I’m glad. You can still talk to me, like, if y’need help, or to vent…” Namjoon looks up, biting his lip. “I mean, you don’t have to, but- yeah.”Jungkook feels the tiniest hint of warmth in his stomach, suddenly feeling good, at peace. “Thank you” he says simply, but his mind still demands to change the subject to a less awkward one. “Uh, why are you going to the club room building?”“Me?”Jungkook nods, sight stuck on his feet.“Well, don’t laugh…” Namjoon starts, chuckling softly. “But I run a club.”Jungkook blinks, surprised. “You do? Which one?”Namjoon chuckles again, scratching the back of his head. “It’s a music club. We- we sorta write songs sometimes.”“So you record them and all? Yourself?”“I mean, we mostly use samples…” Namjoon mumbles, looking embarrassed. “But we’re planning on releasing a mixtape by the end of the year. That’s like- the final project.”Namjoon seems eager, his voice slightly lighter and way more lively. Jungkook nods, understanding: honestly, he can completely picture Namjoon playing music, creating it. He seems deep and creative, clever and thoughtful. He feels curious, too curious. This time, once again, his gut speaks faster than his mind.“Do you think I could listen to your songs sometime?”Namjoon turns to look at Jungkook, surprised. “Would you really like to?”“It sounds cool. And, you’ve seen my work, so- it’s only fair to...”“Wanna come in now?” Namjoon asks suddenly, voice soft yet confident, maybe even a bit eager.Jungkook blinks, surprised. His plan was to pick up the prints from the darkroom and leave a note, that’s it. A five minute trip. Errands. He hums, thoughtful.“Yeah. Yeah, why not?”Namjoon smiles at Jungkook’s reply, the prettiest pair of dimples gracing his face. “Yeah. Why not?”
-
That one day, a few days ago, was the day Jungkook started to get to know Kim Namjoon.Jungkook’s first impression of Namjoon was, well, besides the embarrassing circumstances,
that he was a cool and collected person. The day Jungkook went in the studio he was honestly too amused, too impressed: it’s filled with tiny little details that, even as tiny as they are, can tell a lot about Namjoon and his personality.The room is big, really big, and it has three main areas: the center, filled with instruments (two guitars and a keyboard), a big desk with two computers and, at last, Namjoon’s corner. Being the club leader gives him some privileges, he says, so he has his own desk and equipment.The big mug on the desk, the scattered papers, the tangled, huge mess of cables ignored in the corner of the room, the trash can filled with crumpled papers, a few collectible figures: all those little things gave Jungkook the main idea of who Namjoon is, of what he does, what he wants.And Jungkook really likes it so far.
-
August, 3rd
One day, the inevitable happens: the overwhelming weight of stress, the pressure, doing so much in so little time. School is demanding, his job is demanding, keeping a close relationship with his friends is demanding and, of course, his own need of personal space and leisure is demanding (he makes this one his last priority, which probably makes everything even worse).This is the third night on a row Jungkook can’t sleep properly. The dark bags under his eyes are starting to show, but there’s no use: the more Jungkook tried to sleep, the less sleep he gets. His mind won’t stop thinking, worrying, and, ironically, his exhaustion makes it even more difficult to sleep.Being in a bad mood is more than expectable.Taking it all on Yoongi isn’t.At work, Yoongi corrects some tiny details Jungkook wasn’t doing right. “Jungkook-ah, this is the wrong lens”, “Jungkook, focus”, “Jungkook, stand straight”, “Jungkook, focus ”.He can’t remember the exact words he says, but he certainly can remember Yoongi’s face after Jungkook spits every single one of them. All his stress turned into hurtful remarks directed at Yoongi. Yoongi’s face was serious, cold, not a single trace of fury on his face, just a displeased and disappointed frown.“Leave”“Leave , and don’t come back until you calm down”, Yoongi had said before standing up and leaving the place. Jungkook was left there, alone with his thoughts and his frustration.Of course, after a day of drowning in self pity, Jungkook can’t handle it anymore. He needs to be in good terms, he needs to apologize, he needs to try to explain himself. That’s how he finds himself calling Yoongi while standing outside of his apartment’s door. No answer. After the third time knocking he gives up, turns around. A few steps towards the stairs and the door opens.“Yes? Anyone-” a head comes out of Yoongi’s apartment door, looking both ways, confused. He seems even more confused when he notices Jungkook.“Jungkook? Hey, what’s up?”That’s Namjoon, smiling Namjoon. It’s too late to leave now, Yoongi would know he was there anyway.“Hey- um, is Yoongi there?”Namjoon shakes his head, furrowing his brow. “Na-uh. He went to the store, should be here anytime”. His smile turns into a frown filled with concern. “Hey, is everything okay? Come in, let’s wait for him inside.”Jungkook’s body is working on automatic mode, he just goes in and automatically sits on the floor in front of the bed, legs crossed. He breathes in. “Yoongi and I, uh, we sorta got into a fight.”Namjoon opens his eyes wide, surprised. “Really?” he chuckles as he sits on the bed facing, Jungkook. “What did he do now?” he lets out with a laugh.Jungkook feels his stomach sink. “Actually… it was all my fault.” he says softly, the tiniest trace of a pout on his lips. Namjoon is staring at him, questioning eyes inviting him to keep going. “I just- I haven’t been feeling good lately, so I took it on him. I don’t know, but- I know I hurt him and. I really don’t want that.” Jungkook lets out, almost inaudible.Namjoon hums. “That explains his reaction when I asked him about you.” he’s laughing brightly, dimples showing. Jungkook can’t help but to wonder why would they talk about him, but he avoids the question. “But, I mean, it happens. What’s wrong lately, Kook?”Jungkook breathes in. The last thing he wants right now is to be a bother.“It’s nothing, really- I’m good.” Jungkook smiles nervously, avoiding Namjoon’s eyes by staring at his feet.Namjoon keeps staring at Jungkook calm and serious.“Yeah? You’re good?”“Yup. Good good.” Jungkook nods.Namjoon sighs and lays down on his side, still facing Jungkook. He looks at him suspiciously. “Lucky you, I’m a fucking mess right now.”Jungkook can’t help it but to laugh, a short and loud chuckle.“It’s not funny!” Namjoon claims, clearly laughing at it himself. He closes his eyes and smiles, Jungkook lays down on the floor and stares at the ceiling.“Why is that, though?”“Hm?”“Why are you a...” Jungkook laughs, more air than sound (and everything but intentionally) when he says: “...a fucking mess?”Namjoon chuckles again and sighs loudly, laying on his side to look at Jungkook. “Because I want so many things right now, but none of them are working out the way I want them to. I feel stuck.”Jungkook has no idea of what to say. He really, really knows the feeling, so he just hums, hoping for Namjoon to continue. Now he understands why this was Namjoon’s usual answer.“Work is the same everyday, my boss hates me- no, I hate my boss.” he chuckles. “Club is horrible, the members keep complaining and whining at me because I haven’t written songs lately, but how am I supposed to write songs if I’m under so much pressure?” Namjoon asks, eyes fixed on the ceiling, fingers tapping his belly absentmindedly. “So, yes, I’m under pressure, but being under pressure makes me even less productive, and it makes me even more stressed. Y’know the feel?”Jungkook can feel the weight of Namjoon’s words right on his chest, he’s able to feel his frustration. “Yeah. Oh, yes, I do.”“Hm?”“I’m just so tired.” Jungkook says out of nowhere, even surprising himself. “I’m tired of dealing with so much shit, and tired of waiting for it to change. I know it’s gonna change eventually, but eventually is bullshit.” Jungkook feels better after saying this. “It’s bullshit, I wanna see the results now. I know it sounds conceited, but-”“No, it doesn’t. Not at all.”Jungkook closes his eyes. “I know I gotta keep going, but just for a day, just for a second, I wanna say ‘fuck it’, and do what I want. But I can’t.”Namjoon hums. “Is that what’s keeping you down?”Jungkook freezes for a second. He looks at Namjoon, looking so comfortable tangled around a pillow. Namjoon is smiling triumphantly, Jungkook feels tricked, feels good. But whatever. “Part of it, yes.”Namjoon smiles. “Honestly, I don’t know how you do it.”Jungkook sits up, pressing his back against the wall again. “Do what?”Namjoon chuckles. “I can only try to imagine- doing all the things you do, dealing with so much, but you still do well. It’s impressive.”Jungkook hugs his knees, face flushed. “Yelling at my friends isn’t ‘doing well’, though.”“Well, it’s only natural, we all got our limits. Of course you feel stressed. And I bet Yoongi knows that.”“But it shouldn’t happen- can’t just say sorry and then-”Someone knocks on the door. Jungkook looks up in surprise at Namjoon, who looks equally surprised. They knock again.
“Namjoon-ah, open the door. I left my keys inside.”
Jungkook shoots Namjoon a worried look, Namjoon returns a questioning one. “Coming!” he says, probably too low for Yoongi to hear, but he stands up and walks to the door.“Shit, Joon, it’s so hot outside, I swear I’m gonna-” Yoongi says, skin glowing in sweat and holding two cups of iced coffee, rosy cheeks adorning his face, looks up and finds Jungkook sitting on the floor against his wall. Jungkook tries to hide how tense he really is, so he stands up quickly.“Jungkook?”“I was just- passing by but, I don’t wanna bother anyone, so…”He leaves the phrase mid air, gaze switching between Yoongi (impassive) and Namjoon (expecting) and trying to come up with the words to say, to say sorry without making it annoying, to fix things fast, to stop feeling like he was being a bother. What if Yoongi is still mad? Of course he could be. What if he kicks him out?Yoongi blinks. “Shit. I only brought coffee for two.”Jungkook stands there, wide eyed. He doesn’t even have time to answer, because Yoongi keeps going. “Well, you know your way around, you know where the mugs are.” he says, dragging his feet towards his bed and sitting on it, cross legged. Jungkook looks up at Namjoon, who snorts and covers his mouth with his hand, smiling at Jungkook.
-
August, 21st
hey!! whats up? :D
Nope. Sounds too excited.
hey, i was wondering if-
Delete delete delete. Too cold.
hey namjoon!
That one’s gotta work, right?That night, Jungkook needs to go to the city at night to take some pictures for a project. Yoongi had agreed to go with him, they even made plans after it, but at the last moment he texted Jungkook telling him he couldn’t make it.Jungkook truly understands, but he still has to go, and he's got that strange feeling you get when you’re ready to hang out with people but you suddenly have to go alone. It’s a weird, cold sensation, despite how much Jungkook appreciated spending time by himself.Honestly, those are probably excuses. Jungkook wants to go with Namjoon.For some reason, the idea of walking on the street at night with Namjoon sounds really, really nice. Jungkook is more than happy to spend time with him, and he is the perfect companion: constructive criticism, good conversations and a laid back attitude.And he’s pretty cute, but that’s the least important detail. Or that’s what Jungkook told himself. Jungkook feels really, really good whenever he spends time with Namjoon, but that’s a whole different story. Thinking of inviting him is easy. Getting the idea of him going is easy. But texting him? Oh boy. What if he thinks it’s a date? The thought alone is scary: what if he gets rejected on something he has never even considered before?What if he thinks it’s nothing close to a date, and assumes it could never be one? Why is that thought so discouraging?Big dramatic sigh and throwing himself on the bed, Jungkook types and sends.
Jungkook [19:48]
hey hyung! whats up?
