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This part wasn’t new, sneaking into Steve’s bedroom through the janky window at all hours of the night. Unfortunately, finding Steve beaten up wasn’t new, either. “Hey, I thought we were supposed to catch a movie…” Bucky is in the middle of saying as he climbs through the window, but he’s stopped short when he sees Steve hunched over on the edge of the bed.“Uh, right,” Steve says, voice strained, and Bucky can tell he’s trying to act like everything’s okay. “It must have slipped my mind. I… I’m sorry, Buck.”“Steve,” Bucky says, keeping his voice as calm as he can as he approaches Steve. “What the hell happened?”Steve shrugs, but the movement also makes him flinch and curl his arm tighter around his middle. Bucky bends down to be eye level with his best friend, expression steeped with concern now as he finally gets a good look at Steve’s bleeding face.“It’s nothing,” Steve says, just like every other time.And like every other time, Bucky doesn’t let him off that easy.“Bullshit, Steve. You look like you were just mauled by a bear. Wait, were you actually mauled by a bear?” Bucky asks, smirking a little to keep the energy a bit light in the room.Steve attempts what Bucky thinks is supposed to be a smile, but looks more like a pained grimace. Bucky strokes his fingers through Steve’s hair, pushing it back from his forehead to get a good look at the split through his eyebrow.“Nah,” Steve says softly. “It was just the same old stuff.”“Richard?” Bucky asks, feeling his jaw tense at the thought.Steve just nods, ducking his gaze so he can’t meet Bucky’s eyes at the admission. Bucky nods once then stands up. He wants to do something, anything to make this all go away and to finally have some peace, have a day when Steve could go out and not have to worry about getting the shit beat out of him because he’s smaller than everyone else. “Buck, stop. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me,” Steve says and Bucky knows he means it, but Bucky can’t help the innate need he feels to always fiercely protect Steve, no matter what.“Fine,” Bucky says, though it’s against his better judgement. “What we need now is to get you in the shower and then get some ice on that shiner of yours.”“Ma’s still here,” Steve says, a bit guiltily and holds up his hands when Bucky opens his mouth. “I don’t want to go worrin’ her. She has plans to go out dancin’ with her friends for the first time in forever. Besides, she thinks I’m out with you.”“Right,” Bucky says. “At least she remembers when we have plans.”Steve rolls his eyes and the stands up, though his knees are wobbly and start to give out almost immediately. Bucky swoops in and catches him around the waist, easing him gently back onto the bed. It never really was lost on Bucky the effect being this close to Steve has on him.The front door loudly closes then, shattering the moment and making them both jump. Steve blinks a few times and then smiles at Bucky.“Looks like she’s gone,” Steve says, stating the obvious. “Guess I should head to the bathroom.”“Lemme help you,” Bucky says, adjusting his body so he can wrap his arm tighter around Steve and bare most of his weight as he tries standing up again.“Oof,” Steve groans as he fully stands and looks up at Bucky gratefully.They make their way to the single bathroom in the small apartment. Once inside, Bucky sets Steve down on the closed toilet lid as he starts the shower, letting the cold water run its course until it finally warms up. Bucky makes sure Steve has a towel and then realizes as he turns back to Steve that he’s probably going to have to help him get into the tub as well. Steve seems to realize this at the same time and blush quickly colors his cheeks. “Uh, well, it’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked before,” Bucky shrugs. “C’mon, Stevie, let’s get you out of these bloody clothes and cleaned up, yeah?”“Buck,” Steve protests, expression hard to read. “You don’t have to do this.”