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The first time was on the purple couch. Ethan was pressed to Grayson’s side, fixing his hair in the view finder of their camera.Grayson was deep in thought. He had been contemplating telling his brother something for a while and, now, on this couch, shoulder-to-shoulder with his twin, he was fairly certain he wanted to speak his mind.“Hey, E?” Gray bit his bottom lip, not breaking eye contact with the camera.“Whaddup?” Ethan finally pulled his hands from his long brown locks, looking over at the other man.“I can tell you anything, right?”“Yeah, duh,” E paused, then looked at his brother’s face again. “Why. Something wrong? Some shit bothering you?”Grayson glanced at the other and sighed. “Yeah,”The shorter boy waited for him to speak.“I think I’m in love with James.”Ethan nearly choked on the air in his throat. “What?”Grayson cringed at the reaction. “I-I think I’m bi… bisexual. And I have feelings for James.” He was quiet and was still biting his lip.Ethan blinked a few times. “Oh,”“Are- is that okay…? Are you upset?”“What!?” Ethan’s eyes widened. “No, no way. That’s great! I’m proud of you, bro!”Gray released a long breath as Ethan grabbed his wrists, yanking him forward into a tight hug. “Thanks, E. I was so scared to tell you.”“Dude! You’re my twin. I hate to say it but, I love you,” The older chuckled. “And that’s not gonna change. Ever.”Grayson couldn’t keep a few tears from welling up in his eyes and Ethan punched his shoulder.“Sorry,” Gray chuckled. “Just really happy things are good between us. Not sure if I could handle it if it bothered you.”Ethan smiled fondly, ruffling the other’s hair with a hearty chuckle of his own. “No way. You ain’t losing me that easy. Now come on, just cause you’re bi doesn’t mean we don’t have bills to pay.”The shorter twin stood up, quickly turning on the camera, and returned to where he was.----------J----------The second was in Las Vegas.
Grayson’s entire body was shaking as he settled into the zipline cart. One of the zipline workers walked over to Grayson’s side.Apologizing in advance for the contact she would make with Grayson’s thighs, the young worker began strapping him in.She pulled hard on the belt around the younger twin’s waist, giving a thumbs up to her co-worker.Grayson faked a smile at her, gripping the armrests of the seat.“How are you feeling, daddy?” James asked, a smile playing on his lips.Gray stuttered for a moment, lips twitching. “Fine,” he said shortly.James seemed to sense his hesitation, as he grabbed Gray’s thigh gently and leaned his head onto his shoulder for a moment.“Ready?” One worker asked.Both boys nodded, the worker pulled a lever.The cart clicked, inching forward for a moment, then suddenly released, flying forward toward the other end of the wire.Grayson could hear Emma and Ethan cheering behind them for a moment but, it was quickly drowned out by the sound of his and James’ screams.“Oh my god, oh my god,” James screamed, gripping Gray’s thigh tighter. “Oh my god!”“Holy shit!” Gray leaned back against the seat.“This is awesome!” James yelled.“We’re gonna die!”“Ew! Don’t say that!”“If we die, I want you to know that I love you!” It happened before Grayson could even think about it. Not that he regretted telling James. It was true. He loved him.“I love you more!”Grayson gripped James’ hands in his own, pulling them into his lap and letting out another yelp as the cart came to a temporary stop.James dropped his head back on the seat, breathing heavily as he squeezed Gray’s sweat-damp hands. His dark hair was a mess atop his head but, his makeup still looked flawless. His cheeks were slightly pink from the wind and his clothes were disheveled. It was kind of… cute…?Grayson sighed and dropped his head on James’. “Holy hell,” he blinked a few times.“I know, right!?” James grinned.“I’m gonna kill Emma for bringing us here.”----------J----------The third was in James’ room.Grayson was curled in a tight, shaky ball, knees to his chest. He was sobbing, biting down on his lip as to not make too much noise.James was clutching the boy to his chest, stroking his soft hair and squeezing his body.Today had to be the worst day of Grayson’s life so far. His father, his closest friend aside from Ethan, was gone. His world felt like it was crumbling around him.Gray had gotten the news while at a business dinner. His phone had buzzed in his pocket, a text from Ethan. He’d demanded that Grayson call him as soon as possible.Grayson had excused himself from the table, rushing outside to call his twin.The younger didn’t remember the words Ethan had said. All he’d heard was, “He’s gone, Gray. Dad’s gone.”Then the tinnitus kicked in. His vision went blurry. He’s not sure when he dropped his phone but, it clattered to the floor and he let out a scream-like sob, hand flying over his mouth. He collapsed.The company manager he had been meeting with, having given up on getting the younger man to talk, got Grayson to his car.“Grayson, come on,” the manager, Paul, had sighed, halfway through their drive. “You gotta tell me where to drop you off. I don’t know what’s going on but, you’re not stable right now and I’d feel like a douche if I left you alone.”Gray had just managed to mutter out James’ address.Paul walked Grayson to the door, ringing the doorbell.When James opened the door, his face sunk. He listened to Paul’s quick explanation of what happened before thanking him and dragging Grayson inside.
