Work Text
Lights, camera, action.
If he likes me, takes me home.
Lights, camera, action.
He liked me, he took me home.
He didn't know that he'd have this much fun.
Come on, you can be my daddy.
Make me into your dolly.
Through blurred eyes was followed with a grumbled yawn and there moving on his side. Alexander Hamilton, was met with the same pang of overwhelming pinkness as he was met with everyday. Pink, lace, bows and glitter. That was his life now, the kind of bedroom furniture and accessories that would only tickle a little girl's fancy. Not an adult of twenty-two. His own personal prison which was wrapped up as some kindergartens dream world. The insanity of it baffled Alex but apparently this was normality, according to John. John Laurens. The very same man he had met over a year ago on Tinder. Through boredom at two am in his dorm, Alex had been impressed at the sight of John. Tall, a gorgeous dimpled-freckled face smile.Pretty glittering hazel eyes, a small uppity-nose. Stunning long brown ringlets half tied up and the other half in this bun. Also he looked younger than he was, a man of twenty-nine at the time.The age didn't bother Alex, not one bit. Just getting a match with John and then a date with him had been enough. Alex had been satisfied. Everything had been fine, until - "How's my little one been doing today, hm?" John hummed sweetly. Great, John was back home from work. Alex had been so far gone in his trail of thoughts that he hadn't even paid attention to his door unlocking. Inside he was screaming, just hearing John's voice sent him into a fit of despair. Alex didn't know what it would consist of next, what new crazy thing was John planning, what weird thrill or lace did he want Alex to slip into today or what ridiculous rule did Alex have to follow next. It was relentless.Not to mention, the day dragged out like it did everyday, but today Alex managed to nap it off. It hadn't been too tediously long at least. Somedays it was so painfully boring to the point where Alex thought he was going crazy then and there.Day in and day out Alex was made to sit indoors. Never allowed out of this apartment. This was Alex's personal prison, the reality of his life was a pink and glittered hell. The only outside Alex saw was through the windows and usually it was just of the clouded skies since they were that high up. The world always felt still to Alex and it was like time had stopped.John didn't like telling Alex what day it was or the time much. He told Alex it was because he didn't need to keep track of anything anymore and to just enjoy his life here.Also, apparently, dolls didn't need to know about the time of day or what month it was. Dolls had perfect lives John reminded him. Where no natural disasters happened, no deaths mentioned on the TV or the famine that still goes on across third world countries.Then John also liked to let Alex know just how perfect his life really was, when he wittered on about how Alex no longer needed to work or go to college.He had his bills paid, food put in his tummy, clothes bought for him, had the advantage of having taking a hot bath in the luxurious tub John owned and was also lucky enough to have a warm bed at night. It pissed Alex off since John loved to rub it in and the long hours he had to work over at his company. Alex already knew about John's job previously from when they first met and used to date. John inherited his company off his father. He was set for life, apparently owned piles of properties, plenty of shares, the best references, everything. Unlike Alex who had been in and out of the system all his life. Left with nothing from his scumbag father and his mother had died when he was twelve. But even then, when things were normal - when Alex had a life, friends, a part time job at the local campus Starbucks and John was just another guy he was dating off an app.Alex scowled at him, his big brown eyes glowering as they bore into John's hazel confused ones and he flipped on his side away from him.John is stood there with a vacant expression before he chuckles. He always found it highly amusing when Alex chose to act up. But Alex knew better than to show John attitude. He had been going through this for months, well, a year, actually. Any wrong move could potentially leave him starving for a whole week and that came with a red backside to boot.However John never showed his anger.He was emotionless, it was more of a chore, than fury when he had to tell Alex off. Nothing verbal mostly just a quick swat to teach him a lesson and Alex was most certain John got off on it too. The power he held, it got to John's head. "Aw, you're still cranky from this morning." John says, he sighs as he did, his smile never falters though. It always creeped Alex out just how well John kept it together. Even when Alex pushed him, John never fully lashed out."I told you to eat your oatmeal, you didn't and therefore, I had to leave you hungry all day. You know the rules, princess." John tells him. " - But you're going to eat your dinner tonight, for Daddy, won't you?"God, Alex hated when he referred to himself as his 'daddy'. He was only eight years older than Alex for christ sake. It just added to the creep-factor and made Alex want to punch John's face in. That's if he had the strength, otherwise, he would've.Alex gave no reply, he snubbed John. Glared at the pastel pink wall infront of him. My little pony characters cluttered his view, Alex was sick to death of them. Annoying, high-pitched, whiny little bastards John always stuck on for him whenever they watched TV. Alex was only allowed to watch TV with John's supervision, no news, no adult films, no documentaries, only films PG.It was a nightmare and what was worse, Alex was only given childrens books to read. He had begged, begged and begged John to allow him actual books but John refused.There had been a time Alex had asked for a notebook and pen just so he could write. He had been so desperate to write, vent, release his thoughts on paper like he always did before his capture.Alex lived for writing. But when John had sneakily read Alex's thoughts, his anger and misery. That had been the last time John gave him the freedom to even write. John reminded Alex that this was a 'dream house' and how only good vibes were allowed. He said that Alex should be happy, dolls were perfect after all.Then John had told Alex if he wanted a pen and paper so bad, then he could only colour in the new colouring book he bought Alex or crayon a pretty picture. Alex never asked again - he wasn't submitting to this madness.He told John he was a 'head-case' that day and that earned him a good bruised eye which didn't budge for a fortnight. Not that Alex really ever saw the damage since John covered it up with concealer. He had to keep the image after all."Won't you" John pressed, firmer. His voice still sweet. Alex didn't trust it.So it was a threat then.A nod came from Alex, he had to answer in some way despite him not feeling up to it. John's smile widened and his eyes glittered."Good, that's my good boy." John cooed. He's reaching a hand out to stroke Alex's hair and Alex wiggled from John's grasp. John still ruffled Alex's locks anyway just to show Alex who was in charge still. Alex hated it.John trickles his long fingers through Alex's locks, one of Alex's pigtails have slipped from their hair-tie, it was okay. It was evening after all and John liked seeing Alex like this. Sleepy, dishevelled, vulnerable.Plus it was almost time for Alex's bath and John liked to wear Alex's hair out for bed anyway. John smiled at the sight of it between his fingers, dark brown, silky and soft. Perfect."Aren't you going to ask Daddy how his day was?" John asks him, Alex sensed that provoking tone in all the wool like softness of his voice. It was always commands, everything.Alex heaves a small sigh and turns to look back up at John. He puts on a sarcastic smile, squints his eyes that little bit and says, "Oh and how was Daddy's day? I'm sure it must've been a lot more productive than mine." It came off condescending, nothing new there.John stared at him longer than Alex had liked. That vacant expression was on John's face and Alex was waiting for him to scold him for being rude. Nothing came though.John pursed his lips and then suddenly reverted back to a bag of smiles."It was tiring but I get to come home to you, so everything is all better now." Alex nodded along as he said this. He had no idea how John could be so happy with this. Alex had a face like thunder most days, he was snappy, mean to John. He didn't know why or how John enjoyed coming back to a misery guts like himself.At that moment John claps his hands together and he says, "Right, I'm going to make a start on dinner. Are you going to -""Yes, I'll wash up before eating. I know, I know - you don't have to keep reminding me." Alex hissed. John's eyes smiled a tad when Alex said this. Evidently annoyed by how bitchy Alex was being tonight."Okay" John said. "Make sure you do, I'll be checking and make sure you get behind those nails. Princess, I want you spotless."Alex rolls his eyes and John gives his hair one last tousle before he gives Alex a soft but stern look. He's out the door in minutes and this time he leaves it open. Usually John would lock Alex in his room all day until he came home. With his room and the ensuite, he said there was no reason for Alex to be wandering around the apartment.John had trusted Alex prior before today to be allowed to roam freely around the place.This was at the start of this whole chaos, when Alex was new to his - new 'perfect' life. John hadn't expected to come home after a long day at his company to find Alex, akk but hanging off the balcony screaming for his life despite them being on the top floor and trying to climb down.It resulted in John dragging him off the railing and forcing him inside. Then there had been a police officer who got in contact with John and John had to tell them that Alex was his ten year old cousin who loved to make prank calls. It ended in a two hundred dollar fine. John had not been happy at all. That had been the end of Alex's freedom when he wasn't home.Until - John could trust him again.It wasn't happening.The front door had a code on it. No one was able to get in or out without it. Well there was a key, but, John always had it. It was either hidden or hid away with him when he went to work.At this point Alex didn't know what to do anymore. He had cried himself to sleep countless amounts of times, from kicking and screaming at the dead of night. Waking John up, him trying to calm Alex down and warn him to be quiet otherwise he would be gagged for the night.Then resorted to Alex trying to sweet talk his way out, he always tried to change John's mind about keeping his hostage, guilt trip him, anything. It didn't work, John saw past it and would ignore Alex's attempts.Nothing worked.The worst part of this was that Alex felt like he was becoming accustomed to this life. To laying down his amour and allowing John to rule of his entire being. From the get go of them first meeting, Alex hadn't expect this. John came across as a chilled, kind and lovely guy. But then he changed when Alex had rejected a particular kink.They hadn't spoken in weeks after that, John offended and Alex unsure of what to do. But John kept texting him, continued to ask Alex back over to have dinner and to try again at dating.That's when everything changed, John tricking him and Alex soon learnt that 'no' wasn't an option with this guy. There was only one way, John's or no way at all.Groggily pulling himself up Alex let out another yawn and stretched. He kicked off the pink throws and shuffled his way out of bed. It was fit for a princess, well more like a teenage girl. A gorgeous white Parisian arched headboard and all the furniture to match. Alex hated the sight of it all, it was so overbearing. Too much.Alex questioned time and time again whether John had a secret daughter he never told him about at one point. Although he never actually asked John in fear of finding out something dark or upsetting John.After a good few stretches Alex strolled over to the bathroom. All his pink pinafore dress was creased, the shirt he had been wearing with the peter pan collar was too. Alex hated wearing them but John insisted. He was allowed to take them off since it was evening but John liked to get Alex dressed in the mornings, so he was ready for the day. Despite not even leaving the house.Alex took a long and hard stare at himself in the mirror. He was broken inside, he really was. His lips wavered and he tried not to cry. He brushed it off with a small sniffle. He had to keep it together, he just had to. But hope was really lost by this point. John was winning. Freedom was long gone and Alex had wasted his shot at escaping.With another small sigh Alex washes up, gives his face a swirl with warm water, his hands and shaves. John didn't want him growing any facial hair or have any hair at all on his body. It wasn't doll-like.Alex wasn't allowed to even bathe alone. John had to do it for him, he was completely powerless to do anything by himself. After finishing up in the bathroom Alex begrudgingly went back into his bedroom and out into the hallway.The apartment was spacious, huge even. It had an upstairs and a downstairs. Alex often wondered what the rent on the place was since it was in the city after all. Jokingly - Alex had asked him once before when they were going out. John hadn't told him though, he smirked at Alex and tapped his nose as if to say 'mind your own'. So Alex had. Now John's room was located upstairs and Alex's was downstairs. It made it easier for John apparently to see to Alex and manage him if needed. Alex was just glad he didn't have to share a bed with John. At one point when they were dating, Alex would've been up for it, by all means. He had wanted John to fuck the life out of him before today. Until this.Alex couldn't stomach him.In the kitchen John was finishing up with something. Alex had to admit he was a decent cook at least, he cooked fairly well. Alex didn't like to admit it. But he did.Alex was only ever fed healthy meals, they only ate all the organic, lean, produce. John told him that Alex was a doll and that dolls needed to look their best. Keep a good weight, stay lean and pretty. Alex couldn't remember a time he had been this skinny. Probably not since he was a lanky teenager. That had been the last time Alex had been this small.Before today, Alex hadn't been as thin as he was now. When he had met John and was dating him, Alex had a good bit of stomach roll at least and some arm meat. He didn't have the best diet but it was healthy enough. Alex liked to go out to eat, drink at bars and live his life.That was gone now. John had made sure, Alex lost the weight.But by god, Alex missed junk food. Sweets, takeaway, all the terrible goodies.John wouldn't allow it though.He didn't want Alex's appetite ruin nor his body. Even when Alex begged just one pack of cookies or something, it was always a 'no'.John did allow him to have his black coffee though, one a week. That was it. He didn't want Alex's teeth stained again - John had bought and used a teeth whitening kit on Alex as soon as he had Alex in his clutches. Everything changed when Alex was kidnapped.It made Alex feel terrible deep down, he didn't feel good enough and to know John found all these small imperfections. It made Alex wonder if John even liked him at all when they were going out.John looked over his shoulder as Alex emerged into the kitchen. His pitter-patter of pink glitter slippers must've caught his attention."Could you please grab the spoons from the drawer" John asks him, sweetly. "We're having minestrone noodle soup for dinner"Oh god, another soup. Alex pissed, shat and burped out soup. That was all he seemed to live on. He hated soup. It was boring, a lazy meal in his eyes and depressing. But it was low-calorie and that meant he wouldn't keep weight on."Why do we always have to eat soup" Alex mutters bitterly.He's swishing the soup around with his soup, nudging some of the little noodles with the tip. He grimaces at it. John sees the way he does and sighs to himself."Start eating" John tells him and taps the edge of Alex's bowl with his spoon before withdrawing it away. Alex gives him daggers.Alex doesn't and continues to play around with the noodles and bits of floating veg. "But why?"Another hard stare from John and sigh."Because it's good for you. There's lots of vegetables, proteins and vitamins you need." John says, he eyes up Alex. "You're my little baby doll, I want you to be healthy."Here they go again."But I'm not a doll" Alex hisses. "Jesus christ"Alex knew well than to start off by telling John how he was a human being. John, he knew, Alex was real of course. But Alex was aware how much this fantasy meant to John. This whole false dream world they were in, it was ridiculous and John didn't like his illusion being shattered.John sighs, bites his lip, he was keeping his cool but John easily blew whatever anger he had out of his system and remained back to his usual smile. Alex didn't miss the way his eyes narrowed though."Princess" John says, slowly. Alex already knows whats coming. "We've been through this, don't make Daddy upset. Okay? Not tonight, baby. I've had a very, very stressful day. Daddy needs you to cooperate, be a good boy. Please."He didn't care if John's day over at the office had been tough. Alex was tired of being locked up, it wasn't normal, it was inhumane to keep this game John enjoyed playing for almost a year. Alex was pretty sure it was a year now or almost."I'm not a doll though! Why don't you get that?" Alex argued. John leant back there in his seat opposite Alex and he's crossing his arms at him. Patiently waiting for Alex to shut up while he vented. John looked bored."I'm a grown ass man!" Alex growls and he's pulling away from the table. John watches him intently to see what Alex's next move is. "We go through this shit almost every single day! When will you realise that this whole make believe bullshit is a motherfuckin' joke!"John always took it personally when Alex said it wasn't real. It was real to him though, Alex was his doll. That was the scariest part and it worried Alex sometimes just how much further John would take this. How long he would be locked up with this weirdo for. He couldn't spend the rest of his life like this. Playing a role that was forced upon him, he couldn't.Alex would die before that happened."Why can't you open your fucking eyes and come to terms with the fact that none of this is right!" Alex screams. Alex sees the fire in John's eyes roar. "It's abnormal!"That was it."Right, another word and you're going on a timeout." John warns him, it isn't too stern