Work Text
Dick slumped onto his narrow bunk and closed his eyes. That had been the last fight he was going to bother breaking up for the night. These weren't his men, not really, and if they wanted to kill each other days from liberty, they were welcome to it. Dick had had enough.The ship rolled, making Dick's bunk creak and rock, but even that couldn't cover the raucous laughter in neighbouring cabin. Dick glanced at the door, considering locking it, but he knew his cabin mate wouldn't be back until nearly dawn. He hadn't been once since they'd sailed from Marseilles a week ago. That'd been about the last time Dick had said a civil word to someone, too.At least making major had earned Dick a slightly larger cabin and a reduction in people he had to share it with. He and seven others had been crammed in a sardine can on the way over, worrying about u-boats the whole way. Of course, Nix had been with him then, so the rest hadn't mattered. Dick did a mental count and realised that half the officers he'd sailed with were now dead, and half the remaining had been critically wounded at least once. Only he and Nix had gotten through okay, and now Nix was gone too, back to New Jersey and his family, months since.Dick had told him to write, knowing Nix wouldn't but hoping all the same. He'd crumpled up a dozen letters of his own, before sending a short note with his expected arrival time. Anything he really wanted to say wouldn't make it past the censors anyway—not that Dick had ever had the guts to say any of it when he'd had Nix close by his side.They'd gotten through the whole war with Dick swearing that he'd say something the next time they had a private moment, and then chickening out every time. The risk had been too great.It hadn't made a difference in the end anyway, Dick had spent the last two months without Nix, had had gotten more taste than he'd wanted to of what that was like. It had made him almost glad he hadn't said anything earlier. He wouldn't have survived the war if he'd managed to drive Nix off sooner than he had. It was better that he'd kept his silence.Only problem was that keeping a secret that big from his best friend could be damn lonely in its own way.Dick had come so close to telling Nix. He'd packed a picnic lunch and persuaded Nix to hike with him into the alpine meadows above Kaprun. It had been a clear day, perfect sunshine on mountain wild flowers. Dick had thought about picking a string of them to weave into a crown. That would be a hell of a way to tell Nix he was a fairy: a flowery coronation.Instead, they'd sat in the grass and eaten sandwiches, and looked down over Zell-am-See. Nix had turned his face to the sun and closed his eyes. For once, he'd looked peaceful—though that could have been Göring's brandy in his hip flask.Again, Dick had thought of the flower crown, or of just telling him he loved him, or of just kissing Nix, but the weight of years had pressed down on Dick's chest until he could barely breathe. He'd fallen back into the grass beside Nix, and said nothing. They'd dozed together, as though they'd made love, until the shadow of the mountain woke them, and they'd stumbled back down to Kaprun in the gathering dusk, their laughter filling the valley.If the regret hadn't choked Dick, it would have been the perfect day.In the stinking interior cabin of the troop ship pitching back towards home, Dick tried to imagine a different ending, the one he'd wanted. He knew he shouldn't debase the memory of his friend by imagining that Nix was something other than he was, but it had been so long since Dick had seen him, and since Harry had gone home the month before, he hadn't really had anyone to talk to, let alone love.Dick opened his fly, closed his eyes, and ran the day in the meadow above Kaprun over in his mind as though he were winding a film backwards. He pictured Nix's sun-kissed face as they'd finished eating. He'd shaved that day, and his cheeks were a little paler where the stubble had shaded them, the negative of a beard. Nix reclined like a Roman, propping himself up on one elbow as he ate, and Dick had not been able to stop looking at him.Dick sat cross-legged, his hands had been busy winding wild flowers together, and he set them on Nix's tousled hair. They sat there bright as jewels in the sun, and Nix looked up and met Dick's eyes. In that moment, Dick knew that Nix understood, and that neither of them would have to say anything.To make sure that Dick got his point, Nix took Dick's arm and kissed the inside of his wrist. His lips were soft, and Dick shivered. A bolt of warmth and need shot through him, all those years of wanting coalescing into this afternoon. The sweet meadow grass rustled as Dick leaned forward to plant his hands: one on Nix's hip, one on the ground by his elbow. Nix looked up and smiled.Dick wanted to say that he loved Nix, but he couldn't, not like this, so he kissed him. It started slow, with their lips brushing, but within moments Nix's hands were in Dick's hair, pulling him down so their mouths could meet more fully. Dick felt the sun full on his back, but that was nothing to the heat flushing through his body at Nix's touch. His fingers seemed to burn against Dick's scalp and the touch of his lips on Dick's sent sparks of fire through his chest. Nix moaned against Dick's mouth and shifted, already hard.Nix groaned and flopped onto his back. This time Dick followed him down. No, he didn't follow Nix; Nix's hands were still in Dick's hair, and Nix pulled Dick on top of him, so that their bodies lay chest to chest.Dick could feel Nix's heart pounding against his chest. He pushed himself up enough to pull his t-shirt off, then slide his hands up under Nix's, pushing it up and until Nix leaned up enough to get it off. It knocked the flower crown off, but Dick didn't care about that, not when he had Nix's bare chest