That's gotta work, right? Doesn’t matter anymore: it's already sent. Now all he has to do was wait for him to reply.Patiently. Wait.Jungkook opens his laptop, because of course he has more important things to do than waiting for Namjoon to reply. Of course. He sighs. Checks his (not once vibrating) phone.Nothing.His sigh is longer and louder now, stands up and flops on the bed. Please, Jungkook. It’s not that serious. He decides to go to the convenience store to (kill time) get some things he was getting short on. He walks down and around the corner, unbothered enough to go wearing slippers. After he gets there he realizes there’s nothing he’s actually short on, but hey, snacks are always welcome. He pays and goes back to his room, completely (and deliberately) ignoring his phone. Once he closes the door, he unlocks his phone, eager.Nothing.Jungkook gives up and opens any social media app that could distract him, lying on the bed and holding his phone on top of his head. He was scrolling when it vibrates .“Shit-“ Jungkook accidentally drops the phone right on his face, hitting his nose and cheekbone. Ignoring it, he unlocks his phone.
Namjoon [20:13]
hey there!!
Jungkook’s chest suddenly feels warm, he can hear his heart beating fast and loud. He sits up and rereads the text. As expected, there’s nothing new to it. What should he answer? It’s too late to back up now. He waits the most he can: he doesn’t wanna seem desperate either. Jungkook doesn’t even get to reply, though.
Namjoon [20:14]
sorry for taking so long!! i was studying :(
Namjoon [20:14]
whats up?? everything good?
Okay. It’s time.
Jungkook [20:16]
yeah! actually
Jungkook [20:16]
got any plans tonight?
Jungkook locks his phone and sighs, throwing himself on the bed. Why does this feel so hard? It’s just texting. Everyday texting.Okay, no, maybe it’s not just everyday texting’.He flinches when his phone vibrates again.
Namjoon [20:18]
not really!
Namjoon [20:18]
wanna go out?
Oh. Okay, that was faster than expected.
Jungkook feels his heart beating fast, he can hear it pounding in his ears. The idea of going out with Namjoon, just the two of them makes him feel nervous, excited: honestly, they've only been alone twice: once when they met (not the best reference, of course), and that time when Jungkook visited Namjoon’s studio. After that they have only met a few times: Yoongi (and/or Seokjin) always present.Jungkook breathes in. Here goes nothing.
Jungkook [20:20]
im going downtown now to take some pics for class
Jungkook [20:20]
wanna join me?
Namjoon [20:22]
sounds fun!!
Namjoon [20:23]
see you there
Jungkook smiles, flustered. He picks up his bag, checks himself in the mirror, runs his fingers through his hair. Checks himself in the mirror once again. Leaves through the door.
-
Jungkook takes some pictures and Namjoon follows closely, dragging his feet and trying to peek over Jungkook’s shoulder more than once. After many shots Jungkook sighs and leans against a wall. However, Namjoon stays right where they were before.
“Hey, Kook!”Jungkook turns around and finds Namjoon kneeling on the floor, smiling with his eyes closed, apparently posing. The lights of nightlife shining behind him give him a warm, really beautiful setting. Jungkook doesn’t need to be told twice: he kneels too, points his camera at Namjoon and shoots, bunny teeth showing a warm smile. Namjoon stands up, jumping eagerly.“So? How does it look?” he walks towards Jungkook and hooks his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, peeking over him. Jungkook breathes in slowly, enjoying the warmth of Namjoon’s arms, feeling his breath against his ear, his arm flexing around him. He has to remind himself to calm down and to act cool, and he shows the tiny screen to Namjoon. He feels the older’s chuckle against his cheek.“Oh my god, I look so cool! How do you even do this?!” he exclaims quite dramatically, pulling his arm and pushing himself even closer to Jungkook, against his side. Jungkook can only blush, blush fervently and smile sheepishly.“Believe me, it’s nothing” Jungkook mumbles, taking a step back (and missing Namjoon’s warmth after less than a second apart). “If you think you look cool that’s because you are cool, hyung. I just take pics, I’m no magician” he steps back and points his camera at Namjoon again, looking at him through the lens. He sees Namjoon laughing, embarrassed, and holding his hand out to cover the camera. Of course, Jungkook doesn’t let him.“If you’re implying that anyone can take pictures like you do, then- Jungkook, what are you doing?”A tiny, almost imperceptible beep echoes between them. “Jungkook, are you recording me?”Jungkook smiles cheekily. “Of course not, why would I do that?”“Kook, there’s a red light blinking in your camera.”“Lies.”“Oh god, Kook, are you for real?” he gets close to Jungkook again, now covering the lens successfully. “No recording, what are you gonna do with these, post them and laugh at my awkward self?”Jungkook steps back, now over the first step of a stone staircase. “No, why would I post them? These are for me.”“Oh yeah? What for?”“To laugh at your awkward self.” Jungkook lets out with a laugh, stepping up one step to avoid Namjoon’s intent of a grasp.“Unbelievable. I thought you were on my side!” Namjoon sighs loudly and starts walking again, dragging Jungkook with him.Once Jungkook finish shooting they talk and walk around the streets: steam comes out from street food carts, music plays loudly from some stores, a lot of people walk around them.“And if you walk around that corner, there’s an alley that leads to the river. Looks shady, but it’s a really nice place to chill.” Jungkook says, pointing at different places.“You come here often?” Namjoon asks softly, side smiling.“Well- I usually come here when I need to shoot urban pics. So, I stay for a while and wander around, I guess. Yeah, I come here often.” he finishes with a smile, looking down.Namjoon hums. “It’s nice. I have never been to this part of the city at night before. Thank you.” Namjoon smiles sweetly closing his eyes, dimples appearing. Jungkook feels his chest warm up.He hears a loud giggle across the street.Oh, Jungkook knows that voice. He knows it too damn well.Jungkook makes himself look up, only to find that familiar bleached hair, that familiar refreshing vibe. That’s Jimin, standing next to Hoseok, clinging to his arm and smiling at him oh so brightly. Jungkook stops dead in his tracks, many thoughts going through his head: “don’t let him see you”, “stay, see what they do”, “run, now”, “don’t let them see you”, “stop”.“Jungkook?” Namjoon’s voice sounds soft, worried. That brings Jungkook back to reality, he shakes his head and walks away fast, pulling Namjoon by the sleeve. He starts walking through the crowd passing by, not before looking back, only to catch Jimin holding Hoseok close, Hoseok’s hands holding Jimin’s waist. Jungkook shakes his head and keeps on walking fast.“Jungkook? Is everything okay?” Namjoon’s voice is filled with concern, too close yet too far. Jungkook stops walking once he finds a spot with no people around. He sighs .“It’s nothing. It’s okay.”Namjoon furrows his brows and looks behind his back. “Are you sure you…?”“Yes. I- just got distracted.” he chuckles, fake, too bitter for it to sound convincing. Namjoon keeps a furrowed brow, looks behind his shoulder once again. He shakes his head softly and puts his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, pushing him forward to start walking.“Well, I’m hungry, so let’s keep walking, hm?”Jungkook’s mood dropped already, and it's a vicious cycle: getting like this just by seeing Jimin makes him feel stupid, which just makes him even more upset. However, Namjoon is really distracting, and he has the ability to take Jungkook’s mind somewhere else when he talks about music, about his friends, about fashion. They walk past an already closed shop, fashionable yet extravagant outfits displayed on the shopfront. Namjoon stops and points at an unnecessarily oversized hoodie, with an even more oversized pocket on the front. “You’d look good in that one”Jungkook snorts. “Why, you want me to look like a walking blanket?” he says giggling, scrunching his nose. Namjoon laughs, too.“It’s cute! Are you judging my fashion sense?” Namjoon fakes surprise, raising his brows. Jungkook stares at Namjoon up and down, trying to contain his laughter.“I mean…” he starts, but Namjoon doesn’t let him finish.“Okay, enough let’s go!”He pulls by the sleeve a once again laughing, smiling Jungkook. They pass in front of another shop and Jungkook stops. “Hyung, this one would look good on you.” he says, voice low and shy. Namjoon stands next to him, pointing at one of the mannequins.“That one?” he points a black leather jacket.Jungkook nods. “Yup. You’d look cool. It suits you. It’s really you.”Namjoon snorts and covers his face with his palm, shy. “Well, thank you, for finally admitting I do have good taste.”Jungkook smiles cheekily. “I said it’s really you, but I never said it was pretty.” he giggles while walking backwards, smiling at Namjoon. Namjoon sighs and laughs, chasing after him.“Oh no, come here” Namjoon walks fast and places his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders casually, now walking like that. Jungkook says nothing about it. It was amazing how, in less than 10 minutes Namjoon took Jungkook out of his shitty mood. His vibe, his presence has something so soothing, pleasant.“Thank you for- you know, coming with me. This is nice.” he almost whispers the last part, shy. Apparently, Namjoon still hears it.“It is. It’s nice.” he nods, getting closer to Jungkook and tugging on his sleeve. “Hey, how about getting something to eat? Also, I wanna go to the place you said earlier.” Namjoon is still holding Jungkook’s coat, so they stop walking. People keep walking past them.“You mean- the alley back there? It’s not that cool, it’s just…” he stops and looked up, Namjoon is smiling and waiting for him to finish. He feels warm and Jungkook feels so, so comfortable, he had forgotten the sensation of being close to someone and feeling safe, so at ease.“Never mind. Yes, let’s go.” Jungkook smiles and scrunches his nose, walking backwards slowly and pulling Namjoon by doing so. Namjoon laughs and lets go of Jungkook’s coat, catching up so that they walk in the opposite direction. They stop on the way to get two cups of steaming tteokbokki.The alley does indeed look pretty shady: some trash bags are piled in a corner, sprayed walls and a weird smell, but Jungkook's right: at the end, if you turned to the left you get to a small, unkempt exit to the river. The grass is awkwardly long, floor a bit muddy and crickets could be heard, but you could also see the lights of the city across the river. They are bright and mixed up, creating red and yellow patterns that are hard to tell between each other. Right next to the exit, if you look up you can see a big, highway bridge, structure resonating whenever cars pass over it.Jungkook looks at Namjoon, unsure and shy. “So? What do you think?”Namjoon is quiet, looking around. “I see what you mean. It’s calm. I really like it.”Jungkook sighs in relief, walking towards a broken metal gate and sitting on top. “I know, right? I come here sometimes. It’s quiet, but it’s not lonely. I don’t know if it makes sense.”“It does. It’s really nice” Namjoon walks towards Jungkook, sitting on the remaining space next to him. He has to get close to fit, though, their thighs now pressed together. Jungkook can feel Namjoon’s presence close, too close.Silence falls between them: a calm, comfortable, soothing silence. There is a cool breeze, Jungkook lays his head on Namjoon’s shoulder, sighing on the way there. It feels warm, he can feel Namjoon’s heart beating, he can feel him breathing in, breathing out. Namjoon chuckles and moves to be in a more comfortable position, pressing his cheekbone against the top of Jungkook’s head.“Tired?”Jungkook half whines half mumbles against Namjoon. Sooner than later he starts dozing off against his shoulder, breathing deeply. Namjoon clears his throat.“Okay, it’s not that I’m not comfortable, but I don’t think sleeping here is the wisest choice, Kook” he speaks softly, as if scared of startling Jungkook. “It’s becoming a habit, huh?”Jungkook feels his face go warm, memories, quite embarrassing memories of the night they met haunting his mind. He groans sleepily and presses his forehead against Namjoon’s shoulder, reluctant to get up. Namjoon chuckles, lifting his hand and running his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. “You’re so cute”.Jungkook didn’t expect that, he didn’t expect it at all, but he isn’t complaining: he feels flattered, confident, good.Suddenly, Jimin’s face comes to Jungkook’s mind, just for a second. That second is enough to change Jungkook’s mood, though, his shoulders suddenly feel heavy. Why is he sad after seeing Jimin and Hoseok out together? It’s no news, there’s nothing surprising about them being together.Well, it's probably the fact that the only time Jungkook has seen them together, was in a tiny, compressed and awkward convenience store. Of course they wouldn’t look like they do right now: out there going out together, smiling wide, laughing softly. Oh, why is Jungkook thinking about this?“Y’know…” Jungkook starts, sighing in between. “Never mind”Namjoon chuckles, hand still running his fingers through Jungkook’s locks, making him sigh. “What is it, Kook?”Jungkook breathes in. “I just- I miss him. I’m stupid”He feels Namjoon suddenly tense up, hand on his head stopping for a moment. Jungkook feels Namjoon sighing, he can feel his chest rising, falling.“It’s okay” is all Namjoon says, voice suddenly dull. “It was- you saw him, right?”Jungkook lifts his head and looks at Namjoon, his lips pressed together. “Yeah. Yeah, he was there with his boyfriend”Namjoon nods. “Yeah. Should’ve guessed. You looked- you suddenly looked sad, Kook”Jungkook chuckles bitterly. “Well-”Namjoon is sitting so close, Jungkook has the sudden urge to touch him, to get close to him and distract himself, to reach out in search of comfort. He just always seems to know the perfect way to make Jungkook feel better. To cheer him up. Jungkook extends his hand and places in on top of Namjoon’s, holding the gate. Namjoon’s hand freezes and he takes it away shyly, running his fingers through his hair awkwardly. Jungkook feels his face warm up, why would Namjoon want to hold his hand anyway?“I mean, it’s- it’s only natural, like, you really like him- of course you’re upset. Of course”Namjoon has his sight fixed on his other hand, fingers fiddling with his jacket’s zipper. Jungkook’s chest suddenly feels heavy, the moment took a weird turn, now awkward and bitter, he's feeling uncomfortable. All he can do is nod.“Yeah. Yes. It’s- I’ll get over it. Eventually”Namjoon sighs and nods, smiling. His smile feels far from sincere, though, at least from Jungkook’s point of view. Maybe he's just making everything bigger than it already is. He'll never know.Jungkook can’t handle it anymore, so he stands up. “It’s getting late, I should head back to the dorms” he says, pointing at nowhere in particular. Namjoon stands up quickly, clearing his throat.“Yeah, you’re right” he walks towards the alley, waiting for Jungkook. “Gotta get up early tomorrow anyway. Can’t waste that much time”Even though his words seem awkward and improvised, Jungkook can’t help but to feel bad at the idea that Namjoon thought this was a waste of time.“Sure. Yeah, let’s go”And so they walk back in almost complete silence, apart from the occasional coughing and short comments on the road. Jungkook catches himself thinking about Jimin, about how he wants to talk to him again, try again. But for some reason his mind slips to ask himself if Namjoon is okay, wondering why his attitude changed so drastically, if he had said something wrong, done something wrong.Well, it wasn’t really wondering. Jungkook could tell something was wrong with Namjoon.But he doesn’t know.He doesn’t ask.