but enough for Alex to reel himself back into his shell. Back over that wall he had built and had fought so hard to climb. Alex had stopped fighting John long ago. "Enough"Alex huffed under his breath and glared hard at the bowl of soup. He could feel himself shaking, fury was building up and his teeth were clamped down on his tongue. He had to keep any obscenities he wanted to lunge at John to himself.However the anger pent up too much and Alex moved backwards, his chair creating an awful screech that filled the room. John winced at the noise and Alex was standing up rapidly from his seat.John's smile vanished and he's frowning at Alex. He didn't often. John liked to keep the 'positive' energy since this was supposed to be a life of luxury and perfection. But Alex wasn't some unobtainable dolly. He couldn't do this. Sometimes it all got too much.Alex stands up, he's about to walk away and back to his room. John cuts his eyes when Alex's back is turned and calmly, he says, "Where are you going?"Even his voice grated Alex's nerves. John was pushing it."Away" Alex responded snippily. "Away, from you."He can't bare even looking at John.John sits there, arms still crossed, his muscles bulked in his work shirt there and with that top few buttons un-done at the top. His hair still all tousled neatly into his bun and that smirk lay on his lips. Alex would've called John sexy if he wasn't bat-shit insane."And where is that, princess?" John pushed.Alex's blood was boiling. He shoots John a look over his shoulder and John was still sat there. Looking cocky as ever, nothing fazed him. He had all this power to do whatever he wanted. Money, connections, the body and strength to keep Alex locked up."I told you, away from you." Alex growled out.John twisted his mouth for a split second before singing out, "Oh, so, you're going pretty far then?"Alex could hear the amusement in his voice. That only pissed him off more.He knew Alex from the inside out - his anger, his outbursts, John could find a way to manipulate him. No matter how much Alex would protest, John always knew Alex would run out of steam. He was nothing but a horse, tied up, struggling and eventually he would drained all his energy. For Alex it was awful, he felt worthless, so helpless.He looks down at the laminate wooden flooring, his slippers in view and Alex felt his eyes sting. He hated it when he wanted to cry - it was giving in."To my room" Alex grit out, he had to keep his voice steady. He wasn't giving John that satisfaction.John already knew. Alex's tense form, the way he stood there so limp and useless. Alex was worked up and wanted to break down. "Come" John coaxed softly. "Finish your soup, you'll feel better once you've eaten. You're just hungry."Alex stood there still. He didn't know where to go, his room or back at the table. If he went back to his room, he would wind up starving again until morning. Going back meant giving in. He didn't know what to do. His eyes were going blurry with tears. God, he was breaking. Not again. Alex wiped at his face, he couldn't let John see him cry. But he knew John could tell anyway. "Princess, sit back down, please. Your soups going cold -" John says, Alex didn't budge one bit. He clutched his firsts in balls. Bit his lip and stewed in bitter silence.John continued to watch him sharply until tipping his head back, sighing yet again and he roamed a hand over his forehead, stressed clearly. "I'll let you have a treat if you come back and eat."Nothing."Alexander" John snapped.Well this caught Alex's attention. John only ever said his actual name in dire times of need or when he was being full on serious with Alex. Alex could hear John's chair shift out from under the table. Alex waited for him to show up behind him but nothing came."Eat, now. I don't want to have to force you - not again. Baby, you know I hate force-feeding you." John reminded him.That was another stress they often went through when Alex refused food or went into a fit of hysterics asking John to just let him die in his lowest moments. John pinning him down on the sofa or in bed, binding Alex's wrists together and usually have a jug of whatever it was John wanted to force down his throat."Don't make me do it, please." John says, gently. "Daddy hates doing that"Before Alex had refused that way, gavage happened with a tube up his nose and it burnt like hell. Resulting in tears from Alex and John since he apparently didn't want to have to hurt his little doll. As if he were the one having a tube stuffed up his nose, gaining a banging headache and being made to snort down still-warm soup. Alex automatically finds himself turning on the spot there where he's stood, sadly with his head hung he trails back over to the table. John's eyes light up again and he's smiling again."Fine" Alex mutters miserably.He takes his seat back at the table, shuffled further in so he was up against it. John's eyes fell soft on him and he's gone back to eating his own soup. Alex watched him tuck in, his big brown glossy eyes empty against dubious hazel ones. Alex dropped his gaze to the soup he was given, he dipped his spoon into it and he's taking a small sip.It wasn't half bad. But that wasn't the point.What irritated Alex more, was how John probably ate normal meals throughout the day. He kept in shape, looked after his diet and health. Unlike Alex who was withering away by the day.Then John had the nerve to play off this good guy to the public, acting like he was normal and this great person. Little did they know he had such a fucked up secret. He liked to play god behind his front door.None of it was fair.Alex took a few more sips before just dropping the spoon beside his bowl and leant backwards. His head still hug. "Done" He was nowhere near finished. But the thought of John leading a normal life, him here stuck, it knocked him sick.John tilts his head like a puppy, his face confused. "But you've only had a few mouthfuls?" John says.With a shrug, Alex goes, "Not hungry"He shakes his head at Alex. "That's not good enough, no. You need to eat more." Alex shoots his eyes up at John and John's face was a pout of concern. Alex cheekily grabs the spoon and takes another mouthful before throwing it back down again. It clattered and both of them winced over the force it was tossed at."Princess" John mutters."Look, do you want Daddy to feed you? I don't mind. We can make it fun! Want me to do aeroplane?" John said grinning. Oh god.Alex's eye twitched. "No" He mumbled. John was such a lost cause.John twists his lips again and he then went back to smiling, "What about the choo-choo train? Hm?"This was a joke.Alex looked up at the ceiling and sinks lower into his seat. He should be in college, graduating right now. Not sat here in child's clothing, eating soup and playing games with his nut-job ex. "Rocket ship? That sounds fun, yeah?" John pressured.Then Alex scoffed at him, glared at John and shook his head. "No, no. I don't want to play fucking rocket ship!" Alex snapped. "I'm grown, I can feed my fucking self."John look taken aback, his face stunned and then he looked over to Alex's spoon in the middle of the table. "Clearly, not, princess." He says back.Alex waves John off and he's angrily ripping the ribbons out of his hair.This was some bullshit.Alex was done.The hair-ties were coming loose anyway and as he was tugging them out at full force, muttering under his breath. John's mouth dropped. "What are you doing?!" John cried."Taking these fucking things out -" Alex hissed. He's got one of the ribbon hair-ties out and he's actually accidentally ripped the pink ribbon off the tie. It fell down by his bowl and John was getting up then. Alex was in for it but he didn't care. "I'm sick of these goddamn ribbons! Fucking pink, glitter, ribbons, ponies - dammit, I hate it all!""You're ruining them! No!" John cries, clearly concerned and he's darting over to Alex's side. "Stop, honey. Stop!"John always loved to put time and effort into Alex's hair. Making it perfect and prim as could be. He spent a fair amount on hair accessories too. John usually ordered job tons from online stores - packages of goods arriving at his door step, mostly though for Alex.However Alex paid John no mind.He ignores John's cries for him to stop because wrecking his hair up meant discarding this image. He fiercely rips out the other pigtail and tosses the tie across the kitchen. John then is grabbing Alex by the shoulders, compared to him, John's warm big hands practically engulfed his shoulders. Alex had never felt so small before today.John shook him hectically, Alex wavered back and forth, John is going off at him. Shouting, cursing his name.For a second Alex felt fear strike within him.Then John props Alex up and leans down lower so he's right in Alex's face. Alex hatefully glared back at him, he wasn't going to please John by looking scared or remotely bothered that he had offended him and his stupid doll fetish.He could feel John's nails grit into him deeper and Alex saw the way John's chest heaved there in his work shirt. "Why do you constantly insist on being so difficult?!" John shouts. Alex's eyes narrowed at him and John's didn't forget to cut back either. "Everyday! We go through this! Behave, be a good boy! Just goddamn behave!" This was the real John Laurens.It wasn't 'Daddy' or that amazing funny guy he portrayed to be outside this hell.This was him and only Alex got the unfortunate privilege of seeing it."Answer me!" John shouts in his face, Alex squints as he does and tries to lean back. But John had him in an iron grip there in place there in his seat. "Right now, answer me!"Fine, so Alex did. "Because I hate you!" Alex shouted back, his voice croaked as he did. John looked like he had been slapped, the hurt clear as day in his eyes. Alex, his dolly, hated him. "You're a dunce, a freak! That's why I'm being difficult! I hate this life, this - life you've given me! John, it's a fucking joke!"The way John's face went actually gave Alex chills because the next thing Alex knew he was being hoisted up from his seat. Yanked up on his feet and Alex yelped at the harsh way John gripped him by the arm when he did.Alex tossed and turned to get out of his grasp but nothing worked. John was taller than him, bigger than him. He managed Alex easily and was dragging him down the hallway. "Let me go!" Alex shouted as he squirmed. "Get off!" But John brushed his cries off.This was all going so awfully nightmarish. John was hauling him into the bathroom with Alex in a headlock. This surprised Alex by how rough John was being, he never acted this aggressive. Ever. Alex was even more stunned when John flipped open the bathroom cabinet, Alex saw John then reach for the scissors kept in there and that's when Alex freaked out."You don't want your hair all tied up pretty, anymore? Fine." John says to him lowly.Then John has the scissors and he's riding them up against Alex's throat. It's another threat - obviously."Okay, that's fine. Just fine, sweetness." John sang. It wasn't. Alex felt the scissors blade dig into him that extra bit. That just did it for Alex. Alex is tossing and turning in John's grasp. John was taking those scissors, Alex sees how the blades glimmer in the bathroom light. His heart is pounding in his chest like a drum and he's on the verge of breaking down. "Daddy will sort it""No!"With a burst of newfound strength Alex shoves John away. Alex bolts out of the bathroom fast and he's running down the hall. Completely unaware that John was strolling along after him. Alex ran through the kitchen, he runs to a drawer where the knives were held. He's grabbing any - he doesn't stop to pick and choose.Then Alex is out into the huge living room. Some movie was playing, one Alex recognised and hadn't seen in a long time. Crime, action, something John wouldn't let him watch.Alex ignores it and he's bolting to the front door. There it was - the gate to freedom and as usual, the code beside it. Alex's face crumpled at it, he immediately rams the knife between the door and wall. He's determined to pry it open."C'mon" Alex mutters under his breath. "Come on!" He cries desperately.It wasn't working.Tears were rolling down Alex's cheeks and nose. In a frenzy of it all Alex started to stab at the door repeatedly - again and again. The beautiful dark oak wood came chipping off. But Alex continued to dash the knife into it, battering that paintwork right off. Shards of wood flew out as he did. Alex's breath was erratic, he was determined, his eyes wild. He was getting out of here."I can't die here" Alex squealed to himself, he sounded pathetic. He knew that. "I can't... just can't."When the reality hit him that he probably was never getting out of here. Alex slowed down his stabbing, his cries hiccupped aloud and he broke down. Alex slid down to his knees, broken, tired and ashamed of himself for ending up like this. "God, no" He squeaked. "Someone save me"Alex thought of his dead mother's face. Her warmth, dark eyes, her smile and sweet voice. It had been so long since he'd heard it but it still echoed in his mind from time to time. Alex hoped to god if there was a heaven, she come save him or be there, collecting him, when he decided he couldn't take any more of this madness.Withering in a heap on the floor Alex didn't even hear the padding of footsteps behind him. His mumbling sobs there filled the room and Alex's grip on the knife loosened, it slid out from his fingers and Alex was too caught up in his own misery to see the knife taken away from him.John stood behind him, knife in his hands, twirling it around unbothered. He's watching Alex with a somewhat glum expression. Alex continued to cry."You really want to go out, don't you?" John said, his voice like wool. He rolls his eyes to himself and goes over to the code. "Alright, okay. I'll let you out."Alex's cries came to a halt when he heard the door beep open and John opened the front door there. Alex sits up, his face a blotched mess with tears and rosy cheeks. John opened the door wider for Alex and he watches Alex crawl on his knees there out the door. It was so pitiful to watch if he were honest.John bites his lip as Alex clambers out into the hallway. God - it had been so long since Alex was out here. The cold air hit him, that musty scent of cleaning gear from the complex cleaners and bad air freshener hit him.It was vacant, dark and the elevator was at the very end. Light shone above it and Alex's eyes widened. John observed him, watched Alex pick himself up, he staggered as he did and began to walk away. He almost did until John clutched the back of Alex's shirt and yanks him back inside.Alex yelped as this happened. "John!" Alex squealed. "No!" The door shut right in Alex's face. John made sure to slam it - proving a point to Alex that it was forbidden. He wasn't leaving. The slam caused Alex jumped in his grasp.John smirked as he did. That only aggravated Alex more. He wasn't leaving. Simple. "No!" Alex screamed maniacally.It had been nothing more than a cruel prank."No! Please, no! John, let me go, please!"Alex felt like a little mouse being toyed with, cruelly by a big alley cat. Another eye roll came from John and he pulls Alex with him to the sofa. He drops onto the long leather sofa and pulled Alex down in his arms. He tosses the knife on the coffee table before seeing to Alex, whose lay bridal style there on his lap. Alex continued to struggle but John held him still. His patience was saint-like only because he knew Alex would give up in the end.John holds him until Alex looses fight and he stills there in his arms. Alex heaves, he's sobbing and shaking his head. John is hushing him gently like a doting father would do to their newborn."Sh, that's enough. Enough." John hushes him. He's rocking Alex. "You've worked yourself all up, hm? Now, now.""Bastard" Alex says as he cries. "Cunt - you're a cunt!" He shouts there, using the remaining strength he had left. "Fucking cunt!" John looked impassive as ever though. It didn't even make him flinch."Mm, that right now." John sighs, still, he looked fed up of Alex's behaviour. "Looks like I'm gonna have to chill you out, aren't I? Poor baby. You've certainly wore yourself out today, crying, lashing out and being naughty -" John projects his gaze over to the gashed front door. Alex lost himself to more sobs.Nothing got through to John."