“I know that,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes. “I want to. You’re my best friend. What kind of friend would I be if I left you in your time of need?”That earns Bucky a laugh, though it’s quickly cut off with a cough as Steve hunches over again, holding his aching ribs. Bucky rushes over to him, shaking his head. “Lemme see,” Bucky coaxes, reaching for Steve’s shirt, though he waits for Steve to nod his consent.Bucky lifts the fabric slowly, oh so careful as Steve raises his arms gingerly over his head. Bucky bites his lip to keep from gasping when he sees the bright colors splattered across Steve’s marred chest. It’s mostly red, but there are prominent splotches of blue and purple around his ribcage and stomach. “Christ, Steve,” Bucky says, shaking his head. “It’s really bad this time.”“I’m fine, Buck. Swear,” Steve says, forcing a fake grin on his face. “Let’s not waste anymore water, yeah?”Against his better judgement, Bucky helps Steve up and out of his pants, trying not to focus too much on what he’s doing, focusing more on doing it without hurting Steve any more. When Steve’s left in his briefs, Bucky half carries him over to the tub and helps him under the spray, getting a little soaked in the process as Steve starts to slip and Bucky catches him. “I’m sorry,” Steve says, holding tightly to Bucky’s arms as he shivers despite the water being warm. “Don’t worry about it, Steve. Seriously,” Bucky says. “I suppose I might as well just get in.”He meant it as a joke, not really a serious suggestion, but Steve freezes and blinks at him with a strange expression on his face, almost like… like the idea isn’t exactly the craziest thing. “I mean, you’re already pretty wet and I can barely stand on my own,” Steve says. “Okay,” Bucky says, then looks down at his clothes before shrugging. Bucky toes off his shoes and socks carefully and then steps into the tub with Steve, otherwise still completely clothed. Steve stares at him and then busts out laughing as he watches the water soak through Bucky’s shirt and pants. “What?” Bucky says. “You told me to!”“Yeah, but when do you ever actually listen to me?” Steve says between gasping laughs.“About as many times as you listen to me,” Bucky grumbles, thinking that Steve’s lucky he’s in such bad shape because otherwise Bucky would be trying to get him in a headlock right about now.“I’m sorry,” Steve says again, though it holds less weight with him grinning as big as he is. “You’re not, but that’s okay,” Bucky says and then takes a moment to examine Steve’s chest. Most of the blood has washed away, though it doesn’t really leave a better picture behind. Bucky holds Steve’s right bicep with his left hand and uses the other to gather some water and wipe at Steve’s face, trying to clean off the scrapes on his cheek and forehead.“There, now we can see your ugly mug again,” Bucky teases, and Steve blinks at him for a moment, Bucky’s fingers still cupping his cheek. Bucky’s smirk falters for a moment from the intensity in Steve’s gaze, and he chooses that moment to look down at the split in Steve’s lip that’s still bleeding a little. Bucky swipes his thumb over it, gathering some of the fresh blood and then lifting his hand to wash it off under the spray. “Are you feeling any better?” Bucky asks softly, suddenly feeling like if he talks any louder he’ll completely disrupt the safe little bubble they’ve created for themselves. “A little,” Steve says. “Thank you for helping me.”Bucky rolls his eyes. “Of course, Steve.”They stay under the water until it starts to get cold, Bucky carefully running soap over Steve’s arms, back, and chest. When Steve starts to shiver again, Bucky turns off the water and wraps Steve in a towel before grabbing one for himself. Steve stays standing in the tub while Bucky steps out and then he turns back to help Steve. As Steve gets one foot flat on the floor, the other comes up to join it, but catches on the lip of the tub, sending Steve’s small frame barreling forward into Bucky’s chest. Bucky catches him, of course, stumbling only a little, but recovering quickly and cradling Steve to his body. Steve looks up at Bucky a bit disoriented, but there’s that look again, like Bucky is the most precious thing Steve has ever laid his eyes on. “Um,” Bucky starts to say, trying to shake himself out of the fog claiming hold of his mind. “We still need to get you some ice.”“And you still need to get out of your wet clothes,” Steve says, smirk dissolving his previous look for one of good natured teasing.