-
September, 4th
“So...”
Jungkook looks up. “So?”Jungkook is sprawled out on Yoongi’s bed, scrolling down his laptop. Things are going well, so Yoongi is (finally) doing some apartment hunting, looking for a way more decent place than this lame excuse of a room. He seemed scared and excited, so he asked Jungkook for help.Yoongi clears his throat. “Look for two room ones, Kook-ah”Jungkook snorts, cheeky. “Two rooms for yourself? Damn, hyung, I knew you were doing well, but I didn’t know you were loaded”Yoongi laughs, more air than sound. “Idiot. I’m sharing it”Jungkook raised his eyebrows. “Like, renting a room? Isn’t that dangerous? You never know who you’re letting in, y’know-”“Nope, Namjoon’s joining me. We talked it over the other day”“Wait, does Jin…"
Yoongi smiles. “C’mon, Kook, we’re all friends. Me and Namjoon have been friends for a while, we even lived together already. And Jin’s lease won’t be up for at least 6 more months. Mine is over in one, so is Namjoon’s. That’s all” Jungkook nods, for some reason his face feels warm after talking about Namjoon.“Well, that’s cool- Cool. Really”“Y’know…” Yoongi drags his words lazily. “He asked me how often you came here, to my place. When I told him you did quite often, he seemed happy. I can tell he likes spending time with you, Kook”Jungkook’s heart starts beating faster. “Oh. I’m- he does that for me too, I guess. I’m- he makes me feel good, I think”Yoongi shoots him a warm, gummy smile. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear” Yoongi sighs dramatically. “Shit, you’ve suddenly got me caring about you, kid. I really do, you know that, right?”Jungkook stands up and lays down on his stomach on the floor right next to Yoongi. He presses against his side and laughs against his shoulder. “I know. Thank you. For all this”Yoongi chuckles and hooks his arm with Jungkook’s, keeps scrolling in that position. After less than a minute, he clears his throat.“Oh, right. We should get a couch”Jungkook stares at the screen, only now noticing Yoongi had changed from an apartment looking website to a furniture catalog. “A couch?”“Yes, a really big, comfy couch. We’ll name it Jungoo”Jungkook whines, embarrassed. “C’mon, hyung, that’s-”“It’s gonna be yours, okay? You can come over whenever you want. Go over. Whatever.”Jungkook presses his lips together, browsing down the site. His chest feels warm, he feels happy, he feels excitement running through his veins.“Sure? Because I like this one” he says smirking teasingly and pressing the picture of a really big, really comfy looking, really expensive gray couch. Yoongi laughs, more air than sound.“Brat. Good taste, though”Jungkook smiles, bunny teeth showing. “Would you really do this? This is- this is so nice, hyung. Thank you again, really”Yoongi chuckles. “Don’t thank me, kid. This was Namjoon’s idea”Jungkook’s chest feels even warmer now, heart beating faster, an unknown feeling in the pit of his stomach. He catches his breath and looks down, hiding his suddenly flustered face from Yoongi. Namjoon thought about this? Namjoon wanted him to go to his apartment often? He can’t help but to smile at the thought of the two of them hanging out together until late night.“Oh. That’s- that’s cool”After a while, Yoongi clears his throat. “Kook, remember that time you came here and we stayed up all night?”Jungkook shudders. That was the night Jungkook told him about everything that had happened with Jimin, right before the dance show. “Yes?”“Remember what I told you?”Jungkook nods.“Good. Keep it in mind”Yoongi’s silent again, but Jungkook feels the need to keep the conversation going. Yoongi beats him to it.“Jungkook, do you like Namjoon?”Jungkook feels his heart stop. “I mean- I guess? He’s nice, so…”Yoongi laughs loudly now, gummy smile showing and pushing Jungkook with his shoulder. “Hope you use more words with him. He needs them, you’re gonna make his head explode, y’know"A million things go through Jungkook’s head at the moment, maybes, possibilities, expectations. Yoongi starts talking about the couch before Jungkook can ask him what he meant by that.He knows, though. At least he thinks he knows. He hopes he knows.
-
They go out often.
To Namjoon’s studio. They walk around the city together. They go to tiny coffee shops they find whenever they walk around the city together.They hang out over many types of excuses. Walk each other to the bus stop, and miss more than one bus because they are too caught up in their conversation.One time they got drunk together by the river, and the trip back to Jungkook’s dorm was a whole odyssey. Waking up to tangled limbs and throbbing headaches was even worse, though. That was the day Namjoon learned how to sneak out of Jungkook’s dorm past its curfew.Sometimes they would join Jin and Yoongi and spend the night watching movies and playing video games. They are never able to finish a movie, though, because Jin and Jungkook always start bickering and teasing each other over the tiniest details. Whenever this happens Jin screams, Jungkook giggles, Yoongi chuckles and Namjoon smiles, eyes fixed on Jungkook’s face.They run errands together. Whenever Jungkook needs supplies for work, whenever Namjoon needs to go to campus. One time, Namjoon lost his wallet, and it was Jungkook who went to the police station with him to register the loss of his documents. For no reason at all, instead of enjoying his weekend, Jungkook spent his day sitting next to Namjoon on a super uncomfortable chair, drinking low quality machine coffee and waiting for a vague response and the nuisance of signing papers.Another time, Jungkook’s parents came from Busan to visit him for the weekend. Jungkook really wanted to spend time with them, but they couldn’t be with him at his dorm for obvious reasons. That’s how Namjoon offered him his place, even if it wasn’t that big or fancy, and Jungkook’s heart warmed up. He prepared a whole dinner that Namjoon was planning to escape from to avoid intruding in their family meal, but the moment he was sneaking out the door Jungkook’s mother caught him and asked him who he was.That’s how the four of them ended up having dinner together, seafood brought directly from Busan, overly baked sweet potatoes and a tiny piece of leftover chicken. Leftover chicken for Namjoon, who apologetically announced that he hated seafood, shy and clearly distressed. Jungkook’s parents laughed it off and said ‘well, now we know what to cook next time’. Next time. That night, Jungkook caught himself creating possible scenarios that involved taking Namjoon home, showing that side to him.
Jungkook likes this, he wants it to keep going, he wants to stay close to Namjoon.There was a time when Namjoon left the city and went abroad for a week or so. That was when Jungkook realized he likes Namjoon more than he thought. Or, at least, in a different way than he believed he did.He spends his days talking about him, nights thinking about him. He feels the need to hold him, laugh with him, and whenever Yoongi teases him about it he completely shuts down. Because he knows the feeling, and he knows very well how it ended last time.This time is worse, though, because he feels a million more things than he ever thought he could, and because losing Namjoon would be too much. Losing a whole friendship, a whole relationship would hurt way more than losing a platonic crush.The moment he realized he considered Jimin a platonic crush, he knew he was completely over him, and he knew things were good. But that moment of realization came along with the feeling of want, of need, of attachment, of affection for this other someone that had been meddling in his life in the most beautiful ways.Jungkook spends his nights thinking ‘I like you, I like you, I like you…’.Just thinking, maybe to keep himself from saying it out loud and risking it all for the second time.
-
October, 1st
Namjoon [15:21]
hey!
Jungkook [15:23]
hey, whats up? (:
Namjoon [15:23]
i sorta wanted your opinion on this…
Namjoon [15:23]
its just a draft! but still
Namjoon [15:40]
Voice Note: 0:40
Jungkook [15:45]
sounds great!!
Jungkook [15:45]
what are you planning to do next?
Namjoon [15:46]
recording and arranging, mostly
Namjoon [15:46]
wanna join me in this super boring trip to music land?
Jungkook [15:48]
wow
Jungkook [15:48]
how could i say no to that??
Namjoon [15:48]
im at the studio
Jungkook [15:52]
wait for me!!
-
October, 12th
Jungkook [11:13]
so
Jungkook [11:13]
hyung
Jungkook [11:14]
how comfortable are you with the idea of modeling?
Namjoon [11:18]
im okay with it actually
Namjoon [11:18]
should i be worried?
Jungkook [11:20]
i really need a model for my portrait class :(
Namjoon [11:20]
yoongi?
Jungkook [11:21]
hes not as pretty as you :((
Jungkook [11:21]
also he said no
Namjoon [11:21]
oh my god
Namjoon [11:21]
you’re so cute
Jungkook [11:25]
is that a yes???
Namjoon [11:28]
where shall we meet?
-
October, 15th
Jungkook [11:28]
hey hyung
Jungkook [11:28]
youre moving out today, right?
Namjoon [11:31]
yes!! ive barely packed though
Namjoon [11:32]
got caught up all night
Namjoon [11:32]
yoongis gonna kill me
Jungkook [11:38]
can i help?