- God, and here's Daddy thinkin' he's had it rough today." John says. It was as if he hadn't really heard Alex's distress. It was all a game to him. "But that's okay, it can be fixed. Daddy can make it all better."Alex gave it one last go and thrashed around in John's arms. He wouldn't budge, nothing worked. Alex panted when he stopped, he's hot, he's exhausted and now he just feels dizzy. The Hunger, fatigue, anxiety all combined into one big headache for him. Alex's hair was swooshed back by John, Alex could feel his fingers flutter through his dark locks and John's tips massage his scalp.It felt nice which was the annoying part."There, there. Daddy's got you." John tells him, he's rocking Alex. Smiling as he did. "How about, once you've calmed down, I bathe you and I let you have some desert? I'll even let you eat it in bed and put on a movie. Doesn't that sound good, princess?"It did sound good. Alex still didn't want to give John the benefit of the doubt though. It meant he won.So with one last desperate attempt, Alex decides it's time. He had been keeping this off for so long - but there wasn't any other choice. He didn't want to have to go down this route.It had been the very last one he had thought of and god he hated it, he detested it.Alex steadied his breathing, John remained swaying him and smiling lovingly at him. "There, that's better now, isn't it?" John said to him. "Sh, there, now. Daddy's here, Daddy isn't going anywhere, baby boy." Oh, didn't Alex know. Swallowing the rest of his pride, Alex fluttered his eyes at the ceiling before closing them, damp lashes were being swept by John's thumb and John held him that bit closer. "Good boy" John says. "There, there." Shakily Alex opens his mouth, he bites on his tongue and decides not to. Then quickly he realises he was to do this. His eyes slowly drift open and he can feel his adams apple bobbing in fear. He's going to do it. "Can -" Alex wanted to curl up and die.John arched up a brow, he furrowed his brow for a second. "What's wrong?" John asks him.Alex shot his gaze to the floor. "Can you..." It was coming, alright. It was spewing out of him like vomit."What is it?" John asks again, quietly. "Princess?"Then Alex slowly shifted his watery, pink tinted eyes back to John. He had to look him in the eye if he were to make this believable. John was there above him, waiting. "Daddy" Alex began, he sees the way John's eyes widened slightly, he knew Alex hated calling him that."I'm sorry" Alex whimpered out. He just hoped his acting skills would pass.Then Alex went back to sobbing, he wasn't really but he needed to gain some sympathy from John. "Daddy, I'm sorry."John's brow softened and he's gone back to hushing Alex. "No, oh, sweetie. Baby, it's okay. Daddy knows you didn't mean it, you're just having a bad day. We all have them sometimes. I understand."Alex mentally cursed John.Then innocently Alex looks back up to him, "You're not mad at me?" and John shakes his head, laughing a bit as he does."No, no. I could never be angry with you. But Daddy just wants you to behave, if you're upset or not feeling well, you must tell me." John said to him. "I can make it better"With a nod, Alex shuffled into John's chest and he even managed to force himself to wrap an arm around John's chest. It was a limp, shit attempt. But he did and John coddled him tighter."Okay" Alex says, quietly. "Um, Daddy, uh -" Alex closes his eyes to himself and he prays."Hm?" said John. Here goes nothing. "Daddy, please, kiss me?" It came out shy, Alex wasn't a shy person. But doing this - it took the world out of him. Now this woke something in John. Alex could feel John stiffen. "Kiss you?"Alex nods and coyly he looked up there at John, his head resting against John's chest. "Yeah, kisses, Daddy. Kiss me?""You never ask for kisses though?" True.Alex had to becareful here - one mishap and this whole thing was over. John wasn't stupid. "Need Daddy" Alex whimpers. John's smirk grew and he says, chuckling as he did, "But you never want Daddy to kiss you?" That was true. At the start of this hell, John had tried kissing Alex on the head or cheeky but Alex always lashed out. So John didn't bother after that. He replaced the kisses with hugs or playing with Alex's hair instead.Alex frowns, pouts cutely as he did. "Daddy, kiss me."So John did. He leans down, drifts some of Alex's hair out the way, pecked him on the forehead."No -" Alex cringed at how awful he sounded. "I meant... on the lips."John stared at Alex for what felt like ages. Alex was worrying inside that this gave it all away, his cover was blown. John didn't say anything, he looked somewhat unsure. Alex hoped John didn't back out of this. They hadn't kissed properly since their dating days and Alex remembered just how amazing a kisser John was. He couldn't allow himself to be swept away though. Not from one poxy little kiss. He sees how John rubs a hand across his nape, scratching at the lone curls that hung down there. John was looking away for a second, Alex could tell he was considering it. "Daddy" Alex said, firmer. He had to speed this up. Alex had to win John over. "Kiss me, now." Automatically John darts his attention back to Alex. He leans down again, he's slow when he's pressing up against Alex and Alex waits for John's lips to meet his own. John hesitates for a second before slowly taking Alex's lips. Alex lay there and allowed him to do so. John's lips, they hadn't changed. Supple, soft, thin and gentle.They felt amazing and Alex had to admit - he felt better.He didn't even realise that after losing himself to such thoughts of their old dating days that he was actually kissing John back. Fiercely.John had been the one to end the kiss. "Hm?" said Alex, he opened his eyes dazed. He looked up at John who was beaming at him, his dimples in view and his hazel eyes burrowed into his own. "I think - that's enough for tonight." John tells him. Alex nods, he agrees. But those lips, they had left his own tingling, craving more. "C'mon, I think we should get you ready for bed. I'll even give you desert, princess. You don't have to finish your soup." John then picks Alex up, he's easy to manage at this point. Alex wraps his arms around John's neck and John cradled him carefully as they're standing up from the sofa. "But don't make a habit of it." "I won't -" Alex says, as he's being carried away. Then without thinking, he ended with, "Daddy" Somehow, Alex even managed to shock himself with that one.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Alex stood there waiting outside the coffee shop. A quick drink was all they were having tonight apparently but if Alex played his cards right, then who knows what else could happen.He twiddled around with his phone. Tapping his foot on the ground as he waited and continued to look around. It was only early evening, myriads of people were back and forth along the street. The street lights now lit, the odd homeless person walking past chanting his pot for more change. Some kids laughing in a gang with their music on blast.Alex checked his phone again, it had just turned half-six now. He sighs, Alex was never usually nervous for dates but this guy, John who he had been talking to for the past two months was certainly something.He interested Alex, their long passages of text they sent each other on the daily. Mostly on Alex's part, essays he would send John and John would send quite the lengthy one in return.Alex was glad he didn't mind. Texting wasn't always everyones cup of tea - some of his previous dates had gotten annoyed with Alex over long texts. John said he liked them, they were something to wake up for in the morning and would cheer him up before work apparently. Good stuff.Then Alex turned there on his heels and glanced into the window, thankfully no one was sat at the table he was facing and could just about make himself out there in the reflection. It was a bit blurred but he thought he looked okay.His dark locks slick back into a nice bun, Alex remembered to even top up on his shaving too and neatened himself up for the occasion. He just hoped his attire of a simple white tee, a jacket over it, some jeans and his kicks wouldn't be too shabby.He had one more look at his phone and it was now nearing seven.Another quick peep at the text message and yes, it had been the right time they agreed on. This guy was late.Alex leant back on the window and dawdled on his phone. Flicked up a page of some book he was currently reading online while he waited. It was a few minutes later than he hadn't even paid attention to the footsteps that edged towards him.Alex was so far gone in his story that only the looming shadow in front of him which manifested over his phone caught his attention. At the very same time it did, Alex hear a deep voice say, "So is that what we're gonna be doing this evening, huh?" Slowly Alex drifted his big brown eyes upwards and he felt his insides tie in the biggest knot when he sees John standing there.He's real, he's gorgeous, he's grinning away at him and laughing. Alex raked John up and down, John had the prettiest brown curls, tonight he had worn them down for Alex. His hazel eyes were lovelier in person and all his freckled accompanied with his dimples, they sent Alex to mush. God - John was gorgeous.Alex's lips twitched and quaked into a smile. For a second he had lost his breath and wasn't able to speak. For someone who never shut up talking, this was what John did to him. Alex knew then and there that John was going to be the end of him."You weren't lying when you said you keep your head buried" John chuckled. Alex didn't think John would be this tall, while Alex knew five eight wasn't exactly tall for the average joe. John was a good staggering six one at least. A little broader he was, not too big. Alex could tell John kept in shape but he came across very lean too.It kind of put Alex to shame since he wasn't overweight by all means but he didn't really go out of his way to hit the gym and his small belly pudge was at the back of his mind. Alex smiled wider and put his phone away there in his jacket pocket.Realising that he was just completely full out gawking at John. Alex swallowed any ridiculousness that he was about to spew out on how stunning John was or full out saying 'fuck me right here, right now'. He smirked back at John, held up his head and goes, "Well, if I hadn't been kept waiting, I wouldn't be caught up reading now -"Alex leant in that bit towards John, a gleam in his eyes. John's brow raised, he looked surprised for a moment that Alex was being this bold. "Would I?" Alex finished.Then John's gone back to smirking and leaned closer to Alex too. "Suppose you're right" John said. His accent had this southern twang to it and instantly Alex could feel his cheeks catch on fire. He bit his lip and laughed awkwardly. "Hm, well. It's nice to finally meet you, Alex."Alex arched up a brow. "No apology for being late?"And John withdrew his hands into his pockets. "Ah, about that, I got caught up. Not to worry, since, I'll be making it up to you." John said as he grinned. Alex couldn't help but smile back. There was this warmth about John. He was so easy to talk to, seemed so chilled."Don't you worry bout' that" and he cheekily winks over at Alex right over his shoulder as he's turning to walk off. Alex's whole stomach just flip-flopped. Oh god. "You coming?""Sure, yeah." Alex said back, sightly nervous but Alex eased when John lightly patted his back. He didn't miss how John's hand lingered that bit longer either. Not that Alex minded.They head to a cosy restaurant which did great Malaysian food. John recommended it, said it was great and the food was bomb. The pair of them didn't wait too long, surprisingly for a Saturday night."Must say, you look pretty damn good." Alex tells John as they're in line. Well, John did. Sure his plain grey tee under the black jacket he was wearing and his tight jeans were basic as hell. Alex did have a good and long hard look at John's thighs in them jeans too. He wasn't displeased - put it that way. John gives him a little elbow. He's grinning down at Alex. "You're already trying to get me to pay the bill, are you?" John said. Alex smirks up at him.And John eyed him down. "Knew it" After the couple infront of them, some lanky guy and awkward girl. John and Alex were seated next by the window in the quieter part. Alex was thankful really because if they had been put near the bar or where the loud cackling pile of women were seated he would've gone mad. He wanted to get to know John after all. It was pleasant. Alex's beady brown eyes glanced around, he was taking it in. It was fairly dark inside despite the rainbow lanterns hanging from the ceiling with oriental designs littered on them did much to help. The walls were all brick, fancy minimal asian art works hanging off them. Long tables in one areas where people were having posh cocktails.Alas the odd gang in the order on one of the booth tables singing 'happy birthday', badly, loudly and the staff coming out with a cake, sparklers blazing off it. Everyone cheering for whoever it was that was turning a year older. It was nice.The odd waiter or waitress came charging past them, steam blazing off the pan they were holding. Alex's mouth immediately would water because everything smelled delicious. Alex had already made up his mind on what he was ordering.And on the topic of tasty things, Alex soon remembered the snack of a man he had met this evening. John sat there opposite him looking perfect as ever. He was flickering through the menu and in between stealing glances at Alex.Alex caught him staring and when he did, he arched up a brow. John went back to looking at the menu flicking, Alex assumed he was pretending. He was floundering across the pages, not really giving it the time of day. Plus John had been here before so it wasn't like he didn't know.Then he's looking up at him again.When John got caught this time, he just bursts out into a small laugh and sits up properly. Alex stifled out a laugh too."What?" Alex says, he's still grinning. It was so awkward but in a nice way. "You keep staring, weirdo." He joked.John barked out a laugh, a full on, manly laugh. His dimpled cheeks didn't seem to suit it. For a grown man, he was pretty adorable. Alex found it amusing how that seemed to mesh as well as it did in a person. Still, it sparked Alex's heartstrings, he felt them twist and tug at the sight of John."You do!" Alex cried, laughing more. "What're you looking at me for?"He sees how John licks his lips before smoothly responding with, "Well, I don't know, but it's looking back " John hummed. He pushes the menu Alex's way, leans forward and crosses his arms on the table.Alex sees how intently John is staring at him even in the dim light of the restaurant. It was pretty intense and Alex could feel fire burning in his belly.At his response, Alex huffs and lightly nudges John's knee under the table. His ridiculously long legs weren't hard to miss. John raised his brow at this and smirked. "Feisty""You could say that" Alex rebutted.John tilts his head at him. Cute, Alex thought. Their eyes blazing into each others, John studying him the way he was and Alex enjoying how he was getting lost in a sea of hazel. They didn't need a candle lit there in the middle, peace and quiet or a violin playing some romantic tune.This felt romantic enough, well, Alex felt it did. From the get go they had been looking at one another non-stop and Alex felt he could connect with John. He smiled as he thought about this.Something was there."Just like a little lion, aren't you hun" John threw out.The pet name almost threw Alex off. He didn't take John to be the type to dish out pet names. Still, what John had said before that made no sense. Alex furrowed his brow, he didn't follow. "What?""Nothing, nothing." John chuckled. "Alright, so what do you think of this place? Like it?"And he watches John looking around again. He then looks to John, nods and goes, "I'm satisfied"John laughs again, he rolls his eyes at Alex as he does. "Those singular answers... good god. You nervous?""No" Alex scoffed. "- impressed, yes.""Good" said John, he shuffled that bit forward to Alex. "I'm glad you approve. So, Little Lord Fauntleroy -" Alex saw the cheekiness glimmer in John's eyes and Alex nudged him again. John is laughing again."It's Alex" He bit out, not really offended but Alex did like a bit of play from time to time. He had to admit. At least John wasn't boring.John sighs, smirking, "Alexander, then. I can say, it is nice to finally be able to meet you." Alex feels like his face is aching from the amount of grinning he's doing back. He hadn't smiled this much in ages. "A pretty face to the long passages of text I get on the daily. Can't say I'm displeased with either."Alex hears the flirtatious tone in John's voice. He's into him it seemed. Alex was glad, he had been on dates before and it was either he just wasn't into the guy or girl.Then there was times where they weren't into him, usually bored of his chatter or bounced when they thought Alex wasn't what they wanted. Which hurt - so to meet John. Someone who liked him, it seemed like he did. All Alex hoped was that this went well."So, you grew up in the south?" asked Alex. John tilts his head again, furrowed brow and a small side smile to boot. "Your accent and all y'know"John nods as he's taking a swig of his beer and saying, "Yeah, that's right, I was born and raised in South Carolina. Let me tell you now, it's a whole different cattle of fish down there compared to here. I wouldn't have it any other way, really. I love New York." He tells Alex. "Wait, I'm pretty sure I already told you that?"Alex shook his head and then he says, "Don't want to go back home then?"A shrug off John. "I don't plan on leaving any time soon, I mean, sure it's home. But my work, the company, my entire life is here now." he said to Alex. Then John's stare is practically lazering through him.Alex is hypnotised by John's burning gaze. The corner of John's lips upturned slightly and they opened out with, "And I mean, what if I met the right man, y'know what I'm saying? I'd have everything I need, right here."Their gazes lingered that bit longer. Until Alex swallowed thickly and he's finding himself on edge. He's looking elsewhere over to the other side of the bar. Then looking back at John."Suppose you're right" Alex tells him."Mm" came from John and he's taking his bottle for another swig.And John smacks his lips, that bit of Sam Adams still glistening on his bottom lip there in the light. Alex has the urge to throw himself over at John and lap it right off him clean. That was what John did to him, gave him fantasies right there in public. Alex rests his chin on his hand as he's staring up at John."So, what are you looking for, be honest" John asks, not to sternly but enough to make a point across to Alex that he meant business here. They were on a date, not a friendly hang out. The two of them had been chatting for months on end, exchanged a few steamy photos. Nothing too rude - yet.Alex had offered many a time, they always got so close and John would leave him hanging. He could recall John's last 'nude' was him topless, handsome as ever, lay in bed, arm behind his head, smugly yet hazily smiling and his bulge half shadowing the view from that angle. That was it.Oh, Alex had been peevedBut John did mention to Alex that he preferred to surprise in person, rather than rely on Snapchat to cover the evidence. Alex liked the way John thought too. For his eyes only, beautiful."I guess I'm just looking around" Alex said and shrugged. "Seeing what my options are truthfully"John nods along, his warmth radiating off him and Alex relished it. John's sunshine aura soaked him. He looked like he got whatever Alex meant. John then sits up and says, "Well, yeah. You're still pretty young, so you're playing the field. I get you. I mean, you're twenty-one, was it?"Alex gave a bob of the head, "Twenty-two soon""God, you're lucky." John laughs. "What I'd give to be twenty-one again""Oh, fucking, please" Alex rolls his eyes at John, grinning. John looked taken aback, he's smirking as he's downing more beer. Alex goes to grab his pint. "You look better than half the guys I know from class, in looks and age. Don't start pushing for compliments."He can feels John's damn foot give him a slight kick under the table. Alex did it back. Their eyes locked again."You already did, Alexander." John says smoothly. Alex cursed himself. Jesus, he did. Dammit. "Still, I appreciate it. Thank you."Alex exhaled shakily as their eyes lingered. Just then a waiter passed them Alex stopped him, mostly to break the tension for a moment, gather himself back together and ordered himself another beer. John then asked if they could just go ahead and order since he assumed they were more or less ready. John points to Alex and Alex tells the waiter, it gets pumped into the little device thing he had. John gives his, that gets typed into the device, they order more drinks.The waiter takes their menus and tells them their meals will be with them shortly. A quick 'thank you', done.Once they're alone again, Alex is leaning in on crossed arms and says, "So tell me more about you, Laurens -" John perks