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Chuck initially says no. Max will eat it, he says. Or, more likely, Max will suffocate it trying to cuddle-hog it. Either way... dead kitten, sad Raleigh, and fuck no, Chuck Hansen did not sign on to see Raleigh cry.Raleigh doesn't argue. Logically, he knows Chuck is probably at least in the general vicinity of right. But the kitten is awful damn cute, and he catches himself calling it Peaches in his thoughts and even says it out loud once, though only Herc hears it. And promptly pretends he didn't.It's a cuddly little bastard once they get it cleaned up. It's charcoal grey, two shades lighter than full-on black, and it has big green eyes, and Raleigh was a goner the second it nosed at the fingers he twitched at it trying to get it to come out from under the dumpster in the city. But he tries. For Chuck's sake, he tries not to fall completely in love with poor little Peaches.Everything changes when Raleigh yawns himself awake to find Chuck staring down at him, the most heart-breaking expression of mixed annoyance and fondness on his freckled face, and Raleigh looks down to see that Peaches has apparently claimed his chest as home. He looks back up and knows, just like that, that Chuck, too, is a goner.Peaches is staying.Of course, Chuck refuses to call the little bugger Peaches. It isn't dignified, he says. She isn't fucking orange, he says. She's a fucking warrior, you can tell by the claws, you wanker, he says. We're calling her Striker and that's final, he says.Raleigh just smirks. "We could always call her Gipsy."Chuck tries. He really does. He tries to hold out for a full minute. Okay, fifty-three seconds."Right. Peaches it is."Damn right it is.
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Chuck has, on numerous occasions, informed Raleigh that he is a Disney Princess™. Animals seem to seek him out and flock about him, twittering birds on his (broad) shoulders and deer and bunnies and shite frolicking about his (big, stupid) feet.Chuck, on the other hand, has Max and, now, Peaches. Both love him fiercely and with hair (Peaches) and drool (Max), and he loves that. He's okay with most other animals ignoring him in favor of Raleigh because his dog loves him. His cat loves him.It's enough.Until Peaches leaps away -- digging in those fucking dagger claws on her way -- to crawl up Raleigh's fucking leg and nuzzle her traitorous self up under the shelf of his heroic fucking jaw. Because that's some bullshit right there, because Peaches is supposed to love Chuck. He feeds her and lets her claw him and everything, goddammit.But the final straw is when Max -- his dog, dammit! -- groans and rolls his stocky, heavy body off the goddamn couch during the ear scritches that always precede bellyrubs to nose about the Disney Princess's goddamn boots until Raleigh bends down for face scrunches.
Ah HELL no.
"BECKET."Raleigh, doe eyes fully engaged, just looks at him, not yet wounded but definitely aware of the strident tone.
"You do not get to steal my dog."
And there the silly sausage crouches, Chuck's cat on his shoulder all nuzzling his neck and Chuck's dog rolling his eyes in bliss and groaning with unabashed joy at all the apparently superior scrubbings, and no. Fuck no. Fuck no.But Becket just looks confused. "I'm... not?""He just abandoned me to come beg attention from you, ya wanker. Stop stealing my pets. They're mine. You have literally every other animal in existence, so you can't have mine!"Frowning now -- oh, God help Chuck if the bloke brings out the goddamn puppy eyes because he has absolutely no resistance to them and he is mad and wants to stay that way -- Raleigh stands up straight. Max, the traitor, whuffs in protest and bumps his big, blocky head against the pet-stealing rotten sod's shins."Chuck... I'm not stealing anything. I just... walked in? That's literally all I did? And I could never steal Max. He"s your dog."Grumbling, Chuck scowls and crosses his arms. "They love you more."Oops. He didn't mean to say that.But Raleigh definitely heard, and... oh, shit. The bloke puts on his understanding look, and it's just as beautiful as every stupid expression to ever cross the pretty bastard's face."Chuck." Sighing, the silly sod strides over -- animal friends along for the ride, as always -- and sits down beside him. "They don't love either of us more. They're animals. They greet the newest person in the room like they haven't seen them in years.""Peaches has been licking your neck since she climbed up there."The little traitor.And now the bastard is smirking. "Jealous?""Oi! Yes, I'm fucking jealous, okay?" Slumping back like a goddamn teenager, Chuck looks away. "I have two fucking pets who are supposed to love me unconditionally, and you just--""I mean of Peaches."Sputtering, he stops, eyes wide, staring at the rotten sod."I mean, I'm not exactly gonna smack you away if you want to lick my neck for a solid ten minutes."He doesn't want to smile. He wants to stay mad, because Max is still pawing at Raleigh's stupid leg for stupid ear scritches.But his mouth twitches without his permission.And just like that, his irritation is gone."How about you lick my neck for ten minutes?""Deal.""Bonzer. Get to it, yeah?"And Raleigh, good bloke that he is, gets to it.
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"Don't blame me."Raleigh eyed the big ginger jerk with disdain. "Yes, because I have ever even once used a bath bomb. Let alone one with glitter.""Shut up. Dad says I'm supposed to do shite I didn't have time for before, to take better care of myself.""GLITTER. Peaches is covered with GLITTER, Chuck. The entire place is covered with GLITTER.""Not my fault.""It is demonstrably entirely your fault.""...""...""Makes my skin feel nice, though.""Prove it.""...""Oooooh. I mean... oh, fuck it, that is nice. Silky.""You can keep doing that all fucking night, love.""Which one did you use for that?""Starry Starry Night.""Nice! Good for your skin and historical and artsy.""So... you're not still mad about the glitter cat?""Well... I mean... you could have just washed out the tub when you were done.""...But she sparkles now.""Fine. Whatever. I'm locking myself in the bathroom for half an hour, minimum.""Leave the door unlocked and I'll bring you a cup of Sleepy Time tea.""Sold."