Jungkook [11:39]
i got no plans for today, i can give you a hand
Jungkook [11:39]
only if you want me to, of course
Namjoon [11:41]
youd do that for me??
Namjoon [11:41]
shit, kook, you really are my savior
Jungkook [11:43]
yeah!! no problem
Jungkook [11:43]
i can be there in a while
Namjoon [11:45]
i cant thank you enough, kook
Jungkook [11:46]
well
Jungkook [11:46]
dinner sounds like more than enough
Jungkook [11:47]
wow!! im suddenly hungry!!
Namjoon [11:49]
kook
Namjoon [11:49]
its not even lunch time yet
Jungkook [11:49]
there is no such thing as eating schedules
Jungkook [11:50]
social construct
Namjoon [11:52]
oh god
Namjoon [11:52]
ill take you out for dinner then
Jungkook [11:53]
promise?
Namjoon [11:55]
promise
Namjoon [12:08]
oh by the way
Namjoon [12:08]
please dont judge me
Namjoon [12:09]
my place is a huge mess
Jungkook [12:11]
cant promise anything
Jungkook [12:11]
:)
-
October, 19th
Namjoon [18:08]
hey kook
Namjoon [18:08]
not even a week here and
Namjoon [18:09]
i just found out theres a ramen place next to me and yoongis
Namjoon [18:09]
like, really big neon sign in front of my window
Namjoon [18:09]
i think its fate talking
Namjoon [18:09]
dont you?
Jungkook [18:16]
oh no
Jungkook [18:16]
we cant fight destiny
Jungkook [18:17]
were gonna HAVE to go :/
Namjoon [18:18]
fjdksll
Namjoon [18:19]
im counting on u then?
Jungkook [18:21]
just tell me when and where!
-
October, 29th
Jungkook [21:46]
hey, hyung
Jungkook [21:46]
wanna come over?
Namjoon [21:49]
of course
Namjoon [21:49]
everything ok?
Jungkook [21:50]
eh
Namjoon [21:50]
blues?
Jungkook [21:58]
yeah...
Namjoon [21:59]
on my way
-
November, 7th
Namjoon [23:08]
hey, jungkook
Namjoon [23:08]
u awake?
Jungkook squints at the screen, suddenly realizing how dark his room is already. He checks the clock.
Jungkook [23:09]
I am
Jungkook [23:09]
whats up?
Jungkook can see Namjoon typing, then stopping. Then typing again, stopping again. He smiles at the screen, breathes in deeply.
Namjoon [23:11]
wanna go out for a walk?
It’s November. It’s cold, freezing cold outside, and Jungkook has class the next day at 9am. He hasn’t slept properly in days, he…
Jungkook [23:13]
sure, why not?
Namjoon [23:12]
exactly, why not? :)
Namjoon [23:12]
im right outside of campus, at the entrance
Jungkook [23:15]
coming:)
Jungkook’s hands are freezing, he can barely feel his fingers, let alone the tip of his nose. It’s cold, but the wish of meeting Namjoon is stronger, of course. Crush aside, Jungkook has never in his life felt heard by anyone like he does with Namjoon. Of course, his friends do pay attention to him whenever he's in trouble, but it's not the same.He's always eager to listen to Namjoon’s answer, his point of view is always fascinating and his voice soothing. Namjoon has, more than once, made him feel better about things he thought made him a bad person, about feelings that confused him, about affliction and heartache.He spots Namjoon next to a street lamp, long coat and huge scarf wrapped around his neck. His cheeks look rosy and his hands are buried deep inside his pockets, leaning from side to side to keep his body moving, to keep himself warm. His face brightens up at the sight of Jungkook.“Hey! I’m sorry, it’s so late, but… I felt like talking. To you, specifically” Namjoon says, straight and easy. Jungkook feels his cheeks warm up in excitement.“It’s okay, I mean- I need to get some fresh air as well”Namjoon shoots him a warm smile, dimples appearing in all their majesty. Jungkook suddenly feels the strong need to pinch his cheeks, to get closer. But he keeps his hands buried deep inside his pockets as they walk around, talking about everything and nothing. In a few minutes they get to a park with two empty swings: perfect seat for a late night walk.“You know- I really like talking to you” Namjoon says out of nowhere, swinging from side to side without moving his feet from the ground. “I feel like- I can tell you things and you get them. You get me, and you listen to me. It’s- just- thank you. Thank you”Jungkook’s heart starts beating faster, chest warm. “Thank you? I mean- you’re the one who's made me feel better, you know? I’m… I feel better when I talk to you. I don’t feel alone”Namjoon chuckles. “I guess we just really make each other feel better, hm?”“Yes. Yeah, I guess. It’s good- I like it”Namjoon turns around and looks at Jungkook, kind smile. “I like it too. A lot”“I used to feel bad, but… it’s not there anymore. The feeling, I think”“I’m glad I could help in any way, and- you know. I’m still here. For you”Jungkook sighs and kicks a tiny rock while swaying on the swing set, making the chains creak under his touch. “It’s like… it’s different than with Yoongi hyung. I mean- don’t get me wrong, he’s really important to me, but… you know how to make me feel better in a whole new way. When I’m sad, I mean. I don’t really like telling him I’m sad, or not ok. I don’t know why...”Namjoon laughs against his hand, flustered. “Yeah, that’s the thing. It’s okay to feel sad, it’s only natural. And it’s also natural to want to keep it to yourself. It’s- well… admitting you’re not feeling okay, that’s showing your vulnerable side. It’s normal to want to keep it to yourself. However…” Namjoon pushes himself a bit, swinging in tiny circles. “...you have to let it out eventually. We all need to live through our pain, and get it out of our systems. Think about it. Time does the rest”Jungkook hums, eyes fixed on his feet. “Yeah. Time does the rest…”Namjoon laughs softly, squinting his eyes, and Jungkook feels his chest warm up, his heart skips a beat. He just can’t stop looking at Namjoon, he can’t help but to smile when he looks at him. He feels excited, nervous, comfortable, happy, all at the same time.He just really, really likes Namjoon.Namjoon appeared in his life at the least expected moment, but then again, at the perfect time; he taught Jungkook so much about so many things. When they are together, Jungkook feels safe and comfortable. They have developed a complicity that makes Jungkook more (and less) confused about his own feelings.Oh, there he is, falling easily for someone once again.It’s not that he's thinking of anyone else. He isn’t, not at all: but that’s the thing. He has fallen for Namjoon: the one, the only person who could help him get over his past crush. There he is, once again, feeling excited and awkward and wanting to do everything but pulling away. Quite on the opposite, he just wants to get close, closer, to Namjoon. It could always not work, right? Jungkook knows it quite well. Namjoon could tell him he only sees him as a friend, that he feels sorry. He could say that.Or, he could tell him he feels the same way. That the looks Jungkook feels, the smiles Jungkook catches often, that they are all signs that his crush is, indeed, requited. That didn’t work last time, though, did it?“Jungkook?”Jungkook jolts, surprised by the sudden call.“Hm?”“Are you okay? I sorta feel like I lost you there” Namjoon says, getting closer to Jungkook and waving his hand in front of his eyes.Jungkook closes his eyes and sighs deeply. He won’t let the story repeat itself.“I like you”.His heart is beating fast, hard against his chest, his whole head feels warm. Namjoon keeps his expression impassive, which makes Jungkook even more anxious.“I like you too” he says simply, as if talking about any trivial thing.Jungkook just stares at him, wide eyed. “No, I like like you”Namjoon smiles, dimples showing. “Jungkook, what’s liking-not-liking then?”Jungkook feels his whole face even warmer than before, flustered. “I don’t know- I like you like. Not like this” he says, finger point his own chest, then Namjoon’s. Namjoon raises his eyebrows. “I mean- this too, this is great- I just- I want to spend more time with you” he sighs out. “I love being with you, and when I’m not with you I think: ‘oh, Namjoon would really like this’, and I want to see you soon. And I wanna be close to you, I wanna kiss you. I really, really wanna kiss you” Jungkook almost whispers the last part, sounding defeated. He can’t see Namjoon’s face or reaction, his eyes are stuck on the ground.Namjoon sighs deeply. Oh god. Jungkook feels his chest tighten up as he gets ready for the worst, his hands are trembling, he feels embarrassed, not again, please, not again. Silence continues, and Jungkook panics.What if he doesn't like me back?“I- I can try to forget about it. Like- I don’t wanna lose our friendship either, I- you don’t have to worry, really. Really” Jungkook is feeling straight up anguished now, why isn’t Namjoon saying anything? He makes himself look up, ready for the worst.But Namjoon is there smiling, the warmest smile he's ever seen before. He closes his eyes and laughs. “I thought you’d never say it”Jungkook grips the chains harder, his knuckles almost white by now. “Ah?”“Jungkook, I’m- I thought you knew”Jungkook keeps silent, waiting for Namjoon to keep going.“Do you really not notice? How much I like you? I like you too. I like you so much, shit, you have no idea” Namjoon says, covering his mouth with his hand and chuckling. “I thought I was being obvious. Yoongi wouldn't stop teasing me, I swear to god-” he lets out a laugh, more air than sound. “I love spending time with you, too. I love talking to you”.Jungkook’s heart is beating even faster, damn, butterflies in the stomach weren’t a joke. “You do?”Namjoon snorts. “Yes, Jungkook, I do. And I also really, really wanna kiss you. Now…” he says, standing up from the swing and grabbing the chains on Jungkook’s swing. He pulls him close and looks down. “...will you let me?”Jungkook stands up from the swing, now almost chest to chest with Namjoon. He nods, almost imperceptible, but Namjoon gets the message. He gets even closer, his forehead touching Jungkook’s, as he leans in, pressing their lips together.It’s just a brush of lips against each other, a smile, two smiles, Namjoon’s hands suddenly laces his fingers to Jungkook’s ones. He pulls away and nuzzles his cold nose against Jungkook’s neck, who shivers. “Good?”Jungkook’s head feels light, his heart warm. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to Namjoon’s temple, sighing in content. “Good. Good good”.Namjoon chuckles, and Jungkook can feel his breath against his jaw. “Wanna go home?” Jungkook shoots Namjoon a worried look. “It’s- it’s cold and, y’know. I wanna keep spending time with you. No pressure, though” he says, lifting his hands, and Jungkook’s on the way. Jungkook nods.“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go”When they start walking Jungkook stays pressed against Namjoon’s side, together, hand in hand. They walk together like that, little talk, but the feeling of expectation keeps lingering around them. They both have so many things to say, or at least Jungkook does. He thinks and rethinks the words in his head, he knows they’re gonna talk once they get to Namjoon’s place. He knows it.When they reach the apartment, Namjoon turns around right before opening the door. He looks shy, almost apologetic, but he’s smiling. To Jungkook, that’s all that matters.“Ok, so, Yoongi’s sleeping right now, so we can’t make that much noise when we go in, hm?”Jungkook nods, mimicking a zipper on his lips. Namjoon smiles widely at this, leaning closer and pressing a short kiss to Jungkook’s lips.“Sorry. Can't help myself” he mumbles against Jungkook’s cheek, then turns around and turns the key.Not even a second later a lightheaded Jungkook chuckles, out of pure excitement and nervousness. Namjoon chuckles back, a tiny bit louder.“Shhh-!”Namjoon trips over a step while taking his shoes off, and he holds himself against the wall, loud thump resonating in the room. Jungkook can’t help but to snort even louder at that, the situation itself funnier than his fear of waking Yoongi up and dealing with the horrible things that implied.Jungkook leans on Namjoon against the wall, muffling his laugh against Namjoon’s back, holding his waist, pulling on his shirt.Namjoon turns around and presses his back against the wall, still holding Jungkook close to him. He stares down at him, hooded eyes, parted lips, and Jungkook can do nothing but look up, look at him, smile at him, lean closer and kiss him once again,