up at his family name being used. So it was like that and there was a little twinkle in John's eyes because of it. Alex could tell John liked his bold side.Well, John had no choice. Alex was relentlessly brazen at the best of times. "I get we've already spoke through text and all but... it's different in person. I get to see and hear you, the real you. Not just see a pile of words on my screen."John carelessly tapped away on the table with his knuckles, "What would you like to know?" John said beaming. "You pretty much know a lot that there already is to know."Alex points and him for a second, goes, "Not in great detail though -"John chuckled. "This is why you should've met me quicker," John told him.Which was correct. Alex knew he should've met John sooner. Alex grimaces and nodded. "We would've had more to talk about, but, thanks to you and your texting. By now, you could've already wrote a biography about me" John laughed, he's grabbing his bottle for another swig. It was a meer jab but Alex still boomed with, "I wanted to get to know you!" Alex cried. A man on the other table shot him evils for being so loud. Alex frowned right back at him before switching his gaze back to John. "I always do this before I meet anyone from Tinder" "Aren't you cute" John says, with a smallish laugh. " - Why did you think I was going to be some weirdo?" Alex shrugged. "Dunno, you could be. Could've cat fished me for all I know."John laughs more. "At my age! Jesus christ." "It happens" Alex said curtly. "Trust me" Then John's eyes go wide and he leans forward, "Oh god, wait - has it happened to you?" Alex shook his head. "Nah, but I've seen the show. Haven't you?" "I've just about got enough time to go for a quick session at the gym in the mornings, sweetness." Another pet name, Alex's tummy did another loopity-loop knot. He was liking these, more and more. John leans back in his chair, stretching his toned, firm arms around his head for a moment. He stares back at Alex, stupid smile still locked on his face. It was as if John was deliberately showing off, seeing how Alex would react and if he'd check him out. Of course, Alex was going to and he did. They're there right in his face, Alex can see John's arms poking out of his t-shirt.They're stunning.Oh, he knew what he was doing to Alex alright. Sending him crazy. "With my busy schedule, I can't say I have seen that show. I've heard of it though." John added. He's put his arms back down and gone back to leaning on the table. "Yet you've made the time and effort to see me?" Alex said, in question. John broke out into yet another smile. This guy never stopped. "Indeed, I did." He says to Alex. Then Alex asks, "You work long hours?" "Mm" said John. "I do, yeah. Really long, but, kinda expected you see, when you're the president and all." John's voice went fairly meek as he finished his words. Alex's eyes were like planets."You're joking -"John shook his head. "I wouldn't lie to you" He sounded serious.So, Alex took his word.Alex needed a moment to process all of that. He didn't ask too much about it since he suspected it may be too touchy to start probing John about everything business related. So Alex asked another question, "Damn, uh, that's amazing. Really. It is." He said, then says, "- So I kinda remember you told me about your family" John peaks up and he's biting his lip as Alex speaks. " What's the deal exactly, you super rich or something?"John snorted at that. "Uh, yeah, well. I won't lie and say I come from the average family, sweetheart." Alex's heart skipped again at yet another pet name. Ugh, he loved it. Alex felt his cheeks burn at it. "We're pretty comfortable -""Now this is just from what I remember but having a huge, spacious, bed, that photo you sent me of the balcony view and the decking, nice clothes -" John ran a hand over his nape, he isn't nervous but laughed awkwardly. "A 15,500 square-foot apartment -"John's eyes almost fell out of his head. "It isn't that big!""You get the picture" Alex said.A small sigh came from John and Alex hoped he hadn't pushed his boundaries. Alex babbled like a gold fish spurting with, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound too condescending or anything.""No, no. You weren't." John told him, Alex thinks, thank god. "Not at all, I mean you're not too far off from the truth there. Since my father is a CEO, does a lot of political stuff here and there. Runs companies, I inherited one of them -" John then moved forward, smiling gently. Alex hummed in response."As for my mother, she, uh, she was a doll maker." He ended.Well, Alex couldn't help it.Alex didn't mean to snort. But he did and he sees the way John's smile faltered.Immediately Alex realised what he had done, he holds his hands up waving them around. "Shit, sorry. That's, um, that's different!" Alex rambled on. "Fuck - I didn't mean to be rude -"But John wafted him off, chuckling as he did. "No, no. I got it a lot growing up, friends, family, other people I know said it was weird. Even my mother thought her profession was strange but she loved it.""Interesting profession" Alex commented.John leans into his palm, Alex watches as John's attention drifts to outside the window. Hazel eyes meeting the sky line with all the glittering lights against them. Alex was in awe as he observed him. Still so shocked how he had managed to bag a guy like John."It was for her. Me and my sister, we would always play with them. They were these pot dolls, victorian themed clothing. My mother sewed them herself, amazing they were." John says, he's grinning, Alex assumed mostly because of memories that were hitting home to him. Although, John's happiness soon faded and the smile turned numb."I just wish my father had liked them, even just a bit. He didn't like me messing around with the dolls." John huffed. His eyes still pinned on the evening sky, now pitch black with stars and no longer a deep milky blue on the horizon of sleep."Why?"It was a dumb question to ask, really. It was. Alex wanted to slap himself.John snickered, he's giving Alex a look. "Alexander, love. C'mon now.""Hey!" cried Alex.And John sighs, a lopsided smile on his face, "Honestly""Yeah, but, why should it matter if you want to play with dolls?" Alex asks almost snippily. John laughed at Alex's stress over the matter. It was sweet to see him worked up. "Who cares! I mean, it doesn't matter what gender you are! The fuck?" John look touched from such concern. "While I completely agree with that statement, it just wasn't allowed I'm afraid. Whole different era." John shrugged at him. Alex can tell the matter is no doubt sensitive, he could see something more behind John's laughter and those eyes. Something happened. But Alex left it at that though."As they talk more about John's life and other things. John quickly asks, "So, I remember you telling me a bit about your childhood." Alex leant back and let out a small 'here we go' as John giggled. "You said something about an island and you being in the system?"Alex nodded. "Yeah, I lost my mom when I was twelve. Dad walked out when I was a baby. I think I have one half brother called James, he's god knows where. But yeah, I was born in Nevis.""That's in the Caribbean, right?" John asks, scarcely.So he knew."Yeah" Alex's smile went wider, glad John even knew where he was from. Not many people always knew.Another sign Alex thought."It's a tiny island, my parents had a fishing trade out there. Then things kinda fucked up after this hurricane, dad had an affair. My mom died when we moved here and I got put into care really."John's face dropped into a state of devastation. His brow all screwed up and his face soft. He genuinely looked moved by Alex's story. From many a time the people Alex had told about his past, dates, friends, people. They always gave a 'aw' or 'that's so terrible' but none of it ever felt like it mattered. It was forced concerned but with John.Alex could see it. Feel it. There opposite him in John's eyes. John had this aura, this way that Alex felt like he could be safe with him. Just the overall general connection was nice. Sparks were flying and Alex was indeed, soaring."Jesus, Alex. That's - I'm so sorry." John quietly says. Alex twists his mouth, John brushes his leg alongside Alex's. Alex can feel his heart race again, oh god. Oh god. "Sounds like you've been through the wars, huh""Guess so -" Alex said, a tad awkward. "I mean, you can't say I'm a boring date, though, can you?" Alex went back to his usual teasing smile.And then John caught on, he leant forward against the table further. His gaze his fiery, he's smiling and it's making Alex feel queasy. All mish-mash and upsy turnies in his belly.It was then that Alex felt a hand clasp his knee underneath the table. Alex's eyes widened and he sees John's smile do the same. For a second the whole restaurant, the whole world around them meant nothing. The music had tuned out in Alex's ears, all the people laughing was silent, his head empty for a moment. John was the only thing in his sight, the only thing that mattered. This gorgeous specimen of a man.And good god, Alex wanted to get to know him properly. All of him, inside and out. He wanted to wake up with this man, the same one that responded to his trillions of texts. Alex receiving huge love messages of back, deep, affectionate nuggets of hope that the world wasn't all rotten. That it wasn't all shitty, cold, depressing and full of uncaring people.There was some good in it. John.While Alex knew he had wrote John palaces out of paragraphs, John wrote him cathedrals back. Smitten he was.John squeezed his knee and huskily, whispered, "And I can't say this will be our last, either, baby doll." and he smiles once more at Alex. It's sexy, sinful even. Oh. Alex bit his lip. He liked that. Just as Alex was about to say something back and place his hand on John's which he did for a split second, John's eyes going like saucers when he did back. Their food had already arrived and a new batch of drinks to boot. Everything was sizzling, it smelt amazing, the meaty juices made Alex's mouth water and John rubbed his hands together in glee.The waiter was already dishing everything out infront of them. Alex shuffled back, allowing them to put it down and John smoothly withdrew himself.But between the fumbling pair of arms in their way, dishes going down, glasses and bottles being put down, one by one. Both Alex and John did not once break the sizzling eye contact between them. Like John had told Alex, there was many things yet to come. Alex thought he was going mad.Today, John had left him with only kids movies to watch and Alex thought if he were to endure another episode of My Little Pony or Barbie Dream house Adventures - which was rather ironic really.Alas, Alex had experience of living in a said 'dream house' and in contrast to the notorious blonde bombshell, Malibu Barbie, it was a god damn joke.It was like the heavens were out to play a good prank on him. The place was more of a horror house than anything.Since it was from what Alex assumed to be Saturday, only because John had work the day before and today he was off. Alex had heard him loiter around the apartment. He could hear the vacuum outside earlier, sounds of mopping and a buffering machine. John's footsteps back and forth outside his room.He always had a good clean up on a Saturday.Alex relied on him cleaning on Saturdays.Sometimes it wasn't easy to keep track of the days. Alex tried so hard to, he could usually start from the weekends when John was home and count on from there. But Alex's mind usually fogged up with despair, misery and he would forget.Sighing, Alex sat up and he's looking at his thin thighs. John had dressed him in these weird pyjama leggings, pink with glittery purple hearts all over them and a frilly peplum pink night shirt. Surprisingly, though, they were actually pretty comfortable and warm.Especially with it being as chilly as it was right now. But it was all such a difference to his old ways, throwing on a pair of boxers for bed or nothing at all.John demanded all his pyjamas had to be cute or feminine. Alex had no choice but to wear them either.There wasn't much to do. Again.Alex got bored so easily being stuck in this room. TV, colouring books, countless amounts of stuffed animals and dolls scattered around the room. A big doll house stuck in the corner. His very own little tea table and chairs.He lay back down, closed his eyes and sighed again. "Fuck" Alex mumbled aloud. "Fuck, fucking fuck." Not very doll-like. But he didn't care. John wasn't here. Screw it. "How the fuck..." He sadly muttered, Alex then slumped a arm over his eyes."What do I even do..." He felt so hopeless these days. Alex just didn't know what to do.He had tried everything.Alex panted, he clutched his head for a moment and took deep breaths. He had to get it together. It wasn't easy, he felt like he was going crazier by the day. Each and every day.From planning his escapes, trying them and only failing them in return. It was no good - when Alex thought about it. He didn't know the apartment well enough. When him and John had dated, John had only ever really showed Alex the living room and kitchen. When they got rough and hot it had only ever been at Alex's old dorm.John had never invited him back for sex.Alex had been in John's room once or twice. Not for long until he was pulled back out of there. The other doors up there were forbidden. Alex guessed it was full of either personal belongings John didn't want him seeing or a crazed up sex dungeon he had built for when the time was right.God, Alex shuddered at the thought of that. Fucking someone in a toddler dress, a pair of pigtails and Peppa Pig socks just wasn't up Alex's street. At all.The more Alex toyed with the idea of venturing around the 'dream house' more. He wondered if he could at least find the code or something that could help him to escape. A way to hack into John's phone - anything.Yet Alex wanted to explore the upstairs for any remains of John's past. Of course, John had told him the basics when they met. He told Alex all about his life growing up in South Carolina. His siblings, his controlling father and mother.There had to be more of a reason why John ended up as deranged as he was. Alex knew he shouldn't care about how or why but he really did want to know more about John's background. John never told him whenever Alex asked. He always brushed it off. It only made Alex more nosey though.Just then, the door jittered and its lock was being turned.Alex immediately snapped out of his bubble of self pity and sprang upright there in bed. He's eyeing the doorway and as usual, his stomach churns when John appears.Yep, it was Saturday.John wasn't even dressed yet.It's a shame really, John really was attractive. It was such a waste for someone like him.Alex cursed it all. Trust him to end up meeting a psychopath online.While Alex was a grumpy mess, sat there with a face like a slapped behind. John was his usual bright-eyed self. Each and every morning he looked fairly cheerful. Whether it was an act or not, Alex had no clue."Morning Pumpkin" John chirps all happily. It's all normal in John's world. This, the pink, the dolly outfits, the toys. It never ceased to amaze Alex still at times. He's folding some clean laundry there in his arms. A few of the skirts, shirts and dresses were piled high. Alex glares as he's watching John put them neatly into his dresser. One by one, all folded, neat and perfect.All ready for another day of Alex's misery.Alex muttered out, "Morning" and turns away from John. He tries to keep his attention on the TV instead. John was humming away some tune, sticking the last of the laundry into the drawers before closing them.His back was turned to Alex and Alex had wandering eyes. He kept peaking at John's toned, broad back. Tanned, freckled and toned. Alex's mouth twisted and he's annoyed with himself for looking.But he couldn't stop."Shit" He eventually said out loud. It was quiet but John still looked over his shoulder at him.He gave Alex a look of confusion. Alex quickly placed his gaze back to the TV.It was a pain how Alex had nothing sharp or anything useful to sneak up on John there. He could knock him out or stab him before bouncing out of here. But it was no good doing that, he still didn't have the damn front door code.John turns to him smiling pleasantly. He's strolling over to Alex and Alex stares at him as he does. John takes a seat there on the edge of his bed.Hefelt the mattress dip as John sat. Alex pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin on top of his knees and glared at John.John continued smiled at him, like he always did. Alex eyed him, he didn't know what John was planning.He was perched up there in his grey sweatpants, also he's topless, his glorious abs there on show and stunning freckled toned arms. Once upon a time, Alex enjoyed those arms wrapped around him as they would kiss and fool around. They had made him feel so safe at the time. Little did he know. "Ready for breakfast, princess?" A nod from Alex. He just wanted to get eating over with and for John to leave him alone."Good, your oatmeal is cooling. But I'll make sure it isn't too hot for you to eat." John assured him.Alex drifted his gaze over to the TV playing another episode of Barbie. It was as if John did it on purpose, but he's shifting slightly to block Alex's view. Alex looked back up at him again and frowned.John's grin widened.He looked too pleased with himself. "So, sweetie. I've got to run out later once I've got you fed and dressed." John tells him. Alex wondered just what John would be putting on him today. Probably something utterly ridiculous. Glitter, ribbons, thigh highs. The usual. Alex found it ridiculous that he even had to still question it. "Which means I'll have to put you back in here. But, I just want to know if you need anymore books or crayons to colour with? I can pick them up while I'm out."Alex balled his eyes at John and then actually smirked back at John. Alex had an idea and John's interested perked too."What about an actual book with words?" Alex said to him, his sarcastic smile grows when he sees John's falter. "I'm twenty-two, John. I don't need kids books to tell me how a dog can bark and that an orange is - well, orange."Then John is shifting slightly. He looked displeased. "Baby doll, we've spoken about this.""I want a proper book" Alex stressed and he sighs. "Why can't I just have something normal to read if you're that intent on keeping me prisoner here for the rest of my days?"John sighed aloud. "Little doll, you speak too much. All these toys, look - you've got plenty to play with -" He gestured at the plushies on the shelves and dolls on the shelves. "And you've got a TV full of cartoons playing. Isn't that enough?"Alex glared