under his hands. Dick caressed up from Nix's soft stomach across the strong planes of his pectorals and over his shoulders. Nix's dark chest hair tickled against Dick's palms as he ran his hands against it, and even in the warm air, Nix's nipples stood out. Dick flicked his thumbnail over one, and watched Nix's breath catch.They should have talked about what they wanted, but Dick knew, and he knew that Nix knew, so that was okay. They lay with their legs too tangled to undress, so Dick rolled off for a moment and watched Nix lift his hips up and push his pants and shorts off. Dick watched his thighs flex and lift his weight, and imagined them wrapped around him. Nix's cock stood up dark against the pale skin of his legs and stomach, and Dick leaned back in to stroke it lightly. That made Nix catch his lip between his teeth and roll his head back against his grass.Dick fumbled through his pocket for the tube of slick he'd brought. He'd never done this before, but he knew how. He put the tube on Nix's stomach and shed his own pants and underwear. Nix watched him with wide, seductive eyes, and easy smile on his lips. He was waiting to follow Dick's lead, trusting that Dick knew what he wanted and how to make him feel good.Nix spread his legs for Dick, and moaned again when Dick pushed two slicked fingers into him. Nix was relaxed and ready, hardly needing to be prepared. His hands balled into fists around clumps of grass as Dick worked his fingers in deeper. His chest rose and fell rapidly as his breathing sped, and perspiration began to gleam on his skin. Dick stroked Nix's cock with his left hand, making his touch feather light, just a reminder that he hadn't forgotten. Nix made an impatient noise and lifted his hips to urge Dick on, pushy as always, but Dick was going to take his time. He wanted this to be perfect. He wanted the memory of Nix writhing under him, responding to Dick's every touch to last forever.Finally, Dick couldn't wait any longer. He slicked his cock and lowered himself over Nix. Dick knelt between Nix's spread legs and braced his weight on one hand while using the other to guide his cock inside Nix. Even after making him read, Nix was still hot and tight around him. Dick started to push in slowly, not wanting to hurt Nix, but Nix wrapped his legs around Dick's hips and pulled them together. His eyes were fixed on Dick's face, and the heat in his gaze made Dick flush. He'd never imagined such pure desire before.Sheathed fully in Nix's body, Dick planted his other hand in the grass by Nix's shoulder and lowered his body so that their chests touched. He could feel Nix's heart thundering as hard as Dick's own. Nix leaned up and kissed Dick hard and breathlessly, letting Dick know he wanted more.Dick pulled out slowly, savouring the feel of Nix's body clenching around him as he did. Nix's heels dug into the backs of Dick's thighs and his hands came up to clench Dick's forearms as Nix wordlessly urged him forward again.This time, Dick couldn't control himself. He snapped his hips forward, driving Nix into the grass. Nix cried out in inarticulate pleasure and arched his body up to meet Dick's. His fingernails dug into Dick's arms, and the edge of pain only making the desire sweeter. Dick settled into a fast jerking rhythm.Nix's cock, trapped between their sweaty bodies, grew harder and started to leak. Dick met Nix's eyes and silently told him that he would come without Dick's hand on him. Getting screwed would be enough to push him over. Dick had to bite the inside of his cheek and close his eyes to keep from coming right then. He wanted to draw it out longer, but the the heat of the sun on his back and the dizzying lust thrumming through his body kept pushing him higher and closer.Dick bent and kissed the perspiration off Nix's gleaming face, feeling the rough start of stubble under his lips, and then Nix's lips on his own. Nix moaned into Dick's mouth, and Dick thought it might be his name, but he couldn't tell. Dick's hips drove faster, and his shoulders started to burn with the effort of holding himself up.When Nix's came—covering their chests and stomachs with come—his face screwed up in impossible pleasure and turned away. Dick leaned in and nipped at Nix's earlobe, trying to distract himself from how damn good Nix's body clenching around him felt.He couldn't do it. With two sharp thrusts, Dick finished. He emptied inside Nix as pounding waves of release rolled through his body, making his skin prickle with heat and his muscles sing tight and then all at once let go. His vision spun for a moment, and he thought he stopped breathing.Dick slumped forward on top of Nix's who laughed and shoved him off so that they were both laying shoulder to shoulder on the grass. Dick threw his arm over his eyes to block out the afternoon sun, and thought about telling Nix that he loved him.The vision ended.Inside the tiny cabin aboard the Wooster Victory, Dick crumpled up the tissues he'd wrapped around his cock and tossed it into a corner. The damp cold of the sea voyage overtook his memories of sun, and he shivered and pulled the blanket over him, curling on his side. He felt spent and ashamed, but maybe he would sleep now. The voices in the neighbouring cabin continued raucous and drunk.Three more days, and he'd be off this raft and onto the shores of his homeland for the first time in over two years. Dick had no idea if Nix would be there to meet him, or if the job offer in New Jersey still stood. He could only hope and pray that Nix hadn't forgotten him entirely, found a new wife and moved on.Dick wanted to think that now, for the first time in years, he would have the courage to say what he felt. He wanted to promise himself that if Nix wasn't there waiting for him, Dick would go find him and lay his heart at Nix's feet, but he didn't know if that was true. It hadn't been so far.