he feels like they have been wasting time, and he wants it back as soon as possible.Namjoon kisses him back, grabbing Jungkook's hands softly and placing them around his neck. He wraps his arms around Jungkook’s waist and pulls him even closer, pushing his leg between Jungkook’s thighs. Jungkook gasps against Namjoon’s lips, that little gasp letting him deepen the kiss, so now's Namjoon's turn to gasp, a little bit louder than Jungkook did.The sound of kissing, of lips running against each other is the only thing they can hear, silent room resonating with it; it feels deep, it feels personal, intimate, maybe even a little bit obscene. The whole situation makes Jungkook feel dazed and warm all over, his heart beating faster and an unknown feeling in the pit of his stomach.After a bit Namjoon pulls away, taking Jungkook out of his daydream. Namjoon looks so beautiful: he’s staring at Jungkook oh so fondly, the warmest smile Jungkook has seen in a long while. He can do nothing but to smile back, leaning in again and pressing his lips to his, their smiles making it it awkward but cute, he feels so comfortable it doesn't even matter, nothing does.“Jungkook” Namjoon whispers as he pulls away. “We're gonna wake Yoongi up if we stay like this” he smiles apologetically. “Let's go to my room, okay?”Honestly, Jungkook can't think of a better idea.It doesn’t even feel real. Maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s delusional, or maybe he’s just too happy. Jungkook feels his head light and hazy, emotions running through his veins so fast he doesn’t even know how to put them into words, how to react to them. But, most of all, it feels like a dream.Like a dream, because everything happened so smoothly it’s even hard to believe. Jungkook can’t help but to wonder where the trick is, what’s the bad side, how long it’s gonna last, because at the moment all he feels was bliss, euphoria, excitement and longing at the thought of Namjoon, talking to him, touching him, just being close to him.He’s felt this before. He’s felt that blooming excitement in his chest, he’s felt the so called butterflies, he’s felt longing, he’s felt lightheaded for someone before. It isn’t new.But feeling like this with someone he trusts so much is new, and so, so heartwarming. Feeling this way, and knowing the other person feels that too? Knowing that he can make that person happy, just by staying close? It feels unreal, dreamlike, and he can do nothing but smile, dumbfounded. They enter Namjoon’s room, who closes the door behind him. They stare at each other expectantly and burst laughing, trying to keep it down.“So?” Jungkook lets out between laughs. Namjoon approaches him and leans forward, pressing a kiss to his lips.“So” he starts, pulling Jungkook until they’re both sitting on the bed, “I just want you to feel comfortable”Jungkook’s chuckles. “Oh, I am. Very much comfortable”Namjoon smirks as he sits pressing his back against the wall, and Jungkook follows him, kneeling in front of him and cradling his jaw with his hands. “Can I kiss you?”Namjoon smiles widely, eyes fixed on Jungkook’s lips. “Kook, you- you don’t need to ask” he sighs out, closing his eyes as soon as he feels Jungkook’s lips on his. His hands travel up to hold Jungkook’s waist and pull him closer, his whole back laying against the wall. Namjoon drags his tongue over Jungkook’s bottom lip, who
lets out a soft noise as he curls his fists on Namjoon’s shirt. Namjoon pulls away soon, though, too soon, resting his forehead against Jungkook’s. They're breathing in deeply, hearts beating fast.“When did you know?” Jungkook sighs against Namjoon’s bottom lip, voice barely a whisper.Namjoon lays back against the wall. “That I like you?”Jungkook nods, sitting right in front of Namjoon, legs crossed. Namjoon sighs thoughtfully.“Honestly, that night at Jin’s place, I thought you were really cute. Like, damn, should I talk to him? I really wanted to, but…” he trails off, laughing sheepishly. “I don’t know, just couldn’t get myself to do so. You beat me to it, though”Jungkook pouts. “Can we please forget our shitty first impression?” Jungkook pleads, placing his hands on Namjoon’s knees. Namjoon raises his eyebrows, teasing.“No way. It’s the perfect story to tell the world” he laughs out, picking up Jungkook’s hands and lifting them a little bit, placing them on top of his thighs. “Oh, how did you two meet? Well, he started weeping against me before throwing up and passing out. It's priceless”‘Wait, I never threw up, did I?” Jungkook whines, just a tiny bit mortified.Namjoon smiles cheekily. “Nope, but it makes the story even more interesting, you know. They’ll believe it anyways” he laughs as he pulls a pouty Jungkook closer, holding his wrists softly and pecking his lips once, twice. Jungkook closes his eyes and places his hands back on Namjoon’s thighs, staying close, parted lips.“Keep going”“Hm?”“You didn’t tell me the whole thing” Jungkook says, voice almost a whisper. He leans closer and kisses a trail down Namjoon’s jaw, who hums in content.“Ah…” Namjoon looks up, giving Jungkook more room. “I liked you instantly, Kook. Like…” he trails off, taking Jungkook’s hands and placing them even higher on his thighs. “I didn’t even have to tell Yoongi. He saw straight through me” Namjoon looks down and faces Jungkook, staring right into his eyes. “And- well, I tried talking to you, but you seemed so mad , I thought you hated me already, without even meeting me”Jungkook chuckles as he shakes his head. Namjoon smiles back. “So, I had lost all hope but that time? When we bumped into each other on campus? I thought: ‘oh, things are maybe not so bad after all’. That day, when you asked me to go to the studio?” he sighs, taking Jungkook’s hands in his own. “I don’t know. It’s stupid. But I really like you” Namjoon trails kisses down Jungkook’s jaw, his neck, his shoulders.“What about you?” he sighs against Jungkook’s skin.“What about me?” Jungkook stares at Namjoon with wide eyes, raising his eyebrows. Namjoon laughs.“You, tell me how, when did you start liking me?” his voice was really soft, unsure, almost a whisper.“I…” Jungkook doesn’t really know where to start.He can’t really tell a specific start, a moment that made him start liking him. It felt more like realizing he had done so for a long while: maybe not always romantically (and definitely not from the first time they met), but Jungkook just feels so at home when he’s with Namjoon. Asking him to pinpoint a single day, a specific event that made him fall into Namjoon is useless, it makes no sense, not when Jungkook can’t remember a time when Namjoon didn’t make him feel right, safe, good. So, at the moment, with everything going through his head, he just can’t find the words.Namjoon sighs and lies down on the bed, curling himself around a pillow, still staring at Jungkook. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Don’t worry about it.”Jungkook smiles and lies down next to Namjoon, laying his elbow for balance. “I always wanted to know more about you.” Namjoon chuckles.“Did you really?”“Yeah!” he scrunches his nose, playfully. “Well, you've always made me feel good. At first, when I felt sad, you could just… get me out of it, and I have no idea why.” Jungkook feels Namjoon’s hand on his waist, pulling him closer. “But after telling you what happened, I just knew I wanted to spend more and more time with you, and talk to you, and basically just be with you.”Namjoon smiles, looking down, his look suddenly bitter, unsure. He sighs.“Jungkook, I…” he starts playing with his fingers nervously. “If I’m… y’know, if you just wanna forget about this other guy and…”“What?”Namjoon breathes in. “I really like you, so… it’s no big deal, just, let me know if I’m, you know, a rebound, or-” he sits back up, crossing his legs. “-I’m still here for you. No matter what happens, y’know, after you… I’d just like to know...”Namjoon trails off, looks down, and Jungkook feels his heart stop. Oh, no, he has it all wrong, he’s not even close to imagine how much Jungkook appreciates him, how much he wants him, him and no one else. Actions speak louder than words, so Jungkook gets up, sits on the bed right in front of a shy, insecure looking Namjoon. He pulls him by his shirt softly and kisses him, lips parting so softly. He kisses him shortly, but he doesn’t pull away.“Please don’t say that” Jungkook whispers right against Namjoon’s lips. “I can’t even find the words to express how much you mean to me, I really wanna be with you. Just you. No one else” he pecks his lips again, quickly. He pulls away and stares at Namjoon: flustered, smiling, dumbfounded Namjoon. He chuckles and Jungkook giggles right back as Namjoon wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer, hiding his face against the crook of his neck.“I wanna be with you, too. So much” he groans against Jungkook’s skin, tickling him slightly. He holds Jungkook’s shoulders and pulls down so that they’re lying on the bed now, Jungkook awkwardly on top of Namjoon. He shifts to the side, now facing him.Namjoon holds Jungkook’s waist and pulls him closer, kissing him again. And they kiss long, soft, maybe a little bit eager. Namjoon leaves Jungkook’s lips to start kissing down his jaw, his neck, as Jungkook wraps his leg over Namjoon’s, getting even closer. Namjoon travels back up with sweet kisses, reaching his lips and kissing him hard, lips parted, tongue teasing Jungkook’s lower lip.Jungkook places his hand on Namjoon’s belly right under the hem of his shirt, as if asking for permission. Namjoon seems pretty into the kiss to care, so Jungkook goes further, pressing his hand hard against Namjoon’s chest under his shirt, trailing his fingers down his back, his shoulder blades. Namjoon gasps against Jungkook’s lips, hands travelling up to tangle in Jungkook's hair. Jungkook can’t think clearly, he feels warm all over, mind in haze, lips already swollen from kissing.“Jungkook- you make me feel so good” Namjoon says, words drowned against Jungkook's neck. Jungkook shivers.“Yeah?”“With you things seem so simple” Namjoon goes up to kiss Jungkook’s lips again, punctuating every few words with a kiss. “With you I feel like I can do everything, I feel ...l…” Namjoon sighs again, Jungkook can feel his breath against his own lips. “I just… guess I’m too whipped. In too deep, huh” he laughs this last part, and Jungkook's heart is running at full speed. Namjoon looks up to check Jungkook's answer: his look seems a tiny bit scared, expectant. Jungkook's chest is filled with nothing but joy and excitement, so he chuckles against his lips, humming happily.“I’m not even sure if that makes sense, but…” Namjoons trails off.Jungkook kisses Namjoon’s lips shortly, and he can recall any time he's craved kissing this much, just kissing, it feels addicting right now. “It does. It really does” he leans over again, a sloppy, messy kiss. “Hyung, you make me feel so good too, you- ah-” Jungkook can’t finish his answer, since Namjoon starts trailing his lips down Jungkook's neck, and his hand peeks under Jungkook's shirt, cold hands making him flinch under his touch. Namjoon looks up and Jungkook nods almost imperceptibly, taking his own hands to cup Namjoon’s jaw and neck, kissing Namjoons temple.
Namjoon’s lips travel from Jungkook’s jaw to his neck, from his neck to his shoulder, hand tugging at his shirt to take it off him. Jungkook gets the clue and does it himself, immediately linking his lips back to Namjoon’s. They don’t get to kiss properly this time, though, because Namjoon’s mouth is back on Jungkook’s chest, nipping softly at the skin. He finds a spot that makes Jungkook flinch in the best way, back arching from the bed and into Namjoon’s touch.Namjoon hums against the younger’s skin trailing even lower, nipping at the skin of his lower belly, and Jungkook reacts by arching his back harder this time, pressing his skin harder against Namjoon’s lips.“Is this okay?”Jungkook pants, bucking his hips up involuntarily. “Yes. Yeah, hyung, it’s okay, please”. Namjoon hums a question against Jungkook’s hipbone, who shudders again. “Please touch me, hyung, please.”Jungkook can feel Namjoon’s smile against his skin. He sits up and trails his hands down Jungkook’s thighs, as if considering if he should keep teasing him or if he should touch him.And so, he does.