at John."Look around" John gestured to it all. The plushies, the toys, the vanity table there in the corner, the TV, the games, the dolls - "I'm sick of cartoons though!" Alex shouted.John raised a brow at him. And so Alex snorts. "What? You want to get the most of your membership or something?" That's when Alex spots it. Uh oh. He's doing the thing. John's fingers were in tapping motion there on the bed. One, two, three, four, five.Alex swallowed, thickly and silently 'gulped' a tad fearful. He knew what this meant, he was close to getting a smack or time out which consisted of nothing, a dark room, no TV playing and he probably would go without breakfast. Meaning he would yet again starve.When it had been the beginning of this mayhem Alex hadn't paid much attention to those fingers. He had shrugged them off when he would see John tap them.Then when he pushed too far once, running his mouth, that very same hand struck him right across the face. Leaving Alex with a nose bleed. But John had been there to clean him up, a dab of his nose and him pleading Alex not to make Daddy mad again.Therefore, he was currently testing John's patience. Enough was enough. John soon went back to his gentle smile and he's reaching a hand out to cup Alex's. He squeezes Alex's hand and then knee as he did. "Shall we fill you up then, hm?""For fuck sake" Alex rolled his eyes and as he did, John clasped him that bit tighter.Another warning for his attitude.But Alex wanted to push it and just to see if he could change John's mind. "I mean, okay. Sure, I'm ready for breakfast and all but -"John stared at him intently, waiting for the rest.His hand still grasping him tightly. Alex could feel his heart pace run a mile, he hated it when John looked at him like that. It was as if he was trying to decode him somehow.Then Alex thought of something from a long time ago. A memory of his foster father and him walking hand in hand along the cold streets of New York. Alex had been a scrappy little child, gleeful with tons of energy despite being an orphan.It had snowed heavily that day, Christmas was nearing. So all the fancy decorations caught Alex's eye, all lit up, luminous and vibrant in a rainbow of colours. Alex had been there beaming in his little poof-ball hat and pointed with his gloved finger at the toy store.Alex was taken inside and he could recall all the wonders of amazing new toys. From planes, control trains, soldiers and firetrucks that made plenty of noise. Alex did remember some of the dolls there on display. He had gave them a brief look but his interest towards them soon died down when a control plane caught his attention instead.Suddenly Alex perked up and he blurts out, "Some dolls read books, I've seen them! When I was a kid in a toy store, dolls in dollhouses, dolls that were doctors, nurses, dentists - some dolls were reading. All kinds of books!"Alex tells him. John's mouth upturns and he's still glaring at Alex. "I mean, wouldn't it be good to give it a try? I'd be happy, you'd be happy. I'd be a different kind of doll. Some dolls are smart - like me."John didn't look like he for it at all.So when Alex got no answer right away he shuffled over to John. He never really liked being up close to John often since his capture. When he was it was forced, John made him for whatever reason. Alex mooched over, slowly and he's keeping eye contact, steadily with John.He shakily reaches a hand out to John and places softly on John's forearm. Thick, silky skin and Alex relished it deep down. He hates himself for it.John went a little bit stiff when he did. Alex wondered if this was okay - even so. He had to try."Please" Alex pressed. "Daddy"He pouts too.And John bites the corner of his lip and he's heaving heavily out his nose."Daddy, please. Please." Alex chimed, he tried to sound all cute. Alex hated how child-like he sounded. It was so cringeworthy.Hazel burnt through brown eyes and then John is the one taking Alex's arm. He tugged on Alex and John leans in. Alex yelped as he did this, worried, scared of what may happen next."Don't think that I don't know what you're trying to do" John said to him, his voice deeper.Alex furrowed his brow at his words, confused as ever. John huffed at him. "If you think this little act of yours if going to fool me, once again. You're wrong.""No!" Alex cries. "That isn't it, all I want is something new to read!"John shook his head. "You're a doll, baby. You're my baby doll, you're not supposed to read anything other than what suits you. I can't have you -" John stops for a moment, he's staring over Alex.Then John's fingers are running through Alex's loose locks, he's ruffling them and Alex wore an expression of defeat. He just couldn't get through John at all."Although I appreciate you being a good boy for me. I often have to wonder, just what your intentions are." John tells Alex.Uh oh.John was seeing through his facade. This wasn't good."I like you being a good boy, it pleases me, you know that. But, when you're being a little... too good. It makes Daddy want to know, just what you're thinking up there in your little mind." John said. Alex frowns at him, he didn't have a 'little mind'.He hated when John often implied that he wasn't as clever as him or how Alex was younger with less life experience. He wasn't some empty marionette with no brain. When it was bad enough, Alex had been through a ride since the day his mother died. His life had been a mess since then.But that was one thing, John enjoyed, he loved, belittling Alex.And for good measure, John pokes the enter of Alex's forehead. John tilts his head at him and he's still glaring. It was starting to give Alex goosebumps. "Whatever you're intending to do, kitten, stop."Alex felt his insides drop."It won't work. Understood, princess?""But I'm not!" Alex griped. "You're always complaining how you want be to be obedient, now I am!"John flicks his gaze away from Alex, it was like he didn't want to hear what he had to say."I'm not up to anything!" Alex tries again.This time however John hushes him with a finger to the lips. It sends Alex crosseyed and he looks directly back to John, scowling at being shushed.John shakes his head at him and then he leant it to one side for a moment. Staring Alex down. Alex felt himself quaking."I know all your games, every single one of them. Baby, we've been through this before. Remember? Trying to run away and that's not nice."A dangerous look in his eyes. Alex squirmed. "You wanted to leave Daddy. You tried to call the police when all I do is take care of you, night and day. You wanted to leave Daddy all on his own, you know how much Daddy needs you, sweetness."John's fingers massaged his scalp."And you need Daddy. You do. So now, I'm overprotective of you. I'm vigilant, I have to be because god knows what else you'll try and do baby doll. Just be a good boy. You've got so much to be happy for."Alex felt his existence become that little bit more transparent.This what was John always did. Reminded him that he needed him. Every, single, time.John came closer to Alex and he's wrapping his arms around Alex slowly. Alex sat there letting John pull him into this embrace. Hatred swarming down in the deep pits of Alex's soul for what this man has done to him, what he's made him become. Nothing but a lifeless, limp, weak man - doll.Fingers continued to patter around Alex's hair and John rocked them gently. "We need each other" John reminded him. He pats Alex back as they sway. "So no more tricks""Daddy, I'm not going to do anything." Alex mutters. "Just trust me"These big toned arms curled around him, Alex wondered how much harm John could cause him with these arms. He notices John squeezes him, gradually, it isn't too tight. But Alex sees it as a warning.Alex switches his eyes back and forth at each tricep. Manically glancing at them, John can easily hurt him, he knows this. At the same time, the very same time, Alex was strangely content.After everything.John still made him feel, so, helpless.He shook that feeling off and Alex returned the hug. His arms quaked as he slipped them around John's chest. It must've lifted John's mood up because instantly he made a sound that sounded like a moan and a laugh. He hugged Alex that bit tighter and Alex felt John peck the top of his head."I promise, no more tricks. Daddy." Alex said to him.But even he didn't sound so certain about that and he was sure, John wasn't either.For now, Alex hoped. After breakfast and a quick bath, John had dressed him up in a pink skirt, loose white sweater, accompanied with thigh high white socks and today Alex had a pony-tail. A pink kitten scrunchy in it to boot. Alex sighed when he saw himself in the mirror after he was done up, he looked a wreck. John, however, said he looked perfect.Well, at least someone was pleased.John left Alex back alone in his room while he went out into the city. It was another afternoon of Alex surviving a Saturday alone bored. Until John came back from wherever he'd been and Alex had begged John during dinner to allow him to sit through a movie together. Any movie even if it was really shit, Alex didn't care.That room was driving him mental nearly.Alex complained, pleaded, whined how he was bored to tears and in the end John, shockingly, gave in. "Okay, fine. But if you're naughty, even just the once. You're back in here." John warned him there at the table. "For the night, got it?" With a curt nod, Alex perked up when John pulled him up off the bed.Later they're sat there watching television.It was some PG rated movie and Alex is sat on the floor there where John had laid out a baby blanket. John was sat above on the sofa behind him, where he could keep his eye on Alex.Every so often though Alex would take sneaky glances at John. Most of the time John was lay there, leg on the other seat and his other hung off. The sofa was enough for six people, it was long and cushy.But John had ordered Alex to be seated on the ground. Alex frowned to himself since it was mostly a superiority thing. John looking down on Alex, keeping him in line, showing him who ruled the roost and how very move was being monitored. Oh, Alex hated it. The control, often he could feel John's eyes on him and they'd venture away back to the TV.Also John often loved to toy with Alex's ponytail. Turn, tousle it and play with it.Not knowing that Alex was baring daggers at the TV.However whenever Alex did peak up at him, John was dilly-dallying around on his phone. Smirking at whatever had popped up or a low chuckle before typing back. Alex's stomach would drop. He missed owning a phone, social media and he found it sad how he didn't even recognise John's model. It must be new from Apple.Then again, Alex had no business with the outside world anymore. He didn't know what was new or not anymore.Alex remembered his beat up IPhone 7 and how John had smashed it up in front of him to prove a point at the start of this hell. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day because Alex had his hands tied behind him. Whist John hammered his phone to pieces and told him that this was now his life.No more contact with other people, the outside world now long gone to him. While slowly breaking Alex's heart because he thought of his friends, his family. Everyone he knew and loved gone. Then John had ended with, dolls don't own phones. Any talk about even Barbie and ten year olds these days owning cell phones didn't get him anywhere either.Before today, though, Alex had asked John if anyone was looking for him and John never gave him an answer. Alex presumed they had and he suspected John may have led them into another direction of their investigation.John simply wasn't having it.Jealously bubbled inside of Alex. John and his phone. And anger at the memory of John breaking his. Unfair. Alex could easily act up, scream, kick and shout. Try to pry the phone off John and hide away then contact the authorities. But John would win, he'd win, tell them it was a mistake and Alex would definitely be in trouble.The movie they were watching was boring trash. Some childish garbage Alex tried so hard to pay attention watching but his eyes always wondered back to John.Alex looked around the room. There wasn't anything he could do to escape and even if he tried to knock John out, harm John, Alex would be locked inside here. He didn't have the code to get out."Daddy" Alex sang.John looked over his phone at him. "What's up princess?""Can I get up there with you?" Alex asks, trying to be all sweet. Ugh. At this request, John arched a brow at him and then snorted out a small breathy laugh. "What?"Alex pouted. Of course John heard him. "I want to sit with you"And John is tilting his head, he's smirking at Alex and it turns into a somewhat more affectionate look. "Aw, baby. You're very needy, lately, aren't you?""I just want Daddy, that's all. I'm cold." Alex lied.Then John looked concerned. "Do you want me to put on the thermostat? You're right, actually, it's not that warm." Alex shakes his head. John sits up a little as he's adjusting himself. "Then again, it has been snowing none stop."Alex raised his brow.Snow.Outside.That meant it was winter."Snowing?" Alex blinked. "What month is it?"John waved him off. "It doesn't matter, baby. Sure, you hop up here, come. Sit next to Daddy."As Alex climbed up beside him, John shifted so Alex could budge next to him. "Is it almost christmas?" asked Alex.His question has John narrowing his eyes a tad. "And how would you know that?"Alex crawls up next to John so that he's by his side, close and Alex can smell John's musky, almond, cologne. Once that smell sent Alex wild. Now, god, it made him want to hurl. A shrug from Alex and John obviously didn't want to let it go."Tell me"Sighing, Alex looked up at John and said, "Does it matter?""It does" John said and pointblank goes, "You're my little doll. How do you know such things?"Alex shrugged, "Dunno, just, one of the dumb kids shows had a christmas episode?" and this information must've irked John because his mouth twists into annoyance.He mustn't have remembered kids shows did occasion episodes. John was trying his best to practically erase life from Alex. All the things that made up the days in the year, months and the seasons. Alex knew that in John's world, Alex was no longer part of that. He was his. And his alone. "I just need Daddy, hug me." Alex whined. He was trying to sound cute, it always felt so off when he acted this way. Alex squirmed up to John, hid his face and held his shoulders hunched as he did. Alex grimaced as he did. "Hug me!"Having John hold him like this brought back pained memories. Alex liked to be held by John once, he didn't mind his touch once, he loved it when John had soothed him, kissed him and everything.John had been his muse. But now, Alex's mind was trying to fixate on the perfect escape plan. How to get away before he gave up altogether and before - well Alex didn't know what John was planning to do with him exactly.Surely, they weren't living the rest of their days here, like this."Kiss, me, again. Please, Daddy?""No" said John."Why?""You'll get spoilt otherwise. I can't have that."Alex cocked his head at him, he's trying to be cute. Whether it was working or not - well. "Why?" He pushed. John gave him a look. He gently swats Alex on his backside, Alex notes how John's hand keeps in place there.He doesn't move it. Alex bites his lip as he does and slowly goes back to meeting John's eyes.John's attention however went back to the TV."Daddy" Alex muttered, in a stressed soft tone. John simply hummed, his hand still planted there just on the space between Alex's cheek and hip. He continued to keep his eyes on the screen."Kisses" He said again, Alex kept his frustration at bay. He needed to keep it calm, steady and his temper with John at a rest. If only he could speed up this whole humiliating process of trying to win John over.But he was still being ignored.So Alex did one better, he frowned and then lifted himself up so he could crane his neck, quickly peck John on the lips and it caught John off guard because he jilts in surprise.When Alex pulled away he's eyeing John and John stared back at him in awe. Alex wanted to laugh because John had looked startled, scared for a second. "Baby, what are you doing?!" John gasped.Alex couldn't help but splutter out a coarse cackle."Princess, what did I say?" John scolded."I wanted a kiss, Daddy. You ignored me.""Because I said no, listen, sweetness. I don't want this escalating." John sighed, he shakes his head at Alex and frowns. "No more""I thought you wanted me to be affectionate" Alex whined. "And I am!"John nods along."Isn't it what you want?" Because, wasn't it? Alex had no idea what to even do. "It is, baby. It is. But you're so pushy, honestly. What am I going to do with you." John says, softly, he's leaning down and Alex sees the small ghost of a smile on his lips. So he tilts his head back up and meets John's lips. It's only a quick little kiss, nothing major. Still, though, the effect John's lips had on him really struck Alex. This was bad. Alex felt his belly burn and he pushed away any desire to further the kiss. He had to keep this simple, lure John in. Get him to trust him. Alex knew he shouldn't buy into this lifestyle, John's lies and delusion. Alex knew from this moment he was slowly getting tangled in John's mess of a web. He needed to get out of his hell hole - soon as.John caressed Alex's cheek as he pulled away, smiling right against his lips and then pecked Alex's forehead for good measure. Alex felt himself burn up from the wool touch. John breathed out dreamily, he's resting his chin on top of Alex's head then and tousling the back of the ponytail he's given Alex today."Such a good boy" John cooed, quietly.Alex cuddled up into John's chest, he overlaps a leg over John's hip and it always annoyed Alex just how much taller John was. Alex wished he was bigger, maybe if he was then this whole crazy mess wouldn't have started. Perhaps John wouldn't have ever forced him into this knowing Alex could take him down.But being smaller, thinner, more petite. It was a no win."You'll be so perfect for Daddy, you will, this time." John says under his breath, almost huskily even. It made Alex's skin crawl. Alex is certain he isn't meant to hear this, John's gone back to watching the TV and Alex is looking up at him with a confused face. John never notices though, thankfully, because Alex is trying to work him out. John had a mind of a battlefield at times.Then what really made Alex's guts twist even more is when John, lightly, whispers, "You'll finally see things my way"Alex assumed John let it out subconsciously. He didn't realise that Alex was infact listening, still, it baffled him. He couldn't understand by what John meant.Suddenly the light pattering of fingers