Now they were here, in James’ bed, curled up, cuddling.Grayson buried his face deeper in James’ chest, sobbing harder as he thought back on the day. James had texted Ethan, who was with Emma right now, to notify him that Gray was there.“Shh,” James whispered, petting Grayson’s head. “It’s okay, let it out.”Gray let out another hard sob into James’ shirt. “It’s not okay. How could it be okay? He’s gone. He’s gone.”The twins had almost been expecting this, anticipating it. But that meant nothing. No matter what, they always hoped that everything would somehow come together.They should have gotten a warning. There should’ve been a huge sign that popped up the day before or a loud voice that screamed it in their faces, “Hey! It’s time!”But instead, Grayson was shaking in his friend’s arms and mourning the loss of his father, wishing he could hug the man who’d raised him.“I’m here, Gray. Don’t worry. I got you.” James whispered.Grayson looked up, realizing then that he’d said the other’s name. He noticed that James’ eyes were tightly closed. There were tears stained on his cheeks, which were slightly red.The younger of the two pulled the older close, nuzzling into his neck. He was still crying but, for his and James’ sakes, he quieted down a bit.“I love you, James,” Grayson whispered. “Thank you… for everything.”“Don’t thank me. I love you, Gray. I’ll always be here for you.”Grayson, still quietly crying, nuzzled closer once more.----------J----------The next, time number four, was on their first “date”.It was February second.James had just hit his fifteen million subscriber milestone and Grayson had immediately decided he needed to take him to dinner.James, who didn’t want to be a bother or take Grayson away from his daily duties, tried to refuse.“Nope,” Grayson had shaken his head and smiled a little bit. “I’m taking you out whether you like it or not.”James had sighed, shaken his head back, and rubbed Grayson’s bicep gently. “Alright, alright. If you really want to,”Gray had grinned and taken the other into his arms.Now they were sitting across from each other at a table in a nice restaurant that James had chosen, some Italian place with dim lights and nice, quiet violin music playing in the background.Grayson hadn’t expected something so fancy but, he’d happily obliged. He’d quickly dressed himself in a tight , gray, short sleeve button-up and black skinny jeans.James was in a black crop top with a leather jacket, as well as some type of loose black pants with a belt that was too long.Gray would never understand fashion, but he knew James looked extremely gorgeous.
“How’s your pasta?” Grayson asked as James twirled his fork in his olive oil coated angel hair.The older smiled, looking up a little at him. “It’s really good. How’s your chicken?”Grayson nodded. “Good, good.”“You look really nice,” James said with a smile.“Thanks, so do you,” Grayson grinned.James’ face flushed pink. “Thanks,”Gray reached out, taking the champagne bottle in his hand, and popping it open.“James, today you reached fifteen million subs on YouTube. I love you, I’m extremely proud of you, and you deserve each and every one of them.” He said, pouring them each a glass.James’ lips curled up in an uncontrollable smile, blushing. “To us?” he lifted his glass toward Grayson.“To you, to YouTube, to the sisters, and to us!” Grayson clinked their glasses together.----------J----------The fifth time was February 14th, 2019. Valentine’s Day.James was busy filming a Cupid’s arrow look, which he repeatedly called the ‘Anti-Valentine’s Lewk’.Grayson was sitting silently behind the camera, watching his best non-family friend coating his face with different makeup products.
“Ya know,” James said quietly, laughing to himself as he examined his finished look. “This is why I’m going to be alone forever. I’m making videos for the internet where I stab fake arrows into my face.”Grayson smirked.
“I don’t know, I’d say that bite mark on your shoulder would tell me differently,” he shrugged.He’d expected the other to glare at him and shout something like, “Grayson! You can’t say that on camera!”Instead though, the boy smiled and blushed, his hand brushing over said ‘bite mark’.“You’re an asshole,” James sighed fondly.“You know you love me,” Gray crossed his arms.“Yeah, I guess I do love you.”“Good, cause… I love you too!”James rolled his eyes, turning back to the camera to continue filming.----------J----------“James, come on!” Grayson shouted, running after his best friend.James ignored him, grabbing his phone off the couch and rushing toward the front door.“James!” he cried again.The younger grabbed James’ wrist gently, pulling him back away from the door.“No, Gray!” James shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. “I can’t anymore. I can’t keep this up! You kiss me, and tell me you love me, and give me your clothes. You ask me to come over, or show up at mine almost every day! You-you act more like my boyfriend than every guy I’ve ever met.”“I-I thought that’s what you wanted? What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better!” Grayson begged, eyes burning with potential tears.“If you really want that kind of relationship with someone, if you wanna treat someone like your partner but never actually start something, fine. You do you. But I can’t fucking do this!” James shook his head, tears streaming down his face. “I thought- no, I hoped that if we were gonna do this, we’d do it right. I hoped we could have a real relationship. I hoped we would be boyfriends and come out to the fans and tell your family together. I hoped we could be in love. But obviously you aren’t ready for that.”James quickly pulled his arm from Gray’s hand, turning
and pulling open the front door.With that, he was gone.Grayson collapsed to the floor, tears running down his flushed cheeks.