-
November, 8th
Jungkook wakes up to the feeling of something warm against his back, protecting him from the cold morning. He can feel sunlight on his face, yet not strong enough to wake
him up, they just warm his body pleasantly.
There’s no confusion, no 'where am I?’s, no turning around when noticing the feeling of someone holding him waist from behind. He’s not confused, as he wakes up with every memory vivid in his mind, he even feels like he woke up expecting, hoping Namjoon would still be there, wrapped around him. Hoping it was true, that it hadn't been a dream.He turns around knowing he will find Namjoon, sleepy Namjoon right in front of him, breathing in and out slowly and peacefully. He turns around knowing all these things, but what he doesn't know is that he’ll bump into a fully awake Namjoon, smiling while blinking slowly, traces of sleep still visible on his face.“Hey” he whispers, tightening his grip around Jungkook’s waist and pulling him in closer.“Hey” Jungkook replies, surprised by how hoarse and choked up his voice sounds. Namjoon chuckles at that, kissing the tip of his nose.“You look cute” he whispers against Jungkook’s neck, pressing a kiss to every bit of bruised skin. Jungkook takes his hand up to hold Namjoon’s hair, pulling just a little bit, making him sigh in content. Jungkook groans, hiding his face against Namjoon's chest."I don't wanna get up"Namjoon brings his hands up to the younger's head, stroking his hair. "Don't, then. Let's stay here"Jungkook groans louder now, maybe even whines a bit. "Can't. Gotta finish a project for tomorrow. The one I was working on when you texted me" he laughs shyly against Namjoon's side, who chuckles. "Wow, what a monster I am, aren't I?"Jungkook giggles, making himself get out of bed and look for his clothes, dressing up clumsily. "The absolute worst". Namjoon's curled up in bed, stretching and looking really reluctant to get up. "Will you hate me if I stay in bed as you go?"Jungkook snorts as he walks back to the bed, sitting on it now fully dressed. He takes Namjoon's hand in his, stroking his palm. "Don't worry, hyung. Talk to you later?" he asks tentatively, unsure of Namjoon's answer, of his intentions, but his smile says everything.
"I'll call you later today, okay?"Jungkook nods an answer and he
walks out of Namjoon’s room after a quick goodbye kiss, only to bump into Yoongi. He’s sitting on the couch, mug on one hand, face held by the other, notebook on his lap. He looks up, unimpressed.
“Oh. Hi Kook”“H-hey! What’s up?” Jungkook is about to go sit next to him, but he notices Jin is there too, sitting on the floor next to a box of 6 donuts. “Hey hyung!”Jin nods a hello, face stuffed with food and his chin a mess of powdered sugar. Jungkook nods awkwardly, "Okay, I'll... leave now", he starts taking slow steps towards the door,
but he suddenly feels a pair of arms around his waist, chin on his shoulder.“You almost forget your phone, Kook-” Namjoon nuzzles his nose against Jungkook’s jaw, pecking a spot there. Jungkook has never in his life felt more flustered than he does right now: Yoongi staring at the Namjoon is clinging to his back like a leech.“Yeah- Thanks, I gotta- I’m leaving now” he says as he waves goodbye to a completely
aloof
Yoongi and a shamelessly snickering Jin, spraying sugar all around him. In less than a minute Namjoon goes back to his room, as if nothing happened.“We gotta go to work in a few hours, Kook-ah. Be there on time” Yoongi drags his words out lazily, yawning and stretching on the couch as Jin sat next to him. Jungkook nods and finally walks towards the door, eager to escape the room.“Okay. See you later, hyung!”Yoongi hums. “Cover those up for work, ‘kay?”Oh my god.Jungkook closes the door and runs down the aisle before he can give Jin any time to shoot a teasing or petty remark. He’s proven to be quite good at that before.
- November, 20th
They often walk along the river, that exit at the end of the alley feels theirs already.After many times hanging out there, they found another path that leads to an even bigger space, a big concrete hole that looks like an abandoned pool was there, as well as trees, more unkempt grass, different types of pipes and big wastes with more than one graffiti sprayed over them. Despite how far from comfortable the place looked, it felt oddly well, private without being lonely: that place was, well, theirs.They usually sit inside the pool, back against the border enjoying every tiny bit of sunlight they can grasp, making them squint and smile. They find bugs pretty often, which makes them either scream of fear or squeal in endearment: they usually take turns there.Sometimes they talk. They talk endlessly, until their throats feel sore, always something interesting to say. They listen to each other as they play with whatever they find close to them: a piece of burnt grass, their shoe laces, their own fingers laced with each other.Sometimes words are not necessary, and they spend the time thinking and staring at the trees around them, the sky, just feeling and enjoying each others company in silence. They occasionally sigh, making the other one smile. Jungkook usually rests his head on Namjoon’s shoulder, who's more than happy to welcome him there.Sometimes words are not necessary, but touching is. They spend their time there pressed against each other, leaving kisses wherever they can, wherever they know will make the other one squirm. Jungkook has stated more than once how he felt too shy to go too far there (as well as ‘the bugs, hyung, the dust, I’m…. is it clean?’). But privacy in their hideout is more than enough, and, well, kissing is not always enough.Right now they're walking outside of the pool, kicking rocks and fooling around, Namjoon jumps on Jungkook’s back more than once in a lame attempt of a piggy back ride, but his legs always drag against the ground, so they end up in a mess of laughs and tangled limbs. Once Jungkook can finally get a steady hold of Namjoon, he starts running around, making him squirm and shout, worried. They spot really big, old looking pipe covered in old paint and dry grass.
“How do they keep that here? It's probably full of mold and super unsanitary to go into, doesn't seem safe...”Jungkook breathes in, chest out and lips pressed together. “I’m going in” he states determinedly, taking a big step and smirking at Namjoon.“Okay, Jungkook, who’d even do that?”Of course, Jungkook takes that as a challenge.He stops right in front of the pipe: it reaches about Jungkook’s waist in height. Without thinking twice Jungkook drops to his knees and crawls inside, getting comfortable once he gets there.“Jungkook, you’ll get stuck in there” Namjoon laughs out, reaching out. “Come back here”.Jungkook sighs dramatically, closing his eyes. “But it’s so comfortable in here, hyung! You come here,” he pats the spot next to him eagerly, “I saved a spot just for you”.Namjoon smiles, dimples showing. “Well, I don’t see anyone else around”“Hyung” Jungkook whines, “Come here”Namjoon sighs, brows knitted in distress. “I definitely don’t fit in there”“You definitely do, c’mon”“I’m gonna get stuck”“Hyung, if I could get in, why wouldn’t you?”Namjoon chuckles. “Jungkook, I’m tall”“So? I’m not exactly short. C’mon” he whines that last part, looking up at Namjoon and patting the tiny spot next to him. He sighs deeply as he awkwardly gets on his knees and crawls inside. Hence he’s in there right now, curled around himself sitting on the inside of the pipe, knees stuck to his chest. Namjoon sighs.“Okay. Move a bit” he starts as he crouches to get deeper in the pipe clumsily, accidentally hitting Jungkook by trying to settle in.“Ouch-”“Shit, oh my god, I’m sorry, I-”“It’s okay, it’s-” Jungkook laughs, staring at Namjoon as he
settles in and sits right next to him, legs curled up as well. “See? was it that bad?”Namjoon snorts. “I mean, it’s not the suite I was expecting, but-”“Hyuuung, can you like, enjoy anything for once?”Namjoon scoffs. “I clearly am enjoying this”“Are you?”Namjoon turns his head and smiles at Jungkook, dimples showing. He leans in to peck Jungkook’s lips, pressing their foreheads together.“I really am”Jungkook smiles. “Well. That’s good”“Good?”“Pretty good, yeah”Namjoon giggles, tugging Jungkook by his hands, pulling him closer. He sits on Namjoon’s lap, holding his face with both hands and leaning in, pressing their lips together. Namjoon can't help but to gasp in surprise, grabbing the younger's waist, chests pressed together. He runs his tongue over Jungkook’s bottom lip and he replies with a gasp, making it even easier for him to slide his tongue into Jungkook’s mouth eagerly, maybe even a little bit desperate.Jungkook feels his skin hot, too hot, and he presses his hands against the inside of the pipe to get balance. He pulls back panting, eyes still closed, foreheads pressed together and Jungkook wonders if Namjoon can feel his heartbeat, he has to, there’s no way he doesn’t notice the thumping against his chest, all over his body.Namjoon sneaks his hands up Jungkook’s stomach under his shirt, making him squirm and shudder at the contact. “Joon, I- ah”Namjoon looks up, surprised at the nickname. Jungkook opens his eyes wide, nervous.“Sorry- I mean-” Namjoon interrupts him by kissing him again shortly.“‘ts okay. I like it” he whispers against the spot right under his ear, sucking lightly. Jungkook moans softly, tugging on Namjoon’s hair. He pulls back, though, his grip now steady on Namjoon’s shoulders.“We should go” Jungkook whispers breathlessly, pressing his forehead on the spot between Namjoon’s neck and his shoulder. He replies by nodding and looking up, eyes gleaming in excitement. “My place?”Jungkook snorts. “Sounds easier than the dorms, right?”Namjoon chuckles back, starting to drag himself towards the end of the pipe. “True” he steps out and wipes his hands against his pants. “So? You coming or not?”Jungkook exits the pipe effortlessly, making Namjoon scoff. They hold hands and start walking towards the alley clumsily, minds gone and lips plump from kissing. “You should call Yoongi hyung” Jungkook says, voice hoarse and low.Namjoon laughs at this, his laugh can’t help but to sound awkward, anxious, eager. “You’re right. I should call Yoongi”
-
December, 15th
“Jungkook”