caught Alex's attention. He darts his eyes over to his thigh, half the god awful pink pleated skirt he had been forced to wear had rode up his thigh. However it was John's fingers, slowly in running motion were going up the curve of his thigh which had caught his attention.Alex looked over to John. "Daddy?" He asked in question.That was when Alex noticed John was staring at the large scar there on the side of his thigh. Alex watched John's face and saw the soft, sad smile on his lips. John's fingers remained there on the jagged pink scar and he's drifting his fingers around it in a slow motion."Daddy?" Alex repeated, a bit louder this time.John let out a small 'mm' in response and Alex says, "What're you doing?"And John's fingers pattered on the scar. "Nothing, baby. You go back to watching the movie." John then patted his thigh full on and smiled properly at Alex. "It's all fine""But you're staring at my scar?" Alex tells him.John nodded. "Mm, I am. But, not to worry. Daddy's head is just in the clouds."Alex snorts to himself.Nothing new there then, John was always in fucking dream world.John must've caught on to that, Alex could feel the slight grit of John's nails in Alex's skin. Only for a second though before his hand relaxes and goes back to being soothing.Alex bit his lip on the inside, he had to keep it together. He needed to be good, for now. But trying not to piss John off wasn't easy. Alex always wanted to misbehave and push his limits. Just to remind John how much he hated his guts and to tell him that he was a shitty human being. It'd become one of Alex's favourite pass times."Why though?" Alex asks, he is curious though. He wanted to know what John was darkly conjuring up that messed up head of his. There had to be something.John removed his hand off of Alex's thigh altogether and went back to running circles on his back instead. He cradled Alex closer to him as they lay there. The movie almost coming to an end and neither of them were really paying that much attention to it."Because I can, munchkin -" Alex cringed, closed his eyes for a split second at that pet name. "I'm your Daddy, I care about you and your body. Not to mention it's right there on display and seeing your scar makes Daddy feel sad." Oh. Yeah. Alex scowls into the front of John's white shirt. It had been all his fault after all. But just being reminded about it, the memory of it - Alex tried to push it far, far back as possible. "You made me mad" Alex mutters, he hoped John hadn't heard.He had though. John lightly swats his backside."Because you were being bad" John tells him, firmly. "You misbehaved and yet you wonder why Daddy doesn't trust you to be out of your room, when he's at work. Hm? I don't want to have to sew my baby doll back together again." He ended bitterly. "We're not going through that ever again. Do you hear?"Alex's face is crumpled. He remembered that day alright, it had been a nightmare. One of the worst ones him and John ever had during his capture.Alex only recalls blood, his blood, how his vision had blotched and his mind went black a few times. The bath water going crimson, it was like something out of a horror movie - only except it was real.Sadly, strangely, luckily, Alex had lived.Whether or not him cheating death somehow had been worth it was still questionable. Alex often thought he was being pranked instead. Being made to live like this. "Alexander" John swats him again and Alex nodded into his chest. "Yeah""It's 'yes', yes what?" Alex gritted his teeth together in annoyance before cutely replying, "Yes, Daddy"And then John went back to the sweet circles rubbed on Alex's back. "That's my sweet boy, my good baby." Alex had to admit all this loving, it did feel nice. "Gorgeous you are, all mine. I'm so happy, you know that?" With the outside being absent from him and John being his only source of interaction Alex had no choice. None at all and for John to show this side to him, the gentleness, the care, the love. Alex craved it - god, he knew he did."Huh?" went Alex. He could feel his head go heavy, Alex felt so drowsy. John was amazing at lulling him to sleep. John leans his head against Alex's once more, their foreheads touching. Their breaths tickling one another's faces, Alex sees John's faint smile there right upfront. Then it's gone when John's pecking his forehead. "I'm so glad you're letting Daddy kiss you again, I knew you would."Not that Alex had much opportunity to kiss anyone else these days. "Now you're being affectionate, a loving baby boy. That just... makes me so pleased. You don't even know how much either." John says, sighing as he did, dreamily and he's brushing his thumb on Alex's thigh for a second. Alex watches John hand there, John had gone back over to his scar and he's rubbing it lovingly. Round and round in small circles. All that soothing was actually causing Alex to fall asleep. It felt so nice. "Perfect, you're going to be perfect." Alex felt his eyes drift shut for a moment until fully falling into the trap of sleep. John's voice became hollow and sleepier too. And the very last thing Alex recalled hearing was, "All mine, forever."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After a good few dates things were bound to heat up between the two.From light touches it turned into hugs, then kisses goodnight. Not before long those kisses turned into full blown tongue wars and steamy make out sessions. Nothing more though. Not yet anyway.John and Alex were comfortable with each other enough to start doing sleepovers. Although Alex had noticed just one thing, John was always staying at his dorm. It was never the other way around. Alex had never stepped foot in John's apartment. Ever.He had never asked why or actually even asked to stay there, Alex assumed when the time was right John would invite him back. It had yet to happen though. For now, Alex was just glad to have John in his life. He was gorgeous.John had recently just turned thirty one. He looked amazing for thirty one and he didn't mind their then year age difference. John said he didn't mind that Alex was younger at all. He admired his maturity, said Alex may only just be twenty one but his mind was older. But other than that John didn't mind at all and he was everything Alex wanted in someone.Kind, charming, gorgeous, held a lot wit, could handle a really offensive, yet filthy joke, didn't mind getting roughed up, sure John was loaded, but honestly, Alex liked him for him. Not to mention, John had a big heart and told Alex about the charitable work he does on the side with his company. Dragged Alex to a nearby pet shop one Sunday and told Alex he wanted to adopt so many animals. Take care of them all, John was like a big child.He liked childish things Alex noticed.They could be having a good conversation about something when they were having a bite to eat. If John saw an advert pass by on a bus or a trailer on a big screen for anything Disney, something related to comics or anything of the sort, John turned to putty. Got all hyped up and pointing to whatever it was.Alex found it cute though to say the least. John always found a way to fascinate him.Then one Friday night in late October, Alex asked John over for pizza and some drinks. They watch netflix, they chill and John stays over. That's what usually would happen, this time though when they're lazing on the sofa together, half dressed and sleepy. Alex decides to do it.It was now or never.Now Alex was nervous.Usually he oozed confidence, Mr Independent at its finest. But right now, all of that dribbled out of him. John made him that weak."I'll just ask you, outright, I think it's time and uh, I really hope, you'll say yes"As he was resting there on Alex's lap. John made a soft hum and asked, "And what's that?"Alex swallowed thickly, shakily he pops the question, "Will you go out with me?"He can feel John shift beneath him and Alex drops his gaze to meet two wide hazel eyes staring up at him in surprise."You're serious?"He nodded at John, a little sweet smile which soon turned into a toothy goofy grin "After five months of dating, you practically know everything about me, I feel something with you, I do, this warmth like it'll never die out and I just -" Alex halted, John's waiting for the next batch of pretty word. His eyes glistening at Alex, lovingly, both their hearts brimmed with love. "It just feels so right, Jack."John's now grinned at him, he sits up for a second beside Alex and John moves a strand from his face. Alex felt his cheek burn, he knew he was going red and it wasn't like Alex to be so shy. But with John, it was different. Having him just say 'yes' and knowing John wanted him back for real. It would mean the world to Alex.He wanted John to be his and to belong to John."Alright, then. I will." John slowly says, his smile makes Alex turn to mush. And John is leaning forward, he's taking Alex by the cheeks and Alex melt under his hands. He moves towards John, he's meeting his lips and they kiss passionately."Hi boyfriend" John goes.Alex's heart flipped."Hey, boyfriend" Alex said back, grinning.Then they meet for another sweet kiss. Sometimes Alex wished John could just die in his sleep. Or maybe, get hit by a bus. Jump off the subway. Get shot. He didn't care, as long as the guy was gone, Alex didn't care solely now. Because, right now, John was testing him."Baby, don't be shy" John cooed. "Give me another pose, love seeing you like this. Gorgeous."Alex felt like a piece of meat.Like an idiot.Stood here infront of John trying a pile of ugly dresses on.He frowned as he gave a small pose, feeling like an absolute idiot in the process. He wondered if John got off on this, whether it aroused him or not. Alex could never tell. John always seemed so chill.Alex presumed it was an ownership thing, possessing something, playing with it."Again!"So Alex did it for him again."For fucks sake..." Alex muttered as he did. John cast him a sharp look, despite his smile, Alex knew it didn't go ignored.Good."Okay" Alex then says, raising his voice and he's doing it again for John.Alex's patience wore thin.Then John moves forward there on the edge of the bed. He goes to tug at the corset's ribbon and swishes his thumb around its silkiness. Relishing it and he's smiling to himself, obviously in some kind of weird haze.Alex pulled a face as he watched John. Then it reverted back to its usual blank lifeless state when John flickered his eyes up at him. That gorgeous dimpled smile of his, it always unhinged Alex. Always, no matter how much he wanted John to vanish off the face of the earth. That smile did the worst to him.John had such a spell over him."Aw, it looks gorgeous on you. Baby doll, give Daddy another twirl." John tells Alex and waddles his finger in a circular motion as he did. Alex glared at him.This was truly awful.John had bought Alex yet another haul of ridiculousness. More pink, more frills, dresses."I look stupid" Alex hisses. He scowls at himself there in the mirror, this dress, it was hideous. Even girls nowadays wouldn't want to wear anything like this. It was so colonial, so old fashioned and creepy. Something a little dead girl in a horror movie would wear.But John could only laugh at him. He's shaking his head as he does, never taking Alex serious. "Don't be silly, you look like a dream. Alright, you can take that one off and try on this now" John says, he eyes Alex up and down like a snack. Alex has no idea how this all gets John off whatsoever. Then he remembered, John had never really told him why dolls were such an obsession for him. He knew his mother used to make dolls but Alex wasn't sure that was the reason for this.John then grabs another dress from the opened package. It was this huge big brown cardboard box just full of dresses and other accessories. Just heaps and heaps of useless shit.Alex sighs softly, there really was no point in arguing anymore. The new dress he's given is light blue, it's a pretty colour, Alex had admit he liked the colour. It had a corset detail at the front in a lighter hue and some silky underskirt. Alex swirls it on its hanger for a better look and John is sat there infront of him, hearts in his eyes and dying in anticipation like an overgrown child."Try it" John urges. "You're going to look so pretty in this one, sweetie. It's Daddy's favourite."So with a sigh, Alex slips off the current dress he's wearing, John helps Alex pull it over his head. Alex always hated being half naked infront of John now that they weren't an item anymore. Since his capture, he hated showing his body to John. He always critisied it and stared at him too much. It made Alex feel so on edge.John had never been as picky when they were dating. He never commented on Alex's body, but he never complimented it much either. John didn't seem to really care much about Alex's extra belly pudge or his lack of muscles and scrawniness. Alex had always been into writing, studying, he didn't care about working out. All of his friends, those guys had been into lifting and sweating out on the daily at the gym. Alex, not so much.When they first started going out John had asked if Alex was into any activities, any at all and Alex explained that he wasn't. He walked more if anything, Alex walked it everywhere if he could just for the exercise. But in terms of sports, nothing. John hadn't said much on the matter, he had only been curious. He gave Alex enough love and that had been fine.But as soon as John refused to let Alex go, to walk away from him after that encounter between them. That was when John's true colours revealed and he hurled all sorts at Alex. Stating how his 'babydoll was eating too much. Also saying how he was going to sort that out right away because 'Alex was never seeing the outside world again and that he wanted Alex for himself, looking the best he could be'.Alex had been mortified, upset and extremely scared. John was bigger than him, heftier and could easily hurt him. So escaping had failed on Alex's part and the new lifestyle that John had him adapt to, it caused Alex to lose so much weight. He hadn't any choice in the matter either.Little portions, low calorie meals and Alex's rebellion only earned him weeks without food. Naturally, he went smaller and Alex was the skinniest he'd ever been in his entire life.He felt weak on a daily basis. Cold and past the stage of hunger.It seemed John preferred him like this. He loved seeing Alex beautifully broken, fragile, defenceless.The way he looked at Alex, his eyes held this dreamy tint and the way he would move his hands all over is body. Feeling the bony crevasses, his lithe figure and John loved to man handle Alex whenever he could.Alex hated it.He hated it all."Where do you even buy these from? Shops don't even sell this type of shit" Alex muttered.He feels John lightly swat him on the backside, Alex frowned when John did."Baby doll" John scolded, tone soft.Alex rolled his eyes. So he decided to just go ahead with it and climbed into the dress, he ignored John's intense staring as he did. Lapping him with his those eyes, enjoying this clearly as he was dressing.Alex felt so disgusting.It was like he was John's very own personal concubine or a stripper.John leaned back on his elbows, smiling as he continued to eye Alex up.Alex slipped the dress up, he's putting his scrawny arms into the sleeves, puffy they were with little tints of glitter on the baby blue tulle. Alex looked down, he saw the dress hit him just by the knees and left enough to show the tips of his bony thighs."Well, since you want to know, I buy them online, specially handmade and they're expensive. So look after them. Daddy thinks you should have the best." John told him and then he's sitting back up again, giving his arms a stretch out.Then Alex jokingly snorted, "You couldn't have ordered me some jeans and maybe a few tops from Target or something?"John shakes his head at him."No" He said, bluntly.Alex rolls his eyes again."Daddy likes you in these and you can stop rolling your eyes at me. Baby, I got you new things. Be grateful."The guilt tactic, yet again. Alex tried to keep his attitude on a low level this time. He didn't say anything and just held up the dress to John. Alex pulled a face and asked him, "Well?"John bit his lip, smiling and he's ushering for Alex to come closer with his finger. "Mm, yes" John hummed, happily. Alex wanted to gag because christ. John looked him over, he gestured for Alex to turn around and John pulled at the skirt's back, tugging it down and he turned Alex so he was facing him again."Yes" John purred. "You look beautiful, love you like this"Alex flickered his gaze to elsewhere in the room and he's trying to ignoring John's hands running up his sides."You look so pretty" John said. "My beautiful baby boy"Ugh.Alex grimaced."What's that face for?" John asks him, his tone concerned and a little hurt.Alex was seething deep down, his blood boiling. This was humiliating. "Baby, baby look at me" John tells him, he pats Alex on the side and Alex looks back to him. John's brow crumpled and those hazel eyes looked concerned."You don't look happy?"Well, no."I don't like being dressed like this" Alex spits. "I hate it"Now it was John's turn to frown. "I don't understand?"Alex scoffed at him, he holds up sides of the dress, looking down at it in disgust and back at John. "I look like a joke! John, I'm twenty-two! I'm not a baby, I'm not -" Alex groaned, throws his hands up to pull at his hair as he lets the skirt part of the dress fall back to his knees. "Jesus, you don't get it"John couldn't stop frowning, he looked more confused than anything. As if this all made sense and Alex didn't get it. "What isn't there to get exactly?" John tells Alex."You're getting stressed, now come on, sh, stop. Take a deep breath, calm down. Stop pulling your pretty hair and don't be ridiculous, baby. You're stunning.""It's embarrassing!"John laughed at him like he was stupid. "How? It's only me, you know I love you in your dresses, princess. It makes Daddy happy."Of course, it was always about John. John's satisfaction and happiness. Never Alex's. Alex's eye twitched and he muttered out,"But I'm not happy, John.""Oh, c'mon now -" John sighed. "How can you not be?""Because I'm a man!"John laughed again and Alex found it so insulting. He had to laugh back at John, sarcastically and shook his head. John went forward and took Alex's wrists. He squeezed them lightly."No, honey, you're my doll. My lovely little doll. Don't say things like that." John tells him firmly. "Now, I know you've found it tough adapting to your new life. I get that. It isn't easy and you're doing so well. Daddy is proud of you. Can't you continue to keep Daddy happy?"Selfish bastard.Alex didn't want to argue with him, instead he just nods and looks away, narrowing his eyes."Good" John says, smiling. "So, could you try on another dress, perhaps?"Wearily Alex looks back at John, tired, unimpressed. But those twinkling hazel eyes refrained him from saying no."I think the pink one will suit you just fine"Another sigh.Great."What ever you say, Daddy" Alex was awoken.He stirred and shifted on his back when he heard the sound of laughter, someone else's laughter. There was another voice or two, Alex didn't recognise them though. There were footsteps walking past his bedroom, he could hear John's voice too and him laughing.Alex wondered if he should shout and scream. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and Alex was finding the energy to get up. He sat up from the sheets and hopped off the bed. Slowly Alex padded his way over to the door and he's stiff still as he ducks down to the bottom of the door, he gets on his knees and he's looking underneath the door. He could feel the cold draft seep through but other than that. Alex couldn't see much just the shadows that passed the hallway light, which glimmered from underneath the door into the darkness of his room.He couldn't see anything so Alex got up on his feet again and he's listening against the door. Clear as day Alex could hear two other voices and John's talking away at the bottom of the hall. It didn't last too long though because Alex could hear them walk off and them saying goodbye.Alex frowned to himself. He wondered who they were. Not that he should care, Alex hit the side of his head and groaned aloud. He should've called for help and screamed his heart out. But Alex couldn't do that, he just couldn't find his voice. There was always the worry of what could happen. What John could do not just to him but whoever those people were.For the next few minutes Alex waited by the door listening and drowned in his own thoughts. He could hear his heart thundering in his chest like a drum. That was when Alex could hear footsteps, John. He could hear John singing some tune to himself and Alex immediately shot from the door and bounded over to his bed. He launched himself on there and as he did he heard the rustling of the door's lock.Alex tossed on his sheet and as the door opened, Alex closed his eyes, nuzzled into his pillow and he could hear John come into the room.As Alex pretended to sleep, him gripping his pillow, cover over him and his leg hanging off the bed. He could hear and sense John shift around him. He heard John's soft breathing, his piercing eyes on him even in the dark. Alex hears a soft stifle of a laugh and a little 'aw'.The next thing Alex knows is that John is pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.So John was just coming to check on him then.Delightful.Alex then feels John move his cover around, tucking it properly around him and a little tousle of his locks. "Sweet dreams" He hears him say. Another kiss on his cheek and John lingered for a couple of seconds, which felt like ages. Alex could feel his eyes on him, John's breath tickling his face and he's tracing his finger around Alex's lips. Alex wondered if John was going to kiss him.He doesn't.Instead he quietly ends with "Alex" in a small whisper. Alex's heart dropped. That moment, it killed Alex. Silently he was dying. It had been so long since he had ever heard that name. Alex couldn't let it get to him. With that, Alex listened to his padded footsteps and for the door to close. The latch slipping into the lock was the very last thing he heard. Alex reopened his eyes and he's looking around. He's in darkness again and he can smell the linger scent of drink in the air.Alcohol.So John had been throwing himself a little get together. Well, how nice of him to invite Alex.Not.Alex frowned at the door and muttered "Mean bastard" under his breath before laying back down again. He grimaced when he felt the dampness on his cheek from the kisses. Alex used the back of his hand to wipe them away, they even smelled like drink too. It was disgusting.Then again, Alex hadn't had a drink in so long. It was foreign to even smell alcohol now. Infact, it actually made his gut turn.Still.Alex had to smile though. Mostly at the memories, the old life he had.He missed the good times.It was as if everything Alex had experienced was now a dream. As if it never happened, John had taken away his freedom and every memory, it felt so far away. Too far away to even say they were memories. His entire life felt like a lie at this point.Stripped from everything he knew. And it killed him. Alex recalled going riot at parties when he was in college, he used to love going out to bars and getting off his face, wasted. But now, his life was such a different tale. It made him so sad to remember all he good, fun, times. His friends and his foster parents.Alex hoped they were still looking for him. They couldn't give up, Alex knew they would be. His foster father Washington wouldn't give up at the click of his fingers, Martha his mother would be worrying, Alex knew what they'd be like, the terrible state they'd be in.His best friends, his girls, Eliza, Angelica and Pegz. They wouldn't give up on him either. He knew that, they had been looking. Deep in his heart, Alex knew.Slowly Alex fell into another sweet, yet, hellish refuge of sleep. "Who were they?" Alex asked sleepily. They were back in Alex's bedroom now.Alex was full from his oatmeal at least. He had actually enjoyed it today.John put strawberries in it for a change. Although it was a small difference, appreciated it all while hating it at the same time. John being nice.But John wasn't nice.John sat down beside Alex on the bed, he's fluttering his fingers through Alex's locks sweetly. "Hm?""I could hear voices" Alex told him."Ah, oh, Daddy had some company over" John tells him. Alex went wide-eyed for a moment.Surely no.John wouldn't have anyone else over in that sense. Not when he was doing this to him and being as doting as he was.Then again, Alex frowned to himself at his own curiosity. He hated how it bothered him if John did have another guy over for a night of passion. He shouldn't care and should be more focused on leaving John, not thinking about who got inside his pants."Company? Uh, you mean like -"John blinked at him."Company, company?"Instantly, it sunk in.John knew exactly what Alex meant by just his tone alone, he hurriedly cuts in with, "No, baby. No, not that type of company. My little doll shouldn't know about things like that -" John mumbled. But he went back to his cheery facade. "Nah, no. Just a couple of Daddy's friends, not that they're coming back any time soon." John said the last bit a bit too sternly for Alex's liking.Alex got the memo, he couldn't shout for help.Then John smiled, a little too sweetly at him."Anyway, lets get you in the bathroom. I'm only going to give you a quick shower over this morning, I've got to be at a very important meeting." John tells Alex and he's looking at the time of his phone quickly before pocketing it in his sweatpants."Right at seven o'clock, on the dot too." John muttered under his breath in annoyance. Alex still heard anyway.It must be extremely early then.Alex always held on to things like this, the time, the weather, certain scents from the day John came home with. It gave Alex a taste of the outside world, a glimmer of that there could still be some hope in all of this mayhem. It kept him sane in a strange, sad, sad, way.John turns to him with a soft yet sleepy smile."Tonight, however, we can spend more time together! Just you and me -"Oh great, Alex thought. He stared at John miserably."You can have a nice long bubble bath. I'll even stop by the drugstore and get you some of those bath bombs you like, not the glittery ones though." John says, he yawned right after.Alex scowls at him. He didn't care, he really didn't. "It's too hard to scrub off and it never goes down the drain properly..."As John stood up and turns for a slight moment to grab Alex's folded towel off his cabinet drawers. Alex darts his eyes at John's phone there lodged at the back of his sweats, peaking out at him in the pocket. Alex's eyes lit up for a second and he wondered if he would be able to snag that somehow.Before John left for work."Daddy, aren't you going to shower too?" Alex asked. He tried not to sound too eager because John would realise, he was up to something.And John always caught on.John turns, he looks over at Alex there still sat up in bed and he shakes his head. "No, sweetie. I'll shower at the gym. I need to get you dressed and do my morning work out before hitting the office."Alex nods slowly. Then narrowed his eyes at John when he wasn't looking.Alex bet John would probably grab himself something nice to eat on the way from the gym too. One of those top salami or meaty lettuce smothered in mayo bagels too. While Alex had to slave away trying to survive on soup or salads. It was messed up.But other than that, this meant John was keeping the sweats on and not getting into his work clothes.Perfect."Come on, time to get you up"John hooked his arms under Alex's armpit and he's gently hoisting him upwards. Alex follows suite and lets John manhandle him since he's got his eyes on the prize, that being John's phone.Effortlessly John threw Alex over his sturdy shoulder. Alex hated being picked up like this, he hated John's hand there holding him up against his ass and feeling like an overgrown child. It was humiliating.Usually Alex would retaliate and demand to walk to the bathroom. But John being John, he enjoyed doing things an actual father would do for their toddler. He loved to just dote on him, hand and foot. But it wasn't cute, it wasn't nice or loving. It was constantly John being in power, controlling him.They're in the bathroom and Alex is slipping off his pink night dress. Although John did offer, Alex declined, because, surely to god he could get a dress off of himself.John is getting the shower warm enough and Alex feels his face flush when he's stopping his hands at his underwear. Lilac little panties with a pink bow at the front.At first Alex had hated wearing panties, his cock and balls would slip and slide all over the show. But over time, he's grown so used to them. Even so, Alex wouldn't object to briefs or boxers like he used to wear. These were the best too - Victorias Secret.Not that it mattered to him though.But Alex didn't like stripping down fully naked infront of John, not at all.John was there waiting and as much as Alex wanted to protest, he didn't. Usually with the baths it was better since John couldn't see his junk but, showers though. Too much was revealed.With the heat seeping from the steaming shower into the room, it still wasn't enough for John not to be able to see Alex's cock and balls. The room was getting heavier by the minute, the big mirror steaming up and Alex felt his heart race.He wondered if he should be bold and do this.Lure John in somehow.The whole thought of it made Alex want to die on the spot. But the longer he was taking to get a move on, the more John was taking notice of his non-movement. John arched a brow at him.Alex avoided John's firm stare or covered himself."You ready?" John asks him.Alex felt his cheeks glow a tinge darker. Oh god.John's eyeing him up and down. Not in a perverted way, but more worried incase something was up. "Baby? What's wrong?"However this time Alex decided to be bold and let his guard down. He swallowed thickly, took a deep foggy breath and to hell with it, Alex clambered into the bath. He tried not to let it bother him that John was staring. John watched him a few seconds longer with those beady hazel eyes.He tilts his head before reaching over to take Alex by the cheek. Softly brushing his thumb against Alex's scratchy skin. He must be in need of a shave soon because John rubbed it again and his brow knit, almost grumpily. But Alex was grown, what did John expect."Nothing" Alex told him, quietly. John stared back at him. Alex shook his head, blinked his eyes and made them purposely bigger. "Daddy?"John raised his brow in question."Why're you staring at me like that?" Alex asked.Then John goes into a smile. He pulls his hand away and he's grabbing a bottle of shower gel. "Oh, it's okay. I was just thinking there, sweetie, we'll have to shave you again soon. You're getting the peach fuzz back."Alex tried so hard not to roll his eyes. He hated it when John did that, tried to make it sound cute.That's what John called it rather than say he had facial hair. Anyway to sugar coat what Alex actually was and even then, John did it for him. Then usually went to do Alex's legs, arm pits, thighs and stomach hair. Anywhere with heaps of hair to remind Alex what he was now.Alex watches him hatefully as he's busy squirting out some candy floss scented pink abomination on his hand. John's putting the bottle down, rubbing his hands together before roaming them over Alex's back, arms and his knees. As John's running his hands on Alex's knees they go to his thighs and Alex can feel then slightly creep down his inner thighs.No.Hell no.Alex hunched them up to his stomach closer, hiding his dignity away from John and edged backwards from him shyly.John notices this and pulls a confused look, he then asks, "Baby, what're you doing?""I want to clean myself" Alex huffed and he's avoiding eye contact. "I do have hands"Then John tilts his head, as if he's considering it."But I'm here to help you" John sings, smiling as he did. John's got that gleam in his eye, he's clearly not having it.He then moves forward to Alex, grabbing one of Alex's pigtails and gently tugging the hair tie out of his scruffy hair. "That's what Daddy is for, I'm not here to hurt you or make you scared"Alex wanted to laugh.The irony though.Alex kept his head down as John was tugging out the next pigtail. He snarled as this happened."We get to spent quality time together, I get to wash you, talk to you, be with you and I enjoy looking after you." John tells him, wholeheartedly. He's putting the glittery hair ties down on the edge of the bath. John then grabs the shower head and slips the faucet back on.Out came pouring warm water.John gave no warning either for Alex as he's whooshing it over his head. Alex snorts out a nose full of water and coughs as he did. John's running a hand through Alex's hair and the next thing Alex can hear is the popping of bottles. He assumed they were the shampoo and conditioner.Strawberry scents filled the room. Alex knew probably smelt like a walking bakery by now. He couldn't wait for John's hands to get the fuck off him."You're such a good boy, staying still for daddy." John says, sweetly. "There we go, all clean now, fresh and you smell amazing. Good."Alex remained sitting there with his arms around his legs until John finished. The shower went off and John's trying to pick Alex up from out the bath. But Alex wasn't having it. He frowns at John and pushes him away at his chest."No -" Alex muttered. "I can get out myself"John twists his mouth and he's watching Alex shakily stand or try to. The heat had made Alex feel all woozy, hot water always made him slightly lethargic. As Alex is getting up, John puts a hand on his arm to help steady him. Alex didn't even realise it but he's no paid any attention to his genitals just there on show. He forgot he was fully naked. Alex sees John staring and immediately Alex covered them up with his free hand."Shit" Alex murmured to himself.He's dying inside.As he did this, John's giving Alex a look. "Oh, please, sweetheart. I don't know why you're so shy, I've seen all of you. We're both boys, you don't have to hide away from Daddy. Don't hide your body." But even the softness of his voice sounded like a threat in some way.And deep, deep down, it petrified Alex. He had no choice but to ever submit."I love that little body of yours, you're so cute."Alex paid him no mind though. He scowls and turns his head away quickly, his wet locks flick around as he did. Alex could feel just how long his hair was getting too. He could feel it right down his back.Even in the steamy fogged mirror there on the wall Alex could make himself out and caught sight of just how pitiful he looked. His hair this length, seeing his spine visible out his back and the very nape of his neck. His thighs had never been any thinner, they were like knots on cotton and his arms were lacking any muscle.He looked so frail, almost like a little teenage boy, so young. Alex lowered his eyes, sadly and felt a pang of misery fulfil him. He didn't know what he was anymore.It was messing with his head big time.For a second Alex's eye sight blurred with a cluster of tears. Although Alex wiped them away, ridding and passing them off as water from his dripping locks. Alex sniffled as John was busy putting the shower head back up on the stand.John's grabbing a fresh fluffy towel off the cabinet drawers and he's wrapping it around Alex. "There we go! Let's get you dried, come on, baby. Quick before you catch a chill"As John's drying him, he's shuffling Alex along into the bedroom this time and as they emerge back in there. Alex ends up plonking down on the edge of the bed. John's busy drying his hair while Alex sits there naked."I'll get you dressed in a moment, honey, wait. The thermostat is on anyway, so it'll warm you up."Alex began to shiver. But hey, at least the heat was on.While John faffed around with him, passing Alex lotion for his skin so he didn't dry up and putting towels away, grabbing some clothes for Alex in the process out of his wardrobe. Alex sat there just in awe, lifeless and his head was banging away with a coming headache. The hot water must've caused this but Alex knew it was more than that.He wanted to break down.Every time he saw himself for what he was, he felt worse and weaker. He was running out of time, very slowly, but surely and worried that in the end, Alex would just give up on ever getting out of here. Completely.Alex's brow knit as he stared down at his bony knees. He couldn't give up, he couldn't give this bastard the satisfaction of winning and playing god.Then Alex lifted his eyes up as he watched John pick out a few dresses. He drew daggers at him, cutting his eyes like crystals against a throat. He was going to get back at John, some way or another.One day.John swivels around with a sickening smile and he's got an armful of dresses. Ugly, frilly, newly bought dresses he'd made him try on the other day. Alex released a sad small breath, here they go again.When John saw Alex's glum expression, John pouted. Almost sarcastically."Oh, do try and smile, anyone would think you're the one going to work overtime tonight." John chuckled, it was meant to be a joke. Alex knew it wasn't. It was John's warning for him to suck it up and cheer the fuck up. So Alex straightened himself out and he sat up. All while trying to keep his hands covering his crotch in the process.John's