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Lance walked to his room while whistling loudly. That used to be his normal behavior but now on the inside he felt like screaming. He wanted to grab Keith and demand answers to why he was treated like that. He didn’t know why keith reacted so badly. Was him being gay that bad? Lance felt this throat tighten and reached into his pocket to open the door. Just as soon as he put the key in the door he hear Pidge call out to him. “There you are ,where have you been?” Pidge said to him. Lance drew his mouth into a bashful smile which somehow still managed to come off as self assured and confident. That was ironic since he felt as if his whole world had shattered and he didn’t know what to do. Thinking about Keith was just confusing and he didn’t know how to approach the whole situation. “I just wanted to get some air, you know how it is “ Lance spoke more softly than he normally would have and Pidge couldn’t help but notice the undertone of sadness in his voice. Pidge no doubt just thought lance wanted to stay under his radar and do whatever he wanted and be “irresponsible ”“Uhuh” Pidge rose his eyebrows at lance and had the aura of a disappointment parent and that just made lance feel as if he was doing something wrong yet again. “Have you even eaten breakfast yet?” “No i havent yet” Lance said while laughing quietly. He didn’t even feel like laughing but he knew that he had to at least seem like he was as invested in the convo as he would normally be. There was the word again “normal” as if he couldnt even be the same again. As if keith had changed him so far that he couldn’t come back from this.Keith knew his secret and would probably expose him soon and then it would be all over of him. Lance felt his smile drop at the thought of being left by the people he called his family. He hoped they would understand but they had never entertained the idea or even asked him about his sexuality. Lance used to go on about girls all the time and he guessed he was trying to compensate for the completely different attraction that he felt.He guessed he always knew he was gay, ever since he was young he noticed how the guys in his class was were more attractive than the girls. And in fact he felt disgusted at the thought of girls, wearing overpowering perfume and smothering him in hugs. He was popular which was probably due to his vibrant personality and his tendency to make friends quickly. It was obvious that the girls would take attention to him and unfortunately attraction aswell. They would constantly try to get his attention and drape themself over him. Petending to be interested in women was really hard and whenever he went on a date he felt like flinching every time they leaned in for a kiss. He didn’t know what to do in that situation and felt as if he had to pretend to be enjoying it when in reality he felt like he was dying inside. Pidge cleared his throat “well go eat now, you’ll need that energy today”Not waiting for his response pidge turned on his feet and walked back the way he came leaving lance to his thoughts. Turning the key in the lock he shoved his door open quickly. His brain felt muddled and he knew that when he goes to see the rest of the team they would know everything. Sure he could pretend its a joke but would they believe him and more importantly would Keith say anything . Lance felt his chest heave and he felt as if was about to cry. Everything he had tried so hard to make was about to crumble away from underneath him. Could he argue and say that he couldn’t control how he felt and they couldn’t control it either. He went to his bedroom and sat on his bed, he lay back putting his hands on his face and let his mind flow. The thoughts of keith smiling and joking with him and then the thoughts of keith disgusted and turning him away. It was overwhelming but he knew he couldn’t hold back his thoughts for long and that the more he tried the more it would hurt. He wanted to hurt in a weird way and he wanted to know that this was real and he was real. That this wasnt a dream and he couldn’t just wish it away. That this was going to be his reality and his downfall. What he was waiting on is for keith to expose him and turn everyone against him just like he turned away from lance. Lance felt his eyes well up at the thought of being abandoned, in a odd way he wanted to laugh. As if laughing could save the whole situation and make it seem less. Less destructive. Less hurtful. Less confusing. He slid his shoes off and curled up on his side instead and let his eyes close. He knew that he couldn’t sleep and he had to get up to go meet the team but for now he just wanted peace. Or as close to peace as he could get with his mind tearing him apart at every second. Lance sighed deeply and drew his legs even closer to his body as if he could protect himself from the pain he felt inside. He wondered what keith felt in this moment. Was he thinking about him? If he didn’t meet the team he wanted to know if Keith would feel responsible or feel worried about him. Though that was doubtful and to be honest he didn’t want Keith to be worried about him.He didn’t want to be a burden and hover his shoulder constantly checking if he told his secret. He just wanted to go back to being friends where whatever he would do was taken as a joke. When every complement he gave was filled with heart but covered with a joke and taken lightly. It was moments like that that were bitter sweet. Lance wanted to be taken seriously but not as serious at the same time so he always had the opportunity to go back to being what they were before. Friends. Lance felt his heart clench at the thought of being left behind because he caught feelings.
He wanted to keep Keith close and stay by his side and the knowledge that it was no longer his reality was heartbreaking and he felt like it was a blow to the chest. He sighed again and reached over to turn of the lamp across his bedside table.
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Not an update so guys sadly ppl have found out my account that i know so im going to continue this on another account that im making in a hour or so since the invitation is today. Thanks to those who like my fics and to those who bookmarked and kudos and also to thise who liked my work enough to ask for a continuation. If someone else wants to continue this then just comment or something and if not then I’ll continue it on my other account. I don’t think I’ll delete this account just yet though so ppl have the chance to read.See you guys and ao3 is really the besttt