“Hm?”“Kook, drop that”Jungkook smiles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”“Oh my god, please, put the camera down” Namjoon laughs out, covering his face with his hands. Jungkook chuckles.“Why?”“I’m shy, Kook, let’s just eat in peace” Namjoon takes a tiny piece of cake with his fork and waves it in front of Jungkook’s face, making him lose focus from the camera.“Fine” he mumbles, happily taking the piece of cake into his mouth and humming in content. “Someday you’ll see what I’ve filmed so far and you’re gonna love it, I know it” he says, smug look on his face as he puts his camera away. Namjoon smiles, dimples showing.“I know”. He takes a sip of his coffee and extends his hand, taking Jungkook in his and lacing their fingers together. Jungkook smiles at this, but he pulls away. “I’m gonna go for some sugar, need anything?”They are sitting on a table right next to a big window, easily distracted by the sight of passing students outside.“Nope. Just be back soon” Namjoon grins and, honestly? Jungkook wouldn’t be able to keep himself from smiling even if he tried. He stands up and leaves the booth, approaching the little stand with sugar, napkins and coffee cup lids on top. He picks up a handful of sugar bags, yet one drops right on top of another person’s hand.“I’m sorry, I-” Jungkook grabs the bag and looked up. “Jimin?”Jimin turns around, surprised. He looks a bit different: his roots are dark, his hair now dyed a light shade of brown. He looks chubbier and healthy, cheeks as cute as ever. He smiles at Jungkook, looking a little bit unsure.“Hey! Um, what’s up?”Jungkook’s heart starts beating faster: it never even crossed his mind, the possibility of bumping into Jimin out there, as obviously possible as it was. He suddenly feels uneasy, nervous.“Just having coffee with…” Jungkook points at Namjoon with his chin. “You?”“Same. Hoseok’s getting his coffee. Wanna, um, are you in a rush?”“Nah, not really. Killing time actually. You?”Jimin smiles, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. “Same. Can we sit there with you?”Jungkook feels his stomach drop. The four of them sitting on the same table? It feels dangerous, Jungkook doesn’t wanna get hurt, he doesn’t wanna hurt Namjoon.But something is telling him to stay, and he doesn’t exactly knows what or why. “Sure! Yeah, we can catch up- I haven’t seen you in a while”“Oh, hey Jungkook!” Hoseok walks to them, smiling oh so brightly. “What’s up?”“Let’s just go and sit down, there we can catch up” Jimin says, not really looking at Hoseok, but staring right into Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook gulps, uneasy.The three of them walk towards Namjoon, who’s idly scrolling down his phone.“Hyung… this-” Jungkook starts, Namjoon lifts his face. “This is Jimin, and this is Hoseok. They’re… friends I made at work” he says, smiling nervously.“Hey! Nice to meet you” Namjoon moves along the booth and Jungkook sits right next to him. He holds Namjoon’s hand, who squeezes it back under the table.“So, where do you all know each other from?”Jimin giggles. “Well, Hoseok’s my boyfriend-” Hoseok makes a funny, teasing face as he drinks from his coffee. “And I met Jungkook at his past job, I went to his store often. That’s basically it”Jungkook suddenly feels Namjoon’s hand tense up under the table. “Huh. That’s nice”The whole situation suddenly feels awkward, Jungkook feels trapped, what’s the right thing to say? Still, even though he feels confused at the moment, he suddenly realizes he can see one thing, and it’s crystal clear:It’s okay.“This is Namjoon. He’s my boyfriend”. When Jungkook says that he feels Namjoon’s hand relax, he can see him trying to hide his smile by looking down. Jimin is there, right in front of him. Namjoon is there, right beside him, shoulders touching, fingers laced together. He probably knows who Jimin is, or at least what happened with Jungkook. Jimin looks beautiful, excited, confused.But it’s alright.When Jungkook looks at Jimin, he feels fondness: not a single trace of regret, of pain, of distress: absolutely nothing of that sort. He realizes he feels uneasy about leading the whole situation of the four of them talking: the possibility of making Namjoon feel bad (as his insecurities have already shown before), of embarrassing himself. But he doesn’t feel uneasy about Jimin at all, nor about Hoseok.They talk for a while, long after their coffees are cold and their dishes empty. Hoseok and Namjoon get along very well: they realized they had a lot of friends in common, and a lot of things in common to talk about as well. Jimin laughs a lot, and he breaks the ice with Namjoon almost immediately as well: after less than 10 minutes he’s already teasing him about different things.A second round of coffee was needed. At some point Namjoon places his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, and Jungkook sticks to him like glue.“Okay, I gotta go” Hoseok stands up and picks up three of the empty cups. “Sadly, I got class. It was nice meeting you!” he laughed out cheerfully as he leaned down to kiss Jimin’s temple softly. “See you later, too”Namjoon, too, stands up. “I gotta go too. Club member keeps texting me to go there as soon as possible”. He groans and waves. “See ya!”Just like that, Hoseok and Namjoon leave Jimin and Jungkook alone.“Uh… you gotta be anywhere right now?” Jimin suddenly looks nervous and hesitant.“Not really. You?”Jimin shakes his head, and Jungkook can see him sigh when he looks away. Jungkook, for the first time in his life, feels like he has the control in a conversation with Jimin. Jimin seems awkward, eyes fixed on the floor, his hands are even trembling a bit.But they start talking.Jimin asks Jungkook why he hasn’t been on campus lately, Jungkook explains the job he got thanks to Yoongi. Jimin seems really happy about it, and he tells Jungkook pursuing dancing was still hard. There are many things he just can’t get the way he wants them to be, but he says he’s working on his frustration, and ‘not giving up!’. Jimin jokingly scolds Jungkook for not sleeping enough, but he looks relieved when Jungkook tells him his schedule had been fixed, and how quitting his convenience store job had helped in that. To this Jimin sighs loudly, whining about how it isn’t fair: apparently the guy who took his job is ‘really boring and weird, he actually creeps me out a little’.Hoseok is never mentioned in their conversation.Namjoon isn’t either.But, after catching up, as oddly comfortable as it had been, the inevitable happens.“Jungkook… something happened, right?”Jungkook catches his breath. “Something ha- what do you mean?”Jimin smiles bitterly and looks away, facing the window. “I hurt you, didn’t I?”The first thing that goes through Jungkook’s mind is lying, excusing himself. But he feels like doing that is wrong, he feels sincerity is needed.“Well- it’s... it’s complicated”“You liked me”Jungkook feels his stomach drop. “Yes. Yes, I did”Jimin sighs deeply, tapping the lid on his coffee cup. “I really, really wanna say I’m sorry for leading you on, but I’d be lying”Jungkook furrows his brow in confusion, but Jimin keeps going. “But I’m sorry, because I kept going. I didn’t take your feelings into account, and… I’m sorry- it was selfish, and I had the feeling that you liked me, and I liked that- because I liked you too, Jungkook” he chuckles that last part, finally lifting his eyes and looking at Jungkook.
Jungkook’s heart stops, Jimin keeps going. “I knew it from the start, you know, that nothing would happen, I knew I wasn’t even gonna try- but I still got too close and kept coming to you because I liked being with you. I liked your attention. Because I’m selfish. And I’m sorry” he says once again, brows knitted together.This is way too much information to deal with. Jungkook can’t even begin to wonder, to think, to analyze and reconsider things. Every tiny detail. He couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to. Words just don’t leave his mouth.“I- I get it, that you were mad at me, but I feel bad. I really liked talking to you. And I understand that you hate me now-”“But I don’t”Jungkook speaks louder than usual, even surprising himself by doing so. Jimin stares at him with big, wide eyes. “I don’t hate you, I’m not mad at you- I never was, not at you” he starts, sighing. “I never even considered the possibility that you wanted to hurt me. I was mad at myself all along. But please, please don’t think that I hate you”Jimin looks up and smiled, rosy cheeks lifting his face. “Yeah?” Jungkook nods. “Shit, thank god, I- it’s been haunting me for months, Kook, I swear”Jungkook couldn’t dare to imagine Jimin having a bad time because of him, because he was worried about him. He smiles.He wants (he needs) to know more.“But… did you really like me? Like… me?”Jimin laughs, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re attractive” Jungkook blushes, flustered. “You- you’re talented, you’re sweet, you work hard, you always have something to talk about. Yes, I liked you. At least I was attracted to you- very”“Shit, are you serious?!”“Yes!” Jimin laughs out, hitting the table. “Is it that hard to believe? You’re likeable, Jeon Jungkook”Jungkook covers his face with his hands. “But, Hoseok…”Jimin chuckles. “Yeah, that’s my point. I love him, you know. Very much” Jimin looks up and smiles fondly. “But I guess I can feel stuff for other people at the same time. A crush, I mean” he looks down once again. “I was- confused, very confused, and scared. I knew I didn’t wanna end things with him. I still don’t. But damn, I…”Jungkook taps his fingers on the table, making Jimin lift his gaze.“Jimin, you’re- beautiful” Jungkook sighs out, looking right into Jimin’s eyes. “And very much likeable, too-” Jimin chuckles at this, smiling so hard his eyes crinkle up. “You made my nights at work better. And even if those feelings are gone, like, my crush and all...” he started tentatively “... I can only remember it fondly. Thank you. And I’m sorry, too”.Jimin laughs out, more air than sound. “Shit, we’re a mess, aren’t we”Jungkook laughs right back, scrunching his nose. “I guess we are”Jimin smiles pressing his lips together, beaming. “Can we please be friends? I miss you” he sighs , laying his elbows on the table and holding his cheeks with his hands, making them look even chubbier, rosier.Jungkook stares at Jimin and he feels nothing but comfort, fondness. It doesn’t hurt anymore, he doesn’t feel uneasy: he doesn’t feel his stomach twirl: not out of affection, not out of a heartbreak. He just feels… good. At peace. He nods and smiles .“Yeah. Yeah, let’s be friends” he says, and he can witness Jimin smiling, even bigger and wider than he had seen back then while he still worked at his night job.
-
December, 28th
Jungkook is about to knock on the door when he sees Yoongi rushing out, messy still damp hair and big backpack hanging from just one of his shoulders. He’s almost panting.
“Hyung…?”Yoongi looks up as he starts walking down the aisle to where Jungkook stood. “Kook, oh, hey” he says quickly, walking as fast as he can even though his steps are quite short. It’s pretty fun to watch, actually.“Why are you-”“I’m running late, leaving the door open, you just go in and close it, I don’t mind, just-” he says all this as he waddles towards the elevator, pressing the down button too many times for it to work the way he wants to.
“Is Namjoon home?”