“Right,” Bucky says with a chuckle. “You good to stand?”Steve straightens up and nods, wrapping the towel tighter around his shoulders. Bucky drops his own over the sink and then starts tugging off his soaked clothes, which proves a bit difficult when he gets to his pants, the material constricted around his thighs. Steve just stands there and giggles at him as he watches Bucky struggle. Bucky glares at him as he finally pulls his pants over his feet and then hangs them and his shirt over the tub. Bucky grabs the towel again, wrapping it around his waist before reaching beneath it to tug down his briefs, and then adds those as well to the edge of the tub.Steve steps into Bucky’s space and holds onto his shoulders as he uses his other hand to pull down his own briefs and then as quickly as he can manage, wraps his towel around his waist as well. “Good to go,” Steve says lightly. “Think you’re game to help me get dressed and then take a nap? I’m beat.”“Sure, Stevie,” Bucky says and then helps Steve back to his room. Bucky settles Steve on the bed and then fetches them both a change of clothes, like it’s completely second nature. Bucky can feel Steve’s eyes on him, so he makes sure to smile when he turns back around and faces Steve.“What?” Bucky asks, shrugging.“Nothing,” Steve says, ducking his gaze. Bucky lets it go, though he’s sure there’s something Steve’s not telling him now. Bucky gets dressed first, not wanting to risk dropping his towel in the middle of helping Steve get into his own clothes, though honestly, it really wouldn’t be a big deal. Steve waits patiently and then acts as a perfect doll as Bucky starts tugging a sweater over Steve’s head. “I can manage the briefs on my own,” Steve mumbles when Bucky picks them up and makes to bend over to hook them over Steve’s feet. “Er, right,” Bucky says, straightening up and looking away. Steve makes quick work of getting his briefs on and then manages to do the same with his pants, though he makes soft whimpering noises when he has to bend over, which break Bucky’s heart. “I’m going to get that ice,” Bucky says quickly and then exits the room. As Bucky gets out into the hallway, he closes his eyes and takes a moment to try and get control over himself. It’s usually easy to keep himself in check, but watching Steve be so broken tonight has made it that much more difficult to keep his heart from clenching and twisting. Bucky hates seeing Steve in pain, hates that he wasn’t there to protect him and keep him safe. Bucky opens his eyes and pushes off the wall, heading toward the kitchen to fashion himself an ice pack for Steve. He moves quickly, just wanting to get back to Steve as soon as he can. When Bucky gets back into Steve’s room, Steve is settled back against the wall on his bed, and he actually does look a little bit better now that he’s cleaned up, though he’s still paler than normal. Steve smiles when he sees Bucky, making Bucky smile, too, just like always. Bucky joins him on the bed and hands Steve the ice, which Steve presses to his eye carefully, sighing at the cold against his probably aching skin. “How are you feeling now?” Bucky asks after they sit in relative silence for a few minutes. “Better, thanks to you,” Steve says. “Anytime,” Bucky says, folding his arm behind himself and resting back against the wall, waiting a moment before he adds. “I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”Steve pauses, not saying anything for a moment before he sighs. “It’s nothing.”“Steve, c’mon,” Bucky says, turning to look at him. “It’s me. Even if it’s ‘nothing’, you can tell me.”Steve doesn’t reply right away again, just stares down at his lap. Bucky waits patiently, knowing Steve will eventually tell him, when he’s ready. When Steve does open his mouth, his voice is quiet and strained. “They called you my boyfriend,” Steve says. “Richard and them. They saw me walking alone, going to meet you, and cornered me. They asked where my boyfriend was, asked what I was doing all by myself without my protector. I tried to ignore them, but they just kept harpin’ on it, calling you ‘n me so many awful names. I can take them teasin’ me, but when they dragged you into it, too… I think they knew they struck a nerve. They were laughin’ and smirkin’ the whole time I tried to fight back.”“They’re just a bunch of pricks, Steve,” Bucky says, heart clenching and twisting again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”“But you shouldn’t have to be!” Steve says, suddenly visibly angry. “I should be able to take care of myself, should be able to defend myself. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t need you to always fight my battles for me.”“But I want to be there, Steve,” Bucky says. “I like being able to protect you.”“But maybe I don’t want to have to be protected,” Steve mumbles.“You sayin’ you don’t want me around anymore?” Bucky says, mostly teasing, but he holds his breath after he says it.“Course not,” Steve says, rolling his eyes. “How could you ever think that?”