smile widened when he saw the dull look on Alex's face vanish a little. Alex tried to just appear wide eyed at best and keep a default expression."Okay, baby doll. I've got you a fresh pair of panties -" John's plopping these baby blue frilly knickers there on his lap. They had little pink hearts on too with a small ribbon and a diamond little stud just underneath.Alex examined them, they must be new too. He hadn't wore these ones before.John also had a thing for buying him underwear, yet, he didn't study him as much in them compared to the dresses. Alex assumed John knew how uncomfortable it made him feel being in his underwear, maybe that's why he didn't force him. Well.Yet.Give it time. "You just slip them on" John threw out in a low voice, he's busy shaking out one of the dresses and eyeing it. "Right, I think we'll have you in this blue dress today." He adds.Alex snorted. He assumed it's because it would match his skimpy little panties. John was like that, perverted in a subtle sense. He was transparent as a window, Alex saw through him.John flickered his eyes down on him. Alex looked elsewhere quickly."Something wrong?" John asks. "Hm?"Yes, everything was wrong.Alex's whole life at this point was wrong."Uh, um, why blue?" Alex questioned, random, he had to change the topic though. The last thing Alex needed was to be telling John he's all sorts, getting starved and in trouble with him today. Even though John looked so gleeful, he looked tired beneath it all.Hence why Alex wondered just how long John could keep this whole crazy jig up.John's concern turns to a smile. "Ah, well, not only does it look amazing on you. But I think we need a little cheerfulness here, don't you agree?" Alex sees it in John's eyes.That sheer warning, he wanted Alex to stop being so down. Smile for him, make him feel better.It was either that or the weather outside was terrible and John needed cheering up. Alex wasn't fully sure."Baby?" John pressed.Alex nodded. "Yeah, I guess."He could never be happy here.John's grin widened. "Great, okay. Slip your panties on -" John's eyes darted to them there still on Alex's lap and Alex is shifting, not looking at John, he's turning around there on the bed. Alex didn't care if John saw his ass but it was horrible being scrutinised.He could hear John's muffled laugh. "Oh, god. Sweetheart, stoppit. You don't have to hide, I've told you this." John sighed. Alex stiffened as he listens. Heart racing, he wondered what John was about to do. "I love your little body, please, don't hide from me."Alex scowled at this. Yeah, he liked him thin and helpless. Bastard."I'm not -" Alex muttered."Yes, you are. You keep turning away. It's only me." John reasoned.Alex ignored him and he's grabbing the panties, lifting a leg to get one in the hole. It wasn't easy getting them on whilst kneeling with his back to John on the bed. As Alex put one leg through and went to do the other -"Baby, it's easier if you just stand. My god." John mumbles. "Stand up, do this properly, do you want me to help?""No" Alex immediately snapped. "I can do it on my own"Then as Alex went to put his leg in the other hole now that he had one leg through them. Alex toppled, lost his balance and fell on his side. Instantly he hears John laugh at him and Alex's cheeks are luminously buzzing bright red.For gods sake."It's not funny!" Alex cried, shyly covering his sanity away from John.But John as he's trying to rid off his laughter, he's moving closer and effortlessly, he's flipping Alex on his front. "My, my, you do make me laugh, little one. You're so funny at times. Cutest, funniest, baby boy. Geez, you've made my morning."Angry and in alarm, Alex thrashes around as John is manhandling his panties."Hey -" Alex said, worriedly, slightly scared too. "No, wait, wait!""Just a sec -" John says.Alex kicked around more, his heart was about to pop out of his heart. God, no. This was it, this was it.John's arching a brow at his antics there. "What even... Princess, hey, hey, it's okay!""No! Stop! Stoppit!" Alex whined and he's trying to pry John's hand off him.John's brow knit for a moment. He starts to move the panties up so they cover Alex's ass. "Huh?" said John. "I'm only pulling them up? What's gotten into you?"Alex didn't like the way John just bounded over and starting toying with his underwear like that. He had thought the absolute worst. Although it had never happened, Alex had to be on his guard. He suspected one of these days, John would lose it and attack him.He feels a hand on his lower back rubbing in circles. Alex turns to look up at John, frowning. While John's nothing but shocked."I don't get you sometimes" John tells him, he sounded fairly saddened by this.Yet all Alex could feel was guilt drip inside him.He shouldn't feel any remorse for John at all. But he did.John must have caught on to Alex's thinking."I'm not going to hurt you, Alexander." John huffed and he removes his eyes from Alex's.Alex's shoulders slumped.He felt his heart squeeze at the hurt way John looked back at him just then.Offended. That's the word.It was times like this when John would say his name. Although he didn't use it often much anymore unless he was angry or worried.But it always made Alex remember when they were dating, how John would say his name, the way it rolled off his tongue so perfect. Beautifully in that gorgeous southern twang he had that he always tried to cover up now that he lived in New york.But then Alex would see he human in John. He had his moments. The times where he felt sadness, guilt, some type of hurt.John says he wasn't trying to hurt him but he did, each and every day."Okay, right. Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" John tells him, tone chirpier. Obviously trying to forget what just happened.He's gone back to his cheerful facade now and he's taking the blue dress of its pink blush hanger. Alex was still lay there on his side looking defensive as ever. Watching John peel the dress off and he's holding it up to Alex with that same, old, chilling smile. Sweet but sickening."Now, lets get you dressed"Alex wanted to whine, loudly.He hated this part.John's already putting the dress over him. It took over a good ten minutes too, John having Alex sit at his vanity table while he did the corset up his back perfectly. John always took getting Alex done for the day, very, seriously. It was an art form of its own. Dress on, knees up for his thigh high socks, then there was the decision on what necklace or rings he wanted Alex in to match the dress.It was such a crock.When John had him in the blue dress he loved so much on Alex, some pretty white thigh highs, this silver heart locket and a few little pink diamond rings with green ones. John started on Alex's hair and it was fixed up into his usual pig tails, this time with little blue ribbons tied on each.Alex looked at himself in the mirror as this happened. John's finishing up on one of the ribbons. Humming to himself happily, in a world of his own."Haven't you got to get to work?" Alex asked, bluntly. "Uh, it's been, some time. You've got a meeting?"John nodded as he kept on smiling and humming away."Um, Daddy?" Alex asked, sheepishly.Then John lets out a small sigh. He meets Alex's eyes there in the big wide mirror. John there towering behind him and Alex is wondering what will happen next.He watches the way John's lithe fingers twiddle with the ribbon, looping it around into a perfect knot. He took so much pride into doing all of this, Alex felt bad in a sense, since his efforts didn't go appreciated much."Yes, Princess. I've got work, I'll go when I've got you looking presentable for the day. You shouldn't worry." John tells him. "Let Daddy do the worrying, okay?"Alex slowly nodded and goes back to looking at himself instead."But I think we're just about done anyway now" John says, wearily.Alex chewed the inside of his cheek before finding it in him to ask, "You sound tired?"Then all of a sudden John stiffened and it caused Alex to as well.They never spoke much about general things.John usually chatted away and Alex listened but there was never a proper conversation between them. Usually just shouting, bickering, complaints on Alex's part and John humouring him or trying to calm him down.So this was a step.John's staring down at him, his fingers still on Alex's ribbon and then he's smoothing out on of the pigtails. He's then grabbing the can of hair spray and getting the brush. John never liked to use heat on Alex's hair and he didn't have time to do the twirly pigtails properly.Instead John's spraying it on one of them while he's twisting the brush around the end of the pigtail. Mostly to give it a bit of a glistened wavy look.Alex watched as he did."I am a little" John tells him after what felt like forever in a small voice.Alex presumed John must feel the awkward tension too. He wasn't used to this either. Then again, they could never be on level. No matter how much Alex submitted to him, it'd never be like they once were.He's applying more hairspray and Alex gave a cough. "Oh, oh gosh, I'm sorry -""No, it's fine." Alex says and he's wafting a hand around to rid the spray.John's watching him clear his chest before quickly applying more to the next pigtail, then returns the can of spray back on the vanity table."Why're you so tired?" Alex asked him, he could breathe again now.After smoothing out the last pigtail, it's glimmering away there against the bedroom light and John's gone to tight the ribbon knot at the top. John shrugged and then sighs, "Just am""Is it work?" Alex asks and bites his bottom lip. It feels weird asking John questions about how he felt for a change. Usually it was the other way around.Alex can feel that long, hard, stare on him there in the mirror. Silently Alex is screaming, he's worried."Mm, you could say that. But work is work, it can't be helped." John said again, tiredly.He's twirling his fingers around the ends of each pigtail and admiring them in the mirror, right there, behind Alex.Alex felt so tiny.His heart was pounding.He wondered if John was mad about him asking."Will you be home late again?" Alex asked yet another question.Was this allowed?John's continuously twisting, turning and swirling his forefingers around the tips. Mostly dragging it out while he's listening to Alex ask him things."Mostly likely" John replied, blankly.Alex twiddles with a stray piece of thread there on the edge of his tele underskirt. He's pulling at it nervously, wondering what to ask next because the silence is suffocating. It's boring him to death and subconsciously Alex tugs at it, it's stretching away and unraveling a piece of the hem.Immediately Alex stops, he's realised what he's done and covered his arm over the undone stitching. He hopes John doesn't notice."Do you still like your job?" Alex asks. "I know, you've said, you hate it sometimes, wasn't it because of your dad? I've asked before, I know but -"He stopped right there.Shit.Alex cursed himself mentally.Him and his mindless rambling.Maybe it was too much to bring their past up.It's a question Alex has asked John once before when they were dating. Alex always asking about what it was like for John being the president of his company, the hours, the privileges, the money. All sorts. John was very skittish his answers. Alex could tell John left a lot out. But this one was just a mere innocent question. It wasn't being too nosey but it took Alex back.He knew it did the same for John too.They meet each others eyes once more in their reflection.Just then Alex caught sight of a simpler time with them both.It felt like so long ago.He reminded back to another time. Rewind. John locking his long, sturdy arms around him and kissing at Alex's neck. Rocking them back and forth there on the sofa, a friday night with the wine glasses out on the table, the TV blaring some movie. Alex laughing aloud at the way John's kisses tickled. Them looking at each other in the eyes, Alex caught sight of something he had longer for most of his life whenever he did. Love.Then it's over.That past vision is shattered in shards that peel away from the vanity and there they were in the present.Alex no longer in his hoody, jeans and old grey socks. He's sat there glum, frail and sad. Dressed like a freakish toy in a child's dress and John there behind him, locking eyes with him in a whole different way. Not love, no warmth remained in them anymore. They were nothing.John's fingers leave Alex's pigtails, they flop and he places his hands on Alex's shoulders.Alex tenses from his cold touch."What's with all these questions, baby doll?" John finally asks.Alex shrugged and he's looking down back at his lap."Hmmmm?" went John. He shouldn't have brought it up. Alex felt his hands go all clammy.John tilts his head, he twists his face into a slight look of frustration for a second before it went into a soft expression."You don't have to be scared to ask me things" John told him, sternly and he's moving his hands in rotation there on Alex's shoulders. "Honestly, it's fine."Alex had to admit it felt nice but he still didn't trust them hands. They've struck him many times before for stepping out of line."I just -" Alex croaked.John's glaring at him to continue."I felt like asking, that's all." Alex says.Slowly John's lips moved into small smile. He's giving Alex's shoulders a squeeze. Even though it was supposed to be comforting with John looming over him like this Alex couldn't shake off that feeling of being dominated."You're trying to make conversation with me, for once. Right?" John asked.Alex nods. "Guess so""But you feel as if it's too awkward?"John could read him like a book."Yeah" Alex says, defeated.He's squeezing his thighs together, the thigh high socks had glitter in them. Alex had barely even noticed until now. Pretty."God, you're adorable." John chuckled and he's moving his hands to Alex's cheeks.He hitches Alex head up so that Alex was gently urged to look back into the mirror. Alex does and his gaze married John's once more.Hazel eyes burrowed into brown."I want that" John tells him.Alex looked confused.He gives Alex's cheeks a light squeeze. Like a loving mother pinching her baby's chubby cheeks."That's all I want, Princess. Daddy wants you to engage more, be open, talk. It's allowed." John says to him. His smile grew, it appeared more affectionate and it's gorgeous. Alex saw those dimples come out to play and his heart does a backflip.Alex hates himself for it too."I know you're not shy" There's a mischievous spark there in John's eyes. It's as if John's referring to Alex's past self. Did he want Alex to be more like he used to be? Yet play up to this lifestyle at the same time? Alex wasn't sure. " So don't be shy. Not with me, understood?"Alex gave a slow nod.John squeezed him again."You were never shy before... so just... Yeah. Just be you."He does.Alex gets it now.John wanted his cake and he wanted to eat it. It was his way or no way. But if this was what John wanted from Alex, then Alex may have to consider being his old, usual self. Perhaps it might just lead him to freedom. If he played his cards right, maybe, he could get away.It was such a risk.He had been going about this all wrong.Alex knew it probably wasn't easy for John. Trying to keep this whole facade going, everyday, keep the police off his back and head low. Force someone into being to stay with them.John wanted a relationship with him, a proper one, where they spoke, laughed, company. Alex figured that John may just be truly lonely since his plan keeping Alex hostage and forcing him to be what he wanted wasn't working. He missed that connection between them, he wanted that.And all the trying to come on to John randomly, raising suspicion, since he had done that before. Right at the start of this shit and Alex tried tricking John but it had back fired. Going back to normal and being himself in someway, it seemed like his only option. To make John fall for him again, deeply, then escape.Yet Alex didn't want to be close to John again like that. He didn't deserve it but -He had to regain that proper trust.Alex took a deep breath.He had to do this realistically, he couldn't be too nice, too sweet and cute. He had to just be him, take it slow."Okay" Alex said back. "I'll try not to be"John hummed."I will" Alex shot. "It's just not easy for me" Well, it was the truth.John could only give Alex a little smile. He understood then."Right, well, I need to get to work now." John says, rapidly changing the subject. "Do you need anything picking up on my way home?"Normally Alex would shoot out something sarcastic, ignore him or say he wanted things that weren't doll-like. But he didn't.Alex assumed this was a test of some sort.He went along with whatever John's little scheme was."No" Alex told him. "Nothing"John's watching him, carefully, Alex does see those eyes narrow a little. He wondered what John is thinking. He goes back to smiling."Okay"Then John is grabbing the remote and flicking on some cartoon on the baby channel. Alex looked away as he rolled his eyes, another day of Pet Patrol. But he didn't complain, he kept his misery to himself.John gave him a once over there from above as Alex was still sat there on the small vanity table stool. He looked pleased with his work, John's doing the weird thing of tipping his head, side to side to approve of him. Usually he'd ask Alex to get up or pose. But not today."Mm, cute as a button, as always." John cooed.Alex kept his insults held back.Freak, was all Alex had running through his mind."Alright beautiful, I am going to have to get off now. Daddy will be home later tonight." John says and then lifts a finger up to Alex's nose, gently prodding the end of it. John's smile was too cute, it shouldn't be cute. Fuck. "Kay?" Alex's heart skipped. No. No. This was something John used to do when they were together.He always prodded and booped Alex's nose for a joke or whenever they finished kissing. Alex would always go cross-eyed and laugh. Fuck no. Alex didn't like this. John's smiling fondly at him, almost sadly. "You be good"And he's turning his head away, those hazel eyes lingered as he did and Alex's breaking inside. His feelings were scambled up and this was confusing the life out of him. He couldn't get caught up over something so small, so stupid.As John turns, Alex spots John's phone there at the back of his sweats.Alex's eyes sprang open.Now was his chance, he had to and as John's about to walk away. Alex goes to reach for it, his arm is out, John doesn't see and yet Alex doesn't.He finds himself unmoving, still sat there.John's already out the door now.Alex is left there at his vanity, in shock at himself while the cartoons play in the background and the sound of the lock churning from outside. He couldn't do it. He just could not do it. And he didn't even know why.