Yoongi chuckles a bit out of breath as the elevator opens. “I have no idea, honestly, I didn’t see him, think he’s not, see ya!” he just screams as the elevator door closes, leaving Jungkook wide eyed and silent. He presses his lips together and walks towards the half opened door, going in slowly, as if he could bump into something unknown. Once he’s inside he closes the door and looks around. Nope, no sight of Namjoon.He decides to text him, ask him if he’s gonna be there anytime soon. Jungkook sits on the kitchen counter and takes some water, drinking slowly to make the time pass by faster. No answer from Namjoon.Jungkook sighs and walk towards the couch, his couch, and sits on it comfortably crossing his legs and turning on the TV in front of him. Well, a little Netflix while waiting won’t hurt, right?He’s picking a movie when he feels something stirring behind him. Behind the couch. Is it his imagination? Well, there’s only one way to find out. He peaks over the back of the sofa and
freezes at the sight of someone, no, not someone, Namjoon laying on the floor facing the ceiling, earphones plugged, eyes shut, hands on his stomach.Jungkook’s first instinct is to scream: scream and run for his life. He contains himself.Instead, the idea of scaring Namjoon doesn’t sound bad. Not at all. Tempting, even.He lays on his stomach over the sofa, leaning forward to Namjoon. Well, his finger reaching out to poke Namjoon’s cheek, right on the dimple Jungkook’s convinced is gonna ruin his life eventually. Jungkook doesn’t even get to brush the tip of his finger against Namjoon when he flinches already, screaming and sitting up in less than a second.“Holy fucking-! Kook?!” he pants out, eyes still wide open. Jungkook laughs loudly and holds his stomach, almost hiccuping. “Jesus fucking christ, Jungkook, don't do that ever again, shit” Namjoon lays one hand on the floor for balance, still panting and holding his chest.“You scared me first!”“Lies, I’ve been here all along”“Exactly! I’ve been here for like half an hour assuming you weren't here? But no, there you are, looking dead behind the couch, hyung, why were you there anyway?!”Namjoon grins and stands up, reaching out for Jungkook’s shoulder and leaning in, hiding his face against the crook of his neck. “The floor’s a nice place to lie down” he mumbles, making Jungkook sigh.“You are right next to a couch, hyung” he laughs out, tugging on Namjoon’s shirt to make him look back. The older one looks up, smiling sleepily.“The floor’s nicer, I guess”Jungkook can’t help but to smile when he raises his eyebrows at Namjoon, who’s lacing their fingers together. “Really. How is the hard, cold floor nicer than a- no, than my couch?”Namjoon cackles at that, crinkling his eyes. He sits back on the floor, patting the spot right next to him. “Wanna try?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows. Jungkook sighs in faking annoyance as he sits next to Namjoon, who pulls him down on the floor so that they're both laying on their backs, staring at the ceiling.“So? Is it that bad?”The cold floor actually feels pretty nice against his back, and the warm hold of Namjoon’s hand makes everything in the world seem slightly better. “You’re right. It’s not bad”“Hmm” Namjoon hums half heartedly, pointing his phone at Jungkook and smiling, flustered.“Hyung…”Namjoon smiles, eyes fixed on the tiny screen. “Yes?”“Hyung, are you filming me?”Namjoon smiles at his phone. “What if I am?”“Stop it!” Jungkook chuckles, wrinkling his nose.“Why? You always do the same thing to me” Namjoon laughs as he turns around to lay on his elbow and point his phone at Jungkook, recording him from different angles.Jungkook turns to his side too and reaches out, trying to push Namjoon’s phone away from his face. “Why are you recording me?” he whines, losing his hold on Namjoon’s forearm. Namjoon smiles warmly and stops moving. “Because I like you”Jungkook whines, holding Namjoon’s arm a little bit harder now. “Don’t say that-”“Why? I’m not lying” Namjoon replies, taking advantage of Jungkook’s hold and pulling him closer, leaning closer.“Still, it’s embarrassing…” Jungkook looks down, flustered.Namjoon laughs brightly, pulling Jungkook closer by the waist. He hides his face against the crook of Namjoon’s neck, who lifts his hands and strokes his hair.“Embarrassing or not, you’re beautiful. So filming you is basically art” Namjoon says low, Jungkook replies by tugging Namjoon’s jacket and groaning against his chest, flustered. Namjoon pushes Jungkook’s hair away, to be able to look at his face.Jungkook looks up, sight locked on Namjoon. He’s just so beautiful.Days keep passing and Jungkook can't help but to expect what everyone says: that after the days pass, after the weeks pass the exciting feeling dies down, his heart slows down, his chest stops feeling like bursting whenever Namjoon smiles. But days pass, hours pass, and Jungkook’s feelings only get stronger, he feels more comfortable everyday, he feels happier, he feels even more excited, feels at home.The days spent by the river, the nights spent on his couch remain valuable in Jungkook's mind, but he knows very well that memories are not enough; he pictures himself next to Namjoon for a long time from now. How long? No one knows, but he’s willing to find out.Namjoon stares into Jungkook's eyes, expectantly. “What are you thinking about?”“I’m… I’m happy, hyung.” he laughs out sheepishly, hiding his face against Namjoon’s chest, embarrassed.Namjoon chuckles lovingly. “What do you mean? What do you feel?”Jungkook sighs and turns around, now his back pressed against the cold floor. “I want to be with you, I want you to feel good, I wanna be the one who makes you feel good, damn, you just make me feel so-“ he stops, breathless. He tries again. “...maybe I'm wrong, maybe I don't know what I'm saying, but my feelings are real, right words or not, I
like you. I wanna stay close and- I just can't stop thinking about you”.“What do you wanna do?" Namjoon whispers.Jungkook steps closer and kisses him, pulling him even closer by the waist. Namjoon sighs against Jungkook’s mouth. pulling just a tiny bit away. “Jungkook- wait, I- I wanna say something too.”Jungkook feels dizzy with excitement, affection. He nuzzles his nose with Namjoon’s. “Please do.”Namjoon looks down and smiles, shy. “I…” he lifts his gaze to Jungkook, to his lips, his eyes, back to his lips, he can't seem to decide.“I guess… guess I love you” he lets out with a chuckle and Jungkook’s heart screams, his chest constricts warm and heavy, he can feel his stomach flip at Namjoon’s words. He can’t find a proper way to answer, so he just stares deep into his eyes, too nervous to say the world love, but reluctant to keep himself from doing so.“Hyung, I-“Namjoon breathes in, hands trembling a bit when they reach out to hold Jungkook’s jaw. “I know, we’ve talked about it before this started, about love, about the word, but… in the end words are just words, right?” he says softly, lifting Jungkook’s chin to stare into his eyes. “You can say the word love, hate, meaningless or filled with emotion. They are just words we use to try to name our feelings, but that’s what you mean to me”“Like what?”“I mean- it means that I really do love you. How and since when and why, I have no idea, and if you ask me to define it I won’t be able to” Namjoon blushes, closing his eyes. “I love being with you, I wanna make you happy, I wanna listen to you talk about the things you love, I wanna see you often, just being next to you makes my heart go crazy, makes me feel happier. Whenever” he laughs out sheepishly, hand pressed against his chest.Jungkook chuckles, happiness turning on a hint of playfulness. “Hm. It does sound like love, huh. The typical definition. The trending-”“God, Kook, I’m- I take that back, I don’t love you anymore, I’m breaking up with you” he sits up, pushing Jungkook’s waist with his foot, who groans in fake pain.“You’re breaking my heart already?” Jungkook laughs out, pretending to choke by coughing. Namjoon looks just a tiny bit concerned, but he brushes it off when he sees Jungkook’s bunny teeth creeping in a teasing smile. He sighs.“Oh, Jeon Jungkook, what am I gonna do with you?” he lays down on his elbows, laying his chin on Jungkook’s belly.Jungkook hums in fake thoughtfulness, smiling cheekily. “Hm. Maybe kiss me?”Namjoon smiles fondly, dimples adorning his face in the most beautiful way. “If you say so, baby” he says as he lifts Jungkook’s shirt just a bit to press a long, soft peck on Jungkook’s lower belly. He leaves his head there, stroking Jungkook’s side.“I wanna stay here forever” Jungkook sighs fondly, dreamily as he closes his eyes. Namjoon chuckles.“See? I told you the floor was nice”Jungkook snorts. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right” he says before drifting off to a state between being asleep and awake, between thinking and dreaming, between feeling and wishing.
-
February, 21st
“Got everything ready?”“Mhm”“Hyung, your wallet is hanging from your pocket”“What?”“It’s about to fall”Namjoon chuckles, smiling at Jungkook. “It’s all good. It didn’t fall anyway, did it?”Jungkook sighs and sits down on a bench, fidgeting fingers on his lap. Namjoon sits down next to him and pats his thigh, comforting.“Kook, relax. It’s gonna be okay”Jungkook knows it’s gonna be okay, there’s no reason for things not to be okay. Still, the whole situation makes him anxious, all the possibilities, all the tiny things that could go wrong (like Namjoon losing his wallet, for a start). Even if the situation itself is heartwarming, Jungkook feels uneasy, eyes opened wide and pursed lips, foot tapping against the floor. It doesn’t really show, though, not in such a crowded place, not with all the background noise echoing in his ears.They are at the train station, waiting for the speaker to give a muffled notice with the barely recognizable words ‘Busan’, ‘leaving’ and ‘10:30’.It’s probably not gonna happen anytime soon, though. Namjoon was sure their train left at 9:00 sharp, so they ran to the station after oversleeping, only to find out their train actually leaves at 10:30. On the bright side, Namjoon had said, they got to grab breakfast at a pancake place inside the station, which is ‘way better than our cooking, c’mon, Kook, cheer up!’. Jungkook’s mood definitely
lifted after eating three nutella-filled pancakes, but the uneasiness just wouldn’t leave the pit of his stomach.After knowing Jungkook was actually, officially (and finally, said his mom) dating Namjoon, meeting him was all his family could talk about,‘re-meeting’ him and taking him to Busan. His brother even mentioned they missed him as well, but Jungkook knew it's an excuse because they want to meet Namjoon properly.To be honest, he completely understands that point.Jungkook has dreamed about this moment a hundred times, even if it sounds lame or boring, his heart beats faster when he pictures taking Namjoon home, taking him where he grew up, to meet the people who raised him, the places he feels the most comfortable around. He wants to show Namjoon that side he’s never actually shown to anyone before.But right there, sitting on a bench in the middle of the station, clock clicking and people rumbling around, all he can think about is bad things that could happen on the way there. Or there, in general. Like Namjoon making them wake up an hour earlier. Or Namjoon losing his wallet. Or-Jungkook presses his lips together even harder, looking down. His biggest fear is to disappoint Namjoon. The thought of his family embarrassing him makes him anxious, the idea of him getting bored and disappointed.When their train calls all passengers to go in, Jungkook sits next to the window as Namjoon goes to the bathroom before leaving. He has his forehead pressed against the glass window, lost in his daydream when Namjoon comes back and sits right next to him, shifting positions until he gets comfortable.“Yoongi called,” he lets out, “says he wishes the best. And Jin demands us to bring fish cakes back with us” he laughs as he hums in content once he finds a nice spot on the hard, not so friendly seat.“Tell him to shove his fish cakes up his-“Namjoon chokes a laugh, “Kook, that’s-“ he giggles, “that’s not very nice”“I’m not nice” Jungkook’s lips are finally curved into a
playful smile.“Nonsense. You’re completely adorable” Namjoon says teasingly, reaching out to pinch Jungkook’s cheek. “See? Cute. Bunny level cute”. Jungkook whines, absolutely far from annoyed, but Namjoon doesn’t need to know that. He still does, apparently, since he just sighs and leans back on his seat.“Got everythin’ ready?” he asks with a smile, jumping a bit, excited. Jungkook hums a reply.“Yeah…”Namjoon puts his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, nuzzling his nose on Jungkook’s hair.“I’m really excited, Kook. I can’t wait to get there and meet everyone again” he mumbles pressing his lips against Jungkook’s temple. Jungkook can’t help but to crack a smile when Namjoon says that, even jumping a bit in excitement.“Can’t wait to get there either” Jungkook mumbles, and he's not lying. After thinking about it, he decided to make himself calm down, Namjoon is the person who makes it feel at ease the most, so why is he worrying? He knows he can trust him to make things work, and he knows he will, himself, do his best for everything to turn out well. The train starts to move slowly and Namjoon swallows an excited squeal, making Jungkook chuckle fondly.“Want a snack?"Honestly, Jungkook already feels in another dimension, world around him spinning in drowsiness. His only possible answer is to groan as he presses his head against Namjoon’s chest, hoping the ‘no thank you, I just want to sleep’ message gets delivered properly. He wraps his arm around Namjoon’s waist, holding him close. Namjoon breathes out a laugh loudly as he brings his fingers up to run them through Jungkook's locks.“I’ll take that as a no” he chuckles, pressing a kiss to Jungkook's temple. “Just rest, baby. I’ll wake you up when we get there”. Jungkook tightens his grab on Namjoon’s waist and nods, finding a comfortable position that doesn't leave his neck aching for the rest of the week.The train starts moving faster now, the sound of speed, of some random person checking tickets from afar, of people getting comfortable, of shuffling bags, they all make him even more heavy-eyed, his mind drifting to pictures of the sea, of Namjoon’s smile, of the city, of street food and night lights, of Yoongi and Jin, of his job, everything at the same time running through his mind, feeling like a dream.He drifts to sleep and back from it a few times, each one of them blinking confused at Namjoon, who’s checking his phone looking eager and restless. After a few minutes (or over an hour, honestly Jungkook
is not really able to tell at this point) he feels Namjoon’s hand on top of his, tugging at it to stroke it softly, tenderly, before lacing their fingers together. He can feel Namjoon sighing and getting comfortable, his cheek now heavier on Jungkook’s head: a nice position to take a nap.“Kook?” Namjoon starts sheepishly, voice low and hoarse.“Yes?”Namjoon pulls apart a bit and tightens his hold on Jungkook’s hand. “I love you” he says softly, as he leans over and presses his lips against his cheek almost carefully, presses one to his jaw, to the tip of his nose, always tenderly. Jungkook chuckles as he seeks for Namjoon’s lips, smiles clashing against each other and they sigh in content, in relief.“I love you too” Jungkook whispers, brushing his lips over Namjoon’s delicately.Namjoon pulls back and gets comfortable against Jungkook’s temple once again, sighing. “That’s good”Jungkook snorts, closing his eyes.“Yeah. Yeah, that’s good” he smiles, drifting away to sleep.