Because I never really know exactly where we stand, never know exactly how you truly feel about me.
“I love you, Buck,” Steve says, barely a whisper. “How could you possibly think I wouldn’t want you around?”“I love you, too, you idiot,” Bucky says, knocking his shoulder into Steve’s, but his heart is doing some intense aerobatics now. Steve’s eyebrows are knitted together, and he has a slight frown on his lips. He meets Bucky’s gaze for just a moment, but then he looks away again.“Buck,” Steve says softly, voice thick. “I don’t think you get it. I love you.”Bucky doesn’t think he heard Steve properly, because it sounds like Steve is actually confessing his love for him, right here, right now. Bucky just stares at Steve, mouth hanging open slightly as he tries and fails to get his brain to come back online and just say something back. “Look, forget it,” Steve says and then he’s rolling onto his side, turning his back to Bucky. “I’m wiped. I’m just going to go to sleep.”“Wait!” Bucky says, a bit too loudly and forcefully, making Steve jump a little. Steve turns, with great effort it seems, to look at Bucky again, but his expression is closed off and it looks like… it looks like he’s fighting back tears in his eyes. “Jesus, Steve,” Bucky says, reaching up and cupping his cheek. “I love you, too. In all the ways possible.”Steve blinks a few times, dazed, as he asks, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”“I hope so,” Bucky says, tracing his thumb over Steve’s split bottom lip like he did back in the shower.“God, Buck,” Steve sighs. “Can you… can you kiss me?”Bucky nods and then he’s carefully leaning in, cupping Steve’s face with both hands now as he guides their mouths together. It’s tender and gentle, cautious and delicate as Bucky presses his lips to Steve’s for the first time. Steve melts against him, making the softest whining sound in the back of his throat as Bucky presses against him with a bit more pressure. In the back of his mind, Bucky is still thinking about how hurt and broken Steve is, how he needs to be gentle and take care of him, so he takes it slow, though another, smaller part of him is begging him to take Steve apart and do all the things he’s been waiting forever to do to him.It’s actually Steve who parts his lips first, Steve who toys his tongue against Bucky’s lips. Bucky’s pretty sure he’s Steve’s first kiss, so he’s a bit surprised by his confidence and boldness.Yet Bucky meets Steve’s tongue eagerly and teases his own against Steve’s. Steve hums and parts his lips farther, pushing himself against Bucky until he flinches and curls back onto his side, suddenly breaking away. “Ow,” Steve says, laughing a little as he squints at Bucky, a little guiltily. “Maybe we should stick to cuddling tonight,” Bucky says, petting his hand through Steve’s feathery hair. “Maybe that’s for the best,” Steve says, though he’s frowning. “I promise I’ll give you all the kisses when you’re healed,” Bucky offers and that earns him a giant grin from Steve. “I’m going to hold you to that,” Steve says and then curls into Bucky’s chest as Bucky wraps his arms around him. “I’ve waited so long for this,” Bucky says, just as he feels Steve start to drift off. “Me, too,” Steve says. “I was just always worried you didn’t feel the same way.”“Of course I did,” Bucky says. “You’re the most important person in my life.”Steve rubs his cheek against Bucky’s chest, tightening his fist in Bucky’s (Steve’s) shirt, which is a few sizes too small. They’re quiet after that, both drifting off to a peaceful sleep. And even though the part with them sharing a bed is not new, the part with them holding each other so close and openly feeling the love between them is. Bucky thinks he could definitely get used to this.